Who is the Black Sheep in Your Family
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 พ.ค. 2019
- Who is the black sheep in your family? You may think, "Hey Jerry, that's really kind of a weird question." But by the end of this video, you guys will understand why it is that I'm asking this and I'll give you guys a perspective a little bit different than you've had before. #Nsight #family #mentalhealth
hi guy i keep seeing in the corner of my youtube page
Several years ago my brother died. He was the black sheep of the family. My sisters and their kids looked down on him and didn’t like him. They treated him coldly. I overlooked his ways because he couldn’t help the way he was. When I was a kid ‘he was 14 years older than me’ he plowed through a police road block in his 68 Camaro.
The cops beat him until his head was swollen. Definitely had brain damage. He never was the same and drank all the time and didn’t keep jobs. He drank before the road block beating and more after for the rest of his life.
He didn’t go to jail when he went to court. Didn’t have to pay for two cop cars he plowed through. The judge saw a picture of what the cops did to him and dismissed the case. Today this police brutality would be a major lawsuit. Pulling him from his car and beating him on his head with clubs was excessive force.
What my brother did was wrong. What the police did was terrible.
Anyway sorry, I just wanted to show why he had problems for the rest of his life.
When he died the same family members who treated him as the black sheep started acting the same way towards me. It was a slow process and an uncomfortable one. Overtime I stopped seeing them during holidays etc..
Today I do not consider my sisters and their family my family. I have not seen any of them for several except at a high school graduation party at my ex wife’s home and my former home. I along with another son of mine and a friend of his stayed for 30 minutes or so. The cold treatment was unbelievable. My ex wife of 21 years had recently divorced me and they took her side because I didn’t offer details because I never talk to them.
My sisters are a lot older than me and if they die before me I have no plans to attend their funerals.
If a person wants nothing to do with me while alive I have no need to come to their funeral as a show of respect when they are not only dead but also not worthy of my respect.
Update, I’m remarried and have a good relationship with my 4 children. They and my wife are my family.
Living in a dysfunctional, toxic family drove me to develop some pretty maladaptive coping mechanisms...including abusing alcohol for many years. That behavior just reinforced everyone's idea that I was bad and broken and unlovable, including my own. Devastating lies. Took me 45 years to figure out that there was never anything wrong with me. I'm sorry so many of us suffer at the hands (or the minds, more like it) of family. That shit hurts.
I'm sorry for the passing of your brother I can speak out for a black sheep that's who I am and I have great ability to be so great in this world I'm sorry for your loss of your brother and I'm grateful that you seen his his income imperfections that can have been perfected, God bless you for seeing the good inside of him he's watching me from heaven!
Great story so when your brother died you became the black sheep I'm glad you're doing good God bless you and always stay safe!
Judgemental people always need to feel superior to others.
I’m the looser, no good (and will always be good for nothing) scapegoat, pleaser, reliable door mat,caregiver; muse and entertainer. Now I am a happy person. I have escaped or incorporated myself into a new life script.
Great work Cathy. It's hard work to change the script.
I'm glad you have, love you dude, you're doing great
Yaay
But you outgrew your family. Good thing to get out of the black box they put you in.
Pray to GOD💜❤
Can you be the scapegoat AND the rescuer? Like can you be the person your family tends to villanize and the person they come to for support?
My wife is the Black Sheep in Her Family, But to Me, she's Unique, She's a Giver , was adopted, and Looks out for the underdogs
That’s a beautiful way to put it.
That's it dear we are unique 🫂🙏❤️ and wonderful it's obvious those losers can't even distinguish between reality and projections.
wtf how did this get in my “watch later”
I think I'm the black sheep but can also be the lost or invisible one. My family has little cliques and they often exclude me or keep me out of the loop on things going on in the family. I have distanced myself from them to protect my peace.
I am 43 and my wife and I feel the same way. I have 2 younger brothers and they are close but I never have deep connection with them at all. I was at a family gathering for Thanksgiving and apparently there was a gathering on Saturday but my wife and I were not invited. It is high school.
I'm the black sheep and also abandoned. Now I have to help my mother and she still makes me feel like the black sheep..i cant just turn my back. I'm not that kinda person.
Your doing great! I promi6
Promise
Me to I'm 26
Finally, I moved over a 1,000 miles away. I have my extended families here without being placed in the scapegoat role. We treat each other well and show others that we care about one another...so much healthier...I'm still glad I moved away.
I’m a black sheep, 52, and I’m just starting to figure this stuff out. Very succinct explanation that was spot on!
same
I’m the “black sheep” because I have completely opposite political views of the rest of my family. I’ve had depression and anxiety and I’m the only one who stands up for mental illness and stuff like that. I’m also very political in my opposite viewpoint (I’m a law major) and they criticize me for it ALL the time.
I don’t regret watching this
I love how this information was presented. He seems to certainly understand what goes on with folks
Wow completely enlightening!!!! Absolute wonderful approach for people to move forward as an individual.
Sadly, some families do allocate the blacksheep role, on purpose, they need a dustbin and emotional punchbag.
I walked away from my scumbag family 6 years ago" and never looked back. But I definitely have anger issues and depression and exhibit bipolar like behaviors.
Walked away 1 year and 5 months ago
Thank you for sharing such an insightful video. I’m wondering if it’s possible to be considered both the black sheep and rescuer of sorts. For example, I was considered a “difficult child” but would also be responsible for mediating arguments amongst my family.
Riiight.... 😁 life sucks ass. We try
Exactly my question! I'm the one who everybody confides in and seeks emotional support, but then they turn around and all talk crap because I make them face their role in things
They call it the Karpman triangle
I am. My family is catholic, ig I am too, but I'm just not as I to it, I'm 19, 20 in 5 days, I listen to edm, I'm talked to as if I'm dumb, maybe I am a little slower, but that's my own fault, I barely paid attention in school, I smoke weed, oh haven't in a month, I smoke when I go to raves, I want to be a dj, help others with music, it helped me so I'm going to make it I know I will. But everyone just thinks I won't and that I'll get over this dream of mine eventually and be lost in my life again. I've always been talked down on, in the worst ways. I've disrespected my family in the worst ways because I was a teenage idiot who was to stupid to have common sense. I regret it with all my heart. I've had Freinds do me wrong. So wrong. I tend to keep to myself make music, work, go to raves, and that's it, I find this part of my life good, its relaxing and I'm working for my growth. But my issue is I have no self confidence what's so ever. I'm talked to like I'm slow. The other day me and my sister were talking about future jobs, she's 16, and we are onto memes and dark jokes, idk if she was joking but it made me feel like shit, she said maybe j should get I to business, and she's like wait no your to. Stupid for that, I go ha and let her order her food.
Idk what my roll is. I'm just trying to make it as a dj, to get my mom and dad m grandma and baby brother the nicest ranch where they dont have to worry and my baby brother can go to the heat schools and college so he can use his brain because I never did. Ny sister is seen as the smart one, she wants to be an immigration lawyer, and I'm not envious towards her I'm proud of her wanting to help others by using skills that she's willing to learn. I'm just sad I don't have freinds at the moment I'm scared they'll hurt me in some way. Idk why I'm typing so much. It's just I've had this in my head for a month. Maybe o need to let it out? Idk. I'm just tired of feeling like the blackest sheep in this family. I hate myself,for what I've done in my past, because now people act a certain way towards me, but I love myself for being different from my past self, but I'm sad because even if I'm happy with myself I feel likemy family isn't happy with the person I am. Idk. Either way. I'm going to make it as a dj. And I'm happy with the sweet quiet empathetic person that wants to show love to everyone im happy with that because I wasn't that at one point sorry I typed alot I just had the urge to type it here ig.
I hope that you are ok if this was real.
incredible...! I love how easy it is to understand a dysfuctional family dynamic because u described it so well.. thank u so much for posting it...
Very informative. Thank you. I'm definitely the rescuer. My youngest is the black sheep.
I really liked your video.My family has had me as the black sheep .Ever since I was young.
Very AWESOME and AMAZING VIDEO!!! You have explained so much in the questions that I have been needing for the past 45 years of my living🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 God bless you in all that you do. Please continue your video's forever!!! You are saving lives throughout the world!!!!
Wow! This is an extremely fresh perspective- great video!
I love these videos because they speak a voice that I hungered for. My only question is what if you don’t fit into one character role in these theories.
I am the black sheep of the family & the oldest (sisters 10 years younger.) When they visited they rarely spoke to me. I am single & they make digs at me about not being married. My mother triangulates the whole mess. Thinks fell apart after my father passed away.
Im the black sheep 😔
So good. Thank you.
Wow this really helped me see myself in a different light
This was so very informative, you basically described my whole family. I'm the blacksheep. Haha
💯
This is happening to me right now. Thanks for sharing.
They hated me,set me up and made me look like a crazy person
Loved it!!! Very informative. Fits perfectly into myself and 4 siblings, our childhood, our career paths, interactions with one another, etc. Ty!!! Sub'd n bell!
I guess I make friends with ppl who pick on me. I just think that I'm a boring person. I feel like the only thing that I can provide is being the target.
😢
Awww, I feel the same way actually
@@ashleywallace6188 I don't know You Guys But I must say just with You Guys being able to admit this says A lot about Your Character Most People would not have The guts to say that. They would just front and act like everything is okay. To me that shows Honesty about Who You are and most people that are Honest like that are very Loyal Friends. I come from a Multi-cultural Background My Mother was Black and My Father was White, Native American and Jewish, So I never really fit in anywhere not with The (Blacks) anyway. I wish I did not live in Oklahoma You Guys sound Like You would be Great Friends. Wouldn't it be neat if they created a TH-cam Channel for People that things in Common and then They would Meet up Say once a Year like a Friend Get a Way, Everyone Needs Friends without Friends life can be Lonely without anyone Vent to.
Lisa Whitehor
Who is Lisa Whitehorse? I did not make this comment.
Wow so happy came across your video. All these topics have been on my mind. Pretty sure I played all of these rules at one point during my life. I think my mom was the black sheep of her family. She had four sisters and a brother. She gave my brother and I up when we were born to our grandparents. So you can just imagine all the gas lighting and manipulation thrown our way with us being unaware of family patterns. From the day I was born I was compared to my mother. Mistreated unfairly due to something that she might have done before I was born. I carried That burden my shoulders for many years not understanding why I was being judged for something she had done. Family laying it all down and walking away. I may look like her but I'm nothing like her not that it would be bad, thing if I was. Because of my family I have become extremely independent relying only on myself . I am my own hero by walking away from my whole entire family, old friends and relationships. Never remarried. It's kind of funny how I have become totally invisible to my family even though they can see how well I'm doing solo on my own. I don't think they like that lol.
This is so Me. Thank You!!!
I wonder that in the case of a covert narcissist, if the hero is not the black sheep as the hero may be a threat to the narcissist’s prestige. Also, in the case of two narcissistic parents, perhaps there are more roles assigned to same players.
I love being away from them. I have set boundaries for them and me. Once u realize what it is to be the black sheep/ chosen on, you can set up coping mechanisms to live better and deal with being around others. Teachers and parents that notice your kids are a little standoffish, begin teaching them about chosen ones/black sheeps, empaths. This will help them while they are growing up not to consider themselves a misfits.
Water sheep for pewds
Thanks Doc!
Why hang out with these ppl I disowned them before they had a chance to place me. I feel it makes you stronger to exit. Step off the ROLLERCOASTER.
Thank you Tara. We appreciate you sharing the things that have worked for you.
I’m the black sheep, and my family left me behind. Go figure
Hi, i was the black sheep.I'm not participating in the role any longer, however my siblenenemy's lol siblings/enemy's feel i still am.
💯💯💯
At the end of the day a woman’s children are HER children. Financial responsibility must be defined individually.
I'm the black sheep of my family & I love it I'm Tiffany I'm one of the best people I have a beautiful heartim a sweet spirit & I love me 🙂🙂💯
🙋♀️black sheep and seem to find rescuers...its not working for me.
Is the rescuer also called a peacemaker?
so this is where Michael Scott ended up working for
i can now put my research to rest 🤗
Family scapegoat/ blacksheep! I’ve been making content and documenting my experience. Moving forward! Moved to the other side of the United States! You can’t change these people… or fix these people. Gotta work on me right now
This applies to society as well
I'm the black sheep . I've always been an underachiever. I have never been good at managing my finances and my siblings are always coming down on me ,even blaming me for my broken water pipes that froze during an unusual cold spell .
My oldest brother is the hero. He took care of our elderly mother after she had given him power of attorney.
My older sister it seems exists to tear me down over every little thing that goes wrong in my life even though she consistently helped me out
This makes me cry. :'(
It’s definitely me. I’m the only one in my family who plays video games
Thank you!
You're welcome. Thank you for responding.
Everyone that clicked on this video thinks that they’re the black sheep.
Im the blacksheep, family dont like my husband they tolerate him blame him for alot of issue in my life, when i have had to ask for help i get it but i can feel the judgement, and my mom has said her fav is my bro and dad has said my sis, but if they ever need me i will drop everthing and go to there side immediately.
Where can I find the follow up video for the holidays?
Hi Brittany, thank you for reaching out. You can find the video about the holidays here th-cam.com/video/zk6uRVHcFUY/w-d-xo.html
I am the outcast: "black sheep." Oldest of 7.
Most frequently the eldest because we have the longest record and we’re the old news. And you know you were set up for Golden but rerouted for scapegoat if you didn’t even get your own name from a parent who thought there wasn’t one better than his own to inflict. So as Junior you can be either a disappointment or a threat but never pleasing and it’ll be dear old dad‘s relief to begin scapegoating you full-time from the moment your next sibling is born. I think it almost certainly goes about that way for anybody who is a junior or other honorific successor because if it were going to go better it would begin by recognizing you deserve your own fucking name. Just saying lol
Uh I’d say my younger brother, but even then he’s not really a black sheep. I still do stuff with him and we treat him the same. I did realize a while ago that he was usually the scapegoat I guess not anymore. Either that or it’s me.
I feel like I have a family of black sheep, but my dads the only normal one so he’s the white sheep
He looks likes the Indian praise the Lord guy
Me im the different one an now imthe only one left !!!!!
I disagree
I don't have a role. This is a condition is that of a dysfunction of family
This. . . this makes a lot of sense
Me.
The realization is the worst part I’m so angry and unable to forgive it’s like I’m hating them it’s so bad and uncomfortable. I feel suffocated
My dad told me a few weeks ago, "luckily your brother and sister are such more intelligent than you" 😭 I felt like shit.
Sorry
Wow, what an ass!
Horrible thing to say to a child.
My dad told me that i let you get away with alot of stuff because your stupid
It's not your fault your family can't see the Unique Person you are, their Loss!
Are the roles be locked in? Or do we toggle between roles?
Thank you for the great question. Family roles are not locked in and some people switch between roles depending on the family dynamics. Often you may be pulled back into your original role within the family system. All that said, it is entirely possible to change your role within the family with some work. The family system usually becomes dependent upon you playing your original role but in time the family system will adjust to your new role.
Do you give consultations or coaching?
If you’re watching this video, you’re probably the black sheep.🥺
Lisa Alexander
Or at least they think they are..
Yup
Yes Scapegoat
I know it’s off topic you look like my computer teacher
Aren't we all... in one circumstance or another?!?
It's me!
You are 😂😂
Ha! It's me. I'm annoying and have a birthmark that no one in my family generations has.
Why are there roles so people identify the roles?
Sounds like me.
Me and my Father before me.
WOW! Powerful stuff here Dr. J.!! Wish I could have seen this 40 years ago. I'm the Black Sheep that stepped away. Thanks for taking time to make this video to help all of us, its so important. Hang Tough out there everybody, its terribly difficult but we can get through this. I'm trying to help as well, if you get a few minutes please check out my channel. Again Thank You and keep up the GREAT work!
Me
Im more like a black cat...cause im to smart to be a sheep, but still seem to be bad luck or bad rep to my family
You are not the only one
im the blacksheep....
I have no idea how I got here...
I find that I tend 2 fall so much underneath the cracks of the family.
I find that 8 can't get a word in edgewise b4 they start 2 lose interest. By not getting a word in edgewise I never get a point across 2 finish a thought . I just fall in2 that same pattern where it is so fucking frustrating I just hate it.
I am sick inside the instructor 8n the video saying that I not achieved the level of success if my siblings i 1der while i am so alive. I don not want 2 live anymore i want kill myself.
2 everybody in my family by not achieving the success that they have I their careers I feel that I am a bum in the family . I feel useless 2 all of them how can I not b like that please tell me what 2 do . I am so far behind the curve still playing with block while @ the retirement stage comfortable in their lives & I am not there yet.
*b e a l*
I am the zeh black sheep
Don't reintegrate into the family structure if it is at all self destructive.
People need to learn to mind there damn business..unless they speak for themselves.
Baah
Mom Karen got out again
me
im black
I prefer Carl Jung
Me. Stupid
I disagree with the topic people pull away from there families to live there life. I grew up having everything in my life and wasted it That term black sheep 👎 is what you choose to do with your life. Reality Hmmmm.
Hi Godfrey, thank you for the comment. I appreciate you sharing your point of view.
Sounds like you
Sounds like me.
Li.t
I despise the term "Black Sheep". WTF? Code language instituting negative racist ideas. PERIOD.
Wow wow wow 🤍 🗽
Thank you for this one, it made so much sense now, I went back to my country after spending years in the State. You inspire me to keep pursuing my MA in psychology.
Me.
Me
Me
A S, thank you for sharing
Me