New listener... comes words and insight to husband whose wife "dropped the ball". I was that woman who lived in the gym, had a killer body, made heads turn...and then, found a guy, married, had 4 kids in 6 years which included a set of twins. Workout? I did "work out", everyday taking care of a home and 4 kids, diapers, breast feeding, pre-school, baseball, basketball, dance lessons, church, cleaning, cooking, organizing everything day in & day out... husband working to pay the bills, long hours and frequent self entitled " happy hours" all to often. Where was the time for me to go to a gym and focus just on me? Nada... nope and too tired at 8pm when the last one went to bed. The bed was calling my name, even if the dishes still sat in the sink, the laundry baskets piled high with clean but unfolded clothes. Where was my happy hour? So, the advice Dr. John gave... carve out time for her for herself, if you still love her and want her, to take a break for herself and if that includes trips to the gym, well that would be great... FOR HER. There is a saying that I love: "When the student is ready, the teacher will come". Maybe she is not ready for many reasons. Maybe she can not or won't if that is the measure of your love for her... she may not be ready, able or willing at this moment. This wife, who you claim to love, needs dedicated time off for herself. She already knows she is not in the same magnificent shape she was, but my guess is, neither is the husband. And, even more unfair, men have a much easier time hitting the gym and seeing results. It's all in the hormones and muscle tissues the make the sexes different. Give your wife the gifts of time off and let the process unfold for her, while you stand by and love her for better or worse, sickness and in health... honor her and show her that you love her. I can tell you one thing for sure , as a woman... if you abandon her physically while she is in the throes of motherhood and responsibilities, when the time comes that she can actually focus on herself and regains a new healthier version of herself, and she may, but it won't be for you... it will be to have a new, better life and maybe with someone else. If you find her more physically appealing if and when she finally finds the time and motive, she may not want you ( the husband who is not attracted to her anymore).
Hello, I'm a norwegian🇧🇻woman listening from Spain🇪🇦 She has given birth to several children, I understand? The figure of a woman changes alot. And it seems like you don't love her/want her, if she doesn't strive, to get the body you desire. Besides, you go comparing her with those slim ladies. Comparing never leads to anything good. Dr. Deloney, I love your videos, I'm sure you help millions of persons out there! Thank you!💐
For the second caller I feel for you. I’m single and I’m 45 it’s harder and harder now a days to meet people the apps are horrible and meat markets! I don’t like that Dr. John said that “ it feels that way to her when she was saying it was hard and feeling like the dating pool is small. She’s right!!!!! That’s easy for him to say because he’s married with kids and not in the dating game now nor does he understand how things have changed since he was. 😮 But you do have to stay positive and keep going out and be open to new people and experiences. Its hard and frustrating. Don’t have expectations on anything. I have been through it with men and how they treated me like dirt and ghosted me. People now days in the dating sene are so shallow due the “throw away mentality and easy access. Stay strong ❤ and keep doing you. When you least expect it will happen. ❤❤❤
Mental health worker here. I agree with John on the "feels that way" bit. It's true that the pool is smaller, but it's also true that the pool can still be relatively large even if it's halved or whatever the number is. "Scarcity mindset" is an evolutionary response to the social situation a lot of single people find themselves in. The heart wrenching gravity of that response isn't anchored in reality. It's "ancient tech"/lizard brain stuff for sure. Look at the divorce rates AND billions of people on the planet. Much less is still tons of people. ❤️ (But yeah, the apps are horrible. It's a numbers game. Just like job hunting.)
I feel like the way you treat her is what she will project back to you. A good man will make a woman want to be better. I found that the times I was most motivated to lose weight was when my man treated me good. It made me want to lose weight to look good for him. If he was bugging me to lose weight, I probably would’ve hurt/too depress from what he said to even get up and try.
Nick, I actually understand where you are coming from. It's not just about the weight ,it's about lost opportunities. My husband is overweight and he doesn't do much at all physical with me or our kids. It's a very sensitive subject and not one I can bring up anymore. The sadness is that we don't do much activities at all. Instead I have to do it solely with the kids. I've always worked out so I also get the desire to be with someone that is taking care of themselves.
One of the hardest things I’ve had to come to grips with as a single woman of 46, is acknowledging that the current trajectory of this generation is not towards marriage. For someone who desires to be married, trying to date and find that someone is brutal. This is not like previous generations where getting married and having a family were one of the highest goal posts of life and society. This is really (in general) a culture that has abandoned that and is absolutely content to serial date with no end game. This was one of the hardest things I had to accept. That’s all. I wish I had something more positive to share but, realities are realities. Dying on a cross is dying on a cross. Messy, painful, and life ending. 🤷🏽♀😳😖
@@KittyM- yes, but it can’t be done by oneself. A Di-vision relationship is doomed to failure, especially when lifestyle values are not the same, or one feels certain things within a relationship are “flexible” but only on their terms and as needed. Children learn way more by what they see than by what they are told. It will take a major miracle to right the sinking ship. 🤷🏽♀😣
@@lademoiselleketoret6958 oh I don't know. You have a small impact on everyone you meet, I have a small impact, this is how things snowball. And just because we cannot live up to an ideal ourselves, doesn't stop us praising others who do
The called seems honest and genuine and is just looking for tools to handle the situation.if he were a bad person he will just have an affair but he really wants things to work out.
He is severely lacking knowledge and is gaslighting his wife. It’s screwed with her body image. He expects her to accept him how he is, but he won’t do the same. He stopped making her feel special, stopped romance long before she gained weight. It’s mostly a hormone issue according to the latest science on women’s weight loss. Our doctors lack knowledge on the tests needed and medication to treat it. Standard of care, evidence based medicine is behind.
I like how the first caller is my marriage but in reversed genders, and the second caller is what I tell myself my life could’ve looked like if I didn’t marry my husband despite his weight issues. No one’s life or marriage is ever perfect. Your spouse is never totally what you’d like them to be. I’ve don’t some soul searching like John told caller 1 to do, and that’s the conclusion I’ve come to: we all have our own demons and our own battles to fight. The hardest part of marriage for me is focusing on the good things I do have that I’m thankful for, instead of focusing on the image I had in my head of what I wanted my life and marriage to look like. Focusing on those ideals and expectations will only get you down. I heard somewhere that “expectations are just planned disappointments”, and that’s been so true for me! Letting go of life expectations is something I’m still learning how to do fully.
If you married someone over weight that's different, you should except that or don't marry them. But you should be able to expect a person to generally keep the same weight they met you at or at least put effort into that.
I would've love for weight to be my spouses issue. Unfortunately it was cheating. But hearing these weight issues seems like a blessing almost comparatively
@@blueseptember2174 yes, that’s something I use to comfort myself. I tell myself at least he’s not cheating, and at least he’s loyal and a good provider. Problem is, we shouldn’t have to settle for any of it: cheating, binge eating, selfishness and laziness, etc.
@@phelps1485 He was 6' and 220-230lbs when we met. 5 years into our marriage, he was probably around 350lbs, maybe more. Yes, I chose to still marry him after 5 years of dating & seeing him get up to 300lbs when he proposed. He was ashamed of himself and said he didn't want to be this way and that he'd do everything he could to lose weight before the wedding, and start off our marriage on the right foot, with the intention of continuing to lose weight once we were married because he doesn't know how to cook anything and I'm a great cook with an active lifestyle that he was hoping would encourage him and rub off on him with my encouragement. He lost 50lbs before the wedding, so I thought he was serious with his promises. He lost motivation real quick once that ring was on, and especially once the babies started coming.
Second caller Sarah- I so get the anxiety and sense of desperation she feels with so much wanting to settle down and have a family and it just not happening. Unwanted singleness is so painful and so lonely.
I talked to my therapist about this. Does unconditional love between two romantic partners exists? (That was my question to him). He said: No. Unconditional love is more of a parent-kid relationship. He went on and gave me an example (theoretical one) of a father saying to his son (a serial killer): Even if you are a serial killer, I will come and visit you in a jail every time possible. What you did is wrong and you should take responsibility for what you did but I will never leave you. I will always be there for you. Hearing that during therapy brought tears to my eyes as it was so beautiful, so deep. I decided that I want to be this kind of a father one day. However. We're talking about romantic love between two partners here. This is different. It is conditional. It is more like: I choose to be with you and I will do my best, everyday, to love you as best as I can. So yeah...this topic here is a complicated one. I will talk from my perspective here. I wouldn't mind if my future wife would gain some "normal" healthy weight over time (or when pregnant) BUT there is a limit. I would worry about her not being well, healthy or just not caring about how she looks. It would make me think she doesen't care about me being attracted to her as I also value her beauty, her looks and not just her personality I would also like to know if I failed her as a husband and if I can help her somehow. There's also a difference between first stages type of love, "long-lasting type of love" and sexual attraction. That's my take on this topic. Have a nice day you all :)
No my love for my husband is unconditional but it has boundaries as to what I'll allow. He soon to be my ex for cheating. I still love him but we just won't be together. I'll always love him .
I love this show. And 95% of the time Dr. John is on the money. The advice he gave the first caller was a miss. In response to a husband's attraction issues to a wife who gained weight, Dr. John came out of the gates WAY too hard - "Is there someone else? Are you done with this marriage? Isn't this supposed to be unconditional? Look at yourself. You created a home where your wife is unsafe. You should just give her an hour back and do more dishes and dinners. This is a you problem. Do some soul-searching." He even insinuated the guy was a jerk. Like - WTF? Just way off the mark. Better advice: "Perhaps trying promoting a more healthy lifestyle for the both of you. Suggest active family activities like hiking or bicycling. Focus on purchasing healthy snacks for the home. Offer to cook dinners a few times a week, and make them healthy alternatives. Focus on making yourself healthy by turning down suggestions for take-out or dessert menus. Making exercising on your own a priority, and create an identity for your family that focuses on healthy living. Frame it as being concerned about her health & well-being." The guy wasn't looking for a white knight to ride in and senselessly defend his wife. He needed actual advice.
Delony is really good at spotting out the assholes. This dude is being an asshole. Assholes don't change with pretty language. People gotta be upfront with them or else they'll go on thinking they are justified. Even if this dude did all your advice, he'd be doing it for selfish reasons on the inside and his wife will feel it. His selfishness (what I refer to as being an asshole) is the core problem.
100% agree. I feel bad that the wife has gotten to the point she is, but the husband has every right to feel the way he does. It sounds like he is trying to help the problem before it gets worse.
I know I'm really late to the party here but I couldn't agree more with your comment! I personally don't believe that having kids is a hall pass to let yourself go-and I am a mom with young children. The caller wants his wife to make an effort & I just don't think that's a bad thing or makes him a jerk
Sarah~ girl, I just want to fly out to you in Cali and hug you tightly! I'm so sorry your picture doesn't match the picture you've had in your heart and mind for so long. This is HARD. I had this same pic in my head and I married an abuser and spent 14 years, my "prime years", with my dreams on hold, including having a child. (Long story). The best advice I can give you on single-ness is to focus on you, on your growth, your health, your happiness and who YOU want to be. Let go of the picture and I promise~ love will find you. I've heard 100's of stories of people who have stopped looking for love and it's _when_ they stop looking that in walks the perfect person ❤ (not "perfect", but perfect for you and them 😊) I'm sorry you were cheated on. That is horrific. 😢 Again, I wish I could hug you girl! You sound like an amazing woman! Btw- YOU didn't do anything wrong that made that douche canoe cheat. That is on HIM. Work on your healing from that trauma of cheating. Work on discovering how incredible and awesome you are~ there's only ONE YOU! How cool is that?? If you need someone to talk to or need a friend and encouragement ~ find me on Facebook. Jennifer L Cripps. I swear I'm not a stalker or serial killer! (LOL 😂😂) Either way, I hope and pray you work through this bump and discover life isn't what you thought it was....life is incredible, even within the hard stuff. You can do this. I believe in you!
Like 80%-ish of weight loss is diet, around 20% is working out. So it’s not necessarily about having a bunch of extra time… That said, I get that it takes some time to intentionally meal plan, but not an obscene amount of time.
@@SarahConnor562 Totally, I do see what you’re saying. I guess I was assuming (based on # of years married) that w/ being the mom of relatively young kiddos that she’s probably getting a decent amount of daily physical activity… I’m not a mom myself, so perhaps that was a dumb assumption. Either way - hope they’re able to work through it!!
Absolutely agree, everyone is different but it all comes down to diet, some people have to cut calories more than others to achieve it but it all comes down again to diet. Also making choices you can stick to for life, when I say diet I really mean a lifestyle change because if you go back to eating in excess you’ll just lose weight then gain it all back.
@@SarahConnor562 Every body is different and even more complex, it changes as you lose weight. It's a beautiful puzzle. I said just above losing fat is 100% about a healthy mentality because you gotta have your mentality right to solve the puzzle of your own body.
For Sara, I would recommend finding a local board game group. Typically, those people are super nice and it’s a great way to meet people while playing games or puzzles.
Disagree with John on the first call. Me and my wife put on weight. We had a hard talk and made a promise to each other: to be the best we can be physically (within reason) out of respect for each other. We found our ways to stay healthy and our lives are better for it. We have more energy, joy, and our love life is amazing. Being healthy and fit for your spouse honors them but also helps you age with grace, lessens medical issues, and helps you maintain independence. Still a fan, I think Dr John is doing amazing work, but having gone through this and come out the other side I cannot agree with him here.
It's great to go on the healthy lifestyle journey with your spouse... but I think the caller's marriage has deeper issues than just "wife gained weight after 2 pregnancies"..
i totally agree with what your saying im not being argumentative at all i swear. But sometimes I think , things happen. Like when someone is 28 its easy to stay a healthy weight and stuff. You literally just get up and go on a nice run or something. But when your 55 , I think its a lot harder for most people. Maybe you cant even run anymore because your knees arent the same. Your metabolism slows. I just think, noone is going to look anywhere near the way they did at 28 when theyre 55 unless they are maybe very wealthy and have helpers and trainers or they have truly blessed genetics like some of the actors. Like the vast majority of people if you put their 28 year old self next to their 55 year old self it would take a while to realize they are even the same person. And it sucks being the body ages.
@@imveryhungry112 Thank you for your preface (I understand these platforms are full of anonymous jerks) but I just wanted to open a discussion. If we don't agree with each other, that is fine, but I respect your opinion. Both me and my wife are in our early 40s with 2 kids. We both have health issues (hers so severe she is on disability). However, we maintain our promise to stay as healthy and fit as we can; for each other, for the kids, for our future. When you're 50+ or have a disability, I understand it's harder, but if you can do ANYTHING you should. With my wife's disability she can walk and watch her diet. I had to modify my fitness routine with my illness but I still maintain myself. We are definitely not crossfit athletes haha. If one gives up, and falls into inactivity and overeating, it will simply compound any existing health issues you already have. This attitude will simply make you more sick. Thanks for the respectful discussion.
@@c.t.2573 also i do agree with you. I have a disability. I cant really lift weights anymore or go running, high impact stuff. But I can walk and watch what I eat. i try those things each day very hard. Thank you.
Sarah, please read "How to Be Single and Happy" by Jennifer L. Taitz. I went through the same struggle in my 30s and this book was a balm to my chapped soul.
I was married for years. Single now and totally not interested in sex at Al ever again. For my ex that was the ONLY thing that mattered. Got so sick and tired of constantly having to hear it. Being single means finally having peace.
I dated a guy who was obsessed with sex. It really was sad because I realized that he had a serious mental health issue. No one should think about sex that often. It ruined a lot of things, namely the relationship because everything he did or said was saturated with sex, innuendo, over and over again. He would often apologize and say he was sorry he was always talking about sex or wanting sex and that he really wished he was more mature and able to have a healthy adult relationship. 😳Looking back on it, he was totally a sex addict. Very draining. Bizarre and weird. He made me feel weird for not wanting it like him. But something was very wrong with him. I am glad I broke things off and I am much more peaceful now. I can think on other things and utilize all the other parts of my brain that got shut off due to his obsession. I feel like a healthy person again where sex has its rightful place and isn’t the center of everything anymore. Especially when 90% of the time it is due to the demands of the other person who can’t seem to function without it. 😳🥺😖
@@lademoiselleketoret6958 I found out my ex was creeping around with multiple people-men and women. When he blew through $40k in 4 months on women he switched to men. Been single 3 years now and that seems like it’s all anyone is interested in. Guess I’ll be single forever cuz at 55 I’m over it.
I think he's doing the best thing by trying to workout with her and john is right about creating time for her to see to her rest and health but he should tell her the truth, that he is doing it to give her time to rest, recoup and recover her health and fitness. Make sure she isn't suffering from something that she isn't telling you. I put on a LOT of weight while hiding my Scarring Alopecia and my husband just thought I was just gaining weight for no reason not realizing that I was depressed. When he found out he was crushed because it never occurred to him to dig deeper. Communication is EVERYTHING on both ends. We've been together 24 years now.
For the lady who wants to be married:As far as anxiety goes. Be present and find enjoyment in the moment. Also, for anyone:Medication is like putting a bandaid on a wound that needs stitches-it doesn’t work. Try dietary changes (anti inflammatory), essential oils, and there’s even supplements.
The caller is being totally reasonable. For some reason John does not ever want to assign responsibilities to women. Single Mom ? (no problem), getting fat? (sure), not working a part time job to help out? (Accept it, that's who you married). John's final quote to the caller " I think YOU need to do some soul searching to see if you're really into this marriage or not." "...your whole life is an offense to her". Unbelievable, hes never met the woman and has no idea.
Yup completely agree, I think John is deeply scared to be honest about this hot topic, so he shames the caller. I love how he talks about how communication is so important and you need to talk openly, but the weight loss topic is sooo taboo.
I think he is right in asking him if he’s in the marriage-I mean if the weight is that big of a problem he should probably leave because the overwhelming amount of people who even manage to lose weight won’t actually keep it off-even if they really want to. On the comment that his ‘whole life is an offense to this woman,’ I think it is. She definitely knows he finds her gross, and that is a highly offensive thing to know someone thinks of you. Whether he is trying to offend her or not, or whether his feelings are valid or not, they will never be happy like that and she will always be offended by it, think about it-how can you not be offended your husband thinks you’re ugly?
@@Kristin49 My main point is that John is not balanced. Male preferences are considered "shallow", (i want an attractive partner) but female preferences are "justified" (My husband doesn't earn enough money). He shows great emphathy to female callers and their "deadbeat" husbands, whereas Men that call in to complain about the efforts of their wives are called shallow, uncaring, cold. Seems to me that both partners should try to meet each others preferences.
He’s running a business. Women are the number 1 consumers in the world. If you not pandering or validating them in some way shape or form you run the risk of not having a business to run. It’s not right. Just the truth. As men we aren’t running around buying stuff. Women can’t wait to spend that money that came from being a independent woman or the allowance their rich husband that don’t care about her need gives them
The wife may have medical issues or depression is causing her to eat more … she probably has picked up on that her husband is not attracted to her and she feels rejection which probably causes her to turn to food for comfort and the depression can make her fatigued so she is too tired to workout.
It's a sad downward spiral he's encouraging. She totally has her responsibility in it but not all women are stubborn or can Jocko-up to self-ownership. A lot of women depend on their men. :( Western men usually like this until they f-up their wives and then they put the blame back on their wife:/ I hope she can have her peace, confidence and self-appreciation back even if her man is being a sad and sorry coveter.
That whole “im not going anywhere” doesn’t motivate every spouse to care about how they show up for you. In many cases that just seems to lull a person into believing they don’t have to try to keep the spice or keep themselves up anymore 😢
Here's an idea for the first caller: go pick up another job so she doesn't have to work. Or hire a nanny. Shes going to feel alleviated and free so that she has time to take care of herself. After she gets some much deserved rest from daily burdens and chasing the kids, the urge to go to the gym will come back on its own. This is a double edged sword however. She's already felt the coldness that this caller has conveyed to her, and she knows that his love is conditional. Once he starts responding positively to her , she will resent him and shut down any advances he may give her. She'll be on the look out to jump ship and find somebody who truly loves her as a person and not just her shell.
She is a grown woman with children of her own. Don’t try to “lead by example.” That is just another way of saying manipulate her to get what you want. She doesn’t owe you an ideal body. Make her life easier. Im sure having a man around so focused on the superficial is a burden when you are stuck in real life raising babies and keeping the world of several people in balance. It may even be the burden that keeps her low and stops her from caring for herself the way she deserves. The problem is inside you dude. You are unhappy. Go inward and work on yourself. Stop externalizing your dissatisfaction with life on her.
Do men owe their wives protection and provisioning? If any answer you have is not “no” then you’re a hypocrite of the highest order. Men want to have sexual intercourse with their wives. Men the world over find an hourglass figure attractive. Men do not want to have sexual intercourse with pear-shaped women if given alternatives. What he is asking for isn’t unreasonable or a superficial burden. It ultimately isn’t a problem. The problem is his wife isn’t willing to do the hard stuff to keep her spouse interested and satiated. Men are not defective women, no matter what Ramsey personalities, Disney, and the K-12 education system taught you.
From my experience, it's useless to talk about vanity. Vanity can go all ways. Anyone can be attracted to anything. What can't go any direction is health. From what I understand, it's better to focus and encourage all aspects of health. Mental, physical and spiritual. She feels ugly, tell her she is beautiful and sexy. Even if you don't think so. Somebody out there does. So ya won't be lying. That helps her mental aspect. If you can, work on yourself. Make yourself think she is sexy. That will really help. The spiritual health is something people gotta discover on their own. I've got mine, but prayer is usually what people do. Then the physical health comes with a good mental and spiritual health. If your intentions are purely on health and not vanity. That can be felt. The care and love can be felt. "I think you're sexy regardless your weight. However, we can't deny physical health is going to affect or effect the amount of time we have together. I'm in with you for the long haul and I want that haul to be long. Let's focus on longevity together." These are the things that don't hurt. In fact, it feels nice that someone wants you around longer. If your a mean vain selfish person on the inside, fake it till you make it. Start acting like a loving, selfless kind and patient person. Even if ya aren't. Then hopefully maybe you'll actually start being selfless, patient, loving and kind. Someone your spouse actually wants to be around. I've seen it over and over. Women would stop joining my Zumba class because their man is mean, selfish, vain and covets other women. That's a one way ticket to encourage your wife to rebelliousness. I've also been through this in my fat stage after pregnancy. My man was selfish, mean and rude as well. If you wanna encourage a healthy lifestyle. Look at what an actual healthy lifestyle is first. It's more than physical. A healthy mentality and spirituality is at the core of a healthy body. I recommend encouraging all these other aspects and stay away from talks of anything vain. Ultimately, as the man of the house, you are setting the presidense (sp?). Do you want your wife to be vain? If you have children, your children vain? Would you want your spouse to leave you because you're ugly, if someone else better came along. Ya already crossing the unhealthy boundaries by coveting other men's women. Look at those men. How do they treat their wives? Some men manipulate, coerce, and try to force their women. Is that the right way? Or is there a better way to be a leader? Like encouraging what's at the foundation of health or a healthy lifestyle. All men face these questions. You are not alone. I encourage you cling tight to your spirituality. Because the world's ways will only lead to destruction. I'd say, come to know Christ. There's more ways than to just sit and be accommodating. You can actively encourage a healthy lifestyle. Healthy people are contagious. Become a healthy, loving and respectful man and people will follow. Even your wife.
No, they are not. They are usually mocked. And if a woman feels offended that fatness makes her unattractive- bc it does to most men, btw many women also can’t stand fat men - what is an absolutely normal and healthy reaction, then who is vain here, ha? No, don’t even mention Pierce Brosnan. His former wife and a daughter died of cancer so he probably has ptsd and feels safer when he wife is fat bc she doesn’t look like she is dying. Problem is obesity increases the risk of breast cancer and not only that. So … what people don’t understand is that what is usually considered beautiful is just healthy and fit. It is not vanity. It is risk assessment.
There's truth in much of what John says. There's also truth that some people, men and women let themselves go. And it does create problems, for both parties. I don't like the fact that I think John put a cloud of shame on this guy. Exploring his issues is good, but the message in part was, you have issues, this is all on you. I know he's only talking to him, but shaming him, which I felt this got to, is a problem. My guess is the guy already feels shame for voicing this, even thinking this.
@@lynnlakotich6331 Men being "visual creatures" has got to be the biggest excuse for bad behavior and most damaging lie. My man taught me how to stomp out sexual thoughts, roast comedy people so I won't cheat in the mind. I think our society is duped and brainwashed by the television to think otherwise. I mean, I understand what it's like to be a so called "visual creature" and the difficulties behind it. But from what I experienced, ya gotta just re-wire the brain. It takes a long time and you're going against the grain of our sad and sorry society, but it's worth it. It's worth it to make your spouse feel secure and loved.
The second call was interesting. It involves a woman that some people would call "hitting the wall". Deloney ("Delonely" for valentines because he is talking to lonely people?) said about owning reality and that is good advice, that not only the places where you go on dates change when you get older but also the types of people that you date should change. Stop trying to do what the young are doing, you are no longer young. Jordan Peterson had some interesting observations about what happens to most women when they reach their 30s, family becomes their highest priority. So much for "I don't need a man!"
I love Jordan Peterson, but I think there are some things he's misinterpreted about us women. While many of us had planned to marry early and start families, it just didn't happen for one reason or another. In this woman's instance, the relationship she had in her 20s ended due to his cheating. The ones I had in my 20s ended because the first turned out to be an alcoholic, and the second didn't want what I did out of life and that included family. By that point, I was 28 and finding someone in the years since has proven impossible (I'm now 43). Both of the men in my 20s were good men, but who wants to marry an alcoholic or someone who doesn't want what you want out of life? You need similar values for a marriage to work. Like this woman, I've dated and have spent years alone. I recently ended what turned into an emotionally abusive relationship with another man I thought I'd marry. Thank God I didn't! As much as I don't want to be alone, I'd choose being single over being stuck in a horrible marriage. But I do think many of today's relationship issues stem from society's general lack of respect for others that, I believe, is a result from taking God out of our lives. With everyone having his or her own standards of ethics, we have essentially none and that has devolved into lacking respect for those we date.
@@01happykat amen. When I was younger the only thing I wanted was to marry abs have a family of my own. Unfortunately many of the men my age were not interested and so, time passed. I’m not one to settle. 46 now. My desire for relationship and family has changed dramatically and I don’t desire it anymore. I am focused on myself and my own well-being. I was in a relationship for many years that was the worst thing that every happened to me. I’m tired now and don’t feel able to invest anything into another person or a relationship. I am in recovery mode. My thoughts have changed, my desires have changed, I’m just really over it. If love comes my way, I will be surprised. I have carefully and purposely laid it all on the altar and I feel a huge weight has lifted from my shoulders. ❤🩹🙏🏽♥
1st contributor, wow, he was one foot out of the door. Two kids and his wife is being ground down by silent disapproval. He needs a come to Jesus moment, with both his own self worth but also, what his marriage vows really mean.
Addressing the Lighting Round: Sex is better in my 40's thanks to 2nd prime! I'm wiser now because of books and also more aware that the hour glass is only draining. So now I'm a tad more selfish, exploratory and less prudent. The hubby also enjoys but better start catching up!
What he is not saying is this-- Relationships need a purpose, like having a family to belong to. A relationship is not about finding somebody to LOVE YOU. You do that yourself.
Severe weight gain, 30lbs+, is physical protection from something. The wife doesn’t feel safe. If the husband was all in, he would see the weight gain as his wife in pain. Instead, this guy sees her as not motivated, which is PC way of saying lazy. He clearly doesn’t support her and he is halfway out the door. Also I’d be shocked if this guy was as fit as the guys he envies with fit wives. His reality is distorted.
Not safe from what? An active lifestyle? Broccoli? A lack of fast food? I once was fat, you know what I was scared of? Effort. She is lazy and doesn’t respect her husband. Full stop. Had this man’s wife called in and the husband went from being a CEO to a McDonald’s cashier, I don’t see Dr. John blaming her for it.
I agree with what you said but ONLY if she has seen a doctor to make sure its not a medical issue, which could be controlled with some help. That should be top priority. Health should always be first. Otherwise youre 100% correct, many women who are over weight and obese often have neglectful or abusive people in their lives and it takes it toll physically. He may be losing weight but men also shed pounds and inches faster thanks to hormonal differences. Women can absolutely achieve it but it does often take longer for many to reach their goal weight loss. I’ve always been the opposite, underweight by 5-8 pounds and its just my metabolism…men hate skinny boobless women as much as they hate fat women.
Agreed. She's exhausted and burnt out. They key here is that she actually values fitness and health. If she didn't, then that would be a different story. She is burnt and feels alone, so she is shutting down. You know the sex sucks bc most men are just 2 pumps and a nut. She gets no pleasure. Women run themselves into the ground working outside of the home and then inside of the home. The men don't contribute to the child rearing. Then they expect women to be their sex objects. I'm not mad at him for wanting a hot wife. If I wanted my spouse to be able to focus on physical fitness as the main thing, then I would cultivate a lifestyle that affords them that Opportunity. #1 no pregnancy! I would hire a surrogate so I could preserve my wife's body. #2 I would make enough money so she could literally spend 8 hours a day at the gym. I would be brutally honest about my values, however shallow they are, and find a partner who aligns. Dude admitted that he could do more to help her so she has time!!!!
@@Evil-Rod-Farva did you just equate physical attraction to being just as significant as being able to pay your bills? That's what's wrong with y'all men.
Even if young it's hormonal weight because she has children. That sugar intake becomes super charged and effects you so much more. He needs to give her.time since I didn't see him getting hormones to grow humans.
@@blueseptember2174 he should leave the lazy woman. Women know men want to be attracted to their spouse. They just do t care and use life as an excuse. Then when he leave or wants to cheat he’s the bad guy because he should love me how I am. Nah we not. We can jerk off and enjoy our hobbies in peace. Let yaw cry about what men don’t do. While yaw walk around without one. But that shouldn’t matter because the world doesn’t need men anyway
1st caller: two edged sword there if he hasnt come out and expressed his opinion and feelings in a sensitive way... with care and love... cause she may lose weight, but if he wasnt loving her through the weight gain and only after the weight loss... she will have a very hard time loving him. She knows she gained weight, she knows he isnt attracted to her, and she knows how he treated her changed with her weight gain... that is hard to forget, when youve done the work and feel good about yourself... if he starts to show his love again, she will have trouble accepting that he can only show it when she looks a certain way. I know men and women are different, but my husband has gained weight, lost weight, gained it all back and more... yet the way i loved him never changed, regardless of the attraction taking a hit. He is my husband so i will love him no matter what weight he is, no matter how much money we have... as long as the way he loves me doesnt change. Even then i will stick it out because we are married, thats what marriage is.
Why would a personal preference and attraction be invalidated? We - the world know that 0.001 percent of men are attracted to overweight women. Seems as men are being shamed for their genuine attraction. Women do have a duty to remain attractive and desirable in our marriages. The competition is fierce. I am a woman, and I agree that for better or for worst cannot include for better and for unattractive.
Live long enough and every person alive will be met with an "unattractive" variable. Hormonal weight gain(pregnancy/menopause) , balding(cancer/age), scars from injuries or accidents, etc etc. Best to love your spouses moral character and find them beautiful for internal reasons.
You people really don't understand nuance. John's wife knows that he values his health. When she saw that he was gaining a significant amount of way she asked him if he was OK. She didn't call him fat and say he was lazy. Which is exactly what this man did. She didn't say that him being fat was embarrassing for her and that she was jealous of other women who have hot husbands. That's what this caller said. The fact of the matter is that this man is not attracted to his wife anymore. His love was conditional on her being fit. He is embarrassed by her because hes comparing himself to other men who have fit wives. That is his burden to bear. That's his insecurity. Sitting at home on the couch all day with nothing to do, then yes. I could understand She's working and taking care of the kids and taking care of their home. She is exhausted and doesn't have time for herself.Though caller acknowledged that he could do more to create space for her. Which means she's like the vast majority of women who work outside of the home and then come home to another full time job. It run themselves raggedy And then their husbands have the audacity to complain. How about pitching in a being a fucking partner and taking 50% of the responsibility for the children that you have in the housework that needs to get done? Handle your business, so your wife can stay-at-home, workout all day, and be hottie mchottie. Yeah, y'all can't handle that though.
I feel like you don’t get the fact that love is unconditional and attraction is not. These poor people no longer get hard or wet looking at their partner. I’m disappointed that you asked this husband if he’s in this marriage or not. When someone has committed to touching only you, you owe it to them to do your best to have a healthy weight and keeping up with yourself and maintaining that level of attraction. And that goes both ways. But telling this poor man to have some talk with his wife where he takes the blame for everything or not doing more so she isn’t so burned out is crazy. He never mentioned that he’s not doing enough at home. My husband got fat and lazy and it sure wasn’t because I didn’t enough at home. I probably did too much. You can’t win with some partners. You’re just supposed to be attracted to them no matter how sloppy they look? Get out of here.
All the young men out there listen to the first call listen to the doctor and how he approaches it. It’s all shifted back onto the male 100%. Now if a woman had called in and asked the same question? Want to bet that the doctor would have told her to, talk to her husband and that he’s lazy. He’s a Bubba he’s a mama’s boy on and on and on. The Ramsay net work used to be about finances and it used to be about uplifting people. It’s not a place for men anymore, don’t call they’re looking for help you’re not going to get any. Good luck.
I agree, he totally ignores attraction as an important factor in intimacy. Men and Women should not let themselves go , the effort is surely appreciated. Plus you gotta stay in shape if you plan to live a healthy life. John tried to make this dude feel bad.
I only partially agree with this statement. #1. Saying upfront I love John. He’s changed my life and he’s amazing at what he does. #2 This guy Nick is brave to call and say something so vulnerable. But he also didn’t word it right and it immediately felt like he was judging when he said “ that was intentionally insensitive” and “she dropped the ball”. So yes, John made some mistakes in calling him a jerk right away when it seems he is trying to just find some help but this guy really needs to do some soul searching like Delony said. Also he helps millions of men, take the guy the other day that was struggling through deep depression John was fantastic in that call.
Facts. All about selling books and worshiping the almighty hoo-hah. Men have no business listening to this garbage. We are also allowed to have needs, wants, desires, and expectations without ridicule.
@@Evil-Rod-Farva You always have wants, needs, and expectations. All women do is acquiesce to your wants, needs, an expectations. The issue is that if fitness was the number one thing you valued, then you should told her that in the 1st place. You should sign a prenuptial agreement indicating as such. Should also cultivate an environment where she can sit around all day and go to the gym and stay fit. You should also be able to pay all of the bills so she doesn't have to work and take care of kids. You should also be able to hire a surrogate so she doesn't have to go through pregnancy and risk getting fat. You should also be able to afford a maid, a nanny, and a cook. You have to pay the cost to be the boss. Women aren't objects, they are people.
Honestly help her out or hire a help. She is probably stressed out doing so much things within the family. This can impact your weight. Just give her time to herself
Get her an endocrinologist now. She needs her hormones fixed first. And he needs to love and cherish her for once. Meet her more than half way for caring for you despite your gaslighting personality!
What in the world did he do that was gaslighting?! I think many ppl here are being very hard on a man who is being honest and trying to work through a legitimate issue…
@@Snappypantsdance listen to today’s episode on sexting. Men tell one version of the truth that makes the, look good. Who wouldn’t but there are too many unknowns on this call that need answering. How much does he contribute? How does he treat her at home? Is he surfing porn, sending sex messages? Does he put her down? Is he passive aggressive or constantly critical? So much for his vow in front of god and better or worse!
@@sidneybristow815 I did listen to that episode. You cannot put on one person what another person does, or assume they they do or will do something bad. You have to take each person for what they are and what they truly do, not even what they are capable of. I say this in love- maybe you have some things you might like to look at so that you don’t project stuff onto others… Again, I’m not saying that from unkindness!
@@Snappypantsdance so, gaslighting is a better response. I was speaking theoretically. Without the other person present to tell their story, and a lot is left out, consciously or not, it’s very hard to get an accurate assessment on the situation. Empowering a person, who’s actually doing something to create or sustain the behavior they don’t like in their partner is very common. Jordan Peterson covers this. Spouses confidence and healthy lifestyle obliterated via spouses dysfunctional behavior. These are all possible, I’m not projecting, I’m thinking outside the box to pose possibilities not considered. People are messy and at this point want to flame their spouse and get concurrence to reinforce bad treatment. Nothing is all the time or absolute.
A good woman maintains a basic attractiveness level and doesn’t turn into a circle with eyelashes just because she got a marriage license . She does this because she loves and respects her husband. Posts like yours are why marriage rates are cratering. Men are allowed to have basic expectations.
@@Evil-Rod-Farvamen should stand by their spouse and help them acheive the goal, has she been to a doctor and had a hormone panel done? Have they checked her thyroid? Many women cant lose weight or inches as fast as men, are his expectations on time line for her to lose based on how fast he is losing?? That would be ignorant as we are very different. I am underweight always have been, cant gain. And yet I get treated just as shitty as a fat woman because I dont have the right “curves” for men. I no longer care but at one time it really hurt to be so judged on something that is trulybeyond my control. A woman who is over weight can lose it….takes longer for them than it does for men but very achievable….for me gaining is impossible.
@@lynnlakotich6331 thanks. It is baffling to me why this is so difficult for women to understand and accept. We are in a culture now where people who refuse to maintain a healthy weight are spending energy trying to convince men that their biological preferences are wrong. That energy would be better spent on a dietician or on free weights.
@@michellesimmons3150 that’s the world men get to live in. We are judged on height routinely and there’s not a single thing we can do about it. Same thing with Johnson size. You gotta love that sausage even when the ladies don’t. That’s why I find it ridiculous that women spend precious energy trying to convince men their preferences are wrong instead of simply meeting them. Women leave marriages 80% of the time it happens. I think you’re directing the “stand by your spouse” speech to the wrong audience.
I really don’t like John shamed the caller. The caller was very brave to say that doesn’t like his wife’s body anymore because that’s terrible yet a truth that many men deal with their wives and isn’t talked about.
Dr John ' show is not a safe place for men to call. It's always the men' fault, wife cheats it's the husband's fault, she's ruining them financial it's the men' fault. OMG! Dr John' wife is an academic success, beautiful and fit and his the same but he bashes the guy that says his not attracted to his wife physically anymore. You have to ask yourself, if i was single would i date this person and it's not just about weight it's about everything and if the question is no then why should you?
Why do Americans find it SO ruddy impossible to speak? The one thing I loathe about this show is the loonnnggg gaps in the caller’s conversational abilities.
Giving your wife an hour to herself- or taking an hour off of her, consistently- SOLID advice.
Moms need to be their own human, too!
I just watched a video about a young lady who started learning to be a balirina at age 34 and now at 38 is in her first performance! Never to late!
New listener... comes words and insight to husband whose wife "dropped the ball". I was that woman who lived in the gym, had a killer body, made heads turn...and then, found a guy, married, had 4 kids in 6 years which included a set of twins. Workout? I did "work out", everyday taking care of a home and 4 kids, diapers, breast feeding, pre-school, baseball, basketball, dance lessons, church, cleaning, cooking, organizing everything day in & day out... husband working to pay the bills, long hours and frequent self entitled " happy hours" all to often. Where was the time for me to go to a gym and focus just on me? Nada... nope and too tired at 8pm when the last one went to bed. The bed was calling my name, even if the dishes still sat in the sink, the laundry baskets piled high with clean but unfolded clothes. Where was my happy hour? So, the advice Dr. John gave... carve out time for her for herself, if you still love her and want her, to take a break for herself and if that includes trips to the gym, well that would be great... FOR HER.
There is a saying that I love: "When the student is ready, the teacher will come". Maybe she is not ready for many reasons. Maybe she can not or won't if that is the measure of your love for her... she may not be ready, able or willing at this moment. This wife, who you claim to love, needs dedicated time off for herself. She already knows she is not in the same magnificent shape she was, but my guess is, neither is the husband. And, even more unfair, men have a much easier time hitting the gym and seeing results. It's all in the hormones and muscle tissues the make the sexes different.
Give your wife the gifts of time off and let the process unfold for her, while you stand by and love her for better or worse, sickness and in health... honor her and show her that you love her.
I can tell you one thing for sure , as a woman... if you abandon her physically while she is in the throes of motherhood and responsibilities, when the time comes that she can actually focus on herself and regains a new healthier version of herself, and she may, but it won't be for you... it will be to have a new, better life and maybe with someone else. If you find her more physically appealing if and when she finally finds the time and motive, she may not want you ( the husband who is not attracted to her anymore).
True
Hello, I'm a norwegian🇧🇻woman listening from Spain🇪🇦 She has given birth to several children, I understand? The figure of a woman changes alot. And it seems like you don't love her/want her, if she doesn't strive, to get the body you desire. Besides, you go comparing her with those slim ladies. Comparing never leads to anything good. Dr. Deloney, I love your videos, I'm sure you help millions of persons out there! Thank you!💐
For the second caller I feel for you. I’m single and I’m 45 it’s harder and harder now a days to meet people the apps are horrible and meat markets! I don’t like that Dr. John said that “ it feels that way to her when she was saying it was hard and feeling like the dating pool is small. She’s right!!!!!
That’s easy for him to say because he’s married with kids and not in the dating game now nor does he understand how things have changed since he was. 😮
But you do have to stay positive and keep going out and be open to new people and experiences. Its hard and frustrating.
Don’t have expectations on anything. I have been through it with men and how they treated me like dirt and ghosted me. People now days in the dating sene are so shallow due the “throw away mentality and easy access. Stay strong ❤ and keep doing you. When you least expect it will happen. ❤❤❤
Mental health worker here. I agree with John on the "feels that way" bit. It's true that the pool is smaller, but it's also true that the pool can still be relatively large even if it's halved or whatever the number is. "Scarcity mindset" is an evolutionary response to the social situation a lot of single people find themselves in. The heart wrenching gravity of that response isn't anchored in reality. It's "ancient tech"/lizard brain stuff for sure. Look at the divorce rates AND billions of people on the planet. Much less is still tons of people. ❤️
(But yeah, the apps are horrible. It's a numbers game. Just like job hunting.)
I really feel for the second caller. Getting back out there post-pandemic is not easy. Wishing her the best 💙
Wishing her the best too. When he's not the right one for her, no blame or shame, just not right. Hope she keeps looking, it's worth it ❤
I feel like the way you treat her is what she will project back to you. A good man will make a woman want to be better. I found that the times I was most motivated to lose weight was when my man treated me good. It made me want to lose weight to look good for him. If he was bugging me to lose weight, I probably would’ve hurt/too depress from what he said to even get up and try.
I met my guy at 34 in LA at a screenwriting mixer. The key was to stop looking for love and just go out and have fun.
Nick, I actually understand where you are coming from. It's not just about the weight ,it's about lost opportunities. My husband is overweight and he doesn't do much at all physical with me or our kids. It's a very sensitive subject and not one I can bring up anymore. The sadness is that we don't do much activities at all. Instead I have to do it solely with the kids. I've always worked out so I also get the desire to be with someone that is taking care of themselves.
One of the hardest things I’ve had to come to grips with as a single woman of 46, is acknowledging that the current trajectory of this generation is not towards marriage. For someone who desires to be married, trying to date and find that someone is brutal. This is not like previous generations where getting married and having a family were one of the highest goal posts of life and society. This is really (in general) a culture that has abandoned that and is absolutely content to serial date with no end game. This was one of the hardest things I had to accept. That’s all. I wish I had something more positive to share but, realities are realities. Dying on a cross is dying on a cross. Messy, painful, and life ending. 🤷🏽♀😳😖
We do need to teach our younger generations the value of 'for better & for worse'
@@KittyM- yes, but it can’t be done by oneself. A Di-vision relationship is doomed to failure, especially when lifestyle values are not the same, or one feels certain things within a relationship are “flexible” but only on their terms and as needed. Children learn way more by what they see than by what they are told. It will take a major miracle to right the sinking ship. 🤷🏽♀😣
@@lademoiselleketoret6958 oh I don't know. You have a small impact on everyone you meet, I have a small impact, this is how things snowball. And just because we cannot live up to an ideal ourselves, doesn't stop us praising others who do
@@KittyM- that is true.
@@lademoiselleketoret6958 Have a lovely day
She’s probably not attracted to him anymore either…. Plot Twist
So true
The called seems honest and genuine and is just looking for tools to handle the situation.if he were a bad person he will just have an affair but he really wants things to work out.
He is severely lacking knowledge and is gaslighting his wife. It’s screwed with her body image. He expects her to accept him how he is, but he won’t do the same. He stopped making her feel special, stopped romance long before she gained weight. It’s mostly a hormone issue according to the latest science on women’s weight loss. Our doctors lack knowledge on the tests needed and medication to treat it. Standard of care, evidence based medicine is behind.
@Sidney Bristow Weight gain isn't a hormone issue, it's a caloric deficit issue.
@@COINsimp2024 wrong!! You don’t know that! Wow…
@@COINsimp2024 then how can women who consume less than they burn still not lose weight?
@Sidney Bristow because they eat when nobody is looking. There are zero studies proving this.
I like the valentine theme in the background 🫶🏽
Lol I barely noticed it until u stated it
I like how the first caller is my marriage but in reversed genders, and the second caller is what I tell myself my life could’ve looked like if I didn’t marry my husband despite his weight issues. No one’s life or marriage is ever perfect. Your spouse is never totally what you’d like them to be. I’ve don’t some soul searching like John told caller 1 to do, and that’s the conclusion I’ve come to: we all have our own demons and our own battles to fight. The hardest part of marriage for me is focusing on the good things I do have that I’m thankful for, instead of focusing on the image I had in my head of what I wanted my life and marriage to look like. Focusing on those ideals and expectations will only get you down. I heard somewhere that “expectations are just planned disappointments”, and that’s been so true for me! Letting go of life expectations is something I’m still learning how to do fully.
Excellent comment
If you married someone over weight that's different, you should except that or don't marry them. But you should be able to expect a person to generally keep the same weight they met you at or at least put effort into that.
I would've love for weight to be my spouses issue. Unfortunately it was cheating. But hearing these weight issues seems like a blessing almost comparatively
@@blueseptember2174 yes, that’s something I use to comfort myself. I tell myself at least he’s not cheating, and at least he’s loyal and a good provider. Problem is, we shouldn’t have to settle for any of it: cheating, binge eating, selfishness and laziness, etc.
@@phelps1485 He was 6' and 220-230lbs when we met. 5 years into our marriage, he was probably around 350lbs, maybe more. Yes, I chose to still marry him after 5 years of dating & seeing him get up to 300lbs when he proposed. He was ashamed of himself and said he didn't want to be this way and that he'd do everything he could to lose weight before the wedding, and start off our marriage on the right foot, with the intention of continuing to lose weight once we were married because he doesn't know how to cook anything and I'm a great cook with an active lifestyle that he was hoping would encourage him and rub off on him with my encouragement. He lost 50lbs before the wedding, so I thought he was serious with his promises. He lost motivation real quick once that ring was on, and especially once the babies started coming.
Another great episode, thanks Dr. John and team ❤
Second caller Sarah- I so get the anxiety and sense of desperation she feels with so much wanting to settle down and have a family and it just not happening. Unwanted singleness is so painful and so lonely.
I talked to my therapist about this. Does unconditional love between two romantic partners exists? (That was my question to him).
He said: No.
Unconditional love is more of a parent-kid relationship. He went on and gave me an example (theoretical one) of a father saying to his son (a serial killer): Even if you are a serial killer, I will come and visit you in a jail every time possible. What you did is wrong and you should take responsibility for what you did but I will never leave you. I will always be there for you.
Hearing that during therapy brought tears to my eyes as it was so beautiful, so deep. I decided that I want to be this kind of a father one day.
However. We're talking about romantic love between two partners here. This is different. It is conditional. It is more like: I choose to be with you and I will do my best, everyday, to love you as best as I can.
So yeah...this topic here is a complicated one. I will talk from my perspective here. I wouldn't mind if my future wife would gain some "normal" healthy weight over time (or when pregnant) BUT there is a limit. I would worry about her not being well, healthy or just not caring about how she looks. It would make me think she doesen't care about me being attracted to her as I also value her beauty, her looks and not just her personality I would also like to know if I failed her as a husband and if I can help her somehow.
There's also a difference between first stages type of love, "long-lasting type of love" and sexual attraction.
That's my take on this topic. Have a nice day you all :)
No my love for my husband is unconditional but it has boundaries as to what I'll allow. He soon to be my ex for cheating. I still love him but we just won't be together. I'll always love him .
I love this show. And 95% of the time Dr. John is on the money. The advice he gave the first caller was a miss. In response to a husband's attraction issues to a wife who gained weight, Dr. John came out of the gates WAY too hard - "Is there someone else? Are you done with this marriage? Isn't this supposed to be unconditional? Look at yourself. You created a home where your wife is unsafe. You should just give her an hour back and do more dishes and dinners. This is a you problem. Do some soul-searching." He even insinuated the guy was a jerk. Like - WTF? Just way off the mark.
Better advice: "Perhaps trying promoting a more healthy lifestyle for the both of you. Suggest active family activities like hiking or bicycling. Focus on purchasing healthy snacks for the home. Offer to cook dinners a few times a week, and make them healthy alternatives. Focus on making yourself healthy by turning down suggestions for take-out or dessert menus. Making exercising on your own a priority, and create an identity for your family that focuses on healthy living. Frame it as being concerned about her health & well-being."
The guy wasn't looking for a white knight to ride in and senselessly defend his wife. He needed actual advice.
Delony is really good at spotting out the assholes. This dude is being an asshole. Assholes don't change with pretty language. People gotta be upfront with them or else they'll go on thinking they are justified.
Even if this dude did all your advice, he'd be doing it for selfish reasons on the inside and his wife will feel it. His selfishness (what I refer to as being an asshole) is the core problem.
👏👏👏He definitely missed!
100% agree. I feel bad that the wife has gotten to the point she is, but the husband has every right to feel the way he does. It sounds like he is trying to help the problem before it gets worse.
I know I'm really late to the party here but I couldn't agree more with your comment! I personally don't believe that having kids is a hall pass to let yourself go-and I am a mom with young children. The caller wants his wife to make an effort & I just don't think that's a bad thing or makes him a jerk
Sarah~ girl, I just want to fly out to you in Cali and hug you tightly! I'm so sorry your picture doesn't match the picture you've had in your heart and mind for so long. This is HARD.
I had this same pic in my head and I married an abuser and spent 14 years, my "prime years", with my dreams on hold, including having a child. (Long story).
The best advice I can give you on single-ness is to focus on you, on your growth, your health, your happiness and who YOU want to be. Let go of the picture and I promise~ love will find you. I've heard 100's of stories of people who have stopped looking for love and it's _when_ they stop looking that in walks the perfect person ❤ (not "perfect", but perfect for you and them 😊)
I'm sorry you were cheated on. That is horrific. 😢 Again, I wish I could hug you girl! You sound like an amazing woman! Btw- YOU didn't do anything wrong that made that douche canoe cheat. That is on HIM.
Work on your healing from that trauma of cheating. Work on discovering how incredible and awesome you are~ there's only ONE YOU! How cool is that??
If you need someone to talk to or need a friend and encouragement ~ find me on Facebook. Jennifer L Cripps. I swear I'm not a stalker or serial killer! (LOL 😂😂)
Either way, I hope and pray you work through this bump and discover life isn't what you thought it was....life is incredible, even within the hard stuff. You can do this. I believe in you!
Like 80%-ish of weight loss is diet, around 20% is working out. So it’s not necessarily about having a bunch of extra time… That said, I get that it takes some time to intentionally meal plan, but not an obscene amount of time.
@@SarahConnor562 Totally, I do see what you’re saying. I guess I was assuming (based on # of years married) that w/ being the mom of relatively young kiddos that she’s probably getting a decent amount of daily physical activity… I’m not a mom myself, so perhaps that was a dumb assumption.
Either way - hope they’re able to work through it!!
True. We keep focusing on the wrong things
Absolutely agree, everyone is different but it all comes down to diet, some people have to cut calories more than others to achieve it but it all comes down again to diet. Also making choices you can stick to for life, when I say diet I really mean a lifestyle change because if you go back to eating in excess you’ll just lose weight then gain it all back.
100% of healthy weight loss is a healthy mentality. Which the dude isn't encouraging sadly.
@@SarahConnor562 Every body is different and even more complex, it changes as you lose weight. It's a beautiful puzzle.
I said just above losing fat is 100% about a healthy mentality because you gotta have your mentality right to solve the puzzle of your own body.
Second caller relatable af
For Sara, I would recommend finding a local board game group. Typically, those people are super nice and it’s a great way to meet people while playing games or puzzles.
Disagree with John on the first call. Me and my wife put on weight. We had a hard talk and made a promise to each other: to be the best we can be physically (within reason) out of respect for each other. We found our ways to stay healthy and our lives are better for it. We have more energy, joy, and our love life is amazing. Being healthy and fit for your spouse honors them but also helps you age with grace, lessens medical issues, and helps you maintain independence.
Still a fan, I think Dr John is doing amazing work, but having gone through this and come out the other side I cannot agree with him here.
It's great to go on the healthy lifestyle journey with your spouse... but I think the caller's marriage has deeper issues than just "wife gained weight after 2 pregnancies"..
i totally agree with what your saying im not being argumentative at all i swear. But sometimes I think , things happen. Like when someone is 28 its easy to stay a healthy weight and stuff. You literally just get up and go on a nice run or something. But when your 55 , I think its a lot harder for most people. Maybe you cant even run anymore because your knees arent the same. Your metabolism slows. I just think, noone is going to look anywhere near the way they did at 28 when theyre 55 unless they are maybe very wealthy and have helpers and trainers or they have truly blessed genetics like some of the actors. Like the vast majority of people if you put their 28 year old self next to their 55 year old self it would take a while to realize they are even the same person. And it sucks being the body ages.
@@imveryhungry112 Thank you for your preface (I understand these platforms are full of anonymous jerks) but I just wanted to open a discussion. If we don't agree with each other, that is fine, but I respect your opinion.
Both me and my wife are in our early 40s with 2 kids. We both have health issues (hers so severe she is on disability). However, we maintain our promise to stay as healthy and fit as we can; for each other, for the kids, for our future.
When you're 50+ or have a disability, I understand it's harder, but if you can do ANYTHING you should. With my wife's disability she can walk and watch her diet. I had to modify my fitness routine with my illness but I still maintain myself. We are definitely not crossfit athletes haha.
If one gives up, and falls into inactivity and overeating, it will simply compound any existing health issues you already have. This attitude will simply make you more sick.
Thanks for the respectful discussion.
@@c.t.2573 no problem and I wish you and your wife the best. You both sound like strong and amazing people.
@@c.t.2573 also i do agree with you. I have a disability. I cant really lift weights anymore or go running, high impact stuff. But I can walk and watch what I eat. i try those things each day very hard. Thank you.
Sarah, please read "How to Be Single and Happy" by Jennifer L. Taitz. I went through the same struggle in my 30s and this book was a balm to my chapped soul.
I was married for years. Single now and totally not interested in sex at Al ever again. For my ex that was the ONLY thing that mattered. Got so sick and tired of constantly having to hear it. Being single means finally having peace.
I dated a guy who was obsessed with sex. It really was sad because I realized that he had a serious mental health issue. No one should think about sex that often. It ruined a lot of things, namely the relationship because everything he did or said was saturated with sex, innuendo, over and over again. He would often apologize and say he was sorry he was always talking about sex or wanting sex and that he really wished he was more mature and able to have a healthy adult relationship. 😳Looking back on it, he was totally a sex addict. Very draining. Bizarre and weird. He made me feel weird for not wanting it like him. But something was very wrong with him. I am glad I broke things off and I am much more peaceful now. I can think on other things and utilize all the other parts of my brain that got shut off due to his obsession. I feel like a healthy person again where sex has its rightful place and isn’t the center of everything anymore. Especially when 90% of the time it is due to the demands of the other person who can’t seem to function without it. 😳🥺😖
@@lademoiselleketoret6958 I found out my ex was creeping around with multiple people-men and women. When he blew through $40k in 4 months on women he switched to men.
Been single 3 years now and that seems like it’s all anyone is interested in. Guess I’ll be single forever cuz at 55 I’m over it.
@@TheEquiss so much horror. I’m so so sorry. Praying for your healing and restoration of well-being on multiple levels 🙏🏽❤🩹😣
I think he's doing the best thing by trying to workout with her and john is right about creating time for her to see to her rest and health but he should tell her the truth, that he is doing it to give her time to rest, recoup and recover her health and fitness. Make sure she isn't suffering from something that she isn't telling you. I put on a LOT of weight while hiding my Scarring Alopecia and my husband just thought I was just gaining weight for no reason not realizing that I was depressed. When he found out he was crushed because it never occurred to him to dig deeper. Communication is EVERYTHING on both ends. We've been together 24 years now.
For the lady who wants to be married:As far as anxiety goes. Be present and find enjoyment in the moment.
Also, for anyone:Medication is like putting a bandaid on a wound that needs stitches-it doesn’t work. Try dietary changes (anti inflammatory), essential oils, and there’s even supplements.
The caller is being totally reasonable. For some reason John does not ever want to assign responsibilities to women. Single Mom ? (no problem), getting fat? (sure), not working a part time job to help out? (Accept it, that's who you married). John's final quote to the caller " I think YOU need to do some soul searching to see if you're really into this marriage or not." "...your whole life is an offense to her". Unbelievable, hes never met the woman and has no idea.
Yup completely agree, I think John is deeply scared to be honest about this hot topic, so he shames the caller. I love how he talks about how communication is so important and you need to talk openly, but the weight loss topic is sooo taboo.
I am a woman and I completely agree.
I think he is right in asking him if he’s in the marriage-I mean if the weight is that big of a problem he should probably leave because the overwhelming amount of people who even manage to lose weight won’t actually keep it off-even if they really want to. On the comment that his ‘whole life is an offense to this woman,’ I think it is. She definitely knows he finds her gross, and that is a highly offensive thing to know someone thinks of you. Whether he is trying to offend her or not, or whether his feelings are valid or not, they will never be happy like that and she will always be offended by it, think about it-how can you not be offended your husband thinks you’re ugly?
@@Kristin49 My main point is that John is not balanced. Male preferences are considered "shallow", (i want an attractive partner) but female preferences are "justified" (My husband doesn't earn enough money). He shows great emphathy to female callers and their "deadbeat" husbands, whereas Men that call in to complain about the efforts of their wives are called shallow, uncaring, cold. Seems to me that both partners should try to meet each others preferences.
He’s running a business. Women are the number 1 consumers in the world. If you not pandering or validating them in some way shape or form you run the risk of not having a business to run. It’s not right. Just the truth. As men we aren’t running around buying stuff. Women can’t wait to spend that money that came from being a independent woman or the allowance their rich husband that don’t care about her need gives them
The wife may have medical issues or depression is causing her to eat more … she probably has picked up on that her husband is not attracted to her and she feels rejection which probably causes her to turn to food for comfort and the depression can make her fatigued so she is too tired to workout.
It's a sad downward spiral he's encouraging. She totally has her responsibility in it but not all women are stubborn or can Jocko-up to self-ownership. A lot of women depend on their men. :( Western men usually like this until they f-up their wives and then they put the blame back on their wife:/
I hope she can have her peace, confidence and self-appreciation back even if her man is being a sad and sorry coveter.
I love when John throws himself down on the desk 😂
That whole “im not going anywhere” doesn’t motivate every spouse to care about how they show up for you. In many cases that just seems to lull a person into believing they don’t have to try to keep the spice or keep themselves up anymore 😢
The older one gets, 54 to be exact sex is better than ever in my life...the intimacy, connection, presence, sensation, joy....amazing give and take!
Sounds great 👍
Here's an idea for the first caller: go pick up another job so she doesn't have to work. Or hire a nanny.
Shes going to feel alleviated and free so that she has time to take care of herself. After she gets some much deserved rest from daily burdens and chasing the kids, the urge to go to the gym will come back on its own.
This is a double edged sword however. She's already felt the coldness that this caller has conveyed to her, and she knows that his love is conditional. Once he starts responding positively to her , she will resent him and shut down any advances he may give her. She'll be on the look out to jump ship and find somebody who truly loves her as a person and not just her shell.
The hearts make me chuckle to myself. Just realized that Cupid is shooting at them too lol
Great show Dr Delony! Thank you
Thank you ladies and gentlemen who haven't let themselves go!
She is a grown woman with children of her own. Don’t try to “lead by example.” That is just another way of saying manipulate her to get what you want. She doesn’t owe you an ideal body. Make her life easier. Im sure having a man around so focused on the superficial is a burden when you are stuck in real life raising babies and keeping the world of several people in balance. It may even be the burden that keeps her low and stops her from caring for herself the way she deserves. The problem is inside you dude. You are unhappy. Go inward and work on yourself. Stop externalizing your dissatisfaction with life on her.
Do men owe their wives protection and provisioning? If any answer you have is not “no” then you’re a hypocrite of the highest order.
Men want to have sexual intercourse with their wives. Men the world over find an hourglass figure attractive. Men do not want to have sexual intercourse with pear-shaped women if given alternatives.
What he is asking for isn’t unreasonable or a superficial burden. It ultimately isn’t a problem. The problem is his wife isn’t willing to do the hard stuff to keep her spouse interested and satiated.
Men are not defective women, no matter what Ramsey personalities, Disney, and the K-12 education system taught you.
From my experience, it's useless to talk about vanity. Vanity can go all ways. Anyone can be attracted to anything.
What can't go any direction is health.
From what I understand, it's better to focus and encourage all aspects of health. Mental, physical and spiritual.
She feels ugly, tell her she is beautiful and sexy. Even if you don't think so. Somebody out there does. So ya won't be lying. That helps her mental aspect. If you can, work on yourself. Make yourself think she is sexy. That will really help.
The spiritual health is something people gotta discover on their own. I've got mine, but prayer is usually what people do.
Then the physical health comes with a good mental and spiritual health. If your intentions are purely on health and not vanity. That can be felt. The care and love can be felt.
"I think you're sexy regardless your weight. However, we can't deny physical health is going to affect or effect the amount of time we have together. I'm in with you for the long haul and I want that haul to be long. Let's focus on longevity together."
These are the things that don't hurt. In fact, it feels nice that someone wants you around longer.
If your a mean vain selfish person on the inside, fake it till you make it. Start acting like a loving, selfless kind and patient person. Even if ya aren't. Then hopefully maybe you'll actually start being selfless, patient, loving and kind. Someone your spouse actually wants to be around.
I've seen it over and over. Women would stop joining my Zumba class because their man is mean, selfish, vain and covets other women. That's a one way ticket to encourage your wife to rebelliousness. I've also been through this in my fat stage after pregnancy.
My man was selfish, mean and rude as well.
If you wanna encourage a healthy lifestyle. Look at what an actual healthy lifestyle is first. It's more than physical.
A healthy mentality and spirituality is at the core of a healthy body.
I recommend encouraging all these other aspects and stay away from talks of anything vain.
Ultimately, as the man of the house, you are setting the presidense (sp?). Do you want your wife to be vain? If you have children, your children vain? Would you want your spouse to leave you because you're ugly, if someone else better came along.
Ya already crossing the unhealthy boundaries by coveting other men's women. Look at those men. How do they treat their wives?
Some men manipulate, coerce, and try to force their women. Is that the right way? Or is there a better way to be a leader? Like encouraging what's at the foundation of health or a healthy lifestyle.
All men face these questions. You are not alone.
I encourage you cling tight to your spirituality. Because the world's ways will only lead to destruction. I'd say, come to know Christ.
There's more ways than to just sit and be accommodating. You can actively encourage a healthy lifestyle. Healthy people are contagious. Become a healthy, loving and respectful man and people will follow. Even your wife.
No, they are not. They are usually mocked. And if a woman feels offended that fatness makes her unattractive- bc it does to most men, btw many women also can’t stand fat men - what is an absolutely normal and healthy reaction, then who is vain here, ha? No, don’t even mention Pierce Brosnan. His former wife and a daughter died of cancer so he probably has ptsd and feels safer when he wife is fat bc she doesn’t look like she is dying. Problem is obesity increases the risk of breast cancer and not only that. So … what people don’t understand is that what is usually considered beautiful is just healthy and fit. It is not vanity. It is risk assessment.
I'm curious how much weight she's gained. Women's bodies do change as we age. But are we talking 30, 60 or 100+ lbs? It makes a difference
There's truth in much of what John says. There's also truth that some people, men and women let themselves go. And it does create problems, for both parties. I don't like the fact that I think John put a cloud of shame on this guy. Exploring his issues is good, but the message in part was, you have issues, this is all on you. I know he's only talking to him, but shaming him, which I felt this got to, is a problem. My guess is the guy already feels shame for voicing this, even thinking this.
We need to hear the uncomfortable truth sometimes. Period.
Because love is more about how you look. This dude is not in love with his wife
@@emmarose6590 men are visual creatures. Period. Stop expecting a man to act like a woman.
@@lynnlakotich6331 Men being "visual creatures" has got to be the biggest excuse for bad behavior and most damaging lie. My man taught me how to stomp out sexual thoughts, roast comedy people so I won't cheat in the mind. I think our society is duped and brainwashed by the television to think otherwise. I mean, I understand what it's like to be a so called "visual creature" and the difficulties behind it. But from what I experienced, ya gotta just re-wire the brain. It takes a long time and you're going against the grain of our sad and sorry society, but it's worth it. It's worth it to make your spouse feel secure and loved.
@@blahblahblah4544 exactly
The second call was interesting. It involves a woman that some people would call "hitting the wall". Deloney ("Delonely" for valentines because he is talking to lonely people?) said about owning reality and that is good advice, that not only the places where you go on dates change when you get older but also the types of people that you date should change. Stop trying to do what the young are doing, you are no longer young. Jordan Peterson had some interesting observations about what happens to most women when they reach their 30s, family becomes their highest priority. So much for "I don't need a man!"
I love Jordan Peterson, but I think there are some things he's misinterpreted about us women. While many of us had planned to marry early and start families, it just didn't happen for one reason or another. In this woman's instance, the relationship she had in her 20s ended due to his cheating. The ones I had in my 20s ended because the first turned out to be an alcoholic, and the second didn't want what I did out of life and that included family. By that point, I was 28 and finding someone in the years since has proven impossible (I'm now 43). Both of the men in my 20s were good men, but who wants to marry an alcoholic or someone who doesn't want what you want out of life? You need similar values for a marriage to work.
Like this woman, I've dated and have spent years alone. I recently ended what turned into an emotionally abusive relationship with another man I thought I'd marry. Thank God I didn't! As much as I don't want to be alone, I'd choose being single over being stuck in a horrible marriage. But I do think many of today's relationship issues stem from society's general lack of respect for others that, I believe, is a result from taking God out of our lives. With everyone having his or her own standards of ethics, we have essentially none and that has devolved into lacking respect for those we date.
@@01happykat amen. When I was younger the only thing I wanted was to marry abs have a family of my own. Unfortunately many of the men my age were not interested and so, time passed. I’m not one to settle. 46 now. My desire for relationship and family has changed dramatically and I don’t desire it anymore. I am focused on myself and my own well-being. I was in a relationship for many years that was the worst thing that every happened to me. I’m tired now and don’t feel able to invest anything into another person or a relationship. I am in recovery mode. My thoughts have changed, my desires have changed, I’m just really over it. If love comes my way, I will be surprised. I have carefully and purposely laid it all on the altar and I feel a huge weight has lifted from my shoulders. ❤🩹🙏🏽♥
1st contributor, wow, he was one foot out of the door. Two kids and his wife is being ground down by silent disapproval. He needs a come to Jesus moment, with both his own self worth but also, what his marriage vows really mean.
So should she and actually value her health and wellbeing, noone is perfect and we call always grow and be better.
Addressing the Lighting Round: Sex is better in my 40's thanks to 2nd prime! I'm wiser now because of books and also more aware that the hour glass is only draining. So now I'm a tad more selfish, exploratory and less prudent. The hubby also enjoys but better start catching up!
What's 2nd Prime? 😮
You sound like a pervert.
@@starlingswallow It's a boost in sex drive that happens in your 40's.
@@emilywilcox5386is the 2nd prime just for women. I feel like men sex drive dwindles every decade past 30.
What he is not saying is this-- Relationships need a purpose, like having a family to belong to. A relationship is not about finding somebody to LOVE YOU. You do that yourself.
Severe weight gain, 30lbs+, is physical protection from something. The wife doesn’t feel safe. If the husband was all in, he would see the weight gain as his wife in pain. Instead, this guy sees her as not motivated, which is PC way of saying lazy. He clearly doesn’t support her and he is halfway out the door. Also I’d be shocked if this guy was as fit as the guys he envies with fit wives. His reality is distorted.
Half the nation is obese, there's a laziness epidemic.
Not safe from what? An active lifestyle? Broccoli? A lack of fast food? I once was fat, you know what I was scared of? Effort.
She is lazy and doesn’t respect her husband. Full stop.
Had this man’s wife called in and the husband went from being a CEO to a McDonald’s cashier, I don’t see Dr. John blaming her for it.
I agree with what you said but ONLY if she has seen a doctor to make sure its not a medical issue, which could be controlled with some help. That should be top priority. Health should always be first. Otherwise youre 100% correct, many women who are over weight and obese often have neglectful or abusive people in their lives and it takes it toll physically. He may be losing weight but men also shed pounds and inches faster thanks to hormonal differences. Women can absolutely achieve it but it does often take longer for many to reach their goal weight loss. I’ve always been the opposite, underweight by 5-8 pounds and its just my metabolism…men hate skinny boobless women as much as they hate fat women.
Agreed. She's exhausted and burnt out. They key here is that she actually values fitness and health. If she didn't, then that would be a different story. She is burnt and feels alone, so she is shutting down. You know the sex sucks bc most men are just 2 pumps and a nut. She gets no pleasure.
Women run themselves into the ground working outside of the home and then inside of the home. The men don't contribute to the child rearing. Then they expect women to be their sex objects.
I'm not mad at him for wanting a hot wife. If I wanted my spouse to be able to focus on physical fitness as the main thing, then I would cultivate a lifestyle that affords them that Opportunity. #1 no pregnancy! I would hire a surrogate so I could preserve my wife's body. #2 I would make enough money so she could literally spend 8 hours a day at the gym. I would be brutally honest about my values, however shallow they are, and find a partner who aligns.
Dude admitted that he could do more to help her so she has time!!!!
@@Evil-Rod-Farva did you just equate physical attraction to being just as significant as being able to pay your bills? That's what's wrong with y'all men.
Babysitting so she can go to a gym or go together ...motivate her...
I don't know the woman's age, but as we get older we gain hormonal weight.
I think he said married 30 years
10 years
Even if young it's hormonal weight because she has children. That sugar intake becomes super charged and effects you so much more. He needs to give her.time since I didn't see him getting hormones to grow humans.
@@blueseptember2174 he should leave the lazy woman. Women know men want to be attracted to their spouse. They just do t care and use life as an excuse. Then when he leave or wants to cheat he’s the bad guy because he should love me how I am. Nah we not. We can jerk off and enjoy our hobbies in peace. Let yaw cry about what men don’t do. While yaw walk around without one. But that shouldn’t matter because the world doesn’t need men anyway
Farmers Only is a great place to meet quality guys just a headsup to the second caller, juat a headsup, not joking at all!
1st caller: two edged sword there if he hasnt come out and expressed his opinion and feelings in a sensitive way... with care and love... cause she may lose weight, but if he wasnt loving her through the weight gain and only after the weight loss... she will have a very hard time loving him. She knows she gained weight, she knows he isnt attracted to her, and she knows how he treated her changed with her weight gain... that is hard to forget, when youve done the work and feel good about yourself... if he starts to show his love again, she will have trouble accepting that he can only show it when she looks a certain way. I know men and women are different, but my husband has gained weight, lost weight, gained it all back and more... yet the way i loved him never changed, regardless of the attraction taking a hit. He is my husband so i will love him no matter what weight he is, no matter how much money we have... as long as the way he loves me doesnt change. Even then i will stick it out because we are married, thats what marriage is.
Why would a personal preference and attraction be invalidated? We - the world know that 0.001 percent of men are attracted to overweight women. Seems as men are being shamed for their genuine attraction. Women do have a duty to remain attractive and desirable in our marriages. The competition is fierce. I am a woman, and I agree that for better or for worst cannot include for better and for unattractive.
Live long enough and every person alive will be met with an "unattractive" variable. Hormonal weight gain(pregnancy/menopause) , balding(cancer/age), scars from injuries or accidents, etc etc. Best to love your spouses moral character and find them beautiful for internal reasons.
@@blueseptember2174 Theoretically supportable. Realistically unachievable.
Get out of LA.😊❤
Hasn't Delony talked in the past about his weight gain and his wife pointing that out? But Nick is just a jerk?🤔
I think he was brave as heck to make this call & acknowledge these feelings!
His wife pointed it out for johns well-being not her own
You people really don't understand nuance. John's wife knows that he values his health. When she saw that he was gaining a significant amount of way she asked him if he was OK. She didn't call him fat and say he was lazy. Which is exactly what this man did. She didn't say that him being fat was embarrassing for her and that she was jealous of other women who have hot husbands. That's what this caller said.
The fact of the matter is that this man is not attracted to his wife anymore. His love was conditional on her being fit. He is embarrassed by her because hes comparing himself to other men who have fit wives. That is his burden to bear. That's his insecurity. Sitting at home on the couch all day with nothing to do, then yes. I could understand
She's working and taking care of the kids and taking care of their home. She is exhausted and doesn't have time for herself.Though caller acknowledged that he could do more to create space for her. Which means she's like the vast majority of women who work outside of the home and then come home to another full time job. It run themselves raggedy And then their husbands have the audacity to complain. How about pitching in a being a fucking partner and taking 50% of the responsibility for the children that you have in the housework that needs to get done?
Handle your business, so your wife can stay-at-home, workout all day, and be hottie mchottie. Yeah, y'all can't handle that though.
I feel like you don’t get the fact that love is unconditional and attraction is not. These poor people no longer get hard or wet looking at their partner. I’m disappointed that you asked this husband if he’s in this marriage or not. When someone has committed to touching only you, you owe it to them to do your best to have a healthy weight and keeping up with yourself and maintaining that level of attraction. And that goes both ways. But telling this poor man to have some talk with his wife where he takes the blame for everything or not doing more so she isn’t so burned out is crazy. He never mentioned that he’s not doing enough at home. My husband got fat and lazy and it sure wasn’t because I didn’t enough at home. I probably did too much. You can’t win with some partners. You’re just supposed to be attracted to them no matter how sloppy they look? Get out of here.
All the young men out there listen to the first call listen to the doctor and how he approaches it. It’s all shifted back onto the male 100%. Now if a woman had called in and asked the same question? Want to bet that the doctor would have told her to, talk to her husband and that he’s lazy. He’s a Bubba he’s a mama’s boy on and on and on. The Ramsay net work used to be about finances and it used to be about uplifting people. It’s not a place for men anymore, don’t call they’re looking for help you’re not going to get any. Good luck.
I agree, he totally ignores attraction as an important factor in intimacy. Men and Women should not let themselves go , the effort is surely appreciated. Plus you gotta stay in shape if you plan to live a healthy life. John tried to make this dude feel bad.
No he wouldn’t have lolol. Also what woman calls in and says that? Oh wait they don’t because women don’t focus solely on looks you dufus
I only partially agree with this statement. #1. Saying upfront I love John. He’s changed my life and he’s amazing at what he does. #2 This guy Nick is brave to call and say something so vulnerable. But he also didn’t word it right and it immediately felt like he was judging when he said “ that was intentionally insensitive” and “she dropped the ball”. So yes, John made some mistakes in calling him a jerk right away when it seems he is trying to just find some help but this guy really needs to do some soul searching like Delony said. Also he helps millions of men, take the guy the other day that was struggling through deep depression John was fantastic in that call.
Facts. All about selling books and worshiping the almighty hoo-hah.
Men have no business listening to this garbage. We are also allowed to have needs, wants, desires, and expectations without ridicule.
@@Evil-Rod-Farva You always have wants, needs, and expectations. All women do is acquiesce to your wants, needs, an expectations. The issue is that if fitness was the number one thing you valued, then you should told her that in the 1st place. You should sign a prenuptial agreement indicating as such. Should also cultivate an environment where she can sit around all day and go to the gym and stay fit.
You should also be able to pay all of the bills so she doesn't have to work and take care of kids. You should also be able to hire a surrogate so she doesn't have to go through pregnancy and risk getting fat. You should also be able to afford a maid, a nanny, and a cook. You have to pay the cost to be the boss.
Women aren't objects, they are people.
pierce brosnan, as far as the paparzi knows, loves wife
Honestly help her out or hire a help. She is probably stressed out doing so much things within the family. This can impact your weight. Just give her time to herself
Get her an endocrinologist now. She needs her hormones fixed first. And he needs to love and cherish her for once. Meet her more than half way for caring for you despite your gaslighting personality!
What in the world did he do that was gaslighting?! I think many ppl here are being very hard on a man who is being honest and trying to work through a legitimate issue…
@@Snappypantsdance listen to today’s episode on sexting. Men tell one version of the truth that makes the, look good. Who wouldn’t but there are too many unknowns on this call that need answering. How much does he contribute? How does he treat her at home? Is he surfing porn, sending sex messages? Does he put her down? Is he passive aggressive or constantly critical? So much for his vow in front of god and better or worse!
@@sidneybristow815
I did listen to that episode. You cannot put on one person what another person does, or assume they they do or will do something bad. You have to take each person for what they are and what they truly do, not even what they are capable of.
I say this in love- maybe you have some things you might like to look at so that you don’t project stuff onto others…
Again, I’m not saying that from unkindness!
@@Snappypantsdance so, gaslighting is a better response. I was speaking theoretically. Without the other person present to tell their story, and a lot is left out, consciously or not, it’s very hard to get an accurate assessment on the situation. Empowering a person, who’s actually doing something to create or sustain the behavior they don’t like in their partner is very common. Jordan Peterson covers this. Spouses confidence and healthy lifestyle obliterated via spouses dysfunctional behavior. These are all possible, I’m not projecting, I’m thinking outside the box to pose possibilities not considered. People are messy and at this point want to flame their spouse and get concurrence to reinforce bad treatment. Nothing is all the time or absolute.
Lol I just got a Planet Fitness add!
In th thumbnail it looked like a rancid record
Please don’t tell me that you honestly think they have a sex life if he thinks the way about her body that he does.🤦♀️🙄
This man is about to lose his family and possibly a good woman over something so superficial. Sucks because he will realize once the damage is done
A good woman maintains a basic attractiveness level and doesn’t turn into a circle with eyelashes just because she got a marriage license . She does this because she loves and respects her husband.
Posts like yours are why marriage rates are cratering.
Men are allowed to have basic expectations.
@@Evil-Rod-Farva I couldn't agree with you more. Period.
@@Evil-Rod-Farvamen should stand by their spouse and help them acheive the goal, has she been to a doctor and had a hormone panel done? Have they checked her thyroid? Many women cant lose weight or inches as fast as men, are his expectations on time line for her to lose based on how fast he is losing?? That would be ignorant as we are very different. I am underweight always have been, cant gain. And yet I get treated just as shitty as a fat woman because I dont have the right “curves” for men. I no longer care but at one time it really hurt to be so judged on something that is trulybeyond my control. A woman who is over weight can lose it….takes longer for them than it does for men but very achievable….for me gaining is impossible.
@@lynnlakotich6331 thanks. It is baffling to me why this is so difficult for women to understand and accept.
We are in a culture now where people who refuse to maintain a healthy weight are spending energy trying to convince men that their biological preferences are wrong.
That energy would be better spent on a dietician or on free weights.
@@michellesimmons3150 that’s the world men get to live in. We are judged on height routinely and there’s not a single thing we can do about it. Same thing with Johnson size. You gotta love that sausage even when the ladies don’t.
That’s why I find it ridiculous that women spend precious energy trying to convince men their preferences are wrong instead of simply meeting them.
Women leave marriages 80% of the time it happens. I think you’re directing the “stand by your spouse” speech to the wrong audience.
He doesn't sound very in shape himself
Those hearts are just weird
I like them, they're cute 😍
I was thinking that too
I would suggest he takes the kids make dinner help the kids with hw, while she leaves to the gym. This will help her know she has support.
I really don’t like John shamed the caller. The caller was very brave to say that doesn’t like his wife’s body anymore because that’s terrible yet a truth that many men deal with their wives and isn’t talked about.
Agreed, then here comes all the miserable unmarried feminists with their pitchforks. Yikes😬
Dr John ' show is not a safe place for men to call. It's always the men' fault, wife cheats it's the husband's fault, she's ruining them financial it's the men' fault. OMG!
Dr John' wife is an academic success, beautiful and fit and his the same but he bashes the guy that says his not attracted to his wife physically anymore. You have to ask yourself, if i was single would i date this person and it's not just about weight it's about everything and if the question is no then why should you?
saying " things are opening back up" 🤡🤔🤔🤔 hmmm thought all that nonsense ended in 2020
That intro though 🤣
"Thar she blows!"
If your wife puts on a ton of weight, she doesn't respect you.
Facts. And women who don’t respect you, cannot love you.
Men are not obligated to tolerate this behavior and are allowed to have expectations.
Oh lord. You cannot be for real?
@@wordsalad01 for real! I can count on one hand the husbands I know who haven’t gained weight
@@Evil-Rod-Farva Keep up the great work! This is very true.
Why do Americans find it SO ruddy impossible to speak? The one thing I loathe about this show is the loonnnggg gaps in the caller’s conversational abilities.