What I Missed Out On Being Raised a Girl (& What I Gained)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 ต.ค. 2024
- Inspired by a line from the Barbie press tour, a reflection on those things we miss out on, as binary trans people raised a different gender from who we are now… and what everyone can miss out on when we only allow them to see or fully enjoy half of the world.
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For trans folks, what hobbies or pop cultural interests do you think you might not have discovered if you'd been raised as your true gender, but which you're actually really grateful to have discovered?
Im not sure im trans, but as a childe rised a girl, i loved dolls and stickers. Another thing i still like is baking, that is considerd a more fem thing.
Crochet, sewing, fashion design, and so many other hobbies, but more importantly (and sadly), I highly doubt I would have been encouraged to be a therapist if I'd been socialized as a boy in my household. I know I've saved lives, and I know my patients have deeply and radically changed my life for the better... I can't imagine not being a therapist.
I was honestly raised pretty gender-neutrally by my parents - it was honestly society's pressure more than anything that pressured me to be a certain way (shame "girly things" because they were "bad", or something, idk, it didn't make sense). But if society didn't have so many gendered stereotypes and pressures, I honestly think I would still enjoy pretty much all of the same stuff, I just wouldn't have to *struggle* with enjoying them as much, and would likely be more loud and proud about them. (And, honestly, I'd probably be a bigger fan of Barbie movies. Those all seem really fun.)
As my true gender, I likely would have faced *extreme* social pressure and *physical assault* from my peers for my interest in music, dancing, art, crafts, and acting, rather than the more subtle but no less devastating social exclusion and manipulation tactics present in the ways girls bully their own.
I know myself well enough to know that I also likely wouldn't be as politically active had I been born and socialized as male because, unless I later realized my own bisexuality (itself up for question in that social context), I would have had little to no reason to question the conservative Christian beliefs with which I was raised.
I wouldn’t have missed out on much. There would have been a lot of societal fear around the body and protection, but I didn’t grow up raised with gendered rolls. My dad taught me car stuff because I wanted to learn. I grew up watching my mom work on house stuff including design and electrical. I grew up with a sister I followed around until she got to old to have her little sis around. She taught me a lot about feminine stuff. Mom taught me the other stuff. I used to play Barbie and play with dolls with my sister while also liking to express my own creativity through Lego’s and other toys. My parents didn’t care about social norms and taught us to do what made us happy. My parents are cycle breakers, parents forced into to many choices way to early in their lives. They had my sister young and had to learn to adapt. They had abusive parents and have kept me from them.
I wish that others had the same experience and taught their kids how to function in the world regardless of gender. I learned to be curious and to be loved, though I forget it often due to the bullying and social fears I have about being a trans women (hell I even saw my self as a monster for so many years because politicians told me that I am a predator. It only became worse when my harmful, intrusive thoughts mirrored those things. I hated myself and want to end everything rather than hurt others).
Hope you guys all can provide the love that everyone needs. We can be better to the children (no matter if they are ours or not) and show that love is not conditional and that what a person loves is what a person loves.
This resonates very much with me. I was 31 when i came out as a trans man, but a lot of people i know were convinced I'd suddenly be a different person, with different likes. I fortunately grew up very gender neutral. I was given mostly girl toys, but my older brother, the best brother i could ask for, always let me play with his toys. My parents gave up giving me only girl things at around 8 and let me pick out what i wanted instead. I was never forced to wear dresses or anything like that and was often referred to as a tomboy. But now im expected to suddenly not like painting my nails? I'm not allowed to like crochet? I know a ton of men who paint their nails. My grandad knew how to crochet. And now I'm suddenly supposed like sports? I like to play them, but i find it pointless to watch. Those are just a couple of examples, but my point is that im still the same person. I might find new likes and dislikes, but that doesn't stop me from liking the things i did before.
I am much like you, with one difference of being comfy as a cis woman I guess. I mean had I been born a man I’d be fine with that too. But also I much agree men/boys also like nice colours on their nails why not? I mean isn’t it mean to tell a boy no if he looks at oh that’s so nice all the colour and sparkle and this little gloss layer on top so smooth. Why can’t a boy/man enjoy that from time to time, just like I do?
Idk how to crochet (or knit) but would like to learn. My brain is just very adhd I’d need a good patient teacher to get me in the right mind zone 😅
I do live very gender neutral actually. I did grow up playing with toycars just as well as dolls. I did watch action movies and cartoons clearly aimed towards boys as much as things for girls. I always just followed my own interests.
As for dressing in clothes I tend to mostly go in unisex and sometimes a little girly but I have no clue on how to be glamorous. My mother never has been either. I don’t know how to do makeup or my hair nice. I mean I know how to make a ponytail and a braid. When I had a very long single braid I could wrap it around my head like a hairband that was the most spectacular thing I ever did. Oh and I sometimes use a ribbon as a hairband sort of to make my hair a little less boring and pop some colour in (I know I could have it dyed fun colours too but am not so adventurous at the moment) my favourite clothing combination right now is something of an unisex tshirt with print, jeans, converse shoes (all stars kind) and if cold a (zipper) hoodie as a bonus.
I do add in a little flair like I have this cute hair tie someone made with a felt flower and I do like to wear that because it’s just pretty and someone did a good job on it. I sometimes also do paint my nails when in the mood, but haven’t for a year now. Though that’s more because I have no clue on where to store the nice nail colours or remover when it starts chipping, otherwise I’d love to have a bit of fun colour pop.
I just go with the flow and moods. Sometimes I doll up a little and actually do grab a dress, sometimes I despise the idea of being seen in one and that’s fine too.
While I think I’d be fine if I were born as a man I am also happy in my own skin as a woman. It may currently fit me better as I am short wirh squeekie voice (cute voice some friends say, they’re slimeballs, no but also cutiepatooties themselves) and thick hair that can grow very long… had I been born man I’d be a little taller (not much but probably like my little brother) to be fair I think I’d resemble him but darker hair and eyes as that’s 2 traits I have now, he’s a fine young man if I’d be a bit like him with my own quirks yeah I could imagine that life path had I been born male, I don’t mind the idea. But nature decided this path for me and am also comfy with it so don’t feel the need to change.
I know being trans is probably different, I imagine there is some core feeling that you are different from what biology has chosen or so? I don’t know it’s a complex thing in some ways, yet maybe simple in some other aspects? In overall I think it is a very individual thing.
Same, the number of people who expected me to suddenly hate knitting and crocheting, and no longer find animals cute is absolutely absurd. Heck no, I'm gonna keep making cute little plushies.
I hear you, dude. Most of my solo hobbies are "girls'" hobbies: embroidery (of all kinds), sewing, knitting, crochet. I went through a period of thinking that I should give these up, but I enjoyed them too much to actually do it. Then I remembered the number of male customers we had at the needlework store I worked at. But I also enjoyed some male hobbies as well (and continue to do so); my absolute love is tabletop RPGs. Very much considered a "boys'" hobby when I was growing up.
@@MiriamCamilla "had I been born a man I’d be fine with that too." Have you ever considered the possibility that you might not be entirely cisgender? Anyways, I respect your journey and identity and however you see and will see as, gender roles are stupid and I agree with what you said. (except one part, "I know being trans is probably different, I imagine there is some core feeling that you are different from what biology has chosen or so? I don’t know it’s a complex thing in some ways, yet maybe simple in some other aspects? In overall I think it is a very individual thing."
You're absolutely right in acknowledging the diverse spectrum of gender identities, especially Non-Binary experiences, as gender isn't just about being cisgender or transgender; there are various identities under the Non-Binary umbrella:
Some people identify with gender one only partly, it's like they're blending the colors of their gender - Demigender, and that's okay too.
Some have fluid experience, like river that flows - Genderfluid.
Some identify with 2 genders, it's like having two distinct colors on the same palette - Bigender.
Some don't have a sense of gender, it's like a void, clear sky with no clouds - Agender.
And some have non-normative gender experience, who create a mosaic of their own - Genderqueer.
All are under Non-Binary banner, which some people prefer to use instead. It's a vivid and diverse spectrum, and each identity is like a unique stroke in the grand masterpiece of human gender experiences.
Everyone is valid and everyone's journey is unique, you do you.
Fun fact, I also had thoughts like you recently, except for me, it's about me imagining being born as a woman, as I'm AMAB, and then I discovered I'm Genderfluid.
Gender isn't just gender roles and stereotypes, one doesn't have to feel dysphoria to be Trans, Non-Binary people like me challenge gender roles, we hate them, we want to express ourselves authentically.).
@@waffles3629 lol, what they were thinking? 😂
I'm mtf trans and I can definitely relate especially with the topic of music. When I was a kid I had it hammered into me that I shouldn't be into pop music and that I should only listen to rock. When I was a teenager and started to accept my femininity I rebelled and exclusively listened to pop music and ignored rock. Now that I'm deep into my 20s I'm starting to realize that I can listen to both pop and rock music and listening to rock doesn't make me any less of a woman.
ah yes, the two genders: pop and rock
nonbinary ppl like poprock :P
Considering the history of the genres, the gender divide does add up, but that's so complicated and moreover irrelevant to one's taste. The women who cut out space for themselves in the rock world fought a long uphill battle for that, and to me any rock fans who'd continue to exclude women are spitting on the legacy of legends like Joan Jett, Stevie Nicks, and the Wilson sisters from Heart.
My mom used to be mad at me because I listened to rock when I was a kid. Now as an adult I don't care anymore, I listen to death metal and my parents are used to it 😂
who the hell even imposed genders on music genres??? jezuz christ. pop is for females?? rock is for males?? wtf? XDDD don't tell me society will start imposing genders on vegetables too, like broccoli is for males, cauliflower is for females XD
I feel this in so many ways. But "boy" things were not encouraged in my childhood (in the 80s, because I'm an old). I got a new Barbie every year for Christmas. They became my friends, my companions. I wasn't allowed to have boy dolls (Kens, GI Joes, He-man, male action figures). I remember one time I left one of my Barbies somewhere and an adult handed it to me saying "You left your baby-doll", and I felt physically ill at someone calling it that. I loved going to my grandma's because all the rest of her grandchildren were boys, so I actually got to play with matchbox cars. When I played "house" with friends as a small child, I wanted to be the dad. I can't tell you how many times I got told "That's not appropriate for a girl" or "That's not for a young lady". Didn't stop me from being pretty boyish, though, in any way I could. My dad answered questions when he was working on the car, though, and learning that kind of thing made me happy. I love Nancy Drew, but wasn't allowed to read The Hardy Boys. But I knew I was a girl, because the adults said so, and they know these things. Which never explained why being called a tom-boy felt like a huge insult. Even still, I was in my 40s before I realized I was trans. That it might be ok to be something other than a girl. Now I'm 3 months on T and thrilled about that. I'm stupid eager to see what changes it brings. I think it's ok to embrace the things from growing up that fit, and for the ones that don't, it's ok for them to go the way of that one shirt you had when you were 10. I'm a hell of a cook, learned from my mother, and I'm not sure I would have had that teaching if I'd been born a boy. I love the fact that I can create food from practically nothing. It may not be gourmet if that's the case, but it will fill the hole in your gut.
Oh man. I often felt disappointed as a kid that I only had brothers, and even our cousins and family friends were pretty much all boys. I remember feeling upset when everyone else was allowed to take their shirt off during water gun fights and I wasn't. It made me feel like I didn't really belong. I guess at the same time, it gave me access to a lot of cool toys that my parents might not have bought us if they only had girls. They still put my brother's name on the Christmas gift with the lego castle, but they knew we were both going to play with it.
I'm pretty sure this is the primary reason why "women in STEM" is a topic at all.
As a trans girl, I also feel pretty conflicted about this. On the one hand, I was pushed in a direction that, luckily, really fit me. On the other hand they only did so because they thought I was a boy. If I was a cis girl, I might never have found out about this interest of mine. It kind of feels like I am privileged for having gotten this opportunity and that is unfair to cis women.
Fr. I'm trying to push my sister into going to uni for math or coding but her dream job is still being a flight attendant 🤦🏽♀️
I am learning to code right now, never thought I would be doing it when I was younger
I am now realizing that this is probably the reason why so many trans woman are programmers/tech inclined
Like, as a trans man, before i came out there were certain 'girls in stem' days where every girl in the school had to participate. I didn't want to, I'm just not interested in tech. Those days did not change my opinion. And now I'm wondering what that school's policy with trans kids really is.
I (cis-adjacent male) was raised by a fairly conservative Christian single mother, but I feel blessed that she never stopped me from doing anything because "that was a girl thing." I grew up with littlest pet shop, Mary-Kate and Ashley mysteries (especially one about the space shuttle I think?), and a gel pen collection.
It's so sad that for some reason its seen as masculine to be incapable of caring for yourself. I am truly baffled at the number of my peers who cannot cook, clean, or do laundry for themselves. Literal man children.
One of the things that got the longest sigh of relief from me was, after a really hectic day, remembering the washing machine. Oh, drat, I have to hang all that up before I can collapse into bed!
It was all hung up neatly already. My boyfriend had done that as a matter of course, without even mentioning it. Because his idea of a relationship is that we are a team and help each other in any way we can.
A year and a bit later, I proposed to him. He's simply the best for me!
@@ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023 I sent my mom a picture of my fiance pumping gas and she got mad. Pumping gas is apparently a gendered activity now. What the hell is that? When I buy gas I pump. When they buy gas they pump. I do chores, they do chores, we all do chores.
Straight guy here who read "Sorted" and learn so much from you on how to live as a human. Thank you!
I’m currently pregnant for the first time, and this is something I plan to be really conscious of. We certainly don’t plan on pushing our kid in any particular way (we’re not even finding out the sex until they’re born), but understand there are things outside of our control like how they’re treated and socialized at school. We plan to expose them to all varieties of interests and let them know they can pursue whatever they want! I feel like becoming a parent is a huge opportunity to change gendered stereotypes for the future generation, and I’m so excited.
First off congratulations on your pregnancy! I am really thankful for my parents but school is really messed up… I am realizing that I may not be a cis girl and I’m somewhere in the middle. But I don’t have specific times as a kid because I had short hair, I was really into sports had a hot wheel phase and my parents supported this they never restricted things because of my gender. Then when I started going to school that’s when people started caring and I never understood why. Similarly my younger brother decided he wanted one of my dresses(we were about the throw it out because I never wore it and hate dresses) and my parents let him have it, it was his Favorite clothing until he wore it to school and his teacher commented on it and he started hating it, his teacher also commented when he wore a Dora shirt to school. My other brother(I have 2 younger brothers) wanted a purple skirt he saw at the school(purple was his favorite color) until he wore it to school came back and declared he hates the color purple 😢and never wore it again. Both these times my mom went out of her way to show her guy friends in pink and show him that it was okay, she also stood up to the teachers and said no. It made a huge difference! Good luck with you pregnancy!!
I'm also teaching my kids in a non-binary way. My son and daughter (1.5 years apart) even share clothes, since they're the same size. My son goes to school in a dress sometimes and is letting his hair grow for the 2nd time. While we do live in a LGBTQ friendly neighborhood, some things are still full of gender stereotypes. Like when my daughter came home crying from her 2nd week of school at 4 years old, because they were doing a history lesson where the boys were clothed as knights and the girls as princesses. She was denied the knights clothes. Or how they watch Disney movies (which are full of old gender norms) every breaktime at school. Recently, my daughter (7) said it's unfair that she has to wear a bathing suit while the boys only wear a pants. She's right, it is unfair, and I can't tell her yet that the bikini is just the tip of the iceberg of how unfairly we all treat eachother cuz of the bodyparts we were born with.
Anyway, have a safe pregnancy and enjoy parenthood 😊
@@Nathan_Bookwurm Sounds like how my brother “hates” the color purple now because of something that happened at school or how my other brother was ridiculed for wearing A DORA shirt to school when he was 4 and a dress a little while after. Also as a girl if someone tried to force me to wear that someone would get punched…
Something else that's extremely important: chores. Make sure that your child, whatever their sex/gender, learns both "outside" and "inside" chores. As my mother said, "I made sure that my daughter could drive a nail and my son could cook a meal."
Did anyone else notice he's reading Jamie Raines' book?
I think I was actually raised non-binary, lol. (Which matches my actual gender, but I didn't have the language for that growing up.) I had both male coded and female coded toys was encouraged to engage in both kinds of activities. I think this was mainly because I was not just the only child of my parents but also the only grandchild of my grandparents on both sides. So, my grandpa would show me his woodworking workshop and my grandma would bake a cake with me. Also, my parents have kind of switched the traditional gender roles and divided up many household tasks by interest rather than gender. So, all this gender-role stuff always seemed kind of optional to me.
Anyway, great video, Jack! I still miss hearing your voice every day on the Cool Stuff Ride Home!
I was an only child, but being forced to wear gendered clothing on weekends, and having different friend groups really influenced me. That being said, I love being able to make a wooden spoon and cook with it, and make my own clothes without gendered labels. The problem is that my parents didn't and don't realize that gender roles and identity can be separate.
I'm realizing the same thing. I'm a masc nonbinary person and I've been going through this channel while I work, and I've come to realize just how gendered other people's lives can be. Compared to my own where my sister and I had varying toys growing up, I have always loved dragons even from a young age. I grew up with a father that likes some feminine things like fashion and interior design and photography setups, I never had to buy a Halloween costume because of him and his music taste was everywhere. I never liked feminine clothes and really quickly started wearing boy clothes and cutting my hair in a masc way. We were sent to summer camps at my grandparents place where we built things with tools and learned to kayak and chop wood. The dynamic in my family regarding the kitchen is dishwasher and cook, no gender to either role. Even the first job I had was a baker, the next one was a kitchen remodeler. It's kinda cool how my experiences fit with who I am, and it's endlessly intriguing to see other people's lives. It's really cool that this channel even exists
At first I thought you were only making 4 kernels of popcorn. 😂This was a very refreshing video and I love the Kate McKinnon quote. As a cisgender gay man who is a bit nonbinary I've always rebelled against the expectations put on me as a man. I remember my Dad once told me that the way I zipped my coat up to my chin wasn't masculine. The place where I grew up got hella cold during the winter! I've found the trans revolution our culture is currently going through to be very liberating and I consider myself to be a human before I'm a man. I try to let authenticity, rather than masculinity or femininity guide my behavior and choices. Thank you for sharing your insights and life experiences. #genderisaspectrum
I feel this SO HARD. Like, growing up, I wasn't particularly "tomboyish" in my interests, but there were still a lot of interests I felt less... encouraged towards? Like the hard sciences, even though, as a kid, I was super into chemistry. Or there was a point where I wanted to be a car mechanic. And while I was never denied those interests, and if they had been my burning passion, I could have followed them with (at the very least) my parents' support, there wasn't that same sort of enthusiasm from others that came with more feminine leaning interests I had, like languages and writing. And there are other interests that may have never developed if my mother hadn't been instant on fighting back against very blatant sexist ideology. I very likely would not have ended up as into video games if my mother, with my father's enthusiastic support, hadn't gone out of her way to push back against the idea that computers were "for boys" and actively made sure my sister and I were computer literate. (Note, I am old, and this was genuinely something people used to think during my childhood/teendom in the 90s/00s)
A lot of things I feel I "missed out on" as a kid obviously have a lot of factors going into it, but gender was definitely a not insignificant part of it.
I *so* feel you with the computers/video games bit. I'm a trans man who's tad older than you it seems (my childhood was the 80s/90s), and people today are often surprised when I tell them how gendered things like those were back then. Thankfully, I had grandparents who decided to gently push my parents into letting me play video games from a young age (and who secretly paid for the video game systems I received, from the original NES when I was little through the N64 of my teen years). My grandma would often ask whenever I visited her if there was a new video game - or sometimes even a whole handheld video game system - I wanted, and buy it for me. She'd lived long enough to be against a lot of gender restrictions - even if she still held to some of them herself. I was incredibly lucky to have her (and my grandpa, who welcomed my help with his carpentry work) in my life.
I was also lucky enough to attend a couple of school districts while young who got into the computer thing early by installing computer labs and ensuring all elementary aged classes got time in those labs two days a week. My teachers would alternate us between playing super educational (think: math or spelling) games and more fun stuff like Oregon Trail. Then, when I was 11, my mom decided to get a Master's degree in vocal performance to follow her own dreams, and was required to get a home computer (our first) to type out her assignments. I spent hours playing this fun little game that came pre-installed on the computer. It used a Merlin-like wizard to teach users how to navigate the computer system. A couple years later my grandma gave me her old computer (she'd forced herself to learn how to use one for business reasons) alongside a program (on a floppy disk!) meant to teach people to type well, and I spent hours practicing with that, which led to me being able to type at over 100 wpm.
So many afab people our age and just a bit older didn't have that encouragement or help in learning those types of things. And all because of stupid gender rules. I'm glad some of those rules are no longer enforced in today's society, but we still have a lot that needs changing in that area. People should be free to explore whatever interests they have, and kids should be exposed to a wide variety of interests at a young age, regardless of gender, so they can develop a broader range of skills and figure out what they're really into. Society should never stand in the way of that.
I really feel that. It also wasn’t so much my parents but just… society as a whole, and it wasn’t so much discouragement but lack of encouragement? It is just that as a kid, especially as a cis kid, you often don’t go down a road that isn’t encouraged. You need to be really, really into something and completely passionate about it to pursue any gender-nonconforming interest, because you will probably be lonely doing it, whereas you can easily just run with the pack and gradually learn to love something that is more in line with your assigned gender role. There are just the beaten tracks that are hard to leave and that are still very much gendered.
For me, it was aviation. I wanted to become a pilot at six years old but lost that interest until I recently rediscovered it. Now I am an avgeek and somehow regret that a career in aviation never seemed like an actual option to me. I would have needed some access point, like flight simming (very male dominated hobby), a pilot to talk to or even just books or explanatory TH-cam videos (didn’t exist yet/didn’t get recommended/I wasn’t as addicted to TH-cam back then), and some encouragement, but that just didn’t exist for me.
I'm transfeminine non-binary and I didn't want to do the "guy" things because I didn't want to fit the guy narrative. I also felt like I couldn't do the super stereotypically feminine activities because I would have been different in a negative way. I got into space, art, math, and science, but I didn't want to be seen as guy doing those things. I wish I would have gotten more into sports, technology, coding, and more action-y movies. I just didn't because I didn't want to fit the guy narrative while being worried about being seen as feminine. Hopefully, this makes sense.
Seeing so many trans women who are into engineering is so cool, because they are still women while also messing with wires, code, radio towers, airplanes, etc.
I would love to see a chat between you and the trans handy ma'am about this subject. While you install a fridge or something.
omg I learn so much from her! dream collab.
Extremely well said. As a trans guy, I enjoy cross-stitching, something I likely never would have been exposed to if raised as the boy that I was (and something which, ironically, my spouse - a cisgender man - has expressed a lifelong desire to get into, but wasn't allowed to try when younger). On the flip side, I *hate* cooking - I always burn either the food, myself, or both. But despite being bad at it and not enjoying it at all, cooking is something that my female relatives consistently tried to push on me. Barbies are another thing. One of my grandmas bought me Barbies (and only Barbies) for every birthday and Christmas for years, even though I never played with them. She didn't care about who I actually was or what I actually wanted. In her mind, I was a "girl," and girls liked Barbies.
On the other side of things, I love video games, which was one of the few "boy-ish" activities I was allowed to participate in from a young age. Also, kid me always loved visiting and hanging out with my grandpa, who was a carpenter. He'd often take me along to whatever job he was working and let me help out, whether that was handing him nails and remembering various measurements for him as a young kid, or eventually learning to use hammers, then power tools as I grew up. I still remember the day, as a 15 year old, that I managed to tear some boards off of an exterior wall being renovated that two older, stronger high school guys had been unable to remove (the boards had been nailed *and* glued in place for decades, and were really stuck on). I was insanely stubborn and determined to prove that I could do this "man's" job. It took me over an hour of straining with a crowbar to get those last few boards loose. But the pride that I felt afterwards was immense, and in hindsight, included more than touch of "gender euphoria" as well (also, I was pissed that these high school workers had left such a tough job for my then-81 year old grandpa to do because it was "too hard" for them - no way was I allowing that to stand).
Tl;dr: There are some things I definitely learned due to being socialized as a girl that I still benefit from or enjoy today. There are more things I've found out I enjoy after giving myself permission to try them. And the "boyish" things I actually was allowed to get into as a kid? Those are still things I hold near and dear to my heart. I wish we as a society could disentangle these things from gender, so that more kids would feel free to try more things. But as you said, there's also nothing wrong with experiencing a bit of gender euphoria from, say, wearing a suit as a man, even though men don't have to wear suits and suits can be worn by people who aren't men as well. Both are okay. People should be free to just be who they are and enjoy what they enjoy.
As my partners and I enter the world of parenting, this is exactly the kind of thing we’re trying to be really intentional about!! We want to provide our children opportunities to explore, in whichever directions their interests take them.
My grandparents were really good at this sort of thing. They would always say 10 people mess this house, 10 people clean it regardless of gender. I think my dad secretly wanted a boy so we watched sprots together and did outdoor muddy jobs. I thank him for that as when I lived alone, I didn't always need a a "man" to rescue me from gross jobs around the house. He can mend buttons because he didn't always have mum around to do it for him. People should learn both as they won't always have the other around to do it for them.
Lately, I've been struggling with the gender skills gap. My upbringing was deeply structured and gender role entrenched. I remember wanting to learn about engines and power tools and computer code ... But the other skills I was expected to master (piano, knitting, cleaning, church gossip) monopolized a lot of my time. Now, in a period of transition, I don't have the same foundational skills. I don't learn a new video game as quickly because I didn't spend my childhood playing them. I'm not the renovation help I want to be, because I can't operate the tools without assistance. Hell, I never learned to DRIVE because at 16 I was already engaged to someone who enjoyed it.
And now, another 16 years later, I feel like I'm unskilled in anything that excites me, I dislike the things I'm good at, and I'm happier in the path that is, objectively, going to take more time and effort relearning.
It's disheartening sometimes. But it IS nice seeing someone work through it
I was raised as the oldest girl so got to do all the cleaning, cooking, laundry, repairing clothes, gardening, grocery shopping, caring for anyone who was sick, etc.
But since I was also the most boyish child (no brothers) I also got to do diy stuff around the house, building furniture, repairing bikes, washing cars, painting boats.
It used to surprise me when friends in their 20s didn't know how to cook dinner or work powertools or tailor their clothes or paint a wall without dripping… But I guess if adults do all these things for you during childhood, you don't have to learn until much later. I guess I was very lucky to learn a little of everything :)
I feel like I really lucked out in this department. As an AFAB nonbinary person, I grew up as the oldest “daughter”, so learned to sew and clean and cook. But I was also a tomboy, and the closest thing my dad ever got to a son, so I also got to learn how to fix and build things.
Thank you for this video. Ive lately begun to be a bit embarrassed to mention my interests to cis men because Ive felt like, even after nearly a year of social and physical transition, they still see me as some "other". Its so hard to feel like you can be your FULL self when it feels like people are disbelieving your identity because of it.
it makes me kindof sad that my female socialization made it so that handywork like fixing lightswitches and other household items wasnt something that people expected for me to be taught. because i wasnt taught how to fix things, my instinct whenever something breaks is just to spend more money on a new thing until that thing breaks too, becoming a part of a capitalist cycle. i feel that at least helps motivate me to learn how to fix my own things.
I think that being raised poor (and without old enough male siblings) might counter that some. When you're poor throwing money at the problem often isn't an option without spending a notable amount of time saving up for it to detriment of other things. So you have to learn to fix everything possible.
Of course that is a shitty reason for relaxing gender roles instead of that it makes more sense to make everyone independent.
Man, it’s so nice to hear another binary trans guy discuss so much of what I’ve been working through recently. Always appreciate your voice ❤
This video made me so grateful for my family and my parents never restricting us (my sisters and me) based on gender. I did both girly and boyish things. I loved arts and crafts, but also wood working and scouting (which was a mixed group, meaning I learned lots of the 'boy' skills as well and being allowed to step up as a leader). My grandparents gifted me woodworking tools as a kid, the next year it was something for arts and crafts. Whenever someone restricts me based on my gender, I get so recalcitrant and annoyed. I will push back so much harder... The one thing I never got to do, was to learn how to skateboard, because the boys refused to teach me and just made fun of me.
Me too, I am realizing that I may not be a cis girl and I’m somewhere in the middle. But I don’t have specific times as a kid because I had short hair, I was really into sports had a hot wheel phase and my parents supported this they never restricted things because of my gender. Then when I started going to school that’s when people started caring and I never understood why. Similarly my younger brother decided he wanted one of my dresses(we were about the throw it out because I never wore it and hate dresses) and my parents let him have it, it was his Favorite clothing until he wore it to school and his teacher commented on it and he started hating it, his teacher also commented when he wore a Dora shirt to school. My other brother(I have 2 younger brothers) wanted a purple skirt he saw at the school(purple was his favorite color) until he wore it to school came back and declared he hates the color purple 😢and never wore it again. People need to stop…
This hits hard. The half a life but its a bit blue and a bit pink is really where I was too. And how while I was allowed to do nonstereotypical things I wasn't as pushed on them if I wasn't great straight away.
This was a great talk. I was always a more hands on type of girl and always told I wasn't being ladylike enough. For the most part my parents wanted me well-rounded so I learned both "sides" if you will.
As a kid I went from playing in the dirt, getting my own worms and fishing to going right inside after, helping cook dinner and do crochet . I think society makes this easier for a AFAB to do this than AMAB
When I was a child I was a girl being raised by 7 uncles while my mom and grandmother worked. I have always appreciated that no one in my family ever saw any task, toy, show or chore as gender specific. I also think that most of that was unfortunately because there were also no positive male role models for those who were raising me. That also meant no misogyny, which is ironic because that would negate the 'positive' argument.
I am a cis male, and I am so glad I didn't experience this. When I was in school, I had to attend a woodworking class. I liked woodworking and using all the heavy machinery and stuff, but I certainly wasn't good at it. The stuff I built held together, but it certainly didn't look good, and my grades regularly were in the area of a C or D.
Then I had to attend one week of sewing class. Everyone did. This is where I thrived in. In this week I fell in love with it. My school offered sewing both as part of the housework course (which I didn't choose, I chose the woodworking course in the end) and as a voluntary extracurricular activity. This is where I was two times a week for two years, sewing and loving it. I became really god at the sewing machine, so good that after some time, my teacher stopped checking if I set it up right, she just knew I did. I sewed multiple pillows, stuffed animals and much more.
I sadly don't really know anymore how all of that works, since I don't have a sewing machine at home, but I am still average at sewing by hand and frequently fix clothing at home.
When I got older, I also developed an interest in cooking, and even though i still make some mistakes, I'm still able to cook a fine meal.
I'm really glad that I had the opportunity to learn these things, and I don't care at all about the looks others give me when I say I thrive in sewing.
I wish I had enough words to properly thank you for all the content you create here and for your book. I couldn't exaggerate how much they have helped and healed me. It's insane how relatable every word you say is to me. You make me feel seen, make me feel validated; you make me feel hope... A hope that I thought was so long lost. Sometimes I'm so overwhelmed with too much guilt and shame, and then listening to you talk about your experience and realizing that it's exactly how I think and feel deep down. Yet, I admire you so much, so maybe someday I'll be able to look at myself with the same fondness that I look upon you. Truly, thank you!
P.S.: A tutorial about how to fold fitted sheet would really come in handy.
P.S.: I don't know if it was the lighting, but your eyes seemed even bluer in this video, that deep color that usually only the very wise masters have in fantasy books 😅.
Thanks for this - it made me appreciate my parents even more, as I had never thought about it that way. I’m a lesbian and was only a bit tomboyish as a child, not a lot. But regardless of this, neither of my parents followed their gender roles either.my dad had been raised with 2 sisters in a female-only household, so he has a lot of respect for women and a lot of interests and skills that are traditionally feminine (eg he’s a passionate weaver and embroider). And my mum is convinced that all the skills we could possibly learn should be maxxed out and none of them is less valuable than the other. So they were both equally supportive in anything I wanted to learn, and made sure they’d involved me in everything, from ironing to electrical repairs to lawn mowing … they never separated tasks by gender but by who preferred to do them.
the whole men dont “notice” messes actually boils my blood. (not ur case) how do guys not notice clothes on the freaking floor or food left on a plate
Exactly. We have a word for that now: weaponized incompetence.
I loved this video. Both for the pondering that it prompted for myself, and being able to sorta travel with you as you went through your internal discussions as you worked (even though they happened mostly separately I'm sure). The format fits the narrative of the video is what I'm trying to say.
I noticed this, too! Not to mention the tidying ASMR and popcorn making tutorial I got as a bonus, lol. Excellent work, as always!
Jamie's book! Oh god, I wanna read that SO bad
Most things said here , to me, are more of a cultural thing than a global gender thing.
I mean, at least where i grew up and live today, the roles of the house are based on availability and skill, more than anything else. And yes, sometimes it just so happens to fold into "cooking and cleaning is the woman's job whilst repairs are the man's job", but more often than not it's a combination of everything. Moreover, most kids here regardless of gender learn basic skills in order to become independent. And now more than ever, boys learn how to sew and girls learn how to build stuff.
I guess it's just like you said, many kf these things are more of a cultural thing or an urban vs rural type of situation, and not necessarly a gender roles thing
I get the urban vs rural thing. I've been in some kind of suburban area most of my life, but I grew up with a larger yard, where it was expected that everyone would know how to drive the tractor and help with the garden, to split and bring in wood for the fire, and even fill jugs of water when a storm was coming (well pumps need power and if it goes out, you still need water somehow). Yes some things were definitely gendered, like my dad would do all the big equipment stuff like changing the tiller and snowblower attachments on the tractor, mowing the lawn, and other things, but he'd also bake bread, make applesauce, and taught me how to remove grass stains. I suppose part of that was when my parents split up so both parents had to be both in a way, but it was nice to not have things be so rigid.
My best friend, and roommate, and I have been teaching each other a lot of the stuff we missed out on growing up. Which really helps because it's hard to know what you don't know because you don't know it. But we also just split up the household chores based on preferences. And if it's a chore we both hate we take turns (aka mainly taking out the trash). It works for us.
I am a cis woman and this video resonates a lot with me. Especially the not having been taught home repair stuff etc. But also the different interests not being encouraged, but facing the unconscious assumption that as a girl you are probably naturally incapable of even learning about certain topics.
I displayed an instant interest in aviation at six years old after first visiting an airport to pick up my mom after a flight. I told everybody I wanted to become a pilot. I soon changed interests though after a hospital stay when I then wanted to become a nurse…
The thing is, late in my twenties, I got back into aviation as an interest and I honestly regret that I didn’t pursue it as a career.
It wasn’t even so much that my parents didn’t sufficiently encourage more technical/scientific interests (not even for reasons of gender but because art and music was their everything), but rather a societal thing about gendered assumptions where there is just no access point for girls and it just seemed far fetched so that it never came to me as a serious option that I could pursue such a career.
Now, if I had a daughter and she‘d even display the slightest interest in anything technical/scientific, I‘d encourage it like crazy to make up for all the inescapable unconscious gendered assumptions kids just face everyday.
I love this. I genuinely love doing the handyman kinda tasks around the house - I wanted to learn how to put a shelf up and repair things, I love doing woodwork and making things with powertools, but a solid part of that joy is the gender euphoria of feeling like a dad 😁
I haven’t quite got into furniture building. IKEA instructions still look like hieroglyphics. My mum and I have learned how the breaker box works and how to fix an outlet.
I like how your videos are well thought out and evenly presented without emotionalism.
I also like the way you gave Jamie Raines a shoutout by showing his book.
Thank you. I look forward to your next video.
I taught my son life skills like cooking, cleaning, laundry, and some things he just learned on his own. Being a single mom, I had to teach him how to be independent, I never forced any gender issues, because real life requires alot of a person. Identity is personal, you make mistakes, reflect and learn, then grow. So much is based on division and not much based on personal growth, which is very bad for our society, proof is in our current existence.
I’m AFAB nonbinary. I recently started watching a bunch of gymnasts on here again, specifically male gymnasts and it made me remember how disappointed I was when I was little and found out that “girls” don’t do the rings event. One of my few memories from when I did gymnastics was when our teacher let my class of like 4 year olds play on the rings for like 5 minutes each. If I could go back in time I’d definitely want to be involved in “mens” gymnastics instead of “women’s”. Preferably a mix of the two tho because I also really liked beam
I was raised much the same way, allowed to be a tomboy but still essentially raised a girl. I had to learn and am still learning things boys are more likely to be taught.
"Gender roles deny people half their humanity" goes hard
I grew up assigned male.
Not a single parent household.
I never was taught how to do “manly” stuff around the house.
Neglected childhood.
Correlates with the neglected parts of your humanity.
As a masc leaning nb person, I often think back to how much I regret not joining in on “the boys” running around, playing tag once I got to highschool. I could have been healthier and happier that way I think, but I was too afraid to befriend the boys there. So I stuck to my tiny circle of female friends at the time, and never created those pathways to exercise and movement. Now, I have a hard time even jogging up the stairs. I wonder what it would have been like if I had been socialised differently.
I guess I was lucky when raised as a guy to have things like a single Mom who expected both her sons to be proficient at everything around the household, and to have attended a Canadian middle school that required all students to stream both home ec and shop class. This gave me a love of cooking and a knowledge of my limits in traditionally masculine activities well before I realized I was nonbinary.
Glad your posting again Jack really missed your content 😊
Brooooo I am having a lot of agreement here… as someone socialised male & an Eagle Scout, I got so much that people missed being raised with more feminine socialisation but I've found so much I HAD missed of that feminine side of things since coming out as a trans Nyanbinary Catgirl!!! 😊
I love that my lived experience since has let me be exposed to so many things!! 🎉🍻🍹
This is a great video. And thanks for the outstanding captions!
So what did you think of Indiana Jones? My dad would watch it constantly when I was growing up, and mostly try bonding with my brother over it, but I loved it just as much (if not more) than him. Love this video and I love your perspective.
Nice product placement with Jamie's book. ❤
i was out with my dad the other day & he couldn't believe that i'd never seen the princess diaries. that reminds me - i have to give it a watch before i see him next! lol
As a female plumber, people make the most asinine comments and get in my way constantly. Any time I lift things like a toilet bowl up the stairs, dudes literally force it out of my hands saying they'll do it even when I repeat that I am fine over and over. No one asks, they just get in my way because they think they're being chivalrous or whatever, like go away and let me do my job. If I need help, I will ask.
This was so well put. As a trans masc person in the UK I experienced a lot of these things and feelings too, growing up and more recently. The half and half being half pink and half blue for you was very similar to how I felt about things. As a current House Spouse, im enjoying learning house repair from 'This old house' and youtube, and trying to view laundry as non gender roles, rather than dysphoria starting.
I really connected with this (I’m MtF) thanks for making this 💖
As a cis person this resonated with me until the “I want to constantly improve my home” - no thanks, lol. Dirty socks belong on the floor, tshirts on The Chair(s), and I dread every cleaning activity that I do regularly. Don’t get me started on home improvement - I know how to do some things, but honestly, I don’t want to.
Things like money, status, nations, and gender are stories that were once agreed upon nearly universally BECAUSE it served a purpose to create monoliths around those things. And then those things kept being brought forward out of habit. There's a Mennonite story told by a granddaughter who wanted to make ham the same as her grandmother. So she got the ham and the pan and cut off the end of the ham. When asked, she said that's how Grandma always did. Grandma piped up and said she only did that because her pan was too small. But that's how "truth" is transmitted sometimes. We have bigger pans now.
nonbinary human who's maybe slightly masc of center but afab here. I benefited a lot from having one older sibling of each gender who really do kind of lean into those roles and feel comfortable in them to this day. I was allowed hand-me-downs from both of them- in toys and in clothes. I never really thought about how lucky I am to have had that and not been pushed too hard into the female side until now.
Thank you Jack💜
I know a cis guy who had more feminine interests, like with movies, chores, and household activities. I had an odd mix, because I had a lot of both sides. I didn't feel like I fit in with either, and even my more stereotypically feminine interests aren't as common. None of my classmates knew how to sew any of their own clothes, for example. But a lot of why I sew my own clothes is so they're not limited to things. I physically don't fit into a lot of gendered clothes, at least not women's clothes, because I have a different body type including wider shoulders and longer arms that make it hard to find shirts, and having long legs but a short torso making a lot of pants not fit right. I like what you said about the social push, because I felt bad about a lot of things that now I realize are things I actually like and can use to express myself how I want to, but I felt insecure because of how I didn't fit in with those girls on TV and in magazines. It's odd how accepting yourself can change your views on even small things.
I love seeing a new video from you, Jackson. I missed you.
omg, a new Jackson Bird video! Can't wait for the next one, see you next year! /hj /nm
Im mostly cis but Im pretty GNC , I discovered I physically and mentally was able (even if society judged)to dress in ways outside of ""traditional"" femininity and outside of femininity altogether along express myself and my interests and try new stuff thanks to a huge crush I had on an extremely tomboy friend, I had tons of guy friends and many gal friends too but I still wss mainly pretty stereotypical femenine meeting her was an admiration of her being outside the box and also hugely changing and expanding my worldview of others and myself, it made me realize those options or ways of being were open to myself even if it came with the con of more judgment. It made me realize a huge part of me I didn't knew I had nor I was able to express myself.
Im so thankful to her, she didn't force me to change she just opened my eyes without her even knowing it, nowadays we still have a great relationship and talk time to time..
Thank you for this food for thought! Lol at the explanation for the holes 😂
Great stuff! ❤⚧
I love the way you share. Thank you.
I really like sewing, cooking and gardening! Which probably wouldn't have been as acceptable hobbies if I'd been raised as a boy. Now people look at me funny when I'm a man going into a sewing store.
I want to make chocolate chip pancakes now they look so good.
I know guys who knit, crochet, paint, cook, and all sorts of things. There are two guys I know, not related, who are known locally for making excellent cookies! And honestly, it was a man at a fabric store who taught me so much about how to use boning in garments, although that's typically something considered feminine as boning is what makes corsets have their shape. When I was a kid, usually boys would get called gay for liking crafts, cooking, or art, but it's changed for the better.
Great topic for a video, I've always gone against the "norms" and have gravitated towards gender roles not being binary. I used to play with cars and didn't like "girl stuff" as much even though I'm afab. Although growing a beard has been quite an endeavor now that I have one... :) itchy itchy! lol
Love that you're reading Jamie Raines book 👍 I haven't purchased it yet but it's on my list!
I was lucky that gender roles didn't exactly play a part in my family. I mean, for some things it did, but a lot of the time, it didn't. My sister was taught how to mow a lawn. She was taught how to use a power drill, most of the time, my dad washed the dishes, he cooked breakfast on Sunday. My mom had a full time job just like he did.
So great to see a new video from you! ✌️
Trans woman here. I feel this so deeply. I had the exact same thing happen to me, on the opposite side of the gender spectrum, and I am equally disappointed that this is something we still have, so strongly, in our society.
Honestly, I always wanted to be a football player when I was a little kid. But considering that I never did that in high school due to being AFAB, I’m not going to be able to do that. I really wish I could have gone on T at a younger age so I would be able to.
I definitely mourn the boyhood I wish I could have had, and the brotherhood I could have had with male friends as a kid. I remember wanting to be friends with other guys, but feeling like they didn’t accept me as one of them.
cool video Jackson; thanks for sharing a portion of life with some talking point for trans and all folks to hear!
I am 32. I grew up in the 90s in Argentina, with my brother who’s 3 ½ years younger than me and my sister who’s 7 ½ years younger than me. We all did all the house chores, from washing dishes to mowing the lawn, to going up on the roof to clean and paint it. I felt the inequality in other ways: I got some Hot Wheels when I was very young but when my brother was born, my brother started getting the remote controlled car toys and I only got things like make-up (which I hated) or books (which I loved). My mum also would insist that I wore “girly clothes” (sometimes forced me, like at weddings or formal occasions). I think this got worse as I became a teen, because in my early years I would dress like the tomboy I was/am. Teenage years were the worst, because everyone from friends, to school, to parents, start enforcing gender stereotypes even more.
As a cisgender female, I despised playing with Barbie’s or dolls as a child, I liked matchbox cars and I was given a hot wheels racetrack to play with. I was also taken to see Star Wars (original) at the theater. I learned to cook and clean, but being an only child, my dad also wanted me to know how to do things like jump start a car, how to change a tire or check the oil. I think it’s valuable for all genders to be taught general life skills. I taught my daughter all these things as well.
I am transmasc nonbinary and honestly I really rejected fashion and sewing growing up because it was just so entangled with femininity, even though I think I’ve always had some interest in it. It wasn’t until I took a class in college (drape and construction, to help with wearable tech engineering/design stuff) that I realized that just because I didn’t feel represented and seen by what I saw in mainstream fashion all my life didn’t mean it didn’t exist, or can’t be built. I declared a fashion minor and I’m really excited about the agency I have with making my own clothes now, and embracing that task in all the trans nonbinary glory that it is. I wish the gendering of that task didn’t keep me from it for so long, even though I didn’t really know why (dysphoria) and I really could’ve, growing up treated as a girl.
I love making my own clothes for the same reason! I made two swimsuits and honestly that was the best feeling, finding something that fits the way I want to and doesn't make me feel uncomfortable (I went more 1930s inspired as some were unisex then, but with spandex instead of wool, and long legs so I could add compression since I need compression socks). I love the freedom of making things without worrying about gender or sizing. I wish more people got into sewing, it's so much fun, and also a great way to upcycle things (a lot of costumes I've made and quite a few garments I have are made of old sheets where I just cut around a rip or stain).
currently having an issue where just taking care of myself and my home gives me crazy toxic dysphoria, and I ping-pong between rebelliously self sabotaging and feeling guilty about being untidy
oh this is interesting. I get exactly what you mean. I've also said that my dream job is to be a stay at home dad.
I'm cis het and have always resented being boxed in a specific set of activities/information/skills. Now I live alone, so guess who does maintenance?
Let people learn the skills they need based whatever their gender, sex or orientation might be.
And cookingis weird as isnt cooking a skillanyone could need?
i'm watching this right after moving into a new apartment with my friend and i also successfully folded my spare fitted sheet on the first try without looking it up today :D ADULTING.
Loved this video 💚
Do you have a film school degree? Because this is masterful!! Every cut the voice over all of hits exactly right I'm impressed honestly well done 🏳️⚧️👑💪🏼❤️
I’m a straight cis dude who has seen the Princess Diaries but not one Die Hard. That’s not some argument point, it’s just how real life often is. Gender performance is a spectrum with nearly infinite dimensions
Two genders, male and female, with personality and behaviour the spectrum. Anything else is just sexist homophobic rubbish.
12:24 Not seen anyone actually cook popcorn that way in about 50 years.
your conclusions sound wonderful :)
When I was really young I joined girl scouts because my brother did cool things in boy scouts. I eventually found out that in girl scout we would never go on an actual camping trip, or really do anything other than selling cookies and beading bracelets. So I left and that was around the time when girls became allowed to join boy scouts so I asked to join. My parents wouldn’t let me since I was a girl and I was outraged. That’s when I really started hating my gender and how society views it
you're living your best life. good for you
I know I am late to this, but I relate to this so much. I have interests that are both more femme and masc, although with me I have always been HEAVILY more interested in interests that align more femininely, which is A-OK. I just feel most I see are way more of a mix on a LOT of things. I am pretty more sure I am straight, I sometimes say bi because I know sometimes I can like someone based on personality, but nothing more, although physically I am only into guys. It is extremely hard for me to fully put my break around this as I still feel self conscience about it nowadays, probably even more than it was before as stated before most people around more are into mostly the same things and/or a MIX of things that make it harder for me to relate to. It has gotten much better, just those interests and friends I make I want to have similar and long lasting want to get into. I always knew what I inherently liked, also had to rediscover what I thought I did not like, even if primarily that is still true mostly. All in all, I still really struggle with being fully open and open to myself with what I truly want to do/like.
9:45 same!
One thing that is just so overt at least in my American culture is that cismen are completely inept at situational awareness, mental labor and emotional labor. Girls are drilled at a very young age to be hypervigilient of our environment at all times for our safety as well as avoiding any mental/emotional discomfort others may feel, so trained that we have to mentally work all the time to make sure everything is "ok" and to a standard that pleases others while not being so overt to attract unwanted attention which can risk our safety. Men just haven't been taught that and interpret all this emotional/mental labor training cisfemales had from early girlhood as flirting/sexual interest when really it's just survival training in soft power form. It's really messed up
And this all plays into the unpaid work that girls and women are always expected to do to keep the patriarchy and capitalism going.
Sewing. I feel like such a girl while doing it (transmasc), but I know other guys who sew & have degrees in costuming, still I don't look down on them. Gotta learn to give myself more slack on that one. But I love the repetition of the needle and taking care of things. And, at the end of it, I've got something I can use.
As much as I’m paying attention to what you’re saying, I am also thinking about how much you look like Adam Scott’s little brother. 😂
I think I missed the point of that video.. I knew people who would hangout with kids from the other gender in school and still were happy and had friends, and are straight today.
And this thing about "I didn't do these things 'cause my friends would have been laughing at me", well, they're not good friends then lol.
It feels like becoming a trans really goes with shifting from one set of stereotypes and "gender roles" as you say, to another. But doing so you just confirm that these stereotypes and roles are a thing and that they belong to a specific gender.
Something here doesn't feel right to me
SO many chefs talk about "borrowing" their sisters' EZ Bake ovens. So dumb, I learned to cook with a real oven.
I think I might have been much more interested in team sports (watching, not participating) if I'd actually been raised as a man. But I think that has more to do with my family's interests. We did watch a lot of sports -- just not the ones people generally think of. We followed figure skating religiously--men's, women's, pairs, and especially, ice dancing. We watched skiing, swimming, and I was a huge horse-racing fanatic. But I often feel lucky that I was raised by a second-generation feminist mother who determined that her daughter would learn to drive a nail and her son would learn to cook a meal. And we did. My brother and I alternated chores. We each took a turn at the dishes (I did them one night, he did them the next) and each Saturday, we alternated house chores as well: I did the inside chores, while he did the outside chores one week, then we switched for the next. Like you, I had Hot Wheels and a Barbie, but my absolute favorite was model horses. We each generally got what toys we asked for. So it was a huge surprise to my mother when I came out as a transman in my early 30s.
I'm a non-transitioning transman. I have health issues that make taking T a no-go for me. But what I've seen from my childhood to now is an **increasing** amount of pressure to conform to the gender you're assigned at birth. When I was a kid in the '70s, there were no pink/girls' aisles and black/boys' toy isles. There were simply toy aisles, sorted by type of toy. Yes, a boy wanting a doll would've been unusual, but most sales clerks would've shrugged their shoulders and rung it up. I'm horrified by the amount of things that have become gendered over the years. Soap wasn't gendered until I was in my 30s; neither were toothbrushes. I recently had to tell my dentist (I'm 56) that I actually preferred to get a toothbrush that wasn't purple or pink. when she accidentally gave me the "wrong" little goody bag after my appt. The bag contents were identical, except for the color of the toothbrush. Oh, and when did purple become a "girl's" color?
If you flip your laundry inside out before drying in the sun it'll help save the dye and limit fading.
This is literally completely unrelated to the video (and I did really love it!), but oh my god those metal clothespins are exactly what I have been looking for.
I am a cis girl, but my mom was a trans boy who growing up abandoned the trans part in the past (well I don't know that's kinda how she describes it, she says she was a boy but growing up and having forms and having kids she decided she was a woman. I'm still wrapping my head around it but oh well). She still has a lot of "boys" interests, she does wooden toys and renovates the house and does heavy work. My parents always have tried to raise us gender neutral. I have learnt how to plant a nail and use a chain saw, as well as cooking and sewing because you have to know how to sew up buttons (but not cleaning, renovating a house takes time and cleaning was NOT my parents' priority). Growing up in the early 2000s and being the pickme girl I was, I stayed away from girl's interests, and being a nerdy weird kid, I was rarely invited to sleepovers. In uni I was mostly with girls (having chosen a "girl" career path in the paramedical field) and that's when I discovered what I had missed out, watched high school musical and learnt how to clean. But it's really after two burn outs and having changed career paths to be in a much more male-dominated field (that I do happen to enjoy more than the previous one, computer science is really fun) that I became able to enjoy "women's" hobbies and just vibe without overthinking it while also becoming an annoying feminist who (gently, I promise) lectures anyone she can everytime she has the occasion on the history and usefulness of feminism and also tries to challenge people's point of view in the matter. I conform way more to my gender expectations, and paradoxally my boyfriend told me that it was obvious I didn't have a "girl" socialization, and I'm happy with that, whatever that means. I really used to struggle with my gender and gender expectations, and being able to do things I like regardless of how male or female they look is cool. And my friends, men or women, tend to do the same, we're all weird anyway, so I really feel well surrounded.
I suddenly feel very happy that my dad watched Raiders with me when I was 12 or so.
its a good day when a Jackson Bird video comes out again 👀