being vulnerable for no reason at all
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 ส.ค. 2024
- this video reminds me of my blogging days where I would share a lot of what was happening in my life to small audience. im not sure why i filmed it and i'm even less sure why i'm sharing it but maybe i am just longing for the internet days of yore and trying to capture some of the strength i felt in sharing my thoughts with a community.
i hope you're well.
Happy Birthday to us. I turn 75 in May. 37 is almost hard to imagine anymore. It is not something I long for at this point. There was a time when I tried hard to turn back the clock. But now I work at enjoying every wonderful day that I get to experience. For me the thing about getting old is your outer appearance changes but internally a lot falls away. I stop worrying so much about how others see me and work at seeing them. I have been able to give up worrying somewhat and just accept. It is funny but it has allowed me to feel younger inside. Thank you for sharing and I so enjoy hearing your thoughts. Its spring, a time of re birth and renewal. What a great time of year.
This video is so relatable. As someone who turned 55 last month, I've been thinking more and more about the aging process, appearance and seeking peace of mind. I'm glad you made this video because it really does reach many of us. I've always enjoyed your videos even if I'm fairly new to your channel. Keep doing you, we appreciate you as you are.
You nailed so many of my "returning to life" feelings post-pandemic. I remember being in it and thinking that as soon as it was over, I would just start doing all the same stuff I used to again and that it would feel the same as it but maybe that I would just have a greater appreciation for it or something. That wasn't the case at all. In a lot of ways, I still feel like I'm coming out of it (although these last couple of months feel more like the me I remember) and yet still everything feels so different. I have different interests than I did before, and I feel like I'm way more picky about my friends and who I spend time with. But also, I feel anxious in many ways that I hadn't before (even though I had anxiety long before the pandemic). I don't have a point to all this, but I'm glad you posted this video because it vocalized a lot of feelings I had been feeling without really seeing it
This was so interesting. Thank you for sharing. There are so many different pandemic experiences. I lost my partner of 38 years in November 2019. I had many friends trying to console me and I just wanted to curl up and feel sorry for myself. Forced isolation was perfect for me. I'm retired so no worries about having to replace work with anything. I already had online friends and we remained close. I will say that by the time I was vaccinated I was ready to leave the house, but overall it was a balm for my soul. I have some regrets about decisions I made once I had some choice, but I had it so good compared to you youngsters. It sounds like you're in a better place and awareness is half the battle. It's always good to see you.
Thanks for sharing this. It's actually nice to hear stories from people for whom lockdown was a safe haven, or gave them the space and rest they needed. Thanks for always being here 🧡
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Boy did I tear up while watching this! Grateful for your vulnerability and so happy to see your beautiful face pop up in my subscriptions! You put into words some big things I have been feeling lately and haven’t been able to clarify, and they just clicked watching this. Your words are powerful, my friend ♥
Love you friend!! 💛
I think even for me that came to BookTube late , I miss the period where you, Rick and several others were making all this great content. I felt apart of the community even though I dont make videos.
I love seeing these types of videos! Thank you for sharing your experience with us. The pandemic was in some ways a great time for me (fortunately, I know many were suffering immensely during that time) I was in school, falling in love, it was wonderful. 2019 was probably one of the best years of my life so I was riding that high. Things started to go downhill 2021 and in 2022 I went through the worst event of my life, a terrible breakup. I’m honestly still recovering from that and what lead to it and how I did actually lose some of myself during the pandemic. I’m not where I’d like to be and with 30 on the horizon it’s been hard to accept that. I did meet a group of internet friends during and because of my breakup that were so important to me just getting through that. Now many of them have found new relationships and we don’t talk much, so I find myself nostalgic for that time when we did.
Don’t really know what the point of that rambling was lol but I guess just.. relating in roundabout ways to your story and having connections online is such a blessing even if the don’t last forever
I’ll also be turning 37 in May. Love watching content creators that are more my age❤
Me too! In our Rick Eras and thriving! 💜
Thank you for sharing this. So many things you said resonated with me.
Thanks for being here 🩷
Thank you for the vulnerability ❤️ I'm in the 37 club this year too!
I love how many '87 kids are in the chat! We are a mighty presence💙
I appreciate you sharing and having you in the booktube community.
Thanks Josh! I appreciate you and all that you share with the community too 🤍
When you get to 60 you can say you’re in your Jacqueline era. My son will be 37 in November. I found 2020 particularly hard. My mother died in January and then Covid started. It was incredibly isolating. Because of my asthma I was considered vulnerable. It was very lonely.
What you seemed to go through in 2019, I went through in 2010. So I’m sending you a big squeezy hug 🤗 from Ireland.
🍀👋☘️📖📚📕☕️💐🇮🇪
Thank you for commenting and for being here! I'm sorry you had added health challenges that made the early pandemic days worse. I always appreciate a hug from an Irish queen! 💚
I just told another of my fave BookTubers that I was missing you! I'd love to see you back to the extent you're comfortable returning.
Thank you for sharing, Jill. Appreciate you being open with the world :) The job story is so relatable. I quit mine last year. It was also my first job and I haven't realize on time how toxic it was. Also, the pandemic time worsen my anxiety but I'm slowly recovering. Stay strong and take it easy with reading!
I will be 37 in November.
Thank you for sharing
Thanks for watching 💚
I related to this on SO many levels, especially the work-related trauma/triggers. I appreciate your vulnerability and honesty. These things are rare online. I've missed your videos and was very happy to have this one pop up 😊. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for being here 🩷
I'm resisting the urge to say "elder??? You are young!" because when I was 37 (in my Rick era I guess although Rick is younger than me lol) I was posting on TH-cam regularly and I definitely felt "old". It's not the main reason or even a big reason I stopped but it was part of it. I love the 2009 blog era vibes :)
I feel like if you are over 25 and don't live in LA then you are an elder online! I do feel like the older people get the less they are sharing online and that makes so much sense for so many reasons, but I am feeling like an old crone in a sea of babies. Thanks for being here 💚
I absolutely relate with so much of what you talked about. It’s like now that we are coming out of the weeds of the most chaotic pandemic years we are really noticing how much things have changed. And I feel absolutely the same about makeup and clothes etc it’s a hard transition back to old “normal” when your body and mind and situation in general just feel so different.
As for reading, I really feel like you have to trust the ebbs and flows of what feels natural. I think forcing yourself would just change something you love to a hobby. Even seasonally I see differences in my own reading habits. Happy you are trusting your instincts, I’m personally here for the videos book chat or not! Hope you’re doing well overall :) 🦚
It's true - I don't even know if I know what the "old normal" is anymore!! And I agree; I am leaning into the ebbs and flows of reading more and more. I was thinking about how even in my university days when I read far less for pleasure, I would still pick up a book when I was feeling like it. Thank you for sharing and for being here! 🩷
@@TheBookBully yesss exactly! And reading one book a month if you are really having a good time is so much better than 5 you rush through because you feel like it’s what you should be doing. The hustle-ification of hobbies can add all this weird pressure. (Also in my original comment I meant something you love can turn into a chore, not a hobby 😅)
Thank you for this articulate reflection Jill! Like many others, I relate to your experiences so much. I am currently in the process of leaving my job due to basically just a whole lotta bullshit and I feel nervous that the next job I have lined up will be more of the same. I think hearing you talk about how long it took you to process that experience you went through makes me want to put some effort into reflecting too. Just so I can settle into this new job feeling refreshed rather than like I'm still fleeing something, if that makes sense.
Btw I don't read nearly as much as I did during the pandemic but I still love being part of the little communities you and Rick have built. Though COVID was tumultuous in many ways, watching your videos still brings me a sense of respite, as they did during that time too. Appreciate you posting today 💕
Good luck with your transition to your new job! In my experience it can take a lot longer than you expect sometimes to settle in. Some advice I was given by a very brilliant woman at my previous job was to go into your new job with a plan for what you want to accomplish in your first 3 months. That includes establishing the way you want to be perceived: what tasks will you do, what will you say no to, etc. Thinking about all these things in advance, even though I didn't necessarily stick to them, was so helpful in getting into the right mindset to start something new.
Thanks for being here! I'm always happy that our corners of the internet have intersected.💚
I love the idea of "intuitive reading" and think that would make a great video itself! We all lost so much during the pandemic years. It's easy for me to get mired in my own losses from that time. But then I hear your experience and I'm reminded that everyone has lost so much, in very different ways. It's really kind of you to share. 💜
I think we all get to sit in our feelings about losing three years of our lives. It feels like such a waste: all that time just lost to the ether, with very little to show for it. Thanks for sharing and for being here 💚
I haven’t finished the video yet but I just had to jump in to say: I have always loved your colorful makeup looks. I also love seeing you without makeup. You look great! Your skin is so nice! It’s so refreshing to see people without makeup online. I feel self conscious of my skin without makeup as well because I have some hyperpigmentation, but the more time I spend without makeup the more comfortable I feel in my skin. It has changed my relationship with makeup a lot. If feels like it’s more about fun and less about covering things up. I’m also 37! My appearance has aged a lot since 35 - I’m trying to embrace it! :) Thanks for the video ✨💕
Thank you for the kind words! It's funny that I'm very ok with not wearing making in my day to day life but I am very self conscious about not wearing makeup on TH-cam. Thank you for making me feel safe to do so! I'm hoping I'll be able to find ways to wear fun makeup that feels comfortable for me now. Thanks for being here ❤️
Jill I love you ❤ Brood love forever 😭
I relate to so much of what you said in this video - I also left a toxic workplace that traumatized me and I still cry sometimes when I talk about it. I am so glad you are in a better workplace, and I am so glad I am in a better workplace too.
I recently spent some time reorganizing my makeup drawer and it was amazing to me how much or how little makeup I had - too much for someone who only wears makeup once or twice a week and too little for my pre-pandemic life. I look back at selfies from 2018-2019 and I feel like I Iooked so much prettier back then, but was it the makeup or was I just younger? When I put on makeup the way I used to, it feels overdone and I look more aged…I now have a pared down makeup look that I would never have done back in the day or I go out all the time without makeup, and that almost feels weird to me.
I also don’t know what to do about my clothes because most of them feel like they don’t fit my life anymore and yet I can’t let go.
I also get what you mean about intuitive reading and it’s something I try to do these days too. It makes me happier when I follow my gut on what to read and I am trying to feel less guilt when I don’t read as much.
Anyway, I enter my Rick era next year and I am excited…! Also can’t wait for Bridgeton S3.
I can relate so much to everything you said. I work in healthcare so covid was definitely a difficult, stressful time. And adding to that difficulty was my manager who made my department a very toxic environment to work in for 2 1/2 years. On the butt-end of covid, when I thought I was doing well-enough juggling the stress of work and covid and life, my world collapsed due to a family situation that sent me to a very dark place that I wasn't sure I even wanted to come back from. Thankfully I recognized that I needed help. I've been seeing the therapist at my clinic regularly ever since as I deal with depression, anxiety (I also experience panic and anxiety attacks-I used to have them at work), and PTSD. I'm on medication that helps, I meditate daily, and I transferred out of my old department and into a much better position in a new department where I work remotely now and I'm loving this job. I will always deal with depression, anxiety, panic attacks if triggered, and PTSD, and I will most likely always need medication, as well as I plan to continue to see my therapist indefinitely because that has been the best self-care I have done for myself. Thank you for sharing your story, Jill. I'm so happy you're here! You and your videos bring me a lot of happiness!♥
Wow, thank you for sharing this, and thank you for your work during the most difficult years. I'm so sorry you experienced so much hardship sort of all at once, but I am glad to know you have found ways to cope and take care of yourself. Thank you for always being here!! 🤍
@@TheBookBully Jill you could post about anything, even unrelated to books, and I would enjoy it because I enjoy your personality, and that your cat usually makes it into your videos in some respect. Mine would be right in my face, walking across my chest if I tried to make a video lol. I would enjoy any content you post regardless of how often you choose to post it because you feel like a friend having a conversation and it's comforting so thank you for that.
Oh my God Jill, I relate to so much of this. Particularly your thoughts on the pandemic and online spaces. Was not a good time for me. Major body changes because I just love to eat my stress, and it's hard when you feel like your body doesn't belong to you anymote. I really struggled mentally and am only regaining footingjust this year. While I don't miss any of that nonsense, I do really miss the online communities we all created. Obviously I still have a channel and stuff, but during the first couple years, there was just way more comments and way more conversations. So many people were doing more events and live coffee chats every week and a lot of people really got to know each other. And I feel like most of that is gone. Even in my "real life", friends arranged weekly morning catch ups and virtual book clubs and now nothing. I also went through a major career upheaval during the pandemic and I'm still reeling from it. Glad you are in a healthy workplace now!
These online spaces were a real safe haven! And I'm grateful that we had them and we weather those hard times together - so glad that we connected throughout all of this!! Thanks for sharing and for being here 🩷
Appreciate you sharing. I just left a "toxic" workplace and can understand that it will be a process until I can really appreciate the true impact it had on me and I'm surprised at what an adjustment it is to be in a now positive workplace. It's sad that these positive workplaces are the outliers. I'm always happy to see your face regardless of what you share, so not concerned there was no book talk, I totally support doing what your mind/body wants but totally get the guilt in not attending to your hobby of choice. I saw your review of the Bridgerton book on Goodreads "Bad!" and it made me laugh, so thanks for that.
Ok LOL thank you for laughing at that review; I also laughed when I posted it hahahaha. I'm sorry to hear you've also gone through a tough workplace but I'm glad you've found a healthy environment now. Thanks for being here ,💜
Love seeing you and hearing your thoughts! I can relate to a lot of what you say, work-wise, stolen years, even makeup! 😄 Have faith, when you get to 40 you might feel like you can rule the world!
I can't wait to be in my Rick Era+3 💙 thanks for being here
Always happy when you post a new video 🤗 I didn't know I am in my Rick era now! 😅 I deal with sooo much anxiety mainly due to work, every day. I really should try harder to change jobs but it's not so easy for various reasons. I feel like especially because we spend so much of our time at work, we really need to be kinder to ourselves in free time.
Once you enter your Rick era you never leave! Looking forward to joining you soon. It's definitely not easy finding a new job; sending good vibes while you're figuring things out. Thanks for sharing and for being here 💙
@@TheBookBully 💛💛💛
Loved this natter. Xxx I definitely agree we should be gentle on ourselves. I am soooo excited for “Polin” ❤It’s a shame the book doesn’t live up to the show.
Take care of yourself and sending love xx
Thanks for your kind comment 🧡 counting down the days until we finally know where that ring came from!!!! 👀
As a retired person in my 60s the lockdown mainly let me not feel lazy if I didn't go anywhere and let me off the hook with some commitments. But I thought often of how it would have had a disastrous effect on me at other times when I was young. I'm guessing that you suffer from a smart-girl problem, you think too much. It's perfectly fine to rest your brain. I myself just yesterday abandoned Alison Weir's "The Wars of the Roses" to play Angry Birds. Whatever you do is fine, my dear. But I do enjoy your videos. But only making them when you feel like making them is also fine.
I did not expect this emotional rollercoaster 😅 Really though, I get nostalgic for the height of the Brood days as well, but remember, Brood is for life 🐔✨ I'm glad you feel like you're settling into yourself more these days; that makes me happy. And girl, the reading slumps are still kicking my butt so you're not alone there either ✌ Much love, good egg x
💙🩷🧡 x forever my sweet Scottish husband!!!! We are broodlings for life
Thanks for sharing. Nice to hear from you.
We'll always have the ketamine twitter post 🤭
I relate to this so much!
I will never not be mad that the pandemic took my Master's graduation from me. I was going to be given an award that I got to instead receive in the mail in front of my closest friends and family. Does it matter that you got an award if no one knows about it?? It felt like the crowning achievement of my life and instead, on what was supposed to be graduation day, my husband and I watched Paddington while drinking champagne and I cried on and off. Cool. Still not over it. Even typing these words makes my blood boil. And I have no one to be mad at, which is even more infuriating.
I do have to be grateful in some way for the pandemic because mentally I basically hit bottom, which finally got me the help I needed to get medicated for my anxiety. Yay I guess?
Also can relate so hard to workplace trauma. My first adult job still baffles me in terms of how toxic a work environment it was and how much those people messed me up. Same goes for my first library job out here in New Jersey; I left it about a year ago and it sucks how much my shitty manager still lives in my brain.
That is deeply sad! I'm sorry you didn't get to have the recognition and celebration you wanted and deserved (although drinking champagne and watching Paddington does sound great).
I am grateful that we got to know each other throughout the pandemic and your videos and our chats were so meaningful to me. I also had some very low lows in the pandemic years, but I'm glad you were able to get the support that helped!!
Thanks for being here friend! 🧡
I can relate. We all missed so much. I'm sick with covid right now actually, AGAIN. for the third time. Still don't have my taste back from when I had it two years ago. It's frustrating. my husband is sick and on disability since dec...it's been a shit year so far. Sometimes it's so hard to see the good. I'm actively trying to find the good every day, no matter how small. ♥
I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch. I hope that the tides turn for you soon. Thank you for watching 🩷
I loved this video! thanks!!
as someone who has dealt with ed issues before, you talking about applying the intuitive eating mindset to your free time was like 🤯
💙 when I realized I could just let myself do what I felt like I was like, wow ok slay brain
I have had this same feeling lately. Not a book tuber myself but it seems like all of my fav book tubers from the pandemic are choosing to stop. I get why, but it makes me sad
The vibe is different, I feel it too. I miss a lot of my favourite creators who have slowed down or stopped altogether too. For me it feels like there's a shift from the desire to connect with other book lovers to try and understand why you felt a certain way about a book, or to get a great recommendation, or to just relish the joy of hearing someone rave about something, and now it feels like I have a harder time connecting with people. I feel like the urgency and the authenticity is different.
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