7 Stages Of Detoxing From A Covert Narcissist
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 31 พ.ค. 2024
- If your romantic relationship with a female covert narcissist has ended, you may be struggling in a way you've never experienced before. You may feel even worse now than you did when you were in this toxic relationship. In this video, I explain the stages you will likely go through after a break-up with someone with NPD or untreated BPD.
Link to video transcript:
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About Lise Leblanc
Lise Leblanc is a Therapist, Life Coach Practitioner, and Author with over 20 years of experience in therapeutic, educational, and leadership roles.
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DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION IN THIS VIDEO IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL ADVICE, DIAGNOSIS OR TREATMENT. Lise Leblanc does not provide personalized psychological, health, or legal advice. Any information or responses provided on TH-cam are general and hypothetical, not individualized. This content is for informational purposes only and viewers should verify primary sources and/or seek professional services. Narratives about clients are heavily modified to protect their identities, using blurred details to teach and reassure without revealing private information about individuals.
If you have thoughts about harming yourself, get help right away by taking one of these actions:
Call 911 or your local emergency number immediately.
Call a suicide hotline number. In the U.S., call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) In Canada: 1.833.456.4566
Call your mental health provider, doctor or other health care provider.
Reach out to a loved one, trusted friend.
DISCLAIMER: THIS IS FOR INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR MENTAL HEALTH CARE.
Introduction (0:00)
1: Disbelief (1:30)
2: Replaying (3:42)
3: Self-Doubt (5:18)
4: Anger & Blame (6:44)
5: Research (8:13)
6: Acceptance (10:48)
7: Healing (12:45)
#narcissist #NPD, #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder, #covertnarcissism, #femalenarcissist
I'm impressed to finally see a youtube therapist able to argue against her own interests for the sake of the person needing help! To tell your viewers that there's a point at which you need to stop watching videos like this, rather than to champion the success of your own channel. You get my bonuspoints today! Well done!
My thoughts exactly. I've been researching for a year now. Consistently. Finally I have the answer. Stop Researching!
I had to stop for a while because it was overwhelming thinking about so much negativity and uncovering more and more junk. When I came back I needed to be more judicious and consume smaller doses that were manageable.
EXACTLY my thoughts! From now on I will STOP reserching. THANKYOU Lisa!❤️
I disagree. Without reading extensively about this disorder for the last year I would still be stuck in multiple toxic relationships…
@@douglasfrederick127 I don't think the idea is to do no research. But there's got to be a moment when you have enough and can return to living your life.
The absolute best revenge is to NOT EVEN SEEK IT OUT...
The best exit map
- Excuse yourself politely,
-leave with dignity and class, peaceful
- embrace the hurt,
-find a place to cry and greive in private,
- GRIEVE for however long you need, let it out and leave it there. Lick your wounds, heal . Don't let your wounds bleed on those who didn't cut you...got it!?
-recalibrate your focus and purpose -and go full speed ahead without her... onward and upward
Well put
Wow…Thank you for sharing.
Absolutely.
Loving advice. I felt it.
"Don't let your wounds bleed on those who didn't cut you...got it!?" That's maybe the most important point. In processing (or not properly processing of) the hurt others who are close to heart can be hurt, and knowing that others were hurt by yourself is an even worse feeling than the actual hurt that happened to you that you try to overcome
I'm on stage 6... This was the worst experience of my life. I pray for everyone one of you who is going through this.
God bless man
Thank you man I’m almost out. I’m at the acceptance stage almost I had so many goals for this year and thought breaking up with her was gonna make up for the goals I didn’t reach during the relationship it no wasted a whole other year dealing with hoovering watching her move to new supply get pregnant by that supply with in 2 months after the break up and it could be mine cause I was allowing her to cheat after he cheated 1 week into the new relationship 🙏🏾 for me I don’t wanna have a kid and deal with her for the rest of my life
@@mouseman225 hey my brother, it's been 3 months since I've posted this. Let me just tell you that I understand how hard it is but be strong. Don't let her reel you back in no matter how good it sounds. I'm in such a better place right now and I can tell you that I've moved on and the pain is gone. Memories are still there but keeping yourself busy with productivity and things you enjoy is a must. Praying for you and everyone else going through this 🙏🏽🫶🏽
Amen brother
Same here, finished the stage 5th and now at 6th.
The most common 'baggage' one leaves an abusive relationship with a narcissist is the realization that they did not have the awareness to assess a person's character well.
I'm sorry. I must disagree. They often have a better tuned ability to assess character well than normal person. Think of it as their brand of hyper vigilance crossed with the keen senses of a predator. My abuser knew every inch of my character (and I'm a complicated person), she just didn't give a flying f*ck about my character. Why would a vampire care, except to trap you? But once traped it's irrelevant. YOU are irrelevant.
@@michaelparker7676 You confused the subject and the object in my statement.
@@jamesyoung187 yes! I feel like I can't trust my assessment skills now. I used to take pride in my ability to assess people quickly
i'll do you one better: actually being aware, going in, that she is almost 100% a covert narcissist, but still giving her the benefit of the doubt and believing her when she says she knows how toxic she's been and is going to treat you well. by five months in i was in a state of such intense cognitive dissonance that i would just dissociate for days on end, my thoughts and feelings fighting with themselves about whether i should bottle the pain or if i should trust my self-preservation instincts. i lost myself completely in the following months. now i trust my judgment to a fault, reading too far into everyone and being afraid of being vulnerable at all.
That discard phase truly is brutal. Many of us that are empaths can't ever imagine treating an intimate partner in this fashion. It's beyond soul crushing.
Just happened to me after 9 years. And yeah it was absolutely devastating. Left me with the kid and did it like it was nothing. She did it from rehab and hasn't even cared about our child being sick, nothing. Just took my heart like it was a rock you'd kick across the street.
@@HorizonHipHop it hurts like hell but try to remember you're the one who must move on. You got that little one depending on you also. You can do it.
@@jaimhaas5170 i got this. Im past the crying and all that, been getting way more done without her than I did with her. 💪
to call yourself "empath" is a narcisstic defense - there are no empaths cos everybody even the sick got empathy, they just got no compassion. stop this shit.
Bro this hits me hard because I've just been dropped for being overbearing because I found out she was flirting with her ex not once not twice but 3 times and then it was my fault for feeling hurt and upset.
Closure is impossible from somebody who is never wrong, can never apologise and who lies thru her teeth.
You don’t need closure
Be happy you are free of abuse
Run
Lift weights
Eat healthy
Take care of your hygiene
Treat yourself
I find the beach therapeutic
Work on yourself
Make something for u
Forget and move on
You are free
Not everone is the same moving on when you have a house and kids with her not so easy .@MADOUT_VPS
Look up to you guys…all I want to do is be in my house alone
Narcs can apologize if they can use it as a tool. Simple, they apologize only to do it again. To gain your trust. It is a myth. Narcs do apologize.
@rizzlapauper113 you mean they can say the words but never mean it cos it's only for their benefit.
Amagine being with the same woman 45 years, we both came from disfunctional families. Ran away together at 16, worked my ass off, finally get my house paid off, and bam, she hates my guts and keeps claiming im the narcissist, now living in a 400sq feet apartment. Sorry just venting. This will be almost impossible to move on at 62, all i ever new was this life with her. Good luck everyone.
Same story buddy. Married at 19 and now 47 years later divorced. Talk about a gut punch. Good luck friend.
I'll be 62 this year, but I'm the one pulling the plug on a toxic, disrespectful, narcissistic relationship. 25 years with one kid still at home, I know my finances will take a massive hit. Hopefully, the court will take note that she didn't want to pay bills even though she has a good paying job.
It happens to us as well, 25 years in that hell, now 19 years out of that relationship
I chose to heal and stay strong
Life can be normal again
Good luck
Damn did she wait for 45 years before she changed or had you suffered for years before the discard?
Man this is so accurate. I got discarded without any explanation or attempt to understand and went absolutely crazy. Suicidally depressed. Blaming myself. Wondering what I could've done, should've done. Just a never ending list of fault-finding, analyzing, and wrongdoing on my part. Like an addict in withdrawal, desperate for answers, I couldn't stop isolating. I couldn't trust literally *anybody*. How could someone I loved so deeply, cared so much about, do this? Well then anybody could. It's been an absolutely brutal journey. I am grieving. Very broken and hurt. And yet she is happy to be all eat pray love, as if I was nothing. It was sick. I have come to realize that she was a very wounded person (myself included) and all I can do is take responsibility for myself. I am not perfect, by any means. But blaming oneself for loving someone, caring for someone, being committed to someone - what is the use in that? This has been an incredible reframe. Real love expects nothing in return. So if even if you loved your ex, if it was real love, it shouldn't drive you insane anymore because real love doesn't need anything, or want anything. It gives willingly and moves on. Love yourself, guys. It's time.
I’m still grieving like you, 6 weeks on it’s a struggle to exist but be thankful she hasn’t taken her own life like my true love has after another jealous rage over trivia. No one can prepare you for this double grief.
That just spoke to my soul.. ☝💯🙌. Such words that hit so close to home that I haven't heard in a LONG time. I'm here to tell you that you will (and sounds like you've already started to), can, and will benefit from the entire experience. As long as you walk away having learned something, then in the bigger aspect of life, you've learned a thing or two.. so you haven't lost anything. 👌. It will, and does get better.. I can tell you that 💯💪
Love yourself? One day I might remember how..these robots steal your soul...
Dude my experience is similar..she devalued me as human and as a men she also cheated playing victim accusing me things and slandered me to my friends lose em all damn.. she ruined me mentally.. it's painful stay strong everyone.. glad to know I'm not the only one getting fooled by this demonic creature
I'm losing myself ..
Same here bro, thanks for ur real love explanation. it's time to move on for me. Love u all guys.
Anybody who reads this I want to tell you something as a piece of advice. Do not ever look foreclosure, don't look for it from a NPD, don't look for it from a BPD, don't look for it through a normal woman who is wrapped up in her own sophistry. Seeking closure is nothing more than pain shopping! You're never going to get an answer out of them, at least one that makes sense. Just take what you have learned, take your life back into your own hands, and move on.
Love it! And so true!
You are correct, it is pain shopping. The closest they can ever give you to closure is to make a justification that will ultimately be very hurtful and dehumanizing to you.
Been shopping quite a bit, like a fool... Took quite a bit of pain to understand already and clear the fog in front of my eyes, to see her for what she is.
Yup as the old saying goes "stop going to the butcher's for bread"
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Living with my covert narcissist wife was like living in the twilight zone where up was down and clocks ran backwards...completely insane!
Yeah hang in there man like he said. I thought of it like an upside down pyramid of problems that she somehow balanced on my head. Address it too far in any direction it'll topple both your livlihoods. It's like they know, but too sick to help it.
Haha, right!!, bet it was your fault the clocks went backwards too😅
How long did it take you guys to heal??
Still ongoing for me, it's been 10 months🙄, this video was amazing though, 👊🏻💥
@@and1varsity23 still ongoing. three years to date after a 9-year rollercoaster with the narc
Our relationship started off good - and then this dark side comes out and it's like I was talking to a different person...
Took six years and the breakup to see her true colors. I wish I saw the red flags sooner. Glad I'm getting answers.
You just described April 2023 - August 2023. I had already suspected it wasn’t me because she accused me of being a narcissist and I started reading books and said wait a minute. Then I came across your 10 stages of discard video and my jaw dropped. Everything clicked. Thank you for doing this. Blessings!
Man that's exactly the timeline I lived too ... if you need to talk. I know I do. Best regards
Amen to that. 14 years. In a state of confusion with someone who just would not answer a question? A simple question? What did you do with 3 months of rent money? 14 years later I still don't know. How stupid is that?
Same exact dates and experience!
Same here, I think she was trauma bonded too, although when we split she didn't fight for the relationship. She was so angry! Now she contacted me again. For me it's no good telling someone you love them after the fact.....you tell them in every when you are in the relationship.
Same timeline too.
I feel... a relief, comfort and a sorrow at the same time knowing that there are guys out there that know EXACTLY how I feel and what I've been going through. I literally don't have to explain or go into detail because yall seriously already know and understand.
I hear ya. I’m reading through every comment here and was about to post something similar to you. I feel like the empathy I have for everyone commenting here, knowing to some degree the awful things they have endured, helps me to have a little more empathy for myself.
Every feeling all at once
Facts
I hear all y’all as well, I know what you’re saying.. but, like I told her. I don’t wish this bs on ANYONE!!
It is incredible how universal and consistent these patterns are. But yes, we just need to LEARN and move on. The priority is NOT letting them distort our views about people. NOT ALL PEOPLE are like that, so let's not close our hearts. Let's heal and overcome! We can do it!
I love this sentence: "they hijack normal human bonding and attachment system by using your basic survival needs". Real mind parasite. And if you don't obey, they want to liquidate your existence at all.
That's your soul, mind and personality. In other words "fuel supply". We become a version of them. Once we're used up they discard us. If we've finally had enough and leaving them they experience NPD collapse and destroy us completely.
Caught me out. 6 months with my GF who did this to me. I've come off of opioids easier than this woman. The pain is unreal. Thanks so much for this.
The power of someone else playing with ur existance when they know things that you dont.. u feel helpless, they understand things that you dont yet and present themselves as gods. They can use things as advantage like ur parents are narccissts so they take advantage of ur will to be free of these ideas and make you think u are nothing. All i can think is somehow i deserve this.
Family court makes it possible, legal and very profitable.
No one knows her!
In my personal experience the reason it’s so difficult to let go and stop missing them is because you're probably still searching for his validation. During the relationship you went without a lot of things you deserved, like safety, love, support, compassion, and empathy to name a few. I'm guessing when things were good they were exceptional, the narcissist is a master at manipulation. By the end you've given more than you had to give ( leaving yourself depleted of strength, self esteem, ect) because you gave SO MUCH to him. That wasn't accidental, he was looking for a “partner” that has your attributes, loving and nurturing. During your entire relationship I'm sure you were wondering if he really loved you, and I'm sure you never felt like you got the answer to that question. His attention now puts you in the same mental place of wondering if he's back because he loves you and sees your worth. Blaming you for cheating is just another manipulating thing narcissists do… they can't accept they may be at fault, so they project that onto you. Its hard to let go when you're still looking for answers. Especially the big question… did he ever love me and they always confuse you because their words don't match their actions. Here is the very difficult thing you need to accept ( and it's way harder then people think)… He didn't ever love you, he never will, you'll never get the validation that you're seeking, he's just not capable. It has NOTHING to do with you and your worth, it's all about HIM! DO NOT allow him ( or yourself) to devalue yourself be abandoning your morals and values. Dont be the other woman or the side chick…. you deserve to be nothing but the absolute center of your partners life, plus think about her…. she's likely being treated just as you were… do u really want to add to her pain? You're still at the start of a long journey of self discovery and healing. You'll likely need to find a trauma therapist (one that has experience with NPD). You can do this. No contact AT ALL, block him everywhere and start healing!! Very best of luck! Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at Metaspyhub@gmail. com, where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
Thankyou so much for this video ...!! I completely identify with this story line...It took me 6 months to take off my wedding ring I lost 26 lbs. ...lost my job . Couldn't eat ..Couldn't sleep .. But...Finally things changed .!! Slowly ....It took 31/2 yrs. ...before I somewhat healed ..!!!
I was actually led to put my faith and trust in the Lord ..and THATS when my life turned Right side up !!
The research phase was important to me. It lasted for about 4 years, but I learned that the ex was a narcissist, right out of the mold. It helped to learn that she is that way because of self-loathing, and that she will never, ever change. I’m several years beyond the nightmare now, and much happier, able to enjoy peacefulness and goodness in things once again. This video validates that I wasn’t the only one who has gone through the living hell of a female narcissist. Thanks, Lise!
Omg i'm so happy I read this. I appreciate your honesty on how long it took you. I thought my month and a half was too long because my friends felt so bad at the beginning and didn't think i was going to get out of it for a long time because i couldn't understand what on earth happened in this whole relationship. I have clarity thanks to you all out there. I have hope that there are others out there, not like her but more like me. It's hard being an empath in a world where other people drain energy. That when they're draining....they're almost fatal to your senses, chakra, your aura. Thank you.
This all happened to me exactly like a playbook. Three years out working on my healing. It’s been the hardest period of my life by far. It’s forced a lot of my childhood trauma into the light as well. Getting stronger by facing deep pain. Grateful for videos like this to put it all in perspective.
Amen. Me too.
Thanks for sharing....same here. Counseling opened my eyes to not only the abuse from my ex girlfriend but from my own family...needless to say, I'm alone now , starting from scratch, or at least trying to.
Narcissism ABOUNDS... in a world of perpetual , self sustained hurt.
Best of luck to you buddy, you're not alone. You will make it, take care.
Same re getting counseling and unearthing a whole bunch more. Seems like a whole process of patching up wounds and immaturities that lead to being susceptible to narcissists. Nice knowing I'm not alone.
100%. I had to take a real hard look at myself and get to the bottom of why I allowed this to happen. It sucked, but I'll be damned if that dumpster fire didn't make me a stronger person.
It has nothing to do with u
It has been the most difficult situation I have ever experienced. I didn’t know what a narcissist was. I found out the hard way.. it is not a joke the mind fuck is crazy.. good luck to you all we will heal one day and be truly happy.. I’m here for anyone that needs it..
Same brother. I got hit with what she said about the researching, and why we should stop once we've gotten all the answers. It made sense.
Just 1 month from the breakup, it's all so fresh.
Yup, like you are with Satan. People need to recognize these sick people and stay away.
I STILL wake up from nightmares about my ex screaming at me 3 yrs later, this part takes a WHILE...
Once I figured out she was a covert narcissist it’ll all made sense and I got my closure. I just can’t believe it took me so long but in my defence I wasn’t on the lookout for narcissists but I am now! 😂.
You, that was it for me too. Easy, it’s like she figured out I knew and tried to stop me from telling people. So weird
I’m in the research phase. 😂 honestly it’s been very healing. It’s very comforting for me to understand how and why. Once I hear the truth it’s like everything just starts clicking into place.
The research phase is important but if you’re still researching in 6 months, it might be the new addiction (a way to stay connected to the narcissist)
@@LiseLeblanc thank you
So spot on. I'm in the "research" phase. A little over a month. I was actually so surprised. Thank you so much.
@@pandrisiah day one on NPD for me. A lot is clicking right now after 3-4 months in step 1-2-3-4.
@@LiseLeblancthanks for this truly
8 years with a covert narcissist. Pretty sure I've been being used the past year as a free house/home/physical desires. Almost didn't go to my father's for Xmas as I was told it was over if I did.
I was 6 hours late but here I am, at my father's. Been used like a slinky and lied to, used, gave so much love to a person I question ever loved me. She says she cares too much but she never visited me when I was almost dead in the hospital, wouldn't pick me up when I got better.
Lost so much time and relationships being controlled emotionally by someone I thought I would spend my life with. Feel so stupid cause the signs were there from day one.. how'd I let it go for 8 years, good lord.
This lady right here is the only person to describe exactly what and who I was dealing with. Thank you
The sad part is when you realized these people only care for you because they need you . But still they belittle you and mistreat you and the incredible part they could care less what you think. They imposed themselves and whoever is with them and you have to suck it up . Now I know my only way out is to move out as soon as posible and have the minimum or zero contact because we work together. I am so mad and upset . I should have never stayed as a roommate. I feel trapped. I hate it because they know how to act to make you do what they want . 😡
It's all about their needs. They don't care at all about you, even if they appear to. I've had friends like this. They can't stand being alone, so they make 'friends' to fill that void. But they don't care about them.
As a person whose lived through all of these stages I can say, after the research phase I was able to lift the mask, tear down my exes walls, see through her sweet moments and her beautiful innocent looking face and what I saw was a very broken, very ugly being, so much so I got scared, but helped me realise that I cant do nothing for her but to feel pity, stay strong, trust in time, it will heal you, thanks Lise I wish I had come across such content at the time
@gentianxhahysa3459 Even after the mask slipped towards the end, I somehow convinced myself that it was somehow my fault, and craved for the illusion to be real.
An illusion so perfectly crafted; in part by myself that, I couldn't even imagine wanting to be without her or be with anyone else.
Idealising her again, despite having peaked behind the mask to see just how cruel she was.
Even speaking to her months later, I was baffled at how uncaring and was and seemed like a different person to the one I'd fallen for.
It shouldn't have been baffling. The person I'd fallen for was an illusion.
It's demon seeded and it's a Spiritual battle. i too have seen that hideous pathetic and heartless thing that lives to destroy within them. There's a certain smirk at my pain she does that somehow really pulls the mask all the way down like a Woman flashing You lifting her bra. i actually stood and looked at that smirk feeling pity for her as she raised and pointed a 9mm in my direction over me picking up her gram of weed and going outside to wait on her to come and smoke with me because i sensed she was going to hold out on me after i generously shared with her. Of course i let her know i was just going outside to wait on her. She comes to the door and raised the pistol over that little bit of petty control. Unfair control. i stood and felt sorry for her.
1. 1:39 - Disbelief
2. 3:42 - Replay
3. 5:18 - Self-doubt
4. 6:45 - Anger & blame
5. 8:14 - Research
6. 10:48 - Acceptance
7. 12:47 - Healing
Thank you for this list Heidi. 👍🍀🌼💜🎈 we know enough about them by now. Its just a big help and a good reminder. So thank you and a hug from Karin. kind regards from Holland
Thanks.
Two months in and I've already walked away after paying close attention to how she was treating me it was an obvious conclusion she's a narcassist.
Zero empathy, wants me to always chase her, extremely manipulative. Dismissive of my feelings completely and very critical of the smallest things.
I'm 40 and it's my first time ever being treated like this by a partner before. Saddest part is I initially thought she was everything I've always wanted in my life 😢
I'm blown away. All the boxes check.. And I'm in the research phase. After the 10 tactics of covert narcissistic video, I was getting kind of obcessed.
This is a great follow up!
Thank you for this.
@@daeclipse03 Kudos to you!!! 3 months after I walked away, I had a date over for dinner. The crazy ex came pounding on my door, screaming that I was a liar and a cheater and demanding to know who I had inside! It freaked my date out and she left... 3 days later the ex came by and apologized saying that she was "hurt" and asking if she could take me out to dinner to make up for it!
Yeah, she was pathetic, but by then I had setup camera's and caught the whole performance, which I then used to explain everything to my date. Lucky for me, my date could pick up on the kind of woman she was much faster than I did!! Women KNOW women better than guys do!
Still, I wasn't as prepared as I should have been, so don't make the same mistake I did... Peace, Brothers!
I was in a relationship with an ex whom fit all the textbook BPD symptoms, could have also had ASPD. I had no idea what was going on in the relationship, I was always so confused and emotionally hurt. It was such a draining relationship that I completely stopped dating for the last 4 years. I feel absolutely amazing now, I went to therapy for a few years not only for the relationship itself, but I also found that I didn’t realize that there were some deep subconscious things that I needed to work on. Fast forward to today and I lost a significant amount of weight, I went back to school and I just currently started dating this woman and it’s been all going so well. I am very happy right now and I am extremely proud of what I have accomplished for myself. People have absolutely no idea how much I’ve grown in so many ways. You CAN break a Narc bond, you CAN change your life for the better, take the necessary time to focus on working on the inner wounds and make the right strides in your life. Best of luck to everyone!
Probably the best video that told my exact experience with my narcissistic ex from 3 years ago. Yes it took me 3 years to heal from that traumatizing experience and I am still at the stage where no one new feels as exciting or as addictive as my ex. Looks like I gotta do some work on myself to start to desire normal people with no personality disorders. You earned a new subscriber. Liked and Subscribed 👍
There will be no closure. W these personality disorders. They’re not gonna walk up and explain the situation from their point of view. You are a bad object and deserve punishment. Don’t reach out do inner child work. So you won’t be focused on by a new person w a personality disorder. You did nothing wrong.
Facts, no matter the mountain of evidence they never admit to shit.
I left my narcissist ex after she was physically abusive with me. Never considered going back to that insanity. And my children payed the price. People generally can’t comprhend how horrible this is
Amen brother. I was there in the trenches too, but I stuck it out for my children. It was definitely an awful 30 years except for the kids. The woman was p-s-y-c-h-o.
Yeah its much harder when a child/children are involved and they love that person :\
This part doesn't get talked about enough in the world. Every thumbs-up on this comment represents those that go through it and getting stuck on how hard it is to go through and feel how hard it is to even start talking about it, especially as a guy
Yep I have a 7 and 8 year old with mine. It has been hell for years now. The way she speaks to the kids at times and neglects them emotionally. It’s a horrible thing to experience z
Man I swear it's a whole nother ball game when you have kids with them. Mine just up and moved on like it was nothing. And moved in with another man and my child. Took me about a 8 months to finally kind of be on board with her stupidity. But I have my freedom from her, and I have my kid 3x out the week so there's that plus. But yea she moved on like it wasn't shit after 5 long years.
This video is so close on target is so eerily accurate I can't believe how it's almost like she is telling my story I am in the research stage right now I'm still can't understand how I still want to go back to someone treating me so poorly
Same feeling I have.... I too cant comprehend how it is why I still want that woman back in my life.
I’m a male sigma empath. So i was partly intrigued and analytical while it was happening in the relationship. I even thought it was mildly amusing that she could gain so much control over me. I was naive enough to genuinely think it was a form of a cute magic trick until…it was too late! Then it became very serious on how to get out with as minimal damage to myself emotionally and psychologically as possible. Lesson1 be careful what you wish for. Lesson 2 Sirens (on land) & Jezebels do still exist. So be careful.
Edit: I successfully managed to escape by reverse discard. Thank God for YT videos. Been No Contact for 38 Days Now. There were two Hoover attempts on Day 25 & Day 27. Stay Safe all you P.H.I.L’s out there.🙏🏾
the sentence that spoke to me the most was "retract her authority over your emotional spectrum and reclaim self-ownership".
I recovered just fine from being married to a covert narcissist just fine. I never fully fell into her trap except she had me believing I had an anger problem and I was the reason for her anxiety from past trauma. I was stuck in that trying to prove I was worthy to a point. When she tried gas lighting, I realized 100 percent she had a personality disorder. When she realized she had zero power over me having that knowledge she divorced me. I decided to better myself, and later I dated for a while and found someone that doesn't have mental issues, and got remarried. My life is awesome and my wife is my best friend. She hasn't changed at all since we got married unlike how my first did off the rip. I encouraged my wife to push herself at her job and she just promoted to a vice president for a major multinational bank. My ex is now engaged and going through the same cycle that she did with me. We get along well enough to co-parent quite well but I don't talk anything with her except for the kids. I just look at it like she didn't hurt me or ruin my life despite her best efforts, she strengthened me. Without my ex, I wouldn't have had the drive to kill it.
Going through this now. Was with my ex for 5 years and have one child with her. Found out she's a covert narcissist. Is BPD. Has severe daddy issues, and has unresolved childhood traumas.. in dating her never knew any of this, she was soo sweet. Bubbly and happy all the time. It wasn't until a year in of us being together did she slowly start showing me all of this. At the time didn't know any of these things , but def knew I had fucked up. And she was preggo at the time. Was a nightmare. I really stayed for my child but couldn't any longer. Like you though, I didn't fall for any of her foolery, but towards the end she did break me and I was gone. Walking on eggshells , anxious whenever my phone would go off. I still do from time to time. But just talk to her about my child and that's it. She tries tobe friendly with me. But I'm extremely cordial.
Wow we have the same life
@johnthompson5497 Remember the only way to get even is by being even more successful versions of ourselves without being bad people. Move on, be happy, make money, and find love. My wife is a vp at citi bank and we are making 300k a year together. My ex and her new guy aren't even making 60k. I win.
Bro I know this sounds fucked up but honestly it makes me feel a bit better knowing they are just gonna suffer repeating the cycle cuz that’s their karma…I know we shouldn’t feel that way but after everything I think it’s only natural…either way bro I give you props for stepping up your life after that disaster keep it up 💯💯💯
@@SAMCRO21 that's the one thing that makes it somewhat easy to see that they moved onto someone else lol. That person is simply going to go through the same fuckery and get abused.
She would check in every few hours to "make sure you're ok." She claimed to worry about me but never actually cared what I felt, just that she still had my attention and focus. Nearly every conversation in our years talking was about her.
It took me three years to even understand a covert narcissist even existed . After following all the steps of suffering described here ,now my sole purpose is to protect my young daughter from getting infected with this darkness .
The post BPD relationship is a real mind twist. Even after the fact you discover about this disorder you still find yourself yearning for them .So strange . But I think it’s because you think after knowing all this info you think you can tolerate the disorder or even save them but that itself is a fantasy.
You're right. I think it's because they get to attain us so deep inside, right at the friggin core where all the painful memories reside.
Like helping an addict and becoming and addict in the process. Stay away.
this video will explaine the reason codependants (you) get attached to cluster B individuals!
th-cam.com/video/rQnBVEUzP3k/w-d-xo.html
So true. I still miss her but I know she was nothing but a detriment to my life. It's heart breaking knowing that she'll never be the person she presented herself to be. There can be no looking back.
Get out stay out❗️
This all sounds very much like my experience. But after going no contact with my ex for 12 years, I still get intense flashbacks and ruminations like it was last week.
@h
This is because you're undoubtedly suffering from C-PTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), much like soldiers returning from combat situations. I'm a female that suffered a discard from a Covert Narcissist and my C-PTSD is what's labeled "non combat related" & instead labeled as "Abuse Related C-PTSD). It has been years now since going no contact but I'm still seeking answers and therapy with a licensed therapist who specializes in, most importantly, Trauma therapy and as, just as imperative, she specializes in Grief & Abandonment Issues bc we've come to realize that my "Attachment Styles" was formed when my Dad was incarcerated at age 10 & even more-so, when I lost my Mom to Cancer at age 20. I'm now 44 yrs old and I'm STILL not over these issues which have undeniably shaped my intimate & long-term personal relationships for over 3 decades. Please!! Give therapy a shot. Go in with no real forethought, but hope that a licensed mental health professional (as well as group therapy with others, just like yourself), CAN only help. It may take you a consultation or a few sessions for you to find the right "for" therapist-wise but it's SOOOO worth it. Also, give yourself ample time before you even consider seeking a dating relationship again bc oftentimes (as is MY case), we tend to have a "type" & unfortunately, Narcissists are very adept at "Love Bombing", which is exactly how Narcissistic people "find" us (which, in all honesty, Narcs HUNT us caring, unassuming Victims).
If you've read this far, thank you and from one Narcissist Survivor to others....you CAN headland go on to find REAL true love that doesn't involve pain. Much luck to you. Hang in there, it WILL get better
Same here after 5 yrs cutting ties. At times it feels like no time has passed at all, at other times it feels like the blurry memory of a half-forgotten nightmare.
I was stuck in stage 5. for almost a year.. I couldn't stop researching. I couldn't let it go.. When I finally got sure that my ex-wife is a covert narcissist and my mother is narcissist too the whole game changed. I isoletem myself and 100% gray rock them. This was the hardest part but I accepted it stage 6. and now I can heal stage 7. Thank you Lise for sharing this video. From today I stop watching TH-cam videos. I have what I need and now I know how to move forward.
Hello...I myself became a victim of my own abusive aunt and mother...My childhood was very very traumatic because of them.
These videos have really helped me. My ex has BPD. She’s been going to therapy for years and is on medications but EVERYTHING in this video describes what I’m going through! She left me 3 months ago and I have never felt more BROKEN in my entire life. I feel like a part of me is missing and I keep replaying everything in my head. This video really helped me today
This is exactly what happened to me.
There is positives though. One is peace (especially at night so you can rest) and the other is your life and life decisions become better because you don’t have a narcissist around destroying your spirit and all your decisions are yours.
You’re correct up to researching. I need to understand how to become a ninja when these toxic people are grooming incessantly. They’re everywhere! Narc bosses. Narc politicians. Narcs in church. I need to discern faster to protect from repeating this mess.
Yeah i wholeheartedly agree!
Not discern, healing for the reason your attracted to them...
@@DanielWiebrands no, I’m friendly. I’m not an Empath. Narcissists are always shopping. They want to add to their supply. They always groom. It’s not my fault that I talk to people. It’s their fault that they always shop for people to abuse.
I’m almost terrified of of falling for another npd and can relate.
This video just now changed my life forever. Bless you.
I'm so grateful for this video. I've been researching for a week trying to find answers to what happened. I've gone through everything you've described....for 23 years. When you said it's time to stop researching I felt the truth of that and appreciate that you really care. A woman with empathy, how awesome! I'm truly done and my armor protected me when she realized I was stepping off of the shelf she had me on and came back to resnare me in the trauma bond (while she was already with someone else) I'm going to be just fine but there is a part of me that truly regrets the childhood trauma she experienced that made her a covert narcissist. I really wanted to save her, I tried. It breaks my heart that she'll soon be old and alone, never having experienced love. This will be my last video dive. Good luck to everyone and thank you for this content.
The research is a great way to gain clarity and understand what you went through but after a while you may find your simply mulching over the same stuff over and over, which might end up keeping you stuck on the narcissist. I’m happy to hear that you’re moving on!
Sounds EXACTLY like mine bro. I'm sorry you had to go through this.
I cried at how accurate this is.
Gah, i loved her so much.
No closure what so ever
No, you loved an ideal that was not actually manifest in the reality of who you were with. Acceptance is needed of this.
@@gaycha6589its tougher when you have had children and been through so much together for almost a decade. I do love her still shes the mother of my children, but you're probably right that I was more attached to the high of the rollercoaster than I was with the way she was. Especially toward the last few years, zero affection, increasingly starting fights, getting more physically abusive. Yeah I'm good with all of it. Almost ended myself in the first month or so after she detached, glad I was strong enough to keep going.
@@HorizonHipHop been there. Don that. Concentrate on your relationship with your kids. Let HER go….
@@gaycha6589 100%
No you didn't love her.
You loved a mask she presented to you.
The "person" you fell in love with doesn't even exist.
Sorry to be so harsh, am just doing that man to man thing 🙂
This video is like the answer to my prayers to help me to get over the narcissistic woman in my life. I really needed this push to realize what I already knew, that I had already found the answers I was looking for, and watching videos like this, for the thousand times, is just a new addiction that prevents me from moving on with my life. Thank you, Lise, for helping me break free😃
Ppppppp09 I 0
Likewise
Yes perfectly described. Took me ages to break away and when I did I knew that all she had to do was turn up and I’d be screwed. Now that I’m well and truly away I can see just how utterly evil she was.
Thank you, Lise. Wonderful advice. She and I broke up 6 times. The last time was it. I gave myself permission to finally walk away and stay away. She did hoover me back every time as did I try to rationalize my return. But she is just too broken to live with. I will alway love her for bringing me out of the grief from losing my wife of 30 years, but she can't hold a candle to how well my wife treated me and I treated her. Now...onto the healing from 5 yrs of up and down roller coaster that just about broke me. Have a great day, everyone. Healing will happen. It just takes time and patience with oneself. Chin up and Cheers!
I spent years trying to figure out what went wrong. It wasn’t until my oldest daughter ( masters in counseling) told me that “ mom “was a narcissist and that I needed to move (run) on with my life!
I wish my daughter could tell me if "mom" is a narcissist.
@@toddb930she is
The worst moment: when you realize the truth.
The challenging moment: the healing game...
The better moment: instead of horror, keeping some good parts of the relationship.
Stay away from coverts narcissists. They will only make you cry.
I love your perspective, thank you for sharing!
@@LiseLeblanc With your permission, It takes a couple of years to go through these milestones and end up that journey. I would not recommend to anyone enduring this. Intense yoga and EMDR self therapy may shorten the process.
You do a great prevention job informing people about that emotional danger 😎
I am literally watching this video during my "Research" Phase. Lise Leblanc is my first stop along the way of my research. Thank you, Lise I'm done now... I hope.
Everybody in this comment section that's going through this, just know I'm going through the same, and I support each and every one of you.
I’ve found that narcissists tend to accuse you of being the narcissist.
Yep. From the day you call them out for being one you will be called one from that point forward. Ever notice how they always find a way to accuse you of the very thing you accuse them of? Whether it's hours, days, weeks later? They always project it back at you. One of the absolutely most maddening aspects of them. I'm currently on my 5th or so cycle and she weasled her way back somehow. I thought for sure I was done last time. Praying this time is for real and I don't cave.
That's a fact. However wasn't everything your fault anyway. You didn't expect her to accept responsibility or accountability did you? So unreasonable to hold an adult accountable for themselves.
Narcissists accusations are confessions
Um! So if I said to the person, your a narcissist, that makes me the narcissist?😮
Yeah, she called me that then I looked it up incase I was and found out she fit the bill exactly as Lise describes about a covert narcissist.
When you get double duped by a narc it really does take a huge toll on your self esteem you can’t eat you can’t sleep you go days without taking a shower you start sprouting grey hairs prematurely it’s not easy that’s why I say if your fortunate to get away from a narc the first time keep it that way.
I dumped the narc over 5mos ago. I had enough of her games and disrespect. I didn't actually know she was a narc until after the breakup. I let her off with the idea that we'd stay open to contact each other just to get her out of my house, and even helped her move. As soon as she was gone a few weeks later I completley blocked her on all platforms, txt, fb, snap, all of it. She was no doubt looking for excuses to have to talk to me. I haven't looked her up, I haven't stalked, and I do not want to even encounter her in public, I will run! She was the most awful person I'd ever met and it was a short 17 months. I know by now she's already abusing someone else, but I don't think any real man will tolerate her. I attribute my ability to break it off to principles I live by and my faith.
I stood on the edge of a parking garage today... It's true, it only gets worse. Save yourself.
Be strong . All of these Narcs are spawns from the devil. Run, be grateful you are alive and can go up from here.
The steps you explain was EXACTLY what happened to me when she left. At first a I was relieved, then disbelief! I did so much for this woman, I loved her! Then yes after a month I got angry, I realized she lied to me to keep me at the time and I was just a supply for her temporarily.
During the anger period realizing she's not coming back and I was just a fix for her, one night got into bar fight and ended up with a broken nose with stitches. This all happened because I was so angry about what this woman did to me, I could have easily avoided this fight but I was so angry inside, this woman broke my spirit completely.
I didn't care about having to go to the hospital, my heart was shattered into pieces. I could not stop drinking every day for 6 months the pain of her leaving and disregarding me was just too much and realizing she used my weaknesses against me to keep me sucked in. It's been about almost a year and I'm doing much better healing from this horrible person and stopped drinking.
Congrats man, i hope i can hold out. Kids make it rough.
@@jayjaysanders3046especially when they say shit like "mama did it this way!", or, "thats not how mama does it" :(
Yep drinking and fighting 😢
A guy lost his wife to his best friend.that man was locked in a room for years.
This was extremely helpful as I had not realized there was a natural sequence to what I was experiencing. As a man I didn’t feel I was entitled to have such emotion. You described what I endured almost to a tee and now I don’t feel so bad! I made a choice to become better rather than bitter by acknowledging what happened and trying to extract the life lessons that came with the experience. Today I’m in a better place and learning to trust again. Thank you for your kindness.
Just came across this video and cannot thank you enough Lise for breaking down all the emotions and steps that I have been going through over the last five years. I feel such a sense of validation. And yes, there are plenty of female narcissists out there. Rest assured guys, it just takes time but you'll get there. I'm stronger now, much stronger. Hang in there and thank you.
Thank you. I needed to hear this again. The toxic narc ex has been aggressively trying to get back into my life while I’m in the acceptance stage. She’s been hoovering, ringing on my doorbell at random hours and knocking me back to stage 6 again. My regression only lasted for 2 days. I’ve maintained my grey rock, boundary is strong and unwavering. thanks to this video and your affirmation. 🙏🏼
I needed this video just now (I guess I'm "researching"). After getting out of a 20-year marriage to a covert narcissist, I jumped right into another relationship with an upgraded version. Five years on, I just ended it. About a week ago. My healing from the first relationship was delayed, and now I'm going through the self-evaluation doubly. The toughest part for me is to stick to my decision, knowing it's the right one but still feeling myself reaching for her emotionally. The second hardest part is that, at 55 and now a single full-time father, I'm staring down the barrel of potentially being alone and not ever finding a life partner. But being alone is better than being in a toxic relationship, and your videos have been so helpful to me in staying the course. Thank you.
Correct, being by yoursef is far better than being in a toxic situation. Far, far better, huge.
Your peace and mental health are most important. Don't beat yourself up bro. You have to heal and take care of you first.
I'm in a similar position in life Michael. I married my high school sweetheart. I was with her for 15 years. She left me on Valentine's Day sitting here with two small children. I raise my kids without her. But like a complete idiot two years later I jumped into another toxic relationship. My second wife was crazier than the first. That lasted 14 years. She was never able to bond with my children. I don't think she's able to bond with anybody. But now at 55 I'm trying to learn how to be happy alone. I can't see how I could ever trust myself again to have a relationship. Like an idiot I thought I I was helping these women. They let me believe that I was. They were just helping themselves to my resources and myself esteem. Not only do I not know who I am I don't know who I was.
@@brianreed8271 damn Brian...we are soul brothers. I married my childhood sweetheart. She left me with 2 baby girls 2 days after Christmas 1992. I was so lost. Dead inside. Yet needed to smile for the children. Those dark, dark days. I devoted myself to the kids. Concentrated on being a dad. For 3 years I focused on nothing but them. No sex no relationship.
Eventually relationships and women became part of my life again. But you know what? I still get a card on Mother's day. Worth more than gold.
@@gregorywebster6640 God bless you Gregory. I spent today with my adult son and have recently bought concert tickets for me and my daughter. Through everything that has happened it's only these mothers that happiness and contentment seems to evade.
It’s kinda crazy how she literally goes through exactly what I’m going through right now.
I’m barley getting out of the anger phase
It is astounding that a person with a PD can be so accurately described and predictable 🤯 The really difficult part is having to work with someone, so you can’t totally get away from them and you have to really “give up” on this person that you really felt you could show how to trust by showing them unconditional love, when somehow they had no plans of ever reciprocating that. Thanks for so accurately describing this type of relationship!
I broke down into tears at 9:40. The realization that I was doing exactly what she said.
I need to get back to Lise's videos (especially this one) every once in a while, when I run out of juice and get completely overwhelmed again. When it happens, I can't see clearly, my emotions are all over the place, I'm in complete disbelief of what's happening to me, and I feel that I need help right away. Lise helps me to put things in perspective, it's like my brain starts functioning again and most of the most dramatic emotions go away (for a while, until next time).
I still cannot believe how traumatizing those few months with my BPD partner have been for me. Just a few months, just a few magic moments, just the right amount of random push/pull for no logical reason, and as she walks away (with another guy) I feel completely destroyed. No once-a-week therapy would be enough to save me from drowning right now, that's why I'm so grateful to Lise for what she does. I use her videos between the meetings with my therapist. Perhaps more than she would suggest, I don't know, but that's what I need right now.
What also helps is reading all the comments below, they help you realize that you're not alone and your reaction is "normal" (given the circumstances). In a way, it works like an AA meeting.
I’m really glad my videos are helping you get through this terrible experience
There are no answers forthcoming. Deal with it. Any signs of weakness will bring heaps of abuse!
Literally years of looking for advice, talking to different therapists, journaling books worth of emotions, and talking to friends, this is the first thing I've found that made me feel understood and validated. This alone has helped so much with just feeling understood. Thank you so much for this, genuinely. Just the simple validation of this video is immensely helpful on my road to healing. I'm hoping to get myself rebuilt and together again soon 🙏 Thank you for this uplifting video!
thank you so much Lisa
you really open my eyes while I was married to her for 26 years treated her like a queen
she called her boyfriend right in front of me and I told her after that to get her crap and leave
she hurt me bad I'm not even able to date no other women now she really done a number to me
she just didn't break my heart she shattered it in a million pieces
thank you Lisa
I feel incredibly sad, lonely and isolated. I love this woman like no other, yet I've gone through this again and again. This pain is worse than anything. I can't go back, yet I have to get through this. Just f&&king awful pain and suffering. Thanks for the upload. Amazingly accurate. Much love from the UK ❤️
Just to add, she told me that she got over me in 4 days. Please let them go.
Been there mate. You know it'll be hard and it will take a long time, but you find your own value and what YOU want. There will come a time when you will be glad and can seek, actually something better, more real and supportive and SANE!
In the meantime it hurts like nothing else. Try to be with people, make friends, talk, and try to live a normal life and bring some structure, support and stability.
@@hardywatkins7737 thanks so much. Really appreciate it.
@@mrsimo7144 I would advise getting at least some counselling so you can talk over everything that happened - get some self validation. But do go and talk to your doctor and explain that you've suffered narcissistic abuse and are traumatised and messed up. It's hard to get a psych evaluation for psychotherapy but try your best. Councelling on the NHS is always available but waiting lists are long .. like 3 to 6 months, and often for only like 5 sessions which is not enough. I found in my town/area (north cornwall) a group who provide counselling training (they train counsellors) and have managed to get 15 sessions for free with them with a very good older lady who is in her last, her 4th year of training. There are local charitys and groups who offer counselling and mentoring also but find out what is available in your area via the doctors, library, community centers, churches, and the jobcenter.
@@hardywatkins7737 Hi. Thanks for the reply and help. I'm spending £1000 pcm on therapy and life coaching. I'm coming out the other side now. I watched an interview with a NPD tonight, it was very sobering. I'm on it. Have a look at narcissistic interview, it's with a man on narc con channel. It's spine chilling and has triple confirmed that I'm not to go near her or any contract. I'm lucky enough to get away. Sincerely. Thanks. Much love ❤️
@@mrsimo7144 I'm pleased to hear it. I just think early intervention can save alot of pain down the line.
I'm familiar with the 'narc con' channel but i don't watch her stuff. She tends to polarise empaths and narcissists as 'light and dark' and i don't agree with that. I think it's alot more nuanced and 'grey'. I'm guessing the interview you mention is the one she did with HG Tudor. He's worth listening to just to get a better feel for who narcissists are but with all narcissists, .. you just get narcissism so i don't give them much viewing time.
Sam Vaknin is another self identified narcissist and a psychologist and psychtherapist who has contributed alot to the study of narcissism. He goes alot deeper into the psychology and i think his ideas about mothering, individuation, regression ect, are often valid. I've had to take a good look at my mother and also my sister in all this.
Thank you for not explaining the disorders. We dont need explanations, we experienced it. This was an incredible video. Narcissistic withdrawl is by far worse than any drug withdrawl out there. It’s unexplainable.
Try withdrawing from opiates or amphetamines.
Heartbreak is only as long as you let it.
Real drug addiction changes your entire brain chemistry.
Former opiate addict here. (10+ years) Why am I here in this comment section? Guess lol.
I just wanna say: everyone’s experience is different individually. I know.
Anyways; I would rather go thru opiate withdrawal and be once again sitting there homeless back in my pos car again, in the Walmart parking lot after getting toothpaste and a tooth brush from the dollar store and a nearly empty bottle of Crystal Geyser water to rinse with - than experience what I’m dealing with now lol.
I promise you; this is not the same kind of emotional/mental hurt or helplessness.
I’ve done both…….equally demanding,
real heartache isn’t a “choice “
I had only one stage of detoxing from a Female Covert Narc after a 3 year relationship- ABSOLUTE RELIEF. Dumping and ghosting her was the best decision I ever made. A giant weight of toxic waste was lifted off my shoulders. The most liberating feeling I ever had. Like breaking out of prison.
Good for you..Stay in your strength
I just about drove myself insane with the research phase.. youtube videos every minute i was awake for a solid year and a half.. thank God im moving away from that now.
I am impressed as well.
I divorced my narcissistic ex wife, blocked her and cut her off from communicating with me. This also goes for my ex girlfriend who was just as bad but didn’t reveal herself as a narc for a long time. Thank you Ms. Lablanc. Your video was the best I have seen in a long time. It helped me tremendously. Especially the part about stop researching narcissism and it’s time to move forward. People forget men can be victims too.
This video is an absolute must for anyone who wants to recover from a covert narcissist. You really nailed it on the head, Lise when you talk about the research phase of recovery. I have volumes of notes and listened to hundreds of videos when I was in this stage of recovery. It is a trap, that you put yourself in. Happily I have long moved on and not falling back into any rabbit holes.
I am not sure if you mentioned this or not but female narcissists like the one I was entangled with appear as really nice to everyone one else in the outside world including some of our mutual friends. They just can't believe what I know only too well behind closed doors. In public they are great actors, but if you are involved with one, you know this snake has two heads!
Once again Lise, thanks for a incisive video on the mind of a covert narcissist
My experience too; crazy making. I have so many shared friends and acquaintances who see only her charm act. Many she is actively turning against me and I don’t know how to react. If I say anything it only makes me look more bitter and obsessed and makes me feel like I’m playing the victim. I finally found the strength and wisdom to leave but that only infuriated her more and led her to work behind my back to sabotage my friendships and standing in the community. Urgh! Thankfully some people give me the benefit of the doubt but I still feel like there’s no one who I can talk to or who can understand about what actually happened.
I just recently disconnected myself from someone I was trauma bonded with. To be blunt, the relationship was toxic and some parts of were abusive. She got into therapy, and proceeded to act even worse towards me. Disrespect, lying, and just a total lack of giving me common courtesy. This video was 100% spot on about my situation I got trapped in. Thank you soooo much for making this video so I could understand what happened and what I need to heal.
Well said. Dealing with this right now. Have no intention of giving her another chance and went no contact. Still stings and feels like a bait and switch. This is how trust issues start
Anybody need an example of a dark triad malignant narcissist, read Gone With the Wind.
Scarlett O’Hara is a hard core merciless dark triad narcissist. Margaret Mitchell definitely had some life experience with a narcissist or BPD lover.
Scarlett takes no prisoners!
I know we might be talking about females mostly, but my ex boyfriend is exactly what your explaining. I've never felt so heart broken from such a hurricane in a human body. He was a living nightmare and discarded me like nothing. I was broken for YEARS, until I finally healed. Somewhat.
Sorry to hear that. Glad to hear you're on the road to recovery and healing.
Thank you. I’ve been treated like this for over twenty years until finally we divorced and it’s even been worse since then as she has sought only to destroy my life and reputation so she appears the victim. Our kids wanted to kill themselves as did I from the abuse and she has never even flinched once. Not one year shed for what was an amazing family she could have enjoyed. The gaslighting is insane and she calls me a narcissist and her family is the same. Blaming me and they know nothing of the truth. Thank you for outlining this. It helped. It still hurts and sucks so badly and I hate if for my children. Gave up everything: the best job, best home, best church, all friendships, family relationships, finances-everything for her and was still treated no better than a piece of crap and a slave. No one cares. No one understands except for the kids and me. I pray we get through until my youngest is 18. This is the worst abuse I can imagine enduring.
Im sorry man hope things are better
I cried in my truck today when I chose to remove myself from her bank account…this is the worst feeling in the entire world. I deleted all my photos of her, post on social media…this woman is my wife. I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to divorce her, even though it kills me thinking of doing that. I never want to feel like this again.
As a woman who have experienced a few male Narcissist use this as an opportunity to grow spiritually, emotionally and psychologically from it...Take time to know yourself better . They are all the same , pseudo human parasites....Go no contact.
Trudging through absolute hell is an understatement for what this kind of withdrawal felt like. For half a year I experienced: panic attacks first time in life, antidepressants, suicidal ideation, self-isolation, lost my hair, bouts of anger on people whom were not at fault, intense shame and guilt, extreme distrust in other people's motivations. I've been through heartbreak before but this felt 10 times worse. I'm not over it yet as I dream of her from time to time, those "good times" glimpses return with a kick. Then I want to fix things. Then I remind myself that this is not in any shape or form reasonable or doable. Then I feel guilt. Then guilt stirs up my beliefs of not being good enough and worthy of love and respect(This got me in this situation in the first place). And then I remember how I felt in the relationship and what she's done to me so I shed the guilt and replace it with confidence and gratitude that I'm still kicking and I deserve someone miles better and a lot more suited for me. I really do wish to work, love, provide safety and a carefree living for my existing and future family. I strongly believe that this is my purpose as man. I'll be fine. I got this.
🎯
Yes, I want the dreams of her to finally stop. They torment me, keep me locked in the nightmare of her. Please tell me they will end soon.
Stay strong man I'm Goin through the same thing the addiction.....But I have to kick it we must.....and go to Got to fight these Demons
I see my ex covert narcissist wife as damaged goods and I thank God I got away from her insanity.
Holy shit, you described my situation exactly as if you were watching it happen. It's spot on, down to the little details. I'm in the "finding answers" phase, but just watching this video has taken some of the pain from my shoulders. I suspected that my ex had issues, and the more I read about narcissists and how they manipulate / treat their partners the more this video makes perfect sense. I'm glad she dumped me now, truly I am. Sure it still hurts but at least I am no longer at the mercy of her abuse.
Nailed it, again.. thank you. Time helps, that’s probably the only thing that really does. Only revisit research when you’re ready to date again, just to remind yourself of the NPD qualities to avoid.. b/c your life and sanity depends on this knowledge. Took me almost 5 years to feel like myself again. Good luck ya’ll.
Even if you live in the same house you have been discarded and the devaluing continues. The anger stops and you realize that you can be happy with others. You realize their antics are nuts so you take a step back mentally for your safety. Spend less time w them and reach out to more stable people for reality checks.
Honestly: I've done countless therapy sessions (and I'm still in therapy), I have read books seen hundreds of videos and this one is by far the best way I've seen to approach the subject. The part of lack of closure hit me hard as a truck (although all the others were accurate as well). It still hard to not have answers for so many mysteries but slowly I've realised that I will never have one. Thank you very much for this powerful message.
By the time you wrote this message I was being discarded by my narc gf. I wasn't aware that she has NPD at the time and I tell you, most the mysteries have been solved through the research I've been doing. It's unbelievable how these people act like they're following a tutorial.
Dear, Lise. Every stage, word for word, you have covered perfectly. The process has taken me four years. Best wishes, Mike.
I'm the type that usually don't give comments , subscribes , etc ,, I mean , really , really , really - only by merit , and this women out here , really worth it , because there's a hoard of "influencers" that they only wanna see likes & subscribes . I've been through a weird relashionship with someone , and suddently from "I love you like the sky , and I can't live without you" , become some sort of relashionship where it becomes super obvious that she pushes my buttons just to crack myself so that she can have a "reason" , so that she can leave with a clean "reputation" (since we had people in common) .Congrats again for the video , would be a delight to talk with you in private about my experience so maybe you can get more insights for your content while in this process you`ll help me healing faster ! Thanks that you exist and you're capable of giving such answers that even if I am a crazy "aware" person , I wouldn't think about this kind of stuff in such a simple , yet usefull way !
This channel is life saving. Im currently in stages 5/6. I started researching today, got my confirmation, and will end the research today. I've been instinctively grey-rocking my ex, but I have to see her literally every day because of our son, which has made the healing process next-to-impossible. Im setting up therapy and cant wait to start the next chapter of my life. Thank you, Lise!
I learned that every sign they give you is to get something from you.
I thought I was wrong for 8 years. I’m just coming to a realization that I have been manipulated and deceived for way too long. The sad part is that I subjected my son to it as well. He looked to her as his real mom after his real mom wasn’t a good mom to him either. Now I have to figure out how to either make this marriage work and requests that she seek help or just run as far as I can away from the situation with my son. We need prayers. ❤
You’re right, been listening to you and many others for over a year and it’s time I no longer open these videos. I’ve been a single parent for 9 months now and I need to re-establish contact with her due to extenuating circumstances, I know what needs to be done and how to go about it.. I just really don’t want to.. There’s no possibility of ever being together again, couldn’t put our kids through that or in that position again, nor can I engage in something that exhausting. I’d love to let her reap what she sowed, but I want her to be happy and hopefully find what she needs, I’d be knowing denying something important to her if I left things be. I know she’d not extend the same curtesy to me, maybe that’s why it’s so important that I do, one final hand from family. She’ll always be loved and my truest family, doesn’t mean I need to allow her back in a position to harm my children or I again. Thank you for your words of wisdom and guidance, you’re a great asset to those whom feel lost and disoriented.
thanks for the video, it has been extremely helpful:
i've been in a relationship with a woman who had covert narcisistic traits + borderline traits + in some occasions under stress she became a psychopath: no empathy, continuous lying, manipulating, impulsivity, disrespect for other's feelings and the consequences of her actions. even dissociation: different voice, different way of talking, different body language.
i cant describe how painful it was, especially because in the first months of the relationship she was the most adorable person ever (because she needed me).
when i wasn't needed anymore to meet her needs and reach her goals, i saw how she really was, but i was already in love with the previous version of her.
on top of that, she gaslighted me into thinking that her change was my fault (she never, NEVER during the whole relationship told me about her personality disorders, she told me every possible lie to hide them).
after many months since we broke up i'm still extremely hurt and confused, probably in a condition of post traumatic stress.
the cherry on top of the cake: when we broke up she even had the courage of writing me: "consider the time spent with me as a ray of light in your life". un-fucking-believable.
i'm not a violent person, but i must admit i wish her all the worst for the rest of her life, she deserves it.
the positive side: a month ago i started dating another woman and i immediately noticed similar red flags of selfishness and disregard for other's needs.
so i stopped giving her narcisistic supply, she immediately stopped dating me and i wasn't even sorry about it.
did i learn the lesson? hopefully yes
All I can say is.... WOW.
ON point 100%
I have been through ALL of these phases. It has taken me 3 years but I am there.
NO ONE WILL EVER UNDERSTAND UNTIL THEY GO THROUGH THIS INSANE RELATIONSHIP.
Thank You for the best post narcistic relationship explanation.
I've been through this 3 times in 19 years with the same woman. I didn't realise what was happening until this time though (three months ago). She'd convinced me I was the narcissist. And believing that, made me spiral down into a depression I'm just starting to come out of. I still miss her (or the person she presented to me). If she came back tomorrow, like she did the other two times, I know I'd go through it all again.
@@paulcartlidge2436 chin up Hey !! been there done that , look forwards . i have looked every where and the only place i could find was forwards ! we lived a lie !!
@@paulcartlidge2436 WHY? 😮 😢
@@paulcartlidge2436 you wouldn’t do it a 4th time - now after all you learned about.
17 years with my wife. She can be absolutely vile to me, call me all kinds of names. I usually shut down, and she screams at me and says I'm abusive. At the same time, she is extra nice to my kids and her brother. I can't even function at this point.
This lady is the best when it comes to exposing the female covert narcissists. She's truly a blessing.
I couldn't believe my mind. I couldn't believe it when she boldly told me that nothing ever existed between us. Even asked me if I was talking about someone else, or could it be that she has a twin a
Mind without knowing it?
Boy, i did all i couldn't believe myself.
I thank God because this experience helped me to reignite my prayer life.
So, basically I unsubscribed from your channel and the others regarding narcissism that I used to follow. You're right, I'm months in doing research. I don't really think about her anymore, except when watching videos about the subject. I did learn a lot about it, it was really helpful, but I think it's time to learn about new things now. Thanks for all the help!
Good point. The videos keep you thinking of her.
you must move on from the people who you cannot trust anymore
This video is a gem. I'm a female who just broke up with a male cover narc, everything in this video is so relatable. I'm in my "research" phase...
Detox is critical. Challenging. A full 😢 time way of life. I ain't even talking bout ❤... it's the materialistic toxic civilization.... good to know nature and good people do exist just like good organic food.