Me too! Well explain Wenzes. That’s my hardest the second one, started understanding it with your videos and some others, in a way you are integrating the shadow Fi into the Auxiliary Fe. Yes, the passive observer that obsessed about others well being, denying him/herself, but is a bad recipe for not authentically contribute to the community. The conversation does hits home!
"Unhealthy" attachment is precisely it, because I really don't think seeking harmony necessarily means you're not being genuine or authentic. You just have to find a balance between harmony and disharmony, know when to go for one or the other. There's a very old saying in my language: Moderation in all things. Or, with a little more accuracy "moderation is best/perfect". As for me, my biggest weakness has got to be the Ni-Ti loop, or what I call a drowning ocean. I can easily recognize it by now, but still find it quite hard to deal with...
Yes my whole life I have been the wallflower, my friends used to call me the watch dog. I never looked at it like you said. You are definitely correct I always felt it was my power or how I maintained control. I have been stepping out for the last eight months. I’m forty three, so it’s gonna take some practice, I have sat back my whole life. No longer am I anyone’s sidekick. Thank you
Guilty on all charges, in the past. Now I know to take a step back and try a different tactic. I have obsessed over trying to understand people and how to adapt to their world. I have valued harmony at my own expense. Now I express myself and not worry so much what everyone thinks. And I feel free now.
People think I'm spooky because I get sudden bursts of insight and I know specific things about them (a priori) that they never told me. I also have clairvoyant flashes, like the 1992 Nor' Easter that hit New York. Everyone down by the shore thought I was a lunatic as I described everything that would happen in detail. Two weeks or so later it all happened. Unfortunately I have the curse of Cassandra. Nobody seems to heed my warnings or take me seriously. All of this is new to me. I never heard of Myers-Briggs and the INFJ quiz kept popping up in my feed. "Rarest personality type" kept me away because I didn't want to be egotistical but finally I took the quiz just for the hell of it et voi-la! I discovered I AM. All the pieces fell together; my giving nature, my spookiness, my constantly missing out on things, selling myself short because I don't like to be greedy. I have an affinity for animals. They usually trust me. Once I was walking up the hill to my house and a squirrel was halfway down a tree in front of me. Our eyes met and I motioned with my head and gently said, "well, go ahead." The little guy continued down and hopped along onto the front yard of the house that was there. I waited for a moment then continued on my own way. I was wearing a grey fluffy jacket and Gargoyle sunglasses so I looked like a big squirrel myself (DON'T SAY IT! :) Another time I spotted a skinny, bedraggled looking black cat in the local supermarket parking lot shortly before Sunset. He was definitely in trouble. I approached him, got onto the wide grass divider between the sidewalk and asphalt. He tentatively started walking toward me. I dropped onto my knee and he ran over to me, up my leg and into my arms as we bumped heads. Instant family (I was a cat owner and understood). It was chilly so I unzipped my leather jacket, snuggled him in, zipped it back up and kissed him on the forehead. I smelled a wound. I didn't even think about the fleas and ticks he was definitely crawling with. There was some traffic so I ran top speed across the street. He was totally relaxed and trusting. I kept kissing his head (wound smell...) and talking to him soothingly. Poor little Onyx died a few months later from Feline AIDS but at least he had some love and happiness before he left. You left out number 4: Kryptonite. sorry, couldn't resist.
I tried so hard to understand my divorce from my third wife. I felt so guilty but so done with her. I needed to understand. Eventually after talking to my older brother I could let go. I don’t care now. 🚪 slam! I have joined groups and never spoke, none of the others in the group even knew I was there. Yes I want to enjoy life. Not be stagnated cumbersome by others drama. Thank You Wenzes!
Omg . Yes. I married into Strong clan and I molded myself into who he wanted me to be and who the family wanted me to be. Been married thirty years but I am speaking more for myself now and creating my own career … I was the ultimate chameleon
I'm increasingly creating my very own life and self love atm and now I know why I feel so uncomfortable playing the main role and setting my boundaries and demanding what I deserve. It feels good and right overall and makes sense, but I feel tense and guilty and have to meditate and affirm a lot, because my thought obsess about people and their expectations and whatnot. And in reality I'm just making that up in my own mind. I really wanna let go of this and just be with myself and for myself and by myself and learn to be able to feel centered and earthed around people again.
Share your own truth with others...the right people will get attracted, the ones who you can't connect on this will vanish...it is a process...it will never stop but you will always be able to achieve higher levels
I did not consciously realize the thing about maintaining harmony and how it ties in with being the observer, though I definitely see that in myself now that you mention it. What a valuable key. Thank you. 🙏
Journaling has been a huge help in self expression, especially in times when you keep replaying a situation in your mind. Getting it on paper (not keyboard) for some reason allows this transition and release to free up the real estate in your head and to move forward constructively and confidently when you do express yourself in real time.
I'm not going to be the observer anymore; when i used travel around and conttact as a facilitator and presenter. That was soooooo energy draining yet satisfying.
omg Wenzes, you're a lifesaver. I need to hear this today so badly, especially #1. I just wrecked my mind over how to get along with someone who doesn't want to continue being friend with me (an infp). Since we have no similar functions, I kept trying, pushing myself to "understand", hence Ni-Ti loop and got myself depressed for a couple of days. Watching this, I can finally decide to let go and have peace with myself. No more second-guessing myself. Thank You ! You're awesome.
I resonate with #3 weakness very much huhu this is the first time I heard it tho i've been struggling with it in the past. I kind of improved on that weakness when I took a main leadership position. It means that I became part of a group and then I had troubles with being too uncomfortable because i'm not able to like see what's going on from outside since I became part of the group. I was very uncomfortable and felt anxious that time to the point that I couldn't handle the pressure of not knowing what's going on. But i discovered that it was because I didn't want to be in the spotlight too much. I discovered that I became comfortable when I wanted to support my members like bring out the best in them and work as a team and together, achieve great things and we did. It was fun, fulfilling. Being involved isn't really disrupting harmony, it's more like achieving greater things with your added support. I don't really know if i say this right lol hahaha. This is my first time here thanks Wenzes!
😊👍 all good! I know what you mean. Of course our imput adds value but when we internally believe we are just a burden it helps to think of it as ‚disrupting‘ harmony 👍
In soooo glad that I only have one weakness I still have to work on, which is the first. Over the years I have learned to overcome the 2nd and 3rd weakness by stepping back and repeating this phrase "this other person has their own understanding of things, their own experiences of life, they do not live in my mind. If I don't say something, they will not know how I feel. I have to use my resources for myself first before I use it for others because I have my own goals and dreams, let me lead by example!!! I have always regretted not saying anything and the pain of keeping quiet outweighs the pain of being misunderstood. I feel better when people know who I am and I have gained true friendships through this, friends who get my language and don't judge me nor take me personally and challenge me and my perspective". I have to work on not ruminating because I want to understand. But atleast I have learned to not involve others in my rumination spiral of trying to understand.
Number 1 really puts the pain we’d go through post narcissistic discard, being we’re doing all we can to understand things that don’t follow the rules of our intuition.
Damn girl! Someone of the lines I was saying with you during this video whilst being completely shocked and surprised, bcz this is exactly me. I can't believe how accurate these personality types are and I'm so so thankful to you for helping us, your fellow INFJs! 🙌🙌
Thanks a lot...I needed this so badly... I've been suffering from being an INFJ for so long...thanks for showing the right way to deal with my own mind...
I love your advice! As an INFJ, it speaks to me on every level. You are helping me improve areas in my life where I struggle the most. I am finally starting to allow others to see the real me who I have been hiding for a long time.
Very Healthy comments. Enlightened my abilities to not be so afraid to join in a group setting when all I was used to was giving advise and hitting the road not knowing what their outcome was, but I knew mine. Thank you
7:00 Express yourself 9:50 disrupts the harmony of the group dynamic 12:30 be the star in your movie and not the side kick, you can be the side kick in theirs but you are not the side kick in your movie but the main character
I think i started being my authentic self before i realized i'm infj. It's better because i may have few friends but they are true friends who accepts who i am.
As an INFJ-A, I can confirm that all three weaknesses are absolutely true. Though I won't necessarily conform to what another person wants (#onlychildsyndrome), I do have a tendency to enjoy many different things and become indecisive because I don't want just one. So to combat this I made a 10 year career trajectory plan (consisting of multiple things I want to accomplish through edu & career and the steps). I did this because pulling yourself out of an Ni loop is not always easy. Anyway, when I am defaulting back, I force myself to read my plan and from there I can discern and apply the action of how to go about expressing myself correctly. Thank you so much for breaking things down because it always helps to have another perspective. I also really enjoyed your learning style videos as well!
Omg thank you so much for this vid xo I needed this so bad. I've been stuck in the loop for a year now. It has been really exhausting and really frustrating!!! I can see a clear picture now.
This video was all that I needed today! I´m recogninzing this behavior of always being an observer in groups and how much I lost in terms of knowing people better and let them know me as well. Thank you so much for your advices!
I love Wenzes! She's such a big help to me in understanding my understandings of myself. All the points are so true. The solutions she offers are literal "lifesavers". Thank you Wenzes. ❤
Superb! Now I know why I am compelled to write about people who didn’t see the inevitable outcome. How an ISFJ didn’t see the ENFP narcissism. These are the things I am worried and thought through all the time.
I disrupt harmony because I tell people the truth if they ask but sometimes I don't. Because I don't want to be nosy, and I like to consciously make an effort to be still and patient thinking people should be allowed to face the consequences of their own mistakes and that I don'twant to intrude. Also I don't want to be misunderstood. But like in serious circumstances I find that I speak up just in case it could really do something for them. I think I have an excessive need to understand for real. But sometimes I come back to reality and say oh you know sometimes as people we do things for no reason and there's no more to it than that we just randomly did something for no reason. I wanted to sit back and be a complete observer the other day when I got really sad but now when I think of what you say it explains what I did. And it turns out that luckily I had started expressing myself so I didn't just sit back and watch everything anymore like I did in the past. I got involved. That experience has also taught me now that I'm putting myself out there it's good to choose my battles wisely. And I'm battling with life to become my best self. Also it has boost my confidence because I faced my fear of being misunderstood, embarrassed or worse. I don't know what the future holds but it takes some getting used to as I'm not comfortable with uncertainty just yet which drives the need to understand. So thanks for this video. I appreciate your kind efforts.
Love this ! ❤️ I’m nearing 40 and this is how I’ve lived my whole life with all three weaknesses to the point of being obsessive 🙁 it’s truly time to change 💪🏻
Hi from Denmark! Thank you for this one! Yes, trying to understand others WAY too much! And wow, don't try to always blend in just because you can! I take it all with me, thanks! I was wondering if you could do a video on INFJs in workshops/courses/ ... with others? I.e. talk about how difficult it is for us to contribute when we don't know the exact (!) agenda in fx a workshop and we're expected to just contribute on the spot by having an opinion just like that or an idea or (yikes!) having to DO something (that we're not comfortable with - which is pretty much everything, right?) in front of others! Thanks again (my profile photo shows a very young version of me but I'm actually going on 45 and following YOU! :0) ).
Wow, thank you for that. I figured out how to have more presence in a group, but could never explain why. Thank you for helping me to understand myself!
Wenzes, thank you for these videos as they help me better understand my INFJ friends! I'm an INFP, and I struggle with similar weaknesses, albeit through different functions.
Guilty of wanting the need to understand because if its me, I want to know so I can work on it or vice versa so I can know what to avoid in new people. Learning to let go the need to understand because I know I've done the job description needed.
I worked in many engineerings teams. At the bottom, and at the top. Point is, as you said, you want to prevent "future"mistakes, but not interfear to much in the group. So we can make and break a team. Problem is when a project or even a complete company, is not going to make it... I do/did gif some warnings, and then started looking for another job..
@Wenzes, Well, I certainly don't have #2 as a weakness. I don't have #2 as a weakness so-much-so that I have absolutely no friends aside from my wife, kids, and my mentor in this entire world, period. I have always been forced or compelled to "take a stand" on pretty much every issue in life. I have never been able to enjoy harmony at all. Sure, in my immediate-family and with my mentor, there is harmony--but none otherwise.
@@Wenzes , I would love to connect with people. I know "how" to connect with people--but all people I know judge me. It's weird too, my mentor and I are the only people I know that actually strive to live the principles we claim to believe--yet I get judged by hypocrites. I don't have to agree with people to enjoy being friends with people. It's kinda of odd, but I used to teach (years ago) leadership principles and defense to irregular forces in certain small countries--yet, in my life, today, I am in an area of the Rockies where if you are not the same religion that runs the entire state, then you are hated and an outcast. I am not a member of the religious group that runs the area where I am--and so, my family and I are mistreated and abused by the people who claim to love God. My wife and I moved to this miserable place years ago. I came here for work. When they learned I am not their religion, they pretended to not know we were coming at all (even though they paid for our move here in the first-place--so how could they not know we were coming!?) We have been in poverty ever since and unable to move back to our home in the deep-South. Yes, Wenzes, I would love to have people to talk with in this life! It's hard enough that we're stuck here and "blacklisted" so we can't get out. And my mentor is way up there in northern-Canada and I haven't been able to talk much with him, but every week or so. Yes, I would love to cultivate friendships with people (I get along with any kind-hearted soul!) ~S seaghandalriata[at]gmail[dot]com
I'm an INFJ, I've been wanting to confess my feeling to someone I like (but I'm so sure that person doesn't have the same feeling for me), but I'm so scared for a very long time, now I just want to be free from all this mixed up feelings, I know it's gonna be hard, but I have friends who support me so who cares, You Only Live Once (YOLO)
Great video Wenzes! Can you please make another one - a follow-up video , explaining how to tackle weakness #2 and #3 and give some tips and practical examples? Thank you😊
Example 2 could be: a group of friends put together a playlist for a gathering. Instead of thinking ‚nobody is going to like my music, why even add it‘...to think, well for starters I am part of the group and I am going to like it...the others also add the songs they like and don‘t think necessarily that this music doesn‘t match your taste. And 3 for example: the discussions of your colleagues bore you so you just ‚obseve‘...when in the reality the discussions could get really interesting to you if you add your spin on them 😉
When I think back the thing I do not feel I could get across to my friend was to understand that they were part of something beyond just themselves now. Maybe that is hard to grasp when you feel you are an observer for so long. I suppose it is hard to take that leap of faith. The other thing about life and people, disagreement, contrast and conflict are inevitable. It doesn't have to be brutal or the end of something, you are going to have to talk about it when it rears its head, and it will. I think this is a hard lesson for all the NFs in different ways. (ENFP)
no war is won without at least a battle...i'm not saying to kill someone...lol...to be in harmony is to be in peace(mind(siprit), body n soul(heart))...once u disrupt the harmony of someone that means ur at war(disharmony) with mind, body or heart...no war is won with war...only with peace u can win a war...bottom line, sometime u need disharmony to have even better harmony...so when ur in disharmony with someone make a resolution(a point of view) that everybody will love to fallow...if they don't want...make arrangements with the crew to bring peace once again n make it reign with everyone's acceptance of the resolution...cheers!!! n have a wonderful day...
A lot of these issues came up in my twenties in my pre Myers-Briggs days and without the high tech we have now. So I had to learn in different ways - mostly books. (If course, that still happens today.) What especially stood out for me was when you mentioned our excessive "need to understand." I still want to understand things so as not to be lied to. But understanding isn't always going to happen. My book on systematic assertiveness training helped me to at least (1) handle myself verbally when I didn't understand (2) gave me the boldness to admit it and (3) even said that it was OK! ☺ I would have been good to have had the insights you have about it, especially when I tried to make other people understand. But I learned that they didn't need to understand me, either.! ☺☺ So again - I appreciate your insights. It confirms that I was going the right direction, enriched what I already know, with fresh new information as well. Thanks for a super video!
To anyone doubting that INFJ chameleon ability. I once blended in with the small town type. You know, the stereotypical "you ain't the boss o' me! I jerk my guns off outside. They took his jurb!" Kind of type. I blended in seamlessly. But I hated every moment of that lie. I am not sure if I hated the lie more, or realizing that I need to lie in order to blend in. Or else face being isolated and painted black.
I'm very detail oriented and I'm definitely an infj. Sometimes I'm too detail oriented and I've been involved in jobs that require alternating tasks quickly... Not easy for me. Are we more likely to have ADD (not hyperactive?).
Wow, talking about fitting myself into the other world view... I was getting close to a girl recently and thought we had a deep connection and she would really understand me. I wanted to take things slow and build a deep relationship but she was pushing me get too sexual too fast. I allowed it to happen and by being a bit passive to satisfy her needs. I felt violated and uncomfortable. Then, I guess because I didn't reciprocate the sexual touching she was getting upset with me and caused me to become passive aggressive and end the relationship. Wish things could've been different but it better to stick to my virtues and disrupt the status quo.
My MBTI keeps changing(INFP,INFJ,ISFJ) and trying to understand my type is driving me crazy.I am jumping from one personality test to another, linking the results back to MBTI,but still nothing.So do you think this "Obsession " with my type is Ni-Ti loop?
I find myself shocked that everyone doesn't agree with me lol! Online dating shows me that its almost impossible lol. Through watching these I realized the ENFJ and I don't live in the same worlds lol we speak different language styles as well as geographical. I was certain we'd be a power couple. I think he ghosted me after giving me attention & his #. His demands were too intense. Not the good guy I thought. Next. I tried using examples to him and poof!
I don't know it always sounds simple fallowing my dreams more then making them happen. but have not given up. there is a point of not seeking a women when you do not have a women that has interests in me. and vice versa. I do not always want to manufactor her feelings like she is remote control.
What you described as the second function, I would argue is the 6th. Instead of Fe, it would be Fi for INFJ. Express yourself, care less about the other person... That's all Fi
Extremely right, specially weakness number 2 I can't get out of it, even many people keep warning me, but I'm still doing it 😅, thank god weakness no. 3 is too weak, I would like to enter any activities to gain more experience and communication but everytime I regret it 😂, about the help is it free?
Yes, definitely...it's a great first step...I used to post a lot of music through my facebook page when I went through something like that (but that was 5 years ago :) )....so the other person could theoretically see my facebook page and understand my mood through the music...but the first step is journaling of course
Do you share any of the mentioned weaknesses?! I know I do :)....It's a work in progress :)
Wenzes, I absolutely adore your brain!!!
Me too! Well explain Wenzes. That’s my hardest the second one, started understanding it with your videos and some others, in a way you are integrating the shadow Fi into the Auxiliary Fe. Yes, the passive observer that obsessed about others well being, denying him/herself, but is a bad recipe for not authentically contribute to the community. The conversation does hits home!
Doin our best 😜
"Unhealthy" attachment is precisely it, because I really don't think seeking harmony necessarily means you're not being genuine or authentic. You just have to find a balance between harmony and disharmony, know when to go for one or the other. There's a very old saying in my language: Moderation in all things. Or, with a little more accuracy "moderation is best/perfect". As for me, my biggest weakness has got to be the Ni-Ti loop, or what I call a drowning ocean. I can easily recognize it by now, but still find it quite hard to deal with...
Sure! Number 2 and 3 are the worst.😁 I'd really like to get rid of these ways of thinking and change this pattern completely.
Yes my whole life I have been the wallflower, my friends used to call me the watch dog. I never looked at it like you said. You are definitely correct I always felt it was my power or how I maintained control. I have been stepping out for the last eight months. I’m forty three, so it’s gonna take some practice, I have sat back my whole life. No longer am I anyone’s sidekick. Thank you
You got this! It‘s definitely worth the journey!
Stay encouraged
Guilty on all charges, in the past. Now I know to take a step back and try a different tactic. I have obsessed over trying to understand people and how to adapt to their world. I have valued harmony at my own expense. Now I express myself and not worry so much what everyone thinks. And I feel free now.
👏👏👏 way to go!!!
People think I'm spooky because I get sudden bursts of insight and I know specific things about them (a priori) that they never told me. I also have clairvoyant flashes, like the 1992 Nor' Easter that hit New York. Everyone down by the shore thought I was a lunatic as I described everything that would happen in detail. Two weeks or so later it all happened. Unfortunately I have the curse of Cassandra. Nobody seems to heed my warnings or take me seriously.
All of this is new to me. I never heard of Myers-Briggs and the INFJ quiz kept popping up in my feed. "Rarest personality type" kept me away because I didn't want to be egotistical but finally I took the quiz just for the hell of it et voi-la! I discovered I AM. All the pieces fell together; my giving nature, my spookiness, my constantly missing out on things, selling myself short because I don't like to be greedy.
I have an affinity for animals. They usually trust me. Once I was walking up the hill to my house and a squirrel was halfway down a tree in front of me. Our eyes met and I motioned with my head and gently said, "well, go ahead." The little guy continued down and hopped along onto the front yard of the house that was there. I waited for a moment then continued on my own way. I was wearing a grey fluffy jacket and Gargoyle sunglasses so I looked like a big squirrel myself (DON'T SAY IT! :)
Another time I spotted a skinny, bedraggled looking black cat in the local supermarket parking lot shortly before Sunset. He was definitely in trouble. I approached him, got onto the wide grass divider between the sidewalk and asphalt. He tentatively started walking toward me. I dropped onto my knee and he ran over to me, up my leg and into my arms as we bumped heads. Instant family (I was a cat owner and understood). It was chilly so I unzipped my leather jacket, snuggled him in, zipped it back up and kissed him on the forehead. I smelled a wound. I didn't even think about the fleas and ticks he was definitely crawling with. There was some traffic so I ran top speed across the street. He was totally relaxed and trusting. I kept kissing his head (wound smell...) and talking to him soothingly.
Poor little Onyx died a few months later from Feline AIDS but at least he had some love and happiness before he left.
You left out number 4: Kryptonite. sorry, couldn't resist.
1. Our obsessive need to understand
2. Our unhealthy attachment to harmony
3. Making ourselves the observer
Go watch the full video though
I tried so hard to understand my divorce from my third wife. I felt so guilty but so done with her. I needed to understand. Eventually after talking to my older brother I could let go. I don’t care now. 🚪 slam! I have joined groups and never spoke, none of the others in the group even knew I was there. Yes I want to enjoy life. Not be stagnated cumbersome by others drama. Thank You Wenzes!
Omg . Yes. I married into Strong clan and I molded myself into who he wanted me to be and who the family wanted me to be. Been married thirty years but I am speaking more for myself now and creating my own career … I was the ultimate chameleon
I'm increasingly creating my very own life and self love atm and now I know why I feel so uncomfortable playing the main role and setting my boundaries and demanding what I deserve. It feels good and right overall and makes sense, but I feel tense and guilty and have to meditate and affirm a lot, because my thought obsess about people and their expectations and whatnot. And in reality I'm just making that up in my own mind. I really wanna let go of this and just be with myself and for myself and by myself and learn to be able to feel centered and earthed around people again.
Share your own truth with others...the right people will get attracted, the ones who you can't connect on this will vanish...it is a process...it will never stop but you will always be able to achieve higher levels
I did not consciously realize the thing about maintaining harmony and how it ties in with being the observer, though I definitely see that in myself now that you mention it. What a valuable key. Thank you. 🙏
👍😊 glad it resonated with you
Journaling has been a huge help in self expression, especially in times when you keep replaying a situation in your mind. Getting it on paper (not keyboard) for some reason allows this transition and release to free up the real estate in your head and to move forward constructively and confidently when you do express yourself in real time.
Weakness #1 omg it consumes so much of my thought process.. than when i figure it out, i have to think of all the other potential scenarios. 🤦🏾♂️
Once we know better, we can do better 😉
I'm not going to be the observer anymore; when i used travel around and conttact as a facilitator and presenter. That was soooooo energy draining yet satisfying.
👏👏👏 it‘s about finding the balance 😊
omg Wenzes, you're a lifesaver. I need to hear this today so badly, especially #1. I just wrecked my mind over how to get along with someone who doesn't want to continue being friend with me (an infp). Since we have no similar functions, I kept trying, pushing myself to "understand", hence Ni-Ti loop and got myself depressed for a couple of days. Watching this, I can finally decide to let go and have peace with myself. No more second-guessing myself. Thank You ! You're awesome.
I resonate with #3 weakness very much huhu this is the first time I heard it tho i've been struggling with it in the past. I kind of improved on that weakness when I took a main leadership position. It means that I became part of a group and then I had troubles with being too uncomfortable because i'm not able to like see what's going on from outside since I became part of the group. I was very uncomfortable and felt anxious that time to the point that I couldn't handle the pressure of not knowing what's going on. But i discovered that it was because I didn't want to be in the spotlight too much. I discovered that I became comfortable when I wanted to support my members like bring out the best in them and work as a team and together, achieve great things and we did. It was fun, fulfilling. Being involved isn't really disrupting harmony, it's more like achieving greater things with your added support. I don't really know if i say this right lol hahaha. This is my first time here thanks Wenzes!
😊👍 all good! I know what you mean. Of course our imput adds value but when we internally believe we are just a burden it helps to think of it as ‚disrupting‘ harmony 👍
In soooo glad that I only have one weakness I still have to work on, which is the first.
Over the years I have learned to overcome the 2nd and 3rd weakness by stepping back and repeating this phrase "this other person has their own understanding of things, their own experiences of life, they do not live in my mind. If I don't say something, they will not know how I feel.
I have to use my resources for myself first before I use it for others because I have my own goals and dreams, let me lead by example!!!
I have always regretted not saying anything and the pain of keeping quiet outweighs the pain of being misunderstood.
I feel better when people know who I am and I have gained true friendships through this, friends who get my language and don't judge me nor take me personally and challenge me and my perspective".
I have to work on not ruminating because I want to understand. But atleast I have learned to not involve others in my rumination spiral of trying to understand.
Attachment to not disrupt harmony... OUCH. Love how you articulate us into a more powerful place. Very supportive. Thanks!
Glad it‘s helpful 😊
Super helpful!
I just expressed myself (Fe) yesterday and had a completely different interaction than I usually do. :)
Awesome!
Number 1 really puts the pain we’d go through post narcissistic discard, being we’re doing all we can to understand things that don’t follow the rules of our intuition.
I wish I can like this 100 times. Right on point!!!
:D
Damn girl! Someone of the lines I was saying with you during this video whilst being completely shocked and surprised, bcz this is exactly me. I can't believe how accurate these personality types are and I'm so so thankful to you for helping us, your fellow INFJs! 🙌🙌
Thanks a lot...I needed this so badly... I've been suffering from being an INFJ for so long...thanks for showing the right way to deal with my own mind...
I love your advice! As an INFJ, it speaks to me on every level. You are helping me improve areas in my life where I struggle the most. I am finally starting to allow others to see the real me who I have been hiding for a long time.
So happy I can help 😊👍
I was much like you said in my younger days... and I learned as time went on... and adjusted...
Very Healthy comments. Enlightened my abilities to not be so afraid to join in a group setting when all I was used to was giving advise and hitting the road not knowing what their outcome was, but I knew mine. Thank you
7:00 Express yourself 9:50 disrupts the harmony of the group dynamic 12:30 be the star in your movie and not the side kick, you can be the side kick in theirs but you are not the side kick in your movie but the main character
I think i started being my authentic self before i realized i'm infj. It's better because i may have few friends but they are true friends who accepts who i am.
As an INFJ-A, I can confirm that all three weaknesses are absolutely true. Though I won't necessarily conform to what another person wants (#onlychildsyndrome), I do have a tendency to enjoy many different things and become indecisive because I don't want just one. So to combat this I made a 10 year career trajectory plan (consisting of multiple things I want to accomplish through edu & career and the steps). I did this because pulling yourself out of an Ni loop is not always easy. Anyway, when I am defaulting back, I force myself to read my plan and from there I can discern and apply the action of how to go about expressing myself correctly. Thank you so much for breaking things down because it always helps to have another perspective. I also really enjoyed your learning style videos as well!
Omg thank you so much for this vid xo I needed this so bad. I've been stuck in the loop for a year now. It has been really exhausting and really frustrating!!! I can see a clear picture now.
This video was all that I needed today! I´m recogninzing this behavior of always being an observer in groups and how much I lost in terms of knowing people better and let them know me as well. Thank you so much for your advices!
You‘re welcome 😊👍
I’m mad at chuuuuuuu!!! Why you gotta put me on blast like that 😭😭😭. All truth. Everything you said really resonated with me. Thank you for sharing!
😉 truth sets us free 😊
I love Wenzes! She's such a big help to me in understanding my understandings of myself. All the points are so true. The solutions she offers are literal "lifesavers". Thank you Wenzes. ❤
Superb! Now I know why I am compelled to write about people who didn’t see the inevitable outcome. How an ISFJ didn’t see the ENFP narcissism. These are the things I am worried and thought through all the time.
As long as you find a healthy outlet dor your knowings it‘s all good. The danger comes when it is at the expense of your well being. You got this 👍😊
I disrupt harmony because I tell people the truth if they ask but sometimes I don't. Because I don't want to be nosy, and I like to consciously make an effort to be still and patient thinking people should be allowed to face the consequences of their own mistakes and that I don'twant to intrude. Also I don't want to be misunderstood. But like in serious circumstances I find that I speak up just in case it could really do something for them.
I think I have an excessive need to understand for real. But sometimes I come back to reality and say oh you know sometimes as people we do things for no reason and there's no more to it than that we just randomly did something for no reason. I wanted to sit back and be a complete observer the other day when I got really sad but now when I think of what you say it explains what I did. And it turns out that luckily I had started expressing myself so I didn't just sit back and watch everything anymore like I did in the past. I got involved. That experience has also taught me now that I'm putting myself out there it's good to choose my battles wisely. And I'm battling with life to become my best self.
Also it has boost my confidence because I faced my fear of being misunderstood, embarrassed or worse. I don't know what the future holds but it takes some getting used to as I'm not comfortable with uncertainty just yet which drives the need to understand. So thanks for this video. I appreciate your kind efforts.
Love this ! ❤️ I’m nearing 40 and this is how I’ve lived my whole life with all three weaknesses to the point of being obsessive 🙁 it’s truly time to change 💪🏻
You got this!!!
An INFJ here, very attracted to sone details I see now 😊
Hi from Denmark! Thank you for this one! Yes, trying to understand others WAY too much! And wow, don't try to always blend in just because you can! I take it all with me, thanks! I was wondering if you could do a video on INFJs in workshops/courses/ ... with others? I.e. talk about how difficult it is for us to contribute when we don't know the exact (!) agenda in fx a workshop and we're expected to just contribute on the spot by having an opinion just like that or an idea or (yikes!) having to DO something (that we're not comfortable with - which is pretty much everything, right?) in front of others! Thanks again (my profile photo shows a very young version of me but I'm actually going on 45 and following YOU! :0) ).
This opened up doors for me. Not the ordinary doors, however. The doors disguised as fireplaces, those doors. Thanks.
Wow, thank you for that. I figured out how to have more presence in a group, but could never explain why. Thank you for helping me to understand myself!
Wenzes, thank you for these videos as they help me better understand my INFJ friends! I'm an INFP, and I struggle with similar weaknesses, albeit through different functions.
You're so welcome!
Guilty of wanting the need to understand because if its me, I want to know so I can work on it or vice versa so I can know what to avoid in new people. Learning to let go the need to understand because I know I've done the job description needed.
I worked in many engineerings teams. At the bottom, and at the top. Point is, as you said, you want to prevent "future"mistakes, but not interfear to much in the group. So we can make and break a team. Problem is when a project or even a complete company, is not going to make it... I do/did gif some warnings, and then started looking for another job..
Exactly...in the end we have to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first
@Wenzes,
Well, I certainly don't have #2 as a weakness. I don't have #2 as a weakness so-much-so that I have absolutely no friends aside from my wife, kids, and my mentor in this entire world, period.
I have always been forced or compelled to "take a stand" on pretty much every issue in life. I have never been able to enjoy harmony at all. Sure, in my immediate-family and with my mentor, there is harmony--but none otherwise.
Is that something you suffer from? Would you like to connect with peopel that you don‘t have the same values with ?
@@Wenzes ,
I would love to connect with people. I know "how" to connect with people--but all people I know judge me. It's weird too, my mentor and I are the only people I know that actually strive to live the principles we claim to believe--yet I get judged by hypocrites.
I don't have to agree with people to enjoy being friends with people.
It's kinda of odd, but I used to teach (years ago) leadership principles and defense to irregular forces in certain small countries--yet, in my life, today, I am in an area of the Rockies where if you are not the same religion that runs the entire state, then you are hated and an outcast. I am not a member of the religious group that runs the area where I am--and so, my family and I are mistreated and abused by the people who claim to love God.
My wife and I moved to this miserable place years ago. I came here for work. When they learned I am not their religion, they pretended to not know we were coming at all (even though they paid for our move here in the first-place--so how could they not know we were coming!?)
We have been in poverty ever since and unable to move back to our home in the deep-South.
Yes, Wenzes, I would love to have people to talk with in this life! It's hard enough that we're stuck here and "blacklisted" so we can't get out. And my mentor is way up there in northern-Canada and I haven't been able to talk much with him, but every week or so.
Yes, I would love to cultivate friendships with people (I get along with any kind-hearted soul!)
~S
seaghandalriata[at]gmail[dot]com
Wenzes: You nailed it.
Glad you like it :)
I'm an INFJ, I've been wanting to confess my feeling to someone I like (but I'm so sure that person doesn't have the same feeling for me), but I'm so scared for a very long time, now I just want to be free from all this mixed up feelings, I know it's gonna be hard, but I have friends who support me so who cares, You Only Live Once (YOLO)
Its crazy to hear someone speak to the deepest parts of you
Great video Wenzes! Can you please make another one - a follow-up video , explaining how to tackle weakness #2 and #3 and give some tips and practical examples? Thank you😊
Example 2 could be: a group of friends put together a playlist for a gathering. Instead of thinking ‚nobody is going to like my music, why even add it‘...to think, well for starters I am part of the group and I am going to like it...the others also add the songs they like and don‘t think necessarily that this music doesn‘t match your taste. And 3 for example: the discussions of your colleagues bore you so you just ‚obseve‘...when in the reality the discussions could get really interesting to you if you add your spin on them 😉
Obsessive need to understand. Yes. INFJ man here.
Very helpful! ☺️Work in progress. #1!!!! Feels like I'm living in #1 with something I've talked about #1 with.
Your so beautiful inside and out thank you! Keep it up!
I hope it gets easier and more understandable... you were great and clear, dont get me wrong!
Wow, this is so good! Exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks Wenzes.
Glad it was helpful 😊👍
I love you! I'm so happy that your happy.😊 Thank you
Omgoodness...needed this so much today. Thank you for spelling it out. 🙏🏻❤️😊👍
You are so welcome!
Im an INTP and i dunno what im doing here but this was an awesome video. PLease make one for INTPs
😁👍
Being a badass means liberation! 💪😘👍
Exactly! 😊
Random but I've been following you for a long time and your hair looks great. ✔
Thank you 😊
…. I was dumbfounded at how spot on this was, I literally burst out laughing.
Much love for you Wenze❤
I love this thank you for increasing my consciousness and awareness
you nailed it! thank you. all three are spot on ✌️👍
It's almost eerie how you're able to get inside my head!
When I think back the thing I do not feel I could get across to my friend was to understand that they were part of something beyond just themselves now. Maybe that is hard to grasp when you feel you are an observer for so long. I suppose it is hard to take that leap of faith.
The other thing about life and people, disagreement, contrast and conflict are inevitable. It doesn't have to be brutal or the end of something, you are going to have to talk about it when it rears its head, and it will. I think this is a hard lesson for all the NFs in different ways. (ENFP)
2:39 how do you know my life 😮
Some things so many of us seem to have in common 😉
So spot on!! You did a great job at breaking these down!
Glad you liked it 😊
Youre so smart I--
thank youu for this wonderful message💯❤️
Pls stop calling me out like that. It is getting really creepy over the last few weeks.
☺️
You are amazing. You understand me better
iam glad i feel understood, thanks.
no war is won without at least a battle...i'm not saying to kill someone...lol...to be in harmony is to be in peace(mind(siprit), body n soul(heart))...once u disrupt the harmony of someone that means ur at war(disharmony) with mind, body or heart...no war is won with war...only with peace u can win a war...bottom line, sometime u need disharmony to have even better harmony...so when ur in disharmony with someone make a resolution(a point of view) that everybody will love to fallow...if they don't want...make arrangements with the crew to bring peace once again n make it reign with everyone's acceptance of the resolution...cheers!!! n have a wonderful day...
👍
A lot of these issues came up in my twenties in my pre Myers-Briggs days and without the high tech we have now. So I had to learn in different ways - mostly books. (If course, that still happens today.)
What especially stood out for me was when you mentioned our excessive "need to understand." I still want to understand things so as not to be lied to. But understanding isn't always going to happen. My book on systematic assertiveness training helped me to at least (1) handle myself verbally when I didn't understand (2) gave me the boldness to admit it and (3) even said that it was OK! ☺
I would have been good to have had the insights you have about it, especially when I tried to make other people understand. But I learned that they didn't need to understand me, either.! ☺☺
So again - I appreciate your insights. It confirms that I was going the right direction, enriched what I already know, with fresh new information as well. Thanks for a super video!
Thanks for your feedback Linda 😊 like always highly appreciated
@@Wenzes You're welcome
To anyone doubting that INFJ chameleon ability. I once blended in with the small town type. You know, the stereotypical "you ain't the boss o' me! I jerk my guns off outside. They took his jurb!" Kind of type. I blended in seamlessly. But I hated every moment of that lie. I am not sure if I hated the lie more, or realizing that I need to lie in order to blend in. Or else face being isolated and painted black.
Thank you thank you thank you, now I know I'm going to be ahead since we don't have psychology in our small island across the sea 🏝️😂
I'm very detail oriented and I'm definitely an infj. Sometimes I'm too detail oriented and I've been involved in jobs that require alternating tasks quickly... Not easy for me. Are we more likely to have ADD (not hyperactive?).
OMG! I think so too! I took a test few years ago and I was diagnosed as borderline ADD🙊
3:04 always felt like I knew things better then it knew itself
This is so motivating! Thank you 💖
Wow, talking about fitting myself into the other world view... I was getting close to a girl recently and thought we had a deep connection and she would really understand me. I wanted to take things slow and build a deep relationship but she was pushing me get too sexual too fast. I allowed it to happen and by being a bit passive to satisfy her needs. I felt violated and uncomfortable. Then, I guess because I didn't reciprocate the sexual touching she was getting upset with me and caused me to become passive aggressive and end the relationship. Wish things could've been different but it better to stick to my virtues and disrupt the status quo.
Thank you. I needed this.
Glad it was helpful 😊
wow...just Wow, thank you❤
💯 true i really working on it
My MBTI keeps changing(INFP,INFJ,ISFJ) and trying to understand my type is driving me crazy.I am jumping from one personality test to another, linking the results back to MBTI,but still nothing.So do you think this "Obsession " with my type is Ni-Ti loop?
Very inspirational!
Weakness no.1 - me in failed relationships...
Wow! Embracing this ;)!
Please do! :)
Super helpful!
Happy to read that 😊
Yep! totally agree!!
😊😊
Hey, I feel like I'm detailed oriented. I didn't know that's an INFJ thing.
I find myself shocked that everyone doesn't agree with me lol! Online dating shows me that its almost impossible lol. Through watching these I realized the ENFJ and I don't live in the same worlds lol we speak different language styles as well as geographical. I was certain we'd be a power couple. I think he ghosted me after giving me attention & his #. His demands were too intense. Not the good guy I thought. Next. I tried using examples to him and poof!
I don't know it always sounds simple fallowing my dreams more then making them happen. but have not given up. there is a point of not seeking a women when you do not have a women that has interests in me. and vice versa. I do not always want to manufactor her feelings like she is remote control.
Really good videos
Infp is a great match. Don’t want to be smothered.
Thank you
You‘re more than welcome 😊
Omg i got called out on #1😂
Love you!🥺💗👏👏👏👏👏
What you described as the second function, I would argue is the 6th. Instead of Fe, it would be Fi for INFJ. Express yourself, care less about the other person... That's all Fi
How many times have I dedicated the song - It Must Have Been Love by Roxette to an ENFP...3:21 to 3:43
Feeling very seen... ❤️❤️
Yeaaah 😊👍 that‘s what I am aiming for ☺️
Extremely right, specially weakness number 2 I can't get out of it, even many people keep warning me, but I'm still doing it 😅, thank god weakness no. 3 is too weak, I would like to enter any activities to gain more experience and communication but everytime I regret it 😂, about the help is it free?
Ironically I don't concider those weaknesses.
What if the person can't Fe with the person for many reasons? Do journal entries count?
Yes, definitely...it's a great first step...I used to post a lot of music through my facebook page when I went through something like that (but that was 5 years ago :) )....so the other person could theoretically see my facebook page and understand my mood through the music...but the first step is journaling of course
Perfect