I've been there, and it took me longer than 10 months to recover. Churches that require big commitments from their musicians put a huge strain on their families. My wife told me "I just got used to never sitting in church with you. For over 20 years, you and I went to the same church, but spent every Sunday totally separated." Folks- don't be like that. The music isn't more important than your family.
The Worship Leader's Oath 1 - I will select songs that have a vocal range of less than one octave so that my congregation can sing them. 2 - I will change the keys of the songs so that the men in my congregation can sing them. 3 - I will not select "Jesus is my boyfriend" songs. 4 - I will not select "Jesus is my girlfriend" songs. 5 - I will not allow friends, family, teenagers or K-LOVE to influence my song choices. 6 - I will not embellish songs with "ooh", "aah", "woa", orgasmic groans or any other utterance that I don't expect the congregation to sing. 7 - I will not have an "o-face" while performing in front of the congregation. 8 - I will not intentionally put the pretty musicians up front and the old, fat, bald, ugly musicians in the back. 9 - I will not replace my musicians with tracks. 10 - I will not make song changes on Saturday night. 11 - I will confirm that everyone got the rehearsal cancellation text. 12 - I will ensure that what was rehearsed on Thursday will be played on Sunday. 13 - I will be the first in and the last out at rehearsals and services. 14 - I will start rehearsals at the scheduled time. 15 - I will ensure that rehearsals last no longer than one hour. 16 - I will help the instrumentalists load in and out. 17 - I will make the practice mp3s and sheet music available no later than 3 days before rehearsal. 18 - I will post practice mp3s and sheet music in the proper key. 19 - I will issue worship guidelines to my band and will set an example by personally adhering to those guidelines. 20 - I will serve God first, the congregation next, the band after that, and myself last.
Everything you have mentioned resonates with me!!! I am at this point in my ministry and no one in the team seems to understand me when I try to explain my situation. I am so overwhelmed that I feel like I am about to have a nervous breakdown so I decided to quit worship leading. I have two small kids, a demanding job, studying for my masters, and going through menopause 🙂. In addition, I feel I stopped growing in my ministry a very long time ago. Unfortunately the majority of the team members seem to be okay with things as they are. As a result, I feel judged, and sometimes condemned by the team members for my inability to meet their expectations of me as their leader. And so for the sake of my mental health, I decided it is time for a break, and seek God for healing.
This resonated with me as a worship leader....I needed to hear this from another leader, that we also need a space to receive and allow ourselves to be ministered to. Thank you for your honesty and sharing your experiences.
This is so enlightening. I've recently been feeling short tempered and that's just not me. I need to quit comparing to what someone else does and focus on myself for a little while. Thank you so much for your insight.
WOW WOW WOW!!!! I Pray that EVERY church … Ministry either brings you in to teach this to pastors and worships team or Take A Course that You’ve created concerning this!! Many blessings to you! THANK YOU!!!!!!
Thanks for the vulnerability Spencer. I can't tell you how many times I've experienced #2 exactly the way you described it. I'd imagine most of us have experienced all of these at some point. But specifically for me, stepping out of a paid worship leading role at the beginning of 2022 caused some serious identity crisis and I've felt everything you mentioned at some point or another.
Preaching without preaching! COME ON, SON! I have been aware especially in the back of my mind of the "when am I going to have time to just get better at my instrument(s)?" That has been a big thing for me for years, even before worship leading more full time/as a staff (with 3 weekend gigs). All the other points were super salient too. Thanks!
Valuable stuff, Spencer! Following things like "Leading Worship Well", and having a personal worship coach can go a long way toward addressing the need for sabbath rest. Thanks for sharing!
Wow thank you for sharing your experience. This made me reflect on my current situation. I serve in my church and I’m part of the worship group. I, too, have confused the church with God, setting the church before my family. Thank you for this. Regarding your concern, I think the way you said it could’ve been executed better 😂 but it’s totally appropriate to let people know that you’re going to focus on you and your family and would like to have uninterrupted time. People need to be reminded that we all have our own life and responsibilities outside of the church.
15:44 Do it. While we want to help where we can, the more people with 'know how' in the church, the more resilient it is. And if issue is not resolved, surely the church can do without it for one Sunday? Maybe the absence of something that people always expect to be present may spur people to jump in and serve?
I've been there, and it took me longer than 10 months to recover. Churches that require big commitments from their musicians put a huge strain on their families. My wife told me "I just got used to never sitting in church with you. For over 20 years, you and I went to the same church, but spent every Sunday totally separated." Folks- don't be like that. The music isn't more important than your family.
💯 You are important but you aren't THAT important.
The Worship Leader's Oath
1 - I will select songs that have a vocal range of less than one octave so that my congregation can sing them.
2 - I will change the keys of the songs so that the men in my congregation can sing them.
3 - I will not select "Jesus is my boyfriend" songs.
4 - I will not select "Jesus is my girlfriend" songs.
5 - I will not allow friends, family, teenagers or K-LOVE to influence my song choices.
6 - I will not embellish songs with "ooh", "aah", "woa", orgasmic groans or any other utterance that I don't expect the congregation to sing.
7 - I will not have an "o-face" while performing in front of the congregation.
8 - I will not intentionally put the pretty musicians up front and the old, fat, bald, ugly musicians in the back.
9 - I will not replace my musicians with tracks.
10 - I will not make song changes on Saturday night.
11 - I will confirm that everyone got the rehearsal cancellation text.
12 - I will ensure that what was rehearsed on Thursday will be played on Sunday.
13 - I will be the first in and the last out at rehearsals and services.
14 - I will start rehearsals at the scheduled time.
15 - I will ensure that rehearsals last no longer than one hour.
16 - I will help the instrumentalists load in and out.
17 - I will make the practice mp3s and sheet music available no later than 3 days before rehearsal.
18 - I will post practice mp3s and sheet music in the proper key.
19 - I will issue worship guidelines to my band and will set an example by personally adhering to those guidelines.
20 - I will serve God first, the congregation next, the band after that, and myself last.
Everything you have mentioned resonates with me!!! I am at this point in my ministry and no one in the team seems to understand me when I try to explain my situation. I am so overwhelmed that I feel like I am about to have a nervous breakdown so I decided to quit worship leading. I have two small kids, a demanding job, studying for my masters, and going through menopause 🙂. In addition, I feel I stopped growing in my ministry a very long time ago. Unfortunately the majority of the team members seem to be okay with things as they are. As a result, I feel judged, and sometimes condemned by the team members for my inability to meet their expectations of me as their leader. And so for the sake of my mental health, I decided it is time for a break, and seek God for healing.
This resonated with me as a worship leader....I needed to hear this from another leader, that we also need a space to receive and allow ourselves to be ministered to. Thank you for your honesty and sharing your experiences.
This is so enlightening. I've recently been feeling short tempered and that's just not me. I need to quit comparing to what someone else does and focus on myself for a little while. Thank you so much for your insight.
WOW WOW WOW!!!! I Pray that EVERY church … Ministry either brings you in to teach this to pastors and worships team or Take A Course that You’ve created concerning this!! Many blessings to you! THANK YOU!!!!!!
Glad you're here! Keep leading well 👊
Thanks for the vulnerability Spencer. I can't tell you how many times I've experienced #2 exactly the way you described it. I'd imagine most of us have experienced all of these at some point. But specifically for me, stepping out of a paid worship leading role at the beginning of 2022 caused some serious identity crisis and I've felt everything you mentioned at some point or another.
Glad to know I'm not alone. Keep leading well Chris! 👊
Preaching without preaching! COME ON, SON!
I have been aware especially in the back of my mind of the "when am I going to have time to just get better at my instrument(s)?" That has been a big thing for me for years, even before worship leading more full time/as a staff (with 3 weekend gigs).
All the other points were super salient too. Thanks!
Thank you for your very deep and insightful worship experience which is helpful and am indeed being ministered to....
Valuable stuff, Spencer! Following things like "Leading Worship Well", and having a personal worship coach can go a long way toward addressing the need for sabbath rest. Thanks for sharing!
Glad you're here Kevin! 👊
So good. Thanks for sharing. This is so applicable and helpful.
I thought I was not normal when I was feeling the that, I can relate to what you have shared., I reached that point too
I'm pretty sure every ministry leader feels that way at one point - keep leading well! 👊
Thank you so much for sharing!
Wow thank you for sharing your experience. This made me reflect on my current situation. I serve in my church and I’m part of the worship group. I, too, have confused the church with God, setting the church before my family. Thank you for this.
Regarding your concern, I think the way you said it could’ve been executed better 😂 but it’s totally appropriate to let people know that you’re going to focus on you and your family and would like to have uninterrupted time. People need to be reminded that we all have our own life and responsibilities outside of the church.
Agreed. Keep leading well! 👊
This is so helpful. Thanks so much!!!
Thanks so much for this video!!
Sabbath is a mind shift, for sure.
15:44 Do it. While we want to help where we can, the more people with 'know how' in the church, the more resilient it is. And if issue is not resolved, surely the church can do without it for one Sunday? Maybe the absence of something that people always expect to be present may spur people to jump in and serve?
Yes, its good to train understudies.