A Narcissist's Dehumanizing Mindset

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 พ.ย. 2022
  • Because narcissists have such a need to compensate for hidden feelings of insecurity, they elevate themselves by dehumanizing you. Dr. Les Carter exposes signs to watch for and discusses how to detach from their messages of devaluation.
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ความคิดเห็น • 560

  • @moxiepooties6363
    @moxiepooties6363 ปีที่แล้ว +231

    It's particularly painful if you are the scapegoat for a narcissist while they treat others so NICE and build their reputation with others as a WONDERFUL person. If they were mean to everyone, it would be easier to see what is going on!!!!

    • @Suzu52
      @Suzu52 ปีที่แล้ว +15

      Exactly....maddening isn t it?

    • @emotown1
      @emotown1 ปีที่แล้ว +18

      I’m sure there are many active criminals who lead that kind of double life. Nobody really knows what they are … until they get caught. The number of time’s I’ve seen neighbours of a pedophile (for example) interviewed on TV saying “we had no idea … he seemed like such a friendly, sociable man!” … Point is, criminals, just like victimising narcissists or bullies, always need a cover. Depressing, but that’s how it is.

    • @realhealing7802
      @realhealing7802 ปีที่แล้ว +24

      All that fake niceness is for the public only. Narcissists are con-artist.

    • @RepentTimeIsAtHand
      @RepentTimeIsAtHand ปีที่แล้ว +13

      Precisely! But they are being revealed daily now. Thanks be to God.

    • @RepentTimeIsAtHand
      @RepentTimeIsAtHand ปีที่แล้ว +8

      @@realhealing7802 Indeed they are.

  • @vickioliver1098
    @vickioliver1098 ปีที่แล้ว +147

    The level of meanness is like they have an everlasting hatred for everyone, it is unreal. It never lets up. What a horrible way of life.

    • @sudhakhristmukti1930
      @sudhakhristmukti1930 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      Had 2 monstrous, above 65 yrs narc neughbor couples - who were miserably toxic & hate-filled, parhologically jealous, constantly seeking drama & power, gossiping & interfering, though they had their own homes & families. Their grown children were bullies, like them. Evil.

    • @sh6460
      @sh6460 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Yes, cannot make peace.

    • @sharonjones5173
      @sharonjones5173 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Yes, they do have an everlasting hatred for everyone.

    • @martyrose
      @martyrose ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I have two happy, well behaved small dogs. I won't leave them with him because when he thinks I'm not looking, he abuses them. He does this because he hates me not because they're doing anything. It's just about the most hateful, childish thing I can think of.

    • @vickioliver1098
      @vickioliver1098 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@martyrose how horrible... Hugs to you and the two little ones.

  • @leilagomulka5690
    @leilagomulka5690 ปีที่แล้ว +222

    Dehumanization is the perfect word to describe what I have been through

  • @chelleb3055
    @chelleb3055 ปีที่แล้ว +262

    As the youngest, I was treated with utter disdain by my mother who made it clear she didn't want a fifth child, and then by my siblings who took her lead and dehumanized me at every turn. It had a profound effect on my mental health, my self esteem and, until recently, my entire direction in life. I realized that I also invited this behavior from others because I was conditioned for it from birth.
    This goes way deeper than your average "bad romantic relationship with a narc". Being born into a family of them is utterly soul destroying and there is no 'finding your way back to who you once were' as if you began life in a healthy way but got caught up by a bad experience at some point. This literally molds your entire personality (or rather distorts it) and can cause so much damage you feel totally and irreparably broken. But thanks to channels like this one, you can begin to heal once you have the tools and knowledge to do so.

    • @RN-gx7wt
      @RN-gx7wt ปีที่แล้ว +8

      It destroys you if you have traits, but molding it into what? Everyone has the option to see beyond their behavior, even from a young age. So yes towards their distortion obvious harmful. But I do not believe all these stories turn out to be attracting a cesspool of the same people, my life varies a lot. I cannot tell the whole particular story. But I'm GenX born, I do not believe in the part where any trauma molds anyone into something they do not want to be. In hindsight damage of course. I got rid of my confirmation bias a long time ago. And even without the internet available back then I did quite fine less noise. Anyways take care.

    • @SurvivingNarcissism
      @SurvivingNarcissism  ปีที่แล้ว +103

      And all you did was show up. How do you explain to a little girl that she's not the problem in that scenario? Best wishes to you, Chelle.

    • @chelleb3055
      @chelleb3055 ปีที่แล้ว +61

      @@RN-gx7wt "I do not believe in the part where any trauma molds anyone into something they do not want to be"
      You don't seem to understand trauma. Please educate yourself on this. One example is I was sexually abused and groomed to be pimped out by my older sister. If you don't think the trauma of this molded my behaviors, you are ignorant. A good place to start would be using restraint when speaking your narrow minded personal opinions to highly traumatized people. As an RN, you should already know this. You take care, too.

    • @chelleb3055
      @chelleb3055 ปีที่แล้ว +29

      @@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you, Dr. C. ❤

    • @RN-gx7wt
      @RN-gx7wt ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@chelleb3055 What are we suppose to talk about, who has been done worse? In my case any Trauma applies, the difference is I do not put any weight onto Traumatised people, since every experience has its own fingerprint. As a guy I could have been raped, but guess what I do not have that experience as a male. On the other hand do I have to proof that I was in trauma-land to make you turn pale, and think whoops. I do not see the point, I take another viewpoint towards trauma. It's been over 3 decades ago, when I was young, I was in groups, and every time they heard my story everyone became just quiet, even the incest rape victims. I have had two sisters 2 opposites. But who cares about my stories, again I do not put any weight onto Trauma. It doesn't make you or me look any more valid to speak. That's how you know. I just take the edge of the idea that any Traumatised individual has no survival options but to crash and burn in a fire, I refuse to do just that, and the proof of me saying that should be enough, I have a sister that has had your experience. And I could talk for 3weeks but like I stated I do not need to proof anything here, neither should you, it’s just the angle you take. You’re not alone and neither am I. That’s what confirms a bias, it’s not necessary common sense. Peace to you.

  • @shewins3775
    @shewins3775 ปีที่แล้ว +118

    I think the most inhumane part of all of this experience , is when these individuals are your “parents” .

    • @realhealing7802
      @realhealing7802 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Yes, I agree!

    • @mday3821
      @mday3821 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      I think so. Parents should be your soft place, we didn't have that!

    • @MaryPothoven
      @MaryPothoven ปีที่แล้ว +5

      This is my husband's mother. One of three narcissists in our family. My husband is still traumatized at 55. We finally went no-contact three years ago. She just sent me another birthday card. It sits on my dresser, where my husband put it, unopened. No-contact to me is not opening it, to him, not. We've been married for 27 years. It's been a journey. I wish we could afford therapy... Team Healthy is my therapy, and indirectly his, too.
      Thank you, Dr. C!!! ❤

    • @mjcoulliette6438
      @mjcoulliette6438 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Yes

    • @shewins3775
      @shewins3775 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@MaryPothoven Prayers go out to you both. Dr. C is amazing and a natural at what he does.

  • @brynnleapierce5600
    @brynnleapierce5600 ปีที่แล้ว +59

    I believe Narcissist to be sadistic individuals because they seem to enjoy hurting you & making you feel less than (especially if you're codependent) this is part of you has to be dealt with eventually.

    • @danielomorain7134
      @danielomorain7134 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Too right, BP. My narcfather seemed to enjoy the fear that he caused us.

    • @2009jadeorchid
      @2009jadeorchid 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

      i know one that after she gets to know people she changes from fake nice to condescending

    • @deerene
      @deerene 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      They 100 percent do enjoy hurting others. Look up the term schadenfreude. It is what narcissists, sociopaths, aspd, and psychopaths thrive off of. It is premeditated and planned, and they are highly aware of their actions. They are predators.

  • @thriftylady662
    @thriftylady662 ปีที่แล้ว +83

    I called it invalidation...my ex never validated anything about me ie. my feelings, my hopes, my dreams, my struggles etc. Who I was and what I needed and wanted and thought about was completely un-interesting to him. He married me, wanting children and I thought, all that marriage should be but within 2 weeks, I knew how wrong I was to have married him but by that time I was pregnant with our first child and I wanted to do my best to make us all a happy family. Once, years later he sneered at me and said "You're JUST a housewife" as if that was the lowest job on the radar inspite of the fact that I kept a clean house, had a side business that was making money, raised our 2 children in love, honoured my parents and his, cooked his dinners, suffered his black moods and on and on. I'll never forget him saying that. Eventually the marriage ended in my emotional collapse after 15 years of being ignored. I became anorexic and was having suicidal thoughts. The blackest period of my life. Keep preaching it Dr. C. - these monsters both male and female are definitely out there.

    • @raymondgarafano8604
      @raymondgarafano8604 ปีที่แล้ว

      Hello Thrifty Lady, I do hope that when thet EFFER dies, he goes straight to hell, maybe
      he gets to visit a few levels of it, 1 being sparks of fire fall upon him, another level is walking through a labyrinth of ice or through a rat maze made of ice, where he forever shivvers, maybe a spot in hell where it is just constant sadness and emotional pain.
      When one spends a whole lifetime crapping on others, I have no idea how they think
      they will get away with this later, after they die. I guess they think they are so great
      that nothing bad will ever come their way? I am very sorry for all the sadness you went through, coming from a so-called man you thought you'd love forever. He was no man
      at all, an excellect actor who fooled you and who knows how amny others but in the
      end and even before he drops off the twig I hope his days are filled with illness and
      unspeakable horrors and loneliness, that his friends if he really had any left him as they
      too were tired of all his BS.

  • @rosieE121
    @rosieE121 ปีที่แล้ว +25

    'Logic upside down' is so true to their behavior. When you'd think they would be apologizing they are instead in a rage over how you have wronged them.🥺

  • @realhealing7802
    @realhealing7802 ปีที่แล้ว +69

    You just described my narcissistic family system. No contact was my only option.

    • @cynthiafortier2540
      @cynthiafortier2540 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      Me too. I don't miss the cruelty and twisted words.

    • @dirtroaddestiny
      @dirtroaddestiny ปีที่แล้ว +8

      Amen. Every now and then I get the chills thinking how far I’ve come since no contact. Stay strong.

    • @lenihassveasphaug9634
      @lenihassveasphaug9634 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Same.

    • @carollee6963
      @carollee6963 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Ditto!

    • @PlayBetterJazz
      @PlayBetterJazz ปีที่แล้ว +3

      I'm sorry it was your family. My experience was a working business relationship in a band over a 7 year period with a covert narcissist, the worst kind of narc. I was finally able to escape and go no contact in May this year, thanks to stumbling across Dr. C's channel where it all came together and hit me like a ton of bricks after watching a few videos. It's uncanny how 1000% accurate Dr. C. is with everything he talks about. I thank Dr. C and God every single day. Stay strong and enjoy your freedom.

  • @salauerman7082
    @salauerman7082 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    You can’t reason with them, or appeal to their decency because THEY DON’T HAVE ANY!

  • @Barb-iu3el
    @Barb-iu3el ปีที่แล้ว +139

    I'm constantly amazed by how much twisted behavior narcissists are capable of. I got out of a long term marriage to a narcissist. He nearly destroyed me emotionally, mentally, and financially
    I have recently found your channel. Everything you have said is right on. It is so incredible how you have so much content on narcissism, and I don't think you have repeated yourself once.
    I'm grateful for your information and channel.

    • @gloriacoleman7012
      @gloriacoleman7012 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      You are so naff but they still want to be married to you, Strange and not logical.

    • @michellehill718
      @michellehill718 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Welcome to Team Healthy! We are very happy you are here with us! 😊

    • @karaleemanning27
      @karaleemanning27 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      This is informative!
      TbNk you! I'm so glad ifound this channel!

    • @trevorgagnier6697
      @trevorgagnier6697 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Mine was an attorney who constantly told me I was just " being foolish". She collected ALL the rents from our houses and anytime I asked for an accounting a look of guilt would creep into her expression. She pocketed God knows how much and siphoned off surplus rents to fix up her old family house in thecCarribean. The body keeps score and it took.a nervous breakdown and a chance encounter on NPD to begin to see her monstrosity and level of utter deceit to understand she had a pathology. My own therapist asked me if I had ever heard of mind control and defined her as a predator ( coincidentally my lawyer in the divorce which I filed labeled her similarly). The judge informed her a 25 year marriage would probably result in 50/50 split under NY law. My ex texted me saying if we went to trial and she lost she would appeal and tie up the houses and I would " not see a penny until I was 65". I gave her all she wanted and she is a miserable person..no genuine laughs, joy or happiness.
      She forged my name on documents and profited from her fraudulent schemes.

    • @doriannemosich232
      @doriannemosich232 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Feel your pain, had 2 husbands Narc., functioning alcoholic very successful, all the other ladies couldn't believe divorced in 4.5 yrs twice!

  • @brynnleapierce5600
    @brynnleapierce5600 ปีที่แล้ว +14

    To the Narcissist “you” are merely (a function of purpose for them, a transaction, utility, or commodity, the sooner you recognize that harsh truth, the better for you‼️ Anything they do for you is about them‼️

    • @bobbruce4135
      @bobbruce4135 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      So true.... learned this the hard way. One is blindsided until it's too late.

  • @raymondgarafano8604
    @raymondgarafano8604 ปีที่แล้ว +22

    I sincerely think that those who constantly de-humanize others are just plain evil, not toes to
    the line of evil but having stepped well over the line. . . the twysted half-truths, lack of empathy
    and general not giving a damn about anyone.

    • @niconico9748
      @niconico9748 ปีที่แล้ว

      Yes! Thank you! I do think like that sometimes but most of the time I think they are right, there is a reason why they lack empathy towards myself or others, they know better, I don't deserve empathy, I don't deserve to be considered a human, etc. 30 years living with a narcissistic mother really screwed my thinking. Too rarely, there are small moments when I think narcissists are just pure evil.

  • @leilagomulka5690
    @leilagomulka5690 ปีที่แล้ว +82

    The problem is. When my ex said: if you leave me I will destroy you “ - it translated into institutional abuse: the courts , lawyers, fake police calls. Never mind getting in touch with every friend and family member to turn against me. And keeping my children captive, even though the court was open to 50 50 caregiving

    • @helenshg4580
      @helenshg4580 ปีที่แล้ว

      You are not by yourself. My reputation was completely destroyed with slander. Ppl still believe I am a liar & thief & stupid & crazy. None of that is true about me. I am a compassionate person + I have high moral standards. However there are small minded ppl who don't think, who latch on to gossip & are convinced it is all true. The problem is compounded when a malignant narc teams up with one or more other narcs who are embolden by grandstanding their deception + damage to innocent victims. Narcs are diabolical to say the least.

    • @marieldavison5121
      @marieldavison5121 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      So spiteful and full of vengeance. The poor kids are their pawns. best of luck to you Leila.

    • @michelepascoe6068
      @michelepascoe6068 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Courage and wisdom to you.
      RyanThomasSpeaks may be helpful to you through the process and as you deal with your children.
      And Dr C's video on When an adult coaches your child against you.

    • @franciecrist991
      @franciecrist991 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      There are attorneys who specialize in dealing with narcissistic individuals involved in child custody, etc. They are not common but definitely worth the time to find one when you have children involved

    • @franciecrist991
      @franciecrist991 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@marieldavison5121 I was one of those pawns and I'd like to think that I have set a.better example for my children and those around me. So often I recognize it in conversations with others and I tell them that it's not cool. I know a lady who wasn't with her little girl's dad but she never asked him for money, she only asked him to spend time with their daughter and so he did that. She was so grateful he was participating in their daughter's life and one evening as she was dropping her off to spend the night with her dad she decided to tell him. Thank you for being such a great dad to our daughter, as long as we continue to raise her like this she'll be unstoppable! The very next day David was killed in a car accident......... yeah I'm that lady

  • @Judygurl2
    @Judygurl2 ปีที่แล้ว +90

    Dr. C, I often cry when listening to your videos, but they are tears of recognition, relief and new understanding. For months I cried, "Why why why did he do this to me, this person I trusted so completely?" And now I cry with both grief and gratitude as I absorb the shocking answers.
    Your videos are helping me to salvage and rebuild my life from utter emotional, physical and financial destruction. Some day my tears will stop and that's when I'll know I've moved from 'recovering' to 'recovered.' Thank you for helping me to save my own life.

    • @AsukaZetto
      @AsukaZetto ปีที่แล้ว +18

      I feel you when reading your message!, your not alone!.

    • @SurvivingNarcissism
      @SurvivingNarcissism  ปีที่แล้ว +26

      Thanks….you’re why I do the videos.

    • @andrewschultz6608
      @andrewschultz6608 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      It's tough for me too. Sometimes the answers seem too good to be true as well. I can picture certain people over my shoulder saying "Oh, you're just seeing what you want to see. You'd better not use anything you learn here on me." But they are less convincing with each video, and I hope you find that too!

    • @PlayBetterJazz
      @PlayBetterJazz ปีที่แล้ว +5

      It's a true miracle we found Dr. C. It's uncanny how unbelievably precisely accurate he is with everything he says and explains in the videos. He deserves a Nobel prize, he saved my life.

    • @trevorgagnier6697
      @trevorgagnier6697 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Dr. C Nails it every time and his love and compassion for survivers of NPD overcomes the pain once logic triumphs over emotion and the evil these people inflict on the unsuspecting.

  • @glorytogodhomestead3495
    @glorytogodhomestead3495 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    The best thing my sister ever did to me, was exile me from the family! Hurt so bad at the time, but now I can’t thank her enough!

  • @craigmerkey8518
    @craigmerkey8518 ปีที่แล้ว +13

    Five things that helped me diagnose and translate the NPD personalities puzzle. 1. Every accusation is a confession b/c it is all about them. 2. The hollow shell will never ever be satisfied, it is all about them. 3 It is all about them. 4. It is all about them. 5. it is all about ....

  • @jornfox3545
    @jornfox3545 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Gus says I just nap and when I wake up, all Narcy's gone !

  • @libbyjean8573
    @libbyjean8573 ปีที่แล้ว +19

    It’s so devastating , all of it. Too many of us have suffered at the hands of these awful people , yet they walk around looking on top of the world to everyone else.
    What’s worse is when people who knew you as a good person , believe the N and discard your worth as well. There’s no way to defend , only way is to break free and live our own happy life on our terms.
    Thank you DrC, you’re so helpful to us!

  • @arlenedeguevara2546
    @arlenedeguevara2546 ปีที่แล้ว +15

    This is sad but true.
    Especially when it's your own mother

    • @deawallace3584
      @deawallace3584 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      You are right. Hang in there. You have to be tough forever, because it will never make sense !

  • @doodlebug46
    @doodlebug46 ปีที่แล้ว +21

    It only hit me afterwards the things done were so dehumanising, from being force to sleep on a terrible mattress on the floor beside their bed, to being denied menstrual products and arguments when I did use them, to putting bags and bags of rubbish and empty alcohol bottles in my bedroom so I had no access to any type of personal space, that did things to my mindset and left me feeling less than human.
    I will never take a bed for granted again.

    • @marieldavison5121
      @marieldavison5121 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      People take it for granted that all have access to feminine hygiene products when sadly they don't. We now provide free products in all our schools in our province. You have awareness now and likely gratitude. Happy you are better off now. 🙂

    • @lindamcwilliams9056
      @lindamcwilliams9056 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      So sorry you had to experience that. Just know it was never anything you did. I can relate just like most of the people in this community who is or have had to deal with those demons. And it's those little things that most people never give a second thought to, but we cherish because of what we have gone through.

  • @graveyardghost2603
    @graveyardghost2603 ปีที่แล้ว +22

    My narc sister said "I dont want to hear about your problems, bc YOU get to be skinny"--as if being thin meant I wasnt allowed to hurt in other ways!

    • @edgreen8140
      @edgreen8140 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      It's a competition and being thin means you were winning in their mind.

    • @graveyardghost2603
      @graveyardghost2603 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      @@edgreen8140 yeah, true. Every time I make what they consider an "accomplishment" they act funny lol

    • @aaronkwolfe
      @aaronkwolfe ปีที่แล้ว +8

      Saturday's stream sounds promising: Juvenile thinking = I'm jealous of you, so you can have nothing to complain about. But think it through rationally, what are the options? Take turns being skinny? Even offering something so absurd wouldn't even register with her. You gain weight to make her feel better? SMH. There's no winning.

    • @edgreen8140
      @edgreen8140 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      @@graveyardghost2603 Envy in a Melanie klien sense carries with it the desire to ruin the other person who has material objects or traits they covet-.

    • @iys6890
      @iys6890 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      They are very competitive and think only in black and white.

  • @MBAinternetmktg
    @MBAinternetmktg ปีที่แล้ว +19

    What Dr. Carter is describing is exactly true. Narcissists will show great interest in having you tell intimate details about painful past events, mistakes, bad decisions, etc. Then later they will throw this honesty up in your face as reasons why you are not up to their standards.

  • @scrappydappydoo
    @scrappydappydoo ปีที่แล้ว +11

    Outdoor cats like to catch mice. They don't just kill them right away. They bat them around and torture them for the fun of it. Such is the experience when in the clutches of a narcissist. Lord help us victims. 😭

    • @SurvivingNarcissism
      @SurvivingNarcissism  ปีที่แล้ว +7

      In other words, don't be the mouse.

    • @scrappydappydoo
      @scrappydappydoo ปีที่แล้ว +4

      @@SurvivingNarcissism In other words, don't blame the mouse. Some are truly stuck for reasons most don't see. 🙈

    • @denicehaley9902
      @denicehaley9902 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      What a great analogy of the cat & mouse!

    • @denicehaley9902
      @denicehaley9902 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@scrappydappydoo I hear you!

    • @scrappydappydoo
      @scrappydappydoo ปีที่แล้ว

      @@denicehaley9902 🤍

  • @cariefitzpatrick238
    @cariefitzpatrick238 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    “Deliberately misunderstanding” is a ploy the narcissists in my life LOVE to use with me. In the past, this ploy would work because I’d get frustrated and upset that they weren’t listening and then-being an Empath-I’d blame myself, tell myself I’m the crazy/irrational one and it’s my fault that they aren’t understanding. This would then lead to me getting upset, and we’d either fight or I’d walk away and not bother explaining whatever it was. Even if I had calmly approached them to discuss something they were doing that I had already talked to them about, I’d just internalize that noise and give up. But I wasn’t letting go of the issue. I’d carry that burden and blame myself.
    Eventually I convinced myself that I was the problem. And therefore I changed my behavior/feelings, which was hard to do, but give it a few years of constant narcissistic abuse and it’ll work. Which is NOT good. Because then you lose all sense of yourself, your identity, who you really are.
    Luckily I finally woke up to all of that and have been healing so I can be myself again. Dr. Carter’s videos have helped with this, so I am forever grateful. 😊
    Watch what happens to narcissists who are so used to his/her/their tricks working on you once you finally stand up for yourself. They’ll be the ones getting upset and angry while you maintain control of your feelings. “Why are you treating me like this?!” They’ll try to emotionally manipulate you and still make the situation about you hurting them.
    Stand firm and hold your ground. Trust me, you’ve earned the support & deserve to be on your own side for good. 💟

    • @denicehaley9902
      @denicehaley9902 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Thank you!

    • @kristenmarie9248
      @kristenmarie9248 ปีที่แล้ว

      Yes! Thank you. ❤

    • @kristenmarie9248
      @kristenmarie9248 ปีที่แล้ว

      "Deliberately misunderstanding". They are committed to misunderstanding you. That's why it does no good, to even attempt, to explain ourselves.

  • @michellehill718
    @michellehill718 ปีที่แล้ว +12

    The narcissist: "I am the standard bearer for humanity, you are not!" Team Healthy: "Yep!"🙃

  • @rwdchannel2901
    @rwdchannel2901 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    My father was a general contractor who would use me as a day laborer. He wouldn't share anything with me I needed to know to do a job on my own. Then after he retired he was upset I didn't take over his business. He would hire migrants from the local parking lot at Home Depot and pay them the same wage as me too. He loved to dehumanize me. He would devalue all of my accomplishments such as my military service, college education, job success, health success and anything I told him about that was successful in my life.

  • @BudFuddlacker
    @BudFuddlacker ปีที่แล้ว +7

    And when the Narc is your father? Invalidating you ever since childhood. I am so fucked up as an adult because of it, and I’m just now learning about this. I wish I could’ve known about this 30 years ago

  • @StillAwakeAwareDiscerning
    @StillAwakeAwareDiscerning ปีที่แล้ว +35

    It is my firm belief that there are only two teams here in this realm. You are aligned with the creator or you are not. Spiritual Warfare is real. If you are not on the creators team, then demons, persons without bodies, have access to you. I believe that this the answer to why all narcs basically do the SAME thing. It is how thousands of us can come on a channel like this and we are all having the same downwind experience.

    • @gailrosenberg48
      @gailrosenberg48 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      I agree completely. My ex, a professing Christian. Imagine my confusion which lasted 35+ years. We married in the church; he was even a worship leader for a while. When I finally got out and learned about narcissism, I realized the entire marriage was a demonic assignment against my soul. I had a lot of deliverance myself as part of my healing because the bad company he kept (unaware of demonic oppression in his own life) caused me to become oppressed as well. I am still healing 4 years out and lost my entire family and many friends for leaving such a nice, humble Christian man. Satan is the deceiver, but he has a lot of helpers, some hiding out in the Body of Christ.

    • @scrappydappydoo
      @scrappydappydoo ปีที่แล้ว +9

      @@gailrosenberg48 I can relate. My stepfather sang in the church choir. That gave him the ticket to get away with any abuse I tried to bring up to others. Most people prefer to blame the innocent victim rather than consider that there are wolves among the sheep. Thank you for your comment.

    • @StillAwakeAwareDiscerning
      @StillAwakeAwareDiscerning ปีที่แล้ว +2

      This realm does everything it can to hide the machinations of the dark side and its evil. The cost to those who exit this Matrix is high. It is the story of Job. Each one of us that wakes up to this deception makes it harder and harder for the dark side to hide in the shadows.

    • @bobtaylor170
      @bobtaylor170 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@gailrosenberg48 , my sociopathic cousin is an elder in his huge church. Inasmuch as his business bled out over five years after he got caught in a political scandal, my guess is that the only way he can maintain his position is by ceaseless lying. To read his letters and emails - I keep two of the latter - is to come face to face with a demonic personality. Just thinking about him makes me feel as though darkness pervades everything.

    • @scorpiolove674
      @scorpiolove674 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      The most horrific abuser from my past sang in the church choir . Evil hides itself .

  • @heatherbergman9552
    @heatherbergman9552 ปีที่แล้ว +12

    This is EXACTLY what I am experiencing in the divorce process with my current spouse. I don't have any words to even describe what it has been like as he dehumanizes me and plays the victim at the same time.

    • @mgb7140
      @mgb7140 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I get it. I hope yours ends soon. I'm getting divorced from a malignant narcissist attorney who got a friendly associate to take his case *pro bono*, so there is absolutely no incentive for him to stop. Our divorce should have taken 4-6 months, max. It's going on 16 months now. Cost me a fortune, and to just get it over I've had to walk away with nothing. I am literally homeless and on aid. His attorney and his whole office hates him. Mine and their office staff all hate him. The other attorneys he's had and that he's forced me to hire all hate him. He doesn't care. He's like a Terminator fueled by hate and vengeance. It has been absolute hell. And you know what? It's still better than being with him.

    • @deawallace3584
      @deawallace3584 ปีที่แล้ว

      Good for you! Same happened to me, but he was not an attorney, just an evil overt narc. It has been 12 years and when his face pops into my mind, I tell myself NO, and I replace memories of him with joyful ones. He died, so is no longer destroying other people...he has been destroyed.

    • @mgb7140
      @mgb7140 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@deawallace3584 😆 You win! You got out. He died. I hope that you've lived your life since leaving for yourself and not to "show him." I really don't care about mine, whether he lives or dies, succeeds or fails. I hate the situations he caused, the pain they've caused me because of the difficulties and expense, but I won't plan my future around showing him who I am without him. I do think it would be nice if he died because I'll get a settlement when the house sells, but that's economics, not vengence!

  • @begonia6446
    @begonia6446 ปีที่แล้ว +20

    Thats exactly what it is! You dont see it at first bc of all the various degrees & camophlauge. With patience they will destroy you a little piece at a time so you dont see it. When I worked past the denial to see its manipulation to say the least! I realize how much my empathy was being played on with no moral compass.

  • @susans3996
    @susans3996 ปีที่แล้ว +13

    Every time we went to a restaurant there was always an issue. For example one time we had to leave the restaurant because the narcissist couldn't get an item on the menu. It was all about him. Who cares what the other 4 of us wanted.

  • @Time.for.tea.
    @Time.for.tea. ปีที่แล้ว +5

    I opened the car window a little bit yesterday and he got so mad that he screamed that he was going stop the car and tie me to the top of the car and I wld get plenty of fresh air up there. He was so angry and twisted it to me attacking him. I kept my mouth shut and put the window back up. Been married 40 years and this is his normal way of talking to me. He has millions of friends who love him and think I’m so lucky to be married to such a wonderful guy.

    • @mattdonna9677
      @mattdonna9677 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I also live with a monster. The spontaneous anger is a method of controlling us. I go nowhere in public with her anymore because of her cruelty.

    • @lauriekerze3461
      @lauriekerze3461 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      Patunia, plan your escape quietly. You are God's daughter. You deserve respect and someone who really loves you. Get a lawyer to protect your financial future. Drop him like a hot rock. You can do this!

    • @denicehaley9902
      @denicehaley9902 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      I feel your pain with 35 years “married “ to this demon.

    • @Time.for.tea.
      @Time.for.tea. ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@denicehaley9902 For years I had nightmares where his tongue was a devil’s pitchfork and every time he talked the pitchfork would fly out of his mouth and stab me. Then I had flashbacks to that nightmare every time he screamed at me in real life. Demon is the right description for these bullies. His deceased mother was a demon too.

    • @Time.for.tea.
      @Time.for.tea. ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@lauriekerze3461 thank you for caring. It’s complicated.

  • @user-qv9nw1dq2f
    @user-qv9nw1dq2f 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Whatever the narcisist says or does means nothing and must not be taken personally. It’s coming from an evil source. We must have nothing to do with evil.

  • @joannajohnson696
    @joannajohnson696 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Goodmorning Dr. C & Gus. I had the house inspected. The house was built in 1950 & they found the roof leaking, the joists underneath the house rotting & the countless signs that this is NOT the house. Sad day for me. My exit from the narc has been haulted. Feeling dehumanized again, forced to stay with "no Exit." He is awful during the holidays. I was looking forward to finding a place of peace in a safe house away from the chaos. Need your prayers.

  • @jeanniesanders6158
    @jeanniesanders6158 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    "This type of a relationship is not something you need to invest in." -Dr. C. To that I say ... Amen!!

  • @Ben-tr1ef
    @Ben-tr1ef ปีที่แล้ว +6

    I recently finished my psychology honors. With a narcissistic partner this was the most difficult year I've experienced so far. I cant believe I got through it, constant invalidation, emotional undermining, attacks, calling me stupid. Anyway, I did it, I got through, finished, she took me out for a celebration dinner and ended the relationship a week later :)
    Happy days.

    • @SurvivingNarcissism
      @SurvivingNarcissism  ปีที่แล้ว +2

      First, congratulations on your degree. Second, best wishes in your personal endeavors as well!!

    • @deawallace3584
      @deawallace3584 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      She probably had to run away out of fear your psychology knowledge would figure her out! Hahahaha. Congratulations she is gone.

  • @Xaxtarr_Neonraven
    @Xaxtarr_Neonraven ปีที่แล้ว +4

    One thing I notice is that when they show up they need something, like clockwork, but if you need something from them, it's not really their priority or concern. They're very happy going through life thinking only of themselves and they will never view you and them as a couple, in it together. If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, get used to being alone.

    • @kristenmarie9248
      @kristenmarie9248 ปีที่แล้ว

      They truly can not be responsible for anyone but themselves. They just don't have it to give. We have to except that for their sake, and especially, ours.

  • @lifewithabria5054
    @lifewithabria5054 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    Yep! No matter what I accomplished, my NM would always take credit and she'd still be better than me. She literally would tell me that she knew exactly what it was like to be in the military because she spent a few years growing up by a base. I was in and served and she literally thinks she still knows more. It used to blow my mind! She'd never had a home birth, but still knows more than my sister who has had 4 and myself who has two! Insanity!

    • @SurvivingNarcissism
      @SurvivingNarcissism  ปีที่แล้ว +2

      The older you get, the more you can see the pervasive insecurity underlying all this. It's an odd yet liberating feeling to realize you have surpassed your parent in the maturity department. Keep learning, Abria, and thanks for including me on the journey!

  • @eph2vv89only1way
    @eph2vv89only1way ปีที่แล้ว +4

    A friend told me a joke yesterday and the last woman reminded both of us of narcissists.
    Three women were bragging about how much their sons love them. The first woman says, "My son is the most loving son in the world. Every week without fail he calls me just to talk with his mom!"
    The second woman says, "No, MY son is the best son in the world. Every week without fail he stops and buys my favourite flowers and then he comes by to give them to me and have a coffee and chat for a couple of hours."
    The third woman says, "Actually, MY son is the best son in the world. Every week he has an appointment with a therapist but all he talks about is ME!"

  • @michelepascoe6068
    @michelepascoe6068 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    "This is not about you."
    Keep realising it and shed the blaming and shaming. You did not cause them to malign you behind your back, or lie to you or be contemptuous of your best efforts and kindness, or betray you.
    Their pleasure at your pain or humiliation when they set you up to fail, is not what you deserved, it's what they plotted maliciously.
    They chose to do those things all by themselves.

    • @denicehaley9902
      @denicehaley9902 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Malicious is a perfect word to describe the narc.

    • @michelepascoe6068
      @michelepascoe6068 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@denicehaley9902 sadly yes

  • @susanv1535
    @susanv1535 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Basically, just stay away from them. They are not worth your time, or energy if they can’t let you be yourself. Anyone that is not kind, not respectful, or bests you down, needs to be left behind without a second thought. Your serenity is everything.

  • @pattyrooney1323
    @pattyrooney1323 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I realize now I was born into a family with generations of this mental sickness, I am the scapegoat.

  • @goldalevin869
    @goldalevin869 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    They're not in touch with their own humanity, perfect because they're empty and hollow.

  • @aaronkwolfe
    @aaronkwolfe ปีที่แล้ว +61

    Recently read something that brought me a great deal of closure. Something to the effect: Even betrayal can be useful. Jesus wouldn't have made it to the cross without Judas
    I look at where I'd been and where i am now, and realize I'd not have made these healthy changes (in relationships, personal growth, character qualities, etc.) without my (estranged, narcissistic) wife targeting, then discarding me.
    Dehumanizing me actually started the process that eventually brought me to where I am. In a way, I'm grateful to her for that.

    • @SurvivingNarcissism
      @SurvivingNarcissism  ปีที่แล้ว +30

      I totally get what you are saying, Aaron. You virtually never hear about a person growing because everything went according to the wonderful plan.

    • @aaronkwolfe
      @aaronkwolfe ปีที่แล้ว +15

      Bottom line: Don't just survive. THRIVE.
      For me that began with "How can I help?"

    • @mandycote5662
      @mandycote5662 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      God uses all for His set purposes for the good of all
      He sees our end from our beginning
      Each of us
      💖👑

    • @aaronkwolfe
      @aaronkwolfe ปีที่แล้ว +5

      @@mandycote5662 I can’t help but smile every time I think of Genesis 50:20.

    • @michellehill718
      @michellehill718 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      Indeed! I have similar feelings of gratitude about my even closer walk with God these days as a direct result of my own experiences with systemic narcissism over many years and counting! 😊

  • @kathrynswords2400
    @kathrynswords2400 ปีที่แล้ว +18

    it always amazes me how stunned i am to hear these truths, and that they are so exactly like what i deal & dealt with - it is spot on & this is so helpful

    • @Thomasfrohwitter
      @Thomasfrohwitter ปีที่แล้ว

      Hi Kathryn, how’s your day going with you?

  • @bonniehonchell9963
    @bonniehonchell9963 ปีที่แล้ว +11

    Yes, if you are a kind, humble, honest & loving person, you're a🎯 for the Narcissist. The plan I instituted for myself, I kept to myself. Then, with calm, confident, controlled anger, I told him he had a black hole where his heart should be & may his Karma be everything he expected. Then, complete unwavering NO Contact! Oh, he's tried! I'm too busy trying to be the best version of myself. Nurturing myself. I will never be the same again. For the rest of my life I will carry this with me. There's no one in my life I can talk to about this. That explains the novel writing. I have large plates, and small plates lol, (in my story telling). Hugs to Gus & Thank You DR. C.💯💖

  • @lexiwest2644
    @lexiwest2644 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Some people we can never please or do enough for. They just suck time and life. But we should just want to run to allow them. We are objects to them.

  • @stevebetance116
    @stevebetance116 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    When I volunteer I tell the directors 'Use me - abuse me'...I didn't realize that there are people who actually truly enjoy living thet...SNOW IN BIG BEAR

  • @faithhopecharity2386
    @faithhopecharity2386 ปีที่แล้ว +33

    I feel like you’ve lived a life with my narc sister. You truly know the mindset of a narc but you don’t stop there. Dr. Carter, you help those of us who’ve been harmed by narcs to know their mindset and how to overcome it! Thank you ❤

  • @ZarpeParadise
    @ZarpeParadise ปีที่แล้ว +40

    Love how Gus settles in for the lesson. Thank you so much for all you do!💕💜

    • @HabitualLover
      @HabitualLover ปีที่แล้ว +8

      Yep. That dog is so cute back there relaxing all the time. It cracks me up.

    • @ZarpeParadise
      @ZarpeParadise ปีที่แล้ว +4

      @@HabitualLover Gus' years are showing and I am delighted every time he is accompanying Dr. Carter for the show.
      💕Long time viewer and dog lover

    • @trevorgagnier6697
      @trevorgagnier6697 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      We all love old Gus Dr C. Not a narcissistic bone in his body while he settles down in that " Freudian couch" !

    • @carolmuir2997
      @carolmuir2997 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      ...Gus is a real team player, absorbing all this knowledge, almost shaman like, a true yogi...

  • @crystalford_aaco
    @crystalford_aaco ปีที่แล้ว +5

    I feel like the biggest chump in the world. Thinking someone (and monkeys) that close to me actually cared, had my best interest at heart, would never use me, throw me under a bus, con me, be less than authentic, lie and manipulate, hurt me. Only to do all of the above and post it to the internet as entertainment for themselves (et al), because they felt I deserved it (I wouldn't support their bad behavior). The betrayal, humiliation, hurt.

  • @stephaniejosey9499
    @stephaniejosey9499 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    This is literally how my “mom” treats me. My entire life.

  • @melissapannkuk6033
    @melissapannkuk6033 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    I have been gas lit and dehumanized so much in my marriage. Thank you Dr. C for helping me see more clear. My vision is still very blurry and shame based.

  • @skinnyway
    @skinnyway ปีที่แล้ว +7

    goal #1 make all others as empty as they are. #2 refer to #1.
    I had a male 'friend' for 20 years who turned out to be the kind that was talking smack behind my back constantly. when people would tell me the things he had said I was gobsmacked. Never one time did he ever say that stuff to my face.

  • @duromusabc
    @duromusabc ปีที่แล้ว +7

    If the narcissist wants their spouse or their boyfriend/girlfriend to succeed, it’s only to prop them up and not for the benefit of the spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend- again the success of the narcissist’s partner is only to prop up the narcissist

  • @claireburkus8497
    @claireburkus8497 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    😂😂…just listened ( and the dog and neighbors did too) to my roommate narc blow the leaves off the back patio….grumbling constantly to himself!!! I opened the door to ask if he had company he was talking to? Ice treatment!!! He just had return from doing the same for a bunch of neighbors ….and you can guess the accolades he receives for helping them out!!! He gets his fix from all them and dumps disgust at my door!!! Ugh!!! Dehumanization! Of course boundaries are pounced on immediately with the all to familiar” well you do this to me all the time!!!”Head wants to explode!! When markets are better…I will sell my house and downsize to my own quiet place to finish out living well and healthy!!

  • @niconico9748
    @niconico9748 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    That's exactly how it feels dealing with a narcissist. I thought about this a lot lately and it just blows my mind as I only understood now, at 30 years old how my mother dehumanized me. After I began to realize that she just doesn't see me as a human being, it's eliberating somehow but it's also another kind of struggle. With my extremely low self esteem that goes way back to my childhood, I now wonder why am I not enough to be considered a human being.

    • @deawallace3584
      @deawallace3584 ปีที่แล้ว

      Do not believe her lies. You are enough, and have always been enough or she would not have chosen to treat you how she did. See? Narc mothers treat us badly because we are great and they are not !!!!!! Do not sell yourself short. DO not expect her to change. Do what is right, and begin learning to thrive in baby steps. You will overcome. You are so fortunate to figure her out at .your age. I did not figure out until I was 65, and though figuring out my mother hated me, I will never truly understand. I do, however, understand I no longer give her any power.

    • @niconico9748
      @niconico9748 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@deawallace3584 I hope you receive healing and lots of love, peace and joy and light!
      Thank you very much for your advices and encouragement!
      I want to encourage you if you have the possibility, go and do something just for yourself, something that maybe you always wanted or something that you need.
      Us children of narcissistic parents always put others first but today let's put ourselves first and not take the responsibility of everyone around us on ourselves.

  • @grayrock179
    @grayrock179 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    When we first met, I had so much respect and admiration for him. Eventually, as his behavior played out, admiration turned into pity, then pity to shock, and shock to anxiety/distrust, then disgust. I was duped. I was played. Sound familiar to anyone? I’m back to pity from a safe distance, and have peace again.😅

  • @iononcantomascrivo
    @iononcantomascrivo ปีที่แล้ว +27

    Once again, your video describes my former friend to a T. She would go from Stepford wife cheerful to demonically possess hateful and evil at the drop of a hat. You're absolutely right on how they can only find value in themselves by putting others down. She seemed to take great glee in causing others pain then absolutely playing the innocent bystander or passive aggressive victim after the fact.
    Once I caught onto her schtick, I went low-contact. That wasn't enough. She trolled my timeline on social media just to make inappropriate comments and then claim she was just kidding. I would always delete her comments. Then I hid all of my updates from her. She must have suspected I was getting ready to cut her off because she panicked. Perpetually unemployed with nothing to do other than chain smoke and surf the internet in her bathrobe all day, she sent me multiple texts and spam called me. She stacked messages, mainly accusations that I was being mean to her simply by not communicating and claimed that I had changed but not for the better. Classic projection. One day I actually answered and tore her a new one. I told her if I had to delete and block her again I would. It was one of the few times, during the time that I knew her, that she was silent. She played it safe for a while and left me alone but we all know that they can't behave themselves for long. The last time I ever spoke to her, I took her to task on everything under the standing threat that I would post all of the incriminating screenshots I had of what a horribly toxic person she is. She was a thief, she was a liar, she was a slanderous, libelous, harassing bitter old woman who veered across every ethical, legal, moral, familial, spiritual and any other kind of boundary in front of her. We all know they fear exposure the most and having their false self shattered to pieces. She left me alone after that. I deleted her and blocked her from everything and changed my cell phone number. Five months down the line, showing how deeply unhinged she is, she googled my widow mother's phone number and left a voicemail in which she tried to turn the death of a mutual friend into her spotlight moment. What a nut ball. She called back again and my mom answered. Let's just say my mom gave her the verbal ass chewing that she deserved and needed. She never called again after that. I heard it through the grapevine that she ended up throwing a tantrum that would have embarrassed her toddler grandson. How dare I cut her out of my life? How dare I say enough is enough and lay down a permanent boundary? She wasn't done abusing me. Tough crap. Her 60th birthday was a few days ago and I'm sure she's rotting in her pissed off world because, no doubt, she has pushed everyone away with her horribly entitled, boundaryless behavior. I'm so glad I don't have to deal with her anymore.

    • @iononcantomascrivo
      @iononcantomascrivo ปีที่แล้ว +7

      @Rodleen McDuffie For sure. Thank you for that. The sad part is, I used to do whatever I could to help people even giving my shirt off my own back. Because of what my former friend did to me, I have severe trust issues. I'm still a generally outgoing and caring person, but I'm more guarded now.

    • @dotsyjmaher
      @dotsyjmaher ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I just escaped MOVING near an "old friend"...she had been my "best friend" from11-13...Because of her needing me ( she was an only child...and not popular in middle school..I was very good looking and made high grades..cheerleader..but hated the fawning of the "cool kids"...I tried to be friendly with everyone...)
      So I went to her house to help her with homework..AND DISCOVERED HER AMAZING MOTHER...my "mother" was a psycho...
      At 13 she got her mother to get contact lenses and a dermatologist...
      SHE THOUGHT SHE WAS A GODDESS..
      But the boys still preferred me..because I was natural and nice...
      I knew she had become vain...I rolled my eyes..as did her mother..
      I did NOT realize she had come to HATE me..
      I took a lot of sh*t from her...to stay near her mother...
      But it just became TOO much...and when she took her mother's cat to the pound because she wanted a dog( she ACTUALLY was jealous of the cat)...
      Her mother just aquieced...she just took it..
      I walked away..
      SHE WAS PISSED...
      I realized...some people are not real..they are fake..
      I remember how sad I was I did not have a real friend...She was a phoney empty vain BS bag..
      I really missed her parents..but I could not believe how they put up with her sh*t.
      So I had no problem making other friends...but NOW I was guarded...were they really friends?
      Narcs can really scar you..
      I reconnected with the crazy through fb..
      I was fooled into thinking she had changed and was like her mother...
      I was GETTING READY TO MOVE NEAR HER...
      Then COVID hit and slowed everything down..THANK GOD...
      We talked on the phone several times a day...
      it was really helpful to both of us..BUT
      over time she started to reveal her crazy self...
      I was disappointed..but relieved I had not moved....
      I found out a lot of things that made me happy...
      That her mother got to be with a large loving extended family...for two years before she died...
      They gave her the love she deserved...but did not get from her daughter and granddaughter..
      I finally ended it when I found out she was using my "friendship" to make her crazy daughter jealous...lololol
      I was very disappointed I did not have the REAL friend I thought she had become..but was SO grateful I did not move...
      I realized she had a cousin and a son living with her...and she looked like she was being "nice" to them....but she was using them to not live alone ..and constantly reminding them of how GOOD to them she was...
      But she ACTUALLY LIVED for her crazy, slut of a daughter.....

    • @rosettesionne9139
      @rosettesionne9139 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Thanks for your comment, your ex Friend is very similar to my frienemy in which I went no contact with because she destroyed my mental health. I will make it brief, she was very very nice but I truly believe she had the nice Guy syndrome, she was nice to me but very passive agressif of me towards her Friends, she Always shouted about how nice she IS and how people are cruel to her without reasons, she would Say insulting things about me on social media and publicly mocked me, but when infront of me she showed me an Angelic faced. I was the one doing her homework, assisting her doing exams, helping her during revision but it was never enough and she got angry each Time I didn't do or behave the way she wants. One last straw was when her, her Friends, and a professor insulted me and called me an abnormal drunk because I asked them a question they didn't understand. Instead of asking me what I meant, they attacked my sanity. This IS when I Said enough IS enough. Three years have passed and I am sure this little b... IS still playing the victim. Their insults hurts like hell and still today I am asking myself what I did to deserved to be treated so badly by people who pretended to Care about me.

  • @keithstewart7514
    @keithstewart7514 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I'm the SIBLING who managed to hold a 3.0 grade average & 15 years ago got labeled "Special Needs" in mother's legal bound final WISHES! Every person who lives out of a shopping cart receives credibility many more times than I can ever receive. Called her final WISHES fair & identical to my SIBLING of whom upon her passing will oversee & control my inheritance as to fit her "special needs"! AFTER my venting of hundreds of texts msgs I'm finally know/No contact... Thank you Dr.C!

  • @siriastridkristensen4272
    @siriastridkristensen4272 ปีที่แล้ว +14

    Yes. The BEHIND MY BACK! Not consistency between what is to my face and what is behind my back. And also knowing that what goes on behind the scenes, when no-one is watching, can be very different from what is being presented and played out on stage. When there is an audience. And the "on record" and "off record" behavoiur is very different. When seeing and knowing the difference between that, it is really something not bearable to me. I think there is such a calculated cruelty in behaving like that.
    S

  • @Donita1213
    @Donita1213 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    I'm just wondering. Has anyone had the experience of a person leaving the room as soon as you enter? And when we do have to talk. He never uses my name. These things really used to make me feel terrible. and the really painful thing is that's what he wanted. But watching these videos and praying and meditating has helped me realize that the troubled person isn't me.

    • @claireburkus8497
      @claireburkus8497 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      😮😮😮 my ex does this all the time if there is any contact!!! After 15 years he just sent some of my belongings along to my Son’s home!!!😅 Gotta just laugh at the fool he makes of himself in front of everyone….sick !!

    • @marieldavison5121
      @marieldavison5121 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Just trying to manipulate your mood. Passive aggressive if you ask me. Awareness & education has taken you out of despair and into rediscovery & restoration. Good for you. All my best Donita.

  • @bobbruce4135
    @bobbruce4135 ปีที่แล้ว +12

    So, true. They don't care about you. I noticed this happens a lot in some SEA cultures where the children learn that parents are entitled to everything and that it's okay to take advantage of others and lovers. It's all self-focused entitlement and agenda (narcissistic supply). Many with a lower dating market value may fall for the narcissist, especially if the physical looks factor is imbalanced. Only date, never marry or sponsor. Peace.

  • @fred.k9875
    @fred.k9875 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Well all I can think of right now is that I love Gus!😊

  • @JohnSmith-uv4ox
    @JohnSmith-uv4ox ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I find solace in, when they die and get to view their entire life they will be face to face with whom they really are, there can be no hiding there, they have to face it because they stand alone as they watch their life. It is soul crushing to watch your life and not go back to fix it. My only solace in some ways is knowing my family, will face themselves one day and won't be able to blame me for their own craziness.

  • @janebethshimon
    @janebethshimon ปีที่แล้ว +10

    This was done to me by my mother with great glee. How do you not invest in your mother? I have had too hard a time recovering. Worth, dignity, honor, respect? I'm 67. Life has sort of passed me by. Mom departed 6 years ago.

    • @deawallace3584
      @deawallace3584 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Sure it is hard, but you can overcome, Jane. I realized at 65 that my mother always hated me, and she still does. Now I am 70, she is 95, and still hating me. Guess what. I have had to grieve the loss of a mother, and she has not even passed as yours has. I do love her because she gave birth to me..and it's sad that she is such a miserable human, but now I do not allow one bit of her narcissistic crap to phase me. Water off a duck's back.

  • @texkit1
    @texkit1 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    He would give me the illusion he was being vulnerable with me. Like sharing problems at work and asking for advice. He did this to elicit empathy from me. Just more manipulation to keep me hooked as his supply. To give him validation and attention.

  • @bc3329
    @bc3329 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Doesn't matter what their shortcomings are, the problem is they're allowed/enabled to get away with it no matter what laws they break.

  • @MariaPalia
    @MariaPalia ปีที่แล้ว +8

    What about when you are sick and they don't do anything to help you and they accusing you that you pretending to be sick? Is this dehumanisation? Or when you are the working horse running to do everything from the morning until night and they just seat on the sofa without caring at all about your wellbeing. Is this dehumanising?

    • @denicehaley9902
      @denicehaley9902 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Yes! I’m dealing with Long Covid, and hear nothing but complaints about all he does, while not lifting a finger when I need something.
      His entertainment is his wife.

    • @MariaPalia
      @MariaPalia ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@denicehaley9902 I am so sorry for what is happening to you. It's unbearable to know in this horrible way that they don't care and don't love you even though they say that they do.

  • @VikingSpirit942
    @VikingSpirit942 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    After 21 years, the last 9 of which were v difficult, I am on week 7 of being out the other side. Journalling progress and the changes and can tell you I am not crazy, people do like me, I am calm, peaceful and rational and perfectly functional in my own company. And skin, gut function and anxiety symptoms have all improved immensely- huuuge emotional and physical glow-up is happening!

  • @oneproudpappa
    @oneproudpappa ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Emasculation. I allowed her to strip me down of my masculinity.

    • @bobtaylor170
      @bobtaylor170 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      There's a case history like yours in M. Scott Peck's "People of the Lie." It's horrifying, but reading about the same thing having happened to another may possibly hold some therapeutic value for you. Hang in, brother. Don't let an evil *****, in whom there is no truth whatever, take your potential for life from you. Heal.

  • @nicselectronics81
    @nicselectronics81 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I completely lost myself, being hollowed out was incredibly painful.

  • @izawaniek2568
    @izawaniek2568 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    These kinds of relationships we do not need to invest in. Thank you dr Carter.

  • @kisigma1011
    @kisigma1011 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I was treated like sh!t by everyone my family, partners,friends

  • @magicmegan4290
    @magicmegan4290 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    And my husband told me that I was dehumanizing him by saying he was a narcissist..... 🙁 even though they dehumanized me and that’s why I thought that. 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

  • @virginiarobinson2042
    @virginiarobinson2042 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Finally I've learnt to detach mentally and emotionally from the narc in my life. Thankyou for showing me the way out of a toxic situation. This person remains present around my life , all I can do is feel sorry for them and the awful toxic life they inhabit.... All of their own doing. I'm out !

  • @hathlete4ever916
    @hathlete4ever916 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I won't go into details, but throughout my life, I can't say how many times I've done good or great things for other people, only to find out that not only did they not appreciate what I've done for them, but little did I know, they convertedly underneath the surface plotting out a way to do me in one way or another. I don't mean to victimize myself having said that, but the bottom line is I learned that I know everything I need to know about them and everything I need to know about me. Now, I am truly sorry for any bads and wrongs I've done, but I am not sorry period for any goods or rights I've done regardless of anything or anybody. I think the best words that go along with dehumanizing are demeaning, devaluing, diminishing, and invalidating. Thank you Dr C for making this video and for everything you do ❤🙏🤝👍.

    • @SurvivingNarcissism
      @SurvivingNarcissism  ปีที่แล้ว +2

      You speak on behalf of many. I'm glad you're figuring this out!

  • @WinterWarlock261
    @WinterWarlock261 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    Narcissists are not human beings. Subconsciously, narcissists don't really consider themselves as human beings anyway, because human beings are flawed individuals and have characteristics like "empathy" and "compassion" and "caring" and "try to get along with people" and "grow" and "learn". Narcissists consider themselves "flawless" and "superior" to human beings - above them and above all the characteristics that make people human, considering each characteristic as a weakness. They're HALF right: Narcissists are not TRUE human beings. People call narcissists as "empathy impaired". That is grossly inaccurate. Narcissists are "humanity impaired". Empathy is an important part of being human, but it is only ONE part of being human. But narcissists are NOT superior to human beings. Narcissists are INFERIOR to true human beings who are actually capable of being human by showing empathy, compassion, self-reflection, self-growth, and assertion without knocking others down and stepping all over others. We are ALL flawed. But narcissists are SEVERELY flawed. And the irony is, they think they're flawless. They couldn't be MORE wrong. But then that's another narcissistic flaw: Narcissists are ALWAYS wrong about EVERYTHING! ALWAYS!!

  • @user-pi2kn7ww3t
    @user-pi2kn7ww3t ปีที่แล้ว +2

    It will be a lot easier now, not to wrestle an alligator. This vision will stay be in my mind from now on.

  • @wendybond2848
    @wendybond2848 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    This so accurately represents my husband’s behaviour. He could do whatever he wanted, have everything his own way all of the time. Still to be mean, negative, always had the last word yet he still wasn’t happy. Instead if investing in his family, he cheated with another woman over a 6 year period. Lied to his friends and family about his behaviour. Seems not to be affected by the destruction he has caused to so many.

  • @walterwilkinson1499
    @walterwilkinson1499 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Is anyone here disabled, and thus partially financially dependent on an elderly narc parent for their future security? It's a special form of hell. The exploitation is so easy for them when one is financially stuck.

    • @denicehaley9902
      @denicehaley9902 ปีที่แล้ว

      I’m stuck with my narc husband due to Long Covid disability, no job, health insurance, etc. 😢

  • @mthomas3547
    @mthomas3547 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Gosh, entitlement comes in so many different forms and no matter how hard we try to relate in some facet, we can't because it's so unique and only to them.

  • @davidJohnsonguitarguy
    @davidJohnsonguitarguy ปีที่แล้ว +5

    The consequences, rotten fruits, of the Narc brother's behavior: - Divorced, his adult children don't want to be around him, nor do I. He was fired from being a Godfather to his former best Friends little girl.
    Repeatedly telling him about his bad behavior towards me, nagging, certainly didn't work. Years ago, I didn't have any tools / weapons, now I do. Pointing out their rotten fruit as result of their behavior has value, if only as a weapon as a means of standing up for myself. If someone disagrees with what I say, some day they will say I am right. I don't need or want him in my life.

  • @ivatennant4363
    @ivatennant4363 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Dr Les, I just don't know how you do this, but you have described my past relationship 100% I really needed to hear this and make sense of all that he was doing to me. This is helping me to get on the healthy track now that I ended the horrific relationship, and through your eyes I am seeing what he was doing to me and what his thinking was. It is still so hard for me to accept that fact that he so vile and evil and held so much contempt towards me.
    Finally, I am starting to understand that he never loved me, only cared abut himself. I was merely a tool to lift him up to appear to be the person he thought he was. It is difficult to believe I was exploited and despised. Ultimately, I have to remind myself that I am extremely lucky that I got out of the relationship after 2 years BUT before we were attached legally or financially or even living together.
    This video was very emotional for me as I felt like you were completely dissecting our relationship in which I was so so fooled and confused. THANK YOU IS NOT EVEN ENOUGH FOR ME TO TELL YOU HOW APPRECIATED YOU ARE. YOU ARE A LIFE SAVER FOR MY MENTAL HEALTH. May God bless you and continue to give you such amazing insight and clarity. THANK YOU

  • @25N77
    @25N77 ปีที่แล้ว +21

    With the help of Dr C’s videos over the years, I’ve learned a lot and actually put much of it into practice.
    This particular video to me is a summation of narc traits which I truly need to remember. When I seem to backslide into thinking well she’s not so bad, I need to be reminded of where I’ve been not very long ago.
    It’s much like attending a Narc Anonymous meeting weekly to make certain I remember everything I’ve learned.

  • @avoiceinthewilderness9864
    @avoiceinthewilderness9864 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    My narcissistic husband of 23 years just accused me of making my 16 year old paranoid because I offerred to take him to the urgent care for his infected finger. He said I should just take care of it at home and dig the ingrown nail out myself. And walked off with a smirk and head shake. It use to hurt me and now I see it for what it is.

  • @franciecrist991
    @franciecrist991 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I wish you happiness Dr. Les AND everyone watching 😊😊😊

  • @karenlegg9695
    @karenlegg9695 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    Most currently I can relate to being dehumanized when my "husband" stayed at his ex wife's home for a period of time, while we have been separated. He didn't offer up this information to me. I found out on my own. Of course my thoughts went to asking if he had been intimate with her. He says that he was not yet in the same breath he says this: "So what if I did have sex with her? What than? What than?"
    What the heck did I just hear come out of his mouth. I just stared at him and then he says, "you are too sensitive, maybe I need to desensitize you?" I am beside myself at this point. He gets up and leaves. I receive a text from him later, that says " I am sorry I offended you." Who the heck are these "people?", I feel like they exist from the depths of hell.

    • @SurvivingNarcissism
      @SurvivingNarcissism  ปีที่แล้ว +9

      Whoever the heck they are, you deserve so much better. Listen to what your gut is telling you!

    • @karenlegg9695
      @karenlegg9695 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@SurvivingNarcissism discernment tells me to run far away from him, yet I cannot because we share a child. So I am trying to learn how to disengage with him and still be civil for the sake of our shared child.

    • @denicehaley9902
      @denicehaley9902 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      I pray you find a way to be released from this scumbag narc “husband.” He’ll keep cheating, lying, and using you. 💔🥲

    • @kristenmarie9248
      @kristenmarie9248 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@karenlegg9695 Run. Your child is witnessing this, and feeling the negative environment. They know, and understand more than people realize. Please, for both your sakes, leave. It will get worse. Been there.

  • @shill767
    @shill767 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Dr C-I just introduced my sisters to you. Our father passed in August. We are left with our completely mentally competent but physically bedridden, 90 year old, angry, raging narcissistic mother. With 6 children in our family, she has spewed her venom on all of our whole lives. All 6 children have continued to faithfully care for, help and provide for her. And 2 weeks ago she told my oldest sister, “You have ruined my life”. My sweet, fragile sister who has never done anything but do my mother’s bidding. At 66, she I finally starting to set boundaries with my mother. One of my other sisters has asked me to ask you, how do we do this with an angry, hateful, bedridden mother and still protect ourselves from her. I’ve been sharing all your videos with them. But the weight and hurt we all feel is tremendous. Our dad is gone and no one wants to talk to or be around our mom. But we can’t just leave her in a nursing home. We would be so grateful for you feedback. I’m praying you see this comment and can respond. Thank you for your time.

  • @butters0u1
    @butters0u1 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Dr. C you’ve been a source of support over the years, helping to remind me of the topical nuances that are always present in relationships with narcissist. Thank you for all you share and do. This was information I so needed to hear.🎯

  • @mindonthespirit1543
    @mindonthespirit1543 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    4:05 Yep, I am constantly being told, "well you don't have to get upset about it."

  • @gabrielafonseca4034
    @gabrielafonseca4034 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I decided to set up limits and now I'm facing all the wrath and spite of my boss. I can't walk away from my job. I hope I can find a way of doing my job professionally, but I'm afraid of being taken down because of all you've said here

  • @nickdavies921
    @nickdavies921 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I have been ignored and spoken to like rubbish by the person I sit next to at work for three years. Sometimes it feels like I'm in a movie where no one is seeing what I'm seeing because she is overly nice and pleasant to everyone else. It hurts so much sometimes because I loved her very much once. I need to forget about one day getting an apology or closure on this,communities and videos like this help very much.

  • @myrtillesm3532
    @myrtillesm3532 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Thank you for denouncing and expressing the truth. Believe me psychologists can be extremely narcissistics and their corporations (newly renamed as Professional Orders). They are on the power side to protect their reputation and that of their members.

  • @mandycote5662
    @mandycote5662 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    This never runs out does it
    Roll call
    ‘Here’
    🧐

    • @mandycote5662
      @mandycote5662 ปีที่แล้ว

      When man as is will be no more and all of creation is restored
      💖👑

  • @s.s.8029
    @s.s.8029 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    For me it was the assumption that I would just do whatever they wanted, when they wanted me to do it! I bent over backward to help, but it was never enough or never good enough. I heard the way they talked about other people behind their backs, so I often wonder (but no longer care) what was said about me. I have very minimal contact now (thankfully), but others in my family still have contact, so I am not completely free. My fil was the worst at dehumanizing. He had no empathy (I would garner socio, if not a psychopath) and would willingly put down anyone, whether he knew them or not. If you so much as disagreed about anything, you were belittled. I had never met someone like him.

  • @l.5832
    @l.5832 ปีที่แล้ว +12

    I recognize the way my narc sister used me and deceived me but I am struggling with the panic attacks I still get when a memory of various incidents come into my mind unexpectedly. She discarded me and so my going no contact went unchallenged. But the sheer panic I feel when processing and reliving these experiences.... PS. Please give Gus a hug for me.

    • @aquagirl9228
      @aquagirl9228 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Panic attacks are dreadful.
      I've been suffering from PTSD for years but am always working on healing. ✌️

    • @aquagirl9228
      @aquagirl9228 ปีที่แล้ว

      I was wondering what spin you would put on the truth. Maybe those panic attacks are associated with some other disorder🤷‍♀️

    • @l.5832
      @l.5832 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@aquagirl9228 ???????

  • @amandagish5976
    @amandagish5976 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    This video triggered me. I haven't been triggered in many years. This hurt and perfectly described my life in my childhood. Wow.

    • @SurvivingNarcissism
      @SurvivingNarcissism  11 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Keep learning, Amanda...and trust in your inner strength. It may have been buried, but it's still in there!!

    • @amandagish5976
      @amandagish5976 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I will, thank you.

    • @amandagish5976
      @amandagish5976 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      ❤️

  • @nicolemilne967
    @nicolemilne967 ปีที่แล้ว +12

    Thank you for all you do Dr C. Sending love to all the survivors ❤

    • @hathlete4ever916
      @hathlete4ever916 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Much love to you as well!!! Cheers 🙂✌️🤝👍