Decisions by the Unfaithful that Guarantee Moral Failure
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 10 ต.ค. 2024
- Samuel shares in this video insight on the mindsets he had and decisions he made to ensure moral failure in his life, including infidelity in his marriage.
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Samuel is an infidelity survivor and is one of many contributors to Affair Recovery's Survivors’ Blog, www.affairreco.... He participated in Affair Recovery's courses developed by founder and infidelity expert Rick Reynolds, LCSW. After finding healing, hope, and new life, Samuel wishes to share his journey and what AffairRecovery.com has to offer with others so they too can find hope and healing.
And some unfaithfuls find another way out. They end the affair and take it to their grave! Never coming clean & never facing the consequences. Then, their poor loving widow discovers it & is left with their debris & has to deal with it all alone! Always left wondering what part of her life was real. Never getting answers. Perhaps the cruelest & most selfish thing you can do to a person who loved you.
God always exposes sin.
Maybe but God has not intervened
Samuel, your description of what my therapist calls the "moral justification of my immoral act" couldn't be any more familiar to me. I appreciate your encouragement to challenge the behaviors of my moral failure. That is what recovery is: Challenging my behaviors that led to the destruction of my most intimate relationahip.
glad you're here Brandon. let me know how I can help you bud.
Lack of prayer should be on the top of the list!
Ugh! Those excuses used to justify. They sound exactly like my wife. She claims culpability most of the time. But, when I need an answer to something pertaining to her sexually acting out. She will all of the sudden act like a victim.
I know that acting like a victim part all too well. I'd made some headway and would bluntly just not stand for it after awhile. We've taken a step back when I got the tables turned on me recently. Not only did he get really mad I tried to talk to him, even though there was no crisis, just trying to pick a calm time for a change, I ended up getting called names. That pretty vicious and volatile reaction hasn't happened in a while and concerns me. It ended calmly, finally, but getting verbally beaten up to get there makes the little calm part after and a few kind words almost not worth it.
What do you do when you finally sit with a therapist after years of lies and infidelity and he blames you for "disrupting HIS life" with your questions, anxiety and mistrust? A punch in the gut.
perhaps it's time to create space and draw some very clear boundaries to protect you? are you seeing an expert at all? it's clear he is not safe and not at any level willing to own his part, no?
You can't force him to grow beyond his own shortcomings. If he is not willing, you have some VERY important questions to ask yourself. The unfaithful will often build a wall to prevent the hurt from their projection of "Now s/he is gonna cheat on me in revenge. I need to be ready to not get hurt." and that is another barrier to have to deal with. Personal honesty is important during this time and if he cannot be honest with himself, you will also have to be honest with yourself.
My hubby went to an extend of leaving home...and say that I have keep quiet no matter what only then he will come back...now after blaming me for his actions says his coming back to our family is in my hands...if I ask then please give me the confidence that you are out of it...and be transparent...for which he is not ready...still hiding things and will not let me know where is he during day time and now he is out of home...where is he at night is also not known...only Jesus can help us...
I set a boundry for myself and decided to sleep on the couch for his inaction to get better. My husband didn't say a word and stomped off. What does this mean? He doesn't care?
if he didn't care he wouldn't have stomped off and shown his disgust. he will probably try and bully you or shame you for standing up for yourself. so keep it up if you feel led to do that and hold your ground. tell him to sleep on the couch maybe. you can stand up for your own healing and draw boundaries. you deserve respect and his willingness to do what it takes to help you heal.
It shows he's unhappy that you are setting boundaries and holding him accountable. It's his internal guilt driving that behavior. This is the healthiest and most effective way for you to see if he's willing to work hard to restore your marriage.
It shows he is king baby.
The first thought about reading the Bible... my husband thinks that he is in such a great place with Christ that he doesn’t need outside things (church, bible reading etc) because he is walking side by side with Christ.
I’m thinking... if that’s the case, how could he still be building a relationship outside of our marriage and thinking about leaving me and our 5 children? He believes, at least partially, that this relationship he is in is from God!!! He is completely deceived!!!
How does the path out of this deceit look???
Does the wife get a hunch and confront and the unfaithful and he lies, even if she says, "If you're not lying to me, you're lying to yourself"?
Just found this, I found some good points
I was the unfaithful spouse. We are now seperated. Do you have any advice about breaking out of post disclosure details ocd/ obsessive thought patterns? I keep going over and over everything in my head that I disclosed. I tired to keep the balance of sharing the exact nature of my infidelity without going into explicit harmful details. But my mind is stuck in this anxiety ridden cycle of "am i sure i covered everything?" "Was i clear enough in my detail?" or "what if i wasn't clear enough on something?" These thoughts are constantly spinning in my head.
What if the inner circle pushes you towards affair?
you need to find a new inner circle who is objective my friend.
Thank you Samuel. Man it's not easy dealing with being on both sides. Betrayed and unfaithful.
it is tough Michael. it's hard for sure. but, with the right help and support and information you can do it. i would immerse yourself in our website affairrecovery.com as well as the videos and everything you can to gain the understanding and perspective you need. you absolutely CAN get through it.