Data Scientist Exposes Men & Women’s Real Dating Preferences
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 27 ก.ย. 2024
- Seth-Stephens Davidowitz explains what men and women truly want from a relationship based on Big Data analysis. Do women really want taller men? Do rich men make women happier? How can men be more competitive? Are younger women more attractive?
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Full episode with Seth live this Monday. Press Subscribe you beautiful humans.
Brilliant content/conversation clip. Looking forward to listening to the full episode, Chris!
Hi Chris , what is the "book data" he is talking about ?? thanks .
Hi! Great video.
Loved the bit on 9:39
Modifying my standards, while still keeping them high, landed me my husband of 10+ years.
How? I changed the _audience_ I was _advertising_ myself within the _sexual market_ and found different customers. The old audience were artsy pale brunets. I then opted for broader the scope to include blonds into tech. It worked!
Chris is taking all the women, handsome, intelligent bastard
Fuck. Now I can’t unhear it.
That's the essence of marketing: choose your target audience but narrow down to your customer avatar. If you try to please everybody, you'll please nobody.
This is a perfect analogy
@@noellecannon1411 Its NOT an analogy, it literally IS marketing
Customer avatar? Please elaborate, don’t know what that term means
"narrow down to your customer avatar". Please elaborate?
@@whoever_81 If you sell dog toys that are made for playing in the water, then your customer avatar is people who OWN dogs, probably live in areas where its warmer weather and through feedback from ads will know if what age group, demographic. Example: Target market is 30-45 year old males who are dog owners, shop at Petco, and live in the South. So ads would be a southern male playing with a dog and the dog toy outside in warm weather, maybe even southern slang in the ads. Get it?
I'm sorry but the gentleman sounds just like Craig from South Park and I can't get it out of my head xD
😂 😂 So true, practically ruined the video for me only 5 seconds in
@@manbearpig9808 I'm being super cereal guys!
Hahahahahahahahaha
Yes!
U ruined this vid for me 😂😂😂
I think the idea of embracing extremes, makes perfect sense to me. I've found that since I'm blunt and transparent, and pretty focused on my values and passions, that naturally deters the wrong people and attracts the right people. It's so much better to find this out up front or ASAP, then you prevent yourself from getting into unstable, toxic or untrustworthy jobs and relationships. It's helped in my personal life and helped me avoid potentially repressed, dogmatic, censoring jobs. Usually a job that is pushing dogmatic politeness as a default uses that to ignore and cover up real problems, so when you try to address the problem, they call you "disrespectful" and suggest there's something wrong with your communication simply because the truth is negative. That's a dangerous environment, not worth it. So not only is this good dating advice, it's important for boundaries and self-protection.
When you have to be confrontational to get a day off or ask to be treated like more of a human lol
You men are Spot On . As Rollo says.. Frame is everything ( i totally agree with you, to understand at work is fundamental!)
@@danfontaine8179 for the brief period of time i worked at Walmart, that is how it was. They would treat everyone not in management like shyt and would perpetually ignore time off requests yet give themselves all of the time off. It was the first time I had yelled at 2 managers to their faces at a job. I had not had the urge to scream at someone before then. Now, i am more comfortable being confrontational but I'm still strategic about it.
@@bigcauc7530 I love living in this upside-down power dynamic world where managers are just shittier versions of employees and the richer people are the more terrible of people they tend to be
@@davids_d3246 Do not quite Rollo, that weird little dwarf. Your frame is nothing. If you can't be flexible, you can't be in a relationship. Duh.
20 year old woman here, I find it incredibly attractive when someone is passionate and really into something. Like fiction be it a TV show or video games. A dorky interest is awesome as I have them myself. Don’t kill off parts of yourself for a woman. The types of women who use dating sites with shallow standards probably aren’t the ones you should be in a relationship with in the first place.
The generic 'i find so and so attractive' stance. Not that it's bad though!
@@nightkingxx they're all over Twitch & hee on TH-cam lol
Normally, women don't like video games because they know it's a timesink that doesn't increase wealth or social status and that she'll have to compete for attention with that. And I say that as a gamer, it's a nice hobby but I get why women don't like it.
@@chadchandler5447 I've never heard of that, an interesting hobby is never a 'time sink.' Do you really think women only choose to do something to increase wealth or status? That's crazy, and rather sad.
@@nightkingxx Haha, you would be surprised at how big the female demographic is, especially with JRPGs. I've recently gotten into Final Fantasy VII (late to the party, ik) and it's been a while since I've fallen this hard for a fictitious world and its characters.
I like this guy. He seems very honest and yes, nerdy lol. Exactly the person I would trust for some data.
😂🤣
As a woman in her 40s, Seth's advice on seeking potential partners with solid psychological variables: growth mindset, satisfactory outlook to life, conscientiousness is GOLD!! And, I would like to add that start with Truely Knowing Yourself. That would be a big help when looking for similarity in others, helping you focus more on whether you share a similar Outlook towards life, Values etc. One of my favorite quotes by Carl Sagan: "We make our world significant by the courage of our questions and the depth of our answers!" All the very best to you all!
What does satisfactory outlook to life mean actually?
@@brtbrtbrl7461 Imho, it means Firstly, having Faith/Conviction in Oneself-includes abiding by one's conciousness, trusting one's intution, Carving time for reflection includes Gratitude, Taking good care of oneself: mentally, physically n spiritually, Wonder for mother Nature, Love for Music, Love for learning. I highly recommend Carl Sagan's Pale Blue Dot - it's a must watch video for all! Love & Light to all!!🍀👍
@@aja363 but what about the sex
@@Jack-hq4yq It has served its purpose - I've loving kiddos. More than pleasure which is a fleeting sensation, I believe in joie de vivre - love of life ! Enjoy your weekend, kiddo!😊🍀🎵🥳💃🏞🏖🌄🌅🌃🌇
So make it absolutely clear what you want and who YOU are and you'll get less matches, but the matches you do get are far better overall matches, and put yourself out there. Solid advice.
Actually it is even stronger, you will get more matches and better matches but the people who dislike you will really dislike you. As long as you are comfortable with random strangers having an intense dislike of you it is the optimal matching strategy.
It’s honestly quite brilliant to realize that you can use basic probability theory to optimize your chances of success with at least one girl. If you’re a 1 asking out a 10 and your probability of failure is 86%, then the probability of getting AT LEAST 1 success after 30 approaches is 99%. Put yourself out there!!
Actually, 40 % of all men do not leave offspring. Between 10 and 20 % of the men get 80 to 90 % of the action.
Because of this, men in the Sub-Five have little chance.
The math does not seem right. Check out wheat waffles channel for a much bettr explanation. He actually shows the data unlike this video and would refer to this video as blue pilling.
Yes but remember long term happiness is not determined by your partners hotness so it’s important to find someone you genuine like so when the romance dies down you have something worth keeping.
yes so you just get with a random girl lmao what a shitty advice
This guy: If you have a 14% chance of success asking one person out, then you will have a 99% chance of success if you ask 30 people out.
Me: Nope. Still only 14%. It doesn't matter how many people you asked out before, your chances are 14% with every single individual. To think that you failed on the last five attempts, therefore, you are due a win, is a gambler's fallacy.
@@synkkamaan1331 He said the chance of at least 1 success after 30 attempts, not the chance that the 30th attempt will be a success...
Simplest truth boys and girls: Be the best version of yourself... whatever that may be. Don't let society influence you at all. Just be whatever you want to be - whatever feels true in your heart and soul - and go be that. You will find your person while on that journey.
@Wilhelm Eley - Exactly. You define what it means for you. Not what society says.
Being such a person doesn't help in finding anyone "right". No, you have slight chances that anyone like that will appear in your life. I am truly fed up with all those people giving advices in the internet who bear no responsibility for their words. You people only prolong baseless dreams. That's why so many are single
@nalianalianalia - how do you know they are baseless dreams? Are YOU truly the best version of yourself? If not, how can you say they are baseless dreams? Lots of stories from people who became the best version of themselves and found their person. But... even if someone who is the best version of themselves doesn't find their person, it won't matter because they are already happy 🙏
I think the concept comes down to being able to establish a connection with someone. If you are already incredibly good looking, people want to establish a connection with you already off perceived traits. But if your not, if you really extreme that makes you interesting and makes a connection through that, and sharing similarities creates a connection somehow off the bat.
Looks will also fade so its much better
No looks will never fade that fast. Looks will always override all the negative die to the halo effect. looks will make people illogical, why there are many simps, why they are many women who are hypergamous about looks.
Happiness is a product of expectations, if you’re attractive your yesterday was filled with compliments. Your outlook for tomorrow will be easier to price in a good amount of uplifting encounters.
Best dating advice I've heard was "List the qualities you want in a partner and be THAT".
No...Men & Women have difference preference, that bad advice
I don’t want to implant silicone in my breast
@@bperez8656 The girl exactly like me, wants a guy like the ones in the movies. The math doesn't match.
@Nicolas Oliveira then be like a guy in a movie. Do nofap
No no no don’t do that. If you want masculine qualities do not try to become masculine
"You've got to put yourself out there"
Me, 30 years old, never asked anyone out ever: "nah"
😂
As an old lady of mid 40s, happily married for 20 years, looking back on life - this is a very smart, down to earth advice how to look for a happy, long term relationship.
40’s is not old …
41 here married 16 years :)
40’s is not old…especially if your skin is still tight.
Doesn't work. I tried the same and it didn't. More than half of people are single coz it's so difficult to find someone like that.
Incredibly helpful information-good to remember that what online dating apps are maximizing for are qualities that don’t necessarily add up to satisfying futures.
Met my husband online. After spending a couple months online dating and realizing I was consistently getting paired with assholes, I changed my priority list to have only "kind" and "good sense of humor". Met my future husband on that first post-change match.
So basically u got bored getting railed by chads & settled for a sub 5 beta male in fear of staying a washed up single mum?
Haha…good one…
What did you have your preferences for when you were ending up with jerks?
@@amerhamad4577 THE question.
Everything has it's place, attraction is one of them. What you're attracted to once is not what you'll be attracted to the same way because of influences that change your preferences. Take comparing two pictures of the same person based on their attractiveness for example. One of the pictures may be better than the other based on the outfit or angle or whatever. Keep in mind it's the same person, but 'something else' enhances their attractiveness physically. Even if the pictures are both attractive to you, they are still not the same because you acknowledge the difference, but they are attractive to you at the same time.
Attraction is the fuel for curiosity. That is it's purpose and that's why we create fantasies if we cannot experience what we are attracted to first hand. Unfortunately our interest in what we are attracted to fades away after we have fulfilled our desires and does not ignite the values that we treasure in our lives, in relation to what attracted us to those interests in the first place. Our eye for attraction keeps changing based on whether we gain value after engaging in our interests; what attracted you then is not what attracts you now especially when only physical attractiveness is concerned.
Why do we change outfits?, enhance our physical appearance with makeup? (With different colours, textures: powders, liquids, gel based products; brands... So on and so forth) wear different perfumes... There's so much to choose from and that's just for our bodies. Other attractive designs from cutlery, technology, buildings... I can go on and on but you get the point. The cycle will always continue. The cycle could be vicious or benefitial. It is all up to you. Be aware of what or who attracts you and when you invest your time in partaking your interests that have attracted you, don't forget what you value the most because your values are what you are truly searching for in what attracts you and (your values) remain a solid priority in your life. Stick with what attracts and fulfills your values in life.
The art of not caring about it brings all beautiful things your way.
Hey
@@janemike3048 th-cam.com/video/tVCUAXOBF7w/w-d-xo.html
@8:41 he makes an excellent point. And at my age, it resonates. If you're my age (50s) and you find an attractive single woman at 50... the first thing I wonder (and often discover) is that there's a reason they're single...
Hit and quit. We aren't trying to breed anymore. I know I don't want a high schooler at 70
I'm giving up now then....near on 48, currently single, never married, no kids.
I thought I was the sane one 🙃
researchers consistently fail to address the magnitude of this issue.
People ultimately need love and validation. When a man doesn't matter to a woman, when she doesn't gaze at him with a loving smile, tell him she wants him/needs him, that he matters to her.
A lot of guys have never had that.
This will cause disillusionment/isolation/soul sadness and mental health issues in men. No amount of material things, por* will be able to replace that.
The problem in the west is 2 fold. Incels can't get a woman and the ones that do get one, end up in divorce/breaking up or being cheated on and losing more than the lady. So they swear off relationships and end up lonely all the same. (Mgtow)
Both have the effect of creating lonely, angry, atomised ppl and broken society with plummeting birth rates. And can spell the end of that society.
What are we seeing in the west now?
Falling sperm counts, falling testosterone levels, births, marriage, and a rapidly ageing society, with catastrophic debt levels.
White ppl used to have close family bonds but now they no longer keep ties with family and send old ppl to homes.
Jobs for life are a thing of the past, from where they used to form friends.
White ppl lost their matchmaking culture and used to marry form within their own tried and tested social circle.
With all that now gone, internet dating and cold approaching/PUA random women that u know nothing about is the the way. Which can be toxic.
85 percent of women around 45 and up do not take care of themselves. The simply let themselves go. Instant softie.
but there is also a reason why you a single..? 🤨
As one dating columnist (female) jokingly yet honestly noted "I want to date someone like me, but with more money"
This is funny lol but we do want this
The problem is, changing the dynamics of modern day dating, in particular online dating which is becoming the only game in town for most people, is not a financially sound strategy. Why would a free dating app change its strategy to ensure people pair off into successful, long-term relationships? They have a vested interest to keep unattractive men shadowbanned or paying highly for subscriptions whilst encouraging attractive men and women to join to add value to their service but not to the point where they won't need the app ever again. This is why matchmaking services charge thousands for each client - if they do their job correctly, they only ever need to do that job once!
The majority of guys on dating apps should get off of there. Women mostly use it for validation, occasionally to set up an appointment with Chad. That’s it.
@@blackpillfitness9136 You're right, but you need to find just one that is good one, just like on the street most will reject you, but feel validated that you approached them - but eventually you'll meet one that is the real deal.
excellent analysis
Something that rarely gets mentioned but from my experience has an effect on a person's psychological makeup is where they are in the sibling structure. Ie first born, only child, youngest, large sibling group etc.
Weird, just yesterday I was talking to a friend about this because we’re both youngest siblings and we realised that all of our longest-lasting and closest friendships are with fellow youngest siblings. Her boyfriend’s also the youngest, as is the guy I’m dating, and the two people at our work we always struggle to gel with are both firstborns. My older brother is married to a firstborn, too, as is her older sister. Could just be coincidence in a lot of cases but there’s definitely something in it.
@@Emma-dt5tg - very interesting indeed. I'm a first born and so is my partner of 10 years. Obviously its not the only factor. In conversations with my partner about experiences as the first born (both with a number of siblings) - we were the guinea pig, the one who had to help most with other siblings, the first one to work and help support the family etc etc. Only then did I realise how much more it gave is in common...
@@bobz1736 We think the main differences are that we had more laissez-faire parenting and that we grew up at constant risk of being beaten up, and were used to always being the least capable in any given scenario (slowest, the weakest etc.) and were never taken seriously. I think we’re a bit less worried about rule breaking and achievement, less respectful of authority, and generally ‘roll with the punches’ more, but we lack a certain confidence and drive that a lot of firstborns seem to have. We’re probably more likely to be accused of being manipulative but, again, you need to choose your words carefully if you want to avoid beatings and get hold of finite resources. Certainly, my brother and sister never ‘helped’ with anything, (to this day, they don’t help with caring for elderly or ill relatives), and that may not be typical, but I’m definitely the one who’s more family-oriented and my last-born friends tend to be the ones to stay local. Could be because I was still ‘daddy’s little girl’ when my siblings were already moving out. There was never any need for my siblings to support the family financially and both our parents always worked full time, so that might be a bit different to most - all families are different.
@@Emma-dt5tg- some interesting incites.
I'm the oldest of five. Two boys then three girls. I was taught to cook, clean and fix things to help the family. I felt more was expected of me and rose to the occasion. It gave me drive and motivation. My brother (next youngest sibling by 1.5 yrs) was almost the complete opposite. Maybe he felt it was a competitive scenario and decided not to take part. Despite being highly intelligent he didn't see the need to prove himself, gave up at school and couldn't hold down a decent job. He basically drank himself to death at 48 several years ago. The youngest of the siblings was my sister around 16 years younger than me. Right up until my mum's passing (at a good old age) she was her 'little girl'. My next youngest sister took this quite badly a for some time she was mum's 'little girl'.
Sorry I've strayed off somewhat... you got me thinking.
Also if they have sisters or only have brothers. Guys who have sisters from my experience soooo much more open to express emotions & know how to deal with our emotions better. The 3 guys I’ve been in relationships with that only had brothers.. very opposite. Even if they’re the youngest.. if they had a sister so much better
I trust his intelligence by the way his words are spoken through his nose.
Hes optimising for nerdiness of appearance :)
😂😂😂😂
I loled.
Nothing groundbreaking here... Kinda makes sense.
I think the reason for the non-correlation of classical physical attractivity parameters and relationship happiness may be due to the fact that the potential happiness bonus of attractivity has already been included in all of the sample elements as they have formed a relationship based on being *attracted* to one another. In order to quantify the effect of classical attractivity on relationship happiness, you'd have to form a control group with couples that don't feel attracted to one another (as much) to then find possible correlations in this regard as a basis for continued research....
Realistically adjusting your standards is what most of us need to hear. But it's the LAST thing any of us wants to hear lmao!!
Now, this, is a valid point!
Who is this "Us", every guy I know has extremely low standards, all we want is a smart, loyal woman who doesn't weigh more than us.
Women are the ones who need to lower their standards, and the data shows it.
Men are expected to live up to EXTREME beauty standards, while women are constantly told its okay to be fat and lazy.
@@AR-kl7nv Of course a women would agree that men should "lower their standards", all while women's standards are at an all-time high.
Ever wonder why "plus-sized" women are always seen in the media nowadays, while tall, muscular men are plastered everywhere?
Its because mens standards have dropped, and womens standards have risen.
Yet you people still blame men for the problems YOU created.
Am I the only guy here that thinks this guy is next level hilarious because of some of the statements he made and words he used.? I respect brutal honesty
Yes.
he really is a nerd, calculating statistical probabilities of pulling a woman lol love it
I like how they both just glance over the data showing that a 1/10 woman trying to date a 10/10 dude has over twice the chance of succeeding. That data alone debunks that myth we're usually told that guys have impossible standards for women. It's women who have those impossible standards for men (not all but as the data shows, more women have them than men).
In what ridiculous circles do you find yourself where it's the common theory that guys have impossible standards for women? Women have *always* been the selective force of nature, especially for vertebrates. The only way we got around this was arranged marriage (and encouraged monogamy). Women are generally picky, men generally just take what they can get (as the swiping data on Tinder suggests).
yep i always knew women were a lot more shallow than men are.
@@danjones6702 What do you mean with shallow?
@@jeroenverschaeve3090 thats what google search is for if you dont know the definition of a word. as for women they mostly care about looks and wealth a lot more so than men. women are also shallow when it comes to other women as well plus themselves. men dont attack other men for what they look like, women do attack other women for what they look like and wear. how many guys wear make up compared to women? looks and appearances matter a lot more to women than men.
I am highly suspect of that statement anyway. He said a 1 man asking out a 10 woman has a 14% chance of success, but a 5 man asking out a 5 woman doesn't have a fucking 14% chance. There would be no complaints about the dating market if average people had a 14% success rate at anything.
Looks & status attract you -- personality keeps you. It is really pretty simple.
It could be that someone who feels they are not filmstar material in the looks department might make more effort to attend to other factors, like being conscientious or interesting or understanding or developing what talent they have.
This is super challenging for me as someone who is both a nerd and usually the most fit guy in the gym. Lean into who you are? Be more extreme version to appeal to that subset? How do you do that if you are a stereotype contradiction?
Lean into that contradiction!
It's called polarization
Cool
All the grief I've had from women for saying I like boobs and bum and here they are demanding 6ft men.
Try saying you want 36dd boobs and you'll be called a sexist or worse! However a preference for a 6ft man is what exactly? Lol
Apartheight
@@mathewhale3581 lmao
The height in a man can’t be changed
@@josecarlosxyz Exactly why it's so stupid to be a female requirement.
beggars cant be choosers mate
Shocker!
The more you “Optimize” for it, the more it eludes you, that’s just poetic.
Trying to see if you can date “out of your league” is like to trying to Fk a concept or “connect” with some type of friggin unlockable steam achievement.
First thought is “the hell is wrong with these people?!” but hey if that is what they truly believe they want or do want I hope they do find it. Not out of spite but only then they find out if it’s worth it, if it’s “real” or not.
It’s insane how simple this is, but societal structure has blinded the vast majority of people to the fact that, the best way to find a partner that is compatible is to be yourself. It’s so obvious when you stop and think about it.
omg i think this is true. the guy i liked the most meeting from dating app he stood out to me because he was very specific. he was just a sweetheart who went to see his parents every weekend and his life was really boring he just read books and went to hikes and didnt do social media or fancy travel or anything remotely exciting he was so low key and boring lol but that's what i really liked that about him cuz thats what i wanted. he wasn't much in looks but i was happy in his peaceful presence and cuz he was so predictable it made me feel safe
wowww you really gotta be yourself eh ppl who are like everyone else like travel or skydiving pics trying to impress someone presenting something that looks just "socially acceptable and desired" i just ignore them and they dont catch my attention. im always looking for someone very specific and i only notice people who fit that criterea
Interesting, I hadn't really thought about this before but my husband is extreme in some of his personality traits and he lead with that and now that I think about it that attracted me to him. He is also unapologetically nerdy like this guy but also outdoorsy, traditional and rigid too. Kind of like Matt Walsh of the DW. Probably the only one that most people would think is okay to lead with is the outdoorsy aspect but he wasn't shy about any of it and I liked everything about him. We have a very happy marriage, together going on 13 years now. So anecdotally my experience follows what he said. We are also alike in a lot of our preferences and hobbies, values and life goals and we have the same face shape and hair color so we follow that too but I'm mixed race and he's white, I'm extremely short and he's tall so there are some differences.
haha. ofcourse he is tall, and ofcourse you totally oversee the importance such a factor. you think your ancestors selected for which male was the biggest doofus?
Congratulations. Happy for you two :)
Was he attracted to your extremes ?
@@lavish_1717 I am not sure, I don't think I have as strong personality traits as he does but I would guess that he was or he would not have married me. I've also changed a bit more than he has over the years so it's hard to remember for sure... think probably the most extreme thing was that I was strongly libertarian then and he liked that (it was close enough to his more traditional conservatism) and also I was very enamoured with him and many women might try to play coy or hide their true feelings so as not to seem to invested or needy at the start but I didn't do that.
Aww! Gives me hope. :')
Human beings advertising themselves on the open "dating market." It's good to know that romance isn't dead! ❤️
I hope thats sarcasm, romance is TOTALLY dead.
@@t7H2si0vß2 I'm English so, yes, that was definitely sarcasm my friend!
Romance is dead and feminism killed it lol
@@officialthomasjames See this is bad advertising. You’re making yourself look like an incel :D
Fun Story on height: A good friend of mine who I´ve slept with a few years ago once said to me: "all the great guys were your height (I´m 5`5). Why is that?" and without a second of thingking I said: "we have no choice". And the answer kind of shook even me, because it is obvious: a 6ft tall guy who has alle the women at his disposal won´t give a crap about someone else, or even his own character development. Why should he? As soon as a woman realises that there is nothing than his 6 feet he just gets the next one. On the other side a dwarf like me has to work on everything else: do sports, get educated, learn to speak, have a great sense of humour etc. So women do themselves a great disservice by being only attracted to only 6 feet tall guys
I would encourage you to stop living on the internet because the reality is absolutely different. I am 6'1 and that on its own has nothing to do with it. I am also fit, lean and have a beard. If you wanna mix race into it, I am white. Lastly I have money as I have really well paying job. So according to internet standards I must be like 9/10 and the only thing missing is having 8 inch dick... and I am also swimming in women. Nope. Big nope. If I do not turn on my charisma, I am invisible to women. Because I am that kind, nerdy dude. And my lifestyle is not necessarily big flashy adventure ride. Stop thinking superficial stuff makes it easy mode, it does not. Maybe in 'murica, I don't know. Lot's of complainers are from US, where I guess the superficialness is at its peak.
I used to know a guy who was about your height and was a total ladies man to put it politely. Women loved him, he always had a group of women surrounding him when we went out. He didn't have a lot of money but he had a great personality and was good at complimenting and flirting with women. If he was on a dating site I doubt most of the women would have given him a chance. Him working on his personality worked great for him in real life.
@@TheLadyDelirium have you heard about the concept of wearing a mask. That's that
@@aeris4393 I'm confused by your comment.
@@TheLadyDelirium I assume what he means is that his behaviour could have been him trying to compensate for what he perceived to be shortcomings (e.g. his height) which leads back to his original point of less physically attractive people having to put in more work and develop their personalities to appear more desirable.
Hmmm I was polarizing and all the women went one direction....away. I did eventually fix this issue, but my point is that my out of the box qualities never attracted any women. For example, a man who is short or handicapped is simply less appealing to all women. He might find a partner, but it is because he had something else going on. Simply being on some extreme is NOT the key because some traits are simply driving women away. There just are not women who are into short guys or handicapped guys.
that is called natural selection. However, there are a lot of very short women that would be okay with short men if a guy is nice and works hard and has values that would match theirs.
@@augustek5382 no its sexual selection.
I’m curious what the polarised version of you was. The nerd guy, the goth guy, the mysterious shy guy? Which was it? Just interested
@@simonsays6481 Those are positive traits you listed, at least for some people. There is also the stinky guy, the hateful guy, the nagging guy, the guy with no opinion.
I truly believe that there is someone for everyone. The world is quite diverse 🙏
Pretty much play to your strengths. The question is whether to cast a wide net or to be targeted in your ideal partner who can appreciate said strengths.
super interesting,
Lived in Asia 6 years, had literally 1000s of matches(it was almost a crazy amount of matches,
Came to London, few years ago, hardly any matches at all.
Definitely different Bias, for Race Culture and what's normal.
I'm now engaged, so not online dating last 2 years, met my Fiancé on there.
Are London girls more promiscuous than Asian girls? lol
What race is your fiancée?
@@MrKrushgutz Asian ofcourse where he met in Asia
@@pinaypie4 That makes sense. Asian women worship white men
Speaking of increasing/decreasing chances, I'd say one of the oddest deal-breakers would be whether or not you drive or 'can' drive. I've never put this thought into practice, but to me the implications of not being reliable due to not driving is one of the biggest deal-breakers.
This video is months old so it's unlikely that anyone will see this comment and reply, but figured I'd ask anyway.
if you live in a major metro it’s less of an issue. and it’s less of an issue if you’re a woman. but rural men def need to be able to drive
Doesn't everyone drive?
@@wyleecoyotee4252 no. globally it’s not the norm. it is the norm for americans outside of the Acela Corridor and Chicago tho lol. even everyone in LA drives
@@supitschillbro
I wasn't aware of that as everyone I've ever known drives.
“Taking the objective is easy: Holding it will be hard”
We have a source for "Activities that give the most happiness" Data Chart? Would be super interested in seeing it.
Instead of leaning in to your extremes, why not just get ripped, smell nice, dress well, be well groomed, and have a secure job with good career prospects, this will attract way more women and then you can filter for the good ones amongst a pool of attractive women. Catering to your extremes in the hopes of finding that one attractive women who digs you is more of a long shot in my opinion.
And doesn’t seem likely to yield the type of woman you were initially looking for.
I think from their viewpoint they don't want to change into something they feel like they aren't. Like how that nerdy data scientist doesn't want or see himself being a ripped, well dressed stud and would rather just lean more into his true nerdy self.
I don't really agree with that mindset but I also get that we can't all be ripped well dressed studs. I personally, am somewhat nerdy but I also decided to workout, dress better and just take care of myself. I can be nerdy AND fit and good looking. But I guess some people think you have to lean into a stereotype.
@@Gnomesmusher Thats a fair analysis, your right not everyone can be a ripped badass, but regardless of your mental proclivities you must at least be fairly in shape and take pride in your appearance, as you mentioned being nerdy and good looking are not mutually exclusive and if you think you can't be be both or at least work on them then you won't do as well in the dating scene. Women are attracted to well groomed, well-dressed, intelligent, in-shape men, it's a fact of life, so as a man you have to work on those qualities. Unless your happy being a slop which means you'll most likely attract women who are slobbish and don't take care of their appearance and let's be honest no man want's that.
It takes too much effort if it was easy everybody would do it
@@Randomcharacters285 Certainly. Excellent idea of yours. Every man will try his best to get approval from obese women and women who have never tried for anything in their lives. Damn, what a beautiful way to live.
9:45
I have been saying this for years. A lot of women simply don't understand. Chad is a cad and he is not paring off anytime soon and unless you are hot AND a wonderful human being, he certainly isn't pairing off you YOU, especially if you are over 30.
Problem is most women think they’re hot wonderful human being…
I’d say that what he said in 9:39 is very true, and the reason I landed my husband of 10+ years.
I did not lower my standards. I’d say I did quite the opposite (but non physical standards), actually.
But rather, I changed what audience I _advertised_ myself.
My _type_ up to that point was rather restrictive to artsy types and they needed to be pale and brunet. So I decided to broaden the scope of hobbies and opted for blonds instead. And boom! Almost immediately met my current hubs. It’s incredible what a tiny change in audience and physique could do.
Not another one saying just be yourself I’ve been hearing this from pretty red pill sources and it grinds my gears but it seems to be true being yourself is long-term sustainable while wearing a child mask is not at some point you will slip up plus you won’t resent yourself for having to hide who you are or resent the other person for never being able to actually connect with them without fear of being left for who you are
There are lots of reasons to lean into who you are actually unapologetically. And the confidence to lean into your person unapologetically is a real turn on for women
Go figure this some mad things right here
This was surprisingly optimistic
Borderline delusional too. Ditch the apps and work on yourself first to be in your best physical shape, then join various social groups. It's a numbers game more now than ever before
So we have to like someone we don’t want basically to not be alone? That’s stupid!
Some good points and essential questions worth considering here.
@10:30 The most successful pairings I’ve ever seen are people who marry either someone who shares some of their facial features (you would look at them and think they were siblings, or in the case of Dec-May pairings father-daughters) or someone like their opposite parent (men marry women just like mom and women marry their dads.) Never underestimate the attraction to yourself or the familiarity of family.
I'm not attracted to my mother's gig at all...in the least,. cra cra. But yes, overall the psychology leans that way in most cases.
girls never gave a crap about me in high school
then I dyed my hair blue for a week
ended up with my first girlfriend
Chris' aesthetics make this guy look like he's filming with a gameboy pocket
Loved watching this !!!💗💗💗
I can only speak from my own experience but being attracted or not to similarities is dependant on what the similarities are. For example with tangible features like eye colour, hair etc. I have noticed that people tend to be a lot more interested in something totally opposite. My personal example would be that for no good reason I have always had a strong preference for blonde women and I think it's because it just stood out as out of the norm (I have jet black hair and bold eyebrows for example). On the flip side the vast majority of my matches online are from blonde women too. The only tangible feature that goes against this would probably be height.
As for intangible features like personality, interests it may be that the initial attraction to something familiar is deemed more safe as you do not know the other person at all and it is something to latch onto to sell yourself on the idea that you both would be compatible.
But hey just my opinion.
Middle Easterners have a preference for fair skin and lighter hair, it may be their perception of what is beautiful because it's rare, but in the Western world, I saw many people liking and wanting partners from the same background. Perhaps they like their genetic heritage. Nowadays 'multicultists' try to mix everything and promote social engineering, but it will backfire because it's too artificial and people start to see the other side of mixing opposites.
@@DG-kr8pt there is still social conditioning on what features are considered attractive or not. I’m not saying it’s racism, but it is what it is.
A lot of the features associated with blackness will traditionally favour black men, the same way a lot of the features associated with asians favour asian women.
The whole %85 of women on bumble requiring 6 feet minimum is outright hilarious.
So having a personality and confidence is attractive? Who knew? 😄
it's not. our ancestors didn't select for which brony could tell the funniest joke.
@@budweiserchickenwings8672 You have a strange understanding of what "having a personality and confidence" means.
I used to have a friend who was tall and very good looking. His problem was that his personality sucked. He would always get girls in the beginning and then get ignored later on. Looks are not the same as attractiveness.
“He would always get girls”
“Looks are not the same as attractiveness”
I think you meant that looks don’t guarantee a successful relationship, which is true sometimes, but not always
Being extreme makes you stand out for the few women that would be attracted to your unusual type. Makes sense. I'm going for the dark elderly acoustic guitar playing goth persona. Wish me luck.
😅🤞All the best man! im too "nice guy"
i have to think another option 🧐...
id say even if you are conventionally very attractive, being polarizing is the best strategy unless you want to attract people who are primarily or solely attracted to you for looks
I married down. I was very happy to for the right man. My type was boyish looking, boy next door. (I was in love with Michael J Fox. That type). I went through school getting the message I wasn't pretty. Didn't have a first boyfriend until I was 20. But my husband thought I was absolutely stunning, drop dead gorgeous. I'm 5 foot 3, he is 5 foot 7. I am from The Canary Islands (North African/European), he is Anglo-Saxon British-Australian. Some of our similarities include: born same year, lived in same town, grew up same era, know same trivial facts, same values, similar height, but funny enough, my husband's name (first and last names) is the same as my favourite teenage author!!
Because I'm highly educated, I like to talk to people alot about stuff I know or learn about. I can't do this with my husband. He literally shuts down if I go into this mode and asks me to stick to a very limited number of topics to talk with him about. It was hard to do at first, since it was always in my nature to be curious, even as a little girl. But, watching videos like these, learning about red pill, MGTOW, Incels, s3× robots, hypergamy, 304's, the horrible state of dating apps/dating market, the Wall, masculinity/femininity, men's needs etc has trained me very well. I am now a very obedient, submissive stay at home homeschooling mother who cooks 3 homecooked, hot meals a day, keeps a neat, clean home and gives my husband a peaceful environment to live in and recover from his tough job. I was always a good student 😁
Him: “ she was into me because of my nerdiness”
Her: first question : “what do you do for a living”
It’s amazing how guys cope
When did he say she asked him about his occupation?
@@GodisgudAQW doesn’t have to say, women ask every beta male that. She didn’t choose him because he is nerdy, she chose him because he has a high paying career. Lol you think she would’ve chosen him if he worked at a comic book store
It's normal for people to meet to ask about their jobs. It's part of conversation.
His whole point is that it’s unwise for us to do so if we’re optimizing for happiness- male and female. Are some people superficial? Yes. But plenty of women and men are capable of overcoming superficiality- and men are often more guilty than women of failing to do so. So keep your misogynist talking points to yourself
@@GodisgudAQW
Or, she just like them because of their smarts?
The 2nd thing I look in a man is his intellect (first is his physique). So, I’d ask him about movies, books, shows, music, art, etc he may enjoy.
A very interesting video, good job Chris! And Seth's very fun and charismatic 😀. Will definitely check out the whole episode 🤘
The only way to win with dating apps is not to play.
Its like gambling the house always win.
Basically play the numbers game, and that is valuable insight. It largely goes back to the psychology of marketing too (know your niche and market to it, be ready to get rejected but market often).
I'm sorry but a 1/10 man does NOT have a 14% chance of romance with a 10/10 woman. Also seven 14% chances is not 98%, despite the fact 7*14=98.
He said 30 chances, not seven. Why are you inventing a reality in order to conform your biases? He is actually pretty bang on. The exact probability of success after 30 tries is 98.9% to one decimal place. So smarten up and stop your nonsense.
The 1/10 man certainly believes he's entitled to the 10/10 woman 🤣
yeah. its not a numbers game. us former blue pilled men have collectively done enough research to know what it's like. and then he even drops that 14%. lol, what a joke.
@@neiljohnson7914 he's bang on? i agree he probably is one some type of crazy substance.
@@budweiserchickenwings8672 I did the math. He's got a 98.9% chance after thirty tries. If you disagree with that I will show you the math.
Dump online dating. Why do many less than 6’ guys have a partners?
Out of those 6+, how many have wealth, good looks, social value and personality?
3-6%
just cause you’re not 6ft doesn’t mean you judge others who are lol
The male to female sex ratios in the UK is 1.05 male to every 1 female.
That's in the age category of 15 to 44.
Now there are approximately 27 million ppl in that age category.
So that means that there are approximately 675,000 EXCESS males the UK that age category of 15-44.
Not even SINGLE men but EXCESS men.
What will its effects be?
What do u think?
With figures like this is it any wounder that females report feeling harassed in society and feeling unsafe.
From the sad random/stranger murder of sabrina Nessa, aslingh Murphy, Sarah everhard.
To drinks spiking, to ME TOO
To
Rise in London record teenage murders to rise in riots to political extreme movements.
The EXPLOSION OF ONLY FANS.
Could this be related?
The standing British army is approximately 83,000
And we have approximately 675,000 EXCESS MEN.
That could mean that 5% of men in this category could possibly never find a long-term monogamous relationship.
🤔
@@kamrudkd those numbers when they reach 30% in 15-25 usually lead to revolt or civil war.
Not because it will help them get laid, but because the constant dissatisfaction leads to anger. This is a historical reference to past revolutions.
How can you plan for long-term happiness with the opposite sex under no fault divorce laws? In other words, the government is offering women financial incentives to divorce you. And the rates of women initiating divorces are bearing this out.
The reasons for divorce are the important factor, and they are unknown.
yes, if you go for someone out of your league you are more likely to have a divorce. I am also pretty sure that there are plenty of men who rejected a woman that would have made a great wife and would have never divorced that man.
@@augustek5382 Projection?
@@DH-ts6ho Specify your fact(s).
I think I have to move to an at fault state.
What you see is not necessarily what you get: the advertising is not the product.
He used Brad Pitt as an example for good looks when he could have just said Chris Williamson. He's probably in the top 1 to 3% in terms of physical attractivness.
i agree hes quite handsome and i find him more attractive than brad pitt
@@ckm6407 Absolutely not!
@@marsultortheavenger409 It's funny how only good looking people ever believe this to be the case. Physical attraction is always the main factor initially. The amount of possible dating opportunities you have is directly proportional to how conventionally attractive you are.
@@marsultortheavenger409 trust me, its not. im quite goodlooking but still have a hard time on dating apps because i dont look or act like an emotionally stunted clown. women on dating apps generally want goodlooking men that they can have a fling with, without feeling bad after they break it off and move on to the next guy. you have to radiate emotional unavailability and look like an idiot, besides being goodlooking. theyre not looking for marriage material, they want their prince charming to magically appear out of nowhere on a white horse and until that happens just screw around with easy guys
I don't think I would want to be with someone really attractive anyway, even if I could (only in a temporary context, maybe). From my perspective, it would be a lot of work to attract them in the first place and due to the fact they are really attractive I know that, especially these days, they would have access to tons of other options in an instant, which means I would constantly be under stress to be the best I could possibly be all the time, and even then I know it may not be good enough for them. It sounds like a tiring and unpleasant situation, really. Why would I want to deal with that 24/7?
That's CAP! A straight up COPE! You would DEFINITELY want to TRY OUT an ATTRACTIVE WOMAN/CERTIFIED BOMBSHELL even if it is Temporary! You can't fight Biological ATTRACTION! Just be REALISTIC and remember that it might only be temporary because they have TONS More Options!
Attractive people have enormous expectations and options.....baggage.
This is funny. This dude thinks his girl is into him for his nerdiness when in reality it's for his money.
How do you know? And "nerdiness" or his passion for things seen as "nerdy" may just be one of the reasons his partner chose to be his partner, but again, how do you know?
u mad hahahaha
Here we go 🙄…
you don't know his girl and nerdy is very attractive to some women.
This is such a massive nerd-cope. Dude is trippin. Just get a crazy hairdo and u can pull a 10...right. He doesn't want to put in the work of grooming and taking care of his body to be physically fit and developing some fashion sense. That's how u get someone more attractive, by looksmaxing urself. Do the work bois. It's worth it.
6:46 if there is a ''total disconnect'' then why is tinder and other dating apps not out of bussiness? apearently people seem to want the ''superficial stuff'' in a partner
Hope brings profit.
Long story short…. Extroversion, competency and authenticity go a LONG way.
“Nerding it up” lol
Extroversion roughly translates to confidence unfortunately. When people say be confident, they usually mean become loud and say what is on your mind. An introvert won't ever do this because their mind process thoughts internally naturally.
you'll find that in actual really real life, it doesn't get you anywhere.
@@budweiserchickenwings8672 speak for yourself
@@cody_go_create i do. and for many other men living in reality.
@@budweiserchickenwings8672 fair enough!
Is it possible that people who end up long term are likely to be less attractive because there are greener temptations, so I wouldn’t say it doesn’t matter, people are probably happier with a good looking person but it just doesn’t fall out that way..
It would be hard to imaging me just walking around not caring what my si looks like
I’m sure Chris does very well on these apps and he’s probably still single because of that.
Course - the guys obviously slaying puss. He was a Newcastle club promoter for a decade and he's a ripped, muscular guy. Even without Tinder he would be a monster.
@@JoBlakeLisbon yup
Ahahaha
Is not Chris's fault just because this girls don't want to f*** you!!!
Not for long, he is famous, charming and increases his chance to find an attractive woman with other qualities as well. Good strategy.
Is he the voice of Creg on South Park?!
He has some good points, but his "major advice" of not caring so much on "superficial things" and just focussing on someone that is "nice and can make you happy" though sound advice it may be, does not always work in practice, or, is easier said than done. Because sure, if you are at best a 5 with all things considered, it is foolhardy if not perhaps arrogant to think you will land a 10 (though his stats are intriguing). But at the same time, it goes beyond one's conscious choice making depending on what we are speaking about. If you are 5, other 5's and below may be physically unpalatable to you. What is to be done with that? Self-improvement can help, but if that just raises you to a 7 let's say, you still may find the rest (save for maybe the 6's) unpalatable. So if you are attracted to certain things, that cannot be changed lest you ignore your attractions. And lord help you should you marry someone you don't find as attractive to your "tastes", and a new person comes into your life that does match to your attractions. So all in all, though sage advice it is not practical to simply throw "superficial things" out with the bath water. Needs more work.
please more of these
To summarize if you dont have a Brad Pitt or Henry Cavill jawline be polarizing aka Peacocking you'll never get what chad get but you'll get something. Its a nunbers game.
34 and thinking about starting dating maybe in 10 years' time. Having too much fun working on myself.
on what planet did he do this research?
All this has never worked for me because the people that I fancy are so few that I have to optimize to I fancy you enough.
I like how his explanation is pragmatic as ever. It's not obscure or anything you have to learn over the course of a few years. Dating is so simple, man..lol
Humor. A wonderful life requires laughing. Friends laughter is wholesome. Family lives love and laughs together. Spouses having the ability to tickle each others funny bone making life joyful and filled with fantastic experiences make the sad and sorrow and grief not as bad
I'm someone who has been called "a solid 9 and a half". I'm 6 foot 3, dark thick hair, high cheek bones & an athletic body. Was even lucky enough to be born with 2 different coloured eyes to boot.
I don't do very well in the dating market - why? Because I can be self-conscious & that makes me lock up and act awkward, and because that is the last thing women expect me to be, its a major turn off. But when I am the best version of me, the results are always way more favourable.
So he is right - be the best polarizing version of yourself. Even if you physically aren't all that, just being who you are unapologetically will make an impression & spark interest. Good looks might serve you well at first, but as a guy you HAVE to have the personality to back it up, otherwise you're either weird or boring in their eyes
No it’s because you’re not as attractive as you think you are. 🙄
I can actually understand. I had a friend who got crazy amount of hits from women online. It was weird bc he would always hit on me and all my friends but no one wanted to date him. He got ranked almost a 9 in his pics online even higher than us women... I'd be happy to chat and I'm newly single
@@iStorm-my5fp That’s because in person he must of come across as significantly less attractive or had some other flaw like an ugly voice which put women off. Pics are deceptive.
@@wulfsorenson8859 he was my friend and we all liked him as a friend but he was very dorky, awkward and borderline cringey
@@iStorm-my5fp yeah exactly. People can come across totally different from how they seem in their pics. That’s why online dating can be such a drag.
He's not wrong. Being exteme in your click/demographic/type means most people won't be interested but some will be very interested. I'm not extreme on any board. I'm very balanced and I feel like that has greatly handicapped me. I capture no ones attention, but im not going to put on a show to get attention.
This guy is smashing....numbers xD
I have this theory that most people end up with similar faces but with opposites in roundness vs pointyness. I find the best connections however with people who share my facial structure but maybe more sexual desire for those with opposite jaw structure
"be the extreme version of yourself"
Bet
I just got home from a bar, where I took a book to read. Dressed nice in business casual. Got myself a drink, and sat on a couch in the corner. I got through probably about three chapters and two drinks. I was approached by 3 separate girls/groups who just walked up and struck a conversation.
I am massively introverted, ADHD, and tend to cave troll myself in my house due to overthinking and social anxiety. So I took the advice of this video. Put myself out there. Put on the extra version of myself, did a thing I liked, but did it in a place where I would stand way out of the crowd and be seen.
If you aren't the type to approach, make yourself approachable. If you are the anxious type realize that not everybody is and that if you seem interesting enough they'll come check out what's going on.
Play your strengths kings.
You are a genius. I love to read, but have social anxiety, but I have to try this.
I SEE YOU BRO
when i tried apps i hit on everybody even really ugly tipes and nobody responded lol
Inter- and intrasexual selection can describe and predict all of these results. I don’t understand why more people have yet to grasp the predictive power of evolutionary psychology.
no equivalent of a nerd was ever selected for by our ancestors. this dude is full of it.
There should be a line that is drawn when it comes to establishing the extreme boundary on what would attract a potential partner. Actors can’t go out of their way to be extreme versions of themselves all the time.
This sounds partially absurd. Asian girls go for white guys and the other way around, while incels claim that all kinds of non-white men to have big problems in dating. To show off some extreme form of oneself, might also be difficult in many if not most cases. Maybe part of the problem is also that real dating and hookups are often conflated in such studies.
Thanks for being the skeptical voice here 👏.
"Asian girls go for white guys and the other way around" - mark my words, not for long time! Pendulum swings back and people open their eyes. Certain social phenomena, trigger mechanisms from the unconscious.
White girls go for Asian guys?
@@nathancasey7712 Only for certain tall ones, pretty boys.
@@nathancasey7712 Not frequently from my observations. Why would they? Culture matters, Asian men need Asia women.
I am extremely average I guess. Two years of swiping, only got one yes, and they were far from a winner.
This is a massive nerd cope. Becoming enlightened and learning to be above such superficial things like looks is great, but for the rest of us looking for actual solutions, this isn't helpful. Maybe some dumb crazy haircut will get the other person to respond, but they're not gonna be ur partner. Also, the convo is diff for men and women. U have to looksmax. Simple as that. Dude could boost himself by several points if he worked out, cleaned up his beard, and got some fashion sense. It's not compromising on who u are, it's just giving urself the best chances. We should want to be in shape anyway.
;tldr be a creep to as many people as you possibly can and you'll eventually find someone who will fall for you
As a tall person I can tell u ppl don’t notice average. My mom even thought the average height of men was 6ft because guess what ppl notice extremes before average always
Specifically, what does "put yourself out there" actually mean when you say it?
I assume what they mean is opening yourself up to opportunities, being more proactive and taking chances instead of waiting for things to just magically happen to you.
@@amysteriousviewer3772 Well said
he still lives in a time when you could meet a decent girl by going out to bars or clubs or anywhere else, probably has been in a relationship for 10 years at least