This was a strategy for me. It lessened the likelihood of abuse. I'd ask a simple question, pretending to care about a topic of interest to them. Let the bragging begin. Pretend listen. They're amazing. The best athlete. Had the prettiest girlfriends, greatest potential. Smile, nod, no questions coming, read articles on my phone. "Yes I’m listening."
@@NatureFreak1127 sometimes it’s safer pretending not to see if your in the home environment too. At worst, sometimes our lives literally depend on it.
Genuine humility allows us to acknowledge and appreciate our own accomplishments, without seeking constant validation or belittling others. While humble bragging may seem self-centered, it doesn't necessarily make one a narcissist. It is the intention behind our words and actions that truly defines our character.
You can also talk about what you do without it being considered bragging. There are a lot of *very deeply insecure* people who complain about influencers, and yet they never bother to think THEY sought the influencer out...the influencer was NOT chasing them down or butting into their life. (EDIT: an nope, never been an influencer) I agree, the intent has a HUGE amount to do with character.
It's also crappy when someone asks you questions about yourself and then accuses you of bragging. YOU came to ME. YOU asked. YOU wanted to know. It's a betrayal to then turn that back on someone who hadn't talked about it otherwise.
There are people, who will always misuse information from your private life... Be aware of it. And you are allowed to ask "back" :like " why you are asking about it?" Because you are in your rights withhold your private information.. 😉You HAVE RIGHT to remain silent 😎 And you also can find elegant excuse why you are not ready to share that kind of information. Good luck
Which is why I'm not so forthcoming when someone proceeds to pump me for personal information. Becoming a master at being vague has given me much pleasure of late.
"When the pupil is ready The teacher appears " & that she did & continues to unravel the ties that "bind us" To use the art of discernment wisely Much appreciated DrRamini
I needed this video SO much! Family always ignored my accomplishments so, as a kid I would often seek that feeling from class mates. Instead of getting my needs met I found class mates being hurtful. To them I was doing something beyond expectations and therefore they thought I was actually bragging. In my family anything I did was minimized or negated. All my validation had to come from outside my immediate family and I found that class mates or teachers were also not a source of support. As an adult I moved far from family and past familiars and have found my value and worth from others like me or, who just like me. Thank you, Dr Ramani, again, for helping me tease out who I am
Amazing. At 52 years old, having done my own cooking from age 13 (living alone), and then cooking for others a year later, your words prompted the realization my mother never acknowledged this accomplishment at the time or later. It's given me a bad attitude about cooking.
Same. My family has been invalidating ever since and only one teacher at school saw my strengths. So I humble brag sometimes to get validation from others, although I don't rely on it.
This video resonates with me. My ex was famous for the humble brag and I always felt bad around him without knowing exactly why. He had this workout routine and eating regimen that was impossibly perfect. He was proud and wanted everyone to notice and felt superior, but in typical narcissistic fashion, failed to account for the million and three reasons I couldn’t accomplish the same every day. Namely two children, a house, a job, health issues. There’s no limit to what I could accomplish in life if I only had to think of and take care of myself!
@@imsaltylit3101I’m so sorry and I can remember feeling the same confusing mix of emotions. Your story can have a happy ending though. I divorced my husband after 25 years. I took the time to really understand his personality and my own and then I moved on with a much better understanding of what I wanted in a relationship. I’m now happily remarried to the sweetest and most supportive man ever.
This was my (ex)husband too. He started exercising and trying to watch what he ate. He started losing loads of weight and looked really, really good. I was proud of him. I wanted to exercise with him because getting healthy could be something both of us could do and we could enjoy that time together. What I did not know then was that I had severe, severe anemia, and I was exhausted all the time. My hemoglobin was really low and I was not getting enough oxygen, so exercising wore me out. EVERYTHING wore me out. I barely had enough energy to do my chores around the house, so by the time he was ready to exercise at night, I was out. Then he told me later and absolutely crushed me that he didn't want me to join him in exercising because, and I quote: "You're just going to hold me back." I did not know he was a narcissist at the time. I know now, and it makes total sense. Nothing was ever about "us" as husband and wife. I don't know how many times I asked him to slow down so I could keep up, but he refused. He absolutely refused. Everything was always about him. There was no "us" except on government-issued paper. I feel you. Man, I feel you.
I "humble brag" occasionally about stuff I'm genuinely proud of. I think genuine pride over stuff you worked very hard for is legit. Humble can be overdone: it really depends on why you're telling the story and what reaction you're seeking. If you want to put yourself above others, then it's narcissistic. If you want to share to encourage others--I did it; you can--then I think it's legit. Sometimes, too, we're human--I did this great thing, and like a little boy, I'm just so proud of myself. I'll freely admit it
@@poloman888 Haha. Guess so. I don't know what to think about the issue, exactly. Sometimes one is genuinely proud of an accomplishment, and you want to crow a little about it to someone you trust and isn't going to be envious. Seems a normal emotion. Of course too much and too often is insufferable. It has to be selective, a real accomplishment, and infrequent. And it definitely has to be reciprocated.
My family has always minimised my accomplishments, so I share the things I'm proud of with other people. I don't desperately need their praise but it feels nice to share my pride.
Doesn't seem that the article you reference is so much of a "humble brag", but an outright brag with a dash of self-righteousness 😆 As always, thank you Dr. Ramani for keeping it real for the rest of us. ❤
"When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men...but when you pray, go into your room, close the door, and pray unto your father, who is unseen.."
I once went to a church where the local single narcissist zeroed in on me immediately. The first red flag was when he said “it’s so embarrassing, but I’m a bit of a celebrity around here” because he was in the band 😆🤣😂😂😂 he actually did get angry when people didn’t acknowledge his awesomeness
🤣🤣🤣🤣 There's a photographer in Los Angeles I know who apparently is wel known there (I'm in London). One day, I saw loads of people commenting to him as if he were a celebrity. I sent him a message and asked him what was up with those comments. He replied, "I'm kind of a big deal in LA." Ok.
I think another example of humble bragging I see a lot on social media is some people using religion (or whatever they want to call it) for it. Such as constantly sharing something positive, big or small, in their life but always giving the credit to a higher power.
I agree . I think we have to be careful not to lump everyone who does that together though. I think it’s important to know the motive of the person. ( and if they “brag” or post stuff a lot and I mean a lot about their vacations and projects, etc. that is a huge clue) I’m sure there are plenty of people who do thank God and it’s genuine. They are truly happy something turned out or went well and they are genuinely wanting to thank God. Then there are others who use the God card as a way to add another layer to their narcissism to hide that they are a narcissist by giving God the credit when all the while they truly believe it was all them and that they are so great and everyone should know it. Those people are trying to not offend others by their outright bragging. They know it’s a turn off so they do it to mask their look at me, la-dee-dah persona.
Love this. I find the ‘passive aggressive’ way some people post ‘advice’ on social media can be condescending depending how it’s done, and possibly a ‘humble brag’ of a potential narcissist. Learning to not engage in those things much myself. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
I'm laughing. My morning routine is exactly the same, sans work, but I have a dog sleeping by me. Wake up when I want, sinus pill, omeprazole, let dog out, coffee, grab phone for your video and weather. Life is great!
Omeprazole is a horrible med. It contains shellac PEG and polysorbate80..so that shellac is carried into your brain!! And other organs.. research ingredients. No wonder there is so much dementia and alzheimers.
I'm curious about the Omeprazole because I was taking that before I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disease. You don't have to tell, but I am wondering what other symptoms you have besides acid reflux which would require Omeprazole? I don't have to take it any more now that I found out the root cause of my acid reflux, which I rarely have now. You may take it for a different reason though.
Thank you for understanding and validating me when I humbly brag. I’m in a terrible relationship with a narc. And sometimes I just brag to get the flying monkeys to see that I’m trying to do well for myself. Self care is my survival and sometimes I need to share that
Not everybody minds humble bragging that much, as a matter of fact I grew up where it was the only socially acceptable way of bragging at all. If you're really worried, why not see how people around you react and ask them? Perhaps some people are irritated, others think it's kinda cute and the rest don't even notice.
You touched on a great point about how sometimes humble bragging happens from people that never receive validation. I realized that’s why my partner doing it sometimes doesn’t bother me because he never received the support he deserves from others in his life.
Genuine self awareness is a beautiful thing that others often try to take away. Like “how dare you know who you are outside of who I tell you you are?” That kind of thing had a massive impact on my upbringing and people found a lot of satisfaction in taking that self awareness away from me. Now as an adult, I know that I need to be surround by people who aren’t threatened by me and my self awareness / developing self confidence. I’m open to being checked respectfully, but never degraded or gossiped about.
Dear Dr. Ramani, you are hilarious 😂😍😂 Thank you for keeping it real and always giving encouragement and wisdom ❤️ PS: the cat´s butt sounds familiar 😅
I wasn’t expecting to cry with this one but here I am. I recognize I am that second type of “humble bragging person”. But it is so painful, a lifetime of having narcissistic family just snatching things I worked hard for. (And I could humble brag and list them all here haha) I could never celebrate anything, I could never feel pride in myself for anything, I couldn’t feel good about anything I accomplished… I mean that has to be abuse. Making children feel like they have to work hard to earn love, then, when they work as hard as they possibly can and see results … you just snatch it from them. Make them feel like they’re full of themselves and evil for feeling proud… THAT is abuse.
That hearkens back to a reference Dr. Ramani made in a past video about "clipping our own wings", a behavior brought on by having had one's wings perpetually clipped by the ones who were supposed to love and encourage us.
Omg Dr. Ramani! Thanks again for another validating video. I had an on and off best friend for about 25 years, until she discarded me recently, after I discovered she was a narcissist. She fits the subtype of benign narcissist and boy does she know how to humble brag. She often bragged about how organized she was and how on time for everything she was, and loved making everybody else feel less than if they were a minute late or not as organized as she was. I see this humble brag clearly now. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing this short story with us, doctor Ramani In Jewish Hebrew tradition exist expression " humbling one's privacy" (tsinat prat - my free interpretation /translation) trying not to attract highlights and needless attention... It really fits totally healthy person, sometimes a bit of bragging... And I feel You are totally right by saying that "humble bragging" might be result of struggling with consequences of the past relationship with narcissist. Even , possibly, not one, but a few toxic relationships -until we starting to be aware of ourselves, and what kind important relationships we had in the past Thank You, doctor May all of Your mornings be good and You climb from the bed with right leg first always 💖
I NEVER humble-brag. As I was telling my very good friend, George Clooney, the other day, it's a kind of counter-productive virtue-signaling. He agreed!
This video totally gives me food for thought. A certain family member would ask me how much something cost when I made a new purchase, and later hold it against me as if they were jealous-even though they are not hurting for money! So exhausting!. I have dramatically cut down communication and I am being tight lipped from here on out! Good video and lesson learned.
Being asked what you paid for something is an instant alarm bell. They only ask to put you down and brag. Guess what? They never pay that much. Shock. Probably untrue. But aren't you wasteful!
I’m ok with someone humble bragging. It doesn’t bother me, it doesn’t trigger me. For us, people who experienced narcissistic abuse and survived - humble bragging is just NOTHING. Let them do it and enjoy themselves.😅
I never knew why I felt confused by so called "influencers" out there . Rarely are genuinely interested in helping people around ,more in being seen and being praised, having more and more followers . Now also , with your help , I understand the "fals humility" ostentatively shown . I recognise that I followed some but , as I was disappointed I unfollowed later on because I decided to limit the toxicity in my life (including online)
One of the most nasty humble brags I see on social media is people writing about how much God "blessed" them in any endeavor, but especially with the choice of spouse or their children. How entitled can you be to actually believe that God blessed you specifically in any regard, and not so many others
I realized I was doing this about a year ago after someone told me I was "one of the invisible ones" - who she was going to start noticing. It was like a light bulb moment for me. Your videos have helped me so much !
Unseen exactly! I’m not bragging about myself easily the time I felt I had to say anything for me was only when I felt unseen Thank you dr.Ramani your words are always a blessing 🙏🏻
Thank you so much!!!! I watch you every day and I want to say thank you for putting out a video for me to watch every day! You are changing my life for the better!!! Thank you Thank you !!!❤❤❤👍👍👍
Yup, I knew a guy who was fluent in six different languages and a math genius on top of that. He always assumed everybody could do what he did. And no, he didn't do it with the intent of bragging. Even so, it could be surreal how he'd switch effortlessly between languages and then turn to me and try to include me ... like dude, I don't speak Spanish 🤣
The article on the 4am routine seems to be about a couple of childless and self-righteous narcisists with the same agenda and getting very well along together😂.
My narc family has invalidated my accomplishments my whole life. So I like to share things I'm proud of with others who are happy for me. But I don't rely on their praise.
The description of waking up with a cat butt is hilarious! Thank you for your perspective and teaching. Bragging and humble bragging is one area where I struggle because I always find bragging icky. I hope you can get a morning where you don't feel tired.
I can definitely relate to this, especially the end. I use social media as a dumping ground for my brain, and after living 40 years with barely any encouragement or acknowledgement of my struggles or my accomplishments, I'll make a little post about it -- my hobbies (that I'm starting up again) or the music I like to listen to (after being ridiculed for liking) or a recipe I made that was really tasty (but got poo-pooed by the usual suspects). I was not allowed to like or do anything that wasn't approved by the important people in my life who walked all over me. These posts get just a middling response, though I don't necessarily do them for the response. I post them for myself so that I can shut up my inner critic, remember who I am and what I can do. I try to validate myself so the healing is easier. But then, a person on social media that I talked to recently said, "You sound like you want people to like you." I had to think about it for a minute because, yeah, he was right. I think nobody likes me or sees that I'm good or that I have any value. I've been invisible all my life, except when I was somebody's punching bag. I don't have to prove myself to anyone, but I also feel like if I DON'T, then nobody will approach me. I won't be able to find common ground with someone who has similar thoughts or hobbies or whatever. I may not make a friend. I'll miss a potential connection. The years of near total isolation I dealt with compounds this need to be noticed and validated. I hate this struggle. I'm starving for social contact and interaction. It's a terrible balance to strike with not bragging or revealing too much but also being me and doing for me. Three cheers for trauma! Thanks, Dr. Ramani.
I can relate. I'm older now, but in my younger days, I was described as a pretty woman. I say this because a friend with good intentions once said to me, "you could never be invisible." They were wrong. The only attention I got was for my appearance, even after getting perfect scores on engineering exams, or winning awards in art. What you described is very similar to how I've behaved in social media, and in real life. "Please love me. Look what I can offer the world." Nope, anything I achieved was quickly crushed under my mother's criticisms and my sister's bullying. I cringe now when I think of the young woman who, if she were just a bit dumb, the world could have been her oyster. All I had to do was develop some awareness that the majority of people are shallow and don't care what a woman can offer the world because "you're pretty. You'll never have to worry about studying or working." Wrong, so very wrong. I was an "ugly duckling" as a teenager and the kids called me "pizza face." Confidence destroyed from all angles. Later on, apparently became "pretty," became a target for creeps. The "last straw" for me was when a few years ago, I was enjoying posting my writing, and I had a little fan-base of about 3 people who got a laugh from my stories. I became "friends" with a man who I thought was cool and naively didn't protect myself. He said to me about my writing, "Yea, I've seen it, and I thought, well I don't want to read all THAT!" Confidence destroyed completely. Now I don't write at all, or post my art work (some other man who was meant to be a friend of over a decade, made fun of my art). Incidentally, the man who said he "wasn't going to read all THAT" posts endless photos of himself in women's clothes. His entire page is him posting "glamour" shots, and people praising his appearance. Ok. I got news for him, clothes don't make the man (or woman). Apologies, that was quite the stream of consciousness.
I'm in the never bragging club, I would get berated by my parents if I ever talked about anything I accomplished, so I stopped saying anything. I now have 0 self esteem and every day is just another one crossed off the calendar till all this is all over. I am now at the point where if anybody else talks about my accomplishments I feel physically sick :/
Even if you're still living with your abusive parents, you can still love yourself. If you've moved out, you can rest assured that by their own logic they should berate you for accomplishing contact with them, so you have more time to read a good book or take up a hobby in peace.
Just know you are not alone. I'm going through the same thing myself. Even worse is that I have imposter syndrome, so it feels like all of my accomplishments were not from hard work, but from pure luck, and I feel like an imposter. I'm slowly getting through it, but it's difficult. Lmk if you need to talk :)
Dr. Ramani you never disappoint. I love your videos so much & wish to learn from them. I never want to sound too braggadocious when speaking about accomplishments & proud moments but it’s good to know ways of conveying thoughts without coming off as an overachiever. I believe that things should be done in good taste to encourage without minimizing. We all have it hard enough trying to navigate through this world of different personalities but the best thing that we can do collectively is try to soften the blow for one another. ❤❤
I don’t go around life saying my accomplishments for many reasons. But I ran into people who bc of my appearance or god knows what just assume that I’m doing terrible in life and treat me in a very condescending way. However, once they ask me what I do they say “No need to brag”, but like you asked me? I don’t know, is it bragging to say you’ve accomplished something? Why are we so bitter about it? Many of my close friends are scared of talking about their accomplishments and dreams bc the reaction from people it’s always so petty, but why is it so hard to just be happy for others. This world is as cruel as it is, if someone has a healthy relationship and the energy to work out in the morning, well good for them! Your boss congratulated you? Hey, great! I can see you working hard. Idk, and the people who “brag” to put you down, well that speaks for their insecurities. Someone’s victory is not your failure, and viceversa.
My parents dislike their own lives so much and they don't want me to talk about my accomplishments. But they brag about them in front of others to make them appear like the parents who "did everything right and raised a good person."
@@aynilaa my father used to do that a lot, so I understand. It’s funny how when we accomplish something they still try to find a way to make it about themselves. If you accomplished a lot, that’s great for you and make sure to be proud of yourself!! And idk your situation, but it you went through a lot of hardship, it makes it even more impressive that you got far despite that. It really shows that you are a strong person. While being in that situations can be extremely tough, I personally started to appreciate what I’ve done and once you surround yourself with people who care for you because of who you are and not what they can get from you (this happened to me after I distanced myself from my parents), they will be happy for you too! But the most important thing as corny as it sounds, it’s to be happy with yourself.
While my narcissistic sister in law was giving me the silent treatment, she would give our mother inlaw gifts to give to my kids for birthdays etc...instead of just giving it to them directly...she saw us 5 days a week 🤣 she needed our inlaws to know she was being giving...
There's got to be a name for this kind of proxy gift-giving, where someone gives someone something & tells them to give it to someone else as a gift. Or the act of giving someone money to treat someone else to dinner. I know this person sees themselves as benevolent. I see it as controlling, manipulative, & weird.
My mother does this with food delivered to the door. She dominates the shared delivery in my kitchen for herself to dispense, arranged into the prettiest serving bowls she can find with the all-important serving spoons, and gaily sings out "Dinner's ready!" Then we must wait while she photographs each of our loaded plates for her records and possible upload to social media. Then asks people how we love her inspired selections - we paid for.
People who brag (fake humble or arrogantly) about how amazing and perfect their lives are, are a huge red flag, cuz I know many folks like this, and in reality their lives are a hot mess behind doors. They tend to be quite empty/shallow sad, bitter people who pretend to be happy and super nice. I’m sure there are people who have blessed lives, yet it’s not the majority. And usually people who are genuily happy and fulfilled don’t need to brag for validation. They just live their blessed best lives. 🙏✨
I know someone who has the humble brag down to a fine art, oh so very subtle, and I'm convinced that they do that either to incite envy in others, or need to do that to let others know how good and conscientious they are. Either way it's form of pride and that smacks of narcissism.
I had this experience the other day. A new resident where I live was talking about how great his life had been and how lucky he was to be living here. We live in HUD senior housing so you have to be low income. Like many people, he gave his money to his kids so he wouldn’t have to spend his own money on a market rate(1300$)apartment. His “humble brag” was more of a confession. I said to him that my life was a crap show almost from the beginning and I had planned to be out of this place 10 yrs ago. Instead, I’m trapped. I’m trying to avoid him.
So my dad was narcissist extraordinaire and was forever telling big fish stories. As a young person I took his lead and tried to fit in or get attention by telling stories but it always made me feel so wierd that one day I just stopped. I had also learned to lie to thwart abuse. I'm still secretive. I do think most are given to a bit of exaggeration here and there. All of it has to do with fitting in. The ego is a powerful part of the psyche to keep an eye on.
I've read some of those 4 a.m. riser articles before - they are all on the wellness/new age side of things. Every line in their descriptions starts with the following two unwritten words "unlike you...". If you re-do your intro and insert these two words at the start of each line, you get the true meaning - they are massive show offs, reminding you of your pathetic, undeserving existence, and chaotic rushed mornings. They probably have narcissistic tendencies, because they want to appear more worthy than others, but I'm not sure if the little humble brag you mentioned is really that big a deal.
Thank you! I Really appreciate when you do these highlighting the complexity of things that can often put down those of us dealing with fallout from high amounts of narcissistic behaviors in our relationships, who are just trying to push back on our wounds etc. I'm finding it hard to discern things in others and it leaves me so often questioning myself and if I'm narcissistic, because so much of healing can be labeled the very thing we're trying to heal from. Case in point, the person who's trying to learn self love and advocacy etc, can get lumped in with the person who's self promoting or humble bragging. Giving yourself the opportunity for the being seen that you have never gotten, can seem like self victimiser or self aggrandizement, but the intention seems to be the only discerning difference, and that's so hard to know I another person. So those who would see send validate is often just hurt us more. Sigh.
The presentation is outstanding and we thank you 😊 Doctor Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D.; it is nice to hear that there is a life beyond narcissism! Wishing you a great day! Thank you 🙏. Again, thank you 😊.
Hello, Dr Ramani, I just wanted to kindly bring to your attention - the audio level on most of your videos on this channel is very low. Sometimes, if my environment is even a little noisy, I can not hear your voice through my headphones, yet I may need to turn down other podcasts. It's very easily solved by whomever edits your video's in the future. Audio quality/clarity is one of the most important aspects of online content. I appreciate your video's immensely ❤
I would love to hear you elaborate more on a concept you once called "Toxic Positivity". Sometimes I feel like I'm fighting a one-man war against those types. This is almost reminiscent of that.
My night and my morning: being told by my sister that her 14 year old granddaughter (my great niece) told her to shut up or she will stick a knife down her throat, then later invalidated her, and baited her. Me in a different city felt helpless but enraged. This 14 year old narcissist training from her toxic environment invalidating our generation as we are trauma survivors. Then ruminating about the event made it hard to sleep. Getting up at 0500 ET having a hot choc-coffee, doing yard work until exhausted. Clean off. Ready for a nap to get energy before work. I wish I could have a happy-go-lucky life where Disney birds, squirrels, and chipmunks would sing at my window every morning.
Making death threats is a crime. Let the police handle it. She'd be a prime suspect if anything happens. Until then only use caffeine if you need to keep an eye open while you sleep.
Thanks, I understand this much better now. I often see friends, asians in particular, who always seem to take a pic of their food and posting on facebook, while sitting in a fancy restaurant. I've always thought that to be weird behavior but now I can understand it's a kind of humble brag.
Just to share my thoughts on waking up 4 or even 3 am was the most healing and inspirational time to get up and write. Post-narcissistic relationship, this routine was a true sanity-saver. It felt healthy and so very peaceful. I am trying to get back into that routine, because, living in Egypt, means that others have just gone to bed as I get up in some much needed quiet. The energy is clean cos no one is awake. The horrifying screaming of the 3 or 4 am prayer (depending on season) has just ended and you get to be receptive to some kind of divine musings. But then, I would sleep again from 7am-about 11am, unless I already got my mandatory 8 hour sleep. This guy may be seeking that mindset and sharing it or may be indeed humble bragging which is pretty irritating. The immersion of cold water resets the nervous system. It is effective. Nothing I do either, but it is healthy too. It's good for us to know about the benefits of this lifestyle in a world that is increasingly designed to make us sick...
Thank you, Dr. Ramani for speaking on this issue. I have a friend who humble brags in every conversation she has with me( yes, she has with me, I don't get to talk about myself). It irritates me to no end. I, like you, Dr. Ramani, prefer the overt bragger. The overt bragger seems more genuine to me. When my friend humble brags, it's typically how giving & charitable she is with everyone. She is a giving person. But it seems she does it so she can brag about it, not for altruistic reasons ( be giving & generous b/c we should be, not so we can benefit from it). When ppl humble brag, there's an arrogance about it. It makes them feel superior to others b/c they're so much more giving & generous than anybody else. Ugh! I wish it didn't bother me so much! Thx for letting me vent!
I humble brag because I’m so surprised at myself. Everyone that should’ve been encouraging in my life only belittled everything I did to better myself. I understand why they did and it has nothing to do with me but as a child it was devastating. Then in relationships/friendships you hear the same things you start to think you can’t do anything right. When I do something that I’m proud of I can’t help but tell someone because I’ve come a long way from that person I was before. I never want to come off like I’m bragging and hopefully others understand that I’m just excited.
Now, I understand why I humble brag about my dad being a Chef and how I cooked under him and why it means so much to me when I get a commitment on it. I catch myself doing it and think, why did I say that? Why do I need to feel heard & seen? What's wrong with me? Well, I now understand it's because my NM nit-pick at my cooking and never seen or heard me. I really need to stop doing it. When I don't get validation, I just try harder to improve my cooking and beat myself up. UGH! Thank you, Dr. Ramani for doing all this hard work...and you're not the only one that has woken up to a cat's butt in your face. LOL! Much love to you & your furry friend.😻
I really like this spicy Dr Ramani:D similar morning routine, coffee, Reddit, shower, start working from home, and I'm kind of glad to hear that morning routines don't provide any special health benefit, I've always suspected it's fine to just kind of get through the day most days, of course things like exercise, hobbies, healthy eating are important but they don't need to be that regimented IMO edit: I do empathize with the latter type of humble braggers tho, I think it can be like imposter syndrome too, I've definitely done it as well, because of how I grew up I have a hard time believing I'm actually good at anything
There are some people with dogs at the park who’s first statement out of their mouth’s is “he’s a rescue.” I’m not saying that everyone with a pet that they got from a shelter did it for validation. It’s just some people have. You can always tell who those people are because they lead with info about him/her being a rescue. The only time it makes sense to say “he’s a rescue” right in the beginning of meeting the dog/cat, is if the owner is explaining some skittish behavior.
I wake up to the big brown eyes of a Jack Russell named Gigi staring at me, almost willing me awake at 6 AM. 🐶 Its so much better than waking to the face of a narcissist! 😊
I didn't know there was a word for that behaviour, thanks dr ramani for educating me .Loved the video .I do have a friend who once said ( she does it many times but just quoting this particular incident) that her son had travelling sickness or motion sickness to which i also replied that my son too has it , poor thing can't enjoy travels .Her next dialogue was " can u believe my son has motion sickness in Audi ( her car 😢) " as if motion sickness differentiates between high end car and a mid range car 😅😅😅.call it humble bragging huh !!!
As far as dealing with my own stuff, while being abused,provoked,invalidated and or devalued by narcissists, cold water has been huge for me. I can’t afford setting up a tub. I’ve been using the cold as training my body and mind to overcome being triggered. It doesn’t require you to just step into ice cold water. Just turn the water temp down, slowly till you feel a bit uncomfortable, allow your body to react, and just breathe, deep into your belly. Till you relax. That’s your first rep, turn the water back up or get out. Second time try turning the water down a tiny bit more after your first rep and breathe it out again. The goal is to work your self down to full cold in steps. You are getting to practice having your body trust you to calm down. If you can calm down, you can’t be controlled, because your no longer reacting, your taking action. This was huge for me to do some Jedi level gray rocking. The first time I was what appeared to be unflappable to an jerk that would always get under my skin and I would always lose my cool, I felt like I climbed a mountain or something. He did start to get me going, but I cold feel my body getting tight and I could just pretend to be looking at something while I was breathing into my stomach and my body would calm down. I’m sure there are some health benefits, my tolerance for heat and cold were ten fold, I work outside so that’s relevant to me.
I just love you Ramani. I had neighbors who would do some service at a soup kitchen on Thanksgiving. No other time, mind you, but boy did we hear about Thanksgiving and how great they were for giving up their holiday. I confess, I am very proud of work I've done in the past as a volunteer EMT and some other service commitments I made over the years in the area of humane education /animal welfare and where I think I did a good job.. and I have posted photos of adoption events and stuff like that. Who knows, I could be awful for doing this!
The first definition of humble brag (i do this why can't you) reminds me of a phenomenon called "inspiration porn" (often able bodies using disabled people who overcome/perform beyond their limits to shame other disabled people for existing)
I’d also like to nominate the people who say things like “other people question why I insist on doing good deeds and say it’s pointless…”, that’s extra fun because it implies that they’re the only ones with any sense of empathy
That was why I recorded😢myself playing guitar and sing, then shared my videos with the world. I just wanted to show people that I have a place in this world and I was（ and still) working hard on myself. Not like my husband says all the time to me “ what can you do”“ you’re doing nothing ”
This is so funny😅. I love your morning routine Dr. Ramani🤣. You have so much personality on YT and I imagine in your personal life the same, which gives the impression as though you are fun, relatable, and down to earth. I have a humble brag quota with people😅, and after too many instances in a fiscal quarter😅, I conclude that the person thinks I don't enjoy them for who they are, and that they have to verbalize 'shiny proclamations' for my adoration and captive attention which feels quite frankly...icky😅. Love this topic!
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Sometimes you have to play the role of a fool to fool the fool who thinks they're fooling you.
This was a strategy for me. It lessened the likelihood of abuse. I'd ask a simple question, pretending to care about a topic of interest to them. Let the bragging begin. Pretend listen. They're amazing. The best athlete. Had the prettiest girlfriends, greatest potential. Smile, nod, no questions coming, read articles on my phone. "Yes I’m listening."
Not anymore
I do this all the time. It's also safer to pretend not to see if you're in work environment (unless they try something on you).
Love this quote I'm gonna steal it and use it daily on a mental level
@@NatureFreak1127 sometimes it’s safer pretending not to see if your in the home environment too. At worst, sometimes our lives literally depend on it.
Genuine humility allows us to acknowledge and appreciate our own accomplishments, without seeking constant validation or belittling others. While humble bragging may seem self-centered, it doesn't necessarily make one a narcissist. It is the intention behind our words and actions that truly defines our character.
Well said 🙌🏼💯💯
Well said!💙
“The intention behind the words” exactly. Same with many words.
Amen
You can also talk about what you do without it being considered bragging. There are a lot of *very deeply insecure* people who complain about influencers, and yet they never bother to think THEY sought the influencer out...the influencer was NOT chasing them down or butting into their life. (EDIT: an nope, never been an influencer)
I agree, the intent has a HUGE amount to do with character.
It's also crappy when someone asks you questions about yourself and then accuses you of bragging. YOU came to ME. YOU asked. YOU wanted to know. It's a betrayal to then turn that back on someone who hadn't talked about it otherwise.
I HATE THAT
There are people, who will always misuse information from your private life... Be aware of it. And you are allowed to ask "back" :like " why you are asking about it?"
Because you are in your rights withhold your private information..
😉You HAVE RIGHT to remain silent 😎
And you also can find elegant excuse why you are not ready to share that kind of information. Good luck
Before I answer, I ask, "who's asking?" Lol
A setup. The intention was always to put you down.
Which is why I'm not so forthcoming when someone proceeds to pump me for personal information. Becoming a master at being vague has given me much pleasure of late.
Dr. Ramani is clearly not on instagram. It’s a cesspool of humble brags
I love this spicy side of dr. Ramani 😀
Dr. Ramani, you are such an empathic and insightful genius, we are so fortunate in having you as our teacher! 🙏❤
"When the pupil is ready
The teacher appears "
& that she did & continues to unravel the ties that "bind us"
To use the art of discernment wisely
Much appreciated DrRamini
I needed this video SO much! Family always ignored my accomplishments so, as a kid I would often seek that feeling from class mates. Instead of getting my needs met I found class mates being hurtful. To them I was doing something beyond expectations and therefore they thought I was actually bragging. In my family anything I did was minimized or negated. All my validation had to come from outside my immediate family and I found that class mates or teachers were also not a source of support. As an adult I moved far from family and past familiars and have found my value and worth from others like me or, who just like me. Thank you, Dr Ramani, again, for helping me tease out who I am
I relate so much to all of this.
Sounds like my Mother's attitude.
Amazing. At 52 years old, having done my own cooking from age 13 (living alone), and then cooking for others a year later, your words prompted the realization my mother never acknowledged this accomplishment at the time or later. It's given me a bad attitude about cooking.
Well said, thank you. Me too.
Same. My family has been invalidating ever since and only one teacher at school saw my strengths. So I humble brag sometimes to get validation from others, although I don't rely on it.
This video resonates with me. My ex was famous for the humble brag and I always felt bad around him without knowing exactly why. He had this workout routine and eating regimen that was impossibly perfect. He was proud and wanted everyone to notice and felt superior, but in typical narcissistic fashion, failed to account for the million and three reasons I couldn’t accomplish the same every day. Namely two children, a house, a job, health issues. There’s no limit to what I could accomplish in life if I only had to think of and take care of myself!
His humble bragging made me feel bad for sharing anything good I accomplished. I didn’t want anyone to feel around me like I felt around him.
Gosh yes, my ex worked out all the time and I carries all the slack at home. Nice for him to have the tine!
My husband 😢😢😢
@@imsaltylit3101I’m so sorry and I can remember feeling the same confusing mix of emotions. Your story can have a happy ending though. I divorced my husband after 25 years. I took the time to really understand his personality and my own and then I moved on with a much better understanding of what I wanted in a relationship. I’m now happily remarried to the sweetest and most supportive man ever.
This was my (ex)husband too. He started exercising and trying to watch what he ate. He started losing loads of weight and looked really, really good. I was proud of him. I wanted to exercise with him because getting healthy could be something both of us could do and we could enjoy that time together.
What I did not know then was that I had severe, severe anemia, and I was exhausted all the time. My hemoglobin was really low and I was not getting enough oxygen, so exercising wore me out. EVERYTHING wore me out. I barely had enough energy to do my chores around the house, so by the time he was ready to exercise at night, I was out. Then he told me later and absolutely crushed me that he didn't want me to join him in exercising because, and I quote: "You're just going to hold me back."
I did not know he was a narcissist at the time. I know now, and it makes total sense. Nothing was ever about "us" as husband and wife. I don't know how many times I asked him to slow down so I could keep up, but he refused. He absolutely refused. Everything was always about him. There was no "us" except on government-issued paper.
I feel you. Man, I feel you.
I "humble brag" occasionally about stuff I'm genuinely proud of. I think genuine pride over stuff you worked very hard for is legit. Humble can be overdone: it really depends on why you're telling the story and what reaction you're seeking. If you want to put yourself above others, then it's narcissistic. If you want to share to encourage others--I did it; you can--then I think it's legit. Sometimes, too, we're human--I did this great thing, and like a little boy, I'm just so proud of myself. I'll freely admit it
Then that makes you a genuine humble bragger. Take my Like.
@@poloman888 Haha. Guess so. I don't know what to think about the issue, exactly. Sometimes one is genuinely proud of an accomplishment, and you want to crow a little about it to someone you trust and isn't going to be envious. Seems a normal emotion. Of course too much and too often is insufferable. It has to be selective, a real accomplishment, and infrequent. And it definitely has to be reciprocated.
My family has always minimised my accomplishments, so I share the things I'm proud of with other people. I don't desperately need their praise but it feels nice to share my pride.
Part of self love
Hard enough to learn
Doesn't seem that the article you reference is so much of a "humble brag", but an outright brag with a dash of self-righteousness 😆 As always, thank you Dr. Ramani for keeping it real for the rest of us. ❤
I think you hit the nail on the head there.
And you know the article ended with them saying they were #blessed.
😅😅
I thought that too lol.
@@kendallstark4302 thanks for mentioning it...sad but true.
Dr. Ramani, I love your sense of humor.
Is it just me or does Dr Ramani get more and more funny the longer this vid carries on!😂
Yes -- her sense of humor is a genius context for what really are so often complex & emotionally difficult topics
Her genuine humanity and honesty make us trust her all that much more!
I Loved the waking up to your cat's butt in the morning! Everyone who has a cat has been there! 🤣🤭
"When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men...but when you pray, go into your room, close the door, and pray unto your father, who is unseen.."
Perfect!
Love this
Amen 🙏🏻
I once went to a church where the local single narcissist zeroed in on me immediately. The first red flag was when he said “it’s so embarrassing, but I’m a bit of a celebrity around here” because he was in the band 😆🤣😂😂😂 he actually did get angry when people didn’t acknowledge his awesomeness
🤣🤣🤣🤣 There's a photographer in Los Angeles I know who apparently is wel known there (I'm in London). One day, I saw loads of people commenting to him as if he were a celebrity. I sent him a message and asked him what was up with those comments. He replied, "I'm kind of a big deal in LA." Ok.
I think another example of humble bragging I see a lot on social media is some people using religion (or whatever they want to call it) for it. Such as constantly sharing something positive, big or small, in their life but always giving the credit to a higher power.
I agree . I think we have to be careful not to lump everyone who does that together though. I think it’s important to know the motive of the person. ( and if they “brag” or post stuff a lot and I mean a lot about their vacations and projects, etc. that is a huge clue) I’m sure there are plenty of people who do thank God and it’s genuine. They are truly happy something turned out or went well and they are genuinely wanting to thank God. Then there are others who use the God card as a way to add another layer to their narcissism to hide that they are a narcissist by giving God the credit when all the while they truly believe it was all them and that they are so great and everyone should know it. Those people are trying to not offend others by their outright bragging. They know it’s a turn off so they do it to mask their look at me, la-dee-dah persona.
Yes. All you need is one person who sees you clearly. So true.
And that one person can be you yourself 🌸
Dr. Ramani, I admire your morning routine, because I know you are putting together more content, which helps me tremendously.
Love this. I find the ‘passive aggressive’ way some people post ‘advice’ on social media can be condescending depending how it’s done, and possibly a ‘humble brag’ of a potential narcissist. Learning to not engage in those things much myself. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
I'm laughing. My morning routine is exactly the same, sans work, but I have a dog sleeping by me. Wake up when I want, sinus pill, omeprazole, let dog out, coffee, grab phone for your video and weather. Life is great!
Omeprazole is a horrible med. It contains shellac PEG and polysorbate80..so that shellac is carried into your brain!! And other organs.. research ingredients. No wonder there is so much dementia and alzheimers.
I'm curious about the Omeprazole because I was taking that before I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disease. You don't have to tell, but I am wondering what other symptoms you have besides acid reflux which would require Omeprazole?
I don't have to take it any more now that I found out the root cause of my acid reflux, which I rarely have now. You may take it for a different reason though.
Thank you for understanding and validating me when I humbly brag. I’m in a terrible relationship with a narc. And sometimes I just brag to get the flying monkeys to see that I’m trying to do well for myself. Self care is my survival and sometimes I need to share that
My narc family is so invalidating, so when I'm proud of my accomplishments, I share them with others that are truly happy for me.
I feel called out. I'm definitely going to be more careful in the future.
Not everybody minds humble bragging that much, as a matter of fact I grew up where it was the only socially acceptable way of bragging at all.
If you're really worried, why not see how people around you react and ask them? Perhaps some people are irritated, others think it's kinda cute and the rest don't even notice.
You touched on a great point about how sometimes humble bragging happens from people that never receive validation. I realized that’s why my partner doing it sometimes doesn’t bother me because he never received the support he deserves from others in his life.
I am dying laughing, the cat butt, Prilosec, Claritin, SO relatable. Thank you for your humor. God, I needed that😂😹
I laughed, too!
Genuine self awareness is a beautiful thing that others often try to take away. Like “how dare you know who you are outside of who I tell you you are?” That kind of thing had a massive impact on my upbringing and people found a lot of satisfaction in taking that self awareness away from me. Now as an adult, I know that I need to be surround by people who aren’t threatened by me and my self awareness / developing self confidence. I’m open to being checked respectfully, but never degraded or gossiped about.
Amen 🔥🔥🔥
Ive been through this growing up as well it's sad that we have to hide ourselves to make others feel safe smh
“how dare you know who you are outside of who I tell you you are?” -- this one's resonating like a clanging bell
You have put it in words perfectly. With your permission I am going to copy your comment and read it for myself often as it really speak to me.
Dear Dr. Ramani, you are hilarious 😂😍😂 Thank you for keeping it real and always giving encouragement and wisdom ❤️ PS: the cat´s butt sounds familiar 😅
I wasn’t expecting to cry with this one but here I am. I recognize I am that second type of “humble bragging person”. But it is so painful, a lifetime of having narcissistic family just snatching things I worked hard for. (And I could humble brag and list them all here haha)
I could never celebrate anything, I could never feel pride in myself for anything, I couldn’t feel good about anything I accomplished… I mean that has to be abuse. Making children feel like they have to work hard to earn love, then, when they work as hard as they possibly can and see results … you just snatch it from them. Make them feel like they’re full of themselves and evil for feeling proud… THAT is abuse.
That hearkens back to a reference Dr. Ramani made in a past video about "clipping our own wings", a behavior brought on by having had one's wings perpetually clipped by the ones who were supposed to love and encourage us.
Omg Dr. Ramani! Thanks again for another validating video. I had an on and off best friend for about 25 years, until she discarded me recently, after I discovered she was a narcissist. She fits the subtype of benign narcissist and boy does she know how to humble brag. She often bragged about how organized she was and how on time for everything she was, and loved making everybody else feel less than if they were a minute late or not as organized as she was. I see this humble brag clearly now. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing this short story with us, doctor Ramani
In Jewish Hebrew tradition exist expression " humbling one's privacy" (tsinat prat - my free interpretation /translation) trying not to attract highlights and needless attention...
It really fits totally healthy person, sometimes a bit of bragging...
And I feel You are totally right by saying that "humble bragging" might be result of struggling with consequences of the past relationship with narcissist. Even , possibly, not one, but a few toxic relationships -until we starting to be aware of ourselves, and what kind important relationships we had in the past
Thank You, doctor
May all of Your mornings be good and You climb from the bed with right leg first always 💖
“I typically have a cat’s butt in my face”
Sooooo relatable 😆😆
I NEVER humble-brag. As I was telling my very good friend, George Clooney, the other day, it's a kind of counter-productive virtue-signaling. He agreed!
Thats hilarious! 😂😂😂
Yeah, we had a coffee last week together and George and I always see eye to eye about these things.
🤣
This video totally gives me food for thought. A certain family member would ask me how much something cost when I made a new purchase, and later hold it against me as if they were jealous-even though they are not hurting for money! So exhausting!. I have dramatically cut down communication and I am being tight lipped from here on out! Good video and lesson learned.
Being asked what you paid for something is an instant alarm bell. They only ask to put you down and brag. Guess what? They never pay that much. Shock. Probably untrue. But aren't you wasteful!
So well explained and deep insight - thank you Dr Ramani.
I’m ok with someone humble bragging. It doesn’t bother me, it doesn’t trigger me. For us, people who experienced narcissistic abuse and survived - humble bragging is just NOTHING. Let them do it and enjoy themselves.😅
Love your morning routine! Wonderful beginning to your day. I can relate.
I never knew why I felt confused by so called "influencers" out there . Rarely are genuinely interested in helping people around ,more in being seen and being praised, having more and more followers . Now also , with your help , I understand the "fals humility" ostentatively shown . I recognise that I followed some but , as I was disappointed I unfollowed later on because I decided to limit the toxicity in my life (including online)
And - no surprise - they crave the most sympathy when things are not going their way too.
One of the most nasty humble brags I see on social media is people writing about how much God "blessed" them in any endeavor, but especially with the choice of spouse or their children. How entitled can you be to actually believe that God blessed you specifically in any regard, and not so many others
#blessed
It’s people who boast like that that make the idea of a higher power a turn off, and that’s sad.
You sound envious.
lol 😢😢😢 Dr. Ramani I was sucked in with this humble brag thing. I didn’t even realize it was a thing…
Perfect timing! I’ve been wondering about this lately… also, never been this early, wow 🎉
This was great. This was so on point.
I realized I was doing this about a year ago after someone told me I was "one of the invisible ones" - who she was going to start noticing. It was like a light bulb moment for me. Your videos have helped me so much !
Unseen exactly! I’m not bragging about myself easily the time I felt I had to say anything for me was only when I felt unseen
Thank you dr.Ramani your words are always a blessing 🙏🏻
I feel unseen, invalidated, hurt, belittled, put down, unheard, etc but I don’t post online about my accomplishments to make other people feel bad
"I'm not clear when suffering became the path to health -- but okay" -- so much this from the big ol' narcissistic parts of our culture
Thank you so much!!!! I watch you every day and I want to say thank you for putting out a video for me to watch every day! You are changing my life for the better!!! Thank you Thank you !!!❤❤❤👍👍👍
Dr Ramani, some humble brags might just be people that other people brag about but they themselves dont think what they do is exceptional.
Yup, I knew a guy who was fluent in six different languages and a math genius on top of that. He always assumed everybody could do what he did.
And no, he didn't do it with the intent of bragging.
Even so, it could be surreal how he'd switch effortlessly between languages and then turn to me and try to include me ... like dude, I don't speak Spanish 🤣
The article on the 4am routine seems to be about a couple of childless and self-righteous narcisists with the same agenda and getting very well along together😂.
My narc family has invalidated my accomplishments my whole life. So I like to share things I'm proud of with others who are happy for me. But I don't rely on their praise.
The description of waking up with a cat butt is hilarious! Thank you for your perspective and teaching. Bragging and humble bragging is one area where I struggle because I always find bragging icky. I hope you can get a morning where you don't feel tired.
I can definitely relate to this, especially the end. I use social media as a dumping ground for my brain, and after living 40 years with barely any encouragement or acknowledgement of my struggles or my accomplishments, I'll make a little post about it -- my hobbies (that I'm starting up again) or the music I like to listen to (after being ridiculed for liking) or a recipe I made that was really tasty (but got poo-pooed by the usual suspects). I was not allowed to like or do anything that wasn't approved by the important people in my life who walked all over me. These posts get just a middling response, though I don't necessarily do them for the response. I post them for myself so that I can shut up my inner critic, remember who I am and what I can do. I try to validate myself so the healing is easier.
But then, a person on social media that I talked to recently said, "You sound like you want people to like you." I had to think about it for a minute because, yeah, he was right. I think nobody likes me or sees that I'm good or that I have any value. I've been invisible all my life, except when I was somebody's punching bag. I don't have to prove myself to anyone, but I also feel like if I DON'T, then nobody will approach me. I won't be able to find common ground with someone who has similar thoughts or hobbies or whatever. I may not make a friend. I'll miss a potential connection.
The years of near total isolation I dealt with compounds this need to be noticed and validated. I hate this struggle. I'm starving for social contact and interaction. It's a terrible balance to strike with not bragging or revealing too much but also being me and doing for me.
Three cheers for trauma! Thanks, Dr. Ramani.
I can relate. I'm older now, but in my younger days, I was described as a pretty woman. I say this because a friend with good intentions once said to me, "you could never be invisible." They were wrong. The only attention I got was for my appearance, even after getting perfect scores on engineering exams, or winning awards in art.
What you described is very similar to how I've behaved in social media, and in real life. "Please love me. Look what I can offer the world." Nope, anything I achieved was quickly crushed under my mother's criticisms and my sister's bullying. I cringe now when I think of the young woman who, if she were just a bit dumb, the world could have been her oyster. All I had to do was develop some awareness that the majority of people are shallow and don't care what a woman can offer the world because "you're pretty. You'll never have to worry about studying or working." Wrong, so very wrong.
I was an "ugly duckling" as a teenager and the kids called me "pizza face." Confidence destroyed from all angles. Later on, apparently became "pretty," became a target for creeps.
The "last straw" for me was when a few years ago, I was enjoying posting my writing, and I had a little fan-base of about 3 people who got a laugh from my stories. I became "friends" with a man who I thought was cool and naively didn't protect myself. He said to me about my writing, "Yea, I've seen it, and I thought, well I don't want to read all THAT!"
Confidence destroyed completely. Now I don't write at all, or post my art work (some other man who was meant to be a friend of over a decade, made fun of my art).
Incidentally, the man who said he "wasn't going to read all THAT" posts endless photos of himself in women's clothes. His entire page is him posting "glamour" shots, and people praising his appearance. Ok. I got news for him, clothes don't make the man (or woman).
Apologies, that was quite the stream of consciousness.
On the other hand spent decades feeling less then, always apologizing, putting myself down, so humble bragging has been a huge leap forward for me.
I'm in the never bragging club, I would get berated by my parents if I ever talked about anything I accomplished, so I stopped saying anything. I now have 0 self esteem and every day is just another one crossed off the calendar till all this is all over.
I am now at the point where if anybody else talks about my accomplishments I feel physically sick :/
Even if you're still living with your abusive parents, you can still love yourself.
If you've moved out, you can rest assured that by their own logic they should berate you for accomplishing contact with them, so you have more time to read a good book or take up a hobby in peace.
Just know you are not alone. I'm going through the same thing myself. Even worse is that I have imposter syndrome, so it feels like all of my accomplishments were not from hard work, but from pure luck, and I feel like an imposter. I'm slowly getting through it, but it's difficult. Lmk if you need to talk :)
Dr. Ramani you never disappoint. I love your videos so much & wish to learn from them. I never want to sound too braggadocious when speaking about accomplishments & proud moments but it’s good to know ways of conveying thoughts without coming off as an overachiever. I believe that things should be done in good taste to encourage without minimizing. We all have it hard enough trying to navigate through this world of different personalities but the best thing that we can do collectively is try to soften the blow for one another. ❤❤
Mad respect Dr. Ramani! Thank you for sharing a realistic morning routine for the mortal folks that are just surviving daily! 🥰
And this is why I love Dr Ramani - this one made me laugh - Thank you. And you do have a big heart. Bless you for all you do in the world.
I don’t go around life saying my accomplishments for many reasons. But I ran into people who bc of my appearance or god knows what just assume that I’m doing terrible in life and treat me in a very condescending way. However, once they ask me what I do they say “No need to brag”, but like you asked me? I don’t know, is it bragging to say you’ve accomplished something? Why are we so bitter about it? Many of my close friends are scared of talking about their accomplishments and dreams bc the reaction from people it’s always so petty, but why is it so hard to just be happy for others. This world is as cruel as it is, if someone has a healthy relationship and the energy to work out in the morning, well good for them! Your boss congratulated you? Hey, great! I can see you working hard. Idk, and the people who “brag” to put you down, well that speaks for their insecurities. Someone’s victory is not your failure, and viceversa.
My parents dislike their own lives so much and they don't want me to talk about my accomplishments. But they brag about them in front of others to make them appear like the parents who "did everything right and raised a good person."
@@aynilaa my father used to do that a lot, so I understand. It’s funny how when we accomplish something they still try to find a way to make it about themselves. If you accomplished a lot, that’s great for you and make sure to be proud of yourself!! And idk your situation, but it you went through a lot of hardship, it makes it even more impressive that you got far despite that. It really shows that you are a strong person. While being in that situations can be extremely tough, I personally started to appreciate what I’ve done and once you surround yourself with people who care for you because of who you are and not what they can get from you (this happened to me after I distanced myself from my parents), they will be happy for you too! But the most important thing as corny as it sounds, it’s to be happy with yourself.
While my narcissistic sister in law was giving me the silent treatment, she would give our mother inlaw gifts to give to my kids for birthdays etc...instead of just giving it to them directly...she saw us 5 days a week 🤣 she needed our inlaws to know she was being giving...
There's got to be a name for this kind of proxy gift-giving, where someone gives someone something & tells them to give it to someone else as a gift. Or the act of giving someone money to treat someone else to dinner. I know this person sees themselves as benevolent. I see it as controlling, manipulative, & weird.
That is just awful, despicable behavior.
the triangulating is amazingly sophisticated -- imagine if they could use ALL THAT ENERGY as a force for good instead
I cannot help but giggle at this one. That’s exactly what she was doing. Lol. Do they ever grow out of the hang-my-report card-on-the-fridge phase?
My mother does this with food delivered to the door. She dominates the shared delivery in my kitchen for herself to dispense, arranged into the prettiest serving bowls she can find with the all-important serving spoons, and gaily sings out "Dinner's ready!" Then we must wait while she photographs each of our loaded plates for her records and possible upload to social media. Then asks people how we love her inspired selections - we paid for.
People who brag (fake humble or arrogantly) about how amazing and perfect their lives are, are a huge red flag, cuz I know many folks like this, and in reality their lives are a hot mess behind doors. They tend to be quite empty/shallow sad, bitter people who pretend to be happy and super nice. I’m sure there are people who have blessed lives, yet it’s not the majority. And usually people who are genuily happy and fulfilled don’t need to brag for validation. They just live their blessed best lives. 🙏✨
I know someone who has the humble brag down to a fine art, oh so very subtle, and I'm convinced that they do that either to incite envy in others, or need to do that to let others know how good and conscientious they are. Either way it's form of pride and that smacks of narcissism.
Tell us more about feeding the hummingbirds please! ❤
I had this experience the other day. A new resident where I live was talking about how great his life had been and how lucky he was to be living here. We live in HUD senior housing so you have to be low income. Like many people, he gave his money to his kids so he wouldn’t have to spend his own money on a market rate(1300$)apartment. His “humble brag” was more of a confession. I said to him that my life was a crap show almost from the beginning and I had planned to be out of this place 10 yrs ago. Instead, I’m trapped. I’m trying to avoid him.
As a person who sleeps with small rescue dogs, I totally cracked up over you waking up with cats' butts and drinking yesterday's diet coke!
I love it when you are “not so nice” ! Live in a town of spiritual do good, cold plunging,
“Humble” helpers 🙄. It’s tiring.
So my dad was narcissist extraordinaire and was forever telling big fish stories. As a young person I took his lead and tried to fit in or get attention by telling stories but it always made me feel so wierd that one day I just stopped. I had also learned to lie to thwart abuse. I'm still secretive. I do think most are given to a bit of exaggeration here and there. All of it has to do with fitting in. The ego is a powerful part of the psyche to keep an eye on.
It's like finishing a sentence with, "I'm just saying".
You're the best Dr Ramani
I've read some of those 4 a.m. riser articles before - they are all on the wellness/new age side of things. Every line in their descriptions starts with the following two unwritten words "unlike you...".
If you re-do your intro and insert these two words at the start of each line, you get the true meaning - they are massive show offs, reminding you of your pathetic, undeserving existence, and chaotic rushed mornings. They probably have narcissistic tendencies, because they want to appear more worthy than others, but I'm not sure if the little humble brag you mentioned is really that big a deal.
Thank you! I Really appreciate when you do these highlighting the complexity of things that can often put down those of us dealing with fallout from high amounts of narcissistic behaviors in our relationships, who are just trying to push back on our wounds etc. I'm finding it hard to discern things in others and it leaves me so often questioning myself and if I'm narcissistic, because so much of healing can be labeled the very thing we're trying to heal from. Case in point, the person who's trying to learn self love and advocacy etc, can get lumped in with the person who's self promoting or humble bragging. Giving yourself the opportunity for the being seen that you have never gotten, can seem like self victimiser or self aggrandizement, but the intention seems to be the only discerning difference, and that's so hard to know I another person. So those who would see send validate is often just hurt us more. Sigh.
Dr. Ramani. I just absolutely love ❤ YOU !!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂
The presentation is outstanding and we thank you 😊 Doctor Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D.; it is nice to hear that there is a life beyond narcissism! Wishing you a great day! Thank you 🙏. Again, thank you 😊.
Dr. Ramani I appreciate your balance of compassion for a narcissist and calling them out on their crap as well. Thank you!
Hello, Dr Ramani, I just wanted to kindly bring to your attention - the audio level on most of your videos on this channel is very low. Sometimes, if my environment is even a little noisy, I can not hear your voice through my headphones, yet I may need to turn down other podcasts. It's very easily solved by whomever edits your video's in the future. Audio quality/clarity is one of the most important aspects of online content. I appreciate your video's immensely ❤
I thought it was just me 😂
It's too low in some parts. The range is too great. The worst however is Sugar MD. I cant listen to that guy at all.
I would love to hear you elaborate more on a concept you once called "Toxic Positivity". Sometimes I feel like I'm fighting a one-man war against those types. This is almost reminiscent of that.
I needed your sense of humor today. Laughter is healing my inner self😂
Thank you for this powerful message dr Ramani. I love your compassionate and wise approach ❤ God bless you❤
My night and my morning: being told by my sister that her 14 year old granddaughter (my great niece) told her to shut up or she will stick a knife down her throat, then later invalidated her, and baited her. Me in a different city felt helpless but enraged. This 14 year old narcissist training from her toxic environment invalidating our generation as we are trauma survivors. Then ruminating about the event made it hard to sleep. Getting up at 0500 ET having a hot choc-coffee, doing yard work until exhausted. Clean off. Ready for a nap to get energy before work. I wish I could have a happy-go-lucky life where Disney birds, squirrels, and chipmunks would sing at my window every morning.
Making death threats is a crime. Let the police handle it. She'd be a prime suspect if anything happens. Until then only use caffeine if you need to keep an eye open while you sleep.
You are such an angel, this was such a nice video for who needed it. Hope everyone is making it through the other side.
I love it. Your routine ☺️
Just wanted to say that I love your morning routine, and it is really relatable.
Thanks, I understand this much better now.
I often see friends, asians in particular, who always seem to take a pic of their food and posting on facebook, while sitting in a fancy restaurant.
I've always thought that to be weird behavior but now I can understand it's a kind of humble brag.
Genius.. deep psychology understanding and high emotional intelligence made you a world power on this.. excellent analysis
lol 😂when you were explaining the article I was dying.
Just to share my thoughts on waking up 4 or even 3 am was the most healing and inspirational time to get up and write. Post-narcissistic relationship, this routine was a true sanity-saver. It felt healthy and so very peaceful. I am trying to get back into that routine, because, living in Egypt, means that others have just gone to bed as I get up in some much needed quiet. The energy is clean cos no one is awake. The horrifying screaming of the 3 or 4 am prayer (depending on season) has just ended and you get to be receptive to some kind of divine musings. But then, I would sleep again from 7am-about 11am, unless I already got my mandatory 8 hour sleep. This guy may be seeking that mindset and sharing it or may be indeed humble bragging which is pretty irritating.
The immersion of cold water resets the nervous system. It is effective. Nothing I do either, but it is healthy too. It's good for us to know about the benefits of this lifestyle in a world that is increasingly designed to make us sick...
Thank you, Dr. Ramani for speaking on this issue. I have a friend who humble brags in every conversation she has with me( yes, she has with me, I don't get to talk about myself). It irritates me to no end. I, like you, Dr. Ramani, prefer the overt bragger. The overt bragger seems more genuine to me. When my friend humble brags, it's typically how giving & charitable she is with everyone. She is a giving person. But it seems she does it so she can brag about it, not for altruistic reasons ( be giving & generous b/c we should be, not so we can benefit from it). When ppl humble brag, there's an arrogance about it. It makes them feel superior to others b/c they're so much more giving & generous than anybody else. Ugh! I wish it didn't bother me so much! Thx for letting me vent!
I humble brag because I’m so surprised at myself. Everyone that should’ve been encouraging in my life only belittled everything I did to better myself. I understand why they did and it has nothing to do with me but as a child it was devastating. Then in relationships/friendships you hear the same things you start to think you can’t do anything right. When I do something that I’m proud of I can’t help but tell someone because I’ve come a long way from that person I was before. I never want to come off like I’m bragging and hopefully others understand that I’m just excited.
Now, I understand why I humble brag about my dad being a Chef and how I cooked under him and why it means so much to me when I get a commitment on it. I catch myself doing it and think, why did I say that? Why do I need to feel heard & seen? What's wrong with me? Well, I now understand it's because my NM nit-pick at my cooking and never seen or heard me. I really need to stop doing it. When I don't get validation, I just try harder to improve my cooking and beat myself up. UGH!
Thank you, Dr. Ramani for doing all this hard work...and you're not the only one that has woken up to a cat's butt in your face. LOL! Much love to you & your furry friend.😻
Dr. Ramini, your sense of humor is wonderful! With three cats of my own, I am thrice blessed with back-ended feline compliments.
Very entertaining- thank you for sharing details that we can all relate to.
Thank you yet again!
I really like this spicy Dr Ramani:D similar morning routine, coffee, Reddit, shower, start working from home, and I'm kind of glad to hear that morning routines don't provide any special health benefit, I've always suspected it's fine to just kind of get through the day most days, of course things like exercise, hobbies, healthy eating are important but they don't need to be that regimented IMO
edit: I do empathize with the latter type of humble braggers tho, I think it can be like imposter syndrome too, I've definitely done it as well, because of how I grew up I have a hard time believing I'm actually good at anything
There are some people with dogs at the park who’s first statement out of their mouth’s is “he’s a rescue.” I’m not saying that everyone with a pet that they got from a shelter did it for validation. It’s just some people have. You can always tell who those people are because they lead with info about him/her being a rescue. The only time it makes sense to say “he’s a rescue” right in the beginning of meeting the dog/cat, is if the owner is explaining some skittish behavior.
Okay the morning routine couple are kind of gross 😂 😂I felt irritated just hearing the description of their morning. Yours was refreshing Dr Ramani
Omg.. laughing my butt off! I love this lady!!
I wake up to the big brown eyes of a Jack Russell named Gigi staring at me, almost willing me awake at 6 AM. 🐶 Its so much better than waking to the face of a narcissist! 😊
I didn't know there was a word for that behaviour, thanks dr ramani for educating me .Loved the video .I do have a friend who once said ( she does it many times but just quoting this particular incident) that her son had travelling sickness or motion sickness to which i also replied that my son too has it , poor thing can't enjoy travels .Her next dialogue was " can u believe my son has motion sickness in Audi ( her car 😢) " as if motion sickness differentiates between high end car and a mid range car 😅😅😅.call it humble bragging huh !!!
As far as dealing with my own stuff, while being abused,provoked,invalidated and or devalued by narcissists, cold water has been huge for me. I can’t afford setting up a tub. I’ve been using the cold as training my body and mind to overcome being triggered. It doesn’t require you to just step into ice cold water. Just turn the water temp down, slowly till you feel a bit uncomfortable, allow your body to react, and just breathe, deep into your belly. Till you relax. That’s your first rep, turn the water back up or get out. Second time try turning the water down a tiny bit more after your first rep and breathe it out again. The goal is to work your self down to full cold in steps. You are getting to practice having your body trust you to calm down. If you can calm down, you can’t be controlled, because your no longer reacting, your taking action. This was huge for me to do some Jedi level gray rocking. The first time I was what appeared to be unflappable to an jerk that would always get under my skin and I would always lose my cool, I felt like I climbed a mountain or something. He did start to get me going, but I cold feel my body getting tight and I could just pretend to be looking at something while I was breathing into my stomach and my body would calm down. I’m sure there are some health benefits, my tolerance for heat and cold were ten fold, I work outside so that’s relevant to me.
I just love you Ramani.
I had neighbors who would do some service at a soup kitchen on Thanksgiving. No other time, mind you, but boy did we hear about Thanksgiving and how great they were for giving up their holiday.
I confess, I am very proud of work I've done in the past as a volunteer EMT and some other service commitments I made over the years in the area of humane education /animal welfare and where I think I did a good job.. and I have posted photos of adoption events and stuff like that. Who knows, I could be awful for doing this!
The first definition of humble brag (i do this why can't you) reminds me of a phenomenon called "inspiration porn" (often able bodies using disabled people who overcome/perform beyond their limits to shame other disabled people for existing)
"... but that's just me."
The tag on the end of a typical humble brag.
I’d also like to nominate the people who say things like “other people question why I insist on doing good deeds and say it’s pointless…”, that’s extra fun because it implies that they’re the only ones with any sense of empathy
You had me at 'cat's butt in my face' 🤣
That was why I recorded😢myself playing guitar and sing, then shared my videos with the world. I just wanted to show people that I have a place in this world and I was（ and still) working hard on myself. Not like my husband says all the time to me “ what can you do”“ you’re doing nothing ”
This is so funny😅. I love your morning routine Dr. Ramani🤣. You have so much personality on YT and I imagine in your personal life the same, which gives the impression as though you are fun, relatable, and down to earth. I have a humble brag quota with people😅, and after too many instances in a fiscal quarter😅, I conclude that the person thinks I don't enjoy them for who they are, and that they have to verbalize 'shiny proclamations' for my adoration and captive attention which feels quite frankly...icky😅. Love this topic!