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97% of Men Go Through THIS TYPE of Mid-Life Crisis
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 ส.ค. 2024
- 97% of Men Go Through THIS TYPE of Mid-Life Crisis
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Have you ever wondered why some men seem to have very wishy-washy behavior and they can go from hot and cold in a moment?
Well, the answer is simple and yet very complex because this is tied to a mid-life crisis which is often a reflection of a lack of self-love.
The number one emotional health issue is a lack of self-worth, self-reliance, and self-confidence which is really saying a lack of self-love.
In today's video, we are going to explore the DEEPER reasons why many men seem completely unhinged in their lack of consistency when being in a relationship.
Make sure you listen to the 4-minute mark because there's advice for you on how to spot the men who most likely won't be able to go the distance.
Let's talk about... 97% of Men Go Through THIS TYPE of Mid-Life Crisis
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My ex husband went thru it!!! It was really tough! I had to leave because I just couldn't forgive his affair! In the end it was a blessing to me from his narcissistic abuse!!
As a woman who lost her husband, her pets, her home, and most of my belongings. My idea of what I wanted in life, my blue print and my reality. All of life did not become my blueprint, and every crazy thoughts, imperfections and things I wanted absolutely changed. The journey of life, did not go to my basic plan, and life spit me out in a very cruel and crucial spot. I then had to reflect, restart, change my work environment and so much more. So I'm on a personal growth journey, because I can, I need to, before I let everyone else in. Choosing me, choosing my life is the #1 thing in my life.
You are %100 percent responsible for your life. Every decision you ever made was you. So you can make something out of your life or make nothing it's really up to you. You make something beautiful or make something ugly. No excuses, no blaming society, etc. The sooner you take control of your life the sooner you will stop relying on the world and other people for your happiness 🙌❤🙏💪🧘♂️
When I turned 40, I realized my life isn't where I wanted to be, reality hit me hard!!!
I’m definitely dealing with someone in a tunnel. Thanks so much, I never knew.
I had 2 men who wasted 5 years of my precious life due to them going through this phase, I wasn’t conscious of it at that time but boy it wasn’t pretty at all and I have learned so much about childhood trauma and toxic men. Both of them were in their mid 40s, refused to work on their issues, zero accountability whatsoever for the way they showed up in their past and present relationships. It’s best to avoid these types of men in the dating pool, such twisted souls don’t need a woman but a mentor or coach to guide them. Avoid avoid avoid at all cost!!!
I feel that my husband is going through it right now and I don't know how to help him to be able to keep our relationship together.
I’m a woman and this is what I’m going through. All of a sudden I’m crying on the phone about some flashbacks of my fairytale childhood that just hit me out of nowhere. I’m realizing a lot of things I’ve somehow made a total mess of things that I really thought I could manage better. Carrying a heavy load by yourself for years will eventually make you just fall to your knees. It’s hard to know what to fix or if it’s even worth fixing in the first place. I’m more messed up than I realized.
What happens when at 60 he still thinks he’s going to be Tony Robbins. But without trying, or planning, or doing lol.
He is emerced in his childhood traumas. It’s exhausting. It wouldn’t be an issue if he admitted it. He’s perfect according to him and his 3 failed marriages, alcohol problems, work issues, 3 failed engagements and 2 baby mommas had nothing to do with him.
😑
I don't understand your question... how does this relate to your life?
I’m just so tired of caring about what men go through. They never care about what we go through. They never care about how their actions toward us effect us. It’s like we don’t matter at all. My father is now 74 years old, never did a damned thing in his life besides strip me and my sister naked and beat us with dowels and pipes, refuses to apologize, and I’m supposed to GAF about him? My ex husband got away with abusing me and wishing I had died when I broke my neck. God has rewarded him with a child and 2 more wives. It’s a man’s world where women have to deal with everything a man does/says/went through in his life, and we’re doing our best to support him, heal, and be a good person, yet he does NOTHING. Nothing is ever wrong in 99% of men per their internal beliefs. They’re always blaming everything on the woman in their lives. I’m tired of caring about what men go through. Who has ever cared about me? Not one man in this lifetime. Why are any of us women bothering with men at all? The experience with men is always the same: only wanting sex, never gonna love the woman, crying and feeling horrible about yourself when he leaves. It’s completely pointless.
I don't think it's as high as 97% but a lot of men do make all of their problems and inadequacies a woman's fault. Society definitely enables that.
That’s is so sad! I’m so sorry that happened to you! 🥺
Tosca Donna u are telling the truth girl I sumed it up
You're right, this doesn't sound good at all, and it would feel horrible for anyone to go through what you went through. I can imagine the frustration when we feel like others are oblivious to our needs. And you're right, during these periods, it's good to take time to look after ourselves and not feel the need to always be focusing on others.
Im sure you will find a bunch of channels dedicated to women. And im sorry you had a bad experience with your father. Sounds like your personal experience was horrible
There are many people at work who seem to have this struggle. I watched this video to gain a better understanding of this tunnel time. They have advanced degrees, great jobs, and marriages that seem to be very successful. They seem to be on a search for something or maybe a yearning? It reminds me of the quote from A Tale of Two Cities: "We had everything before us, we had nothing before us."
You just described my last three relationships. All this chaos and I didn’t understand why. Lol
Thanks Jonathan...I have been suspecting that most men never deal with their wounding...I am 73 and I have been looking and hopeful. Plus, at my age, I have men on dating apps who just lost their wives (death) and are devastated and lost because she did everything for them.
Great video and love the pics behind you.
So true -- a few years before turning 40 my (his choice) wasband began letting his unhealed childhood wounds & traumas carry his emotional & physical health to hell in a handbasket. So sad.
Jonathon. Thanks so very much for your insight into this issue! Im in my mid 50's & have inexperienced this in my own life & it explains so much from my last relationship. Big hug back to you!!
Thanks for sharing!
My favorite guy is 41 and going through this right now. AND I'm the one revealing this to him because he just bought a $300 automatic scooter. And the scooter is malfunctioning just like him.
Men....can't live with them
Can't live without them.
If midlife crisis is when blueprint collides with reality then what is maturity. Something that everyone has to face at some point, why does it have a name because men mature late in life. Stop with the excuses. Women go through the tunnel because you dedicate your life to caring about/nurturing everybody only to discover nobody really understands the sacrifices you went through to provide for them emotionally and mentally if not financially, the best way you knew how, only to discover nobody really appreciates it.
"Maturity" is relative. You are viewing things from your fixed idea of how you think people should be, and what they should do, based on those biases.
I have learnt so much about men from watching your videos. I'm dating a guy in LD we haven't seen each other for 7 months because of the lockdown.
I think he has lots of wounds divorced but still working with her. Daughters who are still at home and controlling him.
Thanks for sharing!!
Because I didn't have kids, I've always identified by my profession, like a man. I just got your self love book and I'm looking forward to reading it. You're right...hugs are very much needed, especially in this time of COVID, which I am SO tired of!
Hope you enjoy and write a review... thank you 🧂🙏💗
'Life is a joy when we love on ourselves'...YES! Thank you for another helpful video!
You hit many good points. Love it. I am Queens Code graduate and Landmarshian. All those conversations about being good enough, likable, etc. All of it is resolved for me. It can be done.
It's called manapause
Well that makes sense and explains why I hate myself and my life so much.
Always short, sweet & very informative
Glad you liked it!
Thank you so much for starting this topic!! I really appreciate it. 😊
So, if 97% never come out of the tunnel, that means the majority of us will date someone like that. 3% is pretty low odds. Or we've already fallen in love with someone in the tunnel and don't want to leave them. Can you please talk about dating a man when he's in his tunnel? And how to help them get out. I know patience and acceptance are part of it but any practical advice would be welcome. 🙂
sunclover A place to start would be The Hoffman Process book.
Healing is an ongoing process and I tend to think that we get it right (meaning experience total love) when we pass onto the other side. If he's stuck in the tunnel vs. moving through is the point I'm trying to make. Hope this helps!
He's moving very, very slowly! Lol
I just want to make sure I'm doing a good job supporting him. I read Keys to the Kingdom. Always looking for additional input. 🙂 Thank you
sunclover Just get out while you can. What are the chances that the guy’s gonna care for you once you help him through his dark times? Not even 1%. What are the chances that you’re gonna nurse him through his hard times, and then he’s gonna leave you for the girl who didn’t se him when he was weak? More than 99%. Be his friend, but do not have sex with him. Men use women as emotional tampons, then they toss them aside whenever they’re done. Make sure you protect yourself from him.
You don’t do the work for him...it’s his journey and he has to walk it alone...support him by encouraging him to seek help in whatever way is healthy for him. But make sure you are looking after you otherwise your energy will be completely drained. Hold his hand...but not his problems 🌷
MLC ruins families. I'm living through this right now. My husband of 30 years has lost his mind. He can't see all the destruction he is causing. I'm afraid he might end up dead with all the horrible choices he been making over these last 4 years.
I feel like I’ve been on a collision course for at least ten years.
Men in their 40s going through what me and my friends delt with during our late teens
Thanks for the inside talk about men and their tunnel! Very informative, Jonathon.
Glad you enjoyed it
I find happiness all the time don't feel sorry for myself and have seen plenty of weak self important supposedly strong women who can't deal with their own problems. But you can't tell that by many of these comments. You can blame men all you want or grow up and own your shit just like the comments say.
Guys; know that you are doing great! Everything is falling into place for you very soon! This is the best time to head in that direction which you were always meant to go. Everything up til now happened for a great Devine reason! You are EXACTLY right where you are supposed to be at this moment in your life, and are headed towards the best phase of your life!!! With that said, you are now about to reap the benefits of your tremendous wisdom gained from all these experiences. Start that workout regimen! Get the wheels moving to start that business that you’ve always had in the back of your head. Today begins the first day of the best of your life! You’re gonna do this! 💪😎👍STAY STRONG !!!
We attract work we both need to do.
I've been going through the midlife crisis for almost 2 years now. It is hell. Although I like your video but I don't give up on my dreams that I couldn't attain. I will die trying
It happens to all of us. I’m 50 yr Old and went through much of it in my 40s. The light at the end of the tunnel is as such.. at first the regrets set in. Later, you learn how to manage those feelings of regret and somehow come to an “acceptance” of “this is how things turned out, and it’s meant to be this way”... When things begin to turn around and really get better is when you transition out of the “acceptance” phase and into a phase of “embracement” - where you now have learned to truly “embrace” all that has been given to you or not given to you and you begin to find ways to live a life that uses and make the best of what circumstances were handled to you. I know it sounds cliche but moving into this phase has helped me tremendously. For me, it was being single at 40, never married, no children, etc. I eventually came to the mindset that I was going to wake up every day appreciating my time given to improve myself and make the best body - physically, emotionally and mentally for myself. I also found it helpful for me to volunteer at a senior living facility, and a homeless shelter. You’ll find it helps to take your mind off of your issues by helping others cope with theirs.
@@TopGun_- sounds like a loser advice
Right. This is the most simple, balanced message.
Ok I have been binge watching your videos. New subscriber! I like how short your videos are and straight to the point.
Women do this too. Watch for outlandish plastic surgery, addiction, throwing away jobs, divorce.... some of us are trying to use it to get a spiritual outlook on life.
I've never had a girlfriend much less a wife and that is causing me a terrible middle life crisis! I don't want to be alone, I still have my mom...That terrifies me, I still look younger than my age, 54 but I hit this crisis about 3 years ago, all of a sudden. I've never had a girl due to insecurity and shy-love issues, at this age!
Sounds like you have extreme social anxiety like me lol..whatever you do don't date anyone 10-20 yrs younger than your age...I am 38 and had only one relationship with a 25 for 1.5 yrs....I tried sooo hard to undersand that young generation and it was just waste of time and effort...You friend need to get yourself a partner from your age/generation group asap....My mind is never the same after the break up I cry a lot when I am alone...I lost my innocent fantasy that I had about relationship...
@@SiddikaKobir Thanks for the advice, I don-t cry because I'm alone at least now but I feel terrible anxiety for the future.
It happens to all of us. I’m 50 yr Old and went through much of it in my 40s. The light at the end of the tunnel is as such.. at first the regrets set in. Later, you learn how to manage those feelings of regret and somehow come to an “acceptance” of “this is how things turned out, and it’s meant to be this way”... When things begin to turn around and really get better is when you transition out of the “acceptance” phase and into a phase of “embracement” - where you now have learned to truly “embrace” all that has been given to you or not given to you and you begin to find ways to live a life that uses and make the best of what circumstances were handled to you. I know it sounds cliche but moving into this phase has helped me tremendously. For me, it was being single at 40, never married, no children, etc. I eventually came to the mindset that I was going to wake up every day appreciating my time given to improve myself and make the best body - physically, emotionally and mentally for myself. I also found it helpful for me to volunteer at a senior living facility, and a homeless shelter. You’ll find it helps to take your mind off of your issues by helping others cope with theirs.
My new boyfriend seems very emotionally healthy and mature, however he doesn’t think there’s much value in doing reading to improve one’s self. Is this a red flag? He said we just need to work through things. And we have very little conflict and we are happy! I just don’t know what to think about this attitude.... feedback?
Every person finds their own way to growth. You may find reading beneficial, he may find meditation. Communication is the key, as long as he is willing to have open discussions about how you need to go forward as a couple. allowing each person to be their own guide yet come together in understanding. Don't look for a problem that does not exist.
I agree with Mel morr. If it is good just enjoy it. There is no red flag. Maybe he is not a big reader. Enjoy your relationship.
I'm going through this right now and I don't like it!
It happens to all of us. I’m 50 yr Old and went through much of it in my 40s. The light at the end of the tunnel is as such.. at first the regrets set in. Later, you learn how to manage those feelings of regret and somehow come to an “acceptance” of “this is how things turned out, and it’s meant to be this way”... When things begin to turn around and really get better is when you transition out of the “acceptance” phase and into a phase of “embracement” - where you now have learned to truly “embrace” all that has been given to you or not given to you and you begin to find ways to live a life that uses and make the best of what circumstances were handled to you. I know it sounds cliche but moving into this phase has helped me tremendously. For me, it was being single at 40, never married, no children, etc. I eventually came to the mindset that I was going to wake up every day appreciating my time given to improve myself and make the best body - physically, emotionally and mentally for myself. I also found it helpful for me to volunteer at a senior living facility, and a homeless shelter. You’ll find it helps to take your mind off of your issues by helping others cope with theirs.
I agree with some of the women on here remarking that the younger generations of men seem different -- in a good way! It's one reason the older generations of men give them crap. It's not just that they knit or brew craft beer, lol. They question the hierarchies already, whether it's male-dominated institutions, corporate politics, or private property over human life. They're saying, 'yeah, I see your world, dad, and I don't want any part of it.' They've realized that the rewards of trying to claw their way to the top of the heap don't substantially exist anymore, and they're looking at all the people suffocating under the pile. They get called 'entitled' for caring about people outside of their small family unit or tribe, for wanting greater meaning in their lives and work, and for trying to stay out of the rat race. Stay thoughtful, kids, the future belongs to you!
Now that it’s pointed. What’s the solution and how should women react when the percentage is so high? It’s like we have to live with it like Corona
Men are faced with the same challenge as women... we are in the soup together. 🧂🙏💗
Do men mature later in life than women?
Each individual (man or woman) matures emotionally when they let go of Egoic living and choose to operate from love. Most humans rarely mature in this lifetime.
Wow!!! I've seen this so many times!! Both men and women. I've helped others thru it and I've even gone through it! So true... It all comes down to Self Love! Gotta get your book. Doing it now 😉
Thank you, I'd be honored if you get it and share an honest review. Hugs...
This video was absolutely fantabulous! I don’t think I’ve ever felt so uplifted! Thank you!
Glad you enjoyed it!
This video help me to understand what my 54 year old husband is dealing with.
What do you mean by ..”we give our power away”?
Thanks. Good video.
5:45...oops! I guess I'm in the 3 percentage...I did the self exploration, the yoga, my first and only marriage ended over twenty years ago, I've had 0 kids...😀👍
It is apparent that a man has feelings and does not know how to express them, then is enabled to have an excuse to get "confused" or do stupid things to rune everything. In contrast, a woman has to learn how to be self sufficient, pick up the pieces in other words and accept the "confused" man. Don't even go there that women are allowed to do the same. If she does, then a man says she's weak, or explains to his friends " she's crazy". I just don't get it. Gee I wish I was 10 years old again and not have to worry about all this.....
Brilliant video. Love that explanation very clear and simple! Bless 🙏🏼
Glad it was helpful!
Please.....some never come out. They stay little boys. So look what does this mean?
Man I'm 16 and I'm watching this already in advance, life is short
👍
Hi Coach Jonathan
EXCELLENT Video Topic
Love your videos! Some really terrific information. I just bought the Self-Love book and cannot wait to read it. :-)
Hope you enjoy it!
I dont mind wearing the pants in a relationship because it would be easy. “Hi i like you! Wanna see a movie” is that so hard? Afterall i row my own ship of life all day long... so it truely IS difficult to sit n wait for a middle aged man to finally .... FINALLY feel enough courage to by golly even ask you out.... and after the one text a week scenario hes barely capable of just about challenges a snail. but at the same time wearing the pants kinda sets the relationship uo for failure too, since his self esteem is so low he feels like a loser if you do..... dang
Men - mid life crisis
Women - psychotic episode lmao 😂
Johnathon you are amazing!
I am so happy that you share all that
It's very helpful 🤗
Amen and well said ...I get it and so needed to hear this...right on time
Thank you so much. I really needed this. I’m in that stage now.
Hope you are healing
Getting in touch with yourself
Thank you Johnathan! Great knowledge
My pleasure!
So on point Jonathon, thanx bunch 💐🌻⚘:06:33 "...then you find out he is a mess"...06:46 "...there is plenty of women who are a mess too" 👍 After all we are all human and being a mess is not gender specific. As a woman: if I have turmoil, challenging issues in my life I cannot - hardly can- concentrate on dating ..for the issue has to be solved and takes 80% of the attention. A woman who raised a child on her own has a different awareness / understanding. We learned to get through on our own. To many male this fact is highly attractive. ..
So, wait; are you saying that 97% of men never come out of the tunnel, or did you mean just that they go through it? Because that's troubling if it was the former. And not great odds for us women.
97% go into the tunnel... some men never get to the entrance because their life expires before the journey.
@@JonathonAslay Ok, I understand. Thanks for the reply.
My conflict is that I turn 49 in 3 or 4 weeks and I've never married or had children.. I always envisioned myself a family man but here I am. I'm happy with my life I just don't understand as I'm around the corner from 50.... What I'm supposed to be doing.. do I have to change the way I dress because I'm older now or the way I talk..am I supposed to be someone new?? Like a butterfly emerging from the cocoon??
To be honest Women get sick of men being so behind Emotionally!!Happens from a young age!Many never grow up and do the work!Why do they need to go into a cave to process their feelings and emotions,makes no sense for men and women to be together.Not on the same page!!Women know in minutes how we feel... seriously think humans should just procreate and move on and not try to force living together.Men should hang with men,women with women..then meet up for procreation in only!
Love on Jonathan! Thank you🙏🌻
awe... thank you.
Yes sir you are spot on with the truth!!!! Wooohh!! Thank GOD!! I’ve made my way out of the tunnel!!!
Excellent!
love what you're saying here!!
Thank you.
I gotta throw the BS flag on the 97% number. Perhaps I just grew up in a very stable Midwest town, I don't know, but I just didn't see it happening. I would say maybe 50% for both men and women. Unfortunately my wife is going through this right now so I am seeing it, unfortunately it's ripping apart a family of 8, but it's not her fault😉
Yer it’s a bit like menopause in woman
You can take a pill for that sweetie...
Very interesting!! Thank you! Sure makes sense!!
This video is dead on. What you are saying is true. Thank you.
Hej jonathon
Now i start watch video. Its so very interesting and i learned to much about the men👏😀🙏🌷 your are the best👏👏
Awe... thank you 😊
The mindfulness book "30 Days to Overcome a Midlife Crisis" by Harper Daniels has been helpful. It's all in the mind.
This explains ALOT... thanks.
So uh....when do women get their mid life crisis? Do we get one?
You will be OK..
Women do. But its mixed in with menopause
Wow! Amen on the dysfunction!!!
I'm 38 and definitely going through one lol but mine's not finances because I'm financially pretty happy I make about 60 grand a year and I'm a single guy no kids come up but my problems like purpose I want purpose... And that could be because I don't have a family
A lot of it comes from not being as successful and/or famous as you thought you would be at 20. My topic for my own subscribers this week. So maybe you're at midlife, maybe younger or even mid twenties and you feel you didn't get what you wanted. You look at someone like Stephen King and suddenly you feel poorly about yourself. Don't. Two mindsets to take here. First, most people don't get everything they wanted--they may get a lot, but not everything. Most talented actors or other artists won't make the big screen. But you evaluate what you did get. Maybe family, maybe you did get to that suburb or maybe your job is getting to help people. But maybe that didn't get you to the Bill Gates level. So what? Everyone has there own path to walk. And guess what, Bill Gates and King didn't get everything either. Stephen King has trouble walking because he got run down by a truck decades ago. See? Second point. There is still time. There are many things I can't do now due to age. Can't join the Marines or become an FBI agent. Can't try again at pro thai kickboxing. But I can travel. I can hike. I can see the world. I can keep writing books and keep plugging that vlog. What is left greatly outnumbers what I didn't get and now can't get. That is the take home point--at thirty, at eighty. Hope this helps someone out there---Charles.
Wow ... interesting Jonathan. Thanks
Glad you think so!
Thank you so much good stories to advice i love it awesome
Glad you like them!
Hello Jonathon, I have a question. Can midlife crisis push a married man into limerence with someone and consequently a divorce? Does midlife crisis make a man more susceptible to divorce?
Yes...
WOW outstanding info 👏
Glad it was helpful!
very insightful.
nice information thanks
Thanks for liking
Amen i believe in miracles ❤❤
Helpful
Thank you
Happy to help
Bingo!! …..thank you!!
You are so welcome
Yes the I am not loveable thoughts
Thank you
I've had five mid-life crisise, and I'm going through one now! 🇦🇺💐🇺🇸 - only Covit 19 bear-hugs! 👺👌
Try exploring your recurring anxieties rather than see it as mid life crisis..
Never heard this before
LOVE YOU!!! Big Hugs!! Can you make a video on WHERE to meet emotional grownup men in this new COVID world. Online dating apps are exhausting -- too saturated with dishonest and dysfunction. Or can we clone you? 😁
Let it go and focus on yourself and you will attract the man to you. Searching outward will never give you what you want.
That's funny you bring that up because my next podcast which will come out Monday addresses that very question. Here's where you can hear it... www.jonathonaslay.com/category/podcast/
@@mybrownsparklez CHECK! Focus is always on self-love, growth. Just interested in Jonathon's perspective on new ways, other than date apps, in this new COVID world. 🙂
Please men, you are allowed to go through your crisis and it may be a great thing for you in the end, but please don’t take it out on us or through us. We don’t want to be drive by casualties of your crisis. Same goes for women. We also go through our own crisis we just display it differently. The AKA... Eat Pray Love
You look like your dad. xoxo
Thank You!
You're welcome!
Excellent content.. as usual!!! Please don’t wear that shirt again.. it washes you out!! And you are wayyyyyy tooo handsome for that to happen!! .. either go bold pink or not at all.. ijs.. 🥰🙏🏽
Thank you for the compliment and I will keep that in mind... :)
Thx info helps
Hang on....recognising someone is in the tunnel versus doing the work from the start...avoids the tunnel...and yet they seem to become this negative angry person all the time....and no matter how much you try you then become the person who is not good enough ..!!?? I think it’s called a wake up call to become a mature adult. Just saying. Thankyou.
Framed photo on yourself.. hmm
Find a Godly person or it will not work.