How to never be Angry again | Abraham Twerski
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ก.ย. 2024
- An Original Word Porn Production with Abraham Twerski
Transcript:
"The concept of anger I think we have to
think about the phases of anger there
are three phases of anger one is
somebody provokes me I feel angry okay I
don't have any control over that right
then there's the phase of anger of how
do I react to it right do I walk away do
I respond do I punch the guy in the face
do I call them with some nesting it
that's my reaction to anger and then the
other thing is okay I didn't have any
choice to be feeling angry when I was
provoked
how long am I going to hold on to that
anger an hour a day 22 years right so in
order to keep things straight I give
these three phases three different names
the feeling of anger I call anger the
reaction to anger I call rage and the
hanging onto the anger is called
resentment right and then if you clarify
it I said okay I can do nothing about my
feeling of anger other than perhaps take
some things in perspective right one of
my father's teachings that helped me a
great deal was that when somebody did
something in my father which should have
provoked anger my father would say you
know what he did was so foolish if he
only knew how fully said was what he did
he wouldn't have done it so you know I
feel sorry for the person for being such
a fool but if you feel sorry for a
person how can you be angry at him you
know I feel pity for pity and anger
doesn't go together but nevertheless I
can't control how I feel when provoked
but I certainly can control what my
reaction is going to be
and finally how long do I hang on to the
resentments my greatest lesson came from
Alcoholics Anonymous where somebody said
harboring a resentment is allowing
someone who you don't like to live
inside your head without paying any rent
and I'm not that kind of a guy I'm not a
nice guy like that to let somebody else
pay so hey help me get rid of
resentments reacting to anger took me a
while right to be able to control my
rage and then I had to realize that yeah
this is part of my being human animals
react with rage when when provoked
i as a human being I'm supposed to be
above that I'm a northern Homo sapiens
so I learned how to control my anger so
I think those are if a person keeps
those things in mind right and there's
some people who feel guilty for feeling
angry right especially at a parent you
don't have a choice okay
the feeling of anger is nothing so if
you don't have a choice there's no
reason to feel guilty about it how you
react now my suggestion is keep an anger
Journal right here's what happened today
right somebody did this is that and
here's what how I did right then at
night it's it at the time that I'm
provoked I think it isn't clear because
I'm in this pressure to respond but at
night when I look over what happened
during the daytime and I say did I
handle that in the best way possible
could I have done something better and
that becomes a lesson for the next time
so I think keeping a journal about anger
and how we respond to it is an excellent
way of them because ultimately if I am
enraged it doesn't hurt the other person
as much as it hurts me"
*Follow me behind the scenes: **instagram.com/spiro/*
Word Porn the left paradigm controls youtube fakebook and so on
its youtube problem all around the world we don't know why
think it is cause the word "porn" is there?? loved the video btw.. thank you so much.
If they were really fans of the channel they would refresh the page 40 million times a day, alleviating the need for notifications.
Word Por
My father taught me: When you’re right you have no reason to be angry and when you’re wrong you have no right to be angry.
tartarus216 true
- says while being angry
tartarus216 my dad said if someone gets you angry you beat them up and then yourself for letting them anger you
Your father is a wise man
If someone accuse you of something u did not do, u will be angry.
"He who angers you controls you." The Art of War
robert sexton nice taste of book
suntziii
that just gave me the chills
fake news. Ive read and memorized large portions of the art of war and never came across the quote. Its apparently by an Australian nurse. However, there's a section of the book that mentions it is best to anger your opponent, for it will cloud their judgement and thus make hasty decisions. I believe a bit of insight was given at the middle of chapter 1/
@@Victor-mx6vs I'm impressed 😅
"Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die" -Buddha
100%
@69Rising Dhiya Gautama Buddha was a Indian philosopher who gained a following through his teaching and values. He was a real person
Nice quote, however it’s a « fake Buddha quote ». When a Buddha quote sounds cheesy you know it’s probably a fake one. Kinda triggered me sorry lol
@69Rising Dhiya Most of Asian worship Buddhism, mate.
@@joshjohnston9580 No it's not. In my country we have temple and pagoda and monks live there. Some events monks over there always recite what Buddha said. And if the quote is fake you can probably hear it in one place but what if you go to a hundred temples or pagoda and they recite the same thing?
This man is so wise, I'm sure he could tell me why my girlfriend is mad at me.
Some resentment is forced to manifest and dock in the harbor of your soul because the pilot of the ship just refuses to find their own port to occupy... think about it. btw for proof of why Saturn has a Hexagon on top check out the vid on my channel... no its not a portal for Satan...
My ex was always angry at me , she would always found stupid reasons so we start a fight
@@iamconstantine5392 women are ALWAYS angry with men no matter what we do or don't do. They're just angry because! The sooner you accept the fact you can't change that, the faster you'll heal.
This is wisdom
JJ K may be coz boys can be jerks at time 😒
Ahhh this is the same guy that spoke about “fish love”
“You love the fish, so you kill it and eat it”
Just came from that video
Me too xD
@@paigenel7341 me too
Dien 😂😂😂
AVEO CHILLS me too lol XD
”The consequences of anger are far worse than the cause” Marcus Aurelius
‼️ Peeps neehd tuh pahy 🤜👊🤛 fur dizrespecting mee or aneeone, whehn thehy lahsh ouht juhst tuh bee azzholez - 👁 4 👁 ‼️
‼️ 👁 meahn, W.T.F. IZ Anyohne reahlly b👁ing thiz B.S. - ⁉️
👁 didn't hear uh single sentence of knowledge to give mee the ability to say - ?"Oh wow - wait - 👁 never realized 👁 could just do A, B and C when my coworkers, Brother, wife, especially every day peeps Pizz meh ohff.
Obviously thiz F#ck livez in uh sheltered Buhbble or ohn plahnet yah Right 👌.
Peeps jist F#ck'n suhck - thahts fahcts - 👁 lihve uh lahvish lihfestyle & Stihll Hahte huhmenz - thiz guhy = B.S. 💩 Hahve uh nihce dahy 😁
NEWCASTLE CALIFORNIA,USA 🇺🇲
This is the one
"Harboring a resentment is allowing someone who you don't like to live inside your head without paying any rent."
That struck me.
Me too
Yes, “don’t let them live in your head rent free” is a great saying, the 12 steps transformed me, 7 years sober 🙏🏻
@@kf5541 great job. As a friend of bill w. 1 year sober here. One day at a time!
Struck me as well. And now I wonder what should they pay for all this time? Think about it.
What struck me was his father's comment about thinking of the person as foolish, which (hopefully) would help you shift more easily from an angry response to a compassionate one. (and btw 20+ years sober here).
He's like Dumbledore 2.0.
Wise and amazing
Or Gandalf XD
But. Is he ded?
More like Merlin!?
@@Vizzz999 Merlin monroe
I thought exact the same xD
All of this sounds profoundly insightful, until you get angry
So true
FACTS
we are primates after all.
For sure :)
lmao true we’ll eventually grow out of it
My dad told me when I was younger “if something bothers you change it and if you can’t change it then don’t let it bother you”
.
that's a bit too dificult
well there are some always bothering things that cant be changed
@@TribunalxWarrior he means.. buy some earplugs?
Perfect !! We can't change everything in this world
“How can you be angry with the person you pitty.” The best roast ever ! Lmao.
@cinna banana agreed.
@cinna banana thanks
cinna banana I forgave someone I’d been angry at for years because of pity/mercy. It was almost immediate, like a switch had been thrown.
@cinna banana so the man is wrong or right? Answer please
Sebastian Martinez I’m pretty sure he’s saying the man is right, but he’s covering very little of a broad subject
Anger, rage, resentment. Never let someone or something control the way you feel, nor how you will behave. Carry nothing with you that weighs you down.
Amazing if only humans did look for solutions and not revenge
What if there's no solution and only revenge?
Lmao ItzYadaran if there’s no solution then you do nothing. Vengeance is a fools game
Well I don't care if revenge is a fools game I am gonna get it and I am gonna get it soon
@@oriijin5639 revenge is never the only solution
But sometimes, revenge is the solution.
2:07 :
"harboring your resentment is allowing someone who you don't like to live inside your head without paying any rent"
Django Mango yeah they are gonna be evicted before they wreck the place!
The greed. Gets to them just thinking about it lmaoo
There's a Jewish joke to be made of that part. I'm not gonna say it of course, but you're already thinking of it ;)
Royce da 5'9 used that line in a rap song
damn it i came to make the jewish joke but u ruined it xD
"Between stimulus and response there's a space. In that space is our power to choose our response" -Victor Frankl
But every now and then, it's ok to lose our sh*t.
Ooooooh man, this hit me.
I believe it was Confucius that said (paraphrased)
Harboring anger is like swallowing a poison and waiting for the other person to die.
Charles Dahmital
Mind blown
I herdd it was Carrie Fisher, but whoever it was...gave us A New Hope :-).
Charles Dahmital Be angry but sin not, don't let the sun go down on your anger, Holy Bible
Charles Dahmital it was the 1st Buddha.
It may have been the buddha who said that, the buddha did say being angry is like holding onto a hot coal intending to throw it at someone , the only person who get's huts is yourself.
Sometimes I can't decide if I need a hug, an XL coffee, 6 shots of vodka or just a stronger word than f*ck.
maybe just the hug without the drugs that only mess with your perceptions?
srats56 but the drugs work if there is no one to hug
@@karthikrox6310 the consequences of drugs are not favorable , best to just deal with it. enjoy what ya got now, it's all there is
reduce cotwo fuck you
reduce cotwo in the netherlands we have one, we literally swear with diseases cancer being one of them
Reminds me of a beautiful quote: "I will never say anything that couldn't stand as the last thing I ever say." ♥
.
.
.
Don't speak when you are angry. Cherish the ones you love. ♥
1) ANGER - The feeling of anger
2) RAGE - your reaction to anger, or how you respond to it
3) RESENTMENT - how long you hang on to it.
The sooner we LET GO of anger, the less angry we will be in life
How do you "let go" of a feeling?... What do you do?...
I often feel angry and frustrated with trivial things that don't really matter. Usually by the behaviours and actions of other people in my home. How do I break the habit of getting angry too easily?
@@nackjicholson1940 The best thing to do is step away from the situation to calm down first, then calm your mind, think about how to process the situation and how to handle it tactfully, and when you have peace, self-control, and a plan of action... then try again. BUT no matter how many times you have to deal with this... just keep going. Be resilient, because eventually you'll get resolution of some type.
i just experienced anger because i found 2 sexists in this comment section smh.
acctualy thats not what he said and ur not guilty of felling that way, so acctualy u have to work on the rage part, cs its an action not a felling...
Cool
I heard a quote once..." what others think of you is none of your business." I will never forget it, it keeps others from getting into your head.
what if that person is important or the government or something
@@marmolejomartinezjoseemili9043 good point. Jose'.
@marmolejomartinezjoseemili9043 If the person is important to you and you value their opinion. You admire the way they make choices or believe they live well. Conduct themselves well.
Then take into consideration their opinion of you and see from fresh eyes if there may be ways you'd like to improve yourself.
This quote is helpful for people who feel pressured to not be themselves and or confident to make their own decisions.
Therefore shape themselves out of the opinion of others.
Each person has to live their own chosen way. The choices made and lifestyle lived is on them. Not on others.
This quote is to provide clarity, strength and confidence to those who live in the fog of other peoples opinion.
Another mindset is
Do these others pay your bills
Nicely relevant for those who live under someone's care, provision or roof.. then that opinion of how you are making choices IS important to listen to.
If you don't like it move out, pay your own way in life.
Don't put yourself in a position of someone elses opinion being more important than your own opinion of yourself and confidence in your choices nor control over you.
My father spent 4 years with the sole goal of driving me crazy. He wanted to break me so that the things I knew about him were just “the musings of a crazy person.” While I consider myself a strong-willed person, a child can only take so much torture. Things were very bad for me for years, as I was exactly what my father hoped to create, a crazy mess. Turns out, it was actually some real severe C-PTSD, but to my family crazy was crazy. I lost my siblings and most of my relatives, as my father can lie until you believe the sky is pink and the grass is blue. I spent many years very angry. Filled with rage. My siblings never gave me the benefit of the doubt, and I didn’t understand what I did to make my father hate me so much. These days I spend my days in nature and it helps me to release my knuckle white grip on the anger that has lived in me for so long. I hope to live without such potent anger one day. That I can forgive.
My story is not much different. Be strong my friend..
I had the same kind of childhood too my dear friend...
And I still get anxious and PTSD every month for a week straight
You can forgive and forget dear. once you realise that you are not the centre of importance in this creation. Stop thinking that your ego is more important. Detach from your ego. Mix with the creation. You and me are small pecks we don't have any right to be angry. Love you though 💞 keep smiling ❤️
I know my anger and rage are directly connected to my pain. If I don't care for the person I feel no anger. But if someone I love hurts me I react with rage 😩
Pretty much. If I, a random guy on the internet insulted you, why would you feel pain from that? I don't know anything about you. What I said I could have said to anyone.
So it shouldn't have any hold over you. Yet people seem to get incredibly angry over comments, conversations with strangers etc.
I've had back and forths with my family all my life, because at the moment of rage, I respond with fists and vinegar, cause in my mind I like to think "now they'll learn what makes me angry, and they'll stay clear of it next time". Most of the time they are confused by my reaction, and they will react with rage on their own, so you have a quick vicious cycle that spirals out of control until we either start fighting, or leave the room slamming the door.
I've been thinking about this a lot.
- a random guy with anger issues.
SuperSoundtracks i like that last part 😂
@@SuperSoundtracks I have the same problems. Sometimes I am able to keep calm no matter the situation, and other times I get angry over the smallest things, like dropping something on the floor or something that someone said to me. I try to become a better person and treat everyone with respect and kindness but my violent past keeps haunting me. I try to find an answer on these types of videos but it feels like this is just the way I am. I have no idea how to fix this, and that scares me. I'm afraid I will snap one day and punch someone to death.
-another random guy with anger issues
@@jordyvandeven3954 Perhaps you're trying too hard to be someone you're not in order to keep the people you care about around for longer. That will end up frustrating you. What about forming a death metal band and just growling like an animal from the deepest corner of your soul to get rid of some excess anger/energy? Might sound silly, but just putting it out there.
@@SuperSoundtracks Well I know what caused it, I think. I did a lot of Thai-boxing and was about to do competition fighting. However, I got sick. I had to quit working out and became heavily depressed. That was 6 years ago. During that time I was weak, mentally and physically. I got influenced by the wrong sources and my ideology shifted to right-wing extremism. I was in the 'scene' for something like 2,5 years so it really left a scar. Luckily I was able to get back from it and think clear again. That is why I am trying to turn myself into a better person. I want to compensate for the person that I was in that time. Be kind to every kind. I am trying my best but I can't manage to get myself back to the gym, and like I said that time scarred me and left me with anger issues. I hope that I can someday get back into the ring again. Maybe that will help with controlling my anger, or atleast give me some discipline again. But thank you for your tip man, I wish you the best as well :)
When you start to change the way you look at things around you... the things around you start to change :)
Love this futurebarsG
I do not like that sentence, it is misleading and it's been used and abused by those mentors that sell their miracle books. The correct version of this sentence is :
"When you start to change the way you look at things around you... YOU start to change and YOUR perception evolves and you become UNSTUCK. NOTHING around you changed, but you give yourself another chance. Be considerate of yourself."
@@carolhernandez8156 wooooo I got so ANGRY at your comment so freaking bad. Grrrrrr
Certain things around will never chang they are called people lol
Thank you heavenly Father for placing such a wise man pollinate his wisdom amongst us!
"Holding on to anger is like holding a hot coal to throw at someone, the person who suffers most is you" Dalai Lama
not if you throw it quick and with a thermal glove. Lol.
Great quote. Thank you.
To me, its more about being honest than happy. That is the only way i can be in balance with myself, and achieve inner peace. Anger is just an expression of our love for someone or something we care about - and i dont think it is wise to reject it. We may avoid getting angry if we stop caring about whatever we care about enough to get angry over bad stuff happening to whoever/whatever we dont care about - but then we would also never get happy from the good stuff.
Supposedly stoics avoid suffering from accepting the bad stuff in the world. Not that they dont care, but they have gotten used to it, and dont let it affect them. If everyone acts like that, we would have anarchy...
‼️ NOT IHF THEE COHAL GOEZ DOWHN thair shirt or pahntz 👖‼️
‼️ Peeps neehd tuh pahy 🤜👊🤛 fur dizrespecting mee or aneeone, whehn thehy lahsh ouht juhst tuh bee azzholez - 👁 4 👁 ‼️
‼️ 👁 meahn, W.T.F. IZ Anyohne reahlly b👁ing thiz B.S. - ⁉️
👁 didn't hear uh single sentence of knowledge to give mee the ability to say - ?"Oh wow - wait - 👁 never realized 👁 could just do A, B and C when my coworkers, Brother, wife, especially every day peeps Pizz meh ohff.
Obviously thiz F#ck livez in uh sheltered Buhbble or ohn plahnet yah Right 👌.
Peeps jist F#ck'n suhck - thahts fahcts - 👁 lihve uh lahvish lihfestyle & Stihll Hahte huhmenz - thiz guhy = B.S. 💩 Hahve uh nihce dahy 😁
NEWCASTLE CALIFORNIA,USA 🇺🇲
This makes so much sense. I've lost count of the number of times I was that "foolish person." And when it comes to parents, I realized one day that they couldn't give me (as need as I was as a child) what they couldn't give themselves. And I cried, not for myself or the needy child I was, but for who my parents were until they died. In exchange, I was filled with God's grace through which I found forgiveness and was delivered from my anger, which was replaced by compassion. I have never had a more humbling experience.
Lesson: keep a journal for anger
How the hell did you do that🙄
Thank you for your teachings Rabbi Twerski.
You were a good man who gave us great teachings to better ourselves.
"If you're going to get in trouble for hitting someone, you might as well hit them hard."
What?.
Mmm, please don't
@@fitnessabdul6811 read it clearly....u will get!😃
@@gokulkrishnan6795 it doesn't make sense to me anyways, can u explain it?
@@fitnessabdul6811 If you will hurt someone, hurt them hard since you already hurted them.
That's why he said angry and pity doesn't belong in a same page, you can not be angry and pity at the same time.
“How long am I going to hold onto that anger? An hour, a day, 22 years?”
Me: well that was oddly specific 😧😂
must have some experience
22 years 3 months 25 days 5 hours 21 minutes 32 seconds?
When someone is trying to do math and asks me to ballpark it for them
Like 6 pairs of pants for 19.99 each
Me: about 119.94 + tax so about 129.83 129.84
Them: jaw visibly drops cos it happens in a split second in my head
Daniel thanks for going on a tangent and telling us about your job at old navy. Also, it typically doesn't help when people try to make themselves look better than others through flaunting skills or accomplishments.
@@CroizBR lol
Man, the words I needed.
Forgive yourself as you forgive others.
We are all just humans.
I LOVE this! I have always hated when people say “no one can make you angry” YES they can but it’s the reaction that you choose to handle.
In a fight or flight situation, anger is often the fuel to our fight response. We can't always choose to run. Therefore, we need anger. But, even more so, we need to be able to control such a damaging emotion by being conscientious of our actions.
He's got a point. We can't control our physiological responses. But we can control our thoughts and how we perceive the object of our anger or resentment. These are truly honest words spoken by Rabbi Twerski. He's a wise man.
I've only just heard of this wise man, I could and I will listen to him for hour's
If I am enraged, it doesn't hurt the other person as much as it hurts me.
Exactly.
Unless you kill the other person.
B L I usually manipulate people into ruining things for themselves so it rarely hurts me other than guilt which doesn't last long if it does occur
Until you beat the shit out of them
When i get angry i say nothing and fuck the guy over in ways he didnt see coming and is completely out of proportion with the original offense. I usually end up feeling guilty and paranoid of retaliation. Its the kind of thing honest conversation would solve more constructively in a more clearheaded state.
Rabbi Twerski, of blessed memory, your sage advice lives on, long after you've left us. May your neshama have an aliyah to even higher level.
Love this. It has taken me most of my 48 years to figure this out. It's great to hear someone confirm this fact. Reacting to anger is dangerous to the person who is doing so. Do I really want to let someone else influence me to be stressed out. Stress is bad for the body & soul. Great video.
Yeah, I'm over the cult of not feeling emotions. I meditate and have my happy place, but I love my anger. It's such wisdom. It teaches me what boundaries I need to set.
Queen of the Butterflies anger is SO important and healthy. You keep it! I do like his point about “what do I do with my anger” though. It usually does speak to boundaries. I’ve learned to pick my battles too and learned most people aren’t intentionally trying to hurt me. I see someone as a dick and they see themselves as an empathizer. Which teaches me that we should not interact in x,y, or z situation. You hit the nail on the head.
Don't think I've ever learnt so much in 4 minutes. Been thinking about it all day since watching this morning.
My dad also thought me the same thing as this respected old man's father did. More you grow old more you realise how wise and mature ur parents are. :) I'm happy that I'm wrong in so many ways and learned so many things from my parents
"Keep those things in mind." The hardest part. But easier with practice.
Simple words and conclusion of the issue i like it , thank you .
Thank God i learned not get angry/fight whoever unless in an issue that would harm my relationship to God & whatever try to get me off heavens path , i learned that anything less dont really matter as much as that .Its God love is what gives a human a value .
Thank you for wisdom and inspiration.
I love this brilliant holy sweet man. Rabbi Twersky is a psychiatrist, recovery specialist and the author of over 75 books. G-D bless him!
this guy is not holy in any meaningful way. He is just extremely pragmatic and i would not even call him wise but just gives pragmatic advice on how not to be defeated by life.
"When you are enraged it doesn't hurt the other person as much that it hurts me"
What a mellow chilled out guy.imagine if we were all like him.what a peaceful place the world would be.
"Hatred corrodes the container in which it is carried" ~ Dorothy Walker
3:03: jskabshskandhskfeeling guilty about it..
I felt that
And here I am, thinking he said something along the lines of:
“...not to make a choice, if you don’t have a choice there’s no reason to feel guilty about it”.
Just turn the damn caption
@@NXZeki have some fantasyyy caption isss boring
😂😂
Wei Wuxiam hahhahhah
I could sit and listen to this man all day I sucked every word and will now practise it daily .
How i never get angry : just understand that life is just a time passing with always something new so in future I will forgot what was getting me angry today so no need to be angry
Exactly. What's more foolish than to dwell on the past to the point it destroys your future, or even present, happiness? You can't get back the past, but your future belongs to you.
I struggle alot with anger issues and I'm one of those who feel guilty when they let out their anger.I have a hard time controlling it ,once I rage I can't hold back.
But now I'm trying to control it I simply ignore the things that might provoke me and start breathing in slowly ,thank u for your advices I'll go by them and hopefully I'll do better ,I don't want to be nobody's puppet 💜
Yup.Did people tell you that you had to be angry
Much of what this man said I learnt myself from someone who taught me meditation. It is really good advice and is true for all emotions. Emotions are inner body experiences that most of the time we can't control. Whether we feel sad, angry, happy, lonely is dependant on our reactions to the situations around us. What we do with these feelings and what they mean to us is what we can control (just because we feel sad for example doesn't mean we have a reason to feel sad, and the same thing goes for anger)
Because we can't choose our emotional states, it isn't something we should blame ourselves for or feel guilty about. It takes a lot of practice learning to manage emotions, but after time it becomes easier and we become happier 💜💜💜 I wish you all the best on your journey!! 💜💜💜
What a wise man. I could listen to him all day!
"The ability to let that which does not matter *truly* slide."
Tyler Durden
One of the wisest people I have known.
chesskw what!?!? Do you know him?? Omg youre so lucky holy shit!! (i may sound ironic but i'm not lol xD)
you mean sarcastic not ironic.
bob dole irony is synonym for sarcasm idiot
bob dole you're clearly confused. stop
bob dole it's a rookie mistake. I'll let you lead this one. you probably wont
He who angers you, controls you, oh my word, it is so, so true, even thought it's easier said than done, but I am going to try my very best to follow these amazing great rules, that will make my heart lighter, thanks
Meditation helps. When all said and done it comes down to directing attention to your being angry and finding better ways of handling it and at night brain plays it over and "installs" the new solution bit by bit. Very simple.
YOU didn't really listen, did you? You can't control when to become angry, but you can control your rage and resentment.
He didn't tell us how to never be angry, he told us how to never let it control us.
What me?
😢 I didn't
I believe a big part of “education” in the modern world is to teach yourself how to deal with anger.
It’s gonna happen in life - but if we believe we’re better than our hominid ancestors then we should learn to control our reaction & not just lash out. (That is what I got from this anyway).
I need this man's level of wiseness in my life!
NO, you don't. It would be wisdom, if he wasn't calling people a fool. A no-no in the Bible.
"Anger doesn't hurt the other person as much as it hurts me". Makes total sense intellectually, but emotionally it's not so easy remembering that statement.
There’s even a proverb, that says ; « One minute of anger, costs us 100 minutes of shame »
That proverb really pisses me off
Béatrice de Laat
100 minutes? I’d say days ... or weeks ... and sometimes even years.
Wow
If you feel the anger is unjustified.
@@BassicVIC No, that is because you didn't have one minute of anger, you must have had an hour of anger at least. In my own experience this is true, if I am angry about something for a short minute I forget about it in less than 10 minutes.
I like how he summarizes everything in the end
if i had this man or equivalent as a third or fourth grade teacher of English, I would be at least one full decade ahead !!!
Revenge creates conflict and conflict creates revenge, if we break the cycle maybe this world would become a better place
Revenge is a retaliation. Without instigation, you cannot have retaliation. Therefore, judgement should be placed foremost on the instigator who created the desire for revenge to begin with, not the victim who seeks retribution.
@@stephenolder4552 I don’t actually believe the cycle of revenge can be stopped, it’s just wishful thinking.
@@dakota3753 no, my line of thinking is not the cause of conflict. You could argue it's the continuation of conflict but not the cause. I cannot get revenge on someone who has never wronged me because by definition that's not revenge, so the cause of conflict would be the initial wrong doing, not the revenge.
Regardless if someone agrees or disagrees with revenge, theres nothing inaccurate about my posts. If you do not have an instigator, you do not have a retaliation (revenge).
The other thing to take into consideration is that wrong doing needs to be punished to discourage more wrong doing. If I'm continuing to wrong innocent people, and I do not suffer consequences for it, I have no reason to stop doing harm to innocent people. Do you just expect people to wake up one day and share your empathy? Speaking of wishful thinking. Think of raising a child. When a child does something wrong they get punished. If you dont punish a child for wrong doings, they turn into spoiled brats
But I do agree that stopping people from wanting to take revenge is wishful thinking, but if we're gonna partake in wishful thinking, why not start with wishing no one instigates the conflict to begin with thus there being no need for the revenge anyway?
“How long am I going to hang on to that anger? Twenty two years?”
Me: *Snape*
I’m sorry 😂 😂
PrincessOfSlytherin 0919 Always 😂😂
Yeah, when he said 22 years it gave me pause: some people actually can/do hold on to resentment or a grudge that long.
i taught myself how to control my own rage a while ago, i was always getting angry too quickly and reacting in an hysterical way was something i didn't like to do but i couldn't resist and my body felt like it was doing it by itself, at places like school and of course mostly home and i wanted to change that so i tried different methods to control my reaction and i finally found a solution, i basically just focused on ignoring the feeling of anger inside me and tried controlling my anger so i would've reacted less than normally and after a while i just didn't react to anger anymore but it can never go down to 0% there's always a little bit going on inside your head no matter what you do.
only 16 y/o btw idk if i'ts a young age to start controlling my reaction to anger
I literally was watching "I dare you to ask the universe by Jim Carrey" and I got notification as soon as I finished that I played this and watched 3 times to completely understand it. Thank you very much for the best content :)
The whole world really need wacth this now, there's so much hate, anger, toxicity and tons of other vile stuff. If we all could just let go.
It took a long time for me to gain maturity and self control. To learn that it was self injurious to linger with anger and hold on to bad feelings. From time to time I Sercombe to rage. It can’t be helped. I am only human. But I remember when I learned to let go, how free and good it felt. I now wish the same peace for everyone. It’s made me a better listener and friend
I love this man, such a great discovery, very unique view on the classic subjects. Thank you for sharing!
This wise man reminds me with my grandpa , his words contains a lot of wisdom
Can't be angry when your expectations have fallen to almost 0.
Sadly I can feel it
Life has taught me to keep my expectations as low as they can go.
Well, you could be angry at life...😉
I need to find a way to be at peace with the fact that I had to lower my own expectations while everyone else gets to have expectations of me that go through the roof.
@@crystalfullerton3908 for that, I disappointed willingly everyone twice and now they don't expect anything from me. Other way is to learn how to stop caring about other's expectations. Tell them you won't do what they want and when you won't do they'll be responsible for their own disappointment because you had already told them yet they didn't believe your words.
I know I'm no one to tell you what to do. I'm just trying to tell what you CAN do. You don't have to do it. I hope everything will be fine for you soon.
Everyone has issues. At some point you learned that as a kid it's accepted to be mean sometimes. But as you grew you realized that if you want to be happy and have relationships you must learn to be a nicer person. The problem arises when people have a tough transition. Whoever's fault that is is irrelevant. It could be they dropped out of school, or maybe their parents put them in bad situations that they couldn't cope with, or maybe they were in great situations but they just had a hard time putting it into action. Regardless of how it happened, these people are hurting. As a kid the bully is the big guy with all the money and he seems to be the happiest, but as we grow we realize that the bullies are the weakest. They lack respect for themselves. They don't know how to cope with emotions and in turn release it on their loved ones. Heck, I don't think you're perfect. I'm sure that there are those days you come home and start letting loose on the people you love. Maybe I'm wrong, but unless it's a focus to work on, we all do the same on some level. Maybe not all the time, maybe not to the same extent as the"mean guy", but we do it. I learnt this from a teacher "if I see a flaw in someone else, then I possess that trait. Even if it's only a bit." And I hate to say it, but every time I remember that after I get upset at someone, I see that negative trait in myself, and it's not just on a small scale. To end this I'd like to say that there's a reason it's so hard to control yourself. Because it's worth it. If it's worth it then it will take hard work. Believe in the goal and fight. Life will get allot happier for you. Good luck :)
Sholom Shwarzberg thank you!
Sholom Shwarzberg You said it!
They lack respect for themselves.
Sholom Shwarzberg thank you for this.
Thank you so much! I wish you the best of luck!
Excellent discussion!!!!
Anger Journal, that you look at each night and reflect on. Did I handle that the best was I could have? That's a golden nugget of wisdom right there! Thank you.
It’s easier than this:
Anger is a reaction to fear. Fear is the actual emotion.
There are times when anger is the appropriate reaction to fear - for instance when there is genuine danger about. The challenge is to determine when real danger is present and to use the jolt that fear can provide to try to make things safe again, like what happens when you are being physically attacked.
Otherwise, train your brain to separate real danger from imagined danger so you don’t go around angry without good reason.
Thank you, now I understand.
I upvoted your comment, yes i've read a similar psychological analysis of anger as what you wrote in the book "never be angry again", however you skipped two key players. There is fear, anger, our limitations and the ego. When we encounter or somebody creates a situation that we cannot address to our satisfaction due to present limitations of our abilities or character, this triggers frustration. Our ego fears nothing more than having to cope with the realization that we might be less than we thought we were, which requires a phase of selt pity, and adjustment of the self. All these are damning for the ego, the ego prefers to try to force change the situation with anger instead. And you are right when in real danger, anger is the correct response for survival. This is an instinctive reaction, but when we are not in danger we must train our brain to not use anger. Coming out of a dispute you will never hear someone say, i wish i could have handled this with more anger. But it's the ego who takes over, and the ego is not really the person we are in reality. So think this is not me but my ego acting up. This anger is not a manifestation of who I am. There is no point in it.
There's a kind of moral indignation (anger) that has nothing to do with fear, the ego, etc., but everything to do with intolerance of evil and injustice (not imaginary, narcissistic/crybully sjw bs, but the real kind). It's every bit a "righteous anger." INFP's understand.
Anger is the frustration felt when the world does not turn out the way you want it to.
Think about when you've been angry - was something not the way you wanted it to be?
Anger is a secondary emotion. The primary being pain.
Damn! The harboring resentment though! He’s absolutely correct!
This guilty feeling when I was angry to my parent is the worst feeling I can ever feel, getting insomnia because of it so I take a drugs as a runaway of my guilty. Please don't do drugs, it only make things worse! Now I get addicted into deep and really hard to quit, this video gives me some light, because he said exactly that we don't have to feel quilty about it because we can't control it! I can't control my anger without a drugs. I do wanna change, and being healthy to see the future 😢
You made a wrong choice by using drugs and you have to accept forcing your body out of it maybe seek medical help to help you medically get out of it, but accept to go through hard times for 1 year. I agree with you the biggest takeaway from this video is you do not have to feel guilty about someone else making you angry even when it is your parents. Most people will never experience this, and will quickly repudiate any lack of filial piety. I do not because i understand your situation. There are parents that wrong a child by how they psychologically behave in your childhood and sometimes will never recognize it. The path out of this is to accept that these parents were not as great as we thought they were. That our life was not as lucky as we thought we were to have these parents. The anger comes from the fear of having to accept this reality, but in fact it is not a new reality, just one that we have never let surface to our conscious mind. Once you recognize that your parents had failed us long ago before the breaching point, that they were never as great as you had imagined them to be, that you had an idealized view of them, suddenly some of your deep childhood hurt start to make sense. Remember when it seemed that no matter what you did, your were never good enough for your father, that he either completely ignored you or pointed out to you how great your cousin or brother is. Maybe used to beat you and shame you. When you realize that the reason your brother never treated you with brotherly love and respect is because your father behaved that way towards you. Then you suddenly realize all your life has been an attempt to prove your worth to your parents and yet you could not change them. The guilt often comes because our focus is on the breaching point, the last straw that made you draw a line and say No more. But the breaching point is not what caused it all, it's only the culmination of past events that we buried in the subconscious. Once you realize this is who your parents are not who you think they were, then you cannot be angry anymore, but it will lift a weight off you. Your life was less lucky than you thought you were, you cannot be angry with fate. You cannot be angry at someone for being who they are because you were overestimating them, it's not that they misbehaved but that they were never as good as you imagined or wanted them to be. This is a topic rarely talked about, but realize that god can become a surrogate for your parent and fulfill the duty that your parents failed to fulfill. Understand that your parents may have been wronged by their own parents and are wronging you unconsciously to re-enact how they were wronged to prove to themselves that this is how they had been wronged. Or the father might think you are not his, and has only accepted and tolerated you and your mother have made him swear never to tell you. Or maybe they never had that discussion between them and certainly never will with you. My father said : " i will throw you out as soon as you are of age that i am no longer legally responsible for you." and never ever rescinded or took that back, never admitted any wrongdoing his whole life in anything anyway. But that was long long ago and he never changed his ways.
Don't be angry, life is too short to not live happily. The breaching point is only the tipping point, even if you had avoided it to become a breaching point, it would have happened later as they denied you the true respect and love parents should give a child. if your parents had really fostered a good relation with you from childhood then they would have reversed that situation long ago and never let it happen. And there is no point in revenge because they never changed who they were, they just never were who you thought them to be. Just know that you are not alone, and that there are people who fail to be good parents but that does not mean you have to put yourself into misery for it. Find love in God, and give and receive happiness in small quantities.
@@goognamgoognw6637 Thanks brother/sister for your real attentions, I know I'm not the only one and or the worst so I still feel grateful for it. Yes I used to have a really bad Father who always beat and Suffocating me whenever he was angry(I never do that to someone except my sister boyfriend because he was a bad influence on my younger sister, I'm the only man in the house so I feel responsible for everything) and it makes me fear of being like my Father so I really considering myself not to have a kids or even get married before I can fix myself and my family problems, I've actually already thinking about this long time ago: I don't want my future kid's to be like me, suffering with this crazy withdrawal symptoms. I currently use a antidepressants as a runaway of my Spice withdrawal symptoms, this fake weed are everywhere right now and really easy to get and I lived in Metropolis city with lots of junkies.🤦🏻♂️
At least antidepressants isn't as dangerous as Spice, I really try not to get back to Spice, my friends are junkies and some are dealer, one of them already die of liver disease caused by Spice for sure(his face turns yellow) so I have to leave them, gone and being alone now. I have so many problems right now actually.. 🙁 Not really wanna talk about it, the only one I can and will talk to is my Grandma who passed away almost 2 years ago. RIP my Loved Grandma in the heaven, she's the best mother we know, so kind to others too.. and after she passed away I became lost and lonely because I was really and more close to her than my parents.
I like this outlook on it. My one issue with this is that saying to yourself that EVERYONE is the fool, then that becomes narcissistic.
No, at that moment they are being foolish, they aren't permanently fools. Each of us is foolish at some point.
When he said "specially on parents" I felt that to me
this is what quality every teacher needs in teaching students when in wrong with how to learn to be better in the next situation
Being angry is a choice. We benefit by feeling judgmental, superior, powerful, and love empathy from others when they give us their undeviated attention. We get to minimize our part in it, magnify others and claim the victims stance. It's, what I call " the look at me syndrome."
When I started honestly looking at myself, I would notice how I would love doing to others what I hated being done to myself. Yes, I had to admit I was the world's biggest hypocrite. Once I accepted that, I started to put more focus on myself instead of diverting my pain on others.
I'm learning to be more loving, understanding, forgiving, and aware of my thoughts, feelings, and behavior and how they affects myself and others.
Many times it's very humbling and rewarding. I realized that if I didn't push myself to grow, I would remain emotionally and socially immature.
A wise older lady had counceled me when I had come to her bitching and swearing about how someone had wronged me. She said , " I see your very upset . If you were to remove the emotion and look at it for what it really was, what would you rate it from a 1 to 10. 1 being not serious and 10 being sooo serious. I thought about it and I humbly gave it a 2.
She paused,.....
She said, you know it's adorable when a child has a fit up to maybe 3 years old, after that it's not .
Ouch.
With much love.
John Kozaczok fuck u
@cinna banana hell right 🙏🏻
You didnt listen to the wise old rabbi did you... anyway we dont need the awesome rabbi to tell us that anger is definately not a fucking choice... you must of lead some silver spoon life of 'perfection'if you belive thatbshit your spewing out
You sound like some self righteous, wannabe preacher do gooder.. when in reality your clueless and probably get bowled over by sharks in this world everyday. If theres mutual respect and love.. there is no such thing as revenge... we humans are cunts.
Ephesians 4:26
“Be angry, yet do not sin.” Do not let the sun set upon your anger,
Would you mind some insight into the last part?
@@BOG0690 It means never allow yourself to end the day in a provoked state. Settle matters first.
@@Andy-yo3hd
Can you give any good verses when it comes to dealing with the self? Like, the only matter i need to settle is myself.
@@BOG0690 Proverbs 3:5,6 Jeremiah 17:9 ,Proverbs 28:26. James 1:13-15 .Matthew 7:3-5
In my heart it doesn't seem necessarily possible to settle a disagreement before the sun sets. Rather, simply come to terms with your anger rather than allow it to be further incensed and coaxed into a furor. Let it go. Move on.
Not a follower of celebrities or religious figures, I do like this gentleman's human advise.
Thank you, enjoy the knowledge you share!!!
Shirley Ware Wisdom, not knowledge
Nico Broussalian wisdom is a form of knowledge
Joshua Santiago You can be knowledgeful of something by reading into a textbook, wisdom, is only truly acquired through personal and shared experiences, not textbook work or studying.
Shirley AWare ✌️
Shirley Ware Pity and anger don't go side by side '_' Hitler, feelings neutral
Never heard of this guy before. He talks a lot of sense here.
I am listening to these wise words, reading the transcript, and repeating as long as I need to and every time that i need to. I am thankful that I accidentally clicked the link to a snippet of this man's wisdom. Thank you.
"The strong man is not the one who can overpower others (in wrestling) rather, the strong man is the one who can control himself when he gets angry.
-Prophet Muhammad SAW ❣
Have you ever been to Pakistan?
I haven't
@@jimreid6370 if you look up "definition of whataboutism", this reply appears as an example sentence
this guy literally invented "living in my head rent free"
My what a youthful voice he has for such an old chap!
I'm gonna start an angry journal so I can see how much can I control my anger in the future.
I write a note of gratitude on a card and on the other side I write a bitter resentment: thusly maintaining a grim balance.
If I overcome my procrastination I can graduate to an anger journal!.... Bit of a joke, actually he was very wise to explain anger in just a few minutes.
Another good Motion Picture of never ending principles like spending too much time on things that don't count, and not enough time on the things that do count. How I would answer the how question in the video title is don't have too many rules on how others should behave. If one never changes their rules to where they won't be upset all the time, then they'll be upset their entire life.
Trust people, but don't let them deceive you. And be kind to people, but don't let them take advantage of you. Or else they might mistake your kindness for weakness.
Sterling Lowery Excellent points. I'm in my 60's and know this, BUT it's a very good reminder. People can slither their way under my skin before I know what's happening. I get angry with them but angrier at myself...
What a beautiful person. Anger is something that I constantly struggle with.
He's missed where anger is an antidote to fear in a self preservation situation.
Fight-or-flight response.
You should perceive the threat and formulate your response. Try not to let your emotions get the better than you.
Anger is a strong motivator when used in a productive way.
@@crystalfullerton3908 Anger is a short madness - Horace.
@@katman734 that's literally any emotion.
you have much to learn Young Grasshopper! ♡
It doesnt hurt the other person as much as it hurts me. Cuts to the bone with validity.
"I pity the fool" - B.A. Baracus.....and also apparently Abraham Twerski's father.
lol! bravo sir.
And Mr.T!
My boss used to say about anger: "You'll have two tasks to work about: being angry and getting rid of it".
Pure wisdom, simple yet so effective. Thank you so much!
Well you actually left off the first stage of anger. It's the thought! The feelings come after the thought. Once we become mindful we can separate the thought from the feeling and often times we never even get to the feeling. we see the thought for what it is and we allow it to float by without attaching to it or taking it personally. When we become extremely conscious and mindful we simply don't mind what happens in life . we don't resist. Anger is resistance of what is. Mindfulness and meditation are the best ways 2 learn how to let go of anger.
"When you're enraged it doesn't hurt the person as much as it hurts you"
Lol, not if you punch them in the face! That will hurt them a lot. 😁
PS: just a joke. I learnt a lot from this video
I've been punched in the face. You better hit hard, or it doesn't hurt as much as you think it does. Maybe I just have a hard head?
I think it's our right to feel our anger and express it in ways that help us and make our lives better. Anger is only bad if it's something that's there every day. I only think anger becomes an issue when we're forced to suppress it and it becomes a chronicly destructive force in our lives.
Very unrelated, but the prizefighter Mike Tyson has a very famous quote: "Everyone has a plan, until you get punched in the face". Fantastic quote
😆 I love humor to help in serious situations 😂