It seems hypocritical to believe she's not wifey material for sleeping with you on the first date and not think you're not husband material because you slept with her on the first date.
I dont want sex before marriage. I want someone who likes me for me. And i want to provide the same for the right man. A permanent relationship is about many things in life. Sex is great but its like 20% of what makes a life together. When the problems come you want someone reliable and positive. Players can go use someone else. Not me. For sure.
I'm 49 now but 8 years ago I was dating this guy for about a year who I knew from high school. We hit it off from day one. Saw each other Every day so it felt like we were together for a long time. Sex was great! Anyway everything was great! Never mistreated each other or argued. Then his skeletons started to come out. Nothing crazy, things from his past, but I was there by his side, supported him, helped him monetarily at times....he paid me back. I want to say I helped him become a better man,son and father to his kids. A year later out of no where he tells me a younger woman that he knows from a family friend tells him she had a crush on him when they were young. He tells me he wants to date her. So I tell him straight out...I'm not going to hold you back, if this is what you want go for it. We go our separate ways....it hurts ..One month later he calls me that he thinks he fucked up. I don't take him back. 5 months later he calls drunk that he misses me. I don't take him back. A year later he calls me drunk again that he got her pregnant and fucked up and still misses me. Anyways he ends up leaving her 5 yrs later. Still now he texts me and calls me. He tells me he realized I was the one. But I never took him back. I know my worth. We could have been great together but he thought the grass was greener on the other side.
I always say "I don’t care what I am doing with you. If you're willing to take a gamble on me, it tells me all I need to know about you and how see me." You will not get another chance to gamble me again.
The reason he came back after being with the younger one was probably because he was dumped. She'd call him up every now and then to smash/attention, he'd say yes and that's how she got pregnant. The times he called you back afterwards were because no one else wanted him and you answered every call to hear him say he missed you...drunk or not. He took you answering as a possible sign you're not entirely over him and he could weasel his way in. Now that he's got another mouth to feed, he needs monetary assistance (& a mother figure for himself who's going to rub his back and get him out of jams) from someone who provided it in the past ....you. So he decided to shoot his shot. Tough love, but you didn't help him become a better man, son and father to his kids. He did the biggest f up by impregnating a random (I'll take it she's not wifey) who he supposedly doesn't even like. I don't feel sorry for any of the adults in this story, including you, because you're an adult (and chose to be with him freely regardless of the red flags and you still pick up his calls) I just feel for the kids. They're likely to repeat the toxic behaviors. Sad.
People shouldn't be addicted to compliments. Like someone says You are pretty or charming.... immediately make a relationship or marriage. It's good to be emotionally sober and meditation is a great tool to be in balance and calm. Man who loves only himself can not experience true love with other woman. He sees women as service providers, but it's questionable whether he is able to love even his own friends. Maybe if he treats his friends with respect he may treat a partner with respect too.
People are intoxicated by popularity.... They want to be popular, then they realize honesty is better quality than being popular in the group. She/he says I like you, but she/he should be true to himself/herself. It's like watching the tv commercials saying this is the best product. well, the best products don´t need advertisement, they sell themselves.
Dating is hard work. U gotta be funny, spontaneous, a comedian, be a good cook, be educated, a minx, teach them something, don't talk too much, but gotta have something to say. Be a person that other ppl like, butdon't have too many friends. Be slim, but be curvy. Be pretty and presentable, but don't wear makeup. Have a voice but don't be confrontational. Be independent but not aloof. Sit in my feminine energy, have discernment. Set boundaries don't be too available, but don't play games. Don't have sex too early but don't make him wait too long unless your abstinent. If this isn't a recipe to be single I don't know what Is.
I acted like a wife” for seven years. Woke up one day and realized if I didn’t leave I’d be in the same place in another seven years. Don’t act like a wife if you aren’t one. ABSOLUTELY NOT.
What does Stephan say, “you’ll never be enough for the wrong person,” or something like that. And Dr Gabor Maté says “it’s hard to get enough of something that isn’t quite enough.”
Women who have so called "Daddy Issues" are some of the most wonderful loving people. Many of us have done the work and we know how we deserve to be treated. We are powerful & strong.
@Tony Shearin no Tony...sometimes it means we have done the hard work and have become women who the low value abusive men cant fuck with. Dont bother underestimating women like us.
Respectfully, i don't like the term "Daddy Issues". The narrative is placing the blame on the woman who was a victim of her dad's shortcomings/failures. He's not being held accountable for his behaviors instead, it's placed on her.
@Hopefully222 oh, I know that. I don't like the word that society created. Forgive me if that was your perception. Completely agree with what you said; I can relate.
As a Christian woman- sex is a wifely duty. No, and, if or buts. If a guy won’t marry me because I won’t have sex with him-he ain’t the one for me. A true Christian man would wait because he seeks to honor The Lord. Ladies, your body is the most valuable thing you will ever own-don’t give it away cheaply.
I sat and watched this entire video, can we take a second to appreciate Stephan’s wisdom😮💨🔥? I LITERALLY took notes and here was a gist of what I learned: 1. As a woman, we need to understand we ARE replaceable.. don’t get too comfortable. 2. Be an asset, not a liability. In what ways do you make his life better? 3. Get with someone who matches your lifestyle. Personally I’m not a Birkin LV kinda girl but I do value wealth & nice things. Dating a guy who puts an extreme amount of value in material things might not be best for me. For example, I wanna go on a regular date and try GOOD food but he wants to go to a 5 star restaurant to show me he’s rich. (And the food ain’t hitting) Ehh. To me, these things are nice sometimes but they get burnt out if it’s a regular thing. I don’t wanna see my man as a money bag BUT I love for my man to provide 💰 4. Create space for him to be vulnerable (vulnerability doesn’t equal emotional wreck) 5. Become clear with my duties as a wife and my expectations of my husband 6. Discuss prenups early (they don’t mean he plans to leave ahah, they protect both of us) 7. Become what I want to attract (for me, this looks like taking care of myself: gym, nails, general upkeep, and resting in my femininity so he can lead) 8. Allowing my man to lead doesn’t mean I have to be silent as a mouse, determine what that looks like for me! 🤍🌹😮💨💍💰 Great questions from the interviewers 👏🏾
What I don"t understand is why are all the "requirements" and twisting yourself into a pretezel meant to please and reel in a man . When will we finally have an open and balanced conversation about the responsibilities a man has to be the type of man worth this extensive investment of videos, education, time, focus and energy. Why is it all the woman's responsibilty to make a man happy and it is all of our fault when he isn't. In adfitiin ti it being our job to fix that. When are we going to start making men accountable for what THEY need to do in order to change themselves so that both men and women can build healthy, equally respectful and emotionally safe relationships.
I think you need experience to have wisdom. This is man is not in a successful marriage so I don’t want to hear anything he has to say. I don’t think he has even ever been married.
@@Leydo773 A doctor doesn’t need to have had cancer to know how to treat it. Wisdom does not always require experience, some people are just gifted with it.
Facts!! I've seen so many cooking, cleaning, ironing, s*cking, f'kn, paying half the bills, etc and then get left and the man is taking care of another woman and go on to marry a woman that don't even do all of that. I've seen that play out countless times.
I did the cooking and cleaning for my husband before we got married but we were living together and talking about marriage. He was also doing a lot of things for me. We have been together almost 20 years now. I never did that for anyone else, there was just something different about my husband
Ladies definitely need to hold back on the “ wifey duties “. Cooking, cleaning, and so on. Experience has taught me that. Don’t waste your time. Invest your time & energy into yourself until you’re engaged and definitely on the path to marriage.
I agree it should be from friend to spouse . The girlfriend/ boyfriend thing should be removed. The friendship is where the value of marriage builds on….. but that has been forgotten because of personal desires . Great discussion. Thank you ❤️
If a woman gives into a man for sex on first date; she is loose/easy… but if she says she wants to wait… then she just waisted HIS time. Women: Live YOUR LIFE because the men will always do them 😘
Amen!! I totally agree! It’s damn if U do an damn if U don’t! 🤷🏽♀️ At the end of the day U can do your absolutely best at trying to please him…..but if that man don’t want U, he don’t want U. Periodt.✌🏾
So funny I was virgin with my ex, and he still did not care! 😂🤣 yes I slept with him fast, but I wanted him to be the only one, he still thought wrong about me, also just because I used a huge dildo I guess he thought bad ab me, when i have been with only him!!! Unbelievable. I mean he has been sleeping around with random women and they were not virgin! I cant believe it. He even thought I could cheat. Jeeez! What else can I do? I was virgin just got him!
The interesting psychology is the less sex you have the first month I mean no sex just talk and romantic gestures the more you are attracted to the person because you don't see him just like an object you see him as a human being with wisdom, emotions, feelings, humor, nice hobbies It is an interesting observation that if you wait to have sex, your point of view about the guy is much richer, your love and attraction to him starts to be richer and if you have the first sex after 2 or 3 months, it can be just plus because the richer the point of view about him his lifestyle, his values, his hobbies, music, science, knowledge the richer experience can be sexually and romantically....after a few months of dating. I am just guessing. I am not an expert. But experts say the same way you treat your sex life, the same way you treat other areas of your life. It's like you go to Paris, you don't want to see all the attractions and the Eiffel Tower on the first day. You just want to get some coffee in a nice restaurant and introduce yourself to the city. After a few days, you visit the attractions to absorb its beauty and interesting stuff about the city. so you are investing your attention into knowing him, even knowing his flaws that are meaningless because you are interested in him as human, it's called imperfect perfection. You see a tree that has an imperfect shape, or size but the tree is imperfectly perfect because it's natural. Nature is imperfect, and trees are imperfect, therefore they are imperfectly perfect in their beauty. Therefore humans also should not try to look perfect but natural.
Here's something married people never reveal; sexless marriages are a reality. So, don't get married just so u can have sex. That's not a good enough reason.
One of my favorite questions to ask men on the first date (I rarely give time to a second date) is “if we were sitting at a table with your exs and you got up to go to the bathroom, what would they say about you?”. The man who says “they’re all crazy” and immediately starts blaming causes me to rise up and walk out with zero conversation. However, the men who say decent things will maintain my focus.
52:28 I have a deadline of 3 to 5 months and I cut the water off sometimes sooner. I got engaged in 4 months married 8 months later and we been together for 8 years.
As you should 💯💯💯. For me , 6 months through a year then we on the next level aka marriage . If not I’m at the door . Marriage conversations is a must. If he doesn’t believe in marriage I’m exiting left. Men have his whole lifetime to waste , women don’t have that.
As a single woman aspired to be a wife listening to you men seeking a better understanding about dating, marriage, courting a woman in general is a breath of fresh air. Even I gained a better understanding about men and situation. Both interviewers asked great questions and Stephan answered them with Grace. I absolutely enjoyed the experience. Thank you. Looking forward to more interviews as these. Subscribed.
As a woman of God, I can say that the beginning of this podcast is true for women, too. We meet this guy and tell ourselves, "I ain't ever going to meet a guy like this", meanwhile, he's not giving you credit where its due and he is not appreciating you.
As a woman on her journey to wholeness and learning more about womanhood, these conversations from the male perspective are valuable and helps me get more grounded in myself. Thanks guys!
Lack of self love is also a huge issue. Many people are overly defendant ( co dependent ) upon their partner to meet their mental and emotional needs. Partners in relationships , while supportive, can not be your Therapist.
Great convo, gentlemen! I had a “built in deadline” and kept it to myself. I was completely prepared to walk away! My husband proposed two weeks before that date and I didn’t tell him about it until years later. Lol
I'll get there pretty soon... I've been with this amazing man for a year and I expect us to go to the next level in no more than a year. If it hasn't happened by then I put myself in the market again.
Same. I was prepared to walk away after a year of dating... we've been married 17 years. When you know what you want, there is no reason to waste each other's time.
There is no way to know a person after the first date to truly assess whether you’re aligned based off of a conversation. Assessing alignment comes in time when you get a chance to see how people respond and handle real life situations. It will never hurt to delay sex until you’ve had a chance to build a substantive foundation first. If you have a solid connection, the sex is inevitable.
There’s definitely a way to know after the first date even before you meet them. If you submit to the Will of God; he’ll show you your spouse! You just have to court her according to His Word
My first date lasted 4 days we went out of town and had dates everyday. I knew we had a connection and chemistry we are just alike on every level. I don’t think everyone gets to experience there best friend.
I waited 26 years to get married, and in our counseling session before marriage my counselor ask me why I waited so long, well he wasn’t ready and I knew that, and I didn’t want to divorce, and now that we are married we are living our best life.
As a scholar of history, I appreciate the clarity in which Stephan approaches the conversations of relationships. He does his analysis and advice case by case and doesn’t conflate the issues with sweeping generality. I love it!
Great conversation gentlemen. I agree with a lot of the points made. From my personal and my professional experience as a Counselor ( working mostly with women from varies cultures) I do not think women are lying to themselves about not wanting to be married. Many women do not see being married as their primary goal in life. Society place on women that they are less valuable if they are not married and women are learning that this is simple untrue. Women are learning that they are already valuable whether they are married or not.
Great advice. I do find it interesting that women are judged for having sex early but men aren’t. I do agree 100% on the boyfriend and girlfriend. I’m in my mid 30s and I’ve never had a boyfriend. I met one guy I was seriously considering the long game but he wasn’t there despite feeling it. People always tell me to go date and f*** around but the thing is I have done enough work on myself to know what I do and do not want
Respectfully, why do we always focus on the woman alone when it comes to sex on the first date? It takes two so I don't understand why the woman is judged and the man is overlooked like they get a free pass on morality. I appreciate you Stephan and enjoy your insights.
Because women hold all the power when it comes to consensual sex. Women sleep with who they want, men sleep with who they can. When you keep your legs closed, you get to really know who you’re dealing with without creating soul ties.
It’s a male chauvinist perspective that they can sleep with multiple women whenever and as many times as they want. Thinking that makes them a man. I’m not saying the act of sex on the 1st date is the problem. Looking from the perspective that only the women lose their morale is wrong and immature.
Because of my lifestyle and career, I am surrounded by wealthy men at this juncture. I’ve had to make a major shift. These men looked down on you when you offered to clean their homes or cook for them - - and they will tell you directly they have a maid for that they want you to bring intelligent conversation, beauty and lifestyle ideas to the table-not traditional lower middle class wifely duties. I have to adjust depending on the guy that I’m talking to. I learn my lesson. Every guy does not want you to offer to do his laundry. Sometimes it will make him see you as a peasant.
Thanks for your advice for dating wealthier men! Most of us date regular/poor men. So yea we have to cook and clean 😢😅 probably cause we are not rich ourselves 🤷🏽♀️
@@teresayoung6117 honestly, this is been a very difficult change for me because I am a custom to that dynamic. I only began to see this new lifestyle recently, and being around the men who require a different type of thing from you. Yes, an occasional meal I will cook, but in general they just want you to plan life, organize help to set up insurance and meetings plan parties-request a maid coordinate with the dry cleaning stuff like that… They don’t want you to cooking and cleaning, and then not dressed and ready to go to their galas and their events. I lost a really big catch by offering, my services in the way that I thought would be wifely duties. Just keep in mind if you ever are in that environment, those men definitely see wifely duties in a totally different way.
Now... a man who sees anyone doing the activities of a functioning adult as "peasantry" is also problematic. However; it definitely shouldn't be expected for women to take on all that work with no regard for other aspects of what makes her human.
@@tamelap168We needed to hear this different view of dating expectations. I women that are married to men that does most of the cooking. They’ve been married for at least 30 something years. I guess you can say they’re old school. Thanks for the perspective point.
Thank you, Stephan, for sharing what you did about women with father issues. My father is an alcoholic. I had to severe my relationship with him to heal and had to uphold boundaries to stay true to my values. Me having an alcoholic father and having to have distance for my health is not my fault. I learned so much from the work I did to heal and I thank you for sharing that when you see a red flag, learn more about it. It encourages conversations that I think are important as I continue to heal and grow and learn to be open to healthy relationships and believe it will be a life-long journey I will have with a supportive and loving partner.
Stephan! Sir. You just spoke to my energy! My heart! I don't want a man that does not have friends! I need my partner to have a life outside of me. I want to miss him. SPACE! I have to have it!
26:28 absolutely!!! I completely agree!! It’s so frustrating when people make you appear desperate when you state you simply seek a serious relationship. I am completely happy with the person that I am, but I also acknowledge the desires of my heart. 🔥🔥
Totally get it. The desperate saying always me as being affectionate and showing love and devotion might be seen as desperate. When I sense that someone does not want me, I literally leave and suck the tears.
In the relationships, I have had 3 years wasted and another 8 years wasted on bringing things to the table and what I mean is to play the role of a wife to the person. I was asked a hand in marriage but one turned out to be abusive mentally and tried physically. The other wanted poly and I didn't want that so it didn't work. Great podcast! Sometimes women have to find out who they are as well before they decide to find the man for them all of this goes both ways
My last relationship was with an emotionally unstable man, I couldn’t be with him (but I tried my best for a long time) and I also noticed he couldn’t cope with my vulnerability(it was too much for him to handle), which was hard for me to do in a first place. Anyways, I learnt. To all single men and women, we all want the same and all struggle with the same. Whatever was said about women in here could be told about men. Lots of love to you all ❤ love and respect yourself first, if you don’t know how, then unfortunately a hard lesson will come to show you how, speak from experience. X
This message gave me more confidence knowing that I have the qualities of attracting a high-valued man. It also gave confirmation that I should continue to work on any past traumas and learn from them. My heart is overwhelmed with joy. Thank you, fellas! ❤
Be a wife BEFORE the ring?? Absolutely not. As a married woman, I’ll tell you that’s a terrible idea. These men will have you doing wifely duties and still not marry you. I’m tired of SINGLE MEN giving bad dating advice to women. Go talk to other men about what they should be doing.
I'm only nine minutes in and I totally agree with everything he saying. I gave up on the dating or marriage thing. Men don't take the time to get to know a woman. It's always sex and wifey duties. I love sex but goodness gracious I would love a man to take the time to know me and talk to me as an adult.💯💯💯
This video should be called "Tips for MEN looking for marriage". This is advice for men. A lot of men could benefit from hearing the message. I'm sad to not see more men in the comments section. So many gems being dropped.
I agree. I’m always looking for the men on the posts. Just curious to see how many are willing to take the advice from other men. I know my EX would never sit and listen to a video like this because he knows it all. U can’t tell him nothing. 🫤
To sum it all up, a great connection makes a successful relationship. Everyone is different…your relationship with a person could be a totally different experience than their last relationship. Don’t block your blessings.
Be a wife before the ring...😮 a lot of these women out here doing all of that and still not getting. You have to be a qualified husband to find a wife. A wife can't make a man( male) into a husband. If you select a wife, you're not going to make her bend over backward to maintain the relationship.
If you're a wife before the ring, you should automatically have discernment about who you select to be with. If you notice a red flag, leave. Those standards make you very selective and you'll be able to weave out the men God doesn't have for you.
Us women must have a deadline. That way you don’t waste time . Set them boundaries. Mine is 6 months to a year or I’m out . I’m not having no man wasting my time .
Hardly Initiated....you two brothers really have it going on. Educated and powerful ...I came across ur show watching Judge Toler interview. Brothers u are powerful. It's a blessing to see two black brothers covering very important topics of life. Thank you❤🙏🏽
Educated…hardly..I barely understand the guy with the white shirt. He barely speaks English, mainly slang, profanity & black American “ebonics”. Stephan is the only one who speaks clearly. Men with a limited vocabulary are such a turn off to me, I could not imagine dating during these crazy times. Thank God I lucked out by meeting my husband in medical school. He did too since I’m an MD/PhD & he’s a Cardiologist. Good luck ladies, it is rough out there!!😫
I think being a wife before the ring is treating yourself like you deserve a high level connection, relationship. Not treating someone you are dating like they are your spouse... because they aren't. I think once you show people you have a certain amount and self respect and boundaries ...that along with how one treats them gets you the ring. And even after , what does rhat ring symbolize? Does it represent commitment, support, forward movement,legacy and love? Or does it mean a ring?
Stephan seems so wise at the 19:00 mark. I know a happily married couple of 34 years who had sex on the first date. and based on the way the relayed those events Stephan is on point. It isn't always about 1 person being promiscuous or not, sometimes its the connection and how things happen to unfold
Listening to this made me realize I am not crazy with my prespective of how relationships should be. I really can't stand the blank statements and generalizations that are flooding these apps, it's really damaging. There is someone for everyone it just reguires you to have a sense of self. I learned so much about myself after a 10yr relationship, literally lessons of a lifetime that took roughly 4 years to decode and I had to replenish myself.. Now the goal is to date to marry and even with all the noise I know I'll get what's for me. This confirmed to stay the course.. great interview!!!
Wow, I tried to listen to Stephan several years ago when I was in a toxic and out ethics relationship and I didn’t believe a word he said. Now I’m courting someone who I love, respect, and adore and most importantly want to be with long term (this time not out of fear but out of creation) and I can actually hear him and see many truths in what he said. Thank you. It’s great to get these things from a man’s perspective.
I’m 28 and I know I shouldn’t be in a rush or anything but when I was looking to date using dating apps most men are looking for quick flings, and then the guys that are interested say they’re shameful to be with me because I have a lot of aspirations and they don’t feel like they’re on that level, but they do see me as loyal and wifey material. I’m in a dilemma! On top of me being an introvert and only socializing with people I’m familiar with dating is hard
Try not going so deep into your goals at first. If you like someone let them get to know you more on a personal level than a professional one. That way you won't intimidate a man. But be sure to determine if that man's professional goals will fit your needs and know what you will compromise on.
@@meganbrown6506 I actually don’t talk about my life on a professional level in the beginning, I think that’s what triggers their interest. They always ask where I work, or live and when they actually see for themselves everything changes.
Thanks Guys! Great conversation, positive vibes. BTW - when a women sleeps with a man on the first date, a man also sleeps with a woman on the first date. 🧑🏽💻IJS.
This was by far the best and most informative conversation amongst Black men concerning relationships goals that I have seen in the last 2 years. Stephan has taught me that there is comfort in dating when you are healed and how important it is not to be perfect but become the partner you would want. Thank You so much Ryan and Tysean 💐
As a woman focusing on healing, wholeness, marriage, wisdom, no sex 7+ years, LOVE insights like this. 💣💣💣 Such a powerful convo on dating, navigating, men + woman insight, titles, deadlines, security, etc. Love how Stephan drops the 💣from all the angles. 100% truth on simple dates + 1st dates + truth 💣s Love getting a seat at the table to + choose how I move! I am in ATL + may submit to the show! Have my own show too! On rotation - Stephan, RC Blakes, TD, Rachel S + always my own divine downloads!
I've watched a plethora of videos with Stephan 😂...I feel like this was one top tier. Talking about situations from the male & female perspective and the genuine concern/interest these young men have towards building healthy relationships. Great conversation guys!
Have you watched one where he tells men what to do to be a good mate. And has he explained why he is still single with all this good advice he has for women.
This is truly great dialog that both men and women can glean from. There's gems for singles and those that are married, seeking to improve. Great job Guys!
I absolutely love the perspective of @stephanspeaks! I appreciate his knowledge on relationships. I’ve listened to many podcasts on relationships and I hear the men usually say, “I don’t want a woman with a high body count”, however those same men want to have sex on the first date knowing they will avoid marrying the woman they slept with so quickly. I wish these men would start holding themselves accountable and these women would stop and think about the consequences that these such actions cause.
Stephan is an amazing being of enlightenment. He breaks down relationships and the lack there of as if it's a science. This is one of you guys' best episodes. The way the light bulb goes off in your heads when he starts to answer your questions is humorous. The fact that you want to hide this episode, speak volumes about how much of what he says is 100% on the money.
Dope episode. Subbed. Some gems were definitely told. I agree that when you genuinely like someone, you won't leave so quickly when they're not able to do something. I used to believe that there's a time limit, but I've seen couples that held on and never waived. Especially when they built their connection outside of superficial means.
Steph always dropping gems !!! Thank you for educating and enlightening us through the process of finding our forever person and preparing for a healthy and lasting union.
That man is super real... Love him! Listening to him in many of his vídeos has helped me in so many ways. Helped me understand men more, as well as, myself better as a real emotional balanced woman. Stephan has helped me have more clarity on many issues and find or think about what I really want. I'm so grateful! God bless him in giving his message... I pray his life is blessed in all the areas as much as he has helped many women's and men's lives. 🙏🏻 God bless all of you! 💚🙏🏻
I would like to thank you for getting myself and my ex back together. He has asked me to move in together and I am extremely excited for it! You done the impossible and did what others claimed they could do. Your service on gave me the best communication I basically needed. You where always available when I needed your attention. I appreciate everything from the bottom of my heart, thanks for the service
It’s a good idea to bring in an actual woman when discussing women so there’s no need to speculate on things. A lot of married women consider sex a wifely duty because she may not always want it as often as her husband. Don’t shoot the messenger.
I was skeptical from the title but I really liked this conversation. Good points made for both men and women to benefit from and understand each other.
As a young lady starting my self healing self love journey and open to learning and reevaluating myself for the better. This has opened my eyes more to what i need to do and how i should continue to handle certain situations, and i appreciate it.
After reading some comments I have a "nugget" to share. I'm fit, 5'2, 130lb divorced, attorney. I love, honor, cherish, and respect our Black Kings. I grew up with brothers, and have both male & female best friends. That being said. What we seem to forget is that IF we are lucky we all grow older. Men may seem to hold all the cards, but being alone is not a true victory. As we age (like a fine bottle of Cabernet) many women such as myself must pause...looking ahead we may only have 2 options... being a "nurse or a purse." When I heard that several years ago I laughed. This older Queen said that as she explained why she will not get married again. As I get older, I see what she means. Some brothers are not keeping themselves up as they age. Let me be superficial for a moment... yes, I will enjoy growing old with you in sickness, health, beer belly, sagging boobs, and loud snores. However, I cannot say that I would not hesitate... if that is what is before me Today or Tomorrow. Yes, I may not even look in their direction. Now- I did ask for Grace in this superficiality. Younger Kings keep that in mind. As such, gentleman for many- many of us Black don't crack, and exercise/healthy eating keeps the body tight. SOOOOOO... you may not have too many years to selectively SMASH all these CHICKS as you so vehemently discuss. Think about tomorrow, as much as today and you will be heading towards a wonderful destiny... with your Queen.
My opinion is not to perform any wifely duties until you are actually married. And don't live together. You're not seeing if it will work. In that case, you're seeing if it will fail. It is the commitment that makes it work, and you don't have that without a marriage. Would you expect a man to behave like a husband before marriage?
Yesssssss!!!!!! Please preach the positivity of pre-nuptial agreements! This info is gold. Pre-nups are a GOOD thing! They give every party a say and minimize the government's control over your relationship. 👌🏻👏🏻
Oh I love Stephan response on stigmatising a woman because of sex on first date . Why do men feel it’s for them to analyse why don’t we too stigmatise them for having sex on first date too? Thanks Stephan ! Love all your response! Great guy with lots of Godly wisdom. I love and totally agree with Stephan’s perspective. I’m discovering myself more through this. Well done guys
I love Stephan. What a wonderful blessing he is to so many. I've been single all my life and I'm 45 learning from you for the past year. God Bless You, Thank you @stephanspeaks
Nena Jay 17 minutes ago Love this convo! I agree with just about everything that Stephan said. His views are thorough and non biased. One thing: We can’t assume that all men have leadership qualities. Some me don’t make good decisions and may prefer to share that duty.
So many gems. 💛 The comment about men comprising when they meet someone they’re really into weighs true for women too; God always has enough and another.
Love these discussions! Only pushback: To get a potential partner’s genuine response to a scenario, don’t (just) ask how they would respond to a scenario… OBSERVE. Goodness… lol, y’all know everybody is on their best behavior during these initial stages.
This man in my opinion is a “high value” man just bc of his beliefs and ability to conversate and know exactly what he wants and don’t want. Respectful and able to talk and communicate. He seems very understanding and respectful. KUDOS TO YOU
There are many women that feel the same about men regarding sex. We don’t wanna know who or how many, we don’t want others to know, and we watch how quickly a man tries to sleep with us.
As long as I’m not “surviving r Kelly” I don’t need to know the body count honestly. But it’s true. I watch what guys lead with and prioritize. Those acts speak real loud.
I finally finished the video. I wish I could find a man with the mindset Stephan has. He's not intimidating to me that's a strong man with a good mind. Why these men can't be like that.I'm not about money never been my thing. But I would like to get to a level where I can meet strong minded men only as friends not looking for dating I'm trying to focus on my goals. 💯💯💯 Love this video very strong vibe .
Thank you, Stephan, for speaking up for the men and women out here that ain't these main horror stories online and players. It's tough to be assumed as someone I'm not and these tools to find things quicker are helpful. Appreciate you brother
One of my favorite relationship coach who is not biased. The woman has to align with the man's beliefs. Communication is key. I like the fact Stephan said to asked scenario and then you will know if you'll on the same page.
So many great gems from the start. Love the statement you can't expose someone without being vulnerable with them. From experience, I know this is true. Definitely need to rewatch this. Stephen was dropping major gems and game. Thanks, Fellas.❤
Loved this conversation and took notes, lol 📝❤ Dating and being able to connect w someone to explore and hopefully engage in a long term relationship in the millennium has been frustrating and draining. However, y'all brought meaningful insight, value and inspiration. I already follow Stephan, and was especially pleased with this interview. As the conversation seemed more authentic coming from a platform of men representing the melanated community and masculinity. 💪🏽🖤 Also, no blame shifting or putting down the genders, and instead empowering the two on how to approach and engage for positive outcomes.
Ya'll Kings are a breathe of fresh air! Just subscribed after watching a few episodes and would love to connect in the future on the importance of young men knowing who they are outside of women .
This was a great conversation and I learned a lot. Thank you so much for this. Bottom line, heal, know myself be honest with myself, what I want and what I’m comfortable with and be my best self!
This man is a Genius!! Im so glad he FINALLY got to speak to the men! Ive been listening to Stephan for awhile and to hear him finally help these brothers! Man!!! Can you help them on how to recognize good women vs users and manipulators?? They can't seem to tell the difference on that either making us all pay. Like we all out here to run them in the ground.Everything he said was on point! Thank You!
This is a great video on dating advice for women! It's refreshing to hear a male perspective on what men are looking for in a long-term relationship. Stephan makes a lot of insightful points, like the importance of compatibility, communication, and trust. I appreciate his emphasis on the need for women to know their own worth and to have clear standards for what they want in a partner. His advice is both practical and empowering, and I think it will be helpful for any woman who is looking for a meaningful and fulfilling relationship
I’m 14 mins in and Stephan is schooling men for real! He definitely has studied and understands how us women operate. And as you all hear, it isn’t difficult at all.
I laughed so hard! This was really good. First time viewer. I could see the younger co-host starting to develop and mature as he listened to the wisdom Stephan shared. I love the show and love to see my brothers being transparent and sharpening each other. ❤❤❤
Dating is not courtship. So, defining terms would be helpful. The courtship model takes two people closer to matrimony. You can't court multiple people.
That’s actually what courtship is. Back in the day the concept of having a boyfriend or girlfriend did not exist. So men courted multiple women and women were courted by multiple men. If one man preferred a particular woman after courting her he would speak to her and then go to her father to ask for her hand in marriage. Courtship was a way for both men and women to not waste their time in long relationships which would lead to s£x outside marriage. Courtship is a lost art. It’s something that we use to do. So courting and being courted by more than one person is actually normal. The reason people don’t like courtship is because it’s created for people who desire marriage and not dating around for fun.
@Roma Thank you for addressing this. I realize I was speaking SPECIFICALLY about the Biblical model of courtship. Most people do not have a biblical worldview. But to your point, yes, people began to evaluate a number of potential suitors and made a selection. You are referring to a European cultural construct that developed later. The issue is that people are not having conversations and simply enjoying one another's company to select a suitable mate. But AGAIN, the goal was marriage, and two people engaged one another with that expressed understanding. What people are doing now is taking multiple rides on a merry go round that includes sex. And THAT is contrary to both models of courtship.
@@quinntheqt4281 I see what you’re saying but that’s because people don’t court correctly. The original intention of courtship never included s£x. In fact courting was a way for a woman to save her virginity while also choosing the best man for her. Men couldn’t just sleep around either he had to be prepared for marriage. My sister did that except she called it rotational dating. She dated around 3 men at a time all who courted her and she was vetting each. If they asked her to be their girlfriend she told them she’s seeking marriage and will only commit to a man once he proposed. She said it scared away the ones who weren’t ready for marriage or wanted friends with benefits. She’s now married to my BIL who was also talking to another woman at the time but realized my sister was a gem and didn’t want to lose her so he proposed a month later. The point of courtship is not to sleep around which defeats the entire purpose but date until you find connection and a marriage minded person who’s ready to start a family. I think it’s genius. I’d rather court than spend 2+ years being a gf wondering if some man is going to propose not even knowing if he’s marriage minded. It puts me in my feminine and the man in the masculine as well which is healthy for all relationships. The woman does have responsibilities to choose from a healthy pool of men tho. Some women don’t know how to use discernment and observe a man to see if it’s worth being courted by him. Some guys have obvious red flags like being aggressive and disrespectful. Not being established in their career, not having realistic achievable goals or not respecting boundaries and they still choose to date him. So courtship is for women who are healthy, have boundaries and can recognize a healthy masculine and marriageable man.
@Roma I hear you. The problem is that courting multiples doesn't allow anyone to truly fall in love with One. The entire purpose of THAT kind of vetting is utilitarian. I understand it. I just don't subscribe to it. It actually plays right into the whole notion of sexual marketplace value. But that's what most singles are doing out here today. It breeds problems because neither person was EVER truly singularly focused. The preliminary affections & intentions were divided & a marriage won't thrive with that foundation. It may survive it, though. Two people will do what works for them. Every relationship is different. All the best!
👉DATING CARDS: www.hardlyinitiated.com/products/dating-deck
It seems hypocritical to believe she's not wifey material for sleeping with you on the first date and not think you're not husband material because you slept with her on the first date.
The behavior or habits that you practice during your singleness does not disappear when you get married. That also includes bad judgment.
@@constancereynolds3110 Ok so your agree with her that a man isn’t husband material if he’s sleeps with a woman on the first date.
@@laurencameron3150 I agree 💯 so ladies we can judge men also.. and if a man tries to get u in bed the first day... move on..
@@stormyv.8890 For sure
I dont want sex before marriage. I want someone who likes me for me. And i want to provide the same for the right man. A permanent relationship is about many things in life. Sex is great but its like 20% of what makes a life together. When the problems come you want someone reliable and positive. Players can go use someone else. Not me. For sure.
I'm 49 now but 8 years ago I was dating this guy for about a year who I knew from high school. We hit it off from day one. Saw each other Every day so it felt like we were together for a long time. Sex was great! Anyway everything was great! Never mistreated each other or argued. Then his skeletons started to come out. Nothing crazy, things from his past, but I was there by his side, supported him, helped him monetarily at times....he paid me back. I want to say I helped him become a better man,son and father to his kids. A year later out of no where he tells me a younger woman that he knows from a family friend tells him she had a crush on him when they were young. He tells me he wants to date her. So I tell him straight out...I'm not going to hold you back, if this is what you want go for it. We go our separate ways....it hurts ..One month later he calls me that he thinks he fucked up. I don't take him back. 5 months later he calls drunk that he misses me. I don't take him back. A year later he calls me drunk again that he got her pregnant and fucked up and still misses me. Anyways he ends up leaving her 5 yrs later. Still now he texts me and calls me. He tells me he realized I was the one. But I never took him back. I know my worth. We could have been great together but he thought the grass was greener on the other side.
That is really sad and just so evident of the Loyalty that we are lacking in today’s men smh Timewasters
I always say "I don’t care what I am doing with you. If you're willing to take a gamble on me, it tells me all I need to know about you and how see me." You will not get another chance to gamble me again.
The reason he came back after being with the younger one was probably because he was dumped. She'd call him up every now and then to smash/attention, he'd say yes and that's how she got pregnant.
The times he called you back afterwards were because no one else wanted him and you answered every call to hear him say he missed you...drunk or not. He took you answering as a possible sign you're not entirely over him and he could weasel his way in. Now that he's got another mouth to feed, he needs monetary assistance (& a mother figure for himself who's going to rub his back and get him out of jams) from someone who provided it in the past ....you. So he decided to shoot his shot.
Tough love, but you didn't help him become a better man, son and father to his kids. He did the biggest f up by impregnating a random (I'll take it she's not wifey) who he supposedly doesn't even like.
I don't feel sorry for any of the adults in this story, including you, because you're an adult (and chose to be with him freely regardless of the red flags and you still pick up his calls) I just feel for the kids. They're likely to repeat the toxic behaviors. Sad.
People shouldn't be addicted to compliments.
Like someone says You are pretty or charming.... immediately make a relationship or marriage.
It's good to be emotionally sober and meditation is a great tool to be in balance and calm.
Man who loves only himself can not experience true love with other woman. He sees women as service providers,
but it's questionable whether he is able to love even his own friends.
Maybe if he treats his friends with respect he may treat a partner with respect too.
People are intoxicated by popularity.... They want to be popular, then they realize honesty is better quality than being popular in the group.
She/he says I like you, but she/he should be true to himself/herself.
It's like watching the tv commercials saying this is the best product.
well, the best products don´t need advertisement, they sell themselves.
Dating is hard work. U gotta be funny, spontaneous, a comedian, be a good cook, be educated, a minx, teach them something, don't talk too much, but gotta have something to say. Be a person that other ppl like, butdon't have too many friends. Be slim, but be curvy. Be pretty and presentable, but don't wear makeup. Have a voice but don't be confrontational. Be independent but not aloof. Sit in my feminine energy, have discernment. Set boundaries don't be too available, but don't play games. Don't have sex too early but don't make him wait too long unless your abstinent. If this isn't a recipe to be single I don't know what Is.
LOVE THE BREAKDOWN.
Lol they make people confused 😐
Bruh 😞😞
Trust me. When you find your person it won't seem like that much work.
I hear you but we can’t get discouraged. We will find balance and get the high value man God has for us 🙏❤️🙏
I acted like a wife” for seven years. Woke up one day and realized if I didn’t leave I’d be in the same place in another seven years. Don’t act like a wife if you aren’t one. ABSOLUTELY NOT.
In that we should take accountability also… our choice of man and staying too long.. we must create own boundaries, you waited too long my dear.
My story...
Yaaassss...been there
@@mosimamara7073 you live you learn
Same situation...
7 years I've been with a man Trying to be A ride or die chick... Wasted 7 years of my life.
A man can’t recognize & appreciate a wife if he’s not looking or ready to be a husband
Exactly!! I concur!! Those type of men U can give 110% and still won’t be enough. 🤷🏽♀️🥴
Big facts I ❤my hubby🇵🇦
So True!
Powerful
What does Stephan say, “you’ll never be enough for the wrong person,” or something like that. And Dr Gabor Maté says “it’s hard to get enough of something that isn’t quite enough.”
Women who have so called "Daddy Issues" are some of the most wonderful loving people. Many of us have done the work and we know how we deserve to be treated. We are powerful & strong.
@Tony Shearin no Tony...sometimes it means we have done the hard work and have become women who the low value abusive men cant fuck with. Dont bother underestimating women like us.
Amen 🙏🏽
Respectfully, i don't like the term "Daddy Issues". The narrative is placing the blame on the woman who was a victim of her dad's shortcomings/failures. He's not being held accountable for his behaviors instead, it's placed on her.
@@elyseb674 i didnt make up the term.
@Hopefully222 oh, I know that. I don't like the word that society created. Forgive me if that was your perception. Completely agree with what you said; I can relate.
As a Christian woman- sex is a wifely duty. No, and, if or buts. If a guy won’t marry me because I won’t have sex with him-he ain’t the one for me. A true Christian man would wait because he seeks to honor The Lord.
Ladies, your body is the most valuable thing you will ever own-don’t give it away cheaply.
Sounds nice until we worldly and godly. Are you married to a Christian man?
#TarynDodds
Amen!
wise words, u may say that again
Amen amen!!!
Thank god for athiests.
I sat and watched this entire video, can we take a second to appreciate Stephan’s wisdom😮💨🔥? I LITERALLY took notes and here was a gist of what I learned:
1. As a woman, we need to understand we ARE replaceable.. don’t get too comfortable.
2. Be an asset, not a liability. In what ways do you make his life better?
3. Get with someone who matches your lifestyle. Personally I’m not a Birkin LV kinda girl but I do value wealth & nice things. Dating a guy who puts an extreme amount of value in material things might not be best for me. For example, I wanna go on a regular date and try GOOD food but he wants to go to a 5 star restaurant to show me he’s rich. (And the food ain’t hitting) Ehh. To me, these things are nice sometimes but they get burnt out if it’s a regular thing. I don’t wanna see my man as a money bag BUT I love for my man to provide 💰
4. Create space for him to be vulnerable (vulnerability doesn’t equal emotional wreck)
5. Become clear with my duties as a wife and my expectations of my husband
6. Discuss prenups early (they don’t mean he plans to leave ahah, they protect both of us)
7. Become what I want to attract (for me, this looks like taking care of myself: gym, nails, general upkeep, and resting in my femininity so he can lead)
8. Allowing my man to lead doesn’t mean I have to be silent as a mouse, determine what that looks like for me! 🤍🌹😮💨💍💰
Great questions from the interviewers 👏🏾
What I don"t understand is why are all the "requirements" and twisting yourself into a pretezel meant to please and reel in
a man .
When will we finally have an open and balanced conversation about the responsibilities a man has to be the type of man worth this extensive investment of videos, education, time, focus and energy.
Why is it all the woman's responsibilty to make a man happy and it is all of our fault when he isn't. In adfitiin ti it being our job to fix that.
When are we going to start making men accountable for what THEY need to do in order to change themselves so that both men and women can build healthy, equally respectful and emotionally safe relationships.
Numbers 2, 5 and 8 are my faves by far
You took good notes 😊
I think you need experience to have wisdom. This is man is not in a successful marriage so I don’t want to hear anything he has to say. I don’t think he has even ever been married.
@@Leydo773 A doctor doesn’t need to have had cancer to know how to treat it. Wisdom does not always require experience, some people are just gifted with it.
Judge Lynn Toler👩🏽⚖️ says, "Never do wifely duties on/at girlfriend prices!"❤
Never, it's a set up for disaster
Definitely true. She also says protect your fertility.
@@ItsmeCR-g8j
Thank you.
Facts!! I've seen so many cooking, cleaning, ironing, s*cking, f'kn, paying half the bills, etc and then get left and the man is taking care of another woman and go on to marry a woman that don't even do all of that. I've seen that play out countless times.
Love this one ❤
I did the cooking and cleaning for my husband before we got married but we were living together and talking about marriage. He was also doing a lot of things for me. We have been together almost 20 years now. I never did that for anyone else, there was just something different about my husband
Ladies definitely need to hold back on the “ wifey duties “. Cooking, cleaning, and so on. Experience has taught me that. Don’t waste your time. Invest your time & energy into yourself until you’re engaged and definitely on the path to marriage.
Wx
Right. This is how women end up giving a whole decade to man with no ring.
Even after marriage, don’t become the maid and get taken for granted.
It depends on what you looking for in that relationship ppl always think women are always dating to get married 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Women don't need to be a servant even after the ring. Look at how Steven Crowder treated his dutiful wife.
I agree it should be from friend to spouse . The girlfriend/ boyfriend thing should be removed. The friendship is where the value of marriage builds on….. but that has been forgotten because of personal desires . Great discussion. Thank you ❤️
If a woman gives into a man for sex on first date; she is loose/easy… but if she says she wants to wait… then she just waisted HIS time. Women: Live YOUR LIFE because the men will always do them 😘
Preach! That is great advice.
Amen!! I totally agree! It’s damn if U do an damn if U don’t! 🤷🏽♀️ At the end of the day U can do your absolutely best at trying to please him…..but if that man don’t want U, he don’t want U. Periodt.✌🏾
So funny I was virgin with my ex, and he still did not care! 😂🤣 yes I slept with him fast, but I wanted him to be the only one, he still thought wrong about me, also just because I used a huge dildo I guess he thought bad ab me, when i have been with only him!!! Unbelievable. I mean he has been sleeping around with random women and they were not virgin! I cant believe it. He even thought I could cheat. Jeeez! What else can I do? I was virgin just got him!
The interesting psychology is the less sex you have the first month
I mean no sex just talk and romantic gestures
the more you are attracted to the person
because you don't see him just like an object
you see him as a human being with wisdom, emotions, feelings, humor, nice hobbies
It is an interesting observation that if you wait to have sex, your point of view about the guy is much richer,
your love and attraction to him starts to be richer
and if you have the first sex after 2 or 3 months, it can be just plus
because the richer the point of view about him
his lifestyle, his values, his hobbies, music, science, knowledge
the richer experience can be sexually and romantically....after a few months of dating.
I am just guessing. I am not an expert.
But experts say
the same way you treat your sex life,
the same way you treat other areas of your life.
It's like you go to Paris, you don't want to see all the attractions and the Eiffel Tower on the first day.
You just want to get some coffee in a nice restaurant and introduce yourself to the city.
After a few days, you visit the attractions to absorb its beauty and interesting stuff about the city.
so you are investing your attention into knowing him, even knowing his flaws that are meaningless
because you are interested in him as human, it's called imperfect perfection.
You see a tree that has an imperfect shape, or size but the tree is imperfectly perfect because it's natural.
Nature is imperfect, and trees are imperfect, therefore they are imperfectly perfect in their beauty.
Therefore humans also should not try to look perfect but natural.
Here's something married people never reveal; sexless marriages are a reality.
So, don't get married just so u can have sex.
That's not a good enough reason.
One of my favorite questions to ask men on the first date (I rarely give time to a second date) is “if we were sitting at a table with your exs and you got up to go to the bathroom, what would they say about you?”. The man who says “they’re all crazy” and immediately starts blaming causes me to rise up and walk out with zero conversation. However, the men who say decent things will maintain my focus.
Oh they love that line 🙄 so everybody else was crazy but u was the common denominator oh ok 😂
52:28
I have a deadline of 3 to 5 months and I cut the water off sometimes sooner.
I got engaged in 4 months married 8 months later and we been together for 8 years.
That makes total sense!
Yes girl! I love those guidelines
I agree it doesn't take years to decide you want to be with someone. It's a feeling and you just know.
Did you let him know your deadline?
As you should 💯💯💯. For me , 6 months through a year then we on the next level aka marriage . If not I’m at the door . Marriage conversations is a must. If he doesn’t believe in marriage I’m exiting left. Men have his whole lifetime to waste , women don’t have that.
As a single woman aspired to be a wife listening to you men seeking a better understanding about dating, marriage, courting a woman in general is a breath of fresh air. Even I gained a better understanding about men and situation.
Both interviewers asked great questions and Stephan answered them with Grace. I absolutely enjoyed the experience. Thank you.
Looking forward to more interviews as these. Subscribed.
As a woman of God, I can say that the beginning of this podcast is true for women, too. We meet this guy and tell ourselves, "I ain't ever going to meet a guy like this", meanwhile, he's not giving you credit where its due and he is not appreciating you.
This made me stay in a horrible rship for Years😮😮
That's why I say, if he can't reciprocate, we can't date! Period! I'm tired of one-sided relationships. I can date myself better than he can.😉
Wow this guy is really a intelligent person and very interesting man
This was refreshing. Thank you.
As a woman on her journey to wholeness and learning more about womanhood, these conversations from the male perspective are valuable and helps me get more grounded in myself. Thanks guys!
I agree 💯
Same
Lack of self love is also a huge issue. Many people are overly defendant ( co dependent ) upon their partner to meet their mental and emotional needs. Partners in relationships , while supportive, can not be your Therapist.
If you like someone show them per your love language, but don’t be used, don’t be abused, don’t be tricked, and know your worth. PERIOD
Stephan is so good at this! The future seems less bleak thanks to conversations like these…we’re gonna be just fine 💯
Great convo, gentlemen! I had a “built in deadline” and kept it to myself. I was completely prepared to walk away! My husband proposed two weeks before that date and I didn’t tell him about it until years later. Lol
Wow, interesting!
Love it!!
I'll get there pretty soon... I've been with this amazing man for a year and I expect us to go to the next level in no more than a year. If it hasn't happened by then I put myself in the market again.
He was a lucky guy😁congratulations
Same. I was prepared to walk away after a year of dating... we've been married 17 years. When you know what you want, there is no reason to waste each other's time.
Stephan spits gems 💎 💎
They weren’t ready for it. He speaks for both men and women. 🙏🏾
There is no way to know a person after the first date to truly assess whether you’re aligned based off of a conversation. Assessing alignment comes in time when you get a chance to see how people respond and handle real life situations. It will never hurt to delay sex until you’ve had a chance to build a substantive foundation first. If you have a solid connection, the sex is inevitable.
There’s definitely a way to know after the first date even before you meet them. If you submit to the Will of God; he’ll show you your spouse! You just have to court her according to His Word
My first date lasted 4 days we went out of town and had dates everyday. I knew we had a connection and chemistry we are just alike on every level. I don’t think everyone gets to experience there best friend.
I like your opinion, I really am 👍🥰✌️✌️
Facts
I waited 26 years to get married, and in our counseling session before marriage my counselor ask me why I waited so long, well he wasn’t ready and I knew that, and I didn’t want to divorce, and now that we are married we are living our best life.
That’s beautiful!
As a scholar of history, I appreciate the clarity in which Stephan approaches the conversations of relationships. He does his analysis and advice case by case and doesn’t conflate the issues with sweeping generality. I love it!
Great conversation gentlemen. I agree with a lot of the points made. From my personal and my professional experience as a Counselor ( working mostly with women from varies cultures) I do not think women are lying to themselves about not wanting to be married. Many women do not see being married as their primary goal in life. Society place on women that they are less valuable if they are not married and women are learning that this is simple untrue. Women are learning that they are already valuable whether they are married or not.
Stephan's clarity and maturity in vocabulary is much appreciated, intelligent word usage is a beautiful thing.
Great advice. I do find it interesting that women are judged for having sex early but men aren’t. I do agree 100% on the boyfriend and girlfriend. I’m in my mid 30s and I’ve never had a boyfriend. I met one guy I was seriously considering the long game but he wasn’t there despite feeling it. People always tell me to go date and f*** around but the thing is I have done enough work on myself to know what I do and do not want
Respectfully, why do we always focus on the woman alone when it comes to sex on the first date? It takes two so I don't understand why the woman is judged and the man is overlooked like they get a free pass on morality. I appreciate you Stephan and enjoy your insights.
Personally I think the focus is on the woman because she has to give consent to have sex.
@Tracey Duarte Yes, but he is requesting sex so I don't see how the woman is made out to be this worthless trash and the man gets a trophy.
Because women hold all the power when it comes to consensual sex. Women sleep with who they want, men sleep with who they can. When you keep your legs closed, you get to really know who you’re dealing with without creating soul ties.
Women control access to sex. We don’t play by the same rules or it would be as easy for a man to get sex as it is for a woman.
It’s a male chauvinist perspective that they can sleep with multiple women whenever and as many times as they want. Thinking that makes them a man. I’m not saying the act of sex on the 1st date is the problem. Looking from the perspective that only the women lose their morale is wrong and immature.
Because of my lifestyle and career, I am surrounded by wealthy men at this juncture. I’ve had to make a major shift. These men looked down on you when you offered to clean their homes or cook for them - - and they will tell you directly they have a maid for that they want you to bring intelligent conversation, beauty and lifestyle ideas to the table-not traditional lower middle class wifely duties. I have to adjust depending on the guy that I’m talking to. I learn my lesson. Every guy does not want you to offer to do his laundry. Sometimes it will make him see you as a peasant.
Can I ask what is you do for a living?
Thanks for your advice for dating wealthier men! Most of us date regular/poor men. So yea we have to cook and clean 😢😅 probably cause we are not rich ourselves 🤷🏽♀️
@@teresayoung6117 honestly, this is been a very difficult change for me because I am a custom to that dynamic. I only began to see this new lifestyle recently, and being around the men who require a different type of thing from you. Yes, an occasional meal I will cook, but in general they just want you to plan life, organize help to set up insurance and meetings plan parties-request a maid coordinate with the dry cleaning stuff like that… They don’t want you to cooking and cleaning, and then not dressed and ready to go to their galas and their events. I lost a really big catch by offering, my services in the way that I thought would be wifely duties. Just keep in mind if you ever are in that environment, those men definitely see wifely duties in a totally different way.
Now... a man who sees anyone doing the activities of a functioning adult as "peasantry" is also problematic. However; it definitely shouldn't be expected for women to take on all that work with no regard for other aspects of what makes her human.
@@tamelap168We needed to hear this different view of dating expectations. I women that are married to men that does most of the cooking. They’ve been married for at least 30 something years. I guess you can say they’re old school. Thanks for the perspective point.
💯💪WOW! This is the BEST conversation I've seen between black men that wasn't riddled with nonsense!
Great Job guys! 💗💚
Thank you, Stephan, for sharing what you did about women with father issues. My father is an alcoholic. I had to severe my relationship with him to heal and had to uphold boundaries to stay true to my values. Me having an alcoholic father and having to have distance for my health is not my fault. I learned so much from the work I did to heal and I thank you for sharing that when you see a red flag, learn more about it. It encourages conversations that I think are important as I continue to heal and grow and learn to be open to healthy relationships and believe it will be a life-long journey I will have with a supportive and loving partner.
Stephan! Sir. You just spoke to my energy! My heart! I don't want a man that does not have friends! I need my partner to have a life outside of me. I want to miss him. SPACE! I have to have it!
💯 I fully agree!
I ❤Stephen! He is a blessing to women and men. I am listening and learning. When my turn comes I will be ready. Thx
26:28 absolutely!!! I completely agree!! It’s so frustrating when people make you appear desperate when you state you simply seek a serious relationship. I am completely happy with the person that I am, but I also acknowledge the desires of my heart. 🔥🔥
Totally get it. The desperate saying always me as being affectionate and showing love and devotion might be seen as desperate.
When I sense that someone does not want me, I literally leave and suck the tears.
Well, I guess I'm desperate than! I'm a woman, and I'm never say I don't need a man....
In the relationships, I have had 3 years wasted and another 8 years wasted on bringing things to the table and what I mean is to play the role of a wife to the person. I was asked a hand in marriage but one turned out to be abusive mentally and tried physically. The other wanted poly and I didn't want that so it didn't work. Great podcast! Sometimes women have to find out who they are as well before they decide to find the man for them all of this goes both ways
My last relationship was with an emotionally unstable man, I couldn’t be with him (but I tried my best for a long time) and I also noticed he couldn’t cope with my vulnerability(it was too much for him to handle), which was hard for me to do in a first place. Anyways, I learnt.
To all single men and women, we all want the same and all struggle with the same. Whatever was said about women in here could be told about men.
Lots of love to you all ❤ love and respect yourself first, if you don’t know how, then unfortunately a hard lesson will come to show you how, speak from experience. X
This message gave me more confidence knowing that I have the qualities of attracting a high-valued man. It also gave confirmation that I should continue to work on any past traumas and learn from them. My heart is overwhelmed with joy. Thank you, fellas! ❤
Be a wife BEFORE the ring?? Absolutely not. As a married woman, I’ll tell you that’s a terrible idea.
These men will have you doing wifely duties and still not marry you. I’m tired of SINGLE MEN giving bad dating advice to women. Go talk to other men about what they should be doing.
❤
AMEN, Stephan!!! I work out and take care of myself, good health, fit, and I do it so I don't fall to pieces as I get older!!!!
I'm only nine minutes in and I totally agree with everything he saying. I gave up on the dating or marriage thing. Men don't take the time to get to know a woman. It's always sex and wifey duties. I love sex but goodness gracious I would love a man to take the time to know me and talk to me as an adult.💯💯💯
This video should be called "Tips for MEN looking for marriage". This is advice for men. A lot of men could benefit from hearing the message. I'm sad to not see more men in the comments section. So many gems being dropped.
I agree. I’m always looking for the men on the posts. Just curious to see how many are willing to take the advice from other men. I know my EX would never sit and listen to a video like this because he knows it all. U can’t tell him nothing. 🫤
I agree! The title is a little off and more men would benefit from this conversation
36:18 Ladies pay attention…these women bought items for his house, laid with him..cleaned his house & STILL got no ring
Degenerate behavior fr
To sum it all up, a great connection makes a successful relationship. Everyone is different…your relationship with a person could be a totally different experience than their last relationship. Don’t block your blessings.
Be a wife before the ring...😮 a lot of these women out here doing all of that and still not getting. You have to be a qualified husband to find a wife. A wife can't make a man( male) into a husband. If you select a wife, you're not going to make her bend over backward to maintain the relationship.
Very well said.
The men need to act like husbands then. It’s a two way street
If you're a wife before the ring, you should automatically have discernment about who you select to be with. If you notice a red flag, leave. Those standards make you very selective and you'll be able to weave out the men God doesn't have for you.
Exactly right. It goes both ways!
Us women must have a deadline. That way you don’t waste time . Set them boundaries. Mine is 6 months to a year or I’m out . I’m not having no man wasting my time .
We need a part 2.. this was a very informative video! We need more videos like this ❤. Love stephenspeaks
Hardly Initiated....you two brothers really have it going on. Educated and powerful ...I came across ur show watching Judge Toler interview. Brothers u are powerful. It's a blessing to see two black brothers covering very important topics of life. Thank you❤🙏🏽
Educated…hardly..I barely understand the guy with the white shirt. He barely speaks English, mainly slang, profanity & black American “ebonics”. Stephan is the only one who speaks clearly. Men with a limited vocabulary are such a turn off to me, I could not imagine dating during these crazy times. Thank God I lucked out by meeting my husband in medical school. He did too since I’m an MD/PhD & he’s a Cardiologist.
Good luck ladies, it is rough out there!!😫
I think being a wife before the ring is treating yourself like you deserve a high level connection, relationship. Not treating someone you are dating like they are your spouse... because they aren't. I think once you show people you have a certain amount and self respect and boundaries ...that along with how one treats them gets you the ring. And even after , what does rhat ring symbolize? Does it represent commitment, support, forward movement,legacy and love? Or does it mean a ring?
Stephan seems so wise at the 19:00 mark. I know a happily married couple of 34 years who had sex on the first date. and based on the way the relayed those events Stephan is on point. It isn't always about 1 person being promiscuous or not, sometimes its the connection and how things happen to unfold
I just don’t believe that but I would if they lost their virginity together then they would have a soul tie.
Listening to this made me realize I am not crazy with my prespective of how relationships should be. I really can't stand the blank statements and generalizations that are flooding these apps, it's really damaging. There is someone for everyone it just reguires you to have a sense of self. I learned so much about myself after a 10yr relationship, literally lessons of a lifetime that took roughly 4 years to decode and I had to replenish myself.. Now the goal is to date to marry and even with all the noise I know I'll get what's for me. This confirmed to stay the course.. great interview!!!
Love this ! It’s good to hear intelligent men speak and be real I shared this with my son and daughters
Wow, I tried to listen to Stephan several years ago when I was in a toxic and out ethics relationship and I didn’t believe a word he said. Now I’m courting someone who I love, respect, and adore and most importantly want to be with long term (this time not out of fear but out of creation) and I can actually hear him and see many truths in what he said.
Thank you. It’s great to get these things from a man’s perspective.
I’m 28 and I know I shouldn’t be in a rush or anything but when I was looking to date using dating apps most men are looking for quick flings, and then the guys that are interested say they’re shameful to be with me because I have a lot of aspirations and they don’t feel like they’re on that level, but they do see me as loyal and wifey material. I’m in a dilemma! On top of me being an introvert and only socializing with people I’m familiar with dating is hard
You have a good head on your shoulders don't change who you are follow your instincts and take your time with dating.
I’m on the same boat too. I’m this close to give up and remain single. Online dating ain’t for me. Until the right one comes I’ll keep myself single.
Try not going so deep into your goals at first. If you like someone let them get to know you more on a personal level than a professional one. That way you won't intimidate a man. But be sure to determine if that man's professional goals will fit your needs and know what you will compromise on.
@@meganbrown6506 I actually don’t talk about my life on a professional level in the beginning, I think that’s what triggers their interest. They always ask where I work, or live and when they actually see for themselves everything changes.
@@alexandraclarke431 That sucks. I think eventually you’ll find someone who’s just ready to be with you. It might take some time but it will happen.
Thanks Guys! Great conversation, positive vibes.
BTW - when a women sleeps with a man on the first date, a man also sleeps with a woman on the first date. 🧑🏽💻IJS.
This was by far the best and most informative conversation amongst Black men concerning relationships goals that I have seen in the last 2 years. Stephan has taught me that there is comfort in dating when you are healed and how important it is not to be perfect but become the partner you would want. Thank You so much Ryan and Tysean 💐
As a woman focusing on healing, wholeness, marriage, wisdom, no sex 7+ years, LOVE insights like this. 💣💣💣
Such a powerful convo on dating, navigating, men + woman insight, titles, deadlines, security, etc.
Love how Stephan drops the 💣from all the angles. 100% truth on simple dates + 1st dates + truth 💣s
Love getting a seat at the table to + choose how I move! I am in ATL + may submit to the show!
Have my own show too! On rotation - Stephan, RC Blakes, TD, Rachel S + always my own divine downloads!
I've watched a plethora of videos with Stephan 😂...I feel like this was one top tier. Talking about situations from the male & female perspective and the genuine concern/interest these young men have towards building healthy relationships. Great conversation guys!
Have you watched one where he tells men what to do to be a good mate. And has he explained why he is still single with all this good advice he has for women.
@@Ayommari I should watch that next hahaha
@@jacintasevilla6877 As soon as someone finds it. 😭😂
This is truly great dialog that both men and women can glean from. There's gems for singles and those that are married, seeking to improve. Great job Guys!
I absolutely love the perspective of @stephanspeaks! I appreciate his knowledge on relationships.
I’ve listened to many podcasts on relationships and I hear the men usually say, “I don’t want a woman with a high body count”, however those same men want to have sex on the first date knowing they will avoid marrying the woman they slept with so quickly. I wish these men would start holding themselves accountable and these women would stop and think about the consequences that these such actions cause.
Stephan is an amazing being of enlightenment. He breaks down relationships and the lack there of as if it's a science. This is one of you guys' best episodes. The way the light bulb goes off in your heads when he starts to answer your questions is humorous. The fact that you want to hide this episode, speak volumes about how much of what he says is 100% on the money.
Please Stephen slap the dude who can’t clean his own kitchen 🤦♀️
A very balanced conversation that teaches both side of the table how approach relationships.
Dope episode. Subbed. Some gems were definitely told. I agree that when you genuinely like someone, you won't leave so quickly when they're not able to do something. I used to believe that there's a time limit, but I've seen couples that held on and never waived. Especially when they built their connection outside of superficial means.
Steph always dropping gems !!! Thank you for educating and enlightening us through the process of finding our forever person and preparing for a healthy and lasting union.
That man is super real... Love him! Listening to him in many of his vídeos has helped me in so many ways. Helped me understand men more, as well as, myself better as a real emotional balanced woman. Stephan has helped me have more clarity on many issues and find or think about what I really want.
I'm so grateful! God bless him in giving his message... I pray his life is blessed in all the areas as much as he has helped many women's and men's lives. 🙏🏻
God bless all of you! 💚🙏🏻
I would like to thank you for getting myself and my ex back together. He has asked me to move in together and I am extremely excited for it! You done the impossible and did what others claimed they could do. Your service on gave me the best communication I basically needed. You where always available when I needed your attention. I appreciate everything from the bottom of my heart, thanks for the service
It’s a good idea to bring in an actual woman when discussing women so there’s no need to speculate on things. A lot of married women consider sex a wifely duty because she may not always want it as often as her husband. Don’t shoot the messenger.
My man knows how to put me in the mood, so it’s all good
Women usually don't want sex because they're with a man that doesn't know how to turn her on and/or the sex sucks for her.
I was skeptical from the title but I really liked this conversation. Good points made for both men and women to benefit from and understand each other.
As a young lady starting my self healing self love journey and open to learning and reevaluating myself for the better. This has opened my eyes more to what i need to do and how i should continue to handle certain situations, and i appreciate it.
After reading some comments I have a "nugget" to share. I'm fit, 5'2, 130lb divorced, attorney. I love, honor, cherish, and respect our Black Kings. I grew up with brothers, and have both male & female best friends.
That being said. What we seem to forget is that IF we are lucky we all grow older. Men may seem to hold all the cards, but being alone is not a true victory. As we age (like a fine bottle of Cabernet) many women such as myself must pause...looking ahead we may only have 2 options... being a "nurse or a purse."
When I heard that several years ago I laughed. This older Queen said that as she explained why she will not get married again. As I get older, I see what she means. Some brothers are not keeping themselves up as they age. Let me be superficial for a moment... yes, I will enjoy growing old with you in sickness, health, beer belly, sagging boobs, and loud snores. However, I cannot say that I would not hesitate... if that is what is before me Today or Tomorrow. Yes, I may not even look in their direction. Now- I did ask for Grace in this superficiality. Younger Kings keep that in mind.
As such, gentleman for many- many of us Black don't crack, and exercise/healthy eating keeps the body tight. SOOOOOO... you may not have too many years to selectively SMASH all these CHICKS as you so vehemently discuss.
Think about tomorrow, as much as today and you will be heading towards a wonderful destiny... with your Queen.
I love Stephan. Always holding women AND men accountable.
Thank you for sharing well advised, Respected, and Valid points on "Official" Commitment!⚘️
Proverbs 18:22❤️
Preciate you !!
My opinion is not to perform any wifely duties until you are actually married. And don't live together. You're not seeing if it will work. In that case, you're seeing if it will fail. It is the commitment that makes it work, and you don't have that without a marriage. Would you expect a man to behave like a husband before marriage?
Very well said thank you, I needed to read this
They do expects us to be as a husband.
Yesssssss!!!!!! Please preach the positivity of pre-nuptial agreements! This info is gold. Pre-nups are a GOOD thing! They give every party a say and minimize the government's control over your relationship. 👌🏻👏🏻
Oh I love Stephan response on stigmatising a woman because of sex on first date . Why do men feel it’s for them to analyse why don’t we too stigmatise them for having sex on first date too? Thanks Stephan ! Love all your response! Great guy with lots of Godly wisdom. I love and totally agree with Stephan’s perspective. I’m discovering myself more through this. Well done guys
I love Stephan. What a wonderful blessing he is to so many. I've been single all my life and I'm 45 learning from you for the past year. God Bless You, Thank you @stephanspeaks
Nena Jay
17 minutes ago
Love this convo! I agree with just about everything that Stephan said. His views are thorough and non biased.
One thing: We can’t assume that all men have
leadership qualities. Some me don’t make good decisions and may prefer to share that duty.
So many gems. 💛 The comment about men comprising when they meet someone they’re really into weighs true for women too; God always has enough and another.
Love these discussions! Only pushback: To get a potential partner’s genuine response to a scenario, don’t (just) ask how they would respond to a scenario… OBSERVE. Goodness… lol, y’all know everybody is on their best behavior during these initial stages.
THIS is the best lesson I’ve ever learned!
This man in my opinion is a “high value” man just bc of his beliefs and ability to conversate and know exactly what he wants and don’t want. Respectful and able to talk and communicate. He seems very understanding and respectful. KUDOS TO YOU
There are many women that feel the same about men regarding sex. We don’t wanna know who or how many, we don’t want others to know, and we watch how quickly a man tries to sleep with us.
As long as I’m not “surviving r Kelly” I don’t need to know the body count honestly. But it’s true. I watch what guys lead with and prioritize. Those acts speak real loud.
I finally finished the video. I wish I could find a man with the mindset Stephan has. He's not intimidating to me that's a strong man with a good mind. Why these men can't be like that.I'm not about money never been my thing. But I would like to get to a level where I can meet strong minded men only as friends not looking for dating I'm trying to focus on my goals. 💯💯💯 Love this video very strong vibe .
“ I see it and I address it” Gold 🔥❤
Thank you, Stephan, for speaking up for the men and women out here that ain't these main horror stories online and players. It's tough to be assumed as someone I'm not and these tools to find things quicker are helpful. Appreciate you brother
One of my favorite relationship coach who is not biased. The woman has to align with the man's beliefs. Communication is key. I like the fact Stephan said to asked scenario and then you will know if you'll on the same page.
So many great gems from the start. Love the statement you can't expose someone without being vulnerable with them. From experience, I know this is true. Definitely need to rewatch this. Stephen was dropping major gems and game. Thanks, Fellas.❤
Loved this conversation and took notes, lol 📝❤ Dating and being able to connect w someone to explore and hopefully engage in a long term relationship in the millennium has been frustrating and draining. However, y'all brought meaningful insight, value and inspiration. I already follow Stephan, and was especially pleased with this interview. As the conversation seemed more authentic coming from a platform of men representing the melanated community and masculinity. 💪🏽🖤 Also, no blame shifting or putting down the genders, and instead empowering the two on how to approach and engage for positive outcomes.
Ya'll Kings are a breathe of fresh air! Just subscribed after watching a few episodes and would love to connect in the future on the importance of young men knowing who they are outside of women .
This was a great conversation and I learned a lot. Thank you so much for this. Bottom line, heal, know myself be honest with myself, what I want and what I’m comfortable with and be my best self!
This man is a Genius!! Im so glad he FINALLY got to speak to the men! Ive been listening to Stephan for awhile and to hear him finally help these brothers! Man!!! Can you help them on how to recognize good women vs users and manipulators?? They can't seem to tell the difference on that either making us all pay. Like we all out here to run them in the ground.Everything he said was on point! Thank You!
This is a great video on dating advice for women! It's refreshing to hear a male perspective on what men are looking for in a long-term relationship. Stephan makes a lot of insightful points, like the importance of compatibility, communication, and trust. I appreciate his emphasis on the need for women to know their own worth and to have clear standards for what they want in a partner. His advice is both practical and empowering, and I think it will be helpful for any woman who is looking for a meaningful and fulfilling relationship
Great episode. Balanced and informative. ☺️
Stephan’s answers are always so balanced 🙌🏽
Omgosh I love how Mature, Observant, and Prepared Stephen is... so refreshing 😊
I’m 14 mins in and Stephan is schooling men for real! He definitely has studied and understands how us women operate. And as you all hear, it isn’t difficult at all.
We need more man like Stephan pls . He’s a real value man 👏👏My respect 🙏❤️
This man is WISE. thank you and yes I did take notes.👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿
I laughed so hard! This was really good. First time viewer. I could see the younger co-host starting to develop and mature as he listened to the wisdom Stephan shared. I love the show and love to see my brothers being transparent and sharpening each other. ❤❤❤
I saw that too - he wasn’t even trying to laugh - he was so interested in the knowledge.
@@MoeSoNatural Yep!!
Dating is not courtship. So, defining terms would be helpful. The courtship model takes two people closer to matrimony. You can't court multiple people.
Thank you 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
That’s actually what courtship is. Back in the day the concept of having a boyfriend or girlfriend did not exist.
So men courted multiple women and women were courted by multiple men. If one man preferred a particular woman after courting her he would speak to her and then go to her father to ask for her hand in marriage.
Courtship was a way for both men and women to not waste their time in long relationships which would lead to s£x outside marriage. Courtship is a lost art. It’s something that we use to do. So courting and being courted by more than one person is actually normal.
The reason people don’t like courtship is because it’s created for people who desire marriage and not dating around for fun.
@Roma Thank you for addressing this. I realize I was speaking SPECIFICALLY about the Biblical model of courtship. Most people do not have a biblical worldview. But to your point, yes, people began to evaluate a number of potential suitors and made a selection. You are referring to a European cultural construct that developed later. The issue is that people are not having conversations and simply enjoying one another's company to select a suitable mate. But AGAIN, the goal was marriage, and two people engaged one another with that expressed understanding. What people are doing now is taking multiple rides on a merry go round that includes sex. And THAT is contrary to both models of courtship.
@@quinntheqt4281 I see what you’re saying but that’s because people don’t court correctly. The original intention of courtship never included s£x. In fact courting was a way for a woman to save her virginity while also choosing the best man for her. Men couldn’t just sleep around either he had to be prepared for marriage.
My sister did that except she called it rotational dating. She dated around 3 men at a time all who courted her and she was vetting each. If they asked her to be their girlfriend she told them she’s seeking marriage and will only commit to a man once he proposed. She said it scared away the ones who weren’t ready for marriage or wanted friends with benefits. She’s now married to my BIL who was also talking to another woman at the time but realized my sister was a gem and didn’t want to lose her so he proposed a month later.
The point of courtship is not to sleep around which defeats the entire purpose but date until you find connection and a marriage minded person who’s ready to start a family.
I think it’s genius. I’d rather court than spend 2+ years being a gf wondering if some man is going to propose not even knowing if he’s marriage minded. It puts me in my feminine and the man in the masculine as well which is healthy for all relationships.
The woman does have responsibilities to choose from a healthy pool of men tho. Some women don’t know how to use discernment and observe a man to see if it’s worth being courted by him. Some guys have obvious red flags like being aggressive and disrespectful. Not being established in their career, not having realistic achievable goals or not respecting boundaries and they still choose to date him. So courtship is for women who are healthy, have boundaries and can recognize a healthy masculine and marriageable man.
@Roma I hear you. The problem is that courting multiples doesn't allow anyone to truly fall in love with One. The entire purpose of THAT kind of vetting is utilitarian. I understand it. I just don't subscribe to it. It actually plays right into the whole notion of sexual marketplace value. But that's what most singles are doing out here today. It breeds problems because neither person was EVER truly singularly focused. The preliminary affections & intentions were divided & a marriage won't thrive with that foundation. It may survive it, though. Two people will do what works for them. Every relationship is different. All the best!
Stephan ?! My guy !!!! He’s advice is top tier and requires accountability on both parts