Uyen, growing up vietnamese in the Netherlands while completely not fitting into the asian standards and neither in the western standards was really hard on a young child. Tryin to cope Irl regretfully distanced myself from the vietnamese culture. You remind me of the good parts and help me embrace it and heal parts of my inner child with every video. Thank you so much!❤
This is a really special chat, it's not often that I see people talking so clearly and openly about what it is like to feel part of several cultures at once, and how that means for your identity. I moved a lot as a kid, have parents from two different countries and now live away from my native country with a partner from a different culture, and my family is all over the world. It's nice to hear from people who get it 😊
6:45 this is super true! I learned French from living there when I was 5-6 years old, and then I maintained it in the US by talking to my dad who is a native Belgian born in the 50s. I went back to France to live with a French family for a couple weeks when I was a teenager and I realized the language had evolved sooo much. I was fluent and functional but not at all current. I couldn’t speak to my own age group like a peer.
@@pegaseg70 pretty i would not say but more like french has different variety like a german speaker don't speak the same german than an austrian ( we have a lot of germanic influence in the way we put word together, A LOT) the most evident is to say can you do x (peux tu faire x) we say do you know do this(tu sais faire x?)
Yeah, I was told it wasn’t ‘done’ to remark on physical appearance. I felt chagrined, but some people appreciate a compliment. It perks up their spirit.
You’re absolutely right, you should share each others cultures! My daughter is married to a Chinese immigrant from Shanghai and we are experiencing a new culture now through our granddaughter.
I’m glad that your partner has realized how important food is to identity when you’re away from your community. Even as someone who is born in the United States, I’m Hispanic and there are still culinary ingredients that I can’t find unless I go out of my way to find a specialty store. Just to make something as simple as my grandmother’s sofrito.
I had an almost instantaneous identity crisis when I (Swedish) went to visit my boyfriend (Polish) for the first time. I had expected it to feel like I was an obvious outsider and for me to really miss my home, but instead it was the complete opposite. I felt like I had just left elsewhere and come home. After living all 27 years of my life in Sweden and being so sure that this was were I belonged, that realisation brought up some feelings in me. Now I'm about to move there in a few months, so all your experiences and thoughts will be of great help. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. ❤
listening to this episode I've realized that I've been feeling confused as well on " who am I". I'm a Danish/italian girl who grew up in Italy but since my mom is danish I've experienced a lot of danish traditions and culture. so for me it is a sentiment that I've grew up with thinking it was a normal thing to feel this type of confusion since we all try to find our own identity and place in the world. the weird thing is that when I'm in italy I feel Danish, but when I'm outside of Italy traveling, I feel Italian. is been years that I've made peace with this confusion and I've just decided that I'm a world citazen. I'm a good person and I want to take the better of all the culture(even not danish or italian) to put it in my life. I've decided to not label myself with a citazenship ( of course if people ask me I tell them danish/italian and all my documents says that, but in my mind I'm free)
Italian immigrant here. I found your comment to hit home for me. Thank you for sharing this perspective as it helps me feel I am not the only one feeling this way and making thic conscious choice. Grazie mille, buona fortuna per tutto 👋🏻
You both articulate your thoughts and feelings in such a clear and concise manner..whilst using a second language..it’s a pleasure to hear.. it really does give me faith in humanity..
I'm really loving the depth of content in this series, enriched by your anecdotes and the comments of listeners, as well as the sweetness of your interactions with each other. Relate too that Uyen is holding a squishie!
Uyen, I live in the USA, and this happens within families. My little brother and I are 7 years apart, and we have grown up in the same household, 7 years apart, and the way he talks does not make any sense to me. it took a year before I couldn't understand anything he was saying, and we speak the same language. So its not even just happening in every country, its literally happening in households, over like 1-2 years
I agree, alot of it is just getting older and each new generation comes up new slang and terms. Gen Alphas is certianly unique 😆. But I can deffinitly see how living abroad can make that feel more pronounced since your not actively in the country as the new slang and modernized language is being formed.
I relate with Uyen so much! My tummy became super sensitive to my old home food :( it makes me sad and breaks my heart. Another thing is me being sensitive to noise and my surroundings as well. I was really good with hot weather before too but now can’t seem to stand being out for a long time - I get sick 😪
Suddenly wanting to recreate the traditions of home abroad is something I felt so strongly! When my traditions weren’t the default I felt much more strongly about wanting to hold on to them and try to recreate them for myself and my children.
😮 German born left, when I was 20 moved to UK, then Hong Kong back to Germany, UK, Germany, UK could not settle, Germany to German, England to miserable....... so spain became a home❤
My family has moved around several times and everything depends on the friends you make and keep. I was born in Venezuela and then later on my family moved to America (USA). When I got married we moved to Mexico for several years. Btw, my husband was born in Germany! But, our shared friends and experiences were with the Ukrainian community. Both our parents are from Ukrainian background. Having said that, we both enjoy trying new foods and experiences! We enjoy meeting new people!
What caught my attention was: I like your innocence, your honesty, your boyfriend is so patient, soft spoken and one can tell he loves you. The other was 2 totally different backgrounds dating and the discoveries and challenges. I love how you show different parts of the world and your experiences there. And I have to be honest, your accents ❤️
Home is where your spouse is I am happy anywhere I am with my wife, she makes it a home for e. If there is not someone in your life, home is where your heart is. For singles, Cities and regions have a particular sense of belonging and it is not always where you grew up. I can understand Uyen's struggle, as there is such a great difference in the cultures between her history and her present. I see such a great bond between them though, I think perhaps he is her home now.
Initially, I just thought, well, home is where your heart is-your heart is with your family and your boyfriend, so you simply have two homes. But listening to this, I realize that things are more complicated than that. This conversation was very nuanced and interesting.
Dearest Uyen, you are going through a painful time, I can see that. But everyone goes through this, even if we are in the same country our whole life. I am from Ohio, USA and my husband is from Indiana, USA. We got married and formed our own life. His family had traditions, personalities, food, homes, etc that were very different than how I was raised. For the first few years, I was very confused as to who I was. I felt I was betraying my family by deciding I didn't like certain ways that I was raised. I did not like how loud my family was for example. But it never bothered me before. My point is that this is all very normal. You are like a butterfly coming out of your cocoon. You are forming into your own person and that can be hard and painful. One day you will wake up and just feel like.. you. And You is a very good thing
Yuen, your home in Vietnam is always going to be there. Now you are learning about your new country as well. You’re in a wonderful position to speak about both countries. I so envy you. Though I have always lived in the US, I am adopted and recently found out my birth family is from Norway. Since then I am learning their culture and trying to find my own version of Norwegian/American. Do it your way, the way you want to because that will lead your heart where it’s meant to be.
I live in uk but i m italian, what i miss is just my friends, but i would never be able to live in italy anymore. What s good is that i can go back often and still see my friends, i actually see them more than my friends in london 😂but still not enough
As somebody living on the border of two countries, this feeling is so prominent among us and so common- yet it’s not any less heart wrenching than the feeling that you get living abroad! We cannot identify fully with two places because you can’t always be in those places, but that’s normal! You’re going to miss out on contexts and language and you’re going to miss out on stuff. It truly is a special experience and we all learn to live with it and acknowledge that we can’t fit into a box. Absolutely loving this multicultural content! You’ve got a new sub
One thing I find odd in USA as a Latin( Cuban ) that enjoys other cultures is this new sensitivity to being asked about ancestry. Many Americans born abroad or from a minority culture resent being asked about heritage. I love sharing my background and wish others were more open but it’s become a ‘thing’ to take it as an insult. So I gravitate to channels like yours to get my fix! I live in Miami and from my perspective it’s not diverse enough everyone is essentially from my background lol Anyhow love you guys!
I am American and my mom is white American my dad is Mexican and I lived in India for a couple years in my early to mid twenties, so it is a different struggle but I have in the past struggled with my identity -- I'm not white enough to be white and not Mexican enough to be Mexican and the conclusion I have come to is that I am just both and neither. I also was really influenced by my time in India and that is a part of me too although that part is smaller. I think you are not just one identity, you have a bunch of different things mixing within you that influence who you are, and your identity evolves as you do. You will always be Vietnamese. But before living in Germany being Vietnamese was the only identity you knew. However, now you have spent years adopting a different culture and it has become a part of you, too. You are still Vietnamese, but what is changed is now that's not your only identity anymore. You are now a mixture of your varied life experiences. Your identity and self is like a canvas that you paint on as you go -- in your childhood and early adulthood, you only used Vietnamese paint, but for the last 5 years you have been adding to that tapestry with Germany paint and now the canvas has both and it is a new picture.
@@lisellem.5298 I would love to go back to visit Cuba where I was born. I see myself as more bicultural than intersectional although I think the concept can explains a lot.
My friend is Czech but left when he was 8 y.o. He *thought* that he spoke fluent Czech because he spoke it at home and with other Czech immigrants in Australia. When he went back to Czech Republic when he was in his early twenties his cousins laughed at him and told him that he spoke like an old man...... language certainly does move on.
I love that GBF decorates for Tet Holiday, even when Uyen isn’t there. And perhaps because Uyen is there, it becomes more important to share and appreciate and celebrate his own traditions, such as St Martin’s Day. (Any excuse for roast goose, I say!)
I have always adored you Uyen. Now I can say how much I appreciate German fiance as well. I loved listening to this. I found myself very tearful. First I was thinking about what my father told me about his grandparents who were my ancestors who moved from Scotland, here to New Zealand. He said about his childhood, "We were more Scottish than the Scots". I have always assumed that they did all they could to hold on to their traditional ways. I have seen a photo of my grandparents doing Scottish dancing with my grandfather and his brother playing drums. My grandfather played the bagpipes and served the community in many ways. I am glad I can connect to their ways and their culture. I didn't know I had any particular culture. Nowadays I really feel I am a Kiwi...we are very friendly, helpful, resourceful and honour our ANZACs and the ANZAC spirit. I also have really incorporated the Maori culture into my ways, it is so, so beautiful. But watching this, I would like to say how important it is to know who we are. I wish I could thank my grandparents for passing on Scottish traditions and giving their descendants an identity we can connect to. I am lucky I can remember our holidays of New Years' Eve, Old Lang Syne, many community events, porridge every morning, tartan clothes etc. The 115 year old photo gives me such a beautiful feeling about people and their children I would love to have known. It is so beautiful German fiance, that you participate in Vietnamese traditions. What an awesome guy! I love your talks together.
I’m from the USA and my ancestors are from many different places so no traditions were passed along, except for some religious ones. So I don’t know from experience what it would be like. But I love how the two of you share your culture and he helps you celebrate your traditions.
As part of your own biografy, you bring in your own culture and there is no demand to change yourself. But since you are mentioning anchestors, the question is, what should we pass to our childrens. I think they should dominatly consider themself by the country they are growing up in, so you as an American.
I think I can speak to this a bit. I’m American with the common European hodgepodge ancestry. Living abroad helped me realize that in the US we have our own culture. Like German Boyfriend was saying about just thinking of German culture as “we” or a default, you do have a culture. It’s just not so visible without a point of comparison 😊
@@SaraWilsonBasturk But what you say is, you break with your anchestries culture, and have your own. Wasn't the topic, in what culture they would raise possible children of their own ? Is this defined by parents, or by the place they grow up ? I think the place has the bigger share. It's a big discussion in Germany actually, how much culture people should bring in or adopt to the local culture. And if not the migrants themselve, then at least their children.
Uyen, this feeling of not knowing where I belong cuts me really deeply too. (And I got really into doing all the traditions for old home holidays as well!) My parents are from different countries, I was born in a third country (different from theirs), and I've lived in eight or nine other countries for varying periods of time. At one point I tried really hard to cling to one or two cultures to anchor my sense of self, but now I am trying to be more flexible. If I lived somewhere for a while and this or that tradition, holiday, et cetera, brings back good memories of that place, then I make that part of my 'home culture' (as I call it). It makes for too many holidays 😂 (is that a bad thing???) and I do sometimes find myself crying from homesickness for a former home, but it mostly brings joy. It doesn't bring an end to the feeling of being outside, but it helps all the same. I hope you find anchors that help keep you feeling connected to home wherever you are ❤
I have never actually lived abroad but was lucky to travel a lot, and most of my family lives abroad so I visited them as a child. I was born in Tel Aviv, Israel (save the bad comments please, I’m a person not a walking flag🙄), and I’ve always felt like I don’t belong in my society and couldn’t really find my place a lot of the time. I’m really into different cultures and languages, and often when I travel and I’m surrounded with people from multiple countries I feel like a mix of everything, and not really Israeli. It’s a weird feeling. So I can totally relate to that identity crisis experience.
Uyen, I moved to Thailand from Australia almost 5 years ago now. I also noticed a mental transition of home vs newcomer. I realised it when I returned to Thailand from a short trip to Aus I really felt like I was arriving HOME. (Also I was defaulting to Thai language often back home)
Uyen I work a Vietnamese woman who has lived in Australia for 30 years. She’s the hardest worker and the friendliest person in the office. Everyone loves her. She told me that she has felt so welcome and appreciated as an Australian and it made me proud that our culture is capable of accepting foreign people so easily. It also makes me smile listening to you speak because even after 30 years her accent is so similar to yours. I hope you feel welcome here in the Western world. It’s not the same as Vietnam but we’re doing the best that we can.
well, you too are not a real 'product' of Australia. You are a 'byproduct' of European invasion and land appropriation in Australian lands since 1606. I mean the authentic Australians are Aboriginals. The rest is a 'built' world in a Asian-Pacific region. Sadly, the European diaspora in Australia, in the USA and in Canada pretend as if they were on those regions for billion years. But that is so untrue and pretentious.
I was born and raised in Mexico, and met my now husband on the internet. When I moved to USA I had a huge culture shock, but after time I learned the American culture and thrived. My problem sometimes is that now I have a culture shock when I go back to Mexico to visit my family. I've been married to my husband for 20 years and now my life is in USA, and I understand exactly everything you're talking about.
I’m Latin too. Cuban American and definitely see your point. Here in Miami I notice newly arrived Cubans have cultural differences from long term Cuban Americans. Finally meeting people louder than my family lol Love diversity! My only issue is we do need a common language or we become isolated and insular. Of course so many in my city are native Spanish speakers like myself that it makes learning English very hard. I always tell people move to Wyoming or Alabama so you can learn English. I mostly communicate in Spanish in stores and restaurants in Miami. Anyhow here’s to diversity of culture and unity in language ❤
Adding on to the topic of this video... My name is Emili and I live in the United States. About 5 years ago, I moved from my home state of Tennessee to my current state of Arkansas. While these 2 states border each other and are apart of the same country, there are many differences in dialect and ways of living. I can say that even though I'm still living in the same country and my hometown is only about 4 hours away, I can relate to what Uyen said about wanting to show your nationalism. I find myself wanting to represent my home state by wearing the colors of our sports teams or displaying our state flag rather than doing those things for the state I currently live in. I say all this to say, i think its interesting that whether you move across the world or I move across the country, our human nature is consistent. Love you guys!! ❤❤❤
These conversations make me feel less alone. It can feel so isolating moving somewhere new, but hearing all the different perspectives, sometimes ones I have also felt, makes me feel like I’m part of a community of people without realizing it. I was at the dentist the other day and someone said they liked my California accent and I immediately explained in shock that I normally try not to talk because I think people will have a negative reaction to me, and they immediately said we all have different accents here and you don’t need to be afraid of that…. I don’t think they knew how much that small olive branch meant to me.
I really relate to what both of you were saying about adult friendships - it's so hard! Even when you're not in a different country, friendships just take more work, it's harder to find time to connect and just do everyday life with your friends like you do in college and in your 20s. Love you guys, thank you for another great podcast! 💜💜
Exactly. Being young, friendships just happen, spontaneously, you didn't have to work for it. As you grow older, life happens, we get busy with our family, job and friendships become further and further away. It's harder to meet and get new friends, it's hard to maintain the ones you have and even if you try, they are often not as close as in the past because of the distance or time. Only when living close by or having deeper, daily relationships, things can be upheld to an older level of friendship, but as soon things change, like a job change, the relationships move one as well, and you can only maintain them on a smaller level. And that is for someone who sill lives in the same country all life. Imagining to move abroad and make new friendships there, when it's so hard to maintain relationship in place, is scary and often a deterrent to really move somewhere else. It's easier to move with another person, so you are not alone and experiencing it together, but moving abroad alone, is hard. When novelty expires, culture shock and culture depression kicks in (it often happens because getting new friendship and relationships happens slower than getting used to the new place). This had to be hardest moment of moving abroad alone. Probably some give up and go back because of it, some live through it and grew new relationships.
OMG I have the same issues. I have really good friends from high school and we are all close in proximity to each other but because of our jobs, and various schooling, it is hard for us to meet. Like I see my best friend only once every few months because she is doing her job, I am working on my masters degree, my other friend is studying to pass her pharmacist test. like we can only see each other every few months just because our lives and schedules are so different
@@hannaharbuckle3042 And if your friends set their own families, they get even more busy and won't feel the need to uphold old friendships. They probably won't have the strength to do so, at least not regularly. If you live in a village, the best situation is, if you have great neighbors that you can hang out with, the rest of relationships outside of work will be sporadic.
Seeing how much I can relate to German culture, I think I was born to be married to a German. I hope I won't have much issues settling in.❤ Love from India. I really like your videos
this is so cool haha. I relate to German culture alot too, but idk, I am Indian, and my parents settled here. (United States)I don't know if it's unrealistic to set up shop in a country and start over with citizenship etc. when my parents have properties here, got citizenship, have stable well paying jobs etc. I kind of mentioned wanting to go to Germany and maybe applying for a job there but they think it's not the smartest thing. I have a job here with decent pay and in a career building area
I get it it’s a struggle. I’m from California, lived in Taiwan and now in Germany. I have Irish citizenship but have never been there. Listen to your body when it speaks to you. It’s sad when you have a wobbly sense of home.
I love this. I'm American, but I've lived in Japan for more than a decade, and recently came back to the US to care for a family member. In Japan, I was often reminded about how I wasn't Japanese (i.e. locals I'd just met, not my friends, often asking, "when are you going 'home'?" - who gets to decide what is "home" for me?) I don't really have connections to the US anymore, and I feel like a foreigner here. It's a strange place to be - I think I'll always be in an in-between place, and maybe that's kind of true for Uyen, too.
I’m Brazilian but been living in the United States for close to 18 years now. I’m a foreigner here and when I go home my friends say I’m “gringa”. The worst is not knowing the popular songs, jokes etc that everybody back home knows about and I’m clueless on.
Commenting appearance - comes back to what I said about embracing the positive of the new culture. I have had some incredibly rude and hurtful things said to me in Vietnam as an overweight woman, by strangers.
The weight thing in some cultures is wild. The first thing my husband's indian grandma ever said to my brother was "you're quite fat, aren't you." Not even a "hello" first
Maybe she was trying to tell him to care about himself more because he’s part of her family now and she loves him ❤ people express themselves in all kine of different ways. Especially older people use less words. Hope your brother is okay I’m sure he’s a great guy 🙌🏽
I have really enjoyed these discussions. It's amazing how accepting and encouraging you are of one another. So much respect. My husband's heritage is German (both grandparents immigrated to US by ship in the 1920's, but raised my mother-in-law speaking both English and fluent German, and keeping German culture alive. It is so interesting that I now understand my husband better, he has so much German in him! I've learned that 'no so bad' means it's pretty good!
I'm an American woman, married to my handsome Japanese husband for 38+ years, have three daughters, who were raised in Singapore, Japan and the USA. One daughter is married, a mom and is living in Japan, and two daughters living nearby us in California. We've dealt with nostalgia, being homesick & being a third-culture kid.
Something to remember though, is that your cultural issues at home are about things that are a bit of an issue ie the terrible traffic, and the risk of less than clean drinking water. I am an Aussie and was careful about what I ate and drank in Vietnam, and after 2 trips I’ve had no stomach issues. So maybe you ate something that actually wasn’t good, rather than just getting a weak stomach.
Thank you for your content! You guys are great. My wife is Vietnamese and we will be living in America while our daughter goes to school, but plan on retiring in Vietnam.
Damn, I feel this. I have been living in Indonesia for a year (I’m originally fully german). I never considered myself to be someone that gets homesick at all, and I thought that I would neeever have a longing for germany as a country. I never really saw anything beautiful in it in my daily life (I come from hanover). I hated the cold winter and short summers, I thought the food culture was boring, I was craving palm trees and ice fields, and I didnt like germans. And it really didnt show at first, but at some point, maybe 7 months into living in a completely different country and society, I felt it, a longing for my home country. It could be the smallest things, like having good sidewalks and roads, riding on the subway, missing the forests and grassfields, a cool breeze of wind, the churchbells (though I‘m not even christian), that specific flavor of a bag of chips, making a fire on a cold night, enjoying the quietness outside, and sometimes I even missed the directness and honesty of a german, I think I could go on for days. These things seem so small and irrelevant, yet they evoke a strong sense of belonging in me. I always thought I have no culture and that I have no strings attached to my country. But I do, and I think a lot of times it is the unconscious things we grew up with in every day. And now I feel torn between two countries, because Indonesia also became a second home to me. And while I would like to teleport myself to germany right now just for a month or two, I know that the second I leave this country, its gonna leave a big hole in my heart and the friends that became family with it.. Identity is a strange thing, and sometimes I wish the world was a smaller place so I could travel back and forth any day. What I learned is that, there will never be something endless, there will never be one place where everything will feel right and thats a part of life. But I‘d rather have the bittersweet taste of this experience, than to never have it at all ❤️🩹
I am from south eastern Europe and have been living here since 10 years and had to stop talking with toxic family members, the only person I am left speaking my native language is, is my dad, I feel like my culture and values are being left behind and I genuinely feel like I want to upkeep my culture and values with respect of course to the natives and their culture and values, I also love the culture they have here and def. respect it. If I have kids I would like to teach them about the culture and values of the country I was raised in, this doesnt mean I dont respect the German culture, quite the opposite, I just dont want my own culture and values to be completely forgotten and I just miss that orthodox christian culture we honestly have there. So I also definetely had the shock recently of, hey can I call myself this when I have lived so many years here and not there and I have personally came to the conclusion that yes, even if I am different, I am still from there and even if I dont like the way most of these people think.
i am a woman who does not want children. but. when i went abroad i noticed one thing: i for sure do not want to raise children in a different culture with a different language. even though i am bilingual at this point, i would need that close connection you have with your children to be communicated and developed with my first language. because it is the language that i connect with family, the language that i think in, the language that goes without any internal translation effort. might be selfish, but that's just how i feel about it. abroad i saw children struggling to communicate with their mothers and it somewhat broke my heart. also, there is bound to be some disconnect happen when your child grows older, but when your child lives in a completely different set of values.... that can be pretty hard. i envy couples that can communicate in a foreign language. i think your shared sense of humour and matching personalities really are unique. and the intensified time together that you get from uyen working from home and the covid years had you develop your very own variety of english that works for the both of you. so kudos to you two.
Many of the things in today’s podcast remind me that we are all becoming adults and knowing who we are. Our experiences shape our thoughts and beliefs. I love seeing you both becoming your best selves. Well done!
Je pense que Uyen est une rebelle et une aventurière dans l'âme ! Ces qualités n'attendaient que futur-époux-allemand pour s'épanouir. Vous êtes un super couple avec beaucoup d'amour, de dialogue, d'humour et de complicité. Vos efforts d'adaptation à la culture de l'autre font de vous un couple solide. J'espère que Uyen va trouver un équilibre entre ses deux identités.
I loved that podcast 🥲 I listened while i was cleaning. I was feeling not well and my apartment became so messy. My mind was messy as well 🤣 I'm born in France and both of my parents are cambodian. They came in France in 1982. I just realise as an adult that i grew up learning asian social habits also. I don't behave 100% like a french woman. I have 2 cultures i need to embrace but sometimes at work, in life. I feel, France is not my country. Also, people always ask you where you from for real. I'm born in France so it's annoying sometimes. I know they are curious but i wish I was not only a foreigner in their mind.
As a Russian who lived abroad since forever, I never ever felt like I have one "true" home. I don't want to forgo my family cultural roots, but I always never have had a chance to develop strong ones either. There is no one country that is home, either, but only one area that feels like home, which is basically where I have lived the longest. Something in my soul will always crave a strong home feeling of "born and raised", though.
I lived in Germany from 72 to 96. Best years of my life. I was half American and half German so I had both worlds. I moved to the states in 96 and still suffer culture shock weekly. I was very privileged growing up an army brat, an army wife and a army civilian. Wouldn't trade it for anything. 😅
Don't feel bad. I'm 70+yo, born & bred in the US & still experience culture shock on a regular basis! Mostly it's a generational thing, having been born in the 50s. But it's still there. 🙄
Lots of Western men want an Asian wife bc they want a quiet, submissive, nonconfrontational woman. Meanwhile German boyfriend gets Asian girlfriend and teaches her to be a strong independent confrontational queen 👑. Love him ❤
I really can't stand when people claim that. It's so abgedroschen. That's like... your interpretation. The men who are into Asian women may just... you know... like them? :O
do not feel bad about not being able to keep up with new slangs - this is also a generational thing and totally normal. A 30 year old speaks different than a teen. It is absolutely normal that you can not keep up with the language of the young folks if you do not expose yourself to them everyday. Your social circle is simply different right now and maybe you might feel that your parents or grandparents use older, more outdated words even for your tongue. I think as long as you can communicate with your parents and siblings it is fine. This is happening in every country and not a problem necessarily of moving abroad. But still I think the feeling might be intensified since your general exposure to vietnamese language overall is smaller bc you use more english and german when living in Germany. And specifically in Germany we face the problem of "Denglish" which is the overproportional use of english words (more and more amd also the younger the people are the more this occurs) to feel more international. Since I read and write a lot in english I very often use the english word because in the moment I do not remember the german word.
We do the same in Estonia, we call it estonglish 😅 Since most of the entertainment and music I consume in English, then the words incorporate into my language almost unnoticeably and I sometimes cannot remember the Estonian word for something. Also sometimes there just isn't a good translation to every word or phrase in your native tongue. Regarding the topic of conversing with the younger generation, I can totally relate. When I talk to my teenage half-sister I don't understand everything she is saying because of new slang words. It was the same when I was young and talked with my parents. You can only understand the new slang if you're constantly in that language circle because language is always evolving.
@@katie18976 yeah, the young folks come home with new words almost every day. Parents can be glad when kids translate to them XD If you are not a parent and miss the translation, then you will be lost for sure at some point ^^
Hi Uyen, this video is very relatable for me. I was born in the US to Vietnamese parents, but never been to Vietnam. I enjoy watching your videos so I can learn more about Vietnam. I feel all know about Vietnam is whatever my family taught me, but people expect me to know more. I'll be moving to Germany at the end of this year, and I think I will have the same feelings and experiences as you!
12 years in France, I love it. Last April I went back to my country of origin Romania to see my parents and sister and I realized that I don't see my life back home, I am too french now. And everything changed , all is modern and more dynamic that in France.
The best thing about living in different countries through your life is that you can embrace the best from each culture and incorporate it into your life.
Out of the many theories and models I learned of at university one of the only ones that seemed highly realistic is culture shock theory. When you live abroad first you're exited to explore all the new things and everything seems great. But when you're there for longer you start comparing things to your own culture and get annoyed at the differences. At a certain point you begin to appreciate the good and bad things about each culture in a more balanced way, some people even assimilate the new culture over their own. Plus there's reverse culture shock when you move back to your original country 😅. Great theory, that one.
Thanks for this episode. I can relate to many of the things you’ve been discussing. Uyen, I can really relate to your struggle. I’ve been in Denmark for around 4 years as well. I like Denmark, and now that I have more career opportunities and a better quality of life here, I’m grateful. But sometimes, I just miss home and my family.
Very interesting. I have roots in Vietnam and the Philippines. Born in the Philippines, raised in Switzerland. Grow up with english until kindergarten, never really learned vietnamese or tagalog. Then had to add german/swissgerman too. As a child we visited the Philippines but never Vietnam, and now at 33y i visited the country where i get my roots from too. And now, i am very confused who am i. Who can relate?
You two are just too cute. 😍 It’s so nice see how kind you treat each other. And as for the topic: I spent a year in France and it was there that I realized how "German" I am. Although you might think that it can't be that different because of the geographical proximity. I also listened to a lot of German music, which I don't normally do. It somehow calmed me down. 😂
Beautiful! Thank you both for this podcast, really enjoyed it. I have lived in 5 different countries for extended periods of time and can relate to having multiple homes. It is beautiful to experience different places and cultures long-term and also grow. We will never be exactly the same like someone who stays in just their birth country but we can also relate to them when we know our own birth culture better from living abroad. Great job you two!
I would hope that people are able to belong in more than one place. My husband is happa, and I want him to be able to belong in the States where he was raised and in Japan where both of his parents were born (one is Japanese). Parts of him belong to each country. You can be more than one thing at a time. And you can belong in more than one place.
17:50: the experience of that Vietnames-born-in-Germany contact will resonate with a lot of people. There is a lot of beauty in being between cultures, but yes, you will need to learn how to navigate the inconsistencies between cultures. Uyen's point that she stopped engaging with her parents (on certain topics) because she realised they would never really change will also resonate with a lot of people. Unfortunately, if you are a parent, and you are so inflexible with your principles you will risk severing your relationship with your children. When I was a child, if my parents were too rigid or their views in their ways, I would simply stop engaging with them and I would stop sharing with them. This is particularly true when it comes to mixed-race couples. A lot of Vietnamese parents will have very strong expectations that their child marries another Vietnamese person. For second-generation (or later) children born outside of Vietnam, this is something to navigate. Uyen told the story of how she hid the relationship for a long time. That's pretty familiar with a lot of people in mixed-race or mixed-culture relationships as well.
I love this episode. German boyfriend and Uyen thoughts and opinions from both culture is so relatable. growing up in America as a mix child, dealing with the racism. the language with the slang is something I thought I was the only one struggling with. the roots and history of the culture where Uyen talked about females are treated differently from boys. honestly, I didn't know I was Asian since they would always ask me if I was an American. some Asian American doesn't know about their culture or speak the language so when I talk about going to the temple on regular days and not just the new year's they thought I was so weird, some would tease me as say " fresh off the boat" also known as a "F.OB." an immigrant from oversea who doesn't know American culture. plus, I am not a fan of American food, since the house we always ate Asian food. growing up as a child and even some of my adult years it took me awhile to be proud that I am mix and I am learning Viet, so the aunties doesn't lecture me for not knowing the language. plus, Thai and Cambodian, but some of the words sound similar and it is so confusing. but I think you 2 will make great parents to a cute mix mini me of you 2. stay safe and bless up
There is a region in my country that has a accent that people dislike and make fun of, and this year I found out old videos on youtube of more than 20 years ago of people in that region, and they used to speak more like us, but something happened along the way and now they speak with different words, rhythm, cadence of words, intonation and slangs.
That is so interesting! I'm a linguist and I wonder if this means that those people feel a strong bond to their region and community so they leaned into what made their way of speaking different from the rest
Thank you for your podcast. It is so soothing. Although I cannot relate to some things, it is really nice to hear all the stories and think more about my culture (German). I think what German fiancé said is true: Many of us Germans are not really aware of what German culture is.
I was born in Argentina. My father was austrian and my mother was from Italy. I never felt from Argentina, don´t ask me why. I moved with my family to USA, and now I live in the Canary Islands. I definitly feel like a citizen of the world! PS: my new husband is german...and I loooooooove it. We are perfect for each other, because I love discipline and at the same time I´m an italian loud lady.
This is kind of a good development. There is no need to feel as something. You can have relation/memories to different places where you have been for a while.
In Canada, we have 2 national languages. English and French. But our french is old french...one of my brothers lived for a few years in France and another brother lived in the heart of French Canadian culture, Quebec. They llaugh at eachothers French because it is SO different. So it happened to our entire country. 😉
The language thing is so relatable. I can still speak Mandarin but the language has evolved, so when I talk I sound "outdated". I sound like a complete square! Lol. I am slowly learning through billibilli videos how people incorporate slang into their everyday conversations but it's jarring to hear something in your mother tongue that you don't understand?!
All of the feelings you are having are normal for expats. The reverse culture shock is so amazing, I feel it every time I go home. I crave food from back home then when I go home it just isn't as good as I remember.
I've lived in 3 countries so far and am very happy to have no concept of home. It seems to bother people when they "aren't home" for a while, as if it's a comfort thing. It's nice to not belong to a PLACE and just kinda bop around.
My parents and brothers were all born in Australia. I am the only one born in America. My parents moved here before I was born and I’ve always felt somewhat homeless lol. Growing up, my mum would turn on Australia songs and would decorate the entire house for Australia Day and for holidays we would make it somewhat Aussie with similar food or chocolates. But I never felt like I belonged in Australia whenever I went there or in America when I would step outside because home life was this weird mix. Now that I’m older, I’m trying to just embrace being an American because I was raised here, but value my australian family. I know the cultures aren’t too different from each other, but it always felt weird growing up not knowing who I am.
Do you have any funny or interesting stories? Anything you want to ask us? Let us know here in the comments!
Uyen, growing up vietnamese in the Netherlands while completely not fitting into the asian standards and neither in the western standards was really hard on a young child. Tryin to cope Irl regretfully distanced myself from the vietnamese culture. You remind me of the good parts and help me embrace it and heal parts of my inner child with every video. Thank you so much!❤
This is a really special chat, it's not often that I see people talking so clearly and openly about what it is like to feel part of several cultures at once, and how that means for your identity. I moved a lot as a kid, have parents from two different countries and now live away from my native country with a partner from a different culture, and my family is all over the world. It's nice to hear from people who get it 😊
6:45 this is super true! I learned French from living there when I was 5-6 years old, and then I maintained it in the US by talking to my dad who is a native Belgian born in the 50s. I went back to France to live with a French family for a couple weeks when I was a teenager and I realized the language had evolved sooo much. I was fluent and functional but not at all current. I couldn’t speak to my own age group like a peer.
It can also be exacerbated by the fact Belgian French and French French can be pretty different in the first place
@@pegaseg70 pretty i would not say but more like french has different variety like a german speaker don't speak the same german than an austrian ( we have a lot of germanic influence in the way we put word together, A LOT) the most evident is to say can you do x (peux tu faire x) we say do you know do this(tu sais faire x?)
Yeah, I was told it wasn’t ‘done’ to remark on physical appearance. I felt chagrined, but some people appreciate a compliment. It perks up their spirit.
You’re absolutely right, you should share each others cultures! My daughter is married to a Chinese immigrant from Shanghai and we are experiencing a new culture now through our granddaughter.
I’m glad that your partner has realized how important food is to identity when you’re away from your community. Even as someone who is born in the United States, I’m Hispanic and there are still culinary ingredients that I can’t find unless I go out of my way to find a specialty store. Just to make something as simple as my grandmother’s sofrito.
I had an almost instantaneous identity crisis when I (Swedish) went to visit my boyfriend (Polish) for the first time. I had expected it to feel like I was an obvious outsider and for me to really miss my home, but instead it was the complete opposite. I felt like I had just left elsewhere and come home. After living all 27 years of my life in Sweden and being so sure that this was were I belonged, that realisation brought up some feelings in me. Now I'm about to move there in a few months, so all your experiences and thoughts will be of great help. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. ❤
listening to this episode I've realized that I've been feeling confused as well on " who am I". I'm a Danish/italian girl who grew up in Italy but since my mom is danish I've experienced a lot of danish traditions and culture. so for me it is a sentiment that I've grew up with thinking it was a normal thing to feel this type of confusion since we all try to find our own identity and place in the world.
the weird thing is that when I'm in italy I feel Danish, but when I'm outside of Italy traveling, I feel Italian. is been years that I've made peace with this confusion and I've just decided that I'm a world citazen. I'm a good person and I want to take the better of all the culture(even not danish or italian) to put it in my life. I've decided to not label myself with a citazenship ( of course if people ask me I tell them danish/italian and all my documents says that, but in my mind I'm free)
This is really beautifully said, thank you!
Italian immigrant here. I found your comment to hit home for me. Thank you for sharing this perspective as it helps me feel I am not the only one feeling this way and making thic conscious choice. Grazie mille, buona fortuna per tutto 👋🏻
"in my mind I'm free" Love this!
You both articulate your thoughts and feelings in such a clear and concise manner..whilst using a second language..it’s a pleasure to hear.. it really does give me faith in humanity..
Yes i so agree
I'm really loving the depth of content in this series, enriched by your anecdotes and the comments of listeners, as well as the sweetness of your interactions with each other. Relate too that Uyen is holding a squishie!
Uyen, I live in the USA, and this happens within families. My little brother and I are 7 years apart, and we have grown up in the same household, 7 years apart, and the way he talks does not make any sense to me. it took a year before I couldn't understand anything he was saying, and we speak the same language. So its not even just happening in every country, its literally happening in households, over like 1-2 years
Yeah that's just generation gap. I'm lucky that all my siblings is only one or 2 years apart
That is not the point!
I agree, alot of it is just getting older and each new generation comes up new slang and terms. Gen Alphas is certianly unique 😆. But I can deffinitly see how living abroad can make that feel more pronounced since your not actively in the country as the new slang and modernized language is being formed.
Yeah, it's social media I think...
I relate with Uyen so much! My tummy became super sensitive to my old home food :( it makes me sad and breaks my heart. Another thing is me being sensitive to noise and my surroundings as well. I was really good with hot weather before too but now can’t seem to stand being out for a long time - I get sick 😪
Suddenly wanting to recreate the traditions of home abroad is something I felt so strongly! When my traditions weren’t the default I felt much more strongly about wanting to hold on to them and try to recreate them for myself and my children.
From German boyfriend to German fiancé to German husband-to-be. The real-time evolution.
Remember, he was german roommate in the very beginning!
ngl German boyfriend has the nicest sound to it ^^
He's a pokemon confirmed. ^^
fiancé means husband-to-be really
😮 German born left, when I was 20 moved to UK, then Hong Kong back to Germany, UK, Germany, UK could not settle, Germany to German, England to miserable....... so spain became a home❤
It’s so sweet, how you both reach across the couch toward each other. It’s the sweetest thing!
Gosh I love you two so much. I love how open and honest Uyen is and I equally love how much German boyfriend is supportive of her. So wholesome!!
I feel the same way about them!
My family has moved around several times and everything depends on the friends you make and keep. I was born in Venezuela and then later on my family moved to America (USA). When I got married we moved to Mexico for several years. Btw, my husband was born in Germany! But, our shared friends and experiences were with the Ukrainian community. Both our parents are from Ukrainian background. Having said that, we both enjoy trying new foods and experiences! We enjoy meeting new people!
What caught my attention was:
I like your innocence, your honesty, your boyfriend is so patient, soft spoken and one can tell he loves you. The other was 2 totally different backgrounds dating and the discoveries and challenges. I love how you show different parts of the world and your experiences there. And I have to be honest, your accents ❤️
This podcast really brought to light the fact we need to stop and appreciate and what we have. Also to respect others and their way of living.
Home is where your spouse is I am happy anywhere I am with my wife, she makes it a home for e. If there is not someone in your life, home is where your heart is. For singles, Cities and regions have a particular sense of belonging and it is not always where you grew up. I can understand Uyen's struggle, as there is such a great difference in the cultures between her history and her present. I see such a great bond between them though, I think perhaps he is her home now.
It makes me laugh how german husband says "normal forest" when talking about west european forest ^^
Initially, I just thought, well, home is where your heart is-your heart is with your family and your boyfriend, so you simply have two homes. But listening to this, I realize that things are more complicated than that. This conversation was very nuanced and interesting.
Dearest Uyen, you are going through a painful time, I can see that. But everyone goes through this, even if we are in the same country our whole life. I am from Ohio, USA and my husband is from Indiana, USA. We got married and formed our own life. His family had traditions, personalities, food, homes, etc that were very different than how I was raised. For the first few years, I was very confused as to who I was. I felt I was betraying my family by deciding I didn't like certain ways that I was raised. I did not like how loud my family was for example. But it never bothered me before. My point is that this is all very normal. You are like a butterfly coming out of your cocoon. You are forming into your own person and that can be hard and painful. One day you will wake up and just feel like.. you. And You is a very good thing
Great explained! 🎉
Oh my God… I need to hear this. Thanks a lot for sharing your experience!
Yuen, your home in Vietnam is always going to be there. Now you are learning about your new country as well. You’re in a wonderful position to speak about both countries. I so envy you. Though I have always lived in the US, I am adopted and recently found out my birth family is from Norway. Since then I am learning their culture and trying to find my own version of Norwegian/American. Do it your way, the way you want to because that will lead your heart where it’s meant to be.
I live in uk but i m italian, what i miss is just my friends, but i would never be able to live in italy anymore. What s good is that i can go back often and still see my friends, i actually see them more than my friends in london 😂but still not enough
As somebody living on the border of two countries, this feeling is so prominent among us and so common- yet it’s not any less heart wrenching than the feeling that you get living abroad! We cannot identify fully with two places because you can’t always be in those places, but that’s normal! You’re going to miss out on contexts and language and you’re going to miss out on stuff. It truly is a special experience and we all learn to live with it and acknowledge that we can’t fit into a box.
Absolutely loving this multicultural content! You’ve got a new sub
One thing I find odd in USA as a Latin( Cuban ) that enjoys other cultures is this new sensitivity to being asked about ancestry. Many Americans born abroad or from a minority culture resent being asked about heritage. I love sharing my background and wish others were more open but it’s become a ‘thing’ to take it as an insult. So I gravitate to channels like yours to get my fix! I live in Miami and from my perspective it’s not diverse enough everyone is essentially from my background lol Anyhow love you guys!
I love the voice of your boyfriend, its so friendly he sounds like a realy kind man :)
I am American and my mom is white American my dad is Mexican and I lived in India for a couple years in my early to mid twenties, so it is a different struggle but I have in the past struggled with my identity -- I'm not white enough to be white and not Mexican enough to be Mexican and the conclusion I have come to is that I am just both and neither. I also was really influenced by my time in India and that is a part of me too although that part is smaller. I think you are not just one identity, you have a bunch of different things mixing within you that influence who you are, and your identity evolves as you do. You will always be Vietnamese. But before living in Germany being Vietnamese was the only identity you knew. However, now you have spent years adopting a different culture and it has become a part of you, too. You are still Vietnamese, but what is changed is now that's not your only identity anymore. You are now a mixture of your varied life experiences. Your identity and self is like a canvas that you paint on as you go -- in your childhood and early adulthood, you only used Vietnamese paint, but for the last 5 years you have been adding to that tapestry with Germany paint and now the canvas has both and it is a new picture.
Similar experience here but Cuba instead of Mexico. We are the living embodiment of intersectionality!
Yes i get this, most Mexicans are mixed too and in the US we are more watered down.
Yes! A beautiful picture! Bella👍🏻
@@lisellem.5298 I would love to go back to visit Cuba where I was born. I see myself as more bicultural than intersectional although I think the concept can explains a lot.
My friend is Czech but left when he was 8 y.o. He *thought* that he spoke fluent Czech because he spoke it at home and with other Czech immigrants in Australia.
When he went back to Czech Republic when he was in his early twenties his cousins laughed at him and told him that he spoke like an old man...... language certainly does move on.
Even more so nowadays with sm...
I love that GBF decorates for Tet Holiday, even when Uyen isn’t there. And perhaps because Uyen is there, it becomes more important to share and appreciate and celebrate his own traditions, such as St Martin’s Day. (Any excuse for roast goose, I say!)
I love the expression “adding my mustard” instead of “my two cents” so much better 😂
Same 😂
In French it’s « my grain of salt » !
He says mustard because it‘s „senf“ in German and that sounds like „cents“ hahahahah
Some years ago I started saying ‘adding my two cents of senf/mustard‘ 😅
In the UK, its two pennies worth.
I have always adored you Uyen. Now I can say how much I appreciate German fiance as well.
I loved listening to this.
I found myself very tearful.
First I was thinking about what my father told me about his grandparents who were my ancestors who moved from Scotland, here to New Zealand. He said about his childhood, "We were more Scottish than the Scots".
I have always assumed that they did all they could to hold on to their traditional ways.
I have seen a photo of my grandparents doing Scottish dancing with my grandfather and his brother playing drums. My grandfather played the bagpipes and served the community in many ways.
I am glad I can connect to their ways and their culture.
I didn't know I had any particular culture. Nowadays I really feel I am a Kiwi...we are very friendly, helpful, resourceful and honour our ANZACs and the ANZAC spirit. I also have really incorporated the Maori culture into my ways, it is so, so beautiful.
But watching this, I would like to say how important it is to know who we are. I wish I could thank my grandparents for passing on Scottish traditions and giving their descendants an identity we can connect to.
I am lucky I can remember our holidays of New Years' Eve, Old Lang Syne, many community events, porridge every morning, tartan clothes etc. The 115 year old photo gives me such a beautiful feeling about people and their children I would love to have known.
It is so beautiful German fiance, that you participate in Vietnamese traditions.
What an awesome guy! I love your talks together.
You guys are the best! German accent is so sweet not harsh at all!
I’m from the USA and my ancestors are from many different places so no traditions were passed along, except for some religious ones. So I don’t know from experience what it would be like. But I love how the two of you share your culture and he helps you celebrate your traditions.
As part of your own biografy, you bring in your own culture and there is no demand to change yourself.
But since you are mentioning anchestors, the question is, what should we pass to our childrens.
I think they should dominatly consider themself by the country they are growing up in, so you as an American.
I think I can speak to this a bit. I’m American with the common European hodgepodge ancestry. Living abroad helped me realize that in the US we have our own culture. Like German Boyfriend was saying about just thinking of German culture as “we” or a default, you do have a culture. It’s just not so visible without a point of comparison 😊
@@SaraWilsonBasturk But what you say is, you break with your anchestries culture, and have your own.
Wasn't the topic, in what culture they would raise possible children of their own ?
Is this defined by parents, or by the place they grow up ?
I think the place has the bigger share.
It's a big discussion in Germany actually, how much culture people should bring in or adopt to the local culture.
And if not the migrants themselve, then at least their children.
Uyen, this feeling of not knowing where I belong cuts me really deeply too. (And I got really into doing all the traditions for old home holidays as well!)
My parents are from different countries, I was born in a third country (different from theirs), and I've lived in eight or nine other countries for varying periods of time. At one point I tried really hard to cling to one or two cultures to anchor my sense of self, but now I am trying to be more flexible. If I lived somewhere for a while and this or that tradition, holiday, et cetera, brings back good memories of that place, then I make that part of my 'home culture' (as I call it). It makes for too many holidays 😂 (is that a bad thing???) and I do sometimes find myself crying from homesickness for a former home, but it mostly brings joy. It doesn't bring an end to the feeling of being outside, but it helps all the same.
I hope you find anchors that help keep you feeling connected to home wherever you are ❤
You sound like you’re a third-culture kid (TCK) like me ❤
Uyen gradually going from vertical to horizontal😂 giving me permission to relax. ❤
I have never actually lived abroad but was lucky to travel a lot, and most of my family lives abroad so I visited them as a child. I was born in Tel Aviv, Israel (save the bad comments please, I’m a person not a walking flag🙄), and I’ve always felt like I don’t belong in my society and couldn’t really find my place a lot of the time. I’m really into different cultures and languages, and often when I travel and I’m surrounded with people from multiple countries I feel like a mix of everything, and not really Israeli. It’s a weird feeling. So I can totally relate to that identity crisis experience.
You speak of moving countries... In India I feel this identify struggle having moved just to a different city from a smaller town!!! 😢
Uyen, I moved to Thailand from Australia almost 5 years ago now. I also noticed a mental transition of home vs newcomer. I realised it when I returned to Thailand from a short trip to Aus I really felt like I was arriving HOME. (Also I was defaulting to Thai language often back home)
Uyen I work a Vietnamese woman who has lived in Australia for 30 years. She’s the hardest worker and the friendliest person in the office. Everyone loves her. She told me that she has felt so welcome and appreciated as an Australian and it made me proud that our culture is capable of accepting foreign people so easily. It also makes me smile listening to you speak because even after 30 years her accent is so similar to yours. I hope you feel welcome here in the Western world. It’s not the same as Vietnam but we’re doing the best that we can.
well, you too are not a real 'product' of Australia. You are a 'byproduct' of European invasion and land appropriation in Australian lands since 1606. I mean the authentic Australians are Aboriginals. The rest is a 'built' world in a Asian-Pacific region. Sadly, the European diaspora in Australia, in the USA and in Canada pretend as if they were on those regions for billion years. But that is so untrue and pretentious.
I was born and raised in Mexico, and met my now husband on the internet. When I moved to USA I had a huge culture shock, but after time I learned the American culture and thrived. My problem sometimes is that now I have a culture shock when I go back to Mexico to visit my family. I've been married to my husband for 20 years and now my life is in USA, and I understand exactly everything you're talking about.
I’m Latin too. Cuban American and definitely see your point. Here in Miami I notice newly arrived Cubans have cultural differences from long term Cuban Americans. Finally meeting people louder than my family lol Love diversity! My only issue is we do need a common language or we become isolated and insular. Of course so many in my city are native Spanish speakers like myself that it makes learning English very hard. I always tell people move to Wyoming or Alabama so you can learn English. I mostly communicate in Spanish in stores and restaurants in Miami. Anyhow here’s to diversity of culture and unity in language ❤
Adding on to the topic of this video... My name is Emili and I live in the United States. About 5 years ago, I moved from my home state of Tennessee to my current state of Arkansas. While these 2 states border each other and are apart of the same country, there are many differences in dialect and ways of living. I can say that even though I'm still living in the same country and my hometown is only about 4 hours away, I can relate to what Uyen said about wanting to show your nationalism. I find myself wanting to represent my home state by wearing the colors of our sports teams or displaying our state flag rather than doing those things for the state I currently live in. I say all this to say, i think its interesting that whether you move across the world or I move across the country, our human nature is consistent. Love you guys!! ❤❤❤
These conversations make me feel less alone. It can feel so isolating moving somewhere new, but hearing all the different perspectives, sometimes ones I have also felt, makes me feel like I’m part of a community of people without realizing it. I was at the dentist the other day and someone said they liked my California accent and I immediately explained in shock that I normally try not to talk because I think people will have a negative reaction to me, and they immediately said we all have different accents here and you don’t need to be afraid of that…. I don’t think they knew how much that small olive branch meant to me.
Darling, I think “home” is where your heart is. ❤❤
I love this Boadcast. So true and honest. You alaways speak my thoughts Uyen as someone lives abroad. ❤
I like this topic. I am an immigrant living in the US since I was 4 years old.
I really relate to what both of you were saying about adult friendships - it's so hard! Even when you're not in a different country, friendships just take more work, it's harder to find time to connect and just do everyday life with your friends like you do in college and in your 20s.
Love you guys, thank you for another great podcast! 💜💜
Exactly. Being young, friendships just happen, spontaneously, you didn't have to work for it. As you grow older, life happens, we get busy with our family, job and friendships become further and further away. It's harder to meet and get new friends, it's hard to maintain the ones you have and even if you try, they are often not as close as in the past because of the distance or time. Only when living close by or having deeper, daily relationships, things can be upheld to an older level of friendship, but as soon things change, like a job change, the relationships move one as well, and you can only maintain them on a smaller level. And that is for someone who sill lives in the same country all life. Imagining to move abroad and make new friendships there, when it's so hard to maintain relationship in place, is scary and often a deterrent to really move somewhere else. It's easier to move with another person, so you are not alone and experiencing it together, but moving abroad alone, is hard. When novelty expires, culture shock and culture depression kicks in (it often happens because getting new friendship and relationships happens slower than getting used to the new place). This had to be hardest moment of moving abroad alone. Probably some give up and go back because of it, some live through it and grew new relationships.
OMG I have the same issues. I have really good friends from high school and we are all close in proximity to each other but because of our jobs, and various schooling, it is hard for us to meet. Like I see my best friend only once every few months because she is doing her job, I am working on my masters degree, my other friend is studying to pass her pharmacist test. like we can only see each other every few months just because our lives and schedules are so different
@@hannaharbuckle3042 And if your friends set their own families, they get even more busy and won't feel the need to uphold old friendships. They probably won't have the strength to do so, at least not regularly.
If you live in a village, the best situation is, if you have great neighbors that you can hang out with, the rest of relationships outside of work will be sporadic.
Seeing how much I can relate to German culture, I think I was born to be married to a German. I hope I won't have much issues settling in.❤ Love from India. I really like your videos
this is so cool haha. I relate to German culture alot too, but idk, I am Indian, and my parents settled here. (United States)I don't know if it's unrealistic to set up shop in a country and start over with citizenship etc. when my parents have properties here, got citizenship, have stable well paying jobs etc. I kind of mentioned wanting to go to Germany and maybe applying for a job there but they think it's not the smartest thing. I have a job here with decent pay and in a career building area
My wife is also vietnamese and I am danish.. we been together for 7 years and can identify with everything in your videos
I get it it’s a struggle. I’m from California, lived in Taiwan and now in Germany. I have Irish citizenship but have never been there. Listen to your body when it speaks to you. It’s sad when you have a wobbly sense of home.
You guys are so sweet, such a lovely channel and podcast 😊
I love this. I'm American, but I've lived in Japan for more than a decade, and recently came back to the US to care for a family member. In Japan, I was often reminded about how I wasn't Japanese (i.e. locals I'd just met, not my friends, often asking, "when are you going 'home'?" - who gets to decide what is "home" for me?) I don't really have connections to the US anymore, and I feel like a foreigner here. It's a strange place to be - I think I'll always be in an in-between place, and maybe that's kind of true for Uyen, too.
P.S. I love "Temples??" haha I'm with German Boyfriend on temples. Temples are great.
I felt that way a little bit even after only 18 months in Japan. I think it’s normal.
You make a really excellent point!!!
I’m Brazilian but been living in the United States for close to 18 years now. I’m a foreigner here and when I go home my friends say I’m “gringa”. The worst is not knowing the popular songs, jokes etc that everybody back home knows about and I’m clueless on.
Commenting appearance - comes back to what I said about embracing the positive of the new culture. I have had some incredibly rude and hurtful things said to me in Vietnam as an overweight woman, by strangers.
The weight thing in some cultures is wild. The first thing my husband's indian grandma ever said to my brother was "you're quite fat, aren't you." Not even a "hello" first
Thats not very common to Indian culture. I think it was just your grandma.
😢
@@sk100caYeah, I've got friends who do this... Not Indian at all... European, but nevertheless an annoying habit.
Maybe she was trying to tell him to care about himself more because he’s part of her family now and she loves him ❤ people express themselves in all kine of different ways. Especially older people use less words. Hope your brother is okay I’m sure he’s a great guy 🙌🏽
I have really enjoyed these discussions. It's amazing how accepting and encouraging you are of one another. So much respect. My husband's heritage is German (both grandparents immigrated to US by ship in the 1920's, but raised my mother-in-law speaking both English and fluent German, and keeping German culture alive. It is so interesting that I now understand my husband better, he has so much German in him! I've learned that 'no so bad' means it's pretty good!
I'm so happy I happened upon your channel...listening to you is delightful... ❤
I'm an American woman, married to my handsome Japanese husband for 38+ years, have three daughters, who were raised in Singapore, Japan and the USA. One daughter is married, a mom and is living in Japan, and two daughters living nearby us in California. We've dealt with nostalgia, being homesick & being a third-culture kid.
Something to remember though, is that your cultural issues at home are about things that are a bit of an issue ie the terrible traffic, and the risk of less than clean drinking water. I am an Aussie and was careful about what I ate and drank in Vietnam, and after 2 trips I’ve had no stomach issues. So maybe you ate something that actually wasn’t good, rather than just getting a weak stomach.
Thank you for your content! You guys are great. My wife is Vietnamese and we will be living in America while our daughter goes to school, but plan on retiring in Vietnam.
Damn, I feel this. I have been living in Indonesia for a year (I’m originally fully german). I never considered myself to be someone that gets homesick at all, and I thought that I would neeever have a longing for germany as a country. I never really saw anything beautiful in it in my daily life (I come from hanover). I hated the cold winter and short summers, I thought the food culture was boring, I was craving palm trees and ice fields, and I didnt like germans. And it really didnt show at first, but at some point, maybe 7 months into living in a completely different country and society, I felt it, a longing for my home country. It could be the smallest things, like having good sidewalks and roads, riding on the subway, missing the forests and grassfields, a cool breeze of wind, the churchbells (though I‘m not even christian), that specific flavor of a bag of chips, making a fire on a cold night, enjoying the quietness outside, and sometimes I even missed the directness and honesty of a german, I think I could go on for days. These things seem so small and irrelevant, yet they evoke a strong sense of belonging in me. I always thought I have no culture and that I have no strings attached to my country. But I do, and I think a lot of times it is the unconscious things we grew up with in every day. And now I feel torn between two countries, because Indonesia also became a second home to me. And while I would like to teleport myself to germany right now just for a month or two, I know that the second I leave this country, its gonna leave a big hole in my heart and the friends that became family with it.. Identity is a strange thing, and sometimes I wish the world was a smaller place so I could travel back and forth any day. What I learned is that, there will never be something endless, there will never be one place where everything will feel right and thats a part of life. But I‘d rather have the bittersweet taste of this experience, than to never have it at all ❤️🩹
Very nicely said! 👍
I agree with you completely 😊
Completely agree❤
"Specific flavor of a bag of chips" - Paprika?
There is only one. 😂
@@SatieSatieHaha, germany definitely has too many of that! 🤣 But I am actually missing the salt and vinegar chips, they cant be found here 😅🥲
I am from south eastern Europe and have been living here since 10 years and had to stop talking with toxic family members, the only person I am left speaking my native language is, is my dad, I feel like my culture and values are being left behind and I genuinely feel like I want to upkeep my culture and values with respect of course to the natives and their culture and values, I also love the culture they have here and def. respect it. If I have kids I would like to teach them about the culture and values of the country I was raised in, this doesnt mean I dont respect the German culture, quite the opposite, I just dont want my own culture and values to be completely forgotten and I just miss that orthodox christian culture we honestly have there. So I also definetely had the shock recently of, hey can I call myself this when I have lived so many years here and not there and I have personally came to the conclusion that yes, even if I am different, I am still from there and even if I dont like the way most of these people think.
Why is the boyfriends face covered up?
i am a woman who does not want children. but. when i went abroad i noticed one thing: i for sure do not want to raise children in a different culture with a different language. even though i am bilingual at this point, i would need that close connection you have with your children to be communicated and developed with my first language. because it is the language that i connect with family, the language that i think in, the language that goes without any internal translation effort. might be selfish, but that's just how i feel about it. abroad i saw children struggling to communicate with their mothers and it somewhat broke my heart. also, there is bound to be some disconnect happen when your child grows older, but when your child lives in a completely different set of values.... that can be pretty hard.
i envy couples that can communicate in a foreign language. i think your shared sense of humour and matching personalities really are unique. and the intensified time together that you get from uyen working from home and the covid years had you develop your very own variety of english that works for the both of you. so kudos to you two.
Many of the things in today’s podcast remind me that we are all becoming adults and knowing who we are. Our experiences shape our thoughts and beliefs. I love seeing you both becoming your best selves. Well done!
Je pense que Uyen est une rebelle et une aventurière dans l'âme ! Ces qualités n'attendaient que futur-époux-allemand pour s'épanouir.
Vous êtes un super couple avec beaucoup d'amour, de dialogue, d'humour et de complicité. Vos efforts d'adaptation à la culture de l'autre font de vous un couple solide. J'espère que Uyen va trouver un équilibre entre ses deux identités.
I loved that podcast 🥲 I listened while i was cleaning. I was feeling not well and my apartment became so messy. My mind was messy as well 🤣 I'm born in France and both of my parents are cambodian. They came in France in 1982. I just realise as an adult that i grew up learning asian social habits also. I don't behave 100% like a french woman. I have 2 cultures i need to embrace but sometimes at work, in life. I feel, France is not my country. Also, people always ask you where you from for real. I'm born in France so it's annoying sometimes. I know they are curious but i wish I was not only a foreigner in their mind.
As a Russian who lived abroad since forever, I never ever felt like I have one "true" home. I don't want to forgo my family cultural roots, but I always never have had a chance to develop strong ones either. There is no one country that is home, either, but only one area that feels like home, which is basically where I have lived the longest.
Something in my soul will always crave a strong home feeling of "born and raised", though.
I lived in Germany from 72 to 96. Best years of my life. I was half American and half German so I had both worlds. I moved to the states in 96 and still suffer culture shock weekly. I was very privileged growing up an army brat, an army wife and a army civilian. Wouldn't trade it for anything. 😅
Don't feel bad. I'm 70+yo, born & bred in the US & still experience culture shock on a regular basis! Mostly it's a generational thing, having been born in the 50s. But it's still there. 🙄
Lots of Western men want an Asian wife bc they want a quiet, submissive, nonconfrontational woman. Meanwhile German boyfriend gets Asian girlfriend and teaches her to be a strong independent confrontational queen 👑. Love him ❤
I really can't stand when people claim that. It's so abgedroschen. That's like... your interpretation. The men who are into Asian women may just... you know... like them? :O
@@SatieSatienah theyre right
@@SatieSatiethey’re referring to fetishization! Not just liking.
@@SatieSatie
Lol😊
Not true at all ,please stop putting your feminism everywhere
do not feel bad about not being able to keep up with new slangs - this is also a generational thing and totally normal. A 30 year old speaks different than a teen. It is absolutely normal that you can not keep up with the language of the young folks if you do not expose yourself to them everyday. Your social circle is simply different right now and maybe you might feel that your parents or grandparents use older, more outdated words even for your tongue. I think as long as you can communicate with your parents and siblings it is fine. This is happening in every country and not a problem necessarily of moving abroad. But still I think the feeling might be intensified since your general exposure to vietnamese language overall is smaller bc you use more english and german when living in Germany. And specifically in Germany we face the problem of "Denglish" which is the overproportional use of english words (more and more amd also the younger the people are the more this occurs) to feel more international. Since I read and write a lot in english I very often use the english word because in the moment I do not remember the german word.
We do the same in Estonia, we call it estonglish 😅 Since most of the entertainment and music I consume in English, then the words incorporate into my language almost unnoticeably and I sometimes cannot remember the Estonian word for something. Also sometimes there just isn't a good translation to every word or phrase in your native tongue.
Regarding the topic of conversing with the younger generation, I can totally relate. When I talk to my teenage half-sister I don't understand everything she is saying because of new slang words. It was the same when I was young and talked with my parents. You can only understand the new slang if you're constantly in that language circle because language is always evolving.
@@katie18976 yeah, the young folks come home with new words almost every day. Parents can be glad when kids translate to them XD If you are not a parent and miss the translation, then you will be lost for sure at some point ^^
Hi Uyen, this video is very relatable for me. I was born in the US to Vietnamese parents, but never been to Vietnam. I enjoy watching your videos so I can learn more about Vietnam. I feel all know about Vietnam is whatever my family taught me, but people expect me to know more. I'll be moving to Germany at the end of this year, and I think I will have the same feelings and experiences as you!
12 years in France, I love it. Last April I went back to my country of origin Romania to see my parents and sister and I realized that I don't see my life back home, I am too french now.
And everything changed , all is modern and more dynamic that in France.
The best thing about living in different countries through your life is that you can embrace the best from each culture and incorporate it into your life.
It hurts, you see your family growing and getting older without you… you are missing in every important event like graduations or whatever.
Out of the many theories and models I learned of at university one of the only ones that seemed highly realistic is culture shock theory. When you live abroad first you're exited to explore all the new things and everything seems great. But when you're there for longer you start comparing things to your own culture and get annoyed at the differences. At a certain point you begin to appreciate the good and bad things about each culture in a more balanced way, some people even assimilate the new culture over their own. Plus there's reverse culture shock when you move back to your original country 😅. Great theory, that one.
Thanks for this episode. I can relate to many of the things you’ve been discussing. Uyen, I can really relate to your struggle. I’ve been in Denmark for around 4 years as well. I like Denmark, and now that I have more career opportunities and a better quality of life here, I’m grateful. But sometimes, I just miss home and my family.
Very interesting. I have roots in Vietnam and the Philippines. Born in the Philippines, raised in Switzerland. Grow up with english until kindergarten, never really learned vietnamese or tagalog. Then had to add german/swissgerman too. As a child we visited the Philippines but never Vietnam, and now at 33y i visited the country where i get my roots from too. And now, i am very confused who am i. Who can relate?
You two are just too cute. 😍
It’s so nice see how kind you treat each other.
And as for the topic: I spent a year in France and it was there that I realized how "German" I am. Although you might think that it can't be that different because of the geographical proximity. I also listened to a lot of German music, which I don't normally do. It somehow calmed me down. 😂
Beautiful! Thank you both for this podcast, really enjoyed it. I have lived in 5 different countries for extended periods of time and can relate to having multiple homes. It is beautiful to experience different places and cultures long-term and also grow. We will never be exactly the same like someone who stays in just their birth country but we can also relate to them when we know our own birth culture better from living abroad. Great job you two!
I would hope that people are able to belong in more than one place. My husband is happa, and I want him to be able to belong in the States where he was raised and in Japan where both of his parents were born (one is Japanese). Parts of him belong to each country. You can be more than one thing at a time. And you can belong in more than one place.
It would be cool to see you guys go on some adventures like cool hikes 🙌🏽 or like cross country skiing
THE MINI PLANTS ON THE PHOTO FRAME! I CAN'T BE THE ONLY ONE WHO IS IN LOVE WITH IT RIGHT!?
Yassss a new upload! I'm here and ready, notifications turned off and locked in!
Uyen - not too much! It’s good to stick up for yourself
Great podcast today!! Thank you so much. I enjoy you both.
17:50: the experience of that Vietnames-born-in-Germany contact will resonate with a lot of people. There is a lot of beauty in being between cultures, but yes, you will need to learn how to navigate the inconsistencies between cultures. Uyen's point that she stopped engaging with her parents (on certain topics) because she realised they would never really change will also resonate with a lot of people. Unfortunately, if you are a parent, and you are so inflexible with your principles you will risk severing your relationship with your children. When I was a child, if my parents were too rigid or their views in their ways, I would simply stop engaging with them and I would stop sharing with them. This is particularly true when it comes to mixed-race couples. A lot of Vietnamese parents will have very strong expectations that their child marries another Vietnamese person. For second-generation (or later) children born outside of Vietnam, this is something to navigate.
Uyen told the story of how she hid the relationship for a long time. That's pretty familiar with a lot of people in mixed-race or mixed-culture relationships as well.
„Open relationship” I was like WHATTT but after 2 seconds I was relieved 😂😂. How a word can change the whole meaning of the sentence.
I love this episode. German boyfriend and Uyen thoughts and opinions from both culture is so relatable. growing up in America as a mix child, dealing with the racism. the language with the slang is something I thought I was the only one struggling with. the roots and history of the culture where Uyen talked about females are treated differently from boys. honestly, I didn't know I was Asian since they would always ask me if I was an American. some Asian American doesn't know about their culture or speak the language so when I talk about going to the temple on regular days and not just the new year's they thought I was so weird, some would tease me as say " fresh off the boat" also known as a "F.OB." an immigrant from oversea who doesn't know American culture. plus, I am not a fan of American food, since the house we always ate Asian food. growing up as a child and even some of my adult years it took me awhile to be proud that I am mix and I am learning Viet, so the aunties doesn't lecture me for not knowing the language. plus, Thai and Cambodian, but some of the words sound similar and it is so confusing. but I think you 2 will make great parents to a cute mix mini me of you 2. stay safe and bless up
There is a region in my country that has a accent that people dislike and make fun of, and this year I found out old videos on youtube of more than 20 years ago of people in that region, and they used to speak more like us, but something happened along the way and now they speak with different words, rhythm, cadence of words, intonation and slangs.
That is so interesting! I'm a linguist and I wonder if this means that those people feel a strong bond to their region and community so they leaned into what made their way of speaking different from the rest
Thank you for your podcast. It is so soothing.
Although I cannot relate to some things, it is really nice to hear all the stories and think more about my culture (German). I think what German fiancé said is true: Many of us Germans are not really aware of what German culture is.
I love that you respect his identity in this way!
Open relationship, well that was a revelation 😂😂😂
he said it was not the right term, he meant open minded
@@AnalaDragon I know, I was joking!
So he is a playboy after all.
@@TheGoukaruma 😂
I was born in Argentina. My father was austrian and my mother was from Italy.
I never felt from Argentina, don´t ask me why.
I moved with my family to USA, and now I live in the Canary Islands.
I definitly feel like a citizen of the world!
PS: my new husband is german...and I loooooooove it. We are perfect for each other, because I love discipline and at the same time I´m an italian loud lady.
This is kind of a good development. There is no need to feel as something. You can have relation/memories to different places where you have been for a while.
I love your podcasts!!!
In Canada, we have 2 national languages. English and French. But our french is old french...one of my brothers lived for a few years in France and another brother lived in the heart of French Canadian culture, Quebec. They llaugh at eachothers French because it is SO different. So it happened to our entire country. 😉
The language thing is so relatable. I can still speak Mandarin but the language has evolved, so when I talk I sound "outdated". I sound like a complete square! Lol. I am slowly learning through billibilli videos how people incorporate slang into their everyday conversations but it's jarring to hear something in your mother tongue that you don't understand?!
All of the feelings you are having are normal for expats. The reverse culture shock is so amazing, I feel it every time I go home. I crave food from back home then when I go home it just isn't as good as I remember.
I've lived in 3 countries so far and am very happy to have no concept of home. It seems to bother people when they "aren't home" for a while, as if it's a comfort thing. It's nice to not belong to a PLACE and just kinda bop around.
My parents and brothers were all born in Australia. I am the only one born in America. My parents moved here before I was born and I’ve always felt somewhat homeless lol. Growing up, my mum would turn on Australia songs and would decorate the entire house for Australia Day and for holidays we would make it somewhat Aussie with similar food or chocolates. But I never felt like I belonged in Australia whenever I went there or in America when I would step outside because home life was this weird mix. Now that I’m older, I’m trying to just embrace being an American because I was raised here, but value my australian family. I know the cultures aren’t too different from each other, but it always felt weird growing up not knowing who I am.