I was punished by the whole family on my mother's side after I chose to live with my dad after the divorce. All of their kids are divorced now and I'm still very much in love after 23 years. Karma is a bitch.😝
I'm sorry your family judged you for loving your dad. You were a child and they lived in their ivory tower while belittling you. Hope you're doing great!
There are some crimes that are so bad like murder or certain forms of intimate assault that a person really should never be let out but our prison system has gotten out of hand with "mandatory minimums" where they just make up arbitrary numbers of years for each ounce of whatever the "illegal substance" was or give life or sentences so long its basically life for "3rd strikes" even if the "3rd strike" is something relatively minor like stealing a jacket from a clothing store or something.
I don't think just being old should absolve you. But what happens when so many holes have rotten in their head that the person who did those crimes isn't really there anymore? Where you could argue, that mentally the person who hurt you, died and this new person is there that doesn't really understand why they're alone? True they aren't owed forgivness or even mercy by their victims, but it's still a pitiable situation for them.
I lived thru something similar to this... the woman reaped what she had sown. She wasn't abandoned on her own, she was in the care of professionals. The fact she had no one close to her is her own doing.
Well, Aunt wanted the perfect family, she got it. Unfortunately for her, Alzheimer's means she is no longer perfect and, according to her own logic, means she can't be in the family any more.
I kind of have to wonder if she even loved the child she did adopt? This whole "perfect family" thing is absurd. There is no "perfect family". A "perfect family" is not some image you create for photoshoots or some stereotype like Leave it to Beaver. A "perfect family" is people who love and nurture each other. I kind of have to question whether or not she truly loved the sister she did adopt. If she had truly loved that sister when she would have adopted both to keep them together.
The aunt not only projected her feelings onto the children, she also showed "splitting." One niece was good and lady-like and had to be kept for "tiger mothering" alongside her son, the other was bad and had to be sent away.
I do feel bad, though, for her. Alzheimers is an awful disease. And while I agree not visiting her is justified, as the Aunt's brain rots over time, she'll lose the memories of why she's alone and just become this lonely old shell who lacks the ability to understand why no one visits her. I'm watching my mom waste away from this disease, and I wouldn't wish to have it or care for someone with it on my worst enemy.
@Eldritch-1 And that's still a valid feeling. I'm simply saying Op is right in whatever decision they make. It's not wrong to take pity on someone who, despite self-inflicted, is alone and facing a frightening diagnosis. Nor is it wrong to wipe their hands of it and say, "Not my monkies, not my circus." Maybe because my mom is slipping away due to Alzheimers leaving me more of a sense of pity.
Funny how her so called 'perfect family' didn't want her anymore, as soon as they found out she was not perfect herself. Plus, OPs sister is also guilty to some extant, but I can see were she is coming from. Can't imagine being with a person who only wanted you because she thought that you had to be perfect and excellent. Aunt destroyed her son and almost her niece. Probably wanted to do the same with OP.
Paused 12 mins in OP NTA. Karma can be brutal. Aunt made her bed now lie in it. It showed you were not family to her in the cruelest ways. Karma boomeranged around and hit the back of it's head. Losing your parents at such a young age terrible. If her own son, neice and husband want nothing to do with her Fine. I would keep my distance from that nasty peice of work.
I’m honestly really glad that Op 1. in a way forgave her estranged sister upon finding out why she cut off contact from her aunt/adoptive mother. I’m honestly not even surprised what OP‘s sister and cousin went through given the fact that the literal only reason why OP’s estranged aunt took her sister in and not her was to have the “perfect family“. 2. eventually decided to not to see her estranged aunt after all. I get the feeling that had OP actually gone to visit her. She definitely would’ve tried to guilt trip OP to either take her in herself or try to get her to convince her children/ex-husband to take her back in. She made her bed and now she can lie in it
But the sister is also not nice, she left her aunt's place long ago only reaching out now - she got her number and didn't bother to call her own sister rather gave it to a nursing home, and waits to call till she sees the engagement; I have so many many doubts about the sister's take, somehow she isn't the angel she seems to be.
Maybe. But have to remember they weren't very close to start with, its been 15 years with no contact and sister has anxiety. It can be pretty hard to just call up and say "hey there sis, how have the last decade and a half treated you'. The engagement gave her the perfect opportunity to reach out; a congratulations is completely normal, it is in no way invasive or trying to garner sympathy or pity (such as telling her that her aunt was sick and wanted to see her may have come across), and left the door open for communication on OP's terms should OP wish it.
Let’s remember that both were children when they lost their parents. The sister has been through her own trauma. I would not put it past the aunt to poison her against OP. Overall very sad how they were torn apart. Hopefully they will be able to heal.
After 15 years, with anxiety? That's a pretty callous and hot take. This aunt is, by all rights, a monster and probably damaged the girl severely. I have trouble calling people I don't know at all, much less a stranger I ought to have a familial bond with for whom I probably feel some responsibility for after my adoptive mother ABANDONED her when I was 10 or so. For better or worse, I wouldn't call her either.
The aunt taught her kids that if someone is not perfect then it’s acceptable to throw them away. And now that aunt isn’t perfect they threw her away. Karma.
Karma, retribution, fate, kismet, taqdeer, Nemesis, Atropos. Talking nonsense about a perfectly healthy 8 yo child who has no evil inside her. Determined to put her in the foster system. When you are her mother's sister? Shame on the floozy!
Fr, I can understand why OP’s sister and cousin no longer want anything to do with the aunt given how they were raised, but the fact that the husband only wants to divorce her because he doesn’t want to deal with her illness is pretty scummy. Though, I have no sympathy for the aunt I just think abandoning your spouse because you can’t deal with their illness or health issues for the most part is awful
Your adoptive parents were magnanimous for adopting you and nobody has a right to come for them. They did an amazing thing. I'm glad you were adopted rather than languishing in the foster care system.
The whole point of kindness is to act in a disinterested, selfless, forgiving way, even to those who have harmed you. OP isn't a wonderful person either: she replicated back the abandonment.
NTA if OP chooses not to visit the Aunt. Let the staff at nursing home know that this Aunt disowned you when you were 8 and you have no desire to reconnect. Ask cousins for sisters phone number. Fill out any and all contests with her name and phone number so she gets unindated with all kinds of calls. 😂😂😂
Damn, that is a family that just gives up each other. This happened to my dad, and you know what? I quit a good job in Las Vegas and worked as his care taker. I didn't even think about it, I just dropped it all. I even broke up with my GF at the time, she understood, but I got in my car and left it all behind. Would do it all again. BUT if I were handed off as a kid like this lady was, then yeah no thanks.
S 1- op, regardless of how your aunt treated her, your sister still could’ve contacted you over a 15 year period. Your sister is awful. She’s selfish. You owe your aunt nothing. Let her live with the consequences of her choices. Yes, it’s karma. If her own family wants nothing to do with her, she must be a terrible person. Your sister is full of it too. Don’t be,I’ve everything she tells you. Proceed with caution
OP got lucky being adopted tbh. Escaped being around a heartless and stuck up person like her , spent life being loved and cared for instead of not being wanted but being stuck with the auntie and judged and molded into who the auntie wanted
There is a song by an Australian artist with the line "somebody that I used to know" that is quite good. It is about a relationship after a breakup and the singer turns the tables on the person who broke up their relationship. Basically, the Aunt reaped what she sowed.
OP doesn't have to do anything for the Aunt even if she did forgive. Forgiveness isn't about the Aunt it's about OPs piece of mind. OP is most likely thankful that Aunt didn't adopt her if what the sister says is true - yes I have my doubts. For OP to visit Aunt it would really be like any of us walking into a strangers room to visit - they don't know each other. They never did. I wouldn't visit her.
Your sister was raised by a horrible woman who believed that unless something or someone is perfect then they shouldn't included in their lives, like your Aunt did to you. That's why the family don't visit her anymore. Your aunt is now imperfect in their eyes. She reaped what she sowed.
@anonmouse15 Sadly true. I see how my mom seems to exist in a perpetual state of now. I've even seen her forget something she did earlier in the day like go to the zoo (something she's been mentioning she wanted to do for weeks) But even if it's forgotten, at least for those hours she has a vist she's happy would still be worth it.
Should have made it a stress-test for her boy-friend: if I grow old and sick, will you still be able to endure me? Aunty is "similar" to her biological parent, he might dare a glimpse into the future: would be walking on eggshells, with the afflicted person. But the friend is her safety-line to treat the aunt as an exhibit from the past. Aunty could be asked about the past, her own childhood, how the parents of OP had been. Dementia makes you forget most of the now, but still might have preserved the past... Make a bit of smalltalk, take some pictures to preserve the "family-tree" and learn everything to avoid the mistakes your aunt made - just to be a more mature family than the one she ruined...
I first cared for my parents at home and then visited at least once a week in the nursing home. (Both had Alzheimer’s. Not at the same time). @RequiemPoete - You know what it is like to see a parent suffering from Alzheimer’s. It’s heartbreaking to see. Many children can’t bear seeing a parent like that. I won’t judge anyone who deems themselves emotionally unable to visit their parent with dementia. @anonmouse15 - My mom would sometimes complain that I hadn’t visited her for months even so I had just seen her last week. On the other hand would she tell me that my brother came to visit each day. Guess what, he didn’t visit her in the nursing home.
On a practical and pragmatic level it's best to act decently and try to make choices that at the least do no harm. The universe doesn't owe you anything for your good or bad deeds but other people will respond to how you act. It's best to live well and be decent because at minimum, there won't be many people who will go out of their way to do you ill and far more who will mean you well. Like a goodwill bank balance. Everytime you act well and do good things for others you add to the balance. You do bad things it's minus to the balance. It's when you get into the negative balance that bad things are much more likely to happen to you. Try to build up that positive goodwill balance as much as possible.
Wtf nah lady you don't definitely not deserve 😤 to reach out seek forgiveness after basically letting op know she's not wanted 😤 lady you're drowning and she's not saving uour cold heart...seriously op keep living ur best life away from that toxicity
OP was the lucky one. Being rejected by her aunt who was an awful helicopter parent was a blessing for OP. She turned out well because her adoptive parents were better than her aunt and uncle.
Story one You owe that woman nothing she threw you away and if you start you have to continue visiting I think you should ask her where the perfect family is,I don't think you owe her anything but it would be doubtful she even know you I think it would bring you closure but I think your sister sounds like a o Person you need
What it all boils down to is the aunt is now reaping what she has sewn. She didn't want OP all those years ago not because she didn't think OP would be hard to manage. She did it because, even back then, she probably recognized that OP was just headstrong enough to be able to stand up to her bullying and she would probably not allow her to push her around to get the "results" she was expecting from any child she raised. What she failed to understand is that she was pushing her kids and her spouse away due to her crazy obsessions over achieving success. Now, thanks to all of her pushing and bullying she's got nothing and no one in her life and she expects OP to suddenly drop everything the moment she heard her aunt was sick and come running? Um- no. There is a lesson for her to learn hear however I'm not sure she is in a position to fully appreciate it or even understand it.
I don’t blame op for not getting in touch with the aunt, she has no reason to do so. Personally though, I couldn’t bear the thought of her being alone and crying (even although she brought it on herself) so I’d probably have visited her. I have a very hard outer shell but unfortunately inside I can be too soft.
So, she did you the biggest solid by rejecting you in the first place. Too bad you sister didn't get the chance to stay with you instead of being a prisoner of Miss Perfect.
Imagine that, the person who only wanted one of a pair of orphaned kids and put the other up for adoption turned out to be a POS as a mother, wife, person. Who would have guessed that, besides everyone
Wy are these narratives so repetitive, Nursing homes do not pester family members for visits. It is usually related to finances. She will die in a nursing home alone.
I see nothing wrong with your adoptive parents.. and why are people giving the adoptive parents flax?? Guess the world is like/similar to the aunt… the aunt is the one with the issue.
Is there a reason for not fully pronouncing abbreviations such as AITA, NTA, ETH, etc. while reading the stories? I would really like to listen to the stories on this channel on a regular basis, but the constant abbreviations take away from the enjoyment
I agree that the aunt was a witch, but OP still should have at least made one or two efforts over the course of 15 years to reach out to her sister. If Sister didn't want to continue a relationship, fine, OP tried. But it's still just as much OP's fault they lost touch. She points out that Sister didn't get in touch with her, but she also admits that she didn't try to get in touch with Sister either. And just because I'm that petty and vindictive, I would have posted EVERYTHING the nursing home told OP about Aunt's husband, bio, and adopted children abandoning Aunt.
OP and her sister did not have a close relationship at all before their parents died so it isn't really surprising that neither tried to continue the non existent relationship once they were separated. If in every interaction they had the older sister got mad at OP for bothering her then I can't fault OP for not bothering to try and remain in contact after their parents (the only tangible link they had) were gone. Interesting that you are blaming the aunts abuse victims for cutting contact with the horrible woman and are willing to try and defame people online without actual context of why the three people closest to her chose to cut all contact. In truth their actions are less like abandoning a poor sick woman and more like finally escaping from their prison warden or captor. Once people online learned of the abuse that drove the children to breakdowns and the husband to divorce you would have been roasted and crucified for being so cruel and uncaring about the suffering of the three. You also probably would have been sued for Defamation of character for characterizing the three as cold heartless people who abandoned a poor sick old woman instead of the abuse victims they are who finally broke free when the aunt could no longer force them to stay.
The blame is not put all on op but she still could have made a effort or something and op definitely contradicted herself by saying she was a good sister but they had bad blood which I doubt op just resented her older sister for being picked that’s why she painted her in a bad light
I mean op is kinda AH for not keeping in touch with her sister and choose not to talk to her for 15 years it wasn’t bad blood at all if you say she was nice op made the decision not to get in touch with her so can’t blame her sister
@@carolroberts4614 it wasn’t that long sense she had it though and op didn’t try at all to connect with her sister and op sister had a worse life then her tbh so op actually lucky
NTA OP, but let's just pull apart your situation for a moment, as it seems clear to me (a former foster mother and bio mother of six) that your aunt is getting unfairly condemned here. Your parents, sadly, died suddenly in an accident. Your aunt, who had no responsibility for either you or your sister, and already had a child and husband of her own to look after, opted to take in the, seemingly quieter, easier to manage child rather than a more lively, less peaceful eight year old whom she seems not to have felt she had the bandwidth for. She may also have had a full time job to grapple, possible marital problems and felt she could not manage all of it. It is not fair to condemn her for not taking both you and your sister on. You don't know what else she was having to manage at the time, and neither does your bio family who cut her off. This will not have helped her when she may herself have needed support for her own reasons. Why did this other, judgemental, family not take you in themselves? (Deathly silence). Your aunt did not reject you. She just did not take you on as well, in her situation. There is a world of difference between the two and she does not deserve condemnation for only feeling able to manage one sister. You should not condemn her, especially as you had good parents to raise you. Now she has Alzheimers, that cruellest of diseases (which my mother had) and her bio child and the girl she raised will not visit her, even if she recognised who they were. (They do not seem to have turned out too well, do they?) Her husband had filed for divorce, probably because he could not afford the medical bills for her, or perhaps because of a long term marital problem and her bio family having abandoned her because she could not do what they wanted her to do with you and your sister, want nothing to do with her either - perhaps for fear of being asked to cover the medical bills. So here is this poor woman, who you have always had a grudge against because you felt entitled to be adopted by her even though she could not manage an extra two children on top of everything else, just wants you to visit her. Noone expects you to pay for her, just do her the charity of visiting her. What would it cost you? Perhaps an hour out of your day. You have carried a grudge against her for all these years and she has paid dearly because of it, having lost whatever support her bio family might have given her. I suggest that it was not her fault and she has been unfairly condemned ever since. What would it cost you to visit her and tell her a bit about your life and your lovely adoptive parents, boyfriend etc?
did you miss the part where the adoptive parents offered to take both children to keep them together also in 15 years the aunt never once contacted OP why now should she give any grace?
@@vaseline69 No, I did not miss this bit, and I also did not miss the bit about the aunt's bio family cutting her off because she did not take both girls on top of what she already had on her plate. At least she took one and did her best, or what she thought was her best. Obviously, the children did not think so. Did you not see the effect of her bio family's actions on the aunt?
@@hilarymurray8741 she chose the selfish option there was an option where the siblings could have stayed together but she put her wants over their needs
@@vaseline69 I think you misunderstand the situation of adoption, with which I am very familiar. No adoptee is entitled to choose the person by whom they want to be adopted but who does not have responsibility for them. For good reason, it is entirely up to the adopter whether they feel they can do it or not, for their own reasons. The aunt seems to have been made to feel obliged to take on some extra responsibility for her sibling's children but, for whatever reason, did not feel as though she could take on both. We do not know her reasons, yet she is being vilified, unfairly imo.
@@hilarymurray8741 and I think you misunderstood English there was an option where OPs adoptive parents were happy to take BOTH children but she chose the option where it was her wants and not the children's needs
@@vaseline69 it isn’t about owning her anything. The fact that OP says “I hope people are nice to her” while OP is refusing to be nice to her is the definition of hypocrite
@@Danarchy3 she is wishing her kindness more than OP ever received from her I don't see that as bring hypocritical. and you did specifically reference "I don't owe her anything" in your post so if it is not about that I'm not sure why you referenced it by wishing her kindness OP is being nice to her she just has no plans to visit someone that she has no relationship with
@@vaseline69 i referenced it because it was her not showing her kindness. The very definition of kindness is doing some thing that you ARENT owed. Wishing someone kindness is literally nothing. You can say to a homeless guy “stay warm and filled” or you can say “here’s a coffee and a burger”
@@Danarchy3 so is "I don't owe her anything" relevant or not, I'm confused you seem to be contradicting yourself!! wishing someone kindness is is being nice so if someone sees a homeless person but they don't have the money to buy them a coffee but you wish them well, does this make you a bad person? what if I don't take this person that I literally have no relationship into my home, am I a bad person then, we do have a guest room. (he would have to move in June when my MIL visits for the summer) OP had no plans to have a relationship with someone that she has not communicated with for 15 years, this does not in any way make her a bad person as you referenced in your second timestamp
Aunt ruined those kids. Be glad she rejected you - she did you a huge favor. She drove everyone away.
I was punished by the whole family on my mother's side after I chose to live with my dad after the divorce. All of their kids are divorced now and I'm still very much in love after 23 years. Karma is a bitch.😝
The stone that the builder refused.
I’m glad you’re OK.
Catch 22? If you had chosen your mother would your father's side of the family have treated you the same way? Seems like a no win situation?
I'm sorry your family judged you for loving your dad. You were a child and they lived in their ivory tower while belittling you. Hope you're doing great!
@@Zurround No, they didn't change. In fact, my mother and brother lived at my dad's brother's house for 5 months before she got a house of her own.
If being elderly absolved all wrongdoings then jails/and prisons wouldn't be as full. No one is entitled to forgiveness for any reason, ever.
There are some crimes that are so bad like murder or certain forms of intimate assault that a person really should never be let out but our prison system has gotten out of hand with "mandatory minimums" where they just make up arbitrary numbers of years for each ounce of whatever the "illegal substance" was or give life or sentences so long its basically life for "3rd strikes" even if the "3rd strike" is something relatively minor like stealing a jacket from a clothing store or something.
I don't think just being old should absolve you. But what happens when so many holes have rotten in their head that the person who did those crimes isn't really there anymore? Where you could argue, that mentally the person who hurt you, died and this new person is there that doesn't really understand why they're alone? True they aren't owed forgivness or even mercy by their victims, but it's still a pitiable situation for them.
Tell your Aunt that you will put her name on an adoption list. Maybe someone will want her. Just like she did to you.
They have foster homes for seniors
@@thiccredgyal3404 She's already in a nursing home and I don't think OP wants to contribute do her fees Since nursing homes aren't really free
I knew it, I had a feeling she was an abusive parent!
I lived thru something similar to this... the woman reaped what she had sown. She wasn't abandoned on her own, she was in the care of professionals. The fact she had no one close to her is her own doing.
The aunt sounds like a narcissist. The children were her extensions, their feelings didn’t matter, they were supposed to project an image, for her.
You have to ask yourself what aunt's life was like that NOBODY wanted to support her during her last days.
Well, Aunt wanted the perfect family, she got it. Unfortunately for her, Alzheimer's means she is no longer perfect and, according to her own logic, means she can't be in the family any more.
I kind of have to wonder if she even loved the child she did adopt? This whole "perfect family" thing is absurd. There is no "perfect family". A "perfect family" is not some image you create for photoshoots or some stereotype like Leave it to Beaver. A "perfect family" is people who love and nurture each other.
I kind of have to question whether or not she truly loved the sister she did adopt. If she had truly loved that sister when she would have adopted both to keep them together.
@@SH-qs7ee Saddest of sad trombones.
The aunt not only projected her feelings onto the children, she also showed "splitting." One niece was good and lady-like and had to be kept for "tiger mothering" alongside her son, the other was bad and had to be sent away.
That's the funny thing about karma. You eventually get served what you are owed.
I do feel bad, though, for her. Alzheimers is an awful disease. And while I agree not visiting her is justified, as the Aunt's brain rots over time, she'll lose the memories of why she's alone and just become this lonely old shell who lacks the ability to understand why no one visits her. I'm watching my mom waste away from this disease, and I wouldn't wish to have it or care for someone with it on my worst enemy.
@@RequiemPoete And somehow it's just really hard for me to care...
No reall funny thing is how its misused term larma hapoens after u die not while h alive karma is to do eoth reincarnation beleifs in buhdism
@Eldritch-1 And that's still a valid feeling. I'm simply saying Op is right in whatever decision they make. It's not wrong to take pity on someone who, despite self-inflicted, is alone and facing a frightening diagnosis. Nor is it wrong to wipe their hands of it and say, "Not my monkies, not my circus." Maybe because my mom is slipping away due to Alzheimers leaving me more of a sense of pity.
Funny how her so called 'perfect family' didn't want her anymore, as soon as they found out she was not perfect herself. Plus, OPs sister is also guilty to some extant, but I can see were she is coming from. Can't imagine being with a person who only wanted you because she thought that you had to be perfect and excellent. Aunt destroyed her son and almost her niece. Probably wanted to do the same with OP.
Paused 12 mins in OP NTA.
Karma can be brutal. Aunt made her bed now lie in it.
It showed you were not family to her in the cruelest ways.
Karma boomeranged around and hit the back of it's head.
Losing your parents at such a young age terrible.
If her own son, neice and husband want nothing to do with her
Fine. I would keep my distance from that nasty peice of work.
The person is adopted and no longer part of that family.
OP might visit her aunt………at her grave.
No, doubt OP should even give her that amount of consideration.
I’m honestly really glad that Op 1. in a way forgave her estranged sister upon finding out why she cut off contact from her aunt/adoptive mother. I’m honestly not even surprised what OP‘s sister and cousin went through given the fact that the literal only reason why OP’s estranged aunt took her sister in and not her was to have the “perfect family“. 2. eventually decided to not to see her estranged aunt after all. I get the feeling that had OP actually gone to visit her. She definitely would’ve tried to guilt trip OP to either take her in herself or try to get her to convince her children/ex-husband to take her back in. She made her bed and now she can lie in it
A lot of children who are full of life and grow up to be great people
Do unto others what you would have others do unto you
She is NO LONGER your Aunt, that ended when she gave you up for adoption. She's just another stranger.
Narcissists raise and marry narcissists.
Who is surprised?
But the sister is also not nice, she left her aunt's place long ago only reaching out now - she got her number and didn't bother to call her own sister rather gave it to a nursing home, and waits to call till she sees the engagement; I have so many many doubts about the sister's take, somehow she isn't the angel she seems to be.
Maybe. But have to remember they weren't very close to start with, its been 15 years with no contact and sister has anxiety. It can be pretty hard to just call up and say "hey there sis, how have the last decade and a half treated you'.
The engagement gave her the perfect opportunity to reach out; a congratulations is completely normal, it is in no way invasive or trying to garner sympathy or pity (such as telling her that her aunt was sick and wanted to see her may have come across), and left the door open for communication on OP's terms should OP wish it.
Wtf u on bput op already exsplained they not friends and had bad blood neither had reason to reach out op was just as capable of reaching out
Let’s remember that both were children when they lost their parents. The sister has been through her own trauma. I would not put it past the aunt to poison her against OP. Overall very sad how they were torn apart. Hopefully they will be able to heal.
After 15 years, with anxiety? That's a pretty callous and hot take. This aunt is, by all rights, a monster and probably damaged the girl severely. I have trouble calling people I don't know at all, much less a stranger I ought to have a familial bond with for whom I probably feel some responsibility for after my adoptive mother ABANDONED her when I was 10 or so. For better or worse, I wouldn't call her either.
The aunt taught her kids that if someone is not perfect then it’s acceptable to throw them away. And now that aunt isn’t perfect they threw her away. Karma.
That female cousin thinks she knows best and that Only certain feelings are important
Karma, retribution, fate, kismet, taqdeer, Nemesis, Atropos.
Talking nonsense about a perfectly healthy 8 yo child who has no evil inside her. Determined to put her in the foster system. When you are her mother's sister? Shame on the floozy!
What a terrible man whom left his wife when she needed him the most. I guess his wedding vows were a lie.
Fr, I can understand why OP’s sister and cousin no longer want anything to do with the aunt given how they were raised, but the fact that the husband only wants to divorce her because he doesn’t want to deal with her illness is pretty scummy. Though, I have no sympathy for the aunt I just think abandoning your spouse because you can’t deal with their illness or health issues for the most part is awful
I laugh at the Aunts life and what she reaped🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
No, no, no! I wouldn't entertain ANY contact with my sister or aunt. STAY IN THE LANE YOU CREATED FOR YOURSELF! Guilt shouldn't cloud your judgment.
Your adoptive parents were magnanimous for adopting you and nobody has a right to come for them. They did an amazing thing. I'm glad you were adopted rather than languishing in the foster care system.
Wow....smh....The Aunt is a mess
The whole point of kindness is to act in a disinterested, selfless, forgiving way, even to those who have harmed you. OP isn't a wonderful person either: she replicated back the abandonment.
Would have told the nurse i don't have an aunt by that name and that they had the wrong number.
NTA if OP chooses not to visit the Aunt. Let the staff at nursing home know that this Aunt disowned you when you were 8 and you have no desire to reconnect. Ask cousins for sisters phone number. Fill out any and all contests with her name and phone number so she gets unindated with all kinds of calls. 😂😂😂
She made her bed, etc, etc!!
Story 1:
The World's Smallest Violins 👌🏻🎻👌🏻🎻👌🏻🎻👌🏻 for _Aunt_ !!!
😂😂😂😂
Damn, that is a family that just gives up each other. This happened to my dad, and you know what? I quit a good job in Las Vegas and worked as his care taker. I didn't even think about it, I just dropped it all. I even broke up with my GF at the time, she understood, but I got in my car and left it all behind. Would do it all again.
BUT if I were handed off as a kid like this lady was, then yeah no thanks.
Her adoptive parents did a good thing, if they hadn't taken in she'd have ended up in the care system
S 1- op, regardless of how your aunt treated her, your sister still could’ve contacted you over a 15 year period. Your sister is awful. She’s selfish. You owe your aunt nothing. Let her live with the consequences of her choices. Yes, it’s karma. If her own family wants nothing to do with her, she must be a terrible person. Your sister is full of it too. Don’t be,I’ve everything she tells you. Proceed with caution
I would have told them that I didn't know her.
OP got lucky being adopted tbh. Escaped being around a heartless and stuck up person like her , spent life being loved and cared for instead of not being wanted but being stuck with the auntie and judged and molded into who the auntie wanted
She is not your aunt. She is a stranger , just somebody that you used to know.
There is a song by an Australian artist with the line "somebody that I used to know" that is quite good. It is about a relationship after a breakup and the singer turns the tables on the person who broke up their relationship.
Basically, the Aunt reaped what she sowed.
OP doesn't have to do anything for the Aunt even if she did forgive. Forgiveness isn't about the Aunt it's about OPs piece of mind. OP is most likely thankful that Aunt didn't adopt her if what the sister says is true - yes I have my doubts. For OP to visit Aunt it would really be like any of us walking into a strangers room to visit - they don't know each other. They never did. I wouldn't visit her.
Your sister was raised by a horrible woman who believed that unless something or someone is perfect then they shouldn't included in their lives, like your Aunt did to you. That's why the family don't visit her anymore. Your aunt is now imperfect in their eyes. She reaped what she sowed.
I don't know if I would feels like you could be put on the hook for a bill
My mom has this awful disease. Even with as awful as Aunt was, I dont think I couldn't visit at least once.
Doesn't matter if you did, really. They won't remember it.
I'd visit...and laugh in her face, not the forgiving or forgetting type.
@anonmouse15 Sadly true. I see how my mom seems to exist in a perpetual state of now. I've even seen her forget something she did earlier in the day like go to the zoo (something she's been mentioning she wanted to do for weeks) But even if it's forgotten, at least for those hours she has a vist she's happy would still be worth it.
Should have made it a stress-test for her boy-friend: if I grow old and sick, will you still be able to endure me? Aunty is "similar" to her biological parent, he might dare a glimpse into the future: would be walking on eggshells, with the afflicted person. But the friend is her safety-line to treat the aunt as an exhibit from the past. Aunty could be asked about the past, her own childhood, how the parents of OP had been. Dementia makes you forget most of the now, but still might have preserved the past... Make a bit of smalltalk, take some pictures to preserve the "family-tree" and learn everything to avoid the mistakes your aunt made - just to be a more mature family than the one she ruined...
I first cared for my parents at home and then visited at least once a week in the nursing home. (Both had Alzheimer’s. Not at the same time).
@RequiemPoete - You know what it is like to see a parent suffering from Alzheimer’s. It’s heartbreaking to see. Many children can’t bear seeing a parent like that. I won’t judge anyone who deems themselves emotionally unable to visit their parent with dementia.
@anonmouse15 - My mom would sometimes complain that I hadn’t visited her for months even so I had just seen her last week. On the other hand would she tell me that my brother came to visit each day. Guess what, he didn’t visit her in the nursing home.
On a practical and pragmatic level it's best to act decently and try to make choices that at the least do no harm. The universe doesn't owe you anything for your good or bad deeds but other people will respond to how you act. It's best to live well and be decent because at minimum, there won't be many people who will go out of their way to do you ill and far more who will mean you well. Like a goodwill bank balance. Everytime you act well and do good things for others you add to the balance. You do bad things it's minus to the balance. It's when you get into the negative balance that bad things are much more likely to happen to you. Try to build up that positive goodwill balance as much as possible.
Wtf nah lady you don't definitely not deserve 😤 to reach out seek forgiveness after basically letting op know she's not wanted 😤 lady you're drowning and she's not saving uour cold heart...seriously op keep living ur best life away from that toxicity
Go give your adoptive Mom & Dad a big hug, and tell them you love them.
OP was the lucky one. Being rejected by her aunt who was an awful helicopter parent was a blessing for OP. She turned out well because her adoptive parents were better than her aunt and uncle.
hey cuz .. you gave sis my number .. guess what, you're gonna give me her address .. we need to "Chat" (pay no attention to me cracking my knuckles)
Stop shaming your sister you weren’t there to see how she was raised; being rejected by that woman sounds like it was a blessing.
Ms.Karma sure is busy! 😊
not busy enough unfortunately
Give the nursing home the phone number of your cousin who gave your number to your sister.
Story one
You owe that woman nothing she threw you away and if you start you have to continue visiting I think you should ask her where the perfect family is,I don't think you owe her anything but it would be doubtful she even know you I think it would bring you closure but I think your sister sounds like a o
Person you need
What it all boils down to is the aunt is now reaping what she has sewn. She didn't want OP all those years ago not because she didn't think OP would be hard to manage. She did it because, even back then, she probably recognized that OP was just headstrong enough to be able to stand up to her bullying and she would probably not allow her to push her around to get the "results" she was expecting from any child she raised. What she failed to understand is that she was pushing her kids and her spouse away due to her crazy obsessions over achieving success. Now, thanks to all of her pushing and bullying she's got nothing and no one in her life and she expects OP to suddenly drop everything the moment she heard her aunt was sick and come running? Um- no. There is a lesson for her to learn hear however I'm not sure she is in a position to fully appreciate it or even understand it.
I don’t blame op for not getting in touch with the aunt, she has no reason to do so. Personally though, I couldn’t bear the thought of her being alone and crying (even although she brought it on herself) so I’d probably have visited her. I have a very hard outer shell but unfortunately inside I can be too soft.
Why did OP immediately think bad of her sister, I would wonder what her life was like that made her cut out her Aunt. Some people are not owe anything
OREGON- "ORYGUN"
So, she did you the biggest solid by rejecting you in the first place. Too bad you sister didn't get the chance to stay with you instead of being a prisoner of Miss Perfect.
Imagine that, the person who only wanted one of a pair of orphaned kids and put the other up for adoption turned out to be a POS as a mother, wife, person. Who would have guessed that, besides everyone
You don’t know how your aunt really treated your sister. She may have been abusive to her husband , bio kids and your sister.
better to visit and have no regrets than to live with nagging regret later.
Wy are these narratives so repetitive, Nursing homes do not pester family members for visits. It is usually related to finances. She will die in a nursing home alone.
I see nothing wrong with your adoptive parents.. and why are people giving the adoptive parents flax?? Guess the world is like/similar to the aunt… the aunt is the one with the issue.
Is there a reason for not fully pronouncing abbreviations such as AITA, NTA, ETH, etc. while reading the stories?
I would really like to listen to the stories on this channel on a regular basis, but the constant abbreviations take away from the enjoyment
it's the word ***hole
I agree that the aunt was a witch, but OP still should have at least made one or two efforts over the course of 15 years to reach out to her sister. If Sister didn't want to continue a relationship, fine, OP tried. But it's still just as much OP's fault they lost touch. She points out that Sister didn't get in touch with her, but she also admits that she didn't try to get in touch with Sister either. And just because I'm that petty and vindictive, I would have posted EVERYTHING the nursing home told OP about Aunt's husband, bio, and adopted children abandoning Aunt.
And how would you feel after doing that and learning Aunt was borderline abusive?
OP points out that even before her parents died she wasn't close to her sister
OP and her sister did not have a close relationship at all before their parents died so it isn't really surprising that neither tried to continue the non existent relationship once they were separated. If in every interaction they had the older sister got mad at OP for bothering her then I can't fault OP for not bothering to try and remain in contact after their parents (the only tangible link they had) were gone. Interesting that you are blaming the aunts abuse victims for cutting contact with the horrible woman and are willing to try and defame people online without actual context of why the three people closest to her chose to cut all contact. In truth their actions are less like abandoning a poor sick woman and more like finally escaping from their prison warden or captor. Once people online learned of the abuse that drove the children to breakdowns and the husband to divorce you would have been roasted and crucified for being so cruel and uncaring about the suffering of the three. You also probably would have been sued for Defamation of character for characterizing the three as cold heartless people who abandoned a poor sick old woman instead of the abuse victims they are who finally broke free when the aunt could no longer force them to stay.
That communication thing is a two way street. Don't put all the blame on OP
The blame is not put all on op but she still could have made a effort or something and op definitely contradicted herself by saying she was a good sister but they had bad blood which I doubt op just resented her older sister for being picked that’s why she painted her in a bad light
I mean op is kinda AH for not keeping in touch with her sister and choose not to talk to her for 15 years it wasn’t bad blood at all if you say she was nice op made the decision not to get in touch with her so can’t blame her sister
Well, the sister had op's phone number to give the nursing staff, so she could have just called op herself?
@@carolroberts4614 it wasn’t that long sense she had it though and op didn’t try at all to connect with her sister and op sister had a worse life then her tbh so op actually lucky
Man, youre on something blaming the OP.
@@RedHood410 it’s called being logical communication goes both ways and she definitely contradicted herself in the post
NTA OP, but let's just pull apart your situation for a moment, as it seems clear to me (a former foster mother and bio mother of six) that your aunt is getting unfairly condemned here. Your parents, sadly, died suddenly in an accident. Your aunt, who had no responsibility for either you or your sister, and already had a child and husband of her own to look after, opted to take in the, seemingly quieter, easier to manage child rather than a more lively, less peaceful eight year old whom she seems not to have felt she had the bandwidth for. She may also have had a full time job to grapple, possible marital problems and felt she could not manage all of it. It is not fair to condemn her for not taking both you and your sister on. You don't know what else she was having to manage at the time, and neither does your bio family who cut her off. This will not have helped her when she may herself have needed support for her own reasons. Why did this other, judgemental, family not take you in themselves? (Deathly silence). Your aunt did not reject you. She just did not take you on as well, in her situation. There is a world of difference between the two and she does not deserve condemnation for only feeling able to manage one sister. You should not condemn her, especially as you had good parents to raise you. Now she has Alzheimers, that cruellest of diseases (which my mother had) and her bio child and the girl she raised will not visit her, even if she recognised who they were. (They do not seem to have turned out too well, do they?) Her husband had filed for divorce, probably because he could not afford the medical bills for her, or perhaps because of a long term marital problem and her bio family having abandoned her because she could not do what they wanted her to do with you and your sister, want nothing to do with her either - perhaps for fear of being asked to cover the medical bills. So here is this poor woman, who you have always had a grudge against because you felt entitled to be adopted by her even though she could not manage an extra two children on top of everything else, just wants you to visit her. Noone expects you to pay for her, just do her the charity of visiting her. What would it cost you? Perhaps an hour out of your day. You have carried a grudge against her for all these years and she has paid dearly because of it, having lost whatever support her bio family might have given her. I suggest that it was not her fault and she has been unfairly condemned ever since. What would it cost you to visit her and tell her a bit about your life and your lovely adoptive parents, boyfriend etc?
did you miss the part where the adoptive parents offered to take both children to keep them together
also in 15 years the aunt never once contacted OP why now should she give any grace?
@@vaseline69 No, I did not miss this bit, and I also did not miss the bit about the aunt's bio family cutting her off because she did not take both girls on top of what she already had on her plate. At least she took one and did her best, or what she thought was her best. Obviously, the children did not think so. Did you not see the effect of her bio family's actions on the aunt?
@@hilarymurray8741 she chose the selfish option there was an option where the siblings could have stayed together but she put her wants over their needs
@@vaseline69 I think you misunderstand the situation of adoption, with which I am very familiar. No adoptee is entitled to choose the person by whom they want to be adopted but who does not have responsibility for them. For good reason, it is entirely up to the adopter whether they feel they can do it or not, for their own reasons. The aunt seems to have been made to feel obliged to take on some extra responsibility for her sibling's children but, for whatever reason, did not feel as though she could take on both. We do not know her reasons, yet she is being vilified, unfairly imo.
@@hilarymurray8741 and I think you misunderstood English
there was an option where OPs adoptive parents were happy to take BOTH children but she chose the option where it was her wants and not the children's needs
26:25 I hope people treat her kindly but I’ll never visit her I don’t owe her anything. Hypocrite much?
26:45 it absolutely does
how is he a hypocrite? what does she owe her?
@@vaseline69 it isn’t about owning her anything. The fact that OP says “I hope people are nice to her” while OP is refusing to be nice to her is the definition of hypocrite
@@Danarchy3 she is wishing her kindness more than OP ever received from her I don't see that as bring hypocritical. and you did specifically reference "I don't owe her anything" in your post so if it is not about that I'm not sure why you referenced it
by wishing her kindness OP is being nice to her she just has no plans to visit someone that she has no relationship with
@@vaseline69 i referenced it because it was her not showing her kindness. The very definition of kindness is doing some thing that you ARENT owed. Wishing someone kindness is literally nothing. You can say to a homeless guy “stay warm and filled” or you can say “here’s a coffee and a burger”
@@Danarchy3 so is "I don't owe her anything" relevant or not, I'm confused you seem to be contradicting yourself!!
wishing someone kindness is is being nice
so if someone sees a homeless person but they don't have the money to buy them a coffee but you wish them well, does this make you a bad person? what if I don't take this person that I literally have no relationship into my home, am I a bad person then, we do have a guest room. (he would have to move in June when my MIL visits for the summer)
OP had no plans to have a relationship with someone that she has not communicated with for 15 years, this does not in any way make her a bad person as you referenced in your second timestamp
Posting this before even listening to the story
Where is his half of the life insurance and lawsuit money?