As an autistic mom, Im so thankful for your videos. Your thought process of telling myself..."im going to feel this way now, it's going to be overwhelming right now, this will end"... Is extremely liberating! I just hope I can remember that in the moment when my 'bucket is full' and it's all too much.
Running away, yes! I've learned to sense an impending doom and telling the person I'm with to stop, only my husband actually because he's the only one I'm comfortable enough with, ironically though he doesn't listen. 😞 he really doesn't get my struggles and when I say stop, I mean stop and actually things should've stopped awhile ago.
Thank you, Ella! I was recently diagnosed with ASD, along with my oldest child too. Prior to diagnosis, maintaining a good, healthy marriage and having children (although excruciatingly exhausting 😔) were about the only things that ended my poor coping strategies (like smoking, sex, etc.); however, I adopted new ones like online shopping when stressed... 🤦♀️ I felt totally broken and lost prior to the informal, pandemic-time diagnosis, but now I finally have a path and a community of people who are similar to me. Being treated my whole life like an outsider and a “bad person” did some serious damage, but I’m so grateful to know now, and to also have amazing people like you to help guide me (and my daughter) forward. Thank you, Ella! Excitedly subscribed!
I used cigarettes in the same way. I gave up so many times only to have a meltdown, go straight for a cigarette and get re-addicted again. The only thing that broke the cycle for me was CBD vape because it isn't addictive like e cigarettes but there is the emotional relief you feel by inhaling something that is going to calm you down so it replaced the need for nicotine. As it isnt addictive, once the meltdown is over you forget about it. Eventually it had been so long since I had nicotine that I got out of the habit of thinking about it and stopped craving it all together. It feels good to be finally free of the cigarettes at 39 years old.
I have overloaded and I am not sleeping lately i am I am very very meltdown and I I cop with my room and I get sensory overload and don’t take cigarettes i bite myself I get the feelings and
My biggest unhealthy habits have been eating, self harming, drugs, and smoking. I have stopped doing these things. Sometimes I do need to just get out of my own house and sit in the forest and cry and let my emotions out because I don’t always feel safe doing it in the house because of the thin walls. When I’m alone with myself and I’m feeling particularly overwhelmed I’ll sing or just make sounds according my emotions. Dancing helps too. The biggest thing that helps is drawing or even scribbling. I’ve had to do this recently while I was still getting out of the habit of smoking weed. All of my friends were going to smoke and I had just had a dispute with my roommates and I really wanted to just take the easy way out but instead I picked up a pen and just started scribbling. I felt much better afterwards even if some of the emotions remained
Yoga has really helped me. I used to be skeptical about it, but I decided to try it and started in March this year. It's really revolutionised my life. It's helped me with relaxation, but also with my posture, which has reduced some of the pain I have in my upper back.
I was diagnosed with Aspergers when I was 10… something that I still struggle to accept at 22… theres so many things always going on in my mind and it’s extremely hard to focus for me. Something that occurs alot is my moods always fluctuate depending on my situation. For example, At work I always find myself overwhelmed and extremely anxious. I always get so afraid of things that I put these alternate realities in my head of the results of my work for the morning crew that ultimately make me extremely pessimistic and make me work even harder. Its not easy to cope with and if on the wrong side of the road, could lead to severe mental issues. Something I struggle with immensely. Im glad to have found this video and this is something like I said, I have hated to accept about myself and have fought so hard not to be that in reality, its who I am but I should see the good rather than the bad. Im extremely creative especially in my solo work with music. I tend to remember alot of things that not alot of people would remember. My childhood is like a hard drive in my brain (crazy analogy i know. Lol) I remember alot of things from the past and I absorb so much new knowledge and… its something Ive always cherished about my personality.
This helps me so much and makes me feel ok, finally. Thank you so much for helping me that much closer to finding myself. Only coping strategy I’ve used sitting with negative feelings with waiting it out and thinking it’s only a now thing. Earlier in my life, I just ran and it did shine a bad light on me with my “friends” at the time and my brother. Thank you so much again.
as an autistic person who was recently told so.. its hard to experience things in general and learning about myself. I too have quit smoking recently. I need to find a special interest that is cheap and avalible. i have games but they're not always avalible
I’m not officially diagnosed but after hitting a wall with my mental health, and feeling like it was more of a symptom of a problem and not the problem itself, has led me to suspect I may be on the spectrum. Unfortunately I am already utilizing most of the skills but still struggling
I would absolutely avoid the traditional mental health route like the plague. Maybe contact an autistic foundation for support with diagnosis and support. The truth seems to be that there really isn't any support, I have been sent to the in patient mental health unit 4 times now because of meltdowns, shut downs and all of my other autistic shit only to be trapped in an unhealthy environment with staff that bullies and overload and patients that overload me further all drugged up and cold,it's a fricken nightmare.
@@Dimensionalalteration I have had very similar experienses. The mental health systems treatment of autistic people is nothing short of abuse. Meanwhile there are thousands of us out here who are sure you deserve better support,
Run away and unhealthy internet are my natural strategies ...recently I started to switch to my special interest...yoga mindfulness and meditation make me more anxious..thx for sharing
Thank you so much for sharing this. I am realizing I have ASD after being misdiagnosed with both bipolar types and BPD. ADHD is the only thing right. ASD's become more obvious as I am once again in/entering burnout, and have had to quit my job and move in with family. They still do not know I'm autistic although the traits there. I am trying to figure out how to cope, especially with the constant guilt I feel from puling back from socializing. My ADHD will have me impulsively make or accept a plan (because 'fun', thats what I used to be able to do, or need to process/feel less insane), but then burnout makes itself known leaving me in a terrible, usually harmful meltdown or even more shut down, because I have none I don't mask around. I can't describe the overwhelm and distress. Your tip about scheduling talks with close friends when feeling emotionally overwhelmed and just needing to get it out to someone, is such a great reminder for me. I can rest assured I can process at some point, but in a way/time that it is manageable and that I can prepare for.
Chewigems also help in place of things you’d usually do with your mouth- like smoking. I used to cope with cigarettes, but someone suggested I sensory seek with my mouth a lot and changing to a chewigem might also help! You may have already tried them, but I bought a chewy dog tag from chewigem and it’s great when I’m stressed or need to soothe
Thank you for the excellent videos, my “escape “ is building model cars. I wasn’t diagnosed wish ASD until my 30s. I to fell thru the cracks as a child.
Thank you for being so open with your experience. I've dealt with (and still am dealing with) sensory overload and fixation. It's been really nice hearing our similarities and having a face to put with one of those anonymous people I know are like me♡
I got fatigue syndrome for 2,5 yrs ago. SO much panic-attacks and anxiety!!! I HAD to learn relaxing techniques!! I started with one of my special interests; learning Italian. And learned how to relax one part of the body at the time in Italian!! Made it doable for me! And then after learning this and also coherent breathing I became much more able to pray my rosary (meditation prayer in the Catholic faith) and really come into peace! Now I go and lay down several times/a day and pray like this to keep calm. Another way I just learned, is to take a walk with our dog! It’s my daughter’s dog, so I usually don’t go out with him. But the other day when I felt so empty of energy in my head after a loooong investigation talk with a nurse my eyes fell on the dog, and I knew that that was the best thing to do right then! Did it again today when I was stressed out after get my kids ready for school. In my childhood and youth I have also used good tools without knowing it…always written my feelings in a diary and also poetry and writing songs that I then played at the piano. Drawing has also been a go to as a child. Not so much now. Maybe I should start again! 😊 Big hug!!!! I hear you! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I have fibromyalgia & CPTSD. I used to smoke & quit for like a year & a half. But I’ve got chronic pain & emotional lability. I smoke pot to help it. When I’m overwhelmed by emotions. I want to learn strategies to eventually not feel the need to smoke.
Not using enough healthy ones at the moment and only getting diagnosed now as I'm 20, extreeeeeme burn out has forced me to confront this, so this video is very helpful cause no one else seems to understand me or my brain or able to recommend things that actually are helpful, I like the idea of listing things out like this and how you broke it all down, Thank you
Hi Ella...I have just come across your lovely little video. I know 3 years may have passed but I hope you are well and have over come smoking ..I found looking at the background lego to be very soothing whilst you were talking.
Excellent vídeo! Thanks so much! You’re really helping an “aspie” in Brazil! I love the way (fast way) that you (and most of aspergers) speak. I also speak fast and I notice that it feels good to listen to a rapid speech too. Even in a other language. By the way, sorry for any written mistakes. Bye!!!
I feel the same way! I’ve always been told I speak fast, or to calm down or slow down, or staring off into the distance thinking and people asking if I’m okay or saying I look sad
So proud of you for quitting smoking Ella!! Replacing not so great coping with better strategies is such an awesome way to improve self-care. Way to go, great video :)
Oh I have run away so much in my life! So often run out into the forest as a child. As a grownup been running to my room sobbing and feeling awful and just as you say…save the others from me.
Thanks for your videos I appreciate it. I do not feel on my own with my emotions. I understand what you are saying I feel pick my hair. I always wanted to be with the purple people because I felt like they are best people as a child. Congratulations on trying to stop smoking its not a easy thing. Thanks for your videos. I like pilates. I am learning to deal with my emotions my psychology and I am getting diagnoses of autism and other special needs. I am learning how to deal with my emotions in the bad times.
I can be quite a bit outward and unhealthy when I'm overwhelmed. I can often go into using shouting or curling covering my face and ears or also running away just to get out, leave and stop the feeling. But this was a really hopeful video, it showed me that I use my special interest too like I can run away from a situation and have an hour on my favourite game, like really gwt invested forget the ball of scary feeling inside me and then I'll be okay. I do think the scribbling could be something I could move forward with. I would also love to learn to sit with my overwhelming feelings too, it would be the dream for it to not completely distrupt my day and be okay with it. Thank you for such an incredible video
Love the lego! If it's something you fancied doing It'd be great to see a followup to this video to see how you get on with these strategies and which work best.
Oh Ella sweetie, thank you so much for such a candid video. This was really useful for me as I am having lots of stress and imminent changes at the moment and I am noticing my stress indicators. These are similar to yours - skin picking round my nails and other areas and also chewing areas of my mouth which can get really sore. I'm also not taking care of myself as much as is healthy but I am aware of this and doing my best to exercise self compassion. Something that helps me is listening to Buddist talks by a monk named Ajham Brahm (possibly not spelled right) here on TH-cam. There was one recently about dealing with emotions and sitting with them, and that relaxing your body can help you relax your emotions which I think is kind of what you were talking about? Plus his voice is so calming. Well done for the smoking abstaination my lovely! 😊 I found that when I gave up smoking it was good to have a nice perfume or smell with me so if I'm stressed I can take the time to myself to breathe but without the nasty bits of ciggies. P.S. I tried aerial yoga for the first time earlier this week and it was wonderful, I would absolutely recommend it, especially the bit in the end where we laid in the sling like a cocoon! 😊 PPS Sorry for the long comment, it's turned out a bit of an essay!
Listening to you actually makes me feel like someone else is like me. I don't chew my nail because for some reason it was always being said when I was little not to chew your nails but I skin pick in ways people won't notice
The new backdrop is great. Good luck on StopTober! Great idea about making a list of activities ready to have when you feel meltdown approaching! The children have their sensory lights in a dark room for "calm down time". Love your videos!
My adult son was diagnosed on the spectrum as a 33 yr old. We want to help, as he is high functioning with 2 master's degrees, but the degrees have not translated into the ability to find a career. He actually is paying a company $5 per hour to work 20 hours a week for data entry. We want him to learn to cope with interactions with people, and utilize his great mind in finding a career, but he has no interest, as he is comfortable. His coping choice is Candy. Iit has made him Fat, but he goes to it everytime he is stressed. I know he must want to change before he will be able to move forward, but not certain how to help him do that. Autism undiagnosed sucks for adults, as there doesn't seem to be many resources to help!!!
Ugh I have some more mild to moderate autism and boy oh boy... when it comes to retail and men flirting with me/harassing me (being a victim of rape), my brain just either goes into enraged mode and wanting to cry and flee the scene, or just straightforwardly pretending reality in that moment isn't real. So glad what I experience is certainly not distinct from other autistics.
Yeah I get that, I'm very sorry for what happened to you (I haven't personally experienced that but I have trauma and a similar reaction ) when creepy boys get at me (usually because hitting on unattractive girls is VERY funny!! I don't understand people..) I burst into tears instantly and I can't not from the bullying trauma I've experienced
Hm, I think Running is a quite healthy strategy. I tend to get aggressive when overwhelmed and going for a walk gives me space to calm down and then I can go back, say I am sorry and look if there really was a conflict or it was only my incapability to handle a situation. It is a strategy I now try to find a different solution for, because I now have two little children I cannot leave on their own. But in general it’s OK for me and not unhealthy or problematic. I told my friend and family: This is what I need and everyone is OK with it.
Had to stop the video when you said you were trying to quit smoking!!! Idk if you continued to quit but great on you lovely!!!! I used to do the same thing and i quit a year ago cause I started having an allergic reaction to the new cigarettes in canada
I'm a right old mix of positive and negative coping strategies. I'm in hospital with my daughter and managing, even though I can't run away. Random compulsive exercise, lots of TV - I can cope with it because I have not watched much for ages. And I have been mentioning problems with calm balance to the right people. We've had a private room, first as a medical need with a foot infection and then because I asked. So a few minor skirmishes and biting when she's got sad, but no major meltdowns or dual ones. Change of face with my husband. Some greenspace time. My daughter needs a private room because she struggles with an open ward in several ways, curtains and curiosity, and we feed on each other. I haven't really felt like writing, but poetry and as hoc journalling is something that I do generally. I once sent my friend a decent text and got a good reply that made me feel better. Better than open Facebook because my family comes on and tells me to stop being negative or living in the past. Lol. But Had that a bit with sharing poetry and I'm afraid of codependency and being split into fans' image my best and worst, on the opposite side of things, if I share and try to advance my poetry. Or anything. And it relates strongly to feeling like I can cope with work or any kind of role. But I'm trying to make small steps. And I am really lucky that running away in my town to my local park, it's actually a really lovely environment physically aesthetically, and socially. I tend to bat away all the attempts to offer assistance/emotional first aid, but I can say I'm just having a mental health day but I'll be okay, that seems to reassure people who are ready to respond and to respect. Sometimes I also need to get out sometimes and people understand that, at least to my face. Especially assuming someone's looking after my children, which they always are. Having a big house by luck is a mixed bag, a lot to manage and I've had nightmares about owning a chateau or cathedral. But it does mean we can escape to rooms a bit further away from each other. Though that, and things like internet-based obsessional interest indulgence (for me, activism/peer support based often as well) - that can become unhealthy. Taking breaks, sometimes for a cuppa/snack but also often better if not, trying to think again about whether I really need another caffeine rich beverage or bingey mayo sandwich etc helps. Not easy. I might be on an upswing though. Question posed by autistic Autism academic on Twitter: what does peer support mean to you and what have you experienced, what helps, what doesn't? I gave you a mention! But might be a good question for you and Ros too!?
Rather prophetic, I've posted on my FB account about dyspraxia because of the new Doctor Who companion, some family have been interested. But my mum's comments... Exactly as I said!
I also have skin picking disorder and I really don't know what to do about it. It seems like I have tried everything but I keep going back to this habit
I have been trying to get help from a NHS mental health therapist to come to terms with my autism diagnosis and my fibromyaligia but the therapist had no experience or knowledge of autism. Due to my inability to describe my emotions and feelings, I have unable to get a diagnosis for depression as I have to answer a list of questions about how I feel which I cannot do. There is only one method my GP uses and will not change it. I have tried to develop coping mechanisms for my fibromyalgia but none for my autism as I do not know how to.
I am 15-16 and I was diagnosed with Asperger’s when I was 14 I have always had Asperger’s. Two years ago I was diagnosed with a rare medical condition called idiopathic inter cranial hypertension. Having this condition as well as Asperger’s makes it very hard for me to do things and I’m hoping this video will give me some help.
I am at an extremely low point in my life. I am very anxious all of the time, and even the simplest of tasks like doing some cooking, cleaning etc seem way too hard most of the time. I am very limited in my life and every day I am feeling more and more like packing it in and saying goodbye. I don't know if these feelings will ever leave but being me is a very unlikable position. I would love to be able to be better at life but I am not. The main thing i do to cope is to listen to brown noise which is a static noise that helps me ground myself, other than that i feel lost in a world that I can't seem to function in.
Go with pure, non-nicotine vape juice. CBD and other substances can cause sudden death and extreme heart problems. The regular juice is also bad for your heart, but won't have as severe long term consequences. If you wish to continue consuming CBD, I recommend tea. It has no drawbacks and is hypothesised to prevent Alzheimer's.
I just got 2 dogs and my anxiety has shot through the roof. It was okay until one of my neighbours blocked me from entering my building screeching at me like a banshee. I am trying all types of things but this anxiety level is too much too maintain.
Oh boy what a wonderfully timed video, thank you. I appreciate your willingness to be so honest about yourself. It helps me to hear your challenges because it validates my own!! We are a similar age and smoking was definitely a 'thing' in our teens. l probably started around 14 or 15 and l still do. I'm terribly ashamed of smoking and not having stopped already. Which is counterproductive of course. The strategies you mention really sound doable and appeal to me too. I've probably used several of them a various times. I'm super pleased for you to being tackling the smoking and be on day 5!!! I don't know if there's any connection but your skin looks fantastic! Question; I have always had a disconnect or lack of awareness when it comes to how I'm feeling. Could you tell us what you have used to unlock the code?? How do l identify them instead of just reacting to them? I do think there is so much value to living in the moment and being present. It can help to alleviate a host of problems. But it requires focus and energy l often haven't got. So I'm going to look at creating a box of tricks with a selection of self soothing techniques.Thank you again for the inspiration and excellent ideas. 🤗💕
For me (and I'm not there yet) I can now recognise that I feel the need to react to the feeling, try instead to sit with it, identify it and label it (often using my journal). In time I'm hoping this will become a more natural process.
I got Autism 1 back in January this year, so I got it as an adult (27 years old). So I've got no help with it, I've met different therapists through the years since I was 10, but it was because of depression, negative thoughts and different types of anxiety (anxiety, performance anxiety, social anxiety, panic attacks)... I'm still dealing with these things after all these years. Even though I've now got Autism 1 on the papers, I still get no help from anyone, I've also no other adult who can or want to help me, so I'm all alone with my problems. So I haven't found any copings that are good for me, they work for a short time, but nothing that makes me getting any better.. I'm like stuck on the same place as before. My bad copings are escaping the life by watching movies/series/TH-cam, listen to music or just sleep away my time... I'm just used to do it when it's too much. The problem for me is that Idk if my roblems are because of my autistic side or if it's because of my depression/anxiety... Idk how to figure this out, I've tried so much to understand it, but I don't get any smarter with it.
I’ve just realised why I smoke lol, but thank you so much for this video. Sometimes because I’m a girl people don’t understand how hard it is for me to deal with my autism (I’m really good at masking) but lately I’ve just felt like I can’t mask anymore and I’m loosing all my friends
What about making friends,no one understands me,and people tend to pick out things I have said making something negative about it,or they view what I have said way wrong,I am like forget it! I'm done with trying,sometimes I dislike that I am Autistic.
I mean from personal experience (I smoke nicotine too) nicotine is the WORST thing you can try for obvious reasons but weed (not so much bc it is easy to be dependent on) and psychedelics are really helpful for understanding yourself and feelings and are a good thing to try if you’re not the type to experience symptoms of psychosis
As an autistic mom, Im so thankful for your videos. Your thought process of telling myself..."im going to feel this way now, it's going to be overwhelming right now, this will end"... Is extremely liberating! I just hope I can remember that in the moment when my 'bucket is full' and it's all too much.
Running away, yes! I've learned to sense an impending doom and telling the person I'm with to stop, only my husband actually because he's the only one I'm comfortable enough with, ironically though he doesn't listen. 😞 he really doesn't get my struggles and when I say stop, I mean stop and actually things should've stopped awhile ago.
Thank you, Ella! I was recently diagnosed with ASD, along with my oldest child too. Prior to diagnosis, maintaining a good, healthy marriage and having children (although excruciatingly exhausting 😔) were about the only things that ended my poor coping strategies (like smoking, sex, etc.); however, I adopted new ones like online shopping when stressed... 🤦♀️
I felt totally broken and lost prior to the informal, pandemic-time diagnosis, but now I finally have a path and a community of people who are similar to me. Being treated my whole life like an outsider and a “bad person” did some serious damage, but I’m so grateful to know now, and to also have amazing people like you to help guide me (and my daughter) forward. Thank you, Ella! Excitedly subscribed!
I used cigarettes in the same way. I gave up so many times only to have a meltdown, go straight for a cigarette and get re-addicted again. The only thing that broke the cycle for me was CBD vape because it isn't addictive like e cigarettes but there is the emotional relief you feel by inhaling something that is going to calm you down so it replaced the need for nicotine. As it isnt addictive, once the meltdown is over you forget about it. Eventually it had been so long since I had nicotine that I got out of the habit of thinking about it and stopped craving it all together. It feels good to be finally free of the cigarettes at 39 years old.
I have overloaded and I am not sleeping lately i am I am very very meltdown and I I cop with my room and I get sensory overload and don’t take cigarettes i bite myself I get the feelings and
My biggest unhealthy habits have been eating, self harming, drugs, and smoking. I have stopped doing these things. Sometimes I do need to just get out of my own house and sit in the forest and cry and let my emotions out because I don’t always feel safe doing it in the house because of the thin walls. When I’m alone with myself and I’m feeling particularly overwhelmed I’ll sing or just make sounds according my emotions. Dancing helps too. The biggest thing that helps is drawing or even scribbling. I’ve had to do this recently while I was still getting out of the habit of smoking weed. All of my friends were going to smoke and I had just had a dispute with my roommates and I really wanted to just take the easy way out but instead I picked up a pen and just started scribbling. I felt much better afterwards even if some of the emotions remained
A helpful video Ella :) as someone who is REALLY struggling with being an undiagnosed autistic mother, your videos always help
Yoga has really helped me. I used to be skeptical about it, but I decided to try it and started in March this year. It's really revolutionised my life. It's helped me with relaxation, but also with my posture, which has reduced some of the pain I have in my upper back.
ps loving the lego!!!
I was diagnosed with Aspergers when I was 10… something that I still struggle to accept at 22… theres so many things always going on in my mind and it’s extremely hard to focus for me. Something that occurs alot is my moods always fluctuate depending on my situation. For example, At work I always find myself overwhelmed and extremely anxious. I always get so afraid of things that I put these alternate realities in my head of the results of my work for the morning crew that ultimately make me extremely pessimistic and make me work even harder. Its not easy to cope with and if on the wrong side of the road, could lead to severe mental issues. Something I struggle with immensely. Im glad to have found this video and this is something like I said, I have hated to accept about myself and have fought so hard not to be that in reality, its who I am but I should see the good rather than the bad. Im extremely creative especially in my solo work with music. I tend to remember alot of things that not alot of people would remember. My childhood is like a hard drive in my brain (crazy analogy i know. Lol) I remember alot of things from the past and I absorb so much new knowledge and… its something Ive always cherished about my personality.
I greatly relate to you. That is not a crazy analogy. I’ve heard that brains work similar to computers, so it actually makes a lot of sense
This helps me so much and makes me feel ok, finally. Thank you so much for helping me that much closer to finding myself. Only coping strategy I’ve used sitting with negative feelings with waiting it out and thinking it’s only a now thing. Earlier in my life, I just ran and it did shine a bad light on me with my “friends” at the time and my brother.
Thank you so much again.
as an autistic person who was recently told so.. its hard to experience things in general and learning about myself. I too have quit smoking recently. I need to find a special interest that is cheap and avalible. i have games but they're not always avalible
I’m not officially diagnosed but after hitting a wall with my mental health, and feeling like it was more of a symptom of a problem and not the problem itself, has led me to suspect I may be on the spectrum. Unfortunately I am already utilizing most of the skills but still struggling
I would absolutely avoid the traditional mental health route like the plague. Maybe contact an autistic foundation for support with diagnosis and support. The truth seems to be that there really isn't any support, I have been sent to the in patient mental health unit 4 times now because of meltdowns, shut downs and all of my other autistic shit only to be trapped in an unhealthy environment with staff that bullies and overload and patients that overload me further all drugged up and cold,it's a fricken nightmare.
@@Dimensionalalteration I have had very similar experienses. The mental health systems treatment of autistic people is nothing short of abuse. Meanwhile there are thousands of us out here who are sure you deserve better support,
Run away and unhealthy internet are my natural strategies ...recently I started to switch to my special interest...yoga mindfulness and meditation make me more anxious..thx for sharing
Thank you so much for this video, I follow you on tik tok and it was so nice to see you pop up when I was looking for help with my anxiety
Thank you so much for sharing this. I am realizing I have ASD after being misdiagnosed with both bipolar types and BPD. ADHD is the only thing right. ASD's become more obvious as I am once again in/entering burnout, and have had to quit my job and move in with family. They still do not know I'm autistic although the traits there. I am trying to figure out how to cope, especially with the constant guilt I feel from puling back from socializing. My ADHD will have me impulsively make or accept a plan (because 'fun', thats what I used to be able to do, or need to process/feel less insane), but then burnout makes itself known leaving me in a terrible, usually harmful meltdown or even more shut down, because I have none I don't mask around. I can't describe the overwhelm and distress. Your tip about scheduling talks with close friends when feeling emotionally overwhelmed and just needing to get it out to someone, is such a great reminder for me. I can rest assured I can process at some point, but in a way/time that it is manageable and that I can prepare for.
Chewigems also help in place of things you’d usually do with your mouth- like smoking. I used to cope with cigarettes, but someone suggested I sensory seek with my mouth a lot and changing to a chewigem might also help! You may have already tried them, but I bought a chewy dog tag from chewigem and it’s great when I’m stressed or need to soothe
Thank you for the excellent videos, my “escape “ is building model cars. I wasn’t diagnosed wish ASD until my 30s. I to fell thru the cracks as a child.
Lovely Energy. Thank You
Thank you for being so open with your experience. I've dealt with (and still am dealing with) sensory overload and fixation. It's been really nice hearing our similarities and having a face to put with one of those anonymous people I know are like me♡
I got fatigue syndrome for 2,5 yrs ago. SO much panic-attacks and anxiety!!! I HAD to learn relaxing techniques!! I started with one of my special interests; learning Italian. And learned how to relax one part of the body at the time in Italian!! Made it doable for me! And then after learning this and also coherent breathing I became much more able to pray my rosary (meditation prayer in the Catholic faith) and really come into peace! Now I go and lay down several times/a day and pray like this to keep calm. Another way I just learned, is to take a walk with our dog! It’s my daughter’s dog, so I usually don’t go out with him. But the other day when I felt so empty of energy in my head after a loooong investigation talk with a nurse my eyes fell on the dog, and I knew that that was the best thing to do right then! Did it again today when I was stressed out after get my kids ready for school. In my childhood and youth I have also used good tools without knowing it…always written my feelings in a diary and also poetry and writing songs that I then played at the piano. Drawing has also been a go to as a child. Not so much now. Maybe I should start again! 😊 Big hug!!!! I hear you! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I have fibromyalgia & CPTSD. I used to smoke & quit for like a year & a half. But I’ve got chronic pain & emotional lability. I smoke pot to help it. When I’m overwhelmed by emotions. I want to learn strategies to eventually not feel the need to smoke.
i’m 22. thank you so much for this video. I’ve been trying to regulate myself and it’s really nice to have a friendly voice helping :)
Not using enough healthy ones at the moment and only getting diagnosed now as I'm 20, extreeeeeme burn out has forced me to confront this, so this video is very helpful cause no one else seems to understand me or my brain or able to recommend things that actually are helpful, I like the idea of listing things out like this and how you broke it all down, Thank you
Thanks for sharing your experience with us, it's greatly appreciated.
I'm really glad to have found this channel :) Lots of love, joy, and happiness to you, Purple Ella!
Thank you so much for making this, it's helped me with coming to terms with handling my autism.
Hi Ella...I have just come across your lovely little video. I know 3 years may have passed but I hope you are well and have over come smoking ..I found looking at the background lego to be very soothing whilst you were talking.
Excellent vídeo! Thanks so much! You’re really helping an “aspie” in Brazil! I love the way (fast way) that you (and most of aspergers) speak. I also speak fast and I notice that it feels good to listen to a rapid speech too. Even in a other language. By the way, sorry for any written mistakes. Bye!!!
I feel the same way! I’ve always been told I speak fast, or to calm down or slow down, or staring off into the distance thinking and people asking if I’m okay or saying I look sad
So proud of you for quitting smoking Ella!! Replacing not so great coping with better strategies is such an awesome way to improve self-care. Way to go, great video :)
Oh I have run away so much in my life! So often run out into the forest as a child. As a grownup been running to my room sobbing and feeling awful and just as you say…save the others from me.
I relate to every single one of your videos. To my very core.
Thank you so much. You're so awesome. I really feel "helped" by your videos. Sincere and frank, as needed.
Thanks for your videos I appreciate it. I do not feel on my own with my emotions. I understand what you are saying I feel pick my hair. I always wanted to be with the purple people because I felt like they are best people as a child. Congratulations on trying to stop smoking its not a easy thing. Thanks for your videos. I like pilates. I am learning to deal with my emotions my psychology and I am getting diagnoses of autism and other special needs. I am learning how to deal with my emotions in the bad times.
I can be quite a bit outward and unhealthy when I'm overwhelmed. I can often go into using shouting or curling covering my face and ears or also running away just to get out, leave and stop the feeling. But this was a really hopeful video, it showed me that I use my special interest too like I can run away from a situation and have an hour on my favourite game, like really gwt invested forget the ball of scary feeling inside me and then I'll be okay. I do think the scribbling could be something I could move forward with. I would also love to learn to sit with my overwhelming feelings too, it would be the dream for it to not completely distrupt my day and be okay with it. Thank you for such an incredible video
Love the lego! If it's something you fancied doing It'd be great to see a followup to this video to see how you get on with these strategies and which work best.
Great video thank you ella
Oh Ella sweetie, thank you so much for such a candid video. This was really useful for me as I am having lots of stress and imminent changes at the moment and I am noticing my stress indicators. These are similar to yours - skin picking round my nails and other areas and also chewing areas of my mouth which can get really sore. I'm also not taking care of myself as much as is healthy but I am aware of this and doing my best to exercise self compassion. Something that helps me is listening to Buddist talks by a monk named Ajham Brahm (possibly not spelled right) here on TH-cam. There was one recently about dealing with emotions and sitting with them, and that relaxing your body can help you relax your emotions which I think is kind of what you were talking about? Plus his voice is so calming.
Well done for the smoking abstaination my lovely! 😊 I found that when I gave up smoking it was good to have a nice perfume or smell with me so if I'm stressed I can take the time to myself to breathe but without the nasty bits of ciggies.
P.S. I tried aerial yoga for the first time earlier this week and it was wonderful, I would absolutely recommend it, especially the bit in the end where we laid in the sling like a cocoon! 😊
PPS Sorry for the long comment, it's turned out a bit of an essay!
Listening to you actually makes me feel like someone else is like me. I don't chew my nail because for some reason it was always being said when I was little not to chew your nails but I skin pick in ways people won't notice
The new backdrop is great.
Good luck on StopTober!
Great idea about making a list of activities ready to have when you feel meltdown approaching!
The children have their sensory lights in a dark room for "calm down time".
Love your videos!
My adult son was diagnosed on the spectrum as a 33 yr old. We want to help, as he is high functioning with 2 master's degrees, but the degrees have not translated into the ability to find a career. He actually is paying a company $5 per hour to work 20 hours a week for data entry. We want him to learn to cope with interactions with people, and utilize his great mind in finding a career, but he has no interest, as he is comfortable. His coping choice is Candy. Iit has made him Fat, but he goes to it everytime he is stressed. I know he must want to change before he will be able to move forward, but not certain how to help him do that. Autism undiagnosed sucks for adults, as there doesn't seem to be many resources to help!!!
My uncle got diabetes from a sweet tooth and I have one too, so spooky
Thank you, this was with very revealing and very helpful.
This was great. Thank you
I think that smoking is actually a stim to me.. a compulsion.. i wish there was something that mimics smoking without inhaling anything but air
Brilliant Ella, thanks😄
Ugh I have some more mild to moderate autism and boy oh boy... when it comes to retail and men flirting with me/harassing me (being a victim of rape), my brain just either goes into enraged mode and wanting to cry and flee the scene, or just straightforwardly pretending reality in that moment isn't real. So glad what I experience is certainly not distinct from other autistics.
Yeah I get that, I'm very sorry for what happened to you (I haven't personally experienced that but I have trauma and a similar reaction ) when creepy boys get at me (usually because hitting on unattractive girls is VERY funny!! I don't understand people..) I burst into tears instantly and I can't not from the bullying trauma I've experienced
Hm, I think Running is a quite healthy strategy. I tend to get aggressive when overwhelmed and going for a walk gives me space to calm down and then I can go back, say I am sorry and look if there really was a conflict or it was only my incapability to handle a situation. It is a strategy I now try to find a different solution for, because I now have two little children I cannot leave on their own. But in general it’s OK for me and not unhealthy or problematic. I told my friend and family: This is what I need and everyone is OK with it.
Agree. The best way to handle overload is to reduce it.
Had to stop the video when you said you were trying to quit smoking!!! Idk if you continued to quit but great on you lovely!!!! I used to do the same thing and i quit a year ago cause I started having an allergic reaction to the new cigarettes in canada
I'm a right old mix of positive and negative coping strategies. I'm in hospital with my daughter and managing, even though I can't run away. Random compulsive exercise, lots of TV - I can cope with it because I have not watched much for ages. And I have been mentioning problems with calm balance to the right people. We've had a private room, first as a medical need with a foot infection and then because I asked. So a few minor skirmishes and biting when she's got sad, but no major meltdowns or dual ones. Change of face with my husband. Some greenspace time. My daughter needs a private room because she struggles with an open ward in several ways, curtains and curiosity, and we feed on each other. I haven't really felt like writing, but poetry and as hoc journalling is something that I do generally. I once sent my friend a decent text and got a good reply that made me feel better. Better than open Facebook because my family comes on and tells me to stop being negative or living in the past. Lol. But Had that a bit with sharing poetry and I'm afraid of codependency and being split into fans' image my best and worst, on the opposite side of things, if I share and try to advance my poetry. Or anything. And it relates strongly to feeling like I can cope with work or any kind of role. But I'm trying to make small steps.
And I am really lucky that running away in my town to my local park, it's actually a really lovely environment physically aesthetically, and socially. I tend to bat away all the attempts to offer assistance/emotional first aid, but I can say I'm just having a mental health day but I'll be okay, that seems to reassure people who are ready to respond and to respect. Sometimes I also need to get out sometimes and people understand that, at least to my face. Especially assuming someone's looking after my children, which they always are. Having a big house by luck is a mixed bag, a lot to manage and I've had nightmares about owning a chateau or cathedral. But it does mean we can escape to rooms a bit further away from each other. Though that, and things like internet-based obsessional interest indulgence (for me, activism/peer support based often as well) - that can become unhealthy. Taking breaks, sometimes for a cuppa/snack but also often better if not, trying to think again about whether I really need another caffeine rich beverage or bingey mayo sandwich etc helps. Not easy. I might be on an upswing though.
Question posed by autistic Autism academic on Twitter: what does peer support mean to you and what have you experienced, what helps, what doesn't? I gave you a mention! But might be a good question for you and Ros too!?
Rather prophetic, I've posted on my FB account about dyspraxia because of the new Doctor Who companion, some family have been interested. But my mum's comments... Exactly as I said!
I also have skin picking disorder and I really don't know what to do about it. It seems like I have tried everything but I keep going back to this habit
I am really enjoying your channel
I have been trying to get help from a NHS mental health therapist to come to terms with my autism diagnosis and my fibromyaligia but the therapist had no experience or knowledge of autism. Due to my inability to describe my emotions and feelings, I have unable to get a diagnosis for depression as I have to answer a list of questions about how I feel which I cannot do. There is only one method my GP uses and will not change it. I have tried to develop coping mechanisms for my fibromyalgia but none for my autism as I do not know how to.
I am 15-16 and I was diagnosed with Asperger’s when I was 14 I have always had Asperger’s. Two years ago I was diagnosed with a rare medical condition called idiopathic inter cranial hypertension. Having this condition as well as Asperger’s makes it very hard for me to do things and I’m hoping this video will give me some help.
I am at an extremely low point in my life. I am very anxious all of the time, and even the simplest of tasks like doing some cooking, cleaning etc seem way too hard most of the time. I am very limited in my life and every day I am feeling more and more like packing it in and saying goodbye. I don't know if these feelings will ever leave but being me is a very unlikable position. I would love to be able to be better at life but I am not. The main thing i do to cope is to listen to brown noise which is a static noise that helps me ground myself, other than that i feel lost in a world that I can't seem to function in.
I'm schizoaffective too and I started smoking at an early age and recently tried vaping CBD as an alternative and it helps a lot
Go with pure, non-nicotine vape juice. CBD and other substances can cause sudden death and extreme heart problems. The regular juice is also bad for your heart, but won't have as severe long term consequences.
If you wish to continue consuming CBD, I recommend tea. It has no drawbacks and is hypothesised to prevent Alzheimer's.
I love your short circuit! 😍
I just got 2 dogs and my anxiety has shot through the roof. It was okay until one of my neighbours blocked me from entering my building screeching at me like a banshee. I am trying all types of things but this anxiety level is too much too maintain.
I'm sorry you're going through that but I chuckled at screeching like a banshee 🤣
Oh boy what a wonderfully timed video, thank you. I appreciate your willingness to be so honest about yourself. It helps me to hear your challenges because it validates my own!!
We are a similar age and smoking was definitely a 'thing' in our teens. l probably started around 14 or 15 and l still do. I'm terribly ashamed of smoking and not having stopped already. Which is counterproductive of course.
The strategies you mention really sound doable and appeal to me too. I've probably used several of them a various times.
I'm super pleased for you to being tackling the smoking and be on day 5!!! I don't know if there's any connection but your skin looks fantastic!
Question; I have always had a disconnect or lack of awareness when it comes to how I'm feeling. Could you tell us what you have used to unlock the code?? How do l identify them instead of just reacting to them?
I do think there is so much value to living in the moment and being present. It can help to alleviate a host of problems. But it requires focus and energy l often haven't got. So I'm going to look at creating a box of tricks with a selection of self soothing techniques.Thank you again for the inspiration and excellent ideas. 🤗💕
For me (and I'm not there yet) I can now recognise that I feel the need to react to the feeling, try instead to sit with it, identify it and label it (often using my journal). In time I'm hoping this will become a more natural process.
Well done resisting the urge to smoke during a stressful time.
I have made bad coping choices I have scars on my arms and a smoking problem also I feel like I am running away from responsibilities
I got Autism 1 back in January this year, so I got it as an adult (27 years old). So I've got no help with it, I've met different therapists through the years since I was 10, but it was because of depression, negative thoughts and different types of anxiety (anxiety, performance anxiety, social anxiety, panic attacks)... I'm still dealing with these things after all these years. Even though I've now got Autism 1 on the papers, I still get no help from anyone, I've also no other adult who can or want to help me, so I'm all alone with my problems. So I haven't found any copings that are good for me, they work for a short time, but nothing that makes me getting any better.. I'm like stuck on the same place as before. My bad copings are escaping the life by watching movies/series/TH-cam, listen to music or just sleep away my time... I'm just used to do it when it's too much. The problem for me is that Idk if my roblems are because of my autistic side or if it's because of my depression/anxiety... Idk how to figure this out, I've tried so much to understand it, but I don't get any smarter with it.
You don’t just “get” autism, surely you had it throughout your life but you just didn’t realise?
I’ve just realised why I smoke lol, but thank you so much for this video. Sometimes because I’m a girl people don’t understand how hard it is for me to deal with my autism (I’m really good at masking) but lately I’ve just felt like I can’t mask anymore and I’m loosing all my friends
What about making friends,no one understands me,and people tend to pick out things I have said making something negative about it,or they view what I have said way wrong,I am like forget it! I'm done with trying,sometimes I dislike that I am Autistic.
I know that feeling , life's hard truss
I love LEGO too!!
I mean from personal experience (I smoke nicotine too) nicotine is the WORST thing you can try for obvious reasons but weed (not so much bc it is easy to be dependent on) and psychedelics are really helpful for understanding yourself and feelings and are a good thing to try if you’re not the type to experience symptoms of psychosis
Good for you... smoking is DISGUSTING and ciggie breath really fouls up the yoga room air
And I too need to quit smoking and make a coping strategy list.
I love the background. I love lego too and im 45. lol
Love your lightsaber necklace!
Have you quit? I quit and it was so very hard. You could be describing me.
Have you come across Alternative Herbal supplement on youtube, it did alot for my non verbal son who was diagnosed with Austin.
Sooo, keep us posted! How has it been going?
Is it only me that in burnout cant do anything but lay in the darkness with relaxing music? 😅
Hey purple ela..Thanks for nice video..is there any help for autistic people from government in your country in terms of employment
the world is too against us idk what to do its not fair
I just stop speaking. I haven't spoken out loud for 48 hours because my tooth brush got put in the wrong place.
I elopement I and don’t understand danger I run away
Emotions, Ive just turned them off all together. Quite useless mostly..... But that comes with it's own bag.
Having loyalty is a big thing for me , as well as justice .. society doesn't work for me lol
...wait your a runner too?!?...I just found out like days ago...
i go and find my cat for a cuddle
How is your husband able to get into deep conversation with you?
My coping strategies was masturbation until I discover it recently
Please under that meditation can actually be very harmful for ppl with our brains so if you can not DO NOT FORCE YOURSELF
I know this is late but I hope you've and successful in staying away from cigarettes
lucky but poor is the world for neurotypicals
Congrats on quitting
Hey purple ela..Thanks for nice video..is there any help for autistic people from government in your country in terms of employment
Jayaprakash Nayak 2bh there's not much government practical help with work for anyone, autistic or not, which is a shame. 😣