That is a man with no consideration. When someone has a past and then makes boundaries due to trauma, it doesn't matter if said boundary goes against my intentions, my own desires are not above the basic comfort of others.
The few safe men in the world dont get upset over women not letting them in their house. They literally just continue to be decent people worthy of your trust.. silently. Maybe because im a woman... But i dont get upset when people dont trust me right away. I just continue on and silently prove my trustworthiness like the rest of us women do. Because of my looks, it took months for my coworkers and supervisors to trust what i said and what i can do. When i was medically retiring from my first career, they were begging me to try to stay and they will find a job i can do in a wheelchair. I left anyway. Trustworthy people dont need to be the loudest person in the room.
Sorry that had to be your experience 💜 Decent men know fully well what most men are really like, they understand their fellow XYs' sick minds. Dudes getting triggered about women's safety is a massive 🚩🚩🚩
I was dating a guy who would joke about my light skin, questioning my blackness. That in of itself isn’t a big deal but I told him that I don’t find it funny and would like him to stop. He insisted on continuing to make those comments and tried to minimize my feelings about it. It’s not what he is saying but the fact that he doesn’t care how it makes me feel. It was over for me and I feel totally justified in my decision to leave him alone. I saw him in passing recently and he was asking me why I choose to remain single. I told him because I just want my peace. He kept trying to convince me that he could give me what I need. I’m like sir, the fact that I am having to defend my decision to you is not peace, it’s violence. 4B for me all the way.
That's not violence. If you think it is you've never been in a real as$ situation. Just bcuz someone doesn't put you in a zen zone doesn't mean they're violent. He was being a nosy jerk. You could have just let him know he IS the problem & colorist/racist jokes will not be tolerated.
Tickling as abuse is absolutely real. My very abusive ex stepdad used to tickle me until I'd cry or wet myself then he'd make fun of me for it. It's been 30 years and I still won't let anyone tickle me. I've had to warn romantic partners that they could get hit in response if they even tried it.
My dad did the same to me. I have to warn others also, not to even pretend they want to tickle me, because it causes a panic reaction, and I WILL hit them in self defense.
First story - ,,He doesn't believe me that it's painful because he never experienced something like this..." Now , imagine how he would behave if she got pregnant. A man like that clearly lacks empathy
This happened to me. The last time he tickled me, I clocked him. His response? "I can't believe you hit me! All I did was tickle you!" He actually got an attitude and wanted me to apologize. Um, no. I told you to stop multiple times. Shortly thereafter, I dumped him. FAFO. 😒😒
You must've missed the edit part re he is a serial SAer. He wasn't testing boundaries - he was attempting to gain access. Unfortunately, he now knows where she lives.
Asking to walk u home 'so you'll be safe' is a SA Tactic Asking to use bathroom in your place is a SA tactic I worked in SA for 23 years. I heard that over and over again - good for you
Roosh wrote that he did that in a book then jumped the woman. Then tried to claim it wasn't grape, so that's where they get the 'tactic' from, those grape incitement manuals.
The tickling dude is a sadist. It’s especially alarming that he isn’t ticklish and yet he keeps doing it, leaving bruises and giving her nightmares. I hope she gets far away.
He didn't leave bruises. She stated she "feels like" the muscle underneath is bruised, but it's not, bcuz bruises work their way up to the skin. I'm not saying he was right for crossing boundaries, I'm just saying there was no actual bruising.
@@silververnallbells191that’s a bruise. A bruise is when blood vessels break and there is pooling of blood under the skin. It is very possible to incur damage and blood pooling under the skin without visible signs closer to the surface, especially on people with more melanin. If she feels tenderness in the spots his fingers dug in, she almost certainly has bruising under the skin, visible or not.
Tickling is only fun for the tickler Its grooming children for abuse and is abusive as an adult Tickle tickle tickle Kid/adult: 'no, laugh,no no no' Tickler: keeps going We learn 'no' doesn't mean 'no' and we are supposed to just enjoy it Sound familiar?
When the person says stop or no and the tickling continues, it certainly is abuse. But even as an adult, I actually like being tickled. It's a great way to get really physical without it being sexual. My husband doesn't like being tickled, so I don't tickle him, but I do like it, so he tickels me. But my primary love language is physical touch, and his isn't. I wonder if that has something to do with our preferences?
There’s nothing wrong with tickling as long as the person being tickled enjoys it. The second they say stop or look uncomfortable, you should stop. It’s as simple as that.
People judge me but I intentionally didn't go around meeting my neighbors when I bought my house. I learned early on, that you never really know people. I also have 2 dogs that are very protective. They look to me for approval and treat EVERYONE as a threat. I have found that 95% of people leave me alone because they think my dogs are vicious.
I think neighbors who try to meet me are the weirdest. I always ice them out and treat them like they have some rare disease. Idk they might be alright, but if you're my neighbor you don't get a chance you're automatically sus 😂
When these men or people criticize you , say "thank you. You are correct. I am. " their whole point is to make you feel bad. Be proud of your standards. This in turn will make them angry instead of you. Then politely walk away
I told my exhusband to stop touching me with cold stuff. He would touch my arm or body with a can of cold beer constantly. I kept saying stop, I don't like cold stuff touching my skin. One day he got bag of frozen vegetables and put them down my shirt against my back. He was laughing until I screamed at him. I cursed him out with every curse word known and I think I made up a couple. He got upset and left the house for a few hours(he went to his momma house) well, he stopped touching me with cold stuff🤷🏾♀️, but it took me acting like a fool instead of me asking nicely.
my husband used to tickle me and goose me and I would tell him to stop. He'd laugh and say "But I like it." Until one day I too cussed him the hell out. Never did it again. Ridiculous that THAT is what it takes.
My father would do this to my mom and me. I found it funny but my mom hated it, so he kept bugging her. I guess he stopped when she began to accidentally punch/elbow him in surprise.
The last story is one of my nightmares. Moving into a house (a thing most people can’t afford) and then being the target of harassment and stalking by a neighbor. Take and keep evidence, report to police to leave a paper trail, and be firm. It’s horrible to not feel safe, relaxed and comfortable in your own home
Same . Neighbors are getting 100 times worse than ever . Now , it's pow pow fights . One neighbor pow powed the husband, wife & a son , on their front lawn . But , the couple was the Bullies of the neighborhood. 😢
My ex LOOOOVED to poke my belly button HARD. I told him for months to stop it. Finally one day I got so enraged I yanked his fingers out and bent them away from me. THAT'S when I was the abuser. No mofo. That's called reactive abuse. (A terrible term for it but it's what we've got.) I still get enraged when I think about the lack of respect towards something I'd told him not to do. He also loved tickling and sticking his fingers in my mouth when I'd yawn. Cut that shit quick tho cuz I'd snap my teeth down and caught him a couple of times. Ugh! I'm so mad for the first op. 😤
My ex did the same shit. Nowadays, years later, I still flinch if my husband so much as gently grazes my stomach. Nobody can get near my belly without triggering the shit out of me.
@@seabreeze4559 even better. He was something else. Then he got mad at me when I didn't move across the country for him. 😂😂😂 no way psycho!!! He had mad PTSD from war but also I believe he wasn't ok before he left. Judging by pictures of his eyes before he was deployed. He. Looked. Psychotic.
My spouse in our youth tickled me a lot. One time he tickled the back of my legs and he got kneed. It was truly an accident but he doesn't tickle there anymore. The moral of the story: F**k that guy! You said stop and it's causing you harm.
I told a dude the neighbor I lived in after a few minutes of talking. I got bad vibes so I stopped responding to his messages. A day later after I did not respond to a single message, he proceeds to text me that he has driven 45 minutes to my small mill village neighborhood and wants to meet me. Wtf?! What would give you the impression that I want to meet you after I haven’t responded to you in over 24 hours. Lesson learned, don’t even tell the city you live in.
I was dating a guy who used to "playfully" slap me in the face or the side of the head lightly. It started off very light. I asked him to stop. That it was incredibly rude. His response was to do it again, right then. We didn't last long, thank God. But I look back now and think about what the rest of his personality was like. He was trying to get me used to him correcting me with physical contact. If he was angry, he would have 100% slapped me, or worse. He was gauging my reactions to see how much he could get away with. Men like that are predatory, and they are out looking for women that they could take advantage of, and who will put up with them. Who won't report abuse. Who won't leave. Channels like this have helped me not be a woman like that. Men like this will always make sure that your mother loves them. And all your friends. So they'll tell you that you're crazy when you want to leave him. That's why he's so nice to them. They may never understand why, but you're going to have to trust yourself. Leave. It only gets worse from here.
My ex used to do this thing called "cold hands!" His hands would be freezing and he'd lift my shirt and put them on stomach. 😢 I hated it. It hurt! I told him to stop, he didn't. He also did this thing where when I'd yawn, he'd poke my tongue with his index finger and it would interrupt my yawn. He did it ALL THE TIME. I heard a testimony of someone else's where they too were with a Narcissist for years who did this SAME thing!! She finally left him and she STILL cannot yawn all the way!!!!! This sounds like torture! My ex narc would get so angry at my yawning. I think he took it as him being boring? Or me being tired and that irritated him? F these dudes. These man-children. OP 1: you are not overreacting. RUN!!!!!! ❤
Whether it's in regards to other people's behaviour towards your body or your home, a no is a no. Doesn't matter whether it's tickling you or trying to come into your home, no means no. I literally don't enjoy interacting with men as a whole unless i know them because some creeps take a long time to show who they really are.
I'm surprised the guy was surprised he couldn't go into her apt on the first date. What woman is letting people into their places after knowing them like 1 hr? I'm scared for them.
S2: I didn't even know sa'ers did this until I saw the post. But what makes it so sad is how OP was criticized regardless of what she did. She was wrong for letting him walk her home, but if she refused, how dare she distrust men and not allow a "great guy" to protect her? She was wrong for refusing him entry into her place, but if she let him in, she would've been victim blamed again. Just agreeing to the date and having boundaries makes her wrong because she's "putting her trauma onto other men" or "seeing all men as a threat". And if she either never agreed to the date or quits dating men, then how dare OP not give a guy (or future guys) a chance, she's a red flag, etc. If a woman is going to be criticized regardless, might as well stay as safe as possible and screw anyone else's feelings 🤷🏾♀️
This is why refuse even to go on dates with that type. Can't be date grape victim if there's no date, was my reasoning. Only exception was a blind date when I was 16 and that made me swear off them for life.
Right, send him right her way. And I wouldnt come around, mom needs common sense. There is no way I'm choosing an outsider over my child, especially when it's my child's spouse/lover.
My uncle used to tickle us and his fingers felt like bones in your flesh. My sister was so over it, she ran up the stairs from him (we lived in an up down duplex) and he chased her and she fell and chipped her front tooth on the stairs. She still has that chipped tooth all because my uncle thought the tickling shit was funny. People act as if they don’t realize it’s an involuntary response but not due to enjoyment.
2nd story- ladies, always put yourself 1st when it comes to your safety because ppl like to doubt it if something does happens. F*ck their feelings because they don't care about yours if they choose to commit a crime on you just for their enjoyment & pleasure.
“And he knows this…” this is a pattern. We have now heard several stories from women saying, “i have a vulnerability/boundary/fear, he knows about it, and he triggers it anyway.”
Unfortunately the internet has made me well aware there is a tickling fetish, ain’t no way that’s not what’s going on in that first story. Also, the second story, the bathroom was absolutely an excuse to get inside, he had a goal and was angry she prevented him getting what he wanted. Likewise with the guy who tried to ask what street that woman lived in. I’ve experienced the latter and it seems to be standard for them to get explosively angry and try and gaslight you for catching them out and not giving them the information needed to stalk/hurt you. Another thing regarding the second story, she was right to set boundaries as they saved her, but I’d advise women against EVER giving an explanation for your boundaries. Normal men are not offended by boundaries, they already expect and respect the existence of woman’s boundaries and the self explanatory reasons these boundaries are necessary. Any man that ridicules or gets personally offended by boundaries is telling you he is the exact kind of man your boundaries exist to keep you safe from. There’s a REASON he wants to shame you out of upholding them. Additionally, I’d always advise against telling a new man about a previous instance of being abused so early into a relationship. It’s sick, but they will weaponise it against you as it’s the perfect opportunity for an abuser to feign empathy to try and gain your trust. By telling him about past abuse you’ve inadvertently given him the guidelines of how to adapt his behaviour around you to avoid triggering your red flags as he now knows EXACTLY what your red flags are. Worse still, an abuser sees your history as a victim as a sign he’s statistically more likely to succeed in making you a victim too. If you haven’t said the prior abuser is in prison for what they did to you, this new abuser will feel confident be he’ll also be able to abuse you and get away without facing any consequences too. I don’t want to ever make women so nihilistic as to believe every single man will be a predatory abuser, but we must be vigilant when we meet and date a man we’ve only just met, they’re a total stranger. The good men will naturally be patient with how long it takes for a woman to build trust around him, but an abuser is impatient and will slip up. Getting angry at your boundaries is the telltale sign he’s angry that you’re not being the easy victim he wanted you to be.
They want the victim to Play Along as premeditation and to reduce forensic proof. They treat explanations as a negotiation aka coercion. Yes a lot of women improve the predators to hone their tactics for next time. One guy assumed because I'm a Christian I'd keep a grape baby and I laughed and said no it would be excellent forensic evidence to send the guy to prison for a long time, you don't reward grape by keeping it. He went onto SA several girls I knew but never went near me again.
Being single is where it is at. I had a man ask me out on a date, I had to rethink because there were some red flags I noted (recently divorced and was deceptive with how recent, a bit condescending, mansplaining, very much asking questions trying to fit me into his world) so I gave a rather professional rejection. “Thank you for your time… best of luck!” Vibes and this man sent 4-5 texts requesting/insisting feedback. We had never even met in person. My friends had recommended ghosting, I know better now!
People frown on ghosting but it is necessary. Most people don't want "closure" or honest feedback. What they want is to harass you into changing your mind. There is power in ghosting.
@@leyashnoscar7627Also for a chance to call your genuine reasons invalid and continue to talk to you. Edit: I don't ghost women, women usually appreciate closure, men never.
1st story: Sounds like my ex. Tickling was actually used as a form of torture. Beating on that the mid section of the body doesn’t readily leave brusies. That’s why he is hurting her there.
I have a nephew who does not speak to my brother, in part because of not respecting requests/demands not to be tickled or manhandled. I grew up with my brother, and also got ignored when begging not to be tickled. Being forced to experience, never mind *endure* involuntary reactions especially in ways that lead to pain and panic, is horrific and a violation, no matter who is doing it.
It's so illogical that he would go on to tickle his son, after the two of you got uncomfortably tickled as children. Like, surely he could remember what it felt like?! Oh, I just realized that maybe he was tickling you, and just carried on when he had a kid.
Exactly! On the second story; he was trying way too hard to get into her apartment for someone who knew she had already said that she wouldn't let him in! He was being so suspect; even going so far as to trying to guilt her into relenting,"you shouldn't judge everyone by your past experiences," yet come to find out he has a history of SA! This is why. When you set boundaries, no one gets a pass on them until they have gotten past the getting to know and trust you phase! No exceptions.
@@seabreeze4559The first time I heard about non-voluntary O's, I read it in a book called Toxic Parents by Dr. Susan Forward (she's amazing 😍). Then I chanced on a video on seggs facts and apparently dead bodies can O too. I do not want to know how they found that out, but they have those muscular spasms.
@@seabreeze4559The first time I heard about non-voluntary O's, I read it in a book called Toxic Parents by Dr. Susan Forward (she's amazing ☺). Then I chanced on a video on seggs facts and apparently dead bodies can O too. I do not want to know how they found that out, but they have those muscular spasms.
@@seabreeze4559The first time I heard about non-voluntary O's, I read it in a book called Toxic Parents by Dr. Susan Forward (she's amazing). Then I chanced on a video on seggs facts and apparently d3@d bodies can O too. I do not want to know how they found that out, but they have those muscular spasms.
I have experienced the tickling thing and the forced hug thing. Also forced kissing. These seem like small things but it leads to something bigger. Usually leads to verbal abuse and other worse things. She’s right to leave him.
It doesn't matter that leaves bruises. Her saying don't do it is plenty. But, it being literally violent makes it far worse. 4 years is 4 too long. Time to GTFO. Your mom isn't in your relationship. Second story he'd always planned to use the "bathroom" to gain access to her apartment. Then him saying she should be more trusting. Nah homie. GTFO. Then she found out he's done this same song and dance to literally SA multiple other women
She shouldn't let any man know where she lives. Her "no" is a boundary he may try to cross with violence at a later date because he knows where she lives.
@@seabreeze4559cops rarely take domestic violence seriously when it’s visible. Her bruising is “just” causing tenderness under her skin, no visible pooling of blood at the surface. It’s fd up but it would be a waste of her time. Better to focus on a safe exit strategy, cause men like that escalate.
Most often than not Tickling IS a cute and playful gesture. However, if someone is saying it feels painful that is a serious sign that other medical related issues are at play. Being "ticklish" is actually a response to pain the the body. Typically the ticklish feeling fades immediately when the tickle stops, no big deal. But if someone is in pain, and are crying-laughing or really upset after, it means that they have other pain related issues. For example, someone who may have undiagnosed Fibromyalgia may respond very differently to tickles and touch than a person who does not have Fibromyalgia. This is just one example, but there are many. Healthy bodies are actually not easily tickled if at all. If someone gets serious about not wanting to be tickled it is because it really hurts, so believe them. And it someone simply doesn't want to be tickled or touched in any way, honor that request. No one should have to present a Doctor's Note to be unbothered.
Tickle torture is real. Narcs do it. My sisters husband use to do it to her and I and it would hurt so bad that we would cry. They do this to hurt u under the cover of being “PLAYFUL”
The first story she should leave him. The bigger picture is she set a boundary he continued to go against that's enough reason to leave. We have to normalize leaving when we get uncomfortable and doesn't have to be some grand thing that happened to go. The second story that guy sounds his intentions were to try to sleep with her because why do you need togo in her apartment after she told you that's not happening. These are the same men that try to say women are easy um how when you got guys plotting and scheming to get in your pants.
It's the untrustworthy ones who like to say with the most indignation, "are you calling me a liar/cheater/grapist/etc??" when they are just that. They want to make us irrational for our suspicion to make us go against our better judgment and let them hurt us.
Tickling has, historically been used as a form of torture. He's crossing boundaries and physically abusing you. I am also seriously "ticklish." Especially my feet and sides. I've had family members who would hold me down and tickle my feet. I can't even get a normal pedicure because of it. I also had a past SO who would "goose" me in the sides before I was ticklish there. I got so bad, I still assume a "defensive" position if I even think ANYONE is going to touch/hug my waist/sides.
@@seabreeze4559 Tickle torture and murder through tickling In ancient Japan, those in positions of authority could administer punishments to those convicted of crimes that were beyond the criminal code. This was called shikei, which translates as “private punishment."
My brother used to be so rough with me and I was 10 years younger. I hate when men don't get how many people do not want to be rough handled, let alone touched. This includes male to male- so tired of telling boys to toughen up.
Anyone who cares about you won't do things thst you don't like or disrespect your boundaries!! For safety reasons, I wouldn't allow anyone who I'm getting to know where I live. Trying to get into someone's home, without an invitation, is very manipulative and abusive. That last story sounds like something on the Lifetime channel. This woman was literally trapped in hell with an unhinged parasite.
As someone who used to “Mysteriously Disappear” from relationships and change my number in the past, I can confirm that you should NEVER let strangers know where you live. I have to know you for a yearssss
I don't tickle people, because I don't like to be tickled either. I really really don't like it. It feels weird, it's funny, but it's really not not funny. No.
It's how I teach my kids consent. My youngest loves being tickled. The second she says stop, I stop. If her sisters (rarely, I taught them too), or extended family (often, they don't get it) ignore her saying "stop" I get right up in their face. One time I picked up and left a family gathering over this. They kept trying to belittle me. "You're over reacting, you're too sensitive, you're dramatic etc." They get one warning. One explanation: when my child says stop or declines physical touch, you will respect that decision.
Yes, it's such a good way to teach consent for kids! Both for respecting the "no" from others ("she usually likes that but right now she doesn't, so stop") and for setting boundaries and expecting that they will be followed. ("I like to be tickled on my back, but not under my chin") And if I forget and do under the chin, because her sister likes that, I apologize. I really hope that the "obviously it's only fun if everyone is having fun" attitude will make any red flags in future very obvious to them. When the kids are roughhousing and one keeps going after a "stop!", there's definitely outrage and either the offender stops at hearing that, or I step in very firmly. Obeying other people's "no" is a big deal at our house, and I hope it will have good results.
@@er6730 Or, you know, we execute it weirdly because we're the first generation (probably) to enforce that and use all of our retirement money for their therapy. Either way, I'm glad we're trying?
I can't stand being tickled. And refuse to be around anyone who tries it! It's not funny or cute! Bruises don't show up on me either! But I can feel them.
My brother tickle tortured me growing up. I absolutely HATE being tickled. When I’ve had guys try that sh!t, I give them the look mom’s give child that conveys “ don’t play with me” and I explain I don’t like being tickled. That stuff isn’t fun or funny and I’d understand if someone packed a bag and put their boyfriend on blocked for days until he understood you ain’t playing with him.
You: "I don't let men in my apartment when I don't know them." Every nice guy ever: "oh, that's smart; I respect that." Any other response from anybody whatsoever: not a nice guy. And that's why. 🤷
Tickling was used as a form of torture at some point...he's torturing her under the guise of "being cute". My siblings actually used to tickle each other until they barfed when they fought.
a guy tried that once and I refused to let him know where I lived (he hadn't asked, just pretended to go in the same direction) so I stopped and stared awkwardly then after a few minutes he left. I darted into a different building to see if he followed me.
Nah leaving bruises is straight up abuse. My husband, in our first year of marriage and I were rough housing and he grabbed my wrist too hard. I said "oww" and he immediately let go and apologized. Latter that day he realized a bruis had formed, he again apologized profusely, then proceeded to give me the princesses treatment until I was "fully recovered" lol you'd have thought I broke my leg. That night it was my turn to go to the store and make dinner. He did both those things and brought me home apology flowers. But the most important thing is he Never did it again. Sure it was an accident. But he took responsibility, apologized, made it right, and never let that accident happen again. This boyfriend is genuinely wicked he likes hurting his girlfriend, but he likes hurting her in a sneaky way so that she feels like she can't even object to being hurt. It is diabolical I the truest sense of the world. If she is going to heal she will need to acknowledge the truth that she was a victim of domestic violence, even though her abuser gaslit her and hid his abuse behind "being Playful" actual play is voluntary and something everyone involved enjoys. She isn't leaving because he tickles her she's leaving because he abuses her. Just imagine if, instead of tickling, he forced sex on her. And claimed that she must like it because she orgasimed. I think we would all understand that to be horrible abuse. Just because this is less invasive doesn't make it any better.
Women should stop choosing dates close to home. Don't even let them near your home, period. Do let them walk you to your place of residence, period. Stop taking them to your favorite restaurants soft dating. Keep them out of personal spaces until you know they are safe.
Is it just me or does anyone else get triggered when others say "Leave him and find someone else." Or, "There's someone better out there for you " Why do we need find someone? Why is it unbelievable that someone can be content and peaceful on their own. End of my rant. Thank you.
That “I need to use that bathroom” one pisses me off. These men constantly say choose better… she’s chose better and now SHES the problem?!?!?! 4B 4B 4B and 4B!
I don't understand partners that have to push boundaries or ignore them. I don't tickle, I am an adult. 😂 I feel like it is more loving to get consent with anything to do with touching or contact. Person 1:"You like when I tickle you?" Person 2: "No it makes me uncomfortable" Person 1: "Got it. I like tickling and don't mind if you tickle me, but I won't tickle you unless you ever tell me you're cool with it. I would like to have some playful intimacy that you are comfortable with...etc" *+Healthy relationship+*
So, about getting a big dog-I thought about it when I first moved into my own place. I feel like if a man did come into my house to harm me he would just unalive the dog. I have cats because they are like a litmus test for the room. In the event of a break in they are going to hide and I won't have to worry about them. If I feel uneasy (I have some PTSD from previous relationships) I can check to see that they are relaxing, and if they're chill that probably means no one broke into the house.
Get a doberman, german shepher, rottweiler..a protective, territorial scary looking dog. Dog will get the scent that gave her the ick. Well trained they wont be nasty with kids or anyone unless provoked or after you
I have an Italian mastiff and I can go walking at 2:30 am with no worries. People cross the street when they see her...even big doodz. LMAO. She's never bit anyone but her growl alone sounds demonic.
Seems my comment got deleted. But what I was saying is that in my home country a family let in a family friend to use the restroom and he detoured and went to their young daughter's room instead and did the unthinkable. It ended up in the local news. I also mentioned that the lady from the date was right for not letting him into her apartment.
Idk the last time a grown person has tickled me. I definitely haven’t had a bf do that! And who tf tickles someone who says they hate being tickled? Only a terrible person would do something like that.
As someone who doesn’t mind being tickled, I HATE when my boyfriend tickles me because he DOESN’T know how much his big a hands hurt. It’s like being punched with thick fingers.
Leave the abusive tickler, period. With the last woman, get a pew-pew permit. Dogs are too much work and she's child-free. Also, get cameras, both internal and external. I have several cameras in and about my home and love it. This includes a doorbell camera. I can speak through all of the cameras, as well. This gets creeps off the property quickly. If she knows any males she can trust, have them come by the house periodically. This will discourage the PP-Bro who's looking to meet his maker. Also, befriending a woman police officer, who's not male identified, can be helpful.
I had a boyfriend once who would refuse to let go of me when I was done cuddling. He was very large, much larger than me. And he would hold me down saying he wasn't done cuddling. He treated it like a joke. One time it induced a panic attack. I hadn't had a panic attack since I was a teenager. When I had panic attacks I'd get an overwhelming involuntary urge to RUN. He held me down as I panicked and begged for him to let me go. He whispered gently "shhh....shhh..it will pass". It was horrific. I started referring to it as "cuddle rape". Surprise surprise he did actually end up raping me.
I hate being tickled too. Had to deal with it a lot as a kid. Honestly the tickling was a precursor to grooming because it's a boundary violation and it's a form of desensitizing you to assuming you don't get to have any. I think learning how to "numb my brain" to resist feeling tickled so I wouldn't react anymore, and it wouldn't give my abuser satisfaction anymore also gave me the skill of dissociating. I just didn't have a name for it at the time.
Dear Women, Please stop competing with men. If he attacks your belongings, does something hurtful or even says something really hurtful, do not pay it back, but leave. Too many women are "too brave" and then these pitbulls (with no offence to pitbulls) seriously injure them. Be truely superior (as you were born to be) and just leave. It really is not worth it and you are juggling an animal. When a male says "be quiet" he is warning you, before he attacks, because he knows he cannot control himself.
S2 Is a little triggering. Him asking to use the restroom was a violation of her boundaries after she told him. Any boundary no matter how big or small should be respected.
My husband was 42 the first time he broke a tooth - on my elbow when he wouldn’t stop tickling me. It’s a running joke now, but it was a lesson learned - I say ‘No’ and I mean it.
Excessive tickling is physical torment, with over stimulation of the nervous system. My dad did this to me as a child. Even a hint that someone might tickle me causes a panic reaction. The laughing is uncontrollable, even when crying, gasping for breath, and struggling to escape. He is a monster to do this.
@seabreeze4559 I'm okay with physical touch. As long as I don't feel it is intended to be ticklish. Inadvertent tickles make me jump away. I'm so sorry your impacted to this extreme.
Ladies never let a guy into your apt just because they need to use the bathroom. I was tricked by that before. An ex-coworker made sexual advances when I let him inside just to use the bathroom, and he refused to leave after I asked multiple times until I started screaming. Had no clue that he would do something like that because I used to work with him and I never said anything about wanting anything sexual. We just ran into each other and were chatting to catch up on work stuff.
My boyfriend has done this with a bag of cold vegetables under my shirt. I whacked him in the chest as a reflex from the shock. He got upset at ME for punching him, and that he was just being playful, I’ve told him before I don’t like that stuff. Same thing with tickling, same thing with jokes. He doesn’t do those things anymore but it took MULTIPLE times and serious discussions for him to finally stop. It’s infuriating. And then he tells me I should just ask nicely and he’ll stop, and I would say “I’m telling you nicely to stop, and look you’re still doing it.” Couldn’t argue with that. 🙄
Watch out though. It may just be roughhousing or it might be a pattern of violating your boundaries and not respecting your feelings. See if he behaves the same way around other things in your life. Does he generally respect your no?
@@fayepatrice1672 Yeah watching out is definitely good to do. He respects the no’s in other areas, especially the big stuff. For some reason when it comes to playing around it wouldn’t click. He stopped now though and I think he gets it. It’s just very odd that it took so many times for it to stop. I was feeling really disrespected about it. Furious. And this seems like it’s a man thing. With women I’ve only needed to say it 1 or 2 times and they would stop. If it had continued I would’ve left him.
Not expecting to be let into a virtual stranger's home on the first date seems pretty reasonable to me, but this creep still stands there and says "Are you serious?" even after she told him twice he was definitely not coming in?!
Unwanted tickling is abuse. It's a veiled punch in the face.
And a test to begin seeing how far he can go with this.
That's why I always ask my daughter if she's all done or wants more. She loves being tickled. I hated it as a kid because I couldn't ask to stop
And he's not tickling. He's digging into ger skin and saying it's tickling
Nope, you've explained it to him. He is now maliciously doing it. Leave him because this is how he will treat every decision you make.
He will ramp up the abuse to something even worse.
That is a man with no consideration. When someone has a past and then makes boundaries due to trauma, it doesn't matter if said boundary goes against my intentions, my own desires are not above the basic comfort of others.
You don't need to explain. No means no. Stop means stop. He's not 3 years old. He gets it
Tickles don't cause bruises.
@@seabreeze4559they can.
The few safe men in the world dont get upset over women not letting them in their house. They literally just continue to be decent people worthy of your trust.. silently. Maybe because im a woman... But i dont get upset when people dont trust me right away. I just continue on and silently prove my trustworthiness like the rest of us women do. Because of my looks, it took months for my coworkers and supervisors to trust what i said and what i can do. When i was medically retiring from my first career, they were begging me to try to stay and they will find a job i can do in a wheelchair. I left anyway. Trustworthy people dont need to be the loudest person in the room.
Sorry that had to be your experience 💜
Decent men know fully well what most men are really like, they understand their fellow XYs' sick minds. Dudes getting triggered about women's safety is a massive 🚩🚩🚩
I was dating a guy who would joke about my light skin, questioning my blackness. That in of itself isn’t a big deal but I told him that I don’t find it funny and would like him to stop. He insisted on continuing to make those comments and tried to minimize my feelings about it. It’s not what he is saying but the fact that he doesn’t care how it makes me feel. It was over for me and I feel totally justified in my decision to leave him alone.
I saw him in passing recently and he was asking me why I choose to remain single. I told him because I just want my peace. He kept trying to convince me that he could give me what I need. I’m like sir, the fact that I am having to defend my decision to you is not peace, it’s violence. 4B for me all the way.
I can relate. 🙄 that stuff ain’t cute.
Now!❤
pushy pushy coercive control
That's not violence. If you think it is you've never been in a real as$ situation. Just bcuz someone doesn't put you in a zen zone doesn't mean they're violent. He was being a nosy jerk. You could have just let him know he IS the problem & colorist/racist jokes will not be tolerated.
@@silververnallbells191 It may not be physical but it is still savagery.
Tickling as abuse is absolutely real. My very abusive ex stepdad used to tickle me until I'd cry or wet myself then he'd make fun of me for it. It's been 30 years and I still won't let anyone tickle me. I've had to warn romantic partners that they could get hit in response if they even tried it.
Dang, I'm sorry you had to endure that 😔
it's a way to get sexual contact with a minor too
My dad did the same to me. I have to warn others also, not to even pretend they want to tickle me, because it causes a panic reaction, and I WILL hit them in self defense.
Don't share trauma with men. He can know her boundaries without telling them what hapoen to you.
As women, we are often conditioned to explain our “No”s and our boundaries.
Do not explain. “No.” is a complete sentence. So is “Stop.” and “Don’t.”
That’s abuse and gaslighting
She should have left the relationship a long time ago
First story - ,,He doesn't believe me that it's painful because he never experienced something like this..." Now , imagine how he would behave if she got pregnant. A man like that clearly lacks empathy
He doesn't believe that bruises are painful? He doesn't believe he should stop doing something unless it hurts?
er, bruises make it ABH don't they? just call his bluff and say you'll call the cops
@@xletragedyx unless it hurts HIM - he enjoys that it hurts her, he's a sadist
Great point.
@@xletragedyxshe told him it hurts, he claims to not believe it to keep hurting her
This happened to me. The last time he tickled me, I clocked him. His response? "I can't believe you hit me! All I did was tickle you!" He actually got an attitude and wanted me to apologize. Um, no. I told you to stop multiple times. Shortly thereafter, I dumped him. FAFO. 😒😒
Good for you! 👏🏾👏🏾
Tickling is a form of abuse when utilized excessively and boundaries are ignored.
The who asked her to use the restroom was definitely testing her boundaries
Yep definitely 👌
He knew what he was doing from the get go and the fact that he has SAd women previously........ literal chills
She dodged a bullet
Yep, because as an adult you'll go into the restroom before leaving the cafe (like that's what most adults do)
You must've missed the edit part re he is a serial SAer.
He wasn't testing boundaries - he was attempting to gain access. Unfortunately, he now knows where she lives.
@@fantym1633 yeah and if she had let him in to use the bathroom, it would have been 'her fault'. these dudes know this.
Asking to walk u home 'so you'll be safe' is a SA Tactic
Asking to use bathroom in your place is a SA tactic
I worked in SA for 23 years. I heard that over and over again - good for you
Anymore advice?
Please tell us more
We would love to hear some more tips and advisory. 👍🏽
Do you make videos too?
Roosh wrote that he did that in a book then jumped the woman. Then tried to claim it wasn't grape, so that's where they get the 'tactic' from, those grape incitement manuals.
The tickling dude is a sadist. It’s especially alarming that he isn’t ticklish and yet he keeps doing it, leaving bruises and giving her nightmares. I hope she gets far away.
He didn't leave bruises. She stated she "feels like" the muscle underneath is bruised, but it's not, bcuz bruises work their way up to the skin.
I'm not saying he was right for crossing boundaries, I'm just saying there was no actual bruising.
@@silververnallbells191that’s a bruise. A bruise is when blood vessels break and there is pooling of blood under the skin. It is very possible to incur damage and blood pooling under the skin without visible signs closer to the surface, especially on people with more melanin. If she feels tenderness in the spots his fingers dug in, she almost certainly has bruising under the skin, visible or not.
Tickling is only fun for the tickler
Its grooming children for abuse and is abusive as an adult
Tickle tickle tickle
Kid/adult: 'no, laugh,no no no'
Tickler: keeps going
We learn 'no' doesn't mean 'no' and we are supposed to just enjoy it
Sound familiar?
exactly, it's a way to ensure sexual contact with a minor and accustom them to being touched.... like.. TOUCHED....
When the person says stop or no and the tickling continues, it certainly is abuse.
But even as an adult, I actually like being tickled. It's a great way to get really physical without it being sexual. My husband doesn't like being tickled, so I don't tickle him, but I do like it, so he tickels me.
But my primary love language is physical touch, and his isn't. I wonder if that has something to do with our preferences?
Omg so true, quite nefarious
There’s nothing wrong with tickling as long as the person being tickled enjoys it. The second they say stop or look uncomfortable, you should stop. It’s as simple as that.
"Ladies, It's perfectly normal to put your survival instincts above the feelings of the male collective." Awesome advice.😊
She need a glicky, range time, and a good understanding of her state's self defense laws.
People judge me but I intentionally didn't go around meeting my neighbors when I bought my house. I learned early on, that you never really know people. I also have 2 dogs that are very protective. They look to me for approval and treat EVERYONE as a threat. I have found that 95% of people leave me alone because they think my dogs are vicious.
I did the same. When I bought properties, I never went out to meet my neighbors.
I think neighbors who try to meet me are the weirdest. I always ice them out and treat them like they have some rare disease. Idk they might be alright, but if you're my neighbor you don't get a chance you're automatically sus 😂
Most people don't walk around meeting their new neighbors. You naturally meet them from being out in the neighborhood.
When these men or people criticize you , say "thank you. You are correct. I am. " their whole point is to make you feel bad. Be proud of your standards. This in turn will make them angry instead of you. Then politely walk away
I used to ask why they would want to be around someone as imperfect as me.
"You're paranoid" "You're no fun" yep!
@@amberinthemist7912 to paranoid I'd reply "you're suspicious, stop being suspicious and I'll stop being paranoid"
These are all horrible. That last one... destroyed that sweet woman's life and is now perving on the innocent neighbor! Disgusting!
The guy being jailed, in the last story, would be the best thing to happen for both women
Trustworthy people do not have to tell you who they are. 🤦🏽♀️ their moves put you at ease period.
I told my exhusband to stop touching me with cold stuff. He would touch my arm or body with a can of cold beer constantly. I kept saying stop, I don't like cold stuff touching my skin. One day he got bag of frozen vegetables and put them down my shirt against my back. He was laughing until I screamed at him. I cursed him out with every curse word known and I think I made up a couple. He got upset and left the house for a few hours(he went to his momma house) well, he stopped touching me with cold stuff🤷🏾♀️, but it took me acting like a fool instead of me asking nicely.
My ex did this with his cold hands!!!! I HATED it! Told him to stop and he wouldn't. He kept doing it and acted like it was hilarious. It wasn't.
Men don’t understand respect. You have to get on their level and communicate with them in a way they understand, disrespectfully af!
my husband used to tickle me and goose me and I would tell him to stop. He'd laugh and say "But I like it." Until one day I too cussed him the hell out. Never did it again. Ridiculous that THAT is what it takes.
happened with my dad, it's a way of violating your body without leaving a mark
My father would do this to my mom and me. I found it funny but my mom hated it, so he kept bugging her. I guess he stopped when she began to accidentally punch/elbow him in surprise.
The last story is one of my nightmares. Moving into a house (a thing most people can’t afford) and then being the target of harassment and stalking by a neighbor.
Take and keep evidence, report to police to leave a paper trail, and be firm. It’s horrible to not feel safe, relaxed and comfortable in your own home
Same . Neighbors are getting 100 times worse than ever . Now , it's pow pow fights . One neighbor pow powed the husband, wife & a son , on their front lawn . But , the couple was the Bullies of the neighborhood. 😢
My ex LOOOOVED to poke my belly button HARD. I told him for months to stop it. Finally one day I got so enraged I yanked his fingers out and bent them away from me. THAT'S when I was the abuser. No mofo. That's called reactive abuse. (A terrible term for it but it's what we've got.) I still get enraged when I think about the lack of respect towards something I'd told him not to do. He also loved tickling and sticking his fingers in my mouth when I'd yawn. Cut that shit quick tho cuz I'd snap my teeth down and caught him a couple of times. Ugh! I'm so mad for the first op. 😤
My ex did the same shit. Nowadays, years later, I still flinch if my husband so much as gently grazes my stomach. Nobody can get near my belly without triggering the shit out of me.
Ew I’m so sorry
What a creep, glad you reacted the way you did!
er that's self defence, reactive is like he punches then you do, but his finger was IN your belly button that's self defence
@@seabreeze4559 even better. He was something else. Then he got mad at me when I didn't move across the country for him. 😂😂😂 no way psycho!!! He had mad PTSD from war but also I believe he wasn't ok before he left. Judging by pictures of his eyes before he was deployed. He. Looked. Psychotic.
My spouse in our youth tickled me a lot. One time he tickled the back of my legs and he got kneed. It was truly an accident but he doesn't tickle there anymore.
The moral of the story: F**k that guy! You said stop and it's causing you harm.
Fafo
I told a dude the neighbor I lived in after a few minutes of talking. I got bad vibes so I stopped responding to his messages. A day later after I did not respond to a single message, he proceeds to text me that he has driven 45 minutes to my small mill village neighborhood and wants to meet me. Wtf?! What would give you the impression that I want to meet you after I haven’t responded to you in over 24 hours.
Lesson learned, don’t even tell the city you live in.
negative attention is viewed as a come on by creeps especially information to chase, stalker mentality really
I was dating a guy who used to "playfully" slap me in the face or the side of the head lightly. It started off very light. I asked him to stop. That it was incredibly rude. His response was to do it again, right then.
We didn't last long, thank God. But I look back now and think about what the rest of his personality was like. He was trying to get me used to him correcting me with physical contact. If he was angry, he would have 100% slapped me, or worse. He was gauging my reactions to see how much he could get away with.
Men like that are predatory, and they are out looking for women that they could take advantage of, and who will put up with them. Who won't report abuse. Who won't leave. Channels like this have helped me not be a woman like that.
Men like this will always make sure that your mother loves them. And all your friends. So they'll tell you that you're crazy when you want to leave him. That's why he's so nice to them. They may never understand why, but you're going to have to trust yourself. Leave. It only gets worse from here.
Good advice, I hope someone who needs to hear this sees it.
habituation like a dog
💯
My ex used to do this thing called "cold hands!" His hands would be freezing and he'd lift my shirt and put them on stomach. 😢 I hated it. It hurt! I told him to stop, he didn't.
He also did this thing where when I'd yawn, he'd poke my tongue with his index finger and it would interrupt my yawn. He did it ALL THE TIME.
I heard a testimony of someone else's where they too were with a Narcissist for years who did this SAME thing!! She finally left him and she STILL cannot yawn all the way!!!!! This sounds like torture!
My ex narc would get so angry at my yawning. I think he took it as him being boring? Or me being tired and that irritated him?
F these dudes. These man-children.
OP 1: you are not overreacting. RUN!!!!!! ❤
it is torture, it's a violation of the body and its boundaries against your will
Basically, most men are not worth the price of admission.
Whether it's in regards to other people's behaviour towards your body or your home, a no is a no. Doesn't matter whether it's tickling you or trying to come into your home, no means no. I literally don't enjoy interacting with men as a whole unless i know them because some creeps take a long time to show who they really are.
Mask drop is the term. They wait until they perceive vulnerability.
I'm surprised the guy was surprised he couldn't go into her apt on the first date. What woman is letting people into their places after knowing them like 1 hr? I'm scared for them.
He was probably acting surprised because he wanted to work his way into her home to attack.
8:09 He was definitely being manipulative. The gaslighting this woman got for following her instincts is beyond insane.
S2: I didn't even know sa'ers did this until I saw the post. But what makes it so sad is how OP was criticized regardless of what she did. She was wrong for letting him walk her home, but if she refused, how dare she distrust men and not allow a "great guy" to protect her? She was wrong for refusing him entry into her place, but if she let him in, she would've been victim blamed again. Just agreeing to the date and having boundaries makes her wrong because she's "putting her trauma onto other men" or "seeing all men as a threat". And if she either never agreed to the date or quits dating men, then how dare OP not give a guy (or future guys) a chance, she's a red flag, etc.
If a woman is going to be criticized regardless, might as well stay as safe as possible and screw anyone else's feelings 🤷🏾♀️
💯💯💯💯💯
This is why refuse even to go on dates with that type. Can't be date grape victim if there's no date, was my reasoning. Only exception was a blind date when I was 16 and that made me swear off them for life.
If your mum likes him so much she can date him. It's not up to her
😂😂😂
Right, send him right her way. And I wouldnt come around, mom needs common sense. There is no way I'm choosing an outsider over my child, especially when it's my child's spouse/lover.
My uncle used to tickle us and his fingers felt like bones in your flesh. My sister was so over it, she ran up the stairs from him (we lived in an up down duplex) and he chased her and she fell and chipped her front tooth on the stairs. She still has that chipped tooth all because my uncle thought the tickling shit was funny. People act as if they don’t realize it’s an involuntary response but not due to enjoyment.
I'd always ask a kid if they wanna be tickled. If they changed their mind, tap my arm.
2nd story- ladies, always put yourself 1st when it comes to your safety because ppl like to doubt it if something does happens. F*ck their feelings because they don't care about yours if they choose to commit a crime on you just for their enjoyment & pleasure.
“And he knows this…” this is a pattern. We have now heard several stories from women saying, “i have a vulnerability/boundary/fear, he knows about it, and he triggers it anyway.”
Unfortunately the internet has made me well aware there is a tickling fetish, ain’t no way that’s not what’s going on in that first story.
Also, the second story, the bathroom was absolutely an excuse to get inside, he had a goal and was angry she prevented him getting what he wanted. Likewise with the guy who tried to ask what street that woman lived in. I’ve experienced the latter and it seems to be standard for them to get explosively angry and try and gaslight you for catching them out and not giving them the information needed to stalk/hurt you.
Another thing regarding the second story, she was right to set boundaries as they saved her, but I’d advise women against EVER giving an explanation for your boundaries. Normal men are not offended by boundaries, they already expect and respect the existence of woman’s boundaries and the self explanatory reasons these boundaries are necessary.
Any man that ridicules or gets personally offended by boundaries is telling you he is the exact kind of man your boundaries exist to keep you safe from. There’s a REASON he wants to shame you out of upholding them.
Additionally, I’d always advise against telling a new man about a previous instance of being abused so early into a relationship. It’s sick, but they will weaponise it against you as it’s the perfect opportunity for an abuser to feign empathy to try and gain your trust. By telling him about past abuse you’ve inadvertently given him the guidelines of how to adapt his behaviour around you to avoid triggering your red flags as he now knows EXACTLY what your red flags are.
Worse still, an abuser sees your history as a victim as a sign he’s statistically more likely to succeed in making you a victim too. If you haven’t said the prior abuser is in prison for what they did to you, this new abuser will feel confident be he’ll also be able to abuse you and get away without facing any consequences too.
I don’t want to ever make women so nihilistic as to believe every single man will be a predatory abuser, but we must be vigilant when we meet and date a man we’ve only just met, they’re a total stranger. The good men will naturally be patient with how long it takes for a woman to build trust around him, but an abuser is impatient and will slip up. Getting angry at your boundaries is the telltale sign he’s angry that you’re not being the easy victim he wanted you to be.
💯💯💯💯
They want the victim to Play Along as premeditation and to reduce forensic proof. They treat explanations as a negotiation aka coercion. Yes a lot of women improve the predators to hone their tactics for next time. One guy assumed because I'm a Christian I'd keep a grape baby and I laughed and said no it would be excellent forensic evidence to send the guy to prison for a long time, you don't reward grape by keeping it. He went onto SA several girls I knew but never went near me again.
Yep, boundaries aren’t personal to the man, so why would they be angry?
Being single is where it is at. I had a man ask me out on a date, I had to rethink because there were some red flags I noted (recently divorced and was deceptive with how recent, a bit condescending, mansplaining, very much asking questions trying to fit me into his world) so I gave a rather professional rejection. “Thank you for your time… best of luck!” Vibes and this man sent 4-5 texts requesting/insisting feedback. We had never even met in person. My friends had recommended ghosting, I know better now!
People frown on ghosting but it is necessary. Most people don't want "closure" or honest feedback. What they want is to harass you into changing your mind. There is power in ghosting.
Never be afraid to ghost. It's good for your mental health
@@leyashnoscar7627 women don't ghost, we escape!
@@seabreeze4559 I've ghosted plenty of times
@@leyashnoscar7627Also for a chance to call your genuine reasons invalid and continue to talk to you.
Edit: I don't ghost women, women usually appreciate closure, men never.
⚠️ No male you barely know should know where you live even if you just had a nice first date with him! You never know what he plans to do next! 🚩
1st story: Sounds like my ex. Tickling was actually used as a form of torture. Beating on that the mid section of the body doesn’t readily leave brusies. That’s why he is hurting her there.
I have a nephew who does not speak to my brother, in part because of not respecting requests/demands not to be tickled or manhandled. I grew up with my brother, and also got ignored when begging not to be tickled. Being forced to experience, never mind *endure* involuntary reactions especially in ways that lead to pain and panic, is horrific and a violation, no matter who is doing it.
it's often a form of child grooming because they learn to dissociate and let the abuser carry on touching them...
Congratulations to your nephew for getting free of his abuser🎉
It's so illogical that he would go on to tickle his son, after the two of you got uncomfortably tickled as children. Like, surely he could remember what it felt like?!
Oh, I just realized that maybe he was tickling you, and just carried on when he had a kid.
Exactly! On the second story; he was trying way too hard to get into her apartment for someone who knew she had already said that she wouldn't let him in! He was being so suspect; even going so far as to trying to guilt her into relenting,"you shouldn't judge everyone by your past experiences," yet come to find out he has a history of SA! This is why. When you set boundaries, no one gets a pass on them until they have gotten past the getting to know and trust you phase! No exceptions.
Laughing when you're being tickled can be an automatic bodily reaction whether you like the tickling or not. Same as having an O when being 🍇'd.
I didn't know Os could result from grape. Is there any normal medical website to read about this? Are there studies? That's horrifying.
I guess it makes sense cos it's a reflex though.
@@seabreeze4559The first time I heard about non-voluntary O's, I read it in a book called Toxic Parents by Dr. Susan Forward (she's amazing 😍).
Then I chanced on a video on seggs facts and apparently dead bodies can O too. I do not want to know how they found that out, but they have those muscular spasms.
@@seabreeze4559The first time I heard about non-voluntary O's, I read it in a book called Toxic Parents by Dr. Susan Forward (she's amazing ☺).
Then I chanced on a video on seggs facts and apparently dead bodies can O too. I do not want to know how they found that out, but they have
those muscular spasms.
@@seabreeze4559The first time I heard about non-voluntary O's, I read it in a book called Toxic Parents by Dr. Susan Forward (she's amazing).
Then I chanced on a video on seggs facts and apparently d3@d bodies can O too. I do not want to know how they found that out, but they have those muscular spasms.
I have experienced the tickling thing and the forced hug thing. Also forced kissing. These seem like small things but it leads to something bigger. Usually leads to verbal abuse and other worse things. She’s right to leave him.
ah how the creepy guys ruined the FREE HUGS thing?
First story - Thats a classic power play. And 100% physical assault.
4B! 4B! 🎉 We do not have time for this ish.
You don’t have to explain to him. He is crossing boundaries and he is basically over riding your boundary. Sounds very immature!
It doesn't matter that leaves bruises. Her saying don't do it is plenty. But, it being literally violent makes it far worse. 4 years is 4 too long. Time to GTFO. Your mom isn't in your relationship.
Second story he'd always planned to use the "bathroom" to gain access to her apartment. Then him saying she should be more trusting. Nah homie. GTFO. Then she found out he's done this same song and dance to literally SA multiple other women
She shouldn't let any man know where she lives. Her "no" is a boundary he may try to cross with violence at a later date because he knows where she lives.
be more trusting > shaming emotional abuse tactic, trust is always earned
The only reason she could let a predator into her home is if she is planning to “get rid” of him and has things set up to go without issue.
How do you bruise someone from tickling. That's abuse. If they ask you to stop, stop especially when you are causing an actual injury.
she needs to document it for the cops
@@seabreeze4559cops rarely take domestic violence seriously when it’s visible. Her bruising is “just” causing tenderness under her skin, no visible pooling of blood at the surface. It’s fd up but it would be a waste of her time. Better to focus on a safe exit strategy, cause men like that escalate.
Most often than not Tickling IS a cute and playful gesture. However, if someone is saying it feels painful that is a serious sign that other medical related issues are at play. Being "ticklish" is actually a response to pain the the body. Typically the ticklish feeling fades immediately when the tickle stops, no big deal. But if someone is in pain, and are crying-laughing or really upset after, it means that they have other pain related issues. For example, someone who may have undiagnosed Fibromyalgia may respond very differently to tickles and touch than a person who does not have Fibromyalgia. This is just one example, but there are many. Healthy bodies are actually not easily tickled if at all. If someone gets serious about not wanting to be tickled it is because it really hurts, so believe them. And it someone simply doesn't want to be tickled or touched in any way, honor that request. No one should have to present a Doctor's Note to be unbothered.
Tickle torture is real. Narcs do it. My sisters husband use to do it to her and I and it would hurt so bad that we would cry. They do this to hurt u under the cover of being “PLAYFUL”
torture with no forensic evidence
Yea - the guy from story#2 was pushy. If he had to go to the bathroom he should have done that before they left the cafe...
The first story she should leave him. The bigger picture is she set a boundary he continued to go against that's enough reason to leave. We have to normalize leaving when we get uncomfortable and doesn't have to be some grand thing that happened to go. The second story that guy sounds his intentions were to try to sleep with her because why do you need togo in her apartment after she told you that's not happening. These are the same men that try to say women are easy um how when you got guys plotting and scheming to get in your pants.
It's the untrustworthy ones who like to say with the most indignation, "are you calling me a liar/cheater/grapist/etc??" when they are just that. They want to make us irrational for our suspicion to make us go against our better judgment and let them hurt us.
facade management - feigned indignation cover
Tickling has, historically been used as a form of torture.
He's crossing boundaries and physically abusing you.
I am also seriously "ticklish." Especially my feet and sides.
I've had family members who would hold me down and tickle my feet. I can't even get a normal pedicure because of it.
I also had a past SO who would "goose" me in the sides before I was ticklish there. I got so bad, I still assume a "defensive" position if I even think ANYONE is going to touch/hug my waist/sides.
who used it historically? I need to read into this. I can't get massages because I now HATE being touched.
@@seabreeze4559 Tickle torture and murder through tickling
In ancient Japan, those in positions of authority could administer punishments to those convicted of crimes that were beyond the criminal code. This was called shikei, which translates as “private punishment."
@@nitapitts6407 wow
that tickling man sounds absolutely horrendous. I would put up with that for a total of 0 seconds.
My brother used to be so rough with me and I was 10 years younger. I hate when men don't get how many people do not want to be rough handled, let alone touched. This includes male to male- so tired of telling boys to toughen up.
Anyone who cares about you won't do things thst you don't like or disrespect your boundaries!! For safety reasons, I wouldn't allow anyone who I'm getting to know where I live. Trying to get into someone's home, without an invitation, is very manipulative and abusive.
That last story sounds like something on the Lifetime channel. This woman was literally trapped in hell with an unhinged parasite.
She’s not wrong because WE ALL AGREE!!!
As someone who used to “Mysteriously Disappear” from relationships and change my number in the past, I can confirm that you should NEVER let strangers know where you live. I have to know you for a yearssss
I don't tickle people, because I don't like to be tickled either. I really really don't like it. It feels weird, it's funny, but it's really not not funny. No.
It's how I teach my kids consent. My youngest loves being tickled. The second she says stop, I stop. If her sisters (rarely, I taught them too), or extended family (often, they don't get it) ignore her saying "stop" I get right up in their face. One time I picked up and left a family gathering over this. They kept trying to belittle me. "You're over reacting, you're too sensitive, you're dramatic etc."
They get one warning. One explanation: when my child says stop or declines physical touch, you will respect that decision.
My brother hates being touched now and those same relatives who refused to stop tickling him make fun. Monsters.
💯
Yes, it's such a good way to teach consent for kids! Both for respecting the "no" from others ("she usually likes that but right now she doesn't, so stop") and for setting boundaries and expecting that they will be followed. ("I like to be tickled on my back, but not under my chin")
And if I forget and do under the chin, because her sister likes that, I apologize. I really hope that the "obviously it's only fun if everyone is having fun" attitude will make any red flags in future very obvious to them. When the kids are roughhousing and one keeps going after a "stop!", there's definitely outrage and either the offender stops at hearing that, or I step in very firmly. Obeying other people's "no" is a big deal at our house, and I hope it will have good results.
@@er6730 Or, you know, we execute it weirdly because we're the first generation (probably) to enforce that and use all of our retirement money for their therapy. Either way, I'm glad we're trying?
I can't stand being tickled.
And refuse to be around anyone who tries it!
It's not funny or cute!
Bruises don't show up on me either!
But I can feel them.
My brother tickle tortured me growing up. I absolutely HATE being tickled. When I’ve had guys try that sh!t, I give them the look mom’s give child that conveys “ don’t play with me” and I explain I don’t like being tickled. That stuff isn’t fun or funny and I’d understand if someone packed a bag and put their boyfriend on blocked for days until he understood you ain’t playing with him.
You: "I don't let men in my apartment when I don't know them."
Every nice guy ever: "oh, that's smart; I respect that."
Any other response from anybody whatsoever: not a nice guy.
And that's why. 🤷
The first time I was in my wife's house was when I was moving my stuff in after almost two years of being together.
Tickling was used as a form of torture at some point...he's torturing her under the guise of "being cute". My siblings actually used to tickle each other until they barfed when they fought.
He wanted to walk her to her apartment because he was trying to trick his way into her apartment. Don’t fall for it.
a guy tried that once and I refused to let him know where I lived (he hadn't asked, just pretended to go in the same direction) so I stopped and stared awkwardly then after a few minutes he left. I darted into a different building to see if he followed me.
Nah leaving bruises is straight up abuse. My husband, in our first year of marriage and I were rough housing and he grabbed my wrist too hard. I said "oww" and he immediately let go and apologized. Latter that day he realized a bruis had formed, he again apologized profusely, then proceeded to give me the princesses treatment until I was "fully recovered" lol you'd have thought I broke my leg. That night it was my turn to go to the store and make dinner. He did both those things and brought me home apology flowers. But the most important thing is he Never did it again. Sure it was an accident. But he took responsibility, apologized, made it right, and never let that accident happen again.
This boyfriend is genuinely wicked he likes hurting his girlfriend, but he likes hurting her in a sneaky way so that she feels like she can't even object to being hurt. It is diabolical I the truest sense of the world.
If she is going to heal she will need to acknowledge the truth that she was a victim of domestic violence, even though her abuser gaslit her and hid his abuse behind "being Playful" actual play is voluntary and something everyone involved enjoys.
She isn't leaving because he tickles her she's leaving because he abuses her.
Just imagine if, instead of tickling, he forced sex on her. And claimed that she must like it because she orgasimed.
I think we would all understand that to be horrible abuse. Just because this is less invasive doesn't make it any better.
Women should stop choosing dates close to home. Don't even let them near your home, period. Do let them walk you to your place of residence, period. Stop taking them to your favorite restaurants soft dating. Keep them out of personal spaces until you know they are safe.
Is it just me or does anyone else get triggered when others say "Leave him and find someone else." Or, "There's someone better out there for you "
Why do we need find someone? Why is it unbelievable that someone can be content and peaceful on their own.
End of my rant. Thank you.
We're expected to be available to all men at all times, hypothetically.
Same I have zero interest in finding a man, in fact I actively avoid it
Leave. I had an ex who tickled me when I didn’t want to be tickled. He’s an ex. That’s just cruel behavior.
That “I need to use that bathroom” one pisses me off. These men constantly say choose better… she’s chose better and now SHES the problem?!?!?! 4B 4B 4B and 4B!
I don't understand partners that have to push boundaries or ignore them. I don't tickle, I am an adult. 😂 I feel like it is more loving to get consent with anything to do with touching or contact.
Person 1:"You like when I tickle you?"
Person 2: "No it makes me uncomfortable"
Person 1: "Got it. I like tickling and don't mind if you tickle me, but I won't tickle you unless you ever tell me you're cool with it. I would like to have some playful intimacy that you are comfortable with...etc"
*+Healthy relationship+*
So, about getting a big dog-I thought about it when I first moved into my own place. I feel like if a man did come into my house to harm me he would just unalive the dog. I have cats because they are like a litmus test for the room. In the event of a break in they are going to hide and I won't have to worry about them. If I feel uneasy (I have some PTSD from previous relationships) I can check to see that they are relaxing, and if they're chill that probably means no one broke into the house.
1st boyfriend does not care about consent, her physical pain or emotional distress. Mom is not a good mom to ridicule abuse
Get a doberman, german shepher, rottweiler..a protective, territorial scary looking dog. Dog will get the scent that gave her the ick.
Well trained they wont be nasty with kids or anyone unless provoked or after you
I have an Italian mastiff and I can go walking at 2:30 am with no worries. People cross the street when they see her...even big doodz. LMAO. She's never bit anyone but her growl alone sounds demonic.
Seems my comment got deleted. But what I was saying is that in my home country a family let in a family friend to use the restroom and he detoured and went to their young daughter's room instead and did the unthinkable. It ended up in the local news.
I also mentioned that the lady from the date was right for not letting him into her apartment.
Idk the last time a grown person has tickled me. I definitely haven’t had a bf do that! And who tf tickles someone who says they hate being tickled? Only a terrible person would do something like that.
A lot of miserable, lonely and unaware men out here. Got to stay safe ladies.
As someone who doesn’t mind being tickled, I HATE when my boyfriend tickles me because he DOESN’T know how much his big a hands hurt. It’s like being punched with thick fingers.
Leave the abusive tickler, period.
With the last woman, get a pew-pew permit. Dogs are too much work and she's child-free. Also, get cameras, both internal and external. I have several cameras in and about my home and love it. This includes a doorbell camera. I can speak through all of the cameras, as well. This gets creeps off the property quickly. If she knows any males she can trust, have them come by the house periodically. This will discourage the PP-Bro who's looking to meet his maker. Also, befriending a woman police officer, who's not male identified, can be helpful.
I had a boyfriend once who would refuse to let go of me when I was done cuddling. He was very large, much larger than me. And he would hold me down saying he wasn't done cuddling. He treated it like a joke. One time it induced a panic attack. I hadn't had a panic attack since I was a teenager. When I had panic attacks I'd get an overwhelming involuntary urge to RUN. He held me down as I panicked and begged for him to let me go. He whispered gently "shhh....shhh..it will pass". It was horrific. I started referring to it as "cuddle rape". Surprise surprise he did actually end up raping me.
well yeah it's habituation he was basically training the prey not to struggle for escalation later
I hate being tickled too. Had to deal with it a lot as a kid. Honestly the tickling was a precursor to grooming because it's a boundary violation and it's a form of desensitizing you to assuming you don't get to have any. I think learning how to "numb my brain" to resist feeling tickled so I wouldn't react anymore, and it wouldn't give my abuser satisfaction anymore also gave me the skill of dissociating. I just didn't have a name for it at the time.
No means no. The tickling thing is a violation of her autonomy and boundaries. It's not funny and its actually very scary.
I hate being tickled! And yeah men don’t give a damn about boundaries.
Dear Women,
Please stop competing with men. If he attacks your belongings, does something hurtful or even says something really hurtful, do not pay it back, but leave. Too many women are "too brave" and then these pitbulls (with no offence to pitbulls) seriously injure them. Be truely superior (as you were born to be) and just leave. It really is not worth it and you are juggling an animal. When a male says "be quiet" he is warning you, before he attacks, because he knows he cannot control himself.
The rule of thumb to think of when any unwanted physical touch occurs: if a stranger were to commit the same actions, would it be deemed as criminal?
S2 Is a little triggering. Him asking to use the restroom was a violation of her boundaries after she told him. Any boundary no matter how big or small should be respected.
These stories were just so sad. Glad that woman also didn’t let that bastard in her home. She probably would not have been alive to tell the tale.
My husband was 42 the first time he broke a tooth - on my elbow when he wouldn’t stop tickling me. It’s a running joke now, but it was a lesson learned - I say ‘No’ and I mean it.
My mom literally wouldn’t let me tickle my younger siblings because she said it’s a form of torture. And I completely agree 👍
Excessive tickling is physical torment, with over stimulation of the nervous system. My dad did this to me as a child. Even a hint that someone might tickle me causes a panic reaction. The laughing is uncontrollable, even when crying, gasping for breath, and struggling to escape. He is a monster to do this.
I can't even get a massage because I hate being touched so much now. You?
@seabreeze4559 I'm okay with physical touch. As long as I don't feel it is intended to be ticklish. Inadvertent tickles make me jump away. I'm so sorry your impacted to this extreme.
Story 1: she needs to disengage, FIRMLY set boundaries and be intentional with her consequences. Don't allow someone to hurt you
Ladies never let a guy into your apt just because they need to use the bathroom. I was tricked by that before. An ex-coworker made sexual advances when I let him inside just to use the bathroom, and he refused to leave after I asked multiple times until I started screaming. Had no clue that he would do something like that because I used to work with him and I never said anything about wanting anything sexual. We just ran into each other and were chatting to catch up on work stuff.
Tickling is a form of torture. I had family that used to do it to me as a child and it actually hurts.
The tickling girl’s mom doesn’t have to live with being tickled. It’s abusive to ignore her boundaries.
My boyfriend has done this with a bag of cold vegetables under my shirt. I whacked him in the chest as a reflex from the shock. He got upset at ME for punching him, and that he was just being playful, I’ve told him before I don’t like that stuff. Same thing with tickling, same thing with jokes. He doesn’t do those things anymore but it took MULTIPLE times and serious discussions for him to finally stop. It’s infuriating. And then he tells me I should just ask nicely and he’ll stop, and I would say “I’m telling you nicely to stop, and look you’re still doing it.” Couldn’t argue with that. 🙄
Watch out though. It may just be roughhousing or it might be a pattern of violating your boundaries and not respecting your feelings. See if he behaves the same way around other things in your life. Does he generally respect your no?
@@fayepatrice1672 Yeah watching out is definitely good to do. He respects the no’s in other areas, especially the big stuff. For some reason when it comes to playing around it wouldn’t click. He stopped now though and I think he gets it. It’s just very odd that it took so many times for it to stop. I was feeling really disrespected about it. Furious. And this seems like it’s a man thing. With women I’ve only needed to say it 1 or 2 times and they would stop. If it had continued I would’ve left him.
Not expecting to be let into a virtual stranger's home on the first date seems pretty reasonable to me, but this creep still stands there and says "Are you serious?" even after she told him twice he was definitely not coming in?!