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Jouelzy, I find that there accountability is so very thin , in every aspect. Accountability , for me was learned in my household. How I treat people, how I spoke to them. When I went out into the world , I am representing who I am and how I was raised. I do not see much accountability in society overall. Very thin.
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Man... I needed this. One struggle I have as a black man is maneuvering this black digital landscape trying to create opportunities for accountability when it seems like folks only want to shame.
“A lot of the ways the disposing works is that we start by disposing ourselves” so true. You’d find that people who defend shaming women are the women who had disposed themselves but now think they are better because they are ‘glowing up’.
I dont think people actually care about accountability they just want the opportunity to shame. They're not holding their local government accountable, but they'll certainly hold a stranger online many miles away accountable for having a child out of wedlock despite her situation not being as scandalous as they assume it to be.
Unless she was raped isn't that fact that a woman would let a man ejaculate inside her with no type of commitment scandalous enough? This is what people mean by accountability. Humans(men and women) owe it to their offspring to put them in the best position. Creating a baby with a deadbeat(man or woman) displays horrible judgment at best and lack of compassion for the next generation at worst.
This. I had been dating a guy for a few months and the way he had been treating me was so unfair. I then realized i created a space where he was allowed to treat me that way. I finally grasped the part i played between us. Once I understood that, i let go and exited left. I didn’t hold him accountable, I didn’t cuss him out, i didn’t disrespect him. I kept it short and told him what it was on my end. Had i of not had any type of introspection within myself, i probably would have continued dating him and blaming him for the mistreatment of me. Chileeee i aint never been happier lmao
Isn't it amazing when that happens. I too was seeing a guy that I liked but I could tell he wasn't being serious and becoming evasive. I wanted to have a chat, he didn't, so I wrote him a nice text telling him it had been fun but I was looking for something serious and for him to take care. I made myself accountable for my own happiness and the kind of relationship I wanted to have. It took a long time to figure that out!
Self accountability is difficult, but putting in that work is beautiful. I find that if accountability starts with self first we learn how to cope with this world.
I'm all for accountability, especially as a member of management, BUT you don't get results by shaming, stereotyping, or bashing people. When I want someone to perform better I go over the list of benefits of them actually doing what they're told, like leaving work early, quarterly bonuses, not getting injured, etc. I'm not going to tell them they're a sorry employee and there's plenty other people wanting their spot. Social skills and tact are needed in these conversations. Not all accountability is shaming, but people love to shame and masquerade it as accountability.
yes, most people aren't trying to be constructive, they just want the high that comes from socially ostracizing and piling on people. It's okay to hold people accountability but everything has its limits.
Often in the black community, we are so mean to each other over the shame that stereotypes place on us. We want to run away from those stereotypes so bad that we kill ourselves to “get outta da hood”, and then reprimand others who are still there and tell them “you are what’s keeping us (me) back.” We make fun of them in hopes that the shame will inspire them and claim that that’s “accountability”. All it is is shame. We never give love and uplift in the right way, like your parents did. All this placing accountability does is hold people down and back. You’re right. What does the framework for accountability look like? Im still waiting for the TH-cam video, from someone who claims to have it so together, where there’s a make up of simple non discriminatory rules for black people to follow, so that we all could make it. Because like you said in your last video: White people can afford nice things on a teachers salary. Can black people do the same? Where’s the therapeutic sit dow, brother-sisterly love, from black person to black person, where we acknowledge our trauma and find ways to get past it? Because we choose the methods that we choose to “hold others accountable”, we end up in this never-ending cycle of having the same conversation, over and over again, every generation. And it won’t change until we change the method.
And then after all that work “to get out of the hood” we have a whole myriad of ills that come with that. Like the system won’t replicate the structures of oppression cause you in the suburbs.
I feel like there are folks doing non-shame based uplift work, and I really can see your point because I don't think the folks who are big on shaming are usually the ones actually helping people. But it's Black educators, social workers, advocates etc who fs are doing the good work!
I have been holding myself accountability now especially since I am back in therapy and I finally found a therapist I connected with. I am starting to address things that were in my subconscious mind that I didn’t realize was still there. I feel much happier and I’m no longer angry every day anymore.
This is very relevant considering over the past year many of us have been at home absorbing the toxicity from the internet. An internet detox is needed for many.
I've always wanted to be someone that people said.. "he was a kind man." But I also always feel this push for me to seek a greater power dynamic. People tell me if I was more aggressive that I could punish people who were taking advantage of the system or me. But I'm pretty sure anyone who is taking advantage of those around them, that they get their own punishment. I think anyone who would undermine you or betray will always undermine and betray themselves. If you lived with kindness you see that most people are just struggling with their own lives and doing the best that they can. Honestly, sometimes my best isn't very good, why should I expect other people's best to always be stellar. I love the phrase "loving ethic!" and I'm glad that phrase is now in my life. I will check out her book! Thank you!
Who are you? You sound like you live inside MY brain. Being a person who deeply values kindness and care is not an easy life. You get mistaken for a punching bag often. I wish I personally knew someone like you. I used to, but he passed away.
I don't engage in keeping people accountable often. Like you said it's a lot of work to explain why you think what someone did was wrong and then a whole lot of patience to enact change within another full grown human being. I only do it with close personal friends who've given me permission to hold them accountable and I expect the same when I've given them permission.
I think criticism has become a substitute for accountability, which as you say, is more complicated than just holding people to some standard you've been taught is moral.
When you said "accountability is not the pursuit of power and domination over other people" 👏🏽👏🏽You hit so many good points. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge with us and for teaching us to move with love and through love.
The latest shaming im seeing online is The Game attempting to keep himself relevant by hopping on a popular topic, which is men paying all the bills. Now we have a bunch of poor to middle-class, Black people arguing with each other once again because a rich person wants to tell everyone how their money should be spent. Nevermind his history with women. We really shame people in the same boat as ourselves all because of what social media tells us makes someone undesirable.
To me, when done the correct way accountability is counsel from those who are 'wiser.' Insults are shaming and highly toxic and in my opinion, has nothing to do with 'accountability.'
You’re absolutely right, it stings to see how people disparage one another online especially when youre the but of the joke. but i really fear for the people in their lives who fit the description of broke or fat or dark skinned or whatever else. And i also wonder who in my life is laughing at these jokes that dehumanize me.
I just wanted to chime in briefly to say how much I appreciate your videos. As a Suburban White Boy, it has been a real eye-opener and very helpful in gaining a new perspective I otherwise likely would never get. **THANK YOU AND, PLEASE, KEEP 'EM COMING**
Compassion is what I look for in the content I consume. Thank you for adding to this much needed conversation. About to see if half price books has that bell hooks book now👏🏾
I definitely need to reflect on trying to hold those i have no community nor proximity with accountable. I feel like what holds me is I view things as being so interconnected. Esp as black people we (unfortunately) are viewed as a reflection of eachother, so its difficult to not set parameters for others that will presumably affect you.
Totally agree! I definitely have some unlearning to do as well. The brainwashing is intense. The residual respectability poltics are hard to shake. Ive found, the more I learn about the vastness and history of anti black structures in place the less I feel that individual black people's actions are connected to why those structures are in place. For Harriet had a line in one of her recent videos to the effect of "a black woman wearing a bonnet in public is not the reason we're oppressed" and repeating that to myself whenever I get judgey has really helped.
Appealing to respectability is a cop out. Every culture or society has to establish a set of agreed upon values that they must adhere to to ensure the survival of those people and that culture. And many values are consistent across cultures. There is a difference between trying to appeal to our "oppressor" in the form of respectability and having and adhering to values and beliefs that benefit us. Black people, in this case black women, first and foremost are accountable to themselves, then to their inner circle, then to the culture, then society at large. We need to stop normalizing trauma and fucked up behavior. Stop shifting blame for poor choices and accept responsibility for these actions and outcomes.
You never fail to come on here and perfectly articulate my thoughts. I couldn’t quite put into words how I felt about this new wave of accountability and all I could verbalize is we really need to define words accurately if we’re even going to understand what’s being said, how it’s being said and what it really means.
Interesting... bc all I heard was words and words and more words. Honestly felt scattered and reaching. If she made a point, I certainly missed it 🤷🏾♀️ What did she say/mean? Honest question..
@@tashboog basically she’s saying that bullying people on the internet in the name of accountability isn’t actually holding someone accountable. Not only that if we’re going to hold people accountable in the public we need to accurately define what accountability means and how we’re going to go about holding someone accountable. Holding someone accountable requires someone to put in time and effort into the person they are trying to hold accountable. So she then asked how do you really hold someone accountable that you have no access to? Because currently that is only translating into online bullying.
@@nonnieJ94 mmm 🤔 ok .. First I thank you for taking the time out to translate. Ironically, in spite of your og comment, your articulation was far more transcendent for whatever that’s worth. Moving on... While I could congenially accept some validity in this viewpoint, is it not possible that imparting labor into defining simple concepts loosely entertains bouts of others who are just plain not practicing common sense? If there is a wave of people bullying and calling it accountability, wouldn’t we just be substantiating the nonsense by acknowledging it with these type of lengthy challenges?🤷🏾♀️ Respectfully of course, accountability isn’t a complex concept that needs dissection for anyone who successfully completed at least the 6th grade. Therefore we could just call shame what it is and accountability what it is and keep it moving. No? Or do you observe that online bullying with respect to the spaces she’s hinting at (constant mocking of ratchet BP and the like) is a bigger issue than I seem to think it is? And to be frank, are we going to act like certain things just aren’t ridiculous irregardless of what socioeconomic, lineage or domestic situation people who were blessed to have made it to adulthood are guilty of?? Are we honestly still making excuses for irresponsible behavior?
@@tashboog starting with your last question.. yes imo it’s a newer societal norm seem to be constantly trying to make excuses for irresponsible or bad behavior. It’s only I guess a bigger deal if you’re on the receiving end of the constant mocking 🤷🏾♀️ it does teeter on actual bullying. Personally in this case this isn’t a time of let the idiots be idiots in the corner peacefully. This whole bullying for accountability ideology has spread like wildfire and a large majority of people are participating. So I think it’s good to call that out, properly define what holding someone accountable is and then we move on. But that’s kind of expecting the internet and the multitude of people who use it are actually capable of common sense. Which I guess brings me around to your point.. that that this conversation is stupid and the whole internet is stupid so we should just go on and move on
@@nonnieJ94 I meeeeeaaaaan .. 🤷🏾♀️ Idk I get a bad vibe when we say ‘we can’t let others. . .’ when ee also can’t control others and would overestimating our place to ‘correct.’ But I get that you are moreless imparting we shouldn’t be tolerant of bullying; agreed. The thing is that context matters and ratchets are actual ridiculously expressed people who do not demonstrate something to be anything but mocked. I’m not sympathetic to bullshit so I guess I’ll have to be the resident bully in this dialogue but I’m definitely not sorry. If we are talking about something like fat shaming, it hits different. But Im not mad that you and the content creator seemingly share a desire to preserve people’s dignity which is absolutely important. Appreciate your convo, love. Bless.
This video definitely called me out and opened my eyes. The idea of holding someone accountable that I don’t know who did actions that don’t impact me is ludicrous.
My social engagement to folks online has declined and transferred into my everyday life as well. It’s become a irrational fear for me to say anything to anyone at any point of time in any environment could be misunderstood and my entire character and career could be sabotaged in a couple of hours just because someone idk took and ran with it and called for my downfall by the thousands instead of talking to me directly to resolve the issues. It’s hard to communicate now and with the ever increasing use of tech to reach others to cultivate a community is so frightening to me and I’m not even in my 30’s I don’t want to accept that this ideology of accountability through cancel/disposal culture will be the norm and accepted and speaking out to it in disagreement is now a plague upon your house
What i fear is we are going to squander this moment that people are actually being receptive to listening and changing, with trying to use "accountability" as REVENGE, POWER & DOMINANCE. Thereby we end up not accomplishing shit because you devalue the movement when "cancel" everyone for a mistake/misunderstanding even though they are trying their best.
Good points. I love how you try to make sense of various content creators throwing shame, blame & superficial accountability around without the total follow through process of building up and improvement, and the real-world application of it, i.e., how each side is treating the other in real life and how are the children/next generation being taught. I was trying to explain this to someone but only could get so far. Thank your for doing it so thoroughly and thoughfully.
She was talking about using shame to hold people accountable. Which many of our communities do ie the church and entertainment gurus like Kevin Samuels
I've definitely been thinking about accountability a lot over the past year. I agree with everyone who says the only person you have truly hold accountable is yourself. And beyond this, you cannot engage in the labor of accountability with anyone if they do not choose to do so themselves. So often, the only thing you can do is disengage, less exhaust your own energy and life for another. With an online creator, disengagement might be as easy as unfollowing them and unsubscribing from their content, but IRL disengagement often feels like cancelation or ostracization, oddly carceral in a world that already hits black peoples with punishment before empathy.
I think we need to acknowledge that hurt people hurt people. This cycle of casual trauma and violence can be remedied overtime through education as the centre focus of accountability.
Yaaaassss on the Google sponsorship!!! Have been watching you for several years and love seeing your growth both in business and in content! I appreciate you Jouelzy!
if feel like cancel culture or the rebound from cancel culture made "accountability" more of a buzz word versus something with actual substance and action.
I met a YT bm doing his thing so I reached out and currently collaborating and building with him and select other blacks. Lately he has jumped on the manosphere trope but gradually it became more and more extreme. I privately reached out to him and expressed my disdain and told him that I’d be remiss as his sister if I didn’t say something. I wanted him to realize what he was doing and hold him accountable and at least do my part. He said that he asked his wife it what he was putting out was ok and she said yes( of course, she’s be benefiting) and that he appreciated my concerns as , I’ve since unsubbed from his channel. Me being honest and risking our professional relationship to expose his unhealthy content was my way of holding him accountable, also by unsubscribing and cleansing my psyche of such trash content.
its so sad of his own black wife with okay with disparaging her image and the image of her daughters for a buck...smh. Clearly they are not part of YOUR community
Girl when are you going to hold yourself accountable you trying to tell somebody else what to and not to do on the TH-cam channel are you married how clean is your house?
Every time I look at your content 1. I learn something. 2. I learn something about myself. And 3. I wish to expand and seek out a better way to educate myself about my own surroundings. I appreciate the mindfulness and I see the growth.
A lot of the people (men) who are running around talking about accountability feel as if they have been discarded, or deemed not worthy for many reasons so accountability is now being used as their way to get revenge on those (womankind) who they feel wronged, discarded, overlooked, or disqualified them. The gag is, the system of value that men are and have been judged by was created by men, who in their short sightedness, failed to see how many men would be left on the cutting room floor. So basically women are being beaten over then head with "accountability" for leaning to finesse and game the system men created to secure the patriarchal power structure... Messy.
Always good to see you. Deep and complex issues as usual broken down in an intelligent but humble way. Straight up kindness is the key, self accountability, openess to the other and removal of judgement could be starting points
What i fear is we are going to squander this moment that people are actually being receptive to listening and changing, with trying to use "accountability" as REVENGE, POWER & DOMINANCE. Thereby we end up not accomplishing shit because you devalue the movement when "cancel" everyone for a mistake/misunderstanding even though they are trying their best.
Usually accountability isn’t even what’s needed. Something more along the lines of encouragement is- being supportive of others when they’re doing the right thing so they aren’t making sacrifices to be ethical etc in vain. But, it’s been noted how punitive American society has skewed as of the millennium- after witch-hunting “terrorists,” and then backlashing over the diverse origins of President 44… The word has been “punish”. But since being that sadistic all of a sudden wouldn’t fly, they cloaked it as tough “love”, revival of “Christian values”, MAGA, and even as a return to primal fem/masc-inity. All to say: chopping marginalized people down to the core for having the ability to love ourselves and then live out full lives accordingly.
I've been thinking about accountability a lot, especially in relation to cancel culture, as it's been a big topic of discussion everywhere lately. I don't necessarily think I'm able to personally hold people accountable outside of probably my friend or family group dynamics, as I don't have any type of power. I do know though that I can hold myself personally accountable for things that I choose to invest in or messages that I choose to share, or even my own preconceived notions, so I try to do that as much as possible.
Y’all beat the word “yt supremacy” to death. For colorism and hair texture ofc. But weight, height, ambition, cooperation/attitude are not inherently so.
accountability- the fact or condition of being accountable; responsibility I appreciate your perspective and attempt to explain it though a different scope. The problem is, accountability is much more simple than that. Shaming is a tool by which the accountability takes process. When a man beats a woman, you and I can not hold them accountable, by your standards, but we still use shame as a tool to deter bad behavior. I think you are at best, having a semantics argument.
The example you use proves my point. What shame stops a man from abusing his intimate partners? We only have to give a cursory glance of powerful + wealthy men who have substantiated claims of physical abuse towards women against them. What has shame done to Chris Brown? Mike Tyson? Sh*t, Woody Allen? Shame holds no power if the people shaming have no power. This is not semantics.
That is something that has always irked me. I'll use obesity as an example. People think bashing larger people is holding them accountable, yet majority of those same people aren't making great food choices themselves. They just metabolize food differently, which gives them the false sense of superiority.
The only way I was able to move on from my trauma is: I don’t remember who said this, but as an individual the past and future don’t exist... we only have the here and now. However I also saw that point of view as privilege. People get so broken from their past and so worried about missed opportunities when it comes to their futures. Anyway what I’m trying to say is that you make your own happiness. As I sit here with a full belly and no money problems.
I have been holding myself accountable for a few years now. It sucks sometimes but the personal growth is worth all the discomfort . Great subject and video. This kind of talks are needed in corporate settings too.
I believe my self accountability changed me for the best. I grew up rough with no structure. It takes the willingness to want the best for yourself that encourage change and accountability.
It’s been so long since I’ve commented! Feels good to be back! As always you come through with a well-thought out, well-articulated point. I loved your last video, however, I’m not surprised at the blow back. Folks are so invested in “bootstrapping” and wagging their fingers are other people who don’t, they refuse to believe in the very real factors that influence their lives. Therefore, you get folks shouting accountability to the high heavens. I also liked what you said in this about proximity being a factor in holding someone accountable. Throughout this video I kept saying to myself, “Who are you/me to hold anyone accountable?” However you took it a step further be discussing your access to someone and how the informs your ability to hold them accountable. I’m so happy to see that you’re still out here putting in work. I’ve been with you through all the moves lol. Have a great weekend, Joulzey!
I wish everyone in the world had the same thought process as you when it comes to these complex subjects that we tend to react in a snap judgment-like manner to. I believe a lot of the issues that we face as humans do require us to really get at the root of the issue, especially when it means that a lot of context goes into each interaction. I recently had back and forth with a woman who was bashing me about posting something online, her first move was to devalue, reduce and call me undesirable to women as if that's the only measure of a man. In her attempts to somehow put me in my place or teach me something. Showed only toxicity, and now I am only dug into my position just more because of her behavior, and that type of woman continues to be a thorn at my side than an ally I could have a productive conversation with. Oh my God.
I love the points you make and have more than once used your videos as learning tools for myself (always learning) and to help teach others to look outside their perpetually-unchallenged (in their social circle) benefits of whiteness. You are so wonderful to listen to!
This has been around a long time, people have been called other people Trash for as long as I can remember. (age 50). More recently the term Garbage Person/People is trending. Sad.
Accountability starts with at least an honest analysis of the circumstances we find ourselves in. Blk ppl seem to just live through abuse of every form and seem to have adapted to accepting it as a way of life. As a collective, I believe the current discussions around accountability are targeted 🎯 at blk wmn although we live in an patriarchal world and every community on this planet holds their men accountable for their downfall except ours. We all seem to go Bird Box blind when it comes to admitting the harms blk mn have committed against their own. We attempt to live our lives like we are actually Americans rather than the 4th world group of ppl that we really are. And yes I say 4th world because the psychological damage weighs just as heavy as the economical pressures. Blk women in this country are impacted by crime at higher rates than any other race of women due to our proximity to blk mn. You won’t see men support small channels of men like The Honest Truth who speak against such violence but will support KS who advised in a video that if you cheat make sure the woman knows you’ll “put her in a ditch” if the wife finds out, “Call the wolves on her.” Blk wmn have long dealt with violence from blk mn and we accept these patterns of behavior without speaking on it enough. I honestly believe the single motherhood spike was an unspoken form of WGTOW, where blk women were quicker to leave abusive and manipulative situations. As someone who’s been involved at several wmns shelters in my area, I know this to be true, blk wmn will face the worse abuse and will be the least likely to press any charges.
Amos Oz has very interesting thoughts about this topic in an "in our time" podcast called "the great disruption". He says that we no longer live in communities that we care about enough that we can feel shame and learn from our mistakes.
Love bell hooks, this was a beautiful reflection for a Saturday morning. I appreciate that you highlight that accountability takes time and investment. Thank you! 💗
I feel like people are so used to public shaming being equated to private accountability that its hard to understand there's a difference. The only people I hold accountable are those I can touch. Like my husband, my friends, and child. Accountability to me is personal and requires time. You have to understand what was wrong. An active standard to change the behavior to. And the plan to fix or prevent from going backwards.
I agree wholeheartedly with you assessment, but there is another layer of accountability missing. As you alluded to, first and foremost we are accountable to ourselves. Then to our people; family friends etc., but we are also accountable to our cultural values (group accountability). I think we have normalized trauma and poor decisions in our community and we don't take responsibility for our individual poor chooces. We shift blame to others. We have an external locus of control. We need all level or layers of accountability.
The system of white supremacy runs deep. In the majority, people are viewed as individuals. In marginalized populations, we are seen as a group. This seems to be the foundation of these harsh judgments and policing one another in attempts to make all seem respectable. At one point in time holding each other “accountable” for certain behaviors could be a life saving action. Now that it’s mixed with internet toxicity and emotional violence, it has such a destructive impact. Thank you for the vid, gave me a lot to think about.
People taking accountability means - physical punishment - destroying their reputation - Shaming or humiliating them on a large scale. accountability doesn't mean becoming a better person or correcting bad behavior, it means abuse and shaming tactics. They don't care about helping the community. They just enjoy seeing people suffer. Compassion and empathy is non existent in these situations.
As always, I appreciate your take on topics Jouelzy and I love how you present more thought provoking points and I love that you injected that chapter from bell hooks! One of my favorite chapters when I read the book.
Whew. You nailed it with this one, Jouelzy. I have a few folks to share this with because you expressed what I have been thinking/feeling but couldn't coherently express. Many thanks!
Firstly, each of your videos are the most positive on TH-cam when it pertains to the African-American Community. We all must make our own people accountable for the many negative statements when they are wrong. Again, when our folks are wrong. It makes absolutely no sense to listen to a person put our people down, and say nothing. It is our job to speak up, and change the narrative of what a Black Woman or Black Man looks like in America. Speak up, ya'll, but in a kind tone. God, bless!!!!😇😇😇😇
"Wisdom stems from personal accountability. We all make mistakes; own them... learn from them. Don't throw away the lesson by blaming others." ― Steve Maraboli
Love this video! This is something that's been on my mind for a while. How do we actually enact the justice we want to see. Thank you so much for thinking this though with us!
This was a very thought provoking video. It made some great points and introduced a different perspective. For now on, I choose to FOCUS on holding myself accountable. 💚
True accountability that produces a change in action would require some form of Power. The Black Community does not have a Governing Infrastructure for fairness judication on or off line. Each subset of the community (Black Feminist, Black Men, Black LGBTQ) submits it grievances openly to the court of public opinion. Also, using "Kindness" and/or "sober language" for the sake "civility" alone is not accountability.
Therapy has made me look at accountability differently especially with myself. Removing the shame and guilt focus on the why and next steps. A lot of time accountability is punitive and there is no space for understanding and reform.
My job requires me to hold people accountable, but folks are so used to being used and abused they don’t see it as accountability. They will insist that I’m being power hungry, when all actuality I hold no real power.
Accountability starts with one word... MORALITY. Unfortunately the “standards” of Morality have been “LOWERED” over time thus allowing the masses to define Morality and Accountability to be (determined) and enforced based off Materialism and having a BAG and not Love, Values or Honorable Character. Great Topic. 👍
It's not so much about holding others accountable... It is about holding ourselves accountable. It's much more effective to look inside the self to find where out problems are coming from.
Sorry! My comment went to the girl boss video instead of this one! (Dang autoplay!) Warning, long post: When I think about accountability, my head just says, "Consider the source". Like, is the person giving you criticism (or praise) somebody you want to be like or be around? What's their reason for saying it, AND did they give you specific details on what they liked/not liked and how to improve it? A lot of people (esp. on the internet) don't want to do that, on both the giving and receiving end. I think going that extra mile and just giving the person you're keeping accountable some info is great! I can see how that opens the door for people to actually do the research and come back to you for more help, if needed! Thanks for the reminder that we need to be more kind to each other! For the person mentioned in the beginning of the video, I didn't even know they existed until their rude videos went viral. I saw one and just started ignoring them once they became even more popular. It goes back to what you said about how the first step of accountability is seeing if you even have access to that person. I didn't even know they existed before this year, so can I *really* hold them accountable? Wonderful video, as always!!
This video is very insightful. I had to take some notes and really reflect on how I vs how the others and the internet (Samuels and some others) define accountability. Everyone views and measures accountability differently. What is the framework of accountability on the internet? Your video really has me thinking a lot.
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Jouelzy, I find that there accountability is so very thin , in every aspect. Accountability , for me was learned in my household.
How I treat people, how I spoke to them. When I went out into the world , I am representing who I am and how I was raised. I do not see much accountability in society overall. Very thin.
@Smith go away dude.
I have allergies. I got you..get some localized bee honey.. not just organic, it has to be locsl..take a teaspoon a day for 30 days..it will help alot..no juice no soda, just water . If you can get honey with the honeycomb in it.. it bashing fixes your immune system.. trust me it works better than those shots
Man... I needed this. One struggle I have as a black man is maneuvering this black digital landscape trying to create opportunities for accountability when it seems like folks only want to shame.
“A lot of the ways the disposing works is that we start by disposing ourselves” so true.
You’d find that people who defend shaming women are the women who had disposed themselves but now think they are better because they are ‘glowing up’.
Thisssssss
A word!
Yesssss
🤣🤣🤣 wow.. amazing.. yo I need Jesse Peterson to come this shit, it’s UH-MAZIN
Wooooo!!!! Say it!
I dont think people actually care about accountability they just want the opportunity to shame. They're not holding their local government accountable, but they'll certainly hold a stranger online many miles away accountable for having a child out of wedlock despite her situation not being as scandalous as they assume it to be.
this.
PERIOD
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Unless she was raped isn't that fact that a woman would let a man ejaculate inside her with no type of commitment scandalous enough? This is what people mean by accountability. Humans(men and women) owe it to their offspring to put them in the best position. Creating a baby with a deadbeat(man or woman) displays horrible judgment at best and lack of compassion for the next generation at worst.
I agree with you especially in that first sentence. I think people shouldn’t say anything if all they are going to do is a shame a person.
This. I had been dating a guy for a few months and the way he had been treating me was so unfair. I then realized i created a space where he was allowed to treat me that way. I finally grasped the part i played between us. Once I understood that, i let go and exited left. I didn’t hold him accountable, I didn’t cuss him out, i didn’t disrespect him. I kept it short and told him what it was on my end. Had i of not had any type of introspection within myself, i probably would have continued dating him and blaming him for the mistreatment of me. Chileeee i aint never been happier lmao
Isn't it amazing when that happens. I too was seeing a guy that I liked but I could tell he wasn't being serious and becoming evasive. I wanted to have a chat, he didn't, so I wrote him a nice text telling him it had been fun but I was looking for something serious and for him to take care. I made myself accountable for my own happiness and the kind of relationship I wanted to have. It took a long time to figure that out!
@@fattysl26 i agree it does! Growth is a wonderful thing 😎❤️
Being conscious / self aware can save people from self destruction... congratulations
Interesting... Nothing like waking up to a new understanding 👍👍
Its so insane, bw will find a way to blame the man in almost every situation, wtf is wrong with yall mentally?
Self accountability is difficult, but putting in that work is beautiful. I find that if accountability starts with self first we learn how to cope with this world.
I agree
Agreed. Coping with this world, and coping with how we are living in it.
Agreed.❤️
Girl you really blew my mind!!! This it right here
@@Syren90...Aka9 Well said sistren.
I'm all for accountability, especially as a member of management, BUT you don't get results by shaming, stereotyping, or bashing people. When I want someone to perform better I go over the list of benefits of them actually doing what they're told, like leaving work early, quarterly bonuses, not getting injured, etc. I'm not going to tell them they're a sorry employee and there's plenty other people wanting their spot. Social skills and tact are needed in these conversations. Not all accountability is shaming, but people love to shame and masquerade it as accountability.
Very good points! Being cruel is the best way to have someone get defensive and shut down.
yes, most people aren't trying to be constructive, they just want the high that comes from socially ostracizing and piling on people. It's okay to hold people accountability but everything has its limits.
Ok HERE is a valid and valuable point ☝🏾
@Tryna Makeit If you don't understand something, it's better to just ask for clarification than making assumptions.
Agreed...
Accountability is not power and dominance .... that is just beautiful ... I’m a grown ass man crying ...
❤️
Accountability is acknowledgement/self awareness, being conscious..., and no change/improvement will come without that
????
We struggle with accountability because our values are not always clear as a community.
Thisss.
Often in the black community, we are so mean to each other over the shame that stereotypes place on us. We want to run away from those stereotypes so bad that we kill ourselves to “get outta da hood”, and then reprimand others who are still there and tell them “you are what’s keeping us (me) back.” We make fun of them in hopes that the shame will inspire them and claim that that’s “accountability”. All it is is shame. We never give love and uplift in the right way, like your parents did. All this placing accountability does is hold people down and back.
You’re right. What does the framework for accountability look like? Im still waiting for the TH-cam video, from someone who claims to have it so together, where there’s a make up of simple non discriminatory rules for black people to follow, so that we all could make it. Because like you said in your last video: White people can afford nice things on a teachers salary. Can black people do the same? Where’s the therapeutic sit dow, brother-sisterly love, from black person to black person, where we acknowledge our trauma and find ways to get past it? Because we choose the methods that we choose to “hold others accountable”, we end up in this never-ending cycle of having the same conversation, over and over again, every generation. And it won’t change until we change the method.
And then after all that work “to get out of the hood” we have a whole myriad of ills that come with that. Like the system won’t replicate the structures of oppression cause you in the suburbs.
@Ck Tha God Huh??
@John Smith uhhhh what?
I feel like there are folks doing non-shame based uplift work, and I really can see your point because I don't think the folks who are big on shaming are usually the ones actually helping people. But it's Black educators, social workers, advocates etc who fs are doing the good work!
The 614 Commandments in the Bible are the perfect rules. Just keep the religion part out if it and follow. Works over here
I have been holding myself accountability now especially since I am back in therapy and I finally found a therapist I connected with. I am starting to address things that were in my subconscious mind that I didn’t realize was still there. I feel much happier and I’m no longer angry every day anymore.
Yayyy🥰 we love to see ittt
Great work!
Love it 💖
Amen sis. Love n light to you. Thank u for sharing that you were able to overcome being angry everyday.
Girl that therapy hits different
This is very relevant considering over the past year many of us have been at home absorbing the toxicity from the internet.
An internet detox is needed for many.
I've always wanted to be someone that people said.. "he was a kind man." But I also always feel this push for me to seek a greater power dynamic. People tell me if I was more aggressive that I could punish people who were taking advantage of the system or me. But I'm pretty sure anyone who is taking advantage of those around them, that they get their own punishment. I think anyone who would undermine you or betray will always undermine and betray themselves. If you lived with kindness you see that most people are just struggling with their own lives and doing the best that they can. Honestly, sometimes my best isn't very good, why should I expect other people's best to always be stellar. I love the phrase "loving ethic!" and I'm glad that phrase is now in my life. I will check out her book! Thank you!
Who are you? You sound like you live inside MY brain. Being a person who deeply values kindness and care is not an easy life. You get mistaken for a punching bag often. I wish I personally knew someone like you. I used to, but he passed away.
I don't engage in keeping people accountable often. Like you said it's a lot of work to explain why you think what someone did was wrong and then a whole lot of patience to enact change within another full grown human being. I only do it with close personal friends who've given me permission to hold them accountable and I expect the same when I've given them permission.
I think criticism has become a substitute for accountability, which as you say, is more complicated than just holding people to some standard you've been taught is moral.
Great topic Jouelzy! So many good points! Keep these coming! ❤️
❤️
When you said "accountability is not the pursuit of power and domination over other people" 👏🏽👏🏽You hit so many good points. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge with us and for teaching us to move with love and through love.
A viewer recommended this because of some issues I've had around accountability and shaming. Great talk. Thank you !
Please time stamp where she talks about accountability. Please.
@@urodiumexcelsior5608 just watch the video...
great points! rather than "cancel culture", I saw someone calling it "accountability and divestment". to me, that stops short of dragging & shaming.
What about the people who are still racist but just uncover what about the colorist tweets that come up? Like the one with lil Wayne's daughter?
The latest shaming im seeing online is The Game attempting to keep himself relevant by hopping on a popular topic, which is men paying all the bills. Now we have a bunch of poor to middle-class, Black people arguing with each other once again because a rich person wants to tell everyone how their money should be spent. Nevermind his history with women. We really shame people in the same boat as ourselves all because of what social media tells us makes someone undesirable.
"Minions on payroll" Love it 😂
To me, when done the correct way accountability is counsel from those who are 'wiser.' Insults are shaming and highly toxic and in my opinion, has nothing to do with 'accountability.'
👏👏👏👏👏
"...invest in the COMPLEX action of kindness." Yes. This.
You’re absolutely right, it stings to see how people disparage one another online especially when youre the but of the joke. but i really fear for the people in their lives who fit the description of broke or fat or dark skinned or whatever else. And i also wonder who in my life is laughing at these jokes that dehumanize me.
"Framework of Accountability" - that's a good term
No it’s not at all.. this is a reach bc accountability conceptually isn’t that complex or nuanced... like, at all 🙅🏾♀️
I just wanted to chime in briefly to say how much I appreciate your videos. As a Suburban White Boy, it has been a real eye-opener and very helpful in gaining a new perspective I otherwise likely would never get. **THANK YOU AND, PLEASE, KEEP 'EM COMING**
Compassion is what I look for in the content I consume. Thank you for adding to this much needed conversation. About to see if half price books has that bell hooks book now👏🏾
💜
Me too. I have most of hers already.
I definitely need to reflect on trying to hold those i have no community nor proximity with accountable. I feel like what holds me is I view things as being so interconnected. Esp as black people we (unfortunately) are viewed as a reflection of eachother, so its difficult to not set parameters for others that will presumably affect you.
Totally agree! I definitely have some unlearning to do as well. The brainwashing is intense. The residual respectability poltics are hard to shake. Ive found, the more I learn about the vastness and history of anti black structures in place the less I feel that individual black people's actions are connected to why those structures are in place.
For Harriet had a line in one of her recent videos to the effect of "a black woman wearing a bonnet in public is not the reason we're oppressed" and repeating that to myself whenever I get judgey has really helped.
We need to be careful because we are confusing a call for accountability with an ask for others to affirm our sense of respectability.
Appealing to respectability is a cop out. Every culture or society has to establish a set of agreed upon values that they must adhere to to ensure the survival of those people and that culture. And many values are consistent across cultures. There is a difference between trying to appeal to our "oppressor" in the form of respectability and having and adhering to values and beliefs that benefit us.
Black people, in this case black women, first and foremost are accountable to themselves, then to their inner circle, then to the culture, then society at large. We need to stop normalizing trauma and fucked up behavior. Stop shifting blame for poor choices and accept responsibility for these actions and outcomes.
I feel like the only person I can hold accountable is myself, and I have a hard enough time doing that.
Well that’s Sad.
Your videos elevate my level of thinking every time! Thank you!
I love a sharp smart black woman. ❤️❤️❤️
You never fail to come on here and perfectly articulate my thoughts. I couldn’t quite put into words how I felt about this new wave of accountability and all I could verbalize is we really need to define words accurately if we’re even going to understand what’s being said, how it’s being said and what it really means.
Interesting... bc all I heard was words and words and more words. Honestly felt scattered and reaching. If she made a point, I certainly missed it 🤷🏾♀️ What did she say/mean? Honest question..
@@tashboog basically she’s saying that bullying people on the internet in the name of accountability isn’t actually holding someone accountable. Not only that if we’re going to hold people accountable in the public we need to accurately define what accountability means and how we’re going to go about holding someone accountable. Holding someone accountable requires someone to put in time and effort into the person they are trying to hold accountable. So she then asked how do you really hold someone accountable that you have no access to? Because currently that is only translating into online bullying.
@@nonnieJ94 mmm 🤔 ok ..
First I thank you for taking the time out to translate. Ironically, in spite of your og comment, your articulation was far more transcendent for whatever that’s worth. Moving on...
While I could congenially accept some validity in this viewpoint, is it not possible that imparting labor into defining simple concepts loosely entertains bouts of others who are just plain not practicing common sense? If there is a wave of people bullying and calling it accountability, wouldn’t we just be substantiating the nonsense by acknowledging it with these type of lengthy challenges?🤷🏾♀️ Respectfully of course, accountability isn’t a complex concept that needs dissection for anyone who successfully completed at least the 6th grade. Therefore we could just call shame what it is and accountability what it is and keep it moving. No? Or do you observe that online bullying with respect to the spaces she’s hinting at (constant mocking of ratchet BP and the like) is a bigger issue than I seem to think it is? And to be frank, are we going to act like certain things just aren’t ridiculous irregardless of what socioeconomic, lineage or domestic situation people who were blessed to have made it to adulthood are guilty of?? Are we honestly still making excuses for irresponsible behavior?
@@tashboog starting with your last question.. yes imo it’s a newer societal norm seem to be constantly trying to make excuses for irresponsible or bad behavior. It’s only I guess a bigger deal if you’re on the receiving end of the constant mocking 🤷🏾♀️ it does teeter on actual bullying. Personally in this case this isn’t a time of let the idiots be idiots in the corner peacefully. This whole bullying for accountability ideology has spread like wildfire and a large majority of people are participating. So I think it’s good to call that out, properly define what holding someone accountable is and then we move on. But that’s kind of expecting the internet and the multitude of people who use it are actually capable of common sense. Which I guess brings me around to your point.. that that this conversation is stupid and the whole internet is stupid so we should just go on and move on
@@nonnieJ94 I meeeeeaaaaan .. 🤷🏾♀️
Idk I get a bad vibe when we say ‘we can’t let others. . .’ when ee also can’t control others and would overestimating our place to ‘correct.’ But I get that you are moreless imparting we shouldn’t be tolerant of bullying; agreed. The thing is that context matters and ratchets are actual ridiculously expressed people who do not demonstrate something to be anything but mocked. I’m not sympathetic to bullshit so I guess I’ll have to be the resident bully in this dialogue but I’m definitely not sorry. If we are talking about something like fat shaming, it hits different. But Im not mad that you and the content creator seemingly share a desire to preserve people’s dignity which is absolutely important. Appreciate your convo, love. Bless.
This video definitely called me out and opened my eyes. The idea of holding someone accountable that I don’t know who did actions that don’t impact me is ludicrous.
Unfortunately some ppl are addicted to victimhood and don’t want accountability.
"Victemhood" in one word you proved her point.
My social engagement to folks online has declined and transferred into my everyday life as well. It’s become a irrational fear for me to say anything to anyone at any point of time in any environment could be misunderstood and my entire character and career could be sabotaged in a couple of hours just because someone idk took and ran with it and called for my downfall by the thousands instead of talking to me directly to resolve the issues.
It’s hard to communicate now and with the ever increasing use of tech to reach others to cultivate a community is so frightening to me and I’m not even in my 30’s
I don’t want to accept that this ideology of accountability through cancel/disposal culture will be the norm and accepted and speaking out to it in disagreement is now a plague upon your house
You just said a mouthful! Particularly about cancel culture and, as I like to call it, the “gotcha” moments they love to play on people.
What i fear is we are going to squander this moment that people are actually being receptive to listening and changing, with trying to use "accountability" as REVENGE, POWER & DOMINANCE. Thereby we end up not accomplishing shit because you devalue the movement when "cancel" everyone for a mistake/misunderstanding even though they are trying their best.
Good points. I love how you try to make sense of various content creators throwing shame, blame & superficial accountability around without the total follow through process of building up and improvement, and the real-world application of it, i.e., how each side is treating the other in real life and how are the children/next generation being taught. I was trying to explain this to someone but only could get so far. Thank your for doing it so thoroughly and thoughfully.
Your skin is glowing 🧡
@Tryna Makeit Your trolling skills are terrible. Seek help or at least try to be halfway funny.
ACCOUNTABILITY DOES NOT MEAN PUNISHMENT but SOMEHOW That's what folks seem to think about when its mentioned🤦🏽
She was talking about using shame to hold people accountable. Which many of our communities do ie the church and entertainment gurus like Kevin Samuels
I always say the word of my life is “Accountability “.
I've definitely been thinking about accountability a lot over the past year. I agree with everyone who says the only person you have truly hold accountable is yourself. And beyond this, you cannot engage in the labor of accountability with anyone if they do not choose to do so themselves. So often, the only thing you can do is disengage, less exhaust your own energy and life for another. With an online creator, disengagement might be as easy as unfollowing them and unsubscribing from their content, but IRL disengagement often feels like cancelation or ostracization, oddly carceral in a world that already hits black peoples with punishment before empathy.
I think we need to acknowledge that hurt people hurt people. This cycle of casual trauma and violence can be remedied overtime through education as the centre focus of accountability.
Great point! This videos me of something that my friend said about those who were/are denied victim hood deny it to others as well.
Unpacking this topic is exhausting when you look at the damaging direction we’re headed in especially with social media
Yaaaassss on the Google sponsorship!!! Have been watching you for several years and love seeing your growth both in business and in content! I appreciate you Jouelzy!
if feel like cancel culture or the rebound from cancel culture made "accountability" more of a buzz word versus something with actual substance and action.
I met a YT bm doing his thing so I reached out and currently collaborating and building with him and select other blacks. Lately he has jumped on the manosphere trope but gradually it became more and more extreme. I privately reached out to him and expressed my disdain and told him that I’d be remiss as his sister if I didn’t say something. I wanted him to realize what he was doing and hold him accountable and at least do my part. He said that he asked his wife it what he was putting out was ok and she said yes( of course, she’s be benefiting) and that he appreciated my concerns as , I’ve since unsubbed from his channel. Me being honest and risking our professional relationship to expose his unhealthy content was my way of holding him accountable, also by unsubscribing and cleansing my psyche of such trash content.
its so sad of his own black wife with okay with disparaging her image and the image of her daughters for a buck...smh. Clearly they are not part of YOUR community
Girl when are you going to hold yourself accountable you trying to tell somebody else what to and not to do on the TH-cam channel are you married how clean is your house?
@@tak2ulata I did hold myself accountable by unsubbing because as you implied, that’s their content and they have a right to post what they like.
Every time I look at your content 1. I learn something. 2. I learn something about myself. And 3. I wish to expand and seek out a better way to educate myself about my own surroundings. I appreciate the mindfulness and I see the growth.
Thank you for such a kind comment 🤎
A lot of the people (men) who are running around talking about accountability feel as if they have been discarded, or deemed not worthy for many reasons so accountability is now being used as their way to get revenge on those (womankind) who they feel wronged, discarded, overlooked, or disqualified them. The gag is, the system of value that men are and have been judged by was created by men, who in their short sightedness, failed to see how many men would be left on the cutting room floor. So basically women are being beaten over then head with "accountability" for leaning to finesse and game the system men created to secure the patriarchal power structure... Messy.
36!!! Sis you look 15 ♥️♥️♥️
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ another insightful and well thought out video.
Always good to see you. Deep and complex issues as usual broken down in an intelligent but humble way. Straight up kindness is the key, self accountability, openess to the other and removal of judgement could be starting points
Happy belated birthday, my birthday was March 24 and I have trouble allergies as well! Love the topic so keep it coming!
What i fear is we are going to squander this moment that people are actually being receptive to listening and changing, with trying to use "accountability" as REVENGE, POWER & DOMINANCE. Thereby we end up not accomplishing shit because you devalue the movement when "cancel" everyone for a mistake/misunderstanding even though they are trying their best.
Usually accountability isn’t even what’s needed. Something more along the lines of encouragement is- being supportive of others when they’re doing the right thing so they aren’t making sacrifices to be ethical etc in vain. But, it’s been noted how punitive American society has skewed as of the millennium- after witch-hunting “terrorists,” and then backlashing over the diverse origins of President 44… The word has been “punish”. But since being that sadistic all of a sudden wouldn’t fly, they cloaked it as tough “love”, revival of “Christian values”, MAGA, and even as a return to primal fem/masc-inity. All to say: chopping marginalized people down to the core for having the ability to love ourselves and then live out full lives accordingly.
Preach.
I've been thinking about accountability a lot, especially in relation to cancel culture, as it's been a big topic of discussion everywhere lately. I don't necessarily think I'm able to personally hold people accountable outside of probably my friend or family group dynamics, as I don't have any type of power. I do know though that I can hold myself personally accountable for things that I choose to invest in or messages that I choose to share, or even my own preconceived notions, so I try to do that as much as possible.
Y’all beat the word “yt supremacy” to death. For colorism and hair texture ofc. But weight, height, ambition, cooperation/attitude are not inherently so.
Women are always shamed first. Look at Eve. Smh
Right..........
accountability- the fact or condition of being accountable; responsibility
I appreciate your perspective and attempt to explain it though a different scope. The problem is, accountability is much more simple than that. Shaming is a tool by which the accountability takes process. When a man beats a woman, you and I can not hold them accountable, by your standards, but we still use shame as a tool to deter bad behavior. I think you are at best, having a semantics argument.
The example you use proves my point. What shame stops a man from abusing his intimate partners? We only have to give a cursory glance of powerful + wealthy men who have substantiated claims of physical abuse towards women against them. What has shame done to Chris Brown? Mike Tyson? Sh*t, Woody Allen? Shame holds no power if the people shaming have no power. This is not semantics.
How can one hold another accountable when most of us refuse to hold ourselves accountable for ANYTHING?
True!
That is something that has always irked me. I'll use obesity as an example. People think bashing larger people is holding them accountable, yet majority of those same people aren't making great food choices themselves. They just metabolize food differently, which gives them the false sense of superiority.
@@19Hollisterchick90 I agree.
The only way I was able to move on from my trauma is: I don’t remember who said this, but as an individual the past and future don’t exist... we only have the here and now. However I also saw that point of view as privilege. People get so broken from their past and so worried about missed opportunities when it comes to their futures. Anyway what I’m trying to say is that you make your own happiness. As I sit here with a full belly and no money problems.
I have been holding myself accountable for a few years now. It sucks sometimes but the personal growth is worth all the discomfort .
Great subject and video. This kind of talks are needed in corporate settings too.
I believe my self accountability changed me for the best. I grew up rough with no structure. It takes the willingness to want the best for yourself that encourage change and accountability.
It’s been so long since I’ve commented! Feels good to be back! As always you come through with a well-thought out, well-articulated point. I loved your last video, however, I’m not surprised at the blow back. Folks are so invested in “bootstrapping” and wagging their fingers are other people who don’t, they refuse to believe in the very real factors that influence their lives. Therefore, you get folks shouting accountability to the high heavens.
I also liked what you said in this about proximity being a factor in holding someone accountable. Throughout this video I kept saying to myself, “Who are you/me to hold anyone accountable?” However you took it a step further be discussing your access to someone and how the informs your ability to hold them accountable.
I’m so happy to see that you’re still out here putting in work. I’ve been with you through all the moves lol. Have a great weekend, Joulzey!
I wish everyone in the world had the same thought process as you when it comes to these complex subjects that we tend to react in a snap judgment-like manner to. I believe a lot of the issues that we face as humans do require us to really get at the root of the issue, especially when it means that a lot of context goes into each interaction. I recently had back and forth with a woman who was bashing me about posting something online, her first move was to devalue, reduce and call me undesirable to women as if that's the only measure of a man. In her attempts to somehow put me in my place or teach me something. Showed only toxicity, and now I am only dug into my position just more because of her behavior, and that type of woman continues to be a thorn at my side than an ally I could have a productive conversation with. Oh my God.
I love the points you make and have more than once used your videos as learning tools for myself (always learning) and to help teach others to look outside their perpetually-unchallenged (in their social circle) benefits of whiteness. You are so wonderful to listen to!
You look so pretty Gurl😍.. now let me listen👂🏾
This has been around a long time, people have been called other people Trash for as long as I can remember. (age 50). More recently the term Garbage Person/People is trending. Sad.
I really love the last few videos you've posted. We need someone to combat the ignance that's so abundant outchere.
Accountability starts with at least an honest analysis of the circumstances we find ourselves in. Blk ppl seem to just live through abuse of every form and seem to have adapted to accepting it as a way of life. As a collective, I believe the current discussions around accountability are targeted 🎯 at blk wmn although we live in an patriarchal world and every community on this planet holds their men accountable for their downfall except ours. We all seem to go Bird Box blind when it comes to admitting the harms blk mn have committed against their own. We attempt to live our lives like we are actually Americans rather than the 4th world group of ppl that we really are. And yes I say 4th world because the psychological damage weighs just as heavy as the economical pressures. Blk women in this country are impacted by crime at higher rates than any other race of women due to our proximity to blk mn. You won’t see men support small channels of men like The Honest Truth who speak against such violence but will support KS who advised in a video that if you cheat make sure the woman knows you’ll “put her in a ditch” if the wife finds out, “Call the wolves on her.” Blk wmn have long dealt with violence from blk mn and we accept these patterns of behavior without speaking on it enough. I honestly believe the single motherhood spike was an unspoken form of WGTOW, where blk women were quicker to leave abusive and manipulative situations. As someone who’s been involved at several wmns shelters in my area, I know this to be true, blk wmn will face the worse abuse and will be the least likely to press any charges.
Lmao. You really blamed the # of black women in prison on their proximity to their own race
@@BoooRadley reread. I said impacted by, not perpetuating it.
Amos Oz has very interesting thoughts about this topic in an "in our time" podcast called "the great disruption". He says that we no longer live in communities that we care about enough that we can feel shame and learn from our mistakes.
This is power! 🙏🏾 thanks for this girl
Love bell hooks, this was a beautiful reflection for a Saturday morning. I appreciate that you highlight that accountability takes time and investment. Thank you! 💗
Whew chile Accountability! Let’s keep this conversation going!
I feel like people are so used to public shaming being equated to private accountability that its hard to understand there's a difference. The only people I hold accountable are those I can touch. Like my husband, my friends, and child. Accountability to me is personal and requires time. You have to understand what was wrong. An active standard to change the behavior to. And the plan to fix or prevent from going backwards.
I agree wholeheartedly with you assessment, but there is another layer of accountability missing. As you alluded to, first and foremost we are accountable to ourselves. Then to our people; family friends etc., but we are also accountable to our cultural values (group accountability). I think we have normalized trauma and poor decisions in our community and we don't take responsibility for our individual poor chooces. We shift blame to others. We have an external locus of control. We need all level or layers of accountability.
The system of white supremacy runs deep. In the majority, people are viewed as individuals. In marginalized populations, we are seen as a group. This seems to be the foundation of these harsh judgments and policing one another in attempts to make all seem respectable. At one point in time holding each other “accountable” for certain behaviors could be a life saving action. Now that it’s mixed with internet toxicity and emotional violence, it has such a destructive impact. Thank you for the vid, gave me a lot to think about.
People taking accountability means
- physical punishment
- destroying their reputation
- Shaming or humiliating them on a large scale.
accountability doesn't mean becoming a better person or correcting bad behavior, it means abuse and shaming tactics. They don't care about helping the community. They just enjoy seeing people suffer. Compassion and empathy is non existent in these situations.
Come on Jouelzy!!! Been waiting on someone to realize how dangerous this is and actually say something. Much Respect
As always, I appreciate your take on topics Jouelzy and I love how you present more thought provoking points and I love that you injected that chapter from bell hooks! One of my favorite chapters when I read the book.
Happy Belated Birthday Jouelzy!!
Whew. You nailed it with this one, Jouelzy. I have a few folks to share this with because you expressed what I have been thinking/feeling but couldn't coherently express. Many thanks!
You’re like a lifeboat in the sea of the Internet. Love you ❤️
This video expanded my mind
Firstly, each of your videos are the most positive on TH-cam when it pertains to the African-American Community. We all must make our own people accountable for the many negative statements when they are wrong. Again, when our folks are wrong. It makes absolutely no sense to listen to a person put our people down, and say nothing. It is our job to speak up, and change the narrative of what a Black Woman or Black Man looks like in America. Speak up, ya'll, but in a kind tone. God, bless!!!!😇😇😇😇
"Wisdom stems from personal accountability. We all make mistakes; own them... learn from them. Don't throw away the lesson by blaming others."
― Steve Maraboli
Love this video! This is something that's been on my mind for a while. How do we actually enact the justice we want to see. Thank you so much for thinking this though with us!
This was a very thought provoking video. It made some great points and introduced a different perspective. For now on, I choose to FOCUS on holding myself accountable. 💚
True accountability that produces a change in action would require some form of Power.
The Black Community does not have a Governing Infrastructure for fairness judication on or off line. Each subset of the community (Black Feminist, Black Men, Black LGBTQ) submits it grievances openly to the court of public opinion.
Also, using "Kindness" and/or "sober language" for the sake "civility" alone is not accountability.
Therapy has made me look at accountability differently especially with myself. Removing the shame and guilt focus on the why and next steps. A lot of time accountability is punitive and there is no space for understanding and reform.
My job requires me to hold people accountable, but folks are so used to being used and abused they don’t see it as accountability. They will insist that I’m being power hungry, when all actuality I hold no real power.
Black women think having bad attitudes is strength and if you point that out you are now bringing them down
Accountability starts with one word... MORALITY. Unfortunately the “standards” of Morality have been “LOWERED” over time thus allowing the masses to define Morality and Accountability to be (determined) and enforced based off Materialism and having a BAG and not Love, Values or Honorable Character. Great Topic. 👍
You are sooooo right!!!...lack of morality is definitely the problem...it's been lowered sooo much, that it's almost non existent
It's not so much about holding others accountable... It is about holding ourselves accountable. It's much more effective to look inside the self to find where out problems are coming from.
Your perspective is refreshing and necessary.
This is so incredible
Sorry! My comment went to the girl boss video instead of this one! (Dang autoplay!)
Warning, long post:
When I think about accountability, my head just says, "Consider the source". Like, is the person giving you criticism (or praise) somebody you want to be like or be around? What's their reason for saying it, AND did they give you specific details on what they liked/not liked and how to improve it? A lot of people (esp. on the internet) don't want to do that, on both the giving and receiving end.
I think going that extra mile and just giving the person you're keeping accountable some info is great! I can see how that opens the door for people to actually do the research and come back to you for more help, if needed!
Thanks for the reminder that we need to be more kind to each other!
For the person mentioned in the beginning of the video, I didn't even know they existed until their rude videos went viral. I saw one and just started ignoring them once they became even more popular. It goes back to what you said about how the first step of accountability is seeing if you even have access to that person. I didn't even know they existed before this year, so can I *really* hold them accountable?
Wonderful video, as always!!
Grateful for this video. So thoughtful and good!
This video is very insightful. I had to take some notes and really reflect on how I vs how the others and the internet (Samuels and some others) define accountability. Everyone views and measures accountability differently. What is the framework of accountability on the internet? Your video really has me thinking a lot.
Instant like for the title alone!
Amazing! Great video! This is an important discussion and you break it down so well!
Loved every part of this video!! ❤️