I am a teen still at home and just yesterday my dad started weaponizing my depression against me, saying I would never be truly happy without Christ. At this, I just had to say, "I don't have to engage in this conversation," and left :/
I've struggled with depression and anxiety both in, and now, out of the church. It's tough, and religion can give you an outlet, but you CAN be truly happy without it. You can find other outlets, and other ways to cope. Best of luck to you. Hugs and bugs ❤️
My mother cried every single time she saw me for two solid years after I left. I used the church doctrine to reason with her and get her to stop. It's been nine years now, and honestly, we have the best relationship we've ever had in our entire lives. I'm 55 and she's 83.
The timing of this video is too good. My mom and I have had a rocky relationship off and on for a couple years, and today she was emotionally lashing out on me, so this came at a good time. So glad you two are back together!
My brother -- who was the most intense Mormon of us 3 kids -- has left the church recently and my sister is on her way out. We've cut ties with my Mormon dad and my grandparents are still in, but they don't talk about it much around us. I'm really lucky, It's such a relief to no longer feel like the odd one out.
When you said, “If you can hold space for yourself, that space will gradually grow to include more and more people”, I started crying. I guess it was something I really needed to hear. I’ve been holding my space for awhile, and am becoming more and more lonely. I was thinking about giving up and trying to go back to being the miserable person other people want me to be… but I won’t. Thanks for the reminder that it’s worth it.
We're stronger together! Distance makes it harder, but know that I (and others) feel the same or very close to you, very often. I'm a safe space waiting for more family to fall away from that church, towards me, & honesty.
I really needed to hear this. I've been thinking about telling my family I left the church for a couple years now, but today I made a plan with my therapist about how I could go through with it. What Tanner said about thinking you're, at your core, a bad person really hit close to home for me. I've grown up unable to believe I deserve happiness and what brings me joy, and it's something I'm still trying to move away from. It's relieving to hear that other people felt damaged by the church in that specific way.
Not Mormon but I was in the IFB and that’s a smaller community so this channel is really helpful to hear other people on the deconstruction process and feel affirmed about my own journey so far
I’m a 50 year old woman and I love your videos! This one was so wonderful. I wish I had heard this when I left the church in 2017. I will definitely forward this to anyone I know that is currently in the process of leaving. So much wisdom. Love you guys.
I wish I understood at the time that there was no combination of words that would make my parents understand anything. I learned the hard way that with my parents, boundaries weren't going to happen and it was just going to take time for things to get better. Now, 7 years later, things are pretty good, though they have never really gotten all the way better. I still would take that over trying to hide it to save their feelings. I think the best advice I read explained that no matter how much we may wish otherwise, we can only process our own emotions and no matter how hard we may try, only others can process their own emotions. It's not possible or helpful to anyone for us to try and process their feelings for them. It seems obvious when stated plainly like that but that's what I was doing when I was trying to figure out how to word everything to change their reaction when breaking the news.
As someone who was surrounded by LDS culture during high school, it means so much to see that many ExMo’s understand what I went through. I was never converted nor baptized into the church, but it still negatively impacted me. I’m so grateful for this channel! You guys rock!
Love is better than belief as love has no bounds whereas belief only bounds you in a narrow structure. Being in a structure of conformity through an act of birth in to that structure without real faith will not be getting you far. Breaking the structure with love frees us all from the restraints of geography, class, family back-ground or any other sub category that divides us all now. P.S. Anything with you're both in will be cute!
I was so disarmed by just how positive and comforting and encouraging this was. If I'm I allowed to say it, you guys made me feel the Spirit today. 😇 Your maturity and inner peace and love for your fellow beings really rang out here and touched me. Thanks for sharing this.
Wish I had this advice when I first left! I was way too argumentative when I left and it really damaged my relationships with my family. It took us ~2 years for us to finally heal and get back to a good place.
Thanks for acknowledging the "trauma" and trials of those who stay and watch loved ones leave. I am trying to do the right things, and love everyone, but sometimes when we can't see eye to eye, it just hurts so bad, no matter where your personal belief lies.
About exmos being the best/better than/ insert a better adjective here…. Unfortunately the exmo community is comprised of many traumatized individuals. Hurt people hurt people. Be just as careful of befriending exmos as you would be with anyone else. Patriarchy (and all the other horribleness) aren’t unlearned overnight.
It is helpful to collectively vent if you’re newly getting out though. I’m blessed that I have an older cousin that’s willing to teach me responsible alcohol habits and what kind of coffee/tea is good and how to navigate all of these grown up things that I’ve never had the ability to learn.
I'm extremely grateful for my families kind reactions to me leaving the church. It's been just over a year since I worked up the courage to tell my parents I was leaving (on pioneer day too lol). This video was immensely helpful when I first watched it. Thanks guys
🌻🌼🌷Samantha, you both are the og. You two opened doors for good dialog. You have more competition for views on this content because you have helped make this topic ok to talk about. For this reason I want to thank you and say that you have brought so much value. I get so much of value out of your solo videos too. 🌻🌼🌷⚘
This video felt like a breath of fresh air describing what I could not as to why I had to take a break and distance myself from my mom after moving out and leaving the church ❤now we are healing our relationship slowly and it feels so so good
26:00 12 step programs talk about following the principle of attraction rather than promotion. Setting aside whether or not those programs live up to that, I've always thought it was a great principle, and I feel like it's worked great in my life. Watching someone go through changes over time, or _being_ living proof that change is possible, it's often far more compelling than any logical argument you can make. I think one of the deeper takeaways from this video is accepting how your very existence as an apostate can be threatening, and there's nothing an exmo can do or say that can change that. For some people the threat is minor and manageable, and for other people the threat can feel like more than they can bare. I feel like this needs to be discussed more.
This is a really great video. While my Mormon family members still love me and don't push me to come back to the church, I'm sure they pray about me all the time. For me, knowing they believe something that I know is false is troubling to me. I'm sure with time, I'll learn to be okay with it. We haven't had any big conversations about the church because I've still been processing it, but one day I hope they will listen to my story.
Just barely discovered your channel as I continue on my journey of deconstruction. I am at that cusp, where things are about to blow up the moment I say the quiet part loud. I think it's safe to say both my parents and in-laws already know, but I think we've all been happy enough to stay in this limbo where if my husband and I don't say it, then it doesn't have to be true. Yet. But the thing is, it already IS true. So, thanks for the warning that, no matter how I go about delivering the news, no matter what timing I choose, what strategies I employ, the fallout is probably going to be unavoidable, and I should not take it as a personal failing. I feel a little better prepared now.
I officially left the church when I was 16, but was extremely skeptical from a very young age. By the time I turned 12 I was pretty sure it was wrong. It wasn't until I was around 18 or 19 that I learned how they really felt about it; and in essence they are in denial over my non-belief. My mother said "no matter what you say you will always be mormon." My parents have never attempted to understand my beliefs and whenever I am obligated to go into a church there is always the "joke" that the church didn't collapse on me, or I didn't burst into flames. And being a heretic , I think that if there really was a god he wouldn't hesitate smiting me.
I have never seen Game of Thrones. However, the writer was a Deadhead so many references come from the Grateful Dead who I love and have found Post Mormon community with. So I need to watch it perhaps. Thank you for providing this content. You guys are so great. 💜
One of the most important things that I've kept in mind while slowly (and quietly, haven't officially "come out" of the exmo closet or the regular gay closet lmao) transitioning out of the church is that I am still me. My mom is still my mom. My dad is still my dad. Mormon is just a description of an aspect of them, and ExMormon is just a description of an aspect of me. It is hard, but I have to remember they don't make their beliefs their whole personality the same way I don't, and I think when I eventually DO tell them and speak with them about it all, I'm going to keep reminding them that I'm still me. They haven't lost me, I'm still here, and if their beliefs get in the way of having a relationship with me, that's not on me. I want to try and heal myself enough to still extend the olive branch if things go south when I tell them things they might not want to hear. All that being said, I still have a level of hostility towards members and missionaries in a fear-based way because I do not want the church in my life and I don't want to cause problems or anything but I am trying to get passed that
One of the fundamental things that led me out of the church, and one of the hardest things to work through has been the understanding that Mormon Family, Mormon Love (and the approval/love of the Mormon God) are all conditional. Caveats and "buts" and "ifs" everywhere. I want to be open and honest with my family about my journey and feelings. But knowing that behind my back they talk about me to my younger siblings, and have lessons about my doubts and concerns and hearing that my father said I was "on a path of darkness and doubt".....it's hard. We have a pretty good relationship. But it lacks the unconditional support and love that I desperately want. There will always be a rift and I will never be good enough. I just won't.
It’s so hard sometimes. You could cure leukemia & they’d still be disappointed. They have chosen to create a rift. They may not even realize how much effort they’re putting into maintaining it, why they put it there in the first place & how they’ve split the path & are trying to push you towards darkness & doubt with every “I love you BUT…” Good thing you know better. Hopefully they will eventually know better as well.
Tanner I have to know WHERE YOU GOT THAT SWEATER btw, pls keep making these videos. They feel like chatting with an old friend about life and are very therapeutic, not to mention great advice.
Deep bro, thank you for this. I was never mormon but when you bring these absolute truths to be realized, we all gain something. Love you guys. Keep doing you and God will bless you! I know it sounds backwards but can you guys do a video on what you feel the religion has benefited humanity from? Again, Im not mormon but there is a great picture Mormons project, even when its not the truth. Not just individuals but how has Mormonism made humanity better? And if you feel it hasnt in any way than describe that. You guys are great and God loves you, Keep doing what you are doing. People need it.
I know this is unrelated but with the facial hair and shirt, Tanner is looking like the love child of Jack sparrow and Will turner and I am here for it
Love the concept from Game of Thrones that "you always make peace with your enemies." It's unfortunate that a line gets drawn in the sand when you leave the church, and the ones we loved and loved us so dearly can become "our enemies." No need! Love on baby! You guys have also have convinced me to watch Game of Thrones 😅
TH-cam is unsubscribing ppl, your the 10th channel that I had to re-subscribe too, also great video! My boyfriend and I watched it for drinking games night! Love y’all!
Before I left the church my dad told me that I was the hardest-working person they ever met. After I left he couldn't comprehend respecting me that much to have ever have said that.
"It's so us versus them, and you automatically become them." When I stopped believing what my parents believed, I thought I could show them that the church lied to us and there shouldn't be "us vs them" by being honest with them about what I believed. I thought if they saw that I was one of "them" they would reconsider their assumptions. Unfortunately that isn't how it went at first. But baby steps, we'll see how things are in a few years.
Not to say much about my life. But I’m honestly hoping this video will help me through some things I’m currently 18 and have to keep my opinions about the church to myself to the people I’m living with! Even just showing my shoulders is threatening to them…. I honestly don’t know how to deal with it because it’s stressful
Just after I left, I watched a video of yours where you talked about how you don't even think about Mormonism any more. At the time, that idea was incomprehensible to me, but here I am just two years later and...I just don't really think about Mormonism on a regular basis. I feel much more removed from it than I ever thought I would. Once you get to that point where it's no longer personal, relationships with your Mormon family get a lot easier. Like you mentioned, you're no longer on guard about everything.
My family used family courts to discredit me when I reported abuse and I was not paid or credited with my dissertation research proposal in Microbiology pharmaceutical research with the cotton polyphenol gossypol and I had church and intergenerational ritual abuse and they hospitalized me and had a family court judge and doctors call me clinically insane and set up a conservatorship to maintain control when the family trust was being renegotiated and my friends and family shunned me and basically have been preventing me from being able to use my advanced degrees in Microbiology and B.A in Biology and Foreign Languages (German/Russian) with memory loss from head trauma. My ex was Mormon and 7 years older and the church covered up underaged marriage and Balfour Beatty military police assaults and harrassment and war crimes.
This whole experience reminds me of my friends coming out a gay or trans, sometimes people come around to accepting they are gay, that it’s not wrong, and how to treat them.
1. Thank you very much for this video. I hope you know how much your thoughts and experiences help your viewers. 2. Never watched a second of G.O.T. I have a real problem with resisting things that other people tell me I should watch/listen to lol! Maybe one day.
Not trying to equate the two but there are several similarities in the current political culture, especially if you have left one "side" and went to another... In my case it has actually divided me from family, and there are several friends & aquaintences that no longer speak to me. The search for truth is many times a difficult path, but your growth should in no way be diminished by those who aren't on your journey!
While I do agree that we should try to understand people who think differently than us, there's a limit. Having an opinion is different than believing that people of a certain demographic don't deserve basic human rights. That's why I always hated the whole "hate the sin, love the sinner." Those are people who want to have their cake and eat it too. They want to be seen as a good person while still having their toxic dehumanizing beliefs go unchecked and unquestioned. This is why I, as a black queer woman, could never be friends with Christian conservatives. I don't care how nice some of them are. Being nice doesn't change the fact that their religion/political parties want people like me either imprisoned, tortured (conversion therapy), expelled from the country, or dead. There is no compromise when it comes to dehumanizing a race/gender/sexuality as a core fundamental belief of a religion/political party. Either they need to get educated and change their minds, or never gain any semblance of political power.
I know that writing my letter for taking my name off the membership rolls my home teacher expressed how he was sad that I left the church the bishop phoned me to know that I would lose the priest hood blessings and my baptism also temple ordinates would be canceled and I recognized that and I know that I made the right choice in leaving Mormonism . Are you both considered apostates since you have this You Tube channel and are helping people to try to leave the church ? .
My parents are always trying to find ways to sneak in a passage from the BoM or Bible. But mostly they try to express how much they know what they believe is real because of a)nature, b)some random thing they read in some random book, or c) because “the prophet” knows what’s best.
No Game of Thrones for me. I was too Mormon to allow that in my life when it started, and then when I “could” watch it, it was so emotionally daunting to start that I just… 🥴 But can we talk about all the Mormons who are already scandalized at the thought of the new LotR series from Amazon being like GoT? 😁 I’m ready for this.
A hard thing for me is that my parents believe that since they somewhat accept me as being gay (they see not kicking me out and shunning me as accepting), they believe that I must participate in church scripture reading and family church stuff and put effort into the church, This makes me feel really invalidated and I don’t know what to say to them, and they don’t seem to understand that it is not a fair trade, and that just because they don’t hate me I must become Mormon again.
You have to develop a new way of interacting with your family members that does not include any bonding related to sharing a common belief system. For me at least that means not trying to defend my beliefs and not engaging in any debates about religion and beliefs. I like the analogy you made about how you interact with friend or coworker who is Muslim or Hindu. That is very similar to the new way you need to interact with family members.
My younger brother converted to Muslim and he doesn't want to come to Christmas but we aren't religious. Christmas is more a fun family gathering that happens to fall on that religious date. My parents have suggested to have it on a different day but why do we need to change when it's not a religious thing we are doing. He could adjust to us but it's might risk his chance of heaven. When there is no heaven or god. Any tips of how to deal with it's?
Just carry on as normal. Be polite and friendly to your brother. Don't debate or discuss the subject of Christmas with him. Why would your family want anyone coming to a Christmas gathering who does not want to be there anyway?
@@friezenfan I don't know your brother, but he might be rebelling by converting to a religion. He could actually be trying to get ( negative) attention! If you press him on the subject of Christmas Dinner, it will just reinforce his new identity and even a sense of persecution. Just let him sort himself out, and carry on enjoying family gatherings without him!
Sorry to say , but Islam in many ways is like mormonism , specially when he is a convert , take it easy , he should undrestand himself that his family is more important than an Idealogy
Wow ,it was an amazing video! Lots of tips can works for none belivers of the other ending with "M" religion as well ;D its also suprising how mormons manipulation system is similar to the manipulator followers of the mentioned religion !
I'm a teen do I still have to go to church and seminary and activities and every other thing, watching their broadcasts, whatnot.. I've disconnected from the church mentally for awhile now, I started questioning around the time I was 12 actually when I found I liked girls and being afab and in the church that was wrong. I was meant to have a family, marry a man or whatever and I just couldn't do that. I couldn't face the bishop with questions because I was ashamed and would watch the church's videos about gay people.. Due to school bullying my parents had gotten me a therapist who's lds and pressured me to come out and after hinting to my parents I was eventually forced out by my sister actually... And I was met with yelling and them reading off the doctrine. When my dad was angry he would recite the story of Jesus flipping tables in the temple to excuse his behavior. It was absurd. I tried to pray and be close to God and remind myself it was okay but eventually I told God that he just couldn't change me and gave up on the church. It was hard because every time I went to church I would feel overwhelmingly sick. My mind was telling me that I was doing something wrong, that the spirit of God was reminding me of all me sins, that I should repent and say "yes God you can change me please change me." I think another part besides my dad's excuses and me being gay was that I was told that every thought mattered and I would have bad intrusive thoughts and thought that that was me sinning. Though there isn't hell in the church I felt like I was going there. For my intrusive thoughts from my trauma. Even leaving the beliefs of the church years ago, I was still telling myself this a few months ago. I can't tell my parents I don't believe, last time I texted my friend that I had religious trauma my dad went through my phone and watched the video I sent them and told me that religious trauma doesn't exist.
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baaaaahaaaaaa. You want people to support you!! What a joke!
I am a teen still at home and just yesterday my dad started weaponizing my depression against me, saying I would never be truly happy without Christ. At this, I just had to say, "I don't have to engage in this conversation," and left :/
Wow, hang in there. I hope you can find something or something therapeutic to help you until you can leave (assuming that's what you want).
So sorry 💜💜💜
Ironic since Mormons follow a false Jesus.
i'm also a teen in a similar situation right now. hang in there, you're not alone. i know how sucky it is.
I've struggled with depression and anxiety both in, and now, out of the church. It's tough, and religion can give you an outlet, but you CAN be truly happy without it. You can find other outlets, and other ways to cope. Best of luck to you. Hugs and bugs ❤️
My mother cried every single time she saw me for two solid years after I left. I used the church doctrine to reason with her and get her to stop. It's been nine years now, and honestly, we have the best relationship we've ever had in our entire lives. I'm 55 and she's 83.
The timing of this video is too good. My mom and I have had a rocky relationship off and on for a couple years, and today she was emotionally lashing out on me, so this came at a good time. So glad you two are back together!
My brother -- who was the most intense Mormon of us 3 kids -- has left the church recently and my sister is on her way out. We've cut ties with my Mormon dad and my grandparents are still in, but they don't talk about it much around us. I'm really lucky, It's such a relief to no longer feel like the odd one out.
When you said, “If you can hold space for yourself, that space will gradually grow to include more and more people”, I started crying. I guess it was something I really needed to hear. I’ve been holding my space for awhile, and am becoming more and more lonely. I was thinking about giving up and trying to go back to being the miserable person other people want me to be… but I won’t. Thanks for the reminder that it’s worth it.
Ahh thank you so much for sharing. 💜💜💜💜
We're stronger together! Distance makes it harder, but know that I (and others) feel the same or very close to you, very often.
I'm a safe space waiting for more family to fall away from that church, towards me, & honesty.
Holding in anger or sadness is like holding in a fart. You can only do it so long and you better hope no one is around to get the brunt of it. 💕
I really needed to hear this. I've been thinking about telling my family I left the church for a couple years now, but today I made a plan with my therapist about how I could go through with it.
What Tanner said about thinking you're, at your core, a bad person really hit close to home for me. I've grown up unable to believe I deserve happiness and what brings me joy, and it's something I'm still trying to move away from. It's relieving to hear that other people felt damaged by the church in that specific way.
Not Mormon but I was in the IFB and that’s a smaller community so this channel is really helpful to hear other people on the deconstruction process and feel affirmed about my own journey so far
I’m a 50 year old woman and I love your videos! This one was so wonderful. I wish I had heard this when I left the church in 2017. I will definitely forward this to anyone I know that is currently in the process of leaving. So much wisdom. Love you guys.
💜💜💜💜💜!!!!
I wish I understood at the time that there was no combination of words that would make my parents understand anything. I learned the hard way that with my parents, boundaries weren't going to happen and it was just going to take time for things to get better. Now, 7 years later, things are pretty good, though they have never really gotten all the way better. I still would take that over trying to hide it to save their feelings.
I think the best advice I read explained that no matter how much we may wish otherwise, we can only process our own emotions and no matter how hard we may try, only others can process their own emotions. It's not possible or helpful to anyone for us to try and process their feelings for them. It seems obvious when stated plainly like that but that's what I was doing when I was trying to figure out how to word everything to change their reaction when breaking the news.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Recently came home from my mission due to not believing, needed a lot of this, thank you!
As someone who was surrounded by LDS culture during high school, it means so much to see that many ExMo’s understand what I went through. I was never converted nor baptized into the church, but it still negatively impacted me. I’m so grateful for this channel! You guys rock!
Love is better than belief as love has no bounds whereas belief only bounds you in a narrow structure. Being in a structure of conformity through an act of birth in to that structure without real faith will not be getting you far. Breaking the structure with love frees us all from the restraints of geography, class, family back-ground or any other sub category that divides us all now.
P.S. Anything with you're both in will be cute!
I’m 40 and learning so much from you guys thank you.
Both of your understanding of unconditional love is exhilarating!
I was so disarmed by just how positive and comforting and encouraging this was. If I'm I allowed to say it, you guys made me feel the Spirit today. 😇 Your maturity and inner peace and love for your fellow beings really rang out here and touched me. Thanks for sharing this.
Awww thank you so much! 💜💜💜
Wish I had this advice when I first left! I was way too argumentative when I left and it really damaged my relationships with my family. It took us ~2 years for us to finally heal and get back to a good place.
Thanks for acknowledging the "trauma" and trials of those who stay and watch loved ones leave. I am trying to do the right things, and love everyone, but sometimes when we can't see eye to eye, it just hurts so bad, no matter where your personal belief lies.
About exmos being the best/better than/ insert a better adjective here…. Unfortunately the exmo community is comprised of many traumatized individuals. Hurt people hurt people. Be just as careful of befriending exmos as you would be with anyone else. Patriarchy (and all the other horribleness) aren’t unlearned overnight.
It is helpful to collectively vent if you’re newly getting out though. I’m blessed that I have an older cousin that’s willing to teach me responsible alcohol habits and what kind of coffee/tea is good and how to navigate all of these grown up things that I’ve never had the ability to learn.
This is really helpful. Thanks and love to you both!
I'm extremely grateful for my families kind reactions to me leaving the church. It's been just over a year since I worked up the courage to tell my parents I was leaving (on pioneer day too lol). This video was immensely helpful when I first watched it. Thanks guys
🌻🌼🌷Samantha, you both are the og. You two opened doors for good dialog. You have more competition for views on this content because you have helped make this topic ok to talk about. For this reason I want to thank you and say that you have brought so much value. I get so much of value out of your solo videos too. 🌻🌼🌷⚘
Thank you so much!!! 💜💜💜
Wow this is one of the most helpful convos I've heard. thank you
tysm for talking about this!! lots of really good reminders and good points, it's always so comforting and helpful to watch videos like this
Thank you thank you thank you for making this!!!!!
This video felt like a breath of fresh air describing what I could not as to why I had to take a break and distance myself from my mom after moving out and leaving the church ❤now we are healing our relationship slowly and it feels so so good
omfg i needed this right now and have been talking through this subject for months in therapy ever since having my own faith crisis. THANK U!!!
💕💕💕!!!!
26:00 12 step programs talk about following the principle of attraction rather than promotion. Setting aside whether or not those programs live up to that, I've always thought it was a great principle, and I feel like it's worked great in my life. Watching someone go through changes over time, or _being_ living proof that change is possible, it's often far more compelling than any logical argument you can make.
I think one of the deeper takeaways from this video is accepting how your very existence as an apostate can be threatening, and there's nothing an exmo can do or say that can change that. For some people the threat is minor and manageable, and for other people the threat can feel like more than they can bare. I feel like this needs to be discussed more.
This is a really great video. While my Mormon family members still love me and don't push me to come back to the church, I'm sure they pray about me all the time. For me, knowing they believe something that I know is false is troubling to me. I'm sure with time, I'll learn to be okay with it. We haven't had any big conversations about the church because I've still been processing it, but one day I hope they will listen to my story.
Just barely discovered your channel as I continue on my journey of deconstruction. I am at that cusp, where things are about to blow up the moment I say the quiet part loud. I think it's safe to say both my parents and in-laws already know, but I think we've all been happy enough to stay in this limbo where if my husband and I don't say it, then it doesn't have to be true. Yet.
But the thing is, it already IS true. So, thanks for the warning that, no matter how I go about delivering the news, no matter what timing I choose, what strategies I employ, the fallout is probably going to be unavoidable, and I should not take it as a personal failing. I feel a little better prepared now.
Good luck, you are strong! 💜💜💜💜
I officially left the church when I was 16, but was extremely skeptical from a very young age. By the time I turned 12 I was pretty sure it was wrong. It wasn't until I was around 18 or 19 that I learned how they really felt about it; and in essence they are in denial over my non-belief. My mother said "no matter what you say you will always be mormon." My parents have never attempted to understand my beliefs and whenever I am obligated to go into a church there is always the "joke" that the church didn't collapse on me, or I didn't burst into flames. And being a heretic , I think that if there really was a god he wouldn't hesitate smiting me.
I have never seen Game of Thrones. However, the writer was a Deadhead so many references come from the Grateful Dead who I love and have found Post Mormon community with. So I need to watch it perhaps. Thank you for providing this content. You guys are so great. 💜
One of the most important things that I've kept in mind while slowly (and quietly, haven't officially "come out" of the exmo closet or the regular gay closet lmao) transitioning out of the church is that I am still me. My mom is still my mom. My dad is still my dad. Mormon is just a description of an aspect of them, and ExMormon is just a description of an aspect of me. It is hard, but I have to remember they don't make their beliefs their whole personality the same way I don't, and I think when I eventually DO tell them and speak with them about it all, I'm going to keep reminding them that I'm still me. They haven't lost me, I'm still here, and if their beliefs get in the way of having a relationship with me, that's not on me. I want to try and heal myself enough to still extend the olive branch if things go south when I tell them things they might not want to hear.
All that being said, I still have a level of hostility towards members and missionaries in a fear-based way because I do not want the church in my life and I don't want to cause problems or anything but I am trying to get passed that
Hey friend I believe in you and I know you'll live your truth one day. Stay strong and stay safe please ❤
@@nataliee5236 aw thank you!
Very well said.
Thank you for this 💛
One of the fundamental things that led me out of the church, and one of the hardest things to work through has been the understanding that Mormon Family, Mormon Love (and the approval/love of the Mormon God) are all conditional. Caveats and "buts" and "ifs" everywhere.
I want to be open and honest with my family about my journey and feelings. But knowing that behind my back they talk about me to my younger siblings, and have lessons about my doubts and concerns and hearing that my father said I was "on a path of darkness and doubt".....it's hard.
We have a pretty good relationship. But it lacks the unconditional support and love that I desperately want. There will always be a rift and I will never be good enough. I just won't.
It’s so hard sometimes. You could cure leukemia & they’d still be disappointed.
They have chosen to create a rift. They may not even realize how much effort they’re putting into maintaining it, why they put it there in the first place & how they’ve split the path & are trying to push you towards darkness & doubt with every “I love you BUT…”
Good thing you know better. Hopefully they will eventually know better as well.
You put into words what I have been experiencing as well.
Tanner I have to know WHERE YOU GOT THAT SWEATER
btw, pls keep making these videos. They feel like chatting with an old friend about life and are very therapeutic, not to mention great advice.
Thrifted!!!
Deep bro, thank you for this. I was never mormon but when you bring these absolute truths to be realized, we all gain something. Love you guys. Keep doing you and God will bless you! I know it sounds backwards but can you guys do a video on what you feel the religion has benefited humanity from? Again, Im not mormon but there is a great picture Mormons project, even when its not the truth. Not just individuals but how has Mormonism made humanity better? And if you feel it hasnt in any way than describe that. You guys are great and God loves you, Keep doing what you are doing. People need it.
I know this is unrelated but with the facial hair and shirt, Tanner is looking like the love child of Jack sparrow and Will turner and I am here for it
I wish I could like this more than once!! Really good
Love the concept from Game of Thrones that "you always make peace with your enemies." It's unfortunate that a line gets drawn in the sand when you leave the church, and the ones we loved and loved us so dearly can become "our enemies." No need! Love on baby! You guys have also have convinced me to watch Game of Thrones 😅
I've missed you! Welcome back! I hope the new year brings you good health and high spirits! Peace & Love!
TH-cam is unsubscribing ppl, your the 10th channel that I had to re-subscribe too, also great video! My boyfriend and I watched it for drinking games night! Love y’all!
!!!!!!
Before I left the church my dad told me that I was the hardest-working person they ever met. After I left he couldn't comprehend respecting me that much to have ever have said that.
"It's so us versus them, and you automatically become them."
When I stopped believing what my parents believed, I thought I could show them that the church lied to us and there shouldn't be "us vs them" by being honest with them about what I believed. I thought if they saw that I was one of "them" they would reconsider their assumptions. Unfortunately that isn't how it went at first. But baby steps, we'll see how things are in a few years.
everyone in this video is having a great hair day
Omg thank you
They are beauty they are intelligence they are grace
Tanner thanks for saying “person” instead of “human”. Appreciate it.
This is really good advice, I learned alot. Thank you!!
Not to say much about my life. But I’m honestly hoping this video will help me through some things I’m currently 18 and have to keep my opinions about the church to myself to the people I’m living with! Even just showing my shoulders is threatening to them…. I honestly don’t know how to deal with it because it’s stressful
God love you guys, people need to see these vids.
Just after I left, I watched a video of yours where you talked about how you don't even think about Mormonism any more. At the time, that idea was incomprehensible to me, but here I am just two years later and...I just don't really think about Mormonism on a regular basis. I feel much more removed from it than I ever thought I would. Once you get to that point where it's no longer personal, relationships with your Mormon family get a lot easier. Like you mentioned, you're no longer on guard about everything.
My family used family courts to discredit me when I reported abuse and I was not paid or credited with my dissertation research proposal in Microbiology pharmaceutical research with the cotton polyphenol gossypol and I had church and intergenerational ritual abuse and they hospitalized me and had a family court judge and doctors call me clinically insane and set up a conservatorship to maintain control when the family trust was being renegotiated and my friends and family shunned me and basically have been preventing me from being able to use my advanced degrees in Microbiology and B.A in Biology and Foreign Languages (German/Russian) with memory loss from head trauma. My ex was Mormon and 7 years older and the church covered up underaged marriage and Balfour Beatty military police assaults and harrassment and war crimes.
Tanner your hair is #goals. I realize it’s not the point of the video but it’s too good to not point out
I love when Tanner's voice gets higher! Ahhhhh!
This whole experience reminds me of my friends coming out a gay or trans, sometimes people come around to accepting they are gay, that it’s not wrong, and how to treat them.
1. Thank you very much for this video. I hope you know how much your thoughts and experiences help your viewers.
2. Never watched a second of G.O.T. I have a real problem with resisting things that other people tell me I should watch/listen to lol! Maybe one day.
Not trying to equate the two but there are several similarities in the current political culture, especially if you have left one "side" and went to another...
In my case it has actually divided me from family, and there are several friends & aquaintences that no longer speak to me.
The search for truth is many times a difficult path, but your growth should in no way be diminished by those who aren't on your journey!
Also in the 1% that has never seen a full episode of Game of Thrones
I’ve never seen GoT. I started the first episode with my husband and it made me feel ill.
I agree- too much murder and raping.
I don't think the market for ex fundies, cults and Christians will ever be too saturated!
While I do agree that we should try to understand people who think differently than us, there's a limit. Having an opinion is different than believing that people of a certain demographic don't deserve basic human rights. That's why I always hated the whole "hate the sin, love the sinner." Those are people who want to have their cake and eat it too. They want to be seen as a good person while still having their toxic dehumanizing beliefs go unchecked and unquestioned. This is why I, as a black queer woman, could never be friends with Christian conservatives. I don't care how nice some of them are. Being nice doesn't change the fact that their religion/political parties want people like me either imprisoned, tortured (conversion therapy), expelled from the country, or dead. There is no compromise when it comes to dehumanizing a race/gender/sexuality as a core fundamental belief of a religion/political party. Either they need to get educated and change their minds, or never gain any semblance of political power.
Awesome content
I know that writing my letter for taking my name off the membership rolls my home teacher expressed how he was sad that I left the church the bishop phoned me to know that I would lose the priest hood blessings and my baptism also temple ordinates would be canceled and I recognized that and I know that I made the right choice in leaving Mormonism . Are you both considered apostates since you have this You Tube channel and are helping people to try to leave the church ? .
My parents are always trying to find ways to sneak in a passage from the BoM or Bible. But mostly they try to express how much they know what they believe is real because of a)nature, b)some random thing they read in some random book, or c) because “the prophet” knows what’s best.
Awesome video! Thank you! Highly appreciate this ❤️🥰
No Game of Thrones for me.
I was too Mormon to allow that in my life when it started, and then when I “could” watch it, it was so emotionally daunting to start that I just… 🥴
But can we talk about all the Mormons who are already scandalized at the thought of the new LotR series from Amazon being like GoT? 😁 I’m ready for this.
Timing of this video is 👌🏻 you must have had some kid of prompting lmao!
A hard thing for me is that my parents believe that since they somewhat accept me as being gay (they see not kicking me out and shunning me as accepting), they believe that I must participate in church scripture reading and family church stuff and put effort into the church, This makes me feel really invalidated and I don’t know what to say to them, and they don’t seem to understand that it is not a fair trade, and that just because they don’t hate me I must become Mormon again.
Any advice?
You have to develop a new way of interacting with your family members that does not include any bonding related to sharing a common belief system. For me at least that means not trying to defend my beliefs and not engaging in any debates about religion and beliefs. I like the analogy you made about how you interact with friend or coworker who is Muslim or Hindu. That is very similar to the new way you need to interact with family members.
My younger brother converted to Muslim and he doesn't want to come to Christmas but we aren't religious. Christmas is more a fun family gathering that happens to fall on that religious date. My parents have suggested to have it on a different day but why do we need to change when it's not a religious thing we are doing. He could adjust to us but it's might risk his chance of heaven. When there is no heaven or god. Any tips of how to deal with it's?
Just carry on as normal.
Be polite and friendly to your brother.
Don't debate or discuss the subject of Christmas with him.
Why would your family want anyone coming to a Christmas gathering who does not want to be there anyway?
@@Themanyfacesofego because it's a nice meal and it's fun to have your whole family there
@@friezenfan I don't know your brother, but he might be rebelling by converting to a religion.
He could actually be trying to get ( negative) attention!
If you press him on the subject of Christmas Dinner, it will just reinforce his new identity and even a sense of persecution.
Just let him sort himself out, and carry on enjoying family gatherings without him!
@@Themanyfacesofego he didn't convert last week but years ago. If this is rebelling it should have stopped years ago as well
Sorry to say , but Islam in many ways is like mormonism , specially when he is a convert , take it easy , he should undrestand himself that his family is more important than an Idealogy
No point in maintaining family relationships with toxic Mormons. Best to leave the toxicity and nonstop abuse behind.
I've never watched game if thrones, once walked in on my parents watching it and it's not for me.
Damn, you couldn't have posted this BEFORE I got soft-disowned?
Nooooo 💜💜💜💜
Never seen GoTs… yet. No spoilers please!
hello sam
Wow ,it was an amazing video! Lots of tips can works for none belivers of the other ending with "M" religion as well ;D its also suprising how mormons manipulation system is similar to the manipulator followers of the mentioned religion !
Tanner's hair is 💋.
I feel like an orphan 😭
💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
just wanted to say i recently rewatched all of GOT while i had covid
I'm a teen do I still have to go to church and seminary and activities and every other thing, watching their broadcasts, whatnot.. I've disconnected from the church mentally for awhile now, I started questioning around the time I was 12 actually when I found I liked girls and being afab and in the church that was wrong. I was meant to have a family, marry a man or whatever and I just couldn't do that. I couldn't face the bishop with questions because I was ashamed and would watch the church's videos about gay people.. Due to school bullying my parents had gotten me a therapist who's lds and pressured me to come out and after hinting to my parents I was eventually forced out by my sister actually...
And I was met with yelling and them reading off the doctrine. When my dad was angry he would recite the story of Jesus flipping tables in the temple to excuse his behavior. It was absurd. I tried to pray and be close to God and remind myself it was okay but eventually I told God that he just couldn't change me and gave up on the church.
It was hard because every time I went to church I would feel overwhelmingly sick. My mind was telling me that I was doing something wrong, that the spirit of God was reminding me of all me sins, that I should repent and say "yes God you can change me please change me."
I think another part besides my dad's excuses and me being gay was that I was told that every thought mattered and I would have bad intrusive thoughts and thought that that was me sinning. Though there isn't hell in the church I felt like I was going there. For my intrusive thoughts from my trauma. Even leaving the beliefs of the church years ago, I was still telling myself this a few months ago.
I can't tell my parents I don't believe, last time I texted my friend that I had religious trauma my dad went through my phone and watched the video I sent them and told me that religious trauma doesn't exist.
💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
@@ZelphOntheShelf ♡♡♡♡♡♡
Btw I left because there was too much sanctioned racism.
You look like a pirate in the best way
I remember you ....you'll never get away ....😂😂...could you please give an opinion of what made you leave sda ....just kidding ,lds !