Can Our Marriage Survive Our Affairs?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 11 ก.พ. 2025
- Can Our Marriage Survive Our Affairs?
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He isn't going to leave her. He is doing the "yeah but".every time John tells him it is over
I need him to prove us wrong. 💔
He's rationalizing. And it's hard.
It's so hard
It’s an easy decision for someone on the outside looking in, but the man has a family and that’s incredibly hard
Beta blue pill provider. He said step dad, raising alpha chads child
This guy didn't want a solution. He just wanted to vent and try to figure her out and doesn't even want to listen. Wow - incredibly frustrating,
Exactly, I've been there and probably most have. It's also interesting to me when people say they're in therapy but still call in. Like they don't trust or like what their therapist said already I guess
Time to move on.
You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink. In my language we say you give a candle and glasses to an owl but you cannot make him see.
The caller admitted to cheating before the ENGAGEMENT took place, stopped that behavior, fully confessed & apologized, went to counseling to understand & change his behavior, BEFORE the marriage took place. She ACCEPTED the confession & apology. She’s now using an infidelity, which took place BEFORE engagement, BEFORE marriage, to USE AS AN EXCUSE, a justification to CHEAT now. It’s OVER, period.
It's the same relationship tho
Paper doesn't make a relationship any less serious as far as commitment and integrity. They were living together before with a child that calls him dad. It wasn't a traditional engagement. Therefore him cheating didn't hurt her any less than he's hurting now.
In my opinion, the whole thing should have been abandoned with the first infidelity.
That hurt is still there. She may have thought she was over it but she’s not
Also how long was he really cheating and it’s always those what ifs
@@2cents996marriage is absolutely more serious than dating what are you talking about?
I think he doesnt want to be someone with 2 divorces and 2 broken families. Having the wife and kids is a part of his image to the world
This 💯 It’s All about maintaining his image.
completely agree. good analysis
Well than he should have made SURE that the 2nd time around wasn’t going to wind up like the first. I don’t understand people that keep running into the same problem with multiple people!
@@suadasuehuseinovic2472 It’s because they don’t take the time out to heal their inner traumas, instead they Rush and jump from one failed marriage to another.
@@katherinepayne3298love your comment 🙏🏾
Sam, please listen to this podcast Several times . . . If you hear yourself, and listen to Dr. John, you Will know what to do.
Be Strong and wise ❤
I just recently discovered Dr. John, and man have I learned a lot. I am going through a separation, he cheated, and he’s just been awful and blames everything on me. Listening to John just be so matter of fact and kind, validating and understanding , it’s so helpful.
It takes two to keep it going. If he doesnt want to work on his behaviour you SHOULD leave.
Dr. John starts every show with “I’ll sit with you and help you take the next right step” and he does that with the upmost compassion, and empathy while still being direct and truthful even if you’re the one who’s screwed up. He’s an amazing guy! LOVE Delony! ❤
@@zombine7103you are so right, and I did!
@@flashthecorgi2053very well said, totally agree
What you are experiencing is blame shifting. He is doing this to avoid feeling shame for what he did. Pretty common response when busted. My ex wife did the same thing along with denial and gaslighting. Just know that when he is doing this, its not about you but to make himself feel better.
This poor man didn’t even listen on this call.. imagine how he is in his home??? He left his LICENSED therapist office to call a radio show host? I have a feeling the therapist has been telling him this and he wanted to hear a different answer. 😊
This type of woman will break down a man to this point. Its sad.
The therapist probably said the relationship was over when he cheated and this wasn't revenge it was her telling him it's over. She'll stay for the gravy train, and the kids but these two are DONE.
This poor man? This guy’s a cheater
@ did you only read the first three words?
@@tapiwa_mavende Sorry, but no. He was like this before they got married. She should have called it quits when she found out he was having an affair that didn't end until AFTER they were engaged. It's bonkers. She didn't break him, he came in lacking integrity. And don't get me wrong, she does too. But don't blame what he is on her.
This person is an immature man married to an immature woman. Counselling might help, if they can both be adult enough. A fling here, an affair there, a marriage somewhere … neither person is marriage material but they have brought children into the world who need stability. As usual, it’s the kids who are going to pay the price for this freckless pair.
100%. Worst thing about this world is how children suffer at the hands of adults’ choices.
No.
Infidelity is something people don't get over. Especially men. That relationship is gonzo.
Something that’s becoming more true as I get older: If you want to know the end, look at the beginning.
If it begins messy, that’s how it will most likely end.
I hope they both find peace.
We have a saying in Jamaica. It is as follows: What nuh good inna di mawning na guh good a night.
TRANSLATION: What was not good in the morning will not be good in the night.
If it begins badly it will not get better and more times than not, it will get worse.
I wasn't ready to leave until:
- I accepted that my fiance wasn't who he'd presented himself to be
- I accepted that our dreams were only my dreams
- I accepted that I'd been conned
Sam has some big pain coming. The good news is that once he writes that letter (and/or presents it to his wife) and feels that pain, it'll get easier for him. The hardest part is the acceptance, and he's halfway there.
Peace to you, Sam.
✌️❤️💚💜💡
This comment is pure gold
It’s cute when the shoe is on the other foot
‘Never in a million years did I think someone was loyal to me would…’ change after learning I cheated on her up until our engagement. 😂
Dr. J. dealt w/ this a in a masterfully patient, reasoning, and caring way.
He was outta line first and now stuck when it’s done to him!! He said he doesn’t respect her so why not LEAVE!
His babies
Because when he leaves her he also has to leave his babies.. seems women don’t understand that part. Can’t be easy to walk out of the house your children live in.
@Solitaire427 He should have thought about that before he cheated on her first. They are both very childish and should not have procreated together.
He messed her up from the beginning. She really don't trust him now. And she has become vindictive towards him. They need to heal. Separately.
he did it BEFORE the engagement
The amount of people in the comments who feel bad for this guy or who say HE shouldn’t go back to HER is staggering. He cheated on her (and effectively used the mother of his firstborn) up until they were engaged!! He has no integrity. No wonder she lost respect for him & cheated (I don’t condone it but I can’t blame her for following the tone he set from day 1)
people comment before watching the whole video.
Agreed. He's super scuzzy and wants absolution from his multiple cheating because he "found faith."
Actually you can blame her to the same degree as the guy because she chose to go down to that level. She demonstrated that she's vengeful which isn't good.
Nah, I'm not giving her a free pass on the cheating because she still _chose_ to marry him after the fact. Neither of them are doing right by what should be their top priority: their CHILDREN.
They were not even engaged when he was with his daughters mom. She did this while they were married.. huge difference
She sees it as “we were in a good place and you did it and I was hurt when I did it” she feels justified for her actions so she was never really over it
At first he was avoiding the questions you were asking him. He didn’t even seem like he was listening to you. He needs to sit and reflect on what was happening and acknowledge his own feelings.
I’m sorry, man. I hope you make the decision that best serves your peace 🙏🏾
*A cheater is salty because he got cheated on, womp womp.* Folks, Life is too short to get hung up over a cheater in any capacity. Cheater don’t care about your well being so it’s in your best interest to know and understand that wholeheartedly. It’s really that simple.
The idea that someone would refer to a cheater’s carefully executed plan of betrayal “a mistake” is an insult to their hard work, dedication and best efforts to avoid detection. The mistake is them getting caught. Cheaters are nervous, embarrassed, trying to escape, not poised, not confident or articulate when they’re busted. I bet they don’t exhibit those qualities while engaging in their infidelity. Cheaters are likely excited, poised, confident, enjoying themselves, passionate, etc, while betraying their significant other. Therefore, the mistake is them getting exposed and they’re probably sad that they’re no longer able to do so, but they’ll attempt to convince you that they’re sad because they wronged you and they’re remorseful, lol. You can’t help but give cheater credit for their ability to deceive, *it’s almost masterful.* Either way, forgive them, dumb them and move on with your life. They can find redemption and attempt to become a better person in their next relationship.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
❤
Excellent comment! Thanks for sharing it.
I love this. I don’t think they harped on the fact that he cheated the whole beginning of their relationship. Which they didn’t include how long that was. How many years, months, weeks was that going on for? And it’s his baby’s mother, which he will still have to have open conversations with and see. Did they really stop sleeping with each other or is he just saying that to make his wife look worse for what she’s doing. Idk throw the whole relationship away. Trust will never form with how things have gone.
I agree.
And I think he’s only upset because he probably thought she would never.
Men can cheat and not get emotionally involved. And be okay.
It’s different when a woman cheats because we need that emotional stimulation first before intimacy.
He’s just mad because his wife is connected to another man, and the other man had his girl. And if he hasn’t confronted him then he’s a wimp.
But he slept with someone during the separation too. So he's done it twice now
Not twice. He was still technically with someone when he got with his current wife
Yup!! He wasn’t sorry the first time.
We were on a break !
was it during the marriage? no.
Wonderful counselling today. There are so many broken hearted times in our lives.
“All the lamps in your living room are gaslights” - nice line
thissssssssss
Just like in the movie Gaslight.
she was hurt by him and then she did something to hurt to him. They both hurt each other big time and haven’t healed.
I thought she started fucking a guy she moved in with so he went and porked a chick
Damn, this one got me. 😢. His denial and over analyzing is so frustrating but I completely understand who he is. I’ve been there. It feels safe when you can understand someone instead of feel what they put you through. It always circles back to self-blame and that’s a hurt you can handle. The hurt caused by others is what truly takes you out.
You do amazing work, Sir. Thank you.
You showed her. Lolol. That was sarcasm. He didn’t see
I think he knew he just chose to ignore
😂😂😂
@@LunaSerenaytYah, it was painfully obvious John had to bite his tongue there... He has zero tolerance for that kind of behaviour and rightly so...
He seems pretty clueless.
Dude is in the spin cycle
His life is going to be rinse and repeat until he matures.
Choose to stay and be grateful for the life you live and the woman you have or leave and lose at least half of your life with kids. I am in a happy relationship now, but full time parenting is a lot to give up.
Its called Karma. Cheated on his first child mother to be with her, cheated on her and now she's cheating on him. They both deserve each other
I completely disagree with his assessment of this relationship and that man. he cheated on her then he said he repented and he went back to religion, he became a "new man"....then he found out his wife was cheating on him and what did he do with that new faith that he found???...he went and slept with some other woman. I'm sorry but I don't believe anything this man says
How dare you?! 😂😂😂 (I’m being sarcastic and totally agree!!)
@@pbj0815 🤭
@@pbj0815 🤭
If he cleaned up and she took him back, then she should've just left the relationship if she couldn't handle his cheating. Instead, she married him. She then goes to cheat. He had every right to get even AFTER they were married.
Husband and wife are BOTH delusional.
I don't think this is really about the kids. I think he feels like "how dare she" even though he was guilty of doing the exact same thing as her, and this doesn't sound like sadness, it sounds like anger and righteous indignation. "Yeah, but I changed". I don't buy it. It sounds like someone who wants to weaponize anything and everything including custody to get back at her. And yes, she's in the wrong too. She should have left. Because I have a feeling the respect was gone long ago. Truthfully, the respect was absent in the engagement and clearly a marriage didn't fix it.
When John said “you are a dream for somebody who doesn’t have integrity” that stopped me in my tracks but not Sam. His mind is so lost he can’t even find it. He is soo wrapped up in her behaviour and what she says that his spine is turning to mush and so the disrespect continues…who wants a man like that? a woman who lacks integrity. Run Sam you will find the respect you deserve
2 peas in a pod. Please stay together so no one else falls victim to either of you two.
He's a catch, man. Haha
I know men like him, he will NEVER leave. And if he tries she will give him a nice little smile and maybe even say shes sorry.
HERES THE CONCLUSION!!! Neither one of them deserve sympathy. The wife is a weak link, who decided to marry a man who is still sleeping with the mother of his child and then he is also weak because he cheated on her, then married her and then he can’t take it when she’s sleeping with her coworker and doesn’t really want to be with him anymore… LMAO that relationship has been dumpster fire from the get-go.
People really need to start sitting with their desire to have a family and question where it stems from. It sounds go great that nobody ever questions it, but call after call we hear about people who are in horrible situations that refuse to do anything about it because it signals the end of their dream of a whole family.
These same people also make a big deal out of Thanksgiving and Christmas, yearning for some Hallmark Card imagery that is far distant from their reality.
This was me. Realizing my son would see and likely emulate what he learned from us, is what made me leave. Lord knows I tried and got dragged behind the bus till there was almost nothing left.
You can hear the pain in his voice and I feel bad, but he cheated also so I can't help but see it as the typical "cheaters don't care until they get cheated on, then it's a problem." Surprised John didn't address that more, but I guess it doesn't matter to the overall point that they just need to end things and this guy needs to move on.
I don’t think it’s all the wife’s fault. Matter of fact, he’s not even telling the whole story. You started it, imma finish it. The end 🤷🏻♀️ should’ve never played in my face the first time cuz now you’ve opened up the Pandora’s box. This doesn’t mean that she had to cheat back, but it does mean that you should’ve watched your back after you crossed me the first time. Obviously, she married you for security for her daughter, and you were dumb enough to ask because you were guilty for cheating on her with your baby mother. She took you up on it AND gave you a taste of your own medicine. Enjoy 🥰
Exactly!!!
Yusss girlies are savage men f around find out n cry about it 😂
These two have no business getting married at all tbh……
They’re both goofy and deserve each other.
This has to be a prank call. This guy has no back bone. Kept going back to add more everytime John offered a solution.
That is why it doesn't sound like a prank call
@@proleaguer9535wow. That was deep
I think this is a good example of when you intellectualize emotions. He is making a case for why he is sad instead of just being sad. He is gathering evidence and explanations instead of feeling the betrayal.
@@mintyhippo8125that’s a great point! I have a tendency to do that but I’ve never heard it put that way.
I too was a sucker. Standing up for myself and taking my power back was the greatest first step. Great partners like us that get hurt, I refuse to become like them and sink to their level. One day love will find some of us, but we got to get rid of the bad partner and their toxicity in order to be available when that right person who deserves us walks in our lives.
It's a sad and pitiful reality that some people choose to stay with a partner who actively chooses to hurt them versus doing life solo.
Yeah, just as sad that people marry one. Lol
Sees a therapist once a week and tells them he wants to talk to Dr John 😂
If work avoidance was a person..
WAY TO GO JOHN!!
So he can cheat and she can’t, got it!
That's men for you 😂
The way I understood this is that they should get a divorce. They both did the wrong thing and now it's time to put an end to the toxic relationship.
Yea I have a lack of sympathy for this dude. He kinda just skated over the stuff he's done.
I mean he literally said he went to a therapist to help him and found his faith to be faithful to her while she’s blaming him sooo don’t know what you guys are trying to compare
Why is this your initial response tho? Couldnt we just agree that reacting to a wrong with a wrong isnt right. Thats an oversimplification. Once one person cheats, its over
I wonder if throughout their relationship she had a habit of dumping him for one reason or another and then getting back together with him etc. (this maybe why she feels she can and should be let back without any cost to her)
They have a vengeful lustful relationship. He cheated before they got married and even though he said he stopped. I'm sure his wife didn't trust him either especially since it's the mother of his child. Then she cheats and he cheats back. They are both immature people that got into a marriage they shouldn't have
He's not a heavy train he's a guilty train. He feels guilty because he was wrong and probably still is. They should divorce. This is like taking a car of the lot with the engine light ght on and expecting it to turn off because theu got married and he went to therapy. Nope
Well he cheated first, he can’t take what he ditched out and I don’t feel sorry for him.
Crazy sounds similar to everything I’m going through right now. Except I am doing what needs to be done for my mental health. And I didn’t cheat. I asked her to stop talking and having anything to do with them. She continued to. Actions speak louder than words. Hopefully Sam listened to the advice given. I’m listening to this again so it sinks in. And strengthens me to climb this mountain.
The trust has been broken, no coming back from that! Like Dr.John says “actions speak words” she is showing you she doesn’t care, your teaching your girls that it is ok to live a double life if you continue, to be with your wife.
You don't need trust to have a succesful marriage. You need trust for a relationship. Those are completely separate things.
When he said step daughter, that’s all i needed to know 😆😆 2:16
What's wrong with step daughter?
Single moms.
She has no respect about him.
Run run run. Fast aa you can. You sound like a wonderful man. You deserve wonderful in return.....
The fact that he slept with someone right after she cheated to get back at her and him actually being the original cheater does not show he has changed. What a mess
It looks like this man found out that what is good for the goose is good for the gander. Cry me a river. What an idiot. He down plays what he did and is overblown what she did.
It’s so worrisome to hear someone go through this type of toxicity and lack the ability to see the truth right in their face!!
Please love yourself first before anyone…wife, children, family ANYONE.
The hardest thing, is grieving the loss of someone who is still alive. This burned in my heart and mind when my ex left, when he wanted to return I had no sense of feeling for him, he is nothing but a ghost to me now
He's said it before - how you start a relationship is probably how it will end.
If he stays with her or not, don’t care… But my heart is bleeding for these kids…
That’s the greatest tragedy of all… 😔💔
Amen. ❤ the kids....
Sorry but I don’t feel bad for this guy, John gave him all the solutions and every time he interrupted and kept complaining. This caller is so frustrating, he doesn’t listen uh
Completely agree with this.
You're arguing with logic. Things are a bit different when it's your life...
But yall were not together so it’s not an affair. AND you also slept with someone. Why should she be remorseful when you both did it?
It absolutely is an affair. It’s a betrayal of trust and disloyalty. She shouldn’t have come back home, she should’ve fucked off.
@@maximyleslol he shouldn't of gotten someone pregnant if he was gonna mess around 😂
Trust me, Sam. John is right. You are a gravy train. She is taking advantage of you being oblivious. She's buying herself sometime until she figures out a way to make it on her own. She does not care about you. You're both immature, actually. Take this time to reevaluate your actions.
The only people I feel bad about here are the kids. Both the parents need a healthy dose of emotional maturity.
And for any relationships that these who have pass this one, they need to remember. If they cheat with you they will cheat on you!
These are two immature people who had NO business EVER getting married. Sad part is that there are children involved and they will likely continue to pay no matter what happens going forward. 😔
Affairs speak volumes and should be the end of any and every relationship / marriage ESPECIALLY if there are children involved. You really want your kids growing up to see that it's okay for someone to cheat on you? Gross.
Their is so many weak people that justify staying it’s embarrassing.
@@mrv2308 I know . The one that always makes me Roll my Eyes is "I didn't/don't want to Break up my Family", Like Really? 🙄 Why not put the Blame on THE PERSON WHO CHEATED ON YOU! DUH! It's like Common Sense Flies out the Window with these weak-azz people.
He cheated on her in the early years of the relationship and now he's being cheated on. Hope he cries everyday over it.
Dr. D is right on. Based on the narrative of this guy, I don't see how he comes back from this. She isn't willing to rebuild the home that a tornado destroyed. She has no desire to start building the foundation.
She became the person he used to be. If at hour jobs we get annual performance reviews, the same should apply for relationships. Conduct performance appraisals, place the person on a PIP is performance is lacking, and fire of performance doesn't improve. They both should have fired each other long ago.
When will people realize that staying single & childfree will clear up 99% of their problems & drama? People create their own chaos!
This call made me really sad. I’ve never seen denial so blatant before. Usually situations are a bit convoluted but this was so clear cut and sad. I just wanted to shake him awake and tell him him to kick her to the curb. Move on and find true love bro.
They aren't ready for marriage. End it. Save yourself a long separation.
She left and had a whole new life. Guaranteed he left your wife when he was done getting his needs met. So she now circled back to you to get back together. She doesn't want you, she wants the security of what a man provides.
You're a catch!😂
These two need to stay together. Nobody else needs to get cheated on.
This dude isn’t leaving anything. You can hear the weakness is his voice.
The house analogy at 14:02 blew me away.
And at 15:30 about being a catch
My good friend once said “once a cheater, always a cheater…… in that relationship” …
It's so sad how detrimental things happen in our marriages, and one or both individuals pretend like nothing happened and dont thoroughly address the issue
Sam don’t live in mental jail. Being alone will bring you peace until you heal.
Maybe he was hoping that John would tell him what he wanted to hear?
I don’t blame her. If my husband cheated on me first, I wouldn’t feel bad about cheating on him.
Terrible take.
But why would you stay with him if you still begrudge him after all those years?
It's a weird thought when she is the one who said I forgive you. It's mean to say I forgive you on one side, and I say later I don't feel guilty because you cheated on me on the other side.
You choose to stay. You choose to marry the guy. You choose to have a baby with him. So at this point, it's just an excuse to bring back the "first cheat thing".
She could leave long ago.
@@emmanuellamariejoseengomo5246.
She broke it off for the other guy, then they decided to get back together. He decided to forgive her too. He now thinks she should be more remorseful than he was.
Maybe it was petty revenge on her part, but his cheating seemed more intentional than hers did.
I just wouldn’t feel particularly bad if my husband cheated on me, and then later on I made the same mistakes.
Dude cheats on chick, chick cheats on dude…. Worse part is the kids!!! These 2 brought kids into the world. This guy doesn’t even bother to ask what am I doing to my kids. Wish Jon would get this guy to focus on the kids more
He needs to face the truth and he won’t . Move on. Feel bad for the children
She does not deserve a second chance. Her lover doesn’t want her.
Yep he smashed got that stanky bootie now he's over her
Right! That's the only reason she came back home!
The caller likes to hear himself speak. Not looking for a solution right now.
I’ve never been this early! 👋🏾 but only a few mins in but sadly, this whole situation sounds tragic and messy. No remorse? Still has feelings for him? The solution seems obvious.
Moral of the story. dont cheat and stuff like this wont happen
"4 somebody who lacks complete + total integrity ur a dream partner" 😂
Needs to read “The Dance of Anger” by Lerner.
John should just have a conversation with a brick wall.
This guy is on therapy and call John just so he can talk. He doesnt want help, he wants to vent. This is exhausting
So what i heard was "I started a relationship while i was in another relationship, but than i changed and grew from it but once my new wife cheated, i slept with someone too" thats not being grown, that sounds like 2 teenagers being in a relationship not Adults
No he didnt deserve his new wife cheating on him but he should of stuck with the divorce and not accepted her back, shes toxic like him
They sound perfect for each other. Both cheaters. Leave them to it.
14:02 this is a great analogy
So they both slept with someone when they seperated. His was a one night stand , while hers was a realtionship. Then after getting back together she still is continuing contact with her partner. They just need to let this relationship go.
Poor guy is down bad. He’s trying so hard to hold onto the nothing he has
He lost everything when cheated the first.
@@Emptytopfloor He couldn't have realised that at the time because she said she forgave him.
@@evil1143 now he does.
@@Emptytopfloor Be contemptuous I don't care.
@@evil1143he messed around and found right out. She’s playing with him for playing with her
They need to divorce immediately. Do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars.
He is such a great guy, such a shame he was treated like this
but ppl commenting on like its bad that this guy not wanting to leave this relationship like he loves the women or something and its not he just dont want his kids to grow up with separate parents and its weird to me how americans dont get that
I guess respect isn't a thing where you're from
I disagree that the woman is more at fault… The guy did some shitty things before they were married as well as when they were split up
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