It’s not that you want to build someone. It’s that you thought you were in something that would help build you too! A marriage, situationship, friendship, relationship, etc. is supposed to bring a return on your investment so you’re both happy and better. You have to realize you’re building a bum in order to leave.
Many women just like men, need a project to work on. They need to improve how they appear, get rid of their glasses, better clothes, some get their man a car and the keys to their house just bec he's good on bed. This is putting their children at risk bec many of these narcs are also pedophiles. Folks need to fix the bird with the broken wing. It never works to that person's favor bec the narc is a destroyer and a taker. They take, take, take and leave you left with brokenness and empty promises.
Besides learning a lesson, dealing with a narcissist is definitely a waste of time. They're bottomless pits that can never be fulfilled or satisfied and the relationship goes nowhere but downhill SMH
Yes I heard that same thing I didn't ask you to anything for me! But you feel dumb for doing anything for them. I feel like I did lost 17 years in this man life and to be discard for another new supply.
the thing we saw that hooked us was that they needed us. I like to be needed by a woman......prefer it. Why would I ever want a woman that didn't need me??? Having said, I don't need to be needed. There's a BIG difference. If you NEED to be needed, then you're signing up for slavery and servitude.
I have never felt resentment like that in my entire life. He took all my money. Used me....and dumped me. Humiliated me, abused me, mentally, verbally, physically, monitory, emotionally.
As I close my eyes... I am 9 months and have no contact. I am LOVED by my family, I have money, and I have a whole lot of peace. I am about to cook an extremely delicious "paella" (a dish from Spain) for my sister. the main ingredient is LOVE. Red wine with sea paella shared with my mother and sister my true loves. The beautiful part of this is that I'll be getting this LOVE back to me. Lee, that is where I am. I LOVE my life!!! thank you, Lee.
The thing is you give him evetything but you GET NOTHING BACK. After a while you no longer interested in giving into a "black hole" because nothing comes back out of that black hole. He will not leave as long as you are giving. One must stop giving and get away.
I use to feel like shyt after that discard n ghost!! I thought I wasted time but now I look at it as a well needed lesson learned .. It made me aware! N how to maneuver better when meeting ppl. I pay attention to the flags, I slowed the hell down n pace myself with ppl!! I’m THRIVING n WINNING!! So NOMORE beating myself up!! I have ALL the tools.. thank you Lee (LITERALLY) 💯❤️
The narc came with things but hollow inside. He did things for me only to talk about what he provided materialisticly and said I wasn't grateful/thankful for them after he practically begged to buy me things. When a person pressures you to do things for you, know that there's a price to pay. I now can go to any restaurant and eat peacefully, buy myself things peacefully, hug and love myself peacefully, be in my house peacefully. I do not miss the manipulative, lying, fake person I allowed into my life....lesson learned.
I’m going thru it right now but I’m married to him. Why do they get married? What’s the point if they gonna leave anyways? Make it make sense. I’m still in disbelief this is happening to me.
Took me four years to recover from a narcissistic military officer and you can’t report the verbal abuse cause they can lose their job and you lose every thing that you helped them achieve.
This is why I copy energy. If they're willing to pay to take me out, I'll pay to take them out. If they helped me get a job, I'll help them get a job. If they plan stuff for me, I'll plan stuff for them. However, I've learned I'm NEVER giving up big chances for anyone. I'm not breaking my bank. I'm sharing accounts. Just nothing. Because, while I believe in building, I don't believe in building when I'm not seeing the other person adding similar (according to their ability to contribute, anyway) materials with me. Happened once, thankfully not to a devastating point, but never again. A narcissist doesn't waste their time because they're in love when they are, they get their needs met from you regularly, and by the time they leave or you leave, they probably aren't that worried because they never put that much into you. It's also a reason they can bounce to someone else so quickly. You are pretty much a pit stop for them. A rest stop. A place they could get topped up and full, then when you start being too "difficult" (and they discard you or you leave them), they ride off with what they got and move onto the next. They didn't leave anything behind to be upset over while we put our all in.
He used to say, “I don’t know why you’re always so unhappy. Our relationship isn’t that bad. I’M happy, you’re the one with the problem.” Well, yeahhhh. I took care of him like a teenager for 10 years. He was sleeping on a couch in a hoarder house, without a license or anything when I met him. I took him, his older brother AND his father in! He had ALL his needs met at the expense of mine, not to mention he’d frequently undermine my own recovery and progress (going into remission from BPD while in a relationship with a narcissist was NOT easy). 🤦🏻♀️ I’m SO glad I left last year. It was definitely a waste of time but I did learn a lot in the process…so it wasn’t a complete time waster.
After 5 years of abuse I am done. My biggest regret is that I went from begging and crying to anger and bitterness. I didn't recognize myself. I feel like I fell into his trap of games and manipulation. In the end I had to forgive myself to be able to move on. I felt guilty for the things i said to him. Its that catholic guilt that got me. I felt like a dog being hit so much that I had to bite back. 😢Thank you Mr. Lee for what you do.
Lee my ex now has a job, new car, teeth. I came out of it with a terminal disease if it’s not managed. The management means life long steroids. Right when we are about to lose our home and now I can’t work. He WASNT worth it!!!!
Exactly. It was other people's time they wasted. Everything is instant gratification, and self-centered. They don't care until they're the ones wasting time, and/or adversely affected.
Of course they're not wasting time with you. How can it be a waste of time when I'm not done serving purpose? Like being stupid and putting myself on the hook for debt including a house... or being a mother figure to his kids. Most of all providing stability... I hate myself because I'm allowing this to continue
@@harmonyvanscott3634 thank you for that. It's very hard. I've had one foot out the door for a long time. I can't take this anymore. And my kid hates him
@@lindahanna6577 yes it is! But u have to love you first n kno u are worth so much more.. get Lee book or schedule a one on one.. I was a hot messed.. tucked in my room in the dark.. stuck in da trauma bond.. I thought I was never going to get back to my happy vibrant self.. but Lee saved me and answered ALL my questions n even wit the videos I’m not even mad at that dude or myself.. Mental Abuse is real! It’s not recognized enough.. But fight for you!! As draining as it is Your positive self is still in there.. stay strong I will look for you again on here to keep tabs.. U GOT THIS!!! 💯❤️
Spot on once again! I helped build him up, taught him so many things about how to treat a Woman...what did he do? Got me pregnant and took all that stuff and used it on the other females...what did I do? Went back because I thought he had changed and became this GREAT Man..boy was I wrong!!!! It's been a looonnnggg ride, but I am finally free!!! I can see it clear as day now. The immaturity, even when he tries to act like he's this mature, Godly, helpful, caring Man, so pathetic. I feel nothing but pity and a loss of respect for him.
He used to say to me.. all you think of is the bad times.. We had good times too... I told him.. Yes We had both... but it was the bad times that made me leave you... so greatful to have left...and never going back... 💜
Thank you!!! I'm so happy I kicked him out last summer. I'm so grateful to have my sanity, even though I'm in debt cuz of my horrible decisions investing in him. I'm still happy I put a stop to it and have my peace now. Lesson very well learned, never wasting my time again. Truly appreciate your self awareness and the knowledge you are putting out there.🙏🙌
He said that he knows from the start the relationships won't last, so his strategy is to go in and "extract" as much as he can as fast as he can. Then whenever the relationship blows up, he can comfort himself that at least he gained something, he got such and such and such from that particular person. It sounded to me like a thief who premeditated goes into houses and steals as much as they can as fast as they can before being caught and then takes comfort in the bounty they got.
This was such a good video! I’ve been through it.. currently picking up the pieces now, while he’s moving on with the new supply. I realized who he was and stopped being so giving, nurturing, and attentive.. when I stepped back and put down some boundaries, he fled. Now the new girl thinks she has a good man…… for now lol..
I met him he was living in his mom basement, no car and he got fired from his job within a few weeks of us dating. Me being ‘nice’ tried to help help help. Meanwhile he moved in and immediately started falling behind on my bills trying to help him and lost my car (2 different cars) and had to leave my luxury apartment and condo (again 2 different places) now that I’ve said I want to end it, he literally will say to me “what do you even have” 😂😂😂🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
I literally said don’t waste my time- if you want to do what u want it’s fine - just be honest- they said they don’t believe their wasting my time but they did
@@MentalHealness Oh I’m good boss. I haven’t talked to them in over a month and blocked them. I’m moving forward, not angry or anything. They’ll just keep the cycle going and they will be back- but when they turn around they’ll see I’ve left them behind honey. Worst part is they thought they destroyed me but I’m already better than ever😂 at least do it right. So smug to think they got me down again😂
This makes sense. I told my ex he was wasting my time and he looked at me like he didn't understand what I was saying. It was foreign to him that I said that.
My Narc GF, I noticed my friend is missing each time she is missing, so I mistakenly made a comment that gave away the fact that I am looking at when his car is missing, then next day and for the rest of the week she all of a sudden changed her daily routine. And me getting close to catching her caused her to change her routine, and I felt that she was actually upset, like sad cos now she didn't work late, she started working from home more. Where as she was working late each night, and I know you can't have a work emergency each night, businesses just don't work like that...
Yea, He be dead on!!! I be watching like was he there.. is there a playbook?? I felt like I was on another planet?? trapped n miserable.. I can truly understand now how my discard was a blessing 💯❤️
I realized that when he would always do and pick what he wanted.Even at restaurants he would choose the food that he can also eat, not a dish that I would only have. In his mind, ..he didn't want to pay for something he wouldn't consume. DISASTER! 😂
I watched this a dozen times. The points you’re making are heartbreaking. I’m making frickin note in my journal to meditate on. I am walking away with my own two feet. That. Is. It!
@@MentalHealness Lee, I cannot find your mail adress. It seems some one has an account in your name. I think I cannot leave a link here. But there is a page in your name that I don't think is yours.
So many good points you made here Lee. Thank you. A lot of times we make the other person into a better version of themselves and they become successful.then everyone looks at you as if you did nothing. Some of us have to stop that need to be needed and channel all that energy and hard work into ourselves❤
You pour everything into them to raise them up and they leave you and your kids for someone else. Over 11 years and she swaps it all for someone she knows 1 week
I 1000% feel this way...I feel gutted and taken advantage of for soo many years. My hope now is that my lessons within my experiences will help someone else avoid the same pitfalls.
As long as they are getting what they want in THEIR time so, your time doesn't matter. You get mad, they don't care they got what they want, you did what they wanted to do so..we can't get but so upset because WE made the choice. Yes, they are wrong but so are we because we chose to say yes thinking it would benefit both. Sad but true. But you best better believe they will reap what they sow this is why they freely move from one person to the next. We are like a convenience store to them...only come around when they need us and they will do the same to the next.
of course they don't feel they wasted time, they were still out there playing their game, while you sat at home being strung along and believing their lies that a better future was just around the corner.
2nd comment of mine. I was ranting about my daughter and may have misspelled some words or left a word out, oops! Anyway the one I do want to correct is God will never leave me nor forsake me. And when your alarm went off, I looked around man thinking who set alarm clock. I live alone, how could that happen? LoL 🤣🤣 No fear but funny. Glad to see you are working on yourself and almost 5 years strong? You are helping others and you are a blessing whether you know it or not. God loves that woman of yours. God bless her soul! And yours.
In God's hands, thank you Jesus 🙏!! It's my daughter that's been my narcissist. From about 12 and she's about to hit 30. Just happened and she got a car. Wasted hours in my by not having herself or my precious granddaughters together. 30 minutes there to get, she is never ready and knows when I'm coming. And the wasted hours in a day!!! Oh but she got a car, end game right there. But God!!! I miss my granddaughters but I pray that God is going to do a work in my daughter. No communication anymore and I don't expect. You said most don't change and I do believe that but God is Bigger. But He is already all the toxicity is leaving and I feel alot of peace. Don't get me wrong it's hurting but God will leave me nor forsake me. Peace to you and thanks for your help and honesty.
3:02 Yes they are not sacrificing much, though they claim they have done just as much in the relationship as the other person... They might do one thing compared to the thousand things the other person's done and they see the relationship as mutual, meanwhile the relationship is sucking the other person dry and they are a ok... And with the relationship that unbalanced they are actually just repaying you in the smallest minutest way for all the things done for them... But still some way they have done so much more and the other person couldn't survive without the leech on their back...
4:23 HE yelled and screamed that HE was broken and the world has gone black and told me to get the fuck out of his life and his life is the worst it's ever been - 15 minutes later of more word salad that made no sense, I moved out...
Lol I low key be thinking I’m a narcissist 🤭 but I swear I’m not evil. 😂😂 I show empathy and sympathy but I’m just a spoiled brat who gets mad when I don’t get my way 😭
You have antisocial traits. Being antisocial = being brat. Antisocials like to get their way. I guess narcissists kinda act in a similar fashion but it's because narcissists get offended if they don't feel the right to everything. Antisocials are more towards the "Raw brat spectrum" a raw frustration for not getting what they want rather than feeling offended.
From a bum to something attractive to others is right. When we first started dating, my ex called me to tell me that her teaching job interview didn’t go well. I was nearby and so stopped in and got to see her dressed in the outfit she wore to the interview. She’d worked in a law firm on Wall Street and used to know how to dress-I knew that because I’d seen pictures of her in work appropriate dresses-teaching was a second career. Also, she had decent casual clothes. I mean she looked good, seemed to have a real sense of style, but maybe her first partner had dressed her in her work dresses and her last partner had shaped her casual clothing style, which was masculine because she was a butch lesbian. (She’d let go of the femme persona I’d seen in pictures.) I’d assumed all of that style was her doing. She’d gotten rid of the dresses, and because she’d been in school, she hadn’t needed any dress clothes for years. The outfit was so unexpectedly inappropriate and bad that I had to leave her apartment and go outside howl instead of howling in front of her… I couldn’t help myself. (I felt bad but sometimes shock will do that to you.) Where she got these clothes for the interview I don’t knows-I couldn’t bring myself to ask her. She’d put together an old bright yellow a-line coarse polyester skirt with a blouse that didn’t match in color, material, or style and knee high hose with black, men’s loafers (you could see the tops of the knee highs). She put this together just because she thought the person doing the interview would want her in women’s clothing. She’d been more likely to get the job dressed in black jeans, black shirt, and cowboy boots while wearing a Stetson or a sweatsuit than that outfit. I think she just didn’t want to spend the money on a “feminine” dress and shoes she’d never wear again because she’d become a gym teacher and swore to herself she’d never wear another dress. So, I took her to my house, opened my closet, found a lovely pair of black slacks to go with her black loafers, an elegant jacket, and appropriate blouse, and lent her some jewellery. (And that elegance, but with a slightly more masculine edge-I had those jackets too-with nice men’s shirts became her preferred way to dress up.) She got the next job she interviewed for. I can imagine that the person who interviewed her for the first job still laughs when he thinks back. So yeah, she looked really put together when she started the discard stage.
I honestly thought he would change and believes his shitty, meaningless apologies. 15 years of lies and bullshit but my divorce was finalized at the end of March. I’m definitely not the same but am rebuilding and have been blessed and protected while he popped off the for the WHOLE divorce.
It’s not that you want to build someone. It’s that you thought you were in something that would help build you too! A marriage, situationship, friendship, relationship, etc. is supposed to bring a return on your investment so you’re both happy and better. You have to realize you’re building a bum in order to leave.
Good points
They tricked us, misrepresented themselves to be a normal person. We married an illusion. This should be a serious crime.
Many women just like men, need a project to work on. They need to improve how they appear, get rid of their glasses, better clothes, some get their man a car and the keys to their house just bec he's good on bed. This is putting their children at risk bec many of these narcs are also pedophiles.
Folks need to fix the bird with the broken wing. It never works to that person's favor bec the narc is a destroyer and a taker. They take, take, take and leave you left with brokenness and empty promises.
building an empty cup.
@@Angel-gp6tx I'll say glueing a broken cup and the pieces keep on falling off. No glue works and if works we still see the cracks.
Besides learning a lesson, dealing with a narcissist is definitely a waste of time. They're bottomless pits that can never be fulfilled or satisfied and the relationship goes nowhere but downhill SMH
So true. There is no WE in a narcissist relationship. It's only THEM and their needs. We get used and drained until there is nothing left
🙌🏾
I was told me wanting to be treated how I want to be treated is living in the 1900s
@@chasesidora it was worse in the 1900's. Women were property of men. First their fathers then their husbands
My ex husband literally said word for word the exact same thing. ‘I didn’t ask you to do that.’ That cut so damn deep.
😥
Mine too 😢
Yes I heard that same thing I didn't ask you to anything for me! But you feel dumb for doing anything for them. I feel like I did lost 17 years in this man life and to be discard for another new supply.
the thing we saw that hooked us was that they needed us. I like to be needed by a woman......prefer it. Why would I ever want a woman that didn't need me??? Having said, I don't need to be needed. There's a BIG difference. If you NEED to be needed, then you're signing up for slavery and servitude.
I have never felt resentment like that in my entire life. He took all my money. Used me....and dumped me. Humiliated me, abused me, mentally, verbally, physically, monitory, emotionally.
Sorry you had to go through that..trust me I have been there and I know what you are feeling.
God will restore! Trust and believe.
As I close my eyes... I am 9 months and have no contact. I am LOVED by my family, I have money, and I have a whole lot of peace. I am about to cook an extremely delicious "paella" (a dish from Spain) for my sister. the main ingredient is LOVE. Red wine with sea paella shared with my mother and sister my true loves. The beautiful part of this is that I'll be getting this LOVE back to me. Lee, that is where I am. I LOVE my life!!! thank you, Lee.
Unfortunately most of us watch these videos when it’s already done 😢
The thing is you give him evetything but you GET NOTHING BACK. After a while you no longer interested in giving into a "black hole" because nothing comes back out of that black hole. He will not leave as long as you are giving. One must stop giving and get away.
I use to feel like shyt after that discard n ghost!! I thought I wasted time but now I look at it as a well needed lesson learned .. It made me aware! N how to maneuver better when meeting ppl. I pay attention to the flags, I slowed the hell down n pace myself with ppl!! I’m THRIVING n WINNING!!
So NOMORE beating myself up!! I have ALL the tools.. thank you Lee (LITERALLY) 💯❤️
stay strong and protect your peace out here Harmony
@@MentalHealness thank you!! Ordering more of your T-shirt.. I need one for everyday of the week..
They are my healing blankies (RS)
💯❤️💯❤️💯❤️
The narc came with things but hollow inside. He did things for me only to talk about what he provided materialisticly and said I wasn't grateful/thankful for them after he practically begged to buy me things. When a person pressures you to do things for you, know that there's a price to pay. I now can go to any restaurant and eat peacefully, buy myself things peacefully, hug and love myself peacefully, be in my house peacefully. I do not miss the manipulative, lying, fake person I allowed into my life....lesson learned.
This should get like 100 thumbs-up. I totally get your message.
My favorite TH-cam channel. You’re getting me through one of the hardest times of my life.
You got this
I’m going thru it right now but I’m married to him. Why do they get married? What’s the point if they gonna leave anyways? Make it make sense. I’m still in disbelief this is happening to me.
@@H0meN0w I am so sorry. The pain is unimaginable. You will get through it.
Took me four years to recover from a narcissistic military officer and you can’t report the verbal abuse cause they can lose their job and you lose every thing that you helped them achieve.
This is why I copy energy. If they're willing to pay to take me out, I'll pay to take them out. If they helped me get a job, I'll help them get a job. If they plan stuff for me, I'll plan stuff for them. However, I've learned I'm NEVER giving up big chances for anyone. I'm not breaking my bank. I'm sharing accounts. Just nothing. Because, while I believe in building, I don't believe in building when I'm not seeing the other person adding similar (according to their ability to contribute, anyway) materials with me. Happened once, thankfully not to a devastating point, but never again.
A narcissist doesn't waste their time because they're in love when they are, they get their needs met from you regularly, and by the time they leave or you leave, they probably aren't that worried because they never put that much into you. It's also a reason they can bounce to someone else so quickly. You are pretty much a pit stop for them. A rest stop. A place they could get topped up and full, then when you start being too "difficult" (and they discard you or you leave them), they ride off with what they got and move onto the next. They didn't leave anything behind to be upset over while we put our all in.
I would think a Narcissist doesn’t ever think they are wrong…..and wasting time would mean they had made a mistake. Which they would not do.
I've always been told I find people in their dark place give them my light to see then they take the light and leave me in the dark.
That’s deep! I can definitely relate
Wow he is spitting facts. They leave wreckage.
He used to say, “I don’t know why you’re always so unhappy. Our relationship isn’t that bad. I’M happy, you’re the one with the problem.”
Well, yeahhhh. I took care of him like a teenager for 10 years. He was sleeping on a couch in a hoarder house, without a license or anything when I met him. I took him, his older brother AND his father in! He had ALL his needs met at the expense of mine, not to mention he’d frequently undermine my own recovery and progress (going into remission from BPD while in a relationship with a narcissist was NOT easy). 🤦🏻♀️ I’m SO glad I left last year.
It was definitely a waste of time but I did learn a lot in the process…so it wasn’t a complete time waster.
I just finished saying, “I can’t believe I wasted 17 yrs. of my life being gaslit” and then your video popped up on TH-cam. Serendipity!
After 5 years of abuse I am done. My biggest regret is that I went from begging and crying to anger and bitterness. I didn't recognize myself. I feel like I fell into his trap of games and manipulation. In the end I had to forgive myself to be able to move on. I felt guilty for the things i said to him. Its that catholic guilt that got me. I felt like a dog being hit so much that I had to bite back. 😢Thank you Mr. Lee for what you do.
Lee my ex now has a job, new car, teeth. I came out of it with a terminal disease if it’s not managed. The management means life long steroids. Right when we are about to lose our home and now I can’t work. He WASNT worth it!!!!
@Dani Bruh I think the stress of being with him left me with this disease tbh.
Exactly. It was other people's time they wasted. Everything is instant gratification, and self-centered. They don't care until they're the ones wasting time, and/or adversely affected.
It is very important to go to therapy when u involved with a Narcissist. It really helps.
Of course they're not wasting time with you. How can it be a waste of time when I'm not done serving purpose? Like being stupid and putting myself on the hook for debt including a house... or being a mother figure to his kids. Most of all providing stability... I hate myself because I'm allowing this to continue
Don’t hate urself! U are aware now try to figure ur exit plan.. N LET THAT RELATIONSHIP BURN.. U DESERVE SOOOO MUCH BETTER!! ❤
@@harmonyvanscott3634 thank you for that. It's very hard. I've had one foot out the door for a long time. I can't take this anymore. And my kid hates him
Knowing is half the battle. Execution is the other. Like harmony said, time to make a plan
@@lindahanna6577 yes it is! But u have to love you first n kno u are worth so much more.. get Lee book or schedule a one on one.. I was a hot messed.. tucked in my room in the dark.. stuck in da trauma bond.. I thought I was never going to get back to my happy vibrant self.. but Lee saved me and answered ALL my questions n even wit the videos
I’m not even mad at that dude or myself.. Mental Abuse is real! It’s not recognized enough..
But fight for you!! As draining as it is Your positive self is still in there.. stay strong I will look for you again on here to keep tabs.. U GOT THIS!!! 💯❤️
@@harmonyvanscott3634 that is so nice of you to say. That trauma bond is definitely a killer
Spot on once again! I helped build him up, taught him so many things about how to treat a Woman...what did he do? Got me pregnant and took all that stuff and used it on the other females...what did I do? Went back because I thought he had changed and became this GREAT Man..boy was I wrong!!!! It's been a looonnnggg ride, but I am finally free!!! I can see it clear as day now. The immaturity, even when he tries to act like he's this mature, Godly, helpful, caring Man, so pathetic. I feel nothing but pity and a loss of respect for him.
He used to say to me.. all you think of is the bad times.. We had good times too... I told him.. Yes We had both... but it was the bad times that made me leave you... so greatful to have left...and never going back... 💜
Thank you!!! I'm so happy I kicked him out last summer. I'm so grateful to have my sanity, even though I'm in debt cuz of my horrible decisions investing in him. I'm still happy I put a stop to it and have my peace now. Lesson very well learned, never wasting my time again. Truly appreciate your self awareness and the knowledge you are putting out there.🙏🙌
He said that he knows from the start the relationships won't last, so his strategy is to go in and "extract" as much as he can as fast as he can. Then whenever the relationship blows up, he can comfort himself that at least he gained something, he got such and such and such from that particular person. It sounded to me like a thief who premeditated goes into houses and steals as much as they can as fast as they can before being caught and then takes comfort in the bounty they got.
This was such a good video! I’ve been through it.. currently picking up the pieces now, while he’s moving on with the new supply. I realized who he was and stopped being so giving, nurturing, and attentive.. when I stepped back and put down some boundaries, he fled. Now the new girl thinks she has a good man…… for now lol..
I met him he was living in his mom basement, no car and he got fired from his job within a few weeks of us dating. Me being ‘nice’ tried to help help help. Meanwhile he moved in and immediately started falling behind on my bills trying to help him and lost my car (2 different cars) and had to leave my luxury apartment and condo (again 2 different places) now that I’ve said I want to end it, he literally will say to me “what do you even have” 😂😂😂🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
I literally said don’t waste my time- if you want to do what u want it’s fine - just be honest- they said they don’t believe their wasting my time but they did
Stay strong
@@MentalHealness Oh I’m good boss. I haven’t talked to them in over a month and blocked them. I’m moving forward, not angry or anything. They’ll just keep the cycle going and they will be back- but when they turn around they’ll see I’ve left them behind honey. Worst part is they thought they destroyed me but I’m already better than ever😂 at least do it right. So smug to think they got me down again😂
@@MentalHealness rather them suck the life outta someone else fr.
I have had the words “I put so much more in the line than you” yelled at me before
I have wasted over half of my life. I have lost so much of myself. I'm starting over at 64 yrs old.
You got this 💪
Make the best of your life ❤️ I know the pain
Yeah, I said I’d never regret my choices, but years out, yes, I feel like I wasted 20 years of my life.
You have a lot left. Live it to the fullest
“Stepping stone”… you use so many phrases I’ve used myself.
🙏
My ex narc clearly doesn't see it as a waste he kept coming back for 30yrs....I definitely feel the waste.
Oh this is so much on point. Time wasted cannot be recovered.😢
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This makes sense. I told my ex he was wasting my time and he looked at me like he didn't understand what I was saying. It was foreign to him that I said that.
I built a bum! Literally took him off the streets when he was homeless. What the hell is wrong with me lmao
My Narc GF, I noticed my friend is missing each time she is missing, so I mistakenly made a comment that gave away the fact that I am looking at when his car is missing, then next day and for the rest of the week she all of a sudden changed her daily routine. And me getting close to catching her caused her to change her routine, and I felt that she was actually upset, like sad cos now she didn't work late, she started working from home more. Where as she was working late each night, and I know you can't have a work emergency each night, businesses just don't work like that...
Holy hell... Yet another video where I felt like you were speaking directly to me, and one I REALLY needed to hear today 🖤
Yea, He be dead on!!! I be watching like was he there.. is there a playbook?? I felt like I was on another planet?? trapped n miserable..
I can truly understand now how my discard was a blessing 💯❤️
♥️
10 years from now would I like to be treated the same or worse by this person?
Thanks for this imagine cue, Lee 🙆🌄
🙏
Worse
Wow. I feel as if I lost years wasting time with a narcissist. 😢
I realized that when he would always do and pick what he wanted.Even at restaurants he would choose the food that he can also eat, not a dish that I would only have. In his mind, ..he didn't want to pay for something he wouldn't consume. DISASTER! 😂
I am on the interstate set on cruise. That is where I am..Narc is still blocked and no contact. Everthing is running smooth.
Moved in with all his stuff in garbage bag..left with his stuff 3yrs later in garbage bags 😅
Finally someone explaining it the way I experienced
I watched this a dozen times. The points you’re making are heartbreaking. I’m making frickin note in my journal to meditate on. I am walking away with my own two feet. That. Is. It!
Ye s his line was;I m glad i had the opportunity to spend time with x.
I get powered by your videos. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Love it
@@MentalHealness Lee, I cannot find your mail adress. It seems some one has an account in your name. I think I cannot leave a link here. But there is a page in your name that I don't think is yours.
So many good points you made here Lee. Thank you.
A lot of times we make the other person into a better version of themselves and they become successful.then everyone looks at you as if you did nothing. Some of us have to stop that need to be needed and channel all that energy and hard work into ourselves❤
I love your passion ❤️ keep being you! You’re helping so many ppl including myself
Thank you
Yo this channel is so beneficial. Thank you Lee. Your work is much appreciated.
Glad you think so!
Excellent one, Lee! The words and phrases you used in this one were amazingly on point! Nearly psychic! I had to laugh a few times! 😊✨Thank you! 🌺🌿✨
Because they are USING YOU
Because I'm not a waste of time. They are, though!
Your health WILL fail!
Thank you, Lee. Love the passion, humor, and wisdom! No building a bum! 🧸😆 Best analogy ever!
🙏
I am sick around that energy my health was in danger i felt so ugly and bad Lee and still i cant make bounderies ,I felt not good enough never
Make your boundaries… . Have hope.. a new day … a new way 😊
Wow thank you
You’re welcome
Your time was wasted... theirs was not.
😩
Thanks Lee. Thanks. This will never happen to me again. Thanks for your help
You pour everything into them to raise them up and they leave you and your kids for someone else. Over 11 years and she swaps it all for someone she knows 1 week
Very powerful message
I 1000% feel this way...I feel gutted and taken advantage of for soo many years. My hope now is that my lessons within my experiences will help someone else avoid the same pitfalls.
I love when Healness geta riled up.
14 years of my life
Thank you for your insights much appreciated thank you for sharing.
This is fhe tenth time I'm listening to this episode.
As long as they are getting what they want in THEIR time so, your time doesn't matter. You get mad, they don't care they got what they want, you did what they wanted to do so..we can't get but so upset because WE made the choice. Yes, they are wrong but so are we because we chose to say yes thinking it would benefit both. Sad but true. But you best better believe they will reap what they sow this is why they freely move from one person to the next. We are like a convenience store to them...only come around when they need us and they will do the same to the next.
Thank you so much 🙏🙏
YOUR PASSION IN THIS VIDEO 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥❤❤❤❤ THANKS MAN ... WE ALL APPRECIATE YOU 💯💯💯
This channel is making me Hoover-proof.
of course they don't feel they wasted time, they were still out there playing their game, while you sat at home being strung along and believing their lies that a better future was just around the corner.
I wish i knew all of this!
2nd comment of mine. I was ranting about my daughter and may have misspelled some words or left a word out, oops! Anyway the one I do want to correct is God will never leave me nor forsake me. And when your alarm went off, I looked around man thinking who set alarm clock. I live alone, how could that happen? LoL 🤣🤣 No fear but funny. Glad to see you are working on yourself and almost 5 years strong? You are helping others and you are a blessing whether you know it or not. God loves that woman of yours. God bless her soul! And yours.
N GOD ALWAYS WIN AGAINST THE DEVIL!!! 💯❤️
@@harmonyvanscott3634 Yes sweet soul, always!
Their getting wound up to keep on tickin and they love it.
This is Amazing content!!
Thank you
spot on wellsaid
I appreciate it
@@MentalHealness thats ok
5:21 But they will never say that, they say they gave to you...
One of the best episodes! Ty🙏🏽❤
In God's hands, thank you Jesus 🙏!! It's my daughter that's been my narcissist. From about 12 and she's about to hit 30. Just happened and she got a car. Wasted hours in my by not having herself or my precious granddaughters together. 30 minutes there to get, she is never ready and knows when I'm coming. And the wasted hours in a day!!! Oh but she got a car, end game right there. But God!!! I miss my granddaughters but I pray that God is going to do a work in my daughter. No communication anymore and I don't expect. You said most don't change and I do believe that but God is Bigger. But He is already all the toxicity is leaving and I feel alot of peace. Don't get me wrong it's hurting but God will leave me nor forsake me. Peace to you and thanks for your help and honesty.
🥺💯🙏🏽
3:02 Yes they are not sacrificing much, though they claim they have done just as much in the relationship as the other person... They might do one thing compared to the thousand things the other person's done and they see the relationship as mutual, meanwhile the relationship is sucking the other person dry and they are a ok...
And with the relationship that unbalanced they are actually just repaying you in the smallest minutest way for all the things done for them...
But still some way they have done so much more and the other person couldn't survive without the leech on their back...
This was really good! I always love ur analogies
Thank you
The passion is truly appreciated. I feel ya and I hear ya!!
One day they say they want to marry you and the next day they hate your guts. Absolute insanity. Regret building a bum and wasting my time ⏲️
Oh lee i love you
If narcissists are incapable of love, what good can they contribute to anyone's life?
Nothing I think!
I lost everything. Am Glad I walked out. But I walked out with nothing! He took everything from me! Evil 😈
1:07 I shole feel like I wasted time...
4:23 HE yelled and screamed that HE was broken and the world has gone black and told me to get the fuck out of his life and his life is the worst it's ever been - 15 minutes later of more word salad that made no sense, I moved out...
Apart from learning about npd nothing 😢
Thank you Lee 🙏🏾
Makes a lot of sense though.🤷🏽♀️
I try
This is so true 😢
Build A Bum, oh my gosh, that’s perfect and hilarious at the same time!
So true Lee
Lol I low key be thinking I’m a narcissist 🤭 but I swear I’m not evil. 😂😂 I show empathy and sympathy but I’m just a spoiled brat who gets mad when I don’t get my way 😭
Oh 😆
You have antisocial traits. Being antisocial = being brat. Antisocials like to get their way. I guess narcissists kinda act in a similar fashion but it's because narcissists get offended if they don't feel the right to everything. Antisocials are more towards the "Raw brat spectrum" a raw frustration for not getting what they want rather than feeling offended.
From a bum to something attractive to others is right. When we first started dating, my ex called me to tell me that her teaching job interview didn’t go well. I was nearby and so stopped in and got to see her dressed in the outfit she wore to the interview.
She’d worked in a law firm on Wall Street and used to know how to dress-I knew that because I’d seen pictures of her in work appropriate dresses-teaching was a second career. Also, she had decent casual clothes. I mean she looked good, seemed to have a real sense of style, but maybe her first partner had dressed her in her work dresses and her last partner had shaped her casual clothing style, which was masculine because she was a butch lesbian. (She’d let go of the femme persona I’d seen in pictures.) I’d assumed all of that style was her doing. She’d gotten rid of the dresses, and because she’d been in school, she hadn’t needed any dress clothes for years.
The outfit was so unexpectedly inappropriate and bad that I had to leave her apartment and go outside howl instead of howling in front of her… I couldn’t help myself. (I felt bad but sometimes shock will do that to you.) Where she got these clothes for the interview I don’t knows-I couldn’t bring myself to ask her. She’d put together an old bright yellow a-line coarse polyester skirt with a blouse that didn’t match in color, material, or style and knee high hose with black, men’s loafers (you could see the tops of the knee highs). She put this together just because she thought the person doing the interview would want her in women’s clothing. She’d been more likely to get the job dressed in black jeans, black shirt, and cowboy boots while wearing a Stetson or a sweatsuit than that outfit. I think she just didn’t want to spend the money on a “feminine” dress and shoes she’d never wear again because she’d become a gym teacher and swore to herself she’d never wear another dress.
So, I took her to my house, opened my closet, found a lovely pair of black slacks to go with her black loafers, an elegant jacket, and appropriate blouse, and lent her some jewellery. (And that elegance, but with a slightly more masculine edge-I had those jackets too-with nice men’s shirts became her preferred way to dress up.) She got the next job she interviewed for. I can imagine that the person who interviewed her for the first job still laughs when he thinks back.
So yeah, she looked really put together when she started the discard stage.
So true
I honestly thought he would change and believes his shitty, meaningless apologies. 15 years of lies and bullshit but my divorce was finalized at the end of March. I’m definitely not the same but am rebuilding and have been blessed and protected while he popped off the for the WHOLE divorce.