OCD3: What is Relationship OCD (ROCD)?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 12 ต.ค. 2017
- Dr. Phillipson defines and discusses Relationship OCD (ROCD). For more info on Dr. Phillipson, please visit: www.ocdonline.com
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OCD 3 is a web series that brings professional perspectives to the OCD community so sufferers can make healthy decisions and lead better lives.
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Each year, millions of people around the world are diagnosed with a mental health condition. People of every age, country, gender and ethnicity. Millions more go undiagnosed, and are forced to battle their symptoms without the care and support they deserve.
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ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
- Crisis Text Line: www.crisistextline.org/
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
- Psychology Today Directory: www.psychologytoday.com/us/th...
- Open Path Collective: openpathcollective.org/
- Medicaid Eligibility Information: www.medicaid.gov/medicaid/eli...
- American Psychiatric Association: www.psychiatry.org/
- Anxiety and Depression Association of America: adaa.org/
- Medicine Assistance Tool: medicineassistancetool.org/
- NeedyMeds: www.needymeds.org/
- Finding affordable care: www.nbcnews.com/better/health...
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"The idea of looking for love detracts from experiencing love"
Really needed to hear that.
So if we are looking for love or try to have a feeling we will not have ?
@@lorrainecorbin2180 you’re looking for reassurance, stop
Wtf that's not reassurance.......
@@lorrainecorbin2180 I read it wrong. You’re right. Sorry
ROCD has ruined my life. It gets so bad that I feel like I want to die. I’ve been struggling with this for 6 years. I have faith in God and my recovery. I’ve gotten better at managing it but it still gets really friggin hard. I’ve suffered from ROCD and HOCD very badly. Retrospectively, I’ve realized that the points in my life, where I seriously contemplated about taking my own life, were times where I was suffering from this the most profoundly. ROCD is straight up neuroticism and I feel genuinely horrible for people who have to go through this because I know how extremely painful it is. I send my love and deepest regards to anyone who has to go through this mental torture. ❤️
Lauren Cuellar Mayoral I go through it too and it's absolutely awful. I love him yes and I don't want to stop loving him. Ever. I can't think why he wouldn't be the right guy for me. I broke up with him 2 months ago because of this and then immediately afterwards I was the most heartbroken I've ever been in my life. Definitely THE most heartbroken regarding a guy. That's for sure. Now we're back talking again and flirting and being loving to each other and I'm just scared I don't want it. Yet i am always calling him and facetiming him. And I'd for sure hate it if he had someone else - heck I even get jealous about a mention of or seeing his Ex's Facebook page!! I'm scared I'm lying to myself and to him. Is it meant to feel that real?????
Lauren, your comment really touched me. Stay strong, you will get better.
I feel you Lauren, i have suffered from both and I hope no one in this world has to go through this ever. I have always tried to be my best, but yes I have felt very bad post taking decisions in relationships. I hope everything gets okay with time.peace out
It really sucks!! I am one among ROCD. I so desperately wish to get rid of this problem. ROCD has made my day to day activities horrible. Feels Lifeless!!
I have severe OCD. Not ROCD but many other subsets.
It gets better. Find a therapist that specializes in it. Took me many doctors and therapists to find ones that actually helped.
If your false danger signal is going off, come to these videos or their website, instead of doing other compulsive research which just makes things worse.
Managing stress is a game changer. Making slow and steady progress to simple exercise routines, spending less time on screens, and eating better. Even small changes make a difference over time. You dont have to be an Olympic athlete drinking green smoothies.
For me a very predictable reliable healthy routine helps lower stress and it just pure ooey gooey goodness for OCD
This fight is killing me. This feeling is horrible
Guys, please don’t you stop fighting! These thoughts are only the thoughts and your love is e real love and it’s your choice! Don’t listen to these silly voices in your head! You are muuuuuch more stronger! You are already won if you are here and watching these video! You are already won if you have a person who loves you by your side, you are already won because you are not giving up! I promise to you that it will pass, but please don’t you stop fighting, all my girlfriends who used to have this rocd are now happily married those guys! ROCD means only one: THAT YOU LOVE THIS PERSON SO MUCH AND YOU ARE AFRAID TO LOSE HIM! do not panic, you can’t imagine how strong you are! This will never break you and this shit will never influence on your amazing relationship! OCD is always opposite! Which means you will never do this if your brain plying this tricks with you! You deserve love, you deserve to be loved and you deserve all the best!
Thanks !!!!!
This helped a lot!
Thanks it helped alot
@@sidakkaur2644 tuhanu v rocd a
@@petsandplants1060 yes but now I its much better😊
My girlfriend has ROCD and we've been together for almost 3 years and many years to come
(Update) We are now 4 years together ❤ And we are fighting the rocd With therapy.
THANK you all for the wonderful comments
Final update [i was catfished] it was never talking to her, I just wanted to say that make sure you guys are loyal to your partners. God bless you all ✝️
I wish you the best ❤
@@lorien205 thank you, it's not easy fighting ROCD
@@Kevintheconservative i am also struggling with ocd and its terrible. Ive been in a relatonship for 1 year and 4 months, and since one month ago the thoughts started so strong (not the first time). I am depressed all the time and my rocd is kinda genering conflict which is terrible... I wish you the best, Im sure it will go well ❤
@@lorien205 I am so sorry to hear that. Thank you for the info it'll help me understand what my girlfriend goes through. Stay strong Maria
Mad respect. My boyfriend is trying to understand my ROCD. In fact, I'm using this video!
Ppl think OCD is a joke about perfection.. They dont realise its... There u go i can't even finish the sentence cause i think it will make it worse. Enjoy your mental health.
I felt it too😣
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 2 years. And for the past 2 months I’ve been obsessing over the thought of knowing for sure whether I do love my boyfriend or not because I’m basing it on feeling. Sometimes I believe I have rocd but I sometimes tell myself that I might just be making this up to convince myself that I do love him. This thoughts are sometimes so much that I breakdown and idk what to think anymore.
I have a lot of Pure O sub types and this is one of them so I think I can help you out a little bit. Are you of faith? I came to Jesus and now the problems aren't as bad anymore, especially knowing that one day they'll all be gone after I pass. A Christian counselor would be great for you because they both know God and psychology.
I heard SSRI's help a lot too, if you are comfortable with medication. I haven't been prescribed them yet, but I'm going to see my pediatrician some time. Check out the Pure O Girl channel. One thing to keep in mind, love is like a friendship and wanting to help each other. It isn't like a movie, which is what we think it's supposed to be like. Be open to your boyfriend and others you trust about your problems and you guys can get through it together.
I relate to this. I think the believing you have this - and then doubting it is actually part of the same cycle of ROCD. I'm new to even realizing I have this, but I've had similar spirals of feeling relieved to know what causes it and then thinking BUT WHAT if I'm just saying it's that and I'm actually not "supposed to be" in this relationship. To me, that feels like a statement I wouldn't usually make. Because I don't relate to "supposed to be" on an intellectual level anymore (at least not to the degree I do when I'm asking myself that). It's only when I get into cycles of ROCD that I feel these thoughts of "supposed to be" or obsessing over comparison. All that to say, still figuring it out over here too.
@@AndrewGalucki That's right. What helped me a lot with mine and will help you too is that I got saved by Jesus. Once I received the Holy Spirit, I was able to focus my energy on the things above and now God can help me love people much better and more comfortably than before, since I'm able to have God change me on the inside.
We learn how to love and to become more like Christ was, is and always will be! I'm praying for you, both about you to come close to our God, Jesus and to be delivered from the strength of the struggles of ROCD.
this is what im currently experiencing, me and my boyfriend are 2 years on the 21st and recently ive been fearing that maybe im convincing myself its Rocd so i can. convince myself i love my boyfriend. i see this was 6 months ago how are things now?
@@mavila1368 don't expect people on TH-cam comments to respond.. Eventhough reading other's stories is relaxing
I’m going to this exactly now. I cry all the time. I’m afraid of losing my partner (the best person I’ve ever met) for being obsessed with whether I live him enough or not. Previously I’ve had tremendously bad experiences with love, always been humiliated, victim of ill jealous and so. But the person I’m with now has nothing bad, just love, care, and so my h great things to Offer me. I feel miserable because deep inside I know I love him, but this thoughts come over and over again and had ruined the last 4 months of my life. Help me please I’m desperate
You’ll get through this, you have to keep going. I’m going through something very similar and I know it is very hard to not give in to your thoughts.
Check "rocd reddit" it helps 👍
@Billy B hey idk, if you're still suffering but keep going and try to accept how you feel, your thoughts don't define you. If you love your partner you will prevail
Last month I was thinking my partner is the love of my life. And now I’m questioning if I even wanna be with them anymore. We cuddle together and I think if she’s the right one for me, I even think what if I was with other people. It’s so messed up thinking that when I’m in a relationship. My mind has changed so quickly from her being my best friend to now wondering if I want someone else.
I was diagnosed with OCD a month ago, but I remember being a 6 y.o. girl with obsessions and compulsions. I remember I couldn’t go to bed because I had to do my compulsions over and over again. I cried and I couldn’t understand why I had to do it. I remember the compulsion that I had to do and it was kinda attempt to ‘shake off’ some bad things from myself (for example if I heard about disease/death or smth like that). I’ve got a neighbor -(lower floor) a very old man. And he died. I thought that he died because of me. I thought that my compulsions made him dead because I shook bad things off myself and hit him.
So it wasn’t a big new that I’ve got OCD. Due to this shit I lost my lover. So I want to tell you - don’t you stop fighting with this awful thing. Don’t you forget that love is a choice. Don’t let this shit ruin your life
Well this man just called me out and I needed it
Ahhh I love having Pure O so much. I sit there for hours trying to see if it's love or infatuation or lust and can never make my mind up. The truth is, we're in the early stages and we have to get to know each other if we'll ever fall in love. My views on things are very imaginary and like a movie; people can meet, fall in love, and die together in an hour and a half and it makes us forget that things take time.
I pray you beat it
I feel you
please my poor boyfriend has been eaten alive for the past 3 months overwhelmed with guilt and intrusive thoughts. i just want him to be better and happy and hes crying to me about how sorry he is about doubting his love for me. im at the point of being kept up at night wondering if he really does love me or if i should leave to give him space. i love him so much and i just want him to be in a good mindset. please help.
Your comment had me in tears. It’s literally what every single girlfriend I had was going through while being with me. I can’t take it anymore. Thank you, thank you so much for venting this. I wish everything turned good for you.
Thanks for this. My partner has rocd, and I always want to be there for them. I want to encourage transparency and im trying to not take it personally.
He doesnt want to think things like "your eyebrows are too bushy." Theres a good chance he feels guilty for it bothering him. The "flaws" his OCD finds (his OCD calls them flaws, not him) are things that cause his brain to go wild. No different than a man with OCD who finds one piece of lint on his floor and has to clean his whole house. The lint man knows it's just a piece of lint, but his OCD brain is presenting feelings that there is great danger or alarm. He knows the lint isn't a problem deep down, but he wants to get rid of the intense nagging alarm bell going off in his brain, as if a literal bomb is in the room and is on a timer to explode.
But yeah. It has nothing to do with how he really feels about you. The illness is getting in his way
I am now worrying that I’m a sociopathic malicious liar because of the thought that I might have started my relationship with the knowledge that I’m not with the right person. I’m quite sure that this is untrue but I’m so fearful that it is the case and how much it would hurt my partner because of my either negligence or inner maliciousness and objectification of people for my own gain. I’m so scared.
I have terrible OCD but not how you'd think....I have the most terrible intrusive thoughts about medical things, to the point where they can make me faint.
I've been with my partner for 4 months and he's wonderful but ROCD has started. It's a deep doubt constantly in my gut yet all I want to do is love him, protect him and never leave his side. I have good and bad days...I haven't told him about this yet!
I currently just figured out I had ROCD. I was in a relationship for two years within those 2 years the breakup urges got the best of me I broke up with her 4 times. Toward the 4th breakup I learned more information and cognitive tools to help me. But I think she’s in a state of wanting to focus on herself. I wanna try again and I’ve told her that. After all that happened I don’t think she’s ready to do that again right now. I honestly still have hope it’s only been a month an a 1/2 since the complete split. Send your love man cause I miss her an wanna make this thing work.
I think my boyfriend has this as everything he has said sounds exactly like this. Everything he does and says when we are together shows me he loves me but then when he’s alone it goes wrong. He said the other day he couldn’t do it anymore and won’t let me in to support him, he won’t even speak. We were really happy it came from nowhere and I feel absolutely broken. I don’t want to give up on us but I don’t know how to get through to him to support him
Rocd ruins my life...and I'm not perfecrionist.Since I was a teenager (I was very romantic back then) I was always looking for mr perfect.Maybe I was affected by rom coms etc.As I went on with relationships I was so dramatic and I could not accept that people are not like in the movies. So now I have a 3 year relationship and almost every day I wonder why there are no fireworks everyday, or I think If this person is right for me.All the other people I know feel either good or bad.I feel grey all the time.I have good days where I feel almost fulfilled but the feeling won't last .My friends and parents tell me that my life is not the way I want it to be and that why I focus so much on my relationship...and that I'm over reacting..its like a constant pain .and I dont want to leave my bf...this is killing me...
WOW! this is crazy! this is my relationship in a nutshell! I always feel I have to "chase" her to win her over, to get the fireworks and if I misstep or if things get dull then she grows distant and cold.. it really can trigger someones deep rooted insecurities: unlovable, unworthy, worthless, abandoned, dejected. I mean it's fun sometimes to chase someone, but not all the time it eventually causing me a lot of distress and feelings of inadequacy.
I'm with a new guy and this is a pattern but I obsess and get anxiety over whether or not he is a toxic person. We had a date and it was great but now I'm filled with doubt and worried about things he said and I am freaking it over what it means. I know that being with a toxic person should be a concern but not to this point where I don't have an appetite and I can't enjoy life like I did when I was single.
Top Tip! ROCD doesn't just mean scrutinising your partner / relationship. It also can involve the obsessive avoidance of conflict, not being honest, trying always to present as DIFFERENT to how you actually think / feel. The way out can be to start identifying what's authentic for you, and doing that stuff consistently. If the relationship is meant to be, then it is not a problem. IF you start finding the relationship pinch / not working out, then time to move on and find someone better suited to your actual authentic self.
OCD evolves around repressed anger, a struggle expressing our spontaneous real emotions for fear of conflict. So if you have issues with ROCD, you're going to need to get better at conflict.
Oh wow I have never heard that before and that is me to a T!! Thanks. I have OCD but wasn't sure about ROCD, despite relating to some of this.
All I want to know is how do you find a Doctor that understands ROCD as much as he does?!?
Erica Cramer ocdonline.com I went to this office which is owned by the Dr in the video. They saved my life.
See the channel Awakenintolove.... A girl named Kiomi knows the best... Search in TH-cam... It will help u a lottt
Check out Awaken into Love! They have an amazing online course community and also a licensed therapist who specializes in ROCD (I believe she herself recovered from rocd).
I'm happy to have found out what was troubling me for so many of my late teen/adult years.
I already suffered with OCD/anxiety/depression from a young age developing into something a lot more problematic as I entered adulthood and with relationships I was full of doubt, self doubt and every anxious thought I could possibly conjure up bothered me.
Now I know it is called ROCD and is a verified subset of OCD, I need to read more about it and temper my illogical thoughts with more accepting and happier thoughts and make my girlfriend aware of it so she understands me to a better extent ans understand my endless catalogue of reluctance to push on to more happier and rewarding chapters of life.
Hopefully we'll all make it to a happier place and put our fears aside.
Bro you gotta check the rumination by greenberg and to understand what ocd is you must check the zengineer anxiety specialist on youtube maybe itll help cause it helped me 😊
All I can say is thank you. Thank you so much
I been needing to hear this most of my adult life
This was amazingly informative. Thank you very much
I definitely have this issue. Quite nice to hear I'm not alone and can get better.
I have been dealing with this for years!! I have OCD, scrupulosity and never knew this relationship preoccupation is recognized as a separate aspect of OCD. Thank you!!! This is so helpful.
the best doctor in OCD
I can't express how much you have helped my 21 year old son. I suggested he look up videos and he found your video and he is seeking counseling. He now KNOWS the problem and can get help. I have OCD and so do my children and I am so grateful that OCD is now FINALLY being discussed and talked about. Our lives are being changed greatly now that more people are talking about OCD and is being accepted and treated. Thank you or posting your videos because I can say these things a ,illion times but when my children research and see these videos they accept what I am telling them and again...I am so grateful. Not to mention some people can't afford care or are afraid. Thank you very much for taking the time to educate others. God bless always.
OMG yes i relate to this so freaking much . maybe this explains the fact why i was single my whole life , i mean yeah apart of my shyness and stuff , i'm just so obsessed with finding the "rightest" partner for me and obviously this is just impossible because this thought is OCD-driven . This also applies to my friendships . It's weird how just earlier today i got so sad because i thought my relationship with someone was coming to an end , and it was over the simplest things like not having smooth and good conversations for like 2 days . wow
hello, for the last thing you said, do you have this fear of ending relationship with everyone or only certain people ? It would be helpful for me to know.. thank you
Wow, this recommendation to laught at ROCD compulsions and pettiness is my fav solution of all. I remember my 1st situationship. I called him a snob after 5 messages exchanged, before I even met him, and he thought my honesty was so funny. I was very in love with him, except that he was my trauma bond and it was easy to gravitate to him. He was dismissive avoidant and that's very addictive to me, and it only lasted 3 months so I didn't have time to doubt it (oh, and I was also on meds back then... Anxiety meds, supposedly, BUT are actually the same meds for OCD treatment... so... kinda putting the pieces together)
But with my now ex and maybe future bf again (we're both trying), he doesn't usually laught at this stuff, and that really, really started to weight on me, and I started to question everything, although his best quality is his caring personality and his devotion, which is something I never had in my life, but he is also insecure and anxious. So he would pout or be sad when I criticized him and that made everything worse, because I'd feel like I could not do the same for him, and that I was being a toxic gf for not loving all his quirks.
Now that I'm learning about ROCD and read about ERP (to not endulge in compulsions), I was avoiding a compulsion last weekend and I guess that bored me and I needed a little drama to make me feel good -.- So I guess I remembered that the same week I found out my weight had reached its highest ever, after my mom and dad mentioned it and I confirmed they were right, and also that my mother commented that I should consider some wigs (well, I have androgenetic alopecia - it's not that bad thou - and my family is quite strict with appearance) so I cried a bit about it with him, even though I usually don't get that much affected by it, and said "I'm fat and bald!" And... A laught escaped from his lungs while he attempted to comfort me. Surprisingly, I then I joined him and cried and laught at the same time because even I realise how overly dramatic and funny that sounded. And i loved that moment so much ^^ he's usually very caring when I look for reassurance (well, he actually used to minimize my emotions by mentioning my anxieties, which triggered me more, but I've teached him about gaslighting and he changed his approach, which is such a green flag, the fact that he can improve for me), but no matter how much caring he is, I do love this approach of comedy even more. Although, it wouldn't work with all compulsions.
PS: I stopped taking my meds when I met him, what didn't help
Oh my god, this makes me feel so seen and validated. Thank you so so so so much for this.
Can i ask you, my bf has rocd and we are in long distance relationship, i told him you can talk to me whenever you want ,but now it’s been 3 and he didn’t chat me, is this also because of rocd? What should i do? , I’m asking you this because maybe you know how it feels, i hope you get well soon and watch Ali greymond channel on TH-cam it willl help you
100%
I had ROCD about 5 years ago. I saw a therapist at Dr Phillipson’s office and it was the greatest decision I ever made. I owe his practice and that dr that helped me my life. I was able to get to be my normal self and straighten other aspects of my life that were non ROCD and OCD related out. Thank you guys so much.
Did you finally relieve from this ?
@@willmakhrir3344 Yes, I am now my normal self still. Crazy to think that was over 10 years ago. I never looked back and OCD to me is now nothing but a long distant memory
@@GuaranteedGames Hi Salvador!! Are You fully healed of ROCD? Your feelings come back when You recovered? Or You just learn to live withouth feelings 😭 Please answer me 😭🙏 I'm really scared, I have 3 years with ROCD... I don't know what to do, i want my feelings back 😭
@@auroramarina5170 I am sorry, I just saw this. Yes I am fully healed. I have OCD thoughts but they are so far and few in between. My last thought was probably years ago. I highly suggest you get to a CBT / ERP therapist. They will help you learn to embrace and accept uncertainty. Let me know if there’s any way I could help you out.
I will get over these feelings 💪🏼
I feel so sick today to my stomach that I haven't eaten and only went to work because it was too late to call in. I hate this. I so hate this. How did I get stuck in this loop?
word for word, described exactly what i be doin
Dr. Phillipson is the man! I just wanted to say that ROCD, HOCD, POCD May all be subsets of OCD, but giving it a name like R-OCD. Gives your monster more power! Don’t give the subset a name! Just call it OCD. I have severe OCD. I understand it!
Good point! I often spiral with OCD when I am like "but... is this THAT kind or THIS kind?!?" haha.
Omg I am suffering from rocd😔 my boyfriend is so caring and loving towards me.. my mind is a devil.. I always get those intrusive thoughts... that do I love my partner.... do I care for him.. do I still love him... deep down I know I like him so much😔😔😔 I am hurting him so much😔
I feel the same I love him but these thoughts are making my life horrible its almost 2 years since I had it I had it for all my boyfriends and now the present one too I have no idea what to do can you help me?
I suspect my "partner" may have this feature as well, I am trying to understand this mentality. I give her all the love in the world, but she is always on the fence whether she loves and cares about me, I am on a different spectrum I think I have more OCD, I get hurt a lot by being ignored or undervalued, my core insecurities get triggered a lot by her cold behaviors, I suspect one with ROCD wants to "feel" in love to "feel" the passion is this right? to be chased? I stopped doing that with her, I feel I am better than trying to win her over to "earn her love, to get her closer. So, I just keep busy and try to fight off the OCD towards her. Let me know if this resonated with you at all, I am trying to understand ROCD better
Does anyone have any tips about dealing with OCD in relationships and also managing stress from trauma related and/or emotional abusive past? I often can't tell if it's just my OCD freaking me out or if I'm having a trauma reaction that isn't about them, or if there is a red flag about the person that's worth paying attention to. It's exhausting. If it's just OCD then I could chill and work on myself more. (Currently in therapy). But if it's a sign of abuse then I want to cut the person out of my life.
Hey, I'm in the same situation. Was it OCD?
anyone have ROCD where they fear they’ve done something disloyal to their partner?
Yes definitely. Go more into detail? What kind of disloyalty if i may ask
@@wanted_450r hey how are you now... please reply. I am dealing with confession compulsion right now
I really think I should leave sometimes when it’s really not working out. The problem is you tell people what you want in a relationship and they lie like they reflect those qualities or ideas until you date them a few months and start realizing they don’t and aren’t really wanting to. Then I feel then need to leave them and find someone who can. Some people don’t have ROCD but rather codependency and look past so much just to keep someone around even when they could never see themselves marrying or being with them forever. That was more of me than ROCD.
I have this but with college. I just don't have the capacity to pick a major and just stick with it...
I was unable to try and decide what to college to choose (Engineering or Medicine), It drove me nuts. and I failed foundation year of engineering, got into medicine, got pushed to succeed in it (by my father, because he saw me failing in my college journey; that he felt he must take over control in order to help me succeed in my college life). I got a good GPA in the Medical college foundation year, which made me able to get accepted in the college of Medicine. But there was something inside me questioning if that should be my future or not. And I wasn't able to get going; because that will make me able to go full-fledged on the courses and materials of whatever I'm going to undergo (college major). But when I'm in a place where I haven't got a goal or a target to aim at and go full force towards it to create a real thing out if it, then it'll be very hard for me to find the motivation to get done with studying anything really, which makes me frustrated and others around me (my parents and my family frustrated).
I always feel like I'm making mistakes one way or another in a relationship. I relate to a lot of this. But also curious if this is ROCD? (I know I have OCD). I often feel like if I do something one way, it was wrong. If I do something the other way, it was wrong. I suspect it relates to harm and/or "just right OCD". But not sure.
I'm currently suffering from this aswell. I remember about 4 months ago i had ROCD but that passed within a week. I have also had POCD at an earlier stage of my life. I'm not diagnosed with OCD but it seems like i show signs of it. Yesterday it got so bad that i wanted to die. I know i love my partner, but i keep getting the urge to breakup, and i struggle with feeling my love towards him since i can't stop searching for it. I have this deep fear that there might be something wrong with the relationship, i'm really struggling and i'm unsure of what to do. I sometimes look at my boyfriend and feel like he's gross, but then i sometimes look at him and feel like he's amazing. I just dont get why there is such a big difference in how i see him. I can't see any red flags, my partner is overall an amazing person, and is very supportive, so i can't find any good reason as to why i wouldn't love him, but these thoughts are just horrible to have
__ DestinyCatFGC __ same I’m dealing with there exact same thing as we speak last week was the first time I was genuinely okay and able to feel so much love for my boyfriend. We’ve been dating for 2 almost 3 years and it hit me as soon as the break for corona had started. Now I wonder of ive had it all along and everything was a lie, I also have urges to break up w him but the thought of it makes me cry so bad. I start thinking about my future and if I’m going to survive this roller coaster and it makes me want to die thinking about it. But just know your not alone I suggest looking at “awaken into love” and things like that, best of luck to you
@@jordynzaire thank you,, and best of luck to you aswell. I have watched alot of Awaken Into Love's videos and they have really helped me. Thank you for your incouraging words
I've suffered from HOCD fro ages and haven't had a girlfriend. I guess it's somewhat a good thing because I wouldn't want to make someone deal with me having ROCD.
You are very mature in the US about this disease. I think it s generational as we grew up in an ideal virtual world and when we are facing the reality, that s complicated....our mind tries to get rational answers about the reality that s naturally not the same as movies. It s related to perfectionist characters who want to have the hand on every aspect of their lives. Thanks first for all these specialists who made a word on this...then we pray God to help us with this disease. Struggling 6 years with this for now....Will from france
i really don’t know what to do. i can not be sure about that “am i have rocd or are those thoughts and feelings are real?” i don’t wanna lose him. we have an amazing relationship but those thoughts just gives me stress and panic.
I've heard ROCD can cause us to feel unattracted, even repulsed by our partner, and go from feeling "in love" to numb, annoyed, etc.
Many have talked about how those feelings consistently shift back and forth, but my attraction and loving feelings have been totally shut down for over a year and a half. Can this consistent loss of good feelings towards them still be an effect of ROCD?
Feeling so seen rn. I feel like such an asshole to my amazing girlfriend and i get annoyed with her over nothing. I HATE THIS
@@earthmoon4386 me too! my boyfriend is an amazing human being and an amazing boyfriend and I get soooo irrational and annoyed with him so easily.
The doubts spoken about in this video I deal with daily in relationships, but instead of feeling those doubts I am constantly having the intrusive thought that my partner is feeling those doubts, and I seek reassurance that they do not have these doubts. I have generally never had doubts about my feelings towards my partner, I'm very secure in how I feel. I wonder how common this is.
sounds like you should look into anxious attachment style and work focus on your self esteem :) reassurance seeking can also become a compulsion so just try and sit with the uncertainty/uncomfortable feeling
@@mypaintinghands4348 The reassurance seeking is definitely a compulsion, and even when my self esteem is very high its like a completely separate entity that the thoughts come from almost, because I have felt very confident and very secure in my relationship and still had these thoughts in the past. Since becoming aware of where the problems come from it has helped tremendously, as without the understanding necessary to differentiate them, I wasn't sure what I truly believed. Thank you for the advice, I will take it all into consideration
I jus got into this relationship with this girl whom I broke up with my other girlfriend for. I had a crush on this girl before I started to date my past girlfriend and decided I couldn’t hide it and ended the relationship with the other girl for my current girlfriend everything was going really good I jus really liked talking to her and everything was jus so right and I really did thought I loved her but then all off a sudden I was kinda scared that she maybe was talkin to other dudes due to rumors and I feel like that may have done something to my thoughts and my feelins but a couple days ago is when I really was questioning if I really liked her if I wanted to be with her and I really do I want to have feelins for her she makes me so happy and makes me smile but I’m scared that I don’t have feelins for her and that there gone:
I jus got over HOCD of like 5 months and pedo ocd and self harm ocd but not nearly as much as HOCD I feel that my anxiety transferred over to this and I hope it did because I really want to be with this girl and I don’t want to hurt her I’m also only 14
I had this, and then my relationship ended after two months. I loved the girl with all my heart and it got so much worse after we split. We broke up because she went home ,she studied in my country and then returned to hers. But there was so much we didnt get to see about eachother and I wanted to know every detail of her life and she did mine when we were together, but we were interested in different things and from different cultures and it made me worry all the time would she of liked my hobbies/would I of liked hers/would she find same things funny and get references in jokes. I always worried I loved her for the wrong reasons even though just hearing her voice melted my heart and i knew i loved her, i loved her as a person and her energy and emotion, i know my questions and doubts were silly as we had these good bits of humour and we were both so interested in every detail of eachothers daily life, and it had just started to calm.down and get intimate when she realised she wont return here and she said she still felt the same, and i started getting rocd afterwards whilst i was with her i struggled with hocd. A lot of our relationship was online and when we met in person i had puppy eyes watching her doing the simplest things, but when we kissed my mind would be elsewhere and i worried this meant i wasnt interested enough. We had so many differences but its these qualities i loved about her as i just adored her outlook on life and her energy and how caring she was. But it was my first real love and it ended just shy of 3 months for no fault of our own and with it being so short left so much to question, i know i want her back but there is nothing i can do to get her back, and i only developed rocd after we broke up i know she would of had the same humour/interested in things i liked and vice versa/music tastr/deepness/interesting conversations. But because we only had a few of these moments, as time moves on im forgetting details about her and it makes me doubt wether i loved her even deep down i knew its the girl i wanted to be with forever, strange how it came only 4 months after we broke up. I still feel like i love her but obviously im forgetting stuff and dettaching emotionally fron the situation but it kills me thinking what if. I constantly think if i have a thought it must mean something from within or from high above and its ruining me, i need help but i cant get it as im joining the army and dont want to ruin my life goal, im in distress from how particular my situation is and i feel like no one in the world understands why this bothers me, all my family and friends think it doesnt matter as its over but i feel so bad i had these doubts as i just want her back and to see her smile again. Can someone help me just rationalise why i think this way, we clicked so well and it was so new and different to me that i think it overwhelmed me and i didnt want it to end so i was confused about it normalising and it being so quick, it makes me think i have issues clinging to people and that i fall for people to easy. But i still love her and the fact i doubt i ever did hurts even more now shes gone. I just want to do all the stuff we said we would do, its been 5 months and i literally think about her every second :(
Could you be obsessed about a mistake that your partner made in the past that you had already dealt with but now appears as an obsession with the urge to do compulsions? I ve been dealing with OCD for 15 years but this is something new that started to happen and Im not sure if its OCD or not
Am I the only one with ROCD feel extreme tention in the body "walking" in every part of my body? Just me? Okay..
feel it in the head and a flow of loss feelings
Omg I think I have this?? I gotta get help for it cause last time I almost broke up with my bf over it and I really don’t want to do that I love him🥺
Check Rocd Reddit
I just got out of a relationship, my OCD was very bad and I was questioning everything about us and him, did he love me? And I could ask that question 5 times in a row..
It became to much for him :(
yeah i have this shit. Had regular ocd growing up
Idk. In my opinion, I feel like I may have this ocd type, but b0i has it helped me figure out who has extremely emotionally abusing and toxic traits that NO. One should deal with, no matter how you want to treat any new relationship. Or old for that matter.
Today I was watching videos on how to stop the compulsions, then I saw that exposing them would improve, and suddenly when I saw that it would improve I stopped feeling the compulsions, it seemed more like my brain saw that I found the solution, and now that I'm not feeling the compulsions anymore it seems that I do not care about my relationship, and I really want to care, someone help me? has anyone gone through this?
@giovanna How you feeling today about It?
My ex-boyfriend who has ROCD ended our relationship about 2 months ago. I am in my late 30s and he is in his early 40s.
My ex had a handful of relationships that didn't end in marriage. He disclosed to me early in the relationship that his goal was to get married(not to me but in general). He also disclosed to me that he had OCD, but he never specified that he had ROCD. Anyway, the course of our relationship was mostly healthy with no drama. We didn't have any big disagreements or issues. We never argued. We had alot in common and we enjoyed doing the most simple things together. We also we're both very spiritual together. We prayed together everyday. However, the last few months of the relationship he expressed to me on 3 different occasions that he doubted the relationship and that is when I learned about his ROCD. I now analyze that he was probably hoping I would end the relationship whenever he expressed to me that he was doubting the relationship. However, when I decide to commit to a relationship, I don't get out of it so easy and I am emotionally stable and a fighter. Truly, breaking up with him never crossed my mind. During the course of the relationship, he helped me open up more and I did love him. I let myself become more vulnerable by staying with him until I knew he would break up with me. I was expecting he would ultimately break up with me and I remember having my heart ready for it. Deep down in my heart the breakup is not what I wanted. When the the phone break up conversation with me, he cried and told me he loved me. He expressed he still wanted to be friends with me. I stated to him that it would be awkward to be friends because if I began dating someone else, it would be odd to have to tell him I am dating someone or odd to suddenly stop talking to him. He then said that the ball is now in my court if I wanted to continue being friends. So, occasionally after the breakup I have texted him asking him how he is doing. He responds but he responds more coldly. I have called him twice on the phone since the breakup and he ended the call saying to call him if I ever have problems or if I need to talk. The last phone call he admitted it was difficult for him to be friends with me because if I move on and he has to learn I am dating someone, he said it would hurt him. He ended the phone call saying for me to call him if I ever have any problems?? Anyway I decided now I am going to leave him alone and focus more on myself and keep myself busy. It is hard to not think of him because I still love him. I am sure having ROCD is very difficult.
So sorry to hear that
Sorry to hear you had to go through that. I’m suspecting my ex has ROCD too. He broke up with me due to being tormented by uncertain anxious thoughts when I asked him about marriage. We had a very healthy, passionate relationship, and barely fought. We enjoy being in contact with each other so much that we can’t stop talking to each other, over a year after our breakup.
The only thing I can do, which sucks, is raise his awareness of ROCD and just move on with my own life. I can’t count on him magically quashing the ROCD on his own and admitting he made a terrible mistake.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm very much like your partner sadly. Can only say it's very painful from the other side too.
@@snakedogman Hi, I am now married to a man I met one year after the breakup with my ex who rocd. I am happy to say I am in a healthy relationship :-)
im dealing with this and it hurts so much
I’ve been going through this for the past 12 months and let me tell you It has been awful but we’re all going to get through this :)
sometimes I feel like I communicate with a partner through reluctance. I think maybe I have compusive ro be with my partner. I feel so sad qnd nervous 😥😥😥
Hi. Since I talked to my partner about my feeling, that I think I might fell out of love with them (for some reasons in the past between us). And now we’re working on it together. I’m still neutral and even happy with my partner, I still wanna make them happy and do things for them, we still have intimacy in both physically and mentally, etc.
But, sometimes the thought of “want to be single” still haunting me. I really don’t know why, if I don’t have feeling for them anymore, why am I still have those signs above. And if still have feelings for them, then why do I keep having the thought of being single is better?
I don’t know if this relate to OCD or not, please guide me
Edit : And even when we’re apart now, sometimes I want to get back with them, sometimes I don’t. I’m so exhausted rn trying to figure out what I really want
omg i think i have this. who knew this was a form of OCD too? ugh.
Can’t leave the house because I feel of a guy hits on me I get frustrated and scared and think I’m doing something wrong and want to run to my man at home. It’s like I wanna be away from men because I don’t trust them or myself when I know I love my boyfriend
I have anxiety about men that aren't my partner too. Messages from men in the past, men in public, boys that are friends, even men therapists. "Infidelity OCD" is a thing and it's just as destructive as any other type. I also have Peadophilia OCD and Sexual Orientation OCD. It's like it targets what we care about the most.
@@emilyroberts7167 I’m so sorry!!!!! I’ve been through all those too. I’ve suffered from all kinds of OCD
That's interesting, I'm trying to understand this ROCD thing, what do you mean exactly? I suspect my partner has this too
I'm single & I have this ☹️
Checking in on you. What's going on in your life now?
on vacation and still the stupid phone but using it for good....
I saw and spoke to another attractive woman and had strong feelings, is that normal with ROCD?
I have no idea where to go to get help with this. Can anyone help me please? I feel really lost at times but I try to be strong but I need help with my intrusive thoughts, feel really weak and sick with this!
Ocd therapist.
CBT and erp. Plus medication
Also check "rocd reddit"
I definitely have this but I have to disagree with some of this doctor's claims. For me, my "comorbidity" is not as much a perfectionist personality as "normal" OCD, and the relationship strain has developed when I was with a partner who was legitimately not a good match for me and my qualms were totally legitimate, but I was doing my absolute best to suppress my doubts (trying to convince myself I'm too nitpicky and indecisive and I should just accept what I have) and they have morphed into something very pathological.
This kind of approach can be actually pretty harmful to the sufferer imo, because even their legitimate qualms might get dismissed or sorted under the label of "this is just your ROCD talking." That's why I've personally come to the conclusion that it's good to make some list of necessary standards for a partner beforehand (when single) and then determine if the new person fulfills them before proceeding with a relationship. Just not to jump into things too quickly and if you're not feeling it, just don't do it. It's totally healthy to have dealbreakers even for a person with such a disorder and it's necessary to take them seriously. On the other hand of course, if you later start obsessing over trivialities, then the comedic and chill approach might totally work.
He is not talking about real deal breakers, like red flags and toxic relationships where one partner cannot be true self, but minor stuff that people start to obsessing over that are completely stupid and impossible to change like apperance.
It’s more so of an approach of releasing the anxiety. Because anxiety is only a emotions for immediate danger. By releasing that stress it will allow you to
Come to a clear sense of what you want and is best.
does this effect experiencing physical affection in a relationship? It sounds like I have ROCD and I hate physical affection a lot.
Yes, it can affect that too. You could just not like physical affection in general but if this a recent issue, I think it's OCD.
@@romaniangamer1 Thanks a ton! might explain my behavior better.
@@ariagrace7431 Jesus bless you!
how do I know if it's ROCD or if I'm with the wrong partner
@@CherryStawberry no solicitors please
@@willywonkausername i am not doing that. it is not my site, but it has helped me a lot when i had a lot of rocd and doubts.
Have a conversation about it with a therapist.
If not, learn more about OCD so you can understand if its coming from an OCD place or from a place of genuine concern.
If you think they are toxic or abusive, get scientific. Take an article written by a professional listing abusive behavior, and make a list of things you know have happend that may have been abusive. If they line up get outta there
I dont relate and relate at the same time
fuck.
i think i seriously need to tend to my mental health, and contact a doctor for diagnosis.
the symptoms i respond to are extremely relative to ocd in general.
i’m terrified of myself and my thoughts run amuck. unable to filter out any sort of though that approaches me.
i fear that i don’t love my partner enough, or that i never did.
I am trying to understand this I suspect my partner has this... I have SOOO many questions lol
and nd for work and music but damn
I want to breakdown and cry listening to this video. Natural questions to ask… except ROCD is like ask them over and over and over and self fulfilling prophecies…. I don’t like this.
what if you have ptsd/cptsd from past abusive relationships, and you get triggered with a new partner and it starts an obsessive spiral ..
have you lost feelings or had your feelings coated by this ocd, so you still like them/love them but its been put behind a wall of angst?
Benjamin Ash im not sure how to explain it, as it began less than a month into the relationship after my ptsd was accidentally triggered
Hi Mangoin my opinion all it takes is a trigger a doubt- a set of rules that clash with your internal map or concept of love etc.I also think its the amygdala going out of regulation.It sounds like you have a powerful yet umfortable for you defence coming from the brain.
Benjamin Ash i agree with you. my nervous system is also extremely overactive
do you love your partner yet your system thinks their a threat? ignore all the Hollywood love bs btw it came from Plato anyway- I wish id known that before i disconnected from my girlfriend after reading a bad article
I've had ROCD and HOCD twice at the same time. Now that is a truly paradoxical stuff. That didn't bother that stupid voice in my head at all.
do u have a chat or tht I can contact u lol for free like u know looking for answers
Are doubting your partner or being obsessed with him, being extremely possessive and overthinking about his bonds with other girls part of ROCD !
Drinking and drugs can cause it because if you doubt your actions..you doubt yourself..then your partner.Also Im not so sure you need to tell your partner so much because it can cause the person to leave you.Instead simply get your habits and life in check and your thoughts will follow.
I’ve been with my partner for 10 years and have ROCD for 7 years. I didn’t even know about this 7 years ago. Lately I’ve been very depressed about obsessing.... I obsess about am I in love with my partner? Do I wanna be with my partner for the rest of my life? Do I find my partner sexually attractive? I remember people judging him and I took that too hard. My Brian judges him..
I’ve been believing it’s truly me... I know I know I don’t want a new person that’s not my partner touching me at all.. I don’t wanna be with a new person. I love my partner to death. I really do. It’s just lately I can’t do the stuff I normally do without hearing or feeling my brain saying no... 😞 so it’s been very difficult for me. I am also afraid of feeling better bc if I do I feel like it’s been me this whole time... 😞
Yes, ruminating is exhausting... But doing something one likes can recharge your batteries.
Maybe, watching a positive movie or or travelogue... Listening to music from a past happy season... Its the little things
Hope this is helpful.
Take care🙂
i saw this video maybe 3 years too late
and I'm single
with family is normal too?
yes
@@ralu5784 i have intrusive thoughts That i Will not care if my parents die
@@Ursujdgjhx hello.
have you tried to do ERP?
@@ralu5784 no!! What is this?
All these ROCD videos seem to be from a mans perspective or something. I experience ROCD mainly through self scrutinization rather than scrutinizing my partner. For example, i wonder if im flirting by accident with someone other than my partner. I wonder if my partner will leave me for small flaws or for stating needs. I even wonder if i am ruining other peoples relationships with eachother when i interact with them
Sometines my rocd gets so strong in my head that id rather die at times
Acronyms must be annoying. When I hear ROCD I think of religious OCD. Oh well lol
How is this different than codependent
Because it's a subset of OCD. Which is a mental disorder
Don't confuse relationship OCD with Borderline personality, though they may co-occur.