As I was growing up in the Southeast of the US, I was taught that if I am a guest at someone's house, and they offer me food or drink (which is the courteous thing to do as a host), I was to first say something like, "Oh, no, please don't go to any trouble on my account." Then the host should say something like, "Oh, it's no trouble at all; I'm getting some for myself as well." And then I should say something like, "Well, if you're sure it's no bother..." and then it would be okay to accept the offer. I'm not sure that is still done with the younger generations, though.
It's very interesting that both cultures are actually very direct, AND very indirect, just about different things. The Vietnamese are indirect about confrontation, the Germans are indirect about compliments. And vice versa.
I never understood the phrase “hate my guts” until Uyen said “hate me to the guts”. Finally it makes sense! You hate someone so much you hate them inside too! Thank you Uyen!! 😂 Love from New York 🗽
I didn’t realise there were quite a few similarities between Vietnamese and British culture. The dance around paying for drinks etc, the compliments for cooking/baking, the bashful gift acceptance thing, “Oh, you shouldn’t have” 😂. I do admire the German bluntness though. You know exactly what’s what. No guessing.
Actually I am umpteenth generation German and my family still does a lot of these things. Guests would obviously get food and drink. I feel guilty if I don’t have something in my apartment that the spontaneous guest likes. We would refuse a nice offer of a gift or of food first unless we were invited to come to someone’s place, then it is clear there will be food, but if I turn up at someone’s place uninvited, I’d definitely need to be persuaded to accept food. And as a host I would also not accept it the first or second time if a spontaneous guest politely declined an offer of food. Also, we do occasionally have fights about who is allowed to pay for everybody when we are eating out. I remember many sneaky races between my aunt and my grandma about who can get to the waiter or to a counter first so they can pay for everybody. Also, we will definitely compliment food etc. Maybe not in an over the top way, but if somebody is using the „it stays inside“ line or the „hunger forced it down“ it is either seen as an insult or meant sarcastically. If I compliment my mother’s cooking, I will also give examples and describe what I liked about it specifically. Maybe some Germans just don’t have nice families? Also the indirect way of asking for help or for money where you will basically just hint at your problem or your financial needs and can usually expect that this gets picked up on and you will be offered help or money which you would need to refuse a couple of times first and be persuaded to accept… I definitely like it this way. There are still ways to shorten the dance and to make clear that you actually mean your refusal or your offer, but as a rule this just feels respectful.
There's also the time honoured "Does anyone want the last XYZ", which obviously means "I want the last one but I feel the need to be polite. Please no one say yes"
@@p.s.224Most Germans have a very dry, sarcastic kind of humour, so our way of complimenting things is rather hidden. “Do you like the food?” - “It’s edible!” would be a perfectly normal conversation between friends. It would not tell anyone that you might have had a rough upbringing. 😅 If you are dining more formally and you are not very close with the cook, you’d typically avoid this kind of humour and actually say that it’s very good. Maybe I misunderstood parts of your comment, but for the most part your family seems to not show “typically German” behaviour and mannerisms. So I guess that most German ways are not inherited through traces of ancestry, but are indeed culturally acquired.😊
As a possibly autistic dutchy with several diagnosed autistic friends i suspect that uyen and gb both have some neurodivergent traits. Uyen seems pretty adhd to me, and gb reminds me a lot of my autistic friends. That said, being autistic might be a lot easier in countries with direct communication. Less chance to misread what is said 'between the lines'.
The one thing I love about you both is that you have figured out a wonderful way to keep your privacy protected. This is important for all TH-camrs to take advice from this couple. She respects his privacy even though he still wants to be involved. Perfect example of how to keep your family separate from your TH-cam life but still include them occasionally
Uyen is totally right to protect herself, we women must always do this. Men who aren't a threat will never object to this, although they might find it weird because it's not something men have to think about.
@foxpro3002 if you are a man, you might understand, but not instinctively because you don't face that same threat yourself. Many men "get it" when they have daughters.
@@foxpro3002 I mean German Boyfriend Fiance is someone who seems to be empathetic and sensitive and thoughtful and aware and he said he never considered why she asked for a photo of his passport.
I have lived in Germany 17 years and for 17 years I have had no idea if my outfit looks good, or my hair, etc. No freaking clue. The feedback just stopped in 2007.
They sound awful honestly but I know they’re probably really sweet…or not sweet, but kind, or maybe not kind like in the nice way… I know they’re probably decent 👌🏽
@@Queen_Ce I would never go to a place where I had to go through a shocking and crippling process of adjusting to a People who are so proud of their lack of universal heartwarming interactions. I have only met one ot two Germans in my entire because they only come to my country on a shoestring budget. One was on a bus, others were freedom camping, another was hitchhiking. They head towards the things they are accustomed to, like walking tracks, lakes, and mountains. I have not met any in any of the cities I have lived in. They also find casual work in beautiful places, farms etc. So they go out of their way to give as little away as possible. I remember being really happy meeting Polish travellers. My smiles and enthusiasm was met with cold nothingness. The coldness has left a chilling, stressful, lasting impression on me. People are happy and friendly and helpful in my country. I cannot get past the idea that Germans deliberately exclude and ignore new people in their lives. That is so cruel! Not smiling seems very unnatural and ultra miserable. Germans also don't like honesty. They don't like reading about my observations or my views which come from living in a country of kindness and givers where diversity and acceptance is valued. Being positive and uplifting is valued so deliberate inhumanity is truly shocking. It takes one second to say something pleasant and a few seconds to smile at someone. We do these things automatically because we life to share good vibes as we go along our way..
I am German and I am obviously not "typically German" in many of the things I hear about Germans in this video, and that pleases me more than it worries me. For example, I make a friendly face when I'm dealing with other people I don't know, I say straight away if I like something or not and why, no matter what it is, etc.
Really! In the Netherlands we would always offer something to drink, coffee, tea or drinks, depending on the time of day. For a meal, we would normally invite you specifically for that meal. Otherwise it depends on the time of day or the people
Yeah I think her boyfriend was just being a guy, you have those types that don't have a hospitable bone in their body as mom always did that. Drinks are certainly offered if you are there for longer than 15 minutes or half an hour. Meals are to be talked about as you certainly can't invite yourself to dinner unless you are ordering in maybe.
This is so helpful to me! My daughter-in-law is German and so much of what you say I have seen. It makes me feel like she doesn’t like me, but I am pretty sure she does.🇺🇸🇩🇪
I am really sorry you have to adjust to having a person with horrible and unfriendly ways in the family. I would not like to see that kind of cold behaviour around me or my kids. I guess the main thing us to keep being yourself and the warm and kind person that you very likely are. I think German Boyfriend is changing into a much improved and expanded person by being with Uyen.
Germans are not cold. It‘s just cultural differences. We think it‘s very impolite to say things we don‘t really mean. Honesty from a German is her/his way of showing respect.
i'm from Upper Franconia. When my boyfriend (from Hesse... basically just 2 hours away from our village but a different Bundesland) came and prepared the christmas meal for us (he is a trained cook and was prepairing for 2 hours) my dad just said "basst scho" meaning "well it's ok" ... which totally baffled my boyfriend until i explained that for a typical Franconian "old man" this is one of the highest praises you will get. Also with offering drinks at a friends house.... it really depends. When i'm at my friends house we don't offer each other some drinks since everybody knows where the glasses and the drinks are you just "help yourself" since you basically "part of the inventory" aka "you are family so get up the drinks are in the kitchen" :D
this is strange when we consider Germans have direct communication but not giving compliments indirectly. how contradicting Germans are (my real life experience everyday)
Always watch a full add for you 2!!! Wanted u to know I am very tired but I plan to watch all of these episodes later. Don’t get discouraged if you feel people don’t like, I care!
In the US, at least in my area, you probably wouldn't ask someone for a drink or food if you're a guest in their home and you don't know them well. If it's a good friend or family, that would be fine. But the host should always remember to ask. If they didn't offer and you asked for a drink, it would be a little awkward, like they were calling you out for being rude and not offering.
I am German (like, born and raised and currently living in Germany) and I see it the same way and this is definitely how it is done in my family too. I cannot relate to most of these stereotypes about Germans even though my family is still very German.
I am from US. I always offer food and drink and usually have it setting out for people to grab and nibble. Growing up people always stopped by and hung out in the midwest. This doesn't happen in Houston near me.
@@p.s.224 Same. Can't imagine, not offering a guest at the very least coffee/tea or water. And if it's a longer visit, I will usually make sure to have some snack appropriate for the time of day prepared. Although admittedly such 'neglect' has happened to me when visiting others. Especially men are apparently often not raised to be 'good hosts'. Might be a generational thing, though, as I'm in my 40's. Men my age probably rarely saw their dads do that kind of thing, always their mom.
I am German. I think I would just not care until my interlocutor would make a fuss about me asking for a glass of water. Then I would gladly 'proceed' calling them out being rude, because it's one thing forgetting to offer, but something completely else when someone is unable to deal with their personal failure and starts projecting it onto you, seeing you as the root cause of their bad feeling, instead of their own internal struggles. At least I would with good friends from whom I would expect they should know that I'm not being rude I guess when meeting new people I would take my own water with me in case of emergency and drink it unnoticed in the bathroom. Relationships are sometimes like a mutual exchange of respect and actions that take you out of your comfort zone and into the comfort zone of your friend, and to be balanced it should be done by both sites equally
9:24 same in Mexico. My in laws would ask me over and over and over. I finally asked my husband if they were deaf or just didn’t understand me. He told me culturally it is normal to ask multiple times. I told him for me if I want something I will say the first time if I want it or not. We all had to get use to each other.
My grandmother from south of germany sometimes said "kamma nabdrugge" - "kann man hinabdrücken" - one can push/gag it down". Amd it means with somr effort its possible to swallow it... it was meant as a humourous compliment :D
Yay! I always look forward to your podcast. You have become my weekly routine after work. Thank you! 😊 Also you sweater is really cute Uyen. (I also like the pokémon shirts husband to be wears).
You guys are so cute, so made for each other! I am excited to enjoy watching your life unfold in front of our eager eyes. Thank you for sharing your life with us!
I’m Croatian and my partner is American and almost everything you shared resonates with us! Especially fighting over a bill at the restaurant and doing the offer-rejection-offer dance, and always, always feeding your guests! The only thing I agree with Germans is not going to someone’s home uninvited. However when invited Germans are usually early, Croats and Americans are always politely (15-30 minutes) late.
Maybe things have changed, but when I studied German in high school, our German-born teacher said Germans had to arrive very punctually -- not early, not late -- even if it meant driving around the block a couple of times before knocking on the door. That was about 45 years ago, so maybe it changed.
100% agree and resonate with Uyen’s visa vows! I’m Indian and the visa process makes you feel so unwanted and like these countries are doing you a major favor giving a visa 😢
In Germany, if you come over to a friends house drinks and maybe some sweets or salty snacks are always offered.. like german bf said something bigger to eat has to be discussed before really meeting
Which germany do you mean?;) In my experience Germans never offer snacks. Mostly they don't even offer a glass of water. I had better hospitality in almost every other country. ☮️
@@ninetendopesaitama2107 I'm Bavarian (but mom is from Schleswig-Holstein) and offering any visitors who stay long enough to sit down drinks is a must! Tbh when friends are visiting I almost always forget but if you're close I think it doesn't matter if the guest asks or if you offer. Because the guest will also not feel awkward just asking. But as an adult it is normally rude to not ask what they want to drink. An exception is if they just came over to talk very quickly without coming in, then of course you might only offer them to come in and if they refuse they show they don't intend to talk for long. But if you have a guest and don't offer them anything to drink at least then that is definitely rude. If it's more than a few minutes you would usually also offer to make some coffee (if it's the afternoon) and look for snacks or cake to eat. Even if it's just my sister and her husband who is visiting spontaneously without intending to stay very long, my parents will offer to make coffee and look for anything for them to snack on.
@@ninetendopesaitama2107 in Bavaria, NRW and Baden-Württemberg. But I have to ad that most people I know don't really like spontaneous guests because they aren't really prepared for being a good host if the guests aren't invited a few days or at least hours in advance.
In Spain sometimes we do a similar thing with deadpan compliments: "how's the food?" "eh, it lets itself be eaten" (it lets itself be eaten so much, the plates look like they haven't been used...) "oh, ok, so you're saying you don't want seconds?" "well, I'm on thirds... fourths might be a bit much"
I swear, I love German bluntness, just straight to the point without beating around the bush. If you want or need something, just ask and be done with it 😁
That's so true that intercultural/international couples are often cultural translators for one another! My spouse and I met in East Asia and there my spouse was my cultural translator when I was missing something and not aware of it. Now we live in one of my parents' home countries and I'm my spouse's cultural translator (although I'm not from here either, so sometimes I'm lost too and we're just out of luck with understanding anything 🤣).
29:08 apply for the german citizenship when you have your B1 certificate :) And make sure you do the Einbürgerungstest soon. It is hard to get a place for the exam because so many people are applying for the citizenship now. And the results come after 6-12 weeeks. Most of the questions are easy, so the hardest part is to find a place where you can do the test (many VHS offer it).
This! If a friend comes over to hang out, it's extremely unusual not to offer them a drink (doesn't have to be beer though, of course!). I wonder if this boyfriend and friend had developed a system where they would ask for a drink when they wanted it?
My boyfriend also often says "Woah, das könnte man verkaufen" when I make something especially yummy :) Which is funny to me cause food is actually my profession xD We are both Austrians :)
3:00 I’m American, but my family is like Uyen’s family in that respect. We beat around the bush, and can usually tell what the other person is thinking, just by looking across the room into their eyes. If someone is mad, they get really quiet and withdrawn. Maybe some clunking around the house, haha. 😂 My husband is American, and the opposite. His family is like German boyfriend’s family. They’re very outspoken. (Except they’re loud, with it. They’ll tell you so. German boyfriend is so quiet!) It makes for a pretty interesting relationship dynamic, lol. 😂 I can be so angry at my husband, and he won’t even know, unless I tell him, lol. 😅 Meanwhile, one look at him, and I can tell right away that something’s wrong. 😂
However, if I try to be outspoken like my husband’s family, he gets offended, because it’s not my personality, lol. He’ll be like, “Well, you don’t have to yell! 😢” Meanwhile, I’ll have stated it very calmly and concisely. 😂
Actually I am umpteenth generation German and my family still does a lot of these overpolite dances. Guests would obviously get food and drink. I feel guilty if I don’t have something in my apartment that the spontaneous guest likes. We would refuse a nice offer of food or an expensive gift first unless we were invited to come to someone’s place, then it is clear there will be food, but if I turn up at someone’s place uninvited, I’d definitely need to be persuaded to accept food. And as a host I would also not accept it the first or second time if a spontaneous guest politely declined an offer of food. Also, we do occasionally have fights about who is allowed to pay for everybody when we are eating out. I remember many sneaky races between my aunt and my grandma about who can get to the waiter or to a counter first so they can pay for everybody. Also, we will definitely compliment food etc. Maybe not in an over the top way, but if somebody is using the „it stays inside“ line or the „hunger forced it down“ it is either seen as an insult or meant sarcastically (which you‘d then have to clarify and follow up with an actual compliment). If I compliment my mother’s cooking, I will also give examples and describe what I liked about it specifically. Maybe some Germans just don’t have nice families? Also the indirect way of asking for help or for money where you will basically just hint at your problem or your financial needs and can usually expect that this gets picked up on and you will be offered help or money which you would need to refuse a couple of times first and be persuaded to accept… I definitely like it this way. There are still ways to shorten the dance and to make clear that you actually mean your refusal or your offer, but as a rule this just feels respectful.
British people we expect to receive tea and usually some biscuits. We even give tea to labourers who are working to fix something at your home. We also don't ask however for it, and usually will wait until offered.
Also there is no polite way to refuse tea and biscuits. When they are offered to you, you must accept. Otherwise you are insulting the person whose house you are at. 🇬🇧
I’m from a country where I can travel visa free to many countries. To my surprise, the first time I enter the U.K. with my (then boyfriend) hubby, I was asked briefly what’s my relationship with my British hubby… 😂 I’ve never had that issue when I travelled to other parts of EU, Australia and Japan etc. but I’ve since realised that it’s because there are people who abuse their visa, overstayed and it becomes hard for authorities to deport them due to ‘human rights’ reasons.. it’s a never ending journey of getting used to culture shocks when one is in a interracial relationship, but we love each other still after 2 years. 😊
10:45 Re: “Meal payment wars”: The compromise me and my friends (UK born, Asian ethnicities) have come up with is that we either take turns paying (one time I’ll pay, next time my friend pays), or one friend will pay for mains and one will pay for dessert. However, if it’s a group of work colleagues then we just do the English/German thing of splitting the bill. 😄
Uyen-what is a good channel or cookbook to learn basic healthy Vietnamese soups like you make? I like your food comparison videos and I (American) want to eat more fresh vegetables like you do. Soup for breakfast!
The difference is not all cultural. Some is gender difference. Women have to be more careful. I am so sorry that there are so many concerns. The US has so many trafficking problems now, it is difficult for everyone. Much better to be safe. The cultural differences are very interesting and your vie of is helping others to understand. Thank you. For many years I wrote for a website and had to be very aware of the differences. Humor was the thing I had to be most cautious about. What is amusing in one place may be offensive somewhere else and because I ended each post with a “Smile post” I had to be careful. Still, it was worth every minute to keep people smiling. I smiled watching you both. I love the happiness I see and hear. 😊 I have always wanted to go to Vietnam and now want to even more. Maybe one day!
Take the compliment, however it comes, understand and be less demanding! I can understand the desire for specifics, friendliness or wanting to change Germans. It's never going to happen. For a happy life, accept them as they are. Then go out and socialise with friendly people who aren't german. English, australians, Vietnamese, any others.. find them and chat and smile and compliment!
I don’t care what sex you are, if your meeting a person that you barely know; and are dating. You should always take every precaution needed, especially internationally on your own!!! I generally have friends with me or on speed dial when I meet a person I’d like to date or need help with something in my country!! Uyen you really did a good job making sure you are ok if things went south!!
Uyen wondering "why can't they just say it's delicious" in Germany culture after explaining that in Vietnamese culture they are not direct when there is a problem. 😺
13:44 I live in the netherlands, and its actually normal to offer something to drink, at least in my family, and in my friend's family I'm so close I grab drink and food myself. Never rlly had another experience but that
I enjoyed this video, so informative and humorously sweet. I'm from Washington State, USA. I like to learn about different cultures. Its fun and you both make it a pleasant experience too. Thankyou! I Like your videos too!
My husbands brother and wife are Americans living in Germany for the last 10 yrs. SIL told us that her German friends explained that us Americans look "psychotic" with our overly smiling faces and saying thank you too much🤣
You can always get a something to drink and a cookie in the Netherlands😂 To be honest most of the Dutch calculate their food (× patatoes and x meatbals a person). As for the foreigners, it's in our upbringing to cook for 2 extra persons. Because we never know who can stop by.
I once had a Palestinian friend who had moved to Australia. When I was staying with my sister in Melbourne, my friend invited me to her place for the day, starting mid-morning. She prepared lunch as soon as I got there, and it was gluten steaks, which I hadn't eaten for a long time, and they were delicious. So I pigged out on those and home made hot chips. I really enjoyed it, and was full. Then she invited me to come with her to visit some of her family. Well...every place we went, they wouldn't ask, but they would pull out a big plate of fruit, and peel some. I tried to decline, but my friend whispered that it would be considered rude if I didn't accept it. We went to three houses, and this happened in each house. It's culturally necessary to do this, I realised. And my poor stomach was getting distended and painful. By the time I got home, I thought I'd die. Never again. If I eat with any Middle Eastern people again, it will be tiny portions at each stop! Another time when I was just a teenager of 14 years old, I had been invited by an Indian girl I met to come over for lunch on a particular day. I arrived, and her parents were there, but she wasn't. I can't remember why, but I think she just forgot. Her parents were very embarrassed, so they began preparing me a really nice meal - to them. It was based on chicken livers! Urgh! I just didn't eat offal at all, and the very idea of liver was disgusting. But I was too well mannered to say anything and I forced down a plate of this disgusting stuff. I made the mistake of saying how delicious it was, and I got another couple of spoonfuls for my trouble! My parents would have been proud that they raised such a well-mannered child. I was so glad to get out of there. I really did appreciate their hospitality and I have nothing but praise for that. And they probably fed me what they considered to be a delicacy. First and last time I ever ate chicken livers. LOL
I live in the United States but am told that I am 3/4 German. As I comment, it is about 40 degrees outside. My heat is off & windows open. I add lettuce to German boyfriends salad, add dressing & call it Chefs Salad. One of three meals is generally hot. I do eat vegetables regularly and fruit. I think I would like food from Vietnam but would not have an hour to prepare most days. Best luck with your differences & please continue to entertain us with the humor of it all.
But in my experience this is normally meant sarcastically and I would consider it rude if that wasn’t made clear and followed up at some point by actual praise. Like, as a German, I can’t understand how so many Germans claim that this rudeness is culturally normal? It’s certainly not my experience.
In the French side of my family, we often answer the phone with members of the close family by "Good afternoon Mrs (insert our family name)" but it's like a private joke, a way to kindly make fun of each other
Uyen is sooo funny! You need to create a stand up routine and tour America. I think many people here would enjoy it. Also, good you took precautions on your first meeting with German boyfriend. I used to give info on new dates to my best friend. It's very important for women to be careful.
Actually as a German I would also see it as rude not to offer anything and I also wouldn’t accept a refusal of my offer the first couple of times. Many of these stereotypes just don’t relate to my family at all.
We had some distant cousins living in northern France who would arrive unannounced at our house, in the south of France, at lunch time. Several times over the years, empty handed, and even stayed overnight every time. My parents, always kind, were the perfect hosts. The cousins never wrote a thank you letter. We assumed they were going to Spain for their holidays and stopped at our house to avoid paying for a hotel room and restaurant meals.
I have an idea for you guys, but it may be more work than it’s worth. It would be so cute if you got an artist to do doodles to go over German bfs face that has different facial expressions for moments where his facial expression adds to the conversation! Just an idea, I love the podcast! I learn so much about both of your cultures :)
These cultural differences are so interesting 😂I’m Iranian and a big part of my grocery shopping isn’t even for me, that’s just stuff I buy to feed my friends if they ever come over😂 and it’s like, super normal. We hold guests in a super high regard
ahaha im Romanian and if i say "No" to food. I just say it two times. And the third time i say "If i wanted it i would've said yes. Thank you, but i can't right now. Im sorry" And it works with the right ppl
I’m American and my parents and grandparents and aunts/uncles do that same thing where they all offer to pay for dinner to the point that it becomes a weird argument. But my dad has come to avoid this by sneakily going up to the front and paying before anyone else has the chance to. I find the whole thing a bit silly, personally.
As a women I totaly know the serial killer fear. Ob my first dmfew dates I also send friends or family a photo and tell then where I go and with who so they can inform police if something goes wrong. 😅
We have the same in Poland about the refusal. It was customary to refuse twice, but it was an awkward custom that didn't sit well with younger people, because if you really didn't want something, people were pressing you to eat/drink it anyway and it was annoying. Poland became westernized and now it's pretty often that people take your first answer as a valid one. With older people you still do this refusal dance, but the rest says already yes or now if they want or don't want something. I think it's better that way.
Actually I am umpteenth generation German and my family still does a lot of these overpolite dances. Guests would obviously get food and drink. I feel guilty if I don’t have something in my apartment that the spontaneous guest likes. We would refuse a nice offer of a gift or of food first unless we were invited to come to someone’s place, then it is clear there will be food, but if I turn up at someone’s place uninvited, I’d definitely need to be persuaded to accept food. And as a host I would also not accept it the first or second time if a spontaneous guest politely declined an offer of food. Also, we do occasionally have fights about who is allowed to pay for everybody when we are eating out. I remember many sneaky races between my aunt and my grandma about who can get to the waiter or to a counter first so they can pay for everybody. Also, we will definitely compliment food etc. Maybe not in an over the top way, but if somebody is using the „it stays inside“ line or the „hunger forced it down“ it is either seen as an insult or meant sarcastically. If I compliment my mother’s cooking, I will also give examples and describe what I liked about it specifically. Maybe some Germans just don’t have nice families? Also the indirect way of asking for help or for money where you will basically just hint at your problem or your financial needs and can usually expect that this gets picked up on and you will be offered help or money which you would need to refuse a couple of times first and be persuaded to accept… I definitely like it this way. There are still ways to shorten the dance and to make clear that you actually mean your refusal or your offer, but as a rule this just feels respectful.
In my country, if we are invited to dinner and the food is too notch and you're single or uncoupled- We will say, you are ready for marriage. If you're in a relationship we say, I see why your partner is so happy. Yes, archaic but it is what it is!
I think in my culture (greek) it's considered rude to ask for food or drink in a house where you are not comfortable, but we also do have the custom to reject what the hosts offer to us at least 2 times before we accept
I find your cultural clashes so relatable 😂 I'm Cypriot and I find it odd still we need to pre-book a visit to see my English partner's grandmother. He learnt to warn me on some occasions there will not be food. Just drinks and snacks which I'm grateful for but why so formal 😂 If you come to my home I will ask guests a few times if they want tea and snacks, people almost never agree to eating proper food unless it's pre-offered and pre-booked 😂 Cypriots can cook and have a conversation and if you are older generation there also will be TV series on the background 😂 If you are close family and friends will also help and set the table together and tidy up after. I think maybe some more Western/ Northern Europeans don't necessarily want or offer food because not necessarily all the guests will then help set up or tidy? Well not many of my British guests helped so maybe??? I always offer to help but get told just to sit and wait in the British home! I am still learning to love on a more reserved and formal way lol! Towards the end when you talked about keeping safe when going to stay with each other, I was very glad to hear! This might be a woman thing and it's good to consider these things. I help victims of domestic abuse so that safety planning sounded great and happy for you it worked out 😊
if German bf never met Uyen, i would guess he will stay naive and not be aware what the rest of the world is happening.. he is too too pure. The mindset of Uyen is far more mature especially the last ten minutes of the video
I am from the Netherlands~ And we do offer drinks and food when we have company over. The kind of food or drinks depend on the time of the day for example tea and a little snack around 4 o' clock.
To me it doesn't sound like German Boyfriend gives bad compliments. It's nice to hear from your partner that he finds you funny or awesome or likes your cooking. If you want details, just ask him. Don't try to train the good man you have to being someone else.
One thing I don't mind about German culture are people not bothering you. It's refreshing that people keep to themselves and are generally polite on public transport. What bothered me about German behavior is that they didn't attempt to even talk to me or help me with the language. I was there two months and only one lady excited to show her garden spole to me in broken English and one man at restaurant from Pakistan. He told me they CAN speak English but refuse to do so for foreigners. In my country we at least try to help visitors as best we can even if they are trying to speak the language. I find it rude to show frustration or to ignore someone who is lost in the language or way to do things.
Hello Uyen and German Boyfriend!!! I am from USA!! I watch you on Facebook! You two are so adorable and I wish you many years of happiness, safety, and love!! I hope you have a wonderful day!! 💛 Cheers and yeehaw from Texas! -the lil USA cowgirl ♡ 🤠💛💫
Only thinking about how people would just show up, no matter if you are eating, cooking or doing the laundry, and they should be naturally invited in... just thinking about it gives me awful social anxiety. I hate that aspect so much and I am so glad Europe is not like Vietnam. I don't want people to show up randomly at my house whenever they want. What, if I have to study? What, if I feel tired and want to chill in the sofa? What, if the house looks like a mess? What, if I have not taken a shower yet and stink? No, no, no, horrible idea. Drop me a message at least an hour or two before you show up and let me come up with an excuse, why you shouldn't.
Agreed. I once had a close friend stop by at an agreed upon time for tea as she occasionally does. Normally, we don't have food unless it's near her birthday, and I might buy single servings of cake and a sparkler. She apologized for the request, but said she'd missed breakfast and asked whether she might have a cookie or a piece of toast. I had to say that I didn't have bread or cookies in the house. I don't stock junk food of any kind either. So no chips or ice cream I could offer instead. I planned to do a grocery run after she left, which is why I was out of raw veggies or dip which I might have offered. I didn't think a bowl of oatmeal would cut it, so I didn't mention it. Thankfully I did have a bit of cheese and a few crackers which I occasionally turn to with an apple if I need a mid-morning or mid-afternoon snack. So that's what she got with the tea.
City people in Vietnam generally don't do this. Many live in one room apartments and have little space to receive guests in the first place. You can knock on someone's door but they might not let you in
Hard agree on this. I need at least few days of warning if anyone would like to visit. I need to be in the right mood, and I need to prepare. If someone was to just randomly drop in I'd pretend I'm not home. I also don't ever make more food than what I need so if I didn't know someone was coming I wouldn't have dinner for them, I could probably find a snack but that's about it. I find I prefer to meet people outside of my home, go out for a meal or to do some activity, I don't like letting anyone into my space even if we're close friends. I come from a culture that's generally known for its hospitality so I know my stance isn't popular. When I was a kid I remember my parents would just get in a car and go to visit a relative for 'a cup of tea' without announcing themselves, and usually whoever we visited had some food to offer too, on top of the tea. I really don't know how they did it. I feel like nowadays it's expected to at least drop a text to say you'll be coming but they still like doing 'surprise family visits' and then they like to complain that so and so wasn't even at home lol
I like that German boyfriend goes from praising straightforwardness in one segment, to defending the roundabout German "compliments" in the next. Surely if straightforwardness is good you should be able to give straightforward compliments!
My German grandparents and my family were very very lovey-dovey; we always hugged and kissed, on the lips(!), and I have great memories of how lovely they were.
I absolutely love this podcast! I'm a big fan! I've been following for a while... My fiance and I are from the UK and are visiting Germany by coach next July and I'm trying to learn some German and they say it's close to English but I'm struggling do you have any tips I really want to embrace the trip without embarrassing myself too much! ❤❤❤❤
Do you have any funny or interesting stories? Anything you want to ask us? Let us know here in the comments!
As I was growing up in the Southeast of the US, I was taught that if I am a guest at someone's house, and they offer me food or drink (which is the courteous thing to do as a host), I was to first say something like, "Oh, no, please don't go to any trouble on my account." Then the host should say something like, "Oh, it's no trouble at all; I'm getting some for myself as well." And then I should say something like, "Well, if you're sure it's no bother..." and then it would be okay to accept the offer. I'm not sure that is still done with the younger generations, though.
Sorry… 🙄 forgot to shave before recording this episode 🙈
Peak German humour 😆
It's okay your tusks draw attention away from it
it's okay your tusks draw attention away from it
Your teeth are also big af💀
You're the sweetest 💗
Shaven or unshaven, it's what's inside the heart and mind that matters. You're handsome even in a mask.
It's very interesting that both cultures are actually very direct, AND very indirect, just about different things. The Vietnamese are indirect about confrontation, the Germans are indirect about compliments. And vice versa.
You two are doing very important cultural diplomacy in this global multicultural reality.
I never understood the phrase “hate my guts” until Uyen said “hate me to the guts”. Finally it makes sense! You hate someone so much you hate them inside too! Thank you Uyen!! 😂 Love from New York 🗽
I didn’t realise there were quite a few similarities between Vietnamese and British culture. The dance around paying for drinks etc, the compliments for cooking/baking, the bashful gift acceptance thing, “Oh, you shouldn’t have” 😂. I do admire the German bluntness though. You know exactly what’s what. No guessing.
so we are more like british than german our neigbours 😅. Greetings from Tricity in Poland
Actually I am umpteenth generation German and my family still does a lot of these things.
Guests would obviously get food and drink. I feel guilty if I don’t have something in my apartment that the spontaneous guest likes. We would refuse a nice offer of a gift or of food first unless we were invited to come to someone’s place, then it is clear there will be food, but if I turn up at someone’s place uninvited, I’d definitely need to be persuaded to accept food. And as a host I would also not accept it the first or second time if a spontaneous guest politely declined an offer of food.
Also, we do occasionally have fights about who is allowed to pay for everybody when we are eating out. I remember many sneaky races between my aunt and my grandma about who can get to the waiter or to a counter first so they can pay for everybody.
Also, we will definitely compliment food etc. Maybe not in an over the top way, but if somebody is using the „it stays inside“ line or the „hunger forced it down“ it is either seen as an insult or meant sarcastically. If I compliment my mother’s cooking, I will also give examples and describe what I liked about it specifically.
Maybe some Germans just don’t have nice families?
Also the indirect way of asking for help or for money where you will basically just hint at your problem or your financial needs and can usually expect that this gets picked up on and you will be offered help or money which you would need to refuse a couple of times first and be persuaded to accept…
I definitely like it this way. There are still ways to shorten the dance and to make clear that you actually mean your refusal or your offer, but as a rule this just feels respectful.
There's also the time honoured "Does anyone want the last XYZ", which obviously means "I want the last one but I feel the need to be polite. Please no one say yes"
@@p.s.224Most Germans have a very dry, sarcastic kind of humour, so our way of complimenting things is rather hidden. “Do you like the food?” - “It’s edible!” would be a perfectly normal conversation between friends. It would not tell anyone that you might have had a rough upbringing. 😅 If you are dining more formally and you are not very close with the cook, you’d typically avoid this kind of humour and actually say that it’s very good.
Maybe I misunderstood parts of your comment, but for the most part your family seems to not show “typically German” behaviour and mannerisms. So I guess that most German ways are not inherited through traces of ancestry, but are indeed culturally acquired.😊
"Not Bad" or "its edible" Is also a proper german response ;)
As an autistic American the straightforwardness of Germans sounds extremely refreshing lol
Same!
No literally! We need to matchmake autistic Americans and normal Germans 😂
If you want direct, the Netherlands is also extreme in this. We don't even try to make it sound nice we just say everything as is.😅
As a possibly autistic dutchy with several diagnosed autistic friends i suspect that uyen and gb both have some neurodivergent traits.
Uyen seems pretty adhd to me, and gb reminds me a lot of my autistic friends.
That said, being autistic might be a lot easier in countries with direct communication. Less chance to misread what is said 'between the lines'.
Now we only need to upgrade our understanding of autism over here. Medical and social understanding of Neurodivergence here is like 20 years behind.
The one thing I love about you both is that you have figured out a wonderful way to keep your privacy protected. This is important for all TH-camrs to take advice from this couple. She respects his privacy even though he still wants to be involved. Perfect example of how to keep your family separate from your TH-cam life but still include them occasionally
Uyen is totally right to protect herself, we women must always do this. Men who aren't a threat will never object to this, although they might find it weird because it's not something men have to think about.
Men should also be careful. There are many crazy women out there
Completely!
The fact that you think that men generally don't understand why women need to protect themselves shows how ignorant you are about men in general.
@foxpro3002 if you are a man, you might understand, but not instinctively because you don't face that same threat yourself. Many men "get it" when they have daughters.
@@foxpro3002 I mean German Boyfriend Fiance is someone who seems to be empathetic and sensitive and thoughtful and aware and he said he never considered why she asked for a photo of his passport.
I have lived in Germany 17 years and for 17 years I have had no idea if my outfit looks good, or my hair, etc. No freaking clue. The feedback just stopped in 2007.
As long as you like it, it's good 😊
Bugger that!!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
They sound awful honestly but I know they’re probably really sweet…or not sweet, but kind, or maybe not kind like in the nice way… I know they’re probably decent 👌🏽
@@Queen_Ce I would never go to a place where I had to go through a shocking and crippling process of adjusting to a People who are so proud of their lack of universal heartwarming interactions.
I have only met one ot two Germans in my entire because they only come to my country on a shoestring budget. One was on a bus, others were freedom camping, another was hitchhiking. They head towards the things they are accustomed to, like walking tracks, lakes, and mountains. I have not met any in any of the cities I have lived in. They also find casual work in beautiful places, farms etc. So they go out of their way to give as little away as possible.
I remember being really happy meeting Polish travellers. My smiles and enthusiasm was met with cold nothingness. The coldness has left a chilling, stressful, lasting impression on me. People are happy and friendly and helpful in my country.
I cannot get past the idea that Germans deliberately exclude and ignore new people in their lives. That is so cruel! Not smiling seems very unnatural and ultra miserable.
Germans also don't like honesty. They don't like reading about my observations or my views which come from living in a country of kindness and givers where diversity and acceptance is valued. Being positive and uplifting is valued so deliberate inhumanity is truly shocking.
It takes one second to say something pleasant and a few seconds to smile at someone. We do these things automatically because we life to share good vibes as we go along our way..
I am German and I am obviously not "typically German" in many of the things I hear about Germans in this video, and that pleases me more than it worries me. For example, I make a friendly face when I'm dealing with other people I don't know, I say straight away if I like something or not and why, no matter what it is, etc.
Really! In the Netherlands we would always offer something to drink, coffee, tea or drinks, depending on the time of day. For a meal, we would normally invite you specifically for that meal. Otherwise it depends on the time of day or the people
Yeah I think her boyfriend was just being a guy, you have those types that don't have a hospitable bone in their body as mom always did that. Drinks are certainly offered if you are there for longer than 15 minutes or half an hour. Meals are to be talked about as you certainly can't invite yourself to dinner unless you are ordering in maybe.
This is so helpful to me! My daughter-in-law is German and so much of what you say I have seen. It makes me feel like she doesn’t like me, but I am pretty sure she does.🇺🇸🇩🇪
You would know because she would be very passive aggressive. If she is just aggressive she just thinks you can take the honesty.😂
Don't worry. For us, honesty is a sign of respect. It means she is comfortable around you and trusts you.
I am really sorry you have to adjust to having a person with horrible and unfriendly ways in the family. I would not like to see that kind of cold behaviour around me or my kids.
I guess the main thing us to keep being yourself and the warm and kind person that you very likely are.
I think German Boyfriend is changing into a much improved and expanded person by being with Uyen.
@@juliajung1481🤣🤣🤣🤣
Germans are not cold. It‘s just cultural differences. We think it‘s very impolite to say things we don‘t really mean. Honesty from a German is her/his way of showing respect.
i'm from Upper Franconia. When my boyfriend (from Hesse... basically just 2 hours away from our village but a different Bundesland) came and prepared the christmas meal for us (he is a trained cook and was prepairing for 2 hours) my dad just said "basst scho" meaning "well it's ok" ... which totally baffled my boyfriend until i explained that for a typical Franconian "old man" this is one of the highest praises you will get.
Also with offering drinks at a friends house.... it really depends. When i'm at my friends house we don't offer each other some drinks since everybody knows where the glasses and the drinks are you just "help yourself" since you basically "part of the inventory" aka "you are family so get up the drinks are in the kitchen" :D
I think the way germans see compliments is the way that some see humor. The more subtle and hidden the message, the better it lands.
this is strange when we consider Germans have direct communication but not giving compliments indirectly. how contradicting Germans are (my real life experience everyday)
Either that. Or they're just not comfortable giving compliments. Some people say they don't see the point of compliments.
14:29 I love this lol
"I was felling like Bilbo Baggins when the dwarves were coming"
Bend the spoons and break the plates that's what Bilbo baggins hates
Always watch a full add for you 2!!! Wanted u to know I am very tired but I plan to watch all of these episodes later. Don’t get discouraged if you feel people don’t like, I care!
In the US, at least in my area, you probably wouldn't ask someone for a drink or food if you're a guest in their home and you don't know them well. If it's a good friend or family, that would be fine. But the host should always remember to ask. If they didn't offer and you asked for a drink, it would be a little awkward, like they were calling you out for being rude and not offering.
It's definitely rude not to offer, at least how i was brought up. I offer everyone who steps foot in my house drinks and food.
I am German (like, born and raised and currently living in Germany) and I see it the same way and this is definitely how it is done in my family too. I cannot relate to most of these stereotypes about Germans even though my family is still very German.
I am from US. I always offer food and drink and usually have it setting out for people to grab and nibble. Growing up people always stopped by and hung out in the midwest. This doesn't happen in Houston near me.
@@p.s.224
Same. Can't imagine, not offering a guest at the very least coffee/tea or water. And if it's a longer visit, I will usually make sure to have some snack appropriate for the time of day prepared.
Although admittedly such 'neglect' has happened to me when visiting others. Especially men are apparently often not raised to be 'good hosts'. Might be a generational thing, though, as I'm in my 40's. Men my age probably rarely saw their dads do that kind of thing, always their mom.
I am German. I think I would just not care until my interlocutor would make a fuss about me asking for a glass of water. Then I would gladly 'proceed' calling them out being rude, because it's one thing forgetting to offer, but something completely else when someone is unable to deal with their personal failure and starts projecting it onto you, seeing you as the root cause of their bad feeling, instead of their own internal struggles. At least I would with good friends from whom I would expect they should know that I'm not being rude
I guess when meeting new people I would take my own water with me in case of emergency and drink it unnoticed in the bathroom. Relationships are sometimes like a mutual exchange of respect and actions that take you out of your comfort zone and into the comfort zone of your friend, and to be balanced it should be done by both sites equally
9:24 same in Mexico. My in laws would ask me over and over and over. I finally asked my husband if they were deaf or just didn’t understand me. He told me culturally it is normal to ask multiple times. I told him for me if I want something I will say the first time if I want it or not. We all had to get use to each other.
_Fun with Flags_ vibes intensify!
I was just going to say this!
My grandmother from south of germany sometimes said "kamma nabdrugge" - "kann man hinabdrücken" - one can push/gag it down". Amd it means with somr effort its possible to swallow it... it was meant as a humourous compliment :D
It is similar to a Norwegian mild compliment as well: "Ja, det går jo ned" (Yes, it does go down) (it=the food)
Yay! I always look forward to your podcast. You have become my weekly routine after work. Thank you! 😊
Also you sweater is really cute Uyen. (I also like the pokémon shirts husband to be wears).
You guys are so cute, so made for each other! I am excited to enjoy watching your life unfold in front of our eager eyes. Thank you for sharing your life with us!
My 1 year old grand loves watching you guys with me. She hears the voice while napping and instantly wakes up to watch!! ❤
I’m Croatian and my partner is American and almost everything you shared resonates with us! Especially fighting over a bill at the restaurant and doing the offer-rejection-offer dance, and always, always feeding your guests! The only thing I agree with Germans is not going to someone’s home uninvited. However when invited Germans are usually early, Croats and Americans are always politely (15-30 minutes) late.
Maybe things have changed, but when I studied German in high school, our German-born teacher said Germans had to arrive very punctually -- not early, not late -- even if it meant driving around the block a couple of times before knocking on the door. That was about 45 years ago, so maybe it changed.
100% agree and resonate with Uyen’s visa vows! I’m Indian and the visa process makes you feel so unwanted and like these countries are doing you a major favor giving a visa 😢
In Germany, if you come over to a friends house drinks and maybe some sweets or salty snacks are always offered.. like german bf said something bigger to eat has to be discussed before really meeting
Which germany do you mean?;) In my experience Germans never offer snacks. Mostly they don't even offer a glass of water. I had better hospitality in almost every other country. ☮️
@@ninetendopesaitama2107 I'm Bavarian (but mom is from Schleswig-Holstein) and offering any visitors who stay long enough to sit down drinks is a must!
Tbh when friends are visiting I almost always forget but if you're close I think it doesn't matter if the guest asks or if you offer. Because the guest will also not feel awkward just asking.
But as an adult it is normally rude to not ask what they want to drink. An exception is if they just came over to talk very quickly without coming in, then of course you might only offer them to come in and if they refuse they show they don't intend to talk for long.
But if you have a guest and don't offer them anything to drink at least then that is definitely rude. If it's more than a few minutes you would usually also offer to make some coffee (if it's the afternoon) and look for snacks or cake to eat.
Even if it's just my sister and her husband who is visiting spontaneously without intending to stay very long, my parents will offer to make coffee and look for anything for them to snack on.
@@ninetendopesaitama2107 in Bavaria, NRW and Baden-Württemberg. But I have to ad that most people I know don't really like spontaneous guests because they aren't really prepared for being a good host if the guests aren't invited a few days or at least hours in advance.
In Spain sometimes we do a similar thing with deadpan compliments: "how's the food?" "eh, it lets itself be eaten" (it lets itself be eaten so much, the plates look like they haven't been used...) "oh, ok, so you're saying you don't want seconds?" "well, I'm on thirds... fourths might be a bit much"
I swear, I love German bluntness, just straight to the point without beating around the bush. If you want or need something, just ask and be done with it 😁
Love "The Hobbit" reference. I felt the situation completely.
That's so true that intercultural/international couples are often cultural translators for one another! My spouse and I met in East Asia and there my spouse was my cultural translator when I was missing something and not aware of it. Now we live in one of my parents' home countries and I'm my spouse's cultural translator (although I'm not from here either, so sometimes I'm lost too and we're just out of luck with understanding anything 🤣).
29:08 apply for the german citizenship when you have your B1 certificate :) And make sure you do the Einbürgerungstest soon. It is hard to get a place for the exam because so many people are applying for the citizenship now. And the results come after 6-12 weeeks.
Most of the questions are easy, so the hardest part is to find a place where you can do the test (many VHS offer it).
This should be more upvoted so she can see it! ☝️
As a dutchie, it us common to offer guests drinks, but food only around dinner time when agreed upon
This! If a friend comes over to hang out, it's extremely unusual not to offer them a drink (doesn't have to be beer though, of course!). I wonder if this boyfriend and friend had developed a system where they would ask for a drink when they wanted it?
My boyfriend also often says "Woah, das könnte man verkaufen" when I make something especially yummy :)
Which is funny to me cause food is actually my profession xD
We are both Austrians :)
Awww! That sounds actually very cute! 😄
@@uyenninh I also think so, for me it's one of the best compliments🤗
3:00 I’m American, but my family is like Uyen’s family in that respect. We beat around the bush, and can usually tell what the other person is thinking, just by looking across the room into their eyes. If someone is mad, they get really quiet and withdrawn. Maybe some clunking around the house, haha. 😂 My husband is American, and the opposite. His family is like German boyfriend’s family. They’re very outspoken. (Except they’re loud, with it. They’ll tell you so. German boyfriend is so quiet!) It makes for a pretty interesting relationship dynamic, lol. 😂 I can be so angry at my husband, and he won’t even know, unless I tell him, lol. 😅 Meanwhile, one look at him, and I can tell right away that something’s wrong. 😂
However, if I try to be outspoken like my husband’s family, he gets offended, because it’s not my personality, lol. He’ll be like, “Well, you don’t have to yell! 😢” Meanwhile, I’ll have stated it very calmly and concisely. 😂
Actually I am umpteenth generation German and my family still does a lot of these overpolite dances.
Guests would obviously get food and drink. I feel guilty if I don’t have something in my apartment that the spontaneous guest likes. We would refuse a nice offer of food or an expensive gift first unless we were invited to come to someone’s place, then it is clear there will be food, but if I turn up at someone’s place uninvited, I’d definitely need to be persuaded to accept food. And as a host I would also not accept it the first or second time if a spontaneous guest politely declined an offer of food.
Also, we do occasionally have fights about who is allowed to pay for everybody when we are eating out. I remember many sneaky races between my aunt and my grandma about who can get to the waiter or to a counter first so they can pay for everybody.
Also, we will definitely compliment food etc. Maybe not in an over the top way, but if somebody is using the „it stays inside“ line or the „hunger forced it down“ it is either seen as an insult or meant sarcastically (which you‘d then have to clarify and follow up with an actual compliment). If I compliment my mother’s cooking, I will also give examples and describe what I liked about it specifically.
Maybe some Germans just don’t have nice families?
Also the indirect way of asking for help or for money where you will basically just hint at your problem or your financial needs and can usually expect that this gets picked up on and you will be offered help or money which you would need to refuse a couple of times first and be persuaded to accept…
I definitely like it this way. There are still ways to shorten the dance and to make clear that you actually mean your refusal or your offer, but as a rule this just feels respectful.
British people we expect to receive tea and usually some biscuits. We even give tea to labourers who are working to fix something at your home. We also don't ask however for it, and usually will wait until offered.
Also there is no polite way to refuse tea and biscuits. When they are offered to you, you must accept. Otherwise you are insulting the person whose house you are at. 🇬🇧
I’m from a country where I can travel visa free to many countries. To my surprise, the first time I enter the U.K. with my (then boyfriend) hubby, I was asked briefly what’s my relationship with my British hubby… 😂 I’ve never had that issue when I travelled to other parts of EU, Australia and Japan etc. but I’ve since realised that it’s because there are people who abuse their visa, overstayed and it becomes hard for authorities to deport them due to ‘human rights’ reasons..
it’s a never ending journey of getting used to culture shocks when one is in a interracial relationship, but we love each other still after 2 years. 😊
10:45 Re: “Meal payment wars”: The compromise me and my friends (UK born, Asian ethnicities) have come up with is that we either take turns paying (one time I’ll pay, next time my friend pays), or one friend will pay for mains and one will pay for dessert.
However, if it’s a group of work colleagues then we just do the English/German thing of splitting the bill. 😄
Uyen-what is a good channel or cookbook to learn basic healthy Vietnamese soups like you make? I like your food comparison videos and I (American) want to eat more fresh vegetables like you do. Soup for breakfast!
The difference is not all cultural. Some is gender difference. Women have to be more careful. I am so sorry that there are so many concerns. The US has so many trafficking problems now, it is difficult for everyone. Much better to be safe. The cultural differences are very interesting and your vie of is helping others to understand. Thank you. For many years I wrote for a website and had to be very aware of the differences. Humor was the thing I had to be most cautious about. What is amusing in one place may be offensive somewhere else and because I ended each post with a “Smile post” I had to be careful. Still, it was worth every minute to keep people smiling. I smiled watching you both. I love the happiness I see and hear. 😊 I have always wanted to go to Vietnam and now want to even more. Maybe one day!
Yay a new episode!! I look forward to these, and it’s the only podcast I listen to.
Take the compliment, however it comes, understand and be less demanding! I can understand the desire for specifics, friendliness or wanting to change Germans. It's never going to happen. For a happy life, accept them as they are. Then go out and socialise with friendly people who aren't german. English, australians, Vietnamese, any others.. find them and chat and smile and compliment!
I don’t care what sex you are, if your meeting a person that you barely know; and are dating. You should always take every precaution needed, especially internationally on your own!!! I generally have friends with me or on speed dial when I meet a person I’d like to date or need help with something in my country!! Uyen you really did a good job making sure you are ok if things went south!!
Uyen wondering "why can't they just say it's delicious" in Germany culture after explaining that in Vietnamese culture they are not direct when there is a problem. 😺
I appreciate the privacy but also I wanna see German BF's face when he's saying these things 🤣
The German boyfriend mask 😂😂😂
Uyen, It's because of you I tried Vietnamese food for the first time in my 47 years of life and it's very delicious.😋
Thank you.
13:44 I live in the netherlands, and its actually normal to offer something to drink, at least in my family, and in my friend's family I'm so close I grab drink and food myself. Never rlly had another experience but that
I enjoyed this video, so informative and humorously sweet. I'm from Washington State, USA. I like to learn about different cultures. Its fun and you both make it a pleasant experience too. Thankyou! I Like your videos too!
I have been married to my husband for 38 years and he doen’t give compliments. He is German. Now I know why. Thanks for the information.
My husbands brother and wife are Americans living in Germany for the last 10 yrs. SIL told us that her German friends explained that us Americans look "psychotic" with our overly smiling faces and saying thank you too much🤣
I can see the glue between you is a fantastic sense of humour. 😁👍
You can always get a something to drink and a cookie in the Netherlands😂
To be honest most of the Dutch calculate their food (× patatoes and x meatbals a person). As for the foreigners, it's in our upbringing to cook for 2 extra persons. Because we never know who can stop by.
I once had a Palestinian friend who had moved to Australia. When I was staying with my sister in Melbourne, my friend invited me to her place for the day, starting mid-morning. She prepared lunch as soon as I got there, and it was gluten steaks, which I hadn't eaten for a long time, and they were delicious. So I pigged out on those and home made hot chips. I really enjoyed it, and was full. Then she invited me to come with her to visit some of her family. Well...every place we went, they wouldn't ask, but they would pull out a big plate of fruit, and peel some. I tried to decline, but my friend whispered that it would be considered rude if I didn't accept it. We went to three houses, and this happened in each house. It's culturally necessary to do this, I realised. And my poor stomach was getting distended and painful. By the time I got home, I thought I'd die. Never again. If I eat with any Middle Eastern people again, it will be tiny portions at each stop! Another time when I was just a teenager of 14 years old, I had been invited by an Indian girl I met to come over for lunch on a particular day. I arrived, and her parents were there, but she wasn't. I can't remember why, but I think she just forgot. Her parents were very embarrassed, so they began preparing me a really nice meal - to them. It was based on chicken livers! Urgh! I just didn't eat offal at all, and the very idea of liver was disgusting. But I was too well mannered to say anything and I forced down a plate of this disgusting stuff. I made the mistake of saying how delicious it was, and I got another couple of spoonfuls for my trouble! My parents would have been proud that they raised such a well-mannered child. I was so glad to get out of there. I really did appreciate their hospitality and I have nothing but praise for that. And they probably fed me what they considered to be a delicacy. First and last time I ever ate chicken livers. LOL
I live in the United States but am told that I am 3/4 German. As I comment, it is about 40 degrees outside. My heat is off & windows open. I add lettuce to German boyfriends salad, add dressing & call it Chefs Salad. One of three meals is generally hot. I do eat vegetables regularly and fruit. I think I would like food from Vietnam but would not have an hour to prepare most days. Best luck with your differences & please continue to entertain us with the humor of it all.
With food, "Der Hunger treibt's rein" and "Nicht vom Allerschlechtesten" are very high praise, too.
But in my experience this is normally meant sarcastically and I would consider it rude if that wasn’t made clear and followed up at some point by actual praise. Like, as a German, I can’t understand how so many Germans claim that this rudeness is culturally normal? It’s certainly not my experience.
i swear y'all come up with the most roundabout way of saying "food's good" instead of just being direct lol
Hi, Miss Muffin here 😊 thanks for reading my comment, it made my day ❤
Awwwwww! Thank you so much for sending your comment! 🥰
In the French side of my family, we often answer the phone with members of the close family by "Good afternoon Mrs (insert our family name)" but it's like a private joke, a way to kindly make fun of each other
Uyen is sooo funny! You need to create a stand up routine and tour America. I think many people here would enjoy it. Also, good you took precautions on your first meeting with German boyfriend. I used to give info on new dates to my best friend. It's very important for women to be careful.
I'm from Northeast India and my mother never let guests leave empty stomach. She ATLEAST make tea and snacks 😅😅
Actually as a German I would also see it as rude not to offer anything and I also wouldn’t accept a refusal of my offer the first couple of times. Many of these stereotypes just don’t relate to my family at all.
@p.s.224 That's nice 🙂
@@p.s.224 it wasn’t about Germans but the Dutch people
19:23
that's dangerous guys
that guy got lucky and he survived without sunscreen, but not most people survive.
stay healthy
We had some distant cousins living in northern France who would arrive unannounced at our house, in the south of France, at lunch time. Several times over the years, empty handed, and even stayed overnight every time. My parents, always kind, were the perfect hosts. The cousins never wrote a thank you letter. We assumed they were going to Spain for their holidays and stopped at our house to avoid paying for a hotel room and restaurant meals.
I presume you considered it rude but were too polite to say so?
I love that conversational dance of paying the bill, it shows how much people care
I have an idea for you guys, but it may be more work than it’s worth. It would be so cute if you got an artist to do doodles to go over German bfs face that has different facial expressions for moments where his facial expression adds to the conversation! Just an idea, I love the podcast! I learn so much about both of your cultures :)
These cultural differences are so interesting 😂I’m Iranian and a big part of my grocery shopping isn’t even for me, that’s just stuff I buy to feed my friends if they ever come over😂 and it’s like, super normal. We hold guests in a super high regard
ahaha im Romanian and if i say "No" to food. I just say it two times. And the third time i say "If i wanted it i would've said yes. Thank you, but i can't right now. Im sorry" And it works with the right ppl
"is this the face of a drug lord?" (cute mammoth emoji) XD
I’m American and my parents and grandparents and aunts/uncles do that same thing where they all offer to pay for dinner to the point that it becomes a weird argument. But my dad has come to avoid this by sneakily going up to the front and paying before anyone else has the chance to. I find the whole thing a bit silly, personally.
I think that is beautiful.
Phone answering with last name or full name ALL the time. Very common with older people in Germany, even with caller ID
yeah, he is 36 ...😅😂
As a women I totaly know the serial killer fear. Ob my first dmfew dates I also send friends or family a photo and tell then where I go and with who so they can inform police if something goes wrong. 😅
We have the same in Poland about the refusal. It was customary to refuse twice, but it was an awkward custom that didn't sit well with younger people, because if you really didn't want something, people were pressing you to eat/drink it anyway and it was annoying. Poland became westernized and now it's pretty often that people take your first answer as a valid one. With older people you still do this refusal dance, but the rest says already yes or now if they want or don't want something. I think it's better that way.
Actually I am umpteenth generation German and my family still does a lot of these overpolite dances.
Guests would obviously get food and drink. I feel guilty if I don’t have something in my apartment that the spontaneous guest likes. We would refuse a nice offer of a gift or of food first unless we were invited to come to someone’s place, then it is clear there will be food, but if I turn up at someone’s place uninvited, I’d definitely need to be persuaded to accept food. And as a host I would also not accept it the first or second time if a spontaneous guest politely declined an offer of food.
Also, we do occasionally have fights about who is allowed to pay for everybody when we are eating out. I remember many sneaky races between my aunt and my grandma about who can get to the waiter or to a counter first so they can pay for everybody.
Also, we will definitely compliment food etc. Maybe not in an over the top way, but if somebody is using the „it stays inside“ line or the „hunger forced it down“ it is either seen as an insult or meant sarcastically. If I compliment my mother’s cooking, I will also give examples and describe what I liked about it specifically.
Maybe some Germans just don’t have nice families?
Also the indirect way of asking for help or for money where you will basically just hint at your problem or your financial needs and can usually expect that this gets picked up on and you will be offered help or money which you would need to refuse a couple of times first and be persuaded to accept…
I definitely like it this way. There are still ways to shorten the dance and to make clear that you actually mean your refusal or your offer, but as a rule this just feels respectful.
made my laugh to tears :D 'your parents would have locked you indoors for going to see Him in the South of Vietnam' lol, totally understand that :D
As an American (in the South) everything is direct except for shade. Speaking badly about someone is often indirect and sometimes to their face.
"Bless your heart",?
In my country, if we are invited to dinner and the food is too notch and you're single or uncoupled- We will say, you are ready for marriage. If you're in a relationship we say, I see why your partner is so happy. Yes, archaic but it is what it is!
We have something similar, when the food tastes great we tell them that their future partner will be lucky 😅
The full name thing at 16:00 is pretty common if you answer your house line and dont have a number saved with a name or dont know it by heart
I think in my culture (greek) it's considered rude to ask for food or drink in a house where you are not comfortable, but we also do have the custom to reject what the hosts offer to us at least 2 times before we accept
Women always have to think differently about safety. It is ALWAYS on our minds for good reason. Men should try to understand.
My Bulgarian friend told her German landlady she's going to Portugal and she reacted like if she was going to the jungle. And Portugal is in Europe.
I find your cultural clashes so relatable 😂 I'm Cypriot and I find it odd still we need to pre-book a visit to see my English partner's grandmother. He learnt to warn me on some occasions there will not be food. Just drinks and snacks which I'm grateful for but why so formal 😂 If you come to my home I will ask guests a few times if they want tea and snacks, people almost never agree to eating proper food unless it's pre-offered and pre-booked 😂 Cypriots can cook and have a conversation and if you are older generation there also will be TV series on the background 😂 If you are close family and friends will also help and set the table together and tidy up after. I think maybe some more Western/ Northern Europeans don't necessarily want or offer food because not necessarily all the guests will then help set up or tidy? Well not many of my British guests helped so maybe??? I always offer to help but get told just to sit and wait in the British home! I am still learning to love on a more reserved and formal way lol!
Towards the end when you talked about keeping safe when going to stay with each other, I was very glad to hear! This might be a woman thing and it's good to consider these things. I help victims of domestic abuse so that safety planning sounded great and happy for you it worked out 😊
if German bf never met Uyen, i would guess he will stay naive and not be aware what the rest of the world is happening.. he is too too pure. The mindset of Uyen is far more mature especially the last ten minutes of the video
I am from the Netherlands~ And we do offer drinks and food when we have company over. The kind of food or drinks depend on the time of the day for example tea and a little snack around 4 o' clock.
I always love your Podcast 😅
I laughed when German boyfriend said "be safe". It was very important but coming from your wooly mammoth face, it was funny!
I LOVE THIS. Thank you. It is entertaining and educational (the 2 reasons I go to TH-cam.)
To me it doesn't sound like German Boyfriend gives bad compliments.
It's nice to hear from your partner that he finds you funny or awesome or likes your cooking. If you want details, just ask him. Don't try to train the good man you have to being someone else.
One thing I don't mind about German culture are people not bothering you. It's refreshing that people keep to themselves and are generally polite on public transport.
What bothered me about German behavior is that they didn't attempt to even talk to me or help me with the language. I was there two months and only one lady excited to show her garden spole to me in broken English and one man at restaurant from Pakistan. He told me they CAN speak English but refuse to do so for foreigners. In my country we at least try to help visitors as best we can even if they are trying to speak the language.
I find it rude to show frustration or to ignore someone who is lost in the language or way to do things.
Come to Scandinavia! You will get lots of personal space, and nobody minds speaking English, which most of us are pretty fluent in :)
26:56 we understood you, Uyen, don't worry 😂
Such a fun and educational video!
I love all the sweaters Uyen wears!!! Super cute ❤❤❤
Great pod keep it up
Hello Uyen and German Boyfriend!!! I am from USA!! I watch you on Facebook! You two are so adorable and I wish you many years of happiness, safety, and love!!
I hope you have a wonderful day!! 💛
Cheers and yeehaw from Texas!
-the lil USA cowgirl ♡ 🤠💛💫
Only thinking about how people would just show up, no matter if you are eating, cooking or doing the laundry, and they should be naturally invited in... just thinking about it gives me awful social anxiety. I hate that aspect so much and I am so glad Europe is not like Vietnam. I don't want people to show up randomly at my house whenever they want. What, if I have to study? What, if I feel tired and want to chill in the sofa? What, if the house looks like a mess? What, if I have not taken a shower yet and stink? No, no, no, horrible idea. Drop me a message at least an hour or two before you show up and let me come up with an excuse, why you shouldn't.
Agreed. I once had a close friend stop by at an agreed upon time for tea as she occasionally does. Normally, we don't have food unless it's near her birthday, and I might buy single servings of cake and a sparkler. She apologized for the request, but said she'd missed breakfast and asked whether she might have a cookie or a piece of toast. I had to say that I didn't have bread or cookies in the house.
I don't stock junk food of any kind either. So no chips or ice cream I could offer instead. I planned to do a grocery run after she left, which is why I was out of raw veggies or dip which I might have offered. I didn't think a bowl of oatmeal would cut it, so I didn't mention it. Thankfully I did have a bit of cheese and a few crackers which I occasionally turn to with an apple if I need a mid-morning or mid-afternoon snack. So that's what she got with the tea.
City people in Vietnam generally don't do this. Many live in one room apartments and have little space to receive guests in the first place. You can knock on someone's door but they might not let you in
Hard agree on this. I need at least few days of warning if anyone would like to visit. I need to be in the right mood, and I need to prepare. If someone was to just randomly drop in I'd pretend I'm not home. I also don't ever make more food than what I need so if I didn't know someone was coming I wouldn't have dinner for them, I could probably find a snack but that's about it. I find I prefer to meet people outside of my home, go out for a meal or to do some activity, I don't like letting anyone into my space even if we're close friends. I come from a culture that's generally known for its hospitality so I know my stance isn't popular. When I was a kid I remember my parents would just get in a car and go to visit a relative for 'a cup of tea' without announcing themselves, and usually whoever we visited had some food to offer too, on top of the tea. I really don't know how they did it. I feel like nowadays it's expected to at least drop a text to say you'll be coming but they still like doing 'surprise family visits' and then they like to complain that so and so wasn't even at home lol
I like that German boyfriend goes from praising straightforwardness in one segment, to defending the roundabout German "compliments" in the next. Surely if straightforwardness is good you should be able to give straightforward compliments!
Those are really good microphones.
My German grandparents and my family were very very lovey-dovey; we always hugged and kissed, on the lips(!), and I have great memories of how lovely they were.
Sehr geil. Bitte mehr davon.
I absolutely love this podcast! I'm a big fan! I've been following for a while... My fiance and I are from the UK and are visiting Germany by coach next July and I'm trying to learn some German and they say it's close to English but I'm struggling do you have any tips I really want to embrace the trip without embarrassing myself too much! ❤❤❤❤
You guys are lovely, happy new moon❤🎉
Lmao @ the mammoth head.
Laugh of german boyfriend is way too cutee!!❤