How to Prevent Bike Theft Using Electronic Warfare Countermeasures
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 ม.ค. 2025
- Instagram: / bosnianapesociety
Many people have experienced the disappointment of a stolen bicycle. This threat can only increase further as bike thieves become more sophisticated in terms of stealth and electronic warfare technology. In this video, we will tell you the best methods to protect your bicycle from such threats by using systems such as tracking radar, thermal imaging, and electronic warfare countermeasure systems such as Shtora-1.
Bicycle Model - Semyon Filippov
"This is the LockPickingLawyer, and what we're going to do today is to disable the state of the art anti bike theft defense system using this Red Bull can Bosnian Bill and I bought."
@@cernunnos8917 3 minutes I think you mean 3 seconds
Yeah the LockPickingLawyer is definetly not gonna be deterred merely by a long range radar scanner system and infrared cameras he will shutdown and steal your bike in 3 min. no matter what you do to protect it
@@cernunnos8917 read this in his voice lol
I came here to say this
LPL is so legendary he's a meme now.
"Sir we have a hostile stealth aircraft in our airspace"
"Send Ivan with the bike"
Doesn't matter, the enemy has a shopping trolley
@@charliebullock6497 I will use the tennison Gambit to destroy the shopping trolley
@@natestathes What? How does that- oh you mean the ICBM variation. A classic.
Mount the AA bike
Ivan the Spacebiker vibes
This man is living in another dimension.
That i want to live in
Indeed
Or are we
He has ascended
wdym I almost got hit by an antitank guided missle yesterday
Can’t believe this valuable information is available for free. I, and I know I speak for everyone else in saying this, would pay thousands of dollars to have access to this video. I will be sharing this with bike owners everywhere. Thank you for this.
Heyyyy. Thanks for further ruining every truly horrible song in existence! I luv u :)
Banzai
UwU to you too sir
Agreed I have caught 30 suburban bike thieves in the last week
Nice username. Very fitting.
"Do not fall for the illusion of safety given by the mere capability of sight."
sounds like a Sun Tzu quote or something
All warfare is based. - Sun Tzu
Anything can be a sun tzu quote if you add sun tzu said that on the end
@@thudderwackand yet, you forgot to add it - Sun Tzu
It's a Ray Charles quote.
The one thing more genius than high tech measures....
*Low tech thieves in vans.*
Lol Edit: I am first wow
@@Totally_Not_Dan why do you think anyone cares?
Vans? I doubt that, they're always wearing fake Adidas
As a wise man once said "laser sights"
@internet drone or just rig it to detonate with a force of 347 megatons with exactly 9898kg of napalm and a infinite portal to a dimension of polonium 210
I feel like this guy is an intern at a defense corporation and this is how he’s learning to use their sales presentations
"Many people find themselves the victim of anti-tank guided missiles shot at their bicycle." Yes! The daily struggles of being a bicycle owner.
I've always considered buying a bicycle but this scares me. What if it was worse, something like an ICBM! Better not buy one
@@6023barath no one would waste an ICBM like that, unless of course you own a monocycle
Well if you not going to buy a bicycle, buy a car.
But the main problem of the car is it may “nuked”
Specially if you live in los santos
Yeah those losers in their fancy cars don't know everything we have to go through each day it about time someone spoke for us
Thank you so much for this video, my bike has been stolen 14 times in the last 3 days becuase of advancements in bike theft tech. With this video i will be able to show those bike thiefs who really the king of these streets.
i love how anti-tank rounds are the number one concern of every type of security in this channel
haha y e s
What, you mean to tell me your bike has never been shot down by an anti-tank missile? Damn, what kinda messed up place do u live in?
@@tulkasastaldo4114 where I live a whole dozen will hit you
@@tulkasastaldo4114 i said no such thing! I'm just happy someone is finally addressing the REAL issues.
I think every citizen should have a right to shoot anti-tank guilded missiles for self defence.
"If they can afford all this tech, why are they stealing bikes?" You might ask. It's because it's not about the money, it's about sending a message.
~soviet
or maybe you just have a 7000$ 2020 Santa Cruz v10
"- So now you install electronic countermeasures on your bike, so you won't be a message?"
(Someone please answer this with the Sicario movie quotation... please...)
It's all about the principle. Ah the sweet sweet principle
Have you witnessed the mycelium and dirt war too?
After fitting these defences to my bike my local cop told me I was over loaded, making it not only unsafe but also illegal to drive on public roads. After fitting a GVM upgrade kit to my bike it can now have a gross mass of 8 tonnes, meaning I had to get my MR license, but it is all good knowing I am safe form these elusive and radical bike thieves.
“… and, by taking advantage of the gross mass of 8 tonnes, we now can add a General Atomics MQ-9 Reaper unmanned aerial vehicle, which will take off when we park the bicycle. It’s combination of state-of-the-art sensors - e.g. the Lynx Multi-mode Radar, containing synthetic aperture radar (capable to operate in both spotlight and strip modes, and also ground moving target indication with Dismount Moving Target Indicator and Maritime Wide-Area Search) - and a payload 3,800 lbs for your choice of offensive tools like the AGM-114 Hellfire air to ground missile, GBU-12 Paveway II laser guided bomb together with AIM-9X Block 2 Sidewinder air-to-air missiles makes it possible to detect and engage bicycle thieves even before they are even aware of your bicycle 500 nautical miles away.”
omfg@@Zeguyfromgermany
@@ZeguyfromgermanyYo, how do you counter a hypersonic 3M22 Tsirkon Cruise Missile fired at you.
@@pointofinterest5981 You enter creative mode and punch it.
It's like a military AI gained self awareness and decided to become a tutorials TH-camr
Wait.... that's *not* what this channel is?
Nice try XANA. These tutorial videos wont help you.
@@bdrkrazykidj2658 Bold of you to assume I need these videos and that I'm not speaking from experience ;)
Profile pic checks out! I loved that show so much
@@bdrkrazykidj2658 exactly XD
It seems the bicycle had attempted his terrorist cyber attack, but failed. I thank you for preventing this attack, may we be in peace
ok
Truly one of the most intelligent beings on the planet if not the universe
@@bemotivated8443 couldnt agree more :')
awesome comment :D
What really cracks me up as a member of the military is that this really reminds me of the sales promo videos contractors show us all the time...
"Is your computer under threat from a WW2 era tank? Of course it is."
@@user-vf9ee6kn1e Remember, they are the enemy, not your friend.
@@ntnchua never accept unidentified substances from a main battle tank, even if they appear harmless
Blow up the bloke who just stole moms speggeti.
I like ur pfp
When the military defense system is more expensive than your bike
It will get stolen by hand instead of such warfare measures
Are bike expensive at all
@@yasininn76 a grand on up, so yes.
@@JoeOvercoat where in the hell are you buying the bikes bruh
@@yasininn76 those are bike store prices. I’m riding my bike of 20 years ago that was roughly the same price point. That said I’m hazy and whether you’re asking a question or if you’re trying to make a point. And to be fair, I am assuming we are not talking about Walmart bikes, here
me: *calls my friend*
my friend: "hey dude what's up"
me: "My bike got shot by an antitank guided missile again"
my friend: "'again'?"
Lolololol
6th time this week
and my laptop again?
It isn't much but it happened twice
I swear to god this only happens in gta
east london
"Many people find themselves the victim of ant-tank guided missiles shot at their bicycle. "
True, true
That's actually what took out my previous cannondale bicycle. I'm planning on getting a new Cannondale bicycle with a carbon lightweight frame, a steel body equipped with shields and the improvements suggested in this video. Nothing will harm my bike now.
Cyclists in Syria are gonna love this update
@@mistymiller5761 except the mailboxes
very relatable
Then people should stay away from chess contests
*Tour de France never got so illusive*
Wow it's him
Holly hit it is him
You gotta protect your vessel man..
Came to see this guy
Well.... Corona
I always find myself being the victim of an anti tank missile, everytime I'm biking. Finally this video has helped me overcome both theft and being shot by a missile. Thank you so much!
Me searches how to not get my bike stolen.
Google: use a bike lock
Bing:
XD
XD
locks are so 9th century, smh my head
Lmao
Yandex:
Bike: Has Electronic warfare countermeasures and missile disruption techniques
Car: *i will ignore that*
I suggest to switch from soft kill to hard kill missile countermeasures which have the added benefit of being able to neutralise a Cary
I have found one of my kind.
Ah yes, BAE Systems
Bosnian Ape Electronic Systems
Formerly Bofors of Sweden, I am so proud of my country, leading the cutting edge of homitzers and anti bike theft systems since 1646.
*Do not fall for the illusion of safety given by the mere capability of sight*
That's a deep quote
"Do not fall for the illusion of safety given by the mere capability of sight" wow that's deep
LIDAR superiority
@@FlabbyTabby YAAAASSSSS! 👍
Simple just tell nobody to rob your bike
They can't rob your bike without your permission
Only if you say it three times, like with Swiper in Dora the Explorer...
OR give them your permission. It's not stealing if you give it
or add another wheel on it, so they cant steal your bicycle but a tricycle instead
*h m m - m a k e s - s e n s e*
press "Yes" button to give administrator permission to steal your bike.
"click out of one, click out of two, three is binding, nothing on four"
*(LockPickingLawyer Moment)*
Yeah, I thought that too.
Man I just finished watching his latests video 😂
I wondered if others had noticed
Ah I see a man from the court too XD
Okay guys
3:03 why did I really want him to say f* at the end 🤣
I won’t let mine get stolen because I have the armored trolly with homogeneous protective armor to defend from the Main-battle Tank while simultaneously using a topol ICBM from the Tennison Gambit to prevent the Mailboxes from rising up and stealing my Bike.
Well apart from the mailbox thing that everyone knows is inevitable it sounds pretty safe
Jesus Christ this comment is a rollercoaster
UNLIMITED POWER
@@TheWither129 BAE in a nutshell
Friend. Homogeneous armor is no longer sufficient to meet modern battlefield requirements. What you need is a alloy-ceramic composite armor with additional NERA protection mounted on.
Is anyone else actually implementing these ideas? I don't wanna be the only one
I am
I am fellow secure bike owner
I mean everyone has stumbled here for a reason
@@agm65maverickmissile52 after following this tutorial, I can confirm that my bicycle has not been stolen, but I have been getting wierd looks and idk if it's because I am a loaf of white bread riding a bicycle or because of the large amounts of equipment I have attached to my bicycle.
me too
“T-90 Bike isn’t real, T-90 bike can’t hurt you”
T-90 Bike:
Oshida?
@Pluto The Dwarf Planet Shush you, we deleted you in 2006
I love that this series is just spending ridiculous amounts of money to protect something cheap.
Only to be stolen uneventfully. LMAO
"Click out of one, click out of two, three is binding."
The one thing you never want to hear when you're home alone at night.
Especially when it is your ex boyfriend getting into your back door, especially if he is also manipulating his tiny coq and has just finished getting into his wife's beaver
@@TheFalseShepphard play dead
@Pink Panther lpl moment
What In The Name Of Geometry dash, They Are Supid
“I’ve been sent by Christo a parcel with a house in it…”
And it’s gone...
Yea true u should be giving us our weekly dose of RGB gear
We'll get em next time
Because I BOPPED it.
@@Psyrus88 And it's just not fair, and I'm just not gonna take it anymore!
@@austingoodman2177 You have to change!
Hey I mean if he steals it at least he'll do a sick wheelie
Why am I the first comment? Lol. Love your channel!
(Squidward plays his clarinet until doorbell rings)
Doctor Gill Gilliam: Yeah, uhh, we're with the pet hospital down the street, and I understand that you have a dying animal on the premises. (Squidward slams door. shellphone rings, Squidward picks it up)
Squidward: Hello. You've reached the house of unrecognized talent. Please start after the (plays a foul clarinet note)
Squilliam(in left side of a split screen): Sounds like you've got a dying animal to attend to, eh ol' chum?
Squidward(on right side of split screen): (gasps) Squilliam Fancyson from band class?!
Squilliam: (snooty) I hear you're playing the cash register now.
Squidward: Sometimes. Uh, how's the unibrow?
Squilliam: It's big and valuable. I'm the leader of a big fancy band now, and we're supposed to play the BUBBLE BOWL next week.
Squidward: (stammering) The ba-ba-ba…The ba-ba-ba…The ba-ba-ba...
Squilliam: That's right. I'm living YOUR dreams Squidward. The problem is, I'm busy next week and can't make it. So, I was hoping you and your band could cover for us.
Squidward: (still stammering) Ohh, uhh, I…I, uhh…
Squilliam: I knew it! You don't even have a band! Well, I'll just let you get back to the service industry now.
Squidward: HOLD IT! It just so happens that I don't sell fast food, I do have a band, and we're going to play that Bubble Bowl! How do you like that, Fancyboy?!
Squilliam: Good luck, next Tuesday. I hope the audience brings lots of…Ibuprofen. (hangs up phone)
Squidward: I've got to drum up a marching band fast! Drum…haha…band humor.
(screen fades to Bikini Bottomites reading off of band practice flyers)
Sandy: Looking to add fulfillment to your dull, dull life?
Plankton: Then become part of the greatest musical sensation to ever hit Bikini Bottom.
Mrs. Puff: And be forever adored by thousands of people you don't know.
Mr. Krabs: Not to mention free refreshments.
Larry: Practice begins tonight. 8:30 sharp. (Squidward looks at his watch while driving a canoe car with instruments)
Squidward: Stupid music rental clerk made me late. That trilobite didn't know an oboe from an elbow. Elbow, heh, more band humor.
[ALL CHATTERING]
Squidward: People, people, settle down! Ok, now. How many of you have played musical instruments before?
Plankton: Do instruments of torture count?
Squidward: No.
Patrick: Is mayonnaise an instrument?
Squidward: No, Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument. (Patrick raises his hand again) Horse radish is not an instrument, either. (Patrick lowers his hand) That's fine. No one has experience. Fortunately, I have enough talent for all of you. (laughs)
Mr. Krabs: When do we get the free food?
Squidward: Ok, try to repeat after me. (Squidward plays 6 notes) Brass section, go. (brass section repeats) Good. Now the wind. (wind section repeats) And the drums. (drum players, including SpongeBob, misunderstand what Squidward means, so they blow on their drum sticks, which blow out and stick Squidward to the wall) Too bad that didn't kill me. (Next scene) Let's just try stepping in rhythm. Now I want everyone to stand in straight rows of five.
SpongeBob: Is this the part where we start kicking?
Squidward: No, SpongeBob, that's a chorus line.
Patrick: Kicking?! I want to do some kicking! (Patrick kicks Sandy in her leg )
Sandy: Ow! Why, you…! (dust cloud of beatings appears with Sandy jumping at Patrick, which then goes out an open door, which then closes)
[PATRICK YELLS OUTSIDE]
Patrick: Whoever's the owner of a white sedan, you left your lights on. (Patrick walks in with his head and torso seperated by a trombone, his head in the horn, then plays a tune with a series of A and B-flats. When he sits down, he plays a loud blare as the trombone slide goes down and opens his mouth, then when the note is over, he looks down with his head straight)
Narrator: Day two. (band walking down a street playing)
Squidward: Okay, that's perfect everybody. Bubble Bowl here we come. Flag twirlers, really spin those things. Okay, turn. Flag twirlers, let's go. I wanna see some spinning. Flag twirlers let's move!!! C'mon, move!!! (flag twirlers spin fast and fly into the air and explode when running into a blimp. Trumpet player plays "Taps", then Squidward lies down on street, curled up in a ball)
Narrator: Day three.
Squidward: How's that harmonica solo coming, Plankton?
Plankton: It's tremendous! Ya wanna see? {runs to his harmonica and plays the first note. Runs along and plays another note. Runs down and plays three notes at the same time. He gets tired and walks slowly to another note. Has trouble playing it. Falls down and spreads saliva}
Narrator: Day four.
Squidward: Well, this is our last night together before the show. And I know that none of you improved since we began… (Patrick chews on a trumpet) …but I have a theory. People talk loud when they wanna act smart, right?
Plankton: (loudly) CORRECT!!
Squidward: So, if we play loud, people might think we're good. Everybody ready? { Everybody gets their instuments ready}And a one, and a two, and a one, two, three, four! (Instantly a piercing loud horrible sound from the instruments breaks the windows apart and causes a small earthquake. Squidward's face is deformed like a Picasso painting and his baton breaks in half.) Okay, new theory..... Maybe we should play so quietly, no one can hear us.
Harold: (Australian accent) Well, maybe we wouldn't sound so bad if some people didn't try to play with big, meaty claws!
Mr. Krabs: What did you say, punk?!
Harold: (Angrily) BIG, MEATY CLAWS!
Mr. Krabs: (Turns his eyes in anger) Well, these claws ain't just for attracting mates.
Harold: Bring it on, old man! Bring it on!
SpongeBob: No, people. Let's be smart and bring it off.
Nancy: Oh ho, so now the talking cheese is going to preach to us.
[ALL ARGUING]
Squidward: Wait, wait. I know tensions are high. (everyone gets into a fight. Pilar and Larry are yelling at each other. Medley slams a drum on him.) There's a deposit on the equipment, people! (everyone uses their instruments as weapons. Mr. Krabs and Harold charge with clarinets like a joust but they slow down as Mrs. Puff slams them with cymbals.) Settle down, please. (Sandy and Frank are fighting. Sandy destroys Frank's xylophone by chopping it with a drum stick and he runs away. Patrick furiously kicks Sandy, and Sandy glares, turns red and snarls before grabbing a trombone. Patrick screams and runs off as Sandy chases him and the clock sounds at 10 and everyone stops fighting.)
Fred: Hey, class is over! (they all walk to the door making up their fight where Squidward slams them open)
Squidward: Well, you did it. You took my one chance at happiness and crushed it. Crushed it into little tiny, bite-size pieces. I really had expected better of you people. I guess I'm a loser for that, too. Don't bother showing up tomorrow. I'll just tell them you all died in a marching accident. So, thanks, thanks for nothing.
Patrick: You're welcome.
SpongeBob: What kind of monsters are we? That poor creature came to us in his hour of need, and we failed him. Squidward's always been there for us when it was convenient for him. Evelyn, when your little Jimmy was trapped in a fire, who rescued him?
Evelyn: A firemen.
SpongeBob: And Larry, when your heart failed out from all those tanning pills, who revived you?
Larry: Some guy in an ambulance.
SpongeBob: Right. So, if we can all just pretend that Squidward was a fireman, or a guy in an ambulance, then I'm sure that we can all pull together and discover what it truly means: to be in a marching band.
Harold: Yeah, for the fireman!
All: Hooray!
SpongeBob: Now let's make Squidward proud. A-one, a-two, a-skiddleydiddleydoo.
(At Bubble Bowl)
Squidward: I knew this was going to happen. They're just going to have to find another band to play. I just hope that… (sees Squilliam) …SQUILLIAM DOESN'T FIND OUT! SQUILLIAM!! AH! What are you doing here?
Squilliam: (laughs) I just wanted to watch you blow it. So, where's your band?
Squidward: Um, they couldn't come. They…died.
Squilliam: Then who's that?
Squidward: AH! THAT WOULD BE MY BAND!
SpongeBob: We're ready to perform, Squidward.
Squilliam: Well, Squiddy, this is exactly how I pictured your band with look. (SpongeBob dances while flicking his tongue back and forth)
Squidward: That's his…eager face. (Squilliam laughs. They all go into the Bubble Bowl)
Squidward: Well, I guess this will be the last time I can show my face in this town.
SpongeBob: That's the spirit, Squidward. (bowl raises above a football field)
Football Announcer: Ok, football fans. Put your hands together for the Bikini Bottom SuperBand!!!!! (crowd cheers)
Patrick: These are some ugly looking fish.
SpongeBob: Maybe we're in those toxic waste dumps.
Mr. Krabs: I think I'm gonna be sick.
Squidward: (Nervously) Ok, everybody. Let's get this over with. One, two, three, four...
(Several band members play trumpets for a short time) (Music: "Sweet Victory") (SpongeBob begins singing)
[SINGING] The winner takes all, it's the thrill of one more kill. The last one to fall will never sacrifice their will. Don't ever look back on the wind closing in. The only attack were their wings on the wind. Oh, the daydream begins. And it's sweet, sweet, sweet victory, yeah. And it's ours for the taking, it's ours for the fight, in the sweet, sweet, sweet victory, yeah. And the world is ours to follow. Sweet, sweet, sweet victory.
(Squilliam is shocked at the band's success and Squidward looks at Squilliam in an evil and smug way causing Squilliam to be scared. Squidward as he makes rock star moves, Squilliam passes out of a heart attack and Squidward waves good bye to him as medical doctors take him away in the distance. Squidward jumps into the air, delighted that he has a great band)
You don't understand, the thief has to dismantle a state of the art defense system just to at least take the bike. After all those dismantling, they still need to be wary of any hidden radar systems within the bike. Wheelies aren't something they have the luxury to do.
If you give him a fullface, He might even win Rampage.
So nobody going to mention the guy who typed out an entire episode of spongebob?
i just hate it when i get guided anti-tank missiles shot at my bicycle
Thieves stole the defense equipment not the cycle : what to do now ?
@@radioactivep453 install an automated sentry
@@sahar1213 hmm interesting : thanks 😁🌚
You know what's funny? All the talk about the correct order of adjectives in the english language...but anti-tank guided missile and guided anti-tank missile are interchangeable and both fine
I had one shot at me last night in rural Ohio
Me: popping into Tesco to get a £3 meal deal.
Also me: gets lasered to death by a random bike near the trolleys
Watch then how to protect your shopping trolley. I Have already done and efficiently I could flank the bicycle and end it with ATGM launchers. If the bike thief however teams up with it and tries to launch an Anti Tank Missile, you have Trophy active protections, so you should be finr if you utilize the speed properties and the great armament
Lockpickinglawyer: "At last, a worthy opponent. Our battle will be legendary!"
"Launch out of pod 3, nothing on silo 4, aaaaand *beep* we're in."
*proceeds to discuss the security flaws of electronic warfare mechanisms*
Then the bicycle explodes
Oops wrong era back to the time machine
*uploads a 3 minute video on how to lock pick the bike, explaining the mechanism in **2:45** minutes*
"I will do it again to show it's not a fluke"
Ever since I implemented these upgrades the number of missiles that have come at my bike has gone down significantly
Yes. I'm getting at most 1/10th the previous number of missile attacks too!
Yes but now you've opened yourself up to attacks with an AGM-88 HARM or any other kind of anti-radar missile.
@@Calvin_Coolage That's why i implemented a Phalanx CIWS on my bike. Still have to figure out how to stop an Avangard hypersonic glide vehicle though...
@@Calvin_Coolage you can replace the radar with a quantum radar instead, which is low energy and far more difficult to detect by conventional means
As an active bike commuter, i can confirm that this technology is unrivaled in the world of bike security. i use it personally on all of my bikes. cant beat it 10/10 would recommend
Where are the offensive armaments? I would suggest mounting some browning machine guns and a Rheinmetall 120mm L/55 tank gun.
Nope you need at the very least Rheinmetall 155mm L/52 if you want to stand a chance against the most basic attempts at bike theft
@@BosnianApeSociety You see, the bike was eventually stolen by bike thieves using a very advanced "Van drive-by" strategy. I am sure that the mounted radar system has already picked up the in-coming van at high speeds, but without offensive armaments that is actually good at intercepting a multitude of hostiles, it would be pointless to detect the enemy without eliminating them.
A 155mm L/52 Rheinmetall cannon isn't the most suited for attacking vans moving at high speeds. It is best to mount 2x 2A38M rapid firing anti aircraft guns, and have radar guidance for these guns using the mounted radar. At the meantime, you can also upgrade the offensive armaments by adding a pair of quad launchers for the 9M311 missiles to intercept bike thieves coming at you from longer distances.
Now, the fast-approaching van will be first intercepted by 9M311 missiles which are essentially beam-riders that can be guided manually against ground threats such as bike thieves using vans. If the bike thieves employ electronic countermeasures to disrupt the missile's guidance, you can simply switch to the 2A38M rapid firing anti aircraft guns and fill the bike thieves with holes using dumb bullets that are immune to electronic countermeasures jamming. Now if you are to leave the bike next to the tesco, the unfortunate bike thieve would end up being full of holes and you will be charged of murder and taken custody by the law enforcement. But the theft is prevented, so this is overall a total win.
Just place a mock up of your bike with a satchel charge mounted on it, then observe as thieves benefit to the space exploration program.
@@lewismacmillan9729 But wont the bike become way too heavy? In order to successfully use the bike as a method of transportation, several inprovements will have to be done to it, like adding a 8.2L ten-cylinder gasoline engine
This bicycle is obviously intended to be used in tandem with the armed shopping trolley previously described.
I must say: the TH-cam algorithm did not disappoint this time.
Nor did the comments on this video 😂
It's rarer but it's what we need
It must be really helpful to you then, i hope you will find your bicycle
These are the best! Lmao
It never does
Most people: "My bike has shocks and pegs."
This guy: "My bike has a long-ranging tracking device with anti-missile countermeasures to prevent theft."
your bike does WHAT now
Wait hold up.
What makes this funny is the need to put an anti missile into a bike
@@takahashi2852 what makes this funny is that their bike pegs its boyfriend
Furry pfp
Thanks! This helped alot, the SHTORA-1 Dazzlers really saved my life.
Is that why my girl calls me Bae? She’s trying to tell me to get a long-range tracking radar in case someone steals her? Damn. How could I been so blind!
Ha ha ha ahaa!
She might be also scared of being taken out by an Anti Tank Guided missile
You called your right hand "my girl" ?
@@AverageXennpai bro not everyone is a loser
@@AverageXennpai stop projecting
I don’t know what was funnier; the “you won’t hear thieves saying ‘click out of 1, click out of 2, 3 is binding, nothing on 4’!” Or the end 😂
😂😂
@Sandwich meat productions that’s what made it funny, for me; been subscribed to lpl a while now!
"Hello, this is the LockPickingLawyer, and this is some random person's bike lock that I'm about to open. Let's see...
A click out of 1.
A click out of 2.
3 is binding.
Nothing on 4."
Thats what i thought lmao
@@Maltatata exactly
Read it in his voice, even.
Proceeds to solve it faster than cutting duct tape
Jokes on him because now we can track him. Only problem, we can‘t shoot him with Anti Tank missiles due to our bike being able to prevent those attacks.
He is just answering the questions we were too afraid to ask
1:48
I like how the "advanced research and development program" guy is sitting apathetically in front of a black screen
He doesn't even have preemptive anti armour piercing and HE armour in front, typical Norton user, we'll see who's the advanced researcher once a main battle tank comes for him!
LockPickingLawyer: *HEAVY BREATHING*
He breathes?!?
"Click on 32... None on 33... None on 34... HOW MANY PINS GOD DAMMIT"
*wheezing*
@@rehodaenerys9092 40 is binding..... small click out of 41
Fühle ich bruder fühle ich
This is literally the mindset of military spending
Do u see our bikes being shot by anto tank missles, no
Exactly
@@mucklowthebaronofmercia8295 I don't know what you're talking about just last week my bike was hit by a FGM-148 Javelin (US-made man-portable fire-and-forget anti-tank missile.) And I couldn't claim insurance on it, can you believe that?
@@MrsSkinless that’s horrendous to hear.
Too bad. My bike was hit by a 2000lbs Mark 84 General Purpose Bomb equipped with a Laser Guidance Kit for precision bombing.
@@lukasi.v4269 that's how they get you
Finally someone who understands my daily struggles
I love how this has a low effort vibe, while the models most likely took months to make and animate.
That's half the joke
Tbh, I've used blender before (this animation was created using it), and it doesn't really take that long. For the models, I may be able to model it in just a week or less. Meanwhile for the animation, it's pretty much just a simple few movements, I'm guessing it can be done in a day or two.
@@doodezzzzzz No.
@@superoriginalhandle why
Unless you have experience
*"Hello, I'm the Lock picking lawyer, and I'm picking this electronic lock, called a firewall."*
3 is binding
@@splosh2070 click out of 4
next week: "how to protect your toaster from ukranian anti-aircraft guns"
Dude, warn us about spoilers before you actually spoil it!
Yes PLEASE
I've been having this problem for months!
i kinda need it, couldnt eat a toast peacefully since 2003.
@@leon-ks9yn Darn Maidan revolution. Ukrainian Intercontinental AA weapons' been desimating my toast ever since.
i love how putting all of these attachments would most likely just make the bike worth more, effectively making your security measures worth more but meaning more people would attempt to bypass it
"click out of 1, click out of 2, 3 is binding, nothing on 4" hit me hard
Hello this is the lockpickinglawyer
Wow a lockpickinglawyer reference 30 seconds into the video, this is gonna be good
Owner: Falls down from the bike after losing balance
Cycle repair people : that will be $2000000 pls
Thank you so much for making this i had problems with bike thieves tracking down my bike with electronic warfare i tried this and it WORKED i was able to catch them now nobody steals my bike Thank you!
Next video: How to stop the KGB from stealing your eggo waffle out of the toaster
YES
Bruh
OUR eggo waffle
@@oliviasenes7478
*random red alert 3 noises*
I've always wanted to know how to prevent bike theft using electronic warfare countermeasures.
I've always wanted to know how to prevent bike theft using electronic warfare countermeasures as well.
I've always wanted to know how to prevent bike theft using electronic warfare countermeasures as well, as well.
I've always wanted to know how to prevent electronic warfare countermeasures using bike theft.
The dislikes are from outdated relics of the past
The dislikes are from Lockpicking Lawer
And bike thieves. They are powerless now.
@@marko.4089 Ahh
The end of video?
The dislikes are gone
Aged like 1976 Cabernet Sauvignon
after step 3 be like: *Now we will mount 2 browning 50 caliber heavy machine guns with 12.7 millimeter armor piercing incendiary tracer bullets to defend against potential threats. To counter the weight we will now add an 8-speed sequential gearbox along with a 12.8 liter incline 6 supercharged engine producing 2400 horsepower*
*now lets see if those pesky bike thieves are able to steal your bike.
Thank you so much for making the absolute best content in the galaxy. You're the one and probably the only person that understands my humor to the fullest. The subtle funny accent changes, the overkill situations, the specifc knowledge, the entertaining animations, EVERYTHING. Perhaps by far the most entertaining way to learn things.
Thank you so much for making my day, u really nailed it. You're like an angel or guardian of humor and knowledge.
At this point you would be arrested for driving an unlicensed military vehicle
Have you got a loisance for that!!
yes, but your car would not be stolen
Cursed profile picture
Cursed profile picture
Lmao, imagine asking your government for permission to exercise your God-given rights.
2:33 Actually this happened to me last week.
I was teaching my son how to ride a bike without training wheels, and an anti-tank guided missile came around the corner and destroyed the bicycle. Truly wrecking experience.
Yes, your bike may be safe,
*But did you lock up your waffles?*
No, you didn't, and they're mine now.
This is cool and all, but what really want to know is how to effectively protect your school desk from Advanced Post-Cold War Intelligence Collecting and Interfiering Techniques by your local Underground NKVD division
Ah, yes! Finally, someone who understands my struggles as a student!
Simple, nord vpn and also for emergency situations just simply launch a missile to your school desk so the info will be destroyed before they are collected
I too need to know these methods so I may better myself against- I too suffer from the local Underground NKVD Division....
I want to know how I can better outfit my desk so it provides better protection from a nuclear bomb attack
@@neon5162 Duck and cover. School desks have been fitted to withstand thermonuclear attacks since the 1950s.
1K likes : 0 dislikes
Guess bike thieves haven’t located this video
That... was basically the best comment I’ve read under this video.
More like they have located it and learn about the new security measures which is useful for them to prepare their next assault in your prized two-wheeled possession.
18 dislike
I always wonder about what sort of people dislike videos
But yeah 23 bike thieves made it to this video
Wait till we meet the cavemen with the van.
"foer example, many people find themselves the victim of anti-tank guided missiles shot at their bicycles"
Seems to be quite common in Bosnia.
Happened to me last Tuesday. If only I'd seen this video...
@@jameswhitley4101 are you okay man???
@@AtrociousCitizen he's fine
Congratulations you saw the video
Seebee narrating This was perfect
This must be what interdimensional cable is like.
Rickandmorty?
So true
Instructions unclear, bike turned into a tank and shot a SABOT round into my laptop
I guess you need to get a Kontakt-5 generation armor plating. Also, you can mount a 6-Pak German Anti-Tank cannon, which will definitely be a cahllenging task already for the tank. However.. some kinetic energy penetrators have countered his problem and use a 5.4 litre 12-Cylinder twin turbocharged gasoline engine, so they can outflank the cannon. To overcome this threat, we will start with mounting a 1,2 Km airfield on top of the house's roof to penetrate he enemy with bombs and aerial attacks, before the enemy penetrates the bicycle. We can also install an Active-Laser Silo, which will send a signal to space, creating an Orbital Cannon, and therefore you can destroy the enemy, if you combine the Tennison Gambit ICBM tactic, with the suggested one. Gl!
Didn’t your mother tell you not to talk to MBT’s?
The acronym is APFSDS, not SABOT
How to defend computer against mbt
it feels like hes living in a world were the government collapsed and everyone had to fight very hard for their possessions
But there's also an abundance of anti tank missiles and grenades.
So... Bosnia?
@@georgekurgansky5986 In other words, Montana.
AnCap Strangereal
_After decades of standing on the brink of apocalyptic war... the world finally broke. But it did not come crashing down in the all-out conflict we spent our lives preparing for._
_No, our self-destruction might be more akin to a stress fracture - a quiet shutdown from years of pre-war buildup fatigue, rather than a violent death._
_Governments, crushed from decades of unsustainable defense spending, became mere shadows of themselves, if not collapsed outright. Thievery, shortage, and violence run rampant._
_The only functional remnant of the economies of scale is the military industrial complex, which had amassed obscene power from centuries of peddling weapons in preparation of a war that never came, and pervaded lower and lower cost warfare products into every aspect of everyday life._
_Yet, still, ordinary life endures as best it can in a world where Trident warheads somehow cost less than Trident gum. We still go about our days as if nothing had happened, living our best simulacrum of old world normalcy. We shop at Tesco with anti-aircraft guns mounted to our carts. We use the internet, ever wary of hostile Main Battle Tanks that track us if we click on suspicious emails. Our road rages are as mundane as those of your timeline, except that we settle them in the skies with Eurofighters and Sukhoi aircraft. We take respite from the constant reality of armed conflict in the solace of a quiet game of chess with Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles._
_You would have called ours a “cold” war. This implies the existence of a “hot” war. But hot and cold lose all distinction when mixed in the same cup; in our world, there is no cold war. There is no hot war._
_There is only war._
I was waiting for that ATGM. I am prepared.
The bike wasn't equipped with an M256 Rheinmetall Rh-120 120mm smoothbore tank gun, so it doesn't have a way to intercept bike thieves.
The tracking radar can also be used for fire control, giving the bicycle owner the freedom to mount their ordinance of choice which can range from 35mm Oerlikon GDF autocannons to large caliber naval guns provided they can fit it on their bike somehow
What if i dont have the money for such expensive defense tool? Can i just use the MG40?
@@foxinabox5103 steal it or replicate it using available resources via military grade vehicle dumps
Use the FP-45 Liberator
@@hamper6511 thanks bud, i knew a friend that has one of those laying in his garage. Guess ill be practicing lockpicking rn :)
"Many people find themselves the victim of anti-tank guided missiles shot at their bicycles"
Random Taliban just going for a bike ride:
so true
brutal but true
@@jeremyloldrup7997 yeah
Rip
@@AWISECROW lol
Q: how do i protect my X from bad things?
A: use Soviet military surplus Y piece of equipment
Bro I can't tell you how many times I've had to deal with ATGMs when im trying to ride my bike thank you so much for the help.
I mean, it's pointless without any automated countermeasures... At least attach some Claymore anti personnel mines or a pair of nice Phalanx Mk-15s to the sensors you your bike can fend for itself. At least that was what worked for me.
Lol
I feel bad for whoever's stealing your bike
Halfway through the video, I was beginning to wonder if there was a way to defend my bicycle against Anti-Tank Guided Missiles, and I was relieved to know there is! Thank you for this valuable info!
but what about APDSFS anti tank kinetic penetrator munitions
Guns: YES
Military modules: YES
Center of the mass: *NO*
nononono if you put the average gamer on it it would be balanced in rides
💀 😂
@@pogtonium5084what if I’m epic gamer
@@cghbv1585 Then you have a wholesome balance, though not to be rude but idt ur an eg
2:06
I love this part, its like they know, there would still be people who'd still have the audacity to steal your bike during a storm, hurricane heck or even a tornado
Everybody's bikes are safe unt someone started using biological/chemical warfare countermeasures
This is just a basic tutorial to get you started mate. If you're looking for info on preventing biological or chemical vectors of bike theft I suggest you look up SelfReliantCycl1st. He's an epidemiologist and has a multi part series on setting up bicycle mounted clean rooms and mobile containment procedures.
When I tried to steal a bike, I used an EMP to disable the defences and communications. However, the pilot used knockout gas to eleminate me
"For example, many people find themselves victim of anti-tank guided missile shot at their bike" 🤣
It is a sad reality I have lost many good bikes to the BGM-71 TOW systems
@@onoff4244 cant have shit in detroit
The click on one, click on two, three is binding, nothing on four had me after watching a lot of lockpickinglawyer videos
Had to pause the video for a while as i was laughing way too much at that point :D
lost it at that point too
This is the ultimate bike equipment I needed
This man's world is so dangerous, their every day lives need protection using military grade weapons.
Because you can get hit by an anti tank guided missile just by breathing near the wrong person
I wanna live there lol
Well, he does live in Bosnia
mew
Guess what the military equipment must be in his universe then...
Man cyber criminals are really getting too smart nowadays
Next thing you know, they'll be stealing your samsung smart fridge via strategically placed nuclear warheads
The "click out of one, click out of two..." / LPL reference alone gets you a sub. Thanks, algorithm!
Click out of one
Click out of two,
Three is binding
Nothing on four
Good to see another man of culture
Me: mom dad can u buy me a bike
Parents: why not borrow our neighbors bike
The neighbors bike:
“It would end me”
Did you mean the quiet kid's bike?
What kind of parent *does* that?!
BAE systems really does make some amazing anti-theft countermeasures.
Their rail gun tech is particularly good at preventing theft.
Instruction unclear, bought a complete package of Aegis Combat System. How do I mount this?
Good question. I put mine on the front handles
@Kevin Garver
I bought my manual off the dark web and suspect I may have purchased it from an MBT, as when I flipped it over I found no English text, only an IED strapped to to the back of and it's been emitting beeping sounds for 3 hours now. Know anything about bomb defusal?
@@pluto3194 cut all the wires, sorry if you die
@@pluto3194 Careful there may be a timer
Purchase a Ticonderoga-class guided missile cruiser upon which you can mount said Aegis Combat System.
thank you very beneficial information i sent this to my nan and she was very happy she hasnt had her bike stolen yet due to the coutermeasures
As soon he mentioned the anti tank guided missile I just sat down and cried from laughter for like 5 min.
This comment is an outdated relic of the past
@@propnotch3466 but I can still reply
@@nyansfen2328 one day you'll be too dead to reply
The “Air Force Technology Ad” version of bike theft
Mom: **gets me a new bike**
How I explain how I will take care of it:
This helped me a lot! My bike now doesn’t get taken by thieves! Thanks a lot!