Before I listen to the episode, I wanna drop by and give Shandy my appreciation, you are doing an amazing job while handling callers, you always try to understand them and never belittle them for their mistakes. You really help them and us by proxy. And you manage to do it while being funny and mention cute animals! All my love
I normally agree with Shandy’s advice however in this case we are making assumptions about the relationship of her “ex” and his current girlfriend. She is pining for someone who she had a brief relationship with 5 years ago because she just broke up with someone 6 months ago. She needs to works on herself and let this “ex” work out his current relationship without her interference
I love the shandies. What a lovely caller, I appreciate the detail in story telling and obviously love the in depth answers. You guys rock! This continues to be my favorite podcast ❤
I completely agree with Sharleen here that it is a morality situation. No matter how fragile his relationship with his current partner is, she doesn't deserve someone who is messaging this stuff to another woman behind her back. that is cheating and it is wrong. he needs to break it off before he can "test" whether there is anything here with the caller. Totally disagreed with Andy's approach of condoning this behavior and for minimizing the relationship just because they're young.
I like Shandy but this one hurt. Nothing good can come up from them meeting in person. This caller is a Shandy and likely knows Shandy has been critical of the view cheating is the worse thing you can do in a relationship. She was probably hoping for someone to confirm what she wants to do. She got that. this is serious emotional cheating. He needs to end it with his girlfriend or cut all ties with caller. Imagine being in the girlfriend’s shoes
I FEEL SO BAD FOR THE GF! This guy can't be trusted. As sweet as this caller was...she should tap into her empathy and character. imagine if she were in the GF's position today. How would that make her feel?
I really don't think this guy should be jumping straight into another relationship. His current relationship has been going on for 5 years, and even if it was rocky, he has likely got a lot of processing to do. Although I'm sure he has strong feelings for Elizabeth, there's a chance he is seeing her in a fonder light because he is not happy in the situation he is currently in. A few months to reflect on everything would probably be beneficial if he does end up breaking up with his girlfriend.
Imagine you are the gf and this in how you find out your bf is having an emotional affair. Charming. Caller could have remained anonymous. I question her motives for her detailed, very personal public announcement that involves many people.
Baffled by all the people calling her charming and considerate. Truly baffled. She’s not anonymous because she loves attention and sees nothing wrong with her actions. That much is very obvious.
Words cannot express how much I appreciate Sharleen's consistency in presenting an alternative perspective to what Andy says, even if Andy's take is also hers. In a world where the existence of trolls often make public figures censor themselves to a fault, Sharleen and Andy's ability to always speak with conviction (but without losing objectivity) is such a breath of fresh air!
I myself and many of my friends said the words “you don’t have to keep talking to me if you don’t want to” in our day and Andy is spot on - insecure about the nature of the conversation, looking for reassurance. BUT when men have said it to me I would always default to the “safe” answer like the caller. Because it’s easier to think they’re disinterested than have hope!
Totally agree with both of you. It’s so easy to glamorize past relationships. Very important to spend time with him and see if there’s truly anything there. My hunch is that this guy needs some time alone, free of any relationship.
This Shandy is a gem. She was so funny and lovely. It's a tough situation, and I'm glad she's so considerate. My impression is that she is this guy's Achilles and he may be just terrified of getting his heart totally shattered by her, again. So I would say that if he were to leave his girlfriend (hopefully as respectfully as possible at this point...), he really deserves her to be extra considerate of his feelings. However, if it becomes apparent that it won't work for her, she does not owe him a relationship! Just consideration and respect.
I didn’t have time to watch in full yesterday, and I’m not mad about it anymore bc I loved every second of this call, and it brought me joy yesterday & today ❤️ And I absolutely love Elizabeth and her energy and her story telling and her humor and let’s face it, I know I can’t be the only one that was impressed with her Dear Shandy book of knowledge. I mean from simultaneously saying Sharleen’s sister has 4 kids to mentioning previous episodes, to the 8 ball analogy. I mean, she has my vote for Shandy of the Month 🏆🏆🏆 And I always, of course am captivated by the absolute best couple Dear Shandy. And count me in as a vote for an update please ❤
I agree with the convo that the current gf is probably better off without this guy. But is that because he isn’t fully into her or because of his current actions and emotional immaturity and lack of integrity. I would say both are a problem and one of those problems are going to follow him into future relationships. The ramifications for current gf were discussed but the ramifications for the caller weren’t. Does she want to be with someone who would cheat? Is his current behavior indicative of what his behavior in this next relationship would be? Even if he didn’t cheat would he just be too passive and she would never really know where their relationship stands? If we feel bad for current gf are we setting the caller up to be in that same situation in a few years? I loved this caller. Don’t we want her to be in a relationship with someone as self aware and articulate as herself? If he had super strong feelings for the caller, feelings that are strong enough to withstand some of the chaos they are about to cause, he would end things with the current gf first.
It's so much more intimate when we get to actually see the caller... I understand that this is not always possible because people want to remain confidential however please put on the video of each caller wherever possible
I would agree with Andy and meet with him as soon as possible.... He has given you clear indications that he wants you as part of his future..... If you don't do it you will regret it
I think Elizabeth is confused about her new found religion. As Sharleen said, her story is a bit of a moral conundrum! I got pretty bored, to be honest! I think Elizabeth is full of herself and would definitely fit in with the Bachelor crowd. Sorry to be so sour! I feel kinda bad cuz normally I LOVE Shandy! 😬
Charming girl, but I think she feels blown up and confident given the attention from this guy. Risky choice to not be anonymous given all the context! She was quite entertaining if a bit egoist, I got the vibes of a young stand up comic rather than a Catholic psych, for better or worse.
Ooph... all I see are red flags. You don't want a guy who would carry on with you behind the back of his girlfriend like this. Because he WILL do the same to you when things get tough in your relationship (and they will) down the road. There is a VERY slim chance you two are meant to be. But it's far more likely you walked away once upon a time for a reason. And now are caught up romanticizing a past connection. He, on the other hand, is getting cold feet as he moves ever closer to marriage/deeper commitment with his GF. If he really wants to explore this with you, he should man up and break things off with her cleanly and lay out the stage for you to start a courtship that isn't problematic. Is this really the story you want to tell of how you two got together?
I loved this call! Listened to it on the podcast and came here to say so. So interesting and engaging! Great job all around! Wish everyone involved the best.
I can be less delicate than Andy and Sharleen but this girl comes off very young and self indulgent. Both times she wanted this guy she was bored and lonely and couldn’t have him. To me, she appears to be loving the drama and attention. She could talk about herself all day. She’s laughing about sending this woman an edible arrangement? Tacky. Laughing about how no other woman hurt him as much as herself? I just find it all very young and frankly selfish. I have a strong suspicion she’s going to have a long emotional affair with this guy or he eventually leaves the girlfriend, and these two don’t last anyway. The meet and greet is not going to be the productive thing Andy hopes because it’s the drama and excitement that’s really fueling this imo. The silver lining, like Andy and Sharleen said, is maybe the girlfriend will get out of a bad relationship earlier than expected. I guess that’s a happy ending? 😏
Wow I saw this differently. I saw the laughter as nervous and self deprecating. The edible arrangement was a callback to a Dear Shandy inside joke (from their recaps I think?) I think it actually takes a lot of growth to admit you hurt someone a lot and want to make amends. As she said, it wasn't her finest moment and she wasn't proud of it.
@@audreyg1357 I don’t know her. I’m just making observations about someone I see on a podcast so I recognize the limitations of that. However to me this is not about making amends. If it was, she would have reached out, made her apology, and then backed off when she found out he was in a committed relationship. She’s not doing that. She’s starting an affair with him, risking hurting him again and screwing up his plans, all while carrying on about how she’s a good Catholic girl now. It’s just all a bit hypocritical imo. And she appeared to very much enjoy dragging out this suspenseful story which again doesn’t read like someone who feels that bad about it but rather is enjoying it. Gosh I sound super judgmental. I was her age once and played games like this too so who am I to cast stones? 😬 This is just the realist in me now calling out what I see.
God there was another moment where she laughed and I was like "is that nervous laughter or evil laughter?" lol I wish I could remember where it was because it was a completely inappropriate time to laugh. I agree with you, I think she's very self indulgent and she probably hasn't told him about celibacy to keep stringing him along or else he'd stop talking to her because we all know that's what he's looking for.
Sharleen: “there is a morality issue” “we don’t know how low”. 💯 Behaviour not in line with her new found religious beliefs. There is so much we don’t know. He’s telling her his relationship is rocky but is that the truth or the oldest line in the book? I did not agree with Andy 👎
I agree with Andy, but only because I think her Catholicism is a bit of a front and they're both messy as heck. The GF is better off without him likely! Basically I get the sense that this is a lesson she needs to learn through mistakes. However she made her bed here once, I don't think anything good will come from it and Sharlene's points for moral standards are very relevant.
Two degrees, a Catholic, and you haven’t figured out that what you’re doing is incredibly callous and cruel? And rather stupid, frankly. The assumption that this man is doing this out of ‘feelings’ and not because he might be bored and seriously lacks empathy is extremely naive. I assume you don’t care much for this other woman, but if you care about your own future, a man like this is never marriage material. One who is would have broken things off definitively with his partner before telling you you might be the one who got away. How disgusting on both of your parts. I sincerely sympathize with this other woman.
I completely disagree with you guys about this situation and I am actually very surprised because I usually whole-heartedly agree with your takes on most situations. I cannot believe you’re condoning this behavior on the part of the guy. The fact that he is capable of sending her texts like this while in a relationship is already cheating and home-wrecking. It doesn’t matter if it is a ‘classic’ home wrecking or a ‘non-classic’. It’s ridiculous. He needs to break up or work things out with his current girlfriend first then pursue if he feels that strongly about her. Making an excuse about his inexperience and then saying he is too passive to leave a relationship unless it s a sure thing is completely ridiculous. It only teaches him that the next time he feels something for another girl not her in the future, he can behave the same way.
I'm so curious about this lady's Catholic journey. I was raised Catholic and try to practice still, but it's a struggle. I remember I told my husband on our first date that I was going to wait for marriage to have sex. It didn't stick. Didn't erase all my beliefs, but definitely made me question that aspect of Catholic teaching after years feeling so much guilt and shame about it. I think you shouldn't meet up after having a charged conversation and leave the girlfriend hanging. He needs to tell the gf first or it's not ok. That's my harsh Catholic compass speaking. Imagine being the gf of FIVE years!! You don't want this guy unless he does the right thing.
Very interesting episode! I love how you both are so great at truly listening to and empathizing with your callers, I myself am quicker to jump to judgement so I'm impressed at your compassion and ability to compartmentalize certain elements that could ultimately take away from the caller's POV. I will say I would have explored the guy's behavior and actions a bit more as it seems like a huge red flag and the caller is too young to put much stock in that on her own. Nevertheless perhaps therein lies the magic of what you both do, you're being with the caller with where she's at in life versus barraging her with the wisdom that only comes with life experience.
I agree, I wish they would've interrogated her a little more too. Not put her on blast but like "okay you're this good Catholic girl but you're talking to a man in a relationship, does he know you're celibate?" because when she says "no he doesn't" (which he doesn't because any guy will lose interest if they believe there's no chance at sex) then they could push her on why that is and maybe get her to admit at least to herself that it's about her ego or whatever.
One thing that hasn’t really been discussed here is the guy’s POV. As a man my perspective is more on his side, if I was giving HIM advice. His current relationship is circling the drain when a girl who broke his heart once before calls up and after a whole bunch of emotional talk basically dangles a sexless LDR in front of him. Honestly if I was this guys friend I’d tell her to have NOTHING to do with her. He needs to sort out his CURRENT situation first and as for Elizabeth, the juice ain’t with the squeeze, fella. It’s hard because she comes over as a great girl but it’s actually red flags all the way from a relationship POV on her side, plus extra on his from diving straight back into something after just exiting five years with this girl. But what do I know? I have a strict no -Ex rule so Elizabeth would fail on that alone. But beyond that? Nothing but heartaches.
I, respectfully, have a different opinion. There is a strong possibility that this man is confused and uncertain and is grasping onto an “out”/plan “b”. I don’t think he has actually thought about what it would be like to date his ex-hookup from 5.5 years ago.
The caller is a lovely vibrant fun young woman. However, she is waxing nostalgic about a high school relationship which she ended as she wanted to move on to other things in life. How she ended it was not with grace or emotional intelligence, but she was only 18. It’s ok, that’s what we do in life to live and learn. But she doesn’t need to rekindle this relationship to undo the guilt. There are so many red flags here, the biggest I see is that this guy appears a bit wishy-washy about what to do with his life in general. Even his comment about we don’t have to talk if it is inconvenient for you…ugh how passive. Even with his girlfriend’s ultimatum, he dragged his feet, taking months almost a year to move. This guy appears a bit too passive and weak to be with someone with a strong personality like her. But that’s why they have to meet, they will see if the texting and phone call vibe is as strong in person.
I'm doing a rewatch of some of them - this is my first time "watching" instead of just listening. I can't help but notice the calling seems really into and excited by all this drama. We've had a lot of callers in messy interpersonal situations. It's pretty rare for them to treat it like such fun. There's not a lot of remorse or concern here.
I enjoy the long conversations! The thing I worry about is this guy may be saying all these things to caller but we dont really know what hes telling the girlfriend. Did I miss it or did she say - did the Hs dude and his gf break up before hes moving back to Colorado? I would just be worried he is leading both of them on, or caller could get herself into something that has no real chance of going anywhere substantial. The things that throw me off tho would be if he has broken up with the girlfriend and he does know that shes not an easy hook up - so if hes just looking to drag her along and have a hook up on the side of his other relationship, he knows up front that cant happen (but maybe that wouldnt stop him from thinking maybe its still a possibility?) I was curious to know more about her choice to go further into religon and limit intimacy. Hopefully there is a way for both of them (regardless of outcome) for a meeting to get closure and healing and move forward (whatever that looks like). But it also sounds like Hs Dude needs to make a decision anout his current girlfriend situation regardless and independent of this situation with caller. I do hope we get an update!
She should definitely meet him and have a conversation however I don’t know how genuine the connection is…they will have to just figure out and I think they may be soulmates I’m rooting for them despite the present circumstances ❤
My advice would’ve been: “He needs to decide if he wants to continue the relationship w his gf. Only once he is done and living on his own and all ends are tied up, is he free to explore anything w you.” Andy and Sharleen, why support/enable a ‘weak’ man who needs a “sure thing” in order to move on? Why do SO many men do this?????? Grow a pair, make a decision and spring into action. Elizabeth, I’m not sure I’d be attracted to a guy like this. I’m surprised you would consider being a party to this considering your current religious beliefs. I’ve always found organized religion to be disingenuous/inconsistent and unappealing. So many ‘religious’ people have double standards, and seem perfectly blind to it. Fascinating that as a well educated woman, you have chosen to subscribe. No judgment, just truly fascinating. Perhaps writing a list of positive and negative traits this man is displaying through this scenario may make things a bit more clear?
Call me a nut, but since Kansas borders Colorado, it's hard to imagine how it's closer to Oklahoma. Sharleen, your outfit is FABULOUS, and the colour makes your eyes pop! Kudos. 💗
Not if you consider where the population centers are in each state. Western Oklahoma and Kansas is a large, desolate, empty landscape cutting off Colorado
@@smaslo959 Denver is equidistant from Wichita and Oklahoma City, so the claim still doesn't hold up! 😁 Also I love that my life is so simple right now that I am still in this conversation!! 😇😄
You are simply great as podcasters!I hope this will eventually be lucrative enough to have you full time. I see ya’ll with a million followers. At least. You are so attractive, I’m thinking a television contract as well. Oprah’s got nothing on you!
I, too, found Elizabeth delightful and so engaging! But I'm not sure ABC deserves such a gem. However, with 2 psychology degrees, perhaps she could outwit them!
Divorce is never the way out, My wife and I have been having issues before I sort out help from a spiritual adviser, i wasn't going to let my marriage of 18years crash.
“I’m not a home wrecker but I’m a home wrecker.” This girl doesn’t understand emotional recycling. She’s on the heels of a breakup and waxing nostalgic for a past she didn’t have any trouble giving up at the time. She’s lonely and looking for things and messing with this guy - a second time- in the process. She’s going to get With this guy and dump him again. Edit: I wrote this before minute 30 when Sharlene gave her perspective which I 💯 percent agree with. Edit: Andy is out of line. There’s no such thing as “not a full home wrecking.” ALL relationships are vulnerable to infiltration after years with one another. She’s a new shiny object that’s messing with his relationship and instead of him being too weak to leave his girlfriend he’s too weak to tell his ex to go away. Also, this is such NOT CHRISTIAN behavior on her part.
Perfectly said. If the relationship is not stable why would you want to be the catalyst to the breakup. I wouldn’t trust that dude in a new relationsHip. Caller says she feels bad but I don’t buy it. I have even more respect for Sharleen after her perspective of this situation. Sharleen you are class and elegance AND you are compassionate !
@@embeth446 lol no I'm in the same exact boat. I do wonder how the reactions would be if it was a man telling the same exact story, would people say the same thing? My guess is they would publicly execute him.
Well today it must be cold in hell because I'm agreeing with Sharleen over Andy. I feel like there's a lot more to the story that the caller isn't saying and Sharleen smells that something is off and like me can't figure out what it is. Caller is definitely downplaying her role in all of this and I wish you guys dug deeper into her becoming more religious because 23 year Olds becoming more conservative just doesn't happen. This story is like an iceberg where we see the top but there's so much more happening below the surface. I'd like to hear the guys perspective but I agree with Andy that he sounds passive and he probably wouldn't give much insight.
I went from being basically agnostic to being Christian when I was around 21. Maybe that’s rare but a lot of my now-religious friends had similar experiences
I agree it seems like an iceberg. Part of me thinks both Sharleen and Andy know it's not going to end well. They have both said in past episodes that it's better to learn through experience than someone telling you what to do. I think Andy is pushing her to make the decision he knows she wants to make so she can learn from it. I don't think he truly believes it will work out. Why would he push her into the arms of someone who seems very capable of cheating? I think to save the girlfriend from a bad relationship and let Elizabeth learn from the experience.
I got to 15:34. I was literally just thinking this girl is annoying and sounds a little like a stalker. I know when I turned 23 people from high school started coming out of the woodworks wanting to know what I was doing. If they weren't interested in me in high school, why would they instantly be interested in me after high school? Or they didn't have any desire to keep in touch during those 5 years of silence. It just isn't my cup of tea.
LOVE this caller. She is sweet and you can tell how intelligent she is by the way she talks. Not many people can tell such a long story and keep me engaged. I hope she gets her happy ending!
7:25 ladies, friends with benefits and expecting not to catch feelings is not an option you. It's biologically not possible for a woman to maintain this without developing an emotional connection towards your partner if you are frequently sleeping with each other on a regular basis.
Oh no honey. I have had friends with benefits and so have many friends or women I’ve talked too also. Don’t listen to those alpha podcasts that are just men talking in circles making up things about women.
It's literally biology. Woman release endorphins at a muvh higher rate than men during sex which leads to the emotional attachment. I've also had friends with benefits in which none of them failed not to catch feelings which is why I had to cut them off. I'm not saying fwb isn't a thing and it is possible for both you ladies to be the exception though I'll never know but I general, woman are the ones who catch feelings as proven by this young lady on here during this episode, it's science sorry.
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The caller is such a good storyteller! I’m like “what happens next!?” 😂
Before I listen to the episode, I wanna drop by and give Shandy my appreciation, you are doing an amazing job while handling callers, you always try to understand them and never belittle them for their mistakes. You really help them and us by proxy. And you manage to do it while being funny and mention cute animals! All my love
This was so heartwarming to read. Thank you so much. We really love our Shandies, especially when they're brave enough to come on as a caller! 🥰
I normally agree with Shandy’s advice however in this case we are making assumptions about the relationship of her “ex” and his current girlfriend. She is pining for someone who she had a brief relationship with 5 years ago because she just broke up with someone 6 months ago. She needs to works on herself and let this “ex” work out his current relationship without her interference
I love the shandies. What a lovely caller, I appreciate the detail in story telling and obviously love the in depth answers. You guys rock! This continues to be my favorite podcast ❤
I completely agree with Sharleen here that it is a morality situation. No matter how fragile his relationship with his current partner is, she doesn't deserve someone who is messaging this stuff to another woman behind her back. that is cheating and it is wrong. he needs to break it off before he can "test" whether there is anything here with the caller. Totally disagreed with Andy's approach of condoning this behavior and for minimizing the relationship just because they're young.
I like Shandy but this one hurt. Nothing good can come up from them meeting in person. This caller is a Shandy and likely knows Shandy has been critical of the view cheating is the worse thing you can do in a relationship. She was probably hoping for someone to confirm what she wants to do.
She got that. this is serious emotional cheating. He needs to end it with his girlfriend or cut all ties with caller. Imagine being in the girlfriend’s shoes
I FEEL SO BAD FOR THE GF! This guy can't be trusted. As sweet as this caller was...she should tap into her empathy and character. imagine if she were in the GF's position today. How would that make her feel?
I really don't think this guy should be jumping straight into another relationship. His current relationship has been going on for 5 years, and even if it was rocky, he has likely got a lot of processing to do. Although I'm sure he has strong feelings for Elizabeth, there's a chance he is seeing her in a fonder light because he is not happy in the situation he is currently in. A few months to reflect on everything would probably be beneficial if he does end up breaking up with his girlfriend.
Interesting points to consider!
That would be the mature thing to do, but I get the feeling none of these people are very mature.
100% agree
Imagine you are the gf and this in how you find out your bf is having an emotional affair. Charming. Caller could have remained anonymous. I question her motives for her detailed, very personal public announcement that involves many people.
Baffled by all the people calling her charming and considerate. Truly baffled. She’s not anonymous because she loves attention and sees nothing wrong with her actions. That much is very obvious.
Totally upstaged the hosts !
There nothing about her that seemed genuine and her story had inconsistencies.
Words cannot express how much I appreciate Sharleen's consistency in presenting an alternative perspective to what Andy says, even if Andy's take is also hers. In a world where the existence of trolls often make public figures censor themselves to a fault, Sharleen and Andy's ability to always speak with conviction (but without losing objectivity) is such a breath of fresh air!
I myself and many of my friends said the words “you don’t have to keep talking to me if you don’t want to” in our day and Andy is spot on - insecure about the nature of the conversation, looking for reassurance. BUT when men have said it to me I would always default to the “safe” answer like the caller. Because it’s easier to think they’re disinterested than have hope!
Yeah Andy figured that one out quick. It's what you say when you're not sure how the other person feels about you.
Can we have a follow up episode to this??
Totally agree with both of you. It’s so easy to glamorize past relationships. Very important to spend time with him and see if there’s truly anything there. My hunch is that this guy needs some time alone, free of any relationship.
Not to mention if she cares so much about being a good Christian, this probably doesn't fall neatly into that 😅
This caller was so engaging. Great storyteller. Very eloquent and charismatic. Kept me hooked the entire episode
This Shandy is a gem. She was so funny and lovely.
It's a tough situation, and I'm glad she's so considerate. My impression is that she is this guy's Achilles and he may be just terrified of getting his heart totally shattered by her, again. So I would say that if he were to leave his girlfriend (hopefully as respectfully as possible at this point...), he really deserves her to be extra considerate of his feelings. However, if it becomes apparent that it won't work for her, she does not owe him a relationship! Just consideration and respect.
I didn’t have time to watch in full yesterday, and I’m not mad about it anymore bc I loved every second of this call, and it brought me joy yesterday & today ❤️
And I absolutely love Elizabeth and her energy and her story telling and her humor and let’s face it, I know I can’t be the only one that was impressed with her Dear Shandy book of knowledge. I mean from simultaneously saying Sharleen’s sister has 4 kids to mentioning previous episodes, to the 8 ball analogy. I mean, she has my vote for Shandy of the Month 🏆🏆🏆
And I always, of course am captivated by the absolute best couple Dear Shandy. And count me in as a vote for an update please ❤
I agree with the convo that the current gf is probably better off without this guy. But is that because he isn’t fully into her or because of his current actions and emotional immaturity and lack of integrity. I would say both are a problem and one of those problems are going to follow him into future relationships.
The ramifications for current gf were discussed but the ramifications for the caller weren’t. Does she want to be with someone who would cheat? Is his current behavior indicative of what his behavior in this next relationship would be? Even if he didn’t cheat would he just be too passive and she would never really know where their relationship stands? If we feel bad for current gf are we setting the caller up to be in that same situation in a few years? I loved this caller. Don’t we want her to be in a relationship with someone as self aware and articulate as herself?
If he had super strong feelings for the caller, feelings that are strong enough to withstand some of the chaos they are about to cause, he would end things with the current gf first.
It's so much more intimate when we get to actually see the caller... I understand that this is not always possible because people want to remain confidential however please put on the video of each caller wherever possible
Whenever it's not included it's because the caller asked for it not to be. Unsurprisingly, most callers use aliases and choose not to show their face.
@@dearshandy thx
24:20 Andy is a full blown savage LOL
I would agree with Andy and meet with him as soon as possible.... He has given you clear indications that he wants you as part of his future..... If you don't do it you will regret it
I think Elizabeth is confused about her new found religion. As Sharleen said, her story is a bit of a moral conundrum! I got pretty bored, to be honest! I think Elizabeth is full of herself and would definitely fit in with the Bachelor crowd. Sorry to be so sour! I feel kinda bad cuz normally I LOVE Shandy! 😬
Charming girl, but I think she feels blown up and confident given the attention from this guy. Risky choice to not be anonymous given all the context! She was quite entertaining if a bit egoist, I got the vibes of a young stand up comic rather than a Catholic psych, for better or worse.
Ooph... all I see are red flags. You don't want a guy who would carry on with you behind the back of his girlfriend like this. Because he WILL do the same to you when things get tough in your relationship (and they will) down the road.
There is a VERY slim chance you two are meant to be. But it's far more likely you walked away once upon a time for a reason. And now are caught up romanticizing a past connection.
He, on the other hand, is getting cold feet as he moves ever closer to marriage/deeper commitment with his GF.
If he really wants to explore this with you, he should man up and break things off with her cleanly and lay out the stage for you to start a courtship that isn't problematic. Is this really the story you want to tell of how you two got together?
I am only 5 minutes in and I agree with your comment.
I loved this call! Listened to it on the podcast and came here to say so. So interesting and engaging! Great job all around! Wish everyone involved the best.
I can be less delicate than Andy and Sharleen but this girl comes off very young and self indulgent. Both times she wanted this guy she was bored and lonely and couldn’t have him. To me, she appears to be loving the drama and attention. She could talk about herself all day. She’s laughing about sending this woman an edible arrangement? Tacky. Laughing about how no other woman hurt him as much as herself? I just find it all very young and frankly selfish. I have a strong suspicion she’s going to have a long emotional affair with this guy or he eventually leaves the girlfriend, and these two don’t last anyway. The meet and greet is not going to be the productive thing Andy hopes because it’s the drama and excitement that’s really fueling this imo. The silver lining, like Andy and Sharleen said, is maybe the girlfriend will get out of a bad relationship earlier than expected. I guess that’s a happy ending? 😏
Wow I saw this differently. I saw the laughter as nervous and self deprecating. The edible arrangement was a callback to a Dear Shandy inside joke (from their recaps I think?) I think it actually takes a lot of growth to admit you hurt someone a lot and want to make amends. As she said, it wasn't her finest moment and she wasn't proud of it.
@@audreyg1357 I don’t know her. I’m just making observations about someone I see on a podcast so I recognize the limitations of that. However to me this is not about making amends. If it was, she would have reached out, made her apology, and then backed off when she found out he was in a committed relationship. She’s not doing that. She’s starting an affair with him, risking hurting him again and screwing up his plans, all while carrying on about how she’s a good Catholic girl now. It’s just all a bit hypocritical imo. And she appeared to very much enjoy dragging out this suspenseful story which again doesn’t read like someone who feels that bad about it but rather is enjoying it. Gosh I sound super judgmental. I was her age once and played games like this too so who am I to cast stones? 😬 This is just the realist in me now calling out what I see.
God there was another moment where she laughed and I was like "is that nervous laughter or evil laughter?" lol I wish I could remember where it was because it was a completely inappropriate time to laugh.
I agree with you, I think she's very self indulgent and she probably hasn't told him about celibacy to keep stringing him along or else he'd stop talking to her because we all know that's what he's looking for.
@@Aaron-kj8dv I think she said she’s told him and he said something about how he wouldn’t wait for anyone else but her.
I agree.
This was such a fun episode!! Dramatic, funny, incredibly engaging, and turned my day around completely
Sharleen: “there is a morality issue” “we don’t know how low”. 💯
Behaviour not in line with her new found religious beliefs. There is so much we don’t know. He’s telling her his relationship is rocky but is that the truth or the oldest line in the book?
I did not agree with Andy 👎
I agree with Andy, but only because I think her Catholicism is a bit of a front and they're both messy as heck. The GF is better off without him likely! Basically I get the sense that this is a lesson she needs to learn through mistakes.
However she made her bed here once, I don't think anything good will come from it and Sharlene's points for moral standards are very relevant.
Two degrees, a Catholic, and you haven’t figured out that what you’re doing is incredibly callous and cruel? And rather stupid, frankly. The assumption that this man is doing this out of ‘feelings’ and not because he might be bored and seriously lacks empathy is extremely naive. I assume you don’t care much for this other woman, but if you care about your own future, a man like this is never marriage material. One who is would have broken things off definitively with his partner before telling you you might be the one who got away. How disgusting on both of your parts. I sincerely sympathize with this other woman.
Not me worrying that her whole hometown catches wind of this podcast 😬
That part!
I completely disagree with you guys about this situation and I am actually very surprised because I usually whole-heartedly agree with your takes on most situations. I cannot believe you’re condoning this behavior on the part of the guy. The fact that he is capable of sending her texts like this while in a relationship is already cheating and home-wrecking. It doesn’t matter if it is a ‘classic’ home wrecking or a ‘non-classic’. It’s ridiculous. He needs to break up or work things out with his current girlfriend first then pursue if he feels that strongly about her. Making an excuse about his inexperience and then saying he is too passive to leave a relationship unless it s a sure thing is completely ridiculous. It only teaches him that the next time he feels something for another girl not her in the future, he can behave the same way.
Nah
I'm so curious about this lady's Catholic journey. I was raised Catholic and try to practice still, but it's a struggle. I remember I told my husband on our first date that I was going to wait for marriage to have sex. It didn't stick. Didn't erase all my beliefs, but definitely made me question that aspect of Catholic teaching after years feeling so much guilt and shame about it.
I think you shouldn't meet up after having a charged conversation and leave the girlfriend hanging. He needs to tell the gf first or it's not ok. That's my harsh Catholic compass speaking. Imagine being the gf of FIVE years!! You don't want this guy unless he does the right thing.
Very interesting episode! I love how you both are so great at truly listening to and empathizing with your callers, I myself am quicker to jump to judgement so I'm impressed at your compassion and ability to compartmentalize certain elements that could ultimately take away from the caller's POV. I will say I would have explored the guy's behavior and actions a bit more as it seems like a huge red flag and the caller is too young to put much stock in that on her own. Nevertheless perhaps therein lies the magic of what you both do, you're being with the caller with where she's at in life versus barraging her with the wisdom that only comes with life experience.
I agree, I wish they would've interrogated her a little more too. Not put her on blast but like "okay you're this good Catholic girl but you're talking to a man in a relationship, does he know you're celibate?" because when she says "no he doesn't" (which he doesn't because any guy will lose interest if they believe there's no chance at sex) then they could push her on why that is and maybe get her to admit at least to herself that it's about her ego or whatever.
@@Aaron-kj8dv she made it clear he knows she's celibate.
@@Aaron-kj8dv however the whole "no sex but yes emotionally cheat with me while I super cover my neighbour" is classic catholic guilt behaviour 😂.
I really enjoyed this caller, and want her to know that the way he is treating his girlfriend is very telling. Actions speak louder than words!
The way the caller is treating the girlfriend is also very telling.
One thing that hasn’t really been discussed here is the guy’s POV. As a man my perspective is more on his side, if I was giving HIM advice. His current relationship is circling the drain when a girl who broke his heart once before calls up and after a whole bunch of emotional talk basically dangles a sexless LDR in front of him. Honestly if I was this guys friend I’d tell her to have NOTHING to do with her. He needs to sort out his CURRENT situation first and as for Elizabeth, the juice ain’t with the squeeze, fella. It’s hard because she comes over as a great girl but it’s actually red flags all the way from a relationship POV on her side, plus extra on his from diving straight back into something after just exiting five years with this girl.
But what do I know? I have a strict no -Ex rule so Elizabeth would fail on that alone. But beyond that? Nothing but heartaches.
I 💯 agree with the caller’s assessment of Shandy❤
Was there ever an update on this?
I, respectfully, have a different opinion. There is a strong possibility that this man is confused and uncertain and is grasping onto an “out”/plan “b”. I don’t think he has actually thought about what it would be like to date his ex-hookup from 5.5 years ago.
Right.
He's being played too, the second he leaves his current GF for her she'll dump his ass like "I can't be with a cheater" lol
The caller is a lovely vibrant fun young woman. However, she is waxing nostalgic about a high school relationship which she ended as she wanted to move on to other things in life. How she ended it was not with grace or emotional intelligence, but she was only 18. It’s ok, that’s what we do in life to live and learn. But she doesn’t need to rekindle this relationship to undo the guilt. There are so many red flags here, the biggest I see is that this guy appears a bit wishy-washy about what to do with his life in general. Even his comment about we don’t have to talk if it is inconvenient for you…ugh how passive. Even with his girlfriend’s ultimatum, he dragged his feet, taking months almost a year to move. This guy appears a bit too passive and weak to be with someone with a strong personality like her. But that’s why they have to meet, they will see if the texting and phone call vibe is as strong in person.
I'm doing a rewatch of some of them - this is my first time "watching" instead of just listening. I can't help but notice the calling seems really into and excited by all this drama. We've had a lot of callers in messy interpersonal situations. It's pretty rare for them to treat it like such fun. There's not a lot of remorse or concern here.
I learned the word pontificate today! Thanks, Andy🙂
I agree you two are wonderful and your good heart show in each podcast
I enjoy the long conversations! The thing I worry about is this guy may be saying all these things to caller but we dont really know what hes telling the girlfriend. Did I miss it or did she say - did the Hs dude and his gf break up before hes moving back to Colorado? I would just be worried he is leading both of them on, or caller could get herself into something that has no real chance of going anywhere substantial. The things that throw me off tho would be if he has broken up with the girlfriend and he does know that shes not an easy hook up - so if hes just looking to drag her along and have a hook up on the side of his other relationship, he knows up front that cant happen (but maybe that wouldnt stop him from thinking maybe its still a possibility?)
I was curious to know more about her choice to go further into religon and limit intimacy.
Hopefully there is a way for both of them (regardless of outcome) for a meeting to get closure and healing and move forward (whatever that looks like). But it also sounds like Hs Dude needs to make a decision anout his current girlfriend situation regardless and independent of this situation with caller.
I do hope we get an update!
This was just awesome ❤
She should definitely meet him and have a conversation however I don’t know how genuine the connection is…they will have to just figure out and I think they may be soulmates I’m rooting for them despite the present circumstances ❤
She seems really lovely! I wish her all the best.
My advice would’ve been: “He needs to decide if he wants to continue the relationship w his gf. Only once he is done and living on his own and all ends are tied up, is he free to explore anything w you.”
Andy and Sharleen, why support/enable a ‘weak’ man who needs a “sure thing” in order to move on? Why do SO many men do this?????? Grow a pair, make a decision and spring into action.
Elizabeth, I’m not sure I’d be attracted to a guy like this. I’m surprised you would consider being a party to this considering your current religious beliefs. I’ve always found organized religion to be disingenuous/inconsistent and unappealing. So many ‘religious’ people have double standards, and seem perfectly blind to it. Fascinating that as a well educated woman, you have chosen to subscribe. No judgment, just truly fascinating. Perhaps writing a list of positive and negative traits this man is displaying through this scenario may make things a bit more clear?
Does anyone know
the season premiere
date of Bachelor In Paradise Canada SeasonTwo?
Sharleen is hosting
Paradise Canada this season?
She’s awesome! I also nominate her for Shandy of the month!
Call me a nut, but since Kansas borders Colorado, it's hard to imagine how it's closer to Oklahoma. Sharleen, your outfit is FABULOUS, and the colour makes your eyes pop! Kudos. 💗
Yeah, that was an "oof" 😆😆
Not if you consider where the population centers are in each state. Western Oklahoma and Kansas is a large, desolate, empty landscape cutting off Colorado
@@smaslo959 Denver is equidistant from Wichita and Oklahoma City, so the claim still doesn't hold up! 😁 Also I love that my life is so simple right now that I am still in this conversation!! 😇😄
I loveee this episode 🥰
ugh I learned in my 20s (I’m 24 lol) just how often eggs are cracked to make omelettes and how many relationships have messy beginnings :/
You are simply great as podcasters!I hope this will eventually be lucrative enough to have you full time. I see ya’ll with a million followers. At least. You are so attractive, I’m thinking a television contract as well. Oprah’s got nothing on you!
I, too, found Elizabeth delightful and so engaging! But I'm not sure ABC deserves such a gem. However, with 2 psychology degrees, perhaps she could outwit them!
Divorce is never the way out, My wife and I have been having issues before I sort out help from a spiritual adviser, i wasn't going to let my marriage of 18years crash.
amazing, i am kinda in a similar situation, how did you handle it?
@@peterwilliams6361 well not the orthodox way but i was referred by a friend to a spiritual adviser and healer.
@@GregMunro please how can i get in touch with the spiritual adviser?
@@peterwilliams6361 Her name is Sylvia Regina White, and she is great at what she does.
you can look her name up online and you will find all you need.
“I’m not a home wrecker but I’m a home wrecker.” This girl doesn’t understand emotional recycling. She’s on the heels of a breakup and waxing nostalgic for a past she didn’t have any trouble giving up at the time. She’s lonely and looking for things and messing with this guy - a second time- in the process. She’s going to get With this guy and dump him again.
Edit: I wrote this before minute 30 when Sharlene gave her perspective which I 💯 percent agree with.
Edit: Andy is out of line. There’s no such thing as “not a full home wrecking.” ALL relationships are vulnerable to infiltration after years with one another. She’s a new shiny object that’s messing with his relationship and instead of him being too weak to leave his girlfriend he’s too weak to tell his ex to go away. Also, this is such NOT CHRISTIAN behavior on her part.
Agree, just commented this. All these comments like oh she’s so charming. I was thinking wow I must be in the minority here.
Perfectly said. If the relationship is not stable why would you want to be the catalyst to the breakup. I wouldn’t trust that dude in a new relationsHip. Caller says she feels bad but I don’t buy it.
I have even more respect for Sharleen after her perspective of this situation. Sharleen you are class and elegance AND you are compassionate !
@@embeth446 lol no I'm in the same exact boat. I do wonder how the reactions would be if it was a man telling the same exact story, would people say the same thing? My guess is they would publicly execute him.
@@KayRay1966 I think she’s ok showing her face because she enjoys the attention and doesn’t actually think she’s doing anything wrong.
@@Aaron-kj8dv good point.
Well today it must be cold in hell because I'm agreeing with Sharleen over Andy.
I feel like there's a lot more to the story that the caller isn't saying and Sharleen smells that something is off and like me can't figure out what it is.
Caller is definitely downplaying her role in all of this and I wish you guys dug deeper into her becoming more religious because 23 year Olds becoming more conservative just doesn't happen. This story is like an iceberg where we see the top but there's so much more happening below the surface. I'd like to hear the guys perspective but I agree with Andy that he sounds passive and he probably wouldn't give much insight.
I went from being basically agnostic to being Christian when I was around 21. Maybe that’s rare but a lot of my now-religious friends had similar experiences
@@erikao3982 I agree, I know a lot of people who’ve had that experience
I agree it seems like an iceberg. Part of me thinks both Sharleen and Andy know it's not going to end well. They have both said in past episodes that it's better to learn through experience than someone telling you what to do. I think Andy is pushing her to make the decision he knows she wants to make so she can learn from it. I don't think he truly believes it will work out. Why would he push her into the arms of someone who seems very capable of cheating? I think to save the girlfriend from a bad relationship and let Elizabeth learn from the experience.
I got to 15:34. I was literally just thinking this girl is annoying and sounds a little like a stalker.
I know when I turned 23 people from high school started coming out of the woodworks wanting to know what I was doing. If they weren't interested in me in high school, why would they instantly be interested in me after high school? Or they didn't have any desire to keep in touch during those 5 years of silence. It just isn't my cup of tea.
I got an “off” feeling in general. So many things stood out or was questionable to me.🤷♀
She reminds me of young Parker Posey
LOVE this caller. She is sweet and you can tell how intelligent she is by the way she talks. Not many people can tell such a long story and keep me engaged. I hope she gets her happy ending!
This caller was great. Also, is it just me but she seems to favor Millie Bobby Brown
7:25 ladies, friends with benefits and expecting not to catch feelings is not an option you. It's biologically not possible for a woman to maintain this without developing an emotional connection towards your partner if you are frequently sleeping with each other on a regular basis.
Except it is for many women? Of my handful of FBWs I've only caught romantic feelings for one, and some of those were quite extended.
Oh no honey. I have had friends with benefits and so have many friends or women I’ve talked too also. Don’t listen to those alpha podcasts that are just men talking in circles making up things about women.
It's literally biology. Woman release endorphins at a muvh higher rate than men during sex which leads to the emotional attachment. I've also had friends with benefits in which none of them failed not to catch feelings which is why I had to cut them off. I'm not saying fwb isn't a thing and it is possible for both you ladies to be the exception though I'll never know but I general, woman are the ones who catch feelings as proven by this young lady on here during this episode, it's science sorry.
@@thenopedetective and what happened?
@@phoenixgirl70 they aren't making up anything, maybe you should try listening to one. Game is changing hunny
The caller is beautiful and I definitely was invested in her story start to finish 🤌🏽