That uber long pause while you have to - finish having all 30 thoughts that just flew into your brain - determine which ones are relevant to the person you're talking to - figure out which ones to say - and how to word them in a way that the other person understands Yea, i can relate
I have innumerable times where I wish I could grab the thought out of my head and plop it on the table so I don't have to think of the words. I have to pause for long amounts of time, restart sentences... ❤
I've found that writing down a lot of those passing thoughts really helps. I use a note indexing system similar to Zettelkasten. - Dump new notes in - give them a unique name (usually the date and a title) - and tag the thought with it's relevant subject matter I do this using Obsidian, which is free to use software. You can use [[filename]] links to link between notes So a note would look like ---- 2025-01-07 - thought - this is an example title Put whatever here Don't make it pretty Just get down the essentials The idea or thought as it struck you Then I have a tag section # Tags [[With links to other notes]] [[Midwest Magic Cleaning]] [[Thought]] [[House cleaning]] [[Astrophysics]] [[2024-09-01 - some other thought I had that is related]] --- Using the [[links]] in obsidian, you can see a list of "back links" or notes that link to this one I use those tags to organize notes into groups of ideas, building a huge information graph, using notes as nodes, and back links as edges --- I don't do all of that template in one go I usually just create a note in my inbox, info dump into the note, then forget about it Later I look through my inbox and pretty it up, and then move it into a single "second brain" folder Navigation is done by file search, or by hopping through the links This let's me easily collect things like - add this to shopping list - here's an idea about a work project - I'm having a good time with my pets - I'm freaking out over this and that - here's a really cool book about X - here's a neat video about Y
I've found that writing down a lot of those passing thoughts really helps. I use a note indexing system similar to Zettelkasten. - Dump new notes in - give them a unique name (usually the date and a title) - and tag the thought with it's relevant subject matter I do this using Obsidian, which is free to use software. You can use [[filename]] links to link between notes So a note would look like ---- 2025-01-07 - thought - this is an example title Put whatever here Don't make it pretty Just get down the essentials The idea or thought as it struck you Then I have a tag section # Tags [[With links to other notes]] [[Midwest Magic Cleaning]] [[Thought]] [[House cleaning]] [[Astrophysics]] [[2024-09-01 - some other thought I had that is related]] --- Using the [[links]] in obsidian, you can see a list of "back links" or notes that link to this one I use those tags to organize notes into groups of ideas, building a huge information graph, using notes as nodes, and back links as edges --- I don't do all of that template in one go I usually just create a note in my inbox, info dump into the note, then forget about it Later I look through my inbox and pretty it up, and then move it into a single "second brain" folder Navigation is done by file search, or by hopping through the links This let's me easily collect things like - add this to shopping list - here's an idea about a work project - I'm having a good time with my pets - I'm freaking out over this and that - here's a really cool book about X - here's a neat video about Y
I've found that writing down a lot of those passing thoughts really helps. I use a note indexing system similar to Zettelkasten. - Dump new notes in - give them a unique name (usually the date and a title) - and tag the thought with it's relevant subject matter I do this using Obsidian, which is free to use software. You can use [[filename]] links to link between notes So a note would look like ---- 2025-01-07 - thought - this is an example title Put whatever here Don't make it pretty Just get down the essentials The idea or thought as it struck you Then I have a tag section # Tags [[With links to other notes]] [[Midwest Magic Cleaning]] [[Thought]] [[House cleaning]] [[Astrophysics]] [[2024-09-01 - some other thought I had that is related]] --- Using the [[links]] in obsidian, you can see a list of "back links" or notes that link to this one I use those tags to organize notes into groups of ideas, building a huge information graph, using notes as nodes, and back links as edges --- I don't do all of that template in one go I usually just create a note in my inbox, info dump into the note, then forget about it Later I look through my inbox and pretty it up, and then move it into a single "second brain" folder Navigation is done by file search, or by hopping through the links This let's me easily collect things like - add this to shopping list - here's an idea about a work project - I'm having a good time with my pets - I'm freaking out over this and that - here's a really cool book about X - here's a neat video about Y (sorry if there's like 20 of these, YT keeps deleting it)
Or sometimes groping for that word you use all the time but can't remember right now and no other word will substitute and give the precise meaning you want to convey.
If someone had told me six months ago that the best mental health channel on YT was made by a guy that cleans and organizes houses for a living, I probably would have thought they were joking. They weren't joking. Excellent video as always. An inspiration in every sense of the word. You be you. We're not going anywhere. EDIT: I've been shocked (and thrilled) by the enormous response to my comment but wanted to take advantage of the attention to make sure people know that this video isn't a rarity. This is what most of his videos are like and he covers a wide range of psychological issues beyond his own autism. And whether it's ADHD, anxiety disorders, etc he approaches all of them in the same intelligent, patient approach. So if you thought this one was great (which it is), make sure to check out the rest of his channel.
This Video has answered many questions about Depression that I haven't been able to find. I deal with hidden Depression a lot and Anxiety. I take Lexapro to help keep me from Crying 24/7. I'm alone and Holiday stress is heavy due to deaths in my family and my estranged daughters choice. I pray daily that I could meet a true friend that wants to share time with me. Most people don't have a clue how it feels to be alone. They have life long friends that are close and some family members who are their for them. Just going to town with someone would be great!!!
What the hell are you saying? You have one of the most relaxing, deepest, ASMR, beautiful radio voices I’ve ever heard. Why you don’t work on the radio or do voiceover work is beyond me. You most definitely do NOT need to edit out the “ums” or the “ahs”. It makes you more real and awesome. Please know, you are a cute, funny, quirky, generous individual and we just want you to be you. Why do you think you have so many followers that love your videos? Thank you for everything you do.
i’ve never had someone articulate how I feel in such concise and thorough way. ive been doing this lately too, i read a book called a monks guide to a clean house and mind and the author often talks about cleaning for mental emotional and spiritual wellness. “we don’t do it because it is messy or dirty, we do it to ease the suffering in our hearts”
I find it interesting that you see your unmasked speech as problematic. I’m sure I’m not alone when I say you sounded just fine to me. It kind of seemed like I’m just hearing a conversation from a friend. It sounded real. Your transparency and disclosure was so well explained that I’m sure it’s going to help an untold number of people who will watch now and for years in the future.
Yeah you really sound just like a normal conversation. It doesn't sound like "perfected edited AI voice" but nobody actually sounds like 6:00 news people unless they edit the shit out of it. Your natural cadence is fine.
@@Somewhereintime22 I agree. Felt like we all were just friends hanging out discussing what we all at some point deal with. I share a lot of the same traits. I have to pause and play out what I am going to say. My kids say I zone out. We all love this channel and we got your back.
I find your speech pattern 'normal' to me. That is the way I speak, and most of the people I know. You do not have to do any voice overs or corrections or masking to the way you speak. To me it's just regular conversation. I think you are too hard on yourself. What you consider needing to be 'corrected' is perfectly fine to me! Happy New Year to all!
I'm not autistic, but I do deal with paralyzing depression. If you can take off your mask, I can put on some music and get something done. Maybe even two somethings. I had come to the conclusion there was no hope left for me, but in 33 minutes and 30 seconds you've helped me find a small spark of hope within myself. THANK YOU.
There is aways hope. You are always a valued person. We can recognize and count our many blessings, but there can still be temptation to despair even while we are counting. I know the things Mack mentioned would help me if I take focus away from thoughts and do. And find satisfaction in little things done and not look at the mountains of "to do's". I am not downplaying or comparing depression. But we can't alow despair.
The slight pauses and ums actually feel so natural and comforting. I hope to see more videos like this unmasked and authentically you. Thank you for this video
“Sometimes the most important person to impress is you” that almost brought me to tears, struggling with a dark phase of chronic depression. Thank you for this video.
Absolutely! We are here, on this earth, to help each other, I feel. It is videos and messages that we do that can help more than imagined. I am truly happy you made this video.
Psychiatrist conversation when I was getting divorced. M: I heard divorce is emotionally equivalent to the death of a spouse Dr: No. It’s like the end of the universe because you have to move, split belongings, friends. Mack, I wish you the strength you give to others.
I would 100% continue watching you if you did this more often. I love your cornball humor and randomness, but what I saw in this video felt very comfortable and kind of comforting. I need these reminders of the little ways that can have big ripple effects. I also need authentic people in my day to day. I appreciate this and hope you can do it more often.
This video means a lot to me as an autistic person. It's actually very comforting to just hang out with another unmasked person via video. You're helping people by being yourself.
As a fellow autistic person I agree. Also the texture thing, my favorite pizza place changed something in their dough so I had to leave half a pizza today.
Hi Mack. I never comment on videos. As a retiring speech pathologist I have spent a good 20 years of my career working with autistic teens. And I just had to respond to the clear, honest and very insightful way in which you explained today of your life living with autism, anxiety and depression. The best description I’ve heard in years! You are an inspiration to all of us and I’ve grown quite fond of you as a person and with your channel (not in a weird way)! I finally subscribed today after watching you for over a year. Hope it helps towards your goal. I started watching for the cleaning tips, but love all of your content. Did you know you can be funny sometimes? Take care of yourself and continue doing what you’re doing so well. Thanks, Deb
I really value this video. My husband is autistic and gets very agitated when the house is unkempt and even when he cleans, he seems unhappy until it's all done. It's hard for him to talk about without getting emotional. Your explanations through this video help me make sense of why he feels so strongly. I do my best but we have small kids so keeping the house tidy is a challenge, but hearing this makes me wanna try harder. Thanks for being so real with us
Bravo! I personally give zero F's if your dialogue has ums and pauses in it ~ it's who you are, and I'm here for it. I KNOW I'm not the only one here who accepts you for the way you are, unmasked make your content unique and interesting. Here's a spin-kick to the depression and a karate chop to the door.
Don't ever underestimate the impact you are having on people. You're putting a lot of good out into the world by sharing your videos and being authentic, you are very appreciated out here in the wild.
Mac! 1) Everyone has "uhs" and pauses when they speak. The only people who don't are reading their remarks from a teleprompter, reading from a paper or have their remarks memorized. 2) When my Mom volunteered at a retirement / nursing home, everyone had to be dressed everyday and bed made. Even those in a wheelchair. It makes them feel better. 3) This might be impertinent, and I hope not, but do you think your depression this year could be separate from being on the autism spectrum? I have no training to back this up. You went through sooo much in 2024. •Your wife had serious surgery (right?) •You went through a long period of burn out. •You became a grandfather!!!♥️ •You moved out of your house and marriage and started over. 4)Here's what I say... BRAVO! You're awesome. No apologies.
EXACTLY! Look up the Holmes Rahe Stress inventory. It assigns points to various types of events, so you add it up for all the events of a year. Depending on the score, it will significantly raise your possibilities of getting a health issue. Stress is no joke, whether positive or negative. Your physical body can only take so much... If we use the above events alone, based on the chart: - major change in health of family member 44 - major personal illness 53 - gaining new family member 39 - separation from a mate 65 - new home 25 TOTAL = 226 / Score of 150-300 has a 50% change of causing a health issue in the following 2 years... MACK thanks for sharing this video, and how you focus a lot on taking care of yourself. Did not care for the long pauses, I found them relaxing. I have them myself when I talk. Totally normal, it's important to word things correctly.
I don't say this to make you feel badly, or unappreciated for caring for Mack, but when my son was young and would go into a fit after school let out, or when leaving the playground, or would stare into space on the swing, or would shake his head back and forth, or screen in the middle of the night or cry in the middle of the night, or not eat something, the list goes on. And another mom would say, oh do t worry so much, all children do a, b, c,d, etc... It would hurt me to the core, because no one really understands just how long the fall outs are, and how bad the crying or screaming will get, and just how hard it could really, truly, be. It made me feel so alone, and so much less of a mom because every kid acts this way right. The fact is no, they really don't. It's just different when you have autism, it's just different. And Autism in Adults is no different, sure depression is depression. But it can happen to Neuro typicals because someone dies, but for the Neuro divergent it can happen because they woke up to rain or snow or even their favorite shoes are too small. As Mack said, I feel for those that are worse off than him and my son, because being able to understand what is going on and helping yourself with things that you know will help, is a higher functioning gift. Anywho, just saying, yes he has been through a lot this year, but the things that can depress ASD folks, can be much more innocent to NT's.
I think you should take their word for it, since you indeed have no training as you say, feels a bit weird to psychoanalyze them like this, to me at least. He seems very capable of doing it himself.
Please continue to be unmasked. We need to normalize neurodivergence in everyday life! I’m ADHD and right now I’m dealing with seasonal depression too, and your video helped motivate me to get up and do the things I’ve been wanting to do but unable to get the motivation to actually do.
I am a pediatric occupational therapist who works with autistic children and I LOVE this video. You do an excellent job explaining how someone needs to care for themselves even if they Are Not autistic! I know you are hyper aware of your pauses but they are not that bad. I suffer from word finding issues and do the same “pregnant” pauses constantly. Keep up the excellent work! FYI - I LOVE your sense of humor and dry comments! 😅
This! His pauses are not that bad. He is so hard on himself 😢. I have so many pregnant pauses that my sons, 13 and 15, have been finishing my sentences for years 😅
@DeirdresRebornsandlupuslife i was diagnosed at 58. It's possible - and it will change your life. My entire life makes so much sense now. I love being autistic, even with all my issues.
@@DeirdresRebornsandlupuslife Don't worry about it. It would be a boring world if everybody was the same. When I was young, the word autistic hadn't been invented.
Do you realize how many people you help? “Normal” people too without autism! I struggle with procrastination and wanted to take down my Christmas decorations. Didn’t do it weekend before last, didn’t do it New Year’s Day when I was off work. Finally this past Saturday I thought of you and told my husband, “I watch this cleaning guy on YT and he says pick up one thing and move it. Clean one little section, don’t look at your whole house.” 8 hours and 11,000 steps later I finally accomplished what I had wanted to do for almost 2 weeks! Thank you for your advice, your humor, your human-ness, your realness. Yours is the only channel where I am a paying member. Keep on Mack! 👊🏼
I literally was like, "wow my depression has not hit me for a while now," and I always trick myself into thinking it's never coming back. Then yesterday I couldn't do any of my tasks, my head was cloudy, nothing was giving me joy, not even watching TV or eating something sweet. This was actually so helpful to me. I'm not autistic, but I have depression and this video was so awesome and informative. I was definitely one of those people who thought getting calm is the right way to do things, instead of getting activated physically. I cleaned my house while you talked in this video because I'm alone at home today, and it just felt like I had someone around speaking sense to me and genuinely seeing me and understanding me. It just made me feel safe and not stupid. Grateful to you, dude.😊
You don't know how many people you just helped understand depression and autism better. Not just this video but all your other videos as well. We love you!
Around 27 minutes, you describe something I had NO clue was something I go through often. I go into a literal “neverland” in my mind but a lot of ppl have told me to keep active and do something to not “daydream.” I remember getting SOOO annoyed when ppl would take me out of that mental space (waving their hand so close to my face) So bizarre (and truly amazing) to hear someone else experience this and articulate it so clearly. Just how you mention shopping, I’ve done that too to get away from family and just to be by myself. Edit: just as I write this, you just said you do this to help autistics who experience this but don’t know how to describe it. I’ve never heard ANYONE mention this so I SO appreciate you.
I’m not autistic, but I do fight with depression. I’m amazed at how much I get what you are saying. I wish you well. And will continue to appreciate your wisdom.
Mack - I honestly did not notice the pauses while you were speaking. You still sound natural and “normal” so if it helps with your videos, you do not need to change or fix anything with your voice or narration.
Thank you for your video this evening with your depression. A lot of us are not autistic, but suffer with depression. Some of what you said tonight, about how you start your day preparing yourself to start your day feeling better about yourself, is what I have in the last 3 months, have realized about myself. Thank you for being open and honest. Some may have needed to see this. Thank you.
Thank you, Mac for your honesty and transparency. Never have been diagnosed with autism, but I have suffered from depression almost all my life and I appreciate you being vulnerable and putting yourself out there and talking about it.
I am bipolar depressant. I use the same things to bring me out of a depression. You are being real and I like that. Just started watching you and subscribed. Enjoy your humor and your kindness. I look forward to watching you for a long time. 🥰
Those pauses....I shut my eyes almost every single time. I've either stopped thinking completely or I'm thinking too much. When I do it Infront of others, it makes me SO anxious about how they are perceiving me, especially when it's doctors... Loved this video. Truly.
28:47 "Terrified to upload this video" Oh Mack, if I could give it a standing ovation, I would. I would give it about 12 stars out of a possible 10. This video is one of, if not THEE BEST, from your vast output. It makes a TON of sense and the fact that you're not editing and leaving in all the pregnant pauses, hmms, and haws shows a very genuine and vulnerable side of you. People need to know the downsides of autism as well as its positive aspects. Your practical advice demonstrates a level of experience with something like autism and its dark side. I've always thought that you could author a book, teach a course, or be a counselor (or all 3) for people struggling with conditions like autism, depression, hoarding disorder, and anxiety, based on the wisdom you have shared with your viewers. When you mentioned sensitivity to various textures in foods, I thought of a friend who has issues with food textures and she's NOT autistic, so I didn't find anything exceptionally odd about the fact that certain textures don't appeal to you. I think that many people, if they care to admit it, have this or that preference or dislike for certain foods. Again, may I say, Bravo on this very transparent work! It is needed, I'm sure, by many of your viewers who come for the cleaning and stay for the counsel (and the moose, of course). God bless you, Mack! Keep 'em comin'!
Mac! Holy shit, dude. I watched your video on my Roku and felt compelled to pull out my phone to comment. You are amazing! I honestly found this video to be one of the most real, honest, bare assed, and beautiful things I've watched in a long while. I know that you're going to get thousands of comment telling you that. I hope that you can step back, let all the normalcy bullshit fall away, and know that people really like you. I actually like you, and respect you more having seen this. Looking forward to seeing you and Jason in upcoming videos. ❤❤❤
Your video last night really got to me... at the time I could only say thanks. I'm still having a hard time finding the right words. Mack I have the same exact feelings but I can't seem to make myself start like you did. Your words & your vulnerability have touched me though & I am trying hard. I am going to watch again today. I think it might just give me the push I need. You are an amazing person...and pretty too😉
My mom never said that because then she would have had to DO IT. Lol. But I wished she would have. I'm 65 and just discovered that clutter stresses me out. I only found out I was autistic by watching this channel.
My daughter is non-verbal with severe autism and you have helped me understand her autism so much more. You have said the things that she can't say. Thank you for your openness, for being vulnerable and your honesty! My husband even watched this. You are amazing and doing such a wonderful service whether you are cleaning or opening up about yourself! The world needs to see and hear this side of you too! The real, unedited person that you are! You are amazing!!!!!
Dont know if it will help but have you tried keto or carnivore diet. There are quite a few people saying its improving autism, also there are studies linking autism to the gut microbiome. ❤❤❤
@@teresamoore4126 Not the place or time to push bogus science, ma’am. A difference in neurology down to how the brain and nervous system are *wired* can’t be “””””cured””””” by a fad diet. Plus, these diets can be super hard to keep when you have something like ARFID anyway. This kind of thing is usually pushed to parents and caregivers who don’t know any better, and we autistic people are tired of it.
@@teresamoore4126 That’s just confirmation bias. You may as well attribute his speech to drinking water or breathing air. If you must know, most autistic people’s verbality fluctuates through life. I would not shut up for a second as a kid, but now in my twenties I actually have trouble speaking aloud sometimes. Again, diets do nothing for autism, unless your goal is to restrict your child’s food choices even more than their potential sensory issues already do.
@@Arualiaa sorry not confirmation bias. Keto genic is the most studied diet there is, its helping people with epilepsy and autism. Carnivore is helping with healing stage 4 kidney disease, multiple sclerosis etc. It is not a restricted diet to eat meat, vegetables, fruits eggs and dairy etc. Like i said what is the harm of trying? Its not for you to tell other people not to try something that could work.
Me, too! Also, I love the "unmasked" vocals; 'sounds normal to me. I enjoy your other videos but always wonder if it's just me who doesn't think, or speak as fast and fluidly as you do!
Thank you for “normalizing” autism and being able to articulate all the things that involve being you. My husband and son are both autistic (son AuDHD 2/3) and our son will never be able to articulate these things, so videos like yours help others understand. Also re: getting dressed, I always tell people don’t save clothes “dress for the occasion”; you ARE the occasion. Be well, friend.
I’m autistic and have recently started watching your videos because they feel very comforting to me and I use them as body doubling when I’m trying to do household chores. I had no idea you were autistic as well. Seeing you unmasked and talking about your autism and how cleaning can help with autistic depression felt like you were putting puzzle pieces together that had been floating around in my head that I couldn’t put together myself. Thank you so much for posting this and being your authentic, unmasked self with us.
Everyone that has subscribed to your channel is not here for your editing skills, we are here for you. I appreciate the vulnerable, unpolished you! Dont ever be afraid to be 100% you in front of us, you have the same value on your worst days as you do on your best days.
"You have the same value on your worst days as you do on your best days"--wow, because I can totally see and agree with this when you say it about Mac, it made me realize, hey, wow, maybe this is true for me (and the rest of us, of course), too. Thank you for the insight!
I am 31 and am just coming around to realizing I may have autism. Seeing you 100% unmasked and hearing advice on how to work WITH & not AGAINST how our brains work is really helpful information! There was so much I could relate to in this video. Thank you for this 🙏🏼🥰
You have said "if you can't clean the whole room, clean a 4 ft square" and that alone has helped me not get so overwhelmed looking at my messy apartment that I can actually clean a little. I've started focusing on one thing at a time and my kitchen is actually clean now! I got rid of all the trash one day (2 of the really big black garbage bags plus 5 pizza boxes) and the next day I moved everything off the counter and cleaned them! You're making a difference for others and I hope you're proud of yourself. So thank you 😊 Edit: you're welcome to be your authentic self and not feel uncomfortable doing so. Anyone who says otherwise can suck it, son!
I think your unedited voice is AWESOME. You have such a great voice. You could be a radio announcer. Thank you for being transparent to help others. I love that you have words for what you experience with schedule and food changes. It is so helpful for others to hear this! I have ADHD and have had depression (treated now) for years and years. My young adult nephew is on the autism spectrum and also deals with depression. I love that he can TALK about it. So huge! I am SO PROUD OF HIM! Your “Fly Lady” approach of getting dressed down to the shoes is so good for us. I have accepted that waste is part of living with neurodiversity sometimes, whether food or things I should not have purchased when I was hyperfocused on something. We just have to do our best and don’t focus on regrets! If you do remember to do something better, give yourself a compliment for it! I notice if I just move one dish to where it goes, starts the sequence/habit of doing dishes. The getting started is where I have to coax and encourage my tantrumming inner child! It DOES make such a difference to to get clutter put away and “clear the decks”! ADHD makes me get caught up in one diversion after another, and sometimes I look around and wonder who let the Tasmanian Devil in here? 😆🙄 Pretty sure I am 3rd generation (at least) ADHD, and depression runs on the other side of the family. My mom is a hoarder. Your videos are so insightful and healing for me. You are SO good at teaching skills and mental health! We are ENOUGH! We are VALUABLE! We are LOVABLE! We all have something to offer the world, even if our world is very tiny! Keep on being YOU! YOU ARE A GIFT to SO MANY PEOPLE! I also love your sense of humor too! 🥰 Veggie Ta-a-ALES… Veggie Ta-a-ALES… 🍅
There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with this video. You never need to apologise for pauses or ums. This is such a real video, and you are so brave for showing everyone who you really are. Thank you so much. All the very best.
Mac, this video has changed something fundamental in my mind. I cannot thank you enough for posting this, for unmasking, for being vulnerable. Thank you.
Not only autistic people feel like you. Much love. I feel the texture of food and especially clothing on my skin bothers me. But a tidy home makes my mind settle too.
Definitely! I can relate to and totally experience so much of what he describes but I'm not autistic - just a human reacting to life and the world. I hope that helps someone feel less alone and 'weird', somehow! P.s. your house is looking great, can't wait to see with the floors, MidWest!
I feel exactly the same way. Order is a happy feeling to me. That snowstorm is a bummer! I live in the deep south. Sounds like an ice storm is on the way for us this weekend. It is crappy to be stuck in the house for days, and I like to be at home, but not when I can't get out. I hope your mood improves soon when you can get back to a routine😊
Thank you, Mack, for welcoming us into your world. It also helps us understand one another's struggles, so that we can give each other grace in the struggle. I learn so much from you! Getting dressed and including shoes tells your body it's time to get to work -- toward whatever is in need of getting done. My list today was too ambitious, so my January 6th "undecorating" will have to get started on January 7th -- and that's okay!
as an autistic teenager who is constantly struggling with trying to identify tiredness versus burnout versus depression, this video was super comforting to watch and feel seen. A sticker was removed from my keyboard and it stopped me from filling in a job application for hours. If I eat the wrong food for breakfast I won't be able to concentrate until I eat the "right" food. It's so comforting to see autistic adults who still struggle with the same things yet have compassion for themselves at the same time
Thank you, Mack. Depression can be worked through just as you have depicted. We all have pauses in our thinking -you just verbalize it for us to see-ok? this is normal! You’ve been through so much lately! Separation, moving, learning to live alone, becoming a new grandpa, and navigating the holidays. Sooo much! Give yourself grace. Change can be devastating and also enlightening. One day at a time. 💕
I doubt I’m the only one that feels this way, but I did want to say something. Personally, I prefer the unedited absolutely real you. The “ups” and the pauses only add to the comfort of watching you. Polished people are a dime a dozen. Real people are becoming fewer and further between. So, if I can cast a vote even though one was not called, be yourself 100%. I am addicted to your videos and. I always hate that I never catch the when they are “live”, but watch them all the same. So much mad respect for you and I love what you’ve done with your home. Thank you for what you share with us.
It feels weird, but nice to essentially hear me telling me what’s wrong with me and how to get some improvement for myself. Thanks for making me feel seen.
I was diagnosed about 3 years ago and I really needed this today. I had a big loud cry earlier over feeling so overwhelmed by life and loneliness and feeling inadequate. This video was super comforting and made me feel more normal and understood. I'm gonna try to get dressed nicely when I wake up tomorrow and make some cookies and work out. It really is the simple things that make me happier day to day.
THANK YOU! My husband has newly discovered autism and his “details” and requirements are different yet similar to yours. I want desperately to understand and to do all the things that help him to enjoy life! (I wish he had the Let’s Clean stim, to be honest 😂) he has the staring at screens thing- so many screens on at once. For a long time it made me feel unloved but now I know it’s a stim. He has social issues, has trouble making and keeping friends, hates stains with every fiber in him, must have a watch on, must have noise in the house 100%, coughs and clears his throat and sniffs constantly, never wears shorts or sweaters or anything with a V neck, has texture issues, laughs at inappropriate times, won’t let anyone but me touch his hair or face, etc. we dated for three years and he exhausted himself hiding it all. When I realized what he was like after the wedding I felt like I was being pranked because he changed so drastically and suddenly. It was many, many years before we figured it out, and I’m still learning. Your video helped me to understand him better! THANK YOU. You’re a GOOD MAN! I wish you much happiness, love and health this coming new year and always.
My favorite quote is, "It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society." -Jiddu Krishnamurti. I appreciated this video so much....we need more people being real these days.
Applauding your bravery. For what it's worth, some people (myself included) find that when people pause to think about their words, I feel respected. They exude respect for themselves and those around them. Their words are thoughtful and worth hearing. The natural ebb and flow of your unmasked speech is a privilege to hear. We seem to have come to many similar conclusions in how to manage the storm between the ears. When I take care of my body, spirit, environment before attempting anything else, it's night and day difference. I have to make my needs matter, even more so when I don't feel like it. Keeping my home(environment I find myself in) clean and ready to go is essential for me to move on to anything else. It's a blessing and a curse to be this aware and a privilege to be able to self care. I try to make a game of it to stay happy but I relate on a very real level to just about every single thing you share. May your strength be as eternal as the tides, in and out is ok. Please know that you have made and continue to make a difference. You've validated so many of my insecurities which now feel like common ground instead of isolating. You're the best parasocial friend I have and I wish you peace, clarity, strength and joy. Thank you for being there for me and all of us like you're there for the people you help in your videos. Please continue taking care of yourself because you are normalizing healthy day to day functioning which is no easy endeavor. Thank you again, have a lovely day 😊
Can’t speak for everyone but I find you just as lovely, just as calming and just as great being exactly who you are. If nothing else, you don’t have to edit your pauses and ums. You’re allowed to be human! That’s way too much time spent. Who you are is plenty for me ❤
As the mother of a 32 year old autistic son, it inspires me to try harder to get him to be more independent when I see you doing so much! I understand how miserable you feel at times and I am so impressed with your determination to do what you can to get through each day. You are unique and very much appreciated and loved by so many people! Never forget that!❤
That’s such a common friggin experience! I struggle with identifying emotions and feelings a lot myself, especially when I’m depressed and/or burnt out. Alexithymia is what this concept is called, and I really find it helpful to have emotion wheels to point at words cause my brain goes blank. There’s also a lot of AuDHD educators and activists and doctors who have great autism-positive ways to help with this and things to say or do instead, and I found it SO helpful to find the word to describe this experience myself!
Your candidness in sharing your vulnerabilities and "true self" is one of the strongest acts of generosity I've ever seen. There is no telling how many of us relate deeply to your thought processes and ways of dealing with them. I don't carry any specific diagnoses/labels from the medical profession, myself, but there are probably several that would apply, both to me and to others watching this. Even so, I think there are insights here that virtually EVERYONE can relate to to a greater or lesser degree, especially where depression is concerned. I benefit from all your videos, but this one especially. You are a light in this world. Thank you for letting it shine.
You should know that EVERYBODY hesitates during speaking, everyone searches for words and pauses to do so. Your natural speech patterns are perfectly normal. Please don't waste another moment editing that sort of out of your videos. I congratulate you on your bravery to feel publicly vulnerable. YOU ARE ENOUGH. We like you....JUST AS YOU ARE. Really!❤❤❤
Exactly! You speak perfectly normal! I start half of my voice texts with”And” and then have to remove them sometimes! Sometimes I just don’t care and I leave them. I’m always thinking in the middle of my senses. I have ADHD. I’m always thinking.😂. Also suffered with anxiety and depression most of my life as well as PTSD from childhood trauma. And I’m not the only one who thinks you’re pretty normal! What is normal anyway? My daughter is a professor and special ed and she says that everybody’s on the spectrum of something or other in life! I thought that was the best explanation I’ve ever heard. She never judges or makes me feel bad because I can’t remember things. She just knows that’s part of my personality. I actually told her one time that I felt like I was getting old and that my memory was getting worse. She actually said to me, mom, you’ve been this way since your 30s and I’m 71. And I laughed and said oh that makes me feel a lot better. So now I don’t worry about it. Cause the most important people don’t care and they still love you as long as you’re not a mean vindictive nasty poor excuses for a human being. 😂 Although there are many people out there that fit that description that certainly isn’t most people.
I'm glad you have decided to "do you." You are way too hard on yourself. You ARE good enough, you ARE interesting, you ARE kind and generous and a pleasure to spend time with. Keep shining.
AuADHD here, I see you. I honor your journey. Thank you for showing up for yourself and helping teaching others that we are worthy of our OWN time. Once I started romanticizing my life for ME everything slowly started to change. I still work on it every day, and the biggest question I learned to asked myself, "what would make me feel safe right now?" ❤❤❤
I came across this video out of the blue! My good fortune. This was very helpful to me right now. I'm not diagnosed with autism, but I am in a depression. You made excellent points here to start pulling yourself up! I'm starting these things TODAY. It's important you keep sharing and helping others. Thank you for getting me started again. ❤🎉
Honestly, the difference between a successful TH-cam channel and an unsuccessful one isn't what you actually do. It's who you are. We like you. We like you so much we watch you clean gross stuff. Part of you is the ups and downs of life, and thank you for sharing it with us.
Yes, even the gross stuff. Most of the time, Sometimes I just can't. I grew up in a home that look like many of the homes Moose Man cleans. 10 people in 2 and 3 bedroom houses with an occasional dad drop in and a mother that had mental problems. On Saturdays I and my best friend would clean both houses. She had 10 people in her family too. We would throw everything that didn't belong in that room and sweep it to the next until we got to the back porch. We'd call everyone and tell them to come get what was theirs and then our moms would take care of the rest. We had bugs and mice of course and my stomach can't take to seeing that. Moose Man has given me insight into my family and I can now forgive many in my family. Knowing now what troubles they were dealing with. As children we just don't understand.
I am coming out of lurk (which is very scary for me...) to tell you that I'm proud of you for posting this. Don't be scared, you did great! I have very similar experiences, thanks for vocalizing on behalf of us quiet ones. 😊
This should be required viewing for anyone struggling to get up and not let depression swamp them. It’s those little things that jolt your brain out of a rut. I love that you reveal who you are. You articulated so clearly the lines between over and under stimulation and how hard it can be to stay in the middle. Thanks for being you!
I was surprised you think of pauses in speech as abnormal. I associate them with someone who is thoughtful about what they want to say. Same experience…different story about what it means. I applaud you for your courage in this video. I have had depression my whole life and agree with so much of what you said. It’s not about finding the silver bullet that will make the depression go away. It’s about developing a toolkit with a hundred different tools you can use to help yourself move through it. Thank you for your authenticity.
man are you psychic? just what i needed. im in a post holiday depression have alot of boxes and trash to get to dumpster and laundry and decluttering. its been a better christmas this year but working etc ive let it go and that contributes to the down mood. you will help me get back on track with this vid. thank you. i can relate to what you are feeling
Can relate. "It's just stuff." Was the best advise I heard last year. Meaning It's OK, it is not who you are. Became part of my self-healing, self-forgiveness and no-judgement campaign. Give yourself the grace and love you need. Keep on going, take rest and learn to love yourself. Awesome channel!! Thank you!! 👍🏻🙏 💖🌿💖 P.S. I am ADHD and probably some Autism mixed in. Autism is in the family, but I might be the only ADHD. Also found out I am dyslexic. I try really hard but didn't know I was so tired because it's such hard work to fit in and look smart! Self-diagnosed, untreated, and on SSRIs which exacerbate ADHD symptoms.
Today, I used everything that I've learned from all your videos to help my mom get out of a negative feedback loop involving ADHD, severe depression, and some element of compulsive shopping. Having a clean bed to sleep on tonight and at least *some* of her bedroom be cleaned out helped her feel so much more like a person. I am going back tomorrow afternoon to get through more of the mess, but it's going to be a multi-day job. She already seems a lot more peaceful from just one day. So thank you for what you do.
Most people watched the video before you or me, so this comment doesn't have as many replies or likes as it deserves. That is amazing. Good for you for helping out your mom, and good for your mom for accepting the help. I had to wait until I felt ok enough to watch this, and I'm glad I did, otherwise I wouldn't have seen your comment
@@darvulya Well thank you. I've just been trying to learn how these situations come to be. I was never able to help my mom without it turning into a fight, so I needed to understand the psychology of what was going on. Also, I needed to learn how to clean properly myself, since my mom was unable to teach me. That's how I found this channel.
"Full blown Mack". I'm here for it. As someone who deals with anxiety and depression, thank you. Seriously, Thank YOU. The skulls are impressed.... see, they're smiling! We love you.
fellow autist here. it is not lost on me what a privilege it is to get to see you unmasked. I thank you for your bravery, because it lets other autistic ppl see that you dont need to edit yourself to be accepted if you find the right communities. cleaning is what gets me through most days. with chronic pain and fatigue, keeping my space tidy and my body taken care of is my full time job. its the only thing i can control, that i can make better, even in some small way. most people go to work and leave their house to see friends. i have company over occasionally, but im pretty much home bound so it matters a ton whether my bed is made or not because i spend most of the day on it.
Mee, too. Sometimes I forget that I'm not the only one. When I go to my pain doctor every month, I see other patients who APPEAR to have more of a "normal" life than I do. I get up 3 hours prior to my appointment. That way, I have time to shower, wash & dry my hair, put some makeup on, and put on new comfortable clothes and sneakers. I, too, mask when I go to appointments. But, just seeing all these supportive comments, I know that others are struggling also with depression and chronic pain that is never alleviated even with medication. I was seeing my psychiatrist every month. But, I feel like I don't need to increase my meds , and I just need to do things that make me feel better about myself . 💕
I'm a fellow autistic, and believe me, your natural voice and intonation is not different from that of some neurotypicals! And the long pauses... I'm sorry if people ever gave you shit for them - it looks like you associate shame with them. My partner also pauses to think thoroughly/formulate words, even for much longer than you do! I think it's nice, taking time in a conversation, feeling comfortable in a silence. I hope you have people in your life that can appreciate your words and you silences alike, and if you don't, I hope you will. Thank you for sharing your life and for the help you give others. I too really like to clean for similar reasons, as I clear the clutter, it's like my brain is getting cleaned as well. Finding order in chaos! :D
I think honestly the point about depression maybe being caused by understimulation is really helpful. I homeschool my kids and sometimes it’s so depressing to just cook food and break up arguments. This is a good reminder to try to get some stimulation when I’m feeling down. (I love homeschooling them, but nothing is all sunshine and rainbows.)
This video came at a perfect time for a lot of people who aren't distracted by Christmas or New Years any more, when the seasonal depression really starts to set in. I'm really glad you were able to trust us enough to share your daily struggles with us. Thank you.
It certainly came at a perfect time for me, as the expectations placed on us exhaust me so much that it ruins any chance of recovering during the holiday season. I was actually glad to get back to work for a break. Sounds terrible, our relatives are lovely people but they really suck the life energy out of me.
You may have just made the most important video on how to work through depression in TH-cam history! As someone who also has depression, your coping strategies are totally spot on!! You are an inspiration!!! Love your vulnerable unedited self!
Your texture issue with the cheese puffs is just like my inability to listed to anyone who uses "you know" five times in a sentence. I also can't manage to watch anyone who is wearing two-inch-long false eyelashes it just gives me the HEE BEE JEE BEES. I've been depressed lately I clean just to keep myself busy, so I don't think too much. The comment section makes me feel better I thought I was alone with my social anxiety. Excellent video by the way, it was an eye opener for me.
Mack, this type of content is so GOOD. Many people, with or without Autism, have some of the same symptoms. Each tip you provide applies to so many people and they don't know coping skills. You share those. Authenticity rocks. That is what makes each of us so special.
I’m an Autistic single mom raising 2 neurodivergent boys. We also use “traffic jam” to articulate how our brains are feeling, like you described. Such a relatable video.
Thank you for being vulnerable with us, Mac. It's a brave thing to do, and I appreciate all the effort you put into your videos. Maybe allow yourself to do these raw videos every now and then? It might give you a breath of fresh air, a moment to relax. Just a thought, if you think it might not help, there's no pressure. Have a good day, Mac, keep being awesome
Hello from North Carolina. I am mom to an adult daughter who is on the spectrum. (She will be 21 in February 2025). She’s pretty high functioning, but as her mom I am always looking for ways to help her, to understand her challenges better, and improve our communication. Thank you for posting this. It is encouraging to see an adult who functions well and can explain some of how you perceive things.
Very proud of you. It's hard to deal with depression when don't have autism. You are helping not only yourself, but also those of us that don't want to face the day either. You are my hero.😊
Thank you Mac. I was laid off the day after Christmas. And I'm fighting to keep engaged instead of sink into a depression hole. I have a simular plan of pull myself out of bed with first goals of movement, tidy and put on go outside worthy clothing. Then go after the progress making goals. Same reasons: Pick my personal mood up. To get my achy body and slow mind going. To reduce the little nagging things that still my focus and energy and replace that with little wins around my home.
Bless your heart, many years ago I was fired/kicked out on Christmas day. I was a live in Nanny and I had a 2 year old Son. I'll never forget that Christmas, and that was 38 years ago. Bless your heart. Someone in Texas cares about you, and her name is also Cindy.😊
This is a great video, you should do more of these. Your commentary on autistic understimulation really made sense to me as an autistic person--I'm always in need of the correct amount of stimulation, and it's really hard to reconize when I'm going too far in either direction. This video didn't feel unpolished to me, rather it felt more authentic and your insights generally are really helpful to me, a 28 year old autistic guy who was just diagnosed last year. Thank you for your work, it is really important to many, myself included.
This is the best video you ever made. I'm reminded of a Rod Serling quote. ""Writing is easy. I simply walk into my study. I sit down. I put the paper in the typewriter and I fix the margins and I turn the paper up... and I bleed.” That's the original medium for art and you're working with it. I've got ADHD / Depression, my wife has autism / anxiety. There's no book for this stuff, it's largely an uncharted land. I know. I've read probably 40 books. None of them will be as useful as this video in conveying the reality to others. The hats on the wall? She has handbags. She doesn't even use them, they're just ready at a moments notice for tasks. I didn't even realize I was using your cleaning tips therapeutically. The razor blade tools on the oven? No neurotypical I've ever met would dare use a razorblade cleaning or care about the cooktop's stuff. But to me, the act of finishing something required an appropriate tool. On the one hand it's just a razor blade. In the other hand it's a tool for excising. I could finally "Finish" a task that had malingered maliciously in my soul for decades. The act of ignoring something that could be done was sapping my willpower for years. That's just 1 of many tools you recommend and they're all basically therapy tools. I get dopamine everytime I see Barkeeper's Friend in a cupboard knowing I can take a task further. I can recognize we've read some of the same books, "Willpower: Rediscovering the greatest human strength" at least has some of the same treatment ideas seen here. The getting cleaned up in the morning and making the bed ritualization definitely remind me of that. Our kitchen? My wife can't cook and she has to return to the kitchen as it was, so when I clean it's a complete and thorough process. I clean while I cook and I must finish 90% of what I've done. I can leave the dishwasher full and maybe 1-2 dishes out for later but no more. I've adapted tools for this that are key but ADHD gives me *some* excess ability to manage the chaos of cooking and cleaning at the same time, but also, I've discovered an inherent value of cleaning things while they're still somewhat "hot". "Staging" is key, I have to plan my entire routine out to be done, completed, food served and things put away entirely... or I can't even start. I have to prep in stages because the kitchen must be tv-show level zen if she's not at work. But my wife? She has a meltdown right around the time anything sizzles, she rallies, but then hates herself and her food. She can't even eat it after or the next day. Plating is key, it must be plated a certain way and be presentable and unique. Garnishes matter. She can't do all this at once nor practice in a meaningful way to get good enough at doing it. But baking? She can make world class baking projects. Instagram worthy stuff because she can endlessly obsess over perfecting details. She can make a stain glass window that takes weeks - but cooking? Nope, not gonna happen. So we adapt, slowly. She likes basic meals and I'm finding eating broccoli raw, while seeming unappetizing is great. Some things I'll never get used to, she likes eating peppers raw but hates the pepper spice. I like pepper. I'm starting to see why they've always been relegated to shakers and added later, it's a do-it-later kind of thing. She can use an air-fryer but hates the sound of it. We can't be in the kitchen at the same time really, she goes nuts over the management and ritualization, she'll walk right through me if she needs to do something. This morning she had made espresso in a little pouring cup as part of the ritual of using the machine. We were handing off, she was done and I needed to make my own. She went to rinse the cup out and I said, "Don't bother, I'm about to make some,". She looked at me. I looked at her. I saw fear. And I told her to clean it, her ritual wasn't complete until it was done. I understood, but years ago that would've been very difficult to understand. I waited patiently while she washed a dish I was about to use. She tried to apologize, I cut her off. I couldn't use it until she was satisfied with it being "finished". Simple as that. The leaving out pork overnight, for my wife I can tell when she's done, she's done. Going non-verbal claps down like a movie director clapping a board in the middle of a scene, it's done. She's not talking for a while. She can send me messages through the phone as needed, but that's a wrap. Cut. It's not going anywhere, time to wrap up the show and go to lunch. It's ok, it's as simple as that. Talking time is "done", if I have further thoughts I will commit them to writing for later consumption. She needs to move on *now*. For me, while I have a subtle difference with stimulation, I get the stimulation issue. While you're managing under and overstimulation, I'm managing literal stimulants. I have to take blood pressure medicine alongside a stimulant, I have to manage the same issues chemically. My wife I have to recognize those things too - she'll mask and do anything I ask her to do, but her levels of enjoyment are inexplicable to her. I have to catch her when we're doing something not mutually gratifying and examine her feelings as if they were an art piece, and read right through her to get to the truth... and catch myself. If I'm having fun, I have to be extra careful, because when she's riding passenger she goes from passenger, to backseat, to being dragged behind the car if I don't notice. It might even be something she regularly enjoys but not today and I have to course correct for both of us. Meanwhile though, when she's driving it takes a while to get her there, but she's on a high no earthly human could possibly manifest, she will live in perfect moments for several minutes. Long enough that I check in with her and it's like icarus with wings that don't melt. She'll come down when she's tired - and my ADHD can't even shake loose her zen at that point. It's a diesel engine of zen for several minutes, even hours. Not even modest existential quandaries over whether or not something is perfect will even ping the zen, she's a marble statue of happiness for several hours sometimes. But it takes a lot of doing, we have to manage our lives in a meaningfully intelligent way and like a bonsai tree, it needs *just* enough hedging and NO MORE. I appreciate you putting this up and out there. It won't be easy, people will conglomerate weird ideas, opinions, project ideas of scrutiny and trigger all kinds of rejection sensitive ideas. I don't envy you for exposing yourself out there, I get the fear and self-loathing, the doubt and insecurity surrounding what this'll be like. Those fears are grounded and when you inevitably run into some disaster clowns screaming the end is nigh, armor up. Because you did a really good thing sharing this and it's making my day. I'm saving this video, it is a picturesque art piece of encapsulating a person's experience with autism in a meaningfully difficult way. You made a glass rose of your life, put it in an all too-fragile glass piece and here's to hoping the crazy world doesn't try to knock it off the display table. That delicate nature is what makes it special, the fragility of a well done thing left out in spite of what the world can, will, and might crack when callously occupying space with it. Be it ignorance or malice, doesn't matter, when that comes along just do your best to survive the wobbling table. I get rejection sensitive dysphoria, which is a disproportionate response to failures to communicate - doesn't matter what I'm doing or if their claims have any merit, discords ring like tuning forks for 3 days. I wake up in the middle of the night remembering some inane rabble moment about people disagreeing in a video game. It's not that I won't put it away, it's that I can't, my subconscious will turn up the volume in that echo for 3 days, I have to write them down and ritualize the expungement to even make them stop at 3 days. Keep up the good work man, this is a little art piece. You did great. The fear is warranted but the value for people REALLY looking is far more important. You might get some assholes. You might eat some scrutiny from belligerent people. When that happens pair it with this. I saw a glass rose in a museum in NYC 8 years ago. I will remember it forever as the definition of art defying time. This video? Going to be the same level. It will inextricably tie itself to the idea of autism for the rest of my life, and like those razor blades I bought, I will pull them out every so often and cut off some dangling end in my life using this video. At least 2-3 people of Ellie's family will see it and finally understand, and in turn, help others understand. I've been spending months trying to figure out how to describe autism to my wife's family and you made a necessary viewing list, the presentable video format here will absolutely convey the reality as best as possible... and she too, will have to survive the stones and arrows that come with people poking the glass. Constantly. Thank you for painting this self-portrait so others might come to know themselves and be known by others. Keep up the good work man, this is really important stuff. You're doing great. This is the art that matters.
Thank you for sharing. I think your dynamic with your wife sounds incredible and gives me a lot of hope about coexisting with important people in my life, family or otherwise. Your comment is powerful to me
You have nothing to apologize for. We all suffer in our own lives, just differently. You are honest, and don’t seem any different to me than anyone else.
I watch because it’s you, no matter how you show yourself with the edits or not, I’d still watch 😊 take care of yourself. Depression is no joke it helps to hear how to do it differently than how I deal with it. Thank you so much
That uber long pause while you have to
- finish having all 30 thoughts that just flew into your brain
- determine which ones are relevant to the person you're talking to
- figure out which ones to say
- and how to word them in a way that the other person understands
Yea, i can relate
I have innumerable times where I wish I could grab the thought out of my head and plop it on the table so I don't have to think of the words. I have to pause for long amounts of time, restart sentences... ❤
I've found that writing down a lot of those passing thoughts really helps. I use a note indexing system similar to Zettelkasten.
- Dump new notes in
- give them a unique name (usually the date and a title)
- and tag the thought with it's relevant subject matter
I do this using Obsidian, which is free to use software. You can use [[filename]] links to link between notes
So a note would look like
----
2025-01-07 - thought - this is an example title
Put whatever here
Don't make it pretty
Just get down the essentials
The idea or thought as it struck you
Then I have a tag section
# Tags
[[With links to other notes]]
[[Midwest Magic Cleaning]]
[[Thought]]
[[House cleaning]]
[[Astrophysics]]
[[2024-09-01 - some other thought I had that is related]]
---
Using the [[links]] in obsidian, you can see a list of "back links" or notes that link to this one
I use those tags to organize notes into groups of ideas, building a huge information graph, using notes as nodes, and back links as edges
---
I don't do all of that template in one go
I usually just create a note in my inbox, info dump into the note, then forget about it
Later I look through my inbox and pretty it up, and then move it into a single "second brain" folder
Navigation is done by file search, or by hopping through the links
This let's me easily collect things like
- add this to shopping list
- here's an idea about a work project
- I'm having a good time with my pets
- I'm freaking out over this and that
- here's a really cool book about X
- here's a neat video about Y
I've found that writing down a lot of those passing thoughts really helps. I use a note indexing system similar to Zettelkasten.
- Dump new notes in
- give them a unique name (usually the date and a title)
- and tag the thought with it's relevant subject matter
I do this using Obsidian, which is free to use software. You can use [[filename]] links to link between notes
So a note would look like
----
2025-01-07 - thought - this is an example title
Put whatever here
Don't make it pretty
Just get down the essentials
The idea or thought as it struck you
Then I have a tag section
# Tags
[[With links to other notes]]
[[Midwest Magic Cleaning]]
[[Thought]]
[[House cleaning]]
[[Astrophysics]]
[[2024-09-01 - some other thought I had that is related]]
---
Using the [[links]] in obsidian, you can see a list of "back links" or notes that link to this one
I use those tags to organize notes into groups of ideas, building a huge information graph, using notes as nodes, and back links as edges
---
I don't do all of that template in one go
I usually just create a note in my inbox, info dump into the note, then forget about it
Later I look through my inbox and pretty it up, and then move it into a single "second brain" folder
Navigation is done by file search, or by hopping through the links
This let's me easily collect things like
- add this to shopping list
- here's an idea about a work project
- I'm having a good time with my pets
- I'm freaking out over this and that
- here's a really cool book about X
- here's a neat video about Y
I've found that writing down a lot of those passing thoughts really helps. I use a note indexing system similar to Zettelkasten.
- Dump new notes in
- give them a unique name (usually the date and a title)
- and tag the thought with it's relevant subject matter
I do this using Obsidian, which is free to use software. You can use [[filename]] links to link between notes
So a note would look like
----
2025-01-07 - thought - this is an example title
Put whatever here
Don't make it pretty
Just get down the essentials
The idea or thought as it struck you
Then I have a tag section
# Tags
[[With links to other notes]]
[[Midwest Magic Cleaning]]
[[Thought]]
[[House cleaning]]
[[Astrophysics]]
[[2024-09-01 - some other thought I had that is related]]
---
Using the [[links]] in obsidian, you can see a list of "back links" or notes that link to this one
I use those tags to organize notes into groups of ideas, building a huge information graph, using notes as nodes, and back links as edges
---
I don't do all of that template in one go
I usually just create a note in my inbox, info dump into the note, then forget about it
Later I look through my inbox and pretty it up, and then move it into a single "second brain" folder
Navigation is done by file search, or by hopping through the links
This let's me easily collect things like
- add this to shopping list
- here's an idea about a work project
- I'm having a good time with my pets
- I'm freaking out over this and that
- here's a really cool book about X
- here's a neat video about Y
(sorry if there's like 20 of these, YT keeps deleting it)
Or sometimes groping for that word you use all the time but can't remember right now and no other word will substitute and give the precise meaning you want to convey.
Thank you. Be your unedited, authentic self anytime. We’re here for it.
❤❤❤
Hear, hear!
Exactly what i was going to write just be you ❤️
Yes 🙌
@@sisterluck5449 I agree!! Don’t change a thing 🥰 The Moose agrees I’m sure
If someone had told me six months ago that the best mental health channel on YT was made by a guy that cleans and organizes houses for a living, I probably would have thought they were joking.
They weren't joking.
Excellent video as always. An inspiration in every sense of the word. You be you. We're not going anywhere.
EDIT: I've been shocked (and thrilled) by the enormous response to my comment but wanted to take advantage of the attention to make sure people know that this video isn't a rarity. This is what most of his videos are like and he covers a wide range of psychological issues beyond his own autism.
And whether it's ADHD, anxiety disorders, etc he approaches all of them in the same intelligent, patient approach. So if you thought this one was great (which it is), make sure to check out the rest of his channel.
I’ve certainly leaned a lot watching Mack’s Channel
Yes!!! He's better than therapy for me
Oh my goodness he has helped so much, a cleaning channel that's amazing 😊
I just posted a comment trying to express this and I think you did it better!! Thanks
This Video has answered many questions about Depression that I haven't been able to find. I deal with hidden Depression a lot and Anxiety. I take Lexapro to help keep me from Crying 24/7. I'm alone and Holiday stress is heavy due to deaths in my family and my estranged daughters choice. I pray daily that I could meet a true friend that wants to share time with me. Most people don't have a clue how it feels to be alone. They have life long friends that are close and some family members who are their for them. Just going to town with someone would be great!!!
What the hell are you saying? You have one of the most relaxing, deepest, ASMR, beautiful radio voices I’ve ever heard. Why you don’t work on the radio or do voiceover work is beyond me. You most definitely do NOT need to edit out the “ums” or the “ahs”. It makes you more real and awesome.
Please know, you are a cute, funny, quirky, generous individual and we just want you to be you. Why do you think you have so many followers that love your videos?
Thank you for everything you do.
I agree with the voice ! Yes!!
Agreed!!!! Mac's voice is therapeutic for me! LOL I'd listen to him read the phone book! ;)
Intelligent people pause before they speak, facts 🤷♀️ What you have written Tanner is so very true ! ❤👌
I agree, when I first listened to a video what had me coming back was his voice
@TannerCity: you put into words what I could not. Thanks!
i’ve never had someone articulate how I feel in such concise and thorough way. ive been doing this lately too, i read a book called a monks guide to a clean house and mind and the author often talks about cleaning for mental emotional and spiritual wellness. “we don’t do it because it is messy or dirty, we do it to ease the suffering in our hearts”
This was helpful. I’m going to use it. Thanks!
I am so going to listen to that book tomorrow. Thanks!
I find it interesting that you see your unmasked speech as problematic. I’m sure I’m not alone when I say you sounded just fine to me. It kind of seemed like I’m just hearing a conversation from a friend. It sounded real. Your transparency and disclosure was so well explained that I’m sure it’s going to help an untold number of people who will watch now and for years in the future.
Yeah you really sound just like a normal conversation. It doesn't sound like "perfected edited AI voice" but nobody actually sounds like 6:00 news people unless they edit the shit out of it. Your natural cadence is fine.
@@Somewhereintime22 I agree. Felt like we all were just friends hanging out discussing what we all at some point deal with. I share a lot of the same traits. I have to pause and play out what I am going to say. My kids say I zone out. We all love this channel and we got your back.
I feel the same
I find your speech pattern 'normal' to me. That is the way I speak, and most of the people I know. You do not have to do any voice overs or corrections or masking to the way you speak. To me it's just regular conversation. I think you are too hard on yourself. What you consider needing to be 'corrected' is perfectly fine to me! Happy New Year to all!
I thought similar.
I'm not autistic, but I do deal with paralyzing depression. If you can take off your mask, I can put on some music and get something done. Maybe even two somethings. I had come to the conclusion there was no hope left for me, but in 33 minutes and 30 seconds you've helped me find a small spark of hope within myself. THANK YOU.
Hugs, friend- you are worth fighting for.❤
@carolynross9161 That is absolutely fantastic! Good for you. It truly does help! Sending hope and strength to you today.😊❤
Sorry about your debilitating depression - have you looked into psychedelics? I’ve heard those help medicine resistant depression.
I get this. I'm cheering you on! ❤
There is aways hope. You are always a valued person. We can recognize and count our many blessings, but there can still be temptation to despair even while we are counting. I know the things Mack mentioned would help me if I take focus away from thoughts and do. And find satisfaction in little things done and not look at the mountains of "to do's". I am not downplaying or comparing depression. But we can't alow despair.
The slight pauses and ums actually feel so natural and comforting. I hope to see more videos like this unmasked and authentically you. Thank you for this video
“Sometimes the most important person to impress is you” that almost brought me to tears, struggling with a dark phase of chronic depression. Thank you for this video.
Yep, tears. Me too. I am in the depths of it. This video really makes a difference. For real. ❤
🫶🏽
A big tool in dressing well is throwing out all your potato sacks. Because you can't look like a sack of potatoes if you have no potato sacks.
❤ youve got this! We're here for you too
You all not alone, going through the same thing, we're in this!
I'm not even autistic but i found this video to be incredibly comforting
@@Rienebiene ditto!
Absolutely! We are here, on this earth, to help each other, I feel. It is videos and messages that we do that can help more than imagined. I am truly happy you made this video.
Thank you all for taking the time to learn about us. It means so much.
Same!!!
Me too. The message of taking care of yourself just for yourself was something I needed to hear. Thank you.
Psychiatrist conversation when I was getting divorced. M: I heard divorce is emotionally equivalent to the death of a spouse Dr: No. It’s like the end of the universe because you have to move, split belongings, friends. Mack, I wish you the strength you give to others.
I appreciate the REALNESS!!
The authenticity is refreshing
I would 100% continue watching you if you did this more often. I love your cornball humor and randomness, but what I saw in this video felt very comfortable and kind of comforting. I need these reminders of the little ways that can have big ripple effects. I also need authentic people in my day to day. I appreciate this and hope you can do it more often.
Agree
Best comment! 👍
So do I I love his humor 😃💕
Same here
Yes!
This video means a lot to me as an autistic person. It's actually very comforting to just hang out with another unmasked person via video. You're helping people by being yourself.
100% agree about the comfort of hanging out with another unmasked person via video. Couldn’t have said better myself
As a fellow autistic person I agree.
Also the texture thing, my favorite pizza place changed something in their dough so I had to leave half a pizza today.
Me third!!!
Hi Mack. I never comment on videos. As a retiring speech pathologist I have spent a good 20 years of my career working with autistic teens. And I just had to respond to the clear, honest and very insightful way in which you explained today of your life living with autism, anxiety and depression. The best description I’ve heard in years! You are an inspiration to all of us and I’ve grown quite fond of you as a person and with your channel (not in a weird way)! I finally subscribed today after watching you for over a year. Hope it helps towards your goal. I started watching for the cleaning tips, but love all of your content. Did you know you can be funny sometimes? Take care of yourself and continue doing what you’re doing so well. Thanks,
Deb
Well said 😊
Yes, well said.
well said !
A whole year to subscribe
?
It's free, what were you waiting for ? 😮
Jokes, this was a beautiful comment 💜
So true so appreciate him. He’s y hero and walks on water in my mine love love love your coments
I really value this video. My husband is autistic and gets very agitated when the house is unkempt and even when he cleans, he seems unhappy until it's all done. It's hard for him to talk about without getting emotional. Your explanations through this video help me make sense of why he feels so strongly. I do my best but we have small kids so keeping the house tidy is a challenge, but hearing this makes me wanna try harder. Thanks for being so real with us
❤️❤️🫎
I really value this video too. My teenage son is autistic and this helps me understand so much more about him. Thank you ❤
Bravo! I personally give zero F's if your dialogue has ums and pauses in it ~ it's who you are, and I'm here for it. I KNOW I'm not the only one here who accepts you for the way you are, unmasked make your content unique and interesting. Here's a spin-kick to the depression and a karate chop to the door.
@connieo903 💖👍Well said, I totally agree with you!💖💖
I double that spin-kick!!❤❤😂
Triple like that, well said and agreed.💪❣😇
100% agree!!
@@connieo903
Don't forget the moose! Gotta get some good moose moves in there, too, right?! Ninja Moose moves!!! 😄🫎
Don't ever underestimate the impact you are having on people. You're putting a lot of good out into the world by sharing your videos and being authentic, you are very appreciated out here in the wild.
Mac!
1) Everyone has "uhs" and pauses when they speak. The only people who don't are reading their remarks from a teleprompter, reading from a paper or have their remarks memorized.
2) When my Mom volunteered at a retirement / nursing home, everyone had to be dressed everyday and bed made. Even those in a wheelchair. It makes them feel better.
3) This might be impertinent, and I hope not, but do you think your depression this year could be separate from being on the autism spectrum? I have no training to back this up. You went through sooo much in 2024.
•Your wife had serious surgery (right?)
•You went through a long period of burn out.
•You became a grandfather!!!♥️
•You moved out of your house and marriage and started over.
4)Here's what I say...
BRAVO!
You're awesome.
No apologies.
exactly hes human
Here! Here!❤
EXACTLY! Look up the Holmes Rahe Stress inventory. It assigns points to various types of events, so you add it up for all the events of a year. Depending on the score, it will significantly raise your possibilities of getting a health issue. Stress is no joke, whether positive or negative. Your physical body can only take so much...
If we use the above events alone, based on the chart:
- major change in health of family member 44
- major personal illness 53
- gaining new family member 39
- separation from a mate 65
- new home 25
TOTAL = 226 / Score of 150-300 has a 50% change of causing a health issue in the following 2 years...
MACK thanks for sharing this video, and how you focus a lot on taking care of yourself. Did not care for the long pauses, I found them relaxing. I have them myself when I talk. Totally normal, it's important to word things correctly.
I don't say this to make you feel badly, or unappreciated for caring for Mack, but when my son was young and would go into a fit after school let out, or when leaving the playground, or would stare into space on the swing, or would shake his head back and forth, or screen in the middle of the night or cry in the middle of the night, or not eat something, the list goes on. And another mom would say, oh do t worry so much, all children do a, b, c,d, etc... It would hurt me to the core, because no one really understands just how long the fall outs are, and how bad the crying or screaming will get, and just how hard it could really, truly, be. It made me feel so alone, and so much less of a mom because every kid acts this way right. The fact is no, they really don't. It's just different when you have autism, it's just different.
And Autism in Adults is no different, sure depression is depression. But it can happen to Neuro typicals because someone dies, but for the Neuro divergent it can happen because they woke up to rain or snow or even their favorite shoes are too small. As Mack said, I feel for those that are worse off than him and my son, because being able to understand what is going on and helping yourself with things that you know will help, is a higher functioning gift.
Anywho, just saying, yes he has been through a lot this year, but the things that can depress ASD folks, can be much more innocent to NT's.
I think you should take their word for it, since you indeed have no training as you say, feels a bit weird to psychoanalyze them like this, to me at least. He seems very capable of doing it himself.
This video feels like a lifeline. My autistic shutdown and depression is crippling me. Thank you.
Keep watching- keep doing. You are always stronger than you even know.
Please continue to be unmasked. We need to normalize neurodivergence in everyday life! I’m ADHD and right now I’m dealing with seasonal depression too, and your video helped motivate me to get up and do the things I’ve been wanting to do but unable to get the motivation to actually do.
I am a pediatric occupational therapist who works with autistic children and I LOVE this video. You do an excellent job explaining how someone needs to care for themselves even if they Are Not autistic! I know you are hyper aware of your pauses but they are not that bad. I suffer from word finding issues and do the same “pregnant” pauses constantly. Keep up the excellent work! FYI - I LOVE your sense of humor and dry comments! 😅
This! His pauses are not that bad. He is so hard on himself 😢. I have so many pregnant pauses that my sons, 13 and 15, have been finishing my sentences for years 😅
I’m about to be tested at 60,is that possible ❤
Could not agree more with your comments! Pauses are so normal that I already forgot he said that he wouldn't edit them out. 😊
@DeirdresRebornsandlupuslife i was diagnosed at 58. It's possible - and it will change your life. My entire life makes so much sense now. I love being autistic, even with all my issues.
@@DeirdresRebornsandlupuslife Don't worry about it. It would be a boring world if everybody was the same.
When I was young, the word autistic hadn't been invented.
Do you realize how many people you help? “Normal” people too without autism! I struggle with procrastination and wanted to take down my Christmas decorations. Didn’t do it weekend before last, didn’t do it New Year’s Day when I was off work. Finally this past Saturday I thought of you and told my husband, “I watch this cleaning guy on YT and he says pick up one thing and move it. Clean one little section, don’t look at your whole house.” 8 hours and 11,000 steps later I finally accomplished what I had wanted to do for almost 2 weeks! Thank you for your advice, your humor, your human-ness, your realness. Yours is the only channel where I am a paying member. Keep on Mack! 👊🏼
I literally was like, "wow my depression has not hit me for a while now," and I always trick myself into thinking it's never coming back. Then yesterday I couldn't do any of my tasks, my head was cloudy, nothing was giving me joy, not even watching TV or eating something sweet.
This was actually so helpful to me. I'm not autistic, but I have depression and this video was so awesome and informative.
I was definitely one of those people who thought getting calm is the right way to do things, instead of getting activated physically.
I cleaned my house while you talked in this video because I'm alone at home today, and it just felt like I had someone around speaking sense to me and genuinely seeing me and understanding me. It just made me feel safe and not stupid.
Grateful to you, dude.😊
Sweetheart we love you and it doesn't matter how you do your videos we are here to support you for you
Indeed!
Unmasked = best Mack. Your heart shines through. Your ability to explain is extremely helpful too. Hugs!
You don't know how many people you just helped understand depression and autism better. Not just this video but all your other videos as well. We love you!
Around 27 minutes, you describe something I had NO clue was something I go through often. I go into a literal “neverland” in my mind but a lot of ppl have told me to keep active and do something to not “daydream.” I remember getting SOOO annoyed when ppl would take me out of that mental space (waving their hand so close to my face)
So bizarre (and truly amazing) to hear someone else experience this and articulate it so clearly. Just how you mention shopping, I’ve done that too to get away from family and just to be by myself.
Edit: just as I write this, you just said you do this to help autistics who experience this but don’t know how to describe it. I’ve never heard ANYONE mention this so I SO appreciate you.
I’m not autistic, but I do fight with depression. I’m amazed at how much I get what you are saying. I wish you well. And will continue to appreciate your wisdom.
Mack - I honestly did not notice the pauses while you were speaking. You still sound natural and “normal” so if it helps with your videos, you do not need to change or fix anything with your voice or narration.
I didn’t know what to expect after that intro but I didn’t see any difference. You’re great as is, my guy.
That's exactly what I thought
100% agreed
Yep agree
@@MathewWoodard I agree, I loved this video and couldn’t see any difference in him.
Thank you for your video this evening with your depression. A lot of us are not autistic, but suffer with depression. Some of what you said tonight, about how you start your day preparing yourself to start your day feeling better about yourself, is what I have in the last 3 months, have realized about myself. Thank you for being open and honest. Some may have needed to see this. Thank you.
Thank you, Mac for your honesty and transparency. Never have been diagnosed with autism, but I have suffered from depression almost all my life and I appreciate you being vulnerable and putting yourself out there and talking about it.
I am bipolar depressant. I use the same things to bring me out of a depression. You are being real and I like that. Just started watching you and subscribed. Enjoy your humor and your kindness. I look forward to watching you for a long time. 🥰
Mac, you are a blessing to us all! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING! You have no idea how much this video will help so many!❤
Those pauses....I shut my eyes almost every single time. I've either stopped thinking completely or I'm thinking too much. When I do it Infront of others, it makes me SO anxious about how they are perceiving me, especially when it's doctors...
Loved this video. Truly.
It's now time for me to go take care of myself. Small snack, shower. Make my bed, run some laundry
28:47 "Terrified to upload this video" Oh Mack, if I could give it a standing ovation, I would. I would give it about 12 stars out of a possible 10. This video is one of, if not THEE BEST, from your vast output. It makes a TON of sense and the fact that you're not editing and leaving in all the pregnant pauses, hmms, and haws shows a very genuine and vulnerable side of you. People need to know the downsides of autism as well as its positive aspects. Your practical advice demonstrates a level of experience with something like autism and its dark side. I've always thought that you could author a book, teach a course, or be a counselor (or all 3) for people struggling with conditions like autism, depression, hoarding disorder, and anxiety, based on the wisdom you have shared with your viewers. When you mentioned sensitivity to various textures in foods, I thought of a friend who has issues with food textures and she's NOT autistic, so I didn't find anything exceptionally odd about the fact that certain textures don't appeal to you. I think that many people, if they care to admit it, have this or that preference or dislike for certain foods.
Again, may I say, Bravo on this very transparent work! It is needed, I'm sure, by many of your viewers who come for the cleaning and stay for the counsel (and the moose, of course). God bless you, Mack! Keep 'em comin'!
Ditto
Yeah no need to be terrified! We all thi k you're great 👍
Mainly the moose of course, but everything else is also so much appreciated!
Mac! Holy shit, dude. I watched your video on my Roku and felt compelled to pull out my phone to comment. You are amazing! I honestly found this video to be one of the most real, honest, bare assed, and beautiful things I've watched in a long while. I know that you're going to get thousands of comment telling you that. I hope that you can step back, let all the normalcy bullshit fall away, and know that people really like you. I actually like you, and respect you more having seen this. Looking forward to seeing you and Jason in upcoming videos. ❤❤❤
Amazing! You said the words I felt. I had to post a reply. Mack I felt your every word, your every anxiety, your bare honesty. Thank you for posting.
What he said.
Exactly this.
Your video last night really got to me... at the time I could only say thanks.
I'm still having a hard time finding the right words. Mack I have the same exact feelings but I can't seem to make myself start like you did. Your words & your vulnerability have touched me though & I am trying hard. I am going to watch again today. I think it might just give me the push I need.
You are an amazing person...and pretty too😉
❤❤❤
Best Mom advice I ever got was: Make your bed, do your dishes! I didn’t understand it for many years, but it’s part of what keeps me sane.
And sometime just brushing your hair is enough for the day.
A shower always makes me feel better
And prep your coffee for your future self. There's nothing sadder than waking up in the morning and the coffee machine isn't ready to go!
@karen4dogs omg I got to do this right now lol school starts back tomorrow.
My mom never said that because then she would have had to DO IT. Lol. But I wished she would have. I'm 65 and just discovered that clutter stresses me out. I only found out I was autistic by watching this channel.
I love when you sneak vape and drink your tea and talk to Jason on you couch and read and answer our comments. We all love you.
My daughter is non-verbal with severe autism and you have helped me understand her autism so much more. You have said the things that she can't say. Thank you for your openness, for being vulnerable and your honesty! My husband even watched this. You are amazing and doing such a wonderful service whether you are cleaning or opening up about yourself! The world needs to see and hear this side of you too! The real, unedited person that you are! You are amazing!!!!!
Dont know if it will help but have you tried keto or carnivore diet. There are quite a few people saying its improving autism, also there are studies linking autism to the gut microbiome. ❤❤❤
@@teresamoore4126 Not the place or time to push bogus science, ma’am. A difference in neurology down to how the brain and nervous system are *wired* can’t be “””””cured””””” by a fad diet. Plus, these diets can be super hard to keep when you have something like ARFID anyway.
This kind of thing is usually pushed to parents and caregivers who don’t know any better, and we autistic people are tired of it.
@@teresamoore4126 That’s just confirmation bias. You may as well attribute his speech to drinking water or breathing air. If you must know, most autistic people’s verbality fluctuates through life. I would not shut up for a second as a kid, but now in my twenties I actually have trouble speaking aloud sometimes.
Again, diets do nothing for autism, unless your goal is to restrict your child’s food choices even more than their potential sensory issues already do.
@@Arualiaa sorry not confirmation bias. Keto genic is the most studied diet there is, its helping people with epilepsy and autism. Carnivore is helping with healing stage 4 kidney disease, multiple sclerosis etc. It is not a restricted diet to eat meat, vegetables, fruits eggs and dairy etc. Like i said what is the harm of trying? Its not for you to tell other people not to try something that could work.
@@Arualiaa cholesterol heals mitochondria, fact.
You not only helped you, you helped me. Quite often you help me get off the couch and do something to make my surroundings better.
Me, too! Also, I love the "unmasked" vocals; 'sounds normal to me. I enjoy your other videos but always wonder if it's just me who doesn't think, or speak as fast and fluidly as you do!
Thank you for “normalizing” autism and being able to articulate all the things that involve being you. My husband and son are both autistic (son AuDHD 2/3) and our son will never be able to articulate these things, so videos like yours help others understand.
Also re: getting dressed, I always tell people don’t save clothes “dress for the occasion”; you ARE the occasion. Be well, friend.
I’m autistic and have recently started watching your videos because they feel very comforting to me and I use them as body doubling when I’m trying to do household chores. I had no idea you were autistic as well. Seeing you unmasked and talking about your autism and how cleaning can help with autistic depression felt like you were putting puzzle pieces together that had been floating around in my head that I couldn’t put together myself. Thank you so much for posting this and being your authentic, unmasked self with us.
8:40 leaving food out when you just can’t deal with kitchen stuff is so relatable.
Me too
@@35803 ive started just putting the pot in the fridge
Everyone that has subscribed to your channel is not here for your editing skills, we are here for you. I appreciate the vulnerable, unpolished you! Dont ever be afraid to be 100% you in front of us, you have the same value on your worst days as you do on your best days.
Very well said
"You have the same value on your worst days as you do on your best days"--wow, because I can totally see and agree with this when you say it about Mac, it made me realize, hey, wow, maybe this is true for me (and the rest of us, of course), too. Thank you for the insight!
Here here!!!🎉🎉
Yes
1000%
I hardly ever comment ANYwhere. I need YOU to know that THIS vid has just 'saved' me. Thank you for being you.
I am 31 and am just coming around to realizing I may have autism. Seeing you 100% unmasked and hearing advice on how to work WITH & not AGAINST how our brains work is really helpful information! There was so much I could relate to in this video. Thank you for this 🙏🏼🥰
Self care is important. You are helping others by sharing. Thanks for being you!
And we need to see more of this kind of REAL self care, not the gross overconsumption that is fed to us and labeled as self care.
Thank you for being so real even when you don't feel well.
You have said "if you can't clean the whole room, clean a 4 ft square" and that alone has helped me not get so overwhelmed looking at my messy apartment that I can actually clean a little. I've started focusing on one thing at a time and my kitchen is actually clean now! I got rid of all the trash one day (2 of the really big black garbage bags plus 5 pizza boxes) and the next day I moved everything off the counter and cleaned them! You're making a difference for others and I hope you're proud of yourself. So thank you 😊
Edit: you're welcome to be your authentic self and not feel uncomfortable doing so. Anyone who says otherwise can suck it, son!
I think your unedited voice is AWESOME. You have such a great voice. You could be a radio announcer.
Thank you for being transparent to help others. I love that you have words for what you experience with schedule and food changes. It is so helpful for others to hear this!
I have ADHD and have had depression (treated now) for years and years. My young adult nephew is on the autism spectrum and also deals with depression. I love that he can TALK about it. So huge! I am SO PROUD OF HIM!
Your “Fly Lady” approach of getting dressed down to the shoes is so good for us.
I have accepted that waste is part of living with neurodiversity sometimes, whether food or things I should not have purchased when I was hyperfocused on something. We just have to do our best and don’t focus on regrets! If you do remember to do something better, give yourself a compliment for it!
I notice if I just move one dish to where it goes, starts the sequence/habit of doing dishes. The getting started is where I have to coax and encourage my tantrumming inner child!
It DOES make such a difference to to get clutter put away and “clear the decks”! ADHD makes me get caught up in one diversion after another, and sometimes I look around and wonder who let the Tasmanian Devil in here? 😆🙄
Pretty sure I am 3rd generation (at least) ADHD, and depression runs on the other side of the family. My mom is a hoarder. Your videos are so insightful and healing for me.
You are SO good at teaching skills and mental health! We are ENOUGH! We are VALUABLE! We are LOVABLE! We all have something to offer the world, even if our world is very tiny!
Keep on being YOU! YOU ARE A GIFT to SO MANY PEOPLE!
I also love your sense of humor too! 🥰
Veggie Ta-a-ALES… Veggie Ta-a-ALES… 🍅
There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with this video. You never need to apologise for pauses or ums. This is such a real video, and you are so brave for showing everyone who you really are. Thank you so much. All the very best.
Mac, this video has changed something fundamental in my mind. I cannot thank you enough for posting this, for unmasking, for being vulnerable. Thank you.
Not only autistic people feel like you. Much love. I feel the texture of food and especially clothing on my skin bothers me. But a tidy home makes my mind settle too.
Exactly 👍🏾
This. Everyone does stuff, it's about how it impacts our daily life that matters. Some of us struggle and need a hand!
Definitely! I can relate to and totally experience so much of what he describes but I'm not autistic - just a human reacting to life and the world. I hope that helps someone feel less alone and 'weird', somehow! P.s. your house is looking great, can't wait to see with the floors, MidWest!
I feel exactly the same way. Order is a happy feeling to me. That snowstorm is a bummer! I live in the deep south. Sounds like an ice storm is on the way for us this weekend. It is crappy to be stuck in the house for days, and I like to be at home, but not when I can't get out. I hope your mood improves soon when you can get back to a routine😊
Thank you, Mack, for welcoming us into your world. It also helps us understand one another's struggles, so that we can give each other grace in the struggle. I learn so much from you! Getting dressed and including shoes tells your body it's time to get to work -- toward whatever is in need of getting done. My list today was too ambitious, so my January 6th "undecorating" will have to get started on January 7th -- and that's okay!
as an autistic teenager who is constantly struggling with trying to identify tiredness versus burnout versus depression, this video was super comforting to watch and feel seen. A sticker was removed from my keyboard and it stopped me from filling in a job application for hours. If I eat the wrong food for breakfast I won't be able to concentrate until I eat the "right" food. It's so comforting to see autistic adults who still struggle with the same things yet have compassion for themselves at the same time
I am truly impressed by you. If more people were taught a self-care model for managing anxiety and depression, we could foster a healthier society.
Thank you, Mack. Depression can be worked through just as you have depicted. We all have pauses in our thinking -you just verbalize it for us to see-ok? this is normal!
You’ve been through so much lately!
Separation, moving, learning to live alone, becoming a new grandpa, and navigating the holidays. Sooo much! Give yourself grace. Change can be devastating and also enlightening. One day at a time. 💕
❤💕❤ beautiful, thoughtful comment.
I doubt I’m the only one that feels this way, but I did want to say something. Personally, I prefer the unedited absolutely real you. The “ups” and the pauses only add to the comfort of watching you. Polished people are a dime a dozen. Real people are becoming fewer and further between. So, if I can cast a vote even though one was not called, be yourself 100%. I am addicted to your videos and. I always hate that I never catch the when they are “live”, but watch them all the same. So much mad respect for you and I love what you’ve done with your home. Thank you for what you share with us.
❤💕❤👍
Thank you for risking unmasking. I find your authenticity moving and helpful.❤
It feels weird, but nice to essentially hear me telling me what’s wrong with me and how to get some improvement for myself. Thanks for making me feel seen.
I was diagnosed about 3 years ago and I really needed this today. I had a big loud cry earlier over feeling so overwhelmed by life and loneliness and feeling inadequate. This video was super comforting and made me feel more normal and understood. I'm gonna try to get dressed nicely when I wake up tomorrow and make some cookies and work out. It really is the simple things that make me happier day to day.
THANK YOU! My husband has newly discovered autism and his “details” and requirements are different yet similar to yours. I want desperately to understand and to do all the things that help him to enjoy life! (I wish he had the Let’s Clean stim, to be honest 😂) he has the staring at screens thing- so many screens on at once. For a long time it made me feel unloved but now I know it’s a stim. He has social issues, has trouble making and keeping friends, hates stains with every fiber in him, must have a watch on, must have noise in the house 100%, coughs and clears his throat and sniffs constantly, never wears shorts or sweaters or anything with a V neck, has texture issues, laughs at inappropriate times, won’t let anyone but me touch his hair or face, etc. we dated for three years and he exhausted himself hiding it all. When I realized what he was like after the wedding I felt like I was being pranked because he changed so drastically and suddenly. It was many, many years before we figured it out, and I’m still learning. Your video helped me to understand him better! THANK YOU. You’re a GOOD MAN! I wish you much happiness, love and health this coming new year and always.
You're very strong, thank you for sharing your story!
My favorite quote is, "It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society." -Jiddu Krishnamurti. I appreciated this video so much....we need more people being real these days.
Applauding your bravery. For what it's worth, some people (myself included) find that when people pause to think about their words, I feel respected. They exude respect for themselves and those around them. Their words are thoughtful and worth hearing. The natural ebb and flow of your unmasked speech is a privilege to hear. We seem to have come to many similar conclusions in how to manage the storm between the ears. When I take care of my body, spirit, environment before attempting anything else, it's night and day difference. I have to make my needs matter, even more so when I don't feel like it. Keeping my home(environment I find myself in) clean and ready to go is essential for me to move on to anything else. It's a blessing and a curse to be this aware and a privilege to be able to self care. I try to make a game of it to stay happy but I relate on a very real level to just about every single thing you share. May your strength be as eternal as the tides, in and out is ok. Please know that you have made and continue to make a difference. You've validated so many of my insecurities which now feel like common ground instead of isolating. You're the best parasocial friend I have and I wish you peace, clarity, strength and joy.
Thank you for being there for me and all of us like you're there for the people you help in your videos. Please continue taking care of yourself because you are normalizing healthy day to day functioning which is no easy endeavor. Thank you again, have a lovely day 😊
Can’t speak for everyone but I find you just as lovely, just as calming and just as great being exactly who you are. If nothing else, you don’t have to edit your pauses and ums. You’re allowed to be human! That’s way too much time spent. Who you are is plenty for me ❤
As the mother of a 32 year old autistic son, it inspires me to try harder to get him to be more independent when I see you doing so much! I understand how miserable you feel at times and I am so impressed with your determination to do what you can to get through each day. You are unique and very much appreciated and loved by so many people! Never forget that!❤
I have a 31 year old Autistic son who is unable to explain, even to himself, what he's feeling or why . This video really helped me. Bless you Mack!
That’s such a common friggin experience! I struggle with identifying emotions and feelings a lot myself, especially when I’m depressed and/or burnt out. Alexithymia is what this concept is called, and I really find it helpful to have emotion wheels to point at words cause my brain goes blank. There’s also a lot of AuDHD educators and activists and doctors who have great autism-positive ways to help with this and things to say or do instead, and I found it SO helpful to find the word to describe this experience myself!
Your candidness in sharing your vulnerabilities and "true self" is one of the strongest acts of generosity I've ever seen. There is no telling how many of us relate deeply to your thought processes and ways of dealing with them. I don't carry any specific diagnoses/labels from the medical profession, myself, but there are probably several that would apply, both to me and to others watching this. Even so, I think there are insights here that virtually EVERYONE can relate to to a greater or lesser degree, especially where depression is concerned. I benefit from all your videos, but this one especially. You are a light in this world. Thank you for letting it shine.
You should know that EVERYBODY hesitates during speaking, everyone searches for words and pauses to do so. Your natural speech patterns are perfectly normal. Please don't waste another moment editing that sort of out of your videos. I congratulate you on your bravery to feel publicly vulnerable. YOU ARE ENOUGH. We like you....JUST AS YOU ARE. Really!❤❤❤
Exactly! You speak perfectly normal! I start half of my voice texts with”And” and then have to remove them sometimes! Sometimes I just don’t care and I leave them. I’m always thinking in the middle of my senses. I have ADHD. I’m always thinking.😂. Also suffered with anxiety and depression most of my life as well as PTSD from childhood trauma. And I’m not the only one who thinks you’re pretty normal! What is normal anyway? My daughter is a professor and special ed and she says that everybody’s on the spectrum of something or other in life! I thought that was the best explanation I’ve ever heard. She never judges or makes me feel bad because I can’t remember things. She just knows that’s part of my personality. I actually told her one time that I felt like I was getting old and that my memory was getting worse. She actually said to me, mom, you’ve been this way since your 30s and I’m 71. And I laughed and said oh that makes me feel a lot better. So now I don’t worry about it. Cause the most important people don’t care and they still love you as long as you’re not a mean vindictive nasty poor excuses for a human being. 😂 Although there are many people out there that fit that description that certainly isn’t most people.
Yeah, I didn’t know we were supposed to speak differently. Wouldn’t that be exhausting? 🤷♀️
@@JamieRankin-o2z Nothing is more creepy than all those over edited sound clips with breathlessly downpouring talkovers. I love me some uhms and ahs.
I 100% agree👍
I will say online that a lot of people do edit out very normal pauses and filler words in addition to editing out bloopers.
I'm glad you have decided to "do you." You are way too hard on yourself. You ARE good enough, you ARE interesting, you ARE kind and generous and a pleasure to spend time with. Keep shining.
AuADHD here, I see you. I honor your journey. Thank you for showing up for yourself and helping teaching others that we are worthy of our OWN time. Once I started romanticizing my life for ME everything slowly started to change. I still work on it every day, and the biggest question I learned to asked myself, "what would make me feel safe right now?" ❤❤❤
I came across this video out of the blue! My good fortune. This was very helpful to me right now. I'm not diagnosed with autism, but I am in a depression. You made excellent points here to start pulling yourself up! I'm starting these things TODAY. It's important you keep sharing and helping others. Thank you for getting me started again. ❤🎉
Honestly, the difference between a successful TH-cam channel and an unsuccessful one isn't what you actually do. It's who you are. We like you. We like you so much we watch you clean gross stuff. Part of you is the ups and downs of life, and thank you for sharing it with us.
Now you know you can be real. We all love you and what you do and how you help others.
Yes, even the gross stuff. Most of the time, Sometimes I just can't. I grew up in a home that look like many of the homes Moose Man cleans. 10 people in 2 and 3 bedroom houses with an occasional dad drop in and a mother that had mental problems. On Saturdays I and my best friend would clean both houses. She had 10 people in her family too. We would throw everything that didn't belong in that room and sweep it to the next until we got to the back porch. We'd call everyone and tell them to come get what was theirs and then our moms would take care of the rest.
We had bugs and mice of course and my stomach can't take to seeing that.
Moose Man has given me insight into my family and I can now forgive many in my family. Knowing now what troubles they were dealing with. As children we just don't understand.
TBH, I will sometimes listen and not watch when it comes to the really gross stuff. I am so glad someone with empathy is helping people.
Stay unedited, unmasked. Your videos & advice have been positively life changing and you're a gift to have in my timeline. Thank you, you rock!
I am coming out of lurk (which is very scary for me...) to tell you that I'm proud of you for posting this. Don't be scared, you did great! I have very similar experiences, thanks for vocalizing on behalf of us quiet ones. 😊
Welcome out! Stay as long as you're comfortable. I'm proud of you for being brave, and I'm happy you're here. Cheers!
@@ninjaanne 🫶🏽
This should be required viewing for anyone struggling to get up and not let depression swamp them. It’s those little things that jolt your brain out of a rut. I love that you reveal who you are. You articulated so clearly the lines between over and under stimulation and how hard it can be to stay in the middle. Thanks for being you!
I was surprised you think of pauses in speech as abnormal. I associate them with someone who is thoughtful about what they want to say. Same experience…different story about what it means. I applaud you for your courage in this video. I have had depression my whole life and agree with so much of what you said. It’s not about finding the silver bullet that will make the depression go away. It’s about developing a toolkit with a hundred different tools you can use to help yourself move through it. Thank you for your authenticity.
man are you psychic? just what i needed. im in a post holiday depression have alot of boxes and trash to get to dumpster and laundry and decluttering. its been a better christmas this year but working etc ive let it go and that contributes to the down mood. you will help me get back on track with this vid. thank you. i can relate to what you are feeling
I’d pay good money to hear you read a book or something. It is so soothing and relaxing. Even my husband has commented on how calm it is.
Can relate. "It's just stuff." Was the best advise I heard last year. Meaning It's OK, it is not who you are. Became part of my self-healing, self-forgiveness and no-judgement campaign. Give yourself the grace and love you need. Keep on going, take rest and learn to love yourself.
Awesome channel!! Thank you!! 👍🏻🙏 💖🌿💖
P.S. I am ADHD and probably some Autism mixed in. Autism is in the family, but I might be the only ADHD. Also found out I am dyslexic. I try really hard but didn't know I was so tired because it's such hard work to fit in and look smart! Self-diagnosed, untreated, and on SSRIs which exacerbate ADHD symptoms.
Today, I used everything that I've learned from all your videos to help my mom get out of a negative feedback loop involving ADHD, severe depression, and some element of compulsive shopping. Having a clean bed to sleep on tonight and at least *some* of her bedroom be cleaned out helped her feel so much more like a person. I am going back tomorrow afternoon to get through more of the mess, but it's going to be a multi-day job. She already seems a lot more peaceful from just one day.
So thank you for what you do.
Most people watched the video before you or me, so this comment doesn't have as many replies or likes as it deserves. That is amazing. Good for you for helping out your mom, and good for your mom for accepting the help.
I had to wait until I felt ok enough to watch this, and I'm glad I did, otherwise I wouldn't have seen your comment
@@darvulya Well thank you. I've just been trying to learn how these situations come to be. I was never able to help my mom without it turning into a fight, so I needed to understand the psychology of what was going on. Also, I needed to learn how to clean properly myself, since my mom was unable to teach me. That's how I found this channel.
"Full blown Mack". I'm here for it. As someone who deals with anxiety and depression, thank you. Seriously, Thank YOU. The skulls are impressed.... see, they're smiling! We love you.
fellow autist here. it is not lost on me what a privilege it is to get to see you unmasked. I thank you for your bravery, because it lets other autistic ppl see that you dont need to edit yourself to be accepted if you find the right communities.
cleaning is what gets me through most days. with chronic pain and fatigue, keeping my space tidy and my body taken care of is my full time job. its the only thing i can control, that i can make better, even in some small way. most people go to work and leave their house to see friends. i have company over occasionally, but im pretty much home bound so it matters a ton whether my bed is made or not because i spend most of the day on it.
Same ❤️🩹
Saaaame
Mee, too. Sometimes I forget that I'm not the only one. When I go to my pain doctor every month, I see other patients who APPEAR to have more of a "normal" life than I do. I get up 3 hours prior to my appointment. That way, I have time to shower, wash & dry my hair, put some makeup on, and put on new comfortable clothes and sneakers. I, too, mask when I go to appointments. But, just seeing all these supportive comments, I know that others are struggling also with depression and chronic pain that is never alleviated even with medication. I was seeing my psychiatrist every month. But, I feel like I don't need to increase my meds , and I just need to do things that make me feel better about myself . 💕
I'm a fellow autistic, and believe me, your natural voice and intonation is not different from that of some neurotypicals! And the long pauses... I'm sorry if people ever gave you shit for them - it looks like you associate shame with them. My partner also pauses to think thoroughly/formulate words, even for much longer than you do! I think it's nice, taking time in a conversation, feeling comfortable in a silence. I hope you have people in your life that can appreciate your words and you silences alike, and if you don't, I hope you will. Thank you for sharing your life and for the help you give others. I too really like to clean for similar reasons, as I clear the clutter, it's like my brain is getting cleaned as well. Finding order in chaos! :D
I don't see or hear anything other than a beautiful human being.
I think honestly the point about depression maybe being caused by understimulation is really helpful. I homeschool my kids and sometimes it’s so depressing to just cook food and break up arguments. This is a good reminder to try to get some stimulation when I’m feeling down. (I love homeschooling them, but nothing is all sunshine and rainbows.)
This video came at a perfect time for a lot of people who aren't distracted by Christmas or New Years any more, when the seasonal depression really starts to set in. I'm really glad you were able to trust us enough to share your daily struggles with us. Thank you.
It certainly came at a perfect time for me, as the expectations placed on us exhaust me so much that it ruins any chance of recovering during the holiday season. I was actually glad to get back to work for a break. Sounds terrible, our relatives are lovely people but they really suck the life energy out of me.
Don't edit out who you are. We like you. Thank you for your videos and honesty.
You may have just made the most important video on how to work through depression in TH-cam history! As someone who also has depression, your coping strategies are totally spot on!! You are an inspiration!!! Love your vulnerable unedited self!
As someone currently struggling, this made me feel not so alone. Thank you for your raw and unmasked self.
❤
Your texture issue with the cheese puffs is just like my inability to listed to anyone who uses "you know" five times in a sentence. I also can't manage to watch anyone who is wearing two-inch-long false eyelashes it just gives me the HEE BEE JEE BEES. I've been depressed lately I clean just to keep myself busy, so I don't think too much. The comment section makes me feel better I thought I was alone with my social anxiety. Excellent video by the way, it was an eye opener for me.
I swear you have saved tens of thousands of people thousands of dollars in therapy! You are amazing! ❤
Mack, this type of content is so GOOD. Many people, with or without Autism, have some of the same symptoms. Each tip you provide applies to so many people and they don't know coping skills. You share those. Authenticity rocks. That is what makes each of us so special.
Totally agree. I can relate to much of what he says, and know people who have the same idiosyncrasies and we aren’t autistic. ❤
I’m an Autistic single mom raising 2 neurodivergent boys.
We also use “traffic jam” to articulate how our brains are feeling, like you described. Such a relatable video.
Love that! I can relate. :^)
Thank you for being vulnerable with us, Mac. It's a brave thing to do, and I appreciate all the effort you put into your videos.
Maybe allow yourself to do these raw videos every now and then? It might give you a breath of fresh air, a moment to relax. Just a thought, if you think it might not help, there's no pressure.
Have a good day, Mac, keep being awesome
Hello from North Carolina. I am mom to an adult daughter who is on the spectrum. (She will be 21 in February 2025). She’s pretty high functioning, but as her mom I am always looking for ways to help her, to understand her challenges better, and improve our communication. Thank you for posting this. It is encouraging to see an adult who functions well and can explain some of how you perceive things.
Very proud of you. It's hard to deal with depression when don't have autism. You are helping not only yourself, but also those of us that don't want to face the day either. You are my hero.😊
Thank you Mac.
I was laid off the day after Christmas.
And I'm fighting to keep engaged instead of sink into a depression hole.
I have a simular plan of pull myself out of bed with first goals of movement, tidy and put on go outside worthy clothing.
Then go after the progress making goals.
Same reasons:
Pick my personal mood up.
To get my achy body and slow mind going.
To reduce the little nagging things that still my focus and energy and replace that with little wins around my home.
Bless your heart, many years ago I was fired/kicked out on Christmas day. I was a live in Nanny and I had a 2 year old Son. I'll never forget that Christmas, and that was 38 years ago. Bless your heart. Someone in Texas cares about you, and her name is also Cindy.😊
God bless you. I hope you will find a new job soon.
Excellent tips for anyone dealing with depression.. basically is just get up and get moving... love it!
This is a great video, you should do more of these. Your commentary on autistic understimulation really made sense to me as an autistic person--I'm always in need of the correct amount of stimulation, and it's really hard to reconize when I'm going too far in either direction. This video didn't feel unpolished to me, rather it felt more authentic and your insights generally are really helpful to me, a 28 year old autistic guy who was just diagnosed last year. Thank you for your work, it is really important to many, myself included.
This is the best video you ever made.
I'm reminded of a Rod Serling quote. ""Writing is easy. I simply walk into my study. I sit down. I put the paper in the typewriter and I fix the margins and I turn the paper up... and I bleed.”
That's the original medium for art and you're working with it.
I've got ADHD / Depression, my wife has autism / anxiety. There's no book for this stuff, it's largely an uncharted land. I know. I've read probably 40 books.
None of them will be as useful as this video in conveying the reality to others.
The hats on the wall? She has handbags. She doesn't even use them, they're just ready at a moments notice for tasks. I didn't even realize I was using your cleaning tips therapeutically. The razor blade tools on the oven? No neurotypical I've ever met would dare use a razorblade cleaning or care about the cooktop's stuff. But to me, the act of finishing something required an appropriate tool. On the one hand it's just a razor blade. In the other hand it's a tool for excising. I could finally "Finish" a task that had malingered maliciously in my soul for decades. The act of ignoring something that could be done was sapping my willpower for years. That's just 1 of many tools you recommend and they're all basically therapy tools. I get dopamine everytime I see Barkeeper's Friend in a cupboard knowing I can take a task further.
I can recognize we've read some of the same books, "Willpower: Rediscovering the greatest human strength" at least has some of the same treatment ideas seen here. The getting cleaned up in the morning and making the bed ritualization definitely remind me of that.
Our kitchen? My wife can't cook and she has to return to the kitchen as it was, so when I clean it's a complete and thorough process. I clean while I cook and I must finish 90% of what I've done. I can leave the dishwasher full and maybe 1-2 dishes out for later but no more. I've adapted tools for this that are key but ADHD gives me *some* excess ability to manage the chaos of cooking and cleaning at the same time, but also, I've discovered an inherent value of cleaning things while they're still somewhat "hot". "Staging" is key, I have to plan my entire routine out to be done, completed, food served and things put away entirely... or I can't even start. I have to prep in stages because the kitchen must be tv-show level zen if she's not at work.
But my wife? She has a meltdown right around the time anything sizzles, she rallies, but then hates herself and her food. She can't even eat it after or the next day. Plating is key, it must be plated a certain way and be presentable and unique. Garnishes matter. She can't do all this at once nor practice in a meaningful way to get good enough at doing it.
But baking? She can make world class baking projects. Instagram worthy stuff because she can endlessly obsess over perfecting details. She can make a stain glass window that takes weeks - but cooking? Nope, not gonna happen.
So we adapt, slowly.
She likes basic meals and I'm finding eating broccoli raw, while seeming unappetizing is great. Some things I'll never get used to, she likes eating peppers raw but hates the pepper spice. I like pepper. I'm starting to see why they've always been relegated to shakers and added later, it's a do-it-later kind of thing. She can use an air-fryer but hates the sound of it. We can't be in the kitchen at the same time really, she goes nuts over the management and ritualization, she'll walk right through me if she needs to do something.
This morning she had made espresso in a little pouring cup as part of the ritual of using the machine. We were handing off, she was done and I needed to make my own. She went to rinse the cup out and I said, "Don't bother, I'm about to make some,". She looked at me. I looked at her. I saw fear.
And I told her to clean it, her ritual wasn't complete until it was done. I understood, but years ago that would've been very difficult to understand. I waited patiently while she washed a dish I was about to use. She tried to apologize, I cut her off. I couldn't use it until she was satisfied with it being "finished". Simple as that.
The leaving out pork overnight, for my wife I can tell when she's done, she's done. Going non-verbal claps down like a movie director clapping a board in the middle of a scene, it's done. She's not talking for a while. She can send me messages through the phone as needed, but that's a wrap. Cut. It's not going anywhere, time to wrap up the show and go to lunch. It's ok, it's as simple as that. Talking time is "done", if I have further thoughts I will commit them to writing for later consumption. She needs to move on *now*.
For me, while I have a subtle difference with stimulation, I get the stimulation issue.
While you're managing under and overstimulation, I'm managing literal stimulants. I have to take blood pressure medicine alongside a stimulant, I have to manage the same issues chemically. My wife I have to recognize those things too - she'll mask and do anything I ask her to do, but her levels of enjoyment are inexplicable to her. I have to catch her when we're doing something not mutually gratifying and examine her feelings as if they were an art piece, and read right through her to get to the truth... and catch myself. If I'm having fun, I have to be extra careful, because when she's riding passenger she goes from passenger, to backseat, to being dragged behind the car if I don't notice. It might even be something she regularly enjoys but not today and I have to course correct for both of us.
Meanwhile though, when she's driving it takes a while to get her there, but she's on a high no earthly human could possibly manifest, she will live in perfect moments for several minutes. Long enough that I check in with her and it's like icarus with wings that don't melt. She'll come down when she's tired - and my ADHD can't even shake loose her zen at that point. It's a diesel engine of zen for several minutes, even hours. Not even modest existential quandaries over whether or not something is perfect will even ping the zen, she's a marble statue of happiness for several hours sometimes.
But it takes a lot of doing, we have to manage our lives in a meaningfully intelligent way and like a bonsai tree, it needs *just* enough hedging and NO MORE.
I appreciate you putting this up and out there. It won't be easy, people will conglomerate weird ideas, opinions, project ideas of scrutiny and trigger all kinds of rejection sensitive ideas. I don't envy you for exposing yourself out there, I get the fear and self-loathing, the doubt and insecurity surrounding what this'll be like. Those fears are grounded and when you inevitably run into some disaster clowns screaming the end is nigh, armor up.
Because you did a really good thing sharing this and it's making my day. I'm saving this video, it is a picturesque art piece of encapsulating a person's experience with autism in a meaningfully difficult way.
You made a glass rose of your life, put it in an all too-fragile glass piece and here's to hoping the crazy world doesn't try to knock it off the display table. That delicate nature is what makes it special, the fragility of a well done thing left out in spite of what the world can, will, and might crack when callously occupying space with it. Be it ignorance or malice, doesn't matter, when that comes along just do your best to survive the wobbling table. I get rejection sensitive dysphoria, which is a disproportionate response to failures to communicate - doesn't matter what I'm doing or if their claims have any merit, discords ring like tuning forks for 3 days. I wake up in the middle of the night remembering some inane rabble moment about people disagreeing in a video game. It's not that I won't put it away, it's that I can't, my subconscious will turn up the volume in that echo for 3 days, I have to write them down and ritualize the expungement to even make them stop at 3 days.
Keep up the good work man, this is a little art piece. You did great. The fear is warranted but the value for people REALLY looking is far more important.
You might get some assholes. You might eat some scrutiny from belligerent people. When that happens pair it with this.
I saw a glass rose in a museum in NYC 8 years ago. I will remember it forever as the definition of art defying time. This video? Going to be the same level. It will inextricably tie itself to the idea of autism for the rest of my life, and like those razor blades I bought, I will pull them out every so often and cut off some dangling end in my life using this video. At least 2-3 people of Ellie's family will see it and finally understand, and in turn, help others understand.
I've been spending months trying to figure out how to describe autism to my wife's family and you made a necessary viewing list, the presentable video format here will absolutely convey the reality as best as possible... and she too, will have to survive the stones and arrows that come with people poking the glass. Constantly.
Thank you for painting this self-portrait so others might come to know themselves and be known by others.
Keep up the good work man, this is really important stuff. You're doing great.
This is the art that matters.
Thank you for sharing. I think your dynamic with your wife sounds incredible and gives me a lot of hope about coexisting with important people in my life, family or otherwise. Your comment is powerful to me
You have nothing to apologize for. We all suffer in our own lives, just differently. You are honest, and don’t seem any different to me than anyone else.
I watch because it’s you, no matter how you show yourself with the edits or not, I’d still watch 😊 take care of yourself. Depression is no joke it helps to hear how to do it differently than how I deal with it. Thank you so much
You are helping so many people by being this authentic. Thank you!!