😱Will this cause *more* intrusive qestions to disabled people?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 ต.ค. 2023
- My Thoughts on the "Ask Dont Assume" Campaign #AskDontAssume, created by disability organisations and activists. How do you feel about it? Also I thought you may be interested to come along for a wheelchair day in the life style vlog. So far Bindi is recovering well, and we are waiting for the results for the biopsy.
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I’m Gem, and after my spinal cord injury at the age of 9, • ♿️HEART SURGERY PARALY... my life has taken me on many twists and turns, and finally led me to combine my passions of media and disability advocacy, et voila! Wheelsnoheels was born.
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What do you think about the Ask Dont Assume campaign? Something I found very interesting was the “Just ask dont grab” campaign by Dr Amy Kavanah, which is really worth a read. Im shocked they weren’t consumed in the government backed Ask dont assume campaign. Read more here: x.com/blondehistorian/status/1706721199256899804?s=46&t=HV_Ggtl-uXIyT7vzWKinjA
As a wheelchair user, all I want from other people is "Do not make my day harder", do not block aisles, do not ram me with your shopping cart
Omg yesss I just don't want people to act like I'm invisible and cut me off, etc thats more frustrating than asked questions imo
@@peachxtaehyungIKR! At least I know it's not just me or the type people in my area. I'm like "I don't want to be treated special, but at least treat me as you would someone standing on 2 legs , not like I'm invisible and bang your cart into me. I know accidents happen sometimes but they don't even apologize or say oh excuse me etc. I get so humiliated.
@@silverbells5141 yeah like at least apologize don't just pretend you didn't see or feel bumping into me!!
I'm deaf and years ago I had a lady ram her shopping cart into mine. She was behind me while I was off to the side, out of the way, looking at something. Apparently she was trying to get my attention, and since I couldn't see or hear her, I had no clue she was there. She got mad and proceeded to ram her cart into mine. Scared the absolute crap out of me.
I dont mind people opening doors for me but pushing me without asking is maddening. Even my family does this.
100% pushing without consent, whoever it is is just soooo personal and such a big no no
I actually kind of do mind them opening the door without asking. They nearly always do so from an angle that makes it nearly impossible for me to avoid rolling right over their feet and I end up getting stuck trying to avoid that. Unless you're completely clear of the doorway, holding it standing partly in the doorway is harder than me just opening it myself.
@@pjaypender1009or when they rip the door out of your hand to “help” and they just sublux your shoulder or cause a sprain.
@pjaypender1009 yes, I am on crutches, but I feel the same. People tend to stand in the doorway and I then have to turn and walk sideways over the threshold and try not to trip. I have gotten to the point where I tell them that if they insist on hding the door, they need to do it right, by walking out, and holding it open and stand behind the door. Otherwise, I would rather they let me do it myself.
@pjaypender1009 Agree! I know most people mean well, but sometimes it just makes it more difficult.
I was wheeling through a shopping centre with a tray of takeaway drinks on my lap. A lady stopped me and asked if I needed help, I replied ‘no thank you I am fine’. When I started off again she followed me telling me how dangerous having those on my lap was. I assured her I was fine and then she tried to take them off my lap. I told her she was making the situation dangerous, not me with my drinks. She still wouldn’t take no for an answer and tried to grab my handles to push me. I ended up having to go around in circles to stop her while yelling at her to leave me alone.
People need to learn to take no for an answer instead of getting the saviour complex.
YES! I had a guy in a grocery store come up to me as I was pushing the cart of groceries to the checkout. I was literally 10 feet from the checkout. He asked if he could help me, and I told him no, thanks. I'm done and ready to check out. He would not take no for an answer. He said oh, I know you're just being polite, let me help you.. etc. It finally got to the point where I got rude and told him to back off and leave me alone.
I carry a small personal alarm just for these people
@@TheMazinoz😂
@@TheMazinozhahaha so do I.. they called nunchucks 😂 best weapon you can learn in a wheelchair..they keep you're arms strong 💪 and they are deadly
@@lukebatchelor4178 Given the weights I've seen Gem lift I believe you. There should be martial arts training in Australia for WC and cane or rollator users. I've had to repeatedly argue with people wanting to put my MOBILITY two wheels elec scooter 🛵 in THEIR car. Complete strangers. Eh, NO THANKS!
As a wheelchair user via childhood abuse, it's a no brainer when an employee using a wheelchair may need assistance, I get more seniors asking me if I need help, others ignore me like the plague, ask before you push my chair, all stores and businesses need more adaptive equipment, aisles need to be kept clear and wider, I've had times that the door at a shop wasn't working or very heavy, and literally waiting for someone to kindly hold the door open, I have CPTSD, so approach others is not always an option, stop parking in disabled spots just because it's convenient, people need more empathy
Just a gentle reminder that not all disabilities are visible. Please judge lightly when you see someone in a disability parking spot that are not wheel chair bound. Same goes for disability accessible bathroom stalls. ❤
You said all that needs to be said, and you did it well. I'm in the US, and you guys are miles ahead of us when it comes to accessibility. Although both yours and the US are far ahead compared to other countries when it comes to accessibility. We just have to keep working for accessibility for all people.
The one thing I like all the time, without anyone asking, is when people hold and open doors for me, but in an accessible world, doors would open automatically.
My one big pet peeves are restrooms that have the accessible sign on the door, but I can't open the door. In many cases, standing people have to use their shoulders to shove them open, and oftentimes, there have been employee texting on their breaks.
I try to keep in mind that I have not always used a wheelchair and Itoo overcompensated, trying to be helpful to others. Yes, it gets annoying sometimes. Yes, I just want to get on with my day. And yes, I don't feel like educating people all the time, but I'd much rather have people ask.
I have permission to say that I need to get on with my shopping and not respond to their "none of your business" questions.
Love your show! Thanks to your whole family. ❤
You should come and see my town it's awful. I've complained to the council so many times over the years but I get no reply. They just really don't care about accessibility.
the other night i went to an organised party i'm and ambulatory wheelchair user and use crutches when i need to. I got up with a group of friends so if i lost balance people were there to help me i left my crutches on the side..At the end of the night i limped to my wheelchair relying heavily on my crutches in agony and security said oh we saw you dancing you dont really need that chair........ I have EDS3 fibromyalgia and pots. it angers me that people who know nothing about you then form a judgement of you when you push yourself to do somthing despite the knowledge of the fallout we all know is a thing! people need educating on disability.......
Yes! I have EDS & POTS and people make assumptions all the time. You are right education is the most needed thing. Isn't it frustrating that the world still doesn't understand the mechanics of our conditions? I hope someone makes a chart and makes it viral. Wouldn't be that complicated really
I only appreciate being asked if I am visibly struggling. Not if I'm just shopping or whatever, just like everyone else is doing.
This exactly. If I needed help, I would seek out help. I don't need help just because I'm disabled, and doing something "for me" without even asking if/what I need isn't helpful at all. Most people who are "just trying to help" actually make things much more difficult for me as I then need to correct their mistakes whilst being mindful of their feelings, all as I try to do what I was doing just fine on my own before they so kindly stuck their nose where it didn't belong.
@@mydogeatspukeand I think sometimes we might liok like we are struggling to them, when we aren't. I feel like I walk pretty smooth, but I've seen myself on video and I do look awkward. But to me it feels normal..
@@tamicoil7069 I'm not talking about when it looks like I'm struggling. Obviously if it looks like I'm struggling then ask if I need help. That's normal. I can say no if I'm fine. I meant, like I said, just because I'm disabled. Being in a wheelchair doesn't automatically mean that I am incapable of existing. I can be completely minding my own business, not doing anything at all, and have people ask if I need help and then just start doing something "for me" without even waiting for me to respond, as if they just know what I need and are the only ones who can provide it, and they're saving my day by doing it. It just makes things more difficult for me. Like with the pushing chairs that people talk about, which I thankfully haven't experienced as I use a power chair with electric brakes that doesn't move without my say so, some people just assume that they're helping because they're able bodied and you're not, and that's not how it works. You obviously recognise that you look to be struggling, and I'm not sure how you expect total strangers to know that you're not given they can't read your mind. There's nothing wrong with asking if you need a hand in that situation, and it's unreasonable to be annoyed by it because you have information they don't. Tolerance works both ways.
@@tamicoil7069This sure seems to differ from person-to-person. A friend of mine says she always appreciates when people ask. Better than no one willing to help when she does need help.
I mentioned this on the pet peeves video, but it was reiterated a couple weeks ago at the airport - I was back in my chair after getting off the plane, and had already told the flight crew and airline employees who were at the end of the jetbridge that I didn't need any help as I was putting my chair back together. Well, my smartdrive was taking a little longer to respond than normal, and someone (pretty sure it was the passenger assistance team person) just grabbed my push handles - which, to be clear, were folded down, so they absolutely weren't inviting anyone to grab them - and, without even a warning (let alone permission), tried to start pushing me up the jetbridge. I clamped down hard on my push rims, but my tires were bald so I couldn't entirely stop my chair from moving. It took quite a bit of back and forth with him, including him making at least 2 more attempts to push me, and me throwing on my brakes as best I could (one was broken, so that didn't do much), before I got through to him that what he was trying to do was unacceptable. To complicate matters further, the caster is held on with nothing but some gorilla tape, so (to anyone who's like "but he was just trying to help") it actually would have been extremely dangerous for him to try to push me up the jetbridge, because it doesn't take much at all for my caster to buckle under, and when it does, it nearly throws me out of my chair, and hard. "No" means "no" - I don't know why people think it doesn't. I wish I could remember which airport it was that that happened at so that I could report it and get them to do more training with their PAT members, because it's the equivalent of grabbing someone's shoulders and pushing them.
Had a highly amusing moment the other day at the shops when a woman with a walking stick dropped something. I was the closest person, so I bent down and picked it up for her. She was very thankful but you could hear everyone else's shock that 😮 the person 😮 IN THE WHEELCHAIR 😮 had done that. The woman and I both started laughing and rolled our eyes at each other 😂
Very funny, but also annoying in the assumptions it unearthed. I have no doubt the woman with the stick could have helped me reach something too, but often people just see the aids and limitations 😢
It's easier to throw a hashtag on a short phrase rather than have a campaign called "Mind your dang business and respect others' personal space, while tactfully offering help in appropriate situations."😅At least it's started an important discussion about these nuances!
I've asked elderly people if they need help putting their groceries on the belt to check out. Most of them are really appreciative, one even tried to give me a dollar. As I'm kinda short, 5'3, many taller customers have helped me get items off the upper shelves. It's all being kind to one another
But thank you for asking because I generally say no. Please don't get angry or belligerent when someone does.
I need to put things in a way that it's easiest for me to unload it at home where you won't be there to help me.
I feel the whole "asking " thing comes down to common sense. I was in a public bathroom, and I was washing my hands, and a lady approached me and asked "do you need some help?" I'm sure I gave her a very confused look, responding "with what?" I'm sure she was embarrassed, but to her credit she apologized.
I will do that too, give them a confused look and a "with what?" question. I get this a lot when I'm getting in and out of my car. And I'm sitting there thinking " gee, don't you think I would have a car that I am driving, that I can get in and out of?" I guess people don't think logically.
You raise an excellent point about this campaign in general. It's not a bad thing, but it's just cheap, feel-good set-dressing which tries to give the impression that the government cares about disabled people without having to seriously invest in more useful things like NHS wheelchair services, occupational therapy, and social care, or take the time to close off loopholes in our completely toothless 'reasonable adjustment' access laws.
I can relate to your husband's comment about 'seeing the top of your head" while in the store. I'm 6 foot 2 inches, so when I could still walk it was easy for my wife to find me in the store because my head was taller than the display shelves. When I started using a wheel chair my wife complained that she no longer could locate me in stores. I added an orange bicycle flag to my wheelchair chair that is 6 foot 6 inches tall from the floor. She can find me again and I'm also more visible to cars when I'm in a parking lot. Drivers don't expect to see someone in a wheelchair so it is easy for them to look right at you but not see you. A tall international orange pole and flag make it a lot harder for drivers to over look my wheelchair.
I think I told this story before, but it seems apt here. I was coming back to work from lunch and was chatting with a co-worker who was also headed back in to work. On our way in, there was a man headed out who stopped and said. "Why aren't you pushing her?" My co-worker and I exchanged a look of puzzlement. "I don't need to be pushed," she declared. Meanwhile I said, "If she wanted to be pushed she would've asked." Then she said: "I was out taking a walk for exercise."
This wasn't the first time I had heard a person with some kind of disability say something like this. I worked with some deaf ladies who would say "I heard that" in sign and my wife, who was visually impaired (she preferred blind) and a couple of her friends from the Blind School who were "totals" say "I see that" or "I saw that" and other vision referred sayings.
We actually had to educate a friend who was so afraid of being offensive react like they'd take it bad if there was any word related to vision. For over 3 years we had a former friend of my wife who was totally blind say in front of him "I was watching TV."
I swear there were times I wanted to "Gibbs slap" him by being insensitively over sensitive.
Yep to all of that. My friend got yelled at by some random a few years ago for not pushing me (when I didn't need the help), and I'm also apparently not allowed to use common phrases like "I was standing around waiting" because I'm a paraplegic
@@melissaz6778 I kid you not, Jessica and I just stared at him with gap mouths. I know because when we looked at each other, we still had them.
7:30 - 7:51 I couldn't agree more! Some able bodied people really do ask out of kindness, the way they'd ask anyone disabled or not when they're struggling. I think intent really matters, I really don't like when I see disabled people being incredibly bristly about being asked if they need help...long before I was disabled, I knew a guy back in high school who was like that-- he was in a wheelchair and was very angry with people if they accidentally said or did the wrong thing around him. He got his wheelchair stuck one time on a side walk and I stood behind him having an internal crisis about whether I should help him or not. Sure enough, someone else stepped forward and helped him instead of me and he loudly said "at least some of you are human and have compassion". It haunted me for days cause I felt so bad, but I genuinely had no idea how to act around him cause he was so quick to get offended and freak out on people. This just makes people afraid to be around us or interact with us.
I think this government campaign will just cause more issues. Like you say, 2 sides to it tho. However there are much more important things such as making government services like DWP accessible to all. At present can only contact them by phone or letter in most cases, that’s not accessible to all. GP services have taken a turn that way too as have a lot of NHS services, really think government should concentrate on the important things being accessible to all, rather than trying to fix something in such a fluffy way it won’t achieve anything!.
Good arguments Gem!! I once was pushed after saying no to the person asking if I needed help. Well they didn't get me far, because I grabbed hold of the push rims harder than they were able to push. 😂Result: chair not moving, person huffed and went away. Well.. I said no, huff away all you like hahaha. But yeah.. I get how this is left wide open. Things are also different for everyone, where one person wouldn't mind, another person will, when they get asked why are you in a wheelchair.
Ugh.. it is SO hard indeed! It is a double edged sword for sure.
I agree totally. The campaign is too open ended because it's one thing to ask if someone would like some help and another to ask something like why do you have a disability. It's great to raise awareness of some of those things individually like ask before you push someone in a wheelchair or ask before you help someone, but lumping them all together makes it less clear and therefore less effective.
I'll have to see if there's an US version of Ask Don't Assume going on because as a whèelchair user, I've had someone literally climb over me to open up the freezer door in the supermarket while I was trying to open up the freezer door to get ice cream today. I was thinking why didn't they just ask if I needed help instead of climbing over me and risking personal injury to either themselves or to me, I wouldn't have objected to them helping me if they would've just asked.
(I'm in the US) Have had something similar but they weren't trying to help. My partner was standing next to me and they literally reached over me. This has happened a couple times and it's like excuse me.
Other times I've had others watch them approach and ask; which I'm thankful for cause I do like to try to do things on my own first.
I’m in a power chair. Most people want to help with doors or giving me way. But I also like to help where I can like giving people way or if I think someone needs helps I ask them. I think it goes both ways. People with disabilities can help people too. It’s not just a us and them thing.
Recently I stuck on a curb with my wheelchair because ONE of my power assisted wheels gave up function. There was a lady commenting, what I was doing wrong with pushing me and how I should do better. I was so angry, but I told her friendly: "Oh no, that's not the case, it's because one of my power assisted wheels has no function".
She walked away without asking me, if I need help (I was still stuck!)
In my oponion: Asking - with limitations (!!!) - is okay. If I look fine, let me be on my own. Commenting on something you don't understand is just rude.
I just want to be treated like an able bodied person. If I am visibly struggling to do something, sure, ask me if I need help. Which I would hope would be done for anyone. If I am just doing normal things, don't assume I need help just because I'm disabled. And just like it's not okay for a stranger to come up and ask an able bodied person probing personal questions about their life and medical history, don't ask me those questions just because I'm disabled. Overall I think the intention is good, but as I already get asked intrusive questions by strangers, I think the vague wording is going to backfire.
I dont mind if people ask if i need help with a door or if i fall, but this campaign might just end up with people feeling like they have the right to ask after offering help. Good idea, just needed a bit more thinking behind it
Totally. I feel it puts us in a vulnerable position. They should be more education around this topic so the wider public have a better understanding of what’s appropriate and what is not. Difficult one. 😳
im trying to think of a way I can educate people more about disability in general or about MS but all I can come up with that uses my skills is making infographics and advertising images 😆 not that helpful lol
I'm a part-time chair user from the United States so not sure how much my opinion matters here. On the East Coast we're known as "kind but not nice". Kindness being actions for immediate needs, niceness being pretty words without substance.
It feels more like a badly managed PR move. It sounds nice in theory, but where's the substance? Where was the list of questions not to ask? Did they have examples of appropriate vs inappropriate? Did they rush it without thinking it all the way through? How much of it was the advocates work and how much got watered down in the pipeline?
I think the just ask don't assume campaign can work if they specify that it is to ask if we need help or not. I deal with this daily. I walk on crutches and people will just try to run up behind me and shove a door open if I'm going through a door, without saying a word, or try to crowd in front of me to get the door open. They have made me fall at different times - if i have ahold of the door, I am using it like a crutch, and if you push it out from me, i will fall.
I've also had total strangers run up to my car when they see what car I'm going to, and grab the door without saying anything. Scares the crap out of me, and I am not nice when they do it. I ask them what the hell they think they are doing. They just say, "I'm just trying to help." I then say, "Did I ask you for help? No? Then I don't need help getting into my own car.
I have also had people come up to me and ask me "What happened", I tell them I was born. (I have Spina Bifida). The other thing that really gets me is when I pull in to say a convenience store, I'm not even out of my car yet, and someone is standing there with the door wide open to the store, making it obvious that they are waiting for me. Sometimes I will just sit and wait until they get tired of standing there. They wouldn't do it if I was ablebodied. The assumption that I need help like that bugs me. I have my own way of going through a door, and most people, trying to help, just get in the way and make it harder for me.
I use a similar comment when I get asked "What happened?" I just say "genetics". I have the EDS trifecta of EDS, dysautonomia (reason I'm getting a manual chair), and MCAS (autoimmune). The number of times people say "Oh, you'll get better." ... genetics doesn't get better.
I rented a wheelchair for a week this past summer. ... And in just that time I had two men push me through a door I was having trouble opening (the chair wasn't set up well for me - can't wait for mine!). I use a chair because I'm dizzy. Having someone else push me when I'm not expecting it makes the dizzy worse.
But having people help me when I pitched out of my rental chair going over streetcar tracks in a four lane road was really needed. My new chair - whenever I finally get it - will have a "front wheel or a free wheel" that pops the front casters up like a Batec does. There's so much construction and streetcar (tram) tracks here, it's essential.
Yes, all the yes. We figure out ways to do things for ourselves because we have to, otherwise nothing would get done. If there's something I can't do, I either pay someone else to, or I ask for a quick hand from someone. The sneak door attacks drive me nuts on the rare occasion I'm on crutches for exactly the reason you describe, but everyone thinks they're just being so helpful by making everything far more difficult than it needs to be instead of just waiting or asking if they're genuinely concerned. I don't mind being asked if I need help if I'm clearly struggling. I can say no and go about my business, or realise that actually that would be great, thanks. It's certainly far more preferable than people climbing over me like I'm set dressing or shouting at me to get out of the way, because apparently my struggling is an inconvenience to them. I have had people ask if they can help when there's clearly nothing they can do though, usually when they would need to physically carry me to be of any use and they clearly don't have the physique for it. A bit of thought before bothering a stranger, even if they're disabled, would be awesome.
I am already fed up with people asking me if I want help when I'm doing everyday things. People says they "saw me struggling" when I was simply doing something in a different way. Benevolent ableism is already a huge issue with people using "but I was helping" to try and excuse infantalising, patronising and disempowering disabled people. While I'm all about raising awareness, I don't want this campaign to legitimise the problem we already have of disabled people being questioned because we do things differently.
So I took my passport photos with my sister in a white room and I wasn't best pleased but to myself I was like - "I'm not a model it's just for my likeness, stop being vain."
Comes back within a few weeks, they edit the photo to black and white and also put your face in a 50p shape (dodecagon apparently, thanks Alexa!) Which I was in hysterics about as I looked like a moody model in black and white on a 50p on one side of the passport. 😂 Waaaaaay better than I expected, so let us know if yours comes back in b+w and a hilarious 50p face! 😂 This will make sense in a few weeks, trust me! 🎉
P.s, just spotted the pride badge, might have to get myself one, what a nice idea.
P.p.s, Omg that shout of "SHAUUUUNN" is the yell of a disabled person with good news! Relateable! I call my sister Shaun funnily enough, so she's heard that from me plenty over the past few years! 😂
Last week I was sitting in my Omeo wheelchair in a public place when I was approached by a gentleman in a powered wheelchair expressing an interest in my Omeo. Thirty seconds into the conversation he asked what my “illness was”. Having been born with cerebral palsy I’ve never considered I’ve had an illness. After then telling me he had an acquired condition (MS) he said I looked very well for someone with CP. I decided it was time to find somewhere else to eat my lunch.
He was probably just trying to be friendly and lonely.
Yes, going into a store for one thing, leaving with ten…🤣
🙈🙈
As a disabled person that uses a wheelchair, I would not mind people asking if I need help. I think as human beings we are hard wired into taking care of what we percieve as vulnerable. It should come naturally.
If the Ask don't assume campaign raises awareness, well and good. I think there's a general reluctance to 'intrude' from some people, and for me, a reluctance to ask for help at times. I hate being pushed when I'm in my manual chair, but I'm so grateful to all these kind strangers who hold doors open, or move street furniture for me to pass etc.
Yes I can be hard to ask sometimes. I just hope this campaign doesn’t make people feel they can ask you intrusive questions
@@Wheelsnoheels absolutely, that's very important. Fortunately as I've grown older, I've become cheekier with my responses to those questions lol
But people hold doors open for able bodied people too. It's not about your disability. If you don't ask for help if you need it, you can't really blame anyone else for that. I would much rather be left alone like everyone else is unless I ask for help, like everyone else.
You should get a tray for your lap to transport things around 😁 I've seen that tip from another wheelchair user. He also has a small foldable crate for his lap when grocery shopping
I see both sides to this. I know how it is to get offered unwanted help and have people being “helpful” in a way that is not.
On the other hand I’m sometimes in situations where help would actually make things easier. I have a heavy wheelchair that is quite difficult for me to lift into my trunk. Eventually I hope to get an accessible van but for now I have to deal with it every time I go out. I can physically do it but it’s exhausting and a healthy person could get it moved in about 10 seconds. I tried asking for help from the first stranger to walk by but it became clear pretty quickly that some people felt pressured and didn’t want to help (totally understandable) and I realized there may be people with invisible issues like back pain that I wouldn’t want to feel pressured to help. It puts us both in an uncomfortable situation. I genuinely do want people to offer help because even if it’s mildly annoying to say no 100 times there may be a time when you or another disabled person does need/benefit from that support.
It’s not an issue that can easily be summed up one way or another with a single tag line. I think the best option is “if you see someone struggling offer help but accept if they say no” which is a terrible hashtag
Edit I just thought of a decent hashtag #OfferHelpAcceptNo
What a great way to explain the underlying issue with people not respecting others' autonomy when they say "No." That's a great hashtag, too!
I have to admit. I've been paraplegic for just over a year and still feel I can do it all and at first found ppl offering their help annoying. I have since thought on and have accepted that ppl still care regardless if you need help or not. I joke about it and call myself a spaz in the way, but behind closed doors I find it difficult. As to your opening screen. I have no bladder or bowel sensation so it's Buckaroo down there. I use intermittent catheters every few hours and my bowel doesn't work like a muscle anymore and enimas are useless. I now use a new system created by Colorplast that is similar to an enima yet you squeeze a bag of warm water up there. Changed my life! Before it, I went into the toilet in the morning and came out when it was dark. 15 to 30 mins and i'm done now. Keep doing what you're doing please. You make wheelchair life fun.
A few weeks ago, I was struggling to get my wheelchair into a bank that had a tiny bump to get in. I'm Deaf as well, though sometimes I can hear someone speak near me, but not what they say. I heard someone speak, then before I could say, "I'm Deaf, can you please repeat that", my chair shot forward, and I was in the bank. I assumed it was someone following me into the bank, but when I turned round and said "thank you" they'd gone. I think it was someone just passing. I was grateful and assumed what he'd said was offering me help. I don't mind help if it's obvious I'm struggling. But what I don't like, which has happened too many times!!! Is when I'm shopping and someone needs to get to a shelf where I'm in the way, and all of a sudden I get moved! If I wasn't in a wheelchair they would consider it rude to come up to someone and just push them out of the way! So it's no different if I'm in a wheelchair!!
This is so interesting. I live in Canada and have POTS so a mostly invisable disability for me (rarely use my mobility aids). I find people assume im fully able all the time unless i have a mobility aid so they get impatient with my brain fog, assume im selfishly taking up a chair etc..i wonder if the campaign should just say dont assume 😂
The preemptive asking though is what the problem is. “Ask don’t assume”, but also don’t assume you need to ask.
Lovely Gem! Great video as always. I do a lot of volunteering and I help with a bookshop once a week. You might not be surprised at this, but within 5 minutes of working with someone and in front of someone else, the other Volunteer said so what’s wrong with you why are you in a wheelchair? He continued to bombarding me with questions, and then said, is it something progressive? Do you have ms? I was so upset by this. I really wasn’t prepared so I sent a text message to the manager when I got home who said that this was completely unacceptable and that she would have a word with him. The next week I went in and he apologised profusely, but then made the excuse that his wife broke her ankle and was trying to get a blue badge and not succeeding, and that he just wanted to speak to someone.
I wish I had the confidence to say to people something really ridiculous like I fell out of a plane, got mauled by a tiger, eaten by a shark and spat out or used to be in the circus. Next time maybe..lol 😂
2:41 I was blown away when I went to London in 2001 - in America, it's TJ Maxx. I've always wondered why they have two different names.
OMG, your little Daisy has grown so much! She is beautiful like her Mom! (Wait, do you guys say Mum?)😂
We don’t have anything like that campaign in the uS, and with as rude as some pepkehere are I’m very glad!
I can't agree with you more!!!!!!!!!!!!!😍😍😍
Yes I agree. I still find it hard to say I'm disabled, and explain the reasons behind it and that's to family. So telling a random stranger would be very uncomfortable for me x
I think the 10 pound bonus for cold weather is a bit ridiculous considering the price of heating our homes
I had a teacher speak loudly to me ie hearing aids and then would not stop when I said I did not want or need it and she was so F ing loud that my ears hurt
I am in a wheelchair in USA, kinda new-ish to your channel, but LOVE your help and perspectives. My question is if this government campaign is based in the USA or a different area?
What rims do you have on your wheelchair Gem?
I like the look of them! Getting my first custom chair (It’s taking way too long). I’m really picky with rims because I blister easily. (EDS).
It wouldn't matter if people used the correct manners in my town because the accessibility is awful anyway and the council don't care.
Tbh I think it wasn't well thought out.
I hope your dog feels better soon. She's so cute!
Hi Gem, off topic: may I ask you what's the hight of your kitchen countertop? I remember you said you have done a compromise so that your husband can cook there, too. Would you've build it lower for your own needs alone? I'm planning my new kitchen and because I'm a part time wheelchair user and I'm really tall (1,80 cm) I struggle to find a hight to stand and sit (I should stand if I can, but often I have to sit).
High adjustable systems are so expensive!!! plan with different hights for countertops but for the sink I can only build one in.
I think. 80cm. Which is standard for lower counters I believe. But it’s defo in one for the kitchen Reno vidoes. 😀
@@WheelsnoheelsSo I should watch this vid again 😀
whether or not it causes more intrusive questions (hopefully not) don't mean we have to answer them. Though they are still aggravating as can be. Though my comments probably means nothing being from the states. But we do still get the intrusive questions and stupid comments! Sigh.
..the "me too" or recent "girl in gym filming" can backfire.. ..cases now on gyms, where guys stopped helping women, even if they ask or are in danger.. ..So, hope it doesn't backfires!
Me too didn't "backfire." Men pretending they don't understand consent isn't backfiring.
@@pjaypender1009 oh yeah? Give a look on internet, to those allmthose women who now falsely accused men, like this week the baseball player , and now descredit real accusations..
Cardboard and twigs!!🤣
I don't think it needs to be a campaign,, especially with all the other abalist stuff that the gov had been doing,, I have had people ask me intrusive questions the one that stands out is a person in Sainsbury asked what's up with my foot , I said nothing and kept buying bannofee ingredients and she just kept going, I said just sugury it's fine ,, and she kept going, like dude I'm not going to explain that I have it's my third cast from a probably failing sugury because of stroke because of heart failure while buying bannofee ingredients ,, like the cast is realised to littrally all of my medical truma
I found it amusing when you were in tk maxx you accent turned to Australian 🤭🤭
Imo i dont mind people asking about my disability because its little known and i am always trying to raise awareness for it but then again hardly anyone does so maybe thats why i have that opinion on it
Hello!
There is a mistake in the title.
+Wheelsnoheels *His Majesty's Dominion of Australia (AUS) is discussing a National Autism Strategy, but @OrionKelly has witnessed stalls in the process.* In the meantime, I've shortlisted a National (viz., USA) ID card from the Invisible Disabilities Association, as I've autistic shutdown upon surprise.
I don't know if you noticed or not gem but you have a typo in the video title!
Ooo I’m dyslexic so no I didn’t. What’s the mistake so I can correct it? 😊
@@Wheelsnoheels"qUestion" 😊! Thanks so much for your videos 🥰
What time EST in the states being live.
I’m a manual wheelchair user and the amount of people who come and start pushing or I’m opening a door and someone just comes and holds it open both not ok
Oh pushing without my consent is a 100%
I personally wouldn't mind the doors being opened, but pushing me? Nope.
I feel if you’re opening a door you have a technique and a balance and if someone does it for you it can be dangerous
Touching your chair without asking as well
Holding a door open isn't particularly problematic IMHO unless the person being "helped" is on crutches, as they are definitely using the door to balance and snatching it out from under them is asking for a fall. People hold doors open for able bodied people all the time, it's not rude at all.
As a wheelchair user, I absolutely use the door for balance as well while I'm going through it, and I've been nearly pulled out of my chair more than once because someone tried to help. If someone grabs a door while I've got my hand on it and I'm trying to get through it, I literally can't move because my balance is so precarious in that moment, and if I try, I will fall either forwards or backwards; I've also been almost launched off a curb into a parking lot that was also on a significant slope because someone pulled the door nearly out of my hand, and if she hadn't let go, I would have landed on my face in the parking lot with my chair flipped on top of me (not exaggerating - I panicked for a second because I thought she was going to keep pulling the door further open, which definitely would have sent me flying). I say (or forcefully tell, when they refuse to listen when I ask nicely) some variation of "please let go, otherwise I can't get through" - I've been nearly yanked out of my chair and nearly flipped backwards enough times that I don't hesitate to make it clear that "no means no - respect it or else". There are certain things throughout the year where I'm with a whole group of people and I make a point of being the one to hold the door for the rest of them as we go in or out, proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that just because I'm in a chair doesn't mean I'm not able to open doors (I know that doesn't apply for everyone, but it does for me, so I use it), because there were times where it seemed everyone was convinced that I wasn't able to get through a door successfully on my own (I resorted to using a different entrance to avoid it, it was that bad) - I've figured out the way that works for me that allows me to maintain my balance and keep my shoulders from getting wrecked worse than they already are, both when opening it for myself and when holding it for other people. If someone's already holding it for other people, or someone opens it before I get a hand on it, I don't mind one bit, but as soon as my hand is on it, back off, because I can't get through it if they don't - I learned that from experience, so it's not me just being stubborn.
I'm sorry; 'they don't know where all the equipment is'... for a passport photo?... what's that then, a camera??
💜💜💜💜
I think when you are determined to be as independent as you can, you may be tempted to decline help, when it is perfectly fine to accept it.
100%
And sometimes I struggle with that too. Do you? Or are you ok to accept help?
@@Wheelsnoheels With the amount of anger and hate floating around in the world, it’s nice to say thank you when someone is trying to be polite and helpful. And yes, the touching or pushing someone’s wheelchair without asking, is a no go.
But that's your own personal problem to deal with and overcome. If you need help and don't ask, that's on you. If someone offers help that you need and you refuse, that's on you. I've offered help to people who looked like they were struggling even though I'm in a wheelchair myself. It's not about being disabled, it's about being a decent person.
@@mydogeatspuke i’m not sure what you’re talking about, but I don’t have a problem. It doesn’t bother me when people help me out at all. When someone helps me, I say thank you and move on. I’m not sure what you’re talking about. My comments are not about me, it’s about some people in general. Some don’t like the help, and others are fine.
@@redsorgum so you're just making wild assumptions and judgements about theoretical strangers. Interesting. I'm sure that doesn't make you a hypocrite at all though, right? The internet is such a strange place.
I have been asked why do I need a service dog in shops I have epilepsy and atisaum
How do you feel about that? 🤍
Some people are just curious, especially as you don't see many service dogs out and about. They're not usually asking about your health so much as what the dog is trained to do, as it's quite interesting. Not that I think approaching any stranger to ask them questions uninvited is acceptable (unless it's "do you need a hand" when you're obviously struggling), but I do think it's worth remembering that the majority of people just don't realise that they're being rude or unhelpful. You can always tell them that it's none of their business, or pretend to be deaf and so didn't hear them.
An able-bodied person with no disability experience can't possibly educate themselves without asking question to disabled people. It's where and how they do it that matters. Ask us normal stuff first like our names, our hobbies ect.
Trouser Snake! Ha!
If you don't mind me asking. Do you have bladder or bowl problems. And if so do you wear diapers or underwear?
Has anyone here ever been asked personal questions by a company? I was having a problem using my credit card online account so I contacted support and was asked all kinds of personal questions about my problems once they knew I had a problem. I didn't like it, and just don't use that card online any more. I'm not sure what the rules are about that. Surely if I tell a company I have a problem then they should take my word for it, not ask a load of personal details that I can't see have anything to do with them nor with my ability to use a credit card. I did write a letter of complaint but never heard back from them.
Why would you mention that you were disabled when contacting your credit card company? What did that have to do with the problem you called about? If they were asking questions after you mentioned it because there was some relevance then it was likely due to making sure they were offering any support you may need, which is totally reasonable IMHO. Like how utility companies have priority services registers for people with disabilities who may need additional warning about planned outages or additional support in the event of a sudden change, reliant on powered devices and so only have a day of backup power etc. Not sure how any of that could apply to a credit card but none of us know what we don't know. If you just offered the information freely and there was no relevance, they may have thought you wanted to talk about it, and you not saying that you were uncomfortable with their questions and instead answering them could have further solidified that belief. No idea, wasn't there.
@@mydogeatspuke I'm not going into details here but the questioning was invasive not helpful. I couldn't use a particular service due to my difficulties which is why the questioning came up. I have a medical letter to send out which explains everything they need to know.
@@Electrowave ok, well to me, based on what you have said, they were just trying to help you with your specific needs. Perhaps they weren't very tactful about that, or you felt like it was more invasive than necessary, but people don't know what they don't know, and if you raise a subject as an issue then it's only logical that they try to explore that further with you to help it be less of an issue for you. If at any point anyone asks something you aren't comfortable answering, you can just say you're not comfortable answering.
Why is it upsetting to be asked what happened? Just say accident and move on. They asked if you need help. You said if you were a “normal” person. You are a normal person that uses a wheelchair.
I wonder if we all should be less touchy. Surely Gem, you have campaigned for people to ask if you need help, not just push you. This campaign is the government listening to you and trying to help. You already have answers ready if someone asks about your disability. I try to understand that questions about your health can be tiresome. But the people asking don't understand that. They are not trying to annoy you. Let's all try to be nice and helpful to each other, regardless of age, disability, colour or anything else.
Some people are just nosy, and it can be very intrusive or annoying, but they don't usually mean any harm by it. It's almost never actually about you at all, and it's worth trying to remember that when it happens for the umpteenth time that week. I just ignore people, or tell them no. Nothing else, just no. "Really?" is another personal favourite, followed by an eye roll. They're welcome to think I'm rude too, that doesn't upset me in the slightest and if anything will just discourage them from continuing. Physically touching a stranger or their property isn't ok, but asking questions really isn't the drama some people make it out to be. We can all choose whether to answer or not, nobody is forcing us to divulge anything by asking a stupid or inappropriate question.
I want people to ask me if I want help with something instead of just taking something out of my hands & I do not like getting pushed in my chair I did vote for you 🫶
I have to say where i live in North Wales i am asked if i need help quite frequently (especially when I’m putting my wheelchair in the car or removing it). Yes i have had the odd intrusive question about my disability but not from those offering help. The most common question is “How can you drive if you’re in a wheelchair”? I often ignore certain people because of the accusatory way the question is asked but some people are genuinely curious because of someone they know and I’m happy to explain that by choosing the right vehicle I don’t need adaptations, it’s automatic with other features that fit my needs perfectly.😊👍❤️♿️