Arrange for a pre-fixed menu (which includes drink options) ahead of time. Then, on arrival, give your server a $100 bill for their trouble, then instruct the server as follows: 1) everyone orders off the pre-fixe menu; 2) as soon as someone orders non- pre-fixe menu items, add their items (deciding to elect for the filet mignon, 15-year whiskey, and such) to *their* separate check; 3) checks come and the free loaders pay THEIR share. 🤭🤷🏾♀️ Not on *my* watch and on my birthday, no less!
and I’m not expecting a man to pay that just because he attended. A man is supposed to provide for HIS woman not everybody’s😂 They should’ve talked about it beforehand like adults do.
@@itsbeeva Unless the guy is paying for your bff or your sister, I agree it's not necessary for him to pay for the whole table. Even billionnaires don't do that.
@@cloudypolly22 lol they do. I’ve known a millionaire who most certainly does and regular men who do too. But it depends and it shouldn’t be expected of anyone. Certainly not with that attitude.
Same in my country but this women is 100% wrong bc who tf invites people to their birthday party and tells them to pay for the food she ate let alone theirs
@@yoursnatchedwig2856 I think that's not a problem IF that person mentions it beforehand, so other people know what they agree to when they attend the party.
In Russian culture, the birthday person pays for the whole dinner. They receive gifts in return. It's mind boggling to me to see otherwise in the US. If you're not prepared to pay for friends who celebrate you with attention, time, and gifts, then invite them to your home and cook for everyone instead. That's been a hard and fast rule for me. No one is paying for my food on my birthday. I pay for my friends to spend a good time celebrating me with time, attention, and gifts.
In the US, people generally don’t bring gifts to an adult birthday outing. They might bring a card, but it’s not typical to bring gifts, unless it’s a party at someone’s home, and even then it’s not 100% expected to bring gifts. They maybe will bring like a card with a gift card inside.
@@cuttiecrazy11 I guess it depends on your friends. I've lived in the US since 2000 and in my adulthood I have US born friends that always bring a gift for my birthday while I treat everyone to a home cooked dinner. Obviously this will differ from friend group to friend group, but it's all about who you surround yourself with. I put in a lot of effort and thought into the gifts I give my friends and they do too because it is a shared love language.
@@cuttiecrazy11 Nuhu, must be a you thing. Unless it's someone I barely know I always bring a gift, it doesn't need to be expensive and most people do the same. It's just a standard birthday tradition in most western countries.
Those people are not her friends. Period. It's a birthday dinner. You split the bill and only attend if you can afford to be out. Your *friends* will understand if you are tight on money. Likewise, if you want to go out but you're tight on money say up front, "Hey, can't split the bill, can only cover my bit." Your *friends* understand. My friends and I haven't had problems with the bill because we're honest with each other about our varying situations. We celebrate each other's birthdays, and we're seriously shocked by these videos. (We roll in a group of 10 - 15 people.) 🤷🏾♀
Exactly next time she should just choose like her two closest friends or better still go and socialize alone. It's not by force. She really wanted to include everyone even acquaintances who she viewed as friends but weren't.
I found that weird cause I always thought the birthday girl/boy is treating people otherwise it's an outing like any other. If the person can't afford it, they can always hang out at home with cake, food and drinks
I think the problem is communication. Depending on what culture you come from there are different rules about how things get paid, but I think a good rule of thumb is to communicate if you want anyone to pay for anyone else's food. Expecting people to do stuff, especially with no precedent isn't cool.
I was dating a guy from China for a while. Eventually he took me to China to meet his parents. We ate a lovely meal that his mom made and I offered to clean up. She said, "no". So I insisted... But once she started to restle the dirty dishes out of my hands I decided to relent. My boyfriend told me he was disappointed in me that I didn't fight harder to do the dishes. That I should have kept going. I broke up with him. Not just because of this (there were some other big issues) but it was a factor. I realized that we were too different culturally. I just couldn't imagine myself fighting to do chores every time we hung out.
Lovely how he doesn’t offer to do dishes but whines to you about not doing the dishes. Men will never have nothing, because they will always have the audacity.
This is why I always chose to have birthday brunches at my home for my birthday. I cooked for my friends as a thank you to them for being in my life. No worry about splitting the bill and everyone was in a comfortable environment with the champagne flowing.
I'm also from an Asian country. I worked under a man who's from another Asian country. Both are countries where we believe that the person who's the eldest or in the highest position pays for the meals. If you confront and try to pay your share, you'll be met with "first, you make more than me then we'll talk". Sounds condescending but it's meant to protect your money in a good manner. I like my culture and my ex-boss's culture regarding this.
i don't like that no offence because women can be very manipulative .If you're the oldest you already get heaps of responsibilities like taking care of siblings, helping with chores , Being highest in position is also unfair to always pay because thats' a counter incentive . Wont' folks just be less ambitious and avoid striving to avoid always having the invoice sent to them?
@@bonita-u9veoh no women don't pay here in asia, traditionally anyways (most asian countries are still very traditional in terms of gender norms). she meant the highest position amongst the men*.
My personal rules for a birthday dinners: - no matter how its split, the birthday person doesn't pay for themselves. We're there to celebrate them, even if you pay for your own meal, take part of the bill of the birthday person. I once went to a birthday dinner where the bday girl revealed that her partner could not pay... why was he there then and why are we expected to pay for him too?? - Don't go if you can't afford to get more than an appetizer. For those who come to the dinner and do not want to cover the bday person, why did you go?? Just schedule a bday coffee date or something with your friend separately. - if people want to drink alcohol and the restaurant has a pitcher option, order pitchers for the table - I agree that bringing cash is the way to go, this has always worked out best - I think the birthday person should reiterate this to everyone ahead of time My only rule on the bday person is that if it's an expensive restaurant, they should let everyone know the price range. I went to a prefix birthday dinner but the bday girl didn't let us know and we didn't have a sense of how much it would cost -- it was very expensive (and the food was mid af).
My friends did this for me, they said "youre here to attend now shut up and enjoy it" 😂 I was invited to some dinner and event, they paid for everything and split it among themselves, someone paid for my dinner another paid for my alcoholic drinks another brought a whole cake and the last one did the gaming card. Only one of them brought me a gift with them but thats ok it was such a precious memory for me.
Just got back from a bachelorette. There was a strict no drinking rule for the weekend. I’m not a sober person, but I had such a good time I honestly didn’t miss it! MOH was so wonderful to discreetly ask for everyone’s budget and communicate expectations of what we were going to spend. Funny enough, most of us DID use cash!
Wow, I didn’t even realize when my husband automatically paid for my meal and my best friend (also a woman) while out to lunch together that he understood the assignment.
In college, I worked all four years to support myself as not to put financial strain on my parents and never wanted to ask them for money. I had a friend who was far wealthier than me and had a big extended family who would give her huge monetary gifts, and she never worked. She asked me to send her money for small things she would share with me- like once we smoked together and I took a few hits from her bowl and she asked me to venmo her for it, and another time she invited a few of us for a dinner she prepared and asked us all to pay her after we ate. It was such an icky feeling... Although I am frugal with money, I will never skimp on a birthday gift or the chance to treat a friend to a meal. I don't understand people who are so greedy- especially when they have the means to afford everything. She was honestly making money off of me with all the exaggerated payments she was asking for.
People with money keep their money because they don’t want to part with it. I’m sorry that happened to you but people with money don’t stay rich by giving it away lol. It was stingy and gross behavior. I hope you dropped her as a “friend” after the bowl situation.
@@CambieSweets see that's true about wealthy people often holding on to money, and you make a good point, but that wasn't even the case with this person. I watched her spend a huge financial gift from a family member on wildly expensive things that I would never buy even if I had that money. To each their own, but the money difference between me and this person was due to family situations. I am first generation and grew up with parents who worked very hard. I also hold on to my money, I got a job as soon as I started college and worked through all four years, even during COVID. A lot of things people wasted money on, such as ordering food every day or tons of alcohol, I would not spend, even when this meant discomfort. This person, like many people I knew, did not have those rules for herself. However, despite my financial limitations, I would never hesitate when getting a gift for a friend, or sharing home cooked food/art supplies/literally anything else.
Birthday dinners you all either split the whole bill sans birthday girl, or you pay your part and split the birthday girl's part, THOSE ARE THE ONLY TWO OPTIONS
I have a friend who will pay the whole bill and then send an Excel sheet to all the parties involved detailing what each person consumed and how much they owe. 😂
I stopped hanging out with someone because she would get drunk and order 5 rounds of appetizers and expect to split the bill no matter what anyone at the table was going through. I was running a startup and wanted to spend my money on the business instead of partying with friends.
It is a crazy flex when a woman's husband or boyfriend pays for her and all her female friends. Like it's really insane, at least for healthy women, not pickmes who feel will see it as a threat (lol). But again, if the guy cannot afford it it's fine as long as he's generous with his woman. Hetero relationships are not for the rich only, but for the women loving generous kind men and grateful, loving and generous women.
Well the ones who aren’t rich really shouldn’t be eating at fancy restaurants where they’re going to be having a panic attack when the bill comes. There is nothing wrong with a dinner at home or somewhere cheap for a bday as long as the group and couple are happy. These people are clearly taking it out on each other because they are trying to live above their means so bad. Money is one of the biggest reasons for relationships to fail, because people just aren’t sensible.
When I am out with my girlfriends we all share the same amount and order one or two dishes that are large enough to feed us all full or more than full. We share dishes and split them by portions per plate between us. Hence why we all get the same amount of food with the same amount of money we all paid for.
Grandma taught me: wine never comes by itself. Always with a meal and water. One glass of wine, one glass of water. That’s common knowledge in wine making cultures.
Hiiiiiii I’m a sommelier and I’m just going to kindly pop the bubble that “red wine is sooo good for you”, bc the amount of alcohol in any wine will always cancel out the microscopic amounts of the “good stuff”. Eat real fruit for benefits. Save your coin. Drink if you want. Stay pretty.
The quickest way to make me evaporate from my bones is arguing about money in public. My friends and I split the bill evenly each time! We don't act greedy and mannerless and order like we've been starving for months. The birthday girl never pays! The rest of us split everything evenly. If one of us earns less than the others, that person instinctively orders less and we make sure they ONLY pay for what they got. It doesn't need to be complicated if everyone has decorum. (Oh and I don't do birthday dinners for guys).
My boyfriend of only two years makes sure to always pay, and if he goes out with my family/friends he always OFFERS to pay. If we go out with his friends they all split it but he pays for me. Sometimes he even gifts me some extra cash while he’s paying the bill just because he opens his wallet next to me 😭 y’all ladies that haven’t been treated like this or don’t think it exists, don’t lose hope! There are plenty of losers out there but once you find a gem of a partner your spirit will be at peace ❤ make sure your happiness is a priority in any relationship you’re in!
One good tell that I’m now realizing in hindsight…. Whenever he goes out to dinners with his family he always offers to pay. Him and his dad fight over it lol. If you find a man that is generous enough to pay for his family/friends then if you become like family to him he will likely treat you the same 😍 Don’t pay attention to those “I got 10 on it” type dudes. Leave them alone. That was my ex husband and he had me working two jobs to pay the bills while he played ps4 and submitted like one job application in 6 months. In the beginning with my current bf I always wanted to pay for myself and he would fight me over it until I just stopped trying. I’m rooting for all my girls out there ❤
I'm sorry but unless you explicitly understand the expectation for your dinner being paid for - you pay for your own dinner. I would *never* just brawl like that at a friend's party. It's just entitled - and I agree be spoiled - with your own man - don't expect her guy to pay for you.
Then he shouldn’t be there. Because it was a GIRL DINNER. He was the only man. If he’s surrounded by women he should pay. If he doesn’t want to he shouldn’t go and pay for a dinner with only his partner 🤷🏽♀️
@@coolchameleon21 Then he shouldn’t be there. Because it was a GIRL DINNER. He was the only man. If he’s surrounded by women he should pay. If he doesn’t want to he shouldn’t go and pay for a dinner with only his partner 🤷🏽♀️
@@annaclement9858 How was it a 'girl dinner' - it was her birthday meal? If it was girls only why was he invited? Did anybody inform this guy that he was paying for everyone?
I kinda disagree. It was her birthday, and I'm quite certain he wanted to be alone with her and take care of her expenses. Assuming it was a high-end restaurant, paying for 18 courses, that's over $5,000. She deserves better friends, they're clearly taking advantage of her 🤷♀️
I was at a dinner last night with the girls. Just paid my dinner and birthday gal's and had everyone split the rest. It was an establishment with shareable things and I just paid for those as a treat for everyone. Earning good money gives you such peace of mind and allows you to give back so much to other women in your life. Get your bag bestie 💰 Note: I paid for the entire tab to avoid the headache and guarantee a large tip for the server, the rest was split. Money transaction apps exist for a reason.
I love your media literacy! You bring such fresh takes and the recognition that a lot of these viral videos are fake as hell is something that goes over a lot of commentators heads.
I don't understand why "who pays the bill" is such a huge debate right now. I was raised simply: everyone pays for their own food in every situation so no one feels owed or taken advantage of, EXCEPT in a birthday setting where everyone pays for their own except the birthday girl, whose meal is payed by everyone pitching in. Simple and 100% fair.
Yeah... That is different from my culture. When it's MY birthday I pay for everyone, when I go to other girls parties, I have to pay for the 'birthday girl '. Nah. I stop hanging out with those parasitic people immediately
Americans are so damn weird about money. Here in Eastern Europe, the economy has never really beem a powerhouse, but I feel we're more much more generous. In my country, if we invite friends out to celebrate our birthday, it is an unwritten rule that the one celebrated pays. My friends are so nice that they still insist to pay their share when I take them out, but I refuse. If you're having a dinner party at your house and cook what are you going to do, ask for the money back to cover the ingredients and time spent in the kitchen? How utterly ridiculous.
I’m a nurse graduate. I’ve always said alcohol is poison despite the propaganda that it’s okay in moderation-it’s not. Also, I get it. I’m not judging. I just want people to know that facts so they consciously decide the risk vs benefit. I remember something about Asians being “allergic” to alcohol. I’ll have to look into that.
There is no way my husband would ever allow a woman to split a bill when they are with us. I never even noticed it before, but he also understands the assignment.
There is no way I would allow any random man who I am not dating, to pay for me. I am not a child, I am not his property, he is not my boss and I don't want to sleep with him. So hell, no.
Lol, I'm an accountant and definitely whip out the calculator. I help calculate everyone's share of the bill with tax and tip and all my friends appreciate that. This economy is hard enough to survive in. Don't ever feel guilty for not wanting to pay more than your share of the bill. A lot more of us than we realize aren't getting financial help from anyone and won't inherit any wealth from our parents (esp if they weren't affluent or they were abusive and you're NC).
Fellow accountant here 👋 I would do the same! My friends and I always split the bill or someone pays the whole bill and we calculate afterwards what we owe them. And if that makes me not a spoiled girly, well then I don't care 😄
Listening to you talking abt servant mindset made me really aware of the fact that my younger sister has it and I don't, I really admire her and I want to have that mindset too with the right people, I have to work it out and heal some triggers but I know it will all be fine
@@AngieB_916 You should definitely check Elle's content she talks about it a lot and I think it's a really great way of expressing one's feelings/appreciation for someone and oneself because what you give out is what you receive, also even more amazing to find people like that🧚🏻♀️ that's what I learnt
in my culture, splitting the bill for someone's birthday is never to be heard of. the birthday person pays for all, no matter if the guests have ordered expensive dishes or alcohol. when i went abroad to study i was SO surprised to see that this is not the case everywhere. the rules for MY birthday are simple: get me a nice present, i'll pay for the meal and drinks for everyone. and we equal note: what makes birthday dinner special in my country is that the birthday person pays. and the others get to just celebrate them. in a regular dinner ofc everyone pays their own meal (even tho we too sometimes fight who pays the whole bill)
although my boyfriend has taken care of me for the last 8 years every time we have ever been out to eat, he just said to me “imagine being a man and not providing for a woman” when responding to my friends bf not paying rent, bills, utilities, groceries, eating out, doesnt have his own car. and my heart went 🥰🥰🥰 thats right baby. been manifesting more of this behavior since watching your channel and it has worked. i know i dont comment or like often. but i have watched every single one of your videos and send them to people regularly! youre so amazing.we have been together since high school and he just has taken on the role of a man so well throughout the years
In Dutch culture, we always calculate exactly what we ordered and only pay for ourselves - never one person paying for everything, and never splitting the bill evenly. This definitely involves everyone getting out their calculator apps! 😅 But not at the table -- what we'll do, is one person will pay for everyone at the restaurant, and then send a picture of the receipt to the group chat. Dutch servers RARELY will split a bill themselves into separate parties. Then each guest will repay the person who paid with a bank transfer. If it's a birthday dinner, everyone will send a little over what they spent, to cover the price of the birthday-person's dinner. This way there is no awkwardness at the table and no awkwardness afterwards -- and if someone never pays you back, well, they are not invited again! Tips happen in cash at the table, if they happen at all, because in the Netherlands servers have full contracts with benefits and tipping is never expected. And sometimes there is a small battle over who gets to pay and take the receipt, because whoever has the receipt might be able to claim it on taxes!
interesting, i never have huge birthday parties but on my birthday (and for everyone i know) i am never expected to pay for anything for myself on my birthday. usually that means a parent or spouse (depending on age and status) will.
As your Western neighbours, it depends here. The ones who organise the party generally pay. So it could be fam and friends who organise and pay. But if the b-day person invites others, then the party costs are on that person. Or they go out and split the bill.
Got breakfast with a coworker once and he got more than me- he then proceeded to insIST we split the bill 50/50. Never again. It wasn’t even a date but imagine if it was-!??😂
This has always been my mental guide: - if there's a significant income difference eg parents & children, working age and student etc, then for most things the comfortable one pays - if everyone is working and comfortable then probably an even split is easiest and you just need to not take the mic - if everyone is some kind of poor (students for ex) then you pay for your exact portion of the bill. Having to pay for someone else's share unexpectedly may be quite stressful and not everyone is the same exact level of poor or careful - if it's a birthday and you're comfortable, there's probably a silent exchanging of eyes to agree to split that person's share between everyone, or everyone waiting for the elder / richest to pay all - equal split has some amount of cut off even for everyone comfortable situations, especially if there's drinks involved - if there's shared sides or starters but also drinks, you can split the food bill and pay drinks separately - calculators are fine but they're for your own maths not for policing others, for that you just total the pile of cash and check it's about right - younger Brits sometimes forget that tipping is a thing (here it's only a posh restaurant thing because we have wage laws) - omg Im so glad we don't have to calculate tax on the fly what a nightmare
I hate going to other people birthday dinners. Especially when i was invited and it is sprung on me to cover for the birthday girl. When i throw my bday party, i cover for everyone. Some people just use and abuse. I never go out with them again
I guess it's just what you're looking for in a relationship. Personally, it's absolutely ridiculous to expect a person to split with 20+ people. When there were definitely people who got extra on top of extra to take advantage. I just get what i want and pay for my own. I just pay for myself for everything. Once money is involved it always gets ugly.
idk maybe it’s because i haven’t been around a lot of different people but i cannot comprehend how not paying for your own meal in normal occasions (and not special ones like birthdays, engagements, graduation celebrations, etc) is not the default. i seriously want someone to explain why that’s not the norm?? that’s the only thing i’ve ever experienced going out, other than just having someone else pay it for me.
I have a different take on splitting bills. My friends and I always pay for our individual food. I never buy what I can't afford. So I can't pay for something I know I can't afford. I never go broke, I always stay within budget. I can't do that if I keep paying for other people's stuff.
I'm in Australia and a lot of restaurants will have signs saying they don't do split bills 🤷♀️. We befriended our Vietnamese neighbors. Whenever we went out they would never let us pay ever. I felt bad about it, so I made them a quilt has a gift.
I don’t have birthday dinners with a whole group of friends.. I go to cafes with a small group and only have my birthday dinner with my nuclear family. If I’m invited to a birthday dinner im paying for my own food that I ordered and dessert for the birthday girl that is it.
This is why it’s always essential to discuss the payment process before y’all eat out together. It’s already a hassle for my group of friends to decide where to eat out since we’re all indecisive people but the payment process will always be discussed first. Either do split checks or pay back your friend if they paid the bill!!
My man hosted and paid for at least 70% of my 30th birthday party last year, my family covered the rest. It’s sad how people can’t communicate properly and it results in such bad confrontations.
I am so confused because in my country the person who's celebrating the birthday is always the one to pay (for everyone)? And it doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman. I didn't realize that that's not the case everywhere lol I should probably mention that in my country paying for everyone doesn't leave you broke, so I guess the US is different cause this bill was most likely insane.
I believe a lot of this advice is for rich people only. That said, the advice “don’t go out if you can’t afford it” and not to be friends with people who have different money values is solid. I tend to attract people with financial issues, so I needed some of this advice. I’m tired of people owing me money and never paying be back. Especially because despite my family having some money I have a disability that prevents me from working so somehow I am supposed to plan my future with little to no income. I can’t stand people who live beyond their means and then complain about how broke they are. Especially when they try to leech off others. No matter what your money issues are 1. It’s not your friends responsibility to deal with it and 2. You shouldn’t continue to spend more than you can afford on fun stuff just because you think you work hard enough to “deserve” it
Yeah, I'm a cash girl, too. I already tally up my personal bill, when I order. And at the appropriate time, I just take out my wallet and put the appropriate amount on the table and that's it. Everyone else can split or pay for each other or whatever, I don't care. I don't want to get dragged into any of it. That being said...I don't get why in this day and age, restaurants don't have more advanced payment systems. Why can't people put in their order via their phone and pay electronically, like one does with take out? The systems already exist, why can't they offer that for in house guests? Restaurants refusing to bill people individually just creates so many issues, understandable as it is.
This is why I don't participate in social situations. It's always a sht show. Many adults don't know how to comport themselves like decent, respectful humans. I stay my ah home and save money.
I mean - it’s not really a flex to “not participate in social situations”. Socialising is a natural human function. YOUR conflict resolutions skills are probably underdeveloped if you’re intentionally avoiding human contact.
@coolchameleon21 I do not care what any faceless person on here does. I am simply participating in the topic of conversation and attempting to provide another perspective on this public forum. Do you have a problem with that?
Girl that first video is def real. I refuse to believe that on God's green earth that a group of people would act like this in a nice establishment for content
For me, people are bad for my mental health because I’ve always been taken advantage of. Rich or poor. I prefer my peace. Even if I die early. I’ve lived long enough on this prison planet.
LooooooooooL! THIS is the conclusion I reached last week over dating! I was abused growing up, and I keep picking partners who are sweet kind and caring upfront so obviously green flags, only for the mask to come ALL THE WAY OFF the moment they get what they really wanted from me! I can't play this Russian roulette dating game anymore! GIVE ME ALL THE PLANTS THANK YOU! I'M OUT!
Currently, I've solved the splitting the bill problem for myself. It's just not really within my current budget to do so. Inflation and insufficient salary in a high cost of living state makes it difficult. However, when I go out to eat with a group, I have no opposition to splitting the bill. Not everyone orders the same amount and I believe in paying for myself only. Sometimes one person will pay on their card and the rest will venmo their portion. The math isn't fun, but I think this is the most fair way to do it.
I never realised how difficult splitting a dinner bill was for so many people. You ask your server to split the bill according to what each person had. It can be time consuming depending on how many people and how many dishes and drinks were ordered but it's doable. Unless the restaurant has some complicated and weird point of sales system. But splitting the bill evenly? I've never been in that situation in a group setting either as a customer or server.
y’all gotta go to places with deals that have shit like FREE BIRTHDAY DINNER, my friends and i went to a place on my 24th and we all had both kbbq + hotpot, got my own dinner for free and everyone else had to pay $30-$40 or less, absolutely no one had a problem it’s these people going to pricey places 😔
This is when it’s best to have a dinner with the menu preselected by the host and an upfront per person cost, birthday person is always covered, and everyone having to pay for the alcohol at the bar
And there is also this problem of staged videos with degrading content where women participate willingly. Can we please talk about that? Women do a terrible service to themselves an other women for hype and likes and whatever. And we also get engaged and enraged by certain clickbates and get sucked into the degrading discussions with people who don't deserve our time.
With close friends that I trust, we often pick up each other's bill because we know that our generousity will always be appreciated and reciprocated later.
I think the server should ask up front if the bill is together or if everyone will pay for their own food. That way everyone knows the deal before they order.
Even for Birthday dinners. My friend group has always just paid for what we ordered and it's not an issue. I really do think people that scream that it's rude of people to not want to split the bill our meters. They're the ones that order lobster and all that s*** well everybody else just had to sell it. I'm not doing it. Very blessed to never had to deal with friends like this and even if they can only do one card or whatever people are prompt to offer to venmo and straighten it out
In my friend group our husbands/boyfriends ALWAYS (friendly) fight to pay the bill or tab when we go out. Not too long ago I finally asked him why he and the other men do that. He told me It’s basically like a competition of the ego and a way to silently flaunt their economic status amongst each other.
Wow! I did it - 19 seconds ago! Elle, I would love your opinions on The Case Against the Sexual Revolution by Louise Perry. Thanks for the content - it's life-changing! xxx
People are soooo entitled these days. Don't you plan things? Maybe it's just me, but with my friends that is usually worked out before we even hit the place. There's been times when a friend pays everything on their birthday, there's been times when birthday friend doesn't and the rest just split, sometimes one takes it all, and it keeps going until circle is closed etc. You can't just go into anything and just sit there expecting people to pay.
I personally would never split bill with a group of friends. Everybody pays for their own food and what each orders and no need to complicate things. If you want to organize a bday party or dinner either the person inviting pays it all or each their own plate. I dont understand these cheap ass ppl going to fancy restaurants and expecting others to pay for their bigger share. its straight up dumb. Unless you want to invite a friend once and you are invited on a date or with your husband, others shouldnt pay for your food. Like people nowadays have litterally no shame at all whatsoever and dont even know what common sence and desency is. My godness!!! But I live in germany and its kind of normal for waiters to ask do you want the bill together or seperately. And if you do it separately and you tell the server i got this and this and the server does the calculation and gets the tip and all. Not weird at all. just common sence.
Oh my gosh, I thought I was the only one. And I always got accused of being lesbian for it, thinking men shouldn't be at girl's outings. Like "oh, I brought my boyfriend hope that's ok" or "Oh is alright if I bring my boyfriend". NO! IT IS NOT OK!!! lmao, As a habitually single woman, this infuriates me. Why?! Just go on a date with your bf. Uhg. Basically I'm just going to sit there quietly, eating quietly, not saying much, being polite, I'd rather eat alone. I don't even get the mindset of girls who do this. And I had a friend who got married and dished out all my personal stuff to her husband who would reflect on it. I tried to feel ok about it like "oh their like married as one blah, w/e" no, it's not ok. We are no longer friends and I have created a new level of boundary. *And you know what if a man makes friend happy, and glowing and amazing, that's awesome, I'm so happy for her(not sarcasm). But that doesn't mean I'm going to get along with her boyfriend, or like them, or want to be around them. And if your boyfriend is a skeeve, don't blame me I am very out about my singleness, and I don't want your boyfriend. Even at like groups, usually girls and guys separate, like Christmas, BBQ's, w/e, anything. Why is he here?!
Where I'm from, the birthday boy/girl pays for the whole thing. And usually the one who makes the invitation is the one who pays. Exception being when both/all agreed to go out together, then everyone pays their own bill. Also, most of the time the men pay for the women(unless it was a woman who made the invitation/who's birthday is celebrated, in which case she will pay for the men too). Inviting people to your birthday party/dinner and expecting them to pay for it, it's considered very rude I think. Especially since, most of the time, they bring gifts as well.
I was always taught that the birthday person doesn't pay for their own food because everyone else pays their bill, splits the birthday person's bill, and tosses in an appropriate tip for what they paid. If someone feels generous that's cool, then put it toward the bday bill first.
You speaking the science and the biomedical basis of alcohol being a toxin is a love language for me 😍😍😍. I love your videos and this one is definitely my fav!!! I’m also have a “If you can’t afford X activity, then stay home,” mentality to avoid those kinds of situations.
For the last two weekends, I’ve gone to lunch with a friend at a particular restaurant. For two weeks in a row, there were two different women yelling asking to speak to the manager. It’s always the same type of ppl yelling in public. I’m sorry. Can’t do it. Tired of them.
I don’t understand the whole issue with splitting the bill. In my country, everyone simply pays for what they had, unless someone is feeling generous that day. Idk it’s never been an issue for me.
“The reason why paying the bill with friends is complicated is because it IS complicated.” No it’s not. I have large friends groups and we always pay for ourselves. If it’s a birthday, the person’s main bestie gets it. But it’s not hard at all. Ladies, we need to set boundaries. No other way to put it.
Yes, Maggiano's South Coast Plaza, a family sit down restaurant. They have a small bar. Not a drinking place. I lived walking distance for years. Bougie central. Asian glow, we called it demon face, it's a real thing. School teachers and retired teachers bring out the calculator. I have 3 besties, even at 72, we all think alike. Nowadays we all prefer Asian food. You're up to date on us elders . Much love Elle !
I don’t think my friend group (Book Club) ever had a discussion over how food is paid for! We get separate checks and pay for what we ordered I’ve only ever done the group pay thing when it’s family and then usually my mom, or my sister pay. As for birthday parties, if it’s my friend group, again we ask for separate checks, and usually someone volunteers to pay for the birthday girl. (One person volunteers, there’s no calculators lol) Or else we just pay separately and no one expects their food to be paid for, not even the birthday girl I’m just curious, is asking for separate checks, for a group or 7 or so, in America, not common? All the group events I’ve ever attended at a restaurant, is always separate checks. If it’s family then we have to request one bill 😂 from the server, if someone is paying it for it all for the family. Otherwise the servers show up with separate checks for everyone. It’s kind of the norm here so I was curious if the states is different in that way and the servers just show up with one check? That would be so odd!
Hi Elle, I love your channel so much - it’s legit the only channel that posts and I immediately know I’m going to love the video. I really enjoyed your video on how not all of us are privileged enough to have their dream job or the life of our dreams. I’m doing everything I can to make that life for myself, but in the mean time I need some form of income. I’m being pressured by everyone around me to work in a field I dislike, but I’m not sure what else to do because I need money and some form of stability in a job. I was wondering if you could make a video on how a spoiled girly can figure out a career path for herself that won’t drain all of her energy. I’m doing a lot to rewire my brain and my thinking, but I just feel like I’ve absorbed so much programming on what I “should” be and how the things I really desire and enjoy are “useless” and “the only people who can pursue that have all the time and money in the world”. I really tried to go the route of just focusing on money and on finding a financially lucrative career but I just feel even more lost and ungrounded as I go further in it, and I think it’s a sign that I need to find another path. Sorry this is so long! I really appreciate your channel and I love the community you’re building here and I feel so honored just to be a part of it.
I'm from the Netherlands, and we have an app called Tikkie, where you can send a request for the amount someone spent on dinner, and everyone pays for what they ordered. Americans who move here often find it baffling and, to be honest, are pretty rude about it because they tend to see it as stingy or anti-social. I've heard American girls rant on the tram numerous times about how Dutch guys always want to split the bill, which I find amusing. I understand their point that women put more effort into their looks, but I also feel that beauty standards are higher in America than in the Netherlands, so I can see where they're coming from. However, that's just our culture, and personally, I love it because people never argue about what to do in such situations-we just use Tikkie, and it's all fine. Anyways love your channel and your content!
I think if it's for a specific person - like a birthday dinner. Everyone adds to their bill to ensure the birthday person's bill, tax & tip are covered, then of course cover your own bill, tax & tip like you usually would, if not more. I totally agree that it's important to make sure the server gets a larger than normal tip on top of the fact most places will add a fee for larger parties.
I literally drove about 25 minutes to pick my friends up for a birthday dinner, then drove to a KBBQ buffet that took about another 25 minutes. I found out their sister was not coming. I already suspected that one of my friends was not going to pay. I was about to cry internally about being the only one paying until they told me that another friend was coming. I thought this would get to get that suspected friend to pay. Long story short, she didn't. Had the audacity to call herself my sugar baby. She isn't even cute. I then drove through traffic that took about 1 hour to get them safely home. Fast forward, I got fired from my full time job and told my friends about it. Three days later the "sugar baby" friend asked me if I can drive her to the emergency room for a toothache. I told her I would have to be strict on asking for gas money. I also apologized. She then ghosted me and talked badly behind my back.
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This was a $4600 bill or so. And many people were invited. You really need to have clear conversations beforehand how the bill will be paid
Arrange for a pre-fixed menu (which includes drink options) ahead of time. Then, on arrival, give your server a $100 bill for their trouble, then instruct the server as follows: 1) everyone orders off the pre-fixe menu; 2) as soon as someone orders non- pre-fixe menu items, add their items (deciding to elect for the filet mignon, 15-year whiskey, and such) to *their* separate check; 3) checks come and the free loaders pay THEIR share. 🤭🤷🏾♀️
Not on *my* watch and on my birthday, no less!
and I’m not expecting a man to pay that just because he attended. A man is supposed to provide for HIS woman not everybody’s😂 They should’ve talked about it beforehand like adults do.
@NanaHoneyB I Agree..I feel like the ppl who order the most and then wanna split the bill ..are the True cheap skates!
@@itsbeeva Unless the guy is paying for your bff or your sister, I agree it's not necessary for him to pay for the whole table. Even billionnaires don't do that.
@@cloudypolly22 lol they do. I’ve known a millionaire who most certainly does and regular men who do too. But it depends and it shouldn’t be expected of anyone. Certainly not with that attitude.
In my country, people would fight to pay the bill and a man would never let a woman never pay the bill.
So true !!
Where are you from, girl?
Same in my country but this women is 100% wrong bc who tf invites people to their birthday party and tells them to pay for the food she ate let alone theirs
@@yoursnatchedwig2856 I think that's not a problem IF that person mentions it beforehand, so other people know what they agree to when they attend the party.
Netherlands?
In Russian culture, the birthday person pays for the whole dinner. They receive gifts in return. It's mind boggling to me to see otherwise in the US. If you're not prepared to pay for friends who celebrate you with attention, time, and gifts, then invite them to your home and cook for everyone instead. That's been a hard and fast rule for me. No one is paying for my food on my birthday. I pay for my friends to spend a good time celebrating me with time, attention, and gifts.
Must be my Ukrainian blood (im American) but i agree. If im inviting others out, im paying.
In the US, people generally don’t bring gifts to an adult birthday outing. They might bring a card, but it’s not typical to bring gifts, unless it’s a party at someone’s home, and even then it’s not 100% expected to bring gifts. They maybe will bring like a card with a gift card inside.
@@cuttiecrazy11 I guess it depends on your friends. I've lived in the US since 2000 and in my adulthood I have US born friends that always bring a gift for my birthday while I treat everyone to a home cooked dinner. Obviously this will differ from friend group to friend group, but it's all about who you surround yourself with. I put in a lot of effort and thought into the gifts I give my friends and they do too because it is a shared love language.
@@cuttiecrazy11 Nuhu, must be a you thing. Unless it's someone I barely know I always bring a gift, it doesn't need to be expensive and most people do the same.
It's just a standard birthday tradition in most western countries.
@mariwhya I prefer gift giving too, whether going out to eat or not.
Those people are not her friends. Period. It's a birthday dinner. You split the bill and only attend if you can afford to be out. Your *friends* will understand if you are tight on money. Likewise, if you want to go out but you're tight on money say up front, "Hey, can't split the bill, can only cover my bit." Your *friends* understand. My friends and I haven't had problems with the bill because we're honest with each other about our varying situations. We celebrate each other's birthdays, and we're seriously shocked by these videos. (We roll in a group of 10 - 15 people.) 🤷🏾♀
Exactly next time she should just choose like her two closest friends or better still go and socialize alone.
It's not by force.
She really wanted to include everyone even acquaintances who she viewed as friends but weren't.
If You’re tight on money do a parte at Home .
I found that weird cause I always thought the birthday girl/boy is treating people otherwise it's an outing like any other. If the person can't afford it, they can always hang out at home with cake, food and drinks
@WarmSun_MGM That's why when ordering the birthday girl should ask for a separate check for each person so that does not happen.
I think the problem is communication. Depending on what culture you come from there are different rules about how things get paid, but I think a good rule of thumb is to communicate if you want anyone to pay for anyone else's food. Expecting people to do stuff, especially with no precedent isn't cool.
I was dating a guy from China for a while. Eventually he took me to China to meet his parents.
We ate a lovely meal that his mom made and I offered to clean up. She said, "no". So I insisted... But once she started to restle the dirty dishes out of my hands I decided to relent. My boyfriend told me he was disappointed in me that I didn't fight harder to do the dishes. That I should have kept going.
I broke up with him. Not just because of this (there were some other big issues) but it was a factor. I realized that we were too different culturally. I just couldn't imagine myself fighting to do chores every time we hung out.
Legitimately these everyday cultural differences should be a major factor in relationships. You'll have to face it everyday and it adds up every time.
Did he at least fight to do the dishes?
Lovely how he doesn’t offer to do dishes but whines to you about not doing the dishes. Men will never have nothing, because they will always have the audacity.
This is why I always chose to have birthday brunches at my home for my birthday. I cooked for my friends as a thank you to them for being in my life. No worry about splitting the bill and everyone was in a comfortable environment with the champagne flowing.
❤❤❤Yes! Birthday at home...and if you drink too much, you can crash on my floor for the night🥂💃
this is the type of friend i am and would love to attract!!!
I'm also from an Asian country. I worked under a man who's from another Asian country. Both are countries where we believe that the person who's the eldest or in the highest position pays for the meals. If you confront and try to pay your share, you'll be met with "first, you make more than me then we'll talk". Sounds condescending but it's meant to protect your money in a good manner. I like my culture and my ex-boss's culture regarding this.
i don't like that no offence because women can be very manipulative .If you're the oldest you already get heaps of responsibilities like taking care of siblings, helping with chores , Being highest in position is also unfair to always pay because thats' a counter incentive . Wont' folks just be less ambitious and avoid striving to avoid always having the invoice sent to them?
@@bonita-u9veoh no women don't pay here in asia, traditionally anyways (most asian countries are still very traditional in terms of gender norms). she meant the highest position amongst the men*.
@SeraYagami is your ex boss by any chance the captain of 13th company ukitake?
@@zakiaitslimane658 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣Nice one!
But yeah he's Japanese actually😆
@@nxjksj lol YOU'RE the men* here. Real men have money so they pay.
My personal rules for a birthday dinners:
- no matter how its split, the birthday person doesn't pay for themselves. We're there to celebrate them, even if you pay for your own meal, take part of the bill of the birthday person. I once went to a birthday dinner where the bday girl revealed that her partner could not pay... why was he there then and why are we expected to pay for him too??
- Don't go if you can't afford to get more than an appetizer. For those who come to the dinner and do not want to cover the bday person, why did you go?? Just schedule a bday coffee date or something with your friend separately.
- if people want to drink alcohol and the restaurant has a pitcher option, order pitchers for the table
- I agree that bringing cash is the way to go, this has always worked out best - I think the birthday person should reiterate this to everyone ahead of time
My only rule on the bday person is that if it's an expensive restaurant, they should let everyone know the price range. I went to a prefix birthday dinner but the bday girl didn't let us know and we didn't have a sense of how much it would cost -- it was very expensive (and the food was mid af).
Really same, why people expect person who celebrate to pay for all of them lol it's their birthday, they should feel special this day
My friends did this for me, they said "youre here to attend now shut up and enjoy it" 😂 I was invited to some dinner and event, they paid for everything and split it among themselves, someone paid for my dinner another paid for my alcoholic drinks another brought a whole cake and the last one did the gaming card. Only one of them brought me a gift with them but thats ok it was such a precious memory for me.
umm her partner wasn't' even gonna pay his part ?! what lol
Interesting! In my country, the birthday girl / boy usually is the one who pays the whole bill. The people they invited 'pay' them back in gifts.
@@tragimelody That's a good approach too! I usually do both or just contribute to the cost of dinner, depends on how close the friend is haha
Just got back from a bachelorette. There was a strict no drinking rule for the weekend. I’m not a sober person, but I had such a good time I honestly didn’t miss it! MOH was so wonderful to discreetly ask for everyone’s budget and communicate expectations of what we were going to spend. Funny enough, most of us DID use cash!
Wow, I didn’t even realize when my husband automatically paid for my meal and my best friend (also a woman) while out to lunch together that he understood the assignment.
In college, I worked all four years to support myself as not to put financial strain on my parents and never wanted to ask them for money. I had a friend who was far wealthier than me and had a big extended family who would give her huge monetary gifts, and she never worked. She asked me to send her money for small things she would share with me- like once we smoked together and I took a few hits from her bowl and she asked me to venmo her for it, and another time she invited a few of us for a dinner she prepared and asked us all to pay her after we ate. It was such an icky feeling... Although I am frugal with money, I will never skimp on a birthday gift or the chance to treat a friend to a meal. I don't understand people who are so greedy- especially when they have the means to afford everything. She was honestly making money off of me with all the exaggerated payments she was asking for.
That's gross. I wouldn't stay friends with someone like that.
People with money keep their money because they don’t want to part with it. I’m sorry that happened to you but people with money don’t stay rich by giving it away lol. It was stingy and gross behavior. I hope you dropped her as a “friend” after the bowl situation.
You learned later on. 💕💕 Please steer clear from those "friends." Run from selfish people.
Charged you to hit her weed?!? Wtf
@@CambieSweets see that's true about wealthy people often holding on to money, and you make a good point, but that wasn't even the case with this person. I watched her spend a huge financial gift from a family member on wildly expensive things that I would never buy even if I had that money. To each their own, but the money difference between me and this person was due to family situations. I am first generation and grew up with parents who worked very hard. I also hold on to my money, I got a job as soon as I started college and worked through all four years, even during COVID. A lot of things people wasted money on, such as ordering food every day or tons of alcohol, I would not spend, even when this meant discomfort. This person, like many people I knew, did not have those rules for herself. However, despite my financial limitations, I would never hesitate when getting a gift for a friend, or sharing home cooked food/art supplies/literally anything else.
Birthday dinners you all either split the whole bill sans birthday girl, or you pay your part and split the birthday girl's part, THOSE ARE THE ONLY TWO OPTIONS
I have a friend who will pay the whole bill and then send an Excel sheet to all the parties involved detailing what each person consumed and how much they owe. 😂
exactly
@@mandril45thats genius 😂
I stopped hanging out with someone because she would get drunk and order 5 rounds of appetizers and expect to split the bill no matter what anyone at the table was going through. I was running a startup and wanted to spend my money on the business instead of partying with friends.
Yeah, no bueno. She sounds selfish!!
Omg I’d hate that! Sounds like she wanted to have a certain caliber of dining and wanted others to help her afford it
In Brazil, the restaurants just question if we want 1 bill for the role table or individuals bills. Simple like that.
Em Portugal também é a mesma coisa.
It is a crazy flex when a woman's husband or boyfriend pays for her and all her female friends. Like it's really insane, at least for healthy women, not pickmes who feel will see it as a threat (lol). But again, if the guy cannot afford it it's fine as long as he's generous with his woman. Hetero relationships are not for the rich only, but for the women loving generous kind men and grateful, loving and generous women.
Well the ones who aren’t rich really shouldn’t be eating at fancy restaurants where they’re going to be having a panic attack when the bill comes. There is nothing wrong with a dinner at home or somewhere cheap for a bday as long as the group and couple are happy. These people are clearly taking it out on each other because they are trying to live above their means so bad. Money is one of the biggest reasons for relationships to fail, because people just aren’t sensible.
You sound exactly like Pickmisha and male defender
it is definitely not insane
Fr it's so embarrassing when a woman settles for less
@@malborocritty7733but aren't women and men supposed to equal
When I am out with my girlfriends we all share the same amount and order one or two dishes that are large enough to feed us all full or more than full.
We share dishes and split them by portions per plate between us.
Hence why we all get the same amount of food with the same amount of money we all paid for.
Makes sense!
Grandma taught me: wine never comes by itself. Always with a meal and water. One glass of wine, one glass of water.
That’s common knowledge in wine making cultures.
😍
Hiiiiiii I’m a sommelier and I’m just going to kindly pop the bubble that “red wine is sooo good for you”, bc the amount of alcohol in any wine will always cancel out the microscopic amounts of the “good stuff”. Eat real fruit for benefits. Save your coin. Drink if you want. Stay pretty.
The quickest way to make me evaporate from my bones is arguing about money in public.
My friends and I split the bill evenly each time! We don't act greedy and mannerless and order like we've been starving for months.
The birthday girl never pays! The rest of us split everything evenly.
If one of us earns less than the others, that person instinctively orders less and we make sure they ONLY pay for what they got.
It doesn't need to be complicated if everyone has decorum. (Oh and I don't do birthday dinners for guys).
My boyfriend of only two years makes sure to always pay, and if he goes out with my family/friends he always OFFERS to pay. If we go out with his friends they all split it but he pays for me. Sometimes he even gifts me some extra cash while he’s paying the bill just because he opens his wallet next to me 😭 y’all ladies that haven’t been treated like this or don’t think it exists, don’t lose hope! There are plenty of losers out there but once you find a gem of a partner your spirit will be at peace ❤ make sure your happiness is a priority in any relationship you’re in!
One good tell that I’m now realizing in hindsight…. Whenever he goes out to dinners with his family he always offers to pay. Him and his dad fight over it lol. If you find a man that is generous enough to pay for his family/friends then if you become like family to him he will likely treat you the same 😍
Don’t pay attention to those “I got 10 on it” type dudes. Leave them alone. That was my ex husband and he had me working two jobs to pay the bills while he played ps4 and submitted like one job application in 6 months.
In the beginning with my current bf I always wanted to pay for myself and he would fight me over it until I just stopped trying. I’m rooting for all my girls out there ❤
Thank you for this !
damn, i wish this was me lol.
Don't try to find a gem in the pit of sh1t. Cake is a lie. Save your time, your health and your money. Don't look for a man
Y'all are unbelievably toxic and proud about it. You're not owed any man's money.
I'm sorry but unless you explicitly understand the expectation for your dinner being paid for - you pay for your own dinner. I would *never* just brawl like that at a friend's party. It's just entitled - and I agree be spoiled - with your own man - don't expect her guy to pay for you.
Then he shouldn’t be there. Because it was a GIRL DINNER. He was the only man. If he’s surrounded by women he should pay. If he doesn’t want to he shouldn’t go and pay for a dinner with only his partner 🤷🏽♀️
@@coolchameleon21 Then he shouldn’t be there. Because it was a GIRL DINNER. He was the only man. If he’s surrounded by women he should pay. If he doesn’t want to he shouldn’t go and pay for a dinner with only his partner 🤷🏽♀️
@@annaclement9858 How was it a 'girl dinner' - it was her birthday meal? If it was girls only why was he invited? Did anybody inform this guy that he was paying for everyone?
I kinda disagree. It was her birthday, and I'm quite certain he wanted to be alone with her and take care of her expenses. Assuming it was a high-end restaurant, paying for 18 courses, that's over $5,000. She deserves better friends, they're clearly taking advantage of her 🤷♀️
Yes I wouldn’t want my partner to pay for the whole group, it would just make me a target for leeches/fake friends
Exactly
I was at a dinner last night with the girls. Just paid my dinner and birthday gal's and had everyone split the rest. It was an establishment with shareable things and I just paid for those as a treat for everyone. Earning good money gives you such peace of mind and allows you to give back so much to other women in your life. Get your bag bestie 💰
Note: I paid for the entire tab to avoid the headache and guarantee a large tip for the server, the rest was split. Money transaction apps exist for a reason.
I love your media literacy! You bring such fresh takes and the recognition that a lot of these viral videos are fake as hell is something that goes over a lot of commentators heads.
Same! I see so many commentators who even react to videos dishonestly that they know are satire just to get better engagement
I don't understand why "who pays the bill" is such a huge debate right now. I was raised simply: everyone pays for their own food in every situation so no one feels owed or taken advantage of, EXCEPT in a birthday setting where everyone pays for their own except the birthday girl, whose meal is payed by everyone pitching in. Simple and 100% fair.
Yeah... That is different from my culture. When it's MY birthday I pay for everyone, when I go to other girls parties, I have to pay for the 'birthday girl '. Nah. I stop hanging out with those parasitic people immediately
Americans are so damn weird about money. Here in Eastern Europe, the economy has never really beem a powerhouse, but I feel we're more much more generous. In my country, if we invite friends out to celebrate our birthday, it is an unwritten rule that the one celebrated pays. My friends are so nice that they still insist to pay their share when I take them out, but I refuse. If you're having a dinner party at your house and cook what are you going to do, ask for the money back to cover the ingredients and time spent in the kitchen? How utterly ridiculous.
I’m a nurse graduate. I’ve always said alcohol is poison despite the propaganda that it’s okay in moderation-it’s not.
Also, I get it. I’m not judging. I just want people to know that facts so they consciously decide the risk vs benefit.
I remember something about Asians being “allergic” to alcohol. I’ll have to look into that.
I’ve heard about 40% of Asians genetically don’t have the enzymes necessary to metabolize alcohol, don’t know if it’s true
There is no way my husband would ever allow a woman to split a bill when they are with us. I never even noticed it before, but he also understands the assignment.
There is no way I would allow any random man who I am not dating, to pay for me.
I am not a child, I am not his property, he is not my boss and I don't want to sleep with him.
So hell, no.
I hate stinginess. With my Nigerian friends, one of us pays for all of us when we meet up (3-6 of us) and then someone else pays the next time.
Lol, I'm an accountant and definitely whip out the calculator. I help calculate everyone's share of the bill with tax and tip and all my friends appreciate that. This economy is hard enough to survive in. Don't ever feel guilty for not wanting to pay more than your share of the bill. A lot more of us than we realize aren't getting financial help from anyone and won't inherit any wealth from our parents (esp if they weren't affluent or they were abusive and you're NC).
Fellow accountant here 👋 I would do the same! My friends and I always split the bill or someone pays the whole bill and we calculate afterwards what we owe them. And if that makes me not a spoiled girly, well then I don't care 😄
Fr. I don’t have the money to be doing all this
Listening to you talking abt servant mindset made me really aware of the fact that my younger sister has it and I don't, I really admire her and I want to have that mindset too with the right people, I have to work it out and heal some triggers but I know it will all be fine
I would love to know more about that concept “servant mindset”.
@@AngieB_916 You should definitely check Elle's content she talks about it a lot and I think it's a really great way of expressing one's feelings/appreciation for someone and oneself because what you give out is what you receive, also even more amazing to find people like that🧚🏻♀️ that's what I learnt
in my culture, splitting the bill for someone's birthday is never to be heard of. the birthday person pays for all, no matter if the guests have ordered expensive dishes or alcohol. when i went abroad to study i was SO surprised to see that this is not the case everywhere. the rules for MY birthday are simple: get me a nice present, i'll pay for the meal and drinks for everyone. and we equal
note: what makes birthday dinner special in my country is that the birthday person pays. and the others get to just celebrate them. in a regular dinner ofc everyone pays their own meal (even tho we too sometimes fight who pays the whole bill)
I made almost identical comment without seeing yours first and its same in my country :D
@@samozivkanadmenic9492 me too
although my boyfriend has taken care of me for the last 8 years every time we have ever been out to eat, he just said to me “imagine being a man and not providing for a woman” when responding to my friends bf not paying rent, bills, utilities, groceries, eating out, doesnt have his own car. and my heart went 🥰🥰🥰 thats right baby. been manifesting more of this behavior since watching your channel and it has worked. i know i dont comment or like often. but i have watched every single one of your videos and send them to people regularly! youre so amazing.we have been together since high school and he just has taken on the role of a man so well throughout the years
Wow, 2 videos in less than 24 hours! You are spoiling us, girl ❤
In Dutch culture, we always calculate exactly what we ordered and only pay for ourselves - never one person paying for everything, and never splitting the bill evenly. This definitely involves everyone getting out their calculator apps! 😅 But not at the table -- what we'll do, is one person will pay for everyone at the restaurant, and then send a picture of the receipt to the group chat. Dutch servers RARELY will split a bill themselves into separate parties. Then each guest will repay the person who paid with a bank transfer. If it's a birthday dinner, everyone will send a little over what they spent, to cover the price of the birthday-person's dinner. This way there is no awkwardness at the table and no awkwardness afterwards -- and if someone never pays you back, well, they are not invited again! Tips happen in cash at the table, if they happen at all, because in the Netherlands servers have full contracts with benefits and tipping is never expected. And sometimes there is a small battle over who gets to pay and take the receipt, because whoever has the receipt might be able to claim it on taxes!
"Be around people who align with your values.." That's a word
👏🏽👏🏽
Health reasons are important but as a member of Gen Z- it's mainly the prices of alcohol
Honestly, it's cheaper to drink at home. 😂
just pay for your own stuff, plain and simple. if you have your own expectations of who’s paying, communicate it beforehand, to whoever for whatever
In Germany the birthday person pays for everyone. It is expected.
In India as well. People on comfortable enough terms with the birthday person will even ask, “Where’s the birthday treat?”
interesting, i never have huge birthday parties but on my birthday (and for everyone i know) i am never expected to pay for anything for myself on my birthday. usually that means a parent or spouse (depending on age and status) will.
but like i said i never have huge birthday parties or outings so i cannot really relate to the scenario in the video 😭
As your Western neighbours, it depends here. The ones who organise the party generally pay. So it could be fam and friends who organise and pay. But if the b-day person invites others, then the party costs are on that person. Or they go out and split the bill.
Same here in India. It's more on the lines of "whoever organises, pays".
Got breakfast with a coworker once and he got more than me- he then proceeded to insIST we split the bill 50/50. Never again. It wasn’t even a date but imagine if it was-!??😂
Of course our coworkers assumed we were dating 🤮
Should have stood your ground
Ask for separate checks and ask the server. He insisting is irrelevant. You're not there to subsidize his meal
Yeah, f that... I'd straight up tell the server to give me a separate bill. You're under no obligation to pay for somebody else. 😂
This has always been my mental guide:
- if there's a significant income difference eg parents & children, working age and student etc, then for most things the comfortable one pays
- if everyone is working and comfortable then probably an even split is easiest and you just need to not take the mic
- if everyone is some kind of poor (students for ex) then you pay for your exact portion of the bill. Having to pay for someone else's share unexpectedly may be quite stressful and not everyone is the same exact level of poor or careful
- if it's a birthday and you're comfortable, there's probably a silent exchanging of eyes to agree to split that person's share between everyone, or everyone waiting for the elder / richest to pay all
- equal split has some amount of cut off even for everyone comfortable situations, especially if there's drinks involved
- if there's shared sides or starters but also drinks, you can split the food bill and pay drinks separately
- calculators are fine but they're for your own maths not for policing others, for that you just total the pile of cash and check it's about right
- younger Brits sometimes forget that tipping is a thing (here it's only a posh restaurant thing because we have wage laws)
- omg Im so glad we don't have to calculate tax on the fly what a nightmare
I hate going to other people birthday dinners. Especially when i was invited and it is sprung on me to cover for the birthday girl. When i throw my bday party, i cover for everyone. Some people just use and abuse. I never go out with them again
I guess it's just what you're looking for in a relationship. Personally, it's absolutely ridiculous to expect a person to split with 20+ people. When there were definitely people who got extra on top of extra to take advantage.
I just get what i want and pay for my own. I just pay for myself for everything. Once money is involved it always gets ugly.
Wow never been here so early! For any TH-camr. Elle is so worth being early to ❤️
😭 you hype me up
idk maybe it’s because i haven’t been around a lot of different people but i cannot comprehend how not paying for your own meal in normal occasions (and not special ones like birthdays, engagements, graduation celebrations, etc) is not the default. i seriously want someone to explain why that’s not the norm?? that’s the only thing i’ve ever experienced going out, other than just having someone else pay it for me.
I have a different take on splitting bills. My friends and I always pay for our individual food. I never buy what I can't afford. So I can't pay for something I know I can't afford. I never go broke, I always stay within budget. I can't do that if I keep paying for other people's stuff.
I'm in Australia and a lot of restaurants will have signs saying they don't do split bills 🤷♀️.
We befriended our Vietnamese neighbors. Whenever we went out they would never let us pay ever. I felt bad about it, so I made them a quilt has a gift.
I don’t have birthday dinners with a whole group of friends.. I go to cafes with a small group and only have my birthday dinner with my nuclear family. If I’m invited to a birthday dinner im paying for my own food that I ordered and dessert for the birthday girl that is it.
Same here. 💯
This is why it’s always essential to discuss the payment process before y’all eat out together. It’s already a hassle for my group of friends to decide where to eat out since we’re all indecisive people but the payment process will always be discussed first. Either do split checks or pay back your friend if they paid the bill!!
I have no words for you, Elle... your script is so so well-written and you're also so intelligent.. thanks for sharing all of this with us
My man hosted and paid for at least 70% of my 30th birthday party last year, my family covered the rest. It’s sad how people can’t communicate properly and it results in such bad confrontations.
I am so confused because in my country the person who's celebrating the birthday is always the one to pay (for everyone)? And it doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman. I didn't realize that that's not the case everywhere lol
I should probably mention that in my country paying for everyone doesn't leave you broke, so I guess the US is different cause this bill was most likely insane.
I believe a lot of this advice is for rich people only. That said, the advice “don’t go out if you can’t afford it” and not to be friends with people who have different money values is solid. I tend to attract people with financial issues, so I needed some of this advice. I’m tired of people owing me money and never paying be back. Especially because despite my family having some money I have a disability that prevents me from working so somehow I am supposed to plan my future with little to no income. I can’t stand people who live beyond their means and then complain about how broke they are. Especially when they try to leech off others. No matter what your money issues are 1. It’s not your friends responsibility to deal with it and 2. You shouldn’t continue to spend more than you can afford on fun stuff just because you think you work hard enough to “deserve” it
Where I'm from the birthday person pays, but others are expected to bring gifts for the birthday person in return.
Yeah, I'm a cash girl, too. I already tally up my personal bill, when I order. And at the appropriate time, I just take out my wallet and put the appropriate amount on the table and that's it. Everyone else can split or pay for each other or whatever, I don't care. I don't want to get dragged into any of it.
That being said...I don't get why in this day and age, restaurants don't have more advanced payment systems. Why can't people put in their order via their phone and pay electronically, like one does with take out? The systems already exist, why can't they offer that for in house guests? Restaurants refusing to bill people individually just creates so many issues, understandable as it is.
Some do! In Austin a lot of restaurants had qr codes on the table. You order online and they deliver it to the table
@@jr5557
Yay, progress 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
This is why I don't participate in social situations. It's always a sht show. Many adults don't know how to comport themselves like decent, respectful humans. I stay my ah home and save money.
I mean - it’s not really a flex to “not participate in social situations”. Socialising is a natural human function. YOUR conflict resolutions skills are probably underdeveloped if you’re intentionally avoiding human contact.
Or it's an adaptive coping strategy rooted in logic and observation of human behavior
Watch the whole class, being lonely is literally bad for your health
@@SangHeeCha😂😅💯😬
@coolchameleon21 I do not care what any faceless person on here does. I am simply participating in the topic of conversation and attempting to provide another perspective on this public forum. Do you have a problem with that?
When I know I'm invited I never order something more expensive than the friend who invites me.
When I want to eat expensive I just pay for myself
Girl that first video is def real. I refuse to believe that on God's green earth that a group of people would act like this in a nice establishment for content
I 100% believe they would. Unfortunately.
For me, people are bad for my mental health because I’ve always been taken advantage of. Rich or poor. I prefer my peace. Even if I die early. I’ve lived long enough on this prison planet.
LooooooooooL! THIS is the conclusion I reached last week over dating! I was abused growing up, and I keep picking partners who are sweet kind and caring upfront so obviously green flags, only for the mask to come ALL THE WAY OFF the moment they get what they really wanted from me! I can't play this Russian roulette dating game anymore! GIVE ME ALL THE PLANTS THANK YOU! I'M OUT!
@@coolchameleon21idk bout yall but I’m def gonna be living my golden girl life and dressing up😂
Currently, I've solved the splitting the bill problem for myself. It's just not really within my current budget to do so. Inflation and insufficient salary in a high cost of living state makes it difficult. However, when I go out to eat with a group, I have no opposition to splitting the bill. Not everyone orders the same amount and I believe in paying for myself only. Sometimes one person will pay on their card and the rest will venmo their portion. The math isn't fun, but I think this is the most fair way to do it.
I never realised how difficult splitting a dinner bill was for so many people. You ask your server to split the bill according to what each person had. It can be time consuming depending on how many people and how many dishes and drinks were ordered but it's doable. Unless the restaurant has some complicated and weird point of sales system. But splitting the bill evenly? I've never been in that situation in a group setting either as a customer or server.
I love that you bring awareness 💜🧘♀️
y’all gotta go to places with deals that have shit like FREE BIRTHDAY DINNER, my friends and i went to a place on my 24th and we all had both kbbq + hotpot, got my own dinner for free and everyone else had to pay $30-$40 or less, absolutely no one had a problem it’s these people going to pricey places 😔
This is when it’s best to have a dinner with the menu preselected by the host and an upfront per person cost, birthday person is always covered, and everyone having to pay for the alcohol at the bar
And there is also this problem of staged videos with degrading content where women participate willingly. Can we please talk about that? Women do a terrible service to themselves an other women for hype and likes and whatever. And we also get engaged and enraged by certain clickbates and get sucked into the degrading discussions with people who don't deserve our time.
Just had an extremely exhausting day and your video is exactly what I need right now ❤️
With close friends that I trust, we often pick up each other's bill because we know that our generousity will always be appreciated and reciprocated later.
I think the server should ask up front if the bill is together or if everyone will pay for their own food. That way everyone knows the deal before they order.
Even for Birthday dinners. My friend group has always just paid for what we ordered and it's not an issue. I really do think people that scream that it's rude of people to not want to split the bill our meters. They're the ones that order lobster and all that s*** well everybody else just had to sell it. I'm not doing it. Very blessed to never had to deal with friends like this and even if they can only do one card or whatever people are prompt to offer to venmo and straighten it out
In my friend group our husbands/boyfriends ALWAYS (friendly) fight to pay the bill or tab when we go out. Not too long ago I finally asked him why he and the other men do that. He told me It’s basically like a competition of the ego and a way to silently flaunt their economic status amongst each other.
Girl thanks for the subtitles! I do my best to understand english as it is my second language but sometimes it gets hard. Thanks!
Wow! I did it - 19 seconds ago! Elle, I would love your opinions on The Case Against the Sexual Revolution by Louise Perry. Thanks for the content - it's life-changing! xxx
🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽
People are soooo entitled these days. Don't you plan things? Maybe it's just me, but with my friends that is usually worked out before we even hit the place. There's been times when a friend pays everything on their birthday, there's been times when birthday friend doesn't and the rest just split, sometimes one takes it all, and it keeps going until circle is closed etc. You can't just go into anything and just sit there expecting people to pay.
Gen Z is seriously going to live so long the ones focusing on their health and well being right now!
if you don’t consider the majority of them vaping..
I personally would never split bill with a group of friends. Everybody pays for their own food and what each orders and no need to complicate things. If you want to organize a bday party or dinner either the person inviting pays it all or each their own plate. I dont understand these cheap ass ppl going to fancy restaurants and expecting others to pay for their bigger share. its straight up dumb. Unless you want to invite a friend once and you are invited on a date or with your husband, others shouldnt pay for your food. Like people nowadays have litterally no shame at all whatsoever and dont even know what common sence and desency is. My godness!!! But I live in germany and its kind of normal for waiters to ask do you want the bill together or seperately. And if you do it separately and you tell the server i got this and this and the server does the calculation and gets the tip and all. Not weird at all. just common sence.
Oh my gosh, I thought I was the only one.
And I always got accused of being lesbian for it, thinking men shouldn't be at girl's outings.
Like "oh, I brought my boyfriend hope that's ok" or "Oh is alright if I bring my boyfriend".
NO! IT IS NOT OK!!! lmao, As a habitually single woman, this infuriates me.
Why?! Just go on a date with your bf. Uhg.
Basically I'm just going to sit there quietly, eating quietly, not saying much, being polite, I'd rather eat alone.
I don't even get the mindset of girls who do this.
And I had a friend who got married and dished out all my personal stuff to her husband who would reflect on it.
I tried to feel ok about it like "oh their like married as one blah, w/e" no, it's not ok.
We are no longer friends and I have created a new level of boundary.
*And you know what if a man makes friend happy, and glowing and amazing, that's awesome, I'm so happy for her(not sarcasm).
But that doesn't mean I'm going to get along with her boyfriend, or like them, or want to be around them.
And if your boyfriend is a skeeve, don't blame me I am very out about my singleness, and I don't want your boyfriend.
Even at like groups, usually girls and guys separate, like Christmas, BBQ's, w/e, anything.
Why is he here?!
Friends pay for themselves. He can offer for drinks or dessert.
That extra money can go towards our future trips or investments. 💄
Where I'm from, the birthday boy/girl pays for the whole thing. And usually the one who makes the invitation is the one who pays. Exception being when both/all agreed to go out together, then everyone pays their own bill. Also, most of the time the men pay for the women(unless it was a woman who made the invitation/who's birthday is celebrated, in which case she will pay for the men too). Inviting people to your birthday party/dinner and expecting them to pay for it, it's considered very rude I think. Especially since, most of the time, they bring gifts as well.
So glad me and the girlies are in a small group and we just take turns paying for each other. 💖
I was always taught that the birthday person doesn't pay for their own food because everyone else pays their bill, splits the birthday person's bill, and tosses in an appropriate tip for what they paid. If someone feels generous that's cool, then put it toward the bday bill first.
Girl, you need to make a discord for all us spoiled girlie's.
People also think 'splitting the bill' makes things cheaper when the overall total is the same amount.
It makes it cheaper for the person who ordered the most expensive meal and had 5 cocktails. 🙄
Some peoples will eat much more and chose most expensive stuff if they know it will be someone else paying for that.
No bc why am i paying for your 3 cocktails and apps you ordered when i only got a caesar salad?
You speaking the science and the biomedical basis of alcohol being a toxin is a love language for me 😍😍😍. I love your videos and this one is definitely my fav!!!
I’m also have a “If you can’t afford X activity, then stay home,” mentality to avoid those kinds of situations.
For the last two weekends, I’ve gone to lunch with a friend at a particular restaurant. For two weeks in a row, there were two different women yelling asking to speak to the manager. It’s always the same type of ppl yelling in public. I’m sorry. Can’t do it. Tired of them.
Shouldn’t it be anyone pays for themselves? That’s how it works in entire Europe.
Where are you @manifestelle? Missing your presence on the weekly spoilt girlie class ❤
I don’t understand the whole issue with splitting the bill. In my country, everyone simply pays for what they had, unless someone is feeling generous that day. Idk it’s never been an issue for me.
elle! can you do a video on how to be more in your servant mindset? for us girlies who are on the more selfish leaning side…struggling a lot with this
“The reason why paying the bill with friends is complicated is because it IS complicated.”
No it’s not. I have large friends groups and we always pay for ourselves. If it’s a birthday, the person’s main bestie gets it. But it’s not hard at all.
Ladies, we need to set boundaries. No other way to put it.
Thats why i only take 2 people with me on that day...then we buy snacks and cake to celebrate at home with others....
Yes, Maggiano's South Coast Plaza, a family sit down restaurant. They have a small bar. Not a drinking place. I lived walking distance for years. Bougie central. Asian glow, we called it demon face, it's a real thing. School teachers and retired teachers bring out the calculator. I have 3 besties, even at 72, we all think alike. Nowadays we all prefer Asian food. You're up to date on us elders . Much love Elle !
I don’t think my friend group (Book Club) ever had a discussion over how food is paid for! We get separate checks and pay for what we ordered
I’ve only ever done the group pay thing when it’s family and then usually my mom, or my sister pay. As for birthday parties, if it’s my friend group, again we ask for separate checks, and usually someone volunteers to pay for the birthday girl. (One person volunteers, there’s no calculators lol) Or else we just pay separately and no one expects their food to be paid for, not even the birthday girl
I’m just curious, is asking for separate checks, for a group or 7 or so, in America, not common? All the group events I’ve ever attended at a restaurant, is always separate checks. If it’s family then we have to request one bill 😂 from the server, if someone is paying it for it all for the family. Otherwise the servers show up with separate checks for everyone. It’s kind of the norm here so I was curious if the states is different in that way and the servers just show up with one check? That would be so odd!
I split the bill with my friends every time but I can confidently say I have a handful of friends that is it
Hi Elle, I love your channel so much - it’s legit the only channel that posts and I immediately know I’m going to love the video. I really enjoyed your video on how not all of us are privileged enough to have their dream job or the life of our dreams. I’m doing everything I can to make that life for myself, but in the mean time I need some form of income. I’m being pressured by everyone around me to work in a field I dislike, but I’m not sure what else to do because I need money and some form of stability in a job. I was wondering if you could make a video on how a spoiled girly can figure out a career path for herself that won’t drain all of her energy. I’m doing a lot to rewire my brain and my thinking, but I just feel like I’ve absorbed so much programming on what I “should” be and how the things I really desire and enjoy are “useless” and “the only people who can pursue that have all the time and money in the world”. I really tried to go the route of just focusing on money and on finding a financially lucrative career but I just feel even more lost and ungrounded as I go further in it, and I think it’s a sign that I need to find another path. Sorry this is so long! I really appreciate your channel and I love the community you’re building here and I feel so honored just to be a part of it.
Even though I'm not a new face, my memory is awful so I appreciate all the reminders!
I'm from the Netherlands, and we have an app called Tikkie, where you can send a request for the amount someone spent on dinner, and everyone pays for what they ordered. Americans who move here often find it baffling and, to be honest, are pretty rude about it because they tend to see it as stingy or anti-social. I've heard American girls rant on the tram numerous times about how Dutch guys always want to split the bill, which I find amusing. I understand their point that women put more effort into their looks, but I also feel that beauty standards are higher in America than in the Netherlands, so I can see where they're coming from. However, that's just our culture, and personally, I love it because people never argue about what to do in such situations-we just use Tikkie, and it's all fine.
Anyways love your channel and your content!
The way I clicked on this so fast when it popped up in my feed 🙌🏾 It's this spoiled girl's bday month!! 🎉🎉🎉
I think if it's for a specific person - like a birthday dinner. Everyone adds to their bill to ensure the birthday person's bill, tax & tip are covered, then of course cover your own bill, tax & tip like you usually would, if not more. I totally agree that it's important to make sure the server gets a larger than normal tip on top of the fact most places will add a fee for larger parties.
I literally drove about 25 minutes to pick my friends up for a birthday dinner, then drove to a KBBQ buffet that took about another 25 minutes. I found out their sister was not coming. I already suspected that one of my friends was not going to pay. I was about to cry internally about being the only one paying until they told me that another friend was coming. I thought this would get to get that suspected friend to pay. Long story short, she didn't. Had the audacity to call herself my sugar baby. She isn't even cute. I then drove through traffic that took about 1 hour to get them safely home. Fast forward, I got fired from my full time job and told my friends about it. Three days later the "sugar baby" friend asked me if I can drive her to the emergency room for a toothache. I told her I would have to be strict on asking for gas money. I also apologized. She then ghosted me and talked badly behind my back.
Oh I needed your reminders right this moment! So glad you posted, you have no idea ❤