I grew up poor and now as a adult i understood why i am so frugal, I'm really good in saving money but it's a bit toxic because it comes from the fear of not being able to afford the most simple things like in my childhood. And even now that i have enough to live well the anxiety that it is still not enough is quite crippling.
As a kid, I knew how much dad got paid, how much our rent was, and how much we paid for food. Granted it was a naive view, but its probably a lot more than the other kids in my grade knew, and I had no idea how much extra they were spending on drinking/smoking/gambling. Even as I'm approaching 40, I still have the "poor" mentality and the "stench of poverty" still sticks to me. I didn't have the same opportunities and experiences as my peers and have had to struggle a lot more to get ahead. I'm generally anxious and don't have the carefree attitude of others so struggle to interact with people. How you grew up with money has lifelong impacts.
Same, I'm not rich by any means but doing alright financially yet every time I spend even a modest amount of money even on essential things I feel like I just ruined my life for the rest of the day.
I too, grew up very poor and have been "self-sufficient" since I was 13 (e.g. clothes, school expenses, & even meals). My problem now is I am stuck in a "survival mode" despite being "okay" financially. I am constantly thinking about and worrying about money even when I have savings. This constant concern gets tiresome and contributes to my perpetual sense of burnout... I'm 45 now and own my business and these past 3 years have me frayed to my limits. I dod not know what I can even do about it at this point.
I'm forever grateful for my father telling how to never pay interest on credit cards when he said; "'Never spend more money than you have and always pay the bill on time"' Thank you Dad!
If you want to talk about money trauma from childhood, I used to be good at saving money but the one lesson I learned in childhood is that if I don’t spend my money someone else will
As a child I would always hide money in the most unusual places and the moment I wasn't home, my mom searched every nook and cranny, and took it. Even now I'm set to save as much as I earn, but it's paralyzing my decisions, it's really hard to choose what to spend it on in fear it will disappear again. My mom still spends every last penny she has and she is always in debt with nothing to show for, no proof what she spends on, and we have the same income.
@@silentladyd i feel your pain, the best you can do is take a break from her. Depending on your family situation it could be as simple as leaving the phone on silent( my phone was stuck on silent for half a year, I honestly didn’t know it was), what I’ve found is that those kinds of people can find money no matter what. Or as long as you move away from where your parents can see what you’re doing, just claim to be flat broke, it helps if you have a hobby that’s distracting that you can tell them you’ve taken up, like sewing or gardening (they can get expensive). And if you’re really stuck on what to spend take a day to have a walk through a mall or thrift store or flea market, you don’t need to buy anything just take a picture of whatever made you happy or excited during your trip and learn more about it
Our relationship with money is so plagued with fear because we weren't taught financial literacy at home and in school. We need to heal that relationship and make more value of money rather than just making more of it. A great series, thank you
I was raised in a middle class family, and like most middle class families is the last couple of decades, sometimes we had to cut our expenses, other times we could afford more things, for example a game console, new tv, etc. And my main take away from all of that is to understand the proper value of money, understand that money is just a tool, a tool that you should take care of but not to the point of being something you "love'' or are afraid of, it should not be the center of your life. At the end of the day money a is a tool to help us get through life, nothing less, nothing more. And like any tool it, doesn't work for everything.
I think it's become tool only when you have certain amount of it to be actually be philosophical about it(money) ........ If you don't cross that threshold it all bs theory of moral high ground... The whole video of above clip is - to help in overcoming biases not to re-inforce of One own borrowed belief .
Spoken like a true poor man. Yeah I'm in that same boat so I see your statement for what it is.....a coping mechanism. None of us like the shit we're stuck in.
@@NoJokesHere it's not a coping mechanism, it's about understanding the things that give value to your life. For the real poor people I understand money is important because they have needs they can't satisfy, but once you have a decent life, more money won't add a lot to that, it will become just an unhealthy obsession
A wise person learns from experiences. Your mistake can be internalized and make you wiser. A smarter wise person can do the same from other's mistakes, but an even smarter wise person looks for what others do to succeed.
I wasn't taught about personal finance in school but my history teacher used to tell my class the birth of money in middle school. That story changes the way how I view money completely. It is something we trade for stuffs we need to improve our health, relationship and more. It is not valuable itself, the way you spend it is.
"The Love of Money, is the root of all kinds of evil" is the actual quote. People always forget the Love part. Money isn't the root. The Love for Money is.
@@RayoAtraGreed is powerful, I have seen homeless give their only dollar to another person while the wealthy just ignore the needy. It's like once you have money, you don't want to not have it. If you never had money, it only seems like a roadblock to happiness. Not sure if we have been taught to love it or want it, or maybe both.
I find that rationalization contrived but maybe 1. at a young age the distinction between what’s “mine” and “my mother’s“ is not quite clear 2. we don’t know what her mother actually told her, perhaps her mother really gave her some weird message
Someone so seemingly out of touch probably obtained their views at an early age. I’m guessing that this woman’s mom was actually greedy and passed on a message of “what’s mine is mine” instead of “taking or withholding any person’s money without their permission is immoral.”
How broken is Kathleens analysis of her love to money? She thinks the message of her mother was that love for money is a shame, whereas she should be ashamed of taking money that doesn't belong her. But great to hear that she overcame that shame of taking money that's nor hers, now that she is in a position of power as Entrepreneur.
Keep in mind her impression of being scolded for keeping the nickel was cemented when she was a child, and most likely unconsciously influenced her decision making around money as she grew into an adult. It's possible her mother didn't communicate clearly enough why it was wrong to keep the nickel but just scolded her for keeping it.
This is a tough subject for most. Whether you agree with every point or not, this is a great conversation starter. Money loses its power and mystique when you discuss it rationally...especially with the intention of understanding it more. I noticed in the comments there are many like me who never had any conversations about money with anyone in the family. In my case, it was because they didn't have a clue either. In reference to the trauma in the title, money (or rather the lack of) has traumatized some folks. Yet here we are. In the age of information. If we're still functioning, we can learn and improve upon today. No one is going to learn it for us. I mean, do we want them to chew our food for us too?? Stop blaming. Stop shaming. There are a lot of people who have overcome some wicked adversity. We can too. Or not. Up to us.
My parents were terrible with money saw how they struggled my entire childhood. So I learned to do the opposite of whatever they do. It’s worked out great!
as a teacher, my recommendation to parents is make it a habit to randomly explain things to your kids, like how you´re making your taxes when they find you late at night working on them, or why doors creak when they complain that their door makes too much noise, how hospitals make money when you go to check something, why you never reach the rainbow, how traffic lights work, who's that guy whose name is in the street you're on...... the worst that can happen is that they learn something that's never going to come up in life again
It's still the same issue. She loves money and the what made her worry I think is she loves money too much to the point she had to steal those change from her past.
I first learned about money insecurity when I read an article about food insecurity and realizing hey that sounds like me with money and never realize it until that day that I do indeed have money insecurity. I am a millionaire now but I always feel poor, and I hoard money so much I don't spend on anything and I always check on my bank account to keep me calm and reassure myself that I am safe. Not sure if I can heal from this but being aware of those irrational thoughts definitely helps in some sort of way.
Financial literacy can take generations to develop. My parents had close to zero. I’ve done well, but learned a lot the hard way. I still carry my parents’ sense of inferiority & fear of overreaching. Hoping my daughters will be way ahead of me. At 19, my eldest talks about building “family wealth” in terms of our property investments. I sense she’s broken free of the family past. 🤞🤞🤞
This video had me thinking about my own money story. I remember being a 10 year old with like $80 in my piggy bank and my mom eventually asking me if she can use it. She paid me back only after a while. It was hard for her as a relatively new single mom but to this day I have trouble saving because I subconsciously don’t see a point to it.
I had a shop teacher (yes, SHOP teacher) in middle school that had us pick stocks and track their value over the school year. It piqued my interest in financial markets and, probably, set me up for the success that I've had in life to this day. Zero debt. Will have a home paid off about 12 years early and a job that allows for plenty of time for hobbies and relaxing. Minimal stress. All before mid-40's. I also had learned and observed both my parents and grandparents handling of finances and reasoned out the lessons from both quite a long time ago. Good video to explain and lay out the reasons why people need to have conversations and thoughts about this subject as early as possible.
My dad was paranoid about money because he didn’t have any growing up poor. This made me paranoid about it as well. I don’t have alot of money but I’m not poor but still worry about money.
This Kathleen lady is balls-to-the-wall insane. 'I stole money from my mom and she got mad, so I grew up thinking that my love of money is shameful'. Absolutely demented.
I think you and a lot of others missed the point. Children don't think perfectly rationally, and draw incorrect conclusions if they're punished without perfectly understanding why. If a child wants something, takes it, and gets yelled at, they'll definitely think the problem is them wanting the thing. She just forgot that she needed to spoon feed even the most simple points to keep a youtube audience on track, so she didn't go into it.
My sister and I grew up very poor. As an adult I have always lived beneath my means and followed a budget. My sister on the other hand bought everything she could because “ you only live once”.
I can relate to the one story. My family was "less than middle class" and we never had enough money. As a result, I'm always worried about money. I constantly think about my budget and try to save as much as I can. Next month I will start getting more money and all I can think about is how much I can save.
My mother's father was addicted to gambling. Sometimes the family had a lot of money thanks to this, and sometimes it was all lost. My mother always had a sense that nothing she can do has power to earn money - she always tried to find ways to leech it off of other people rather than earn it herself. When she made a bit, she would immediately spend it on expensive food and objects that oftentimes she didn't even need, and then when it was running out she was saving every penny. She never acknowledged her role in that, she would always just say "God gave money, god took the money away". Today, I have a lot of financial anxiety. I constantly feel like I'm going to lose everything, like it's just a matter of time before I end up on the streets no matter how hard I work. I dream of a sense of stability but I realize that it will only come after death
Maybe you can break the cycle for your children (if you have or will have/want them). I try to for our son, all those unhealthy ideas stuck in me from childhood, whenever I am aware of them I just pretend I am someone else. Someone calm and non-neurotic. He’s worth it and I find it works, he already feels much better about himself than I ever did. No shaming is so important, about money or anything else. @elisethethird3248. Your anxiety is a natural result of your unpredictable childhood. You sound very sensible and will be fine! Love and courage to you♥💕
I feel very fortunate to have stumbled into a career of personal banking at 18 that required me to have money conversations for 8 hours a day with strangers. I learned a great deal about personal finances and it was very natural to translate to my personal life. again this is all for the spreading of knowledge on banking and finance with friends and family to clarify how to succeed.. Great video!
Omg. That anxiety is so real despite the fact that I now earn enough and learned good financial habits. Yet, I constantly plan towards a time when I earn less, not enjoying that I am doing well right NOW.
@christinapomponio6452 Exactly, I wouldn't go to Kathleen, someone that has no shame for taking something that doesn't belong to you..nah I'll pass on Kathleen
When we were kids my parents told us the story of Ang Langgam at si Tipaklong and how important it is to save for rainy days. I'm glad they did, now I'm addicted to saving ang investing.
I'm pretty happy about how my parents handled that. As a child I got coins and scraps and was encouraged to pile them up. I really liked how shiny they were and to look at them but didn't even really what their purpose was yet. Then one day, my parents dumped a bit of cash on the table (so it was relatable to me) to count it before going to the bank and invited me to do the same and helped me to count it effectively. And then we got to the toystore and I could afford that one dinosaur I've been eyeing for so damn long it was the best 😭😭😭
If the people who make the most money had any shame about what they're willing to do to get it, the rest of us wouldn't have to worry so much about making enough money to survive.
I don’t know, people are so complex, sometimes they can come across as lazy. I have observed in my in-laws their family stories about being poor and how everything is so unfair. When I compared it to my own grandparents (as they were a greater example than my own parents), I saw my also really poor grandparents do so well in comparison. The difference? My grandparents were super grateful for every opportunity to make money and meet their own needs, with really tough labour-intensive jobs. Complaining wasn’t part of their psyche. I always thought if my in-laws spent those hours working instead of complaining, they would already be plugging those financial holes real fast. So I’m not trying to say poverty doesn’t put people at a great disadvantage, but there is definitely a variety of degrees of motivation of people willing to work hard.
@Blaise, I would disagree. When people get continuous paychecks they just live their life with the paychecks only. Not many people would leave their paychecks and start working on their dreams. And most of the time you can't realise your dreams with the paychecks.
I grew up in the 70's. When I was 10yrs old I went on a school field trip from Detroit to Holland Michigan. I think my parents gave me a packed lunch and 20$. I bought some candy and 2 souvenirs. On the trip back home I was out of money. The bus stopped at a restaurant and everyone got off to eat late lunch/dinner except me. I sat on the bus while everyone else ate. That experience forever changed my relationship with money!! Forever! My mom says I am "frugal". I have been a Millionaire a couple times over. I have lived in "Mansions" I retired at 58 with plenty of $. I still drive a 13 yr old Toyota. There is so much truth on this video.
My parents are old hippies(now), so i guess i got there value's. I hate money, and what it is doing to us. We can only make or build things that earn more than you spend. Money removes us from the suffering we cause others, laying in a swimming pool with a dink all seems fine, but far away people die of hunger(some times even really close together). I don't want to introduce my child to the limitations and cruelty of money, and absolutely not at that early age.
My parents never bought me anything good as a child. I remember eating rice with plain sugar, plain salt, or sardines (very seldom). I was so happy when I could have sardines. It was like I won a jackpot. They never bought me toys and books. My cousin lent me his toys and I would silently cry whenever he had to leave our town with his parents, along with his many modern and new toys (they only visited during summer). My school’s library (which had limited secondhand books) became my heaven. Everything was a scarcity. No one taught me about money. I felt alone. My parents neglected me and even abused me. So when I grew up, it felt like everything was scarce. When I have a paycheck, it feels like I need to buy immediately what I needed and wanted or else I won’t have any. I need it NOW. NOW. Really now. I’m still trying to correct my money psychology. Late 30s but I feel stuck. I feel overwhelmed. Lord help me.
What I worked to teach my children, and still repeat to them as adults, is, "You only get to spend each dollar once". I am extremely frugal (sometimes downright cheap) on many things, so that I can spend freely on the things that matter to me. Money is a tool. Use it skillfully.
Transgenerational education played a big role in shaping up the children financial's education. The core values you wanna pass down to them is definitely based on the the narrative u want to tell your children.
There's A LOT that needs to be taught to everyone planning on having kids. I'm always disgusted that people don't plan better all around. Like, you had nine months to read up on developmental psychology, make an investment plan, discuss parenting strategies, talk about how you'd take care of a kid with potential disabilities, etc. and you just wasted that time decorating a nursery and having baby showers. Parents who say, "my parents did that, and I turned out fine" are *UNIVERSALLY* bad parents. If you're not going to strive to do better than your parents did, don't bother having kids. Unless you're running a Fortune 500 company, creatively fulfilled, able to travel as much as you like, extremely well rounded, have nothing but excellent, healthy relationships, and have exactly the work/life balance you want, there's room for improvement. No one is expecting perfection, but for god's sakes, do some research, plan, and always strive for better. Ten years of working with kids made me really love kids, and just hate parents. There are so many resources now, and unlike thirty years ago, there's a pretty good consensus on what's correct, developmentally appropriate, healthy, etc. Not availing yourself to them is just plain lazy and ignorant.
Beware that you don't sell all of your time for money. Rather give it away to the ones that truly value it. If you do that properly then you will know what it is to be abundantly rich.
Financial skills are not hereditary, money is not natural. Money management is an intellectual game, not epigenetics. We fail at teaching children the value of their labor - what their body and mind is worth and how it is their only one. When someone does not understand their own worth they cannot play the money game at all, many have an overinflated sense of worth, and many incorrectly think they are worthless. How incredible to frame grandpas distrust of the bank as a character flaw when the banks are what failed.
From early days on I learnt to get a job and save money. 30 years ago I learnt a very different lesson. You can let your money work for you. When you understand how to invest you can make extra money every year. You can invest in small businesses, shares, houses e.g. Even when you loose money meanwhile you getting better and finally you start earning money. In the 80ies I lost 17.000 Euro with shares. Now I earn 2.000 Euro every month with Appartements and 800 Euro in average per month with shares. I still have a job because it is good money and it does not interfere with my other activities. Call it my loss insurance.
I was always told we can't afford "that" to the point I never asked for help or anything. I was told to never ask and the only person that will get me xyz is me. So I knew not to eat so much or ask for anything because we never had enough, especially when I had 6 younger siblings. I still believe I never have enough and can't shake that. Not enough food, not enough money, ect.
i definitely have money anxiety. i make 6 figures a year but its been instilled in me as a kid that money can go in the bat of an eye and there's always bad things that happen. its been really hard to try to get myself out of those thought patterns
Well it still can, but it’s a small probability. How you spend that money improving your and other’s lives is just as valuable and totally irreplaceable as well though
That's not necessarily bad. And you can still hold those beliefs while not being anxious due to them. Suppose you learn about saving money, keeping a portion aside, investing, etc. Once you start applying and make a habit there's nothing else to worry. Now if you still worry then you are afraid of losing everything you have in a freak incident. You need to let go of control, beyond what you've done to counter it. Forget about the outcome, because you've done all that you can. Also it's not wrong that parents instilled that into you. Instead think what if you had not known the risks and didn't prepare either? Obviously worse right
@@N0Xa880iUL youre right, money does buy basic needs such as security, food, shelter, however its really easy to get sidetracked & go on a spending spree. (Been there done that) :)
My parents struggled but they did a great job of hiding it. They were extremely defensive/private about how much they made and what things cost. Now I feel a sense of shame that I’m struggling to make ends meet for my own family.
I always end up watching the videos of Big Think feeling empty-handed. You give a great title that is like a point to the topic, but when i dive deeper in the video i don't find what i am looking for (the purpose that is formed after reading the title and which i am supposed to get after watching the video, is missing). Can I get the chance to know how to benefit as much as I can from your videos?
I noticed it a year or two back and since then avoid most videos from them. Its over-sensationalized titles/videos with the over the top music while the content itself is of little substance and sometimes not delivering on the title at all. Clickbait through and through.
I remember my younger brother would charge my parents interest if they borrowed money from him and my dad would say wow that's a smart idea son and would pay him back but my mom would get so angry about the idea of having to pay him back no matter what the amount is. She basically guilts all of us into giving her money and we don't even know where the money goes.
@@GothBatty it is also true that it’s easier to maintain wealth when you start out rich (favorable rates, better loan packages, access to exclusive investments) than when you are poorer (need to build wealth from scratch, loans are disproportionate, less starting capital for business)
My father is a penny-pincher for his family but for him he spends as much as he wants. My mother is the opposite, decades of taking care of kids and not being able to provide their wishes made her really bad with finances, she doesn't save a coin. When she was young, she had to work to but clothes because my grandparents would only provide food and shelter. I spent a lot of money with things I think I need specially if they are going to last very long, but when it comes to clothes, self care and food and I'm really cheap, because I do not believe those things are worth their value, I'm playing to save enough to live of it because I hate working.
being cheap about food is actually going to kill you down the line :). Better eat high quality food and waste a bit more money than saving it and losing it once day because you made a mistake of not eating and taking care of yourself with high quality food.
@@penguingobrrbrr353 It’s not a waste, it’s an investment. If you eat poorly, you will ruin your health. You will spend money on medical treatment trying in vain to regain it. How much is the Medicare prescription drug doughnut hole? Wouldn’t you like not to have to concern yourself with it when you’re elderly?
@@genxx2724 thats what I said it is an investment :) i didnt say eat poorly and not exercising. Yes, medical bills and bills and anything doesnt matter where you live is expensive Here where I live a normal 'doctor' inspection to check your 'Entire body' for problems is around 200-300euro meanwhile the average salary is around 700 euro which is dog expensive and thank god i dont need these things i am healthy and I hope i die healthy once i get old.
0:45 the idea of making better financial decisions still implies a lack. We don't want people (kids) to make sound financial decisions because we want them to do the right thing, we want to them to make sound financial decisions so they don't waste the money, so that the money isn't gone, so there is still money, all to avoid the lack of it. We function according to whether there's still going to be money on the other end of this decision, not to make sure the decision to spend is good, but to make sure the decision to part with money won't lead to having no money, aka being hit with lack. That still implies that somewhere, there's a reality where money is lacking, and we must avoid it by making "safe, sound decisions". These decisions ultimately are just about fear, not about rationality or good judgement.
I did not grow up poor. I was raised in an upper middle-class home. But I have very few memories of my early childhood up to the age of 11. One thing I do remember though was my narcissistic mother constantly telling me how much money I was costing my father every time I needed new clothes, or something got broken and needed replaced. How am I supposed to heal mindsets I don't remember even making?
I’m watching this because I have so much anxiety about money even though I make 100k+\year, have 5 figures in the bank at all times, no debt at all and STILL feel like I have to scrimp and save every dime….I grew up poor . My stomach is in knots if I have to take time off work. Doing taxes is a nightmare because I have to calculate how much I actually spent vs earned. FML
logically someone who makes money should have less concern than someone who makes no money, or has any education or potential etc... which is interesting... as a poor person myself
The biggest lesson in the age of digital money is understanding that having enough money to pay for something doesn’t mean you can *afford* it. You have enough money to order Uber eats but you can’t afford to order Uber eats because it costs such a large percentage of your available cash and doing so will erase the value of your money. You’re really going to spend 4 work hours of take home pay on one little meal?
My mom never said things like "We can't afford that." Instead, she would lie and shame me into thinking I didn't deserve it. She called me vain when I asked for an allowance to go out with my friends when I was 10. She lied that the art class I was interested in didn't want me as a student. I still bear a deep shame surrounding asking for anything of anyone.
i was just unpacking to my spouse how (perhaps coupled with other things) my family being affluent but very stingy on me and using money to leverage what they want out of me might have influenced how i consider myself “worthy” of money-i get very anxious when getting paid or submitting my invoice, believing despite having done my work, i don’t “deserve” to get paid, and i tend to be stingy on myself as well. still working through it.
My mom would just constantly say how we couldn’t afford this, couldn’t afford that… worry worry worry about money, all the time! I have scarcity mindset but I’m mad because I found out my mom had plenty of money all along!😢
My mom would always tell me money didn’t matter. So we grew up poor ( but happy) I always had food on the table and everything. But as I got older I felt guilty to have money. I make a teachers salary as a counselor. I got into day trading, and make 250k off a 3k investment. (Option trading). I felt SO guilty to have this money. I subconsciously lost it all. And felt better… Im trying to reprogram my subconscious to be ok with having money ….it sounds stupid but it’s hard
Me and my brother are very different. I'm good at saving money and he love spending. He's living paycheck to paycheck but not in debt. I could never do that.
Wow! Everyone’s experience is so different! That milk situation happened to me and my parents didn’t care about the change at all. So I began to think as I did more and more errands lol that I get rewarded when I do things for others and that there’s always more than enough.
My brother and I learned early on, many things from our parents that has made a huge impact in our relationship with money. 1. Someone will always try to spend our money if we don't spend it. 2. Profiting being a vice rather than being good as they were religious. 3. Exaggeration in money making and reckless spending leads to more harm than good in social/family dynamics. What happened as we are now adults? My brother is always living like he's paycheck to paycheck. I live frugally and lie about how much I make and spend some of my extra money into to stuff (things I dont need) rather putting all the extra money into savings or even investments.
There are no healthy attitudes with money. Money cuts the guts of all feelings. Takes the place of your good feelings,because greed has none. Money is something worthless soul sells it for. You can think whatever you want about it,but don’t let it think for you.
Fantastic Videos always from Big think, i've never really expressed my gratitude for your videos-they are inspirining, and as as a teen, i get better lectures from here that always place me at least one step ahead from what life has to offer. By the way tho, how do you guys gather these very brilliant minds?
As a child my single mother would parade around the apartment showing me her check stub from work. She’d launch into a fit about how little she made etc. s On several occasions she’d see a homeless woman pushing a shopping cart down the street and remark that she hoped that would never happen to her. I was a 13 years old, maybe less. When she bought a new car ( first time in her life she did) she’d show me the coupon book and start to cry and become frantic. This was even though she knew what her monthly payment would be when she signed on the dotted line at the dealer. Now, many years later whenever I’m unemployed I get really freaked out. Maybe I’ll be the next person pushing a shopping cart or living on the doorstep of a random office building. This negative thinking is without any evidence that this could remotely happen. The trauma I felt through her is palpable. I hate being without a paycheck
This is why the wealth gap keeps getting bigger. Wealthy parents teach about how to make, save, and invest money. Poor parents do not have anything to teach! Every generation, wealthy people get richer by applying those lessons to their family’s existing wealth. The bottom stays at the bottom and the ceiling gets higher. Its all about education.
To the lady who learned her love of money is shameful.... It's the stealing from your mother that's shameful. Way to deny your wrongdoing and turn it into your emotions. WTAF.
when I was growing up my family always had money, but my aunt and uncle had financial troubles because they always spent money on stuff they didn't need and racked up massive amounts of debt. Growing up I overheard so many conversations where my parents gossiped about their poor finances; I've carried over the fear of becoming an impulsive spender like them and disappointing my family. That's stuck with me all these years, and even though I have money of my own now I always manage to talk myself out of buying anything that isn't bare essential, and I feel terrible any time I spend a large amount of money on anything.
I figure I was raised in a lower middle class family as my parents owned a small business. They were not concerned nor transparent about money and I ended up be heavily chastised if I mentioned the subject. Luckily my grandparents were very open about finances and helped me tremendously when I needed advice after having a child and buying a house on minimum wage at 20yo. That was 18 years ago and I still see alot of my grandparents lessons in our day to day life and I still dont know what my parents are hekkin doing.
Does anyone know a book or text that discuss this issue? Looking for a reference, especially talking about the fear of money and money as a tool in general?
I saw my Mother worried out of her mind about money, made me feel like I was in constant danger of being homeless or not having enough to eat. Turns out my mother has a bad anxiety disorder, but 10 year old me didn’t understand that
My money trauma comes from nursing centers payments. I don't like it not one bit. Its more like a money down fall. I can't see how they can pull off getting all except 50dollars of my earned income
If u grew up and your parents weren't financial literate there it is which is y most people that become successful have there parents depend on them for a house etc
I would say experience sells. It's scary to both the parent and child. Using money at a younger age (whether real, fake or lack thereof) can help start the journey.
I’ve never asked my family or friends what they think about their relationship with money. Would people say they have a good relationship with money…even if they actually thought it was a disaster?
What no one said on this video. Give them chores. When completed they earn a allowance. They get to manage this allowance at a young age and learn. They also learn the value of money is created through effort, ie: work=paycheck. They make mistakes, save for bigger purchases, budget, splurge and go through all the phases while young and not in the adult world. Then hopefully when they enter adulthood money isn’t a foreign concept since it’s been part of their life for at least a decade. It’s a Money apprenticeship.
My mom didn’t believe in allowance. She’d pay us some ridiculously small amount of money for doing extra work around the house. I grew up very conscious of not getting an allowance and not having any money. The only money I had was what I received in cash on birthdays and Christmas. Sometimes my grandma would slip me since cash, and I was so grateful. I never had the right clothes the other kids were wearing. My mom is very fashionable and spent a lot on herself. I was very angry and resentful about this as an adolescent and teen. Now she and her current husband are wealthy. She gives me money and tries to buy me things. She wants me to buy clothes. But it’s too late. I am very conscious of investing for the future, and shopping for clothes and makeup has negative associations for me.
We are taught that "the love of money is the root of all evil", and "money doesn't buy happiness", and "money doesn't grow on trees", and now the elites are just straight up telling us "you will own nothing and be happy".
@@rogerclark3 it can buy items that can give you short term happiness as well as give you food/home stability which gives you peace of mind, on top of it being able to buy the services of a psychologist :)
"money doesn't buy happiness" is probably one of the most damaging nonsense mantras of our western world. It's simply a justification for extremely rich people to hoard so much money that other parts of society have to suffer a life in poverty.
from my mother I knew we didn't have much money, thou my mum worked a full time job. From her I learn that freedom came from economical independence, never make your freedom dependent on a man's money. Still now I don't understand how a 'wife' can live without panic attacks for depending on someone else's good will. Now at 60+, I think my mum was right, got my money, my home, my boy friend & friends, don't care so much about money but money let me have the life I want.
The money trauma has its own perpetuality. I am really afraid of pilfering money because my one of relatives was supremely suffered due to stealing money. So I never wanted to steal money even at the young age.
My Mom,told me don't do credit cards. if you can't pay cash for what you want,you don't get it. Then my Grandmother said there were 3 people she never trusted. Drs. Lawyers n Banks. wow!
Only thing my baby boomer parents ever said to me about money was, "that's not your business." Every time I asked about it I was treated like I was trying to steal. I've never had any kind of healthy relationship with money.
To children, money is nothing but a source of buying eatables, which leads to possessing things as they grow older. Nowadays, children are very smart and they are aware of the value of money no matter how hard you try not to make them have knowledge of currency. When I tried not to expose my children to money, I used to buy them things without giving them any money at all, and for school, they would have things to eat rather than buying them by themselves. While with my second son, I familiarised him with money sooner, and now he demands money more than the former. It is up to the parents how they want to bring up their offspring. The environment does matter too...
When I read rich/poor daddy. It OPENED my eyes. Even TODAY, money seems like a taboo subject from grade school, and remains an obscure subject even in High Schools. Money should be a MANDATORY subject like English & Math - if a kid starts to put away some money as early as a 5 year old, we will eliminate poverty in ONE Century.
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I grew up poor and now as a adult i understood why i am so frugal, I'm really good in saving money but it's a bit toxic because it comes from the fear of not being able to afford the most simple things like in my childhood. And even now that i have enough to live well the anxiety that it is still not enough is quite crippling.
As a kid, I knew how much dad got paid, how much our rent was, and how much we paid for food. Granted it was a naive view, but its probably a lot more than the other kids in my grade knew, and I had no idea how much extra they were spending on drinking/smoking/gambling. Even as I'm approaching 40, I still have the "poor" mentality and the "stench of poverty" still sticks to me. I didn't have the same opportunities and experiences as my peers and have had to struggle a lot more to get ahead. I'm generally anxious and don't have the carefree attitude of others so struggle to interact with people. How you grew up with money has lifelong impacts.
Same, I'm not rich by any means but doing alright financially yet every time I spend even a modest amount of money even on essential things I feel like I just ruined my life for the rest of the day.
It also probably emotionally cripples you from investing big, thus potentially continuing the generational poverty.
I too, grew up very poor and have been "self-sufficient" since I was 13 (e.g. clothes, school expenses, & even meals). My problem now is I am stuck in a "survival mode" despite being "okay" financially. I am constantly thinking about and worrying about money even when I have savings. This constant concern gets tiresome and contributes to my perpetual sense of burnout... I'm 45 now and own my business and these past 3 years have me frayed to my limits. I dod not know what I can even do about it at this point.
The opposite happens even more often as well.
I’m not stealing, I just love money so much
- Kathleen
I'm forever grateful for my father telling how to never pay interest on credit cards when he said; "'Never spend more money than you have and always pay the bill on time"' Thank you Dad!
A high school teacher did that for me. I always wondered if he snuck that one week long finance lesson in the curriculum himself.
It's amazing the number of people that didn't or WON'T learn that simple lesson.
@@liquidmagma it's amazing how many people don't realize how less and less possible it is to follow those parameters in the real world.
Mine always said ‘pay yourself first’
@@adaharrisonn No, it's amazing how undisciplined and childish the entitled crowd is in the real world.
If you want to talk about money trauma from childhood, I used to be good at saving money but the one lesson I learned in childhood is that if I don’t spend my money someone else will
Damn..
My parents took all of my savings just to buy themselves a flatscreen tv or a coach for example during my childhood. So I understand this too well.
As a child I would always hide money in the most unusual places and the moment I wasn't home, my mom searched every nook and cranny, and took it. Even now I'm set to save as much as I earn, but it's paralyzing my decisions, it's really hard to choose what to spend it on in fear it will disappear again. My mom still spends every last penny she has and she is always in debt with nothing to show for, no proof what she spends on, and we have the same income.
@@silentladyd i feel your pain, the best you can do is take a break from her. Depending on your family situation it could be as simple as leaving the phone on silent( my phone was stuck on silent for half a year, I honestly didn’t know it was), what I’ve found is that those kinds of people can find money no matter what. Or as long as you move away from where your parents can see what you’re doing, just claim to be flat broke, it helps if you have a hobby that’s distracting that you can tell them you’ve taken up, like sewing or gardening (they can get expensive). And if you’re really stuck on what to spend take a day to have a walk through a mall or thrift store or flea market, you don’t need to buy anything just take a picture of whatever made you happy or excited during your trip and learn more about it
@@Teribare W parents
Our relationship with money is so plagued with fear because we weren't taught financial literacy at home and in school. We need to heal that relationship and make more value of money rather than just making more of it. A great series, thank you
Love that...Make more VALUE out of money 💰 💯 Thanks
Shut up Matt
I was raised in a middle class family, and like most middle class families is the last couple of decades, sometimes we had to cut our expenses, other times we could afford more things, for example a game console, new tv, etc. And my main take away from all of that is to understand the proper value of money, understand that money is just a tool, a tool that you should take care of but not to the point of being something you "love'' or are afraid of, it should not be the center of your life. At the end of the day money a is a tool to help us get through life, nothing less, nothing more. And like any tool it, doesn't work for everything.
I think it's become tool only when you have certain amount of it to be actually be philosophical about it(money) ........ If you don't cross that threshold it all bs theory of moral high ground... The whole video of above clip is - to help in overcoming biases not to re-inforce of One own borrowed belief .
Well said!
Spoken like a true poor man. Yeah I'm in that same boat so I see your statement for what it is.....a coping mechanism. None of us like the shit we're stuck in.
100% agree, if you make your life about money itself, it will be a boring insignificant one
@@NoJokesHere it's not a coping mechanism, it's about understanding the things that give value to your life. For the real poor people I understand money is important because they have needs they can't satisfy, but once you have a decent life, more money won't add a lot to that, it will become just an unhealthy obsession
“A smart person learns from their mistakes, a wise person learns from the mistakes of others.”
A wise person learns from experiences. Your mistake can be internalized and make you wiser. A smarter wise person can do the same from other's mistakes, but an even smarter wise person looks for what others do to succeed.
I wasn't taught about personal finance in school but my history teacher used to tell my class the birth of money in middle school. That story changes the way how I view money completely. It is something we trade for stuffs we need to improve our health, relationship and more. It is not valuable itself, the way you spend it is.
JP Morgan took finance out of school. 😏💵🏦🏧
Love this
@@GothBatty makes cents... The cents we make/earn in comparison
@@GothBatty source? a quick google search shows nothing
@@charitymasango2649 😄
"The Love of Money, is the root of all kinds of evil" is the actual quote. People always forget the Love part. Money isn't the root. The Love for Money is.
however loving money is the systemic result under the structure of our current socio economic thinking.
@@RayoAtraGreed is powerful, I have seen homeless give their only dollar to another person while the wealthy just ignore the needy. It's like once you have money, you don't want to not have it. If you never had money, it only seems like a roadblock to happiness. Not sure if we have been taught to love it or want it, or maybe both.
Kathleen from this video doesn't approve
YES
Yeah it's from the Bible btw. 1 Timothy 6:10.
‘You love so much that you want to keep it’
Yeah.. no, the clear message was to not steal/keep someone else’s money for yourself
the only comment stating this lol yeah that woman is nuts LOL
I find that rationalization contrived but maybe
1. at a young age the distinction between what’s “mine” and “my mother’s“ is not quite clear
2. we don’t know what her mother actually told her, perhaps her mother really gave her some weird message
This is pretty bogus.
Someone so seemingly out of touch probably obtained their views at an early age. I’m guessing that this woman’s mom was actually greedy and passed on a message of “what’s mine is mine” instead of “taking or withholding any person’s money without their permission is immoral.”
How broken is Kathleens analysis of her love to money? She thinks the message of her mother was that love for money is a shame, whereas she should be ashamed of taking money that doesn't belong her. But great to hear that she overcame that shame of taking money that's nor hers, now that she is in a position of power as Entrepreneur.
Keep in mind her impression of being scolded for keeping the nickel was cemented when she was a child, and most likely unconsciously influenced her decision making around money as she grew into an adult. It's possible her mother didn't communicate clearly enough why it was wrong to keep the nickel but just scolded her for keeping it.
@@richardmccabe2392 that why I said her analysis is broken, not the actual relationship.
How is an entrepreneur a position of power?
I was brought up by a Narc mother, I am healing shame around money in my 50's, focused on a better life for myself 🙏
This is a tough subject for most. Whether you agree with every point or not, this is a great conversation starter. Money loses its power and mystique when you discuss it rationally...especially with the intention of understanding it more. I noticed in the comments there are many like me who never had any conversations about money with anyone in the family. In my case, it was because they didn't have a clue either. In reference to the trauma in the title, money (or rather the lack of) has traumatized some folks. Yet here we are. In the age of information. If we're still functioning, we can learn and improve upon today. No one is going to learn it for us. I mean, do we want them to chew our food for us too?? Stop blaming. Stop shaming. There are a lot of people who have overcome some wicked adversity. We can too. Or not. Up to us.
Damn right!
We can blame the economy for allowing the rich to boost profits off a pandemic while the rest of us get poorer.
Thank you
My parents were terrible with money saw how they struggled my entire childhood. So I learned to do the opposite of whatever they do. It’s worked out great!
... and oddly, you have them to thank for that. So they did their job!
yeah sometimes its better to learn how to avoid being them !!!
as a teacher, my recommendation to parents is make it a habit to randomly explain things to your kids, like how you´re making your taxes when they find you late at night working on them, or why doors creak when they complain that their door makes too much noise, how hospitals make money when you go to check something, why you never reach the rainbow, how traffic lights work, who's that guy whose name is in the street you're on...... the worst that can happen is that they learn something that's never going to come up in life again
Kathleen, I think the issue wasn’t that you loved money but that you were stealing lmao
Kathleen is in denial
She hasn't learned her lesson all these years later.
It's still the same issue. She loves money and the what made her worry I think is she loves money too much to the point she had to steal those change from her past.
Stealing is the effect, not the cause.
@@joelpeterson3894 yep, guess Pablo Escobar must've loved money too
I first learned about money insecurity when I read an article about food insecurity and realizing hey that sounds like me with money and never realize it until that day that I do indeed have money insecurity. I am a millionaire now but I always feel poor, and I hoard money so much I don't spend on anything and I always check on my bank account to keep me calm and reassure myself that I am safe. Not sure if I can heal from this but being aware of those irrational thoughts definitely helps in some sort of way.
Financial literacy can take generations to develop. My parents had close to zero. I’ve done well, but learned a lot the hard way. I still carry my parents’ sense of inferiority & fear of overreaching. Hoping my daughters will be way ahead of me. At 19, my eldest talks about building “family wealth” in terms of our property investments. I sense she’s broken free of the family past. 🤞🤞🤞
Agreed. It's a generational effort.
Awesome, sounds like you successfully broke the money trauma cycle!👍♥
I was expecting some advices for people who have financial trauma already and I was disappointed
message of the day: it doesn't matter if you keep money that is not yours, let no one diminish your love for it xDDD
@pedrova8058 hey I have a couple of ak47s do you wanna rob a bank maybe together
This video had me thinking about my own money story. I remember being a 10 year old with like $80 in my piggy bank and my mom eventually asking me if she can use it. She paid me back only after a while. It was hard for her as a relatively new single mom but to this day I have trouble saving because I subconsciously don’t see a point to it.
that’s just projection
@@sepoker yes, nothing to see here. Just *projection*
I had a shop teacher (yes, SHOP teacher) in middle school that had us pick stocks and track their value over the school year. It piqued my interest in financial markets and, probably, set me up for the success that I've had in life to this day. Zero debt. Will have a home paid off about 12 years early and a job that allows for plenty of time for hobbies and relaxing. Minimal stress. All before mid-40's. I also had learned and observed both my parents and grandparents handling of finances and reasoned out the lessons from both quite a long time ago. Good video to explain and lay out the reasons why people need to have conversations and thoughts about this subject as early as possible.
My dad was paranoid about money because he didn’t have any growing up poor.
This made me paranoid about it as well. I don’t have alot of money but I’m not poor but still worry about money.
This Kathleen lady is balls-to-the-wall insane. 'I stole money from my mom and she got mad, so I grew up thinking that my love of money is shameful'. Absolutely demented.
''Absolutely demented'' HAHAHAHAHAHAHA🏆
I think you and a lot of others missed the point. Children don't think perfectly rationally, and draw incorrect conclusions if they're punished without perfectly understanding why. If a child wants something, takes it, and gets yelled at, they'll definitely think the problem is them wanting the thing.
She just forgot that she needed to spoon feed even the most simple points to keep a youtube audience on track, so she didn't go into it.
Please don't have children.
My sister and I grew up very poor. As an adult I have always lived beneath my means and followed a budget. My sister on the other hand bought everything she could because “ you only live once”.
Please I need help, I’m tired of scammers online
Mr Rashford can help you recover all your bitcoin lost back into your wallet 😊
How can I reach out to him please 🙏
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I can relate to the one story. My family was "less than middle class" and we never had enough money. As a result, I'm always worried about money. I constantly think about my budget and try to save as much as I can. Next month I will start getting more money and all I can think about is how much I can save.
My mother's father was addicted to gambling. Sometimes the family had a lot of money thanks to this, and sometimes it was all lost. My mother always had a sense that nothing she can do has power to earn money - she always tried to find ways to leech it off of other people rather than earn it herself. When she made a bit, she would immediately spend it on expensive food and objects that oftentimes she didn't even need, and then when it was running out she was saving every penny. She never acknowledged her role in that, she would always just say "God gave money, god took the money away".
Today, I have a lot of financial anxiety. I constantly feel like I'm going to lose everything, like it's just a matter of time before I end up on the streets no matter how hard I work. I dream of a sense of stability but I realize that it will only come after death
Maybe you can break the cycle for your children (if you have or will have/want them). I try to for our son, all those unhealthy ideas stuck in me from childhood, whenever I am aware of them I just pretend I am someone else. Someone calm and non-neurotic. He’s worth it and I find it works, he already feels much better about himself than I ever did. No shaming is so important, about money or anything else.
@elisethethird3248. Your anxiety is a natural result of your unpredictable childhood. You sound very sensible and will be fine! Love and courage to you♥💕
I feel very fortunate to have stumbled into a career of personal banking at 18 that required me to have money conversations for 8 hours a day with strangers. I learned a great deal about personal finances and it was very natural to translate to my personal life. again this is all for the spreading of knowledge on banking and finance with friends and family to clarify how to succeed..
Great video!
Omg. That anxiety is so real despite the fact that I now earn enough and learned good financial habits. Yet, I constantly plan towards a time when I earn less, not enjoying that I am doing well right NOW.
After hearing how Kathleen didn't and clearly still don't understand that stealing was the problem I would not take ANY financial advice from her.
@christinapomponio6452 Exactly, I wouldn't go to Kathleen, someone that has no shame for taking something that doesn't belong to you..nah I'll pass on Kathleen
When we were kids my parents told us the story of Ang Langgam at si Tipaklong and how important it is to save for rainy days. I'm glad they did, now I'm addicted to saving ang investing.
I'm pretty happy about how my parents handled that. As a child I got coins and scraps and was encouraged to pile them up. I really liked how shiny they were and to look at them but didn't even really what their purpose was yet. Then one day, my parents dumped a bit of cash on the table (so it was relatable to me) to count it before going to the bank and invited me to do the same and helped me to count it effectively. And then we got to the toystore and I could afford that one dinosaur I've been eyeing for so damn long it was the best 😭😭😭
Awesome!
If the people who make the most money had any shame about what they're willing to do to get it, the rest of us wouldn't have to worry so much about making enough money to survive.
I don’t know, people are so complex, sometimes they can come across as lazy. I have observed in my in-laws their family stories about being poor and how everything is so unfair. When I compared it to my own grandparents (as they were a greater example than my own parents), I saw my also really poor grandparents do so well in comparison. The difference? My grandparents were super grateful for every opportunity to make money and meet their own needs, with really tough labour-intensive jobs. Complaining wasn’t part of their psyche. I always thought if my in-laws spent those hours working instead of complaining, they would already be plugging those financial holes real fast.
So I’m not trying to say poverty doesn’t put people at a great disadvantage, but there is definitely a variety of degrees of motivation of people willing to work hard.
"Paychecks are the chain that keep you from achieving your dream."
I just wish I could implement that in my life!
That's just hustle propaganda.
It doesn't make any sense. Paychecks are how you're compensated for your work; without being paid you won't have enough money to chase your dream.
@Blaise, I would disagree. When people get continuous paychecks they just live their life with the paychecks only. Not many people would leave their paychecks and start working on their dreams. And most of the time you can't realise your dreams with the paychecks.
I grew up in the 70's. When I was 10yrs old I went on a school field trip from Detroit to Holland Michigan. I think my parents gave me a packed lunch and 20$. I bought some candy and 2 souvenirs. On the trip back home I was out of money. The bus stopped at a restaurant and everyone got off to eat late lunch/dinner except me. I sat on the bus while everyone else ate. That experience forever changed my relationship with money!! Forever! My mom says I am "frugal". I have been a Millionaire a couple times over. I have lived in "Mansions" I retired at 58 with plenty of $. I still drive a 13 yr old Toyota. There is so much truth on this video.
My parents are old hippies(now), so i guess i got there value's.
I hate money, and what it is doing to us. We can only make or build things that earn more than you spend. Money removes us from the suffering we cause others, laying in a swimming pool with a dink all seems fine, but far away people die of hunger(some times even really close together).
I don't want to introduce my child to the limitations and cruelty of money, and absolutely not at that early age.
So you condemn your child to being poor. Nice.
my parents always says kids should not worry or think about money
until suddenly they bombshelled me with "we are not rich"
thanks for the explanation
All this video taught me is get more money , period. That’s all it boils down to.
My parents never bought me anything good as a child. I remember eating rice with plain sugar, plain salt, or sardines (very seldom). I was so happy when I could have sardines. It was like I won a jackpot.
They never bought me toys and books. My cousin lent me his toys and I would silently cry whenever he had to leave our town with his parents, along with his many modern and new toys (they only visited during summer).
My school’s library (which had limited secondhand books) became my heaven.
Everything was a scarcity. No one taught me about money. I felt alone. My parents neglected me and even abused me. So when I grew up, it felt like everything was scarce. When I have a paycheck, it feels like I need to buy immediately what I needed and wanted or else I won’t have any. I need it NOW. NOW. Really now.
I’m still trying to correct my money psychology. Late 30s but I feel stuck. I feel overwhelmed. Lord help me.
What I worked to teach my children, and still repeat to them as adults, is, "You only get to spend each dollar once". I am extremely frugal (sometimes downright cheap) on many things, so that I can spend freely on the things that matter to me. Money is a tool. Use it skillfully.
The story about the grandfather and the mother remains prominent and true to this day!
Transgenerational education played a big role in shaping up the children financial's education. The core values you wanna pass down to them is definitely based on the the narrative u want to tell your children.
This needs to be taught to everyone planning on bringing kids to this world.
There's A LOT that needs to be taught to everyone planning on having kids. I'm always disgusted that people don't plan better all around. Like, you had nine months to read up on developmental psychology, make an investment plan, discuss parenting strategies, talk about how you'd take care of a kid with potential disabilities, etc. and you just wasted that time decorating a nursery and having baby showers. Parents who say, "my parents did that, and I turned out fine" are *UNIVERSALLY* bad parents. If you're not going to strive to do better than your parents did, don't bother having kids.
Unless you're running a Fortune 500 company, creatively fulfilled, able to travel as much as you like, extremely well rounded, have nothing but excellent, healthy relationships, and have exactly the work/life balance you want, there's room for improvement. No one is expecting perfection, but for god's sakes, do some research, plan, and always strive for better.
Ten years of working with kids made me really love kids, and just hate parents. There are so many resources now, and unlike thirty years ago, there's a pretty good consensus on what's correct, developmentally appropriate, healthy, etc. Not availing yourself to them is just plain lazy and ignorant.
Beware that you don't sell all of your time for money. Rather give it away to the ones that truly value it. If you do that properly then you will know what it is to be abundantly rich.
Financial skills are not hereditary, money is not natural. Money management is an intellectual game, not epigenetics. We fail at teaching children the value of their labor - what their body and mind is worth and how it is their only one. When someone does not understand their own worth they cannot play the money game at all, many have an overinflated sense of worth, and many incorrectly think they are worthless. How incredible to frame grandpas distrust of the bank as a character flaw when the banks are what failed.
From early days on I learnt to get a job and save money. 30 years ago I learnt a very different lesson. You can let your money work for you. When you understand how to invest you can make extra money every year. You can invest in small businesses, shares, houses e.g. Even when you loose money meanwhile you getting better and finally you start earning money.
In the 80ies I lost 17.000 Euro with shares. Now I earn 2.000 Euro every month with Appartements and 800 Euro in average per month with shares. I still have a job because it is good money and it does not interfere with my other activities. Call it my loss insurance.
Growing up poor is a huge trauma for me. Fortunately, I no longer live in Southeast Asia anymore.
I was always told we can't afford "that" to the point I never asked for help or anything. I was told to never ask and the only person that will get me xyz is me. So I knew not to eat so much or ask for anything because we never had enough, especially when I had 6 younger siblings. I still believe I never have enough and can't shake that. Not enough food, not enough money, ect.
i definitely have money anxiety. i make 6 figures a year but its been instilled in me as a kid that money can go in the bat of an eye and there's always bad things that happen. its been really hard to try to get myself out of those thought patterns
Well it still can, but it’s a small probability. How you spend that money improving your and other’s lives is just as valuable and totally irreplaceable as well though
That's not necessarily bad. And you can still hold those beliefs while not being anxious due to them.
Suppose you learn about saving money, keeping a portion aside, investing, etc.
Once you start applying and make a habit there's nothing else to worry.
Now if you still worry then you are afraid of losing everything you have in a freak incident.
You need to let go of control, beyond what you've done to counter it. Forget about the outcome, because you've done all that you can.
Also it's not wrong that parents instilled that into you. Instead think what if you had not known the risks and didn't prepare either? Obviously worse right
@Michael Howington No money and no anxiety is statistically almost impossible anyway.
@@N0Xa880iUL youre right, money does buy basic needs such as security, food, shelter, however its really easy to get sidetracked & go on a spending spree. (Been there done that) :)
My parents struggled but they did a great job of hiding it. They were extremely defensive/private about how much they made and what things cost. Now I feel a sense of shame that I’m struggling to make ends meet for my own family.
I always end up watching the videos of Big Think feeling empty-handed. You give a great title that is like a point to the topic, but when i dive deeper in the video i don't find what i am looking for (the purpose that is formed after reading the title and which i am supposed to get after watching the video, is missing).
Can I get the chance to know how to benefit as much as I can from your videos?
Same here. Somewhat interesting, but very general content. Over promising & under delivering.
Maybe it’s the short form content? Try their longer videos
I noticed it a year or two back and since then avoid most videos from them. Its over-sensationalized titles/videos with the over the top music while the content itself is of little substance and sometimes not delivering on the title at all. Clickbait through and through.
@@Selsmittenxo Is it possible to get longer videos about the same title?
This matters actually
@@SN-sz7kw Yes, exactly
I grew up in poverty and they are so right, I get panic attacks when my bank balance goes below a certain limit.
I remember my younger brother would charge my parents interest if they borrowed money from him and my dad would say wow that's a smart idea son and would pay him back but my mom would get so angry about the idea of having to pay him back no matter what the amount is. She basically guilts all of us into giving her money and we don't even know where the money goes.
I think it’s fairly ok to give your parents money without expecting them to pay you back if you can afford it and if it’s reasonable amounts
@@libelulangel and that's called robbery
the biggest lesson I learned from my dad is learn how to make more, instead of being frugal
Money = power. At least in lower layers of society. Poor people = poor mentality = poor people.
people beware , the comments section full of scams
Hahahaha "we're middle class but lower - yea mum they've got words for that!" 😅 This was so insightful. Absolutely enjoyed this!
The rich will get richer and the poor will get poorer.. perfectly explained!💯👏
The poor keep themselves poor and the rich know how to not become poor again. ❤
money is a tool to control humanity. If you have crypto mining you have money everyday for the rest of your life.
@@GothBatty it is also true that it’s easier to maintain wealth when you start out rich (favorable rates, better loan packages, access to exclusive investments) than when you are poorer (need to build wealth from scratch, loans are disproportionate, less starting capital for business)
@@AlienGuru33 hahah cryptoscam
@@GothBatty ok Reagan
My father is a penny-pincher for his family but for him he spends as much as he wants.
My mother is the opposite, decades of taking care of kids and not being able to provide their wishes made her really bad with finances, she doesn't save a coin.
When she was young, she had to work to but clothes because my grandparents would only provide food and shelter.
I spent a lot of money with things I think I need specially if they are going to last very long, but when it comes to clothes, self care and food and I'm really cheap, because I do not believe those things are worth their value, I'm playing to save enough to live of it because I hate working.
being cheap about food is actually going to kill you down the line :). Better eat high quality food and waste a bit more money than saving it and losing it once day because you made a mistake of not eating and taking care of yourself with high quality food.
@@penguingobrrbrr353 It’s not a waste, it’s an investment. If you eat poorly, you will ruin your health. You will spend money on medical treatment trying in vain to regain it. How much is the Medicare prescription drug doughnut hole? Wouldn’t you like not to have to concern yourself with it when you’re elderly?
@@genxx2724 thats what I said it is an investment :) i didnt say eat poorly and not exercising. Yes, medical bills and bills and anything doesnt matter where you live is expensive
Here where I live a normal 'doctor' inspection to check your 'Entire body' for problems is around 200-300euro meanwhile the average salary is around 700 euro which is dog expensive and thank god i dont need these things i am healthy and I hope i die healthy once i get old.
0:45 the idea of making better financial decisions still implies a lack. We don't want people (kids) to make sound financial decisions because we want them to do the right thing, we want to them to make sound financial decisions so they don't waste the money, so that the money isn't gone, so there is still money, all to avoid the lack of it. We function according to whether there's still going to be money on the other end of this decision, not to make sure the decision to spend is good, but to make sure the decision to part with money won't lead to having no money, aka being hit with lack. That still implies that somewhere, there's a reality where money is lacking, and we must avoid it by making "safe, sound decisions". These decisions ultimately are just about fear, not about rationality or good judgement.
I did not grow up poor. I was raised in an upper middle-class home. But I have very few memories of my early childhood up to the age of 11. One thing I do remember though was my narcissistic mother constantly telling me how much money I was costing my father every time I needed new clothes, or something got broken and needed replaced. How am I supposed to heal mindsets I don't remember even making?
I’m watching this because I have so much anxiety about money even though I make 100k+\year, have 5 figures in the bank at all times, no debt at all and STILL feel like I have to scrimp and save every dime….I grew up poor . My stomach is in knots if I have to take time off work. Doing taxes is a nightmare because I have to calculate how much I actually spent vs earned. FML
logically someone who makes money should have less concern than someone who makes no money, or has any education or potential etc...
which is interesting... as a poor person myself
The biggest lesson in the age of digital money is understanding that having enough money to pay for something doesn’t mean you can *afford* it. You have enough money to order Uber eats but you can’t afford to order Uber eats because it costs such a large percentage of your available cash and doing so will erase the value of your money. You’re really going to spend 4 work hours of take home pay on one little meal?
My mom never said things like "We can't afford that." Instead, she would lie and shame me into thinking I didn't deserve it. She called me vain when I asked for an allowance to go out with my friends when I was 10. She lied that the art class I was interested in didn't want me as a student. I still bear a deep shame surrounding asking for anything of anyone.
Nobody is high class or middle class, money comes and goes
i was just unpacking to my spouse how (perhaps coupled with other things) my family being affluent but very stingy on me and using money to leverage what they want out of me might have influenced how i consider myself “worthy” of money-i get very anxious when getting paid or submitting my invoice, believing despite having done my work, i don’t “deserve” to get paid, and i tend to be stingy on myself as well. still working through it.
My mom would just constantly say how we couldn’t afford this, couldn’t afford that… worry worry worry about money, all the time! I have scarcity mindset but I’m mad because I found out my mom had plenty of money all along!😢
There’s never enough if you’re not worth it. Both greed and poverties driver is you
My mom would always tell me money didn’t matter. So we grew up poor ( but happy) I always had food on the table and everything.
But as I got older I felt guilty to have money.
I make a teachers salary as a counselor. I got into day trading, and make 250k off a 3k investment. (Option trading).
I felt SO guilty to have this money. I subconsciously lost it all. And felt better…
Im trying to reprogram my subconscious to be ok with having money ….it sounds stupid but it’s hard
You don't just lose 250k what'd you spend it on?
@@RustyShakleford1 lol option calls on a few bad plays
Me and my brother are very different. I'm good at saving money and he love spending. He's living paycheck to paycheck but not in debt. I could never do that.
Wow! Everyone’s experience is so different! That milk situation happened to me and my parents didn’t care about the change at all. So I began to think as I did more and more errands lol that I get rewarded when I do things for others and that there’s always more than enough.
Teach your kids that politicians and abstract entities like the government do not manage money well.
My brother and I learned early on, many things from our parents that has made a huge impact in our relationship with money. 1. Someone will always try to spend our money if we don't spend it. 2. Profiting being a vice rather than being good as they were religious. 3. Exaggeration in money making and reckless spending leads to more harm than good in social/family dynamics. What happened as we are now adults? My brother is always living like he's paycheck to paycheck. I live frugally and lie about how much I make and spend some of my extra money into to stuff (things I dont need) rather putting all the extra money into savings or even investments.
Read the Parable of the Talents. We are supposed to invest money to generate more.
The music is too dramatic and it takes away from the message.
There are no healthy attitudes with money. Money cuts the guts of all feelings. Takes the place of your good feelings,because greed has none. Money is something worthless soul sells it for. You can think whatever you want about it,but don’t let it think for you.
Fantastic Videos always from Big think, i've never really expressed my gratitude for your videos-they are inspirining, and as as a teen, i get better lectures from here that always place me at least one step ahead from what life has to offer. By the way tho, how do you guys gather these very brilliant minds?
As a child my single mother would parade around the apartment showing me her check stub from work. She’d launch into a fit about how little she made etc. s
On several occasions she’d see a homeless woman pushing a shopping cart down the street and remark that she hoped that would never happen to her. I was a 13 years old, maybe less. When she bought a new car ( first time in her life she did) she’d show me the coupon book and start to cry and become frantic. This was even though she knew what her monthly payment would be when she signed on the dotted line at the dealer.
Now, many years later whenever I’m unemployed I get really freaked out. Maybe I’ll be the next person pushing a shopping cart or living on the doorstep of a random office building. This negative thinking is without any evidence that this could remotely happen. The trauma I felt through her is palpable. I hate being without a paycheck
This is why the wealth gap keeps getting bigger. Wealthy parents teach about how to make, save, and invest money. Poor parents do not have anything to teach! Every generation, wealthy people get richer by applying those lessons to their family’s existing wealth. The bottom stays at the bottom and the ceiling gets higher. Its all about education.
To the lady who learned her love of money is shameful.... It's the stealing from your mother that's shameful.
Way to deny your wrongdoing and turn it into your emotions. WTAF.
Exactly😂
when I was growing up my family always had money, but my aunt and uncle had financial troubles because they always spent money on stuff they didn't need and racked up massive amounts of debt. Growing up I overheard so many conversations where my parents gossiped about their poor finances; I've carried over the fear of becoming an impulsive spender like them and disappointing my family. That's stuck with me all these years, and even though I have money of my own now I always manage to talk myself out of buying anything that isn't bare essential, and I feel terrible any time I spend a large amount of money on anything.
I figure I was raised in a lower middle class family as my parents owned a small business. They were not concerned nor transparent about money and I ended up be heavily chastised if I mentioned the subject.
Luckily my grandparents were very open about finances and helped me tremendously when I needed advice after having a child and buying a house on minimum wage at 20yo. That was 18 years ago and I still see alot of my grandparents lessons in our day to day life and I still dont know what my parents are hekkin doing.
Was about 8, when i asked how much a house cost. Answer i got was, "it's none of your [gosh darn] business." That's a heckava thing to say to any kid.
Does anyone know a book or text that discuss this issue? Looking for a reference, especially talking about the fear of money and money as a tool in general?
I saw my Mother worried out of her mind about money, made me feel like I was in constant danger of being homeless or not having enough to eat. Turns out my mother has a bad anxiety disorder, but 10 year old me didn’t understand that
My money trauma comes from nursing centers payments. I don't like it not one bit. Its more like a money down fall. I can't see how they can pull off getting all except 50dollars of my earned income
If u grew up and your parents weren't financial literate there it is which is y most people that become successful have there parents depend on them for a house etc
I would say experience sells. It's scary to both the parent and child. Using money at a younger age (whether real, fake or lack thereof) can help start the journey.
I’ve never asked my family or friends what they think about their relationship with money.
Would people say they have a good relationship with money…even if they actually thought it was a disaster?
What no one said on this video. Give them chores. When completed they earn a allowance. They get to manage this allowance at a young age and learn. They also learn the value of money is created through effort, ie: work=paycheck. They make mistakes, save for bigger purchases, budget, splurge and go through all the phases while young and not in the adult world. Then hopefully when they enter adulthood money isn’t a foreign concept since it’s been part of their life for at least a decade. It’s a Money apprenticeship.
My mom didn’t believe in allowance. She’d pay us some ridiculously small amount of money for doing extra work around the house. I grew up very conscious of not getting an allowance and not having any money. The only money I had was what I received in cash on birthdays and Christmas. Sometimes my grandma would slip me since cash, and I was so grateful. I never had the right clothes the other kids were wearing. My mom is very fashionable and spent a lot on herself. I was very angry and resentful about this as an adolescent and teen.
Now she and her current husband are wealthy. She gives me money and tries to buy me things. She wants me to buy clothes. But it’s too late. I am very conscious of investing for the future, and shopping for clothes and makeup has negative associations for me.
Those children starving in Africa just need to watch this video. Problem solved!
We are taught that "the love of money is the root of all evil", and "money doesn't buy happiness", and "money doesn't grow on trees", and now the elites are just straight up telling us "you will own nothing and be happy".
Money can't buy happiness but it can buy a trauma therapist 😔
@@duetopersonalreasonsaaaaaa It can also buy a heck of a lot of happiness...
@@rogerclark3 it can buy items that can give you short term happiness as well as give you food/home stability which gives you peace of mind, on top of it being able to buy the services of a psychologist :)
"money doesn't buy happiness" is probably one of the most damaging nonsense mantras of our western world.
It's simply a justification for extremely rich people to hoard so much money that other parts of society have to suffer a life in poverty.
from my mother I knew we didn't have much money, thou my mum worked a full time job. From her I learn that freedom came from economical independence, never make your freedom dependent on a man's money. Still now I don't understand how a 'wife' can live without panic attacks for depending on someone else's good will. Now at 60+, I think my mum was right, got my money, my home, my boy friend & friends, don't care so much about money but money let me have the life I want.
60 +, has boy friend.
The money trauma has its own perpetuality. I am really afraid of pilfering money because my one of relatives was supremely suffered due to stealing money. So I never wanted to steal money even at the young age.
Great examples1 Growing up I realized the difference b/t frugality, budget and hoarding are not the same !
It seems like a conflation of guilt between the love of keeping money and the act of stealing.
Financial therapist?!!!!!!
Dang perfect mate
My Mom,told me don't do credit cards. if you can't pay cash for what you want,you don't get it.
Then my Grandmother said there were 3 people she never trusted. Drs. Lawyers n Banks. wow!
0:15 WHY. IS. THIS. ART. STYLE. A. THING.
Only thing my baby boomer parents ever said to me about money was, "that's not your business." Every time I asked about it I was treated like I was trying to steal. I've never had any kind of healthy relationship with money.
To children, money is nothing but a source of buying eatables, which leads to possessing things as they grow older. Nowadays, children are very smart and they are aware of the value of money no matter how hard you try not to make them have knowledge of currency. When I tried not to expose my children to money, I used to buy them things without giving them any money at all, and for school, they would have things to eat rather than buying them by themselves. While with my second son, I familiarised him with money sooner, and now he demands money more than the former. It is up to the parents how they want to bring up their offspring. The environment does matter too...
That's fine but don't let him get trauma from it as you teaches him to learn from his mistakes.
@@daveangeloobico7456 Learning from mistakes is not trauma -- the way of life to teach something...
When I read rich/poor daddy. It OPENED my eyes. Even TODAY, money seems like a taboo subject from grade school, and remains an obscure subject even in High Schools. Money should be a MANDATORY subject like English & Math - if a kid starts to put away some money as early as a 5 year old, we will eliminate poverty in ONE Century.