My perception of friends was so bad. I would literally be friends with people I didn't like because I felt like I had to be simply because they liked me. It sounds so funny, but it really ruined my ability to make connections with people. I've realized it now and have started making more effort with the people I like. It actually takes courage to open yourself up to someone you admire. I would literally avoid being friends with people I admired and would settle with people I didn't like. My high levels of empathy may have played a cause. It's such a weird thing to experience, and I wonder if I'm not alone. I'm glad I realised it at age 19 how badly I was going about friendships. Choosing your friends is genuinely the most important thing you do. And also: Really enjoy your videos🙏
There's definitely a pressure to it, social, media shows, you name it. And admiration, whether it's a person you are interested romantically even in or someone who you think carries themselves well, I think in the end of the day you just have to know they are human too. Who knows, they might have looked at you in such a way. I think if you can see people who bring the right values/ match the values you have, those will be the ones you should associate with, cause chances are, the effort you give they will surely want to give back!
@@cyberjayhd7051 Hey my bad man, took a day to think about this. I guess I got hung up on the word 'admire'. A lot of people whom I did admire one way or another, it usually involved some trait that looked beneficial or positive in way that I would like to replicate or look into. Whether it was someone who did a lot of acts of service, a smart kid with great study habits, someone who could walk into any room and start a conversation, etc. What I found is about half the time, the admiration was just simple, they act/do a certain thing great, but it did not necessarily correlate to a good true friend, because much beyond that there wouldn't be as much in common we would have had. I had a relationship fail that way in terms of liking her workaholic nature, when in reality it wasn't something I would want in the long run, because it just meant no time for us at all. What somehow happens though is that whatever group or event I would attend where that admired person would be, I would make lasting friends with other people that would know them. Parties, weddings, social clubs, like-minded people tend to do/try the same things you do, and so it became real easy to start conversations, follow-up after, and grow from there. That's not to say there are people I admire that I'm friends with, but it meant I found a whole lot more in common than the admiration ever was. Sometimes it was even overblown, like a week ago I had mentioned to one of my recent friends that he looked like he could come into a room and somehow make friends with everybody, when in reality he tells me he gets butterflies in his stomach right before he enters, everytime, as well as feeling self-conscious about his accent. We're all only human! Apologies for the long reply, I tend to ramble a bit. But hope this helps!
@jjmmiv33816 I guess there isn't a simple formula for friendships. You need common interest sometimes, similar goals or traits, and mainly chemistry. Sometimes you want someone to have deep conversations with or sometimes you want someone to have fun with. And these people don't have to stay in your life forever. Friendship is definitely the most important thing in my opinion. It's such a simple process, however rare in finding the right friendship. Idk if what I'm saying makes sense. Friendships are simple and difficult at the same time. Making and maintaining. Making connections with humans is the most important thing we can do so I think we must put effort into it. I think that's why my friendships and most friendships fail. People underestimate how much effort is required to make and maintain connections. That's why when we leave school it becomes difficult because we're not forced into anything. We must find the urge from within. Life is wild
Even if you have new wonder friends now doesn’t mean that they can’t backstab you at anytime. People change over time so they might not be the same within a certain phase. Just always look out for yourself and don’t have high expectations so you’re never disappointed 🤙🏻
I need this. I ended a lot of friendships last year because of this. I really do think friendship requires effort from both people so I get frustrated when I’m the only one who wants to communicate. Like you said, boundaries and giving grace. If people were more Honest about what they needed (space, alone time) it’d be more easy to navigate friendships. I’d much rather someone say “hey, this semester is gonna be tight so I can’t make time for friends” vs “sorry I’ll try to talk to you more” because in the former, I know what to expect
I really don't have any friends I had a breakup of a 14 year long friendship and it really hurt , but when I watch your video it's like someone is listening to my problem and giving me some hope without judging me. Thanks Akta ❤️
I think the past year I've learned a lot about Friendships after having one of my closest ones just implode after realizing how much I was pouring into them and never received any of that back. So I've been rethinking how to go about handling friendships and Akta's videos always remind me I'm headed in the right direction. I've learned to put up boundaries, truly spend time with the friends that met me half way and make me feel as though I can be myself around them. I still have a long way to go but I'm happy to report I'm getting there. This year my goal is figuring out what my boundaries are for my friends. Along with reminding myself I don't have to tell every friend I have everything. That's it's okay to have some friends I'm really close with and they're friends that I know on a surface level and being okay with that.
Akta! I truly feel you when it comes to this video! We all need boundaries, and I agree that we shouldn't share all of our thoughts and feelings! Great WORK :)
Love this video, Akta! Friendships is definitely something that have not always been easy in my life either. I really relate to you talking about the unmet expectation for the friendship we individually have, whatever the "ideal friendship" we have created ourselves, growing up (and it is actually very questionable if that ideal is actually the one that is something we actually need to idealize and that makes our soul nourished in the first place...) When I was little like in elementary, I remember sharing our own secrets to one another was the definition of good friendship. Also I feel like having a group of friend was one of the important thing for having the sense of "friendship" back then. And I didnt belong to any group particularly, but I was friends with people individually, that made me kind of "loner" and that made me feel very insecure although I pretended to be strong and not care about it. Middle school and high school were very much..., Idk what to say but the kind of theme for friendship there was "bonding over gossiping." that was so bizarre to me. I think when I was in college, I read bunch of Berne Brown's books and did a value work, and what I look for in friendship and how i "define" friendship and also human relationship I have in my life changed a lot! I love the acronym BRAVING as well! I did practice, finding my three core value on Brene Brown's website a while ago and I highly recommend it to everyone who has not done yet yet and who is interested in it! :)
Thanks so much for sharing lovely ❤️ I relate to a lot of what you said :) I love Brene’s work! I’ll look into her values too, I talk about values a lot on this channel!
Happiness, good health and comfortable living are my utmost priority. I am happy when my closest family members and I are happy, healthy and comfortable. Friends are important to me but they are not as important as my closest family members. So if a friend is mean to me or breaks my trust, it hurts me and I do feel bad that I was used but the pain goes away soon. So focus on yourself and your closest family members first. Friends come and go and it is only in very few cultures - German and Scandinavian where friendships last a life time.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Hansa :) I think this is very true for people who have close family but I know quite a few people with toxic families where they see their friends as family! Everyone’s situation is different
I've been thinking a lot about my friendships too. I have a lot of siblings so I used to always mentally fall into comparing my friends to my siblings, and it always left me feeling like my friends hardly knew me compared to how my siblings knew me. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing tbh. Sometimes I feel really unattached from my friends, which bothers me. Surely I'm supposed to like them more than I do? Miss them more than I do? The reality is I'm only 24, sometimes i feel you aren't 'ready' to meet a friend that truly feels like a best friend, simply because who you are hasn't been defined enough yet, idk. Anyway, love your videos :)
I think a lot of that comes from what we see in tv/movies about what friendships should be like when that’s not necessarily the case for everyone :) I think it’s completely ok to define for yourself what friendships feel like :) so grateful that you watched ❤️
I agree far too much shows and social media give the perception of what ideal friendships may look like, especially to the shy kids like myself when I was growing up, and I think putting that on a pedestal one may always think of the glass half empty. But it's crazy how so many other people are in the same boat, feeling alone in this way, and how just a small reach out in communication and hanging/inclusion can generally create really good bonds. In terms of what to tell friends, or whomever to keep around, I think a lot of the times you can tell when you're able to sit back and see if effort is put into a two-way street. Many people I give similar effort they give me, and you know the ones who give you a lot, you can give just as much to. I'm in my late 20's and can tell you, at least for many younger viewers here, you will find that right group of friends for you, just may take a bit of time. I also do want to emphasize that learning to 'be alone' helps you to really see much of this in a clear lens. Like living without parents, roommates, etc. Alone alone. When you are able to sit back and identify who you really are, it can help to see who and how you would like to build with if you start from the ground floor. What friends to keep, who to cutoff/associate less, what old friends to reach out to that you haven't heard in ages, and how you want to portray yourself to new people going forward (where the last point you can establish and appreciate seeing clearly where effort levels are at, so you can make quicker decisions if this is friend you want to have). If you can trust in who you are, it makes it a lot easier to see how different people will handle it. Like a glass vase. Some will use it and treat it with the respect it deserves, others you may see a few scratches but still be okay, and others cracks may form/grow if you don't step back. Keep your vase standing! Happy to see Akta bring her experiences and ideas/influences like this to light for everybody. Another great vid!
@jovin singh hey bud definitely keep your head up. One thing that always can help is if you do an activity you really like doing, and find a social club that does it. Or try something new, you never know there's can always be a community of helpful people if you search in the right places. Running, anime, gardening, you name it! It may take time but you'll find the right people for you!
@@Akta You're going to be powerful person of influence as we transition into the Age of Aquarius. Right now, the Kali Yuga is ending & people are lost in their desires, not sure what to do with themselves. Toxicity & immorality is rampant -- you're much ahead of the curve as far as your spiritual progression as a soul. Eventually people will look to you as person of influence to live a healthy & healed life.
Great video breaking down this framework, Akta. I'd love to hear your thoughts about knowing when to end a friendship. How can you tell when it's healthiest for both parties to move on?
My perception of friends was so bad. I would literally be friends with people I didn't like because I felt like I had to be simply because they liked me. It sounds so funny, but it really ruined my ability to make connections with people. I've realized it now and have started making more effort with the people I like. It actually takes courage to open yourself up to someone you admire. I would literally avoid being friends with people I admired and would settle with people I didn't like. My high levels of empathy may have played a cause. It's such a weird thing to experience, and I wonder if I'm not alone. I'm glad I realised it at age 19 how badly I was going about friendships. Choosing your friends is genuinely the most important thing you do.
And also: Really enjoy your videos🙏
There's definitely a pressure to it, social, media shows, you name it. And admiration, whether it's a person you are interested romantically even in or someone who you think carries themselves well, I think in the end of the day you just have to know they are human too. Who knows, they might have looked at you in such a way. I think if you can see people who bring the right values/ match the values you have, those will be the ones you should associate with, cause chances are, the effort you give they will surely want to give back!
@jjmmiv33816 Yea man, very true. What's your experience?
So glad you’re making friends with people you admire :) thank you so much 🤗
@@cyberjayhd7051 Hey my bad man, took a day to think about this. I guess I got hung up on the word 'admire'. A lot of people whom I did admire one way or another, it usually involved some trait that looked beneficial or positive in way that I would like to replicate or look into. Whether it was someone who did a lot of acts of service, a smart kid with great study habits, someone who could walk into any room and start a conversation, etc.
What I found is about half the time, the admiration was just simple, they act/do a certain thing great, but it did not necessarily correlate to a good true friend, because much beyond that there wouldn't be as much in common we would have had. I had a relationship fail that way in terms of liking her workaholic nature, when in reality it wasn't something I would want in the long run, because it just meant no time for us at all.
What somehow happens though is that whatever group or event I would attend where that admired person would be, I would make lasting friends with other people that would know them. Parties, weddings, social clubs, like-minded people tend to do/try the same things you do, and so it became real easy to start conversations, follow-up after, and grow from there.
That's not to say there are people I admire that I'm friends with, but it meant I found a whole lot more in common than the admiration ever was. Sometimes it was even overblown, like a week ago I had mentioned to one of my recent friends that he looked like he could come into a room and somehow make friends with everybody, when in reality he tells me he gets butterflies in his stomach right before he enters, everytime, as well as feeling self-conscious about his accent. We're all only human!
Apologies for the long reply, I tend to ramble a bit. But hope this helps!
@jjmmiv33816 I guess there isn't a simple formula for friendships. You need common interest sometimes, similar goals or traits, and mainly chemistry. Sometimes you want someone to have deep conversations with or sometimes you want someone to have fun with. And these people don't have to stay in your life forever. Friendship is definitely the most important thing in my opinion. It's such a simple process, however rare in finding the right friendship. Idk if what I'm saying makes sense. Friendships are simple and difficult at the same time. Making and maintaining. Making connections with humans is the most important thing we can do so I think we must put effort into it. I think that's why my friendships and most friendships fail. People underestimate how much effort is required to make and maintain connections. That's why when we leave school it becomes difficult because we're not forced into anything. We must find the urge from within. Life is wild
This channel is criminally underrated.
Omg thank you 🥹
Even if you have new wonder friends now doesn’t mean that they can’t backstab you at anytime. People change over time so they might not be the same within a certain phase. Just always look out for yourself and don’t have high expectations so you’re never disappointed 🤙🏻
Expectations are definitely one to be wary of!
I need this. I ended a lot of friendships last year because of this. I really do think friendship requires effort from both people so I get frustrated when I’m the only one who wants to communicate. Like you said, boundaries and giving grace. If people were more
Honest about what they needed (space, alone time) it’d be more easy to navigate friendships.
I’d much rather someone say “hey, this semester is gonna be tight so I can’t make time for friends” vs “sorry I’ll try to talk to you more” because in the former, I know what to expect
Yes yes yes exactly this!!! I wish people were more honest about what they needed too and understanding when you communicate your needs!
I really don't have any friends I had a breakup of a 14 year long friendship and it really hurt , but when I watch your video it's like someone is listening to my problem and giving me some hope without judging me.
Thanks Akta ❤️
You’re so welcome ❤️
I think the past year I've learned a lot about Friendships after having one of my closest ones just implode after realizing how much I was pouring into them and never received any of that back. So I've been rethinking how to go about handling friendships and Akta's videos always remind me I'm headed in the right direction. I've learned to put up boundaries, truly spend time with the friends that met me half way and make me feel as though I can be myself around them. I still have a long way to go but I'm happy to report I'm getting there. This year my goal is figuring out what my boundaries are for my friends. Along with reminding myself I don't have to tell every friend I have everything. That's it's okay to have some friends I'm really close with and they're friends that I know on a surface level and being okay with that.
I absolutely love the reflections you’ve made along your journey! So glad my videos are a part of it :)
I have had this happen to me back in 2017 months after my mom passed away. Unfortunately I have trust issues
Akta! I truly feel you when it comes to this video! We all need boundaries, and I agree that we shouldn't share all of our thoughts and feelings! Great WORK :)
Thank you Valentina!! ❤️
You deserve large audience ....great content akta
Awww thank you so much Edward 🤗
We expect too much of people. Thats what I learned
I think we do too but also aren’t generous in our assumptions of others, I definitely haven’t been anyway!
Love this video, Akta! Friendships is definitely something that have not always been easy in my life either. I really relate to you talking about the unmet expectation for the friendship we individually have, whatever the "ideal friendship" we have created ourselves, growing up (and it is actually very questionable if that ideal is actually the one that is something we actually need to idealize and that makes our soul nourished in the first place...) When I was little like in elementary, I remember sharing our own secrets to one another was the definition of good friendship. Also I feel like having a group of friend was one of the important thing for having the sense of "friendship" back then. And I didnt belong to any group particularly, but I was friends with people individually, that made me kind of "loner" and that made me feel very insecure although I pretended to be strong and not care about it. Middle school and high school were very much..., Idk what to say but the kind of theme for friendship there was "bonding over gossiping." that was so bizarre to me. I think when I was in college, I read bunch of Berne Brown's books and did a value work, and what I look for in friendship and how i "define" friendship and also human relationship I have in my life changed a lot! I love the acronym BRAVING as well! I did practice, finding my three core value on Brene Brown's website a while ago and I highly recommend it to everyone who has not done yet yet and who is interested in it! :)
Thanks so much for sharing lovely ❤️ I relate to a lot of what you said :) I love Brene’s work! I’ll look into her values too, I talk about values a lot on this channel!
Generosity has it for me, thank you Akta for a great video 🤗🙌
Thanks for watching Chinyere 🤗
Wow, couldn't agree more! This is the example we need to see more of in society! Powerful video
Ah wow thank you Wesley!!! 🤗
Thank you for caring and creating space❤️🌟💞
❤️
Wow this came at the perfect time.
I’m so glad 🤗
I love the topics you talk about and your perspective 😍
You’re so sweet, thank you so much 🤗
Happiness, good health and comfortable living are my utmost priority. I am happy when my closest family members and I are happy, healthy and comfortable. Friends are important to me but they are not as important as my closest family members. So if a friend is mean to me or breaks my trust, it hurts me and I do feel bad that I was used but the pain goes away soon. So focus on yourself and your closest family members first. Friends come and go and it is only in very few cultures - German and Scandinavian where friendships last a life time.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Hansa :) I think this is very true for people who have close family but I know quite a few people with toxic families where they see their friends as family! Everyone’s situation is different
I've been thinking a lot about my friendships too. I have a lot of siblings so I used to always mentally fall into comparing my friends to my siblings, and it always left me feeling like my friends hardly knew me compared to how my siblings knew me. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing tbh. Sometimes I feel really unattached from my friends, which bothers me. Surely I'm supposed to like them more than I do? Miss them more than I do? The reality is I'm only 24, sometimes i feel you aren't 'ready' to meet a friend that truly feels like a best friend, simply because who you are hasn't been defined enough yet, idk. Anyway, love your videos :)
I think a lot of that comes from what we see in tv/movies about what friendships should be like when that’s not necessarily the case for everyone :) I think it’s completely ok to define for yourself what friendships feel like :) so grateful that you watched ❤️
These videos are so good to develop my English skills and thanks 😊 🙏🏼
Happy to hear that!🤗
I agree far too much shows and social media give the perception of what ideal friendships may look like, especially to the shy kids like myself when I was growing up, and I think putting that on a pedestal one may always think of the glass half empty. But it's crazy how so many other people are in the same boat, feeling alone in this way, and how just a small reach out in communication and hanging/inclusion can generally create really good bonds.
In terms of what to tell friends, or whomever to keep around, I think a lot of the times you can tell when you're able to sit back and see if effort is put into a two-way street. Many people I give similar effort they give me, and you know the ones who give you a lot, you can give just as much to. I'm in my late 20's and can tell you, at least for many younger viewers here, you will find that right group of friends for you, just may take a bit of time.
I also do want to emphasize that learning to 'be alone' helps you to really see much of this in a clear lens. Like living without parents, roommates, etc. Alone alone. When you are able to sit back and identify who you really are, it can help to see who and how you would like to build with if you start from the ground floor. What friends to keep, who to cutoff/associate less, what old friends to reach out to that you haven't heard in ages, and how you want to portray yourself to new people going forward (where the last point you can establish and appreciate seeing clearly where effort levels are at, so you can make quicker decisions if this is friend you want to have). If you can trust in who you are, it makes it a lot easier to see how different people will handle it. Like a glass vase. Some will use it and treat it with the respect it deserves, others you may see a few scratches but still be okay, and others cracks may form/grow if you don't step back. Keep your vase standing!
Happy to see Akta bring her experiences and ideas/influences like this to light for everybody. Another great vid!
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts! :) really appreciate you watching 🤗
Your videos have helped me make better decisions and choices in my life and I absolutely love watching your videos xx
Love that! Thank you so much Alyssa, this comment means a lot 🤗
I never told my friends everything and that’s my choice. I don’t hiding things it’s just not necessary.
Agreed :)
I don't have friends, even though if i had those won't give value.
I’m sorry to hear that Jovin, I hope you find the right people
@@Akta i don't know when! But lost hope😔
@jovin singh hey bud definitely keep your head up. One thing that always can help is if you do an activity you really like doing, and find a social club that does it. Or try something new, you never know there's can always be a community of helpful people if you search in the right places. Running, anime, gardening, you name it! It may take time but you'll find the right people for you!
You got the magic eye, Atka. ✨
Thank you 🤗
@@Akta You're going to be powerful person of influence as we transition into the Age of Aquarius. Right now, the Kali Yuga is ending & people are lost in their desires, not sure what to do with themselves. Toxicity & immorality is rampant -- you're much ahead of the curve as far as your spiritual progression as a soul. Eventually people will look to you as person of influence to live a healthy & healed life.
Great video breaking down this framework, Akta. I'd love to hear your thoughts about knowing when to end a friendship. How can you tell when it's healthiest for both parties to move on?
Thanks so much Michael! I have a video on this already called “watch out for these friendships” 🤗
You always look so pretty
Aww thank you so much Jan 🥰
@@Akta 😘
Yup soo very true. Cheers. 😎😎😎🔥🔥🔥
🤗🤗
💜💜💜
❤️
You have a new subscribed
Aww thank you so much 🥰
Any advice on how to make friends
Check out my loneliness playlist
i'll be your friend :-)