The only solution for me, was to break away and go no contact. Abuse is abuse. There was never any progress when I tried talking to them. Scapegoats never leave that role if they stay in contact with the narcissistic dynamic. Never ever try to manage abusive relationships. Break free.
Peaches Macgyver same here, especially religious church folks...so judgmental, critical and that mental religious mindset us no joke. when yu have toxic family members especially with that Jezebel narcissistic spirit they are insidiously dangerous people although they may be related by blood, spiritually there is absolutely no cinnectui connection whatsoever. my mother was like this. . a religious whack, abusive , manipulative all the Jezebel narcissistic spirits that made my childhood extremely tramatic. this same spirit is in most of my family members, yes includjng my a family male nember an assistant so called pastor. dangerous, meanspirited and will flip out in a new york sec. i had or rather the universe removed these people from my life. had to increase my spiritual vibrations, dissolve the various situations and madness. stay away and absolutely no contact with people like this. the universe has a way of removing the negatives and replacing it with positives. doing do removes the blockages and thats there insidious mission. yu are not alone. i just wanted to let yu know. funny thing is that narcissistic people harboring this Jezebel spirit can be as old as 80 or more...still stuck on stupid.
It was great when I broke away but the resentment that got me sick. I suppose forgiveness while avoiding but there seems to still be a resistance there. You want to be completely free and liberated. I wonder if it's possible. Anyway I reconnected with my family. they are still crazy and unwilling to change or say sorry. I don't let them affect me as much now but still need to work out the resistance I feel towards them. These videos are helping.
Nihilism Annihilator. Narcissists don't know who they are. I don't think you've experienced being around a true Narcissist. You try having a stronger reality than someone who doesn't have a reality and latches onto any sociopathic tool to get the upper hand. No morality, no values. How far will you go to battle. No you have no idea what a narcissist is.
Nihilism Annihilator Just for clarification I am referring to Narcissist Personality Disorder Syndrome not just ego driven Narcissist. I have a relative who has this and it is always best to avoid them or you'll be knee deep in a blood bath and off you will go to jail. So best to avoid them, they serve no purpose. Building up your vibration is always key and blocking them also helps by not letting them get the upper hand in your life affairs but definitely avoid them.
if you let some people treat you badly they will continue to. Stop making excuses for them and get away from them. You can't change or fix other people . If they get help and take responsibility for their abusive behavior fine if not make a happy life for yourself
It's so annoying though when you're trying to be a happy and positive person and then you have to sit with these pessimists at the same table and listen to their ***** without getting triggered 💆🧘
I didn't even realize I started to apply this concept in how I approach and communicate towards my older sister. I just have to keep reminding myself that she is who she is and I shouldn't let the way she expresses her pain and frustration affect me. Thank you SO much!
From my experience, when dealing with toxic short tempered unreasonable people, the more you tolerate and don't call them out or bark back at them, the more they will use you as their punching bag, ESPECIALLY if you are nice to them!!!!
I cut the cords to my brother and never regretted it, never looked back. He was emotionally abusive my entire life and my mother, to this day, has always been an emotionally ignorant parent. Also she always ignored what he was doing and to this day covers his back.
Hello, this is a very helpful video. I’m having a similar situation but with my sister. Recently (5 months ago) my sister’s actions were the last straw for me and I severed ties with her completely but I’m having a hard time coping with my emotions sometimes. I feel like it was the right decision because she was an extremely toxic person in my life for many many years - she was two-faced acting nice but spreading venomous lies to friends and other family members about me and she used to push me down to make herself look better sometimes in my presence and often behind my back as well. The problem is that sometimes I feel really sad and a sense of loss like I miss her and it’s difficult because she is my only sibling but I also know that the person I miss isn’t the real individual, I am missing an illusion of the sibling I thought she was before i learned the extent of her hateful actions and words - The fact is she hated me, this is the reality but do you have any advice on how to deal/cope with my conflicted emotions? Even if there is no reply to this post, I also want to say thank you for sharing this video.
This course of action is never mentioned in the video, but it should have been. Just like you need to be realistic about your expectations of other people, you need to be realistic about how likely it is you will resolve differences peacefully. In my family, and I suspect in a lot of others, relatives stopped speaking to each other before any attempt to reconcile.
After being there for my family, trying to have a close relationship with my family, even inviting them for family dinners having no one to show up, I walked away from them. I forgave them, love them and wish them well. This was the best decision I have ever made. I have peace, no regrets, or guilt for what I have done. Walking away save me mentally and physically. Thanks, B for another great video. It is always so awesome how I your videos always show up at the right time.
Get rid of negative people from life. It's that easy. Love yourself enough to walk away from anything that drains your energy. Not everyone deserves to be in your life journey. Choose wisely 👍
This is so important to me. My parents abused me every which way and my new therapist would like me to write a letter.. your videos are tremendously helpful.
Esther Hecker im feeling ya. yu are not the only one. my childhood was extremly tramatic mostly from my religious whack mother. i can't even remember most of it and maybe its just as well. this narcissistic Jezebel Spirits i noticed runs in my family..not all of them but most. example i have a sister who is in her late 50s and would yu believe this same evil spirit harbors within her. it's like my mother is living within her. my family members very similar. at every opportunity she will insidiously create a situation to create harm and danger. never eat her food..a. very soft spoken and subtle. just like my mother. .extremely vindictive, extreme hatred and misplaced anger. no contact is the way to go. stay away....for yur own safety.
I'm glad that someone acknowledges that your family members at times treat you worse than they do strangers. I don't recall hearing that point in any other video. I believe the person treats a stranger better not only because he will be held accountable, but also because he takes for granted your love and support (he will get them no matter what).
this is wonderful, I found it after I watched one of your videos for positive affirmations for health. I'm learning I have to deal with the trauma from my childhood and the stress from taking care of my aging grandparents. my grandfather is an extremely hard and difficult man to deal with and I've been dealing with a lot of anxiety and panic attacks. although I practice a lot of what you say already, there was a lot more I learned. I'm truly grateful for this video and I look forward to releasing all this bad energy that I've had myself chained to for years. your videos have made a huge change in my life in a matter of hours. you will be immensely blessed for what you share with the world.
Thanks for sharing your experience Roxanne and I send warmest wishes to you. I'm glad to hear this video resource may have provided a little support on your journey, and I appreciate your message. Love and blessings, Bernadette
Longest video I’ve watched in a while, but it was much needed. I have family members that easily get into arguments and have to “win” the argument. At a certain point, I just have to walk away. I guess my challenge is accepting them for who they are and not wishing they were anyone else.
Thank you for this excellent video. I've done research on this matter (& narcissism) over the last few years in helping deal with my own toxic family environment and this is some of the best advice; psychologists recommend this approach as well. I'm in the phase 2 process and realising I have been expecting support that my family is not capable of providing and have therefore minimised my exposure to them. Realising that I do not have a warm and supportive family (my expectation) and limiting exposure has certainly been the answer for me. I'm now in the process of learning how to master not responding/reacting to some of the verbal abuse. This is TOUGH but I am committed to making this work for my own mental and emotional wellbeing. Thank you!
So much wisdom. It's rare that people lay it out so well as to solutions, rather than just focusing on all the dysfunction. You're excellent at communicating clearly and giving valuable and empathetic information.
I certainly cut ties with my family members i don't have no regrets at all im free from the negativity and the drama free im happy without them when the holidays comes around that's when i don't show up at all 😉i don't dare tell them where i live especially that cousin a my hell no abuse resentment towards me bring up the past i been done ✅ with her alone tyme ago don't want that negativity or that energy around me i wasn't that close to her anyway but this opens my eyes 👀 thank you Lord 🙏 move me away from her for good.
I have issues with dealing with my father and my grandmother sometimes. This video definitely helps me out! I will be watching this over and over if I ever get bummed out again :)
Sending love your way. Stay strong and true to you. Sometimes situations like this are the greatest assignments for practicing our faith/conscious living.
B is the most empathetic, nonjudgemental person ever and it has comforted me so immensely and inspired me to be more empathetic and nonjudgemental. way to lead by example, B. you are helping me achieve things i never thought possible and you're helping me make my dreams a reality. i already got my new apartment✨sometimes i have insecurities or get offended easily and so am scared to get help but B always knows just what to say to get me going in the right direction. luv u B💜💜💜
Much love to you too Abi! Exciting about your news of your new apartment! It's a delight to have you in our community. I love your commitment to living with awareness, growing as a person, and living the goals that are inspiring to you. Hugs! Bx
And then What happens if they attack you and guilt you cos you are minimizing contact and not reacting to their drama/triggers...now implying that I don't care and am not a good daughter due to lack of contact! You just can't win with narcissists/psychopaths! ! I know...let karma deal with it. I just do what I think is best now
So ironic, as I am on the opposite spectrum of your situation. It's my daughter that has the narcissistic/psychopathic behavior. Nothing is ever good enough for her and her drama absolutely makes us physically sick. Whenever WE are helping or doing something for HER and it doesn't go exactly her way, we're the worst people in the world. And that's just a small example of things she does and her actions. She calls us names I would never even repeat and we pay for it for weeks/months. Whatever she does or says always seems to get turned around on us and she doesn't care who she hurts, including her own children, which incidentally we are raising. I get so furious.... I HAVE to stop that, somehow... :( I't's only hurting me. I want to cut off from her completely...it's a double edged sword, you're afraid to answer the phone because it may be some of her narcissistic drama, trying to con us again, and, you'e afraid not to answer the phone because there may be an "actual" emergency. Its so hurtful and pure emotional abuse and we're just about bankrupt in that respect! Whew...didn't mean to write a novel, but there it is in a nut shell....
Wow this my situation right now so wierd some of my family is this way I get scared like it's just me but I noticed I have to do as they say or else even when I was not involved still excuses can't win against narcissistic people
@@katsview928 hi, katsview, i fully understand your circumstances since my older sister is doing the same or even worse things to me and to my parents. she attacks us verbally and physically from time to time. my parents and i are looking for solutions/ asking for help everywhere.
cjunsun We’ve tried everything now, gone down every avenue to no avail. I keep getting the same advice...”cut ties with her, don’t answer any call, text, etc!” So much easier said than done. However, I have done so much better the past couple months. Sadly she’s not. But I’m not carrying anymore guilt due to her own actions knowing I’ve done everything I possibly can!! ☮️ Peace to you....
That's interesting, we hold it together in public because we know what we do to our loved ones is wrong and damaging. Thank you, I need to accept them and get away if they are toxic. This is excellent, we can be our own person as separate from them.
Hi Bernadette, just wanted to thank you so much for all your videos and wisdom. I come to your channel when I'm having a difficult day and your advice helps me put things in perspective. Bless you for doing what you're doing and helping so many people in the process. Much love.
Hey Robin, thanks for your lovely message. I truly appreciate it a lot. It makes a big difference to know the resources do help people, and I send you much love! B
Great video! The piece about our own expectations is key! Some people perceive others as difficult but part of the issue is that their own needs are completely unreasonable! Check your own needs first.
Thank you so much for this video. This is such a blessing to come across this video and to learn how to deal with these difficult emotions. Very grateful!
Glad I found your video. You spoke of all the things I’m currently going through my in laws. I really liked your keen observations and tips to deal with anger
Omg I just figured out that the dad doesn’t tell his son what to do. Being around him every other week. He’s not comfortable enough around him. I am so upset at this but finding this video will help me not try to change the 2 of them from now on. This video is gold.
Thank you very much for this video, there are some really important points you touch on and I'm watching it again with a notebook in my hand. I have had a very difficult mum and dad, their relationship never worked out, but the generation before us did things differently, they stuck with each other even things did not work and fundementals were missing. And as a kid, all of this was projected onto us. It was exactly how you described, nice to outside ( their neighbours, colleagues etc) but toxic inside ( no one should know). I'm 41 now and they are 72 and 74, they still see you as kids and they act like they have all sort of entitlement but no obligation. It is hard, especially when family members that 'should' be closest to you ( i realized I did use should a lot in the past when reflecting about them) are this toxic, and after a while, there is no cure, it is like a disease that continues to grow, they are entrapped in it and instead of living their life, admitting their problems, they live life through their children by trying to control everything they do, by being overly curious about their lifes, by telling them what they should do, by calling them everyday. It is exhausting. Unfortunately, cultural issues and sometimes religion plays a part in these as well. There are many times I thought if only I could tell this issue to one of them, but I know they would never ever understand. What you said is very true, if it doesn't come from them, the universe delivers to you from somewhere else, I have experienced this and am grateful. I will watch your video again and review my notes. Bless you:)
Thank you so much for this video, it has been really helpful. I will binge on all the others. I am a New Zealander and it was so nice to hear your accent. Thank you!
"Release & Freedom" = magical results (Me thinks) Thanx so much for this priceless info! You couldn't me more bang on! This is something I finally learned after trying to help my disfunctional family members who refused positive change. I had to shift my thoughts away from their behavior as difficult as it was & focus back on me! I realized the energy sucking vampires (who live under the same roof (unfortunately!) only wins if you let them! Until, I began a positive shift, I realized that it also saved my sanity. I've been seeking a rental apt etc.. but price has sky rocketed & not too many that the average Joe can afford. Good thing for these vids that empower! :) Love & Peace to you all..
How to deal with younger sister who constantly has short temper, picks fights over nothing, accuses you of accusing her from your conversation with other family member (when you didn't accuse her), and she won't stop and starts attacking? My sister throws tantrum at my mum monthly over little things, my mum tolerates it and doesn't dare to shoot back or discipline her. Now she starts to show me her temper over nothing.
Thank you for your message. I'm sorry you're experiencing this and hear how difficult that must be for you. I also acknowledge you for looking for solutions and ways forward. Setting boundaries can help, saying what you will and won't tolerate, and walking away (disengaging) when boundaries are crossed. It might help if you're living in the same space with your sibling and mum, to talk to your mum quietly and privately about the situation and let her know what you're struggling with and ask her to work with you to create ways to deal with the situation. I have another video on this channel that is designed for dealing with difficult/rude people (non family) but there might be some tips in that you can apply also. Sending love your way. B
thank you for this and your lessons on forgiveness. i am a new aunt to only one child, as i only have one sibling. i have never had a baby of my own, and ive helped raise other peoples children my whole life. i even adopted one. but she was 10. i never had a chance to be in someones life from birth, especially one who was blood. i was ecstatic to have my new niece, i had so many dreams of my relationship with her. but her mother has been awful with both me and my mother. she keeps the baby away from us. and only allows us extremely limited, and controlled access to her. it has broken our hearts and breaks them over and over again every time we are near her. we are both devastated in a way, and my brother doesnt do anything about it. so as you can imagine, i am so angry at this women. i can even safely say that i hate her. and this anger and hate is eating me up. the loss of my dreams of being an auntie is eating me up, the pain that it causes my mother is eating me up. so i need any help i can get relieving myself of this burden. i think the first thing that i have to do is let go of my niece, as i do not even feel like i have one. and the next thing to do is to let go of my anger and forgive. it is so very hard to forgive something that keeps going on though. this weekend is my nieces first birthday and i chose to go to it, because i still want to be in her life somehow. and i dont want to shoot myself in the foot. but just thinking of it fills me with anger and dread. i have been watching your videos and journaling like mad. but it is so so hard. thank you for addressing this topic and helping me.
Such a difficult situation. I hope this and the forgiveness video were in some way helpful. To help let go, to release anger and to forgive, I also recommend Tapping. It's very healing and helpful. You can find info and how-to in the article linked below... bit.ly/2Eyvmqk Love B 💛
Thank you very much! Got here a bit late and found you just after the usual disagreeable argument during an international phone call. Very good step by step practical advice, seems that the eastern approach might work but it is a total turnaround from what you usually “expect” from a child (ok .. mustn’t expect anything anyway but have to keep reminding myself of this key departure point), cheers
Right now. I'm not just living with difficult Family Members. but sometimes when I try to reason with them. they Assume that I was just being a Smart aleck. and that I just talk crap. Their Attitudes get worse than ever. usually I try to stand up for myself. But i just try to stay low. they criticize. judge. talk down toward me. not much helpful to me. and don't seem to want me to learn how to do things for myself !
Thanks for sharing your experience, and in that challenge I send much love your way. I hope that life supports you fully with what you need to grow, to heal, to be resilient to these challenges and to expand into the most fullest version of yourself. It helps to remember that "what others say and do is not about you"... so when you try to reason with people or stand up for yourself, or say nothing, or withdraw or go forward and nothing seems to make any difference, they continue to treat you poorly, it is because this is their level of consciousness, their pain, their patterns, their mind conditioning, their habits... and they continue to play those out no matter what you say or do. Often people do this with everyone, not just one person, but the challenge when it's family is that you are often living in the same house or seeing them so often, that you can end up bearing the brunt of their behavioral issues or emotional challenges more often. If you have a choice or the ability to create space and reduce exposure, that is an option. If you don't have that choice, I suggest just remembering at all times, this is NOT a reflection on you. Focus on loving yourself, reminding yourself who you really are, and uplifting yourself on the inside, with mind and emotional support tools, and putting your focus/vision/attention on what you want to create for yourself in your life... so that you are on a trajectory that resonates with your heart (vs being caught up in the vortex of their energy/focus/agenda which is creating them pain and can end up dragging others into the same outcomes). Additionally, I also personally find it helpful to remember that it must be a dark place indeed inside the minds/hearts of people who cause others such pain. They may be very lost on their own journey in life to treat others poorly. So it's possible to hold a space inside our hearts of compassion and hope that one day life will bring them peace too, that they may rise to a new place in their own life. I wish you peace. Love, B
Hi B, I am totally fine with my parents for never meeting any of my expectations, I know their stuff is theirs, I have absolutely come to terms with that. But what if they start becoming damaging?! I am forced to live with them for the present moment, because (due to the fact that they never took care of me, never explained or taught me anything about life, which is why I got into situations with fatal consequences and ended up being a single mom after I could escape an abusive relationship) I am financially dependent for the moment. But living with them is just getting unbearable, I don't even care about myself, but it's getting damaging to my innocent child, we fight all the time, because they treat my son just like they treated me as a child, have no boundaries, don't respect ANYthing, don't respect me as a person, as a daughter or as a mother to my own child. I have to fight and argue with my parents almost daily about how to treat, how to raise and how to parent MY child and I just turned 31. I really don't know what to do anymore, I can't take this anymore, it's damaging to me and my child, but I'm financially dependent on them right now, because I am trying to get back on my own feet after years of struggling. They are the type of people they will never change anything. Although I told them a thousand times that I don't want it, they will secretly give my son stuff to eat that I consider crap (which is driving me crazy) just because they don't respect at all what I'd like or not, just as an example.
Tough situation, I hear ya! I send love and hopefully some of the other videos on the channel will help you with finding peace within situations we can't control, finding a way to be with it until we are able to change it. With warmest wishes, B
Thanks for your opinion, I appreciate it very much. I have been thinking exactly the same thing to find a solution for a situation like that. And while trying to cope with the situation, at the same time doing everything that's possible to get out of it.
thankyou for sharing....this is very relevant for me.....my latest is my Mother in law lives with us and she has dementia but still considers herself very capable of many things around the house, which she is no longer. She is/was always a active housewife and as you can imagine it creates quite a difficult setting as she gets angry and frustrated with all of us. And the dementia causes her to come across quite spiteful. I have come to conclusion there is nothing we can do to help her with this and that she is who she is, however I am finding it difficult to interact with her daily and its causing me a lot of pain as you say, and lessening my interactions with her only means I'm hiding in my own house and dreading meal times as she is always there asking what she can do, starting early in the day till dinner is finished.....I homeschool our children, so I'm home a lot of the time. do you have any suggestions? Silence only seems to fuel the fire, and calmy telling her I'm happy to do dinner on my own seems to do the same ( most nights she helps but its stressful for all involved due to the huge amount of negativity that she emanates while doing any said activity, because she no longer has filters ) wow that was a long comment! sorry just really putting this out there incase something pops into your head that may help xxx plus I can feel my crown is doing its thing so I know I need to hit send!
:) Tough situation, I can imagine how triggering and challenging that would be. So much presence, accepting and allowing is required... to detach, detach, detach. I suggest breathing, EFT/tapping and meditation to find the peace within to "be" with the situation when you cannot change it. And ask in meditation for guidance on how best to interact. Let your intuition guide you. You might even ask the Universe to help you see the best way forward!
Pinch Me Living thankyou for your advice....it is appreciated....I do as you have said, but I will also research into EFT tapping, I have had it done before in a session with a local healer......but have not tried it yet myself....thankyou for the idea! 😄 xx
Thank you for your awesome advice as always😘. How do I deal with this constant issue? When my husband makes a big deal out of something small and stupid and I explain my point of view, he doesn't like what I say if I don't agree with him and the whole situation escalates, he starts raising his voice, yelling and cursing...then I shut down and stay quiet but he doesn't tolerate me being quiet, he wants to hear that he is right.. and a lot of times he ends by saying he just wants to kill himself so I will be happy on my own or with someone else 😖😓😔 It's a vicious cycle.
Hey Narda, yes I totally hear you and understand the type of cycle you're talking about. It can be so challenging. It's really important to find a way to communicate together. The inclination is often to try, and try, and try, and then eventually shut down out of seemingly having no other option. However, there is rarely peace or happiness, or relationship wellbeing if one shuts down in order to appease the other. Often this type of relationship communication challenge benefits from a combo of both the individuals being willing to "work on" themselves and their own issues, as well as a joint effort as a couple of find new ways forward. This obviously requires both parties to be self aware of the real issues and willing to make an effort. If you need more support please feel free to reach out to me for coaching and I can help you more, diving into the details with you and coming up with an action plan of how you might find a way forward.
Now I understand. I have been dealing with difficult family members for so long. Years. It mad me angry and when I lashed out and stood my ground that was it . Then I was a piece of crap . I don't care. I don't talk to many family members beacause I would rather have my peace of mind instead then deal with the mess. Still love them but my peace is more valuable. God help me Jesus .
Love yourself, be kind to yourself, sometimes when facing difficult or toxic relationships we end up having to put a line in the sand and prioritize peace. 💛
There's a book called "Miss Manners Guide to Correct Behavior" - It's hilarious, but absolute common sense. And as far as families, she makes the very good point that we should be most respectful above all among family (and not take one another for granted) If we aren't considerate, appreciative and respectful of family, we won't be of anyone else. It begins with small things, not big psychological, spiritual & philisophical dramas: Use up the toilet paper roll? Replace it. Don't backstab, gossip & complain about your family & personal goings on to friends - if you betray those closest to you, why would anyone outside your family trust you?
I have a daughter that even though you ask her not to do something like stay up talking on her phone till early hours of the morning keep turning up music loud at night when I ask to turn it down she is 16 I feel she is not listening to me and I get angry ,she tries to play my wife off against me I love her but I don't like her much when she don't play ball and I don't like shouting at her she is also very lazy and untidy which drives me mad what can I do .
Yes it is definitely something that takes great practice with presence and will power, to pause and consciously apply. Only progress not perfection. 👍😊
It can be tough when you're surrounded by intense emotions of others, challenges or difficult behaviour in your own home, where it's not easy to reduce exposure to this or get space. As best you can remove yourself temporarily from inflammatory situations, and beyond calm communication and laying boundaries, focus on bolstering your own mind and heart, and taking care of being the best you can be. Guided meditations, affirmations and EFT (tapping) are a few things I would recommend. B
I am dealing with difficult family members. If I ask a question like if they seen my water bottle.. they come with a rude remark. And then team up with another family member (child) just to Make me look stupid. If I lash out they call me crazy. I do everything and I help them out the best I can. I'm making sure they have a roof over their heads. But, I'm the bad person.. "I'm crazy!" "I'M Autistic and that's why no one likes me." Yelling is making it worse. I can't cut them off... Because then I will be a bad guy ... Especially when they are dealing with tough times.
I hear you Jea, it's a tough situation. Just remember that the pain people project to you is often not at all about you. What is within is what comes out. When people have a negative mindset, or hurts inside, or lack of self love, or any other type of internal pain or limitation, it often can spill over at people close to them. Sometimes this is unconscious and not on purpose, but also sometimes it is very much on purpose, as if letting hurt fire at someone else will somehow temporarily make them feel more powerful or in control, deflecting from the pain within. This is not an excuse or reason to rationalize the behavior, but it helps to remember this if you are receiving hurt from others, as it helps you to remember it's not about you. We can't control others, we can only a) calming and clearly communication our boundaries and b) have an unbreakable, beautiful, healhy and powerful LOVING relationship with our own selves. Remind yourself every day "I am calm. I am loving. I am smart. I am a good person". The more you fill your mind and heart with powerful loving messages to strengthen your own self, the more resilient you become to the intensity of other people's negativity. That said, you're also human and we can only take so much of repeated poor treatment, and so boundaries are key. While they are family, you are allowed to reduce your exposure if it means taking care of your wellbeing, and especially if you've tried all the other ways to try to improve the relationship but nothing has worked. Do what you can to take good care of yourself and most of all... remember you are a good person, and you don't have to take on the negative viewpoints others might project at you. Sending love your way. B
Thanks for this video, I'm going through a really hard time with my family, currently I'm not at home, i left my home country to look for greener pastures and support my family, because the situation we were living in was veeery bad, I'm the third born, i love my family so much and i have always sacrificed myself for them , i left my 2kids with my mum and siblings, i have been away for years, i havent been able to go back home because my travel documents are not in order,t all i see is my family using me, i try my best but still my best is not enough, sometimes I dont have work which means no income but they dont understand that,i feel emotionally drained, for those years i have supported them, if it was only me and my kids i wouldn't have bothered to go out of my country but i did this for my family but they are not appreciative, they dont do anything to support my ideas or anything, all they want is money, now for those years I havent seen my kids, i feel like a bad mother, and I cant go back because I know right nowI can't find a good job that will see me support my kid's education now that they are in high school, i dont know what to do anymore, i find myself crying evry morning i wake up
Thank you for sharing your situation and I hear how stuck and upset you feel right now. I've put below a few resources that I hope might help at this time, to comfort and support you. With much love, B bit.ly/31PkPE8 bit.ly/2x2gVq3 bit.ly/31Un3SV
Hello, I hope it's okay if I chime in. I've heard this is a common pattern, when relatives go abroad to earn money, there's this expectation, that the money is going to be free flowing. Many people experience it when they go abroad. May I suggest some options? How about getting a partner / a husband to share love and support wherever you are. You are not betraying your children or your relatives. When they grow up, they might understand the difficult situation. But my first idea is to strengthen yourself to be able to deal with this difficult situation afterwards. After all, you are without your family abroad and it is not the easiest situation. You can have some happiness too, right? Secondly, your kids might miss you but they also have themselves as siblings and hopefully can establish a bond between each other. If you build yourself up, you have a chance of supporting them. But no one wins if you are in misery. Another thought would be to connect to a church. Maybe they can help with dealing with difficult emotions. As well as connecting to other expats from your country, who might have similar situations and feeling. Wish you all the best, some rest, good health and happiness.
Hey B, I was wondering what you do to transmute negative energy from someone on a lengthy road trip or something? They won't say anything and the attitude just came out of nowhere. The energy is palpable.
Remember it's not about you. Their reaction is their paradigm and their energy to manage. Breathe deeply and slowly, and stay tuned within yourself. Feel the energy in YOUR body, and remember.... "Their stuff is theirs, their energy is theirs and doesn't belong to me. I need to stay within my own energy here". Allow them to have their upset feelings. Remain calm with the breathing, and silence is usually a great strategy for letting things cool down. Your job is not to make it go away, as they control themselves, you control yourself, but you can create peace in yourself by detaching logically that this is not about you, AND by not reacting to have to challenge them or fix the situation, rather by going within yourself and holding your energy. You might like to try this technique also "I forgive them. They know not what they do. This is not about me, but I feel their pain and suffering. I wish them health and happiness. I wish them peace. I forgive them". And imagine light in your own body and heart, expanding outward and encompassing the space around you including them. Bx
So much gratitude to you, B. You are a gracious, wise and kind woman of authenticity. When I'm able to afford a session with you I will be booking asap! I'm so thankful for your presence and engagement here and that you care enough to respond with love and truth. You'll be proud to know, I did the exercise with the light and let her work through her feelings on her own and didn't try to do the codependent thing I normally do trying to fix it and pry into what's wrong. ❤🙏🏾✨
I watched the video and am still a little confused on something. I turn 23 in December just for context. This happened with my 8 year old cousin yesterday. He was being rude to Asian culture in an Asian store. Making barfing noises, throwing self to the ground saying ‘GROSS! It really smells like cat pee in here!BLEHHH!’ and so on.. It was crowded and the store clerks and customers were all staring at this point. It was a small shop. My older cousin who was 13 was getting embarrassed and kept telling me he was upsetting her. Almost on the verge of tears. I take them outside to eat Asian ice cream in the car. Aunt and uncle still shopping, I texted them how my older cousin felt. I then said this to my 8 year old cousin: ‘Hey ‘name’, can you please stop? It’s upsetting ‘other name’. ‘Other name’ is getting really upset about it and that upsets me.’ But kid continues and I keep repeating it the same way. Clearly stating how upset the other person is, either getting a ‘Good! You can cry, but I’m not hurting ‘other person’.’ I then explained it could hurt someone and maybe even racist. He continues and hands me back the ice cream. Gets out the car and fake barfs around it. Not listening to me tell him nicely to get back in. Trying my best still to be calm and nice. He comes back in eventually and demands the ice cream that he was just saying was disgusting and made him have to throw up. I said no, since he didn’t like it and didn’t want to waste this treat that was expensive and was my treat in the store. He starts whining and runs out the car to get my aunt. I know it’s game over. Since they only listen to him and only his side. Never me or my other cousin. She comes to the car and my aunt and uncle lecture us about calling an 8 year old racist. Which we never did. I explained what actually happened (over her talking since she was interrupting me during my turn to talk). She then yells at me to ‘Act my age! You’re abusing an 8 year old! Both of you are just out to get him. I don’t know why you two have to conspiracy against him. That’s bullying! Do you know what bullying is?’ I said I wasn’t bullying him. She cuts me off and gives me her definition of a bully. She then give my younger cousin his candy and sits down in the car with my uncle. Making one more comment to my little cousin ‘Hey ‘name’, let’s have the nice people go and have fun. While the bad people go and try to have enjoy what left they ruined of their day. Hopefully they grow up and act like adults before we meet back up.’ We then drive to a comic book store and we go inside. She takes me to the side and says ‘I just want you to know that just really upset me. How you said that about my child. My 8 year old child. What child doesn’t act like things are gross? All kids do. Just stop tearing him down and try actually being nice this trip.’ I wasn’t going to protest. She was obviously wasn’t going to listen. I said ‘I’m sorry you feel that way. But I’ve been nice this whole trip. Why not get the whole story before blaming one person.’ I went back to shopping. What can I do to not experience this again? I’m literally upset and shaking while I type this. I love my cousins both. But my aunt and uncle make me out as the bad guy that acts lower then an 8 year old. ..please help ;-;
Hi there, I did enjoy your video, and definitely think there are some very good tips to deal with difficult family members. As we go into Thanksgiving 2023, your thoughts are ones that I think are very helpful, such as collaborating with this person and discussing what you both can do to have a more positive outcome. I will try this first, and possibly maybe, he might agree to that. And then, I would have to be very careful on how I went about my part on working together, and acknowledge that. It is very hard at holiday time with my son, who obviously has some issues with his mother, and likes to act out in his early 40's, when he is visiting me on summer vacation and holiday times, and in front of my grandkids. We should be having good times, and instead, I am kind of dreading what will happen this time. He is my son and I have been upset that I can not interact with my son in a more relaxing way, when he is visiting, him acting out and unconsciously or unaware, or just refusing to see, that he has some emotional issues with me, and it would be nice to talk about them for real. We have, kind of, discussed it somewhat, but it's always when we are both upset. So, you are also right, I need to always be aware of myself, and have my higher intention, of not letting him push my buttons, have some compassion for him, but in the end, setting a boundary of not letting him berate me over and over. My biggest disappointment is that I can not be myself with my son, and just have a good time, always have to be on guard, and that is very sad for me. I am 64, single, and would love to have a great relationship with my son, and that is not possible at this time. I will check out your other videos.
if i've calmly approached it and said "when you do (said thing) i feel (said emotion) and i was wondering if we could come up with differnet way" but they then start verbally attacking and belittling and shutting me off by not allowing me to talk (calmly) or go anywhere until they hae finished, what should i do? even if i do talk or if in silent its wrong. even if im honestly doing nothing wrong. its exhausting and im scared to even be myself because no matter who or what i am its always wrong and causes poblems :/
I hear you completely. And it sounds like you've tried many approaches including calm conversation to directly raise the issue. Sometimes, after attempting many approaches to be reasonable, kind, to open up conversation, to try to shift the dynamic, to explain what we need, to set boundaries... the other person may still refuse to participate in the relationship and instead continue to play out patterns without any desire to acknowledge your experience/needs or a new way forward. In that case, we may get to a point where we have to ask ourselves whether we can be around this person anymore, be it a family member or partner, if the dynamic is repeatedly toxic, with no willingness on the other person's part to listen, understand or be willing to work together for positive change. In that case, it can come down to reducing exposure, limiting impact, creating distance, or ending the relationship interactions until such time as the other person is ready or willing to engage in a healthier way. I acknowledge how painful this must be for you and what you're going through. I hope the messages I send on the other videos with the links to related resources may also be helpful in some way. With love, B
I have 4 sibling 2 elders and 2 youngers and I am the sandwich. my great prob is my elder sister, she is so cunning and creating me all the problem . she speak all lies as she does with and for a season no one in my family is good to me. from very young age she hate me
I hope this vid is in some way helpful and I send you best wishes. Tough situation but you have strength and calm, loving power within you to find the path forward. 💜 B
The only solution for me, was to break away and go no contact. Abuse is abuse. There was never any progress when I tried talking to them. Scapegoats never leave that role if they stay in contact with the narcissistic dynamic. Never ever try to manage abusive relationships. Break free.
Thanks for sharing your experience :)
Peaches Macgyver same here, especially religious church folks...so judgmental, critical and that mental religious mindset us no joke. when yu have toxic family members especially with that Jezebel narcissistic spirit they are insidiously dangerous people although they may be related by blood, spiritually there is absolutely no cinnectui connection whatsoever. my mother was like this. . a religious whack, abusive , manipulative all the Jezebel narcissistic spirits that made my childhood extremely tramatic. this same spirit is in most of my family members, yes includjng my a family male nember an assistant so called pastor. dangerous, meanspirited and will flip out in a new york sec. i had or rather the universe removed these people from my life. had to increase my spiritual vibrations, dissolve the various situations and madness.
stay away and absolutely no contact with people like this. the universe has a way of removing the negatives and replacing it with positives. doing do removes the blockages and thats there insidious mission.
yu are not alone. i just wanted to let yu know. funny thing is that narcissistic people harboring this Jezebel spirit can be as old as 80 or more...still stuck on stupid.
It was great when I broke away but the resentment that got me sick. I suppose forgiveness while avoiding but there seems to still be a resistance there. You want to be completely free and liberated. I wonder if it's possible. Anyway I reconnected with my family. they are still crazy and unwilling to change or say sorry. I don't let them affect me as much now but still need to work out the resistance I feel towards them. These videos are helping.
Nihilism Annihilator. Narcissists don't know who they are. I don't think you've experienced being around a true Narcissist. You try having a stronger reality than someone who doesn't have a reality and latches onto any sociopathic tool to get the upper hand. No morality, no values. How far will you go to battle. No you have no idea what a narcissist is.
Nihilism Annihilator Just for clarification I am referring to Narcissist Personality Disorder Syndrome not just ego driven Narcissist. I have a relative who has this and it is always best to avoid them or you'll be knee deep in a blood bath and off you will go to jail. So best to avoid them, they serve no purpose. Building up your vibration is always key and blocking them also helps by not letting them get the upper hand in your life affairs but definitely avoid them.
if you let some people treat you badly they will continue to. Stop making excuses for them and get away from them. You can't change or fix other people . If they get help and take responsibility for their abusive behavior fine if not make a happy life for yourself
And if you can't find a house yourself yet?
Agree. No point trying to talk up and find what their excuses are for abusing. Get away from them ASAP.
It's so annoying though when you're trying to be a happy and positive person and then you have to sit with these pessimists at the same table and listen to their ***** without getting triggered 💆🧘
I didn't even realize I started to apply this concept in how I approach and communicate towards my older sister. I just have to keep reminding myself that she is who she is and I shouldn't let the way she expresses her pain and frustration affect me. Thank you SO much!
From my experience, when dealing with toxic short tempered unreasonable people, the more you tolerate and don't call them out or bark back at them, the more they will use you as their punching bag, ESPECIALLY if you are nice to them!!!!
I cut the cords to my brother and never regretted it, never looked back. He was emotionally abusive my entire life and my mother, to this day, has always been an emotionally ignorant parent. Also she always ignored what he was doing and to this day covers his back.
Thanks for sharing your own experience. Sending best wishes. B :)
Hello, this is a very helpful video. I’m having a similar situation but with my sister. Recently (5 months ago) my sister’s actions were the last straw for me and I severed ties with her completely but I’m having a hard time coping with my emotions sometimes. I feel like it was the right decision because she was an extremely toxic person in my life for many many years - she was two-faced acting nice but spreading venomous lies to friends and other family members about me and she used to push me down to make herself look better sometimes in my presence and often behind my back as well. The problem is that sometimes I feel really sad and a sense of loss like I miss her and it’s difficult because she is my only sibling but I also know that the person I miss isn’t the real individual, I am missing an illusion of the sibling I thought she was before i learned the extent of her hateful actions and words - The fact is she hated me, this is the reality but do you have any advice on how to deal/cope with my conflicted emotions? Even if there is no reply to this post, I also want to say thank you for sharing this video.
This course of action is never mentioned in the video, but it should have been. Just like you need to be realistic about your expectations of other people, you need to be realistic about how likely it is you will resolve differences peacefully. In my family, and I suspect in a lot of others, relatives stopped speaking to each other before any attempt to reconcile.
After being there for my family, trying to have a close relationship with my family, even inviting them for family dinners having no one to show up, I walked away from them. I forgave them, love them and wish them well. This was the best decision I have ever made. I have peace, no regrets, or guilt for what I have done. Walking away save me mentally and
physically. Thanks, B for another great video. It is always so awesome how I your videos always show up at the right time.
I once heard the secret to happy relationships is to treat your family like friends and your friends like family..
:) I haven't heard that before, it's nice!
I can totally relate to that 😍
Wow, that makes alot of sense.
Get rid of negative people from life. It's that easy. Love yourself enough to walk away from anything that drains your energy. Not everyone deserves to be in your life journey. Choose wisely 👍
How do you do that if they are family?
This is so important to me.
My parents abused me every which way and my new therapist would like me to write a letter.. your videos are tremendously helpful.
Hi Esther, sending love your way and glad to know the videos are helpful. B :)
Esther Hecker im feeling ya. yu are not the only one. my childhood was extremly tramatic mostly from my religious whack mother. i can't even remember most of it and maybe its just as well. this narcissistic Jezebel Spirits i noticed runs in my family..not all of them but most. example i have a sister who is in her late 50s and would yu believe this same evil spirit harbors within her. it's like my mother is living within her. my family members very similar. at every opportunity she will insidiously create a situation to create harm and danger. never eat her food..a. very soft spoken and subtle. just like my mother. .extremely vindictive, extreme hatred and misplaced anger.
no contact is the way to go. stay away....for yur own safety.
I'm glad that someone acknowledges that your family members at times treat you worse than they do strangers. I don't recall hearing that point in any other video. I believe the person treats a stranger better not only because he will be held accountable, but also because he takes for granted your love and support (he will get them no matter what).
Thanks Barry, agreed, great insights.
Difficult family members share thier. hurt with people who might not be so quick to lash out since they are family..Hurt people hurt others!
Indeed :)
YES just as ''broken people break people!'' But, not if you don't let them!!
@Maria Furnando Sometimes you can't...like when you live with them.
this is wonderful, I found it after I watched one of your videos for positive affirmations for health. I'm learning I have to deal with the trauma from my childhood and the stress from taking care of my aging grandparents. my grandfather is an extremely hard and difficult man to deal with and I've been dealing with a lot of anxiety and panic attacks. although I practice a lot of what you say already, there was a lot more I learned. I'm truly grateful for this video and I look forward to releasing all this bad energy that I've had myself chained to for years. your videos have made a huge change in my life in a matter of hours. you will be immensely blessed for what you share with the world.
Thanks for sharing your experience Roxanne and I send warmest wishes to you. I'm glad to hear this video resource may have provided a little support on your journey, and I appreciate your message. Love and blessings, Bernadette
This was a fantastic video! You should write a book on this as so many people are struggling with this. Thank you!
Glad you found it useful :) Thanks Danny
Longest video I’ve watched in a while, but it was much needed. I have family members that easily get into arguments and have to “win” the argument. At a certain point, I just have to walk away. I guess my challenge is accepting them for who they are and not wishing they were anyone else.
Hope this was helpful. Sending best wishes. B 💛😊
Thank you. :)
You're welcome 💛😊
Thank you for this excellent video. I've done research on this matter (& narcissism) over the last few years in helping deal with my own toxic family environment and this is some of the best advice; psychologists recommend this approach as well. I'm in the phase 2 process and realising I have been expecting support that my family is not capable of providing and have therefore minimised my exposure to them. Realising that I do not have a warm and supportive family (my expectation) and limiting exposure has certainly been the answer for me. I'm now in the process of learning how to master not responding/reacting to some of the verbal abuse. This is TOUGH but I am committed to making this work for my own mental and emotional wellbeing. Thank you!
I send you love and best wishes! B 💗
So much wisdom. It's rare that people lay it out so well as to solutions, rather than just focusing on all the dysfunction. You're excellent at communicating clearly and giving valuable and empathetic information.
Thanks! 😁💖
I certainly cut ties with my family members i don't have no regrets at all im free from the negativity and the drama free im happy without them when the holidays comes around that's when i don't show up at all 😉i don't dare tell them where i live especially that cousin a my hell no abuse resentment towards me bring up the past i been done ✅ with her alone tyme ago don't want that negativity or that energy around me i wasn't that close to her anyway but this opens my eyes 👀 thank you Lord 🙏 move me away from her for good.
I have issues with dealing with my father and my grandmother sometimes. This video definitely helps me out! I will be watching this over and over if I ever get bummed out again :)
Glad this is helpful for you. :)
Yes there are also jails when people don’t behave how they should in Society as a whole. So yes some expectations have to be met.
You are a blessing to me! Thank you for this info!
😊💛
You have been blessed with much wisdom and I thank you for sharing it
:) A pleasure.
Thank you. I really needed this tonight. Terminal, toxic, angry, negative, rigid, critical family members... I'm Buddhist, and exasperated!
Sending love your way. Stay strong and true to you. Sometimes situations like this are the greatest assignments for practicing our faith/conscious living.
Do you watch Ajan brahm?
B is the most empathetic, nonjudgemental person ever and it has comforted me so immensely and inspired me to be more empathetic and nonjudgemental. way to lead by example, B. you are helping me achieve things i never thought possible and you're helping me make my dreams a reality. i already got my new apartment✨sometimes i have insecurities or get offended easily and so am scared to get help but B always knows just what to say to get me going in the right direction. luv u B💜💜💜
Much love to you too Abi! Exciting about your news of your new apartment! It's a delight to have you in our community. I love your commitment to living with awareness, growing as a person, and living the goals that are inspiring to you. Hugs! Bx
Just ahead of Christmas, this is exactly what I needed to hear.
Your wisdom is consistent with Buddhist teachings, but I'm sure you knew that.
💛✨💛
And then What happens if they attack you and guilt you cos you are minimizing contact and not reacting to their drama/triggers...now implying that I don't care and am not a good daughter due to lack of contact! You just can't win with narcissists/psychopaths! ! I know...let karma deal with it. I just do what I think is best now
So ironic, as I am on the opposite spectrum of your situation. It's my daughter that has the narcissistic/psychopathic behavior. Nothing is ever good enough for her and her drama absolutely makes us physically sick. Whenever WE are helping or doing something for HER and it doesn't go exactly her way, we're the worst people in the world. And that's just a small example of things she does and her actions. She calls us names I would never even repeat and we pay for it for weeks/months. Whatever she does or says always seems to get turned around on us and she doesn't care who she hurts, including her own children, which incidentally we are raising. I get so furious.... I HAVE to stop that, somehow... :( I't's only hurting me. I want to cut off from her completely...it's a double edged sword, you're afraid to answer the phone because it may be some of her narcissistic drama, trying to con us again, and, you'e afraid not to answer the phone because there may be an "actual" emergency. Its so hurtful and pure emotional abuse and we're just about bankrupt in that respect! Whew...didn't mean to write a novel, but there it is in a nut shell....
Wow this my situation right now so wierd some of my family is this way I get scared like it's just me but I noticed I have to do as they say or else even when I was not involved still excuses can't win against narcissistic people
@@katsview928 hi, katsview, i fully understand your circumstances since my older sister is doing the same or even worse things to me and to my parents. she attacks us verbally and physically from time to time. my parents and i are looking for solutions/ asking for help everywhere.
cjunsun We’ve tried everything now, gone down every avenue to no avail. I keep getting the same advice...”cut ties with her, don’t answer any call, text, etc!” So much easier said than done. However, I have done so much better the past couple months. Sadly she’s not. But I’m not carrying anymore guilt due to her own actions knowing I’ve done everything I possibly can!! ☮️ Peace to you....
Wow! GREAT video! Love the content, the ambiance, and how it's presented. Very well produced. Thank you. :)
You're welcome Carrie!
Carrie Bohnsack YES..she is an AWESOME speaker
That's interesting, we hold it together in public because we know what we do to our loved ones is wrong and damaging. Thank you, I need to accept them and get away if they are toxic. This is excellent, we can be our own person as separate from them.
:) Glad to share this with you.
This is especially important with extended family and any inlaws.
Hi Bernadette, just wanted to thank you so much for all your videos and wisdom. I come to your channel when I'm having a difficult day and your advice helps me put things in perspective. Bless you for doing what you're doing and helping so many people in the process. Much love.
Hey Robin, thanks for your lovely message. I truly appreciate it a lot. It makes a big difference to know the resources do help people, and I send you much love! B
Great video! The piece about our own expectations is key! Some people perceive others as difficult but part of the issue is that their own needs are completely unreasonable! Check your own needs first.
Indeed! 👍😊
Thank you so much for this video. This is such a blessing to come across this video and to learn how to deal with these difficult emotions. Very grateful!
😊💛🌻
Glad I found your video. You spoke of all the things I’m currently going through my in laws. I really liked your keen observations and tips to deal with anger
Glad it was helpful! 💜
Omg I just figured out that the dad doesn’t tell his son what to do. Being around him every other week. He’s not comfortable enough around him. I am so upset at this but finding this video will help me not try to change the 2 of them from now on. This video is gold.
Glad this was helpful 😊
So true. They're who they are and you just need to get out of their firing range and find ways to protect and defend yourself.
In the last month (Jan. 2022) I have discovered The Daily Positive and Bea. This particular video is really really helpful. Thanks so much.
Welcome Teri!
B 💛😊
I agree with everything you said. Thank you for the advice. I have realized I should have placed boundaries earlier in my life.
Hey Christopher, I hear you. We live and learn and the now moment is always a beautiful time to reset and reclaim. 💜💛💜 B
Thank you very much for this video, there are some really important points you touch on and I'm watching it again with a notebook in my hand. I have had a very difficult mum and dad, their relationship never worked out, but the generation before us did things differently, they stuck with each other even things did not work and fundementals were missing. And as a kid, all of this was projected onto us. It was exactly how you described, nice to outside ( their neighbours, colleagues etc) but toxic inside ( no one should know). I'm 41 now and they are 72 and 74, they still see you as kids and they act like they have all sort of entitlement but no obligation. It is hard, especially when family members that 'should' be closest to you ( i realized I did use should a lot in the past when reflecting about them) are this toxic, and after a while, there is no cure, it is like a disease that continues to grow, they are entrapped in it and instead of living their life, admitting their problems, they live life through their children by trying to control everything they do, by being overly curious about their lifes, by telling them what they should do, by calling them everyday. It is exhausting. Unfortunately, cultural issues and sometimes religion plays a part in these as well. There are many times I thought if only I could tell this issue to one of them, but I know they would never ever understand. What you said is very true, if it doesn't come from them, the universe delivers to you from somewhere else, I have experienced this and am grateful. I will watch your video again and review my notes. Bless you:)
Thank you for sharing your own experience. I send much love to you!! Blessings, B
Wonderful advice -thank you.
You're very welcome 💖💞 B
She Seems like a very sweet person 😊
I LOVE YOU! OMGoodness!
Love back at ya! B :)
You are amazing, my friend recommended you to me. You are the answers to the questions I need answered.
Hey Katherine, so lovely to connect with you! Sending best wishes, Bernadette :)
Thank you so much for making this video. I truly appreciate it. It was very helpful for me and I feel some relief.
You're welcome 💛
Thank you so much for this video, it has been really helpful. I will binge on all the others. I am a New Zealander and it was so nice to hear your accent. Thank you!
Hey Louise, lovely to connect, glad this was helpful! B 😊💛
"Release & Freedom" = magical results (Me thinks) Thanx so much for this priceless info! You couldn't me more bang on! This is something I finally learned after trying to help my disfunctional family members who refused positive change. I had to shift my thoughts away from their behavior as difficult as it was & focus back on me! I realized the energy sucking vampires (who live under the same roof (unfortunately!) only wins if you let them! Until, I began a positive shift, I realized that it also saved my sanity. I've been seeking a rental apt etc.. but price has sky rocketed & not too many that the average Joe can afford. Good thing for these vids that empower! :) Love & Peace to you all..
Wishing you the well on your journey and glad this vid was helpful. 😊
Thank you so much for making this video... You're amazing and this really needed to hear this for better understanding on difficult life situations.
Hey Rosina, you're welcome, very pleased to know this was helpful for you. Wishing you well for 2018! B :)
Totally need of the hour. difficult process though.
Indeed, not easy at all, but you have the power you need within you :)
God Bless You. I REALLY needed to hear this!
So glad this was useful for you Maria.
How to deal with younger sister who constantly has short temper, picks fights over nothing, accuses you of accusing her from your conversation with other family member (when you didn't accuse her), and she won't stop and starts attacking? My sister throws tantrum at my mum monthly over little things, my mum tolerates it and doesn't dare to shoot back or discipline her. Now she starts to show me her temper over nothing.
Thank you for your message. I'm sorry you're experiencing this and hear how difficult that must be for you. I also acknowledge you for looking for solutions and ways forward. Setting boundaries can help, saying what you will and won't tolerate, and walking away (disengaging) when boundaries are crossed. It might help if you're living in the same space with your sibling and mum, to talk to your mum quietly and privately about the situation and let her know what you're struggling with and ask her to work with you to create ways to deal with the situation. I have another video on this channel that is designed for dealing with difficult/rude people (non family) but there might be some tips in that you can apply also.
Sending love your way.
B
You’re a gem 💎 thank you for your precious advices
You're welcome!
thank you for this and your lessons on forgiveness. i am a new aunt to only one child, as i only have one sibling. i have never had a baby of my own, and ive helped raise other peoples children my whole life. i even adopted one. but she was 10. i never had a chance to be in someones life from birth, especially one who was blood. i was ecstatic to have my new niece, i had so many dreams of my relationship with her. but her mother has been awful with both me and my mother. she keeps the baby away from us. and only allows us extremely limited, and controlled access to her. it has broken our hearts and breaks them over and over again every time we are near her. we are both devastated in a way, and my brother doesnt do anything about it. so as you can imagine, i am so angry at this women. i can even safely say that i hate her. and this anger and hate is eating me up. the loss of my dreams of being an auntie is eating me up, the pain that it causes my mother is eating me up. so i need any help i can get relieving myself of this burden. i think the first thing that i have to do is let go of my niece, as i do not even feel like i have one. and the next thing to do is to let go of my anger and forgive. it is so very hard to forgive something that keeps going on though. this weekend is my nieces first birthday and i chose to go to it, because i still want to be in her life somehow. and i dont want to shoot myself in the foot. but just thinking of it fills me with anger and dread. i have been watching your videos and journaling like mad. but it is so so hard. thank you for addressing this topic and helping me.
Such a difficult situation. I hope this and the forgiveness video were in some way helpful. To help let go, to release anger and to forgive, I also recommend Tapping. It's very healing and helpful. You can find info and how-to in the article linked below...
bit.ly/2Eyvmqk
Love
B 💛
Thank you very much for making this vid!!
You're welcome 😊💛
Thank you very much! Got here a bit late and found you just after the usual disagreeable argument during an international phone call.
Very good step by step practical advice, seems that the eastern approach might work but it is a total turnaround from what you usually “expect” from a child (ok .. mustn’t expect anything anyway but have to keep reminding myself of this key departure point), cheers
Hope this is helpful and sending very best wishes.💛
This information is GOLD!!!
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Thank you so much for making this video. Your perspectives are very interesting.
A pleasure to share the resources. 😊
Narcissistic difficulties, only way is no contact forever.
"Dealing wuth deeficult feemily meembers!" Makes me miss my beloved New Zilland 😍
Right now. I'm not just living with difficult Family Members. but sometimes when I try to reason with them. they Assume that I was just being a Smart aleck. and that I just talk crap. Their Attitudes get worse than ever. usually I try to stand up for myself. But i just try to stay low. they criticize. judge. talk down toward me. not much helpful to me. and don't seem to want me to learn how to do things for myself !
Thanks for sharing your experience, and in that challenge I send much love your way. I hope that life supports you fully with what you need to grow, to heal, to be resilient to these challenges and to expand into the most fullest version of yourself. It helps to remember that "what others say and do is not about you"... so when you try to reason with people or stand up for yourself, or say nothing, or withdraw or go forward and nothing seems to make any difference, they continue to treat you poorly, it is because this is their level of consciousness, their pain, their patterns, their mind conditioning, their habits... and they continue to play those out no matter what you say or do. Often people do this with everyone, not just one person, but the challenge when it's family is that you are often living in the same house or seeing them so often, that you can end up bearing the brunt of their behavioral issues or emotional challenges more often. If you have a choice or the ability to create space and reduce exposure, that is an option. If you don't have that choice, I suggest just remembering at all times, this is NOT a reflection on you. Focus on loving yourself, reminding yourself who you really are, and uplifting yourself on the inside, with mind and emotional support tools, and putting your focus/vision/attention on what you want to create for yourself in your life... so that you are on a trajectory that resonates with your heart (vs being caught up in the vortex of their energy/focus/agenda which is creating them pain and can end up dragging others into the same outcomes). Additionally, I also personally find it helpful to remember that it must be a dark place indeed inside the minds/hearts of people who cause others such pain. They may be very lost on their own journey in life to treat others poorly. So it's possible to hold a space inside our hearts of compassion and hope that one day life will bring them peace too, that they may rise to a new place in their own life. I wish you peace. Love, B
Good talk, you opened my eyes in a structural way. Thanks.
😊
Hi B, I am totally fine with my parents for never meeting any of my expectations, I know their stuff is theirs, I have absolutely come to terms with that. But what if they start becoming damaging?! I am forced to live with them for the present moment, because (due to the fact that they never took care of me, never explained or taught me anything about life, which is why I got into situations with fatal consequences and ended up being a single mom after I could escape an abusive relationship) I am financially dependent for the moment. But living with them is just getting unbearable, I don't even care about myself, but it's getting damaging to my innocent child, we fight all the time, because they treat my son just like they treated me as a child, have no boundaries, don't respect ANYthing, don't respect me as a person, as a daughter or as a mother to my own child. I have to fight and argue with my parents almost daily about how to treat, how to raise and how to parent MY child and I just turned 31. I really don't know what to do anymore, I can't take this anymore, it's damaging to me and my child, but I'm financially dependent on them right now, because I am trying to get back on my own feet after years of struggling. They are the type of people they will never change anything. Although I told them a thousand times that I don't want it, they will secretly give my son stuff to eat that I consider crap (which is driving me crazy) just because they don't respect at all what I'd like or not, just as an example.
Tough situation, I hear ya! I send love and hopefully some of the other videos on the channel will help you with finding peace within situations we can't control, finding a way to be with it until we are able to change it. With warmest wishes, B
Thanks for your opinion, I appreciate it very much. I have been thinking exactly the same thing to find a solution for a situation like that. And while trying to cope with the situation, at the same time doing everything that's possible to get out of it.
Awesome ♡
:)
thankyou for sharing....this is very relevant for me.....my latest is my Mother in law lives with us and she has dementia but still considers herself very capable of many things around the house, which she is no longer. She is/was always a active housewife and as you can imagine it creates quite a difficult setting as she gets angry and frustrated with all of us. And the dementia causes her to come across quite spiteful. I have come to conclusion there is nothing we can do to help her with this and that she is who she is, however I am finding it difficult to interact with her daily and its causing me a lot of pain as you say, and lessening my interactions with her only means I'm hiding in my own house and dreading meal times as she is always there asking what she can do, starting early in the day till dinner is finished.....I homeschool our children, so I'm home a lot of the time. do you have any suggestions? Silence only seems to fuel the fire, and calmy telling her I'm happy to do dinner on my own seems to do the same ( most nights she helps but its stressful for all involved due to the huge amount of negativity that she emanates while doing any said activity, because she no longer has filters ) wow that was a long comment! sorry just really putting this out there incase something pops into your head that may help xxx plus I can feel my crown is doing its thing so I know I need to hit send!
:) Tough situation, I can imagine how triggering and challenging that would be. So much presence, accepting and allowing is required... to detach, detach, detach. I suggest breathing, EFT/tapping and meditation to find the peace within to "be" with the situation when you cannot change it. And ask in meditation for guidance on how best to interact. Let your intuition guide you. You might even ask the Universe to help you see the best way forward!
Pinch Me Living thankyou for your advice....it is appreciated....I do as you have said, but I will also research into EFT tapping, I have had it done before in a session with a local healer......but have not tried it yet myself....thankyou for the idea! 😄 xx
I am in the same hell. Sorry to say that but it’s been 13 years and I just need help
Thank you for your awesome advice as always😘.
How do I deal with this constant issue? When my husband makes a big deal out of something small and stupid and I explain my point of view, he doesn't like what I say if I don't agree with him and the whole situation escalates, he starts raising his voice, yelling and cursing...then I shut down and stay quiet but he doesn't tolerate me being quiet, he wants to hear that he is right.. and a lot of times he ends by saying he just wants to kill himself so I will be happy on my own or with someone else 😖😓😔
It's a vicious cycle.
Hey Narda, yes I totally hear you and understand the type of cycle you're talking about. It can be so challenging. It's really important to find a way to communicate together. The inclination is often to try, and try, and try, and then eventually shut down out of seemingly having no other option. However, there is rarely peace or happiness, or relationship wellbeing if one shuts down in order to appease the other. Often this type of relationship communication challenge benefits from a combo of both the individuals being willing to "work on" themselves and their own issues, as well as a joint effort as a couple of find new ways forward. This obviously requires both parties to be self aware of the real issues and willing to make an effort. If you need more support please feel free to reach out to me for coaching and I can help you more, diving into the details with you and coming up with an action plan of how you might find a way forward.
This was really good 👏🏽👏🏽
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There are a lot of wonderful points here, and I do believe there are some other points pertaining to emotional abuse, which also must be considered.
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@@Bernadette_Logue 🙏
Now I understand. I have been dealing with difficult family members for so long. Years. It mad me angry and when I lashed out and stood my ground that was it . Then I was a piece of crap . I don't care. I don't talk to many family members beacause I would rather have my peace of mind instead then deal with the mess. Still love them but my peace is more valuable. God help me Jesus .
Love yourself, be kind to yourself, sometimes when facing difficult or toxic relationships we end up having to put a line in the sand and prioritize peace. 💛
Oh boyyyy, needed this today, great advice !
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Thank you ! Blessings X X
Blessings to you too! 🤗B
The truth, and nothing but the truth...with a cool accent 🥰
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There's a book called "Miss Manners Guide to Correct Behavior" - It's hilarious, but absolute common sense. And as far as families, she makes the very good point that we should be most respectful above all among family (and not take one another for granted) If we aren't considerate, appreciative and respectful of family, we won't be of anyone else. It begins with small things, not big psychological, spiritual & philisophical dramas: Use up the toilet paper roll? Replace it. Don't backstab, gossip & complain about your family & personal goings on to friends - if you betray those closest to you, why would anyone outside your family trust you?
Thankyou so much for this video. 💓
🧡 you're very welcome.
I have a daughter that even though you ask her not to do something like stay up talking on her phone till early hours of the morning keep turning up music loud at night when I ask to turn it down she is 16 I feel she is not listening to me and I get angry ,she tries to play my wife off against me I love her but I don't like her much when she don't play ball and I don't like shouting at her she is also very lazy and untidy which drives me mad what can I do .
I get it but it sure is hard to practice when the moment arises. We both always seem to be in defense mode.
Yes it is definitely something that takes great practice with presence and will power, to pause and consciously apply. Only progress not perfection. 👍😊
Great video and advice. Really to the point and made a lot of sense.
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Thank you sooo much for making this video. Golden I formation 🙏
You're very welcome. 🤗
Stay away from negative thoughts of them.
Excellent video. Very helpful. Thank you!
You're very welcome! 😊💛
Like your channel. Lots of useful practical advice. Thank you.
😊 Thank you. Great having you with us here in the community! B
Needed to hear this :(
Glad to share this and to know it was timely for you.
My wife and 13 year old son are like a tag team screaming in my left and right ear. Eventually I loose it:-(
It can be tough when you're surrounded by intense emotions of others, challenges or difficult behaviour in your own home, where it's not easy to reduce exposure to this or get space. As best you can remove yourself temporarily from inflammatory situations, and beyond calm communication and laying boundaries, focus on bolstering your own mind and heart, and taking care of being the best you can be. Guided meditations, affirmations and EFT (tapping) are a few things I would recommend. B
Thank you for this, it really helped.
☺️👍
I don't react to my mom I just learned to ignore her or if she really difficult I get my sister's involved
I am dealing with difficult family members. If I ask a question like if they seen my water bottle.. they come with a rude remark. And then team up with another family member (child) just to Make me look stupid. If I lash out they call me crazy. I do everything and I help them out the best I can. I'm making sure they have a roof over their heads. But, I'm the bad person.. "I'm crazy!" "I'M Autistic and that's why no one likes me." Yelling is making it worse. I can't cut them off... Because then I will be a bad guy ... Especially when they are dealing with tough times.
I hear you Jea, it's a tough situation. Just remember that the pain people project to you is often not at all about you. What is within is what comes out. When people have a negative mindset, or hurts inside, or lack of self love, or any other type of internal pain or limitation, it often can spill over at people close to them. Sometimes this is unconscious and not on purpose, but also sometimes it is very much on purpose, as if letting hurt fire at someone else will somehow temporarily make them feel more powerful or in control, deflecting from the pain within. This is not an excuse or reason to rationalize the behavior, but it helps to remember this if you are receiving hurt from others, as it helps you to remember it's not about you. We can't control others, we can only a) calming and clearly communication our boundaries and b) have an unbreakable, beautiful, healhy and powerful LOVING relationship with our own selves. Remind yourself every day "I am calm. I am loving. I am smart. I am a good person". The more you fill your mind and heart with powerful loving messages to strengthen your own self, the more resilient you become to the intensity of other people's negativity. That said, you're also human and we can only take so much of repeated poor treatment, and so boundaries are key. While they are family, you are allowed to reduce your exposure if it means taking care of your wellbeing, and especially if you've tried all the other ways to try to improve the relationship but nothing has worked. Do what you can to take good care of yourself and most of all... remember you are a good person, and you don't have to take on the negative viewpoints others might project at you. Sending love your way. B
I have found the study of Stoic philosophy pretty much fixes everything if you practice it all the time.
Thank you for sharing this! I read about it and sounds interesting. 😊👍
Thanks for this video, I'm going through a really hard time with my family, currently I'm not at home, i left my home country to look for greener pastures and support my family, because the situation we were living in was veeery bad, I'm the third born, i love my family so much and i have always sacrificed myself for them , i left my 2kids with my mum and siblings, i have been away for years, i havent been able to go back home because my travel documents are not in order,t all i see is my family using me, i try my best but still my best is not enough, sometimes I dont have work which means no income but they dont understand that,i feel emotionally drained, for those years i have supported them, if it was only me and my kids i wouldn't have bothered to go out of my country but i did this for my family but they are not appreciative, they dont do anything to support my ideas or anything, all they want is money, now for those years I havent seen my kids, i feel like a bad mother, and I cant go back because I know right nowI can't find a good job that will see me support my kid's education now that they are in high school, i dont know what to do anymore, i find myself crying evry morning i wake up
Thank you for sharing your situation and I hear how stuck and upset you feel right now. I've put below a few resources that I hope might help at this time, to comfort and support you. With much love, B
bit.ly/31PkPE8
bit.ly/2x2gVq3
bit.ly/31Un3SV
Hello, I hope it's okay if I chime in.
I've heard this is a common pattern, when relatives go abroad to earn money, there's this expectation, that the money is going to be free flowing. Many people experience it when they go abroad. May I suggest some options?
How about getting a partner / a husband to share love and support wherever you are. You are not betraying your children or your relatives. When they grow up, they might understand the difficult situation.
But my first idea is to strengthen yourself to be able to deal with this difficult situation afterwards.
After all, you are without your family abroad and it is not the easiest situation. You can have some happiness too, right?
Secondly, your kids might miss you but they also have themselves as siblings and hopefully can establish a bond between each other. If you build yourself up, you have a chance of supporting them. But no one wins if you are in misery.
Another thought would be to connect to a church. Maybe they can help with dealing with difficult emotions. As well as connecting to other expats from your country, who might have similar situations and feeling.
Wish you all the best, some rest, good health and happiness.
Hey B, I was wondering what you do to transmute negative energy from someone on a lengthy road trip or something? They won't say anything and the attitude just came out of nowhere. The energy is palpable.
Remember it's not about you. Their reaction is their paradigm and their energy to manage. Breathe deeply and slowly, and stay tuned within yourself. Feel the energy in YOUR body, and remember.... "Their stuff is theirs, their energy is theirs and doesn't belong to me. I need to stay within my own energy here". Allow them to have their upset feelings. Remain calm with the breathing, and silence is usually a great strategy for letting things cool down. Your job is not to make it go away, as they control themselves, you control yourself, but you can create peace in yourself by detaching logically that this is not about you, AND by not reacting to have to challenge them or fix the situation, rather by going within yourself and holding your energy. You might like to try this technique also "I forgive them. They know not what they do. This is not about me, but I feel their pain and suffering. I wish them health and happiness. I wish them peace. I forgive them". And imagine light in your own body and heart, expanding outward and encompassing the space around you including them. Bx
So much gratitude to you, B. You are a gracious, wise and kind woman of authenticity. When I'm able to afford a session with you I will be booking asap! I'm so thankful for your presence and engagement here and that you care enough to respond with love and truth. You'll be proud to know, I did the exercise with the light and let her work through her feelings on her own and didn't try to do the codependent thing I normally do trying to fix it and pry into what's wrong. ❤🙏🏾✨
Excellent stuff. thanks
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I watched the video and am still a little confused on something.
I turn 23 in December just for context.
This happened with my 8 year old cousin yesterday. He was being rude to Asian culture in an Asian store. Making barfing noises, throwing self to the ground saying ‘GROSS! It really smells like cat pee in here!BLEHHH!’ and so on.. It was crowded and the store clerks and customers were all staring at this point. It was a small shop. My older cousin who was 13 was getting embarrassed and kept telling me he was upsetting her. Almost on the verge of tears. I take them outside to eat Asian ice cream in the car. Aunt and uncle still shopping, I texted them how my older cousin felt.
I then said this to my 8 year old cousin:
‘Hey ‘name’, can you please stop? It’s upsetting ‘other name’. ‘Other name’ is getting really upset about it and that upsets me.’
But kid continues and I keep repeating it the same way. Clearly stating how upset the other person is, either getting a ‘Good! You can cry, but I’m not hurting ‘other person’.’
I then explained it could hurt someone and maybe even racist. He continues and hands me back the ice cream. Gets out the car and fake barfs around it. Not listening to me tell him nicely to get back in. Trying my best still to be calm and nice. He comes back in eventually and demands the ice cream that he was just saying was disgusting and made him have to throw up. I said no, since he didn’t like it and didn’t want to waste this treat that was expensive and was my treat in the store. He starts whining and runs out the car to get my aunt.
I know it’s game over. Since they only listen to him and only his side. Never me or my other cousin. She comes to the car and my aunt and uncle lecture us about calling an 8 year old racist. Which we never did. I explained what actually happened (over her talking since she was interrupting me during my turn to talk). She then yells at me to ‘Act my age! You’re abusing an 8 year old! Both of you are just out to get him. I don’t know why you two have to conspiracy against him. That’s bullying! Do you know what bullying is?’ I said I wasn’t bullying him. She cuts me off and gives me her definition of a bully. She then give my younger cousin his candy and sits down in the car with my uncle. Making one more comment to my little cousin ‘Hey ‘name’, let’s have the nice people go and have fun. While the bad people go and try to have enjoy what left they ruined of their day. Hopefully they grow up and act like adults before we meet back up.’
We then drive to a comic book store and we go inside. She takes me to the side and says ‘I just want you to know that just really upset me. How you said that about my child. My 8 year old child. What child doesn’t act like things are gross? All kids do. Just stop tearing him down and try actually being nice this trip.’
I wasn’t going to protest. She was obviously wasn’t going to listen. I said ‘I’m sorry you feel that way. But I’ve been nice this whole trip. Why not get the whole story before blaming one person.’ I went back to shopping.
What can I do to not experience this again? I’m literally upset and shaking while I type this. I love my cousins both. But my aunt and uncle make me out as the bad guy that acts lower then an 8 year old. ..please help ;-;
This was fantastic, thank you.
Glad to hear this was useful for you. Best wishes! B 💞
Oh my gads your so friggen good !
😊👍❤️
Hi there, I did enjoy your video, and definitely think there are some very good tips to deal with difficult family members. As we go into Thanksgiving 2023, your thoughts are ones that I think are very helpful, such as collaborating with this person and discussing what you both can do to have a more positive outcome. I will try this first, and possibly maybe, he might agree to that. And then, I would have to be very careful on how I went about my part on working together, and acknowledge that. It is very hard at holiday time with my son, who obviously has some issues with his mother, and likes to act out in his early 40's, when he is visiting me on summer vacation and holiday times, and in front of my grandkids. We should be having good times, and instead, I am kind of dreading what will happen this time. He is my son and I have been upset that I can not interact with my son in a more relaxing way, when he is visiting, him acting out and unconsciously or unaware, or just refusing to see, that he has some emotional issues with me, and it would be nice to talk about them for real. We have, kind of, discussed it somewhat, but it's always when we are both upset. So, you are also right, I need to always be aware of myself, and have my higher intention, of not letting him push my buttons, have some compassion for him, but in the end, setting a boundary of not letting him berate me over and over. My biggest disappointment is that I can not be myself with my son, and just have a good time, always have to be on guard, and that is very sad for me. I am 64, single, and would love to have a great relationship with my son, and that is not possible at this time. I will check out your other videos.
F@&k!!!!
You are talking so much sense thank-you great person
You're welcome :)
Could you please post a link to your video on forgiveness? I couldn't find one. Thank you. And thanks for the awesome tips
Here you go Lucy...
th-cam.com/video/KS4EeOU7rus/w-d-xo.html
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@@Bernadette_Logue thank you 😀
if i've calmly approached it and said "when you do (said thing) i feel (said emotion) and i was wondering if we could come up with differnet way" but they then start verbally attacking and belittling and shutting me off by not allowing me to talk (calmly) or go anywhere until they hae finished, what should i do? even if i do talk or if in silent its wrong. even if im honestly doing nothing wrong. its exhausting and im scared to even be myself because no matter who or what i am its always wrong and causes poblems :/
I hear you completely. And it sounds like you've tried many approaches including calm conversation to directly raise the issue. Sometimes, after attempting many approaches to be reasonable, kind, to open up conversation, to try to shift the dynamic, to explain what we need, to set boundaries... the other person may still refuse to participate in the relationship and instead continue to play out patterns without any desire to acknowledge your experience/needs or a new way forward. In that case, we may get to a point where we have to ask ourselves whether we can be around this person anymore, be it a family member or partner, if the dynamic is repeatedly toxic, with no willingness on the other person's part to listen, understand or be willing to work together for positive change. In that case, it can come down to reducing exposure, limiting impact, creating distance, or ending the relationship interactions until such time as the other person is ready or willing to engage in a healthier way. I acknowledge how painful this must be for you and what you're going through. I hope the messages I send on the other videos with the links to related resources may also be helpful in some way. With love, B
@@Bernadette_Logue thank you so so much 🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you!
You're welcome 💛
I have 4 sibling 2 elders and 2 youngers and I am the sandwich. my great prob is my elder sister, she is so cunning and creating me all the problem . she speak all lies as she does with and for a season no one in my family is good to me. from very young age she hate me
I hope this vid is in some way helpful and I send you best wishes. Tough situation but you have strength and calm, loving power within you to find the path forward. 💜 B
Amazing. Thank you.
You're welcome :)
Thank-You...💜
Thanks. Very helpful.
You're welcome 😊💛
Thank you so much💞💞
You're welcome Natara 💛😊