Man you're a great person Behind the mask you used to use in your past you always been this great soul. As you show us now. We can recognize a authentic self here and a true man on you. It's is impressive what you pass through and you are here now sharing with us your process, helping us and yourself, actually this show your soul is really divine, and i meant it
Dude!! How awesome was that! So happy to see you so happy and hopeful. This was beautiful and your guest was a REAL therapist of the best possible kind - competent and compassionate. What a fantastic discussion!
I'm really glad you think so! I think it's so awesome that I've been collecting interviews with real proffesionals so my channel can be an all encompassing resource
Using mentalisation therapy to treat NPD sounds like it would make a lot of sense. I also believe that mentalisation based therapy can be incredibly helpful to many autistic people.
This is been pretty fascinating! Good on you for getting this interview. Thank you!! Have a lot of notes!! I will watch it all the way through again and comment if I have any thoughts. I just need to say that it is the other survivors on TT and TH-cam that I credit for getting me out of my relationship quicker and for understanding what I was living through. I realized I wasn't alone and not crazy!! I think that content is incredibly valuable to those that are suffering and feeling alone and confused seeking answers. I however do not stand behind all the "life coaches" charging for 1:1 and I think there will possibly be some liability issues down the road. They seem to want to keep people in this cycle of victimhood and not move them past it... and I guarantee (I know) some of them are narcs masquerading as survivors 😏 But that's a whole rant for another time. But I will say I've gone through about seven counselors and therapists and a lot of them don't fully understand narcissistic abuse or CPTSD, and until they do people will be seeking help on social media.
thank you! And I agree, I think those people can have their place in helping leave the relationship, but learning and healing doesn't end there. I think it ends with eventually leaving narcissism behind
@@Thenamelessnarcissist Yes!🎯 I can't wait for the day when I can go weeks, then months etc. without hearing the word narcissist. I'm thinking I need to delete and restart all my social media accounts because it's just part of my algorithm, and then one looks interesting so I watch them. And I'm sure because the phones are always listening it will try to creep back in. I have to go no contact with Narcissist content!! 😂 That's the next and final step!!
After watching more compassionate and specialist views on narcissism, I have realised I have NPD. I have become so vulnerable that I tend to avoid people. The grandiosity is rare but I'm also very aware of it, I notice it, and put it down. But after interactions with people, which I enjoy in the moment, just trigger the most relentless inner critic. I spend a lot of time wishing and hoping that I die of a tragic incident or a terminal illness. Something to take the misery away. I imagine that I'm probably healing but could do with some therapy without having to go get a diagnosis. I can't bear the UK mental health service at the moment. I'm not likely to get help because I'm not suicidal. Unfortunately in the Uk, you have to attempt suicide to be taken seriously. Or, pay for therapy, which is probably the best option. But finding specialists in narcissistic injuries.... not easy!
@@Thenamelessnarcissist You're knocking it out of the park with your wonderful expert guests! Your channel is for the Intelligent Narcissists and their Intelligent victims! 😂😂😂
Integration is it like this grandiosity I am so smart all the time vulnerability I am so stupid all the time. Integration I am smart sometime and I am sometimes stupid. Did I understand this?
I'm fascinated by how often the mental health/ medical community has to backtrack after 'demonizing' entire populations of humans who are seeking help.
I wnated to try this years ago & was told that i mentalize fine so i dont need it, idk why because I have bpd. As look more into it i definitely would benifit.
i just came here in the hope there was a therapie now against mentalizing 😄mentalizing is really the enemy of the self. what the hell do i get wrong about this
I have my doubts about these theories. Sometimes I think the problem is much simpler. Maybe what's going on is that: some of us are so immature and developmentally different from the general population that we just naturally (and accurately) feel we are different. Once a social mammal feels it is different from the mainstream pack, I think there's a whole cluster of natural mental states and behaviors that flow from that. Likewise, when we perceive someone ELSE as being grossly departed from the mainstream, the pack falls into a predictable cluster of natural attitudes and behaviors (of mistrust and even hostility against the "outsider" or "deviant"). Because the NPD starts to (accurately) assess the danger of being exposed, he knows this will bring serious social problems, so this just ups the anxiety, which just intensifies certain natural delusions that flow from being in a crisis of non-belonging. Maybe we'll never unpack all the elements of the process, but I think NPD is a natural cluster of mental states & behaviors that naturally flow from not being connected to others... and the "not being connected" flows from an OBJECTIVE aberration in our maturity and mental development. I'm not buying that we just "feel" different. I think there's an objective set of immaturities and developmental deficiencies that justify the crisis of non-belonging, and the urgency of trying to simulate (and all the extra stress and revving up that goes along with having to simulate a belonging, when in fact there is an incomplete or defective belonging). I don't see how just working out issues with a therapist will change the bottom line crisis of being objectively different, and objectively not belonging. I do think there's hope, but I totally disagree that it's just a question of sorting out a set of traumas. I think the challenge is much more daunting and difficult. We have to start with realizing we have objective developmental differences, and that this will cause unease in others, and then we have to be super creative and realistic about how we can have a "belonging" role in society despite those differences. In the end, we will never belong -- as normies belong w other normies. That's impossible. But, with creativity, we can learn to occupy a realistic role with others, where we're not simulating or pretending, but where we are interacting in a fair and good faith manner. Personally, I think most psychologists are deluded in fantasy theories that only reinforce their fantasy that we can just sort out a tangle of child abuse and emerge as essentially normal.
So it's a crisis of difference rather than a crisis of trauma? By this explanation, people with NPD are essentially racing against time. There is always a risk that at some point down the line that they will be 'exposed' or that the anxiety and/or depression that arises from the pressure of having to maintain this 'act' becomes too much to bear. If not, that means they have bridged the gap sufficiently enough to avoid these dilemmas and having to reckon with their disorder.
@@lamentate07 -- yes, I believe it's something like that. Granted, NPDs aren't the only people who experience "difference." I've noticed lots people people who are even more different than me... but, in many cases, people ACCEPT their differences, get over the "crisis," and learn to occupy their place and interact with the mainstream. So maybe the problem with NPDs is getting stuck with the discomfort of ACCEPTANCE & what it would mean to settling into a place that isn't a full belonging human experience. Again, lots of people fall short of full belonging, but they somehow are able to accept and move one. To me, the NPD is stuck in the crisis of acceptance, and all kinds of problematic mental issues & behaviors flow from that limbo. Just like dogs instinctively try to walk into traffic when they're sick, I believe that, when humans don't pass through the crisis and find their true place in the world, it's also natural to get into very strange destructive behaviors and mental states. If I were to propose a therapy for NPD, I'd propose finding a mediocre *less than ideal* place in the world, and then working over a long time to occupy that place in a good faith manner --- without trying to pretend to be anything more.
@@pdquestions7673 The discomfort arises from the inability to properly integrate their internal processes and the gulf between self and other, but it's a chicken or egg situation. Perhaps the crisis of difference is the effect rather than the cause? Nonetheless, I agree that delving into childhood trauma can be a complete waste of time for various reasons and often leads to half hallucinated theories upon which questionable solutions/treatments are based.
@@lamentate07 -- no, nothing fancy about "integration" or anything too theoretical. Just simple human feelings of realizing you don't have full belonging. That, by itself, produces a natural crisis. I think what separates NPDs from other people who also suffer the "crisis of nonbelonging" is how they deal with it. Lots of people are nerds or dorks, or just misfits, but - over time - they just get over the crisis and find a way to adapt into the word, at their level, knowing they don't have 100% belonging. NPDs are just stuck in the negative feelings about not 100% belonging, and from there, instead of getting over it, they (we) construct a fantasy that they SUPER belong. To them, it's soothing. But to others it's just cringe, or maybe some people buy it but eventually see how false it is. I don't think it's more complicated than that. But I do think it's important, for any young person who's not naturally popular and highly belonging, to have the guts to get over the crisis of not fully belonging & just to see the wisdom of finding a "lesser place" in the world. In the end, belonging at some intermediate mediocre level is way way better than assuming a fantasy of belonging & imposing it on others.
@@pdquestions7673 Agree regarding difference. I have mostly different interests and ideas to others, but I have learned how to come to terms with it, even if I have days where it can get to me. You are right. This is a process, but eventually the individuals in question have to adapt or wither. The problem with narcissists is their 'choices' are maladaptive and generally unsustainable. You cannot remain in conflict mode forever. Doesn't research show that narcissists often make a good initial impression but eventually that tends to wear off? Vaknin once referred to a study that supposedly demonstrated that people feel uneasy around people with NPD, but they aren't sure why. These people were not aware they were in company with narcissists either. To me this hints at the inability to 'fake' for extended periods of time. I think in women especially, these problems are often just viewed as 'eccentricity'. That's how I saw a woman I was recently 'involved' with, but over time I realised it was something much deeper and more troubling.
Man you're a great person
Behind the mask you used to use in your past you always been this great soul. As you show us now. We can recognize a authentic self here and a true man on you. It's is impressive what you pass through and you are here now sharing with us your process, helping us and yourself, actually this show your soul is really divine, and i meant it
Damn.. thank you so much. Comments like this always take me off guard haha have a good one!
You’re getting all the big names now… hope you don’t forget the little guys 😉. Great interview from you and Anthony!
LOL don’t worry you can’t get rid of me that easily!!
Eye-opening interview. Got me a bit emotional too, as it made me look differently at my father (who's a narcissist): with more compassion.
I'm glad!! that is my purpose, we hurt people but the only way for all to heal is with compassion
Dude!! How awesome was that! So happy to see you so happy and hopeful. This was beautiful and your guest was a REAL therapist of the best possible kind - competent and compassionate. What a fantastic discussion!
I'm really glad you think so! I think it's so awesome that I've been collecting interviews with real proffesionals so my channel can be an all encompassing resource
@@Thenamelessnarcissist Absolutely! You're creating a unique source of vital information. It's honestly priceless.
Using mentalisation therapy to treat NPD sounds like it would make a lot of sense. I also believe that mentalisation based therapy can be incredibly helpful to many autistic people.
I agree.
I think for all PD's too, especially since we struggle with self awareness and recognizing the feelings of others
That is so funny how you primp with your hair. My narc x when he was younger would do this. Now he is concerned about how his dentures look. Lol
LOL you just made me so worried hahaha
@@Thenamelessnarcissist lol. You are still young enough to have teeth.
This is been pretty fascinating! Good on you for getting this interview. Thank you!! Have a lot of notes!! I will watch it all the way through again and comment if I have any thoughts. I just need to say that it is the other survivors on TT and TH-cam that I credit for getting me out of my relationship quicker and for understanding what I was living through. I realized I wasn't alone and not crazy!! I think that content is incredibly valuable to those that are suffering and feeling alone and confused seeking answers. I however do not stand behind all the "life coaches" charging for 1:1 and I think there will possibly be some liability issues down the road. They seem to want to keep people in this cycle of victimhood and not move them past it... and I guarantee (I know) some of them are narcs masquerading as survivors 😏 But that's a whole rant for another time. But I will say I've gone through about seven counselors and therapists and a lot of them don't fully understand narcissistic abuse or CPTSD, and until they do people will be seeking help on social media.
thank you! And I agree, I think those people can have their place in helping leave the relationship, but learning and healing doesn't end there. I think it ends with eventually leaving narcissism behind
@@Thenamelessnarcissist Yes!🎯 I can't wait for the day when I can go weeks, then months etc. without hearing the word narcissist. I'm thinking I need to delete and restart all my social media accounts because it's just part of my algorithm, and then one looks interesting so I watch them. And I'm sure because the phones are always listening it will try to creep back in. I have to go no contact with Narcissist content!! 😂 That's the next and final step!!
@@GoinRogue LOL no contact with narcissism content. I may steal that hahaha
@@Thenamelessnarcissist 😂 thought I'd make a TT about it!
“Some of my colleagues work on stalking”. Quite the confession….
Wow, you keep getting the absolute best experts on to interview! I’m so excited to watch this.
Thank you!
Good interview. Good questions. I liked that you let him talk. It's funny & insightful.
After watching more compassionate and specialist views on narcissism, I have realised I have NPD. I have become so vulnerable that I tend to avoid people. The grandiosity is rare but I'm also very aware of it, I notice it, and put it down. But after interactions with people, which I enjoy in the moment, just trigger the most relentless inner critic. I spend a lot of time wishing and hoping that I die of a tragic incident or a terminal illness. Something to take the misery away. I imagine that I'm probably healing but could do with some therapy without having to go get a diagnosis. I can't bear the UK mental health service at the moment. I'm not likely to get help because I'm not suicidal. Unfortunately in the Uk, you have to attempt suicide to be taken seriously. Or, pay for therapy, which is probably the best option. But finding specialists in narcissistic injuries.... not easy!
This is awesome. Thank you both.
Thank you very much for such a brilliant discussion 🙏
Of course!
Great video Jacob!
Thank you!!!!
FANTASTIC interview!!! Thank you! 👏🏼🔥
I'm glad you enjoyed! I'm proud of it!
@@Thenamelessnarcissist You're knocking it out of the park with your wonderful expert guests! Your channel is for the Intelligent Narcissists and their Intelligent victims! 😂😂😂
I wonder where I personally have been self seeking and selfish to the detriment of others. I tend to wish some other people had that courage.
I appreciate the integration dialogue. I believe it is more desirable than choosing gradiosity over vulnerable or vice versa.
Integration is it like this grandiosity I am so smart all the time vulnerability I am so stupid all the time. Integration I am smart sometime and I am sometimes stupid. Did I understand this?
I agree!!
And I think so, viewing yourself in more grey terms
@@Thenamelessnarcissist ok awesome.
you are enough! You are important! God is for you!
I'm fascinated by how often the mental health/ medical community has to backtrack after 'demonizing' entire populations of humans who are seeking help.
I’ve been interested in MBT for quite a while, and this was super helpful! He explains things in a really succinct manner.
Honestly I really wanna try it!
This is amazing I actually think MBT could help autism as we have issues mentalising .❤
I wnated to try this years ago & was told that i mentalize fine so i dont need it, idk why because I have bpd. As look more into it i definitely would benifit.
i just came here in the hope there was a therapie now against mentalizing 😄mentalizing is really the enemy of the self. what the hell do i get wrong about this
Great!
Brilliant.
Has anyone used this form of therapy on their disorder, and has it helped?
Why does it look like they’re speaking different languages? 😂
UCL Alumni's in da House!
LOL
Jackob, check if you have Dismissive Avoidant type?
My husband has this kind of NPD
Yes I do, most narcissists do actually
I have my doubts about these theories. Sometimes I think the problem is much simpler. Maybe what's going on is that: some of us are so immature and developmentally different from the general population that we just naturally (and accurately) feel we are different. Once a social mammal feels it is different from the mainstream pack, I think there's a whole cluster of natural mental states and behaviors that flow from that. Likewise, when we perceive someone ELSE as being grossly departed from the mainstream, the pack falls into a predictable cluster of natural attitudes and behaviors (of mistrust and even hostility against the "outsider" or "deviant"). Because the NPD starts to (accurately) assess the danger of being exposed, he knows this will bring serious social problems, so this just ups the anxiety, which just intensifies certain natural delusions that flow from being in a crisis of non-belonging. Maybe we'll never unpack all the elements of the process, but I think NPD is a natural cluster of mental states & behaviors that naturally flow from not being connected to others... and the "not being connected" flows from an OBJECTIVE aberration in our maturity and mental development. I'm not buying that we just "feel" different. I think there's an objective set of immaturities and developmental deficiencies that justify the crisis of non-belonging, and the urgency of trying to simulate (and all the extra stress and revving up that goes along with having to simulate a belonging, when in fact there is an incomplete or defective belonging). I don't see how just working out issues with a therapist will change the bottom line crisis of being objectively different, and objectively not belonging. I do think there's hope, but I totally disagree that it's just a question of sorting out a set of traumas. I think the challenge is much more daunting and difficult. We have to start with realizing we have objective developmental differences, and that this will cause unease in others, and then we have to be super creative and realistic about how we can have a "belonging" role in society despite those differences. In the end, we will never belong -- as normies belong w other normies. That's impossible. But, with creativity, we can learn to occupy a realistic role with others, where we're not simulating or pretending, but where we are interacting in a fair and good faith manner. Personally, I think most psychologists are deluded in fantasy theories that only reinforce their fantasy that we can just sort out a tangle of child abuse and emerge as essentially normal.
So it's a crisis of difference rather than a crisis of trauma? By this explanation, people with NPD are essentially racing against time. There is always a risk that at some point down the line that they will be 'exposed' or that the anxiety and/or depression that arises from the pressure of having to maintain this 'act' becomes too much to bear. If not, that means they have bridged the gap sufficiently enough to avoid these dilemmas and having to reckon with their disorder.
@@lamentate07 -- yes, I believe it's something like that. Granted, NPDs aren't the only people who experience "difference." I've noticed lots people people who are even more different than me... but, in many cases, people ACCEPT their differences, get over the "crisis," and learn to occupy their place and interact with the mainstream. So maybe the problem with NPDs is getting stuck with the discomfort of ACCEPTANCE & what it would mean to settling into a place that isn't a full belonging human experience. Again, lots of people fall short of full belonging, but they somehow are able to accept and move one. To me, the NPD is stuck in the crisis of acceptance, and all kinds of problematic mental issues & behaviors flow from that limbo. Just like dogs instinctively try to walk into traffic when they're sick, I believe that, when humans don't pass through the crisis and find their true place in the world, it's also natural to get into very strange destructive behaviors and mental states. If I were to propose a therapy for NPD, I'd propose finding a mediocre *less than ideal* place in the world, and then working over a long time to occupy that place in a good faith manner --- without trying to pretend to be anything more.
@@pdquestions7673 The discomfort arises from the inability to properly integrate their internal processes and the gulf between self and other, but it's a chicken or egg situation. Perhaps the crisis of difference is the effect rather than the cause?
Nonetheless, I agree that delving into childhood trauma can be a complete waste of time for various reasons and often leads to half hallucinated theories upon which questionable solutions/treatments are based.
@@lamentate07 -- no, nothing fancy about "integration" or anything too theoretical. Just simple human feelings of realizing you don't have full belonging. That, by itself, produces a natural crisis. I think what separates NPDs from other people who also suffer the "crisis of nonbelonging" is how they deal with it. Lots of people are nerds or dorks, or just misfits, but - over time - they just get over the crisis and find a way to adapt into the word, at their level, knowing they don't have 100% belonging. NPDs are just stuck in the negative feelings about not 100% belonging, and from there, instead of getting over it, they (we) construct a fantasy that they SUPER belong. To them, it's soothing. But to others it's just cringe, or maybe some people buy it but eventually see how false it is. I don't think it's more complicated than that. But I do think it's important, for any young person who's not naturally popular and highly belonging, to have the guts to get over the crisis of not fully belonging & just to see the wisdom of finding a "lesser place" in the world. In the end, belonging at some intermediate mediocre level is way way better than assuming a fantasy of belonging & imposing it on others.
@@pdquestions7673 Agree regarding difference. I have mostly different interests and ideas to others, but I have learned how to come to terms with it, even if I have days where it can get to me. You are right. This is a process, but eventually the individuals in question have to adapt or wither. The problem with narcissists is their 'choices' are maladaptive and generally unsustainable. You cannot remain in conflict mode forever.
Doesn't research show that narcissists often make a good initial impression but eventually that tends to wear off? Vaknin once referred to a study that supposedly demonstrated that people feel uneasy around people with NPD, but they aren't sure why. These people were not aware they were in company with narcissists either.
To me this hints at the inability to 'fake' for extended periods of time.
I think in women especially, these problems are often just viewed as 'eccentricity'. That's how I saw a woman I was recently 'involved' with, but over time I realised it was something much deeper and more troubling.
🧐 00:36 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂