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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 ต.ค. 2009
- "What is the best advice for maintaining a long relationship?"
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Dan wasn't BS-ing. If all we need was someone who loves us, then we'd all marry our mothers. A long term relationship is more than being best friends or loving, it is also about fulfilling sexual needs. He never said main focus, but he said that those needs need to be fulfilled. Many relationships do end because of sexual incompatibility. Relationships don't just come from having similar likes/dislikes, or we'd all marry our BFFs. You marry who you want to fuck. Marcus Bachmann not included.
He's just saying sex is important in a relationship, and it's your duty to try and fulfill the other's needs INCLUDING sexual ones.
And sex IS the original basis of relationships. Sex is what defines a romantic relationship from a friendship.
Dan Savage: Bless Your Heart!!! You Are Excellent!!!!
What an awesome video ! PREACH THE TRUTH BROTHA !
funny, very blunt BUT VERY VERY TRUE and worthwhile information!!
Right on!! He understands us men!
Another dose of logic and consideration from a wise man. Who can't benefit from thinking about this stuff and really considering it?
we need..to come....all the time.
I love you man! haha
Dan, you are a national treasure. :-)
Been happily married 30 years now - he's right.
It's astonishing how little women actually understand how to make relationships work, considering all the time they talk about that stuff.
I've heard so many of them think that sex is some kind of favour or something they give their partner once in a while.
That's why prostitutes exist.
I. Love. This. Man.
Without getting into a long conversation, they are BOTH important. But while anyone who discusses relationships will admit that communication is important, lots of people will downplay or outright ignore sexual needs as part of a relationship. That's why Dan is highlighting it.
Thanks, Dan. You're a voice of compassionate reason in this increasingly screwy culture.
dan savage, your clear, cutting and caring insight is one of the only things I feel I can rely on in this crazy world... where arlen specter can be a democrat and "re-tweeting" information from police scanner reports is a criminal act in the US. at least i have man milking.
yes
you sir, just got a subscriber
U just got a submissive.... I mean subscriber. Bwahaha
Are уou mаking these mistakes with your man? twitter.com/faebb20bda23b7596/status/804693412402241537 Dan Savage What is the best aaadvice for maintaining a long relaationship
@SammyBerg I think you missed the point ... the question was how to maintain a long relationship. And I described how to.
Are you agreeing with me then?
If you understand that your partner has needs that just because you're not in the "mood" do not disappear, then there should be no problem
I like him.
AWESOME! i'm gonna hunt those down. i just wish on the dvds cuz he talks soo good and i don't read that much
I just watched him HERE - so what do you mean - nobody on TH-cam should comment unless they've read his books?.Oh wow - I had no idea TH-cam had that RULE. Thanks for telling me.
Dan is the fucking man.
This guy is talking straight sense, and if anybody disagrees you probably don't realize that your spouse is already cheating on you.
as a straight man i feel the same way he does. i dont think his homosexuality has anything to do with it.
Unfortunately, a lot of people do divorce or separate when one partner can't fulfill their sexual needs. I recall when a woman I knew started chemo and her husband got caught having an affair, and that is the only person I ever knew on chemo. It would be great if they could just masturbate or communicate with their partner about an open marriage, but not all relationships are perfect and in fact, none are. People do shitty things. But we have urges. They are understandable, but betrayal is not.
@CatWolfee I've hit some duds for sure. Though now I can spot them much earlier and bail before it gets too bad. .
Clap clap clap!
@surge42 why?
I've got a severe case of analogy overload after that.
"masturbation is routine maintance" hahahaha, love that line XD
"Masturbation is routine maintenance....brilliant!
If Dan Savage were a player character in D&D, he'd have a Wisdom score of, like, 20.
2 Corinthians 10:4-6
For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for the pulling down of strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled."
so fucking true...
I think there were about twelve metaphors in there... :D
I love the comment which I think is totally true masturbation is routine maintenance
@Goneformilesnow you have fundamentally misunderstood what he said.
@KeusFrench
I agree there. It's understandable that he will discuss relationships in the sexual paradigm: he's a sex columnist, sexually active and talking about stuff that was verboten until recently (at least for someone that wanted to maintain employment in a mainstream publication) even in relatively liberal countries. However I can imagine he would be much more emotionally available to his husband than Gingrich or Robertson that advocate divorce for mortal illness.
@Ribavirin9
A-fuckin'-men. Well put
Sex is extremely important. If it weren't, relationships wouldn't suffer so much in its absence. Yes, communication is important, but people can overlook small spats and disagreements much easier if there is great sex to block out the stupidity of momentary irritation with one another.
I always get along with my partners loads better when we are having sex regularly. Any tension that is built up from arguments is released during sex, allowing better connection and communication afterward.
@Ribavirin9 No high school would invite Dan Savage to come and speak about sexual health and relationship, or what it means to be gay or bullying for that matter and that's really, REALLY sad.
Some are, some aren't. :)
OMG, just release a book or a dvd already. you're soo fucking amazeing. If i was gay; you'd be my dream man cuz yur soo smart and cute
@startintolovemyself That is a pretty negative opinion of men... If you think all men don't care what women want, then don't date them. But if you want, you can still date guys and stay a virgin until marriage, it is just important that you let them know your intentions as part of a healthy relationship.
routine maintenance LOL
~chuckle~ You're so subtle, sweetie. ;)
If you haven't read his books or listen to him before, then you have NO RIGHT TO CRITICISE HIM!!!
My favorite line: Masturbation is routine maintenance.
so if youre willing to milk the cow and the cow doesnt want milking then what? Maybe this is a dry spell?
+dom wall it fits for him too. He has to meet your needs too. Meeting each other's needs is a two way streak.
Well Klaa2,
Are you a woman, or a man trying to relieve your guilt? The wisest statement I've heard on this subject is "How important is sex in marriage? If the sex is good, not too important, if the sex is bad, VERY, VERY important"
This whine from women that "all men think about is sex" is largely because men don't get sex nearly as often as they need.
Too often the woman realizes that sex is currency and if she gives it up too often it is devalued.
I'm not uptight - I have a very good sex life, thanks.
But everyone knows that sex alone is only part of the scenario. It needs to be teamed with friendship, caring, generosity, humor, 'give and take'. In a long-term relationship it's called love. You may have heard of it.
Oh - and humans are not just animals. Each person is both body and spirit. You can't say that about an armadillo or a duck.
startintolovemyself-why are you even listening to advice on a subject/activity(sex) that you have no intention of having with anybody until your married? Until sex does become a part of your life the subject is a moot point and all issues surrounding it are not relevent. And if remaining a virgin till marriage is your goal and is what's right for you, I would think you'd let that be known to any potential boyfriend so he would'nt expect to be getting any in the relationship to begin with.
o0o
Yeah but there are guys who don't have a drive...even young guys.
The people posting bible verses in the comments are my favorite.
Plus it sounds like you have a rather low opinion of and negative presumption toward men in general. Perhaps men are not who you should be having relationships with. They are, after all, not your only option. But who ever you do ultimately 'give yourself too', be careful not to fall into the 'principles' trap. It's where two people with a strongly held principle get involved then married only to find later that it's their principles that got married and not really the two of them as people.
OH please don't try to twist the words around. YOU said this was the FIRST time you saw him before now....YOUR words, not mine.
So how can you talk about his books and talks being just a marketing thing? It's ridiculous in your part to comment on something you have no knowledge of.
LEARN HOW TO READ!!!!
he's coming from a male point of view, because to be honest most guys don't care about communication that much
2 Corinthians 10:1-3
"Now I, Paul, myself am pleading with you by the meekness and gentleness of Christ-who in presence am lowly among you, but being absent am bold toward you. But I beg you that when I am present I may not be bold with that confidence by which I intend to be bold against some, who think of us as if we walked according to the flesh. For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh.
Oh Dan Savage...we love your humor.
But how sad that anyone would base a relationship solely on sex, or the fear of not keeping your partner's interest. His over exaggerated view of male sexuality is unfortunately what most of society believes. Not all men are constantly looking for sexual stimulation, and some find it quite revolting when others act this way.
This guy is talking SOME bulls***. (Some!)
Sure, sex is a vital part of a relationship and it DOES keep things going in a way. But should sexuality be the main focus of a relationship? No. If you get to know someone before you have sex with them, (which is common if you get married to that person), then your relationship is based off of each others likes and dislikes. Something called 'personality'. How about just loving your partner? I think emotionally loving someone carries a relationship.
Well...I don't think he said that. It is not the vital part of a relationship, but it is one part. And today, if sexual attraction fades away it is interpreted as something being wrong with the relationship which I believe is a really negative way of looking at things considering that sexual attraction does indeed go away for most people in long term relationships.
If you loved someone romantically than you would want to satisfy them.
Men usually have two healthy hands and can help themselves. This video is complete bullshit. You are not a sexworker in a relationship. Love isn't purely about sexual fulfillment. If you are in a relationship just to have guaranteed sex, you are misunderstanding what love is about and what relationships are for.
You obviously missed the point
2:14
@@chocolatecoveredgummybears elaborate
God, this is boring. I have listened to Dan on TH-cam and formed an impression of what he is saying. I think what he is saying is a marketing ploy for his books. I may be completely wrong - but that's what I think. What are you gonna do have me arrested and beaten up by thugs? OK - so what do you want? My address?
What an animal. His 'lecture' is obnoxious and inhuman.
I'd have walked out. That simple.
Human beings are worth better than this.
"Human beings are worth better than this." Not really. I agree with everything he said.