Boarding school at an early age is child abuse - George Monbiot | Comment is Free
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 10 ก.พ. 2015
- Increasing numbers of children are being educated at boarding schools in the UK.
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We must protect children from the damage they can cause, argues George Monbiot, who still struggles with the emotional impact of being sent away at the age of eight. He says if working-class parents did this, there would be an outcry. So why are upper-class parents getting away with what has become a form of acceptable cruelty?
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Boarded from 5. The betrayal and abandonment traumatised me to the depths of my psyche. It broke me. The effects have been lifeline and severely impacted my ability to form relationships and this has in turn impacted my own children, which is an even greater source of grief and loss for me. It has taken an enormous amount of work on my part to overcome this trauma. It’s not about willpower or self indulgence. Being unparented in a place where you are not comforted or touched at such a young age literally deprives a child of the attachment and trust and ability to connect that makes one human.
F*** - forgive me for swearing but that's terrible . I mean five years old - at that age I could barely tie my own shoelaces , I wouldn't have lasted in a boarding school for a week . Guess in lucky my parents don't approve of boarding school - in our house it used to be a running joke , each time I complained about too much homework , "Atleast you aren't like V (name changed) from kindergarten , studying two states away ."
Yes I agree
Hey at least you had children. I want family on some deep fundamental level but can't form and maintain the relationships needed to do this. Do me a favour and try to cherish your children, for yourself if for noone else.
Thank you for your honest post, highlighting that what Monbiot said is truth. And it isn’t just young kids it effect…I was 13 when I was sent, and I have similar issues.
If you have children, YOU should be raising them. Raising them does not mean paying for their tuition and only seeing them on holidays.
Marcus I agree with you totally . I would rather bring up my children then let some scum bag narcissitic house masters do it .
Yeah if only my parents understood this fundamental law of parenting. Too late now. Fucked up. Therapist just tells me try to have fun.
Marcus Liou
It’s what creates sociopaths.
Agreed. I couldn’t imagine shipping my kid off to be institutionalized.
I watched a documentary about English boarding school. The parents were like, “They adjust and are happy.” One of the kids said he stopped saying he didn’t like boarding school because he realized his parents were never going to listen to him. What the parents thought was “adjusting“ was the kids learning not to talk about their needs.
My heart breaks for those children at boarding school. Going away to college is hard enough- I cant imagine going away at 7 years old.
Exactly, my 18 year old cried NON stop for 3 weeks and showed up at my doorstep after a month in college due to home sickness!
A boarding school in my area takes boarders from aged 6!
I was 5. It’s been deeply traumatic and I’ve carried that trauma pretty much all of my 58 years.
i was sent at 7 years old, and im 24 now, but i still my boarding school days, contrary to this video, i really liked it, it had its ups and downs, but it was all worth it and i loved it.
@@pip1pip1hooray are you a mother? My mum went to boarding school at 5 during the war. She was always very private, neglected ro tell me she was dying. Just wondering 😁
Boarding school was hell for me . I was sent from the ages of 8-12 . I was bullied alot ( everyday pretty much ) and I was in a new country with new values . I was one of the few people of colour . I was put there because my parents marriage was falling apart . My dad tried to kill my mum and others in front of me so i was sent to a boarding school for my safety . I understand why my mum sent me but as I child all I wanted was her to be there.... years passed on and I blamed everything on me . I grew up quickly and didn't feel I was worth bothering with . That i was a parasite :a useless child who didn't deserve attention . That was 11 years ago and I am still trying to recover .
Forgive your parents and forgive yourself love, they did not know better. Your purpose in life is to love yourself, live and be happy and work everyday on being a better person and citizen. God bless you and kerp up your faith, love and hope. Get good friends, and keep a healthy lifestyle and attitude. You can do it. You deserve a great life!!
Same to me
You must have gone to a terrible school. Bullying wasn't permitted at my school.
I totally believe you is that all boarding schools look like treason to me.
Man that must have been tough
It has left me with an indescribable depression...a sense of time passing into cold infinity...a loneliness so painful only a child knows ..who stands paler than a tiny ghost in some terrifying dormitory...some freezing disorientated corner of a prison far from home..there isn't a day it doesn't haunt me...went when I was 7, now 51...
I also went when I was seven and I am now 50… and like you I am still haunted by those years …
Your words are so powerful
I would NOT send my dog to Boarding school, less talk my beloved children!
I couldn't bear to not have my children in the same house... my heart would ache too much. I suppose socialites would regard my actions as self serving, but I think being and feeling loved is a basic human necessity. Children sent away, yes, they get a stellar education... but at the expense of being an arms length away from endless hugs, tucked in and cuddled,... there is no substiution. And once a child grows... it's too late.
well put
I'm not a socialite at all. I never even put the feet in a boarding school, though i do have an experience, for an extended period of time into a foster care system organised as a total institution(with many characteristics we could find in boarding schools).
I agree with you about being loved as need(if we are talking about psychology). I do not consider such things as: kisses, hugs, or cuddling as necessary components of "loving" in my case quite the contrary(and the person to not understand this in my entourage is actually my mother).
Being in a total institution like i was didn't even actually removes the "love" component out of my life, it was partially accomplished by someone else, my tutor. On the other hand it did also provide me with many skills,valuable involuntary social experiences, conflict de-escalations abilities, leadership abilities, cognitive empathy, self-esteem, camaraderie & esprit de corps.
Children are born to be loved and cared for by their parents. It makes me so angry that children's feelings are ignored. Child abuse
I was sent to boarding school from age 4 to 8. Boarding school syndrome is definitely real. I identify with all those problems.
For me was 14 to 18. Fucks you up no matter your age. I really needed love and support at the age of 14 and my parents did the opposite and sent me away. Please parents if you do love your children never send them to board, it's hard to explain the effects but this British guy does a good job introducing the issue.
Mmala Mokone boarded from 8 till 18. I identify so much with this.
@@JohnDoe-qq6gv boarded 11 to 18 and loved it! And had a really close relationship with my parents! So it changes for different people
Zara Dawodu you’re a 👧
5 to 16
As a middle class I can never send my child to boarding school it's cruelty, that child needs you more at the age of 7-8 to understand life and it's changes. Plus with this society where sexual predictors are hidden on such places the horror that child may have gone thru he/she will have to live with it
It also feels Abandoned by your own parents
This is child abuse and the law needs to change to protect children and their rights. It angers me at how cruel it is. The emotional abuse being away from parents is sick.
I can not stop writing. Man!!! You are so right. I can not connect with anyone, my parents mean nothing to me, although I do my duty toward them but like a robot not quite like their child...
I was sent to a Convent Boarding School in Tunbridge Wells at age 5. Was not happy there and always getting in trouble. Expelled at age 6 and sent to another Boarding School for emotionally troubled children in Oxford. Although they used corporal punishment there I liked it better than the convent. This is the first time I have heard anyone speak out about the harm of Boarding Schools for the very young -- I completely agree. The difficulties of trusting people and maintaining relationships has been very real. Thank you for your insights.
Caroline Lato DoD you go to Sibford school in Oxford? What year?
I was born in Camden town and my mum was nearly punched in the face and since we lived there my mum became more and more worried until at the age of eight mum sent me to boarding school and her reason was it is too dangerous here
@@timfitzgerald8283 I was always curious about insights of the boarding schools. Would you share with me your personal experience?😊
@@lizab.4583 i can share my personel experience with u ... Im currently 18 yr girl now .... I was boarded in class 9th
@@vaishnavisharma1039 of course! It would be great! I'm 18 soon
HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE . I have tears in my eyes being reminded again, the potential distortions this causes the children. I was sent to boarding school (BS) at 6, as my mother, who was teaching me at home, in what was then Nyasaland, in Africa, couldn't cope with me. Sent to boarding school. I hear the word chose, by those who seemed to be 'happy ' at (BS). To me a big difference is the child was in a family where their autonomy was central to the decisions they made, with the family. My army family did not consider my, or my brothers autonomy, and hence we learnt that we had no ability to make decisions, and hence take responsibility for our actions. Only later in our lives, have some of us learnt that we can make decisions for ourselves. I heard the phrase recently, Hurt People Hurt People, that has almost forced me to take the decision to make sure I put as much of those experiences as I can in a new and helpful place. I am 69 yrs old, it is never too late.
My father was sent to boarding school at a very young age. It scared him for life. When it came time for me to go to school my parents absolutely without doubt or hesitation, sent me to public school. Glad they did. The abuse that goes on in private schools is horrific, historic and ongoing.
Boarding school, where I was sent as a termly boarder from the age of 8, was a blessed refuge from my parents' unhappy marriage. During the holidays I couldn't wait to get back to school where all my friends were. Some boys were picked on, though, which must have made it like a prison for them.
vinyltone Yes I hoped going to boarding school would be an escape from abuse at home ...unfortunately it did become a prison sentance of sadism from a school master Niel Hadden , a sadist child abuser the Norfolk police say they cannot prosecute because he abused too many boys ,,,they have not the staff to take the case on ,,,,lol lol ....yeah whatever ,, one officer could collect enough statements to take him to court ,,,but i,m afraid it,s probably more a case of .....Cyril Smith ,,,, and the protectection he enjoyed ..
Keep the police on him
Age 4 to 16 with rarely any visits. Systematically abandoned under the guise of education. I am now in my fifties broken with a plethora of failed relationships, emotional, psychological and mental issues. Wicked & brutal family of origin.
I'm a boarder at a catholic school and all the symptoms are totally true 😖I'm sol scared
You should ask your parents if you can leave cause I started boarding school in 6th grade and my parents let me stay 1 term to see if I liked it and I did!
What if her parents feel angry ?
Ring social services. We are here on youtube for you.
I am a cathedral chorister at Christchurch oxford. I am 12 but definitely deal with these problems. I absolutely hate it here. But my parents will not let me leave. Boarding school is really hell on earth for me.
Really sorry to hear that you are having such a bad time. If you can, try to tell an adult you respect, maybe an aunt or an uncle, how you are feeling, and ask for help.
Ahhhh so sorry 😐!!! I think it’s your parents that need to take care of you not the boarding school, sorry to hear you’re having such a tough time!! I hope there’s someway that you can go home one day!!
You are smart, you should contact online a left wing organization for child human rights in the UK so they take your case to court so you request a judge to take you back to your home to be raised by them as the law mandates and because there are schools around your home, no excuse to send you away to go to school fair away like in Victorian days. You have a human right to live and be raised by your parents, that is according to the International Human Rights for children. A psychologist can attest to the negative effects all boarding schools have on the emotional development of a child and teen ager (boarding school syndrome) and to you. Keep up the hope, you can do it. For you and many children like you.
😢
my mom always says. "I WILL SEND U TO BOARDING SCHOOL IF U KEEP HITTING UR LIL BRO"
Don't hit him, maybe you can if you want to go...
Many young children are not emotionally ready to go to boarding school. Perhaps they are ready by the time they are teenagers. I was a day student at a small boarding school. Quite a few girls were unhappy, especially the little ones. Their lives were so regimented 24 hours a day. No free time to just be a kid and do what you wanted for part of your day. A girl in my class never smiled and rarely spoke to anyone for the two years she was there. I can see how boarding school can cause problems for people.
😢
the worst thing that could ever happen to someone is being bullied and they can't go back home to at least forget about their troubles at school. the worst thing is that parents send their kids to school because they just don't want the hassle of picking up your kid from school.
a relative was traumatized at a residential school for the very poor, he has many stories of beatings, hazings, abuse from older students, etc., probably the most egregious abuse came from one of the adults who worked in the dormitories, this individual made advances at relative and was scorned so in revenge, the lecher accused my relative of sleeping with his wife and stole some of his allowance, residing at this school turned my relative into a bit of a callous person, this may be the boarding school syndrome you talk about
I think its a different experience for each person. Some go to boarding schools and learn to form better relationships with people. Mine was different.
Cried and was sad most the time but my parents won’t let me leave.
I agree with you.
Boarding school,as a conceptual category is more about lifestyle, services & amenities than anything else.
I do not have an experience with any boarding school, i do though have an extensive, harsh & positive experience with a total institution targeted at young minors.
i was a victim of a two carreer household, both my parents worked full time. Dumping children in nurseries is child abuse but no one wants to talk about that.
Sarah Mollin That's a fair point... and YES I have heard this issue discussed elsewhere.
Sarah Mollin I agree!
Sooo true
I agree with you. I know someone that shows off with her lovely house she has because she dumped her child in nursery from 8 months old,, but her child seems distant. You only have your children a little while. It soon passes and they're leaving home.
I kept my son with me. Children don't need a big house. Children need LOVE.
Horrible nasty places id not wish any child at a boarding school why would any one have children just to send them away but same people want it all to look good and to look normal for the public if you are high up the the wife child nice home a lot these families are so fucking messed up its unbelievable its not all about bloody money its about time love understand and being there when you need someone if I dont have that well dont have children
I totally agree, I went to a boarding school from 8 to 12 and I’m still struggling, however if you’re boarding at 14-15 it’s not as bad
@LE AMV's you’re still a little baby. Enjoy being a child. And Don’t grow up to soon.
I am at boarding school I’m fine
Im 13 and started boarding at 11 im still boarding and ive always loved it
same
I completely agree I am at a boarding weekly boarding school in Berkshire and I am 14 and Boarding has mentally affected me in many ways It should be banned. And surely parents should want to spend as much time with there children as possible so whats the point?
Oscar Webb I agree, parents should be there for you!! Hope things turns around for you!!
Look for a pro Children's Human rights organization si they take your case to court pro bono and you are sent back home and to a school nearby. It is your human right to live and be raised by your parents not far away like in the Victorian era
I was sent to boarding school from age 8 until 14 but it wasn't my parents choice. I have a physical disability (wheelchair) but were I live there were no school for kids like me there were a lot of school for kids with mental disabilities but i have a normal IQ so I needed to go to the other side of the country. ( I'm from Belgium) now I'm home again because the government finally decided that kids who have no mental disabilitie can go to normal schools. ( and maked money free for it ).Me and my parents are still trying to get a better band again.
Boarding schools are harmful to all children of any age
I went to boarding school and I still feel betrayed. I can trust no woman because I thought my mother was "on my side" and would never do something like that. I have lived a life fearing abandonment and staring into an abyss of that early exclusion from family repeating itself. I thus abandon any relationship before it can abandon me. The trauma of being sent away has tainted my existence to the core. I am 73 yrs and still have nightmares about it.
Where's the meat? He talks from personal experience, but doesn't share any of it; doesn't discuss any of the mechanisms through which this system might make kids uncaring (inter-pupil violence, being isolated from parents during hardship). He doesn't discuss any studies on the effects of boarding school. He just seems to eloquently moan for a couple of minutes. For someone who didn't go to boarding school, I'm just left thinking "Oh quit your whingeing".
Harry Key I agree with you. A lot of it is plain ignorance. I attended boarding school and they were the best days of my life. I'm very grateful for the positive memories, and the teachers and house parents were brilliant. They made me the man I am today. Living with my parents, I use to get in all kinds of trouble and would hang around with the wrong crowd. My Dad was never there, he would work long hours and my Mum couldn't handle me. Attending boarding school in the 80's changed all that. Also, compared to your average comp, I had numerous leisure activities to choose from. I must admit, I didn't really enjoy going back home. Some people would call this experience child abuse.
***** Boarding schools are good and bad ,,,all circumstances different ..... some kids sent because the parents have their own lives to lead ,,,,,,, some because of family break up ,some because it,s a social climbing gold star sending your kids to a private school ,,, some because they believe it is the best thing for the child ,,, some because the child wishes it ...in some cases it,s wrong ,in others the best thing .... Boarding school is not good when, as at my school Langley ..., it is ruled by a Sadist child abuser Niel Hadden ,that is also intimidating and bullying staff .... a pervert who,s room adjoined a dormitory of young children he enjoyed abusing .... It,s not clear cut .... If this man had been of good character , many of my friends would still be alive and many others would not have drug , drink , social and mental health problems .....society and the children he abused have to bare the cost of his perversion ...and good old Britain does,nt give a flying Fcuk . I,ve reported the abuse monthly for years ,,no action .
John Dawson I think there are a lot of misconceptions about boarding schools. Most of the teacher's are 9 to 5 employees. During the evenings, you are governed by house parents and senior members of staff (mixture of men and women). Furthermore, if a child is clearly struggling with boarding school life, the school will advise the parents or remove the child from the school. From my experience, this is a rarity.
As for parents dumping their kids in boarding schools because they want time to themselves isn't really the case. My Dad would drive me to boarding school, which was about 50 miles away and then collect me during weekends. In reality, it would be more convenient to stick me in a local comp, which was within walking distance. After a kid has had a shower, changed his clothes, done his homework and eaten his food, then it's time for bed. So during week days, you don't really have much time to spend.
Going back to your abuse case, as you well know, this could potentially occur anywhere, from a scouts hut to a filthy perverted uncle or parent. As strange as it may seem, It is very difficult to abuse a child in a boarding school, compared to an average child living on a housing estate. The one I attended, you are never on your own. You find yourself surrounded by many people all the time. The place it littered with cameras, even hidden cameras the staff don't know about. Privacy is the biggest disadvantage of boarding away from home. I admit, there have been isolated abuse cases in boarding schools, but that doesn't mean they are all corrupt, over flowing with pedos. Put it this way; schools don't abuse, it's the people who are the abusers. This applies to all walks of life.
From what you say , no you were not dumped ,,,,,,, your parents were obviously thinking of your best options , but this does not mean there are not children that are in fact dumped for convenience , who feel dumped and suffer badly because of it ... the sadist child abuser at my school was completely open about it ,,,,,,he bragged about it ...... this was in Norfolk ...full of subservient sicophantic social climbers , pissed most of the time ..... a bunch of teachers with chips on their shoulders , happy to beat the hell out of the upper class kids they showed so much hatred and contempt for ...I talk of the sixties Langley Loddon ...a corner of Norfolk civilisation had,nt reached yet ..... i wonder to this day if anyhting has changed really ...my complaints to the police ignored year after year ,,,I,m told the case is too big for them to take on ..lol lol //not funny I know
John Dawson I am genuinely sorry to here about your traumatic experience. I hope you're coping well in your adult life. It's never easy. My school could be very strict at times, if you didn't toe the line, but if you abided by the rules, the rest was a doddle. My Dad didn't abuse me physically in any shape or form, but he wasn't perfect to say the least. My parents had an acrimonious divorce when I was 5 years old, so I was caught in the middle of the crossfire. I would spend 6 months with Mum and then 6 months with my Dad on an alternated basis. This is one of the reasons why I am screwed up to this day. Perhaps boarding school was a form escapism, who knows. I enjoyed my time there and sometimes, when I look at my life dominated by a mortgage, working long hours, meeting company targets, working with people you don't like and fear of losing your job, I would do anything to go back to boarding school.
It appears, your boarding school was run by a corrupt person from the very top. I think over time, most of these perverted scumbags get found out eventually and exposed for the sinister pieces of shit they truly are.
There are girls boarding schools too. I went aged 9 whilst my parents lived abroad.
Age 15 for girls, and 16 for guys is the bare minimum age for boarding as long as the child is mature for their age. I say this as someone who was a 'day boarder' at a boarding school during secondary school.
This is actually true don't send your kids to boarding school when they are young
Yeah boarding school just made me more hate filled and aggressive than I already was, and they have to achieve curing my phone addiction, IMO it’s very irresponsible and horrid to put your kids in boarding schools
Please don't send children to boarding school
The school board's capitalize off student's in today's day and age. Demographics statistics don't lie. The conundrums that occur are not fictuious. 100% pragmatic statement.
I was also sent to boarding school in age 7
우리 친척중에도 한국인인데도 영국 기숙학교로 보내져서 고등학교를 마친후 심한 우울증으로 한국에서 폐인으로 사는 아이가 있어요.
emotionally disabled but rich.
what use is money when u have to fight suicide every morning and night
Well I guess I have boarding school syndrome and I went to a public school. A majority of kids in America end up emotionally damaged and boarding school's almost unheard of here. Kind of wish I went to one to get away from family.
Catherine Stanley Childhood's complicated. One little event in it can change your entire personality. The way your home is set up can do a lot to you. Having a nanny or emotionally remote parents can do things to your personality.
America's next generation is going to be so emotionally damaged and lacking in life skills I won't be surprised if America becomes a third world country. There's too many drug addicted parents, too many abusive parents/absent parents, too many parents who care more about their boyfriend or girlfriend than their child, too many kids in foster care who will never have a family, too many parents that are serving long term prison sentences, and too many school shootings. Plus the education system in America is failing miserably, the best education in America is coming from private schools, charter schools, homeschooling and expensive boarding schools for rich kids. My 7 year old neice said once she wants to go to a school like in Harry Potter, her dads a drug addict who spends most his day high on drugs. Boarding school would be the opposite of abuse for many kids here.
Catherine Stanley There's a lot of drugs in boarding schools. Pupils are regularly expelled from my old school for using them. A lot of cannabis, but also other things including magic mushrooms - which grow in the grounds.
One thing I can't ascertain is the effect of internet and mobile phones - neither were widely available in my time.
Best to point out I am not American.
I know your not American I'm just saying there are many kids, even young kids, here that would choose to go to boarding school if they had the option. I think if a child doesn't want to go to boarding school and shows signs they don't want to be there the parents should do what's best for their child and not force them to go.
Catherine Stanley I don't think children under 11 can make an informed choice. A lot of them know their parents are paying top money to put them through but would feel guilty for complaining for that reason alone.
Boarded from 8 to 18. Boarding School Syndrome (I now have something to call it) has blighted my life. After another breakdown at 44 years old, I am finally ready to begin psychotherapy (at £320 a month. Boarding School... the gift that keeps on giving🙄)
Roald Dahl was homesick when he was younger
My boarding school is a jail
Boarding schools should have been abolished with child labour
Heartbreaking.
I went to boarding school from the age of 12. I really struggled a lot. I have a lot of problems with anxiety and depression. Some children enjoy boarding school though.
i agree my child is 9 and he has problems with impulsivity, but he should not have to suffer through boarding school.
I was sent at age of 9 I have to spent my whole school life there
I was sent to boarding school at 4 years of age. 😥😥
Ditto
I want to go to boarding school but my mom is the one who doesn’t want me too
Oh thanks for saying that!
Brilliant video ...of truth ...However I looked forward to going to boarding school to get away from my abusive mother ,,,,, but landed out of the frying pan into the fire ..
😢
I just applied to boarding school lol im excited i hope i get in (:
I went to boarding school at 11 now I am 14 and I love it yeah there are some ups and downs but I personally really like going to boarding school it helps you with your studies, sports, fitness and overall character development
Yes, some children love it though it has to be beyond a certain age for that to happen... perhaps for you it's a little earlier than the average I'd say. Though it's best for a child's mental health to have made that final choice themselves. The chance to give it a term and if they would rather be home with their family rather than three weeks at a time at boarding school then the kid should have that option.
I think if the child wants to go and they are at least 13 then boarding school is fine
There will always be children that have a hard time whether they go to private or state. It should be a choice for the child to make. I went when I was 7 and am very grateful, my parents made a lot of sacrifices to send me there.
I was going to do flexi boarding but i was forced. At the last minute I convinced my parents not to do it. I hate it!!
I’m not going to college or uni bc I don’t wanna board lol
I went to boarding when i was 6, it gave me BPD, r
Truths
I looked up boarding school on TH-cam cause of Freddie Mercury I had no idea it was this bad . Wow
Someone help me
Agree 100%
I totally agree!
I was 5 years old when I went to boarding school
What? A baby?
Schools should teach us stuff that would be helpful when we grow up.
We cant be safe by learning the perimeter of a rectangle-
im going to bording school im 12
My God, hope you are doing well. And you have good friends there and you talk and visit your parents often. If not contact a human rights of children activist so they help you get back home, considering it is your human right to live and be raised by your parents, and there are good schools now close to homes, not like in the old days. And if you are a good student you will always do well. Maybe even get to a good university when you are older. If you are not doing well contact also your therapist at school, tell other family members, that also should help to get you back home.
I cried and told my pare but book.
Excuse me? Why did you cry
This is why there was no sex in Harry Potter.
Says the vegan who goes deer hunting.
Does the Guardian TH-cam community really need to reminded commenting is free? It messes up the title and is pretty obvious.
It's the name of the series and a section on the website - it's our opinion section. It comes from a quote from CP Scott, who was our editor-in-chief for a long time. He said: "Comment is free, but facts are sacred". That's why it's there.
The Guardian Ah, I thought it was just extra info.
This is a fact
as someone else who has boarded from the age of 7 i can see what he means but you also have to give credit to a lot of boarding schools who provide an ample amount of emotional care for the children, in my experience no one has ever used it to my knowledge. and school have tried to remedy this by forcing children to go to special classes, such as happiness classes at wellington, which are in place in order to spot the early signs of boarding school syndrome.
Harry Flashman They don't provide care. You are exiled from the love of your mother and from your home environment. No one loves you at the prep school although they may care.
Interesting
Lastofthewildmen.... can you find my comment?
I agree,,,,, noone,,,,
In denmark, Child care start o years
Who the fuckin parents listen us
A lot of narcissistic people huh? Oh narcissistic psychopaths. Must mean political candidates. Lol.
Oh dear. A person said that to me when we made the decision to send our 12 year old to a boarding school. For a child with severe learning problems who was getting as much help as possible where we lived he was still falling behind. We even looked into moving to another area but nothing would have worked but a comprehensive program. This school was remarkable and created a program that would work for him. Yes it was a hard choice and we think we did the best for him but of course we always hold doubts. Your article lumps everyone together but every situation is different. As my son likes to say. I don't judge and maybe you shouldn't either.
I don't really know what to think, I am a child of a single parent. A woman who had to be a mother and a father who couldn't give me the attention of two parents which I feel a child needs at that age. It was not her fault so to speak, she was a business owner trying to earn a comfortable living for us which she did. I boarded at 6 till 18. I think about the effects it has had on me and the person I have become. It was a difficult experience especially when i boarded abroad. I wouldn't change a thing to be honest. I think for George to make sweeping statements like "boarding school at an early age is abuse" as a white male he needs to step out of his experience and question other circumstances of why a parent would make a decision like that, which I know for most parents was not easy. Perhaps the boarding school situation is better than the situation at home. I am not an advocate for boarding but as a child of boarding both in Africa and UK with the friendships I cultivated there was a whole host of reasons why they were there and not as black and white as he suggests.
You can also make friends in regular schools, and most single working parents in the world have their children living with them with no problem
peace and love We go to boarding school and that's what we do. Why impose your lifestyles and mores on others.
Well said. My network includes my brothers' schools and those of other family friends. Huge international network for our children and descendants.
load of rubbish I boarded from the age of 10 and at my school the boarding community was like an extended family with the older kids watching over the little ones, granted some schools especially single sex schools this may not always be the case but to generalize that boarding as a whole is damaging or to use the words abusive is taking things a bit far. Where i lived there were no other children my age so boarding school was a change for me to be closer to friends and get to spend time with other children growing up, not to mention the excellent work that houseparents and matrons do in the still existing boarding schools in looking after the children in their care, I am im fact still in regualar contact with the housemother from my school as are many of my fellow boarders 6 + years from when we were last students there. I will grant boarding life is not for everyone but it does not been it is abusive for a parent to send their child to a boarding school nor should they be made to feel guilty for doing so!!
Emma Donaldson It maybe rubbish to you , but for many children it can be hell ....you were lucky ..... I wish my school was like yours , unfortunately my school had a resident sadist ...a master that enjoyed "breaking children " Niel Hadden of Langley school ...
Emma Donaldson It isn't an extended family. There is no proper love in a boarding school. Matrons are not mothers. It is a cold place. No one will comfort you properly. It's put up or shut up.
Completely disagree! I went to boarding school when i was 7 years old and it was the best thing for me and I would recommend it to anyone and will send my kids to one too. I also think it gives you very different skills that you wouldn't get living at home or going to day schools.
You learn skills of course but not normal, regular, emotional and family skills. You develop other parts of your being, but those are the most important.
I've been in boarding school since 7! I love it, I love the friends that I've made and I'm so grateful my parents were willing to pay so much money to give me such a quality education. My parents gave me an option of public high school, and I decided to apply to boarding school because it's amazing! Such a great environment :)
Blurry Face A lot of the issues like how you conduct your relationships, issues with trust or being robotic will often emerge later in life. Decades after you have left school.
The sad fact is your parents exiled you from home at seven. You would have wanted love and affection back then and been homesick, but tried to be brave and ignored it.
Anon B lol if you say so. I guess we'll see how I turn out 😂
Blurry Face You may regret that one day. Maybe not. It will take you years to find out. But boarding does do something to many of those who experience it. I can spot fellow ex-boarding school pupils a mile off. Most of them have a kind of aloofness that can come over as arrogant (it isn't always) and a kind of insincerity. While I am friends with some fellow ex-boarders, I tend to steer clear of them in general as they don't tend to make good company. I talk rugby to them - I don't ask them for life advice, they're not often well grounded.
Blurry Face hell yea boarding is lit
Blurry face I went to boarding school and loved it, and i am doing very well in life and am successful and happy (as are all of my friends). Its not for everyone, and everyone responds differently to experiences. Don't listen to people saying you are going to have issues, they have no idea what they are talking about.
"Comment is F" ?
Good point, well made. Updated.
IT ISNT CHILD ABUSE IT IS MUCH BETTER BECAUSE IT PREPARES YOU TO LEAVE HOME.
I will disagree. The benefits can absolutely out weigh the cons, im sorry you have suffered but seriously more children suffer from public schools by far, your argument is that its child abuse is extremism at its finest. I dont often see this kind of tripe from the guardian, some sure but this one isnt even grounded with any facts, all singular opinions. Please do better with this, sight a source give a more complete argument, anything. Your parents have gifted you the finest opportunity they could provide and you complain, everychild no matter what school they attend complain, say they dont like it, get depression, anxiety, and better school options are often ridiculed by the children themselves.
Your argument and most comments on this video sound like "I was given this great opportunity and i didnt want it that hurt my feelings." I am not trying to insult or discount anyones opinions, but try hearing this as a parent who is doing their best for their ungrateful child.
In the 80's, I attended boarding school from an early age. I must admit, we had some strange rituals and customs. Obviously, due to political correctness, and health and safety, they are probably defunct in this day and age. I do miss boarding school at times. All you had to worry about was your homework, room inspections and towing the line. As long as you conformed and didn't go against the grain, life was very easy and straightforward, with so much leisure time such as canoeing, rock climbing, go karting, camping trips, martial arts, skiing etc... At home, your parents didn't have the time or resources to do these things. Unfortunately, nowadays, it's about working long hours, paying your mortgage and getting in debt. Boarding school did teach me how to look after myself in the real world and to be self sufficient; from cooking a meal to budging your money. It's a real shame that this guy is looking at the negatives and I think it's outrageous and very extreme to use the word 'child abuse'. Shame on you. We wrap children up in cotton wool these days and are far too protective and soft. One day, surprisingly, they will have to face the real world as adults.
Rex You were exiled from home and the love of your parents. Like most of your peers you were probably homesick but tried to be brave and you can barely remember it.
Rex I'm not. You just admitted the first week was hard. That is the crucial period in which people sink or swim... most of them learn to repress that distress. I managed to do it quickly. But it was horrible coming back the next term all over again. Pretty much all the boys I was with were upset but hid it from each other or tried to put on a brave face (this is where that stiff upper lip stuff comes from). They used to cry under the sheets and I could hear it sometimes.
I can barely cry when I need to as a result of this. I felt immense grief at my parents dying but didn't shed a tear at either's funeral. It's not healthy.
My first dorm looked like a ward or a barracks. Identical beds in rows. You were lucky if we had one soft toy each. We didn't get every weekend away. You could technically spend an entire term without any break except half term. That never happened to me. In my case it was one or two weekends away per term.
Boarding under 13 should be banned. 7 was too young. Even worse I've heard of historic cases where the kids were 5 or so! Children that age need love, attention and privacy. There is no real privacy in a boarding school. This isn't liberal nonsense, it's basic child rearing. They should learn values from people they love not strangers.
Every exeat (weekend away) I was clock watching... coming up to the time and getting that sinking feeling going back.
You might think I'm abnormal or weird for even saying this but I know of many who feel the same way. Roald Dahl talks about how awful boarding school was for him in his memoirs - and he channelled it into some of his children's books. Other famous people have talked about how they hated it too. Betjeman. Fry. Andrew Marr. To name but a few. Boarding schools have got better but the problem of isolation and exile remain.
Anon B A child's first day at a non boarding school is hard, so should we ban kids from attending day schools? While we are at it, we might as well ban nurseries, scouts, air cadets etc... If you think the first day of a boarding school is sink or swim, then you clearly don't understand boarding schools.You come across as a typical liberal softie. No wonder, we produce a generation of weak minded adults is because of people like you. Who believe, we should over protect our children by abolishing discipline and removing climbing frames, due to a potential risk of injury, so children can no longer explore their environment. Like most things in life, there are always going to be negative stories, but how about the positive ones? Feel free to read the following success stories:
Child's testimony: “In the boarding school, SMC, I like the people because they are friendly. I love when they do chicken wings and I like the sports & social programme because there are always interesting things to do. The school is located in a very beautiful place with a lot of trees and vegetation. The thing I most enjoy in SMC is the fact that it’s a boarding school so I can spend lots of time with my friends!
Parent's testimony: A family with two employed parents was suddenly separated by an evacuation, leaving them with some important decisions to make quickly regarding the children’s education. The older daughter remained in her boarding school and became the school’s star student; the younger one remained with mom and came back to the U.S. The father remained overseas and commented that the daughter in the European boarding school was the only one in the family thriving throughout the crisis. I went to see her while visiting schools and saw for myself that she was a happy, well-adjusted young lady despite the turmoil the family had been through.
Teenager's testimony: "I moved to HMSG sixth form, having previously been at my local comprehensive. The decision, made harder by the fact I would be boarding and consequently away from home and family, has been one of the best decisions I have made. The opportunities that it has opened up for me have been endless. From my first visit to the School on an Open Day, a prominent feature is the number of co-curricular activities you can become immersed in".
Teenager's testimony: “HMSG provided me with friends for life and a belief that if I worked hard enough, I could achieve anything I wanted to. As a boarder, I learnt life lessons about independence, organisation and working and living with others. I think this moulded me into a person who is suited to a career in journalism as you’re constantly having to adapt, communicate and get the best out of the people you’re working with.”
Child's testimony:“There are lots of opportunities available to us. The teachers are all really supportive, and the tutoring is very helpful. It feels homely in boarding - I think it’s because you bond with people and make good friends through getting involved in all the activities. It creates a family environment.The friends I’ve made are really nice guys; they’ve been great. They have been understanding of the fact I come from a different religious background and always give me space when I needed to be alone. I miss my family but I have never felt homesick at all here. We can go to town and hang out with the girls from HMSG and I visit my sister sometimes, too. It’s nice to know she’s nearby.My favourite sport here is rugby, but I’m playing cricket now because we play different sports during different seasons. All of the opportunities in boarding help create a man out of you.”
Rex When a child starts at a dayschool (which can be tough), it returns home to familiar surroundings the same night, can see its parents, its original bedroom etc. It sees its parents a few hours later, not days or weeks which are a long time to a child. I knew children who didn't see their parents for months after their first day at boarding school. The difference between day school and boarding school is like the two ends of a swimming pool - boarding school is like being chucked in the deep end. You mention teachers being supportive - some are. Some are not. Some are downright abusive. Physically - I myself was thrown down a flight of stairs and sexually (which never happened to me thank God) I know of numerous cases where teachers or older pupils acted inappropriately towards younger pupils in a sexual manner. First boarding school I went to at seven years old, a boy had been kicked out for trying to get a younger boy to suck him off. No I'm not making this up. There are similar stories from other schools I know of. And at a boarding school there is no escape as the abuser is with you 24/7. At public school one of my classmates was shagging a teacher - he was underage part of the time but it was at least consensual.
Rex Please do not call me a "liberal softie". I have had to provide for myself ever since leaving school. I am not a softie, I am an ex-rugby player, prop - played for a small town club in rural Scotland. I used to work on building sites many years ago. These are not soft environments. Try working with builders if you're ex-public school! Physically tough plus trying to have to justify yourself all the time. The rest of your comments look suspiciously like something a teacher or someone working in a school would write not a run of the mill ex-pupil. You misuse "liberal" anyway - that is not the trad British meaning, that's American. Our liberalism is Lloyd George not Clinton. When you talk about "weaker minded individuals" you do display a clear lack of empathy which is a major trait in ex-boarders - if only you knew what was really going on in other people's heads. As a rule 7/8/9 year old children are weak... they're children ffs.
What has happened to the British stiff upper lip???
Unfortunately, we are overrun by liberal lefties these days.
It's turned into the Guardian-reader's wobbly lower lip
What a load of tosh. I boarded from 8 as well and it actually _helped_ me form relationships with those around me
and you turned out fine?
Mark Webster Kinda, lol. I'm not sure how much the Latin and Ancient Greek helped
***** Except Latin is very useful when learning medicine, law, botany or horticulture.
***** I would have loved my boarding school were it not for the Sadist Niel Hadden and his size 10 jim shoe he affectionately called big Bessy .. ha ha bloody ha .......... I would have loved it because it would have been a sanctuary from abuse at home ... It maybe tosh for you ....it takes all sorts ,,,, I,m sure there are plenty of adults who beleive that abuse was the making of them and will be the making of their children ..
John Dawson The freezing showers, covered in mud and cuts from the frozen rugby pitch... It builds character. Of course you need a character to build first. You learn to be a man and pick your fights
WAH WAH WAH
y'all i low-key like really wanna go to boarding school cause of Ella Katherine like me jellyyy
I was sent to a boarding school at the age of 4 and I can't thank my parents enough for taking such an extra ordinary step. My learning started at a very early age and that has helped propel me to where I am today.
And you have a healthy relationship with your parents?
Stay out of people's choices. Depends on the homes children come from. Trump didn't go to boarding school and perhaps he should have. The indisciplined multitudes are to blame for weak governance and self-discipline is something you learn at boarding school.
uhh?
I went to boarding when i was 6, it gave me BPD, r