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Funny Christmas Song (British Christmas)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 1 ส.ค. 2024
- Available on iTunes!:
itunes.apple.com/gb/album/bri...
Amazonmp3.co.uk:
www.amazon.co.uk/British-Chris...
and Amazon MP3.com!:
www.amazon.com/British-Christm...
As much as I love multi-culturalism, I thought it was a good time to celebrate the ancient and moving tradition that is British Christmas... with its arguments, bad presents, frozen turkey, blocked toilets and crap telly...
song by Vin Goodwin - www.soundcloud.com/vingoodwin
If you ever want to perform this song, please feel free but credit me, video it and let me see!
LYRICS:
British Christmas Song!
Ding dong chimes
It's Christmas Time
A special day for the Brits
Full of cheer
And home-brew beer
Carols that get on your tits till new yr
At home with the kids
They've been up since six
Everybody plays Ker-Plunk
Granny's on the sherry
And gets very, very, very
Very, very, very, very drunk.
Presents by the tree
What a sight to see
Santa put them there last night.
Kids are so excited
Till the Christmas tree ignited
I wish I hadn't bought cheap lights (from Kwik-Save)
When the tree's less hot
We unwrapped what we got
Fire burnt the labels so who
they're from we know not.
One from Gran we hope
"Brut" soap on a rope
I got the game frustration
But I'm not sure I can cope!
Auntie's in tears
Been grateful for years
for a walnut and a tangerine
Grand dad's thrilled
with his bottle of pils
And a month's supply of Germolene
What a shock,
I got socks
And a jumper that is way too long
Who round here
Had the bright idea
Of hankies with initials on?
Mum's perfume
Kills flies in the room
And blinds the cat - oh dear
When Johnny tells
Mum her Charlie smells
He gets a clip round the ear.
Dad's all hype
With his brand new pipe
But he doesn't even smoke, oh well
He managed to singe
Off part of his fringe
And it's giving off a funny smell.
Dinner time is near
Biggest of the year
Try stuffing so much food in
Till its comes out of our ears
The table is too small
We have four chairs, that's all
Mum looks a fool on a high up stool
And I sit on the big Beach Ball.
The Tesco shop
Was such a flop
There's nothing like a panic buy.
With a trolley, rush about
Grab at least a ton of sprouts
Like the end of the world is nigh.
Frozen to the core
Turkey isn't thawed
Ahead, we never thought to plan.
Forgot the cranberry
But we found some glace cherries
And mixed them up with strawb'ry jam.
(It's the same thing)
Carrots chopped
Turnips topped
But sprouts we do not rush
On the boil they've been since Halloween
So they're liitle green balls of mush
Ate our meal
Now fat we feel
Granny's being sick.
Such a hoot
Playing Trivial Pursuit
Coz everybody is so thick (with the answers)
With a full belly
We see what's on the telly
We hope there's something new
But of course
It's the Wizard of Oz
And an episode of Dr Who (Tom Baker)
It won't be long
Before James Bond's on
The one where he hangs off a train
Roger Moore's
Acting is quite poor
But his eyebrows keep us entertained.
Christmas tea
Oh what will it be?
Turkey sandwiches if you please
Cabbage (red)
and sliced white bread
Piccalilli and a lump of cheese.
Stuffing cold
Sausage rolls
There's nothing we won't scoff
We'll even try
Those cheap pork pies
If the yukky jelly is picked off.
Eat Roses from a tin
Till you can't fit one more in
Granddad blocks the toilet
It's the fourteenth time he's been.
It's really time for bed
We doze on the sofa instead
Granny sleeps in a sleep so deep
We poke her coz we think she's dead.
Oh what a lovely day
Raise a glass of Mateus Rose
There really is nothing quite like
the British Christmas way
Such a lovely day,
Lets all shout "hooray!"
There really is nothing quite like
A BRITISH CHRISTMAS DAY!
Enjoy!
Cheers
Vin
2019 and watching this song again
I'm in 2020
This is too accurate and I cant even deal with it right now
Lmaooo it’s almost Christmas 🎄😂
I play this song every year. I love.
I dont care what people say, Christmas is the greatest time of year for every reason in this song.
Thanks for your LOVELY comment! i have done the song again actually, its up on youtube as British Christmas 2012 (but it sounds like you will find lots wrong with that too :-/).
Ohhh the joys of christmas spirit! :-)
It's funny coz it's true!! My grandad actually got drunk last year and nearly threw up on the Yorkshires!!! XD
Absolutely wonderful! I'm a Brit now living in America... I'm posting this on my blog to show my American friends how to REALLY celebrate Christmas! Thank you for putting this up. :)
BRAND NEW version of this tune to be released online soon!!!!
I've listened to this song every Christmas since 2010!
thank you! glad you enjoy!!! Merry Christmas!
I've been listening since 2012. the lyric about Christmas songs at the beginning makes me laugh.
Vin Goodwin I’m back 😂
Same
@richypeach are you still here this year?
Lovley
Well,I am a Christian and English, but I've never laughed so much in my life. I honestly really did split my sides. This is the greatest Christmas song ever! LOL.
Ha ha! So true! Sod the comment about "social housing".... I loved the video.. Thanks for the laugh ( and the trip down memory lane! )
How have i not found this before!!!???!!!! Sooooooo fun
love it.
Proud to be british lol.
this should be number 1 on christmas
Holy mother fucking Christ it's only 5 days until all of this happens
well i have to say that was brilliant good edditing
im gonna write down everything that happened in the song and see if my family does christmas the right way, the british way i wish they had gotten a joke in about gathering around the telly to watch the queens speech every bloody christmas
@vingoo123 yeah it depends who you are everone is different :) this has very faint links to my christmas and its just an amazing thing to get the fmaily to watch because everyone can see the songs version of themselves. Thanks and merry christmas!
This is fantastic. I especially love the bit about the Doctor Who Tom Baker reruns... and Grandma with the alcohol. LOL.
Superb. Thanks.
I enjoy this.. Thank you so much. Family Tradition
Haha this is so funny l have used this song on a virtual Christmas card lol cheers for posting hope you all have a safe fun Christmas x
this is the funniest thing I've watched all year
Same
HAHAHAHAHAHA! great song!
Happy Christmas everyone!
Still watching in 2020
Same it’s so good cuz it’s actually true tbf
Ha ha, great lyrics and the video is ace! xxx
lol funny and great we brits know how to have a good Christmas :D
Just returned from being 2 years in the U.K. (North east area) and oh boy, It's sooo true! I just can't wait to show this to my mom and see her reaction :D
U should make a vid of u doing it
why isn't this no1 xmas its so funny
Very proper, old chap!
AMAZING
Vin this is great, Thanks x
Cool. Your jingle was awesome
You got the end is nigh predictions in 4 years early lol
I think it's absolutely brilliant. Love it to bits. Listened to it last year on repeat.
eleventeen thumbs up from the whippet beans!!!
brilliant!
Oh wow this is so funny and true!!!!! I'm still laughing!
Vin, I play this every year without fail. Happy Christmas. xx
very good
Vingoo, while taking some quiet time away from christmas day ( well, the in-laws at least) you've really put a smile on my face, thank you. And yes, Great Aunt May is ploughed from the sherry already :)
amazing nice work.
merry Christmas eveveryone
love it! my christmas is like this every year, always has been and always will be
It’s October 2020 And seeing this lol
Finally, a Christmas song I can relate to! Thanks for putting this up!
the same every year lol
This is amazing vin:)
It's Vin Goodwin.
oh yeah british christmas this song is so true
Vin, many thanks for sending the lyrics. The song works so well because we can all identify with the sentiments!
Our friends are going to love it when we perform it at Christmas.
Cheers!
OMG! I LOVE IT!!! THIS IS SO CREATIVE!
this is a really cleaver song i like what you have done, well done!
"nothing left to panic buy" haha so true
Fantastic!
Brill. LMFAO so true, Great
Ha, ha, ha! You just about summed up most families on Xmas Day lol
haha this is great
You know not only in britain happens so silly things. Same happens for example in my country so you can change it into just christmas day lool
Brilliant, so true! I wish Tom Vaker was the Doctor.😂
I love living in an Anglo-American household this time of year!!
ha ha, great lyrics Vin!!! the vid must have been a mission and a half!! well done xx
A friend in the UK sent me two boxes... cost £1.80 to buy, £11 to post! LMAO!!
Its real funny! ;D i have downloaded this song since i was 15 ( i'm 20 now ) and i still like it!
Merry christmas everyone!!!
Too damn funny & too damn true! Roll on the most wonderful day of the year :)
It's hilarious
i love this, i want it on mp3!!!
This is so fucking true
brillant song
F**king Brilliant. We can all relate to something in this. I'm proud of being British and I'm very much looking forward to Christmas this year! :)
brilliant...made me laugh a lot
What does "monotniss" mean?! Ha ha!
Well funny. It seems now days it's a crime to be British or to celebrate being British anyway. This just shows you we Brits might take the piss out off other people, but we also take the piss out off ourselves and find it funny.
Well done to whoever made this and don't stop there, you obviously have a talent so lets hear some more.
Its true from start to finish.brill
Sorry it's too fast for some :-(, yes lyrics changed around...sorry about that! And YES!... Could be silly christmas in lots of places. Just how it should be!! you can buy a re recorded version on itunes if you fancy :-)es
I love this song it's so funny x
love it xxx
had to look up GERMOLENE!!! In the states, we have calmoseptine
Made me smile. :)
Fucking hilarious!
LOL love it and very true!
hahaha love it!!
i laugh my ass of my own ass lololollolol
This very much describes by American Christmas. Great vid. Thanks!
So true! ;0)
This is going on my Hetalia AMV if I make it by Christmas. :'D Britain is gonna sing it!~
Yep, that's Christmas 🎄🎄🎄
yay!
Ho Ho Ho!
Great lyrics, now all you need, is someone to perfect the backing track, and someone who can actually sing and make it both sound funny and come alive :)
Lol, I'm Canadian, and this is familiar...lost dominions are effected apparently
Lol its so true:-)
wow that was awsome :D
aw i miss kwik save!
Haha this is great :)
lol nice 1 mate
Can't find who is singing this little ditty here...must not be looking in the right place...but there is a guy called Patch who writes and sings this sort of humorous song and it does sound a bit like him...a London Cabbie by trade and I ain't heard from him for ages. And I miss the Christmas "Giles" cartoons, my mum used to send me the annual every year great stuff ...Happy Christmas all....:))
LMAO...WELL SEEN BUSH WAS THE (THICK) PICTURE! LOL...GREAT WEE SONG.)
ah,
poor monalisa......
Funny as