Love it, that's no longer a focus of "male" and "female" autism in this presentation. Clearly, the topic of female presentation is and was absolutely necessary. But I think it's the next step of evolution to overcome it :-)
Reiterates that when you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism. A really helpful presentation, not reinforcing absolutes, but a spectrum, and importantly, that people with autism do not fit into (medical) boxes nice and tidily. Certainly was heartening to hear that it's the neuro-typicals who have the stereotypes, and no the neuro-atypicals. Thank you Sarah!
I'm getting overwhelmed. I relate with so many things on the 1 collumn. After constantly feeling like I'm just pretending to relate to autistic people because most of the traits mentioned on websites and tests were leaning on the 0 collumn. I'm maybe not imagining things.
I ping between 0 and 1 based on my energy levels and engagement and I'm very cognisant of not being able to be able to maintain the comfortable middle ground that people expect. I can't do the middle, but I do both ends and so people think I can (and should) be able to balance it. Which I can't.
Find the more I live my life like 0 the happier I am. A couple close friends = great mental health. I tried so hard to fit in and be neurotypical. Fewer decisions and words = less mistakes or worries.
Thank you so much for talking about the introversion vs extroversion, not particularly applying sometimes. Because that is exactly how I function, and I've spent years wondering if I'm a shy extrovert, or a lonely introvert. Like, starting a new job I'll likely not speak unless spoken to, or unless it's to communicate something about work. And i'll feel massively anxious about speaking in front of people, or how I am coming across. But put me in a different situation, and I'll lead the conversation, in front of 20 plus people, and I'll enjoy it. And I won't care at all. Like, if I feel sure of myself, I'll start a conversation with a stranger and be talking about all sorts. If I don't feel sure of the situation, i'll worry about a conversation about the weather.
Thinking that anything can happen really made me laugh. I absolutely love to learn and used to think that I should be able to learn almost anything, then a few years ago it suddenly occured to me that I really don't need to know how to fly a space shuttle, lol. Considering that I can't even drive a car, I'm pretty sure that the feeling to be able to do that was just a tad too far. I can vacariously enjoy other people doing so while reading my sci-fi books and watching films, but I still have that nagging feeling that I should know what to do if I find myself in space and everyone else has mysteriously died and I need to navigate myself back home. Oh yes, and I don't have a bed with a space beneath it because of the hand that will grab my ankle or a wardrobe in case the hidden axe murderer creaks it open during the night, and a myriad of other things that are normally taken for granted. It's an interesting life, lol.
Used to totally identify as INTROVERT, meaning: I get exhausted being around people and need to recharge in solitude, that's an introvert principle. THAT'S why I could align with it so much, until I realized, there was a bit more to it....lol I still think I am rather introverted, I usually talk very little, and am much better at writing. Only with very few people (again, environment) like for example Katrin Bentley, I can talk a lot, since we have so much in common. And she is not autistic, but very level headed and grounded, which is recharging and calming.
I can relate to what you say. I used to think I was introvert too, but was aware that I can be quite the opposite in certain situations... I couldn't understand this polarity and thought only one of these states could be 'genuine'. I didn't realise this was an ASD presentation until I actually had an assessment with Sarah last month, and she explained it... I too am better with writing, by the way.
Ex: I can’t have autism because his mom didn’t like labels. But all of the traits were there. I sought similar quirks when looking for friendship and they were running from their quirks.
One more comment: I'd love to have some references to back up the info on your slides, Sarah. Any chance of these being provided? (It'd prove hugely useful for those of us who strongly identify as number 1s and are seeking diagnosis.) Big thanks in advance!
So, I identify with a lot of the 0's and 1's, but I also realized that at some point in my life - for some of these things - I changed from 0 to 1 or the other way around. I was wondering if anybody else has experience with this?
Yep, totally identify. I am naturally gregarious and very sociable, but over the years the time I have needed to withdraw and recharge has got longer and longer - to the point where I now barely seek any social interaction. Of course that confounds those acquaintances of old, who expect the old Gilly to rock up. I am also a real hoarder, but occasionally go through phases (we are talking maybe every few years) when I suddenly get a lightbulb moment of clarity, coupled with enough energy (hurrah!) to *see* just how crazily messy my house is, and to have a great clear-out, and keep things much simpler. I then become shockingly tidy, and clean surfaces within an inch of their lives. It's wonderful. And then suddenly - puff! - the magic has gone in an instant, and I mourn what I've thrown out, and my hoarding instincts kick back in. Same for sensory stuff, too: some things I would actively seek out in the past I now can't abide. I used to love the smell of petrol on the forecourts; now it can make me gag; I would seek out crowded, noisy places and love getting jostled and bumped; now I tend to withdraw before I get too sucked in. It's a fascinating world...
AHH LOVE this analogy with the printing colours, only 3 colours, but different paper changes the colour. Brilliant. yes. Could you do a demonstration on that? (for the visual people *chuckle)
ADHD and Autism is pretty bloody intense I can tell you now after 42 years of not having an explanation, but a house full of interests I’m not really interested in and no friends. 🤣
@@user-mx3kh8rj1t I guess we best fit with the people that we least trigger, and least trigger us, I’m not known for not triggering people 😂😂 but at the same time I reckon a lot of my past friends are on the spectrum. Getting alone temporarily I find ok… longer term I’m not so sure.
@@user-mx3kh8rj1t if neurodivergence meant that like naturally liked like, then the logic would also have to be applied to the neurotypicals, who do not appear to bond purely upon their lack of disposition or fundamental similarities. Are we not the same, socially, if not more tricky? When you meet one autistic person you meet one autistic person, a similar assumption might be that all gay people will connect because they’re gay, that all black people would naturally connect with all other black people. I’m not sure it has substance. The word Autism by translation is “one alone”, We struggle to communicate and socialise, if we found it easy to socialise with other people, even those on the spectrum, then that descriptor would not be completely true. I think you misunderstood my point on triggering though. I can’t help that somebody talking whilst chewing makes me want to kill them. I have no control over that feeling, is it fair to put all the blame onto me for being triggered over this, or are they partly responsible for not following etiquette? Do I risk offending this person in all the usual ways to ask them to eat and talk exclusively of the other, or sit there obviously perturbed because I struggle to hide my reactions, edging closer to melting down because of something so arguably insignificant, then hate myself for losing the plot? No, I wouldn’t hang out with them again. I’m happy enough alone that cutting people out for repeated annoyances is incredibly easy. This is not limited or specific to neurotypicals.
@@user-mx3kh8rj1t the hope is not lost my spectrum dwelling friend. I’ve been to the brink of this life several times in several ways and I’m still here. Broken but resilient. Lol. My solution was to rely upon myself first and foremost. Make sure my aim is set on positive things that I enjoy, I set my own levels of activity (I have ME and thyroid problems too, and adhd) and I provide myself times of rest and have had time to learn about humanity. I am blessed in many ways to have this I guess. My theory is that if I have a personal meaningful goal, am happy working towards it, and can feel useful in myself at least, then and only then an I ready to open the door to new people. Now I know I’m on the spectrum every relationship will be conducted through that lens, I am not autistic first, but autism does dictate my reactions in a lot of situations, just like my ME dictates my energy and clarity. Now I can tell other people my difficulties and talents as well as guide them to how I am as a person, how my face is set to “misery” position as default even when I’m pretty happy.. how I’m not really angry, I’m just passionate about my special interests and that there’s a huge difference. People know when I’m angry. There’s no ambiguity 😂 I can now allow myself to choose whom I connect with based on my new diagnosis and the understanding that comes with it, I can educate people around me about autism. Mostly, I think that if I can’t make myself happy it’s unfair to set that responsibility to another person. I know that when I force things they fail, usually spectacularly so now I’m just trying to make myself happy, because when I’m happy and self aware enough to attract new friendships, I will be able to tell the people who are happy and self aware enough to join me. I won’t accept any less, if that means more time alone then so be it, I’ve art to make, guitars to abuse, video games to play, rest and recovery to work towards, manning to observe.. I don’t know if my standards are too high or my achievement is too low, or if my particular part of the spectrum is just for people flying solo, I don’t expect anything and I don’t limit what feels good. (And is morally legal) I can’t speak on marriage… but people change and half of all fail so don’t feel too bad about that, and my condolences.. When one door closes.. I start my post autism diagnosis counselling tomorrow.. lots to learn still, and after several years reclusive… a new wide world is out there. I’m just rambling. Tomorrow I might want to end it all again. LOL Gotta focus on the silver linings, and try to dodge the rain clouds. If I learn anything bout how not to be misunderstood I’ll let you know post haste! Just be autistic af next time you meet someone, if you click you stick! Until you don’t. Que Sara. 🙌 The more you learn about yourself, the more you learn about others 😍 Thank you for a pleasant and intellectual conversation though. Caught me properly off guard on here 👍👍 I’ve never just broken the ice, but I’ve smashed plenty to see who survived the bomb 💣 👍👍 The right ones seem to stick, and the right ones will understand, for all the others who don’t know exactly how to read you, it’s not your problem.. all you can do is explain the why to them, if they understand and can adapt then great, if not it makes room for someone that can. Put yourself first for a while, recalibrate as one. There’s more love than hate in the world, seeing it is purely a problem of perspective. Perspective can take time to alter. Really. 😂 It is more likely that other autistics will ‘get you’ more though, or at very least understand where you struggle and that is the right kind of relationship. There are talks by Sarah(?) someone from the National autism society on here, she’s great at explaining autistic relationships and the strengths and boundaries. You’ll be fine, I have a good feeling for you. 👍 (disclaimer: I’m not clairvoyant) lol. Right. I need to wash up. Something I do wish I had help with!
Im 100% a number 1. Hyper vigilance re body language, the works. I err on the side of catastrophising re thinking someone doesnt like me because theyre deadpan etc while im talking.
I spend decades noticing escape routes for when a meteor should come crashing through the window… I stopped preparing for this what-if-scenario when at age 40 I calculated the statistics of this happening. (Sarah often says that data convinces an aspie)
I should say that I only worried about meteors when I was in the company of friends: I prepared to rescue them. I told them this year, to make them laugh with me about getting my autism diagnosis this year. But one of them thanked me, for looking out for them. She's right, I was caring for them, in my own way.
It’s too simplistic. Sometimes, yes all people express some of these sometimes. But the way of seeing the world and the adaptation to NT system and in families esp when it’s not yet accommodated for, this can cause complex psych effects in adulthood. So this expression minimizes the consequence of living with no support, etc
Sorry about that . As an nt i can easily recognize autistic people if they show the main characteristics but I don't get all these new nuances that are explained by Sarah. We all have them with different degrees and they influence our lives . that's why when I see a woman like sarah ,married with children ,who takes care of her family , extended family and her home ,who has a demanding job , many interests , travels ,speaks in front of an audience ,jokes around and relates very well with her public i wonder . When she describes her autistic husband i get it . His way of living is what to expect from an autistic individual. To me what she describes seem like the majorority of the people i know . We all have some kind of mental condition or many . So please ,don't get triggered if people say we all are a bit autistic because based on the descriptions we all are .
So ,from what I understood all characteristics and their opposites are valid ( Little to no eye contact or lots of eye contact , very talkative or little talkative and so on ...) . Idk , in my mind autism it's very clear and requires certain characteristics . The rest seem like nt's with a range of mental disorders. Maybe those mental disorders don't exist anymore? Have the majority been incorporated into autism spectrum disorder?
How can you tell the difference between highly sensitive people and hyper sensitive autistic people? Hmm. Diagnosis needs to be all three you mentioned, correct? Not only looking at sensory as an indicator. I’m new to learning about this.
This is me, I sat yesterday for three hours straight on a deep diving topic. Only breaking for the bathroom and a bit of coffee/snack. Hmm. We sound similar. Do you have a DX? I’m curious about seeing a professional.
@Alexandra Desirae That's interesting: I've always struggled when it comes to 'special interests', probably because of the starkly different-to-the-norm way they are commonly peddled online - but weirdly, I wondered only a couple of days ago about my obsessive researching on topics (these past several years it's been ADHD, PDA and autism - and words, always) would be viewed as a special interest. It's good to read I'm not the only one who thinks like this.
@@sarahsuero That's me! My daughter went off to college one morning, leaving me sitting in an armchair in my dressing gown, wholly absorbed in an article about PDA. She arrived back home at 3.30pm - and there I was, in the armchair, still in my dressing gown, wholly absorbed in a research paper about PDA. I hadn't moved. (Even that is highly unusual for me: I normally have my own personal water cycle going on (get up, put the kettle on, go to the loo, make tea... finish tea, get up, put the kettle on, go to the loo...) Regarding diagnosis, I was dx'd with dyspraxia nine years ago, and adult ADHD five years ago. Daughter dx'd as autistic last year. I've so often wondered about myself but felt I could never pin the traits down fully enough to warrant a diagnosis (truth be told, I was afraid I'd get laughed out of the surgery). I've been working on pulling together all the relevant life history, experiences and documentation to present a case. Sarah's presentation has helped enormously with this.
it says just Sar - ist that a nickname? I added this video on the one I did on female autism - Sarah Hendrickx just explains it best, regardless th-cam.com/video/OSKHjqjPHnQ/w-d-xo.html
25m35s introverts have to recharge alone. Extroverts don't. most ASD people are introverts. That's the concept. I think this part of the talk was flawed. Great talk overall though thanks
I love your messages, but I think you are dead wrong that people who are white can't have empathy for people of color and people who are straight can't have empathy for people who are LBGT, and the other polarities you mentioned. And disseminating that false belief actually contributes to polarization, which never ends. The archetypes of abuse and shaming and betrayal and oppression and persecution and prejudice and ostracism are 100% universal and the nature of those archetypes is only superficially affected by the details of the words and actions involved and the target group. I am disappointed. But will try to avoid getting so upset that I stop listening. I have learned a lot from your presentations.
I took that bit a little differently. I think we can have sympathy for those that are different but would be unable to truly know how they feel. Like a man could sympathize with a woman's pain of periods or childbirth as they have cramps and pain as well but lacking the parts can never truly know how it feels. Just as I can never truly know how it feels to be kicked in the balls. I grew up poor but my experience is totally different than someone that is poor and a minority. I can only sympathize and try to help. I thought I understood parenting, then I became one and then I knew.
Arden, I think Sarah said "some neurotypical people make those judgments:. expressing polarities as truths when they are not "All", but "Some" issues. I agree with her.
Pain is pain no matter if it is in your balls or your back. No matter if you are in pain because of shame or anger or jealousy or grief - these are all universal emotions and feelings. Understanding why someone is in pain may be hard for you, but in truth, even that is easy to overcome through real and clear communication. If I am in pain because people hate me because of my sexual orientation or religion or race -- it matters not why they hate, because hate is universal and the reason is not even important at that level - because they are just expressing their intense fear in a way that blames others. I can have empathy and compassion for anyone in pain, no matter why they are in pain, and even if they are angry or hate, I can see the pain behind their strategy of blaming others for their pain.
@@ardenriordan1184 Well, yes... and no. It's great to have a loving/empathetic way to approach other people's feelings, but the 'pain is pain' belief is tricky. Why? Because it may reach the opposite side, the lack of compassion: if you think you know what some experience is like, you won't excuse the person who can't overcome it (that's the thin girl telling the fat one she understands how it feels not fitting in your old clothes), it also may lead to condescension (that's the man that wouldn't consider that a woman may endure a stronger pain than him and think she is 'so fragile').
hmm well I think it's just to make it more clear that it's more nuanced. People might have misunderstood her when she was using those terms. I am a guy and a good friend too and we definitely fall more/completely within the 'female' form of autism e.g.
I largely fit a lot of the female criteria as a male, using a lot of social mimicry and camouflaging. Dumbing down my speech, adding in expletives, using slang with a bit of an ironic tone. So I think it's less about the thought police and more to do with the fact that while these differences in the manifestation of autism can be weighted toward a certain gender, ultimately it's not definitively a gender issue.
They scanned the brains of girls and boys with autism. About 85% of the time the computer could tell the difference between boys and girls. 15% of the time it couldn't tell. So about 15% of autistic people don't fit into the stereotypical categories of male or female autism.
Love it, that's no longer a focus of "male" and "female" autism in this presentation. Clearly, the topic of female presentation is and was absolutely necessary. But I think it's the next step of evolution to overcome it :-)
Reiterates that when you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism. A really helpful presentation, not reinforcing absolutes, but a spectrum, and importantly, that people with autism do not fit into (medical) boxes nice and tidily. Certainly was heartening to hear that it's the neuro-typicals who have the stereotypes, and no the neuro-atypicals. Thank you Sarah!
I'm getting overwhelmed. I relate with so many things on the 1 collumn. After constantly feeling like I'm just pretending to relate to autistic people because most of the traits mentioned on websites and tests were leaning on the 0 collumn. I'm maybe not imagining things.
Yes! This!
I ping between 0 and 1 based on my energy levels and engagement and I'm very cognisant of not being able to be able to maintain the comfortable middle ground that people expect. I can't do the middle, but I do both ends and so people think I can (and should) be able to balance it. Which I can't.
Oh my God the history thing. I spend all my time on people, animals and the way the world works. That's all I wanna do all the time
Find the more I live my life like 0 the happier I am. A couple close friends = great mental health. I tried so hard to fit in and be neurotypical. Fewer decisions and words = less mistakes or worries.
Thank you so much for talking about the introversion vs extroversion, not particularly applying sometimes. Because that is exactly how I function, and I've spent years wondering if I'm a shy extrovert, or a lonely introvert. Like, starting a new job I'll likely not speak unless spoken to, or unless it's to communicate something about work. And i'll feel massively anxious about speaking in front of people, or how I am coming across. But put me in a different situation, and I'll lead the conversation, in front of 20 plus people, and I'll enjoy it. And I won't care at all. Like, if I feel sure of myself, I'll start a conversation with a stranger and be talking about all sorts. If I don't feel sure of the situation, i'll worry about a conversation about the weather.
This was a brilliant talk. I identify my son a very much on the atypical side.
Thinking that anything can happen really made me laugh. I absolutely love to learn and used to think that I should be able to learn almost anything, then a few years ago it suddenly occured to me that I really don't need to know how to fly a space shuttle, lol. Considering that I can't even drive a car, I'm pretty sure that the feeling to be able to do that was just a tad too far. I can vacariously enjoy other people doing so while reading my sci-fi books and watching films, but I still have that nagging feeling that I should know what to do if I find myself in space and everyone else has mysteriously died and I need to navigate myself back home. Oh yes, and I don't have a bed with a space beneath it because of the hand that will grab my ankle or a wardrobe in case the hidden axe murderer creaks it open during the night, and a myriad of other things that are normally taken for granted. It's an interesting life, lol.
I was 1. After burnout, I am mostly behaving like 0.
Same was mostly 1 in my teenage to early twenties which burnt me out. Now I’m mostly 0 and life feels better.
Used to totally identify as INTROVERT, meaning: I get exhausted being around people and need to recharge in solitude, that's an introvert principle. THAT'S why I could align with it so much, until I realized, there was a bit more to it....lol
I still think I am rather introverted, I usually talk very little, and am much better at writing.
Only with very few people (again, environment) like for example Katrin Bentley, I can talk a lot, since we have so much in common. And she is not autistic, but very level headed and grounded, which is recharging and calming.
I can relate to what you say. I used to think I was introvert too, but was aware that I can be quite the opposite in certain situations... I couldn't understand this polarity and thought only one of these states could be 'genuine'. I didn't realise this was an ASD presentation until I actually had an assessment with Sarah last month, and she explained it... I too am better with writing, by the way.
Ex: I can’t have autism because his mom didn’t like labels. But all of the traits were there. I sought similar quirks when looking for friendship and they were running from their quirks.
One more comment: I'd love to have some references to back up the info on your slides, Sarah. Any chance of these being provided? (It'd prove hugely useful for those of us who strongly identify as number 1s and are seeking diagnosis.) Big thanks in advance!
So, I identify with a lot of the 0's and 1's, but I also realized that at some point in my life - for some of these things - I changed from 0 to 1 or the other way around. I was wondering if anybody else has experience with this?
That's normal...
It almost seems to be ever evolving...
Yep, totally identify. I am naturally gregarious and very sociable, but over the years the time I have needed to withdraw and recharge has got longer and longer - to the point where I now barely seek any social interaction. Of course that confounds those acquaintances of old, who expect the old Gilly to rock up.
I am also a real hoarder, but occasionally go through phases (we are talking maybe every few years) when I suddenly get a lightbulb moment of clarity, coupled with enough energy (hurrah!) to *see* just how crazily messy my house is, and to have a great clear-out, and keep things much simpler. I then become shockingly tidy, and clean surfaces within an inch of their lives. It's wonderful. And then suddenly - puff! - the magic has gone in an instant, and I mourn what I've thrown out, and my hoarding instincts kick back in.
Same for sensory stuff, too: some things I would actively seek out in the past I now can't abide. I used to love the smell of petrol on the forecourts; now it can make me gag; I would seek out crowded, noisy places and love getting jostled and bumped; now I tend to withdraw before I get too sucked in. It's a fascinating world...
I can flip between 1 and 0 in the same day lol
I’m becoming more 0 as I get older since it’s better for my health!
@@gillywillybythesea 22
AHH LOVE this analogy with the printing colours, only 3 colours, but different paper changes the colour. Brilliant. yes.
Could you do a demonstration on that? (for the visual people *chuckle)
ADHD and Autism is pretty bloody intense I can tell you now after 42 years of not having an explanation, but a house full of interests I’m not really interested in and no friends. 🤣
@@user-mx3kh8rj1t I guess we best fit with the people that we least trigger, and least trigger us, I’m not known for not triggering people 😂😂 but at the same time I reckon a lot of my past friends are on the spectrum.
Getting alone temporarily I find ok… longer term I’m not so sure.
@@user-mx3kh8rj1t if neurodivergence meant that like naturally liked like, then the logic would also have to be applied to the neurotypicals, who do not appear to bond purely upon their lack of disposition or fundamental similarities.
Are we not the same, socially, if not more tricky?
When you meet one autistic person you meet one autistic person, a similar assumption might be that all gay people will connect because they’re gay, that all black people would naturally connect with all other black people.
I’m not sure it has substance.
The word Autism by translation is “one alone”,
We struggle to communicate and socialise, if we found it easy to socialise with other people, even those on the spectrum, then that descriptor would not be completely true.
I think you misunderstood my point on triggering though.
I can’t help that somebody talking whilst chewing makes me want to kill them. I have no control over that feeling, is it fair to put all the blame onto me for being triggered over this, or are they partly responsible for not following etiquette?
Do I risk offending this person in all the usual ways to ask them to eat and talk exclusively of the other, or sit there obviously perturbed because I struggle to hide my reactions, edging closer to melting down because of something so arguably insignificant, then hate myself for losing the plot?
No, I wouldn’t hang out with them again.
I’m happy enough alone that cutting people out for repeated annoyances is incredibly easy.
This is not limited or specific to neurotypicals.
@@user-mx3kh8rj1t the hope is not lost my spectrum dwelling friend.
I’ve been to the brink of this life several times in several ways and I’m still here.
Broken but resilient. Lol.
My solution was to rely upon myself first and foremost. Make sure my aim is set on positive things that I enjoy, I set my own levels of activity (I have ME and thyroid problems too, and adhd) and I provide myself times of rest and have had time to learn about humanity.
I am blessed in many ways to have this I guess.
My theory is that if I have a personal meaningful goal, am happy working towards it, and can feel useful in myself at least, then and only then an I ready to open the door to new people.
Now I know I’m on the spectrum every relationship will be conducted through that lens, I am not autistic first, but autism does dictate my reactions in a lot of situations, just like my ME dictates my energy and clarity.
Now I can tell other people my difficulties and talents as well as guide them to how I am as a person, how my face is set to “misery” position as default even when I’m pretty happy.. how I’m not really angry, I’m just passionate about my special interests and that there’s a huge difference.
People know when I’m angry. There’s no ambiguity 😂
I can now allow myself to choose whom I connect with based on my new diagnosis and the understanding that comes with it, I can educate people around me about autism.
Mostly, I think that if I can’t make myself happy it’s unfair to set that responsibility to another person.
I know that when I force things they fail, usually spectacularly so now I’m just trying to make myself happy, because when I’m happy and self aware enough to attract new friendships, I will be able to tell the people who are happy and self aware enough to join me.
I won’t accept any less, if that means more time alone then so be it, I’ve art to make, guitars to abuse, video games to play, rest and recovery to work towards, manning to observe..
I don’t know if my standards are too high or my achievement is too low, or if my particular part of the spectrum is just for people flying solo, I don’t expect anything and I don’t limit what feels good. (And is morally legal)
I can’t speak on marriage… but people change and half of all fail so don’t feel too bad about that, and my condolences..
When one door closes..
I start my post autism diagnosis counselling tomorrow.. lots to learn still, and after several years reclusive… a new wide world is out there.
I’m just rambling. Tomorrow I might want to end it all again. LOL
Gotta focus on the silver linings, and try to dodge the rain clouds.
If I learn anything bout how not to be misunderstood I’ll let you know post haste!
Just be autistic af next time you meet someone, if you click you stick!
Until you don’t.
Que Sara. 🙌
The more you learn about yourself, the more you learn about others 😍
Thank you for a pleasant and intellectual conversation though.
Caught me properly off guard on here 👍👍
I’ve never just broken the ice, but I’ve smashed plenty to see who survived the bomb 💣 👍👍
The right ones seem to stick, and the right ones will understand, for all the others who don’t know exactly how to read you, it’s not your problem.. all you can do is explain the why to them, if they understand and can adapt then great, if not it makes room for someone that can.
Put yourself first for a while, recalibrate as one.
There’s more love than hate in the world, seeing it is purely a problem of perspective.
Perspective can take time to alter. Really. 😂
It is more likely that other autistics will ‘get you’ more though, or at very least understand where you struggle and that is the right kind of relationship.
There are talks by Sarah(?) someone from the National autism society on here, she’s great at explaining autistic relationships and the strengths and boundaries.
You’ll be fine, I have a good feeling for you. 👍
(disclaimer: I’m not clairvoyant) lol.
Right. I need to wash up.
Something I do wish I had help with!
Im 100% a number 1. Hyper vigilance re body language, the works. I err on the side of catastrophising re thinking someone doesnt like me because theyre deadpan etc while im talking.
33:41
My ears broke
Thank you for posting.
34:00 OOF yeah that was me and that’s why I’m 19 and have had 15 boyfriends 3 of which were abusive
35:07 YES. Thank you.
I oscillate between 0 and 1. There is no middle.
"house full of wool"?! it's mostly air and a good insulator!
I spend decades noticing escape routes for when a meteor should come crashing through the window… I stopped preparing for this what-if-scenario when at age 40 I calculated the statistics of this happening. (Sarah often says that data convinces an aspie)
I should say that I only worried about meteors when I was in the company of friends: I prepared to rescue them. I told them this year, to make them laugh with me about getting my autism diagnosis this year. But one of them thanked me, for looking out for them. She's right, I was caring for them, in my own way.
I don't think anything is more triggering to me than the statement that were all a little bit on the spectrum
It’s too simplistic. Sometimes, yes all people express some of these sometimes. But the way of seeing the world and the adaptation to NT system and in families esp when it’s not yet accommodated for, this can cause complex psych effects in adulthood. So this expression minimizes the consequence of living with no support, etc
Sorry about that . As an nt i can easily recognize autistic people if they show the main characteristics but I don't get all these new nuances that are explained by Sarah. We all have them with different degrees and they influence our lives . that's why when I see a woman like sarah ,married with children ,who takes care of her family , extended family and her home ,who has a demanding job , many interests , travels ,speaks in front of an audience ,jokes around and relates very well with her public i wonder . When she describes her autistic husband i get it . His way of living is what to expect from an autistic individual. To me what she describes seem like the majorority of the people i know . We all have some kind of mental condition or many . So please ,don't get triggered if people say we all are a bit autistic because based on the descriptions we all are .
So ,from what I understood all characteristics and their opposites are valid ( Little to no eye contact or lots of eye contact , very talkative or little talkative and so on ...) . Idk , in my mind autism it's very clear and requires certain characteristics . The rest seem like nt's with a range of mental disorders. Maybe those mental disorders don't exist anymore? Have the majority been incorporated into autism spectrum disorder?
How can you tell the difference between highly sensitive people and hyper sensitive autistic people? Hmm. Diagnosis needs to be all three you mentioned, correct? Not only looking at sensory as an indicator. I’m new to learning about this.
This is me, I sat yesterday for three hours straight on a deep diving topic. Only breaking for the bathroom and a bit of coffee/snack. Hmm. We sound similar. Do you have a DX? I’m curious about seeing a professional.
@Alexandra Desirae That's interesting: I've always struggled when it comes to 'special interests', probably because of the starkly different-to-the-norm way they are commonly peddled online - but weirdly, I wondered only a couple of days ago about my obsessive researching on topics (these past several years it's been ADHD, PDA and autism - and words, always) would be viewed as a special interest. It's good to read I'm not the only one who thinks like this.
@@sarahsuero That's me! My daughter went off to college one morning, leaving me sitting in an armchair in my dressing gown, wholly absorbed in an article about PDA. She arrived back home at 3.30pm - and there I was, in the armchair, still in my dressing gown, wholly absorbed in a research paper about PDA. I hadn't moved. (Even that is highly unusual for me: I normally have my own personal water cycle going on (get up, put the kettle on, go to the loo, make tea... finish tea, get up, put the kettle on, go to the loo...)
Regarding diagnosis, I was dx'd with dyspraxia nine years ago, and adult ADHD five years ago. Daughter dx'd as autistic last year. I've so often wondered about myself but felt I could never pin the traits down fully enough to warrant a diagnosis (truth be told, I was afraid I'd get laughed out of the surgery). I've been working on pulling together all the relevant life history, experiences and documentation to present a case. Sarah's presentation has helped enormously with this.
i think i was more 1 in my young years. nowadays after domestic abuse, im more 0. and maybe it comes with age too.
Same but my interests are still 1.
Its like someone saying that because they have a black ancestor that they can understand the struggles of black people in america
it says just Sar - ist that a nickname? I added this video on the one I did on female autism - Sarah Hendrickx just explains it best, regardless th-cam.com/video/OSKHjqjPHnQ/w-d-xo.html
So much!
25m35s introverts have to recharge alone. Extroverts don't. most ASD people are introverts. That's the concept. I think this part of the talk was flawed. Great talk overall though thanks
I am an extrovert who needs recharging.
I love your messages, but I think you are dead wrong that people who are white can't have empathy for people of color and people who are straight can't have empathy for people who are LBGT, and the other polarities you mentioned. And disseminating that false belief actually contributes to polarization, which never ends. The archetypes of abuse and shaming and betrayal and oppression and persecution and prejudice and ostracism are 100% universal and the nature of those archetypes is only superficially affected by the details of the words and actions involved and the target group. I am disappointed. But will try to avoid getting so upset that I stop listening. I have learned a lot from your presentations.
I took that bit a little differently. I think we can have sympathy for those that are different but would be unable to truly know how they feel. Like a man could sympathize with a woman's pain of periods or childbirth as they have cramps and pain as well but lacking the parts can never truly know how it feels. Just as I can never truly know how it feels to be kicked in the balls. I grew up poor but my experience is totally different than someone that is poor and a minority. I can only sympathize and try to help. I thought I understood parenting, then I became one and then I knew.
Arden, I think Sarah said "some neurotypical people make those judgments:. expressing polarities as truths when they are not "All", but "Some" issues. I agree with her.
Arden, I am gay as well as Aspie. And some people tell me I can't be both. A bit like saying I can't be tall and have blue eyes.
Pain is pain no matter if it is in your balls or your back. No matter if you are in pain because of shame or anger or jealousy or grief - these are all universal emotions and feelings. Understanding why someone is in pain may be hard for you, but in truth, even that is easy to overcome through real and clear communication. If I am in pain because people hate me because of my sexual orientation or religion or race -- it matters not why they hate, because hate is universal and the reason is not even important at that level - because they are just expressing their intense fear in a way that blames others. I can have empathy and compassion for anyone in pain, no matter why they are in pain, and even if they are angry or hate, I can see the pain behind their strategy of blaming others for their pain.
@@ardenriordan1184 Well, yes... and no. It's great to have a loving/empathetic way to approach other people's feelings, but the 'pain is pain' belief is tricky. Why? Because it may reach the opposite side, the lack of compassion: if you think you know what some experience is like, you won't excuse the person who can't overcome it (that's the thin girl telling the fat one she understands how it feels not fitting in your old clothes), it also may lead to condescension (that's the man that wouldn't consider that a woman may endure a stronger pain than him and think she is 'so fragile').
I notice she's shying away more and more from male vs female presentations. I hope the Thought Police is not making it hard for her.
hmm well I think it's just to make it more clear that it's more nuanced. People might have misunderstood her when she was using those terms. I am a guy and a good friend too and we definitely fall more/completely within the 'female' form of autism e.g.
I largely fit a lot of the female criteria as a male, using a lot of social mimicry and camouflaging. Dumbing down my speech, adding in expletives, using slang with a bit of an ironic tone. So I think it's less about the thought police and more to do with the fact that while these differences in the manifestation of autism can be weighted toward a certain gender, ultimately it's not definitively a gender issue.
They scanned the brains of girls and boys with autism. About 85% of the time the computer could tell the difference between boys and girls. 15% of the time it couldn't tell. So about 15% of autistic people don't fit into the stereotypical categories of male or female autism.