Some thoughts that sometimes help me to be myself and not try to pretend to be normal are: “The world already has enough normal people. It does not need me to be one normal person more.” And: “If everybody was normal, the world would be a much more boring place than it is.” And: “I like that people are different and that not everyone is the same (=normal) - so I might as well be myself and make humanity more diverse and colorful.”
I don't make so much effort to mask now but I still do it to some degree, as I expect do all autistic people. Masking can be stressful but - certainly for me and maybe others - it's often ineffective because of coming across as "tense", "awkward", "unconvincing" etc. In a sense masking is a form of acting and while it can be convincing all too often autists who are trying to mask come across as "wooden" and can actually end up fitting in less than if they just followed their true self. One area where I do mask like yourself is in terms of not talking about interests, or toning down the level of interest because it might seem "weird", "boring" or "pointless" to others. There is often a stereotype that autists talk endlessly about their interests but I think this only applies to those who who are younger or have very little self-awareness. Most of us have learned - sometimes the hard way - that we can be judged negatively for our interests and often it's safest not to discuss them at all or only do so in special interest forums or events..
The note you made about the smiling describes me so well. It's something I've done forever because I eventually got tired of literally everyone charged with taking care of me as a kid asking me if I was upset. "No, I'm not upset, but if you continue to ask, it will make me upset." They just couldn't seem to understand :(
I didn't realize I had another layer of masking until I severely burnt out last week and it dropped. My SO asked me why I looked and sounded pissed off and I didn't know how to explain it. I'm just in low power mode and can't bother putting any effort into expression or tone of voice. But I definitely can somewhat control it, as when I put on an outgoing mask it feels like I'm pretending to be my older sister.
Good ol' flat effect making everyone think you're in a fowl mood! I think if I'd had someone close (like an older sister!) to look up to as a kid I'd likely have sort of adapted their personality as a mask, but having no one like that I've cobbled one together from friends and fictional characters and don't know which parts are which! It's so interesting how masking varies for us all though, thank you for sharing your experience!
I'm sorry you feel that way and its a totally valid way to feel, but I'd see that as meaning you're gonna get to live a hell of a lot of life in the second half!
I relate to u so much. I've found camoflaging is something i relate to a lot specifically. I think sometimes i also refuse to assimilate. My face just does whatever it does but for when i went into a store and stuff i would try to smile all the time so people will think I'm nice. Now I'm still wearing a mask so people can't tell if i am. But within my home of course my facial expressions affect my interactions. I upset people without meaning to some, it's crappy
RBF - easy to test, what others feel seeing us, just look in the mirror when you feel good at home alone , not a pretty picture indeed :-) Still it is better to explain that, this is just your face as it is, and you are not planning to kill them if they see that look on your face. Otherwise it would be far more exhausting.
Some thoughts that sometimes help me to be myself and not try to pretend to be normal are: “The world already has enough normal people. It does not need me to be one normal person more.” And: “If everybody was normal, the world would be a much more boring place than it is.” And: “I like that people are different and that not everyone is the same (=normal) - so I might as well be myself and make humanity more diverse and colorful.”
Rock on
I don't make so much effort to mask now but I still do it to some degree, as I expect do all autistic people. Masking can be stressful but - certainly for me and maybe others - it's often ineffective because of coming across as "tense", "awkward", "unconvincing" etc. In a sense masking is a form of acting and while it can be convincing all too often autists who are trying to mask come across as "wooden" and can actually end up fitting in less than if they just followed their true self. One area where I do mask like yourself is in terms of not talking about interests, or toning down the level of interest because it might seem "weird", "boring" or "pointless" to others. There is often a stereotype that autists talk endlessly about their interests but I think this only applies to those who who are younger or have very little self-awareness. Most of us have learned - sometimes the hard way - that we can be judged negatively for our interests and often it's safest not to discuss them at all or only do so in special interest forums or events..
The note you made about the smiling describes me so well. It's something I've done forever because I eventually got tired of literally everyone charged with taking care of me as a kid asking me if I was upset. "No, I'm not upset, but if you continue to ask, it will make me upset." They just couldn't seem to understand :(
Like I wasn't upset, but now I am annoyed!
I’m binge watching your videos because I can relate to so much of what you talk about. Thank you for sharing your experience so openly.
This is such a great video, thank you. I was diagnosed recently at 23 and your channel is really helping me realise a lot about myself :)
I'm so glad you're finding my content useful, and that it's having my desired effect of actually finding other people similar to me!
I didn't realize I had another layer of masking until I severely burnt out last week and it dropped. My SO asked me why I looked and sounded pissed off and I didn't know how to explain it. I'm just in low power mode and can't bother putting any effort into expression or tone of voice. But I definitely can somewhat control it, as when I put on an outgoing mask it feels like I'm pretending to be my older sister.
Good ol' flat effect making everyone think you're in a fowl mood! I think if I'd had someone close (like an older sister!) to look up to as a kid I'd likely have sort of adapted their personality as a mask, but having no one like that I've cobbled one together from friends and fictional characters and don't know which parts are which! It's so interesting how masking varies for us all though, thank you for sharing your experience!
I do the imaginary convos in my head thing.. totally not weird .. well maybe it is lmao idk
I don’t think it’s weird because a LOT of people do it, but it doesn’t seem like MOST people do either 😂😅
I wasn't diagnosed until I was 35, two years ago. I feel like I didn't get to actually live for the first half of my life... 😔
I'm sorry you feel that way and its a totally valid way to feel, but I'd see that as meaning you're gonna get to live a hell of a lot of life in the second half!
I relate to u so much. I've found camoflaging is something i relate to a lot specifically. I think sometimes i also refuse to assimilate. My face just does whatever it does but for when i went into a store and stuff i would try to smile all the time so people will think I'm nice. Now I'm still wearing a mask so people can't tell if i am. But within my home of course my facial expressions affect my interactions. I upset people without meaning to some, it's crappy
RBF - easy to test, what others feel seeing us, just look in the mirror when you feel good at home alone , not a pretty picture indeed :-) Still it is better to explain that, this is just your face as it is, and you are not planning to kill them if they see that look on your face. Otherwise it would be far more exhausting.
I wish I had the confidence to explain that, but I'm just taking the exhaustion right now!