Allison, as a person who also dresses like a cartoon character, the constancy of your wardrobe has been a great comfort to me. We have a signature style! Fuck any and all haters.
A thing I’ve been struggling with is friends who use the language associated with neurodivergence or mental health to justify manipulative or controlling behavior. The whole “I’m neurodivergent so we always have to do what I want and never what you want” or “I will freak out if you’re not 100% available to me because of my anxiety” thing. It’s difficult because I want to show empathy, but also consequences don’t stop existing where neurodivergence or mental illness begin.
@@whisperingtoadstools Agreed, anything in the territory of logistical accommodations or “it would make me feel better if ___” requests are fine and I appreciate when they’re communicated to me. It’s the variations of “I’m neurodivergent/anxious/depressed, so you should just sit there and take it when I’m mean to you” I struggle with. Part of me is like, ok maybe they’re not super aware of my feelings given their situation, but another part (maybe shamefully) can’t help thinking maybe they should be? Especially with friends and partners, shouldn’t the other person’s feelings be taken into account at some point? Maybe not during a specific crisis, but you know, like taken into account at all. It’s a whole thing.
I don't ask my friends about work, not because I don't want to know, but because work is something that's a big stressor for a lot of people, and I don't want to bring up potentially negative feelings if the other person doesn't seem to want to talk about it.
Allison, I once again must compliment your sitting positions. I swear this is not a joke. I don't understand how you manage those positions without your legs falling asleep and falling off. Props. I also love your shirts with no words on them. I never have to read anything on your chest. It's great!
speaking of financial differences between friends: as covid was just starting to get a little less scary, a bunch of my school friends planned to go on holiday together and invited me to come along. at the time i agreed bc i thought we’d be vaccinated by then but then after a while it started to look like we wouldn’t be. i’m chronically ill and didn’t want to risk it so said i couldn’t make it. this was months before the holiday. my closest friend who was going asked the others if they could pay a little bit extra to cover my cost (i think it would’ve been around £15) but when one of the less financially stable friends said she wasn’t sure she had the money for that right now, all the ones who definitely could afford it used it as an excuse to refuse ‘on principle’. in the end my close friend paid me a little bit of the money back but i was still out hundreds of pounds during covid for a trip i couldn’t go on. i haven’t spoken to any of those people since (except my close friend ofc). they just seemed way too reckless about covid and didn’t seem to recognise that they were in a much more financially (and medically) stable position than others. one of them also complained that because we would need to put my wheelchair in the boot of the car, they might not be able to bring as much luggage as they’d like. grim. glad to be rid of them.
same! since living with chronic pain, a very easy way to see if someone will stuck is their reaction to me saying my pain is starting to get harder for me to enjoy the moment, and man, there's so many people who get upset about the evening being short "because of my pain" smh
when i met one of my friends years ago, she recognized my stability immediately. she had a funny way of saying it though, which was, "you're like a good yoga mat. you are always there when i need you." she was drunk, so that may have had somethin to do with it. i appreciate your consistency, Allison!
I'm autistic, and I have trouble asking people questions about themselves, because every time I expressed interest in others when I was in school I was basically shut down and shamed for it. I hear so many people complaining about others who only talk about themselves, and saying that those people are self-absorbed and think they're better than everyone else. I'm over here thinking "No, it's the exact opposite. Me talking is just like me trying to say that I might be someone interesting enough to keep interacting with, because that's not what I expect others to think of me."
That’s really understandable but I think if you as an adult are still not asking people questions in conversations with them, or expressing an interest in them and their life, the impact is going to be negative towards them. You will also likely come across as self involved or just not caring about them, regardless of how you’ve had bad experiences in the past. And it has an effect on that person’s self esteem too, at least in my experience. It’s pretty miserable to just be a sounding board for someone else. I hope you don’t take this the wrong way as I’m not attacking you or something. But I do think you need to try and push past that shame from your past and try to balance out how you talk to people, for both your sake and theirs. I think it would lead to better connections in your life.
@@galaxychar I wasn't giving an excuse to not ask questions about others. I was explaining that [the motivations of many people who don't] are often not because they are self-centered, but often instead the exact opposite, being afraid that expressing interest in others will drive those others away immediately, because that's what's happened in the past. It's kind of a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation.
I also am autistic. It's hard to ask questions because it"s hard to know what is an appropriate or inappropriate question. I never know and so I try to err on the side of caution to not make people feel uncomfortable. I can never win though. Either I'm seen as self-obsessed and not asking enough questions or I am asking inappropriate questions or seen as too eager because I ask too many questions. I try to not overthink it anymore. I have no control of what other people think of me. It still feels like shit to be excluded when you know fora fact it hinges on your disability. Too weird and not weird enough all at once.
(also autistic) for me I don't think to ask because I expect people to just tell me what they want to talk about regarding their lives as I do with them. Also my memory is terrible and sometimes I just forget what a person might have going on to ask about.
hey may i try to throw some strength in here some thoughts, consider heaven no one has to speak it’s all telepathic and no words are necessary… that’s like austism it’s gods gift to the world bc of the way he expects peope to treat other , don’t feel odd it’s a gift really like authentic communication is so powerful that’s not a thing for “normal” like people just say shit all the time and it’s not good you know, i struggle to find what i wanna say all the time and i’m worried losing the window to speak but like maybe austism just brings awareness to what really matters speak more importantly and recongizing that a lot of what we say leads our lives even if it’s not what the heart needs so it’s like more honeslty comes from peope who struggle to “keep up” in normal conversations when they’re just superficial or like worlds not of heaven
I've recently been reflecting on a friendship with a guilt tripping person, because i've come to realise that we only ever hang out when I agree to their thing because they don't take no for an answer and I'm a people pleaser. At the same time they feel very comfortable saying no to my suggestions if they inconvenience them slightly. I used to see it as a sign of appreciation that they want you there so badly but it's true that they're only thinking about themselves and their enjoyment in that situation which isn't nice :) oh and they're kind of a fun bully too :D
I feel like if my friend is being a bad friend, what makes that person a great friend is if they can tell me why and if we can figure out the problem or if we can't, we can step away for a bit. Great boundaries and communication skills make amazing friends, honestly.
Great discussion! All of these "bad friend" characteristics were exactly how younger partners were with me too, especially when it came to their own friends groups and how much pressure was involved. Pressure to drink, pressure to hang out constantly, pressure to hang out really late, etc. Being slightly older made a big difference and I didn't want to deal with it after a while.
As much as I've been a victim of the guilt tripping thing - I feel like for a while I was doing it to friends out of a place of being frustrated that we weren't in sync in a certain way - though I was aware enough of it being a problem that I wouldn't try extra hard to pretend I'm just doing it to be fun.
Hi guys the last time I’ve watched you guys was about 6 years ago. Which is crazy to think about. It looks like a lot has changed. Still happy you two are still doing TH-cam ❤️
Bad friend (Assuming you're actually close/long term friends and aren't just casual or circumstantial friends): Not being honest when someone has hurt you or made you uncomfortable, then letting it fester. I've had friends who feared conflict so much that they would hold a mountain of small things inside for months, punish me passive-aggressively for months, lie when I ask if something is wrong, then either ghost me out of nowhere or blow up at me for all of these past resentments and end the friendship. I'm blindsided every time. I am quick to apologize and I respect boundaries. I check in with people if they've been acting off for awhile, but I don't press the issue if they tell me they're fine. I communicate honestly, but kindly when I'm upset. I wish they had trusted me to behave like an adult and fix the problem rather than low-key punishing me for months and letting the resentment fester because I took them at their word.
can you talk about Gabe's decision to start drinking again? y'all have talked about sobriety from alcohol so an update would be nice since he's mentioned drinking recently on this podcast and on the knew guys podcast too
My two cents on the work thing is, talking about work is boring to me! Both talking about my job and talking about yours. Obviously if someone's having a rough time I'm happy to talk about it, but general work gripes I feel like are best suited to work friends as then you all understand all the context and shorthand
god it really feels so good seeing people of all body types and genders.... I feel like the term "representation matters" is used so often I can be guilty of glossing over it, but it truly truly does!!!! love y'all
I half agree about finances. My husband and I have had to set boundaries with finances because some of our friends spend everything they have and then can't afford necessities. As much as you want to help them, you can't keep giving them money to make bad decisions with. But I completely agree that if you know a friend is struggling financially and you invite them out, you should consider paying or picking a free activity.
A few years ago they had a big fight and stopped being friends, but they've since made up. They were still doing the podcast the whole time so it makes sense you wouldn't notice, but they did either an episode or a youtube video where they kinda talked about it (I can't find it now not sure if they took it down or I'm not looking hard enough)
I'm guilty of never or hardly asking about work unless it's some big thing that's interrelated with other stuff or if they brought it up. I just find work talk boring. Even if someone had a super interesting job I don't like hearing about people's everyday thing they do at work. Funny because I'll insist on asking about what they had to eat each day 😅
One of my good friends where i have a bit of trouble navigating is that she tends to criticise things i do (albeit coming from a good place) so sometimes i feel like i never get supports from her. I know i made a lot of weird impulsive decisions (i.e. jumping into a relationship too quick etc not doing drugs or whatnot lol) but sometimes i just want someone to listen instead of telling me you’re wrong and naive straight away
I had a friend who just randomly started excluding me from stuff with no explanation. Like she would arrange hangouts with our entire mutual friend group and not tell me about it, but then AFTER the fact, she and everyone else would be referencing their inside jokes from that hangout for the next week. I took the hint and stopped talking to her after high school graduation, but she then turned around and went to MY MOTHER in tears telling her she missed me. My mom tells me this and is like "you need to call her" to which I responded "she has my number. If she really missed me that bad she could tell me herself." A couple months later I did reach out and apologize to her because I was in a really dark, lonely place mentally. We hung out again that summer and it was the same old shit. I was hanging out with her and some mutual friends, and they were talking at length about the party they were going to as soon as I left. It was like I was invisible. Told her off over text and never talked to her (or any of those other people) again. Fuck them.
I make it a point never to ask people what they do when i get to know them. Not becaise i wouldnt be interested but because i think if its important and exciting they will bring it up. Otherwise it might not be a big part of their personality
i got a story one time… my brother wife punched me while i was holding a baby .. punched me in the throat … we were last friends in the 6th grade and this chick is out of her mind lol not good but also another time my friend told my bf i had cheated on him i didn’t even like the guy needless to say i weeded out a bad friend over a dude. i didn’t even like i still miss her
That doesn't seem like something you need to comment on. They aren't body-related influencers and haven't asked for input on that. Seems like they're happy but you phrased your comment as if how they look right now is a bad thing and you want us and them to notice
If there’s one thing I’ve always said about Allison, it’s that she’s incredibly consistent
One could say: you consistently said that...!
showed off my new cargo pants to a friend, she told me they looked very practical. ultimate grunge transmasc compliment
Allison, as a person who also dresses like a cartoon character, the constancy of your wardrobe has been a great comfort to me. We have a signature style! Fuck any and all haters.
A thing I’ve been struggling with is friends who use the language associated with neurodivergence or mental health to justify manipulative or controlling behavior. The whole “I’m neurodivergent so we always have to do what I want and never what you want” or “I will freak out if you’re not 100% available to me because of my anxiety” thing. It’s difficult because I want to show empathy, but also consequences don’t stop existing where neurodivergence or mental illness begin.
@@whisperingtoadstools Agreed, anything in the territory of logistical accommodations or “it would make me feel better if ___” requests are fine and I appreciate when they’re communicated to me. It’s the variations of “I’m neurodivergent/anxious/depressed, so you should just sit there and take it when I’m mean to you” I struggle with. Part of me is like, ok maybe they’re not super aware of my feelings given their situation, but another part (maybe shamefully) can’t help thinking maybe they should be? Especially with friends and partners, shouldn’t the other person’s feelings be taken into account at some point? Maybe not during a specific crisis, but you know, like taken into account at all. It’s a whole thing.
I don't ask my friends about work, not because I don't want to know, but because work is something that's a big stressor for a lot of people, and I don't want to bring up potentially negative feelings if the other person doesn't seem to want to talk about it.
Allison! Your shirts are so consistent! Love it.
She’s been wearing the same pants in every episode since 2014 😂😂😂 (this is a joke that’s not a joke)
@@eos1309 HAHAHAHA
@@eos1309 minimalist wardrobe 😏😏
Allison, I once again must compliment your sitting positions. I swear this is not a joke. I don't understand how you manage those positions without your legs falling asleep and falling off.
Props. I also love your shirts with no words on them. I never have to read anything on your chest. It's great!
speaking of financial differences between friends: as covid was just starting to get a little less scary, a bunch of my school friends planned to go on holiday together and invited me to come along. at the time i agreed bc i thought we’d be vaccinated by then but then after a while it started to look like we wouldn’t be. i’m chronically ill and didn’t want to risk it so said i couldn’t make it. this was months before the holiday. my closest friend who was going asked the others if they could pay a little bit extra to cover my cost (i think it would’ve been around £15) but when one of the less financially stable friends said she wasn’t sure she had the money for that right now, all the ones who definitely could afford it used it as an excuse to refuse ‘on principle’. in the end my close friend paid me a little bit of the money back but i was still out hundreds of pounds during covid for a trip i couldn’t go on. i haven’t spoken to any of those people since (except my close friend ofc). they just seemed way too reckless about covid and didn’t seem to recognise that they were in a much more financially (and medically) stable position than others. one of them also complained that because we would need to put my wheelchair in the boot of the car, they might not be able to bring as much luggage as they’d like. grim. glad to be rid of them.
(sorry this wasn’t meant to be a vent or anything, i just think it’s interesting how different friendships can be now i’m disabled)
complaining about your wheel chair taking up space is ick. good riddance
same! since living with chronic pain, a very easy way to see if someone will stuck is their reaction to me saying my pain is starting to get harder for me to enjoy the moment, and man, there's so many people who get upset about the evening being short "because of my pain" smh
thank you for normalizing sending 50 stream of consciousness texts but also keeping it low pressure. that is my love language. 🙏🏼
SAME
when i met one of my friends years ago, she recognized my stability immediately. she had a funny way of saying it though, which was, "you're like a good yoga mat. you are always there when i need you." she was drunk, so that may have had somethin to do with it. i appreciate your consistency, Allison!
I'm autistic, and I have trouble asking people questions about themselves, because every time I expressed interest in others when I was in school I was basically shut down and shamed for it. I hear so many people complaining about others who only talk about themselves, and saying that those people are self-absorbed and think they're better than everyone else. I'm over here thinking "No, it's the exact opposite. Me talking is just like me trying to say that I might be someone interesting enough to keep interacting with, because that's not what I expect others to think of me."
That’s really understandable but I think if you as an adult are still not asking people questions in conversations with them, or expressing an interest in them and their life, the impact is going to be negative towards them. You will also likely come across as self involved or just not caring about them, regardless of how you’ve had bad experiences in the past. And it has an effect on that person’s self esteem too, at least in my experience. It’s pretty miserable to just be a sounding board for someone else.
I hope you don’t take this the wrong way as I’m not attacking you or something. But I do think you need to try and push past that shame from your past and try to balance out how you talk to people, for both your sake and theirs. I think it would lead to better connections in your life.
@@galaxychar I wasn't giving an excuse to not ask questions about others. I was explaining that [the motivations of many people who don't] are often not because they are self-centered, but often instead the exact opposite, being afraid that expressing interest in others will drive those others away immediately, because that's what's happened in the past. It's kind of a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation.
I also am autistic. It's hard to ask questions because it"s hard to know what is an appropriate or inappropriate question. I never know and so I try to err on the side of caution to not make people feel uncomfortable. I can never win though. Either I'm seen as self-obsessed and not asking enough questions or I am asking inappropriate questions or seen as too eager because I ask too many questions. I try to not overthink it anymore. I have no control of what other people think of me. It still feels like shit to be excluded when you know fora fact it hinges on your disability. Too weird and not weird enough all at once.
(also autistic) for me I don't think to ask because I expect people to just tell me what they want to talk about regarding their lives as I do with them. Also my memory is terrible and sometimes I just forget what a person might have going on to ask about.
hey may i try to throw some strength in here some thoughts, consider heaven no one has to speak it’s all telepathic and no words are necessary… that’s like austism it’s gods gift to the world bc of the way he expects peope to treat other , don’t feel odd it’s a gift really like authentic communication is so powerful that’s not a thing for “normal” like people just say shit all the time and it’s not good you know, i struggle to find what i wanna say all the time and i’m worried losing the window to speak but like maybe austism just brings awareness to what really matters speak more importantly and recongizing that a lot of
what we say leads our lives even if it’s not what the heart needs so it’s like more honeslty comes from peope who struggle to “keep up” in normal conversations when they’re just superficial or like worlds not of heaven
I've recently been reflecting on a friendship with a guilt tripping person, because i've come to realise that we only ever hang out when I agree to their thing because they don't take no for an answer and I'm a people pleaser. At the same time they feel very comfortable saying no to my suggestions if they inconvenience them slightly.
I used to see it as a sign of appreciation that they want you there so badly but it's true that they're only thinking about themselves and their enjoyment in that situation which isn't nice :)
oh and they're kind of a fun bully too :D
I feel like if my friend is being a bad friend, what makes that person a great friend is if they can tell me why and if we can figure out the problem or if we can't, we can step away for a bit. Great boundaries and communication skills make amazing friends, honestly.
Some people just don't like talking about work
I'm binging few weeks of eps and I couldn't help but notice how consistent Allison's shirts are. That's a great skill!
Great discussion! All of these "bad friend" characteristics were exactly how younger partners were with me too, especially when it came to their own friends groups and how much pressure was involved. Pressure to drink, pressure to hang out constantly, pressure to hang out really late, etc. Being slightly older made a big difference and I didn't want to deal with it after a while.
As much as I've been a victim of the guilt tripping thing - I feel like for a while I was doing it to friends out of a place of being frustrated that we weren't in sync in a certain way - though I was aware enough of it being a problem that I wouldn't try extra hard to pretend I'm just doing it to be fun.
I LOVE opening youtube on Thursdays during my lunch break to spend it with yall! My faves!!! ❤
Great shirt, Allison! Very consistent.
(But also goes well with your natural color scheme, which is always nice.)
This was perfect timing, thank you! And made me laugh
Hi guys the last time I’ve watched you guys was about 6 years ago. Which is crazy to think about. It looks like a lot has changed. Still happy you two are still doing TH-cam ❤️
Was feeling super anxious and rediscovered your channel tonight.. so comforting ❤
I will say that Allison's outfits always look comfortable. I also love the colors chosen
Allison your shirts are definitely consistent! ❤
Currently, what I'm going through and this has helped me feel sane. Thank you.
love u
@@nofungabydunn love u ✨️🖤
so glad this show is back :) have been following yall for years
Bad friend (Assuming you're actually close/long term friends and aren't just casual or circumstantial friends): Not being honest when someone has hurt you or made you uncomfortable, then letting it fester. I've had friends who feared conflict so much that they would hold a mountain of small things inside for months, punish me passive-aggressively for months, lie when I ask if something is wrong, then either ghost me out of nowhere or blow up at me for all of these past resentments and end the friendship. I'm blindsided every time. I am quick to apologize and I respect boundaries. I check in with people if they've been acting off for awhile, but I don't press the issue if they tell me they're fine. I communicate honestly, but kindly when I'm upset. I wish they had trusted me to behave like an adult and fix the problem rather than low-key punishing me for months and letting the resentment fester because I took them at their word.
can you talk about Gabe's decision to start drinking again? y'all have talked about sobriety from alcohol so an update would be nice since he's mentioned drinking recently on this podcast and on the knew guys podcast too
i was wondering about this too!
My two cents on the work thing is, talking about work is boring to me! Both talking about my job and talking about yours. Obviously if someone's having a rough time I'm happy to talk about it, but general work gripes I feel like are best suited to work friends as then you all understand all the context and shorthand
all this time i thought gabe was holding a little mug... and then realized it was actually the mic
I had someone ditch me as a friend for missing ONE event. The more behind that I don't know
You guys are just the best!! So glad that the couch show is back ❤
god it really feels so good seeing people of all body types and genders.... I feel like the term "representation matters" is used so often I can be guilty of glossing over it, but it truly truly does!!!! love y'all
I just ended a friendship because of EVERY SINGLE THING you mentioned! Mental
I had a friendship of over 10 years end because they didn't like my stance on jersey shore's infamous who wrote the note
Wow. What's your stance?
This came along at a great time, I needed to hear this, thank you.
I half agree about finances. My husband and I have had to set boundaries with finances because some of our friends spend everything they have and then can't afford necessities. As much as you want to help them, you can't keep giving them money to make bad decisions with. But I completely agree that if you know a friend is struggling financially and you invite them out, you should consider paying or picking a free activity.
We appreciate your insights. Keep working hard.
Love a consistent friend!
WE LOVE CONSISTENCY!!
What did Allison mean by "friendship is the foundation of this show...[pause]... except for a couple of years there...[looks at Gabe cautiously]"?
A few years ago they had a big fight and stopped being friends, but they've since made up. They were still doing the podcast the whole time so it makes sense you wouldn't notice, but they did either an episode or a youtube video where they kinda talked about it (I can't find it now not sure if they took it down or I'm not looking hard enough)
@@LucieAnne Thanks for the info. I'm glad everything worked out for them. (Thanks for trying to find the video.)
I'm guilty of never or hardly asking about work unless it's some big thing that's interrelated with other stuff or if they brought it up. I just find work talk boring. Even if someone had a super interesting job I don't like hearing about people's everyday thing they do at work. Funny because I'll insist on asking about what they had to eat each day 😅
One of my good friends where i have a bit of trouble navigating is that she tends to criticise things i do (albeit coming from a good place) so sometimes i feel like i never get supports from her. I know i made a lot of weird impulsive decisions (i.e. jumping into a relationship too quick etc not doing drugs or whatnot lol) but sometimes i just want someone to listen instead of telling me you’re wrong and naive straight away
Allison! I love your teal top and I do love how you dress, you look great every time even if it's not novel.
Gabe! I love your shirt! If there’s anywhere to grab a similar one, I would love a link. :)
I had a friend who just randomly started excluding me from stuff with no explanation. Like she would arrange hangouts with our entire mutual friend group and not tell me about it, but then AFTER the fact, she and everyone else would be referencing their inside jokes from that hangout for the next week.
I took the hint and stopped talking to her after high school graduation, but she then turned around and went to MY MOTHER in tears telling her she missed me. My mom tells me this and is like "you need to call her" to which I responded "she has my number. If she really missed me that bad she could tell me herself."
A couple months later I did reach out and apologize to her because I was in a really dark, lonely place mentally. We hung out again that summer and it was the same old shit. I was hanging out with her and some mutual friends, and they were talking at length about the party they were going to as soon as I left. It was like I was invisible. Told her off over text and never talked to her (or any of those other people) again. Fuck them.
I make it a point never to ask people what they do when i get to know them. Not becaise i wouldnt be interested but because i think if its important and exciting they will bring it up. Otherwise it might not be a big part of their personality
sexy robot Allison scared me haha
my bff of 30+ years paid for half my dress so I could be in her wedding.
I often don't ask people about themselves because (hi, autistic) I expect that they will tell me whatever they want to talk about as I do with them.
Just a suggestion that you should raise the angle of your camera. It's so low.
stop talking about allison’s clothes you weirdo lol i’m just kidding allison is so hot duh she’s gonna change the world and gave too love
y’all
First! I LOVE YOU GUYS ❤
The subtitles seem to be broken for this video, I think they all come up in the first second and then disappear for the rest of the video haha
WHERE CAN I FIND that raccoon shirt???
i got a story one time… my brother wife punched me while i was
holding a baby .. punched me in the throat … we were last friends in the 6th grade and this chick is out of her mind lol not good but also another time my friend told my bf i had cheated on him i didn’t even like the guy needless to say i weeded out a bad friend over a dude. i didn’t even like i still miss her
same girl that punched me i actually terminated a pregnancy bc i didn’t want her near my child no joke
Not invite me over in 12yrs of being "friends" (sorry, real story).
🤍🤍🤍
What is wrong with Gabe’s voice?
what gaby is a boy now? And Allsion was so thin and petite what happened???😬
Wow, they both blimped up.
That doesn't seem like something you need to comment on. They aren't body-related influencers and haven't asked for input on that. Seems like they're happy but you phrased your comment as if how they look right now is a bad thing and you want us and them to notice
Wow, what helpful feedback.