CHRONIC ILLNESS warrior REACTS to 'ILLEST OF OUR TIME' | This was INTENSE!! @RenMakesMusic
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 3 ต.ค. 2024
- As someone who suffers from a number of autoimmune conditions and has also struggled with mental health difficulties for much of my life, this one was intense!!!
Let me know what you think! Had you seen this before?
Please check out @RenMakesMusic - • Ren - Hi Ren (Official...
You can also find me on Instagram: Www. lupy_lj
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#Illestofourtime #Ren #reaction #reactionvideo #Renreaction #rap #mentalhealth #mindUK #pauseformind #chronicillness #chronicpain
Lupy love,
Lj xx
I get my music from 2 places:
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Thanks for the reaction. "Depression is a blessing in disguise": For Ren this may actually be the case. He has used the downsides of depression and illness as a source of inspiration and as time for reflection and self-understanding. Without his struggles, would he have found the inspiration for songs such as "Hi Ren" that allowed the world to discover his amazing talent? Maybe not, who knows. I guess it is that eternal pendulum swing between darkness and light that he is referring to. Cheers!
Oh yes, for him it may well be a blessing 💜 thanks for watching
Once I realized that if anything in my past had been different, I would be different… like, my first two failed marriages, without them I would not have my children nor would I have worked hard on my current marriage (20 years this year).
It does not make it fun, it does not make it pleasant, but you would not be the person you are without your past.
Not that I like this analogy, but gently treated metal is the weakest, only when forged and treated with very hard temperatures and shock (forging, etc) does it make the metal be more resilient.
Think back to Hi Ren where he said it set his brain on fire…
Find the video of all the meds, the hydrogen gas treatment, and the eletromagnetic cap he puts on just to try to help his brain learn new things…
So it might not be a blessing (only positive), but as the phrased tends to get used where I live, especially by religious people, is something bad that led to something good.
th-cam.com/video/W6jKUMTlfW4/w-d-xo.html
And as you said, it is not a competition to be the worse or compare to say one person has it worse than another, we all go thru things and something you could easily handle might affect another deeply…
(And now I am all over the place, lost my train, need to go to the station to pick it up again).
Oh, this video has a fable, etc about do not be too quick to judge good luck/fate to something happening…
th-cam.com/video/PM5TfT6mPU8/w-d-xo.html
@@DougJessee I know exactly what you mean 💜
Ren went live on Twitch after the premiere and spent some of his Bday with us fans.He checked out some reactions to this song and gave us some behind the scenes knowledge on it amongst other things.Worth checking out,great communities being built behind this man
Aww that's awesome, didn't realise he had twitch! He's awesome 💜
@@ljslupylife nor did i lol,was lucky to be free for the premiere and he was in the chat in the build up and said he would be live.I should have been going to sleep as i start early but couldn't turn off so had to settle for being tired at work :D Also would like to say that whilst we find reaction channels via liking the video chosen,the decision to watch more is down to an affinity with the creator so enjoy the feeling ,it's deserved :) Ren even said on Twitch how traffic flows both ways between artists/reactors' channels.I have even learnt about dissociation from you as i've always just thought of it as daydreaming.I have said on another channel but there seems to be great communities being made behind the music of Ren,great to see him taking steps forwards in his health and career
@@ljslupylife You can catch the VOD for the stream on his Twitch. It's really sweet.
@@AndaraBledin I will do 💜
@@RenxChilla definitely. I would have stayed up too!! Lol
Ren ripped up a thesaurus literally 😄👊
His Sick Boi album will have 16 tracks and the next song in a month.
I watched his live Twitch and he broke at reactors starting to post on TH-cam. So humble and genuinely grateful for anyone reacting to his music.
They filmed this in an old Argos in Brighton and sketchy with homeless people trying to steal props or camera equipment.
Great reaction Lupy!!! 👍👍
Oh he's so lovely! Oh wow, thanks for sharing that it makes everything so much more interesting 💜
Your interpretation of how Ren structured his video - with the manic first half followed by his change in demeanour because of illness - opened up a new understanding of this song. None of the other reactors explained it in such clear terms. I think, without your help, this nuance would have been lost on me and is lost on most other people. Great reaction as always!!!
Oh wow, thank you so much. I'm really pleased I could explain it clearly 💜
Leaving another thought, about the depression being a blessing in disguise. I have a tendency to try and push too hard. When I do slide into depression (due to the pain, fatigue, and hopelessness) I use it to my advantage for healing time. Since my urge is to curl into a ball and dive under the pillow, I allow myself to do so, and do it well!! I made it into a pleasure like ice cream. For an entire 36 hours I tell myself I earned this down time, so wallow in it. But, when the time is up, I get up and do rounds online trying to bring cheer to others. This in turn allows me to get back my smile. What was once something I felt guilty about was turned into a healing cycle.
What a great way to look at it 💜
@@fourcornersofbrighton oh definitely for him 💜
he used a Freddy Kreuger reference twice, the other was the crucifix part, is part of the Freddy Kreuger nursery rhyme. Both Screech(masochist) and Jenny(pacifist) were mentioned. He def referenced many songs in this. I got the reference of the wanton soup immediately, almost describes what his brain feels and looks like
Yeah, he's so good at bringing it together lyrically 💜
Great reaction! I think part of the reason we gravitate to the stories of other chronically ill people is we, as humans, want to connect to others who understand: who get it when you say 'I was out having a good day yesterday but paid for it today by needing to stay in bed'. I think we also can find solutions in the stories of others and we can keep each other strong.
Backstory, I am a 52 year old woman, who went from being able to work as a paramedic on an ambulance, to having to work in dispatch, to going part time, to not working at all, simply because I could no longer determine from day to day if I would be able to in and if I did, would I need to leave early? I have that voice in my mind too, saying I'm not doing enough, I'm a failure etc. but you get to a point where employers don't want someone so unreliable. So yeah, the short of it is that there are many drawn to Ren's music who go through the same struggles.
BTW. in regards to the '666 flow, kill a catholic' line... I was raised catholic, so that one caught me too, but the way he words it; I have chosen to mentally interpret that as, the flow killed the catholic (IE he died of shock) rather than promoting violence. Just a thought.
I'm so sorry you have experienced that struggle with work, I'm worried that I'm going to have to stop at some point myself 💜 Spoonie hugs hun
Ooh I really like that interpretation of the line, thanks for sharing
Great reaction! I did also link the slow down in the middle section with Ren representing when he has overdone it, so glad to hear that someone else is on that wavelength too.
I first came for Ren reactions, but I stayed because I appreciate your honesty. I was quite worried for you when you did the Tales of Jenny and Screech so I'm glad that you find reacting to his music and discussing what it means to you cathartic.
I have subscribed and I'm looking forward to delving into your crafty side too.
Thank you for being you x
Yeah that slow down when you overdo it is so frustrating!!
Aww thank you so much for your kind words 💜 yes please check out the crafts
My son suffers from autism and schizophrenia and his biggest complaint now that he is “well” is the racing mind. He just can’t always stop the voices and stinking thinking. I get it. You are an inspiration to so many others by talking. When he was in the grips of psychotic break, he would write poems. Some of them are quite brilliant. The depression helps his racing brain slow down . Bless you.
I'm so glad your son has you 💜 yeah the racing mind can be a challenge
I was looking forward to this one, and I was not dissapointed! btw he made a comment on his song that he started to make this beat which was sort of out of his comfort zone which he wants to challenge himself.
I think on the depression point he is sort of commenting it gave him a lot of wisdom, which makes his lyricism that much better. I am not really sure if he truly feels it is a blessing. The feeling I get he is trying really hard to look at all the shit he is going through in a positive light, to stay sane (but that is pure speculation on my part, mainly because I see how much he thinks about every layer of his lyrics, and it would seem to be out of character to be kinda blase about depression, given how negatively he talks about it in other songs )
And yeah rationalising is great but that voice will always be unimpressed. It's so exhausting.
Also as an aside the cats make the video's better (but then imo, cats make most things better)
Ooh good to know about challenging himself 💜 yes I love how he uses his experience to create the music. I agree if you can look on the positive it helps, but it's so hard to do!
I agree, cats make everything better 💜
Highly recommend taking an nf journey. Don't have to do all of them, but if you do "how could you leave us", mansion, the search, and story then you will be absolutely blown away when you do hope.
Very raw and vulnerable songs about his battles with mental health, with an inspiring climax.
Awesome thanks hun 💜 a couple of people have suggested this now
@@ljslupylife was going to mention NF too, but "how could you leave us" I think is the saddest song of all time that I have ever seen... 😞 Def mentally prepare if u pick that one! ❤❤
@@niky9226 💜
I don’t have any health issues, and only occasional mild depression, but I’ve learned so much about myself through Ren’s music. Lots of time it through people sharing their challenges. It has reawakened the empathy I stifled in my late teens due to an emotionally abusing relationship I endured for over 30 years. I hadn’t cried in over 20 years until this music and the awesome reactors finally broke through my self imposed numbness. Thank you for contributing to my newly awakened humanity.
Thank you so much for sharing 💜 I'm so sorry you have experienced that but I'm glad you are finding solice in the music 💜
I am hoping for a time where both yourself and Ren are having a strong day and I get to see you both at one of his gigs
Oh that would be incredible, I'd love to see him live!! I actually had a dream the other night that I recorded a song with him lol 💜
Lupy, my depression increased drastically during the 2 yrs of self isolation imposed by the Covid pandemic as I was 'high risk' already due to lung disease as well as immunity issues. However, the upside of this was:
1. Discovering all kinds of music that would never have been on my radar otherwise thanks to TH-cam lol.
2. Spending hundreds of hrs using online resources to explore any subject that popped into my head that interested me including; quantum physics, theology, alaester crowley (the infamouse occultist) & the value of whale poo to name but a few 😆. All of this really helped me through the long days of isolation. Ren, has been isolated for many yrs more than that so, an enquiring mind naturaly wants to be able to explore all aspects of life, the universe & everything lol so he's had more free time than most people to do so. It shows in his lyricism that he has delved into every aspect of humanity & culture by referencing so many idols & icons, many of whom died before he was born lol. I think this track is Ren standing up to the world like Spartacus to challenge the established status quo & 'we as his fanbase of generations' are standing with him to join the cry of "I'm Spartacus"! Theres a knew gladiator in the arena & he's hungry for the fight. His name is Ren Gill! 😃
Yeah I was high risk as well, not able to leave my house for over a year, and then only one hour a week!
Yeah, he's definitely standing up screaming!! We stand with him!
Ren is the new king of Hip-Hop! 🖤
1000000%
You missed my favourite passage about turning up to eleven, Demigorgon and stranger things, but it is so dense lyrically it has taken me hours to find half of them lol. Illest can also be viewed from a hip hop idea of meaning best as in bad meaning good. Love your reviews and I come back for you I mean you got me to watch unboxing vids and after this I'm off to twitch to watch you there.
You need 3 or more watches to get the lyrics just by ear 😁 so good!
@@simplysimon9868 definitely
Yeah I heard that line but there was so much going on and so many lyrics! He's a genius 💜
It was lovely to see you over on Twitch too 💜
Your mention of rheumatoid arthritis immediately made me think of my mate Aidzee. You absolutely must watch his stand-up "Code Grey" which is basically his treatise on life, death and illness (there's even a bit of nudity at the end....or a pleasing cat...your choice).
We honestly thought that he was some sort of immortal zombie creature with the amount of times his heart stopped and the crazy diseases he seemed to collect as a hobby. Sadly he died a few months ago, he was a beautiful weirdo. We felt kinda robbed that it was just boring old pneumonia that got him. But yeah....Aidzee Code Grey, give it a watch :)
This tune is savagely good!!! Did you read his comment about the venue for the shoot? He also popped on twitch and got very emotional about the reception and that reactors were already posting.
We truly are in the presence of greatness with Ren. Just wow.
It is so easy to beat yourself up because your body or brain isn't working properly. It's one of the hardest battles tbh. As much as you can explain it completely rationally with others and they'll totally get it, you just feel like a liar and a fraud (well I did anyway). Having spent ummm too many decades dealing with mental health problems (luckily science fixed the main physical problems... yay) I can totally see the viewpoint of depression being a blessing, because it has taught me so so much (as did getting some proper diagnosis...better understanding etc).
Not sure if I recommended Shane Koyzcan already (Canadian poet) but Blueprint For a Breakthrough is awesome (vid is a TedX Talk irrc).
What craft stuff do you do?
Sorry to hear about your friend, I'll definitely check it out 💜 yeah, it's so easy to beat myself up and yeah, feeling like a fraud is a daily thing!!
I hadn't heard that before but I will have to add him on Twitch!
In terms of crafting I make custom photo albums, greetings cards, some acrylic art and a few other bits and pieces!
@@ljslupylife ooh, I'm gonna have to check it out...do you have a Cricut? I still find myself nervous to really get creative with it....made a bunch of cards and stickers but my main aim was tshirts.....my heat press is still in the box 😂
I also (used to) knit...it was an easy source of income when I couldn't work...custom hats etc. My ex-wife taught me when she was pregnant with our daughter, which was definitely too many years ago...damn I feel old 😂
@@andymcpandy2128 I do have a cricut but really don't use it as much as I would like! Oh you should definitely check out my craft channel and Twitch then, you'll find lots of like minded people 💜💜💜
You give such a unique perspective enriching my enjoyment and understanding of the songs you react to. Also you really help me connect to humanity more through your openness, vulnerability and clearity in how you express your life story and share your thoughts. You are so well-spoken and absoluteyl lovely. All the best to you and thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here...
Also: Tons of eastereggs for fans, for instance the Stella-can from the FatboySlim-retake...
Aww thank you so much for your kind words 💜 thank you so much
@@ColoniaAgrippina2023 yeah I spotted that but couldn't place it, you can see that it registered in my face!
Also I was attracted to your channel through Ren, but not because of Ren, more the content of his songs. I have my mental health issues (having lived with autism for my whole life but only being diagnosed 5 years ago, which put a whole bunch of things into perspective, and gave me actual goals to work towards to feel better in my own skin) , and for me 'Hi Ren'hit very very hard. And I am also very interested in seeing the perspective of people who are in a similar situation chronic illness wise, because I always want to understand people. (since you share a lot, I thought, it's only fair to share some of my own stuff, and I am totally comfortable with that)
Thank you so much for sharing 💜 I'm really glad the diagnosis helped
Ren is 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
...I'm so deep down this rabbit hole...I'm spinning.
Get well soon lady ...thanks for the reaction. 🎉🎉🎉🎉
Aww thank you so much 💜 yes he is!!!!
This is my favorite Ren song. Not for any deep reasons, I just... freakin' love it. xD
I think hi ren is still my favourite but I do really enjoy this one too
For me, the "depression is a blessing in disguise" thing is tied in with the next line "intuition, getting wise". Years ago, when I was studying psychology, one of my psych professors told me about a study that happened that had proved that people with depression make more accurate predictions than optimists do.
And THAT brings me back to all the years I studied the Greek pantheon, and old Greek/Roman stories of kings who had soothsayers to advise them. I feel very tied to those stories. My depression and anxiety benefits the people I work for, because I think of the potentially BAD things that others might miss, so that we can work to prevent those bad things from happening.
Do I still hate it? Heck yes!!!
Totally understand where you are coming from, and that prediction thing makes sense 💜
Yes he is a musical genius and a lyrical genius and a master story teller !
1000%
The song is a fucking banger! Ren is sensational and such a good person! Adore you! Love your reactions and insight! Always sending love!! Xoxo
Aww thank you so much 💜
Yeah, it's hard to reconcile depression with a blessing.....just doesn't fit for me at the moment either.
But I do love the way you appreciate his music in all its varying forms.
And if you need an argument for not working as much, don't overlook how impressive it is to be working at all, to keep pushing through. I struggle to get anything done and I'm physically great. Don't underestimate your pure perseverance, it's inspiring to me ❤
Another reason I love Blind Eyed in the parking garage with the angry attendant. Great song, great acoustics and an organic series of events that spotlight how die hard Ren really is, nothing throws that guy off and it's beautiful, highly recommend ❤
Thank you so much for your kind words 💜
Your kitty shook his head and disagreed with you you didn't see that your kitty shook his head saying no it is dinner time 🤭💕
I know this is completely off topic but my cat just passed and seeing yours in the background was adorable and seeing them playbox was fabulous and the reason I'm watching these is because Ren really gets me through the all the pain the physical the mental and you know what it's like when your cats are there to comfort you but without him I'm just playing Ren videos and reactions and your cat's just made my day in the way you talked to them ❤️🔥💕🌹 I'm a make another comment about the reaction but this is my favorite part and it made my day thank you I may even save it just to watch them 🤭❣️
Oh they both tell me its dinner time constantly lol 💜 aww thank you so much. They are awesome.
As a side note I do make pet memorial pieces for our babies, so if you would like something let me know 💜💜
@@ljslupylife 😲 that sounds so sweet how wld one get in touch with you for that 🌹 he really liked when I was playing Ren and I played Ren every morning for like 7 years. Hiren he ran up to me every time he started hearing that guitar I don't know if he loved the music or if you just love how happy it made me I think both 😌💕😉
@@ranneff7119 ooh what a lovely thing to share 💜
@@ranneff7119 you can contact me here - instagram.com/squdgecraft
The lyrics are amazing, but that beat! Felt a bit like a post apocalypse Prodigy. As I think I mentioned on an earlier react, it's only due to my depression telling me I would fcuk up any attempt at self exiting (I think the YT algorithms will be fine with that description) that I'm still alive now. That was the blessing in disguise I had from my depression.
I'm going to say again that I'm so glad you are still here 💜
That's such a good description!
That was a great facial expression I really enjoyed it you didn't need subtitles 😂 Ren is a genius!
He really is!! Thanks 💜
Lovely reaction Lupy. I agree with you in that depression is not a blessing, least at the moment. However, meditating on that statement a while lead me to believe that perhaps we are too close to decern the positives of such an abysmal condition. Perhaps this is a sign Ren is getting better mentally in tandem with the physical. That he can now finally recognise for himself the things that held him back were the very same things that pushed him forward. I hope that means it's possible with more time that we can all recognise it for ourselves. I guess it's a matter of raising oneself with the rise of the tide that drowns us so suddenly. Regardless I can't wait for the next video sadly the NHS has seen better days. As such I thought to offer a few resources once the government aide relinquishes for you. I don't know how useful you will find them to be but I understand on bad days really bad days the smallest support can be the biggest life raft.
First one is 7 cups of tea a resource that I call "The Vent" and have used it for years which just allows communication of the issues and one on one support perhaps an avenue in discovering catharsis along the way
www.7cups.com/
Second is betterhelp which I haven't used personally but heard good things and is more of the professional based expierence.
www.betterhelp.com/
And the third is a discord link to a fellow TH-cam reactor called Cliff Beats who built a community to talk about music, mental health etc.
discord.com/invite/ZBP5tmDJzD
I hope it helps if anything else feel free to reach out if you need. Your community is here for you do be safe and keep dancing above that tide. The good days will always be there no matter how worse the bad ones get you got this, I believe in you.
Thank you so much 💜 I really appreciate your point of view.
The only thing I would say is that I have only heard negative things about better help...
@@ljslupylife That's fair really most online resources are shite. I thought to at least include three as the human psyche and our individuality are so diverse I thought so should the reources be as well. Yet its understandable if you've heard contrary things of better help. Yet, 7 cups least the free volunteer support was really nice when I had nothing else both being on the receiving end and being the support for others I felt allowed me to frame my own fucked up patterns of self deprecating behaviours in a more healthy stable way than my usual masochistic coping mechanisms of madness. The discord as well is a nice community for discussions and framework perhaps may inspire you with video ideas or techniques. Still I am aware what works for some may not work for others. Regardless of any of that know we all appreciate your perspective and strength to make these videos. You're a legend for being yourself and I am happy you are here to share that with us.
@@_Glass-_-House_ brilliant and thanks again for sharing these 💜
Insightful reaction once again. I'd missed that everything changed / switched like you pointed out. Had caught the meaning, especially about the state of his brain.
Thank you for finding enough energy to react because I really do appreciate your perspective.
If you are looking for other songs that help. Ren has a song from around 7 years ago called Patience. Really does sound like a mantra & I shared if with a friend who I thought would appreciate this.
Another singer whose helped me is Guy Sebastian. He wrote two songs - Choir about a friend he lost and Standing With You for a believe a family member dealing with depression. Mostly it's the 2nd song I listen to all the time. However, there was a performance he did at a school where he was there to hear them performing Choir and then he sung Standing With You th-cam.com/video/SI3QrQ6OeSY/w-d-xo.html. It's very sweet & probably a nice introduction if you've never heard of Guy.
Oh wow, thank you so much for the suggestions 💜 glad I could help you understand something
Wow indeed....
I know right?! 💜
The things you feel, I feel them too. Your words give me great insight and help me feel not so alone. Thanks for being my therapist! Much respect to you in your journey!
I'm so glad you find it useful 💜 keep going hun
It was worth waiting for your reaction. I thought that this song and the Fisher remix reflect an ambiguity about fame and great talent. I believe that he is both bragging about it and feeling guilty at the same time. What do you think?
I am pulling for you and so are all of you subscribers.
Ooh yeah that is definitely a good interpretation 💜 I really like that
There are a few truths I know.
One is that everybody's pain hurts for them. Everybody's problems suck for them. Everybody's suffering is awful for them. There's no sense in comparing.
Couldn't agree more 💜
I tend to steer clear of the online communities for my own chronic health and especially some of the very specific trauma effects i live with for the very reasons you were mentioning. I love youtube bc this is YOU sharing your perspective. I'm here to listen to YOUR voice. I can comment what i relate to but not be inundated with a lot of olympiccing. I also find your channel safe even when it's an emotional reaction bc ... well .. i see the dissociation, depersonalization ... humor ... mirrored and i'm like "Hehe ... yeah these be my peeps" and seeing you reminds me we're beautiful
Thank you so much, yes olympiccing is a good description! Lovely to have you here 💜
Intense sums it up pretty well lol. Needs more than a few listens to pick up on all the references - I swear he swallowed a dictionary and thesaurus when he was younger ! Double entendres all over the place. He has done a community post where he breaks down the meaning of the song.
As for the depression line - I wonder if it was a nod that for him, it keeps him grounded and humble - guess only he can explain it from his perspective.
Not sure if you have seen this but there is a clip of Ren reacting live on his live stream when the track dropped and he got really emotional - he gives a big shout out to the reactors to his music too. Here it is th-cam.com/video/FKU9DbaIYos/w-d-xo.html&ab_channel=lifeasamovie
Really enjoying your videos so I look forward to see where you head on the Ren rabbit hole journey next - there is nothing but amazing music to find.
Stay strong.
I can definitely see how it is a blessing in disguise for him 💜 I'll have to check out the breakdown thanks.
Thank you so much 💜
Fantastic reaction. Thanks for sharing. You truly are amazing.
Thank you so much 💜
❤❤❤
💜💜
This track is wall to wall references, callbacks, and callouts. There are a whole load of lines that call back to his other tracks.
If you really like the wordplay, then I suggest you check out The Hunger and Losing It.
If you'd like something more upbeat, then definitely load up Power and What You Want.
Another one that is more about his situation that will likely speak to you more directly is Genesis.
Thanks for the suggestions 💜
Nearly at 1000 subs!! Sure this will boost you past 1000 😁👍
I know, I genuinely can't believe it!! Thank you for watching
Great reaction 🥰 love 73Aussie ❤
Oh hey 💜 thanks. Lovely to chat with you on Twitch too
Thank you for your honesty, having lived with someone with health and mental health issues (which has impacted my health, physical and mental) this helps me understand better and cope better
I'm so glad you are able to understand that, so many people don't even want to, so thank you 💜
Hey LJ! I think you might like NF, he's an american who raps about mental health. I just discovered him thru his song "hope"💜💜
Awesome thanks for the suggestion 💜
He has a double meaning....illest meaning the sickest( best ) rapper
That's also a good interpretation 💜
He has ADHD......he said hyperactivity keeps him always creating
I can totally understand that 💜
Ren❤❤❤❤
💜💜
Loved your reaction ❤
You were talking about the voice in your head... it reminded me of Voices in my head by Falling in Reverse
You might want to check that one... 😉
Much ❤🤗
Ooh I will do, thanks 💜
Great reaction as always. I think you'd love Losing It by Ren for a bit of light relief, lots of film, music, actor references even the Squid Game.
Ooh interesting, thanks 💜
He said about having another 13 songs to be released
Holy crap really!?!? 😮😍
@@freddyhochauf9489 yep
Wow that is incredible!! I'm here for it 💜
@@freddyhochauf9489 💜
Sounds awesome!
Doesn't it?!
Doesn't it suck, having to "pay" for doing something you want to do? That's the thing I find almost impossible to explain to other people. The impact it has on my mind, that I have to do a little cost-benefit analysis for _everything_ I do.
Not just "Can I go play a card game with my family, or do I need to be in reasonably good shape in three days for something else?"
But all the way up to "Should I go pee now? If I hold it for another two hours, then I can combine it with dinner time meds..."
And all the way down to, "Well, I guess I can't talk with friends because typing hurts now, great... but can I play a video game, or is it just more TH-cam for me today?"
Every movement, every breath, every activity, it's... exhausting. And yes, omg, with an "invisible" disability like this, it's so easy to start to feel like I'm failing, like maybe I'm not _that_ disabled, or _that_ ill. Surely I could push through if I really tried, so I'm just weak for doing so little. Like you, I used to work 7 days a week, 80+ hours... and not just that, on a lighter, 60 hour week, I'd still have time to go grocery shopping, make dinner, watch some TV, and play a video game. Nowadays, I swear, I watch a few TH-cam videos and the day is gone. I dunno where it went, but poof! Gone.
Yup and no one can understand unless they have experienced it. I'm glad that lots of people don't understand because I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy but I do wish people could understand that we aren't making it up, that everything we do requires a lot of calculation and planning 💜
@@ljslupylife Yeah... one of my most bittersweet moments was when my father (my abuser and the self-made man against whom I could never hope to measure up even _without_ having been already in agony in the womb) finally experienced depression for the first time.
He was the quintessential, "Well just _stop it_ if you don't like it, then. Get off your ass and _do something_ and it'll all feel better!" He literally could not comprehend the reality of it, the way it saps all energy and life and color from everything, the degree to which it's _impossible_ to "just get up and do something".
When he got depression a few years ago, it was both incredibly vindicating to hear him admit that he'd had no idea. Even with a psychology degree, he couldn't have imagined it... and now he _got it._ Vindicating, but also sad, because I wouldn't wish that on _anyone._
@@barefootalien wow well I'm glad he finally understood but yeah I totally understand the bitter sweet situation
So the line you said you were shocked by with religious connections... my personal take is it's a triple. So 1) he went hard on this to show he could rap rap so 666 (his rhymes are so evil) he could crucify a Catholic. 2) the way he pronounces 666 is almost sick sick sick and he does identify with Christianity/Catholicism (and other religions) so it's him also saying his evil sickness is crucifying him. 3) He's saying other rappers who are devoted (like Catholics are devoted) are going to get crucified by him. He went super hard on this one
Well said
@@onnadonovan8228 💜
Ooh I like the way you think 💜
Love your kitty !❤
Oh...love BOTH you kitties! ❤😊
@@annebiebrich9155 I was about to ask which one?! Lol they both say thank you 💜
@@ljslupylife I miss my kitties! Had 3 black, 1 Russian Blue and 3 orange !
@@annebiebrich9155 oh they sound beautiful hun 💜
Hope you are back to feeling 'normal for you'. Sometimes feels like the hardest part of autoimmunity is facing the recovery time that must be paid for every action, physical and mental. Love and strength to you...and spoons if you know about the spoons.
I gladly welcome the spoons 💜🥄
Yeah I agree, the pay back is what I really struggle with because you have to factor it into everything decision
You asked about songs to check out...have you ever listened to Tori Amos sing Me And A Gun live at Montreux? (By far the best version of that song.)
Ooh not sure I have. Thanks 💜
@@ljslupylife trigger warning for allusion to sexual assault.
I guess we know which side of Ren wrote this song. LOL
Very true 💜
Hehe you talk to your cats like I do to my boy. Had to giggle at it and just glad Jethro didn't hear them 😂
Magrat! Hehe perfick. My car is Esme 🧙♀️
Ooh ooh shall we have a competition? It definitely happens way too much online. I think you'd win but it might be close 🤔😂
OK so the song. He, as so many of us do, dud try to find some comfort in religion at some point... But he's agnostic at best and I love the fact he challenges the organised religions. I truly can't stand them and their "holier than thou" mentality.
I'm just glad I found my pagan view when my conditions kicked in properly, but I ain't holy 😂💜
The depression bit, yeah I think I kiiind of get where he's coming from... That he isn't chasing the record label now it's kicked in, he's happy to make music and connect with people rather than go for fame.
I mean I try to find silver linings in all the crap, my dog being one of them💜
Having to challenge my mind and finding out WHY I've struggled for so long, it's awful but I'm thankful for the clarity that has come from it.
The fatigue is a bitch, that is for sure!
Especially when your head can go bananas if you're not on the go.
Oh hun... We are far too similar in all the ways I wish I could change for you!
You don't need to explain the mental reaction to work shit... I get it. You made perfect sense!💜
I can't work any more, I only manage to volunteer and then it's very limited. My head still pummels me for not being able to work, after years of trying to come to terms with it. Not least because I miss the kids/people I supported and taught.
You're fighting against the blessing in disguise bit... But there's something in your head trying to find it, I can almost hear the argument 😏
Great big spoonie hugs hun, hope you look after yourself this weekend 💜
No, please no competitions lol
Yay for cats that you can have a conversation with!!
I'm very much the same and paganism is my spirituality too 💜
You were a teacher too? Such a rewarding but exhausting job. Glad you can still volunteer sometimes.
Spoony hugs to you too 💜
@@ljslupylife lol my boy is a dog.... Who really doesn't like cats unfortunately 🤦🏻♀️
Oohh you're a pagan too? Shouldn't really be surprised, there's a lot of us around 💜
Yeah I trained as a secondary science teacher... MS started during training I think, nqt year it got unbearable, had breakdown essentially at dx, I never finished it.
Ah well, I found support work and it suited me so much better anyway, much preferred supporting people 1-1 than teaching a load of teens. Especially those who didn't want to be there 🤣
Another career that was so very tiring and stressful sometimes, but very rewarding none the less. If I didn't volunteer I'd go bananas.... More bananas lol. Got to have something to keep me out of mischief 😂💜
@@melscienerf5977 I was secondary science for about 10 years, now I'm in a primary 💜
Yes, there are a fair few of us 💜💜
@@ljslupylife I thought about swapping to primary, I should have to be honest, either that or to SEN as I seem to have a knack with those groups and love working with them 🥰💜
We are weirdly similar. Love bumping into kindred souls online 😂💜
@@melscienerf5977 sen is my passion. It was an sen secondary and now an sen base primary. And yes, it really is 💜
Hello plis review:
After Dark- Mr. Kitty.
Welcome to the DCC- Nothing But Thieves.
Plis plis, saludos desde 🇲🇽
Ooh I will take a look, thanks 💜