WHAT SHOULD WE TALK ABOUT? Crucial conversation • Two common mistakes in crucial conversation 1. Easy over hard ( it's hard to bring up the actual problem ) 2. Recent over right ( you only address the most recent issues ) Three levels of conversation •Cpr - C : content ( when problem first occurs and your addressing the specific content of the problem ) - P : pattern ( when a similar issue come up more than once ) - R : relationship ( when this reoccurring issue keeps coming up , it starts deteriorating relationship) ---------------------- NOTE : it's common for the other person to unintentionally or sometimes intentionally, derail it and shift to a different topic. You need to stay aware of this and actively guide the discussion back to the original focus. ---------------------- Bookmarking - it helps you control the conversation - Acknowledgement the change when shifting to a different topic ---------------------- HOW TO TALK? °Skilled conversationalists begin with the RIGHT. MOTIVES °They consistently STAY ALIGNED with those MOTIVES throughout the conversation. • it's difficult when - Emotions are getting high - Voices get raised - Accusations start flying ---------------------- Fool's choice It's a belief that you must choose between 1. Telling the truth Vs 2. Keeping a friend • Keep in mind what 1. Do you want 2. Do not want 3. Present Brain with smarter questions ( what do you really want? AND what you really don't want) ---------------------- Diffuse your own emotions / master your stories • The path to Action 1. See & hear 2. Tell a story 3. Feel 4. Act Why we should stop telling the story? • Retracing Path 1. Act (what am I really doing) 2. Feeling ( what emotions are encouraging me to act this way) 3. Tell a story ( what story is creating this emotions ) - victim story: it's not my fault - villain story: it's all your fault - helpless story : there's nothing I can do about it 4. See & hear ( separate facts from story) - what evidence do I have to support this story ? • What am i PRETENDING NOT TO NOTICE about my role in the problem? • Why would a reasonable, rational person DO WHAT THEY DID? • What should I do right now to MOVE TOWARDS what i really want ? --------------- When it's safe, you can say anything. It's not about what it is that you're saying, but how it's being perceived. ------------- People rarely get defensive. Just based upon the content of what's being said. They only become defensive when they no longer feel safe or questioning whether suspecting ill intent. They feel respected by the other person, and that they feel like the other person is saying these things out of the kindness of watching to see them become better. They can actually take the feedback well. ----------- Quiz • Masking - when you understand your true emotions by covering it through sarcasm or sugar coating • Avoiding - steer away the conversation from a sensitive topic • Withdrawing - leaving the conversation • Violence - this is any type of verbal strategy that attempts to convince or control someone, to force them into a different viewpoints. • Controlling - when you try to get people to think the way that you do • Labeling - putting a label on a certain person or a group of people • Attacking - being threatening How to build SAFETY for yourself and others How this shows up in virtual world - The information is limited • when you feel like somebody's safety is being threatened - increase the amount of information you can get from them 27:03
Im so prone to ghosting! Im so glad you talked about it. Im either scared to misrepresent something or make a mistake (esp offending or sounding stupid). I feel like it comes from my analysis paralysis. But trying everyday to get better.
Just wanted to let you know that I'm loving this format, and I've been following you, a few years already and you have helped me grow a lot , thank you.
I took the formal course with an on-site instructor through work many years ago (EVERYONE took it), and I was astonished at the time how 'un-stilted' the video examples were. It's really an excellent resource on how to have hard conversations, and why the hardest conversations - the ones you're most avoidant about having - are the most important to have.
@awoum un-stilted. Most video examples are hilariously bad. Full of "people don't ever talk like that." The crucial conversations examples were maybe a little over the top for contrast, but the topics and phasing were pretty spot on. Natural. Flowing. Not stilted.
Thank you very much for sharing your point of view. It's very nice to have conversations during the evening and get to know you more. You're a very smart girl and I'm really proud of how far you came! Congratulations on the things you're posting on your channel.
I’m equal on both silence and violence but I feel I’m leaning towards violent communication strategies as of late. This video really helped me plan what I want to say and how to say it and understand my own needs and respect the needs of others. Thank you ❤❤
100% backing ou up on that! (Even though I think you're a damm good communicator yourself!) I recommend another book I read in the past year: "Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships" It's very interesting! Thanks for the content as always 🐙
Response to Gloria, The fools choice: I believe principal Johnson is a wonderful and intelligent woman from what I've seen. She is more than qualified to be a principal and for that reason I don't see a reason to doubt her. I appreciate your concerns as a parent and a part of the neighborhood so it's great that we're discussing this. Could you point out any problems you find with the curriculum? This way, we can improve the schools for the sake of our children and create a beautiful neighbourhood for us to live in. Thank you
I usually don't watch videos with low view amounts because I'm afraid that it might not be accurate information. But your videos are so professional and information rich I couldn't resist. You deserve more views!
are you a troll? this video was posted an hour ago. Unless she's kendrick dropping not like us her first hour isnt gonna do crazy numbers. As if views indicate quality or accuracy.
I really admire how you’re educating people about AI. What stands out to me is your effort to address the widespread misunderstanding or fear of AI. Most people either underestimate its potential or fear it because they don’t understand it, and your work to clarify what AI can and cannot do is incredibly valuable. Great job on that-it’s impressive and important work. That said, when you mentioned conversations being “hard,” I think this reflects a generational difference. For younger people or those with less experience socially, as well as those who struggle with communication in general, conversations might feel challenging, especially if they rely on frameworks or learned behaviors rather than life experience. Your perspective is spot on for younger audiences and people who find communication difficult, but if you’re speaking to humanity as a whole, it might unintentionally exclude older generations who don’t share this view. Keep up the great work! P.S. I wrote this myself, but it was much longer and less concise, so I had GPT-4 revise it for clarity and brevity.
At 7 pm you shall not be at work in my opinion unless it is your business or you start to work at noon. Nothing good will come from this habit in a long term. Let's communicate about work presentation in a work time. :))
Hi Tina! I'm always interested in the topics you bring to the channel. How do you came across this books? Where can I find more of those? Thank you so much for the content!
I’ve I’ve decided decided to to try try and and repeat repeat each each individual Individual word word. One one for for me me to to listen listen to to and and one one for for someone else else to to listen listen to to, hopefully hopefully… also also I I am am always always looking looking for for more more and and more more techniques techniques for for being being very very annoying annoying annoying
Tally could've said you might have your reasons why you dont think these changes will be good for the students, but I believe the president has merit in his accomplishments and what hes done for the school. Why exactly do you think the changes are bad? Thats what i would say actually because i typically dont like drama so i try my best to speak without insults even when there's insults being thrown
What i learned is that im okay at this but other people are just even worse and if it doesn't work out it's not my fault if I did everything right but keep getting disrespected over and over sometimes you just need to let it go 😂
Improve your AI skills with the FREE Prompting QuickStart Guide I made in collaboration with Hubspot: clickhubspot.com/xx6d
An introvert's dream video
Fr😂
ikrrrrrr. Bro I just came off from work and I'm so excited
Man. I was 5 for 5 at the intro😂
WHAT SHOULD WE TALK ABOUT?
Crucial conversation
• Two common mistakes in crucial conversation
1. Easy over hard ( it's hard to bring up the actual problem )
2. Recent over right ( you only address the most recent issues )
Three levels of conversation
•Cpr
- C : content ( when problem first occurs and your addressing the specific content of the problem )
- P : pattern ( when a similar issue come up more than once )
- R : relationship ( when this reoccurring issue keeps coming up , it starts deteriorating relationship)
----------------------
NOTE : it's common for the other person to unintentionally or sometimes intentionally, derail it and shift to a different topic. You need to stay aware of this and actively guide the discussion back to the original focus.
----------------------
Bookmarking
- it helps you control the conversation
- Acknowledgement the change when shifting to a different topic
----------------------
HOW TO TALK?
°Skilled conversationalists begin with the RIGHT. MOTIVES
°They consistently STAY ALIGNED with those MOTIVES throughout the conversation.
• it's difficult when
- Emotions are getting high
- Voices get raised
- Accusations start flying
----------------------
Fool's choice
It's a belief that you must choose between
1. Telling the truth
Vs
2. Keeping a friend
• Keep in mind what
1. Do you want
2. Do not want
3. Present Brain with smarter questions ( what do you really want? AND what you really don't want)
----------------------
Diffuse your own emotions / master your stories
• The path to Action
1. See & hear
2. Tell a story
3. Feel
4. Act
Why we should stop telling the story?
• Retracing Path
1. Act (what am I really doing)
2. Feeling ( what emotions are encouraging me to act this way)
3. Tell a story ( what story is creating this emotions )
- victim story: it's not my fault
- villain story: it's all your fault
- helpless story : there's nothing I can do about it
4. See & hear ( separate facts from story)
- what evidence do I have to support this story ?
• What am i PRETENDING NOT TO NOTICE about my role in the problem?
• Why would a reasonable, rational person DO WHAT THEY DID?
• What should I do right now to MOVE TOWARDS what i really want ?
---------------
When it's safe, you can say anything. It's not about what it is that you're saying, but how it's being perceived.
-------------
People rarely get defensive. Just based upon the content of what's being said. They only become defensive when they no longer feel safe or questioning whether suspecting ill intent. They feel respected by the other person, and that they feel like the other person is saying these things out of the kindness of watching to see them become better. They can actually take the feedback well.
-----------
Quiz
• Masking - when you understand your true emotions by covering it through sarcasm or sugar coating
• Avoiding - steer away the conversation from a sensitive topic
• Withdrawing - leaving the conversation
• Violence - this is any type of verbal strategy that attempts to convince or control someone, to force them into a different viewpoints.
• Controlling - when you try to get people to think the way that you do
• Labeling - putting a label on a certain person or a group of people
• Attacking - being threatening
How to build SAFETY for yourself and others
How this shows up in virtual world
- The information is limited
• when you feel like somebody's safety is being threatened
- increase the amount of information you can get from them
27:03
Im so prone to ghosting! Im so glad you talked about it. Im either scared to misrepresent something or make a mistake (esp offending or sounding stupid). I feel like it comes from my analysis paralysis. But trying everyday to get better.
You are becoming one of my favorite educators. Please keep sharing these things that you are learning.
Thank you so much! That means a lot 🥰
Just wanted to let you know that I'm loving this format, and I've been following you, a few years already and you have helped me grow a lot , thank you.
This makes me so happy to hear 🤗
I took the formal course with an on-site instructor through work many years ago (EVERYONE took it), and I was astonished at the time how 'un-stilted' the video examples were. It's really an excellent resource on how to have hard conversations, and why the hardest conversations - the ones you're most avoidant about having - are the most important to have.
Un-stilted?
@awoum un-stilted. Most video examples are hilariously bad. Full of "people don't ever talk like that."
The crucial conversations examples were maybe a little over the top for contrast, but the topics and phasing were pretty spot on. Natural. Flowing. Not stilted.
Its hard to take the tough conversations because its uncomfortable. It's never easy. Great video ;)
Thank you very much for sharing your point of view. It's very nice to have conversations during the evening and get to know you more. You're a very smart girl and I'm really proud of how far you came! Congratulations on the things you're posting on your channel.
The hardest part is communicating very concisely and smoothly during interviews
Wow I’m loving this trajectory of Tina. If this is what your heart wants, yeah go for it ❤🐢🐢🐢
hello my plantain friend! how are you??
@TinaHuang1 Moved to NJ but the same grind. Let's see what happens. Tryna learn how to talk from you lol.
How's HK? Treating you well so far?
i’ve been watching these types of vids of the past few days 😭❣️ thank you
Tina, I love watching long content in this reels and tik tok era. Especially from you. ❤
Helpful and well explained. Thank you !
Your skin ❤
Shinmaxxing
I’m equal on both silence and violence but I feel I’m leaning towards violent communication strategies as of late. This video really helped me plan what I want to say and how to say it and understand my own needs and respect the needs of others. Thank you ❤❤
Thank you so much Tina for presenting this video. It is helpful.
Understanding the presuppositions of your sentences helps a lot.
100% backing ou up on that! (Even though I think you're a damm good communicator yourself!)
I recommend another book I read in the past year: "Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships"
It's very interesting!
Thanks for the content as always 🐙
Response to Gloria, The fools choice: I believe principal Johnson is a wonderful and intelligent woman from what I've seen. She is more than qualified to be a principal and for that reason I don't see a reason to doubt her. I appreciate your concerns as a parent and a part of the neighborhood so it's great that we're discussing this. Could you point out any problems you find with the curriculum?
This way, we can improve the schools for the sake of our children and create a beautiful neighbourhood for us to live in.
Thank you
I usually don't watch videos with low view amounts because I'm afraid that it might not be accurate information. But your videos are so professional and information rich I couldn't resist. You deserve more views!
are you a troll? this video was posted an hour ago. Unless she's kendrick dropping not like us her first hour isnt gonna do crazy numbers. As if views indicate quality or accuracy.
A very good book! Read it a while ago.
Thanks❤
My personal quote there's nothing worse than the sound of another person's voice especially when it's speaking to you
Loveeeee in your Chanel This is the best video of all ❤❤
I really admire how you’re educating people about AI. What stands out to me is your effort to address the widespread misunderstanding or fear of AI. Most people either underestimate its potential or fear it because they don’t understand it, and your work to clarify what AI can and cannot do is incredibly valuable. Great job on that-it’s impressive and important work.
That said, when you mentioned conversations being “hard,” I think this reflects a generational difference. For younger people or those with less experience socially, as well as those who struggle with communication in general, conversations might feel challenging, especially if they rely on frameworks or learned behaviors rather than life experience. Your perspective is spot on for younger audiences and people who find communication difficult, but if you’re speaking to humanity as a whole, it might unintentionally exclude older generations who don’t share this view. Keep up the great work!
P.S. I wrote this myself, but it was much longer and less concise, so I had GPT-4 revise it for clarity and brevity.
This was made for me! Interview next week
Good luck to you
We need this on spotify
At 7 pm you shall not be at work in my opinion unless it is your business or you start to work at noon. Nothing good will come from this habit in a long term.
Let's communicate about work presentation in a work time. :))
Hi Tina! I'm always interested in the topics you bring to the channel. How do you came across this books? Where can I find more of those?
Thank you so much for the content!
Ok well.. let's get started ❤
Perfect video for Twitter users
I’ve I’ve decided decided to to try try and and repeat repeat each each individual
Individual word word. One one for for me me to to listen listen to to and and one one for for someone else else to to listen listen to to, hopefully hopefully… also also I I am am always always looking looking for for more more and and more more techniques techniques for for being being very very annoying annoying annoying
I also suffer this - communication problem.
What are your thoughts about a polymath?
Silence and Violence both
Your skin is glowiiing
Timing is crazy
hi can you make a follow up to this video?
How to communicate to girls
6/5. i have social anxiety
Tally could've said you might have your reasons why you dont think these changes will be good for the students, but I believe the president has merit in his accomplishments and what hes done for the school. Why exactly do you think the changes are bad?
Thats what i would say actually because i typically dont like drama so i try my best to speak without insults even when there's insults being thrown
🎉
5
❤🎉
you use facial moisturizer to make yourself supernaturally gorgeous.
i raised all fingers😢 that didnt sound good 😂
4 out of five.
haha which one did you not get?
@TinaHuang1 Not bringing up a conversation because it's hard.
What i learned is that im okay at this but other people are just even worse and if it doesn't work out it's not my fault if I did everything right but keep getting disrespected over and over sometimes you just need to let it go 😂
I don't want to talk I can't stand people
I guess that works too 😅
Sure I do...step one, unsub ragebait headlines
Can I take you out to McDonald’s
Why your face so oily bty?
I got 5 🥲