I use many analogies to try and help people understand. One that springs to mind is this… Autistic people’s brain filters are like muslin cloths, straining through the finer, more details, taking longer to process. A neurotypical brain is more like a kitchen colander, it doesn’t need this ultra fine, slow process, it can take larger chunks of not so detailed information. Try using a muslin cloth as you would a kitchen colander and bits/information will get stuck. It won’t function the way it needs to. Resulting in shutdown/meltdown. We simply need to do things differently.
azuregiant9258, I like your comment. Keep sharing, please. IMO: socially oriented people sacrifice their minds to their social groups. Part of the problem today is that this is strongly encouraged. WE have to THINK each situation through because we don't have templates created by social instincts and our group's narratives. Analogy: it's as if we have no presets or bookmarks, we have to search out every channel and/or website - which is exhausting.
Oh my stars, this is so accurate! It explains why I find Spanish easier to learn than I did with my native English. Because Spanish puts "stress" or emphasis on every syllable, rather than on the "colander" details. Or why when people ask me a question that's a bit convoluted, I consider every part of the question, and answer at length, rather than give what I feel is a "snippy" response. It annoys the crap out of NTs, but my ND fellows appreciate my verbosity and consideration by answering the full question, rather than the last little bit.
"Spoon theory was coined by U.S. writer and blogger Christine Miserandino in 2003 as a way to express how it felt to have lupus; explaining the viewpoint in a diner, she gave her friend a handful of spoons and described them as units of energy to be spent performing everyday actions, representing how chronic illness forced her to plan out days and actions in advance so as to not run out of energy.[1]
Then the theory should be RENAMED. It could just as easily be called drinking glass theory. Every body, upon waking up, has a finite number of filled drinking glasses (with water or the beverage of your choice) every day and when they've drank all those glasses of whatever is in them, then they are done with for the day! DRINK UP, people!!
I heard about Spoon Theory years ago, and it immediately clicked in terms of explaining how my personal energy levels work. One of the things that I've seen people talk about in relation to spoon theory is that you can over-spend spoons, or go into a deficit, which I suppose would be burnout. You spend enough time in a deficit, just getting back from -5 to 0 every day, and it takes a toll
Thank you for all your info. I wanted say you have experiences just like most people. I understand what your saying about spoon filling, I like saying energy. I pray for healing no matter w what weakness or infirmity they have. God bless you
When I first heard about it it blew my mind. The picture clearly indicated that some days you just run on the credit of otherdays and it would really explain how I can workaholic for a while and then just die (mentally) for a week straight. It usually starts with me flopping over and sleeping 15+hours even tho I rarely sleep more then 8 if even that
As someone with a chronic illness, I can say everything you said fits for chronic illness as well. Executive function requires its own "spoons" as well, and different tasks may take a different number of "spoons" depending on how your feeling physically, emotionally, etc. And for everyone person, the number of "spoons" required for a given task will be different -- for a variety of reasons. For me, for example, driving in the dark takes more out of me than driving during daylight hours because the brightness of headlights causes eye pain that drops my threshold lower faster. For someone else, night driving may be preferred or may require the same level of energy as daytime driving.
I love driving in the night cause my brain usually even if bothered views the headlights as necessary safety device thus accepts it more easily. On the other hand the fact the streets are empty is giving me 100% more peace of mind that outweigh it a ton. Driving in rush hour is a killer and I just do not do it anymore
6000countingdown, I saw a video here on TH-cam by an eye doctor about headlights. He said that the color shift in modern headlights help drivers to see better, but is more blinding to opposing drivers and he also mentioned that they're painful to some (me, too.) Special glasses helps some people. -> Vision isn't just our eyes, it's also a brain function. Like everything else, some autistics will be more sensitive to bright light than others. Modern headlights makes this worse.
6000countingdown, Also, I have a chronic illness, and it amazes me how pain and/or low energy can create a feedback loop. 🤣 Some problems multiply faster than rabbits! But it take energy to cage them!
I am 74 year old autistic person. I was diagnosed 13 years ago. I’m learning so much about autism thanks to your channel. The sounds of swoosh or pop pop pop have used up all of my so called spoons. Bye for now. 😢
We use Spoon Theory to describe our “energy” levels but it evolves and changes along the way for us. Like a language. We talk about what things we can do to preserve spoons (different for each of us and dynamic - what works today may not work tomorrow). We talk about activities that help to replenish our spoons - very individual and dynamic. We also talk about giving each other spoons as a way of recognising and thanking each other for the support that we give and receive when needed. (It might cost me 1 spoon to help because I’m feeling good, but it saves them from using 4 spoons because today they are not feeling good). I think anything that helps people to talk about how they feel and what they need is powerful. And I kinda love that it’s not official and in the research, but a tool that’s kind of community created 😊 I know someone who changed spoons into video game jargon. Talking about battery levels, taking a side mission to pick up bonus points and saving the boss level for a different day etc 😊
I find that spoon theory is commonly understood by ND friends and friends with chronic illness. Its just shorthand / code in place of trying to describe how I am exhausted physically or mentally. I occasionally spend some time explaining to my NT friends what spoon theory is so I can use that shorthand with them, as well.
Paul, here's the original source. It's a brief essay on a person's blog about life as a chronically ill person. Sometimes TH-cam doesn't let me post links in the comments. So start at the Wikipedia article on spoon theory, with this source cited: Miserandino, Christine (2003). "The Spoon Theory". But You Don't Look Sick. Archived from the original on 17 November 2019. It's called spoon theory because she was explaining it to her friend via physical items in hand, which happened to be spoons on their table at a diner.
I used spoon theory when in major autistic burnout - now if I am starting to use spoons language to understand my energy levels (for me) it is a warning that I am headed towards burn out territory. I do use this theory in general to be gentle with myself to understand my autism and higher or lower functioning days. But if more seriously low levels this is a warning. I also want to add that vitamins, light exercise and good food (again for me) added to my spoon count for the next day not just sleep although sleep was major major. Also not going over the spoon limit of that day meant I might have more (or at least not less!!!) the next day!
I'm Autistic and teach neurodivergent and trauma effected students - I use spoon theory all the time. "I don't have the spoons" is a very valid response in my classroom 😊
@@jacobus57 I don't teach core subjects - I'm a Social Emotional Learning Specialist. I work with the kids on Executive Functioning, Social Skills, Behavior Management, etc. Sometimes "I don't have the spoons" is the most susinct way to communicate that they are currently feeling overwhelmed by the demands on them - it allows a conversation to help them reflect on what is going on and skills/resources they can use to get through it. Sometimes, a short break or talking about what's draining them is enough to "restock their spoons" to get through the day. If you feel sorry for my kids because of their situations - the ND kids live in a world that is slowly recognizing they exist and don't need to be "fixed", and most of the trauma kids are healing and learning how to trust people - positive, empathetic role models for the entire school community are my strongest resources.
@@ivanaamidzic I just finished a lengthy reply about that lol 🙂 Though, I can't see it - odd....I'm a Social Emotional Learning Specialist - I work with kids on Executive Functioning, Social Skills and building adaptive strategies. Thanks for asking!! My field is a bit unique.
I normally have an excess of physical energy (feeling like a perpetuum mobile), and I have to get it out regularly and in a constructive way. This means I do sports (some combination of yoga, gym, swimming, dance, etc.) several days a week and I walk a lot and everywhere I can whenever I can. Movement like this actually energizes me and is very beneficial for my mental and physical well-being. I even better think and problem solve when I move and walk or swim. This is when all is well and I am in my optimal mode. On the other hand, my mental energy that needs to be devoted to different demands related to communication or tasks that are not thinking or my hobbies, is very limited before my brain starts shutting down. My bandwidth is much shorter than with the average person and I have to choose carefully who I give my time, energy, attention and effort to (which are the most valuable things I have to offer). This is exactly how I explain it to people if they wanna know. I do not use analogies like spoons or anything else. One of most heart breaking things is when I go out of my way to communicate with someone more than I usually would, and they don't know I am giving my all and more than that just because I wanna talk to them, and they then say that I don't give enough or sometimes that they don't want my attention, energy and time, having no idea how much heart I put into it and how difficult it is for me mentally. All of this being said, if my mental energy is drained I also tend to physically shut down for hours or days, depending on a particular situation. It happened to me at work a few times in the past year and it was really bad. I was just frozen. In one of your previous videos you were talking about how people would rather ‘hide’ and therefore miss out on various celebrations and events. Well, for me that is not missing out, it is being saved from a nightmare. I actually do prefer to spend most of my personal time by myself. Or with someone I know well or if they are new I find interesting enough to want to get to know more. Which is rarely. I am blessed to have a few long term friends already. I usually can feel what kind of a heart people have upon meeting them, even if they hide it, I can see through that. If they are softer and kinder than they present themselves, I know the truth. The same goes for being the other way around.
@@sarahcourtney8066 Thank you. And I feel for you. I guess it sounds better than it actually is. Operationally, It works well when I am in my optimal mode only. Downside of the entire thing is that getting out excessive physical energy is very time consuming, I have to be careful to get it out in a constructive ways only (when I was a child I did not know how to do this and it usually came out as some combination of total spacing out, extreme anger, rage, melt downs, shut downs and destroying physical objects around me). Adding do all this I must sleep much longer than the average person. I sleep, on average, 10 hours per work day and 12 or more on the weekends if I get lucky. I live in Canada with brutal winters, so if I am unable to go out and walk and pace around, I get very dysregulated, irritable, annoyed, mad, angry, etc.
Hi Ivan, thanks for your reply, I now understand your situation much better. Life really sucks sometimes doesn’t it . But we struggle through because that’s all we can do. I wish you well from here in Australia 😊
I totally understand this! So many “ordinary” things for other people take so much energy for me. I have SPS (stiff person syndrome), diagnosed in 2011. I spent a year in an office job listening to INTENSE construction noise outside my office (jackhammering or pounding on pipes) , trying to complete complex calculations and analysis on a very tight deadline. The next year I think my spoon deficit revolted , big time. I also have recently considered that I’m considered ASD. No wonder I have struggled. Thank you for the info!
Long before I realized I am autistic, I used to explain my limited mental energy to my friends as "tokens". I told them every morning I'm allotted a certain amount of tokens and once they are gone I'm absolutely done for the day. My brain just shuts down.
I've heard a lot of people relate to spoon theory. I like to think of it in terms of batteries (or battery percentage) because I have chronic neurological condition and it was described as only being able to have your battery charged to 50% no matter how much you sleep or rest. Some days take a bigger % to complete.
I like that one. It resonates to me much better than having to count everything, especially as I have discalculia, lol. It's much easier to describe to others too. Cheers. :)
I also prefer the battery analogy myself, because sometimes batteries drain slow and sometimes they go from 80% down to 5% because of a particularly draining task, and I feel like that is my life at times, and sometimes they don't charge much overnight, like you say
I have Multiple Sclerosis and I use the „spoon theory“ in my daily life to explain family/friends my situation. It doesn’t bring the mood down as much if you turn down an invitation due to „missing spoons“ as if you talk about fatigue… 😉
Very, very helpful. Don't care whether or not you've read the original theory right, it fits here. I have CFS and Aspergers. Through careful diet manipulation, my CFS is better than it was 15 years ago, so my physical energy is mostly better; but since Covid lockdown, the Aspergers is worse. I had a lovely time not having to practice "being in public", and it made me even more allergic to social situations in consequence. Especially shopping centres. Your picture of a shopping isle had a strong negative drain for me!!! I almost turned off the video!
I use the comparison of money in a purse, and not having enough ‘energy’ money so therefor cannot afford to ‘buy’ activities,be they mental or physical activities.For me it makes more sense. A fantastic video. It’s so hard for others to understand that one needs ‘energy’ to do anything because most people never feel anything other than ‘normal’ tiredness because they have lived their normal lives and never run out of energy completely, that’s why I like my ‘money in the purse’ explanation because people can understand that once one has run out of money one cannot buy what one wants even if one is only a penny short, we all have budgets. It’s so hard to understand that someone can feel so utterly exhausted they simply have nothing left to function.
I can relate strongly to this, although I've been told I'm not autistic. Depression also limits energy, mental and physical; at least, that is my experience. Thank you.
I grew up with my mother using the analogy in the context of bipolar and chronic pain -- one of the things that's a big part of it for us is that not only should you respect that even though someone else going to the store costs them 3 spoons and it costs you 6, remember that you did 6 spoons worth of accomplishment/activity, because you're not that other person. it's useful to remind yourself that even though it's 'not that hard for other people' doesn't mean you shouldn't be proud of yourself for accomplishing it if it was hard for you. the other part is that our obstacles change in size from day to day; maybe that day it took 6 spoons to go to the store, and maybe the next week it only took 4 because your obstacles didn't make things as hard that day. I feel like there are certain things we can do to make those days more frequent, like self care, planning, good rest, support, coping mechanisms, etc.
Well stated. For me, I have come to think of it as there are two kinds of Spoons as well. I like to think of them as Red (physical energy) Spoons and Blue (mental energy) Spoons. Much to my own detriment, I seem to substitute the two types of spoons for each other. When I run out of Blue, I spend more Red to get through things, and vice versa. While I can sometimes use the other type of spoon to power through, it is far less efficient and generally results in a burnout. Also, when I would run out of both Red and Blue in the past, I would sometimes push beyond my limits by borrowing future Spoons ultimately ending in a crash that would leave me down for days. Looking back, there also seems to be a correlation between my past Spoon usage and my illnesses, physical ailments, and chronic migraines.
You just gave me another spoon for the day! ❤ Listening to this, feeling understood and in community, topped me up. Thank you Andrew! This is such a great explanation. I interchange/integrate spoons for both physical and mental issues. Sometimes a 'commonly' 1 spoon task feels like a 5 spoon task. Depending on where I started. Once you have a few humans in your life who understand spoon theory, things get a lot easier x
Thank you, I am not autistic but aged, and I immediately related to the analogy you provided. In terms of pain relief, people are asked to describe pain from 1 to 10. If you eat so much you clearly have spoonfuls of energy or mood levels and so on, but then require more food. I'm also a visual person so find the analogy of spoons useful.
patriciaatkinson2435, Thank you for your comment. Your input is valuable, and you don't need to be autistic. Autism has its good points, too, one of them is that we don't have the "normal" "us vs them" mindset. We see people as people, not "our group vs outsiders". And I'm old enough to understand. We've got to be tough, dont we! ❤️ -K
I was fortunate to be part of the group that benefitted from the first explanation of "Spoon Theory." At first, I thought it was a little too much. Like, why not just explain you're exhausted or in pain? I'm from that generation. But then, I found myself using it to explain to my rheumatologist how I was doing. He then explained it to his other patients and it became his go-to instead of the 0-10 pain chart. Now, as spoons have become the unit of measurement for pain and exhaustion in our community/ies, I'm thankful that we have it. I teach it to those who don't know about it. It is truly a valuable tool for each of us.
I don’t tend to use “spoons” for myself, as I can’t quite connect my experience to it. But I find it very helpful in conversations with others, especially people with chronic pain. If they are low on spoons, they can tell me, no further explanation needed. Or I can add nuance assuring them, before they even say something, that I am aware they may have a low-spoon day and can easily adjust my plans. I think the shared lingo/metaphor can contribute to a more comfortable, safe-feeling relationship. A way of saying “I gotcha. You don’t have to mask or make excuses if you don’t want to.”
My personal experience of spoon theory is my ability to withstand social situations. I have tremendous amounts of physical energy owing to my ADHD. I have a low threshold for bright lights. (I discovered this trait at age 12.)
Me too. No ADHD, but have enormous amounts of physical energy, that must get out in a constructive way, such as sports & arts (I draw, which is very phycial thing, contrary to what people believe). If it doesn't, and if I can't go out to pace & walk, I get irritable, moody, angry, dysregulated, etc.
I have ME/CFS and at 60 also suspect autism. My son has fibromyalgia ME/CFS and ASD. All of what you have said fits exactly how it is for both of us. I have never heard spoon theory used to explain energy with autism so this is helpful. I have spent a lot of time wondering about the connection with late diagnosis autism and ME/CFS. ( My son wasn't diagnosed until 24). In CFS we are taught that it's not just physical energy but emotional and cognitive energy too and that social situations can be some of the most energy draining.
I wrote a long detailed comment, and that itself didn't take any spoons, but making the decision whether or not to post that comment started taking way too many spoons than I could afford 😅 . Yup, I like the distinction you make between physical and mental energy, especially with regard to decision-making.
Also which things take energy and which things don't can be such a personal, individual thing, and also fluctuate. I think the main idea of spoons theory is it is a universal language and be used in most situations, without having to go into specifics. (An additional piece of info, I believe the woman who came up with the theory, Christine Miserandino, used 'spoons' because she was in a cafe and spoons happened to be the objects readily available, to explain to her friend... One could really use anything - coins, tokens, buckets, spades, units of energy - but spoons just caught on)
Spoon Theory is how I like to explain to people what its like being autistic. You have a finite amount of spoons for everyday things, then when it comes down your favorite interest(s) its like the spoons became BUCKETS.
I think you understand it (spoon theory), at least that's my understanding. I'm autistic, with physical chronic illness, and disabilities. Your explanation matches my experience.
So, the original theory as applied to chronic illness refers to both physical and mental energy needed for tasks, and it recognizes that some tasks take more spoons on some days, and less spoons on other days, but the important part is to recognize how many spoons you have to start with on any given day, because all days are not equal, and a 'good night's rest' might not actually replenish your spoons when you have a chronic illness. It's highly individual and context based how many spoons a person has on a given day, and how many spoons an activity (including mental activities) might take I've had to develop a more sensitive meter for when I'm reaching the bottom of my tank, because during one of the more difficult periods of my illness, I had very little warning when I'd go from okay to suddenly I was going to pass out if I didn't drop everything and lie down. I still can't always estimate how much energy I have in my store, but I have gotten pretty good at estimating how quickly my tank is running out in a day, or how quickly my battery is depleting (analogies which I personally find easier to conceptualize) and how I need to modify my tasks and expectations for the day. I do have a good grasp now on what the maximum amount of activity I can sustain on a very good best case scenario day, but I try to plan for a day that's about 70% of that, and then if I still have energy, to use the surplus on tasks I enjoy, like reading novels. That's the ideal, but life is usually much messier in reality
Very interesting. I had not heard of Spoon Theory before, but it makes sense. For executive function spoons, it can be possible to replenish them during the day: by doing something relaxing and comforting, like reading a book for half an hour, I find it then easier to choose to do something more challenging and stressful for a short time before returning to the book.
"Making the decision to get a shower, get dressed, and leave the house" There's a straightforward solution to this problem: take away the decision, or at least vastly simplify it into very basic choices with clear contingencies. Getting out of bed, taking a shower, getting dressed, and going to work is REALLY easy for because it is routine. There's effectively no executive function required. Similarly, most days I eat the same thing for lunch every day; one less decision I have to make. I enjoy travel because I've got a packing list template and detailed itinerary. Just follow the plan. It's actually pretty easy to deviate from the plan because my extensive planning has made the options clear, and during the trip I'm not otherwise needing to make many executive decisions. We live in a world (and many of us in a country) where freedom and choice are celebrated and idealized. For autistic people those may actually be your enemy.
Yes, it being the end of the week, This video very much rings true. I find when it comes to Friday or even Thursday sometimes, I tend to run out of these, "mental spoons". E-function is costly and my brain feels like it has a long backlog waiting for processing on events that happened during the time I start to missing more spoons. A change of routine can be refreshing and yes, like the video mentioned, a much needed break is good.
I've definitely found this a useful concept - though, yeah, sometimes I talk about "social spoons", because there are a lot of times when I'm just DONE for the day (or at least the next few hours) when it comes to interacting with people, but I still have enough TOTAL energy to go on a hike or cook dinner or whatever...and some of those activities can help me regain social spoons. There's overlap, because being really drained of mental energy tends to cross over into lack of physical energy - it just doesn't do so right away.
Totally makes sense! Speaking of spoon energy, anyone else with hyper sensitivity to cold climate, like exp to humidity, makes my legs shiver in discomfort
Hi Paul. You mention the lights not being comfortable for you. I'm approaching 62 and for most of my life, I've had to wear either dark or photochromic specs. This is because bright lights hurt my eyes and give me headache but dim light is extremely unsettling for me. Both especially so when driving at night in the dark with oncoming pinpoints of bright lights from traffic that almost blind me as I squint to avoid them. My indoor lights are on all day, even in midsummer, to give well lit rooms, albeit toned down with my dark glasses. People think I'm a bit nuts but it's just how it is. Winter here in UK is also uncomfortable because the sun is lower and appears brighter. Snow and cloud glare causes discomfort and headache too.
I use this analogy, but with one meaningful difference: I don't have a resource of spoons to expend, but rather I start with no spoons and collect them as I do tasks. And soon they become heavier and heavier to carry around everywhere. This helps explain why an activity that normally costs no energy or is even regenerative \-like talking with friends- can still be too much for me if I'm high on spoons. Because *everything* is hard if I have to do it while I have all these accumulated spoons to carry.
I've never heard of spoon theory. But I'm self diagnosed, at at about age 64. Now I'm 76 and tired ALL the time! It has to be something mandatory to get me moving! I think it's depression. I would like to see a video on executive function and what all that affects.
I just self diagnosed myself as autistic this past year and started working with a therapist a couple months ago. He just told me about the spoon theory in our last session. We spoke about my troubles with executive function and he wanted me to try something. I told him I have a morning routine that I always stick by. He suggested I play some instrumental music while I do my morning routine. He then said once that’s been ingrained and association has been made, he said play that same music while trying to start tasks that require a lot of effort/spoons to begin, the tasks that would cause executive dysfunction. I wonder if this is some kind of classical conditioning like the Pavlov’s dog experiment. 🤔 My problem is I can’t decide on the music to use. I don’t want to use something I like listening to because I don’t want to end up hating it. 😭😆 I haven’t been able to do the assignment. I will bring it up in my next session.
@@jacobus57 self diagnosis is valid from what the autism community has been telling me. It’s also difficult to diagnosis autism later in life. I grabbed this quote from a neuropathic doctor “Medical professionals do not recognize adult autism, especially late-diagnosed adult autism. Many people I assess describe being turned away by assessors, mocked by health care practitioners when they propose the possibility of autism.” - Dr Natalie Engelbrecht on the topic of autistic imposter syndrome.
@@jacobus57 yeah okay, you got a spare $2000+ and a specialist actually trained in modern autism diagnostic criteria? you've got a seriously privileged world view, and being on the spectrum with the rest of us doesn't excuse you from it. :/
Spoon theory costs too many spoons to explain to people. And speaking uses a lot of spoons, never mind the number of spoons required to explain why the spoons can't just be rinsed off? Or why there's arbitrary numbers of spoons and spoon costs? I just say I'm spent. If I feel like it, I elaborate by saying I'm physically spent, mentally spent, emotionally spent, just about spent. Usually translates pretty easily.
TH-cam won't let me post links as requested by some folks in the comments, but here's the original The Spoon Theory essay, by Christine Miserandino: My best friend and I were in the diner, talking. As usual, it was very late and we were eating French fries with gravy. Like normal girls our age, we spent a lot of time in the diner while in college, and most of the time we spent talking about boys, music or trivial things, that seemed very important at the time. We never got serious about anything in particular and spent most of our time laughing. As I went to take some of my medicine with a snack as I usually did, she watched me with an awkward kind of stare, instead of continuing the conversation. She then asked me out of the blue what it felt like to have Lupus and be sick. I was shocked not only because she asked the random question, but also because I assumed she knew all there was to know about Lupus. She came to doctors with me, she saw me walk with a cane, and throw up in the bathroom. She had seen me cry in pain, what else was there to know? I started to ramble on about pills, and aches and pains, but she kept pursuing, and didn’t seem satisfied with my answers. I was a little surprised as being my roommate in college and friend for years; I thought she already knew the medical definition of Lupus. Then she looked at me with a face every sick person knows well, the face of pure curiosity about something no one healthy can truly understand. She asked what it felt like, not physically, but what it felt like to be me, to be sick. As I tried to gain my composure, I glanced around the table for help or guidance, or at least stall for time to think. I was trying to find the right words. How do I answer a question I never was able to answer for myself? How do I explain every detail of every day being effected, and give the emotions a sick person goes through with clarity. I could have given up, cracked a joke like I usually do, and changed the subject, but I remember thinking if I don’t try to explain this, how could I ever expect her to understand. If I can’t explain this to my best friend, how could I explain my world to anyone else? I had to at least try. (continued in the replies)
At that moment, the spoon theory was born. I quickly grabbed every spoon on the table; hell I grabbed spoons off of the other tables. I looked at her in the eyes and said “Here you go, you have Lupus”. She looked at me slightly confused, as anyone would when they are being handed a bouquet of spoons. The cold metal spoons clanked in my hands, as I grouped them together and shoved them into her hands. I explained that the difference in being sick and being healthy is having to make choices or to consciously think about things when the rest of the world doesn’t have to. The healthy have the luxury of a life without choices, a gift most people take for granted. Most people start the day with unlimited amount of possibilities, and energy to do whatever they desire, especially young people. For the most part, they do not need to worry about the effects of their actions. So for my explanation, I used spoons to convey this point. I wanted something for her to actually hold, for me to then take away, since most people who get sick feel a “loss” of a life they once knew. If I was in control of taking away the spoons, then she would know what it feels like to have someone or something else, in this case Lupus, being in control. She grabbed the spoons with excitement. She didn’t understand what I was doing, but she is always up for a good time, so I guess she thought I was cracking a joke of some kind like I usually do when talking about touchy topics. Little did she know how serious I would become? I asked her to count her spoons. She asked why, and I explained that when you are healthy you expect to have a never-ending supply of “spoons”. But when you have to now plan your day, you need to know exactly how many “spoons” you are starting with. It doesn’t guarantee that you might not lose some along the way, but at least it helps to know where you are starting. She counted out 12 spoons. She laughed and said she wanted more. I said no, and I knew right away that this little game would work, when she looked disappointed, and we hadn’t even started yet. I’ve wanted more “spoons” for years and haven’t found a way yet to get more, why should she? I also told her to always be conscious of how many she had, and not to drop them because she can never forget she has Lupus.
I asked her to list off the tasks of her day, including the most simple. As, she rattled off daily chores, or just fun things to do; I explained how each one would cost her a spoon. When she jumped right into getting ready for work as her first task of the morning, I cut her off and took away a spoon. I practically jumped down her throat. I said ” No! You don’t just get up. You have to crack open your eyes, and then realize you are late. You didn’t sleep well the night before. You have to crawl out of bed, and then you have to make your self something to eat before you can do anything else, because if you don’t, you can’t take your medicine, and if you don’t take your medicine you might as well give up all your spoons for today and tomorrow too.” I quickly took away a spoon and she realized she hasn’t even gotten dressed yet. Showering cost her spoon, just for washing her hair and shaving her legs. Reaching high and low that early in the morning could actually cost more than one spoon, but I figured I would give her a break; I didn’t want to scare her right away. Getting dressed was worth another spoon. I stopped her and broke down every task to show her how every little detail needs to be thought about. You cannot simply just throw clothes on when you are sick. I explained that I have to see what clothes I can physically put on, if my hands hurt that day buttons are out of the question. If I have bruises that day, I need to wear long sleeves, and if I have a fever I need a sweater to stay warm and so on. If my hair is falling out I need to spend more time to look presentable, and then you need to factor in another 5 minutes for feeling badly that it took you 2 hours to do all this. I think she was starting to understand when she theoretically didn’t even get to work, and she was left with 6 spoons. I then explained to her that she needed to choose the rest of her day wisely, since when your “spoons” are gone, they are gone. Sometimes you can borrow against tomorrow’s “spoons”, but just think how hard tomorrow will be with less “spoons”. I also needed to explain that a person who is sick always lives with the looming thought that tomorrow may be the day that a cold comes, or an infection, or any number of things that could be very dangerous. So you do not want to run low on “spoons”, because you never know when you truly will need them. I didn’t want to depress her, but I needed to be realistic, and unfortunately being prepared for the worst is part of a real day for me. We went through the rest of the day, and she slowly learned that skipping lunch would cost her a spoon, as well as standing on a train, or even typing at her computer too long. She was forced to make choices and think about things differently. Hypothetically, she had to choose not to run errands, so that she could eat dinner that night. When we got to the end of her pretend day, she said she was hungry. I summarized that she had to eat dinner but she only had one spoon left. If she cooked, she wouldn’t have enough energy to clean the pots. If she went out for dinner, she might be too tired to drive home safely. Then I also explained, that I didn’t even bother to add into this game, that she was so nauseous, that cooking was probably out of the question anyway. So she decided to make soup, it was easy. I then said it is only 7pm, you have the rest of the night but maybe end up with one spoon, so you can do something fun, or clean your apartment, or do chores, but you can’t do it all.
I have been using this for a while, not only am I spectrum, I also have auto immune chronic pain, and a primary (genetic) immune deficiency which causes constant illness. So a lot of times when my brain is functioning my body isn't and vice versa. When all three act up at the same time, you can pretty much guarantee a meltdown. Shopping is hard for me, not only does it cause pain, but the bright lights, screaming children, long lines and pushy people just make it to where sometimes I just stop and walk out.
Shopping later in the evening when it's quiet helps me - except when they're stocking shelves with that stupid machine that beeps so loudly it's painful from 5 rows away. _Why_ do modern supermarkets have so many different things that beep, buzz and ring? Can we ask them not to?
I'm autistic AND I got Post-Covid / ME/CFS in 2020. Being only autistic, my spoons on a daily basis were enough to manage my day and worklife. Social I had to do adaptions. Since I got Covid, my physical situation is a mess and my cognitive function gets worse (I was tested). So my autistic compensation (sensory processing, masking, executive function) crashed. It's a vicious circle with the autistic and physical limitations. I cannot longer do my special interests. The spoon theory is a good and simple thing to explain problems to other people. But it's not as simple as it looks to find out the personal spoon-level and how many spoons I need for task X on day Y under condition Z. I want also to mention, that with many chronic illnesses (and autism?!?) a night with good sleep is probably not enough to get back to baseline. I think to define and get to know your baseline and learn to hold your baseline is essential. Baseline and spoons cannot seen without each other.
I think Spoon Theory as originally described also pointed out that e.g. a normal person might not think twice about washing their hair, but for a person with certain chronic conditions, raising their arms that high is very draining so they can only do it once in a while and not on a day where they need to conserve spoons for later. So it's not that it's the same for everyone and some people just have more spoons, but that certain tasks are more draining for certain people -- much like an introvert gets drained socially much faster than an extravert.
This is spot on! I have the co-occurring physical condition, which makes all the above a challenge. Spoon theory in concept alone is a great tool in explaining to people who can’t personally understand what it’s like day to day…or “why I’m like this”. I’ve explained it to my 14yr old daughter and she seems to resonate with the example of rationing my energy.
Hi, I just wanted to say that you are sooooo accurate with the Executive Function Spoons one. I'm currently in Gr.9 in Online school experiencing the Executive Function Spoons drainage. My amount of spoons have decreased so much where I'm having alot of depression & anxiety symptoms. Many days I wake up in the morning feeling tired & as if there's no hope for the day when I've slept for 8 hours. This morning I woke up with the same amount of sleep, but with hope & excitement for the day. Thank you so much for explaining, now I can understand better and help others understand me better ❤
I love your videos. They’re so informative and this one really helped me gain an understanding of the application of the spoon theory in autism. I have a lot of co-occurring conditions so it takes me a lot more spoons to do simple tasks like making the decision to brush my teeth or making the decision to shower or choosing what clothes to wear, etc. I definitely want to apply this theory to my own life as a way of understanding for myself why I’m already so drained from the day if all I’ve done is gotten out of bed, brushed my teeth and changed out of my pajamas.
Thanks for the YT programs on @Autism From The Inside 🙏🏼♥️ Energy, mental&physical, situation perfectly explained (as close as we can get; there is no perfect). Thank you. Helps explain what I cannot usually explain simply, because when I need to explain it the spoons are gone, or low (a little low now), and when I don’t need to explain it I am usually conserving spoons. Saving and will share when helpful. Thank you again. 🙏🏼 Note: Had thought spoons was a bit of a weird concept but if we think about the necessity of eating then we realized how essential the most basic utensil, the spoon, is; we cannot eat or scoop up nutrients to continue functioning when we are so depleted. We need to wait and rest to recoup energy to better function. Before I had tried to explain the concept using a petrol or gasoline explanation, and sometimes people got it, or seemed to get it, but in truth they didn’t or only very rarely did. They soon forget and forgot. With spoons it is more unusual so maybe people can better pay attention and remember with understanding of the unique situation, unique compared to neurotypical apparently. Frankly I am surprised neurotypical s don’t have the same issue and why it seems so strange to them. It shouldn’t. I guess they do have it but not as acutely. 🙏🏼 ❤ BTW: The mental focus is a bigger issue for me. I am normally quite focused, diligent, much more careful than most people, but become a space cadet and loopy without any chance of getting normal, supposedly normal, stuff done, if too overwhelmed and might be downed for months, and this may be for everything or selective areas. Wonder if that happens to others, some things become completely impossible even if others think they are simple and assume i am negligently lazy or don’t want to do something. Cannot focus or think. The physical also happens, where I cannot get up and very worn down. It took me thirty minutes to get up a small flight of stairs as I had to go one step and sit, then one step and sit, until I made it. Yet I am called both diligent or lazy then, wow. Turned out some adrenal issues were involved, but i pushed anyway…because actually i am diligent. . (Might be a little lazy; I like going to beach, relaxing to read, playing with dog or cat, just sitting and resting or looking at the view, etc so I am somewhat lazy at times.)
Thanks Paul, that was very helpful. I often use spoon theory in an attempt to explain my physical limitations. I also have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue as well as being AuDHD. I never really thought about spoon theory in terms of executive function, but it makes so much sense. Whilst there are days where I wake up feeling physically poorly and know the spoon count is low already, there are definitely days where I wake up feeling ok, but burn out quickly if I do to much, experience too much for my senses or am faced with needing to make too many decisions. Yesterday I was trying to unpack why I can’t do admin or make a phone call when I take a physical break. This video helped explain that I am not just lazy. Even physical work such as cleaning and sorting requires mental effort and decision making. Rest during the day can help spoons replenish if you don’t burn out. And yes there are days where I am mentally burnt out and that impacts me physically as well.
Very informative! I totally get it on all levels! Especially here with Autism, tolerance levels, and executive function. My suggestion is that anyone who doesn’t understand Spoon Theory should go talk to someone who does (chronic illness, Autism, etc.). One might not be able to fully grasp the concept, or it might not affect them. But surely there’s someone you know who HAS challenges, and you can spend a few spoons by listening and learning 😊
For me its definitely executive or thinking/emotional energy I call it. Been burnt out from university which I have just finished my final year and I have physical energy but not thinking energy for tasks.
I love the insightfulness of this spoon theory I’ve always wondered why it was so hard for me to plan ahead of time to do things as far as social interactions because you never know when you wake up that morning or even within the time that it takes you to prepare if you have enough energy to follow through with what you made plans with someone else to do.
Paul, Thank you very much! Have been pondering spoons - as the apply to me - for some time. Being very late life self identified aspie and unrepentant engineer/scientist, I have been attempting to develop my own Spoon Physics theory calculus… Yes agree that (my) aspie spoons are both physical and psych energy… But feel need to insert math symbols and equations and define variables Eg Stiction - static friction that inhibits getting started with task. Or dynamic friction - friction increases (exponentially?) with speed. And interpersonal recharging - - sometimes a hug can - transfer spoons or reduce friction. Peace, Love, Rock & Roll Dave
I have fibromyalgia (original spoon theory chronic illness), adhd, and autism and I learned about spoon theory in regards to fibro. It's intrinsically understood that some days activities will take more spoons than other days. Some days I have lots of energy to do stuff but doing that one task is gonna take a LOT more spoons than it would if I do it a few days from now when I've mentally prepared for it. Also, the original interpretation (as I understood it) was talking about physical energy yes, but it also was talking about mental energy as "brain fog" is a major symptom of fibromyalgia. The executive function spoon metaphor you used is essentially exactly what the community uses but just calls it mental energy. So, still an energy management idea, but yeah, not entirely a physical thing. That being said, looking at mental energy vs physical energy, a lot of physical things also take up mental energy and vice versa for us. Kinda like having teaspoons and tablespoons. You can interchange them to some degree but they're going to do a lesser job at the opposite task (finesse mental jobs for teaspoons and big sweeping physical jobs for tablespoons). Some days we have no teaspoons at all (mental energy) and so we use our tablespoons (physical energy) to try even harder to get our brains to work and find that we've run outta all spoons by like 10am. But yes, overall, you've got the basic idea down pat! And I love the way you used it to help explain autism.
I love the idea of spoon theory and I plan to make my own list of tasks soon. Right now living around certain people and the cold is draining my mental energy because it is driven by emotions, in this case fear of fright, ridicule and destruction.
I feel like I keep having more and more spoons taken from me every day. I have bulging discs causing sciatic pain in my left leg(10 years), a chronic sinus infection(4 years, 2 1/2 years of that on a waiting list for surgery), depression and anxiety. Through this I am a full time carer for my son who has idiopathic juvenile osteoporosis. I am feeling like I am only scraping up one or two spoons a day at the moment and they are being overused. Nobody seems to understand how hard I am trying just to do anything. Thank you for your video even though it was difficult for you to make it ❤
One of the things I love about using the spoon analogy is that it's cute and simple. It doesn't have any negative connotations - just saying something like "I'm exhausted" or "I can't..." or "I don't have the energy to..." or "I want to, but..." brings my energy level down, and often leads to other people invalidating my experience or annoying me by trying to motivate me by using strategies that work for (some) NTs (some of the time). "I don't have the spoons for that, right now" is a complete sentence, and in my experience, is seen by everyone I know as a complete sentence, full stop. Nobody argues with it or tries to convince someone that they should do something they say they don't have the spoons for. And I don't have to use up spoons trying to explain to someone else (when I often don't even know myself) why I don't have the spoons for it. It's a neutral fact that is just accepted.
I hadn't heard of this before but one analogy I read about was imagining your energy as an amount of money you spend each day. Everything has a cost and you have to count everything, such as cleaning your teeth, etc, but you can only use the finite amount of money daily. The doctor who wrote the article said to count a £1,000 a day, but she was a Harley Street doctor and that seemed really excessive to me, lol. I thought about using £100 a day but the whole thing was too confusing to me as I have discalculia, so that didn't work!
I've heard an inverted version: forks. Various things like pushing through pain stick forks in you, the more forks you've got stuck in you the harder it gets, resting lets you remove some of the forks. I suppose mathematically it adds up to the same thing: a fork is a negative spoon. I'm wondering whether it makes more sense of the different sorts of energy thing.
I've always thought of it more as taxes. Doing anything takes a percentage of how much you make a day, and some days you just don't make enough to handle all the things trying to get a cut.
Social energy is what I run out of, especially when I try to match the social energy of a neurotypical. I need to stop pushing myself and explain that I have a limited number of spoons for that. Thanks, Paul.
For me, there seems to be several types of energy, physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. One can drag the rest if necessary, but then I'll pay for it eventually. One energy can be really low and another high. And I think of how my Autism is like driving a car with a manual transmission. It takes more mental and physical energy to change gears, but when I understand the process better, it is possible to get better performance. I'm still trying to get there, if possible... developing healthy boundaries and predicting how much energy will be needed allows me enough recovery time. I still have some cognitive dissonance with how much energy I really have at age 55. And all of this mental work takes energy. I hope this helps you with valuing and planning how to spend your energy. Writing this comment took mental energy, but it is important to give to the community. And there is a different energy that we receive by giving. Mostly spiritual and emotional.
Neurodivergent (almost certainly ADHD, likely also Autistic) here, with anxiety issues and some other mental and physical health issues. For me, not only did spoon theory help me communicate better with my mom, but it also helped me to understand how sometimes seemingly little things can make the thought of a larger task just impossible that day/week. Also, I think recharging spoons is not merely by sleep; there are times I use abnegation (activity not requiring much thought) to let my brain stop using resources and after a while (sometimes half an hour, sometimes several hours) I'll be able to tackle a task that I wasn't able to before, much like a nap could restore a little physical energy. Also, changing the circumstances of an activity can easily make it take a different number of spoons. Going shopping during daylight hours means there's lots of people around, lots of noise and bustle, standing in line's gonna take longer, there's the fear of germs, etc. But our local Winco is open 24 hours, so I can go in there at 2 a.m. when it's relatively quiet (if you can ignore the beeps of the forklift), there aren't many people around, I don't need to wait in line hardly at all, and just generally speaking it's a relaxing trip where the primary drain is not social or sensory but the decision-making part of what I'm getting and whether I can stick to a budget. Another thing I've noticed is that feeling unsupported by family takes a large toll on my energy for tasks -- like, just noticing that a thing I'd asked to be ready for me is not, in fact, ready for me, that can sap spoons away instantly, often making it so that I can't fathom doing the task I'd wanted that thing for. So it feels like there's an emotional energy, or a relationship between the social sphere and how I react to it, that affects my spoons? Like turning on a quick-drain mode, or getting a debuff in a game. Having an unexpected house guest who's been here for weeks is not helping -- I've been tense all the time from this "invasion" and I've been masking more than I typically do in my own home, and it's made my pool of spoons very low the past few weeks.
Recently I've been struggling with this regarding meal prep. My mom and I went shopping for ingredients to make two things, a curry (for me) and a chili (for the family). That was a week ago. (Notably, I can't shop *and* cook a complicated meal on the same day, unless someone else is helping me with the meal prep.) The chili recipe in question is something I designed myself, one we've had before and love, but it's a complicated task involving two pans (a stew pot and a large skillet), a bunch of ingredient prep, and then coordinating two batches of ingredients (searing meat and sauteing veggies before moving them into the stew pot's tomato products in stages). I won't go into all the issues, but every night this week, I have gotten up (my hours are weird), taken one look at the kitchen, and concluded that the chili won't be doable that night. Basically, there are a couple prep steps that, if they're already done, put the full task potentially in reach, but if I have to do them *too* it drains just enough spoons that I know I won't be able to handle the full recipe. This includes washing the stew pot and the skillet (the one time the stew pot got cleaned this week, it got immediately used to make a different dish for the family, and nobody washed it afterwards) and clearing the stove (I need kitty-corner big burners if I want both pans to be operational at the same time). What has happened most days this week is that I see the kitchen is a mess, wind up washing a couple loads of dishes (in fits and spurts between resting my back and wrists), see that the sink might be cleared enough to wash the pans I need, take stock of my remaining spoons, conclude that I'm not going to be able to make the meal that night, debate about washing the pans anyway, conclude they're a big use of spoons and there's a high likelihood they'll wind up getting used for other purposes before I pull together enough spoons to use them for the thing I want them for, and give up on the whole project for another day. It's highly frustrating, especially as the ingredients (including fresh veggies and discount meat) have been sitting in the fridge for a week just getting progressively less fresh/quality, and I have no idea if we'll get to the point where I make the chili before we have to throw out the ingredients and buy new ones (which happens all too frequently in a low-spoons household, because the level of predicted spoons from when you bought the ingredients doesn't match the level you have when you're ready to start). And now tonight I can't do it *again* because my brother popped the circuit breaker in the kitchen so there's no light until my parents wake up (the circuit breaker is in their room). So much for one more chance at this (sigh).
This entire train of thought brought me down to an exhausted mental state🥴. I’m getting better at self motivation. It’s a process where I don’t want to but I keep pushing myself. My son who went into the army actually has been a huge help to me. His personal drive is endless. As a father I can’t let my son see me fail so I push….. push and push myself and I find myself doing so much more than I thought I was capable of.
I appreciated this even though I have no idea where I am on the spectrum and I only once told someone I ran out of spoons that day. It helps to think about how not to run out of spoons when I know it’s mental energy not so much physical energy for me.
I love spoon theory! Once explained it’s easy to understand & even if your personal spoons are slightly different to another individuals it’s usually easy to understand where each other is at if you have a good enough relationship or bond that you have explained to each other… It can be quite a hard concept to explain to people who have never heard of it and just don’t understand. I sometimes find some people have way too many questions & I end up regretting bringing up spoons because it’s using my spoons (when I’m already running low) to try to get them to understand. Most people try, but there’s always a few people who just seem to find it enjoyable to be difficult or just don’t want to try to understand, who don’t even seem to understand the concept of being exhausted or too exhausted. That’s just my personal experience. I definitely like that it’s popularity has grown over recent years especially & more people are using it more openly, once you can understand an individual’s spoons it can be really helpful when interacting on a particularly hard day (or low spoon day or moment). I find it’s definitely easier for ND people to understand when you talk about spoons.
I have autistism, ADHD, Bipolar disorder, and complex trauma/PTSD. My spoon allotment is usually used up by executive functions. But I just thought of something. I am very aware and sensitive to physical ailments. I think I am very in touch with them because I use up all of my spoons on just executive functions. I think it gives me a very low tolerance for physical discomfort, exhaustion, and pain.
Thank you, Paul. You have helped me to understand my current situation. Holy cow! I'm dealing with most of the energy drains you discussed, plus angry with myself because I keep falling further behind - which is another drain - but thanks to this video I'll stop nagging myself so harshly.
So I have a chronic illness and am undiagnosed but have many autism symptoms. For me, I've noticed my migraine symptoms overlap with some autistic symptoms . Like light sensitivity or lots of people talking in a small room causing my brain to freak out. Definitely connected with migraine pain and spoons, but also pretty autistic too.
Ive always loved the concept of spoon theory and its been incredibly useful in helping me understand my own limits. Its become especially useful after a minor brain injury that left me with extreme memory difficulties. Short term memory is incredibly difficult to use and especially for long periods of time due to the injury to my hippocampus. Doing simple day to day chores where I can just fall into a rhythm is easy but as soon as I need to do any more than that, my spoons start draining incredibly quickly!
Using "spoons" as a way to explain why any task isn't possible now/today/anywhere soon is so easy and quick to say why a thing will be postponed for a later time or I need a help with that. But it works just with the right person. My children are also neurodiverse and we actually have each a different set of neurodiversities. So the thing is that our required amount of spoons for a task are so different that we can easily complete each other. Especially with my first child. For example going shopping together and not finding the thing that we are after - it might be that one (and only one) has just right amount of spoons to ask a shop assistant for an advice. And it may vary from one to other case who has that spoons to form a question and who has the spoons to speak with the stranger. And some time it's neither then we stay in the shop and Google it...
This was very helpful in a lot of ways. It gives me tools to talk about my experiences. It also informs me of how younger generations talk at work. I have heard a lot of people at work talk about spoons and vaguely understood them. As far as I know, none of them are autistic and only a couple of them have told me of their chronic illness. Many joke about being ADHD and 3 people have told me they are self or officially diagnosed. But the majority of my coworkers use spoon theory. I wonder if they are using it because I work in an industry where the work force is historically overworked, and we live in late stage capitalism.
Realizing that not the Activity itself but the decision of what I‘m gonna do next is costing spoons is brilliant! thank you very much! And nice Shirt 😊❤
EXCELLENT explanation. I like spoons as a measure as it’s different and gets people thinking differently. Which is what Neuro Typical people need to do when dealing with neuro diverse colleagues However if individuals want to think in batteries, buttons or some other unit they can. I like the fact you included physical and mental spoons counts. I often run out of one but not the other. Finally, in my case. It’s not only sleep that gives me a recharge. I can fast charge during the day by being KIND TO ME. It’s not as good as sleep but an extra meditation, swim or time out in North Yorkshire (England) countryside gives me a top up during the day.
It's the number of spoons per task that changes wildly in a day to day basis for me (combined autism and ADHD) It's even harder to explain to someone that one day I can make an opulent meal for myself and other just staying hungry because I cannot force myself to make a meal, even cereals. But usually at those days the number of spoons needed for example to do taxes is way lower and I have no probpem with them 🤷 It's like everyday loterry when I wake up I don't know what spoons would be needed for certain activities...
I've had an autoimmune disease for over 20 years and have always talked about different types of energy (physical, mental, emotional) to my husband and how much i'm operating on in terms of percentage or batteries. I find the spoon analogy to not be clear enough and harder to communicate with but maybe it works better for those with Autism.
I have not heard of this before though i have been drained after noted times of high focus or over time. I tend to think along a diffrent gage along the concept of pressure for stress. The more pressure (stress) that has built up, the less able i am to focus and the less incoming stress flow i can tolerate. The lower the pressure is the more incoming stress flow i can tolerate. Volume level as an example, i work in a rather noisy environment most of the time it does not bother me, when i have high pressure it does. This is separate from something distracting me mentally and i have tricks to focus down to a background focus and my prime focus.
For me it's mostly mental energy, but I've also had type 1 diabetes since I was 14 (so for 20 years now), and have some physical issues that have come with that. The most mentally draining thing for me is showering, for some reason. I love being clean, and I never leave the house without having showered, but it just feels so massive in my head, especially if I also need to shave and groom myself at the same time. I have a lot of "compulsions" when it comes to cleaning myself, like my hair has to be styles perfectly, I need to do my skin care properly and so on. It's driving me insane.
I use spoon theory to explain the amount of energy it takes to say mask vs not mask. Or to deal with unpleasent stimuli. I also use spoon theory for MYSELF as a way to try and be mindful of meltdown/shutdown and how close I am to those.
Spoon theory perfect for Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, autism and adhd. I use social spoons, physical spoons, cognitive spoonss, executive function spoons, mood spoons, sensory spoons, pain spoons, unexpected change spoons Eg acute exacerbation of a chronic physical condition will use up spoons from all categories pain and injury hit the cognitive and executive function as well as sensory - ie an injury flare up can make my autistic and adhd traits really obvious
For myself, a guy in his 50s with a fairly recent Aspie/Autism diagnosis, the spoon theory itself doesn't make a lot of sense. Mainly because what is challenging comes with a fair degree of variation from one day to the next, and how draining the different activities I do also fluctuate a lot. There are days when I can hit the flow and be stuck at a task for 3 or 4 hours straight, even if starting the task itself is difficult, and there are days when starting the task is easy and something I look forward to but then 15 minutes later I'm unable to focus and do anything at all. Most days will obviously be somewhere in between those extremes, but the fluctuating levels of how easy it is to kick off tasks and how long I can stay at them makes the spoon theory a less than functional tool to explain this to others in an understandable manner. In a similar context there are days when I can push through and become energized by doing so, and days when I don't have to push through at all and yet feel completely drained to the point of not being able to function for days afterwards when completing the task(s). All of which indicates to me that there are more factors involved in what drains my particular system than the tasks themselves, and that there are a number of environmental factors at play that have different levels of drain/reward that are variable from one day to the next. And that also fluctuate during a single day.
Many of us in the autistic community have intersectionality and for many of us, that includes co-occurring chronic illnesses. My mother used to tell me that I needed to push myself but what she refused to realise is that when you have a chronic illness and are autistic, your tolerance is much lower.
Although it’s not my favourite metaphor, it’s relatively widely used in the UK so it’s a way of explaining. I am autistic with ME and fibromyalgia amongst other things.
I can't relate with spoons. Energy and spoons ,a bit strange in my mind. 😊love your channel by the way. I had a late asd level 1 diagnose. 66years now. Still learning each day. 😊
For me, sounds implies a HUGE amount of energy for a specific task. And the spoon count for a fixed task can vary from person to person. Basically most things don't take much energy but there are certain things that take up spoons. That can deplete you for the day... and you can't do anything more.
I use many analogies to try and help people understand. One that springs to mind is this…
Autistic people’s brain filters are like muslin cloths, straining through the finer, more details, taking longer to process.
A neurotypical brain is more like a kitchen colander, it doesn’t need this ultra fine, slow process, it can take larger chunks of not so detailed information.
Try using a muslin cloth as you would a kitchen colander and bits/information will get stuck. It won’t function the way it needs to. Resulting in shutdown/meltdown.
We simply need to do things differently.
I like that analogy very much 😊
azuregiant9258,
I like your comment.
Keep sharing, please.
IMO: socially oriented people sacrifice their minds to their social groups. Part of the problem today is that this is strongly encouraged.
WE have to THINK each situation through because we don't have templates created by social instincts and our group's narratives.
Analogy: it's as if we have no presets or bookmarks, we have to search out every channel and/or website - which is exhausting.
Oh my stars, this is so accurate! It explains why I find Spanish easier to learn than I did with my native English. Because Spanish puts "stress" or emphasis on every syllable, rather than on the "colander" details.
Or why when people ask me a question that's a bit convoluted, I consider every part of the question, and answer at length, rather than give what I feel is a "snippy" response. It annoys the crap out of NTs, but my ND fellows appreciate my verbosity and consideration by answering the full question, rather than the last little bit.
As a professional cook (well was) I approve this
Love this.
"Spoon theory was coined by U.S. writer and blogger Christine Miserandino in 2003 as a way to express how it felt to have lupus; explaining the viewpoint in a diner, she gave her friend a handful of spoons and described them as units of energy to be spent performing everyday actions, representing how chronic illness forced her to plan out days and actions in advance so as to not run out of energy.[1]
Then the theory should be RENAMED. It could just as easily be called drinking glass theory. Every body, upon waking up, has a finite number of filled drinking glasses (with water or the beverage of your choice) every day and when they've drank all those glasses of whatever is in them, then they are done with for the day! DRINK UP, people!!
Thanks. This is what I needed to get context/backstory for why spoons are being used. Now that it makes sense. I can listen to the video.
I heard about Spoon Theory years ago, and it immediately clicked in terms of explaining how my personal energy levels work. One of the things that I've seen people talk about in relation to spoon theory is that you can over-spend spoons, or go into a deficit, which I suppose would be burnout. You spend enough time in a deficit, just getting back from -5 to 0 every day, and it takes a toll
Thank you for all your info. I wanted say you have experiences just like most people. I understand what your saying about spoon filling, I like saying energy. I pray for healing no matter w what weakness or infirmity they have. God bless you
When I first heard about it it blew my mind. The picture clearly indicated that some days you just run on the credit of otherdays and it would really explain how I can workaholic for a while and then just die (mentally) for a week straight. It usually starts with me flopping over and sleeping 15+hours even tho I rarely sleep more then 8 if even that
@@Sireristof1332🤣🤣🤣
@@jacobus57 grow up kitty
As someone with a chronic illness, I can say everything you said fits for chronic illness as well. Executive function requires its own "spoons" as well, and different tasks may take a different number of "spoons" depending on how your feeling physically, emotionally, etc. And for everyone person, the number of "spoons" required for a given task will be different -- for a variety of reasons.
For me, for example, driving in the dark takes more out of me than driving during daylight hours because the brightness of headlights causes eye pain that drops my threshold lower faster. For someone else, night driving may be preferred or may require the same level of energy as daytime driving.
I love driving in the night cause my brain usually even if bothered views the headlights as necessary safety device thus accepts it more easily. On the other hand the fact the streets are empty is giving me 100% more peace of mind that outweigh it a ton. Driving in rush hour is a killer and I just do not do it anymore
6000countingdown,
I saw a video here on TH-cam by an eye doctor about headlights.
He said that the color shift in modern headlights help drivers to see better, but is more blinding to opposing drivers and he also mentioned that they're painful to some (me, too.)
Special glasses helps some people.
-> Vision isn't just our eyes, it's also a brain function. Like everything else, some autistics will be more sensitive to bright light than others. Modern headlights makes this worse.
6000countingdown,
Also, I have a chronic illness, and it amazes me how pain and/or low energy can create a feedback loop.
🤣 Some problems multiply faster than rabbits! But it take energy to cage them!
It was originally for us chronic pain people. The woman who invented it has lupus.
I am 74 year old autistic person. I was diagnosed 13 years ago. I’m learning so much about autism thanks to your channel.
The sounds of swoosh or pop pop pop have used up all of my so called spoons. Bye for now. 😢
We use Spoon Theory to describe our “energy” levels but it evolves and changes along the way for us. Like a language.
We talk about what things we can do to preserve spoons (different for each of us and dynamic - what works today may not work tomorrow).
We talk about activities that help to replenish our spoons - very individual and dynamic.
We also talk about giving each other spoons as a way of recognising and thanking each other for the support that we give and receive when needed. (It might cost me 1 spoon to help because I’m feeling good, but it saves them from using 4 spoons because today they are not feeling good).
I think anything that helps people to talk about how they feel and what they need is powerful. And I kinda love that it’s not official and in the research, but a tool that’s kind of community created 😊
I know someone who changed spoons into video game jargon. Talking about battery levels, taking a side mission to pick up bonus points and saving the boss level for a different day etc 😊
This is beautiful! Well said! Thank you for sharing 😊❤
I find that spoon theory is commonly understood by ND friends and friends with chronic illness. Its just shorthand / code in place of trying to describe how I am exhausted physically or mentally. I occasionally spend some time explaining to my NT friends what spoon theory is so I can use that shorthand with them, as well.
Paul, here's the original source. It's a brief essay on a person's blog about life as a chronically ill person.
Sometimes TH-cam doesn't let me post links in the comments. So start at the Wikipedia article on spoon theory, with this source cited:
Miserandino, Christine (2003). "The Spoon Theory". But You Don't Look Sick. Archived from the original on 17 November 2019.
It's called spoon theory because she was explaining it to her friend via physical items in hand, which happened to be spoons on their table at a diner.
I used spoon theory when in major autistic burnout - now if I am starting to use spoons language to understand my energy levels (for me) it is a warning that I am headed towards burn out territory.
I do use this theory in general to be gentle with myself to understand my autism and higher or lower functioning days. But if more seriously low levels this is a warning.
I also want to add that vitamins, light exercise and good food (again for me) added to my spoon count for the next day not just sleep although sleep was major major. Also not going over the spoon limit of that day meant I might have more (or at least not less!!!) the next day!
I'm Autistic and teach neurodivergent and trauma effected students - I use spoon theory all the time. "I don't have the spoons" is a very valid response in my classroom 😊
I'm so sorry for anyone in your classroom.
@@jacobus57 I'm so sorry you're so miserable you don't want kids enforcing boundaries.😔
What is it that you teach? Which subjects?
@@jacobus57 I don't teach core subjects - I'm a Social Emotional Learning Specialist. I work with the kids on Executive Functioning, Social Skills, Behavior Management, etc. Sometimes "I don't have the spoons" is the most susinct way to communicate that they are currently feeling overwhelmed by the demands on them - it allows a conversation to help them reflect on what is going on and skills/resources they can use to get through it. Sometimes, a short break or talking about what's draining them is enough to "restock their spoons" to get through the day. If you feel sorry for my kids because of their situations - the ND kids live in a world that is slowly recognizing they exist and don't need to be "fixed", and most of the trauma kids are healing and learning how to trust people - positive, empathetic role models for the entire school community are my strongest resources.
@@ivanaamidzic I just finished a lengthy reply about that lol 🙂 Though, I can't see it - odd....I'm a Social Emotional Learning Specialist - I work with kids on Executive Functioning, Social Skills and building adaptive strategies. Thanks for asking!! My field is a bit unique.
I normally have an excess of physical energy (feeling like a perpetuum mobile), and I have to get it out regularly and in a constructive way. This means I do sports (some combination of yoga, gym, swimming, dance, etc.) several days a week and I walk a lot and everywhere I can whenever I can. Movement like this actually energizes me and is very beneficial for my mental and physical well-being. I even better think and problem solve when I move and walk or swim. This is when all is well and I am in my optimal mode.
On the other hand, my mental energy that needs to be devoted to different demands related to communication or tasks that are not thinking or my hobbies, is very limited before my brain starts shutting down. My bandwidth is much shorter than with the average person and I have to choose carefully who I give my time, energy, attention and effort to (which are the most valuable things I have to offer). This is exactly how I explain it to people if they wanna know. I do not use analogies like spoons or anything else.
One of most heart breaking things is when I go out of my way to communicate with someone more than I usually would, and they don't know I am giving my all and more than that just because I wanna talk to them, and they then say that I don't give enough or sometimes that they don't want my attention, energy and time, having no idea how much heart I put into it and how difficult it is for me mentally.
All of this being said, if my mental energy is drained I also tend to physically shut down for hours or days, depending on a particular situation. It happened to me at work a few times in the past year and it was really bad. I was just frozen.
In one of your previous videos you were talking about how people would rather ‘hide’ and therefore miss out on various celebrations and events. Well, for me that is not missing out, it is being saved from a nightmare. I actually do prefer to spend most of my personal time by myself. Or with someone I know well or if they are new I find interesting enough to want to get to know more. Which is rarely. I am blessed to have a few long term friends already. I usually can feel what kind of a heart people have upon meeting them, even if they hide it, I can see through that. If they are softer and kinder than they present themselves, I know the truth. The same goes for being the other way around.
I havé chronic fatigue syndrome, i so wish I was you! ❤
@@sarahcourtney8066 Thank you. And I feel for you.
I guess it sounds better than it actually is. Operationally, It works well when I am in my optimal mode only.
Downside of the entire thing is that getting out excessive physical energy is very time consuming, I have to be careful to get it out in a constructive ways only (when I was a child I did not know how to do this and it usually came out as some combination of total spacing out, extreme anger, rage, melt downs, shut downs and destroying physical objects around me). Adding do all this I must sleep much longer than the average person. I sleep, on average, 10 hours per work day and 12 or more on the weekends if I get lucky.
I live in Canada with brutal winters, so if I am unable to go out and walk and pace around, I get very dysregulated, irritable, annoyed, mad, angry, etc.
Hi Ivan, thanks for your reply, I now understand your situation much better. Life really sucks sometimes doesn’t it . But we struggle through because that’s all we can do. I wish you well from here in Australia 😊
I totally understand this! So many “ordinary” things for other people take so much energy for me. I have SPS (stiff person syndrome), diagnosed in 2011. I spent a year in an office job listening to INTENSE construction noise outside my office (jackhammering or pounding on pipes) , trying to complete complex calculations and analysis on a very tight deadline. The next year I think my spoon deficit revolted , big time. I also have recently considered that I’m considered ASD. No wonder I have struggled. Thank you for the info!
Long before I realized I am autistic, I used to explain my limited mental energy to my friends as "tokens". I told them every morning I'm allotted a certain amount of tokens and once they are gone I'm absolutely done for the day. My brain just shuts down.
I've heard a lot of people relate to spoon theory. I like to think of it in terms of batteries (or battery percentage) because I have chronic neurological condition and it was described as only being able to have your battery charged to 50% no matter how much you sleep or rest. Some days take a bigger % to complete.
I like that one. It resonates to me much better than having to count everything, especially as I have discalculia, lol. It's much easier to describe to others too. Cheers. :)
I also prefer the battery analogy myself, because sometimes batteries drain slow and sometimes they go from 80% down to 5% because of a particularly draining task, and I feel like that is my life at times, and sometimes they don't charge much overnight, like you say
This
100% agree 😉
I have Multiple Sclerosis and I use the „spoon theory“ in my daily life to explain family/friends my situation. It doesn’t bring the mood down as much if you turn down an invitation due to „missing spoons“ as if you talk about fatigue… 😉
Very, very helpful. Don't care whether or not you've read the original theory right, it fits here. I have CFS and Aspergers. Through careful diet manipulation, my CFS is better than it was 15 years ago, so my physical energy is mostly better; but since Covid lockdown, the Aspergers is worse. I had a lovely time not having to practice "being in public", and it made me even more allergic to social situations in consequence. Especially shopping centres. Your picture of a shopping isle had a strong negative drain for me!!! I almost turned off the video!
I use the comparison of money in a purse, and not having enough ‘energy’ money so therefor cannot afford to ‘buy’ activities,be they mental or physical activities.For me it makes more sense. A fantastic video.
It’s so hard for others to understand that one needs ‘energy’ to do anything because most people never feel anything other than ‘normal’ tiredness because they have lived their normal lives and never run out of energy completely, that’s why I like my ‘money in the purse’ explanation because people can understand that once one has run out of money one cannot buy what one wants even if one is only a penny short, we all have budgets. It’s so hard to understand that someone can feel so utterly exhausted they simply have nothing left to function.
I can relate strongly to this, although I've been told I'm not autistic. Depression also limits energy, mental and physical; at least, that is my experience. Thank you.
Just FYI, being told we are not autistic (by doctors and people who should know better) is a common experience for autistic people.
@@matthewcritchley5458 Thanks. I've thought of being evaluated for it.
I grew up with my mother using the analogy in the context of bipolar and chronic pain -- one of the things that's a big part of it for us is that not only should you respect that even though someone else going to the store costs them 3 spoons and it costs you 6, remember that you did 6 spoons worth of accomplishment/activity, because you're not that other person. it's useful to remind yourself that even though it's 'not that hard for other people' doesn't mean you shouldn't be proud of yourself for accomplishing it if it was hard for you.
the other part is that our obstacles change in size from day to day; maybe that day it took 6 spoons to go to the store, and maybe the next week it only took 4 because your obstacles didn't make things as hard that day. I feel like there are certain things we can do to make those days more frequent, like self care, planning, good rest, support, coping mechanisms, etc.
Well stated. For me, I have come to think of it as there are two kinds of Spoons as well. I like to think of them as Red (physical energy) Spoons and Blue (mental energy) Spoons. Much to my own detriment, I seem to substitute the two types of spoons for each other. When I run out of Blue, I spend more Red to get through things, and vice versa. While I can sometimes use the other type of spoon to power through, it is far less efficient and generally results in a burnout. Also, when I would run out of both Red and Blue in the past, I would sometimes push beyond my limits by borrowing future Spoons ultimately ending in a crash that would leave me down for days. Looking back, there also seems to be a correlation between my past Spoon usage and my illnesses, physical ailments, and chronic migraines.
You just gave me another spoon for the day! ❤
Listening to this, feeling understood and in community, topped me up.
Thank you Andrew!
This is such a great explanation. I interchange/integrate spoons for both physical and mental issues.
Sometimes a 'commonly' 1 spoon task feels like a 5 spoon task. Depending on where I started.
Once you have a few humans in your life who understand spoon theory, things get a lot easier x
Thank you, I am not autistic but aged, and I immediately related to the analogy you provided. In terms of pain relief, people are asked to describe pain from 1 to 10. If you eat so much you clearly have spoonfuls of energy or mood levels and so on, but then require more food. I'm also a visual person so find the analogy of spoons useful.
patriciaatkinson2435,
Thank you for your comment.
Your input is valuable, and you don't need to be autistic.
Autism has its good points, too, one of them is that we don't have the "normal" "us vs them" mindset.
We see people as people, not "our group vs outsiders".
And I'm old enough to understand. We've got to be tough, dont we!
❤️ -K
Some autistic people have an us versus them view. Though it is usually due to abuse.
I was fortunate to be part of the group that benefitted from the first explanation of "Spoon Theory." At first, I thought it was a little too much. Like, why not just explain you're exhausted or in pain? I'm from that generation. But then, I found myself using it to explain to my rheumatologist how I was doing. He then explained it to his other patients and it became his go-to instead of the 0-10 pain chart. Now, as spoons have become the unit of measurement for pain and exhaustion in our community/ies, I'm thankful that we have it. I teach it to those who don't know about it. It is truly a valuable tool for each of us.
I don’t tend to use “spoons” for myself, as I can’t quite connect my experience to it. But I find it very helpful in conversations with others, especially people with chronic pain. If they are low on spoons, they can tell me, no further explanation needed. Or I can add nuance assuring them, before they even say something, that I am aware they may have a low-spoon day and can easily adjust my plans. I think the shared lingo/metaphor can contribute to a more comfortable, safe-feeling relationship. A way of saying “I gotcha. You don’t have to mask or make excuses if you don’t want to.”
I didn't know about Spoon Theory, but I certainly knew about Energy Management, and it's 100% a real thing!
My personal experience of spoon theory is my ability to withstand social situations. I have tremendous amounts of physical energy owing to my ADHD. I have a low threshold for bright lights. (I discovered this trait at age 12.)
Me too. No ADHD, but have enormous amounts of physical energy, that must get out in a constructive way, such as sports & arts (I draw, which is very phycial thing, contrary to what people believe). If it doesn't, and if I can't go out to pace & walk, I get irritable, moody, angry, dysregulated, etc.
I have ME/CFS and at 60 also suspect autism.
My son has fibromyalgia ME/CFS and ASD.
All of what you have said fits exactly how it is for both of us. I have never heard spoon theory used to explain energy with autism so this is helpful. I have spent a lot of time wondering about the connection with late diagnosis autism and ME/CFS. ( My son wasn't diagnosed until 24).
In CFS we are taught that it's not just physical energy but emotional and cognitive energy too and that social situations can be some of the most energy draining.
I wrote a long detailed comment, and that itself didn't take any spoons, but making the decision whether or not to post that comment started taking way too many spoons than I could afford 😅 . Yup, I like the distinction you make between physical and mental energy, especially with regard to decision-making.
Also which things take energy and which things don't can be such a personal, individual thing, and also fluctuate. I think the main idea of spoons theory is it is a universal language and be used in most situations, without having to go into specifics.
(An additional piece of info, I believe the woman who came up with the theory, Christine Miserandino, used 'spoons' because she was in a cafe and spoons happened to be the objects readily available, to explain to her friend... One could really use anything - coins, tokens, buckets, spades, units of energy - but spoons just caught on)
Spoon Theory is how I like to explain to people what its like being autistic. You have a finite amount of spoons for everyday things, then when it comes down your favorite interest(s) its like the spoons became BUCKETS.
YES! I love this!!! I could read medical journals for HOURS thanks to my SI bucket.
I think you understand it (spoon theory), at least that's my understanding. I'm autistic, with physical chronic illness, and disabilities. Your explanation matches my experience.
3:40 One of the biggest drains on executive function is pushing through uncomfortable experiences.
So, the original theory as applied to chronic illness refers to both physical and mental energy needed for tasks, and it recognizes that some tasks take more spoons on some days, and less spoons on other days, but the important part is to recognize how many spoons you have to start with on any given day, because all days are not equal, and a 'good night's rest' might not actually replenish your spoons when you have a chronic illness. It's highly individual and context based how many spoons a person has on a given day, and how many spoons an activity (including mental activities) might take
I've had to develop a more sensitive meter for when I'm reaching the bottom of my tank, because during one of the more difficult periods of my illness, I had very little warning when I'd go from okay to suddenly I was going to pass out if I didn't drop everything and lie down. I still can't always estimate how much energy I have in my store, but I have gotten pretty good at estimating how quickly my tank is running out in a day, or how quickly my battery is depleting (analogies which I personally find easier to conceptualize) and how I need to modify my tasks and expectations for the day. I do have a good grasp now on what the maximum amount of activity I can sustain on a very good best case scenario day, but I try to plan for a day that's about 70% of that, and then if I still have energy, to use the surplus on tasks I enjoy, like reading novels. That's the ideal, but life is usually much messier in reality
Very interesting. I had not heard of Spoon Theory before, but it makes sense. For executive function spoons, it can be possible to replenish them during the day: by doing something relaxing and comforting, like reading a book for half an hour, I find it then easier to choose to do something more challenging and stressful for a short time before returning to the book.
"Making the decision to get a shower, get dressed, and leave the house"
There's a straightforward solution to this problem: take away the decision, or at least vastly simplify it into very basic choices with clear contingencies.
Getting out of bed, taking a shower, getting dressed, and going to work is REALLY easy for because it is routine. There's effectively no executive function required. Similarly, most days I eat the same thing for lunch every day; one less decision I have to make.
I enjoy travel because I've got a packing list template and detailed itinerary. Just follow the plan. It's actually pretty easy to deviate from the plan because my extensive planning has made the options clear, and during the trip I'm not otherwise needing to make many executive decisions.
We live in a world (and many of us in a country) where freedom and choice are celebrated and idealized. For autistic people those may actually be your enemy.
Thank you for this lovely, quiet video. N.B. at 6:36: 'menial" is the correct spelling.
I want to thank you so much for your time and incredible understanding. You are awesome. My spoons are just about depleted.
Yes, it being the end of the week, This video very much rings true. I find when it comes to Friday or even Thursday sometimes, I tend to run out of these, "mental spoons". E-function is costly and my brain feels like it has a long backlog waiting for processing on events that happened during the time I start to missing more spoons. A change of routine can be refreshing and yes, like the video mentioned, a much needed break is good.
I've definitely found this a useful concept - though, yeah, sometimes I talk about "social spoons", because there are a lot of times when I'm just DONE for the day (or at least the next few hours) when it comes to interacting with people, but I still have enough TOTAL energy to go on a hike or cook dinner or whatever...and some of those activities can help me regain social spoons.
There's overlap, because being really drained of mental energy tends to cross over into lack of physical energy - it just doesn't do so right away.
Totally makes sense! Speaking of spoon energy, anyone else with hyper sensitivity to cold climate, like exp to humidity, makes my legs shiver in discomfort
Hi Paul. You mention the lights not being comfortable for you. I'm approaching 62 and for most of my life, I've had to wear either dark or photochromic specs. This is because bright lights hurt my eyes and give me headache but dim light is extremely unsettling for me. Both especially so when driving at night in the dark with oncoming pinpoints of bright lights from traffic that almost blind me as I squint to avoid them. My indoor lights are on all day, even in midsummer, to give well lit rooms, albeit toned down with my dark glasses. People think I'm a bit nuts but it's just how it is. Winter here in UK is also uncomfortable because the sun is lower and appears brighter. Snow and cloud glare causes discomfort and headache too.
I use this analogy, but with one meaningful difference: I don't have a resource of spoons to expend, but rather I start with no spoons and collect them as I do tasks. And soon they become heavier and heavier to carry around everywhere. This helps explain why an activity that normally costs no energy or is even regenerative \-like talking with friends- can still be too much for me if I'm high on spoons. Because *everything* is hard if I have to do it while I have all these accumulated spoons to carry.
I've never heard of spoon theory. But I'm self diagnosed, at at about age 64. Now I'm 76 and tired ALL the time! It has to be something mandatory to get me moving! I think it's depression.
I would like to see a video on executive function and what all that affects.
I just self diagnosed myself as autistic this past year and started working with a therapist a couple months ago. He just told me about the spoon theory in our last session. We spoke about my troubles with executive function and he wanted me to try something. I told him I have a morning routine that I always stick by. He suggested I play some instrumental music while I do my morning routine. He then said once that’s been ingrained and association has been made, he said play that same music while trying to start tasks that require a lot of effort/spoons to begin, the tasks that would cause executive dysfunction. I wonder if this is some kind of classical conditioning like the Pavlov’s dog experiment. 🤔
My problem is I can’t decide on the music to use. I don’t want to use something I like listening to because I don’t want to end up hating it. 😭😆 I haven’t been able to do the assignment. I will bring it up in my next session.
Self diagnosis is very dangerous and irresponsible. Please see appropriate professionals.
@@jacobus57 self diagnosis is valid from what the autism community has been telling me. It’s also difficult to diagnosis autism later in life. I grabbed this quote from a neuropathic doctor “Medical professionals do not recognize adult autism, especially late-diagnosed adult autism. Many people I assess describe being turned away by assessors, mocked by health care practitioners when they propose the possibility of autism.” - Dr Natalie Engelbrecht on the topic of autistic imposter syndrome.
@@jacobus57 yeah okay, you got a spare $2000+ and a specialist actually trained in modern autism diagnostic criteria? you've got a seriously privileged world view, and being on the spectrum with the rest of us doesn't excuse you from it. :/
Spoon theory costs too many spoons to explain to people. And speaking uses a lot of spoons, never mind the number of spoons required to explain why the spoons can't just be rinsed off? Or why there's arbitrary numbers of spoons and spoon costs? I just say I'm spent. If I feel like it, I elaborate by saying I'm physically spent, mentally spent, emotionally spent, just about spent. Usually translates pretty easily.
TH-cam won't let me post links as requested by some folks in the comments, but here's the original The Spoon Theory essay, by Christine Miserandino:
My best friend and I were in the diner, talking. As usual, it was very late and we were eating French fries with gravy. Like normal girls our age, we spent a lot of time in the diner while in college, and most of the time we spent talking about boys, music or trivial things, that seemed very important at the time. We never got serious about anything in particular and spent most of our time laughing.
As I went to take some of my medicine with a snack as I usually did, she watched me with an awkward kind of stare, instead of continuing the conversation. She then asked me out of the blue what it felt like to have Lupus and be sick. I was shocked not only because she asked the random question, but also because I assumed she knew all there was to know about Lupus. She came to doctors with me, she saw me walk with a cane, and throw up in the bathroom. She had seen me cry in pain, what else was there to know?
I started to ramble on about pills, and aches and pains, but she kept pursuing, and didn’t seem satisfied with my answers. I was a little surprised as being my roommate in college and friend for years; I thought she already knew the medical definition of Lupus. Then she looked at me with a face every sick person knows well, the face of pure curiosity about something no one healthy can truly understand. She asked what it felt like, not physically, but what it felt like to be me, to be sick.
As I tried to gain my composure, I glanced around the table for help or guidance, or at least stall for time to think. I was trying to find the right words. How do I answer a question I never was able to answer for myself? How do I explain every detail of every day being effected, and give the emotions a sick person goes through with clarity. I could have given up, cracked a joke like I usually do, and changed the subject, but I remember thinking if I don’t try to explain this, how could I ever expect her to understand. If I can’t explain this to my best friend, how could I explain my world to anyone else? I had to at least try.
(continued in the replies)
At that moment, the spoon theory was born. I quickly grabbed every spoon on the table; hell I grabbed spoons off of the other tables. I looked at her in the eyes and said “Here you go, you have Lupus”. She looked at me slightly confused, as anyone would when they are being handed a bouquet of spoons. The cold metal spoons clanked in my hands, as I grouped them together and shoved them into her hands.
I explained that the difference in being sick and being healthy is having to make choices or to consciously think about things when the rest of the world doesn’t have to. The healthy have the luxury of a life without choices, a gift most people take for granted.
Most people start the day with unlimited amount of possibilities, and energy to do whatever they desire, especially young people. For the most part, they do not need to worry about the effects of their actions. So for my explanation, I used spoons to convey this point. I wanted something for her to actually hold, for me to then take away, since most people who get sick feel a “loss” of a life they once knew. If I was in control of taking away the spoons, then she would know what it feels like to have someone or something else, in this case Lupus, being in control.
She grabbed the spoons with excitement. She didn’t understand what I was doing, but she is always up for a good time, so I guess she thought I was cracking a joke of some kind like I usually do when talking about touchy topics. Little did she know how serious I would become?
I asked her to count her spoons. She asked why, and I explained that when you are healthy you expect to have a never-ending supply of “spoons”. But when you have to now plan your day, you need to know exactly how many “spoons” you are starting with. It doesn’t guarantee that you might not lose some along the way, but at least it helps to know where you are starting. She counted out 12 spoons. She laughed and said she wanted more. I said no, and I knew right away that this little game would work, when she looked disappointed, and we hadn’t even started yet. I’ve wanted more “spoons” for years and haven’t found a way yet to get more, why should she? I also told her to always be conscious of how many she had, and not to drop them because she can never forget she has Lupus.
I asked her to list off the tasks of her day, including the most simple. As, she rattled off daily chores, or just fun things to do; I explained how each one would cost her a spoon. When she jumped right into getting ready for work as her first task of the morning, I cut her off and took away a spoon. I practically jumped down her throat. I said ” No! You don’t just get up. You have to crack open your eyes, and then realize you are late. You didn’t sleep well the night before. You have to crawl out of bed, and then you have to make your self something to eat before you can do anything else, because if you don’t, you can’t take your medicine, and if you don’t take your medicine you might as well give up all your spoons for today and tomorrow too.” I quickly took away a spoon and she realized she hasn’t even gotten dressed yet. Showering cost her spoon, just for washing her hair and shaving her legs. Reaching high and low that early in the morning could actually cost more than one spoon, but I figured I would give her a break; I didn’t want to scare her right away. Getting dressed was worth another spoon. I stopped her and broke down every task to show her how every little detail needs to be thought about. You cannot simply just throw clothes on when you are sick. I explained that I have to see what clothes I can physically put on, if my hands hurt that day buttons are out of the question. If I have bruises that day, I need to wear long sleeves, and if I have a fever I need a sweater to stay warm and so on. If my hair is falling out I need to spend more time to look presentable, and then you need to factor in another 5 minutes for feeling badly that it took you 2 hours to do all this.
I think she was starting to understand when she theoretically didn’t even get to work, and she was left with 6 spoons. I then explained to her that she needed to choose the rest of her day wisely, since when your “spoons” are gone, they are gone. Sometimes you can borrow against tomorrow’s “spoons”, but just think how hard tomorrow will be with less “spoons”. I also needed to explain that a person who is sick always lives with the looming thought that tomorrow may be the day that a cold comes, or an infection, or any number of things that could be very dangerous. So you do not want to run low on “spoons”, because you never know when you truly will need them. I didn’t want to depress her, but I needed to be realistic, and unfortunately being prepared for the worst is part of a real day for me.
We went through the rest of the day, and she slowly learned that skipping lunch would cost her a spoon, as well as standing on a train, or even typing at her computer too long. She was forced to make choices and think about things differently. Hypothetically, she had to choose not to run errands, so that she could eat dinner that night.
When we got to the end of her pretend day, she said she was hungry. I summarized that she had to eat dinner but she only had one spoon left. If she cooked, she wouldn’t have enough energy to clean the pots. If she went out for dinner, she might be too tired to drive home safely. Then I also explained, that I didn’t even bother to add into this game, that she was so nauseous, that cooking was probably out of the question anyway. So she decided to make soup, it was easy. I then said it is only 7pm, you have the rest of the night but maybe end up with one spoon, so you can do something fun, or clean your apartment, or do chores, but you can’t do it all.
I rarely see her emotional, so when I saw her upset I knew maybe I was getting through to her. I didn’t want my friend to be upset, but at the same time I was happy to think finally maybe someone understood me a little bit. She had tears in her eyes and asked quietly “Christine, How do you do it? Do you really do this everyday?” I explained that some days were worse then others; some days I have more spoons then most. But I can never make it go away and I can’t forget about it, I always have to think about it. I handed her a spoon I had been holding in reserve. I said simply, “I have learned to live life with an extra spoon in my pocket, in reserve. You need to always be prepared.”
Its hard, the hardest thing I ever had to learn is to slow down, and not do everything. I fight this to this day. I hate feeling left out, having to choose to stay home, or to not get things done that I want to. I wanted her to feel that frustration. I wanted her to understand, that everything everyone else does comes so easy, but for me it is one hundred little jobs in one. I need to think about the weather, my temperature that day, and the whole day’s plans before I can attack any one given thing. When other people can simply do things, I have to attack it and make a plan like I am strategizing a war. It is in that lifestyle, the difference between being sick and healthy. It is the beautiful ability to not think and just do. I miss that freedom. I miss never having to count “spoons”.
After we were emotional and talked about this for a little while longer, I sensed she was sad. Maybe she finally understood. Maybe she realized that she never could truly and honestly say she understands. But at least now she might not complain so much when I can’t go out for dinner some nights, or when I never seem to make it to her house and she always has to drive to mine. I gave her a hug when we walked out of the diner. I had the one spoon in my hand and I said “Don’t worry. I see this as a blessing. I have been forced to think about everything I do. Do you know how many spoons people waste everyday? I don’t have room for wasted time, or wasted “spoons” and I chose to spend this time with you.”
Ever since this night, I have used the spoon theory to explain my life to many people. In fact, my family and friends refer to spoons all the time. It has been a code word for what I can and cannot do. Once people understand the spoon theory they seem to understand me better, but I also think they live their life a little differently too. I think it isn’t just good for understanding Lupus, but anyone dealing with any disability or illness. Hopefully, they don’t take so much for granted or their life in general. I give a piece of myself, in every sense of the word when I do anything. It has become an inside joke. I have become famous for saying to people jokingly that they should feel special when I spend time with them, because they have one of my “spoons”.
© Christine Miserandino
ok that's all of it, it wasn't letting me post it all at once so I had to split it up
@@Cellybeans thank you for your dedication, friend! 💖
I have been using this for a while, not only am I spectrum, I also have auto immune chronic pain, and a primary (genetic) immune deficiency which causes constant illness. So a lot of times when my brain is functioning my body isn't and vice versa. When all three act up at the same time, you can pretty much guarantee a meltdown. Shopping is hard for me, not only does it cause pain, but the bright lights, screaming children, long lines and pushy people just make it to where sometimes I just stop and walk out.
Shopping later in the evening when it's quiet helps me - except when they're stocking shelves with that stupid machine that beeps so loudly it's painful from 5 rows away. _Why_ do modern supermarkets have so many different things that beep, buzz and ring? Can we ask them not to?
I'm autistic AND I got Post-Covid / ME/CFS in 2020. Being only autistic, my spoons on a daily basis were enough to manage my day and worklife. Social I had to do adaptions. Since I got Covid, my physical situation is a mess and my cognitive function gets worse (I was tested). So my autistic compensation (sensory processing, masking, executive function) crashed.
It's a vicious circle with the autistic and physical limitations. I cannot longer do my special interests.
The spoon theory is a good and simple thing to explain problems to other people. But it's not as simple as it looks to find out the personal spoon-level and how many spoons I need for task X on day Y under condition Z.
I want also to mention, that with many chronic illnesses (and autism?!?) a night with good sleep is probably not enough to get back to baseline.
I think to define and get to know your baseline and learn to hold your baseline is essential. Baseline and spoons cannot seen without each other.
I think Spoon Theory as originally described also pointed out that e.g. a normal person might not think twice about washing their hair, but for a person with certain chronic conditions, raising their arms that high is very draining so they can only do it once in a while and not on a day where they need to conserve spoons for later. So it's not that it's the same for everyone and some people just have more spoons, but that certain tasks are more draining for certain people -- much like an introvert gets drained socially much faster than an extravert.
This is spot on! I have the co-occurring physical condition, which makes all the above a challenge. Spoon theory in concept alone is a great tool in explaining to people who can’t personally understand what it’s like day to day…or “why I’m like this”. I’ve explained it to my 14yr old daughter and she seems to resonate with the example of rationing my energy.
Hi, I just wanted to say that you are sooooo accurate with the Executive Function Spoons one. I'm currently in Gr.9 in Online school experiencing the Executive Function Spoons drainage. My amount of spoons have decreased so much where I'm having alot of depression & anxiety symptoms. Many days I wake up in the morning feeling tired & as if there's no hope for the day when I've slept for 8 hours. This morning I woke up with the same amount of sleep, but with hope & excitement for the day.
Thank you so much for explaining, now I can understand better and help others understand me better ❤
I love your videos. They’re so informative and this one really helped me gain an understanding of the application of the spoon theory in autism. I have a lot of co-occurring conditions so it takes me a lot more spoons to do simple tasks like making the decision to brush my teeth or making the decision to shower or choosing what clothes to wear, etc. I definitely want to apply this theory to my own life as a way of understanding for myself why I’m already so drained from the day if all I’ve done is gotten out of bed, brushed my teeth and changed out of my pajamas.
Thanks for the YT programs on @Autism From The Inside
🙏🏼♥️ Energy, mental&physical, situation perfectly explained (as close as we can get; there is no perfect). Thank you.
Helps explain what I cannot usually explain simply, because when I need to explain it the spoons are gone, or low (a little low now), and when I don’t need to explain it I am usually conserving spoons. Saving and will share when helpful. Thank you again. 🙏🏼
Note: Had thought spoons was a bit of a weird concept but if we think about the necessity of eating then we realized how essential the most basic utensil, the spoon, is; we cannot eat or scoop up nutrients to continue functioning when we are so depleted. We need to wait and rest to recoup energy to better function.
Before I had tried to explain the concept using a petrol or gasoline explanation, and sometimes people got it, or seemed to get it, but in truth they didn’t or only very rarely did.
They soon forget and forgot. With spoons it is more unusual so maybe people can better pay attention and remember with understanding of the unique situation, unique compared to neurotypical apparently.
Frankly I am surprised neurotypical s don’t have the same issue and why it seems so strange to them. It shouldn’t.
I guess they do have it but not as acutely. 🙏🏼 ❤
BTW: The mental focus is a bigger issue for me. I am normally quite focused, diligent, much more careful than most people, but become a space cadet and loopy without any chance of getting normal, supposedly normal, stuff done, if too overwhelmed and might be downed for months, and this may be for everything or selective areas. Wonder if that happens to others, some things become completely impossible even if others think they are simple and assume i am negligently lazy or don’t want to do something. Cannot focus or think.
The physical also happens, where I cannot get up and very worn down. It took me thirty minutes to get up a small flight of stairs as I had to go one step and sit, then one step and sit, until I made it. Yet I am called both diligent or lazy then, wow. Turned out some adrenal issues were involved, but i pushed anyway…because actually i am diligent.
. (Might be a little lazy; I like going to beach, relaxing to read, playing with dog or cat, just sitting and resting or looking at the view, etc so I am somewhat lazy at times.)
Wow
Being uncomfortable takes energy
This explains so much about so much
Thanks Paul, that was very helpful. I often use spoon theory in an attempt to explain my physical limitations. I also have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue as well as being AuDHD. I never really thought about spoon theory in terms of executive function, but it makes so much sense. Whilst there are days where I wake up feeling physically poorly and know the spoon count is low already, there are definitely days where I wake up feeling ok, but burn out quickly if I do to much, experience too much for my senses or am faced with needing to make too many decisions. Yesterday I was trying to unpack why I can’t do admin or make a phone call when I take a physical break. This video helped explain that I am not just lazy. Even physical work such as cleaning and sorting requires mental effort and decision making. Rest during the day can help spoons replenish if you don’t burn out. And yes there are days where I am mentally burnt out and that impacts me physically as well.
Very informative! I totally get it on all levels! Especially here with Autism, tolerance levels, and executive function. My suggestion is that anyone who doesn’t understand Spoon Theory should go talk to someone who does (chronic illness, Autism, etc.). One might not be able to fully grasp the concept, or it might not affect them. But surely there’s someone you know who HAS challenges, and you can spend a few spoons by listening and learning 😊
For me its definitely executive or thinking/emotional energy I call it. Been burnt out from university which I have just finished my final year and I have physical energy but not thinking energy for tasks.
I love the insightfulness of this spoon theory I’ve always wondered why it was so hard for me to plan ahead of time to do things as far as social interactions because you never know when you wake up that morning or even within the time that it takes you to prepare if you have enough energy to follow through with what you made plans with someone else to do.
Paul, Thank you very much!
Have been pondering spoons - as the apply to me - for some time. Being very late life self identified aspie and unrepentant engineer/scientist, I have been attempting to develop my own Spoon Physics theory calculus…
Yes agree that (my) aspie spoons are both physical and psych energy…
But feel need to insert math symbols and equations and define variables
Eg Stiction - static friction that inhibits getting started with task. Or dynamic friction - friction increases (exponentially?) with speed. And interpersonal recharging - - sometimes a hug can - transfer spoons or reduce friction.
Peace, Love, Rock & Roll
Dave
I have heard about the spoon theory but didn't quite understand it. Thankyou Paul for explaining it. Very helpful.
watched w an autistic friend n she said it was so validating, also ur the king of the autistic community
I have fibromyalgia (original spoon theory chronic illness), adhd, and autism and I learned about spoon theory in regards to fibro. It's intrinsically understood that some days activities will take more spoons than other days. Some days I have lots of energy to do stuff but doing that one task is gonna take a LOT more spoons than it would if I do it a few days from now when I've mentally prepared for it.
Also, the original interpretation (as I understood it) was talking about physical energy yes, but it also was talking about mental energy as "brain fog" is a major symptom of fibromyalgia. The executive function spoon metaphor you used is essentially exactly what the community uses but just calls it mental energy. So, still an energy management idea, but yeah, not entirely a physical thing.
That being said, looking at mental energy vs physical energy, a lot of physical things also take up mental energy and vice versa for us. Kinda like having teaspoons and tablespoons. You can interchange them to some degree but they're going to do a lesser job at the opposite task (finesse mental jobs for teaspoons and big sweeping physical jobs for tablespoons). Some days we have no teaspoons at all (mental energy) and so we use our tablespoons (physical energy) to try even harder to get our brains to work and find that we've run outta all spoons by like 10am.
But yes, overall, you've got the basic idea down pat! And I love the way you used it to help explain autism.
I love the idea of spoon theory and I plan to make my own list of tasks soon. Right now living around certain people and the cold is draining my mental energy because it is driven by emotions, in this case fear of fright, ridicule and destruction.
Thank you Paul. I have heard the theory several times but I never really understood it so thank you for explaining.
I feel like I keep having more and more spoons taken from me every day. I have bulging discs causing sciatic pain in my left leg(10 years), a chronic sinus infection(4 years, 2 1/2 years of that on a waiting list for surgery), depression and anxiety. Through this I am a full time carer for my son who has idiopathic juvenile osteoporosis. I am feeling like I am only scraping up one or two spoons a day at the moment and they are being overused. Nobody seems to understand how hard I am trying just to do anything. Thank you for your video even though it was difficult for you to make it ❤
One of the things I love about using the spoon analogy is that it's cute and simple. It doesn't have any negative connotations - just saying something like "I'm exhausted" or "I can't..." or "I don't have the energy to..." or "I want to, but..." brings my energy level down, and often leads to other people invalidating my experience or annoying me by trying to motivate me by using strategies that work for (some) NTs (some of the time). "I don't have the spoons for that, right now" is a complete sentence, and in my experience, is seen by everyone I know as a complete sentence, full stop. Nobody argues with it or tries to convince someone that they should do something they say they don't have the spoons for. And I don't have to use up spoons trying to explain to someone else (when I often don't even know myself) why I don't have the spoons for it. It's a neutral fact that is just accepted.
I hadn't heard of this before but one analogy I read about was imagining your energy as an amount of money you spend each day. Everything has a cost and you have to count everything, such as cleaning your teeth, etc, but you can only use the finite amount of money daily. The doctor who wrote the article said to count a £1,000 a day, but she was a Harley Street doctor and that seemed really excessive to me, lol. I thought about using £100 a day but the whole thing was too confusing to me as I have discalculia, so that didn't work!
I've heard an inverted version: forks. Various things like pushing through pain stick forks in you, the more forks you've got stuck in you the harder it gets, resting lets you remove some of the forks. I suppose mathematically it adds up to the same thing: a fork is a negative spoon. I'm wondering whether it makes more sense of the different sorts of energy thing.
I've always thought of it more as taxes. Doing anything takes a percentage of how much you make a day, and some days you just don't make enough to handle all the things trying to get a cut.
Social energy is what I run out of, especially when I try to match the social energy of a neurotypical. I need to stop pushing myself and explain that I have a limited number of spoons for that. Thanks, Paul.
For me, there seems to be several types of energy, physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. One can drag the rest if necessary, but then I'll pay for it eventually. One energy can be really low and another high. And I think of how my Autism is like driving a car with a manual transmission. It takes more mental and physical energy to change gears, but when I understand the process better, it is possible to get better performance. I'm still trying to get there, if possible... developing healthy boundaries and predicting how much energy will be needed allows me enough recovery time. I still have some cognitive dissonance with how much energy I really have at age 55. And all of this mental work takes energy. I hope this helps you with valuing and planning how to spend your energy. Writing this comment took mental energy, but it is important to give to the community. And there is a different energy that we receive by giving. Mostly spiritual and emotional.
I use this analogy so much! I loved when my mom started to used since I felt so validated. Amazing video ♥
Neurodivergent (almost certainly ADHD, likely also Autistic) here, with anxiety issues and some other mental and physical health issues. For me, not only did spoon theory help me communicate better with my mom, but it also helped me to understand how sometimes seemingly little things can make the thought of a larger task just impossible that day/week. Also, I think recharging spoons is not merely by sleep; there are times I use abnegation (activity not requiring much thought) to let my brain stop using resources and after a while (sometimes half an hour, sometimes several hours) I'll be able to tackle a task that I wasn't able to before, much like a nap could restore a little physical energy.
Also, changing the circumstances of an activity can easily make it take a different number of spoons. Going shopping during daylight hours means there's lots of people around, lots of noise and bustle, standing in line's gonna take longer, there's the fear of germs, etc. But our local Winco is open 24 hours, so I can go in there at 2 a.m. when it's relatively quiet (if you can ignore the beeps of the forklift), there aren't many people around, I don't need to wait in line hardly at all, and just generally speaking it's a relaxing trip where the primary drain is not social or sensory but the decision-making part of what I'm getting and whether I can stick to a budget.
Another thing I've noticed is that feeling unsupported by family takes a large toll on my energy for tasks -- like, just noticing that a thing I'd asked to be ready for me is not, in fact, ready for me, that can sap spoons away instantly, often making it so that I can't fathom doing the task I'd wanted that thing for. So it feels like there's an emotional energy, or a relationship between the social sphere and how I react to it, that affects my spoons? Like turning on a quick-drain mode, or getting a debuff in a game.
Having an unexpected house guest who's been here for weeks is not helping -- I've been tense all the time from this "invasion" and I've been masking more than I typically do in my own home, and it's made my pool of spoons very low the past few weeks.
Recently I've been struggling with this regarding meal prep. My mom and I went shopping for ingredients to make two things, a curry (for me) and a chili (for the family). That was a week ago. (Notably, I can't shop *and* cook a complicated meal on the same day, unless someone else is helping me with the meal prep.) The chili recipe in question is something I designed myself, one we've had before and love, but it's a complicated task involving two pans (a stew pot and a large skillet), a bunch of ingredient prep, and then coordinating two batches of ingredients (searing meat and sauteing veggies before moving them into the stew pot's tomato products in stages).
I won't go into all the issues, but every night this week, I have gotten up (my hours are weird), taken one look at the kitchen, and concluded that the chili won't be doable that night. Basically, there are a couple prep steps that, if they're already done, put the full task potentially in reach, but if I have to do them *too* it drains just enough spoons that I know I won't be able to handle the full recipe. This includes washing the stew pot and the skillet (the one time the stew pot got cleaned this week, it got immediately used to make a different dish for the family, and nobody washed it afterwards) and clearing the stove (I need kitty-corner big burners if I want both pans to be operational at the same time).
What has happened most days this week is that I see the kitchen is a mess, wind up washing a couple loads of dishes (in fits and spurts between resting my back and wrists), see that the sink might be cleared enough to wash the pans I need, take stock of my remaining spoons, conclude that I'm not going to be able to make the meal that night, debate about washing the pans anyway, conclude they're a big use of spoons and there's a high likelihood they'll wind up getting used for other purposes before I pull together enough spoons to use them for the thing I want them for, and give up on the whole project for another day.
It's highly frustrating, especially as the ingredients (including fresh veggies and discount meat) have been sitting in the fridge for a week just getting progressively less fresh/quality, and I have no idea if we'll get to the point where I make the chili before we have to throw out the ingredients and buy new ones (which happens all too frequently in a low-spoons household, because the level of predicted spoons from when you bought the ingredients doesn't match the level you have when you're ready to start).
And now tonight I can't do it *again* because my brother popped the circuit breaker in the kitchen so there's no light until my parents wake up (the circuit breaker is in their room). So much for one more chance at this (sigh).
Spoons explain everything just fine. It is an easy concept to understand. Shopping definitely take a lot of spoons.
This entire train of thought brought me down to an exhausted mental state🥴. I’m getting better at self motivation. It’s a process where I don’t want to but I keep pushing myself. My son who went into the army actually has been a huge help to me. His personal drive is endless. As a father I can’t let my son see me fail so I push….. push and push myself and I find myself doing so much more than I thought I was capable of.
I appreciated this even though I have no idea where I am on the spectrum and I only once told someone I ran out of spoons that day. It helps to think about how not to run out of spoons when I know it’s mental energy not so much physical energy for me.
I love spoon theory! Once explained it’s easy to understand & even if your personal spoons are slightly different to another individuals it’s usually easy to understand where each other is at if you have a good enough relationship or bond that you have explained to each other… It can be quite a hard concept to explain to people who have never heard of it and just don’t understand. I sometimes find some people have way too many questions & I end up regretting bringing up spoons because it’s using my spoons (when I’m already running low) to try to get them to understand. Most people try, but there’s always a few people who just seem to find it enjoyable to be difficult or just don’t want to try to understand, who don’t even seem to understand the concept of being exhausted or too exhausted. That’s just my personal experience. I definitely like that it’s popularity has grown over recent years especially & more people are using it more openly, once you can understand an individual’s spoons it can be really helpful when interacting on a particularly hard day (or low spoon day or moment). I find it’s definitely easier for ND people to understand when you talk about spoons.
I have autistism, ADHD, Bipolar disorder, and complex trauma/PTSD. My spoon allotment is usually used up by executive functions. But I just thought of something. I am very aware and sensitive to physical ailments. I think I am very in touch with them because I use up all of my spoons on just executive functions. I think it gives me a very low tolerance for physical discomfort, exhaustion, and pain.
Thank you, Paul.
You have helped me to understand my current situation.
Holy cow! I'm dealing with most of the energy drains you discussed, plus angry with myself because I keep falling further behind - which is another drain - but thanks to this video I'll stop nagging myself so harshly.
I have always seen it as special attack bar in a fighting game. Or a stamina bar.
You use such excellent examples. Thank you!
So I have a chronic illness and am undiagnosed but have many autism symptoms. For me, I've noticed my migraine symptoms overlap with some autistic symptoms . Like light sensitivity or lots of people talking in a small room causing my brain to freak out. Definitely connected with migraine pain and spoons, but also pretty autistic too.
Ive always loved the concept of spoon theory and its been incredibly useful in helping me understand my own limits. Its become especially useful after a minor brain injury that left me with extreme memory difficulties. Short term memory is incredibly difficult to use and especially for long periods of time due to the injury to my hippocampus. Doing simple day to day chores where I can just fall into a rhythm is easy but as soon as I need to do any more than that, my spoons start draining incredibly quickly!
Using "spoons" as a way to explain why any task isn't possible now/today/anywhere soon is so easy and quick to say why a thing will be postponed for a later time or I need a help with that. But it works just with the right person. My children are also neurodiverse and we actually have each a different set of neurodiversities. So the thing is that our required amount of spoons for a task are so different that we can easily complete each other. Especially with my first child. For example going shopping together and not finding the thing that we are after - it might be that one (and only one) has just right amount of spoons to ask a shop assistant for an advice. And it may vary from one to other case who has that spoons to form a question and who has the spoons to speak with the stranger. And some time it's neither then we stay in the shop and Google it...
This was very helpful in a lot of ways. It gives me tools to talk about my experiences. It also informs me of how younger generations talk at work. I have heard a lot of people at work talk about spoons and vaguely understood them. As far as I know, none of them are autistic and only a couple of them have told me of their chronic illness. Many joke about being ADHD and 3 people have told me they are self or officially diagnosed. But the majority of my coworkers use spoon theory. I wonder if they are using it because I work in an industry where the work force is historically overworked, and we live in late stage capitalism.
Realizing that not the Activity itself but the decision of what I‘m gonna do next is costing spoons is brilliant! thank you very much! And nice Shirt 😊❤
EXCELLENT explanation. I like spoons as a measure as it’s different and gets people thinking differently. Which is what Neuro Typical people need to do when dealing with neuro diverse colleagues
However if individuals want to think in batteries, buttons or some other unit they can.
I like the fact you included physical and mental spoons counts. I often run out of one but not the other.
Finally, in my case. It’s not only sleep that gives me a recharge. I can fast charge during the day by being KIND TO ME. It’s not as good as sleep but an extra meditation, swim or time out in North Yorkshire (England) countryside gives me a top up during the day.
It's the number of spoons per task that changes wildly in a day to day basis for me (combined autism and ADHD) It's even harder to explain to someone that one day I can make an opulent meal for myself and other just staying hungry because I cannot force myself to make a meal, even cereals. But usually at those days the number of spoons needed for example to do taxes is way lower and I have no probpem with them 🤷
It's like everyday loterry when I wake up I don't know what spoons would be needed for certain activities...
I've had an autoimmune disease for over 20 years and have always talked about different types of energy (physical, mental, emotional) to my husband and how much i'm operating on in terms of percentage or batteries. I find the spoon analogy to not be clear enough and harder to communicate with but maybe it works better for those with Autism.
I have not heard of this before though i have been drained after noted times of high focus or over time. I tend to think along a diffrent gage along the concept of pressure for stress. The more pressure (stress) that has built up, the less able i am to focus and the less incoming stress flow i can tolerate. The lower the pressure is the more incoming stress flow i can tolerate. Volume level as an example, i work in a rather noisy environment most of the time it does not bother me, when i have high pressure it does. This is separate from something distracting me mentally and i have tricks to focus down to a background focus and my prime focus.
🤣 I know I'm not alone - but listening to Paul's description of energy drains is exhausting.
Laughing at myself helped.
❤️ -K
For me it's mostly mental energy, but I've also had type 1 diabetes since I was 14 (so for 20 years now), and have some physical issues that have come with that.
The most mentally draining thing for me is showering, for some reason. I love being clean, and I never leave the house without having showered, but it just feels so massive in my head, especially if I also need to shave and groom myself at the same time. I have a lot of "compulsions" when it comes to cleaning myself, like my hair has to be styles perfectly, I need to do my skin care properly and so on. It's driving me insane.
The spoon metaphor is a good one, as are some of the other ideas suggested in the comments. We just need to adapt them to our own lives.
Although i already knew about this, all what you've said makes sense to me, you've got nothing to worry about id say.
I use spoon theory to explain the amount of energy it takes to say mask vs not mask. Or to deal with unpleasent stimuli. I also use spoon theory for MYSELF as a way to try and be mindful of meltdown/shutdown and how close I am to those.
I really like the way you explain your thinking step by step.
Spoon theory perfect for Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, autism and adhd. I use social spoons, physical spoons, cognitive spoonss, executive function spoons, mood spoons, sensory spoons, pain spoons, unexpected change spoons
Eg acute exacerbation of a chronic physical condition will use up spoons from all categories pain and injury hit the cognitive and executive function as well as sensory - ie an injury flare up can make my autistic and adhd traits really obvious
For myself, a guy in his 50s with a fairly recent Aspie/Autism diagnosis, the spoon theory itself doesn't make a lot of sense. Mainly because what is challenging comes with a fair degree of variation from one day to the next, and how draining the different activities I do also fluctuate a lot. There are days when I can hit the flow and be stuck at a task for 3 or 4 hours straight, even if starting the task itself is difficult, and there are days when starting the task is easy and something I look forward to but then 15 minutes later I'm unable to focus and do anything at all. Most days will obviously be somewhere in between those extremes, but the fluctuating levels of how easy it is to kick off tasks and how long I can stay at them makes the spoon theory a less than functional tool to explain this to others in an understandable manner. In a similar context there are days when I can push through and become energized by doing so, and days when I don't have to push through at all and yet feel completely drained to the point of not being able to function for days afterwards when completing the task(s). All of which indicates to me that there are more factors involved in what drains my particular system than the tasks themselves, and that there are a number of environmental factors at play that have different levels of drain/reward that are variable from one day to the next. And that also fluctuate during a single day.
Many of us in the autistic community have intersectionality and for many of us, that includes co-occurring chronic illnesses. My mother used to tell me that I needed to push myself but what she refused to realise is that when you have a chronic illness and are autistic, your tolerance is much lower.
Although it’s not my favourite metaphor, it’s relatively widely used in the UK so it’s a way of explaining. I am autistic with ME and fibromyalgia amongst other things.
I can't relate with spoons. Energy and spoons ,a bit strange in my mind. 😊love your channel by the way. I had a late asd level 1 diagnose. 66years now. Still learning each day. 😊
For me, sounds implies a HUGE amount of energy for a specific task. And the spoon count for a fixed task can vary from person to person. Basically most things don't take much energy but there are certain things that take up spoons. That can deplete you for the day... and you can't do anything more.