Thank you for making this video. You did it right (and gracefully). Personally, I find it rude as hell to "surprise" someone while having them unsuspectingly filmed, and then display their 'surprise' or discomfort, or displeasure, or anger to everyone. I believe people have the right to interact with the world on their own terms, and for someone else to set you up to look a certain way then publish your reaction is to be a cut-rate papparazzi to someone who never agreed to be a celebrity. It's not just the mistake of setting him up to be filmed, it's the choice to publish his reaction to the whole world, forever.
I tend not to watch any of those kinds of videos. Actually relationship videos at all. They have some reason for putting that out there and I never trust the motives.
My initial reaction was the same as yours. But I later saw a TT by her friend who showed she was at that small friend group party and said that they were actually bf/gf semi-long-distance so he was shocked and is apparently awkward so reacted a bit strangely. The friend showed pix of herself with the lady in the white flapper dress who's in the video so it seems legit. She said he was actually really happy to see the girl.
I agree with your take. Saw this once and didn’t over analyze, but did assume they are a couple and he was the problem in this instance. Did not even consider alternative possibilities. In my defense…also didn’t leap to judgement, didn’t draw conclusions and drop comments anywhere and figured they’d sort it out and come to a resolution. Ultimately none of my business, no crimes were observed, time to move on.
Reminded me of the “soldier comes home unexpectedly” videos we used to get all the time. Who knows what kind of job she has or why she surprised him, or whether she “lied” about working. We make a lot of assumptions about clips because of the lens we see the world through. We expect him to have a certain reaction, we expect her to follow behaviors we would choose. Sometimes they represent cultural issues and sometimes it’s just a glimpse at 2 people. The surprise your partner phenomenon isn’t new. The 2000’s videos of soldiers surprising kids at school could be seen through a ton of lenses, pro-war, anti-war, the love of family, the harms of separation from family. The lady’s video is something we can analyze but owning what lens we look through and why it moves us in a certain way is important. Here’s my take on your video (my lens of assumption after seeing some of your content)- I think this reflects your values of trust and communication with a partner, honesty, and humility to own something you reflected on. I think (again, my lens) is that you think his reaction isn’t what aligned with the expression of enthusiastic joy. Maybe that’s him happy, who knows. Commentary on the people can hurt, commentary on the cultural phenomenon of surprise videos can bring insight into how it impacts others. Like art, the lens you see something through brings it meaning, talking about it helps others see your perspective. It’s an opportunity to learn about each other and question cultural phenomena. What I like about this video is your humanization of these strangers. My interpretation is that you value people’s emotional and physical safety.
Thank you for saving me the hassle of writing out the exact points you make- I was getting SO tired of the *assumption* that this was a ‘react’ video instead of someone _being excited that they could UNEXPECTEDLY attend the party_ . I’m Autistic and if this was me I’d be EXACTLY the same, super excited I could come, wanting to surprise my partner, getting all dressed up (she looked fabulous and excited). The assumptions that she ‘lied to set the situation up’- is that verified? Is this fact?- is just another kind of parasocialising commentary- is this individual ND? Is she showing Autistic enthusiasm and delight of the kind that social media LOVES to punish, abuse and humiliate Autistic _women_ for especially? Because that’s what *I* saw when I watched that video- her glee and delight, it was HIS reaction that looked totally off, it was NOT the reaction of someone happy to see their partner. The level of neurotypical normalisation and judgement in these commentaries is draining, just another reason for me to keep my social media circle tightly curated to those who DON’T automatically run their ‘hot takes’ through a lens of cultural normality gatekeeping.
I actually agree that making a viral video like this with your partner is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Of course I don't know anything about these people but I'm of the mind that wanting to put every aspect of your life on the internet is in itself toxic
I think that fully accepting that sometimes you won't be forgiven no matter how much you've grown and learned is the hardest part of these situations, for me. I've been trying to remind myself, that everyone is on their own place in their trauma healing journey, and someone not understanding the concept of neuroplasticity isn't my responsibility. All I can do is be ready to start building bridges with those who do, when they do.
Hey never feel like apologizing is the wrong thing to do when you know it's the right thing. It's up to them to forgive but you've got to not hate yourself in the morning so to speak. xo
Ma'am, I salute you for your honesty and integrity. I didn't see the original video, but I have massive love for all the people who can admit that they were wrong about something, and can offer an apology when needed. Our society would be 1000 times better if this were the norm.
You made a good point, one that people need to understand and internalize. Whenever a person makes a judgment about another person or situation, all they have to go on is their own life experience and take away from that experience, so for the most part, any speculation is projection. By these projections, you are telling the world about yourself, not the situation. If you really get this, any judgment or negative comments might not stop totally, but they will slow down. As an example: Right now, I’m thinking that you either were this young woman at one time or knew of someone who did this, or acted in such a way… that was what attracted you to the video in the first place. It rang some bell in you… like this video rang a bell in me because I’m aware that this video would be a scroll through in someone who wasn’t triggered by the situation… or maybe you were just looking for content… which is okay, after all, it is your job. It’s gets deep, this communication thing... Most of us don’t realize how much we are telling the world about ourselves by what we say about other people and situations. Which isn’t always a bad thing but it isn’t always a good thing either. Thanks for the video and the opportunity to comment.
Thank you for making this - I'm frequently shocked by the snap judgments of comments on social media, and the phenomenon of people reading so much into the behavior and nonverbal communication with no context and not knowing the people involved is something that personally effects me. I'm autistic and my natural reactions are either very blunted or very "over the top" and in this situation I would absolutely react similarly to the folks in the video in either role. I've spent most of my life getting accused of being "too much" or "emotionless" because I don't react in line with people's preconceived notions of emotional expression. Online spaces magnify this - not only are people now exposed to legions of strangers with no social pressure to not publically judge them, we get even less context to understand the nuance of a given situation. Making up stories and spreading rumor and conjecture aren't new, but the reach of those judgments is now global. It's rare to see anyone check themselves like this, and I think there is a lesson here for everyone - both the people who post videos like this without considering how it might be interpreted as well as for all the commenters jumping to conclusions from a single brief clip.
I saw the Tiktok on a different channel, and the narratives seemed to be an over-reach. Therefore, I just clicked off the video without really thinking too much of the situation. The lack of context, for me.
Ya I’ve regretted snap reactions. Malcolm Gladwell has some good insight re our perceptions and stereotypes. Humble pie isn’t as terrible as one might think 😉
I just do not understand why people (usually much younger than I) constantly post share broadcast their lives to strangers on the internet. If one does that, sadly, seems it becomes fair game for strangers to comment. Best scenario: just live your life and keep it off the internet as much as possible (which is pretty much IMHO)
Fwiw, you appear to double down on your assumptions about the woman and her motives even in the apology video- you have no idea about _anything_ in this scenario: you’re assuming that she lied about work to set this up instead of the possibility that she actually DID have something at work happen that allowed her to attend at short notice (if there’s evidence that she lied intentionally this isn’t being referenced in the content so it looks like an assumption on your part to substantiate your view on particular kinds of videos). You’ve assumed things about her behaviour that I, as a level 2 formally diagnosed Autistic woman, frequently express when I’m excited, delighted, caught up in the energy of the moment- are you aware that social media shaming of particularly Autistic _women_ when they’re having a squeegasm (as we call it in my family) is a sport to some online commentators, to the point where several amazing female Autistic creators have been driven off social media completely? Are you personally aware if this individual is NOT Autistic, not the gleesticks kind of individual who gets super excited at events in part because they’re _masking social anxiety_ and are trying their best to fit in? Are my observations and possibilities EQUALLY as potential explanation as yours? Your apology came off as a justification because while in the beginning you admitted you know NOTHING about the woman and couple in question you still used THIS video to express your dislike of ‘reaction’ videos and your association with those and this particular video in question. That is still _the same thing_ - you’re still projecting, using a currently viral video to illustrate YOUR point while admitting you know nothing about any of it- you don’t know the intent, you don’t know the individuals involved, you don’t know _anything_ about this enough to know if it WAS a react video, yet you still made assumptions in your ‘apology’ version. Better to use explicitly obvious bad faith react videos to illustrate your point instead of continuing to use one that you’ve already shown you had a poor initial interpretation of (particularly with regards the woman involved), yes?
Occasionally videos like that one surface in my feed and I tend to not believe them. No matter what my partner may or not may do, and he wouldn't because he's even more private than me, as soon as anyone is holding up a phone, most of us have our feelers up and would ask, 'What's going on?' I would at least be stepping out of range in a public or semi private setting. I think more of them are staged, than not staged and it saddens me people are not using their critical thinking skills to doubt and analyze these kind of videos. Most of times it is best to treat it as entertaining fiction first and foremost, if you're gonna watch them.
I'm sorry... I hate this kind of content. You cannot understand anyone's thinking.. it's gross to speculate on others relationships. Can you please do more permaculture?
"Everyone is a complete idiot at least 10 minutes out of every day -- the trick is to pick 10 minutes that don't matter." Owning up to mistakes helps. Sometimes. And sometimes not. Unfortunately (and I'm not talking about your own apology here) apologizing has become somewhat cynical, formulaic ritual too. This is complicated by the fact that in many public situations often simply doesn't matter whether one was actually in the wrong -- large numbers of people will fault someone simply for _not_ apologizing, quite regardless of the facts of the matter, anyways.
I am one minute in and have no idea what you are on about. What video is that? Do you know those people? I will watch at least a little long but I usually have a clue what you talk about by 20-30 seconds in.
I love how the same online progressive community that claims to be inclusive quickly judges people they don't know in situations they don't know about (for instance, who's filming and how did they know to be framing them so perfectly, then give her the video to post if it wasn't planned) if they don't express their emotions in exactly the way they think is natural, genuine, and correct. I wouldn't do this, but I also wouldn't and don't broadcast my life, period. Not my problem, not my business.
You know what progressives are? Humans. But, they are humans who at least TRY to live up to being the kind of person their moral codes dictate they should be. And that they even think about their behavior and how it affects those around them, is a galaxy beyond what other groups do. So sometimes we all mess up. It’s what we do afterwards that reveals the person we each are.
Well I don’t see anything in this video that suggests what you are seeing? Maybe I’m missing something here but I just don’t see anything here? I need much more information and context!
Why a permaculture tag on this?? These hot takes are getting a little exhausting. Glad you were able to make extra money and donate to things you care about, but it’s not what I’m interested in listening to.
@@ZeKiwiOfTheNorth I guess, but we all know better than to post some folks you don’t know and excoriate them. I don’t need a lesson for that. However, my fruit trees guilds, always looking for advice and lessons.
Because it's a great discussion about people care and Angela showing her accountability. It's a great cautionary tale.If you want gardening, look for gardening. This is definitely permaculture.
@@eastmain9540 clearly we don't all know better, or it wouldn't happen. But it does, and it did. If you're looking for particular gardening advice, I agree with Camipockets that you should search that out for yourself. There's no telling when Angela will post gardening content, political content, or any other thing. You could even politely *ask* her to post about a particular thing some time.
To @camipockets : This was Directed at Her. Not Anyone Else. Don't try to Defend Someone who is more then Capable of Defending Themselves. Stay out of Other People's Business. This is how Trouble like this starts. If She wants to Speak with Me, She can do it Herself.
I Appreciate Your Honesty and Your Apology. But if You want to do this, You Are going to have to Try Harder. I don't Trust any form of Media right Now. Be it Social or News. Give Me Facts or Entertain Me but DON'T Mix the Two. If You want to give me Your Opinion, That's fine but get your Facts straight before You Post it. If I Catch You Making Sh!t Up Too Many Times even with the Best of Intentions, I will be Done with You. You Need to set an Example to Other Social Media People to be Better with Honest Communication. Thank You.
Thank you for making this video. You did it right (and gracefully).
Personally, I find it rude as hell to "surprise" someone while having them unsuspectingly filmed, and then display their 'surprise' or discomfort, or displeasure, or anger to everyone. I believe people have the right to interact with the world on their own terms, and for someone else to set you up to look a certain way then publish your reaction is to be a cut-rate papparazzi to someone who never agreed to be a celebrity.
It's not just the mistake of setting him up to be filmed, it's the choice to publish his reaction to the whole world, forever.
Thank you for being willing to apologize for judgment errors. That is a big green flag for me. ❤
Love your content.
I tend not to watch any of those kinds of videos. Actually relationship videos at all. They have some reason for putting that out there and I never trust the motives.
you put into words *exactly* why these types of videos make me so viscerally uncomfortable
Thank you for this - modeling how to be self-reflective and apologize. That's the most important part of both your videos.
My initial reaction was the same as yours. But I later saw a TT by her friend who showed she was at that small friend group party and said that they were actually bf/gf semi-long-distance so he was shocked and is apparently awkward so reacted a bit strangely. The friend showed pix of herself with the lady in the white flapper dress who's in the video so it seems legit. She said he was actually really happy to see the girl.
I agree with your take. Saw this once and didn’t over analyze, but did assume they are a couple and he was the problem in this instance. Did not even consider alternative possibilities. In my defense…also didn’t leap to judgement, didn’t draw conclusions and drop comments anywhere and figured they’d sort it out and come to a resolution. Ultimately none of my business, no crimes were observed, time to move on.
Reminded me of the “soldier comes home unexpectedly” videos we used to get all the time. Who knows what kind of job she has or why she surprised him, or whether she “lied” about working. We make a lot of assumptions about clips because of the lens we see the world through. We expect him to have a certain reaction, we expect her to follow behaviors we would choose. Sometimes they represent cultural issues and sometimes it’s just a glimpse at 2 people. The surprise your partner phenomenon isn’t new. The 2000’s videos of soldiers surprising kids at school could be seen through a ton of lenses, pro-war, anti-war, the love of family, the harms of separation from family. The lady’s video is something we can analyze but owning what lens we look through and why it moves us in a certain way is important. Here’s my take on your video (my lens of assumption after seeing some of your content)- I think this reflects your values of trust and communication with a partner, honesty, and humility to own something you reflected on. I think (again, my lens) is that you think his reaction isn’t what aligned with the expression of enthusiastic joy. Maybe that’s him happy, who knows. Commentary on the people can hurt, commentary on the cultural phenomenon of surprise videos can bring insight into how it impacts others. Like art, the lens you see something through brings it meaning, talking about it helps others see your perspective. It’s an opportunity to learn about each other and question cultural phenomena. What I like about this video is your humanization of these strangers. My interpretation is that you value people’s emotional and physical safety.
This comment is the reason to even read comments at all. Thanks for your perspective, that made me think it through in a different angle ❤
Thank you for saving me the hassle of writing out the exact points you make- I was getting SO tired of the *assumption* that this was a ‘react’ video instead of someone _being excited that they could UNEXPECTEDLY attend the party_ . I’m Autistic and if this was me I’d be EXACTLY the same, super excited I could come, wanting to surprise my partner, getting all dressed up (she looked fabulous and excited). The assumptions that she ‘lied to set the situation up’- is that verified? Is this fact?- is just another kind of parasocialising commentary- is this individual ND? Is she showing Autistic enthusiasm and delight of the kind that social media LOVES to punish, abuse and humiliate Autistic _women_ for especially? Because that’s what *I* saw when I watched that video- her glee and delight, it was HIS reaction that looked totally off, it was NOT the reaction of someone happy to see their partner.
The level of neurotypical normalisation and judgement in these commentaries is draining, just another reason for me to keep my social media circle tightly curated to those who DON’T automatically run their ‘hot takes’ through a lens of cultural normality gatekeeping.
I actually agree that making a viral video like this with your partner is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Of course I don't know anything about these people but I'm of the mind that wanting to put every aspect of your life on the internet is in itself toxic
I think that fully accepting that sometimes you won't be forgiven no matter how much you've grown and learned is the hardest part of these situations, for me. I've been trying to remind myself, that everyone is on their own place in their trauma healing journey, and someone not understanding the concept of neuroplasticity isn't my responsibility. All I can do is be ready to start building bridges with those who do, when they do.
Hey never feel like apologizing is the wrong thing to do when you know it's the right thing. It's up to them to forgive but you've got to not hate yourself in the morning so to speak. xo
Ma'am, I salute you for your honesty and integrity. I didn't see the original video, but I have massive love for all the people who can admit that they were wrong about something, and can offer an apology when needed. Our society would be 1000 times better if this were the norm.
People should not put their personal business online. You get what you deserve when you do this.
Im so glad i spend so little time on social media .... well besides TH-cam 😅
You made a good point, one that people need to understand and internalize. Whenever a person makes a judgment about another person or situation, all they have to go on is their own life experience and take away from that experience, so for the most part, any speculation is projection. By these projections, you are telling the world about yourself, not the situation. If you really get this, any judgment or negative comments might not stop totally, but they will slow down. As an example: Right now, I’m thinking that you either were this young woman at one time or knew of someone who did this, or acted in such a way… that was what attracted you to the video in the first place. It rang some bell in you… like this video rang a bell in me because I’m aware that this video would be a scroll through in someone who wasn’t triggered by the situation… or maybe you were just looking for content… which is okay, after all, it is your job. It’s gets deep, this communication thing... Most of us don’t realize how much we are telling the world about ourselves by what we say about other people and situations. Which isn’t always a bad thing but it isn’t always a good thing either. Thanks for the video and the opportunity to comment.
Thank you for making this - I'm frequently shocked by the snap judgments of comments on social media, and the phenomenon of people reading so much into the behavior and nonverbal communication with no context and not knowing the people involved is something that personally effects me.
I'm autistic and my natural reactions are either very blunted or very "over the top" and in this situation I would absolutely react similarly to the folks in the video in either role. I've spent most of my life getting accused of being "too much" or "emotionless" because I don't react in line with people's preconceived notions of emotional expression.
Online spaces magnify this - not only are people now exposed to legions of strangers with no social pressure to not publically judge them, we get even less context to understand the nuance of a given situation. Making up stories and spreading rumor and conjecture aren't new, but the reach of those judgments is now global.
It's rare to see anyone check themselves like this, and I think there is a lesson here for everyone - both the people who post videos like this without considering how it might be interpreted as well as for all the commenters jumping to conclusions from a single brief clip.
I saw the Tiktok on a different channel, and the narratives seemed to be an over-reach. Therefore, I just clicked off the video without really thinking too much of the situation. The lack of context, for me.
Ya I’ve regretted snap reactions. Malcolm Gladwell has some good insight re our perceptions and stereotypes. Humble pie isn’t as terrible as one might think 😉
Oh, I've been to the buffet a few times. It gets a little less bitter with each serving.
Gossip is never a good idea.
So glad I found your channel! Love your point of view. Thanks for sharing your voice.🙂
Honest, goodness. Way to be.
I just do not understand why people (usually much younger than I) constantly post share broadcast their lives to strangers on the internet. If one does that, sadly, seems it becomes fair game for strangers to comment. Best scenario: just live your life and keep it off the internet as much as possible (which is pretty much IMHO)
I appreciate your faith *without evidence* of your audience's ability to be better.
Fwiw, you appear to double down on your assumptions about the woman and her motives even in the apology video- you have no idea about _anything_ in this scenario: you’re assuming that she lied about work to set this up instead of the possibility that she actually DID have something at work happen that allowed her to attend at short notice (if there’s evidence that she lied intentionally this isn’t being referenced in the content so it looks like an assumption on your part to substantiate your view on particular kinds of videos).
You’ve assumed things about her behaviour that I, as a level 2 formally diagnosed Autistic woman, frequently express when I’m excited, delighted, caught up in the energy of the moment- are you aware that social media shaming of particularly Autistic _women_ when they’re having a squeegasm (as we call it in my family) is a sport to some online commentators, to the point where several amazing female Autistic creators have been driven off social media completely? Are you personally aware if this individual is NOT Autistic, not the gleesticks kind of individual who gets super excited at events in part because they’re _masking social anxiety_ and are trying their best to fit in? Are my observations and possibilities EQUALLY as potential explanation as yours?
Your apology came off as a justification because while in the beginning you admitted you know NOTHING about the woman and couple in question you still used THIS video to express your dislike of ‘reaction’ videos and your association with those and this particular video in question. That is still _the same thing_ - you’re still projecting, using a currently viral video to illustrate YOUR point while admitting you know nothing about any of it- you don’t know the intent, you don’t know the individuals involved, you don’t know _anything_ about this enough to know if it WAS a react video, yet you still made assumptions in your ‘apology’ version.
Better to use explicitly obvious bad faith react videos to illustrate your point instead of continuing to use one that you’ve already shown you had a poor initial interpretation of (particularly with regards the woman involved), yes?
Occasionally videos like that one surface in my feed and I tend to not believe them. No matter what my partner may or not may do, and he wouldn't because he's even more private than me, as soon as anyone is holding up a phone, most of us have our feelers up and would ask, 'What's going on?' I would at least be stepping out of range in a public or semi private setting.
I think more of them are staged, than not staged and it saddens me people are not using their critical thinking skills to doubt and analyze these kind of videos. Most of times it is best to treat it as entertaining fiction first and foremost, if you're gonna watch them.
I'm sorry... I hate this kind of content. You cannot understand anyone's thinking.. it's gross to speculate on others relationships. Can you please do more permaculture?
"Everyone is a complete idiot at least 10 minutes out of every day -- the trick is to pick 10 minutes that don't matter."
Owning up to mistakes helps. Sometimes. And sometimes not.
Unfortunately (and I'm not talking about your own apology here) apologizing has become somewhat cynical, formulaic ritual too. This is complicated by the fact that in many public situations often simply doesn't matter whether one was actually in the wrong -- large numbers of people will fault someone simply for _not_ apologizing, quite regardless of the facts of the matter, anyways.
It's very unclear what this is all about. It can't be important.
I don't understand why anybody would insult a woman for posting a homecoming video. Guys post them all the time and never get insulted. Ever.
I didn’t see it before. I think he was in on it.
I am one minute in and have no idea what you are on about. What video is that? Do you know those people? I will watch at least a little long but I usually have a clue what you talk about by 20-30 seconds in.
okay, is see the context now and the apology. I'm glad you are humble enough to apologize to strangers but otherwise, this is unbearable. Sorry, no.
I love how the same online progressive community that claims to be inclusive quickly judges people they don't know in situations they don't know about (for instance, who's filming and how did they know to be framing them so perfectly, then give her the video to post if it wasn't planned) if they don't express their emotions in exactly the way they think is natural, genuine, and correct. I wouldn't do this, but I also wouldn't and don't broadcast my life, period. Not my problem, not my business.
You know what progressives are?
Humans.
But, they are humans who at least TRY to live up to being the kind of person their moral codes dictate they should be.
And that they even think about their behavior and how it affects those around them, is a galaxy beyond what other groups do.
So sometimes we all mess up. It’s what we do afterwards that reveals the person we each are.
I'd certainly like to know the real story behind the video, but they're not obligated to tell us.
Well I don’t see anything in this video that suggests what you are seeing? Maybe I’m missing something here but I just don’t see anything here? I need much more information and context!
I dont watch that kind of crap ever
Why a permaculture tag on this?? These hot takes are getting a little exhausting. Glad you were able to make extra money and donate to things you care about, but it’s not what I’m interested in listening to.
Probably tagged because it could be lumped into People Care
@@ZeKiwiOfTheNorth I guess, but we all know better than to post some folks you don’t know and excoriate them. I don’t need a lesson for that. However, my fruit trees guilds, always looking for advice and lessons.
Because it's a great discussion about people care and Angela showing her accountability. It's a great cautionary tale.If you want gardening, look for gardening. This is definitely permaculture.
@@eastmain9540 clearly we don't all know better, or it wouldn't happen. But it does, and it did.
If you're looking for particular gardening advice, I agree with Camipockets that you should search that out for yourself. There's no telling when Angela will post gardening content, political content, or any other thing. You could even politely *ask* her to post about a particular thing some time.
Why do a video about stupid people?
5:50 Nah. 💀
this looks like something I super don't care about. Too much time on tic tok??
i mean... you keep judging her through this video so what exactly is the apology there for?
To @camipockets : This was Directed at Her. Not Anyone Else. Don't try to Defend Someone who is more then Capable of Defending Themselves. Stay out of Other People's Business. This is how Trouble like this starts. If She wants to Speak with Me, She can do it Herself.
I Appreciate Your Honesty and Your Apology. But if You want to do this, You Are going to have to Try Harder. I don't Trust any form of Media right Now. Be it Social or News. Give Me Facts or Entertain Me but DON'T Mix the Two. If You want to give me Your Opinion, That's fine but get your Facts straight before You Post it. If I Catch You Making Sh!t Up Too Many Times even with the Best of Intentions, I will be Done with You. You Need to set an Example to Other Social Media People to be Better with Honest Communication. Thank You.
Watching a 15 second clip and leaping to judgement indicates a poor relationship with reality😂