It's as bad as making them eat their vegetables, go to bed on time, or not giving them candy when they want it. Good parenting isn't making your kid happy at any cost, it's teaching them that life has parts you may not like, it's tough, and it's not all about them. That's partly why kids growing up in single mother households are far more likely to fail in life. Better to have a child fail in life, then let them cry as a child. As a child you have to deal with them, as an adult, they're society's problem.
I believe what you're talking about is not the same as what she's describing. What she's referring to are for those who are dealing with parental alienation. It's important for every child to have both Mother & Father in their lives, with the exception of child abuse situations. There's also a major difference to when a child is crying because the other parent is abusive compared to a child crying because they don't want to go to school, or church or something like that. One does not require a behavioral health degree to understand that's what this woman was referring to. Nevertheless, she was kind enough to make this for those of us in this type of situation, so the sarcasm wasn't really necessary
The ultimate thing: parents need to STOP using their kids to control the situation. Seems simple- but alienation tactics make it complicated- and many agents of the court don’t understand the dynamic.
At sixteen years old, kids are smart enough to play the situation to see parents less. Reasons like homework, friends, or even getting a job are easy for them to offer. In most cases it is sad for all involved.
Its not even matured children who is making this decision . There are children as young as 2 years that are expressing this not because they are matured but because of the hold of one parent who has more time with them! Also alienating tactics and tricks. When that happens to the other parent there can be a sense of complete loss and helplessness and not feeling that it was worth being in the childs life in the first place because of tantrums of the other parent !!
Thanks for the info! Ok but what if the 16 yr old daughter is unofficially is in a state of depression, Secretly wanted a boyfriend?, Mother made a deal with my daughter?, Falsely accused me of child abuse (Case officially closed) and mother says Its all my fault for traumatizing our daughter which mother will do nothing to help restore our relationship. I kelp cool for many months paid my child support, made many text and email to my daughter that was not answered and mother kept avoiding me because I wanted a face to face conversation with my her to explain "What the hell happened". Many things already happened with my daughter without my consent and I am aware of my options. I just want to hear what would you do at this point. No communication almost 1 year. like many people I know told me "Give my daughter time and space" maybe she will come to you eventually. Well it's been 1 year and nothing has change including my ex behavior.
I have just recently filed a motion to modify my parental rights order and have been dealing with a similar situation as the title of this video. Except my children not wanting to see me has been a result of what their mother has been telling them. They're 13 & 10 and as you said in this video, their mother has always given them the option of seeing me when it's actual court ordered. Now is it wrong for me to suggest that when the other parent does something like that consistently, isn't that essentially pitting the children against the other parent, in other words alienating the other parent? Its also my understanding that in most cases, such as mine, children will often view one parent as the "good" parent and the other as the "bad" parent? I've also been experiencing an incredible amount of her violating the "non-disparaging comments" clause of the order, which clearly states that "both parties are hereby instructed that neither shall leave any sort of telephone message, voice mail, email, or other written/verbal form of communication which would likely be seen or heard by the children which contains any harmful, derogatory, demeaning, or spiteful comments concerning the other parent, children, family dynamics, or family finances or living arrangements". She's literally done everything in her power to skew their opinion of me, despite me referring her to the court order. Now I'm fairly confident I do alright with what I have but I still have that feeling in the back of my mind that I could still be railroaded regardless. This has caused me a great deal of depression, which has also caused me a lot of grief and even economical hardships. And because I've had trouble staying consistent with child support as a result of it, she's taught them to equate love with money & materials to boot. Any advice you may be able to offer would be immensely appreciated... Many thanks
Hi Wendy! My name is Lily. I am dealing with a problem like this. I want to move with my mother but I'm scared to tell my father. I was just wondering if sometime you could make a playlist for kids. Like how to tell your parents you want to live someone else. things like that! Thank you so much!
If your mom lost Custody there may not be much to be done. She may have or can get visitation. Also there must be good enough reason to switch Custody or change Custody imo. I went through the system as a child and sometimes a judge will hear from the children in a custody matter to gather facts and truths. Just because you tell the judge something doesn't mean they'll automatically rule in your favor. Most judges have years of experience in family court and Sometimes other Courts so they usually can spot a lie. Be honest of what you want and why you want it but take into consideration that if you get what you want you don't get to change your mind back and forth with a Judge as if their your family etc. Be sure you really want that change. If you have trouble at home then get help in the meantime. School counselor can listen to you too.
Love your channel! I'm going to have a pretrial for custody with an addicted mother. My daughter and her mother live in Ohio and live in New Mexico. I filed for custody because child services tested the mother and her husband on suspicion off drug and excessive alcohol use, reported by her father in law. They both tested positive and my mother was given temporary custody until they test clean. My daughter is terrified to go back and live with them. I found out she was my daughter when she was 3 years old. I don't know her at all. We never communicate because we decide she'd live with her mother and stepfather with know connection. She's now 12 and has only got to be with me a of 5 days in her life, 3 different times. I want nothing more then for her mother and stepfather to get help and provide a safe and loving home for her. I want full temporary custody until they get help or full custody. I want nothing joint or sharing her mother. She hasn't worked in 8 years and live in her father in laws duplex. Her husband never works because he has 2 other kids he's suppose to pay child support. My child support payment plus welfare is all they live from. Could you do a video about out of state cases? Thx
Ryan Nicklin bro, if you really want your daughter & have custody for her, my best advice is to move closer to her within same county if possible. Sadly, in the broken system we live in, the more present you are in your kids life the more answers you can get. This comes from a father who’s gone thru similar story & I had to go around cps to get my answers because they sided with the mother who was the perpetrator & wouldn’t do anything to protect my son even though there were physical evidence given in photos. Verbal testimonies, etc.
So because nobody did anything outside of court, I went back to family court & filed an order of protection for my son. Meaning that mom can’t touch him, harass him, threaten him, etc... or else she goes to jail. If your child isn’t safe at all going back to mom, I’d suggest grandma or yourself going to family court & file this petition of protection. They filed mine the same day. I saw a judge the same exact day even though we had trial a few days later w a different judge.
A teenager might also be using this to manipulate their parents. Especially if there is no history of abuse or of preference between the parents in the past. It could be that the teen wants to punish one parent's effort to teach them responsibility via chores or puts limits on their free time. I would say that kids that have been neglected and are desperate for parental love would not be as likely to do this, but kids that are pretty confident that their parent would not let them go so easy can just say this inorder to make the parent feel "less than" the other parents. If your child is suddenly coming to you wanting to live full time with you when they were once very close to the other parent it may be good to dig a little deeper. They may be trying to butter you up to get you wrap around their finger or to get on your good side by agreeing with your view of their other parents. If you and the other parent aren't on the same page kids will take advantage of that. They are going to try to get freedom and material things in the most effective way possible with the least amount of effort. They're economical, or at least trying to be. If this works then they will keep doing it.
your a lawyer, you know women are never punished for breaking a court order, but you dont care as you will get paid either way which is what its all about for you.
Charlette Skenandore idk im almost 14 and i wanna say that.. but im scared my mum will pull the are you not going to be there for your little brothers while they grow up and make me feel bad about it. It feels like its what she wants, not what i want
It depends on the situation. I was in a situation where my siblings and I were abused by maternal. We still got to choose once we were around 9/10 yrs old if we wanted to go back. We were living with paternal grandparents (gaurdianship). My youngest sibling never got to have a choice. He was severely abused and the main reason we were taken. In my state they allow corporal punishment, so it was not a difficult Choice for me and other siblings to have an opinion and say what we want. We had family support which helped and maternal was on Supervised Visitation for a while before we went back to court to change court agreement. Hope this helps. O know this comment is so late. I'm almost middle aged now so the Court could be different plus cos is lousy to deal with at times compared to all those years ago.
what if your child has a life threatening medical condition and the father is not following the court order and is causing alot of confrontation at his drs office and the Dr is threatening for the 3rd time she won't treat ur child becos the father is lying and telling the social workers and Dr that the mother dont tell the father anything about the child when the court order says to use the talking parent app the mother does what is order but now there threatening to not treat ur child becos of the father's behavior
A lot of lawyers give you a free hour of consultation. I would make an appointment with a few different ones, and see between them what your opp Prins are. If you lihé one and you can afford it, hire them to handle this in court. See if the doctor is willing to come to court to explain the situation, and start writing EVERYTHING in a journal. Use the bullet journal system, and keep records of everything you can; every conversation with the father, doctor, lawyers, courts events, what the child says, etc. If the dad is not giving the child his medicine on time, writev it down, and if the dictor says thday could harm the child, write that down. Write dates, time, place, etc. Eventually you may need the indignation, if the judge asks how many tones he forgot to give hon his medicine, and you can say things like, "In April alone it was 23 times..." I'm sorry your going through this. Good luck with your child. 🌷
So forcing the child to go with the other parent even if there crying there’s eyes out how awesome that sounds wow .
It's as bad as making them eat their vegetables, go to bed on time, or not giving them candy when they want it. Good parenting isn't making your kid happy at any cost, it's teaching them that life has parts you may not like, it's tough, and it's not all about them. That's partly why kids growing up in single mother households are far more likely to fail in life. Better to have a child fail in life, then let them cry as a child. As a child you have to deal with them, as an adult, they're society's problem.
I believe what you're talking about is not the same as what she's describing. What she's referring to are for those who are dealing with parental alienation. It's important for every child to have both Mother & Father in their lives, with the exception of child abuse situations. There's also a major difference to when a child is crying because the other parent is abusive compared to a child crying because they don't want to go to school, or church or something like that. One does not require a behavioral health degree to understand that's what this woman was referring to. Nevertheless, she was kind enough to make this for those of us in this type of situation, so the sarcasm wasn't really necessary
The ultimate thing: parents need to STOP using their kids to control the situation.
Seems simple- but alienation tactics make it complicated- and many agents of the court don’t understand the dynamic.
At sixteen years old, kids are smart enough to play the situation to see parents less. Reasons like homework, friends, or even getting a job are easy for them to offer. In most cases it is sad for all involved.
Its not even matured children who is making this decision . There are children as young as 2 years that are expressing this not because they are matured but because of the hold of one parent who has more time with them! Also alienating tactics and tricks. When that happens to the other parent there can be a sense of complete loss and helplessness and not feeling that it was worth being in the childs life in the first place because of tantrums of the other parent !!
Thanks for the info! Ok but what if the 16 yr old daughter is unofficially is in a state of depression, Secretly wanted a boyfriend?, Mother made a deal with my daughter?, Falsely accused me of child abuse (Case officially closed) and mother says Its all my fault for traumatizing our daughter which mother will do nothing to help restore our relationship. I kelp cool for many months paid my child support, made many text and email to my daughter that was not answered and mother kept avoiding me because I wanted a face to face conversation with my her to explain "What the hell happened". Many things already happened with my daughter without my consent and I am aware of my options. I just want to hear what would you do at this point. No communication almost 1 year. like many people I know told me "Give my daughter time and space" maybe she will come to you eventually. Well it's been 1 year and nothing has change including my ex behavior.
I have just recently filed a motion to modify my parental rights order and have been dealing with a similar situation as the title of this video. Except my children not wanting to see me has been a result of what their mother has been telling them. They're 13 & 10 and as you said in this video, their mother has always given them the option of seeing me when it's actual court ordered. Now is it wrong for me to suggest that when the other parent does something like that consistently, isn't that essentially pitting the children against the other parent, in other words alienating the other parent? Its also my understanding that in most cases, such as mine, children will often view one parent as the "good" parent and the other as the "bad" parent? I've also been experiencing an incredible amount of her violating the "non-disparaging comments" clause of the order, which clearly states that "both parties are hereby instructed that neither shall leave any sort of telephone message, voice mail, email, or other written/verbal form of communication which would likely be seen or heard by the children which contains any harmful, derogatory, demeaning, or spiteful comments concerning the other parent, children, family dynamics, or family finances or living arrangements". She's literally done everything in her power to skew their opinion of me, despite me referring her to the court order. Now I'm fairly confident I do alright with what I have but I still have that feeling in the back of my mind that I could still be railroaded regardless. This has caused me a great deal of depression, which has also caused me a lot of grief and even economical hardships. And because I've had trouble staying consistent with child support as a result of it, she's taught them to equate love with money & materials to boot. Any advice you may be able to offer would be immensely appreciated... Many thanks
Hi Wendy! My name is Lily. I am dealing with a problem like this. I want to move with my mother but I'm scared to tell my father. I was just wondering if sometime you could make a playlist for kids. Like how to tell your parents you want to live someone else. things like that! Thank you so much!
If your mom lost Custody there may not be much to be done. She may have or can get visitation. Also there must be good enough reason to switch Custody or change Custody imo. I went through the system as a child and sometimes a judge will hear from the children in a custody matter to gather facts and truths.
Just because you tell the judge something doesn't mean they'll automatically rule in your favor. Most judges have years of experience in family court and Sometimes other Courts so they usually can spot a lie. Be honest of what you want and why you want it but take into consideration that if you get what you want you don't get to change your mind back and forth with a Judge as if their your family etc. Be sure you really want that change. If you have trouble at home then get help in the meantime. School counselor can listen to you too.
Life With Lily going through the same thing except with my dad, i hope everything went/goes well with that :) good luck
What if the child told the other parent that they wanted to limit contact and the other parent agreed?
my son doesnot want to be with him
No court order child is 14 dosent want to visit mom on weekends
Love your channel! I'm going to have a pretrial for custody with an addicted mother. My daughter and her mother live in Ohio and live in New Mexico. I filed for custody because child services tested the mother and her husband on suspicion off drug and excessive alcohol use, reported by her father in law. They both tested positive and my mother was given temporary custody until they test clean. My daughter is terrified to go back and live with them. I found out she was my daughter when she was 3 years old. I don't know her at all. We never communicate because we decide she'd live with her mother and stepfather with know connection. She's now 12 and has only got to be with me a of 5 days in her life, 3 different times. I want nothing more then for her mother and stepfather to get help and provide a safe and loving home for her. I want full temporary custody until they get help or full custody. I want nothing joint or sharing her mother. She hasn't worked in 8 years and live in her father in laws duplex. Her husband never works because he has 2 other kids he's suppose to pay child support. My child support payment plus welfare is all they live from. Could you do a video about out of state cases? Thx
Ryan Nicklin bro, if you really want your daughter & have custody for her, my best advice is to move closer to her within same county if possible. Sadly, in the broken system we live in, the more present you are in your kids life the more answers you can get. This comes from a father who’s gone thru similar story & I had to go around cps to get my answers because they sided with the mother who was the perpetrator & wouldn’t do anything to protect my son even though there were physical evidence given in photos. Verbal testimonies, etc.
So because nobody did anything outside of court, I went back to family court & filed an order of protection for my son. Meaning that mom can’t touch him, harass him, threaten him, etc... or else she goes to jail.
If your child isn’t safe at all going back to mom, I’d suggest grandma or yourself going to family court & file this petition of protection. They filed mine the same day. I saw a judge the same exact day even though we had trial a few days later w a different judge.
A teenager might also be using this to manipulate their parents. Especially if there is no history of abuse or of preference between the parents in the past. It could be that the teen wants to punish one parent's effort to teach them responsibility via chores or puts limits on their free time. I would say that kids that have been neglected and are desperate for parental love would not be as likely to do this, but kids that are pretty confident that their parent would not let them go so easy can just say this inorder to make the parent feel "less than" the other parents. If your child is suddenly coming to you wanting to live full time with you when they were once very close to the other parent it may be good to dig a little deeper. They may be trying to butter you up to get you wrap around their finger or to get on your good side by agreeing with your view of their other parents. If you and the other parent aren't on the same page kids will take advantage of that. They are going to try to get freedom and material things in the most effective way possible with the least amount of effort. They're economical, or at least trying to be. If this works then they will keep doing it.
we don't have a court case my son is 13 going on 14 says he didn't want to go can we do something? thank you for the time
Hello ! I just have a question does this laws apply in California too, thank you for your videos
your a lawyer, you know women are never punished for breaking a court order, but you dont care as you will get paid either way which is what its all about for you.
How old do you have to be to say "I want to live with my dad"
Charlette Skenandore idk im almost 14 and i wanna say that.. but im scared my mum will pull the are you not going to be there for your little brothers while they grow up and make me feel bad about it. It feels like its what she wants, not what i want
It depends on the situation. I was in a situation where my siblings and I were abused by maternal. We still got to choose once we were around 9/10 yrs old if we wanted to go back. We were living with paternal grandparents (gaurdianship). My youngest sibling never got to have a choice. He was severely abused and the main reason we were taken. In my state they allow corporal punishment, so it was not a difficult Choice for me and other siblings to have an opinion and say what we want. We had family support which helped and maternal was on Supervised Visitation for a while before we went back to court to change court agreement. Hope this helps. O know this comment is so late. I'm almost middle aged now so the Court could be different plus cos is lousy to deal with at times compared to all those years ago.
This video did shit for me
what if your child has a life threatening medical condition and the father is not following the court order and is causing alot of confrontation at his drs office and the Dr is threatening for the 3rd time she won't treat ur child becos the father is lying and telling the social workers and Dr that the mother dont tell the father anything about the child when the court order says to use the talking parent app the mother does what is order but now there threatening to not treat ur child becos of the father's behavior
A lot of lawyers give you a free hour of consultation. I would make an appointment with a few different ones, and see between them what your opp Prins are. If you lihé one and you can afford it, hire them to handle this in court. See if the doctor is willing to come to court to explain the situation, and start writing EVERYTHING in a journal. Use the bullet journal system, and keep records of everything you can; every conversation with the father, doctor, lawyers, courts events, what the child says, etc. If the dad is not giving the child his medicine on time, writev it down, and if the dictor says thday could harm the child, write that down. Write dates, time, place, etc. Eventually you may need the indignation, if the judge asks how many tones he forgot to give hon his medicine, and you can say things like, "In April alone it was 23 times..."
I'm sorry your going through this. Good luck with your child. 🌷