I've been a subscriber since my daughter's birth three years ago, and as one half of a gay couple, I've never felt comfortable commenting because I've always been afraid of intruding on spaces meant for mothers/straight couples. But content geared towards moms tends to cover a lot of the issues that default parents experience, regardless of gender, which is why I always feel so seen and comforted when I watch your videos :0 To answer your question: Yes! I am the primary caretaker/default parent and I stay at home full time, and it's evident that I experience so much more guilt about parenting decisions compared to my husband. I think it has a lot to do with parenthood being my "job" and not just an addition to my other responsibilities. Love your content!! xx
Yes, mom guilt is so a thing! My husband doesn't feel guilt about any of the things I do. He's so cool. He'll be like, "Babe, I picked a good momma for my kids and all the things that are bothering you now will most likely not be a big deal in by the time they're 18. So don't beat yourself up, you have one of the hardest jobs in the world. Raising the next generation."
I love the perspective that we feel mom guilt not because of the things we are doing or letting our kids do, but because of the priorities that we are NOT prioritizing. So if we prioritize what is truly important to us, it’s okay when those extra things happen that aren’t inherently wrong, but just sometimes keep us from the priorities. That helps my mindset so much, thank you!!
My husband and I are pretty 50/50 but different tasks. He works full time but I'm in law school as well. I'm kind of Type A, he's kind of Type B, and I feel like we help each other that way. He does a lot with our son and, sometimes it's not exactly the way I would do it or he forgets stuff that I feel like is basic but I've had to learn to let go a little and not be high-strung with stuff that isn't really putting him in danger because I really don't have the capacity. In my honest opinion, I think a lot of the moms who have a ton of guilt are holding themselves to a super high standard because they can. At the very beginning of law school we were taught that the workload will take as much of your time as you let it. If you try to annotate every case and read supplements and do everything perfectly, you'll burn yourself out in about 2 seconds. I feel like parenting is similar. If you're a Type A person and you're a SAHM, you're going to fill that extra headspace with all these things you "should" be doing. I think dads don't feel the guilt as much because there's a really low standard for being a "good" dad and other dads don't judge each other the way other moms do.
My five month old was crying so I thought he was tired. I tried for so long to put him to bed and he kept getting more and more upset and I got frustrated. Finally I gave up and it turns out he wasn’t even tired he was bored and was upset I was trying to put him to bed. I felt so horrible and hopped on TH-cam and this was in my feed. Thank you
Working mom here with a stay-at home dad husband. Mom guilt is still overwhelming!!! I don't feel guilty for working because it's obviously necessary. But everything else: whether we're doing the "right" thing for feeding, sleep, screen time, etc.... Sometimes that even gets in the way of the real question: what's best for my family overall? My baby hates baby led weaning, nurses to sleep, and she is perfectly happy and healthy. But definitely social media and getting overwhelmed by health recommendations doesn't help. I think it's helpful to think about the why - okay, no screen time is recommended before age 2, but that doesn't mean my baby is harmed if my husband and I play a video game while she plays independently. If I focus on what's best for the family, then great - we are relaxing and she is developing motor skills and independence. Edit: And my husband feels ZERO guilt. He just takes great care of our baby and doesn't stress about optimizing everything. I wish I knew the secret.
I don't even know why people would criticize nursing to sleep. That is a totally normal, primal thing to do. My first did that as a toddler and never had any theeth issues nor regulation issues. My second is a baby and of course gets nursed to sleep. Nursing is like a superpower during the baby and toddler years. So often 'advice' around babies is so removed from our human nature and just stresses moms out.
I love this video, it just speaks to where I am in life rn (SAHM with first kid)! Totally underestimated how isolated I would become as an introvert. It became a cycle of not doing active things because I didn’t have energy and feeling guilt that I wasn’t doing activities with her.
Such good advice! Thank you so much. Sometimes as mom we beat ourselves up for things that are very "trivial". It's great to keep your priorities straight and focus on those and know that not everyday is going to be a successful day and that's ok
Five years in… I have built our routine around what I want my kids to have each day. I have a visual check list for them to homeschool, go outside, and read/be read to before they’re allowed to watch tv or whatever is extra. Because we have to check off the list, the extra doesn’t happen until about quiet time which is perfect. I am expecting #3 though in Dec and am kind of nervous how postpartum and a new baby will change how I feel about all of it!
I feel less relaxed as a mom now that I have two. I get so enraged so frequently with two. I go from 0 to 100 in an instant of someone whining too much or pulling on my shirt too much. I'm in a season of feeling like the worst mom and fearing what my children think of me or how they will grow up to be because of my outbursts. They are only 2 years and 9 months. It has been such a cluster and struggle. I really feel like I'm failing everyone in my family. And I want more kids but don't understand why I can't handle even two of them.
Omg because 2 and 9 months is A LOT!!! I couldn’t handle more kids at those ages! Give yourself some time and grace for more kids when the little one gets bigger you’ll probably feel ready if that’s what you want. Hunt gather parent, and good inside will change everything for you. And honestly my guide, you’re exactly who I want to help/work with. Hang in there girl, you’re doing something that’s very hard
I feel the same exact way. I could’ve written this myself! I have a 3 yr old and 1 yr old. I do have more grace for myself but definitely feel the I want more kids but I can’t even do well with 2! I miss having just one sometimes 😅I remember thinking I was such a good mom back then (more patient etc) 😭
Same girl. And I only have one 3 and a half year old! Once she turned 3 my irritability was through the roof, I feel guilty all the time these days. The whining and shirt grabbing gets me every time too! Hang in there Mama, I wish I had advice for you but just know you're not alone. ❤
Can you make a video about moms that didn’t plan on being a housewife and it just turned out that way? And the adjustments you had to do to feel good about it ? Because I’m not bringing money in the household, I feel like I’m not doing a good enough job at home.
Yes I can totally relate! I think it shows how much we love our kids, we want them to have it all and can’t always give it to them! Other ideas for videos (unless you already made them): Did your kids show a behavioral or sleep regression when you brought baby home? How is it going? (Currently have a 2 year old and 1 month old so I’m in it!) Easy snack ideas for toddlers (realistic, no need to be fancy!) also, how do you feed your toddler? Do you let them feed themselves even when it’s super messy? Do you make separate meals for them? (I’m a super clean freak so it’s hard for me to let my toddler to just go to town, knowing most of it will end up on the ground) Have you considered homeschooling? What pros and cons were on your mind when considering?
Yes they totally had/ have behavioral and sleep changes (though my sleep coach friend said this is typical of two year olds and it usually coincides with a new sibling. I’ve found this is personality. My first was a lot less interested, my second you can tell is upset getting the boot from being the baby. Looots of big feelings were supporting over here 🫶 Snacks, we do lots of fruit, salami, try to do nuts, smoothies, croissants with cheese or meat baked in them (so easy) Yes I think we’re going to homeschool. Pros: they don’t have to sit for 8 hrs and you can pace their learning to them Cons: work time for me, I think we’ll get a nanny
2:08 Sorry for so many comments back to back. Married lesbian here to speak on mom guilt. lol! I am a stay at home mom/homemaker. My wife works full time. We both spend tons of time with our daughter, but I am the primary caregiver. My wife & I had the same conversation. She said she misses us a lot, but doesn’t usually feel guilty for going to work because she knows our daughter is with me. She doesn’t feel guilty for too much TV time, not going outside enough, etc… I was like: “That’s fascinating! I cannot imagine! That sounds so beautiful & liberating!” I feel bad if we weren’t outside much, had take out ‘too many times’, if I prioritized cleaning the house for a day, etc….
Yep!! I feel guilt over every speck of screen time even though it's educational and with my health challenges, I have to be able to rest often throughout the day and screen time is usually my only way to get that. I feel guilt over her meals not having enough veggies and fruits. I feel guilt over not spending enough time outside even though I physically can't for too long. I feel guilty when her nap or bedtime is too late or her nap has to get cut short. I feel guilty for not changing her poopy diaper fast enough when I'm too tired. I feel so guilty that we're not co-sleeping because i believe in it and want those benefits for her, but every time i try, she just will NOT sleep. I've tried full nights with her and she just talks and moves everywhere and cries, but if she's by herself, she sleeps great! I could go on and on and on... Mom guilt is real and pervasive! Thank you for this video!
Loved this video, thanks for sharing! For comparison, my first daughter who’s two now, is so clingy to me and needs to cuddle at all times and I was that crazy first time who never wanted her to cry and did contact naps more times than not when she was little. So it sounds like that’s just the personality of your second baby. I’m 13 weeks pregnant with our little boy and I’m curious to see what his personality will be like. What a fun ride motherhood is. 🥰
Yessss! I am trying to let the guilt go and not be hard on myself when I'm not a *perfect* mom. My husband has 0 dad guilt, and I think it would be a foreign concept to him if I asked if he had "dad guilt".
Video request 🤗 you’ve recommended so many amazing books in different videos. Would you consider making a whole designated video going through your top 5-10 “must reads” for pregnancy and parenting? I’m getting a bit lost and overwhelmed and the sheer volume of books and podcasts available to me!
Clingy baby is not because you let them cry!! We have super clingy baby/toddler and our families tell us it’s because we never let him cry. We all get judged no matter what we choose, so do what works for you! It’s probably just their little personalities.
I feel so crazy and guilty right now, I am spiraling. My daughter just turned 3yrs and my son is 4 months. I was doing good and I don't know what happened, a switch has gone off and I constantly feel like the biggest failure, loser, nervous and angry and like I'm just not cut out for this.
Girl, that’s where we grow! You might not be doing as well as you want but having the feeling helps you to realize you want better🙌 Just don’t burn yourself out trying to do tooooo much 🫶
@heyshayla yep you're right! It's been like a month and I'm in a much better place mentally. I just needed some sleep and to get away for a few hours so I could hear my own thoughts and feel my own feelings for a bit. It put me back on track. I may not be the best, but at least I'm striving for better!
I don't know if you could make an entire video about this but I am struggling with leaking and intense letdowns for the first time. I'd love to know how you deal with this, what products you use, etc.
I clothed my 1st baby from about 5 months on. I’m on the fence about doing cloth from birth with future kiddos. I do plan to still do cloth, but prob start at 2-3 months.
Not my first time asking but I’d love some tips for being solo because your SO is a shift worker. I do minimum 24 hours solo 2x a week (so anywhere from 48 to usually 75 hours a week) and I am so burnt out as a SAHM. Like when hubs wants to come home and nap or workout and I technically am still “on the clock.” 😭 or how sick of doing bedtime routines for two kids who are on different schedules, someone is always crying 😭
Hey Shayla, my toddler (23 months) has been acting up. He obeys my husband because my husband is tough on him. I don't want to be tough on my toddler, but I do want him to obey me. Is it okay to have one parent be super strict and the other be the fun parent? How does the fun parent get the toddler to obey--can you do a video on this?
I think it’s okay! You turn fun into connection and a connected child is more likely to cooperate bc they feel like you’re on the same team. Your kids not putting on their shoe… “hello Mr shoe! What’s that? You’re hungry for my sons foot?!” Depends on your child’s personality
That's interesting. I would not say I feel mom guilt. But I do often feel that I would like to be able to do more but that's the same for everything in my life, I just tend to want to juggle too many balls at once 😅 But I do not feel guilty about not managing to do it, I feel sorry about it. But I also have a to-do app where I enter all of the tasks I did today. This gives me perspective every evening on how much I was actually able to achieve and how unrealistic it would have been to try and fit in more.
Whoa. The last video i caught you were most likely not having a 3rd, and i see a tiny baby in your thumbnail lol... Time flies.. THEN i just realized that i DID see your video announcing #3... But still, time flies cause now there is a baby lol
Baby wear is the only thing. And remember they just want connection. I have to tell myself this 100x a day. It’s hard mama you’re doing great. And they’ll eventually grow and become more indiepndent
Hi! Here's our experience as a same sex couple. Yup! Mom guilt is real, at least for this mommy who navigates mom guilt all day every day. My partner and I truly do split the caregiving tasks 50/50, but I carried so... maybe? I think the guilt is more likely to impact those of us who are socialized into thinking we SHOULD be the primary caretaker. Just speculating. 😂
Love this! I have a suggestion for a video topic that I am really curious about. I feel like you are a progressive mom with good values, so it's weird for me to see how gender stereotypical you seem to view parenting. I mean small things like you buy pink for the girls and blue for the boy, and focuses on gender differences this early. I would love to hear your perspective on gender, and your (different?) expectations for your girls vs your boy.
I was just googling gratitude journal and alike past night. Mom rage is fueling my mom guilt. It's been tough since the welcoming of my second and feeling like life is completely off control...
My second is a little over a year old and I felt like you describe after she was born. It was SO hard as a transition but it gets better ❤ sending love, you're doing amazing!
Do you know what Mum I feel guilty just thinking about getting a massage. My husband told me that I should organise care for the baby such as getting a nanny if I want to get him a massage or something hypothetically.. but we both know that’s never going to happen because I’m just guilty just thinking about it And it’s so surprising to me that he doesn’t even get it when I say that I feel guilty doing that for this . Like he just doesn’t get it.
Can you please do a video about how you and your husband manage him being on a shift schedule and what that looks like for your family in terms of parenting/caring for kids and getting chores/projects done? My husband wakes up at 4am and gets home at 5pm. He works a stressful job. We continue to do our best with navigating the above things, but it's still been hard to find flow. We don't have a village at all, so mostly it's just me day in and day out... And some days I'm melting. 🫠
Ugh I feel you girl. It’s wild. And you don’t want to add home stress on top of work stress! It would just be whatever you guys come up with. Seth jumps right in when he gets home but he gets home and dinner/bedtime most nights. And his days off are usually chill days at home bc that what he usually needs. I have a friend who the husband gets one hour of whatever when he gets home then needs to parent. You need to figure out first what you need and then communicate that with him. Can you do dinner and he does bed time three nights he works? One thing that helped me big time was focusing on my relationship with my kids instead of comparing what I was doing with what he was doing. But also just being clear with what you both need expect on days on v days off 🫶
2:08 Sorry for so many comments back to back. Married lesbian here to speak on mom guilt. lol! I am a stay at home mom/homemaker. My wife works full time. We both spend tons of time with our daughter, but I am the primary caregiver. My wife & I had the same conversation. She said she misses us a lot, but doesn’t usually feel guilty for going to work because she knows our daughter is with me. She doesn’t feel guilty for too much TV time, not going outside enough, etc… I was like: “That’s fascinating! I cannot imagine! That sounds so beautiful & liberating!” I feel bad if we weren’t outside much, had take out ‘too many times’, if I prioritized cleaning the house for a day, etc….
I've been a subscriber since my daughter's birth three years ago, and as one half of a gay couple, I've never felt comfortable commenting because I've always been afraid of intruding on spaces meant for mothers/straight couples.
But content geared towards moms tends to cover a lot of the issues that default parents experience, regardless of gender, which is why I always feel so seen and comforted when I watch your videos :0
To answer your question:
Yes! I am the primary caretaker/default parent and I stay at home full time, and it's evident that I experience so much more guilt about parenting decisions compared to my husband.
I think it has a lot to do with parenthood being my "job" and not just an addition to my other responsibilities.
Love your content!! xx
Toooootally makes sense! You’re always welcome to comment! I the respect is much appreciated!
It brings me so much joy that you watch my videos!
Yes, mom guilt is so a thing! My husband doesn't feel guilt about any of the things I do. He's so cool. He'll be like, "Babe, I picked a good momma for my kids and all the things that are bothering you now will most likely not be a big deal in by the time they're 18. So don't beat yourself up, you have one of the hardest jobs in the world. Raising the next generation."
I love the perspective that we feel mom guilt not because of the things we are doing or letting our kids do, but because of the priorities that we are NOT prioritizing.
So if we prioritize what is truly important to us, it’s okay when those extra things happen that aren’t inherently wrong, but just sometimes keep us from the priorities. That helps my mindset so much, thank you!!
My husband and I are pretty 50/50 but different tasks. He works full time but I'm in law school as well. I'm kind of Type A, he's kind of Type B, and I feel like we help each other that way. He does a lot with our son and, sometimes it's not exactly the way I would do it or he forgets stuff that I feel like is basic but I've had to learn to let go a little and not be high-strung with stuff that isn't really putting him in danger because I really don't have the capacity. In my honest opinion, I think a lot of the moms who have a ton of guilt are holding themselves to a super high standard because they can. At the very beginning of law school we were taught that the workload will take as much of your time as you let it. If you try to annotate every case and read supplements and do everything perfectly, you'll burn yourself out in about 2 seconds. I feel like parenting is similar. If you're a Type A person and you're a SAHM, you're going to fill that extra headspace with all these things you "should" be doing. I think dads don't feel the guilt as much because there's a really low standard for being a "good" dad and other dads don't judge each other the way other moms do.
My five month old was crying so I thought he was tired. I tried for so long to put him to bed and he kept getting more and more upset and I got frustrated. Finally I gave up and it turns out he wasn’t even tired he was bored and was upset I was trying to put him to bed. I felt so horrible and hopped on TH-cam and this was in my feed. Thank you
Hahaha omgggggg the worst!!! You’re the best for trying so hard lol
Working mom here with a stay-at home dad husband. Mom guilt is still overwhelming!!! I don't feel guilty for working because it's obviously necessary. But everything else: whether we're doing the "right" thing for feeding, sleep, screen time, etc.... Sometimes that even gets in the way of the real question: what's best for my family overall? My baby hates baby led weaning, nurses to sleep, and she is perfectly happy and healthy. But definitely social media and getting overwhelmed by health recommendations doesn't help. I think it's helpful to think about the why - okay, no screen time is recommended before age 2, but that doesn't mean my baby is harmed if my husband and I play a video game while she plays independently. If I focus on what's best for the family, then great - we are relaxing and she is developing motor skills and independence.
Edit: And my husband feels ZERO guilt. He just takes great care of our baby and doesn't stress about optimizing everything. I wish I knew the secret.
I don't even know why people would criticize nursing to sleep. That is a totally normal, primal thing to do. My first did that as a toddler and never had any theeth issues nor regulation issues. My second is a baby and of course gets nursed to sleep. Nursing is like a superpower during the baby and toddler years. So often 'advice' around babies is so removed from our human nature and just stresses moms out.
Wiiiild!!
@@leza4453THIS 👏👏👏
I love this video, it just speaks to where I am in life rn (SAHM with first kid)! Totally underestimated how isolated I would become as an introvert. It became a cycle of not doing active things because I didn’t have energy and feeling guilt that I wasn’t doing activities with her.
Such good advice! Thank you so much. Sometimes as mom we beat ourselves up for things that are very "trivial". It's great to keep your priorities straight and focus on those and know that not everyday is going to be a successful day and that's ok
Five years in… I have built our routine around what I want my kids to have each day. I have a visual check list for them to homeschool, go outside, and read/be read to before they’re allowed to watch tv or whatever is extra. Because we have to check off the list, the extra doesn’t happen until about quiet time which is perfect. I am expecting #3 though in Dec and am kind of nervous how postpartum and a new baby will change how I feel about all of it!
I feel less relaxed as a mom now that I have two. I get so enraged so frequently with two. I go from 0 to 100 in an instant of someone whining too much or pulling on my shirt too much. I'm in a season of feeling like the worst mom and fearing what my children think of me or how they will grow up to be because of my outbursts. They are only 2 years and 9 months. It has been such a cluster and struggle. I really feel like I'm failing everyone in my family. And I want more kids but don't understand why I can't handle even two of them.
Omg because 2 and 9 months is A LOT!!! I couldn’t handle more kids at those ages! Give yourself some time and grace for more kids when the little one gets bigger you’ll probably feel ready if that’s what you want. Hunt gather parent, and good inside will change everything for you. And honestly my guide, you’re exactly who I want to help/work with.
Hang in there girl, you’re doing something that’s very hard
I feel the same exact way. I could’ve written this myself! I have a 3 yr old and 1 yr old. I do have more grace for myself but definitely feel the I want more kids but I can’t even do well with 2! I miss having just one sometimes 😅I remember thinking I was such a good mom back then (more patient etc) 😭
Same girl. And I only have one 3 and a half year old! Once she turned 3 my irritability was through the roof, I feel guilty all the time these days. The whining and shirt grabbing gets me every time too!
Hang in there Mama, I wish I had advice for you but just know you're not alone. ❤
Can you make a video about moms that didn’t plan on being a housewife and it just turned out that way? And the adjustments you had to do to feel good about it ? Because I’m not bringing money in the household, I feel like I’m not doing a good enough job at home.
This is literally who I was thinking about when I made my guide.
It’s sooo hard when you weren’t planning it. 🫶
Yes I can totally relate! I think it shows how much we love our kids, we want them to have it all and can’t always give it to them!
Other ideas for videos (unless you already made them):
Did your kids show a behavioral or sleep regression when you brought baby home? How is it going? (Currently have a 2 year old and 1 month old so I’m in it!)
Easy snack ideas for toddlers (realistic, no need to be fancy!) also, how do you feed your toddler? Do you let them feed themselves even when it’s super messy? Do you make separate meals for them? (I’m a super clean freak so it’s hard for me to let my toddler to just go to town, knowing most of it will end up on the ground)
Have you considered homeschooling? What pros and cons were on your mind when considering?
Yes they totally had/ have behavioral and sleep changes (though my sleep coach friend said this is typical of two year olds and it usually coincides with a new sibling. I’ve found this is personality. My first was a lot less interested, my second you can tell is upset getting the boot from being the baby. Looots of big feelings were supporting over here 🫶
Snacks, we do lots of fruit, salami, try to do nuts, smoothies, croissants with cheese or meat baked in them (so easy)
Yes I think we’re going to homeschool. Pros: they don’t have to sit for 8 hrs and you can pace their learning to them
Cons: work time for me, I think we’ll get a nanny
2:08 Sorry for so many comments back to back.
Married lesbian here to speak on mom guilt. lol! I am a stay at home mom/homemaker. My wife works full time. We both spend tons of time with our daughter, but I am the primary caregiver. My wife & I had the same conversation. She said she misses us a lot, but doesn’t usually feel guilty for going to work because she knows our daughter is with me. She doesn’t feel guilty for too much TV time, not going outside enough, etc… I was like: “That’s fascinating! I cannot imagine! That sounds so beautiful & liberating!” I feel bad if we weren’t outside much, had take out ‘too many times’, if I prioritized cleaning the house for a day, etc….
Primary care giver!!!! I think it makes a big difference.
Absolutely agree. & all the fear mongering over healthy foods online is so so so bad.. it really increased my post partum anxiety
Omg it’s never ending and soooo stressful
Thank you Shayla, we love you!!!! Love from the PNW
LOL the im still a little crazy comment sent me 😂
I always feel so guilty about screen time.
Looking forward to the mindset guide!
I really appreciate you.
Yep!! I feel guilt over every speck of screen time even though it's educational and with my health challenges, I have to be able to rest often throughout the day and screen time is usually my only way to get that. I feel guilt over her meals not having enough veggies and fruits. I feel guilt over not spending enough time outside even though I physically can't for too long. I feel guilty when her nap or bedtime is too late or her nap has to get cut short. I feel guilty for not changing her poopy diaper fast enough when I'm too tired. I feel so guilty that we're not co-sleeping because i believe in it and want those benefits for her, but every time i try, she just will NOT sleep. I've tried full nights with her and she just talks and moves everywhere and cries, but if she's by herself, she sleeps great! I could go on and on and on... Mom guilt is real and pervasive! Thank you for this video!
You’re doing great 🫶🫶
Loved this video, thanks for sharing! For comparison, my first daughter who’s two now, is so clingy to me and needs to cuddle at all times and I was that crazy first time who never wanted her to cry and did contact naps more times than not when she was little. So it sounds like that’s just the personality of your second baby. I’m 13 weeks pregnant with our little boy and I’m curious to see what his personality will be like. What a fun ride motherhood is. 🥰
This makes me feel better lol so fun and honestly learning their personalities is my fav part!
Yessss! I am trying to let the guilt go and not be hard on myself when I'm not a *perfect* mom. My husband has 0 dad guilt, and I think it would be a foreign concept to him if I asked if he had "dad guilt".
That was Seth! He legally was like “what do you mean?”
Pre Mum here and theres no judgement here I think this all makes sense and plan on doing the same 😊 ps love your content and your whole energy ❤
Video request 🤗 you’ve recommended so many amazing books in different videos. Would you consider making a whole designated video going through your top 5-10 “must reads” for pregnancy and parenting? I’m getting a bit lost and overwhelmed and the sheer volume of books and podcasts available to me!
This is a great idea
Clingy baby is not because you let them cry!! We have super clingy baby/toddler and our families tell us it’s because we never let him cry. We all get judged no matter what we choose, so do what works for you! It’s probably just their little personalities.
“Do you think dads have guilt” 😆mind blown 🤯idk why I’ve never thought about it like that before
Shayla!! Could you do a Day in my life/ Week in my life? I think it could be super helpful
Ugh vlog style is soooo hard for me, to film, put together and to not show my kids faces. What do you want to see from it maybe I can talk about it
You sponsoring LMNT-- me hearing your sponsor and taking a sip of my LMNT that's right in front of me... Yeah. LMNT.
😂🙌🙌🙌
I feel so crazy and guilty right now, I am spiraling. My daughter just turned 3yrs and my son is 4 months. I was doing good and I don't know what happened, a switch has gone off and I constantly feel like the biggest failure, loser, nervous and angry and like I'm just not cut out for this.
Girl, that’s where we grow! You might not be doing as well as you want but having the feeling helps you to realize you want better🙌
Just don’t burn yourself out trying to do tooooo much 🫶
@heyshayla yep you're right! It's been like a month and I'm in a much better place mentally. I just needed some sleep and to get away for a few hours so I could hear my own thoughts and feel my own feelings for a bit. It put me back on track. I may not be the best, but at least I'm striving for better!
Not everyone can stay home to raise the children but it is ideal. I wish everyone had that option available.
Haven't watched yet but oh I know I need to hear this right now
Please talk about what you intentionally do to promote a secure attachment
I don't know if you could make an entire video about this but I am struggling with leaking and intense letdowns for the first time. I'd love to know how you deal with this, what products you use, etc.
Omg bamboobies nightime pads. I use them all day everyday. And the Haakaa lady bug while nursing on the opposite side. It’s the most annoying thing!
I wonder if the guilt is connected more to type A personalities 🤔
Nope, I am not type a lol
@@heyshayla 😆 well scrap that idea
I clothed my 1st baby from about 5 months on. I’m on the fence about doing cloth from birth with future kiddos. I do plan to still do cloth, but prob start at 2-3 months.
Those newborns do be pooping all the time 😂😅
This is what I’m doing, mostly bc I’ve tried a few times and they’ve leaked! So I’m waiting for him t get bigger
Not my first time asking but I’d love some tips for being solo because your SO is a shift worker. I do minimum 24 hours solo 2x a week (so anywhere from 48 to usually 75 hours a week) and I am so burnt out as a SAHM.
Like when hubs wants to come home and nap or workout and I technically am still “on the clock.” 😭 or how sick of doing bedtime routines for two kids who are on different schedules, someone is always crying 😭
❤
super random, but just curious:
Did you decide to cloth diaper from birth this time or are you waiting for baby boy to grow into the all-in-ones
Hey Shayla, my toddler (23 months) has been acting up. He obeys my husband because my husband is tough on him. I don't want to be tough on my toddler, but I do want him to obey me. Is it okay to have one parent be super strict and the other be the fun parent? How does the fun parent get the toddler to obey--can you do a video on this?
I think it’s okay! You turn fun into connection and a connected child is more likely to cooperate bc they feel like you’re on the same team. Your kids not putting on their shoe… “hello Mr shoe! What’s that? You’re hungry for my sons foot?!” Depends on your child’s personality
That's interesting. I would not say I feel mom guilt. But I do often feel that I would like to be able to do more but that's the same for everything in my life, I just tend to want to juggle too many balls at once 😅 But I do not feel guilty about not managing to do it, I feel sorry about it. But I also have a to-do app where I enter all of the tasks I did today. This gives me perspective every evening on how much I was actually able to achieve and how unrealistic it would have been to try and fit in more.
Whoa. The last video i caught you were most likely not having a 3rd, and i see a tiny baby in your thumbnail lol... Time flies.. THEN i just realized that i DID see your video announcing #3... But still, time flies cause now there is a baby lol
How do u manage being home with all your kids solo, I have 2 Under 3 and my older one is becoming more needy, with a newborn it’s hard
Baby wear is the only thing. And remember they just want connection. I have to tell myself this 100x a day. It’s hard mama you’re doing great. And they’ll eventually grow and become more indiepndent
Also for me, it’s easier to leave the house. Even with 3 kids
Yeah I realized it really does help to get out, nap time is the hardest if my newborn isn’t sleeping
What kind of baby carrier are you using?
Heyshayla.com/sakurabloom
Hi! Here's our experience as a same sex couple. Yup! Mom guilt is real, at least for this mommy who navigates mom guilt all day every day. My partner and I truly do split the caregiving tasks 50/50, but I carried so... maybe? I think the guilt is more likely to impact those of us who are socialized into thinking we SHOULD be the primary caretaker. Just speculating. 😂
Love this! I have a suggestion for a video topic that I am really curious about. I feel like you are a progressive mom with good values, so it's weird for me to see how gender stereotypical you seem to view parenting. I mean small things like you buy pink for the girls and blue for the boy, and focuses on gender differences this early. I would love to hear your perspective on gender, and your (different?) expectations for your girls vs your boy.
I was just googling gratitude journal and alike past night. Mom rage is fueling my mom guilt. It's been tough since the welcoming of my second and feeling like life is completely off control...
My second is a little over a year old and I felt like you describe after she was born. It was SO hard as a transition but it gets better ❤ sending love, you're doing amazing!
@@bethw3573 thanks 🙏
Same I had rage around naps and the toddler interrupting
Those guns 💪 registered as lethal weapons? 😮💨
Hahahaha
😢you see me🥲
Do you know what Mum I feel guilty just thinking about getting a massage. My husband told me that I should organise care for the baby such as getting a nanny if I want to get him a massage or something hypothetically.. but we both know that’s never going to happen because I’m just guilty just thinking about it
And it’s so surprising to me that he doesn’t even get it when I say that I feel guilty doing that for this . Like he just doesn’t get it.
Do you have a video talking about child vaccines? I know a touchy subject. I just love your content and your thoughts 🤓🩵
I do🫣Just search “hey Shayla delayed vaccines “
Can you please do a video about how you and your husband manage him being on a shift schedule and what that looks like for your family in terms of parenting/caring for kids and getting chores/projects done?
My husband wakes up at 4am and gets home at 5pm. He works a stressful job. We continue to do our best with navigating the above things, but it's still been hard to find flow. We don't have a village at all, so mostly it's just me day in and day out... And some days I'm melting. 🫠
Ugh I feel you girl. It’s wild. And you don’t want to add home stress on top of work stress!
It would just be whatever you guys come up with. Seth jumps right in when he gets home but he gets home and dinner/bedtime most nights. And his days off are usually chill days at home bc that what he usually needs.
I have a friend who the husband gets one hour of whatever when he gets home then needs to parent.
You need to figure out first what you need and then communicate that with him. Can you do dinner and he does bed time three nights he works?
One thing that helped me big time was focusing on my relationship with my kids instead of comparing what I was doing with what he was doing.
But also just being clear with what you both need expect on days on v days off 🫶
2:08 Sorry for so many comments back to back.
Married lesbian here to speak on mom guilt. lol! I am a stay at home mom/homemaker. My wife works full time. We both spend tons of time with our daughter, but I am the primary caregiver. My wife & I had the same conversation. She said she misses us a lot, but doesn’t usually feel guilty for going to work because she knows our daughter is with me. She doesn’t feel guilty for too much TV time, not going outside enough, etc… I was like: “That’s fascinating! I cannot imagine! That sounds so beautiful & liberating!” I feel bad if we weren’t outside much, had take out ‘too many times’, if I prioritized cleaning the house for a day, etc….