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I experienced my worst season of mental health in 2018 which was the peak era of these beliefs. Everyone was telling me “girl, you got this,” and I remember wanting to scream “GIRL, ACTUALLY I DONT GOT THIS!!!” You can’t hype yourself out of clinical disorders, you know? After years of therapy, EMDR, meds, and self compassion, most of my bad days can be alleviated with self-care and affirmations but it took tons of work and support to get here.
Yeah, the "yasss girl boss" mentality is incredibly belittling and unhelpful. I'm glad you were able to get to a better spot in life. You deserve recognition for doing the hard work to get yourself there. Trust me, I know it's not easy.
The GIRL I ACTUALLY DONT GOT THIS is so relatable imo. It should always be okay that we don't got this, it should always be okay that we need help. It isn't, but it should be.
Having a child with someone does not make you closer automatically. Having children is one of the most stressful things you can do to a relationship. Children are not bandages. It drives me nuts how blasé they are about having children.
For real. They're so out of touch. I'd be nice and happy and carefree and work SUPER hard if I didn't have to worry about rent, keeping my home clean and cooking for myself. How did that line in Parasite go? " She's nice because she's rich. Hell, if I had all this money. I'd be nice, too!"
RIGHT it's amazing how much more relaxed I am just generally when I'm not worrying about rent next month. I'm an entrepreneur so my income varies wildly. I also experience severe anxiety sometimes. Guess when it's worst?
This is what happens when you are rich from birth. You don’t know what normal people deal with, because your life has never been normal. As teens they were put in the spotlight, having grown ass adults judge them. Especially Chloe, and look what that did to her. So I’m not really shocked to be honest.
@@DeathnoteBB I don't know what their wealth status was before the shows started, assuming that they had a decent level as Robert Kardashian was the lawyer for OJ Simpson during his murder trial, the families were close enough that OJ is Kim's godfather.
I agree with that “You’re drinking champagne at 4:00 in the afternoon. You’ve won” being beyond cringey. It’s also infuriating because non of them did ANYTHING to earn it. They were born into it. Meanwhile, millions of us bust our asses on the daily and have nothing to show for it. 💔
My pediatrician when I was 17 said that my anxiety was because I "lack confidence" in myself and said it was my fault I was being bullied and having panic attacks again. I had been in therapy for years and formally diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and Social Anxiety Disorder. Yes, this was several years ago.
Being bullied is never your fault. Never. I was bullied by a boss when I was in my 40s and I basically had PTSD because it brought back memories of being bullied in school. It wasn’t my fault my boss bullied me and it wasn’t your fault you were bullied. I wish you peace. ❤️
People tell You to have more confidence, like it's a thing You can buy at the supermarket. The same thing happened to me in the 90s/00s. And no, It wasn't your fault
People tell You to have more confidence, like it's a thing You can buy at the supermarket. The same thing happened to me in the 90s/00s. And no, It wasn't your fault
Like, really. One can actually HAVE confidence in certain abilities and still be anxious overall. It happens. You'd think the fact that a lot of Olympic gymnasts have mental health issues would be a big clue as to this (like, really, I don't think a sensible person would even take a gymnast on in a straight fight, but gymnasts are also given plenty of reason to feel anxious and controlled in other ways, and on top of that some of them probably are at risk of those conditions anyway).
The Ableism 😱 across media, it’s a no for me. I don’t know who needs to hear this : if you have chronic health issue, visible or not, mental health or not, you ARE whole & valid. You absolutely deserve care & resources to live as most functional version of yourself you can sustain. It’s not about “overcoming “ or “getting over” your reality. You may never look normal to others. That’s ok. Your normal should be your most effective routine. Not performance or perfection.🙌♿️❤️🩹
Wonderfully said, and a reminder all of us with health complications need. I've slept ALL week and felt horrible about it, even though I've still managed to care for my dog and eat at least once a day. Sometimes just doing the most important things is all that really matters, the rest can wait until you feel better or have assistance.
You covered the dangers of taking someone else's meds well, but an important note about beta blockers I can't help but add as a nurse: they are an anti-hypertensive. So if your blood pressure isn't high, it can drop to your boots and you are at risk of fainting. Your heart rate can become really bradycardic. If you have diabetes it can send you into hyperglycemia. People with hypertension/anxiety are monitored for these effects as they adjust to the medication. Definitely a potentially very dangerous medication!
One of my neurologists put me on Verapamil while I was already on a beta blocker (for migraine), and my BP kept going low so I almost passed out. My primary got me off the beta blocker STAT
I'm on a blocker for high BP, had to decrease the dose. The stuff is powerful, and can drop it easily (and yeah, also have had light-headedness and dizziness). under no circumstances should people mess with this like it's candy. My PA has been very careful in watching this kind of reaction.
As someone who is neurodivergent and spends a majority of their time with other ND folks, I really appreciate you explaining why the "oh i can relate" story thing isn't always welcome. It's something that I've noticed that I, along with most of my ND friends do, but I've had (usually, but not always!) NT people get upset by, but I never understood why and people can get really harsh on explaining why and just leave it at "you should know better".
I really love how this video addresses ableism, privilege, and accessibility. I’m lucky to have a family who is financially able to send me to therapy, because our insurance doesn’t cover certain things and/or has a long waitlist for treatment options that I really need. The Kardashians are rich, they have social status, they live in LA, and they could travel easily if need be. It’s important to recognize that people of lower socioeconomic status, those living in rural areas, and people of color may struggle much more to receive treatment
Mickey, your videos have helped me so much and I cannot thank you enough. I am almost 40 and my spouse of 13 years recently walked out on me out of the blue. I never thought this would happen to me and it has been really, really hard but your videos have helped so much. It has been so validating to hear someone say that big emotions are ok, they serve a purpose, they aren't bad, it's ok to be angry, etc. And the fact that you are a fellow Jennonite is just a cherry on the sundae, lol. Thank you so much for being open and sharing your knowledge with us. You really are helping people and helping me get through these tough days.
Oh shit I’m so sorry that this happened!! I’m so honored to be of any help or support though because you are 1,000% deserving of all of the love and respect and belonging. I’m sending you so many internet hugs my friend! Feel those feels and be kind to yourself and we’ll make it through together 🥰
Currently working on that myself to, allowing myself to experience all my emotions, not labeling them “good” or “bad”. I hope you’re getting through it through everything alright tho! Love from a fellow jennonite 😮💨
My childhood best friend had a very strong case of "I don't give a fuck what anyone else thinks" and I used to think that made her cool and powerful (especially to my social anxiety ridden self). But she often said things like "I'm my own best friend" that made me realize how toxic she was as a person because she truly didn't care about other people.
Thank you so much for saying what you said about the goal not being to completely eradicate anxiety. It really helped me change my perspective and realize that I am an anxious person, anxiety is going to be present in my life quite often, but I have tools and the resources I need to manage/reduce and learn to accept my anxiety
Thank you SO much for mentioning and validating Orthorexia. I have it and it can be incredibly life altering. Just to hear it be recognized is incredibly healthy as I learn coping strategies with my therapist. Thank you!
I have Asperger's and ADHD. I sometimes tell someone that I frequently go into a room in my house and don't know why I am there. Usually, this someone usually tells me that happens them too. After they say this, I get depressed because I know that they don't understand scale of this problem. What they did was minimizing the problem. I really want someone to understand my situation.
When people do that to me about my OCD or anxiety I say "well yes my issues are normal human behaviors that I experience at an extreme level so they're more disruptive and debilitating than just an occasional occurrence, hence why they're a disorder".
The James cordon “speech” was literally just templates of motivational posters you see in grade school everywhere and Khloe finding it so inspiring 😂🤦🏻♀️
“Generally I want to encourage people to practice not making it about ourselves when we’re trying to support someone who is ill. It’s sometimes invalidating and can feel like you’re being silenced by the people that you love.” thank you for this 🙏🏽💜 when people say “oh have you tried this? It worked for me” it only makes the person suffering the illness feel like it is their fault they aren’t better by now and that’s just not how chronic or long-term illnesses work 😤😪
I have struggled with panic anxiety disorder since I was 14. Yesterday at work I started having a panic attack luckily I was just about too go on my lunch break so I poped my ear buds in and went for a walk around the block and listened to a ten minute mindfulness meditation. I was able to get calm my self. And for the first time I didn’t need to relie on my anxiety med too calm myself. I was proud of that. So too see khloe and Chris passing around meds like candy. It pissed me off because in the real world I took pride in myself that I was able to deal with my anxiety without medication assistance. I’m still proud of myself and still can’t stand the kardasians.
@@DeathnoteBB She didn't need it. Her point was that she had learned and implemented enough skills that she could cope without needing it. You're right that medication isn't shameful, though. It is a tool.
@@jadelinny exactly. And @DeathnoteBB. I apologize if my comment made you feel I was trying to be shameful. But yes when I have gotten too the state of a panic attack before my medication was the only thing that would alleviate my anxiety and help me cope through the attack. I have been using the same medication for 15 years and I’m not ashamed of that I may need too use it for the same reason in the future. This time however my other coping strategies worked. Sometimes with anxiety I find it helpful when you regonize the small growths. And the kardasians piss me off also because I have to scrape and save fir over $150 a month to see my amazing therapist for an hour session and pay for my medications so I can function day to day. Yet they have so much wealth and privilege passing out each other’s meds like it’s nothing turning to celebrities for mental health encouragement and whine about oh celebrity life woah is me. It’s insulting.
When I watched the new Kardashian show and saw the ep where James Cordon Gives that speech to Kourtney all I could think about how much it all screamed privilege. Yes, celebrities can get anxiety too, it doesn’t discriminate, but the whole “we’re drinking champagne, we won” think was gross because like that’s not something a normal human could achieve
I really disagree with this. I don't even like the Kardashians; I think they are really problematic in terms of the unrealistic beauty standards they perpetuate, their history with racism, etc. However, It's not the Kardashian's responsibility to only do things "a normal human could achieve". And I love Mickey, but she seems to be so immersed in this idea of privilege that she gives a lower level of respect and empathy to people who she deems privileged. (As another example, it was none of her business to comment on Kylie's dress and how she gets done up every day just to sit in her house - if she wants to do that, then f-cking let her. It's also very possible that she doesn't really want to do that, but feels so much pressure to be perfect all the time that feels she has to be ready to be on camera 24/7.) Furthermore, James and Khloe were right - they HAVE made it in life. I think it would be irresponsible of them to pretend they haven't. They seemed to be having a private conversation which just happened to be filmed. The goal wasn't to flaunt their wealth to their audience or try to make it seem that these coping mechanisms and attitudes apply to all of their audience. If they want to be happy about all the privilege they have, why should we have a problem with it? Stupid criticism like this seems to be the reason that Khloe has anxiety in the first place - because she's so rich, the public never thinks she can do ANYTHING right.
I've never seen the show, but from the clips shown, and the part about "don't be anxious we're rich its okay", it also makes me wonder if that speech could also have been more damaging to her in the long run as if to imply since you're rich you're not allowed to feel anxious, get over it.
Growing up my dad was very much "think yourself happy!" For some reason he thought I was choosing to be depressed and anxious and miserable. Thankfully, my mom took over and they ended up sending me to a child psychologist.
I'm an LCSW - I agree with all of this. I also think there's more "acting" on this show than we might think. They have specific filming schedules and I'm willing to bet they're a very vanilla version of themselves when the cameras are rolling. Sure, sometimes fights break out that are pretty ugly, but they also want ratings. For all we know, Khloe had a full breakdown we didn't see and perhaps she has a therapist we also don't know about. I don't know any of this factually, but I'd be willing to bet there's more than meets the eye here with this "fluff" so to speak.
About sharing prescription medication: Don't share them even with family members! My sister and I have both been prescribed Lexapro. Lexapro worked well for me as a mood stabilizer. Lexapro almost killed my sister. She had that 1 in a Million reaction to it. So 100% agree with Mickey here! Please don't share you scipts with people! You don't want to be responsible for someone ending up in the hospital, or worse when you were just trying to help.
I'm so excited for this video! I've been struggling with my anxiety more than usual for the last few months, and it's oddly comforting to be told "the goal isn't to make sure you never feel anxious again, the goal is to help you manage it and give it space without letting it control your life".
It's a guilty pleasure for me too - It's so frustrating because her having a therapist on early on in the show for Kim that made me understand what intrusive thoughts were. And helped me so much with getting help/not feeling terrible about them.
so incredibly here for the discourse about: 1) "high-functioning" being ableist language and 2) people not needing their mental illness to be recognized by the people around them before seeking treatment. as a person CONSTANTLY tagged w/the "high-functioning" label it's so refreshing to see that paradigm being addressed. yes, i can "function" at a high level, but people don't see the toll that performing as an abled person takes on me, so i overachieve my way straight into the psych ward. (i've been working w/ an awesome social worker and doing a lot better lately tho!).
I had no idea an unhealthy fixation on eating healthy was an eating disorder! I definitely suffered from this in my younger years and I'm struggling to figure out a healthy balance.
I just want to say something to those who hear "It's an unrealistic goal to eradicate anxiety from your life" and interpret it as "I will always have to suffer from this level of anxiety." I was in a terrible spiral of anxiety in 2015 where I could barely leave the house, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't shower with the door closed. I felt like I lost every bit of humanity I had. I lost hope at the thought that I'd always have anxiety. HOWEVER, despite still having anxiety, it's not the same anxiety I had then. The absolutely debilitating, hopeless anxiety I felt then is gone. Now it's the occasional anxiety that I know how to manage early on. While everyone's story is different, don't get discouraged that anxiety may always be part of your life, but be hopeful that it won't always take over your life.
I will never understand what I’m supposed to find interesting about the Kardashians. On the other hand, I wish I got paid millions to blorp around in full-length gowns saying whatever popped into my head regardless of how thoughtless or ill-informed it was. Edited to add: if Kourtney (however it’s spelled) is going into early menopause from medication, she probably ought to talk to her doctor rather than assume the holy pure shrine of her body is rejecting all those filthy chemicals.
I’ve never watched an episode of their show, just the clip where kourtney is saying to Kim “people are dying…” Not my cup of tea. I’m really surprised they left in the part where kris is offering her meds. That’s not a good thing to normalize on tv, yikes. I’ve had anxiety for as long as I can remember and meds help me a lot, but I wouldn’t offer one of mine to someone, that’s so dangerous. You never know if someone is going to have a bad reaction to it, even a beta blocker.
I would be interested in a video about the “Kl-ocd” you mentioned. I’ve never really watched the Kardashians but as someone with clinical OCD, I’ve felt the effects of their misunderstood reframing of the disorder. There’s a lot of media that has participated in this, but a video about the Kardashian approach would be interesting. I get so sick of having people who use the term frequently and incorrectly look at me like I’m crazy when managing a compulsion. Anyway! Great video. Thanks!
As someone who has chronic social anxiety & claustrophobia I tried to just be tough & not care about other people think about me ie trying to make myself numb to those "negative" emotions of dread when I was younger only to realize that it only made it 10 times worse. Now I have coping strategies such as playing a specific song in my mind or calculating numbers in my head to help with both. I do still feel those emotions whenever I get around crowds, crowded lifts, or whenever I meet new people but I have ways of easing those feelings. Now my coping strategies help me but they may not work for others so it depends on what u need to help u but this is way better than trying to just suppress my emotions of anxiety &/or dread
Thank you for giving an example of how to share similar experiences with someone, while also not trying to take the attention away from what they're sharing. I also thank you for validating their feelings. We feel how we feel.
Part of kourtneys convo upset me. My daughter and I both struggle with depression. Hers started more recently. But one of the things I hate is when people ( mainly it’s been grandparents) who think because she alwYs “seems happy” around them, how can she be depressed. Um because nobody is just one emotion. Or because she struggles with feeling like her life is too good and so she doesn’t have the right to be depressed. So she forces this fake happiness. One thing we are always reinforcing is that she doesn’t have to have some catastrophic reason to feel this way. Her feelings are valid regardless / without reason. It’s how we address them, in a way that she feels heard and can function in her life. Kris just strikes me as the type that would brush it off like “ no reason to be sad, everything’s great 🤬
By portraying their success as a cure to anxiety they are making it an aspiration to their audience, therefore furthering the illusion of wealth and status as attainable goals if you "keep up with the Kardashians".
I was prescribed beta blockers for hardcore migraines. Didn't feel any different, but my watch informed me my heart rate was... 26. I'm usually around 90bpm. ONLY reason I didn't die was because I was wearing a sports watch and managed to catch it, and get treated.
Absolutely bangin’, as usual 🎉 Near the end, when it comes to telling our story back, I’m gonna be honest - I really struggle to not do the thing. Impulse control issues, a lot of life experiences, a lot of “vision” to show me how things relate to each other, a lot of urgency to help, to prove that I am “good” to have there for this reason - sometimes it just comes out, so all I do is make it as brief as I can, and TELL THEM the truth “I’m not trying to make this about me” and keep telling the truth “I said that because of these reasons - I wanted you to feel understood, I wanted you to know that when we talk about this, I’m not coming from nowhere, I wanted you to know that I am entering this conversation with however much understanding” and then I KEEP telling the truth “I wonder what you want to tell me now? I wonder how you’re feeling now? I wonder what you’ve thought about? I wonder if you need this or that help?” And I take my quick mouth that spat out a story at what may not have been the best time and I take the moment I’ve taken, to create a space of transparency, and inform my person that I’m here to see and hear them clearly, and I’m here to meet them where they’re at, I’m ready to come where they tell me … and I guess I wanted to give them a clear view of who THEY are looking at, too, to match up our transparencies. And to be VERY fair, the mom may have said something like that and the editor scrapped it - but based on “I have a meeting, actually…” I kinda would still guess nah. IDK shout out to the homies with quick mouths what up
Wow, I was expecting them to think things similar to the guy I know who said he thinks "people with depression just need to stop being little bitches" but I didn't expect the mom to paraphrase the exact same sentiment within the first few minutes.
My parents have the same belief that you just need to toughen up and then I won't have mental health issues, but I have autism which worsens my depression and anxiety. It is really frustrating as I feel like I am a pretty tough person. I have had to deal with most of life by myself, even in childhood my parents weren't really there for me, but I still made sure I was there for my sister. I have had to deal repeatedly with potential homelessness and I have always pulled myself out of that.
What's so interesting about the "thick skin" mentality is that, to a certain extent, I think it can be helpful. I have diagnosed social anxiety disorder and I've found that promoting thoughts of "it's okay to take up space. It's okay for people to be mad. You don't need to make everyone happy. Don't let others tell you how to be." Can help with negative anxious thoughts when I find myself about to spiral. Something about wanting to be a bad bitch and confident seems to help me keep panic at bay in certain situations. Of course, I'm also properly medicated and have gone to therapy for these things too, so that also helps a ton. I hate the boomer mentality of it, of course, but being stubborn in "this is who I am, deal with it." I've found helpful (of course, that's just me, I don't expect everyone to be that way like the boomer mentality wants) but maybe there's a different term than thick skin to describe it. Edit to add: she said it later, the term I was looking for was "inner resiliency".
I convinced myself for a long time that my struggles with mental health aren't valid because "I have no reason to be anxious, feel overwhelmed, etc." This exact idea stopped me from going to therapy until I almost reached the end of my rope and a family member convinced me to go. It's also part of the reason I stopped going to therapy after I felt "back to normal," which wasn't the best decision in hindsight. Thank you for reminding us that what we're feeling is valid, full stop. ❤
Oh my goodness you are so close to 100k! It has been wonderful watching your channel grow and seeing all the support you provide through your videos. I have never been able to afford proper mental health services and do not know if I ever will.. but having channels like yours available for free has given me some comfort and relief in some of what I struggle with.
I remember a guy telling me "girl, get some confidence". I was SO anxious at the time, and he was a client of mine, but if I could travel back in time I would like to tell him to eat my farts.
about 9 min, I know Mickey was talking about something else, and maybe I'm wrong, but it feels like James didn't want a hug and Mama Kardashain (sorry idk their names) insisted and there is SO much wrong with that, the consent (or lack thereof), the fact that forcing tells someone they don't own their body, and more about 14 min, I think it's also important to listen to others' opinions sometimes (and arguably more so with celebrities) because we might think we're showing one image but actually be showing another
James Corden: you’re drinking champagne at 1 PM on a Monday- AT WORK! You’ve won! Me, who works at a bar: I’m doing a jagerbomb at 1 PM on a Monday- AT WORK! I’ve won! ….can anyone help me decide whether or not I should incorporate this into my belief system?? I’m genuinely not sure what to think. I’m probably technically below the poverty line if that helps
So a few years ago I can too the belief that other people option of me is non of my business it’s a reflection of them and not me. I have ocd and this allowed me to accept myself be happy and not constantly concerned that I could have done something wrong. So while I still am concerned about other thoughts, it allows me to realises it and not spiral and punish myself with ritual. So for me it’s something for my mental health has helped.
Does anyone have a tip about how to deal with someone who does the "inserting their own experience" thing a lot? I know we all do it from time to time, but I'm struggling with someone at work and I know that screaming "this isn't about you" in their face is not a solution...
You can say it without screaming? Or tell them that you don't feel like they are listening to you or understand you so you'd like to end the conversation. Idk that's what I'd do, I just call it out and remind myself that me over explaining is a trauma response and I don't owe anyone that. Like if you know you trying to explain to them what they are doing and what you are actually needing from them will be met with more dismissiveness and invalidation then you can simply state that they are missing the point and that you are no longer willing to talk to them about it. Also you said it's at work so that's even more annoying and you need to be in a good mental space so you could actually do your job and enjoy it a little.
My main go to is to give them a brief pause after they have inserted their stuff into mine, then after that beat I slowly say, well we can go on and address that, if you like or insist, but I would like to finish what I was trying to say. Usually, in a group atmosphere, they are willing and able to tone down because they don't want to be perceived as an asshat for ruining what you were trying to say. Even if it's not genuine, you can usually get them to at least back off for their own self-serving perception.
What is coming up at work that this is an issue? unless a conversation is very clearly one where person a is supporting person b with a problem then sharing your own experiances is usually part of a flow of a conversation, pick up something that is similar or different about the story the other person is sharing and use it to continue discussing your own experiance. If you're often talking about things where you need someone to shelve their own experiance entirely and listen compassionately to you talking about things youre struggling with you might need to find a different space to do that.
Best to ask them why they do it and let them know "when you talk over me it makes me feel unheard/frustrated/whatever the best word to describe your feeling". If they get argumentative tell them you're trying to have a discussion so you can both get your needs met. Odds are they aren't trying to hurt you they may just not be self aware or they think they're helping. But you won't know unless you ask.
I had to pause to say thank you for saying what you said about anxiety. I had a rough start & was getting on everyday by telling myself I was stronger than my “negative emotions”, basically just trying to go numb to them. the problem is life constantly creates negative emotions & you can’t just avoid them forever. This lead to a full blown drug addiction for me when “numb” could no longer be achieved on my own. It’s so harmful to tell people to just ignore negative emotions or if you’re strong enough it won’t bother you. It’s supposed to bother you. Took me a long time to realize that. Anyways - thank you.
The "cure" for a lot of mental health issues would be easier to find if everyone were lucky enough to be wealthy af in spite of a blatant lack of talent, skill, or even self awareness, but some people just aren't so lucky and have to struggle. And sometimes, being wealthy doesn't even help, peep Kenya for instance. 😳 but sure, go off.
It is great to see orthorexia talked about! I suffered for a very long time in a way that was hard to explain because I thought I was trying to be healthy! Turns out it was anything but. More folks should be aware of this one because it’s not easy to spot.
there's a very clear difference between making something all about yourself and sharing a similar experience of your own to show empathy. or maybe this is just another social thing i'll never understand because i'm autistic and that's how i show i can empathize with someone's situation
I know its not healthy, but i isolate myself from people who assume if i am having a hard time i am just suppose to buck up. i suffer from major depression and i have been on medication for years. i wish it were that easy.
“that’s weird and not real” you’re telling me you don’t sit in a floor length gown on your patio in arizona talking to your mother who is also kris jenner? cmoooon
Great video! I agree with you on the privilege flaunting. My husband and I call it rich worship where people seem to just worship everything about being rich and being able to use money in a way that is so wasteful and gross. Now that it has been pointed out, we see it absolutely everywhere and it is starting to feel more and more dystopian.
Thank you for making this video. I have literally never watched an episode of the kardashians, but some of the stuff you brought up about anxiety/people's attitudes towards it helped me put some of my thoughts into words, and I'll probably be bringing that to my therapist today.
1. As someone with OCD I would love to hear you talk about it in relation to the Kardashians 2. Your hair is beautiful and you look very happy and healthy and I hope you're doing as well. Thank you for making these videos
I'm so thankful for the work you do with this channel. Your perspective and words really have value and I keep discovering new ways to understand my mind and how i relate to others so thank you!
26:30 ive felt rhis so hard, i was turned away by a school therapist because i was too high functioning and there was a long list of others that need help
I love my mom..but i cant vent to her or be open about whats going on with me because she manages to make EVERYTHING about her..every..single..time And if she doesnt relate..you can hear either boredom or frustration in her voice before she changes the subject..so i end up shutting down..watching kris talk to kourtney def brought up some feelings.
28:16 thank you for this section, everything you said in this part was really helpful for me bc im the type of person who wants everyone to feel like they can talk to me about anything and not be judged, and i want to be someone who can help others feel less alone in their experiences, even if its in a small way. so the best way i know how to do that is to empathize and find a way that i can connect to their story and share it with them so they can see that someone understands them and has had a similar experience in some way. sometimes though, i worry that im making the conversation about me by sharing something and/or that im making the other person think i wasnt really listening when really im trying to do the exact opposite. so this section of the video has some really valuable information for me to help the people i talk to feel more seen and allow them to have enough space for all that they want to talk about and for me to moderate how much space im taking up when the conversation is supposed to be about them. thank you again!
it would be so nice to have you react to Kim's PTSD... it was so weird at the time, because people around them also seem not to see them as people, even in such difficult moments like that one
So the part about sharing something about your experience to try to show how you can relate and empathize with someone's hard experience... is pretty common and often received as helpful in autistic culture. I have had allistic people do it and it turn out horribly, but usually it's because it highlights their assumptions and misunderstanding of my experience which I just described, so it can feel really disheartening to talk about hard stuff, hear back that it's been completely misunderstood, and there's no more space to be heard or to correct the record. When allistics do it after having checked for understanding, it usually goes much better and feels really good. I think the reason that it's helpful in autistic culture is because of our bottom up processing. Specific situations and experiences are easier to see than generalized situations or experiences. I think the reason it's not often well received in allistic culture is because of the top down processing and how generalized situations and experiences are easier for allistics to see. So a specific example feels like the situation is being overlooked and the focus is being shifted to allistics and a generalization feels like generic fluff that does apply to the situation to autistics. We feel similarly when the attempt to show empathy doesn't align with our processing orientation.
I took me a decade of Theropist and having dr’s prescriptions till I found a combo that really helped me and my mom reminding me I have adhd got diagnosed as a kid and for whatever reason till I got the anxiety/depression med then the right adhd meds the one I tried first worked lucky enough for me.
My brain isn’t always an angry bee hive any more and it’s nice lol but for real it’s good to get some real quiet time where I can relax and not just be hyper fixated.
Ive been in Chloe's place [15:48], not the privilege, but just stating being a little anxious before an event and people crowding around telling you not to worry and that none of *that or whatever matters, and all the reasons to feel greatful, and speaking over you crowding around and going into a speech- it's a weird position to be in because they're being nice and trying to be supportive, but it personally makes me feel put on the spot and like I have to provide proof that I'm all better now, when I was just expressing being a little anxious, and then I feel like I have to thank them for their service to me. Maybe I'm being nitpicky, but that just struck a chord for me
While I inherently agree with Mickey's points, I don't think it's this big of an issue because the Kardashians aren't known for giving life-changing advice, especially about mental health. When I personally consume their content, my expectation is to be entertained by the extravagance so I'm not surprised to see their advice being basically pep talks for everyday stress
The mother discussing her own experiance isn't as bad as i think you make out, like you said it's something that needs to be done in the context of a relationship and we can assume that this mother and daughter know their own relationship best. I for one never feel less listened to than hearing someone go "wow that sounds like it's really difficult i'm so sorry you're experiancing that", wanting to hear someone express that they have been through something similar and thus they really do get it and their advice isn't something they're just pulling out of their ass is fairly widespread i think
I think it does depend a LOT on the people and the relationship. I actually have the inverse of those preferences: I can understand if a casual acquaintance uses a personal story, because at least then I'm distracted by learning something new about a person. The same thing coming from my mom would feel a little callous just because...I grew up with her, there's a %99 chance I've heard the story and that just makes it feel like a tool being pulled put out to fix me.
@@NovemberXXVII For me it's less about feeling distracted and more about the conversation moving from sympathy to solidarity. If you tell me about a simmilar experiance then you're not just telling me you get it you're showing me the evidence, I'm not unloading something on to you, we are connecting and what's being said doesn't sound cookie cutter, it sounds intensly personal and vulnerable. If someone sits there nodding and afirming how "valid" my feelings are I don't feel noticed or cared for at all I think they are doing the thing they have been told they should do to seem like they are noticing me and caring about me. If they tell me about something they experianced I know that they listened to what I said, understood it well enough to connect it with their own experiances, and cared about me enough to be just as vulnerable with me as I am being with them. Their story and mine are then useful as twin starting points for a conversation. If I want to explore my feelings I can pick up something in the other persons story and see how it's similar or different, maybe if they said they felt angry maybe that helps me realise I feel more hurt than angry, or if they solved a problem one way I can consider if it would work for me to. I just much prefer it.
I love you It bothers me too This just isn't right and isn't how the real world works. I love your rants and how you articulate both your compassion and frustrations about subliminal messages in media. It really resonated when Kris questioned khloes depression with "I thought you are happier than ever" - it hurts to have your own mother dip out of a REAL conversation like that and have the validity of your feelings questioned by an outsider.
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This is meant as a joke:
Your head board looks like the floor tried to crawl up the wall and become a door. Is it secretly the door to Narnia? 😎
I experienced my worst season of mental health in 2018 which was the peak era of these beliefs. Everyone was telling me “girl, you got this,” and I remember wanting to scream “GIRL, ACTUALLY I DONT GOT THIS!!!” You can’t hype yourself out of clinical disorders, you know? After years of therapy, EMDR, meds, and self compassion, most of my bad days can be alleviated with self-care and affirmations but it took tons of work and support to get here.
Ah yeah the toxic positivity! I hate it! It causes burn-out and worse
I AM RIGHT THERE WITH YOU
Yeah, the "yasss girl boss" mentality is incredibly belittling and unhelpful. I'm glad you were able to get to a better spot in life. You deserve recognition for doing the hard work to get yourself there. Trust me, I know it's not easy.
EMDR probably saved my life not gonna lie
The GIRL I ACTUALLY DONT GOT THIS is so relatable imo. It should always be okay that we don't got this, it should always be okay that we need help. It isn't, but it should be.
Having a child with someone does not make you closer automatically. Having children is one of the most stressful things you can do to a relationship. Children are not bandages. It drives me nuts how blasé they are about having children.
rich people can be blasé because they think they can buy their way out of every problem. kids? nannies!
@@melz6625 Well, if they can find one who stays..Penelope beats her nannies 🙃
They can afford night nurses, chefs, on staff plastic surgeons, the best doctors, and a host of nannies, yeah they can romanticize child bearing.
It's cuz they don't actually raise their kids lol
I would think it’d do the opposite: it would be the relationship’s biggest test.
The one thing that helps alleviate *some* mental health stressors: financial security
For real. They're so out of touch. I'd be nice and happy and carefree and work SUPER hard if I didn't have to worry about rent, keeping my home clean and cooking for myself.
How did that line in Parasite go?
" She's nice because she's rich. Hell, if I had all this money. I'd be nice, too!"
@@AngelVocal I know I’d probably still have depression and anxiety symptoms, but they wouldn’t look like existential dread if I had money
Maybe if they didnt "donate" to a "church" that mommy kardashian owned and used it as a tax write off and its a church so its "non-profit" 🤦♂️
@@AngelVocal absolutely true!
RIGHT it's amazing how much more relaxed I am just generally when I'm not worrying about rent next month. I'm an entrepreneur so my income varies wildly. I also experience severe anxiety sometimes. Guess when it's worst?
This is what happens when you are rich from birth. You don’t know what normal people deal with, because your life has never been normal. As teens they were put in the spotlight, having grown ass adults judge them. Especially Chloe, and look what that did to her. So I’m not really shocked to be honest.
Weren’t a lot of them only rich after they became celebrities?
@@DeathnoteBB I don't know what their wealth status was before the shows started, assuming that they had a decent level as Robert Kardashian was the lawyer for OJ Simpson during his murder trial, the families were close enough that OJ is Kim's godfather.
@@DeathnoteBB they were very rich and privileged from birth. They had a lot of money and hung around with celebrities.
@@DeathnoteBB nah parent was oj lawyer and also before fame Kim was beasties with Paris Hilton
I agree with that “You’re drinking champagne at 4:00 in the afternoon. You’ve won” being beyond cringey. It’s also infuriating because non of them did ANYTHING to earn it. They were born into it. Meanwhile, millions of us bust our asses on the daily and have nothing to show for it. 💔
My pediatrician when I was 17 said that my anxiety was because I "lack confidence" in myself and said it was my fault I was being bullied and having panic attacks again. I had been in therapy for years and formally diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and Social Anxiety Disorder. Yes, this was several years ago.
Being bullied is never your fault. Never. I was bullied by a boss when I was in my 40s and I basically had PTSD because it brought back memories of being bullied in school. It wasn’t my fault my boss bullied me and it wasn’t your fault you were bullied.
I wish you peace. ❤️
People tell You to have more confidence, like it's a thing You can buy at the supermarket. The same thing happened to me in the 90s/00s. And no, It wasn't your fault
People tell You to have more confidence, like it's a thing You can buy at the supermarket. The same thing happened to me in the 90s/00s. And no, It wasn't your fault
Like, really. One can actually HAVE confidence in certain abilities and still be anxious overall. It happens. You'd think the fact that a lot of Olympic gymnasts have mental health issues would be a big clue as to this (like, really, I don't think a sensible person would even take a gymnast on in a straight fight, but gymnasts are also given plenty of reason to feel anxious and controlled in other ways, and on top of that some of them probably are at risk of those conditions anyway).
It was not your fault. I have C-PTSD and too suffered for years from this attitude
The Ableism 😱 across media, it’s a no for me. I don’t know who needs to hear this : if you have chronic health issue, visible or not, mental health or not, you ARE whole & valid. You absolutely deserve care & resources to live as most functional version of yourself you can sustain. It’s not about “overcoming “ or “getting over” your reality. You may never look normal to others. That’s ok. Your normal should be your most effective routine. Not performance or perfection.🙌♿️❤️🩹
Wonderfully said, and a reminder all of us with health complications need. I've slept ALL week and felt horrible about it, even though I've still managed to care for my dog and eat at least once a day. Sometimes just doing the most important things is all that really matters, the rest can wait until you feel better or have assistance.
@@VegemiteQueen1 thank you I try ☕️🤝🥤
@@VegemiteQueen1 I read your username as I eat Vegemite toast
Thank you. It's frustrating sometimes
Thank you, I needed to read this today
“It is not a thought experiment or a cute mental health trend to speculate about someone’s health conditions”!!!!! 💖💖💖
oh hey pixie! B-3
If us “normies” were drinking champagne at work at 4pm. We would be called an alcoholic.
Yeah for real. Rich people get away with fucking everything
It’s also why when Kim whined “no one wants to work” I rolled my eyes. Her hardest day at work isn’t even most people’s easiest
Reminds me of the YT short “What’s classy if you’re rich, but trashy if you’re poor?”
As someone with OCD I appreciate the acknowledgement that it’s problematic to make jokes or associate it with every day things like being organized
You covered the dangers of taking someone else's meds well, but an important note about beta blockers I can't help but add as a nurse: they are an anti-hypertensive. So if your blood pressure isn't high, it can drop to your boots and you are at risk of fainting. Your heart rate can become really bradycardic. If you have diabetes it can send you into hyperglycemia. People with hypertension/anxiety are monitored for these effects as they adjust to the medication. Definitely a potentially very dangerous medication!
Thank you for this!! I appreciate you chiming in with you expertise because I 100% did not know that and now I’m even more upset 😒
@@MickeyAtkins oh, the way my mouth dropped when Kris offered one so cavalierly!
One of my neurologists put me on Verapamil while I was already on a beta blocker (for migraine), and my BP kept going low so I almost passed out. My primary got me off the beta blocker STAT
I'm on a blocker for high BP, had to decrease the dose. The stuff is powerful, and can drop it easily (and yeah, also have had light-headedness and dizziness). under no circumstances should people mess with this like it's candy. My PA has been very careful in watching this kind of reaction.
Can also trigger asthma attacks in asthma prone people, former nurse here as well
"Finger guns your way out of anxiety" cured my anxiety. I was laughing so hard 🤣
As someone who is neurodivergent and spends a majority of their time with other ND folks, I really appreciate you explaining why the "oh i can relate" story thing isn't always welcome. It's something that I've noticed that I, along with most of my ND friends do, but I've had (usually, but not always!) NT people get upset by, but I never understood why and people can get really harsh on explaining why and just leave it at "you should know better".
I'm ND and noticing this about other ND people annoyed me. It always seems so inconsiderate
“They do stuff, they sell stuff” best summary of their fam ever 🤣
I really love how this video addresses ableism, privilege, and accessibility. I’m lucky to have a family who is financially able to send me to therapy, because our insurance doesn’t cover certain things and/or has a long waitlist for treatment options that I really need. The Kardashians are rich, they have social status, they live in LA, and they could travel easily if need be. It’s important to recognize that people of lower socioeconomic status, those living in rural areas, and people of color may struggle much more to receive treatment
Mickey, your videos have helped me so much and I cannot thank you enough. I am almost 40 and my spouse of 13 years recently walked out on me out of the blue. I never thought this would happen to me and it has been really, really hard but your videos have helped so much. It has been so validating to hear someone say that big emotions are ok, they serve a purpose, they aren't bad, it's ok to be angry, etc. And the fact that you are a fellow Jennonite is just a cherry on the sundae, lol. Thank you so much for being open and sharing your knowledge with us. You really are helping people and helping me get through these tough days.
Oh shit I’m so sorry that this happened!! I’m so honored to be of any help or support though because you are 1,000% deserving of all of the love and respect and belonging. I’m sending you so many internet hugs my friend! Feel those feels and be kind to yourself and we’ll make it through together 🥰
hang in there, you're doing amazing!!!
Currently working on that myself to, allowing myself to experience all my emotions, not labeling them “good” or “bad”. I hope you’re getting through it through everything alright tho! Love from a fellow jennonite 😮💨
Im so tired of this family that i don't think I can even watch this video
My childhood best friend had a very strong case of "I don't give a fuck what anyone else thinks" and I used to think that made her cool and powerful (especially to my social anxiety ridden self). But she often said things like "I'm my own best friend" that made me realize how toxic she was as a person because she truly didn't care about other people.
Thank you so much for saying what you said about the goal not being to completely eradicate anxiety. It really helped me change my perspective and realize that I am an anxious person, anxiety is going to be present in my life quite often, but I have tools and the resources I need to manage/reduce and learn to accept my anxiety
Thank you SO much for mentioning and validating Orthorexia. I have it and it can be incredibly life altering. Just to hear it be recognized is incredibly healthy as I learn coping strategies with my therapist. Thank you!
I have Asperger's and ADHD. I sometimes tell someone that I frequently go into a room in my house and don't know why I am there. Usually, this someone usually tells me that happens them too. After they say this, I get depressed because I know that they don't understand scale of this problem. What they did was minimizing the problem. I really want someone to understand my situation.
Yeah like when you make _any_ comment on Twitter about ADHD or Autism, and someone ALWAYS comments “Well this isn’t JUST an Autism/ADHD thing-“
When people do that to me about my OCD or anxiety I say "well yes my issues are normal human behaviors that I experience at an extreme level so they're more disruptive and debilitating than just an occasional occurrence, hence why they're a disorder".
The James cordon “speech” was literally just templates of motivational posters you see in grade school everywhere and Khloe finding it so inspiring 😂🤦🏻♀️
“Generally I want to encourage people to practice not making it about ourselves when we’re trying to support someone who is ill. It’s sometimes invalidating and can feel like you’re being silenced by the people that you love.”
thank you for this 🙏🏽💜
when people say “oh have you tried this? It worked for me” it only makes the person suffering the illness feel like it is their fault they aren’t better by now and that’s just not how chronic or long-term illnesses work 😤😪
I have struggled with panic anxiety disorder since I was 14. Yesterday at work I started having a panic attack luckily I was just about too go on my lunch break so I poped my ear buds in and went for a walk around the block and listened to a ten minute mindfulness meditation. I was able to get calm my self. And for the first time I didn’t need to relie on my anxiety med too calm myself. I was proud of that. So too see khloe and Chris passing around meds like candy. It pissed me off because in the real world I took pride in myself that I was able to deal with my anxiety without medication assistance. I’m still proud of myself and still can’t stand the kardasians.
I mean? Good for you and I’m glad but medication is not shameful. There’s no sense in being prideful for not allowing yourself medicine that you need.
@@DeathnoteBB She didn't need it. Her point was that she had learned and implemented enough skills that she could cope without needing it.
You're right that medication isn't shameful, though. It is a tool.
@@jadelinny exactly. And @DeathnoteBB. I apologize if my comment made you feel I was trying to be shameful. But yes when I have gotten too the state of a panic attack before my medication was the only thing that would alleviate my anxiety and help me cope through the attack. I have been using the same medication for 15 years and I’m not ashamed of that I may need too use it for the same reason in the future. This time however my other coping strategies worked. Sometimes with anxiety I find it helpful when you regonize the small growths. And the kardasians piss me off also because I have to scrape and save fir over $150 a month to see my amazing therapist for an hour session and pay for my medications so I can function day to day. Yet they have so much wealth and privilege passing out each other’s meds like it’s nothing turning to celebrities for mental health encouragement and whine about oh celebrity life woah is me. It’s insulting.
When I watched the new Kardashian show and saw the ep where James Cordon Gives that speech to Kourtney all I could think about how much it all screamed privilege. Yes, celebrities can get anxiety too, it doesn’t discriminate, but the whole “we’re drinking champagne, we won” think was gross because like that’s not something a normal human could achieve
I really disagree with this. I don't even like the Kardashians; I think they are really problematic in terms of the unrealistic beauty standards they perpetuate, their history with racism, etc. However, It's not the Kardashian's responsibility to only do things "a normal human could achieve". And I love Mickey, but she seems to be so immersed in this idea of privilege that she gives a lower level of respect and empathy to people who she deems privileged. (As another example, it was none of her business to comment on Kylie's dress and how she gets done up every day just to sit in her house - if she wants to do that, then f-cking let her. It's also very possible that she doesn't really want to do that, but feels so much pressure to be perfect all the time that feels she has to be ready to be on camera 24/7.) Furthermore, James and Khloe were right - they HAVE made it in life. I think it would be irresponsible of them to pretend they haven't. They seemed to be having a private conversation which just happened to be filmed. The goal wasn't to flaunt their wealth to their audience or try to make it seem that these coping mechanisms and attitudes apply to all of their audience. If they want to be happy about all the privilege they have, why should we have a problem with it? Stupid criticism like this seems to be the reason that Khloe has anxiety in the first place - because she's so rich, the public never thinks she can do ANYTHING right.
I've never seen the show, but from the clips shown, and the part about "don't be anxious we're rich its okay", it also makes me wonder if that speech could also have been more damaging to her in the long run as if to imply since you're rich you're not allowed to feel anxious, get over it.
Growing up my dad was very much "think yourself happy!" For some reason he thought I was choosing to be depressed and anxious and miserable. Thankfully, my mom took over and they ended up sending me to a child psychologist.
I'm an LCSW - I agree with all of this. I also think there's more "acting" on this show than we might think. They have specific filming schedules and I'm willing to bet they're a very vanilla version of themselves when the cameras are rolling. Sure, sometimes fights break out that are pretty ugly, but they also want ratings. For all we know, Khloe had a full breakdown we didn't see and perhaps she has a therapist we also don't know about. I don't know any of this factually, but I'd be willing to bet there's more than meets the eye here with this "fluff" so to speak.
About sharing prescription medication: Don't share them even with family members! My sister and I have both been prescribed Lexapro. Lexapro worked well for me as a mood stabilizer. Lexapro almost killed my sister. She had that 1 in a Million reaction to it. So 100% agree with Mickey here! Please don't share you scipts with people! You don't want to be responsible for someone ending up in the hospital, or worse when you were just trying to help.
I'm so excited for this video! I've been struggling with my anxiety more than usual for the last few months, and it's oddly comforting to be told "the goal isn't to make sure you never feel anxious again, the goal is to help you manage it and give it space without letting it control your life".
It's a guilty pleasure for me too - It's so frustrating because her having a therapist on early on in the show for Kim that made me understand what intrusive thoughts were. And helped me so much with getting help/not feeling terrible about them.
so incredibly here for the discourse about: 1) "high-functioning" being ableist language and 2) people not needing their mental illness to be recognized by the people around them before seeking treatment. as a person CONSTANTLY tagged w/the "high-functioning" label it's so refreshing to see that paradigm being addressed. yes, i can "function" at a high level, but people don't see the toll that performing as an abled person takes on me, so i overachieve my way straight into the psych ward. (i've been working w/ an awesome social worker and doing a lot better lately tho!).
I had no idea an unhealthy fixation on eating healthy was an eating disorder! I definitely suffered from this in my younger years and I'm struggling to figure out a healthy balance.
I just want to say something to those who hear "It's an unrealistic goal to eradicate anxiety from your life" and interpret it as "I will always have to suffer from this level of anxiety." I was in a terrible spiral of anxiety in 2015 where I could barely leave the house, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't shower with the door closed. I felt like I lost every bit of humanity I had. I lost hope at the thought that I'd always have anxiety. HOWEVER, despite still having anxiety, it's not the same anxiety I had then. The absolutely debilitating, hopeless anxiety I felt then is gone. Now it's the occasional anxiety that I know how to manage early on. While everyone's story is different, don't get discouraged that anxiety may always be part of your life, but be hopeful that it won't always take over your life.
I will never understand what I’m supposed to find interesting about the Kardashians. On the other hand, I wish I got paid millions to blorp around in full-length gowns saying whatever popped into my head regardless of how thoughtless or ill-informed it was.
Edited to add: if Kourtney (however it’s spelled) is going into early menopause from medication, she probably ought to talk to her doctor rather than assume the holy pure shrine of her body is rejecting all those filthy chemicals.
I’ve never watched an episode of their show, just the clip where kourtney is saying to Kim “people are dying…” Not my cup of tea. I’m really surprised they left in the part where kris is offering her meds. That’s not a good thing to normalize on tv, yikes. I’ve had anxiety for as long as I can remember and meds help me a lot, but I wouldn’t offer one of mine to someone, that’s so dangerous. You never know if someone is going to have a bad reaction to it, even a beta blocker.
I would be interested in a video about the “Kl-ocd” you mentioned. I’ve never really watched the Kardashians but as someone with clinical OCD, I’ve felt the effects of their misunderstood reframing of the disorder. There’s a lot of media that has participated in this, but a video about the Kardashian approach would be interesting. I get so sick of having people who use the term frequently and incorrectly look at me like I’m crazy when managing a compulsion. Anyway! Great video. Thanks!
As someone who has chronic social anxiety & claustrophobia I tried to just be tough & not care about other people think about me ie trying to make myself numb to those "negative" emotions of dread when I was younger only to realize that it only made it 10 times worse. Now I have coping strategies such as playing a specific song in my mind or calculating numbers in my head to help with both. I do still feel those emotions whenever I get around crowds, crowded lifts, or whenever I meet new people but I have ways of easing those feelings. Now my coping strategies help me but they may not work for others so it depends on what u need to help u but this is way better than trying to just suppress my emotions of anxiety &/or dread
Thank you for giving an example of how to share similar experiences with someone, while also not trying to take the attention away from what they're sharing. I also thank you for validating their feelings. We feel how we feel.
misheard “finger gun your way out of anxiety” as “finger bang your way out of anxiety” and I was still on board
Part of kourtneys convo upset me. My daughter and I both struggle with depression. Hers started more recently. But one of the things I hate is when people ( mainly it’s been grandparents) who think because she alwYs “seems happy” around them, how can she be depressed. Um because nobody is just one emotion. Or because she struggles with feeling like her life is too good and so she doesn’t have the right to be depressed. So she forces this fake happiness. One thing we are always reinforcing is that she doesn’t have to have some catastrophic reason to feel this way. Her feelings are valid regardless / without reason. It’s how we address them, in a way that she feels heard and can function in her life. Kris just strikes me as the type that would brush it off like “ no reason to be sad, everything’s great 🤬
By portraying their success as a cure to anxiety they are making it an aspiration to their audience, therefore furthering the illusion of wealth and status as attainable goals if you "keep up with the Kardashians".
And exactly through this Imagination of "If you keep up with us you can be as successful and wealthy as we are", are they earning so much money.
I was prescribed beta blockers for hardcore migraines. Didn't feel any different, but my watch informed me my heart rate was... 26. I'm usually around 90bpm. ONLY reason I didn't die was because I was wearing a sports watch and managed to catch it, and get treated.
Absolutely bangin’, as usual 🎉
Near the end, when it comes to telling our story back, I’m gonna be honest - I really struggle to not do the thing. Impulse control issues, a lot of life experiences, a lot of “vision” to show me how things relate to each other, a lot of urgency to help, to prove that I am “good” to have there for this reason - sometimes it just comes out, so all I do is make it as brief as I can, and TELL THEM the truth “I’m not trying to make this about me” and keep telling the truth “I said that because of these reasons - I wanted you to feel understood, I wanted you to know that when we talk about this, I’m not coming from nowhere, I wanted you to know that I am entering this conversation with however much understanding” and then I KEEP telling the truth “I wonder what you want to tell me now? I wonder how you’re feeling now? I wonder what you’ve thought about? I wonder if you need this or that help?” And I take my quick mouth that spat out a story at what may not have been the best time and I take the moment I’ve taken, to create a space of transparency, and inform my person that I’m here to see and hear them clearly, and I’m here to meet them where they’re at, I’m ready to come where they tell me … and I guess I wanted to give them a clear view of who THEY are looking at, too, to match up our transparencies.
And to be VERY fair, the mom may have said something like that and the editor scrapped it - but based on “I have a meeting, actually…” I kinda would still guess nah.
IDK shout out to the homies with quick mouths what up
Wow, I was expecting them to think things similar to the guy I know who said he thinks "people with depression just need to stop being little bitches" but I didn't expect the mom to paraphrase the exact same sentiment within the first few minutes.
My parents have the same belief that you just need to toughen up and then I won't have mental health issues, but I have autism which worsens my depression and anxiety. It is really frustrating as I feel like I am a pretty tough person. I have had to deal with most of life by myself, even in childhood my parents weren't really there for me, but I still made sure I was there for my sister. I have had to deal repeatedly with potential homelessness and I have always pulled myself out of that.
What's so interesting about the "thick skin" mentality is that, to a certain extent, I think it can be helpful. I have diagnosed social anxiety disorder and I've found that promoting thoughts of "it's okay to take up space. It's okay for people to be mad. You don't need to make everyone happy. Don't let others tell you how to be." Can help with negative anxious thoughts when I find myself about to spiral. Something about wanting to be a bad bitch and confident seems to help me keep panic at bay in certain situations. Of course, I'm also properly medicated and have gone to therapy for these things too, so that also helps a ton. I hate the boomer mentality of it, of course, but being stubborn in "this is who I am, deal with it." I've found helpful (of course, that's just me, I don't expect everyone to be that way like the boomer mentality wants) but maybe there's a different term than thick skin to describe it.
Edit to add: she said it later, the term I was looking for was "inner resiliency".
Polo pool of
I convinced myself for a long time that my struggles with mental health aren't valid because "I have no reason to be anxious, feel overwhelmed, etc." This exact idea stopped me from going to therapy until I almost reached the end of my rope and a family member convinced me to go. It's also part of the reason I stopped going to therapy after I felt "back to normal," which wasn't the best decision in hindsight. Thank you for reminding us that what we're feeling is valid, full stop. ❤
accepting that I can't fix my anxiety had been a challenge. But attempting to accept it has helped me feel somewhat better.
Oh my goodness you are so close to 100k! It has been wonderful watching your channel grow and seeing all the support you provide through your videos. I have never been able to afford proper mental health services and do not know if I ever will.. but having channels like yours available for free has given me some comfort and relief in some of what I struggle with.
I remember a guy telling me "girl, get some confidence". I was SO anxious at the time, and he was a client of mine, but if I could travel back in time I would like to tell him to eat my farts.
I once had someone tell me i just needed to relax. Yeah, riiiiight
about 9 min, I know Mickey was talking about something else, and maybe I'm wrong, but it feels like James didn't want a hug and Mama Kardashain (sorry idk their names) insisted and there is SO much wrong with that, the consent (or lack thereof), the fact that forcing tells someone they don't own their body, and more
about 14 min, I think it's also important to listen to others' opinions sometimes (and arguably more so with celebrities) because we might think we're showing one image but actually be showing another
James Corden: you’re drinking champagne at 1 PM on a Monday- AT WORK! You’ve won!
Me, who works at a bar: I’m doing a jagerbomb at 1 PM on a Monday- AT WORK! I’ve won!
….can anyone help me decide whether or not I should incorporate this into my belief system?? I’m genuinely not sure what to think. I’m probably technically below the poverty line if that helps
So a few years ago I can too the belief that other people option of me is non of my business it’s a reflection of them and not me. I have ocd and this allowed me to accept myself be happy and not constantly concerned that I could have done something wrong. So while I still am concerned about other thoughts, it allows me to realises it and not spiral and punish myself with ritual. So for me it’s something for my mental health has helped.
99,000 subscribers!! We're so proud of you! You're so valuable in this community.
Considering the mental health challenges found even within my on family, thank you for this video.
Does anyone have a tip about how to deal with someone who does the "inserting their own experience" thing a lot? I know we all do it from time to time, but I'm struggling with someone at work and I know that screaming "this isn't about you" in their face is not a solution...
You can say it without screaming? Or tell them that you don't feel like they are listening to you or understand you so you'd like to end the conversation. Idk that's what I'd do, I just call it out and remind myself that me over explaining is a trauma response and I don't owe anyone that. Like if you know you trying to explain to them what they are doing and what you are actually needing from them will be met with more dismissiveness and invalidation then you can simply state that they are missing the point and that you are no longer willing to talk to them about it. Also you said it's at work so that's even more annoying and you need to be in a good mental space so you could actually do your job and enjoy it a little.
“Why are you telling me this right now?”
My main go to is to give them a brief pause after they have inserted their stuff into mine, then after that beat I slowly say, well we can go on and address that, if you like or insist, but I would like to finish what I was trying to say. Usually, in a group atmosphere, they are willing and able to tone down because they don't want to be perceived as an asshat for ruining what you were trying to say. Even if it's not genuine, you can usually get them to at least back off for their own self-serving perception.
What is coming up at work that this is an issue? unless a conversation is very clearly one where person a is supporting person b with a problem then sharing your own experiances is usually part of a flow of a conversation, pick up something that is similar or different about the story the other person is sharing and use it to continue discussing your own experiance. If you're often talking about things where you need someone to shelve their own experiance entirely and listen compassionately to you talking about things youre struggling with you might need to find a different space to do that.
Best to ask them why they do it and let them know "when you talk over me it makes me feel unheard/frustrated/whatever the best word to describe your feeling". If they get argumentative tell them you're trying to have a discussion so you can both get your needs met. Odds are they aren't trying to hurt you they may just not be self aware or they think they're helping. But you won't know unless you ask.
I had to pause to say thank you for saying what you said about anxiety. I had a rough start & was getting on everyday by telling myself I was stronger than my “negative emotions”, basically just trying to go numb to them. the problem is life constantly creates negative emotions & you can’t just avoid them forever. This lead to a full blown drug addiction for me when “numb” could no longer be achieved on my own. It’s so harmful to tell people to just ignore negative emotions or if you’re strong enough it won’t bother you. It’s supposed to bother you. Took me a long time to realize that. Anyways - thank you.
The "cure" for a lot of mental health issues would be easier to find if everyone were lucky enough to be wealthy af in spite of a blatant lack of talent, skill, or even self awareness, but some people just aren't so lucky and have to struggle. And sometimes, being wealthy doesn't even help, peep Kenya for instance. 😳 but sure, go off.
It is great to see orthorexia talked about! I suffered for a very long time in a way that was hard to explain because I thought I was trying to be healthy! Turns out it was anything but. More folks should be aware of this one because it’s not easy to spot.
there's a very clear difference between making something all about yourself and sharing a similar experience of your own to show empathy. or maybe this is just another social thing i'll never understand because i'm autistic and that's how i show i can empathize with someone's situation
I know its not healthy, but i isolate myself from people who assume if i am having a hard time i am just suppose to buck up. i suffer from major depression and i have been on medication for years. i wish it were that easy.
“that’s weird and not real” you’re telling me you don’t sit in a floor length gown on your patio in arizona talking to your mother who is also kris jenner? cmoooon
You make me feel seen, thank you Mickey
Great video! I agree with you on the privilege flaunting. My husband and I call it rich worship where people seem to just worship everything about being rich and being able to use money in a way that is so wasteful and gross. Now that it has been pointed out, we see it absolutely everywhere and it is starting to feel more and more dystopian.
Thank you for making this video. I have literally never watched an episode of the kardashians, but some of the stuff you brought up about anxiety/people's attitudes towards it helped me put some of my thoughts into words, and I'll probably be bringing that to my therapist today.
Love your hair! Inspires me to do something fun 🤩
„you’re day drinking, you’ve won“ 🤨
1. As someone with OCD I would love to hear you talk about it in relation to the Kardashians
2. Your hair is beautiful and you look very happy and healthy and I hope you're doing as well. Thank you for making these videos
I wish I actually needed an explanation of who the kardashians were. What a world that would be.
"finger guns your way out of society" cracked me up 😂 I can't wait to watch this video!
I'm so thankful for the work you do with this channel. Your perspective and words really have value and I keep discovering new ways to understand my mind and how i relate to others so thank you!
Can you make a video on Girl, Interrupted? I just watched it for the first time recently and the tough love approach really has me reeling.
26:30 ive felt rhis so hard, i was turned away by a school therapist because i was too high functioning and there was a long list of others that need help
I love the way you broke this down Mickey! So many great points.
Im actually a kardashian fan and I liked the champagne comment lol. But I get it
Lol you are literally my favorite therapist youtube creator, thank you for this content. I’m heading to patreon.
I love my mom..but i cant vent to her or be open about whats going on with me because she manages to make EVERYTHING about her..every..single..time
And if she doesnt relate..you can hear either boredom or frustration in her voice before she changes the subject..so i end up shutting down..watching kris talk to kourtney def brought up some feelings.
28:16 thank you for this section, everything you said in this part was really helpful for me bc im the type of person who wants everyone to feel like they can talk to me about anything and not be judged, and i want to be someone who can help others feel less alone in their experiences, even if its in a small way. so the best way i know how to do that is to empathize and find a way that i can connect to their story and share it with them so they can see that someone understands them and has had a similar experience in some way. sometimes though, i worry that im making the conversation about me by sharing something and/or that im making the other person think i wasnt really listening when really im trying to do the exact opposite. so this section of the video has some really valuable information for me to help the people i talk to feel more seen and allow them to have enough space for all that they want to talk about and for me to moderate how much space im taking up when the conversation is supposed to be about them. thank you again!
Holy cow, I just realized you almost have 100k subscribers! That's awesome!
it would be so nice to have you react to Kim's PTSD... it was so weird at the time, because people around them also seem not to see them as people, even in such difficult moments like that one
So the part about sharing something about your experience to try to show how you can relate and empathize with someone's hard experience... is pretty common and often received as helpful in autistic culture.
I have had allistic people do it and it turn out horribly, but usually it's because it highlights their assumptions and misunderstanding of my experience which I just described, so it can feel really disheartening to talk about hard stuff, hear back that it's been completely misunderstood, and there's no more space to be heard or to correct the record.
When allistics do it after having checked for understanding, it usually goes much better and feels really good.
I think the reason that it's helpful in autistic culture is because of our bottom up processing. Specific situations and experiences are easier to see than generalized situations or experiences. I think the reason it's not often well received in allistic culture is because of the top down processing and how generalized situations and experiences are easier for allistics to see.
So a specific example feels like the situation is being overlooked and the focus is being shifted to allistics and a generalization feels like generic fluff that does apply to the situation to autistics. We feel similarly when the attempt to show empathy doesn't align with our processing orientation.
WOW you are so close to 100k💖✨👍🏾
Thank you for your uploads! Very insightful, as someone dealing with pretty extreme anxiety. Your vids calm me down :)
"the Kardashians are, if you haven't heard of them..."
I've never heard this sentence before.
I can't wait for you to get to the episode where Kris pressures Kendall to have a baby. That part irritated me to no end.
OMFG I HAD NO IDEA ABOUT OPEN PATH! IM SIGNING UP RN!
I took me a decade of Theropist and having dr’s prescriptions till I found a combo that really helped me and my mom reminding me I have adhd got diagnosed as a kid and for whatever reason till I got the anxiety/depression med then the right adhd meds the one I tried first worked lucky enough for me.
My brain isn’t always an angry bee hive any more and it’s nice lol but for real it’s good to get some real quiet time where I can relax and not just be hyper fixated.
Ive been in Chloe's place [15:48], not the privilege, but just stating being a little anxious before an event and people crowding around telling you not to worry and that none of *that or whatever matters, and all the reasons to feel greatful, and speaking over you crowding around and going into a speech- it's a weird position to be in because they're being nice and trying to be supportive, but it personally makes me feel put on the spot and like I have to provide proof that I'm all better now, when I was just expressing being a little anxious, and then I feel like I have to thank them for their service to me. Maybe I'm being nitpicky, but that just struck a chord for me
While I inherently agree with Mickey's points, I don't think it's this big of an issue because the Kardashians aren't known for giving life-changing advice, especially about mental health. When I personally consume their content, my expectation is to be entertained by the extravagance so I'm not surprised to see their advice being basically pep talks for everyday stress
I love your videos! Very thoughtful and engaging
Your hair looks SO cute!! Love the way it’s growing out :-)
Your hair just keeps getting prettier and prettier! Ok i’ll watch the video now
Mickey you seem like such a beautiful person inside & out 💕
The mother discussing her own experiance isn't as bad as i think you make out, like you said it's something that needs to be done in the context of a relationship and we can assume that this mother and daughter know their own relationship best. I for one never feel less listened to than hearing someone go "wow that sounds like it's really difficult i'm so sorry you're experiancing that", wanting to hear someone express that they have been through something similar and thus they really do get it and their advice isn't something they're just pulling out of their ass is fairly widespread i think
I think it does depend a LOT on the people and the relationship. I actually have the inverse of those preferences: I can understand if a casual acquaintance uses a personal story, because at least then I'm distracted by learning something new about a person. The same thing coming from my mom would feel a little callous just because...I grew up with her, there's a %99 chance I've heard the story and that just makes it feel like a tool being pulled put out to fix me.
@@NovemberXXVII For me it's less about feeling distracted and more about the conversation moving from sympathy to solidarity. If you tell me about a simmilar experiance then you're not just telling me you get it you're showing me the evidence, I'm not unloading something on to you, we are connecting and what's being said doesn't sound cookie cutter, it sounds intensly personal and vulnerable. If someone sits there nodding and afirming how "valid" my feelings are I don't feel noticed or cared for at all I think they are doing the thing they have been told they should do to seem like they are noticing me and caring about me. If they tell me about something they experianced I know that they listened to what I said, understood it well enough to connect it with their own experiances, and cared about me enough to be just as vulnerable with me as I am being with them. Their story and mine are then useful as twin starting points for a conversation. If I want to explore my feelings I can pick up something in the other persons story and see how it's similar or different, maybe if they said they felt angry maybe that helps me realise I feel more hurt than angry, or if they solved a problem one way I can consider if it would work for me to. I just much prefer it.
Yeah sharing similar stories is a part of empathy. Silently nodding along or saying that sucks is so cold.
Not finger gunning your way outta anxiety🤣🤣🤣🤣.
Someone literally told me the other day that depression is just a mindsey
I love you
It bothers me too
This just isn't right and isn't how the real world works.
I love your rants and how you articulate both your compassion and frustrations about subliminal messages in media.
It really resonated when Kris questioned khloes depression with "I thought you are happier than ever" - it hurts to have your own mother dip out of a REAL conversation like that and have the validity of your feelings questioned by an outsider.
That part with James Corden was giving very much Dhar Mann energy.