This video really reassured me that not matter what, we are never really alone. I'm sure it'll will be a beacon of hope to those others who are still lost, and as a catalyst for those considering getting help. It really reassured me as there are so many parallels to my life in this. Thanks Z and thanks Vikki
Thank you for this video and I reached the point myself last week of needing help so went to my doctor. Asking for help is the hardest part when you feel worthless and not important enough to bother anyone.
+Clare Turner It's a cruel disease. Right when you need help the most is when you are at your lowest and feeling most insignificant. Glad you sought help.
I'm so glad I found this! I too suffer from depression as well as anxiety and OCD and couldn't agree more with what you said! I too have those suicidal thoughts and depression episodes all the time and feel like I'm not good enough and unwanted and self conscious, but luckily I do have people who care and I can talk to! I never attempted or anything, I just get the thoughts! Thanks again for posting this! It really gave me hope and showed me that life is so precious and that we shouldn't do anything to alternate it!
Thanks for watching - glad that you got something out of it :-) You're lucky to have good people around you; try and pay that forward if ever you are in the position to.
Thank you for being brave enough to make this video, it connected with me on so many levels. Especially the parts about your darkest times as I have had very similar (almost identical) experiences. I sought help in my teens but it wasn't until I was old enough to be referred to Adult Services that I finally started getting the help I truly needed. My diagnoses are Unstable Emotional Personality Disorder, Chronic Depression and Bi-polar(type 1) I spend most of my time feeling down and helpless (your analogy of Mt Everest in pants and plimsolls was spot on) and it's during manic episodes things get really dangerous with risky behaviours. Really the purpose of this comment was to say Thank You, I feel less alone knowing that even with my last bad experience 2 years ago (my 2nd attempt at goodbye) it is still possible to continue to live and with the right treatment live as best I can. One thing, what was the names of the OTC supplements you take? I didn't quite catch them
+Amber Blair Thank you Amber. I am so glad that people are connecting with this video, although it's such a shame there are so many. I posted in the description the name of the OTCs :-)
HI Zion, I just wanted to say thank you for your video. I found your channel by accident after watching your hilarious rant about the sacrilegious Rocky Horror remake!!! Then stumbled upon this video and I really had to say that your bravery is inspiring and really hit a nerve with me. I have a lot of personal issues that have left me with crippling depression and I find every day life intolerable most of the time. The fact that someone like yourself can open up on a forum (Which lets face it is not the most friendliest of places most of the time) is REALLY helpful to others in a similar situation. I have the same views as you about the insignificance of the human race and the fact that we are nothing more than atoms thrown together with the blessing/curse of emotions that constantly make us aware that we shall return to nothing, a thought that is quite frankly terrifying!! You are far from alone with those thoughts. Anyways thank you once again, you have made a difference and I wish you the best of luck too. Kind regards Johnny X
Thank you Johnny, frirst for watching but, more importantly, for commenting. I wasn't sure whether to put it up - especially after becoming unexpectedly emotional - but the feedback I have received makes me glad to have done it. The more we all talk about it, the more future sufferers will find it easier to ask for help. Hope you are in a good place :-)
I have put off watching this for some time. Due to my own issues, nothing against you Zion! For the first time in about 4 years, I feel I've started to claw my way back up from rock bottom. My hands are definitely bruised and bloody, but I'm up here, fighting. What you said about the survival instinct kicking in really hit a nerve. I too have written my letters, had a plan, and either backed out or failed. I still dont know if I subconsciously sabotaged my attempts. Thankyou. Thankyou so much for being open and honest about such an awful state of being. If I hadnt reached out for help, hadn't talked to someone.. well, you wouldn't have this rambling word salad to read. :)
Hey Bobbi, thanks for writing and watching. Glad that it meant something. I've been encouraged by the amount of people that have responded to the video. Although I seem to be in a pretty good place right now, I know that a relapse may not be far away so am always mindful. I did post another video on coping techniques that may also help.
Thank you for being brave Zion. As you now know this illness is prevalent in your wider family and I can really empathise with you and what you go through. It can be difficult to open up to others - you really have to trust that you won't be judged and what you have achieved in your video (amongst other things) is to explain to those who have no idea what living with depression is like that there are clear medical causes. I remember my mother telling me that I was attention seeking when I was experiencing depression in my early teens and my brother persuading her that I was ill and needed help. It was not my mother's fault that she took the stance she did as she didn't understand what was wrong with me and neither did I. Fortunately I got help at an early stage of my illness and have learned how to cope with my own episodes. Now in my 60's, so many things have "slipped into place" and things that used to worry me no longer do and the up days far outweigh the down days. I really hope that as you continue with your life you may find the same happens to you. I hope your message reaches a lot of people who are even now wondering what the hell is wrong with them and are struggling to understand why they feel as they do. Well done Zion and lots of love to you and Vikki
+Janine King Thank you. I am hoping that it will become a much more understood illness in future, with early diagnosis and treatment. And as long as more and more people speak about it and educate people about it, I think that will happen.
This video made me realise where I am on the planet right now. Having no job no money & slipping back as I have in the past. Think it's time to pop some pills again. So many experiences & flashbacks to my past & my present situation. Mr. Z...I thankyou for sharing your mind a little.....respect to you & your struggle also...
I've just recently been diagnosed with manic depression and ptsd after witnessing the aftermath of my young female neighbor shooting herself in the head. I feel as though I'm holding my family back and they could be doing so much better without my mood swings. thank you for this video. helps me understand a little better
+Crystal ferrigan - what a horrific thing to experience and it is no wonder that you are suffering. I know it is easier said than done, but never feel that you are holding anyone back. It takes time to recover and no-one is at fault when it comes to depression or mental illness. Take your time, speak to anyone that will listen and do your best to fill your daily life with as much joy as you can.
Depression is the biggest bitch! I hate it when people say "What do you have to be depressed about"? I think you nailed a lot of it spot on really. I am 36 years old, suffered different disorders over the years, since childhood. Put on SSRI's for 16 years. Paroxetine being the worst as I just felt numb and angry. Getting off it...Well I ended up in hospital with the withdrawal, which sent me suicidal and yes I took multiple overdoses of sleeping tablets and diazepam, but then thought shit, I am scared to die! I am on a cocktail of drugs now, mirtazapine, a mood stabiliser, another anti depressant that stopped my intrusive thoughts, clonazepam to stop my moments of panic....There is no magic pill like you said. It's all about finding what works for you to help with the depression. I have been diagnosed with depression, panic disorder, emotionally unstable personality disorder (not sure about that one though). For me depression is a black hole of hopelessness, it takes away my inner peace. Luckily I have a lot of support from doctors, support workers. So yes there is help out there for everyone. I understand a lot of what you say about death. For me at the age of 11 I started to have panic attacks where I would be terrified at the thought that I wouldn't be here anymore one day. Later in life I still have that fear, but not as much anymore. When I have become suicidal, I have freaked out because I have been scared to live and scared to die which is horrible as you have no way out. When my fear started at the age of 11 I because angry that my mum gave birth to me as I never had a choice and I had to live with the fear of death. Then I was angry again that I had been born later in life as I was cursed with living with depression and panic disorder. But during the past 4 years during major episodes, I have wanted to die but have been too scared in case death is awful and have questioned the after life and what it's like and that scares me. So I know some of where you are coming from. I cope now better. I do have really bad days still, but they have become less. I just hope anyone out there see's this video and realises there is help out there. I also hope people watch this that don't know what depression feels like, as I said you described it better than I could and I know many people struggle to describe depression to others. Thank you for sharing.
+Andrea Carpenter Hey Andrea, thank you for watching and leaving a comment. It always amazes me, whenever I post anything about my own experiences, how many people connect with them. Knowing that what we are feeling is not that unusual helps a lot. A problem shared is a problem halved. It sounds like you have gotten on top of it as much as you can and I hope you continue to improve and learn to live with it.
This video really reassured me that not matter what, we are never really alone. I'm sure it'll will be a beacon of hope to those others who are still lost, and as a catalyst for those considering getting help. It really reassured me as there are so many parallels to my life in this. Thanks Z and thanks Vikki
+joshua rawcliffe Thanks for watching, Joshua, and glad it connected.
Thank you for this video and I reached the point myself last week of needing help so went to my doctor. Asking for help is the hardest part when you feel worthless and not important enough to bother anyone.
+Clare Turner It's a cruel disease. Right when you need help the most is when you are at your lowest and feeling most insignificant. Glad you sought help.
Thank you. What a great video. You are very lucky to have Vicky xx thank you again
+Syn Free and Low Syn Meal Ideas Thank you Syn (?) - and, yes, I am!
I'm so glad I found this! I too suffer from depression as well as anxiety and OCD and couldn't agree more with what you said! I too have those suicidal thoughts and depression episodes all the time and feel like I'm not good enough and unwanted and self conscious, but luckily I do have people who care and I can talk to! I never attempted or anything, I just get the thoughts! Thanks again for posting this! It really gave me hope and showed me that life is so precious and that we shouldn't do anything to alternate it!
Thanks for watching - glad that you got something out of it :-) You're lucky to have good people around you; try and pay that forward if ever you are in the position to.
Thank you for being brave enough to make this video, it connected with me on so many levels. Especially the parts about your darkest times as I have had very similar (almost identical) experiences. I sought help in my teens but it wasn't until I was old enough to be referred to Adult Services that I finally started getting the help I truly needed. My diagnoses are Unstable Emotional Personality Disorder, Chronic Depression and Bi-polar(type 1) I spend most of my time feeling down and helpless (your analogy of Mt Everest in pants and plimsolls was spot on) and it's during manic episodes things get really dangerous with risky behaviours.
Really the purpose of this comment was to say Thank You, I feel less alone knowing that even with my last bad experience 2 years ago (my 2nd attempt at goodbye) it is still possible to continue to live and with the right treatment live as best I can.
One thing, what was the names of the OTC supplements you take? I didn't quite catch them
+Amber Blair Thank you Amber. I am so glad that people are connecting with this video, although it's such a shame there are so many. I posted in the description the name of the OTCs :-)
Thank you for sharing and opening my eyes. Just wanna say to others remember you aren't alone there is always someone that will listen x
+Jan Wood Thanks for the kind words, Jan.
HI Zion, I just wanted to say thank you for your video. I found your channel by accident after watching your hilarious rant about the sacrilegious Rocky Horror remake!!! Then stumbled upon this video and I really had to say that your bravery is inspiring and really hit a nerve with me. I have a lot of personal issues that have left me with crippling depression and I find every day life intolerable most of the time. The fact that someone like yourself can open up on a forum (Which lets face it is not the most friendliest of places most of the time) is REALLY helpful to others in a similar situation. I have the same views as you about the insignificance of the human race and the fact that we are nothing more than atoms thrown together with the blessing/curse of emotions that constantly make us aware that we shall return to nothing, a thought that is quite frankly terrifying!! You are far from alone with those thoughts. Anyways thank you once again, you have made a difference and I wish you the best of luck too. Kind regards Johnny X
Thank you Johnny, frirst for watching but, more importantly, for commenting. I wasn't sure whether to put it up - especially after becoming unexpectedly emotional - but the feedback I have received makes me glad to have done it. The more we all talk about it, the more future sufferers will find it easier to ask for help. Hope you are in a good place :-)
I have put off watching this for some time. Due to my own issues, nothing against you Zion! For the first time in about 4 years, I feel I've started to claw my way back up from rock bottom. My hands are definitely bruised and bloody, but I'm up here, fighting.
What you said about the survival instinct kicking in really hit a nerve. I too have written my letters, had a plan, and either backed out or failed. I still dont know if I subconsciously sabotaged my attempts.
Thankyou. Thankyou so much for being open and honest about such an awful state of being. If I hadnt reached out for help, hadn't talked to someone.. well, you wouldn't have this rambling word salad to read. :)
Hey Bobbi, thanks for writing and watching. Glad that it meant something. I've been encouraged by the amount of people that have responded to the video. Although I seem to be in a pretty good place right now, I know that a relapse may not be far away so am always mindful. I did post another video on coping techniques that may also help.
ZVTV Thats one of my biggest fears, to relapse totally back to where I was at my worst 😕
Thankyou for taking the time to reply!
Thank you for being brave Zion. As you now know this illness is prevalent in your wider family and I can really empathise with you and what you go through. It can be difficult to open up to others - you really have to trust that you won't be judged and what you have achieved in your video (amongst other things) is to explain to those who have no idea what living with depression is like that there are clear medical causes. I remember my mother telling me that I was attention seeking when I was experiencing depression in my early teens and my brother persuading her that I was ill and needed help. It was not my mother's fault that she took the stance she did as she didn't understand what was wrong with me and neither did I. Fortunately I got help at an early stage of my illness and have learned how to cope with my own episodes. Now in my 60's, so many things have "slipped into place" and things that used to worry me no longer do and the up days far outweigh the down days. I really hope that as you continue with your life you may find the same happens to you. I hope your message reaches a lot of people who are even now wondering what the hell is wrong with them and are struggling to understand why they feel as they do. Well done Zion and lots of love to you and Vikki
+Janine King Thank you. I am hoping that it will become a much more understood illness in future, with early diagnosis and treatment. And as long as more and more people speak about it and educate people about it, I think that will happen.
This video made me realise where I am on the planet right now. Having no job no money & slipping back as I have in the past. Think it's time to pop some pills again. So many experiences & flashbacks to my past & my present situation. Mr. Z...I thankyou for sharing your mind a little.....respect to you & your struggle also...
+Jimbo theTraveller Glad it has helped a bit, and all the best for you too.
I've just recently been diagnosed with manic depression and ptsd after witnessing the aftermath of my young female neighbor shooting herself in the head. I feel as though I'm holding my family back and they could be doing so much better without my mood swings. thank you for this video. helps me understand a little better
+Crystal ferrigan - what a horrific thing to experience and it is no wonder that you are suffering. I know it is easier said than done, but never feel that you are holding anyone back. It takes time to recover and no-one is at fault when it comes to depression or mental illness. Take your time, speak to anyone that will listen and do your best to fill your daily life with as much joy as you can.
Thank you
Depression is the biggest bitch! I hate it when people say "What do you have to be depressed about"? I think you nailed a lot of it spot on really. I am 36 years old, suffered different disorders over the years, since childhood. Put on SSRI's for 16 years. Paroxetine being the worst as I just felt numb and angry. Getting off it...Well I ended up in hospital with the withdrawal, which sent me suicidal and yes I took multiple overdoses of sleeping tablets and diazepam, but then thought shit, I am scared to die! I am on a cocktail of drugs now, mirtazapine, a mood stabiliser, another anti depressant that stopped my intrusive thoughts, clonazepam to stop my moments of panic....There is no magic pill like you said. It's all about finding what works for you to help with the depression. I have been diagnosed with depression, panic disorder, emotionally unstable personality disorder (not sure about that one though). For me depression is a black hole of hopelessness, it takes away my inner peace. Luckily I have a lot of support from doctors, support workers. So yes there is help out there for everyone. I understand a lot of what you say about death. For me at the age of 11 I started to have panic attacks where I would be terrified at the thought that I wouldn't be here anymore one day. Later in life I still have that fear, but not as much anymore. When I have become suicidal, I have freaked out because I have been scared to live and scared to die which is horrible as you have no way out. When my fear started at the age of 11 I because angry that my mum gave birth to me as I never had a choice and I had to live with the fear of death. Then I was angry again that I had been born later in life as I was cursed with living with depression and panic disorder. But during the past 4 years during major episodes, I have wanted to die but have been too scared in case death is awful and have questioned the after life and what it's like and that scares me. So I know some of where you are coming from. I cope now better. I do have really bad days still, but they have become less. I just hope anyone out there see's this video and realises there is help out there. I also hope people watch this that don't know what depression feels like, as I said you described it better than I could and I know many people struggle to describe depression to others. Thank you for sharing.
+Andrea Carpenter Hey Andrea, thank you for watching and leaving a comment. It always amazes me, whenever I post anything about my own experiences, how many people connect with them. Knowing that what we are feeling is not that unusual helps a lot. A problem shared is a problem halved. It sounds like you have gotten on top of it as much as you can and I hope you continue to improve and learn to live with it.