The "draw the line" advice is very good. We went through this 30 years ago and we had to decide how far we would take things, based on the success rates and costs. We also had to decide what was more important- having a biological child or being parents. We chose the latter and adopted two absolutely wonderful children who grew up to be two wonderful human beings- No regrets!
Infertile husband here. Some friends of ours just had their baby and they're 3 to 4 years younger. It's been a rough week for the wife and I, and it feels like this video was for me. Thanks Dr. D.
Minus the miscarriage, this sounds almost like mine and my wife's journey. We tried for 2.5 years with 3 IUI treatments at the end. my wife wanted to stop trying if that last IUI did not work. And of course, it did not. In fact, her period came right before the family showed up for Thanksgiving dinner. So we decided to stop trying. Just take a break from that and be us. And wouldn't you know... The weekend before Christmas, a late period, a pregnancy test turned up positive. He just turned 2. We also got an unexpected blessing, so our two babies are 10 months and 9 days apart!
I loved this call! My husband and I are facing infertility as well. Another thing you can consider is adoption! That is the path that we feel that God is calling us to.
I went through infertility 25+ years ago and it gutted me. It is a loss and I grieved it deeply. My husband was just like this man...he struggled to understand the depth of my despair. It affected our relationship, our sex life, the entire tone of the home. I joined a support group called Resolve that helped a lot. We ultimately conceived our son after 3 years via IUI. But the experience changed me for life. You will need to draw your boundaries on what you are willing to do, just as Dr. John describes. We drew the line at in vitro and had determined we would adopt if we were not successful with other methods. My heart goes out to this couple and all who struggle with this challenge.
My younger brothers wife got pregnant and my wife and I were devastated for like two days until we realized we sucked away there joy of the situation. Now it’s the opposite we’re so excited because we get a celebrate with them.
Sometimes, the triggers for this hurt are not only daily but every conversation with other women. I play with children out in public at my local soup kitchen, and another woman says you should have children you're good with them. I'm far enough a long in my grieving to joke than go home and sit with a cup of tea and a blanket. Sometimes people think women are choosing to hurt all the times this subject comes up, but this comes up almost every conversation. I had an emergency hysterectomy 3 years ago it shook my identity and life to its core. I wasn't expecting that amount of devastion and that every social interaction would open up that wound again. Sometimes, when others acknowledge how sad it is that I can't have children I can't just say I'm doing okay. I'm expected to be destroyed emotionally and that level of expectation almost never let's know peace.
We recently found out my husband was sterile due to a condition his parents hid from him. We never knew until years after our marriage. However we are at peace with it, and we look forward to all the adventures just the two of us. The wife should be in counseling and should look for opportunities to help children already here. Of course keep trying if kids are her desire, but focus your energy elsewhere so that all eggs aren't in the kids basket. It will just be easier if kids don't work out.
I’m so sorry for this news for you. If you don’t mind my asking, does your husband have xxy? I’m asking for personal reasons and you’re of course under no obligation to respond to this personal question.
I went thru this with both pregnancies; thought I was going out of my mind with "just relax" advice. I finally gave birth to my daughter. Four years later pushing 35; he went to the fertility center, only to find out he had low sperm count from Agent Orange. We then had my son. What stress feeling inadequate and not normal.
I'm so thankful for this phone call I recently had a miscarriage in May this year and it's so overwhelming and heart breaking 💔 This guy is a good husband. Us ladies need a man that isn't insensitive and knows they are here for us. Praying this couple gets blessed with a rainbow baby
I lost 2. Women just don’t talk about it and I felt so alone. When I researched it I found out that as many as 1 in 3 pregnancies are lost in miscarriage and women are silent instead of supporting each other. When I asked friends later on I found out many had also lost pregnancies but never told me. My heart goes out to you, I know how devastatingly difficult it is. God bless. ❤️
Me and my wife been trying for years. Watching all our friends and family build there own families while its just us and we been married for 10 years . We been praying and she keeps hoping but im on the edge of giving up . Its not in gods plan
Love this. We "drew the line" also and didn't end up conceiving. It's a grief process, but I'm definitely more at peace with it now. It's a journey that's really difficult for people to understand unless you've been there. Thanks for handling this with so much compassion and honesty.
We went through this starting 30 years ago. There were 2 things that helped me. First, we knew we were meant to nurture children. We prayed God would send us whatever child He wanted us to raise. We ended up adopting 7, including a 3yo when we were 50…because God has a sense of humor. Secondly, I accepted that I had absolutely no control and God promised there would be heartache in every life BUT He promises peace and He promises to never leave us. Life is an adventure, you may as well enjoy the ride…
@@myyt3824 oh okay I didn’t realize it could take up to a year to conceive was considered normal, I thought it was 6 months. Good to know well hopefully by January I’m pregnant. I’ve been off the depo shot since June 2021 so it should be out of my system by now.
@@codename495 yep I always thought that too and until I landed in this unfortunate situation I thought I would adopt. Turns out IVF is significantly cheaper than adoption in many cases, especially with fertility coverage, which is more common now. Adoption can take years and cost over $50,000. Found out my insurance covers IVF and with a little luck (and a lot of horrible invasive procedures), you’re on your way to parenthood in a fraction of the time for adoption. It’s still a route I’d consider in future but it’s definitely not the easy, cheap, and righteous fertility solution many still think it is.
@@codename495IVF sometimes are covered by insurance. And with adoption it’s a mix bag. Some people have the best experience others can get children with lots of emotional or physical trauma. In some states the mom has time to change her mind and get the kids back.
tried for a long time. had six miscarriages and two babies. was done. had unexpected amazing baby who we named Esther Rose recently :) she is four months.
I went through this in a major way for a very long time. My husband left me because he wanted a wife who "wasn't broken" and there wasn't anything I could do to change that. I had accepted that it wasn't going to happen and that life moves on (it sucks sometimes still but this is my life). He also told me to just get over it at many points.
Wife and I had experienced 3 unexplained miscarriages within the last 4 years. It's just a rug being pulled from under you. Now getting pregnant in the future will be anxiety filled. But seeing everyone around you make it seem easy is no help. Good days, bad days, and hopefully relief soon.
That is not helpful to tell someone experiencing loss. And even if it was because of a chromosomal abnormality, would that lessen their grief or their loss? Would that make them love their child less? Like doctor Deloney said, don't try to fix it. You are not their doctor. A simple expression of compassion is sufficient.@@jacada4891
Doc did a great job explaining the emotions that women can go though with miscarriage. My husband and I went though 2 miscarriages (and more early miscarriages were suspected) and nearly 10y of trying to have a baby. BUT I gave birth to our second baby boy 4 weeks ago. Thank you, God. I pray for every couple going though this.
I found out my baby didn’t have a heart beat while being so excited during my ultrasound 10 week appointment. Baby was due last week. I’m still angry, broken over it. I’ve tried for 6 months nothing. It destroys you. God bless those who feel this way 🙏🏻🤍
Such great advice...I have two daughters...one who has 7 kiddos..(including two sets of natural twins)...and my other daughter who is unable to have babies. Many years!!! It has been SO Hard on both. So I really appreciate your advice on the pressure that comes with infertility..grief...stress... pressure..all of it. Made me think more on how tough it is for each of a couple....
It’s EASY to say “I won’t seek any fertility treatments. This is my line.” When getting pregnant naturally has worked. Doc has NO IDEA of what this looks like or feels like! This guys trying to draw lines without knowing what they outcome is going to be, is a terrible idea! Just be there for her! “I hurt when my wife hurts” so the solution is for you not to share your hurt with me, so we will pretend it doesn’t exist for a period of time, that way I will feel better??? 🤷🏻♀️ If you had diabetes, and diet and exercise did not work to lower dangerously high glucose, would you refuse insulin? Over a life time would be expensive! How about a heart condition? Would you draw the line on not having a transplant? That would cost a whole lot and be so stressful! Infertility is a medical condition that sometimes requires medical interventions. The desire/need to reproduce is biologically normal and it does affect your day to day life. You will never know how you would react, or what that “line” looks like until you feel like you need to cross it.
True. Nobody tells you to draw a line when you get a cancer diagnosis. Of course that's an extreme example but more and more studies came out and showed that involuntary childlessness actually effects women's health very negative in the long term. More likely to get cancer, other diseases and to die early. It should get more attention and more support from insurances. Every couple has to deal with the costs of infertility treatments completely alone. It sucks!
@katiegarces our insurance (my husband's a police officer in the state of Nevada and insured through the state) doesn't cover ANY fertility treatments, and the clinic we go to wants 21 to 25k for 2 cycles of IVF. It's just outrageously expensive. Some of his colleagues who needed IVF as well went to Mexico for it because it was less than half the price apparently. It's so frustrating. I just want a baby naturally like (almost) everyone else.
When you’re in the thick of it, it is near impossible to go a day without thinking of infertility. You’d be surprised at all the triggers - moms with babies at the grocery store or Target, a friend or coworker announcing a pregnancy, a baby shower or birth announcement on social media, TV shows/books/and movies almost always using an unplanned/surprise pregnancy as a plot point, and more. It’s so hard to escape and get your mind off it even when you are trying hard to think about other things. I’d definitely recommend therapy you work through the feelings of grief, anger, and jealousy that can pop up during this season. Thankfully IVF worked for my husband and I, but it was not an easy road emotionally to get where we are today.
Honestly not the best advice for infertility struggles. Have they gone to doctors for a diagnosis? Looked into their insurance coverage for fertility treatments? Infertility is a medical issue and there are medical treatments. All of this draw a line and take time off and grieve stuff is not helpful. Get a diagnosis. Explore your options, make a plan, and continually support each other and reevaluate the plan as you go along.
There is not always a diagnosis. Simple fact there is not always a cure and dry identifiable reason why. Unexplainable infertility is often the “ diagnosis”. There are and will always be couples who cannot conceive and setting a cap to what you’re both willing to go through is smart. It is helpful.
@@codename495 very true, sometimes there’s no clear cause or cure, but often there is. I have a friend who had multiple miscarriages, went to a fertility clinic, learned she had a simple case of chronic endometritis. One round of antibiotics later and her next pregnancy carried to term. You don’t know until you go to a doctor, which is why it should always be the first suggestion. If it comes down to it of course a line is eventually drawn and you need to grieve and look into other avenues. But if you’re struggling with conceiving or with pregnancy losses, please go to a doctor. (Both partners! 50% of infertility cases involve male factors)
Our two kids are 9 years apart. Definitely experienced worth. I used to tell me it’s likely that its just as much me as her and that we just need to be humble and if God wants it to happen it will come. Then one day i told her that you just watch our dog an cat both had little babies and you can imagine whos next. An i was serious then she got faith in what i said and two weeks later she was pregnant and she called me at work and said she really wants to talk to me in person and i said you’re pregnant. She’s like how did you know an i said remember the what i said the dog and cat had babies, and she laughed an her heart was full of joy. She was so proud that i kept encouraging her on.
Forcing her to take 30 days off from talking about it is an eternity of feeling rejected and separated from her husband and for a woman in that boat that feels like two years! Bad advice. Good way to get divorced. It’s actually emotional abandonment. She is is the greatest crisis of her life and husband will withdraw his support for a month??? Crazy advice.
I've had 3 miscarriages in just 4 months and my first miscarriage will be a year next month (june) it's still hurts! I cry everyday. It kills me inside. I'm 37 and knowing the fact I may never be a mother takes a toll. Be there for her as much as you can it makes a big difference! And she'll be there for you as well.
Me and my wife tried having kids and after a few miscarriages she was starting to have severe pain during her time of the month. It turns out she has cervical cancer. It's been a struggle. We don't have all the answers, but at minimum it looks like we will be getting a hysterectomy.
My husband has Azoospermia due to over 10 years of TRT. 😢 He was so sure it wouldn't affect him and his doctor never really warned him about the consequences. Now we're in fertility treatment and hope that the effects can be reversed with HCG. I'm praying and praying and praying. Of course our doctor is optimistic that if we get his sperm back we can try IVF, but the cost of it freaks me out. 25k for 2 cycles... it might work or it might not. I still hope we can one day try again naturally and succeed. It is so hard every day to see all those younger couples with 3+ children. It's a constant period of grief... and it's so hard to talk to people because 99% don't understand and don't know what to say.
Came here for advice! My husband and I have been trying for the past year and a half. We’ve never had any “surprises”, I’ve never gotten a single positive. I’m doing my best to not make it feel like we’re on a schedule and put the pressure on my husband like he’s a baby machine, though I have done that in the past. It’s hard, I definitely notice all the single women/teenagers around me that “accidentally” get pregnant and then I catch myself asking God why, and what I’m doing at the moment to not deserve it. My husband and I recently found a new church that we love that I think is going to be extremely beneficial. I’m trying to not be jealous or covet those that are pregnant or have babies. This church is just full of pregnant women and despite taking supplements and staying healthy, all I can do is trust and have faith in God that he’s going to bless us just as he has done with these other couples. This was great advice.
Infertility is heartbreaking. Sometimes, we can identify a medical cause for it and sometimes we cannot. Young women are encouraged to recognize that their fertility is a wonderful gift, but it can and does have a 'prime' window and can be affected by her choices. Many young women delay marriage and childbearing in order to pursue college and career; the median age in the US for women to marry is 29+ years. A number of these women experience temporal or permanent infertility due to their age. Certain birth control methods can impact a woman's fertility as well as certain STDs. Young women that desire to be wife and mother need to make wise choices to that end.
One line you really got wrong was with the saying of 30 fertilized embryos. Not how ivf works. I had to go through 4 rounds of IVF due to male infertility. I am statistically a perfect example of the reality of ivf. My first egg retrieval I had 21 matured eggs. Expect that only half will survive overnight with fertilization. I ended up with 11 possible embryos. By day 5 or 6 only about half will turn into full embryos. Day 6, I had 6 embryos that were very high graded. (4 aa) We ended up doing pgt testing and out of the 6-- only 1 embryos was perfect. During pg T or PGS testing-- You are able to find the gender of of the embryos-- But most importantly you are able to see if the baby has all the chromosomes or has to many. For example one of my embryos had an extra chromosome on #6. Of course if you have an extra chromosomes on 21-- we know a child will be diagnosed with downs. Just so you know-- statistically for every 3 perfect embryos-- 1 embryo will result in one live birth. People have this idea of creating and wasting potential life because of ivf. Yes, people have leftover embryos. Most people do not pay the extra money to actually have them biopsy to see if they are life quality. Creating human babies the natural way or using the help of a reproductive endocrinologist is not easy. Example, animals such as fish, dogs, cats, rabbits, they can reproduce so much easier compared to the human race. My husband and I personally have the mindset we will transfer every "perfect" embryo that we had created.
No offence - but that sounds like some kind of eugenic Frankenstinian process that offers no dignity to the embryos (human life) being made and disposed of because they are "imperfect". Absolutely wild.
From Asian Taoist perspective, the more you want something, sometimes the more it runs away from you. Go with the flow, accept reality as is and let the universe run its course. You might be surprised how life turns out
Have her take vitamin d. No joke I was infertile for 12 years. My husband hassled me to take vitamin d for energy. We were pregnant within a month!! We had given up on the idea of babies,I think not stressing about it helps too
Lucky you but not everyone have the same case as you, Vitamin D wouldn’t help. Some could be more complicated like people with thin uterus, some couldn’t produce enough egg/sperm cell, some have none. Some with PCOS. Although I got pregnant quick in 2 months of trying. We are all different.
I have not been able to carry a baby, it hurts me emotionally as I know my husband wants to have kids. We have our son ( my step son, 29yr) after my miscarriage, it hurts because all my sisters are having kids, and they do not take care of themselves. I am waiting to have foster kids in my home, for a room to open up and I will adopt. Maybe, it’s not in God’s plan…
As a child growing up, my sister's and I heard "when you have kids of your own", or "when you get married and have kids"...... My brother's didn't hear that kind of talk. I tried not to say those things to my daughter, but she, like me before her, was born to be a mom. There definitely is a genetic component to the desires or non-desires for motherhood. My daughter and I both had very strong motherhood hormones. Doctor's may say there is no such thing, but I know the reality. There is. Not everyone seems to have them.
You should try IVF at least once because it is the method with the highest success rate for infertile couples. Many insurance plans cover at least a portion of the expense.
I personally would rather adopt than try ivf but each to their own. The effect on the hormones, the pressure and cost of ivf just sounds off putting. Imagine a month of hoping will conceive naturally. With ivf the pressure will feel ten fold.
Yeah I’m shocked at the anti-IVF stance of this convo. I’m in the thick of IVF right now. It sucks but I can’t imagine not trying it. It’s a medical solution to a medical issue. No one tells cancer patients to ‘draw the line somewhere.’
I had an unexpected pregnancy that I didn't want and my best friend is going through infertility pilgrimage right now. I believe everything has a reason. It is often not what we expect it to be
Im sick and tired of all these couples getting pregnant. Im done with everyone. My wife and i have been married for 17 years and not one child. We thought we had it back in 2013 but she miscarried. Im sick of people at my church getting pregnant lickity split. Like nothing. I guess 3:52 God doesnt hear my prayers. We have been praying and praying and nothing. He answers everyone else's prayers but mine. I thought we would be parents of 4 kids by now. Im really angry with everyone. Im ashamed to say it but im angry with God. 😡
I know it's hard, I'm going thru the exact same thing. Everyone around us getting pregnant without even trying, I can't even look at social media anymore. Youre not alone and I wish the absolute best for you and your woman.
It's not because a woman fantasies about her home with children in it. I never did, nor did I even want children until i carried one. Woman, even those who can abort, feel the life inside her even very early. When one is lost it is a death and a major loss to the mother. So, it causes an emptiness and like all losses, women grieve.
I have 3 kids and they are consuming me . We are in a rough place . That to say we all go through something in life that is all consuming and challenges us in every way .
My kids consume me, but I couldn't imagine not having had been able to have them at all. That would have been gut wrenching. If I parent well, they'll be out of the house and I'll be able to do my own thing again.
@@josephinenelan4204 there is no formula . I’m not trying to get rid of my kids , we are in a season of struggling and I’m consumed and can’t find my way out . What I mean yo say is that everyone can fill in the blank of what’s consuming them and how they feel like the only ones going through it and waiting for situations to come to pass .
@@rebeccaoprea9917 I'm only responding to your post in context to the video. Commenting that kids are a struggle as well...? It's absolutely not the same type of struggle. And kids will one day leave the nest, but if you can NEVER have children, or can never experience pregnancy if you wanted to... you don't get a reprieve from that.
i am infertile but my wife wants to ivf, she doesn't understand i don't have $30,000 for it, and that it is no guranteed. i got a post nup, so sadly i might have to go
I totally agree with you. Going into debt over ivf would be absurd. As a last try, you can sit with her and see if you can figure out a savings plan that you would both contribute to and how long it would take you to save the required amount. If she is still not satisfied or pushes for an unaffordable solution... then as you said... time to go.
@@lauravergot9995 yea, she told me she wants to save for it, we put a plan for it, but she only saved $500 in 3 years, due to shopping habits not allowing her to save more, I told her she needs to do better and act like she wants it or else it will never happen
He clearly said that it doesn’t mean they stop having sex. So the chances are still there, just not like duty or a job. I think the opposite. The break may get them pregnant faster without having that psychological burden and it may lead them closer as they start enjoying each other again … I think a break would benefit them as individuals, couple and future baby 🥰
Often people who are having difficulty getting pregnant end up getting pregnant when something happens on their life to distract them from trying to conceive. If they don't 'try' for a month, that could be the very month she gets pregnant. Clearly, what they're doing isn't working, so they may as well try a different approach.
I don’t think that is what he meant. He meant still have sex but don’t do it with a specific purpose of having to get pregnant, take the chore/stress out of it. I thought that was what he meant too but then he clarified.
I think them thinking about every month as a “chance at a baby” is why they need a break. It’s adding too much pressure and the stress could be making things worse. My mother saw a fertility doctor after a year of trying to conceive with no luck and his advice was that she needed to stop stressing and focusing so much on it. Shortly after she became pregnant with me.
I’ve heard a therapist say take a whole year off from trying and just live life and enjoy each other. Bingo! You end up pregnant! She’s thinking about it too much.
This happened to us! As soon as we gave up on the idea and accepted that we would never have kids I got pregnant! But I was also taking vitamin d for energy. I had been infertile 12 years
Fantastic! I’ll give that a try. My husband has a sperm count of zero. Can’t wait to be pregnant by the end of the year! 🥳👏🎉EXCELLENT ADVICE and such a smart therapist
This is the most cliche comment ever and it’s hurtful to those of us who have struggled with infertility. Don’t ever, ever tell someone they’re “thinking about it too much.” So inconsiderate and ignorant.
@@crystalsnow1138 Even if it doesn't cause pregnancy, I'd hope it would offer the couple, especially the woman a new perspective on life. Some of us will never have children of our own, so we must find a cause or job where we pass on a legacy in this world that will always be "our baby."
I can’t imagine not being able to get pregnant. It took us 12 months to conceive our daughter and I was getting worried, but that’s about normal. But perhaps God chooses great people to adopt kids who need great parents. My aunt and uncle are one of those couples. They adopted two amazing boys. Weigh your options and costs with IUI and IVF, but also consider adoption.
If you adopt, may I suggest you adopt a child of a different racial background? African American, then maybe a Hispanic child, then Indian . It would be fun for the kids because you would have your own little United Nations!
Can you make it backwards? What if the unfertile is the Male but the wife wanted babies. How he grief that and how can he open his mind to open options bc I feel guys are so proud that is easy to them say ok I don't want no baby if not from my balls shutting the door too in the wife dreams. Is a very shitty situation to be right now . Is driving me crazy honestly
Telling someone to just "quit stressing about it" is not helpful. In fact, it puts even more pressure on a couple, as though it's their fault for not conceiving. There can be any number of physiological reasons for male/female infertility.
Sure enough, if everything goes well this should do the job. But listen, there's one factor that's usually overlooked that can considerably speed up the process, unfortunately I do not have it at hand, but it can be go’ogled Dobbie Nerkstrol's Infertility Cure, I think.
How do you think people get pregnant with a surrogate? These days it’s almost done with the surrogate carrying an embryo made by the prospective parents THROUGH IVF.
I will never understand why people can’t simply accept the fact. Why do you need children so desperately? If it’s not in the cards for you it’s not in the cards.
Because most people who get married do so to have a family. If you don't want kids or it doesn't matter to you either way that's good for you, but many people want to have kids and there is nothing wrong with that. Raising a family although it's hard work, it's also a big blessing that people want to experience. I do hope if this couple doesn't conceive naturally they consider adoption, so many kids need a loving home.
Becasue there are women who's purpose is to love and bond. Not climbing some useless corporate ladder who would replace you the moment they go over budget.
My friend. You lack empathy. Children are a gift and a blessing. It’s like asking why people want to be married one day so desperately? Or why people want to buy a house so bad?
Please don't ever say that to someone you know facing infertility or miscarriage. It's like telling someone who has lost a loved one to "just get over it" and accept the fact that they're gone. Until you've walked in their shoes, you have no idea how they feel or what they are going through.
First off what blood type are you both? If she is RH- and you are RH + that could be the cause of the miscarriage. Second does she have endometriosis or POC? Those cause a ton of fertility problems. Also cysts on the ovaries.. I would also go to a chiropractor that can do wonders!
As a mother of 5, I couldn’t imagine not being able to get or stay pregnant . We just had number 5. I’m 36, I’m thankful I was able to give my husband children on demand.
If my husband said “my wife can’t get pregnant” i’d be upset because there’s always a possibility that there is something wrong with the man’s sperm too
She really failed this guy who provides for her and wants nothing but a child! I really hope she's ashamed of herself for not being able to play her role not just as a wife, but as a woman as well!
Hey, I found the troll again! Women aren't "less than" if pregnancy can't happen. Women are more than a walking uterus. Grow up and stop spewing toxic misogyny on the internet. Try going outside and going for a walk. You'll feel better.
Honestly not the best advice for infertility struggles. Have they gone to doctors for a diagnosis? Looked into their insurance coverage for fertility treatments? Infertility is a medical issue and there are medical treatments. All of this draw a line and take time off and grieve stuff is not helpful. Get a diagnosis. Explore your options, make a plan, and continually support each other and reevaluate the plan as you go along.
The "draw the line" advice is very good. We went through this 30 years ago and we had to decide how far we would take things, based on the success rates and costs. We also had to decide what was more important- having a biological child or being parents. We chose the latter and adopted two absolutely wonderful children who grew up to be two wonderful human beings- No regrets!
So happy to hear that!
Beautiful ❤️
Absolutely! We don't love people because they are biologically related. Bonds are built through experiences. ❤️
Adopted children won't carry my DNA.
@@monabiehl6213 Then don't adopt.
Infertile husband here. Some friends of ours just had their baby and they're 3 to 4 years younger. It's been a rough week for the wife and I, and it feels like this video was for me. Thanks Dr. D.
Best wishes to you and your wife.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I had a miscarriage last week and it’s been so traumatizing. I wish you the best.
sending you strength from Kenya
Same situation, I feel this. Best of luck to you and your wife. It’s tough.
@Planet of the Idiots if they know the issue of their infertility and if it can be fixed or not, thats meaning they know the chances
Minus the miscarriage, this sounds almost like mine and my wife's journey. We tried for 2.5 years with 3 IUI treatments at the end. my wife wanted to stop trying if that last IUI did not work. And of course, it did not. In fact, her period came right before the family showed up for Thanksgiving dinner.
So we decided to stop trying. Just take a break from that and be us. And wouldn't you know... The weekend before Christmas, a late period, a pregnancy test turned up positive.
He just turned 2. We also got an unexpected blessing, so our two babies are 10 months and 9 days apart!
That is awesome good to hear.
Glory to God!
We adopted our almost 10 year old son in 2012. Greatest thing in our life.
I loved this call! My husband and I are facing infertility as well. Another thing you can consider is adoption! That is the path that we feel that God is calling us to.
I went through the same. Adoption is a great choice. Fertility treatments are hell, it is nor worth it.
I went through infertility 25+ years ago and it gutted me. It is a loss and I grieved it deeply. My husband was just like this man...he struggled to understand the depth of my despair. It affected our relationship, our sex life, the entire tone of the home. I joined a support group called Resolve that helped a lot. We ultimately conceived our son after 3 years via IUI. But the experience changed me for life. You will need to draw your boundaries on what you are willing to do, just as Dr. John describes. We drew the line at in vitro and had determined we would adopt if we were not successful with other methods. My heart goes out to this couple and all who struggle with this challenge.
My younger brothers wife got pregnant and my wife and I were devastated for like two days until we realized we sucked away there joy of the situation. Now it’s the opposite we’re so excited because we get a celebrate with them.
I had difficulty conceiving, but eventually did at a "late" age. I just prayed for you.
Curious how old you conceived?/
Sometimes, the triggers for this hurt are not only daily but every conversation with other women. I play with children out in public at my local soup kitchen, and another woman says you should have children you're good with them. I'm far enough a long in my grieving to joke than go home and sit with a cup of tea and a blanket. Sometimes people think women are choosing to hurt all the times this subject comes up, but this comes up almost every conversation. I had an emergency hysterectomy 3 years ago it shook my identity and life to its core. I wasn't expecting that amount of devastion and that every social interaction would open up that wound again. Sometimes, when others acknowledge how sad it is that I can't have children I can't just say I'm doing okay. I'm expected to be destroyed emotionally and that level of expectation almost never let's know peace.
I have PCOS and I’ve been trying to get pregnant since I was 23. Infertility sucks
We recently found out my husband was sterile due to a condition his parents hid from him. We never knew until years after our marriage. However we are at peace with it, and we look forward to all the adventures just the two of us. The wife should be in counseling and should look for opportunities to help children already here. Of course keep trying if kids are her desire, but focus your energy elsewhere so that all eggs aren't in the kids basket. It will just be easier if kids don't work out.
I’m so sorry for this news for you. If you don’t mind my asking, does your husband have xxy? I’m asking for personal reasons and you’re of course under no obligation to respond to this personal question.
A good way to increase happiness is to delete all social media.
I went thru this with both pregnancies; thought I was going out of my mind with "just relax" advice. I finally gave birth to my daughter. Four years later pushing 35; he went to the fertility center, only to find out he had low sperm count from Agent Orange. We then had my son. What stress feeling inadequate and not normal.
I'm so thankful for this phone call
I recently had a miscarriage in May this year and it's so overwhelming and heart breaking 💔
This guy is a good husband. Us ladies need a man that isn't insensitive and knows they are here for us.
Praying this couple gets blessed with a rainbow baby
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I've had three and it is rough. Do you have a support system?
Praying this couple and you too! 💕
I lost 2. Women just don’t talk about it and I felt so alone. When I researched it I found out that as many as 1 in 3 pregnancies are lost in miscarriage and women are silent instead of supporting each other. When I asked friends later on I found out many had also lost pregnancies but never told me. My heart goes out to you, I know how devastatingly difficult it is. God bless. ❤️
@@wijcik I haven't gone into a group or support system but I been seeing my therapist every 2 weeks
@@dianawilliams6735 thank you so much 💗
Me and my wife been trying for years. Watching all our friends and family build there own families while its just us and we been married for 10 years . We been praying and she keeps hoping but im on the edge of giving up . Its not in gods plan
Right there with you. 10 years married in December. We waited a few years to start trying but it’s been several years of trying and nothing.
Love this. We "drew the line" also and didn't end up conceiving. It's a grief process, but I'm definitely more at peace with it now. It's a journey that's really difficult for people to understand unless you've been there. Thanks for handling this with so much compassion and honesty.
We went through this starting 30 years ago. There were 2 things that helped me. First, we knew we were meant to nurture children. We prayed God would send us whatever child He wanted us to raise. We ended up adopting 7, including a 3yo when we were 50…because God has a sense of humor. Secondly, I accepted that I had absolutely no control and God promised there would be heartache in every life BUT He promises peace and He promises to never leave us. Life is an adventure, you may as well enjoy the ride…
This video hits hard for me, my husband and I have been trying since January and I’m still not pregnant 💔 Hopefully this couple will conceive soon 🙏🏽
That’s totally normal. It took us 12 cycles to conceive our daughter. Don’t begin to worry or overthink until after a full year of trying.
@@myyt3824 oh okay I didn’t realize it could take up to a year to conceive was considered normal, I thought it was 6 months. Good to know well hopefully by January I’m pregnant. I’ve been off the depo shot since June 2021 so it should be out of my system by now.
I am in the exact same boat! Give it a full 12 mo 🧡
Infertility is considered no success after 12 months if your under 35 and 6 months if your over 35. I’m over 35 and regret not seeking help sooner.
@@radbex1102 oh okay I’m 32 and my husband is 38.
People need to educate themselves on adoption before suggesting it. It’s incredibly expensive and a LONG and difficult process.
Cheaper than IVF, and you are saving a life already here. So…
@@codename495 yep I always thought that too and until I landed in this unfortunate situation I thought I would adopt. Turns out IVF is significantly cheaper than adoption in many cases, especially with fertility coverage, which is more common now. Adoption can take years and cost over $50,000. Found out my insurance covers IVF and with a little luck (and a lot of horrible invasive procedures), you’re on your way to parenthood in a fraction of the time for adoption. It’s still a route I’d consider in future but it’s definitely not the easy, cheap, and righteous fertility solution many still think it is.
@@codename495IVF sometimes are covered by insurance. And with adoption it’s a mix bag. Some people have the best experience others can get children with lots of emotional or physical trauma. In some states the mom has time to change her mind and get the kids back.
tried for a long time. had six miscarriages and two babies. was done. had unexpected amazing baby who we named Esther Rose recently :) she is four months.
I went through this in a major way for a very long time. My husband left me because he wanted a wife who "wasn't broken" and there wasn't anything I could do to change that. I had accepted that it wasn't going to happen and that life moves on (it sucks sometimes still but this is my life). He also told me to just get over it at many points.
Wife and I had experienced 3 unexplained miscarriages within the last 4 years. It's just a rug being pulled from under you. Now getting pregnant in the future will be anxiety filled. But seeing everyone around you make it seem easy is no help. Good days, bad days, and hopefully relief soon.
1- wife's 23rd bday
2- we had her parents in the room for a checkup and no heartbeat
3- middle of pandemic and I waited in the car 8hrs praying.
❤
Wow soo young!! Maybe take a break and try again In a few years.
Also most miscarriages are because there is chromosomal abnormalities
That is not helpful to tell someone experiencing loss. And even if it was because of a chromosomal abnormality, would that lessen their grief or their loss? Would that make them love their child less?
Like doctor Deloney said, don't try to fix it. You are not their doctor.
A simple expression of compassion is sufficient.@@jacada4891
Adopted and it was the best thing I ever did.
Doc did a great job explaining the emotions that women can go though with miscarriage. My husband and I went though 2 miscarriages (and more early miscarriages were suspected) and nearly 10y of trying to have a baby. BUT I gave birth to our second baby boy 4 weeks ago. Thank you, God. I pray for every couple going though this.
Congrats.
As a mom of 5 I can't IMAGINE the pain of not having kids. Hes a good guy for trying to help her.
Exactly, and I think I’m this case, the right thing to do would be for him to leave her and find another more fertile woman!
@@juniorgod321 Rubbish advice. He wants to support her. How is leaving her to find a "more fertile woman" supporting her?
This isn't the 1650's.
@@wijcik Well, he should just change his mind about wanting to support her!
Unless it's by choice. Some are truly happy childfree.
@@juniorgod321 Why? Do you think so little of woman and of marriage? Should she dump him if he became terminally ill and was unable to work?
I found out my baby didn’t have a heart beat while being so excited during my ultrasound 10 week appointment. Baby was due last week. I’m still angry, broken over it. I’ve tried for 6 months nothing. It destroys you. God bless those who feel this way 🙏🏻🤍
That sounds similar to my last miscarriage. I am so sorry for your loss.
@@wijcik thank you so much 🙏🏻 and I am so very sorry you had a similar experience and for yours as well. My heart goes out to you 🤍
I’m so sorry to hear about your baby.
@@mle011 thank you so much 🤍🙏🏻
That was a brilliant video. As someone who experienced the devastation of miscarriage, thank you John.
Such great advice...I have two daughters...one who has 7 kiddos..(including two sets of natural twins)...and my other daughter who is unable to have babies. Many years!!! It has been SO Hard on both. So I really appreciate your advice on the pressure that comes with infertility..grief...stress... pressure..all of it. Made me think more on how tough it is for each of a couple....
It’s EASY to say “I won’t seek any fertility treatments. This is my line.” When getting pregnant naturally has worked. Doc has NO IDEA of what this looks like or feels like! This guys trying to draw lines without knowing what they outcome is going to be, is a terrible idea! Just be there for her!
“I hurt when my wife hurts” so the solution is for you not to share your hurt with me, so we will pretend it doesn’t exist for a period of time, that way I will feel better??? 🤷🏻♀️
If you had diabetes, and diet and exercise did not work to lower dangerously high glucose, would you refuse insulin? Over a life time would be expensive!
How about a heart condition? Would you draw the line on not having a transplant? That would cost a whole lot and be so stressful!
Infertility is a medical condition that sometimes requires medical interventions. The desire/need to reproduce is biologically normal and it does affect your day to day life.
You will never know how you would react, or what that “line” looks like until you feel like you need to cross it.
True. Nobody tells you to draw a line when you get a cancer diagnosis. Of course that's an extreme example but more and more studies came out and showed that involuntary childlessness actually effects women's health very negative in the long term. More likely to get cancer, other diseases and to die early.
It should get more attention and more support from insurances. Every couple has to deal with the costs of infertility treatments completely alone. It sucks!
We're getting the ball rolling to start IVF. It's very overwhelming but I'm ready.
Good luck!! You can do it.
All the best to you! We might have to rely on it as well, the 25k just freaks me out honestly. 😢
@@SkiraReedmy clinic is 15k per cycle and a lot of times there’s some insurance coverage
@katiegarces our insurance (my husband's a police officer in the state of Nevada and insured through the state) doesn't cover ANY fertility treatments, and the clinic we go to wants 21 to 25k for 2 cycles of IVF. It's just outrageously expensive. Some of his colleagues who needed IVF as well went to Mexico for it because it was less than half the price apparently. It's so frustrating. I just want a baby naturally like (almost) everyone else.
When you’re in the thick of it, it is near impossible to go a day without thinking of infertility. You’d be surprised at all the triggers - moms with babies at the grocery store or Target, a friend or coworker announcing a pregnancy, a baby shower or birth announcement on social media, TV shows/books/and movies almost always using an unplanned/surprise pregnancy as a plot point, and more. It’s so hard to escape and get your mind off it even when you are trying hard to think about other things. I’d definitely recommend therapy you work through the feelings of grief, anger, and jealousy that can pop up during this season. Thankfully IVF worked for my husband and I, but it was not an easy road emotionally to get where we are today.
Boy, years later, my kids are grown and I still grieve so many things about that journey
Adopt. There are so many kids that need and deserve a good home.
Honestly not the best advice for infertility struggles. Have they gone to doctors for a diagnosis? Looked into their insurance coverage for fertility treatments? Infertility is a medical issue and there are medical treatments. All of this draw a line and take time off and grieve stuff is not helpful. Get a diagnosis. Explore your options, make a plan, and continually support each other and reevaluate the plan as you go along.
There is not always a diagnosis. Simple fact there is not always a cure and dry identifiable reason why. Unexplainable infertility is often the “ diagnosis”. There are and will always be couples who cannot conceive and setting a cap to what you’re both willing to go through is smart. It is helpful.
@@codename495 very true, sometimes there’s no clear cause or cure, but often there is. I have a friend who had multiple miscarriages, went to a fertility clinic, learned she had a simple case of chronic endometritis. One round of antibiotics later and her next pregnancy carried to term. You don’t know until you go to a doctor, which is why it should always be the first suggestion. If it comes down to it of course a line is eventually drawn and you need to grieve and look into other avenues. But if you’re struggling with conceiving or with pregnancy losses, please go to a doctor. (Both partners! 50% of infertility cases involve male factors)
Our two kids are 9 years apart. Definitely experienced worth. I used to tell me it’s likely that its just as much me as her and that we just need to be humble and if God wants it to happen it will come. Then one day i told her that you just watch our dog an cat both had little babies and you can imagine whos next. An i was serious then she got faith in what i said and two weeks later she was pregnant and she called me at work and said she really wants to talk to me in person and i said you’re pregnant. She’s like how did you know an i said remember the what i said the dog and cat had babies, and she laughed an her heart was full of joy. She was so proud that i kept encouraging her on.
Forcing her to take 30 days off from talking about it is an eternity of feeling rejected and separated from her husband and for a woman in that boat that feels like two years! Bad advice. Good way to get divorced. It’s actually emotional abandonment. She is is the greatest crisis of her life and husband will withdraw his support for a month??? Crazy advice.
She’s wallowing in grief rather than addressing the fact that her obsession is effecting everything in both of their lives.
I've had 3 miscarriages in just 4 months and my first miscarriage will be a year next month (june) it's still hurts! I cry everyday. It kills me inside. I'm 37 and knowing the fact I may never be a mother takes a toll. Be there for her as much as you can it makes a big difference! And she'll be there for you as well.
Me and my wife tried having kids and after a few miscarriages she was starting to have severe pain during her time of the month. It turns out she has cervical cancer. It's been a struggle. We don't have all the answers, but at minimum it looks like we will be getting a hysterectomy.
I’m so sorry you are going through this.
Don't give up!
My husband has Azoospermia due to over 10 years of TRT. 😢 He was so sure it wouldn't affect him and his doctor never really warned him about the consequences. Now we're in fertility treatment and hope that the effects can be reversed with HCG. I'm praying and praying and praying. Of course our doctor is optimistic that if we get his sperm back we can try IVF, but the cost of it freaks me out. 25k for 2 cycles... it might work or it might not. I still hope we can one day try again naturally and succeed. It is so hard every day to see all those younger couples with 3+ children. It's a constant period of grief... and it's so hard to talk to people because 99% don't understand and don't know what to say.
Came here for advice! My husband and I have been trying for the past year and a half. We’ve never had any “surprises”, I’ve never gotten a single positive. I’m doing my best to not make it feel like we’re on a schedule and put the pressure on my husband like he’s a baby machine, though I have done that in the past. It’s hard, I definitely notice all the single women/teenagers around me that “accidentally” get pregnant and then I catch myself asking God why, and what I’m doing at the moment to not deserve it. My husband and I recently found a new church that we love that I think is going to be extremely beneficial. I’m trying to not be jealous or covet those that are pregnant or have babies. This church is just full of pregnant women and despite taking supplements and staying healthy, all I can do is trust and have faith in God that he’s going to bless us just as he has done with these other couples. This was great advice.
Infertility is heartbreaking. Sometimes, we can identify a medical cause for it and sometimes we cannot. Young women are encouraged to recognize that their fertility is a wonderful gift, but it can and does have a 'prime' window and can be affected by her choices. Many young women delay marriage and childbearing in order to pursue college and career; the median age in the US for women to marry is 29+ years. A number of these women experience temporal or permanent infertility due to their age. Certain birth control methods can impact a woman's fertility as well as certain STDs.
Young women that desire to be wife and mother need to make wise choices to that end.
I was told due to my testicles in 2022 that I could not have more children (we had one at the time). In 2023 we had twins 👯. Life is weird.
5 losses here and giving up! Totally understand their pain!!!
15 years married same deal. Sucks. Thanks ostomy and ulcerative colitis. Wife works at childcare center. 😢😢😢
One line you really got wrong was with the saying of 30 fertilized embryos. Not how ivf works. I had to go through 4 rounds of IVF due to male infertility. I am statistically a perfect example of the reality of ivf. My first egg retrieval I had 21 matured eggs. Expect that only half will survive overnight with fertilization. I ended up with 11 possible embryos. By day 5 or 6 only about half will turn into full embryos. Day 6, I had 6 embryos that were very high graded. (4 aa) We ended up doing pgt testing and out of the 6-- only 1 embryos was perfect.
During pg T or PGS testing-- You are able to find the gender of of the embryos-- But most importantly you are able to see if the baby has all the chromosomes or has to many. For example one of my embryos had an extra chromosome on #6. Of course if you have an extra chromosomes on 21-- we know a child will be diagnosed with downs.
Just so you know-- statistically for every 3 perfect embryos-- 1 embryo will result in one live birth.
People have this idea of creating and wasting potential life because of ivf. Yes, people have leftover embryos. Most people do not pay the extra money to actually have them biopsy to see if they are life quality. Creating human babies the natural way or using the help of a reproductive endocrinologist is not easy. Example, animals such as fish, dogs, cats, rabbits, they can reproduce so much easier compared to the human race.
My husband and I personally have the mindset we will transfer every "perfect" embryo that we had created.
No offence - but that sounds like some kind of eugenic Frankenstinian process that offers no dignity to the embryos (human life) being made and disposed of because they are "imperfect". Absolutely wild.
From Asian Taoist perspective, the more you want something, sometimes the more it runs away from you. Go with the flow, accept reality as is and let the universe run its course. You might be surprised how life turns out
I would put a bet on it that she’s going to get pregnant during this break if they do that! Seems once you stop worrying about it so much it happens!
Have her take vitamin d. No joke I was infertile for 12 years. My husband hassled me to take vitamin d for energy. We were pregnant within a month!! We had given up on the idea of babies,I think not stressing about it helps too
Lucky you but not everyone have the same case as you, Vitamin D wouldn’t help. Some could be more complicated like people with thin uterus, some couldn’t produce enough egg/sperm cell, some have none. Some with PCOS. Although I got pregnant quick in 2 months of trying. We are all different.
I have not been able to carry a baby, it hurts me emotionally as I know my husband wants to have kids. We have our son ( my step son, 29yr) after my miscarriage, it hurts because all my sisters are having kids, and they do not take care of themselves. I am waiting to have foster kids in my home, for a room to open up and I will adopt. Maybe, it’s not in God’s plan…
As a child growing up, my sister's and I heard "when you have kids of your own", or "when you get married and have kids"...... My brother's didn't hear that kind of talk.
I tried not to say those things to my daughter, but she, like me before her, was born to be a mom. There definitely is a genetic component to the desires or non-desires for motherhood. My daughter and I both had very strong motherhood hormones. Doctor's may say there is no such thing, but I know the reality. There is. Not everyone seems to have them.
Exaclty! I think this good man should just leave her and find a woman that's fertile!
@@juniorgod321 Hates women. Dont feed the bridge troll.
@@juniorgod321 fertility is no guarantee that someone will be a good parent to children.
@@maam-yj8ph yes, but st the least you’re guaranteed to have a kid! He should just dump the barren wife and find another one!
@@juniorgod321 Take your toxic opinion elsewhere.
You should try IVF at least once because it is the method with the highest success rate for infertile couples. Many insurance plans cover at least a portion of the expense.
A lot of people don’t want to do that. I personally would never pursue that. Nobody “has to” or “should” try anything in regards to their fertility.
I personally would rather adopt than try ivf but each to their own.
The effect on the hormones, the pressure and cost of ivf just sounds off putting. Imagine a month of hoping will conceive naturally. With ivf the pressure will feel ten fold.
There are also many ethical issues with IVF that no one talks about. Look into those, this concerns human lives being created
Yeah I’m shocked at the anti-IVF stance of this convo. I’m in the thick of IVF right now. It sucks but I can’t imagine not trying it. It’s a medical solution to a medical issue. No one tells cancer patients to ‘draw the line somewhere.’
I had an unexpected pregnancy that I didn't want and my best friend is going through infertility pilgrimage right now. I believe everything has a reason. It is often not what we expect it to be
Im sick and tired of all these couples getting pregnant. Im done with everyone. My wife and i have been married for 17 years and not one child. We thought we had it back in 2013 but she miscarried. Im sick of people at my church getting pregnant lickity split. Like nothing. I guess 3:52 God doesnt hear my prayers. We have been praying and praying and nothing. He answers everyone else's prayers but mine. I thought we would be parents of 4 kids by now. Im really angry with everyone. Im ashamed to say it but im angry with God. 😡
I know it's hard, I'm going thru the exact same thing. Everyone around us getting pregnant without even trying, I can't even look at social media anymore.
Youre not alone and I wish the absolute best for you and your woman.
@@AbcaaThank you. I wish you the best as well with your significant other.
She needs to get the book on nurturing food for her eggs
😂My guess is she’s tried literally everything.
Add in acupuncture.
Lol
Infertility has ruined my marriage. I feel like I've let my husband down in the worst way possible
It's not because a woman fantasies about her home with children in it. I never did, nor did I even want children until i carried one. Woman, even those who can abort, feel the life inside her even very early. When one is lost it is a death and a major loss to the mother. So, it causes an emptiness and like all losses, women grieve.
I have 3 kids and they are consuming me . We are in a rough place . That to say we all go through something in life that is all consuming and challenges us in every way .
but you brought that challenge upon your self so no complaining please
My kids consume me, but I couldn't imagine not having had been able to have them at all. That would have been gut wrenching. If I parent well, they'll be out of the house and I'll be able to do my own thing again.
@@paulo7507 keep your comment to yourself .
@@josephinenelan4204 there is no formula . I’m not trying to get rid of my kids , we are in a season of struggling and I’m consumed and can’t find my way out . What I mean yo say is that everyone can fill in the blank of what’s consuming them and how they feel like the only ones going through it and waiting for situations to come to pass .
@@rebeccaoprea9917 I'm only responding to your post in context to the video. Commenting that kids are a struggle as well...? It's absolutely not the same type of struggle. And kids will one day leave the nest, but if you can NEVER have children, or can never experience pregnancy if you wanted to... you don't get a reprieve from that.
i am infertile but my wife wants to ivf, she doesn't understand i don't have $30,000 for it, and that it is no guranteed. i got a post nup, so sadly i might have to go
I totally agree with you. Going into debt over ivf would be absurd. As a last try, you can sit with her and see if you can figure out a savings plan that you would both contribute to and how long it would take you to save the required amount.
If she is still not satisfied or pushes for an unaffordable solution... then as you said... time to go.
@@lauravergot9995 yea, she told me she wants to save for it, we put a plan for it, but she only saved $500 in 3 years, due to shopping habits not allowing her to save more, I told her she needs to do better and act like she wants it or else it will never happen
What is your guys diagnosis?
@@lauravergot9995 I told her if she saves double the cost, we can do it, knowing her horrible money habits I won't have to worry about it lol
@@Faithfullfertilitytv I have low sperm count and she has shoddy cycles
The 30 days off may be a bad idea. 30 days is a whole chance at a baby. I could see a week or only talk about it on sundays or something like that
All the failed chances are making her more and more upset though. I agree with John they need to take a break for their mental health.
He clearly said that it doesn’t mean they stop having sex. So the chances are still there, just not like duty or a job. I think the opposite. The break may get them pregnant faster without having that psychological burden and it may lead them closer as they start enjoying each other again … I think a break would benefit them as individuals, couple and future baby 🥰
Often people who are having difficulty getting pregnant end up getting pregnant when something happens on their life to distract them from trying to conceive.
If they don't 'try' for a month, that could be the very month she gets pregnant. Clearly, what they're doing isn't working, so they may as well try a different approach.
I don’t think that is what he meant. He meant still have sex but don’t do it with a specific purpose of having to get pregnant, take the chore/stress out of it. I thought that was what he meant too but then he clarified.
I think them thinking about every month as a “chance at a baby” is why they need a break. It’s adding too much pressure and the stress could be making things worse. My mother saw a fertility doctor after a year of trying to conceive with no luck and his advice was that she needed to stop stressing and focusing so much on it. Shortly after she became pregnant with me.
I’ve heard a therapist say take a whole year off from trying and just live life and enjoy each other. Bingo! You end up pregnant! She’s thinking about it too much.
While that might work for some, doing that is not going to guarantee a pregnancy.
This happened to us! As soon as we gave up on the idea and accepted that we would never have kids I got pregnant! But I was also taking vitamin d for energy. I had been infertile 12 years
Fantastic! I’ll give that a try. My husband has a sperm count of zero. Can’t wait to be pregnant by the end of the year! 🥳👏🎉EXCELLENT ADVICE and such a smart therapist
This is the most cliche comment ever and it’s hurtful to those of us who have struggled with infertility. Don’t ever, ever tell someone they’re “thinking about it too much.” So inconsiderate and ignorant.
@@crystalsnow1138 Even if it doesn't cause pregnancy, I'd hope it would offer the couple, especially the woman a new perspective on life. Some of us will never have children of our own, so we must find a cause or job where we pass on a legacy in this world that will always be "our baby."
For the last time..."We" are not pregnant. I hate it when cis het men say "We're pregnant."
I can’t imagine not being able to get pregnant. It took us 12 months to conceive our daughter and I was getting worried, but that’s about normal. But perhaps God chooses great people to adopt kids who need great parents. My aunt and uncle are one of those couples. They adopted two amazing boys. Weigh your options and costs with IUI and IVF, but also consider adoption.
If you adopt, may I suggest you adopt a child of a different racial background? African American, then maybe a Hispanic child, then Indian .
It would be fun for the kids because you would have your own little United Nations!
Can you make it backwards? What if the unfertile is the Male but the wife wanted babies. How he grief that and how can he open his mind to open options bc I feel guys are so proud that is easy to them say ok I don't want no baby if not from my balls shutting the door too in the wife dreams. Is a very shitty situation to be right now . Is driving me crazy honestly
Most every couple I know that struggled with getting pregnant were able to get pregnant as soon as they quit stressing out about it.
Great, i’ll give that a shot. Our diagnoses is my husband makes zero sperm cells! So excited to try your advise that should work weeeeee
@@rubylight4019 Are you being sarcastic or? I mean, it happens to dudes who have gotten vasectomies years later, so... 🤷♀️
ME. THAT WAS ME. Literally.
Telling someone to just "quit stressing about it" is not helpful. In fact, it puts even more pressure on a couple, as though it's their fault for not conceiving. There can be any number of physiological reasons for male/female infertility.
Yes my sister got pregnant after she tried everything and failed .
Sure enough, if everything goes well this should do the job. But listen, there's one factor that's usually overlooked that can considerably speed up the process, unfortunately I do not have it at hand, but it can be go’ogled Dobbie Nerkstrol's Infertility Cure, I think.
We? Men can’t get pregnant.?
Enter kevdog:
Edit this is a joke
Try getting a DUTCH test and a good doc that can read it and advise on it
Listen. Get a surrogate. People spend just as much on ivf.
How do you think people get pregnant with a surrogate? These days it’s almost done with the surrogate carrying an embryo made by the prospective parents THROUGH IVF.
Reflexology and homeopathy worked for me.
Pass it on down , no world for a child plenty of eggnorance 🍎
My husband will divorce me because I cannot get pregnant!
It runs in my blood!
What if he’s the one who’s infertile?
His loss
I will never understand why people can’t simply accept the fact. Why do you need children so desperately? If it’s not in the cards for you it’s not in the cards.
Because most people who get married do so to have a family. If you don't want kids or it doesn't matter to you either way that's good for you, but many people want to have kids and there is nothing wrong with that. Raising a family although it's hard work, it's also a big blessing that people want to experience. I do hope if this couple doesn't conceive naturally they consider adoption, so many kids need a loving home.
😂 I’ll never accept that your opinion matters
Becasue there are women who's purpose is to love and bond. Not climbing some useless corporate ladder who would replace you the moment they go over budget.
My friend. You lack empathy. Children are a gift and a blessing. It’s like asking why people want to be married one day so desperately? Or why people want to buy a house so bad?
Please don't ever say that to someone you know facing infertility or miscarriage. It's like telling someone who has lost a loved one to "just get over it" and accept the fact that they're gone. Until you've walked in their shoes, you have no idea how they feel or what they are going through.
First off what blood type are you both? If she is RH- and you are RH + that could be the cause of the miscarriage. Second does she have endometriosis or POC? Those cause a ton of fertility problems. Also cysts on the ovaries.. I would also go to a chiropractor that can do wonders!
Maybe concentrate on getting the woman pregnant first, before you worry about getting the man pregnant. You might even end up just wanting one child.
As a mother of 5, I couldn’t imagine not being able to get or stay pregnant . We just had number 5. I’m 36, I’m thankful I was able to give my husband children on demand.
🙄
I don't get women that make their entire identity being a mom.
There’s no “we” the woman gets pregnant 🤦🏻♂️
If my husband said “my wife can’t get pregnant” i’d be upset because there’s always a possibility that there is something wrong with the man’s sperm too
@@weekendnomad5038 problems with the mans sperm or not....the woman gets pregnant and has the baby. Language matters.
You’re either single or will be soon.😂
@@elyse443 shame isnt an argument, try again
Adopt.
thats not what she wants to do or him?
Since, according to the Woke, men can get pregnant, maybe the male caller should try to get pregnant! :) :(
Haaaaahahahahahaha
Put her on birth control pills for 3 months and abruptly stop- that works every single time.
No, it doesn't.
Um... no.
I’ll try that! My husband makes zero sperm cells. Wahoo! Can’t wait to be pregnant 🎉🥳
reboot 🤣
@@rubylight4019
It works....
She really failed this guy who provides for her and wants nothing but a child! I really hope she's ashamed of herself for not being able to play her role not just as a wife, but as a woman as well!
What the heck is this comment? Kick rocks dude.
She feels this she doesn't need you to kick her while she's down
You're not much of a 'god', junior.
Would you be saying this is he was shooting blanks? Women aren't baby making machines you weirdo
Hey, I found the troll again! Women aren't "less than" if pregnancy can't happen. Women are more than a walking uterus. Grow up and stop spewing toxic misogyny on the internet. Try going outside and going for a walk. You'll feel better.
Honestly not the best advice for infertility struggles. Have they gone to doctors for a diagnosis? Looked into their insurance coverage for fertility treatments? Infertility is a medical issue and there are medical treatments. All of this draw a line and take time off and grieve stuff is not helpful. Get a diagnosis. Explore your options, make a plan, and continually support each other and reevaluate the plan as you go along.