Forgetting to eat, not realizing I'm hungry, feeling worse because I'm hungry and then spiraling into a weird / intense anxiety as a result of that continued discomfort is a pattern I fall into if I'm not careful.
Before I knew I was autistic I took up yoga (which I continue to practice off and on). But back when I first started yoga, I told my sister I liked yoga because it grounded me in my body. My sister informed me she had no idea what I meant because we were always in our bodies. And it was chalked up to me being weird.
Same! I was drawn to how yoga connects the mind and body I remember telling people how I love how yoga brings me into my body and so few people seemed to understand what I meant
I find this experience when I rock climbing. Part of the preparation I do is check in with my body and choose my objectives based on how I and my body are feeling. One aspect that I like about yoga is that you can adapt it to where you are and that is perfectly valid.
I feel that as an AFAB, we are conditioned by society to always put others first, sacrifice our needs for that of others (younger siblings, kids, men). Knowing now at 43 that I am AuDHD, I never really realized how out of touch I am with my physical self. My health is shot, everything hurts all the time, and words/phrases like “disabled” and “chronic illness or pain” are now in my vocabulary. The disconnect is real. Thank you for putting all this into words and helping me find the language to use to tell others my story.
Autism does often coincide with connective tissue disorders and autoimmune disorders so do be gentle to yourself. I already feel like an old lady at 34 because I have both!
A carnivore diet will fix all of these problems. Hope that helps someone as much as it helped me. I played the Uno reverse card on my fibromyalgia with beef, and cutting out all plants.
We mask so well, that when we’re told to listen to our bodies and then when we do, we’re told we were wrong about our body’s messages and that’s really confusing. It took me too long to realize no one else knows my body’s signals and I’m the only one who can interpret them.
exactly!! we also unfortunately tend to experience a lot of gaslighting and we sometimes train ourselves out of listening and responding to our body's cues... it can take time to create space for them to speak to us again.
When I was young, when I needed to poop, the soles of my feet would hurt. Strange, huh? I knew if I said my feet hurt that I needed to poop. Teachers didn't understand. They didn't realize that that I didn't want to announce to everyone I had to poop and was trying to hint. Clearly those things weren't connected with normal ppl. So I'd hold it until next bathroom break. Hope that makes sense
i click on your videos always telling myself “no this isn’t me. i don’t do this. i don’t have this. im just watching this for fun” and then halfway through, i’m either going “oh crap” or i’m crying because what you’re talking about is so relatable. i got my adhd diagnosis about a year and a half ago and the more i learn about this community, the more i’ve been wondering if i want to seek a diagnosis for asd
@@ceterisparibus8966 same. I also have adhd (mid-life diagnosis) and - as it turns out - also meet all but 1 of the ASD criteria. While I don't think I am autistic, I think I'm one of those adhd folks who just has a lot of autistic traits. Makes me wonder if, someday, these 2 distinct diagnoses will merge onto 1 spectrum. Because that's how it feels living in my particular body.
Because there is tremendous overlap in the two, I have found that I benefit from the wisdom of the autistic community and some of the best practices help me. The need to check in with my body and recognize when I’m feeling uncomfortable and taking action to bring myself back into balance are all things I’ve learned, to get out of my head and check in with my body.
This is the story of my life lol totally "clumsy" always wiping out and bouncing back pretending I wasn't dying. As a kid everyone called me Gumby lol as a teenager it changed to Iron which is a play on my name, Irene. As an adult I actually just started breaking. My best defense has been working out or dancing daily. The body awareness and developed muscles has helped. But I still have accidents when I get stuck in my head. Great topic. Thanks for this ✌️❤️⚔️🔥🐎
Hahahaha this!!!! A few months ago I named that clumsy part of myself… she’s Clumsy Clarice. Even my husband will shout C!C! now when I have a clumsy moment (very very often!) It’s been a fun way for me to embrace it.
My most helpful tool in connecting with and working my body: my dog. Having to help him with his needs makes me way more aware of my own. I take him outside and realize that I actually really need to go to the bathroom, he needs his walk everyday so my body gets the exercise that it needs when I totally wouldn't have realized that the lack of exercise is why I was feeling bad/weird in the first place, I fill up his water bowl and immediately fill up my giant tumbler for myself. He also though is amazing at telling me when I'm having emotions in my body that I may not realize, whenever he is up in my face worrying about something but not showing me anything that he wants I know - I'm being weird and he's worried. Unfortunately there's not really anything he can do about me dropping stuff all the time, but he definitely benefits from it so maybe he wouldn't even if he could!
Dissociation is a stress/trauma response and I think Autistics are more likely to use Dissociation as a coping mechanism. Just because you dissociate, doesn't mean you're autistic and just because you're autistic, doesn't mean you dissociate. So if you are experiencing Dissociation, you are in fact, dissociating, regardless of whether you're autistic or allistic. I'm just trying to clarify so that others don't assume because they dissociate, that they must be autistic.
Same here! I only knew about flight, fight or freeze. But fawning is absolutely what I do and it takes so much strength and energy. More and more puzzle pieces...
@@julen2380 I knew about fawning I just never thought of masking as a fawn response 🤯 I guess it’s because it’s a type of people pleasing, but I never saw it that way as it is more of an avoidant strategy for me.
WOW! I knew my freeze and shutdown responses were due to Autism but you really framed it in a way I hadn't heard before! A lot of things just clicked, including my ability to go competely emotionally numb when I'm in a situation that I should be crapping my pants in.
Taylor, back when I was your age, I only knew that I was depressed, was told that I had PTSD, and was starting to see a therapist three times a week. It is great that you have a much better understanding of what is going on, and can help others.
i relate to this so much. i was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and PTSD but its only recently that ive realized i'm autistic. i thought for so long everything i was experiencing was just what i was diagnosed with, and it made sense to me. some symptoms still do for certain disorders. I've always wondered if someone went through the same thing. tho, i am much younger, thankfully i got diagnosed when i was 13 because the state did some court order thing and paid for me to do therapy and get diagnosed. im 20 now, and no longer have that court order unfortunately. getting diagnosed is expensive
here I am, in the middle ground, having just come out of depression because I have realized that a big chunk of that was just undiagnosed autism. My therapist doesn't understand and says that I found a way to avoid looking deep by always saying it's autism, that I should not think in categories. She has no clue. I'm ending therapy on Friday as I no longer need it, even tho I know my therapist thinks I've gone crazy, which is so ridiculous.
Yes me too in my 30's it was bipolar, depression and CPTSD.... Then medicated and everything just got worse. Today I am actually getting worse with my Autism and not better, somedays I cant speak, in very stressful situations or with an abuser I loose the capacity to speak.....
This is so so accurate! For so many times as an autistic person I've felt like a floating head moving around the world, and I have to focus so hard to avoid things like falling down the stairs and spraining my ankles (I've injured them so many times that my physio realised that they weren't repairable with movement).
This is exactly how I feel. But since I also have ADHD, and that side manifested as a really athletically gifted body, I’ve done sport and especially extreme sports my whole life. Like really really hardcore stuff. And even though I’m really good at the sports, the clumsy autistic side is always there as well, so I’m both really fluid with my body and also clumsy at the same time, and this has caused me to crash, and crash, and crash, and injure every part of my body.
I went to therapy years ago and we had one session of art therapy. I drew myself as a head with hands and feet. I was in my head ALL the time… can so relate. I am undergoing assessment now for AuDHD
I'm so happy I was able to make a video suggestion that's sparked all this discussion. I've been thinking a lot about this topic lately because (like so many of us), I'm looking back over my life and realizing that I've been doing and saying things in order or please other people, or live up to other people's expectations all my life, and this has become the default setting for me. I don't think I even know who I am anymore. And it feels pretty physical at times. It's not just "who I am," it's also "what's going on in my body". It's like a switch got turned off and I'm trying to flick it back on. Learning how to pay better attention to my stims has been amazing. But it's uphill work.
I am in a very similar place it seems. Same default setting. One of many things I struggle with regarding this, trying to make sense of things, is I barely have any memories from when I was a child. Trying to look at old photos, but I have a hard time to relate. I wonder if the disconnection has something to do with this. I had a good "ordinary" childhood, that maybe makes it even harder when trying to figure out if this selfdiagnosis is real. This year (i am 47), I discovered that I what I am feeling sometimes is actually anxiety. My whole life I considered myself being a calm, quiet person with no anxiety.
@@andreaswesterlund-db3rm ME, TOO! I've always been described as quiet, calm, and patient. If someone had told me that sometimes, an anxiety attack can look like getting quiet and withdrawn, I might have cottoned on sooner. I'm also 47 (almost -- my birthday is less than a month away).
@@sueannevangalen5186 Thanks for sharing. Desperately seeking for validation and trying to decide what is what, and what is important in the search. What to tell the psycologist about my childhood in the upcoming evaluation that is relevant. I have a couple of months left in this neverending deep dive into autism/adhd rabbithole, so hopefully the fog will clear a bit.🙂
@@andreaswesterlund-db3rm I have a very similar experience. I was always described as calm, quiet, laid-back, compliant. And my childhood memories are foggy-I didn’t realise how foggy until I started on my autistic self-identification journey. Unlike autistic people sharing their stories here I could barely draw up a single childhood memory to confirm diagnosis. But when I took a step back, I knew everything I struggle with as an adult was there as a kid-and even more disabling because I didn’t have the coping skills I acquired in adulthood. My body remembers even though I can’t draw up many anecdotes. I also learned that not being able to remember your childhood is often a symptom of childhood trauma. I grew up in a “normal” loving family as well, so I didn’t understand my childhood trauma symptoms for a long time. I was always told when I was 2-5 years old I was the most “rebellious” kid my parents had ever seen. I got multiple spankings a day because I absolutely refused to do what I was told. Then at age 5 I became the extremely compliant, withdrawn girl I’ve known myself to be most of my life, but i still felt awful inside. When I first hear pathological demand avoidance described it was a jolt of lightening through my body-I suddenly understood my trauma symptoms. I was having anxiety attacks multiple times a day as a preschooler (very common with pda) and punished for them. Until at age 5 I learned to freeze/fawn instead of fight. So behind my quiet demeanour there’s always been a shit ton of anxiety that makes me more withdrawn, and within my normal family I lived out a story of trauma. I don’t know how much of this lines up with your story, but I know for a lot of autistic adults the statement “I had a happy childhood” is a masking statement, meaning “my childhood looks like it would be happy from an onlooker’s perspective because an NT child would have been happy, but my needs were not accommodated so there’s actually a lot of unspoken trauma there.”
@@shga7897 Your reply is very much appreciated. It seems you have come a bit further on your self identification-journey than I have and I need stories like these to help me. Very much a work in progress.
The thing about being on high alert and almost in a trauma situation explains so much to me. I could be at work all day without peeing or feeling thirsty, or hungry or tired, just go go go, focus on work and nothing else. (actually got stressed if there was no work to do at any given moment, like why else am I here lol) I literally never felt any bodily needs. Then come home and be completely flat and dead and broken (and after 3 years burned completely out and no longer able to work) Talking to others they get horrified that i go a whole workday without using the bathroom once or grabbing a drink or anything. I see now why I do this. If I am out of the house I have always done this. I have called in being in "go mode" and that I don't feel things before I can relax.. but I didn't realise how not normal and unhealty it is until I worked myself completely sick in only 3 years :( (not diagnosed with autism fyi, just have very many traits and don't know if I am or not)
I will drink from my water bottle at work and eat... but I go the whole day without using the bathroom. It's normal for me somehow. I also come home completely shattered. I just come home & crash. I have ADHD & possible autism.
@@pmwehrleThat sounds like my daughter - she is at high school. Won’t go to the toilet, eats v little then comes home & crashes and sits in a darkened room all evening.
That sounds a lot like me. I force myself to eat and drink, but instead of going to the restroom never, I go as much as doesn’t make the teacher suspicious just to get out of class and away from annoying children. But besides those few differences it’s the exact same.
i don't eat or drink the whole day and honestly get weirded out when guys say they have to go to the bathroom at work. We have a huge bladder compared to women, so i always thought they were just trying to get out of work. As far as the OTHER bathroom function, if i don't go in the morning I will not even feel the urge until i'm done with all my tasks. When i was young and very addicted to video games, i could stay up 24-36 hours at a time without even feeling the need to use the bathroom.
75 y.o. pediatric OT, self identified this year. I created an alternative school for kids with sensory processing disorders and looking back realize how therapeutic it was for me as I created and engaged in activities for kids. One tool we used and modified is a program for self regulation called "How Does Your Engine Run" which helps to identify the signals your body and brain are sending and strategies to address them. Another helpful resource was Diane Henry's Tool Chest, which she has tailored for kids, teachers, parents, etc to identify brain/body signals with corresponding helpful stims, fidgets, activities etc.
This speaks so loud to me. I had such a difficult time during my assessment when he asked what "sad" and "mad" feels like in my body. I also don't notice the disconnect until I do yoga and realize that I do in fact have a body.
Yeah yoga is so great for helping me feel connected, i didn't realize I was a fan of my body really, I actually enjoy physical activity in that form. It's unlike anything else I've ever done
Yes! When I first heard The question of how a body feels during emotions, I didn't get it. I still can't describe it because I'm not there, I'm up here in my head.
Thanks for talking about this interesting topic. I experience the strongest mind/body disconnect when I'm intimate with my husband. It makes it practically impossible. It's a shame that this topic is rarely discussed in light of autism although I get that it might be too personal for autistic TH-camrs to discuss. In my case I think it's the combination of a social setting and too much sensory input that results in the disconnect. It's something we are working on and hoping to better understand.
I’m not afraid to go there! 🙃 just had a session over this this morning with a group of neurodiverse couples. We were discussing sensory overwhelm in the context of physical intimacy. I hope to make a video soon!
@@MomontheSpectrum What a coincidence! I always assumed that more autistic people would struggle with this but never really found a good resource on it. Really looking forward to a video about that topic!
Last night I (35 y/o) almost fell while standing still (!), because I was about to walk when my partner suddenly asked me a question at the same time. I was about to be really angry with myself for 'bruising my legs for no apparent reason other than pure stupidity', when I remembered my newly gained insights. I realised my brain was overwhelmed and my body was tired from the day, so I had lesser control over my movements and could not process a question and a movement at the same time. This is just how my body and brain functioned. It was ok. Sleep would cure this. I was not stupid. I hope the little example I try to paint here is a bit clear as English is not my first language. I just wanted to say thank you for helping us to gain insight on ourselves. You give me the gift of being kinder to myself. It is a very healing experience to be able to have some grace for oneself after years of self-critique. Thanks!
that’s a vibe at times, most times now I’ll struggle to do a task with any grace if I’m also trained to be giving a whole aspect of myself to another person (whether through conversation or care, giving eye contact and giving a part of my thoughts/energy to focusing on them, or by having to constantly keep myself vulnerable & keeping my inner energy open to be able to react to their social needs) and as a result I get clumsier, start questioning myself, and feel stupider & less motivated too It’s like any task I might do just isn’t allowed to be as important as whatever their energies might want from me (and I love my family more than anyone else so I don’t begrudge that at all) and so it’s a consistent struggle to complete tasks especially when said tasks are either very unpleasant or if they’re only being done for myself, and I’ll awkwardly seek a middle ground where I’ll watch a video or play a game instead. I don’t know why I’m sharing, but, yeah the struggles are a vibe. 😂💙
As a kid I really had a hard time with body awareness and I was kind clumsy-especially in sports. I struggled in gym class and wasn’t exactly the kind of athlete anyone wanted on their team (except field hockey-that was the one sport I was okay at lol😂). Getting into theater, dance and doing more movement activities I enjoy has been helpful. I’ve developed a good sense of balance and have rhythm. Still can’t throw or catch a ball though.
Same here, i found with enough practice, not nearly enough time that I can become really good like insanely good at specific tasks. I think once it become muscle memory and I don't have think about it is when that happens. Take very long time, longer that most to get the muscle memory.
Hi Tay. I often feel disconnected. The sensation is like I'm in the middle of sleep/awake status, just like an interrupted dream, but when you still can't realize the difference between the dream and reality. I can relate to most of the traits you listed in this video. I'm a living stereotype. I didn't know the fawn response was common in the autistic community, I always thought it was related to CPTSD.
I'd love to know what your brain waves are doing during these phases. I spent weeks in that state after my last bout of COVID, so that was fascinating to see how physical inflammation affects it as well, not just stress. I also trained myself years ago to stay in that state for a long time while waking up. So I've been intrigued by brain wave states for a long time, but never had mine studied! I do know, from the doctor who developed prTMS brain wave therapy, that Autism had a specific brain wave pattern supposedly different from cPTSD, though I suspect their very similar.
It’s also very common for autistic people to have developed cptsd as a result of how they have been treated by others over the lifetime. Differentiating between the two is almost impossible.
@@BipolarCourage I think you make valid points there. I would say that autism carries with it positive traits and enjoyable experiences, along with other things that can present difficulties in life, whereas cptsd/ptsd have no positive or enjoyable features whatsoever.
@@BipolarCourage I would view the examples you describe as a way of ‘escaping’ the trauma and a way of healing the trauma, respectively, not the experience of the cptsd/ptsd itself; that experience is 100% unpleasant as far as I’m concerned.
Oh my gosh yes I identified that I'd learned over the years to essentially ignore my body as it was in discomfort all the time. I realised how much I've neglected it because of this and how I need to heal my relationship and connection with it and form ways of noticing it communicating with me, heeding it and caring for it. That tendency to ignore it's distress and push through I think is also a big part of masking for me and doing that for years resulted in me being in burnout and ME/CFS for 6 years. I saw another Autistic youtuber Irene (The Thought Spot, I highly recommend!🌟) talking about how unlike with a typically developed brain and body that responds to things like CBT and other psychotherapies first and through healing the mind the body follows..they were saying that for Autistic people it can be the other way around and we need to take care of the body first (being such physically highly sensitive and responsive beings) and the mind will follow. That really stood out to me and makes so much sense like we are so effected by our physical world and environment that our bodies will be in heightened stress modes that do not support mental health, and so that physical side of things needs to be taken care of first in order for our minds to have any chance of healing. It's a bit alien to me in a way because as I've said I've always had a tendency to ignore the physical and I'll need to retrain myself I guess. Yoga is good for that, connecting mind to body.. Thank you for this video, all of this has really brought up a lot for me, the almost daily micro traumas of the Autistic body and it going through it alone as I stay up in my head so much if the time too. And what you said about needing to learn to trust yes my body needs to be able to trust that I will respond to it and care for it and help it feel safe.. but also I've often felt that i haven't trusted my body because it can go into such strong nervous responses that I can't talk to the person I wanted to approach for example, because I've started shaking with nerves and can't find my words.. I've felt like I can't rely on it and so stopped trusting. So the trust needs to be healed in both directions.. Gosh this has brought up a lot for me 😭 But it's a good thing, Thank you so much Taylor 💖🙏💕 Poor bods need our love and care 💖
This is just another confirmation to me and while I’ve been understanding more over past 2 years that I was autistic, your content has completely changed my life because so much about me is now explained. I’m still adjusting to that. I just wish I had a close family member to talk about it with. But I’m grateful for you all
I don’t have a diagnosis yet, but I SO relate! I never thought I could be autistic because eye contact is easy and natural for me, but watching your videos got me to take some online quizzes. The results encourage me to pursue it further. The thought that the things that have always made me feel different could be rooted in autism blows my mind, especially since I’m already 76.
I relate more to older autistic women your age than my own age. There's a TH-cam video of late diagnosed elderly women that Really hits home for me. My grandmother had children Very young and my parents also had me when they were just out of their late teens. so I grew up with my parents having the mindset of their grandparents. One set of my great grandparents were born in 1901 and 1895. I was spanked a Lot. Late diagnosed with ADD at 30, and Autism level 1 (formerly known as Aspergers) at 43. I went through a Lot of testing throughout my school years and was never diagnosed with anything. I wasn't allowed the freedom to "be myself" like kids these days. I had to obey the rules of the house. I made sure I wasn't the only one that had to follow them too. Everything had a correct way and a wrong way. Minding your p's and q's, beeing seen and not heard (I never obeyed that one). I don't remember everything.
Not sure if I’m autistic but I can definitely relate to a lot of these things, I spend so much time in my head and I often ignore or don’t notice cues- like using the restroom in a conversation, remembering to eat/drink, ect. I also have trouble with misjudging distances and spaces and walk into things fully thinking I’m not going to hit them all the time.
Idk what you mean “running into doorframes”……I’ve never done that (she says as she clips the wall with her shoulder on the way around the corner). Good video, very informative!! ❤
i feel so validated. you're giving words to what i've felt my whole life . only i spent many years wondering wtf was wrong with me, & being in a deep depression. thanks to your videos (& others' ofc,) i learned that i'm AuDHD & everything makes sense. there's this entire group of ppl experiencing *the same things* & giving words to the stuff i couldn't find words for. other than "i'm stuck," or "idk why, i just *can't,*" & then i feel dumb. & i know i'm not. just. thank you. much love. 💗💗💗
lately i've been meditating using headspace but instead of following what they say i do whatever i want and it feels great I meditate while moving, dancing, doing streches, doing noises, saying words, i open and close my eyes whenever i want,, for the first time in years i can practice mindfullness and actualy get relaxed, ,feel at peace ,, and once i can properly think i gain prespective on my day. it helps to make me able to take decisions that my body is actually willing to cooperate with
Ballroom Dancing and Yoga absolutely vital for those with the ASD/ADHD dual diagnosis for reducing the disconnect between brain and body and better spatial awareness, balance, proprioception and more
This really resonates with me. I often feel like my Brian and Body are two different entities. I often feel like I'm like a robot or AI that is functioning on multiple plains of existence. That sounds weird and dramatic but can't come up with a good description.
Just wanted to say thank you for your description, I'm waiting to see if I can be assessed and for so long struggled with this. Then today read this. [sigh of relief] Thank you 😢
For me, the disconnect has led to chronic pain...my therapist helped me see that just yesterday. Add aphantasia and finding body scan meditation to try to sort out FEELING and not just intellectualizing. Layers....layers...and breathe.
I was diagnosed at 55. I am now 56. October 2020 I was let go from my job for being “too sick” I filed for disability, it took from 2020 to 2023 for me to get approved. I’m not only on the spectrum. I also have several medical conditions, fibromyalgia, mast cell activation syndrome, gastroparesis, epilepsy, connective tissue disorder, PTSD with major depression, social,anxiety, phobias, and due to being stuck in my house due to a broken back in May of 2020 and the shut down from Covid, I now struggle with agoraphobia. I cannot thank you enough for your channel. I have searched up and down looking for any kind of help for an autistic adult. You have been so incredibly helpful. I look forward to watching more of your videos. If you have any tips on how to connect with other autistic adults, it would be greatly appreciated. ~ Monk
Hi Monk I'm wondering if due to your name you are a creative type person? I've made arts & crafts in isolation my whole life and recently had the thought that there must be others like me. Luckily where I live there is a community arts centre - I approached them with the idea of starting a weekly meetup in one of their studio's for neurodiverse adults. I advertised it and people came and the group has been nothing short of lifechanging for those attending. We have even met up together, in a park under shady trees, outside of the group and just relaxed and shared experiences of our lives. Incredibly healing. If starting a group yourself is too much for you to take on - perhaps you could approach another local artist who operates art groups from their private studio. You can keep it low cost by everyone bring their own preferred special interest to work on. Some people just bring adult colouring books. Take care
Massage has tremendously helped my whole awareness for the last 17 years. Turning 60 next Monday. A journey of self connecting, inner knowing, and being where I'm wanted, inspired and avoiding what energy is just downright incompatible. Wow what a ride 🎠 (43/50 on AQ test)
Great video! For me, all emotions and body functions have a "resistance threshold" before any feeling can be felt. But after that boundary is passed, emotions are often too strong for the situation. Hunger and thirst are not felt until the need for food/drink becomes extreme. When and how much to eat is tricky and Im just winging it. When hanging with others, my internal joy often doesn't come until after the hangout is over so I feel very "flat" and have to mask when I am with others. If I would find a joke incredibly funny right away, my laughter breaks out into an explosion of dopamine and I have to hold back. When I listen to music theres also a big burst of dopamine and music is an incredible inspiration. Music is also my way of stimming when outside and it helps keep me stay focused, e.g. when Im shopping for groceries. It takes a lot to make me upset, but when when I'm triggered it often bursts out into a meltdown of uncontrollable crying. Even though I dont feel that much emotion about what made me sad, and I have to explain to people around that "Im not as sad as I look" xD After the meltdown I am completely fine and happy, but very tired. My boyfriends in the past have found this a bit weird, but noone ever suspected it might be autism. Shutdowns are a more common response when Im stressed and slightly upset, and it can last for days...but then all other emotions are numb instead. Im in one right now because I feel so bad for being on a long sick leave for burnout. I feel frozen in place and it is very crippling. Other than that I am quite "high functioning" and work as a PhD student. But yeah, these are some fun, weird and annoying quirks of being autistic :)
Very interesting perspective. I work in a call centre, so very busy and noisy, lots of people around me, lots of calls. I can only manage 3 days a week. I've noticed that I can go a whole shift, 8 hours without getting the pee message. Even when I'm on break and having a drink. It seems like I switch it off or I'm too busy being too stimulated to notice. It's only when I get home that the message comes through, often urgently. Something I used to get when I was really stressed in a toxic relationship was wakeful dreams/nightmares. Not sure if this is more prevalent on the spectrum. Being in a semi dream state, so eyes open, seeing things that the brain is still creating until I put a light on. Once I saw things coming down from the ceiling, I bolted out of bed and hid in the corner of the room, watching and terrified. Then there's the food messages. I'm quite good at dieting, can do quite restrictive healthy plans, for between a year and 18months. Then suddenly with the snap of a finger, my brain says no more. There's a definite disconnect or delayed reaction there. I'm trying low carb at the moment, and I'm trying to foster a more mindful approach. Actually trying to ask my body what it wants, e.g: are you hungry or just peckish? After years of denying it, you can imagine the amount of cake images I'm shown. It's been a bit challenging. I'm still trying to work all this out. Every piece of the puzzle helps though. Thank you.
Thank you for making a video about this. I used to have frequent meltdowns because I didn't realize I was uncomfortable (physically, socially, emotionally) until the discomfort had become unbearable. It takes a lot of effort to pay attention to what is happening in my body/mind/heart while simultaneously paying attention to anything else-- especially social situations. I have fewer meltdowns now but it takes so much time and effort to pay attention to what I'm experiencing, and then it takes time to process what I can do to make myself comfortable again; still, sometimes by the time I've figured out what I can do to make myself comfortable again, I'm on the verge of a meltdown or already having one.
I started learning about autism because a friend has 2 autistic children. The first time I watched one of your videos, (it was about female autism symptoms) it felt like you were talking about me. Thank you for explaining things so well. I love your channel. 💜
I just started working with an internal family systems & somatic therapist. I'm convinced somatic learning could help so so many of us! I'm really looking forward to working with him.
Describing my life, and definitely made me realize I am almost constantly ignoring my own needs when in public spaces because I have anxiety about what is happening. As a teen and preteen for a long time (while also related to some kind of disordered eating/body issues), I wasn't able to eat in front of people outside of my family, so I'd go the whole day without eating. I have finally recently found that I am able to eat in front of new people, which is a huge improvement, but I still have trouble with excusing myself to use the toilet etc. But yeah, your description of how much is being thought about/processed during a social interaction, especially in regards to thinking about the other person's experience and trying to be polite, honest, and kind...it's just like you took the words out of me without me really knowing they were there. Delayed processing of emotions and fawning is also something I struggle with/do a lot in social situations because I can tell I'm not safe otherwise, and I've been able to for a long time. I have distinct memories of intentionally doing it, and of being grateful I managed to do it naturally, and that I wasn't feeling my feelings about what was happening (due to delayed processing) so that I could get through the encounter safely.
Yes. So good to hear words for something I didn't know was atypical because it was so normal for me, then learning it was not typical and feeling weird about that reflecting on the ways it has some made things difficult for me and feeling frustrated, but then hearing other people describe it so well and relating so much that you feel nestled in understanding and self-compassion-- a whole journey. I hold my pee way too long, unwilling to transition out of the task at hand. Often, until it's absolutely necessary, the nudge is disregarded, if it's even felt. I can (because I have to, because I'm so sensitive to it) turn off my ears to shut out my children or other out-of-the-ordinary noises that alert other people because I am tackling the world's bigger problems in my head. And during a "meltdown" it is the most apparent-- almost like I'm underwater and can only move slowly and can only hear things faintly, but my brain feels like it is moving through water in trying to reply to people's questions as well, though other things I am thinking through are clear-- disconnect to physical surroundings. It makes you look from the outside like you are "slow" sometimes, but really you are just... in a different realm. I could relate to Walter Mitty somewhat.
So *this* is why I've felt like I'm in a dream for almost as long as I can remember. I can remember the first time I triggered the feeling as a kid, but I can't remember when it became my normal or even what it felt like to feel connected to my body. Maybe this is why my sensory issues have "gotten better" since I was a kid.
@TheDomina I'm too physically uncomfortable to do any sort of exercise thanks to my sensory issues and my chest curses. And the outdoors in summer in Oklahoma are a sensory nightmare with the heat and bugs and noises.
3:04 that’s interesting, I never really thought to think of emotions as a physical experience, I always figured I was trying to figure out a concept. That’s really curious,actually. That’s kinda trippy.
Hey, I have a topic that I’ve had no success finding help with. My whole family has to move three states away and my husband and I are buying a house for the first time, and I’ve had my first really noticeable meltdowns in years (I’m 50 so I’ve had time to work out ways to channel stress a lot of the time) due to the whole process of finding a house and learning about home buying and worrying about the fundamental change for myself and my kids. Now, that said… my kids are 16, 21, and 25. The oldest has Ehlers-Danlos and has a sort of diagnosis of Autism/ADHD from school. My son is on the spectrum and my youngest feels she is, too. And I am self-diagnosed Autistic/ADHD. Getting diagnosed has been a failure to date so we’re kinda on our own here. So finally, the issue… I looked up ways to help deal with the stress of moving when you’re Autistic… and of course, it’s all tailored to parents helping Autistic kids kids cope with moving. Now, short of buying myself more stim toys (and y’know what? gonna do that anyway. something sparkly that moves) I don’t know how to deal with all this adulting. Yeah, I drive a car and buy groceries and dealt with IEP meetings for years, but none of that is moving three states away and buying a house. So yeah, that. How does Autistic grown-up deal with huge shift in fundament? The whole big green LEGO square is being relocated and I have to pick a spot and pack all the studs into little boxes and I am losing it.
I recently stumbled upon your videos and am now wondering if I am also autistic in addition to having ADHD. Thinking back through my last 40 or so years, I see SO MANY of my “weirdnesses” are actually considered on the spectrum. I worked hard to appear more “normal” as a kid. But, now that I am older, I have fully embraced my quirks and idiosyncrasies and I love all (well, mostly, lol) of who I am. When you mentioned not being empathetic as a sign of autism being BS, I cried. Because I am SO empathetic (and even tied to spirit at times) that I didn’t think I could possibly be on the spectrum…. Even though all my other strangeness seems to align with maybe being a high-functioning, pro-masking Autist. Thank you so much for your insight. It is so helpful, endearing, gentle, honest, and validating. Xxoo
Hi Taylor, Six years ago I began doing research on women on the spectrum on youtube. There wasn't too many autistic women with TH-cam channels at time (or at least i couldn't find many). The few women that i found, i kept noticing that most of them had either a britsh, aussie or other "non-American" accent when they spoke. One day I ended up finding a women on youtube that didn't have an accent but it turned out that after following her channel for a while i found out she was Canadian. I was puzzled and then it dawned on me that the reason i was only finding women on youtube that were "not" American was because it is too expensive for Americans to get a diagnosis (bad health care). In time i moved on to other topics and stopped researching women on the spectrum. That was about 5 or 6 years ago. Recently I started looking for women on the spectrum on TH-cam again and found your channel!! THANK YOU BTW! I have been enjoying your talks and learning about your journey. My brother is diagnosed and so is his son. But they are VERY autistic so it wasn't expensive to find out about them. I suspect my mom is deep in the spectrum. I suspect i am on the spectrum but I am not sure. I can't afford $5000 to get an official diagnosis so i was wondering if you know of a less expensive way of getting an assessment ? I have many of the traits but sometimes they go away and sometimes they come on strong (like stimming). I don't think anyone would be able to tell if i was or wasn't. I don't have anxiety, or maybe i do? I kind of don't know if i have it. Thanks for making these videos!! I always look forward to hearing them & learning when a new one comes out. :)
Yet another video where ive learned more, i never knew about freezing and fauning i never knew why rather than fight or flight i just freeze or faun (in many different instances). It is also very difficult for me to tell what is normal in my body and what is a symptom of other conditions i had/have...for example i had(or have still?) Myositis when i was 10. One morning when i tried to get out of bed for school i fell to the floor cuz my legs just were not working and im still not sure if my legs ache because of that or if its not enough water, sleep, exercise ect. Im always learning more small but important details from you that keep somewhat reassuring me that im not faking and indeed (or very very likey) am autistic, thank you for your channel❤
I got here by studying psychology. I came to say autism can look like mental illness (narcissism, borderline and c-ptsd) but the etiology is completely different. Thank you for your work, thank you for bringing awareness, thank you for validating so many. Please check into the Hypermobility and Ehlers Danlos connection to Autism and ADHD. I believe this is much deeper than we are aware of at this moment.
I find walking meditation and using mindfulness techniques that focus on sensory information can be incredibly grounding. My body needs deep pressure stimulation, a sensation unfamiliar to most allistics. Understanding your particular sensory profile is a good start to understanding your specific needs.
This is so me! Thank you for this video. Especially the part about not being empathetic. For the last while, I’ve been told that I don’t have empathy like a neurotypical person does, or that I don’t know how to ‘be there’ for my partner. I can relate with the fact of feeling all these emotions but not knowing how to ‘express’ them into words. Alexithymia is exactly what I deal with. I want to ‘be there’ and deeply connect and support my partner. But it’s going to take a lot of learning for me. Loved this video! Would love to learn more about emotionally connecting with a neurotypical and how to keep that connection alive.
I have Aspergets syndrome.. I can relate to having Alexithymia.. for me it has gotten better (reduced) as I have aged and I am more feeling deeply rather than systemizing with surface emotions. Regarding empathy I do believe is autism it is the 'emotional contagion' part of empathy that is primarily impaired, with the affective and cognitive components upstream fully intact. If you think about it, if you are like me when I can't 'connect' emotionally with somebody else.. I automatically build a mental.nap of their feelings and empathise with that (emotionally).. this explains the delay in processing/reading others' emotional/bodily states. Not condoning drug use, but MDMA was life changing for my Alexithymia. Allowing me to fully experience emotion within myself and empathise in a seemingly NT way. The shades of grey, faintly coloured emotional landscape within me became technicolour. A marvelous experience. I also had the sensation of a physical 'knot' rattling around within my rib cage and then being undone.. bursting out of my eyes with empathy/feeling. This actually felt like there was a solid object in my chest violently rattling around.
TLDR.. the autistic brain does not lack empathy (it may even be hyper expressed), however the 'Emotional Contagion' component of the very complex limbic/cognitive/somatic experience that is Empathy is impaired in those with Autism. Research back this theory up.. however unfortunately they chalked it up as a lack of overall empathy rather than just the singular step of Emptional Contagion which is what is really happening. So there is some truth in the NT perception that at least some autistic people lack a neurotypical experience of empathy. Empathy is a complex process and experience, and autistic people certainly do not lack it as a whole. We are, in fact generally very pro-social and caring people.
I definitely struggle with Alexithymia. I know I don’t feel happy about something but it takes a long time to identify what that is. I shut down, then I get angry then I cry. As a 3 yr old child, a study was done on me (they didn’t know I was autistic even through the signs were there!). I was described as ‘sulking’ when in fact it was shutdown due to overwhelm.
If you can make a little labyrinth in your back yard, or maybe on a rug in a room in your house, it can feel so good to just walk, jog, dance, crawl, roll, whatever, through the pattern. Yoga, rubrix cubes (if you can manage to learn the algorithm), those folding cube toys, and a lot of stim toys can all be meditated with! I personally love the swing for meditation.
That's interesting. I can see my husband in this, for sure! I used to admire his restraint and maturity in situations where I (with at the time, undiagnosed ADHD) would get up and change seats if the sun was in my eyes, or I'd leave to use the washroom, or I'd blurt out a change of subject when I was bored with what people were talking about, or even if I wasn't bored but it reminded me of something else. And I guess that means that I wasn't masking much, but my boyfriend (not realizing that he's autistic until age 40) was so good at just sitting there like a damn grown-up! It all seemed very aspirational to me, to be uncomfortable, see a possible solution, and NOT try to make it better. Of course, now I realize that he didn't notice that he was uncomfortable until I mentioned it. Fast forward to now, and he's been having autistic burnout like crazy. His whole life seems to be crashing and burning. He's worn out, and sick, and has no idea what he's feeling or where he's feeling it. I can see that a lifetime of disconnecting is really taking its toll. With the whole idea of autism, I've been having so many "oooohhhh, THAT'S what was going on!" moments, and I'm interested in trying to find a good way to communicate, but he's so overwhelmed by rethinking his life (I hope that's what he's doing) that he can't think about making things better, he's still trying to understand things as they are.
When you said we need to relearn how to trust ourselves my eyes teared up. I'm really struggling with this. I cannot trust my body and sometimes my brain and it's so hard to question every feeling and reaction that I have. I've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder, but I'm starting to think that I'm in a burnout
I look at the doorframe and say - "there is the doorframe" to avoid running into it. sometimes it works, sometimes I still run into it. I can relate to everything you say - especially the factory style brain. how exactly do we stay in the present moment with a factory style brain?
Not long ago I had a major realization that the term "feelings" is synonymous with "emotions" because you can feel them in your body in various ways. It seems obvious now, but my whole conception of myself has always been mental, and the body never made much sense to me except as a kind of vessel.
I’m diagnosed ADHD and ASD. I take a photo-walk where I walk around my neighborhood hunting for interesting things to photograph…shadows, things out of place, tiny flowers in a lawn that nobody sees or just a beautiful color combo of a plant next to something else. It grounds me in “now”, grounds me in my body due to visual sensory data and fresh air regulates my nervous system somehow plus it’s “moving meditation” since I’m moving but sort of in a flow state not thinking anything much.
I’ve been thinking about doing this for a while now-glad to hear it worked for you, and so glad to be reminded of this idea that I didn’t really do anything with at the time.
Yeah, this was great. It expanded on what I thought it would be about, which (*The Dysautonomia Project* website might explain further what I thought it might be about in some ways, but I am not disappointed). Interception, proprioception, alexithymia, and more, ( autoimmunity, neurological, and/ or mental health challenges,) can also coexist with neurodivergence. Each can affect the other categories, too. Even so, better understanding of these dynamics can gain more effective coping and management of the challenges they bring. ( The moving meditation could be walking a labyrinth path drawn on the ground outside, or in the pattern of a rug if indoors, for instance).
Thank you for posting this. This is a fascinating topic as it relates to the Autism Spectrum. I just realized that I'm on the spectrum within the last year/year and a half, and I'm 40. I actually didn't know a whole lot about ASD - my niece was diagnosed with Asperger's when I was in my late 20's, and that's when I started thinking about it, but I was totally one of those people who was like, "yeah, I'm "a little autistic," or "I'm slightly on the spectrum." 😆 Now that I'm learning more about it, I've become fascinated with the differences between those who are non-verbal or were non-verbal as children vs. those who aren't. I've had a really hard time finding information about what causes lack of speech in autism (there are so many theories), but it made me think about the times in which I've been non-verbal/selective mutism. It's generally when I'm panicking/having a meltdown, extremely frightened, or am having severe social anxiety. It seems like the physical intensity of the stress renders me non-verbal, and it made me wonder whether this has to do with the mechanism that causes other autistic people to be non-verbal all the time or most of the time. If anyone knows more about this, I'd be interested to learn more about it.
I'm like you... I go mute at times. I have a feeling that if I had net my threshold before I had developed strong speech networks in my brain, then I would have been one of the nonverbal kids. I don't know if "hitting your threshold" is a concept in the ASD world, but that's how I see it. I do feel like it's the same physiology, but happening on a different variety of hardware... that being a brain of differing age/ neural circuitry. What do you think about Porges' polyvagal theory? I haven't looked into theories on non-verbal Autism. But coming from the trauma world, I think his theory is pointing to what's happening with both speech and facial expression.
I have a son who's non-speaking autistic so I've looked into it a bit. To learn more about it, the non-speaking autistic community recommends a book called "Ido in Autismland" by Ido Kedar. Non-speaking autistic people have something called apraxia (as Taylor defined in the video). Ido likens it to paralysis only instead of not being able to move your body, your body moves in ways you didn't intend. So they know and understand what they should do or say in certain situations but their bodies betray them. My son, for example, either can't say anything at all in response to a question or else he starts singing"Old Macdonald" very quickly over and over. Chances that he knows the answer but can't demonstrate that are high. Ido makes it very clear that it's an extremely frustrating condition. And yes, he says it does get worse when sensory overwhelm or anxiety are part of the picture. But I'm also like you in that I often find myself unable to speak in certain situations and it was a long time before I understood that this is because of selective mutism. But I think it's a different animal from apraxia of speech. I hope that helps! Thanks for asking about this.
@@sueannevangalen5186 Thanks for this information! It's so much more helpful hearing about it from non-verbal autistic people themselves than those who are studying them. I'll definitely look into the book - thanks for the recommendation.
On musical stims: You said two things in quick succession that triggered something in my brain. I have always beaten myself up, because despite my highly introspective nature, I have never been able to meditate. I beat myself up about it for a long time. I am a very sound oriented person . I listen to everything constantly. It wasn’t until a decade ago, when I found out about the ideas and music of Pauline Oliveros. She has a concept called Deep Listening. It’s a form of meditation that uses listening to everything around you. Turns out I have been meditating since I was a child and didn’t even realize it. I am a well seasoned meditator. I just didn’t recognize what I was doing as meditation. It is a form of self stimulation that involves an internalized listening experience, sometimes involving imagination, where I am actually conducting the sounds of the world into a musical piece in my brain, or the meditation can be so deep that the sounds start to trigger my synesthesia in the visual cortex of my brain, so I will sense shapes and structures outlined by the sounds that I am turning from every day noises into orchestral music in my head. Nature sounds, and sounds in other places will start to connect, create a cohesive, if strange piece of music. My perspective says it’s music. I have owned a record store and a recording studio and I’ve been in the music industry doing A&R for a major record label. I know what counts as music. 😀 Then there’s playing music. The infantilizing degradation of the process is right in the name of the act. Playing. Even though I see the beauty in that word, it does seem to minimize the importance of the activity. I am primarily a guitar player but I play whatever other instruments I need for a recording if I can get my hands on them. I have multiple modes of playing guitar. There Is performance mode. There is creation mode. There is also the rare intentional rehearsal mode. I have a really difficult time with standardized practice routines. I seem to need more of an organic and seemingly chaotic process in which to learn music. It’s very time-consuming because it is sort of a process of elimination. Keep in mind I have a TBI which has been exacerbated by long Covid. But I was that way before the brain injury. I realized a couple of years ago that one of my main modes of guitar playing is what I would’ve, in the past considered screwing around. Or making noises or jamming. It’s not jamming. It’s not messing around. It’s not wasting time. It is hard-core stimming. I can tell when I’m doing it. It’s a different kind of playing, there’s a definite different feeling associated with it and it does something for me that feels like medicine. I was diagnosed with what would have been called Asperger‘s or autism spectrum disorder in the 1970s. It was right when they were abandoning the old model of childhood onset schizophrenia and embracing the new model but they hadn’t quite embraced it yet. I got diagnosed with a set of learning disabilities Low muscle tone, dyspraxia etc., got called the R word to my face by someone who was allegedly a professional. Of course that’s the only word I heard that day and it took me until my 50s to fully embrace my autism because of that. I was also being abused by my adoptive parents who hid my diagnosis because of the doctor calling me that name. It was the only word they heard also. Anyway, sorry for the rambling message, but I do think that musical… “fiddling around” is a legitimate form of self stimulation that needs to be recognized as a stim. I know so many musicians who beat themselves up for lack of discipline, or self indulgence or whatever Neurotypical BS has been programmed into them during the indoctrination process of living in the Neurotypical world. Neurodivergent musicians should be able to comfortably stim on their instrument of choice, and not feel shame about it. It does seem to invoke a certain level of ire in people who wouldn’t be upset by hand flapping. I understand there is associated noise, but still. The internalized Neuro typical expectations on this subject are not good. I am so thankful to people like you and people in my community who are trying to change things for the better. Thank you.
Yep. Much of this. I am constantly on alert in social situations between the struggles in my brain and the physical struggles of EDS. The two together are sometimes overwhelming. Often, body is brushed aside long enough to feel like I pleased the social side of things. This Is also why I am learning to measure my outings and how many I commit to. I am still not there on not apologizing over and over for not being more available, but better than it once was.
I always say that I’m just stuck in this vessel and trying to live in it. It doesn’t help being chronically sick since I sometimes can’t tell what I need and it drives me crazy.
Common experiences for me: not having a good sense of my body in space and banging into things like doorframe, furniture, other people. Walking through a doorway, and my arm flies up and the back of my hand hits the doorframe.
I love that you're speaking about this. I have SUFFERED with this and not really had a name to put to it- I'm kind of shook at how intense it can be when I pull back and look at it as if I'm someone else. (That is always my go to- if I get stuck, i pretend it's for my best friend, lol.. i am very good at helping people out of their own binds, but terrible at myself, and i think that this issue is a huge factor along with a lot of trauma I've experienced, probably also very connected with this issue also, to be fair to myself.) I'm definitely going to seek out more info about this and I cant wait for a deeper look. I never really thought about the connection between masking, ignoring my body's responses and the fawning response and why I end up soooo decimated and shattered when I finally burnout or have a meltdown. It takes a long time for me to recover and I have started to experience just pure avoidance completely to particular situations and people because of the effects and consequences I suffer in certain situations. I'd happily prefer to take action and support myself in those situations, but I'm still learning how and this has helped me greatly. Thank you for this video.
I find that when I try to focus in my bodily sensations, particularly those that I think convey emotions, they completely disappear and I feel nothing. But the moment I switch my attention back to something else the sensations are back. So I can’t focus on and process these sensations at the same time.
this really resonates with me, especially as someone who also has an autoimmune disease. the disconnect we have between our bodies and minds and ignoring or suppressing the body's cues.. reminds me also of gabor mate's wonderful book when the body says no. lots to think about it but the connections are fascinating. thanks as always.
I think this is one of your best yet. The stream of consciousness method seems to be the perfect blend of informative and authentic. Thank you. My brain is going to do me in. I’m just hoping I can cut it off at the path.
hi! i just got here and I really liked the video, thank you for that. i was recently diagnosed and as an autistic person that didnt get the accomodations needed I guess its a constant struggle to regulate your body whilst also struggling with cognitive dysfunction. and then you have to do all those things for yourself. being kind is important, yes
I live in my head too - So I totally understand what you mean by that. Trying to explain this to someone who doesn't live in their head would be impossible. I wonder if this is why we are okay to be alone? *For me, living in my head is probably how I survive in social situations
This is also my experience. There is a disconnect. I saw it very early in my daughter, her thoughts were so much faster that her body, so she started to repeat words, because she lost track. My own experience is a clumsiness, also numbness, difficulty expressing feelings. I loose myself around people and can’t connect to myself if I don’t go away. Almost 50 years of adapting, and not listening to my body has done this. I think this can lead to much tension in the body and other physical problems. Well, I am still on a journey to learn about autism and also ADHD. My daughter got diagnosed and I am on the waiting list to be evaluated.
Wow! 100% on the body cues! And the loss of trust in oneself was on point. I had completely lost that connection and felt lost and didn't trust my decisions as a result.
I know it was such a brief moment, but where you mentioned giving permission I think you touched on something that people could be taking for granted as normal when we've been trained to get permission for so much, even using the bathroom at school. For something like that it can affect us to the point of needing reminding we don't or shouldn't need permission for these things, but got into a habit of trying to ignore our basic humanity because of those chronic situations, especially when the answer was no. I remember times at school sometimes students were denied toilet breaks, and there was even an assembly once to address so many students disappearing off to the bathroom to get out of class. We were being dehumanised so the school could look out for it's bottom line, and told to hold it and ignore our body's needs. You're right we don't need permission to listen to our bodies and meet our needs, but some probably needed to hear it anyway. Sometimes it feels like we've been factory manufactured biobots. I hope schools are doing better than this now. Thankyou for the video. I at least find it relatable that I can forget I have a body if I'm focused on something, which can be most of the time. Idk about going pop and disappearing so much as coming back to the present and my joints going pop because I moved again after a long time. I joke I'm a brand of cereal. Snap, crackle, pop.
The whole unmasking thing is just overwhelming to me right now. I was doing really well and had a situation cause me some setbacks. This was super helpful still glad to be part of this community
@@LoveLove-qm6ye Of Course I can do :) th-cam.com/video/RCBHNZM56LY/w-d-xo.html th-cam.com/video/pILnsOLcxE/w-d-xo.html th-cam.com/video/Nyl2lUxpcoQ/w-d-xo.html&start_radio=1
Thank you. So so much. I'm reading all of the comments about having almost identical experiences to mine, but also just for how long some of us had to live through this confusing hell. I'm about to turn 25. And if the crazies up top won't nuke the planet, then I am so grateful for your and other people's stories that brought me such relief and saved me years of feeling worthless.
Hi Taylor. Another excellent video. I have tried to explain what is going on in my brain for decades and your description is spot on. Trying to stay in the moment is difficult for me as I am constantly in my head.I have never made the connection that it has caused me not to be in concert with my body. I typically bump into things, I am the one is falls for apparently no reason, and the one who drops things. This is going to be great for me to try and listen to my body now. thank you for this!
Thank you for getting to this subject on your video. It is so true I can look back at my whole life and see how this rings true for me. I'm 61 years old now, and spent my whole life not listening to Q's on my own body and putting everybody else first. Even when I needed to use the bathroom I put it off and put because of others. I could list hundreds of things that has happened to me in my past. Even when I'm walking I could feel my hands clenching up, and I was walking crooked and I would have to tell myself now walk normal! LOL anyway thank you for the video please do more videos on this subject. All these years I just thought I was just weird. ❤️
Forgetting to eat, not realizing I'm hungry, feeling worse because I'm hungry and then spiraling into a weird / intense anxiety as a result of that continued discomfort is a pattern I fall into if I'm not careful.
This is usually how I go into a meltdown
Before I knew I was autistic I took up yoga (which I continue to practice off and on). But back when I first started yoga, I told my sister I liked yoga because it grounded me in my body. My sister informed me she had no idea what I meant because we were always in our bodies. And it was chalked up to me being weird.
Yes, I liked yoga because you’re grounded in the moment… not having that brain-body disconnect. Whole. Oneness.
Same! I was drawn to how yoga connects the mind and body
I remember telling people how I love how yoga brings me into my body and so few people seemed to understand what I meant
@@annienamaste8283 my sister one time told me, “I admit my body is mostly here to carry my head around, but YOU are only in your head.”
I'm just starting to consider whether I may be autistic, but this is exactly how I describe why I like yoga.
I find this experience when I rock climbing. Part of the preparation I do is check in with my body and choose my objectives based on how I and my body are feeling.
One aspect that I like about yoga is that you can adapt it to where you are and that is perfectly valid.
I feel that as an AFAB, we are conditioned by society to always put others first, sacrifice our needs for that of others (younger siblings, kids, men). Knowing now at 43 that I am AuDHD, I never really realized how out of touch I am with my physical self. My health is shot, everything hurts all the time, and words/phrases like “disabled” and “chronic illness or pain” are now in my vocabulary.
The disconnect is real.
Thank you for putting all this into words and helping me find the language to use to tell others my story.
You’re welcome. Thanks for sharing your experience here. 💓
Do you have fybromyalgia nwith it
Autism does often coincide with connective tissue disorders and autoimmune disorders so do be gentle to yourself. I already feel like an old lady at 34 because I have both!
A carnivore diet will fix all of these problems. Hope that helps someone as much as it helped me. I played the Uno reverse card on my fibromyalgia with beef, and cutting out all plants.
Maybe let us know how you’re getting on in 5 years. Personally, I believe we need antioxidants, vitamins (such as Vitamin C) and fibre in our diets!
We mask so well, that when we’re told to listen to our bodies and then when we do, we’re told we were wrong about our body’s messages and that’s really confusing. It took me too long to realize no one else knows my body’s signals and I’m the only one who can interpret them.
exactly!! we also unfortunately tend to experience a lot of gaslighting and we sometimes train ourselves out of listening and responding to our body's cues... it can take time to create space for them to speak to us again.
When I was young, when I needed to poop, the soles of my feet would hurt. Strange, huh? I knew if I said my feet hurt that I needed to poop. Teachers didn't understand. They didn't realize that that I didn't want to announce to everyone I had to poop and was trying to hint. Clearly those things weren't connected with normal ppl. So I'd hold it until next bathroom break. Hope that makes sense
sooo true, sometimes I think we are the normal ones on the planet and everyone else is something seriously wrong with..... 😂
i click on your videos always telling myself “no this isn’t me. i don’t do this. i don’t have this. im just watching this for fun” and then halfway through, i’m either going “oh crap” or i’m crying because what you’re talking about is so relatable. i got my adhd diagnosis about a year and a half ago and the more i learn about this community, the more i’ve been wondering if i want to seek a diagnosis for asd
Wow, you sound like me lol lmao
@@ceterisparibus8966 same. I also have adhd (mid-life diagnosis) and - as it turns out - also meet all but 1 of the ASD criteria. While I don't think I am autistic, I think I'm one of those adhd folks who just has a lot of autistic traits. Makes me wonder if, someday, these 2 distinct diagnoses will merge onto 1 spectrum. Because that's how it feels living in my particular body.
ADHD and ASD often go together. Best wishes 🤗
Because there is tremendous overlap in the two, I have found that I benefit from the wisdom of the autistic community and some of the best practices help me.
The need to check in with my body and recognize when I’m feeling uncomfortable and taking action to bring myself back into balance are all things I’ve learned, to get out of my head and check in with my body.
CPTSD overlaps with many symptoms of this spectrum also...
This is the story of my life lol totally "clumsy" always wiping out and bouncing back pretending I wasn't dying. As a kid everyone called me Gumby lol as a teenager it changed to Iron which is a play on my name, Irene. As an adult I actually just started breaking. My best defense has been working out or dancing daily. The body awareness and developed muscles has helped. But I still have accidents when I get stuck in my head. Great topic. Thanks for this ✌️❤️⚔️🔥🐎
Thanks for your comment and sharing your experience.
Might also be dyspraxia playing a part in this.
Edit: nevermind, she mentioned this further in the video 😅.
Hahahaha this!!!! A few months ago I named that clumsy part of myself… she’s Clumsy Clarice. Even my husband will shout C!C! now when I have a clumsy moment (very very often!) It’s been a fun way for me to embrace it.
And be aware of it, to add!
@@sarahcarson811 Lol it's better to have fun with it than to be embarrassed. I enjoy seeing others laugh even if it is at my expense lol 😅😂🤣
My most helpful tool in connecting with and working my body: my dog. Having to help him with his needs makes me way more aware of my own. I take him outside and realize that I actually really need to go to the bathroom, he needs his walk everyday so my body gets the exercise that it needs when I totally wouldn't have realized that the lack of exercise is why I was feeling bad/weird in the first place, I fill up his water bowl and immediately fill up my giant tumbler for myself. He also though is amazing at telling me when I'm having emotions in my body that I may not realize, whenever he is up in my face worrying about something but not showing me anything that he wants I know - I'm being weird and he's worried. Unfortunately there's not really anything he can do about me dropping stuff all the time, but he definitely benefits from it so maybe he wouldn't even if he could!
I thought I dissociated, now I understand it's AUTISM.
Dissociation is a stress/trauma response and I think Autistics are more likely to use Dissociation as a coping mechanism. Just because you dissociate, doesn't mean you're autistic and just because you're autistic, doesn't mean you dissociate.
So if you are experiencing Dissociation, you are in fact, dissociating, regardless of whether you're autistic or allistic.
I'm just trying to clarify so that others don't assume because they dissociate, that they must be autistic.
It could be both! Trauma often comes with autism.
When you described fawning I suddenly realised that’s what masking is and I’d never thought about it like that before.
Same here! I only knew about flight, fight or freeze. But fawning is absolutely what I do and it takes so much strength and energy. More and more puzzle pieces...
@@julen2380 I knew about fawning I just never thought of masking as a fawn response 🤯 I guess it’s because it’s a type of people pleasing, but I never saw it that way as it is more of an avoidant strategy for me.
WOW! I knew my freeze and shutdown responses were due to Autism but you really framed it in a way I hadn't heard before! A lot of things just clicked, including my ability to go competely emotionally numb when I'm in a situation that I should be crapping my pants in.
yup
Taylor, back when I was your age, I only knew that I was depressed, was told that I had PTSD, and was starting to see a therapist three times a week. It is great that you have a much better understanding of what is going on, and can help others.
i relate to this so much. i was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and PTSD but its only recently that ive realized i'm autistic. i thought for so long everything i was experiencing was just what i was diagnosed with, and it made sense to me. some symptoms still do for certain disorders. I've always wondered if someone went through the same thing. tho, i am much younger, thankfully i got diagnosed when i was 13 because the state did some court order thing and paid for me to do therapy and get diagnosed. im 20 now, and no longer have that court order unfortunately. getting diagnosed is expensive
here I am, in the middle ground, having just come out of depression because I have realized that a big chunk of that was just undiagnosed autism. My therapist doesn't understand and says that I found a way to avoid looking deep by always saying it's autism, that I should not think in categories. She has no clue. I'm ending therapy on Friday as I no longer need it, even tho I know my therapist thinks I've gone crazy, which is so ridiculous.
@@michele0324 I know!!! It sucks, but it will be over soon, thank you!
@@byamboy oh dear, just realized I sent a response to the incorrect post! Oops.
Yes me too in my 30's it was bipolar, depression and CPTSD.... Then medicated and everything just got worse.
Today I am actually getting worse with my Autism and not better, somedays I cant speak, in very stressful situations or with an abuser I loose the capacity to speak.....
This is so so accurate! For so many times as an autistic person I've felt like a floating head moving around the world, and I have to focus so hard to avoid things like falling down the stairs and spraining my ankles (I've injured them so many times that my physio realised that they weren't repairable with movement).
Before I knew I was autistic, I used to describe my body as something that just carries around my brain.
That describes my spatial awareness really well. 😂 I commonly try to walk through doorways, then my shoulder hits the side 🤦♀️
This is exactly how I feel. But since I also have ADHD, and that side manifested as a really athletically gifted body, I’ve done sport and especially extreme sports my whole life. Like really really hardcore stuff. And even though I’m really good at the sports, the clumsy autistic side is always there as well, so I’m both really fluid with my body and also clumsy at the same time, and this has caused me to crash, and crash, and crash, and injure every part of my body.
I went to therapy years ago and we had one session of art therapy. I drew myself as a head with hands and feet. I was in my head ALL the time… can so relate. I am undergoing assessment now for AuDHD
I'm so happy I was able to make a video suggestion that's sparked all this discussion. I've been thinking a lot about this topic lately because (like so many of us), I'm looking back over my life and realizing that I've been doing and saying things in order or please other people, or live up to other people's expectations all my life, and this has become the default setting for me. I don't think I even know who I am anymore. And it feels pretty physical at times. It's not just "who I am," it's also "what's going on in my body". It's like a switch got turned off and I'm trying to flick it back on. Learning how to pay better attention to my stims has been amazing. But it's uphill work.
I am in a very similar place it seems. Same default setting. One of many things I struggle with regarding this, trying to make sense of things, is I barely have any memories from when I was a child. Trying to look at old photos, but I have a hard time to relate. I wonder if the disconnection has something to do with this. I had a good "ordinary" childhood, that maybe makes it even harder when trying to figure out if this selfdiagnosis is real. This year (i am 47), I discovered that I what I am feeling sometimes is actually anxiety. My whole life I considered myself being a calm, quiet person with no anxiety.
@@andreaswesterlund-db3rm ME, TOO! I've always been described as quiet, calm, and patient. If someone had told me that sometimes, an anxiety attack can look like getting quiet and withdrawn, I might have cottoned on sooner. I'm also 47 (almost -- my birthday is less than a month away).
@@sueannevangalen5186 Thanks for sharing. Desperately seeking for validation and trying to decide what is what, and what is important in the search. What to tell the psycologist about my childhood in the upcoming evaluation that is relevant. I have a couple of months left in this neverending deep dive into autism/adhd rabbithole, so hopefully the fog will clear a bit.🙂
@@andreaswesterlund-db3rm I have a very similar experience. I was always described as calm, quiet, laid-back, compliant. And my childhood memories are foggy-I didn’t realise how foggy until I started on my autistic self-identification journey. Unlike autistic people sharing their stories here I could barely draw up a single childhood memory to confirm diagnosis. But when I took a step back, I knew everything I struggle with as an adult was there as a kid-and even more disabling because I didn’t have the coping skills I acquired in adulthood. My body remembers even though I can’t draw up many anecdotes. I also learned that not being able to remember your childhood is often a symptom of childhood trauma. I grew up in a “normal” loving family as well, so I didn’t understand my childhood trauma symptoms for a long time.
I was always told when I was 2-5 years old I was the most “rebellious” kid my parents had ever seen. I got multiple spankings a day because I absolutely refused to do what I was told. Then at age 5 I became the extremely compliant, withdrawn girl I’ve known myself to be most of my life, but i still felt awful inside. When I first hear pathological demand avoidance described it was a jolt of lightening through my body-I suddenly understood my trauma symptoms. I was having anxiety attacks multiple times a day as a preschooler (very common with pda) and punished for them. Until at age 5 I learned to freeze/fawn instead of fight. So behind my quiet demeanour there’s always been a shit ton of anxiety that makes me more withdrawn, and within my normal family I lived out a story of trauma.
I don’t know how much of this lines up with your story, but I know for a lot of autistic adults the statement “I had a happy childhood” is a masking statement, meaning “my childhood looks like it would be happy from an onlooker’s perspective because an NT child would have been happy, but my needs were not accommodated so there’s actually a lot of unspoken trauma there.”
@@shga7897 Your reply is very much appreciated. It seems you have come a bit further on your self identification-journey than I have and I need stories like these to help me. Very much a work in progress.
The thing about being on high alert and almost in a trauma situation explains so much to me. I could be at work all day without peeing or feeling thirsty, or hungry or tired, just go go go, focus on work and nothing else. (actually got stressed if there was no work to do at any given moment, like why else am I here lol) I literally never felt any bodily needs. Then come home and be completely flat and dead and broken (and after 3 years burned completely out and no longer able to work) Talking to others they get horrified that i go a whole workday without using the bathroom once or grabbing a drink or anything. I see now why I do this. If I am out of the house I have always done this. I have called in being in "go mode" and that I don't feel things before I can relax.. but I didn't realise how not normal and unhealty it is until I worked myself completely sick in only 3 years :( (not diagnosed with autism fyi, just have very many traits and don't know if I am or not)
Thanks for your comment 💓
I will drink from my water bottle at work and eat... but I go the whole day without using the bathroom. It's normal for me somehow. I also come home completely shattered. I just come home & crash. I have ADHD & possible autism.
@@pmwehrleThat sounds like my daughter - she is at high school. Won’t go to the toilet, eats v little then comes home & crashes and sits in a darkened room all evening.
That sounds a lot like me. I force myself to eat and drink, but instead of going to the restroom never, I go as much as doesn’t make the teacher suspicious just to get out of class and away from annoying children. But besides those few differences it’s the exact same.
i don't eat or drink the whole day and honestly get weirded out when guys say they have to go to the bathroom at work. We have a huge bladder compared to women, so i always thought they were just trying to get out of work. As far as the OTHER bathroom function, if i don't go in the morning I will not even feel the urge until i'm done with all my tasks. When i was young and very addicted to video games, i could stay up 24-36 hours at a time without even feeling the need to use the bathroom.
75 y.o. pediatric OT, self identified this year. I created an alternative school for kids with sensory processing disorders and looking back realize how therapeutic it was for me as I created and engaged in activities for kids. One tool we used and modified is a program for self regulation called "How Does Your Engine Run" which helps to identify the signals your body and brain are sending and strategies to address them. Another helpful resource was Diane Henry's Tool Chest, which she has tailored for kids, teachers, parents, etc to identify brain/body signals with corresponding helpful stims, fidgets, activities etc.
This speaks so loud to me. I had such a difficult time during my assessment when he asked what "sad" and "mad" feels like in my body. I also don't notice the disconnect until I do yoga and realize that I do in fact have a body.
Yes it’s so interesting! You may find it helpful to google emotional thermal image body map
@@MomontheSpectrum thanks! 👍
Yeah yoga is so great for helping me feel connected, i didn't realize I was a fan of my body really, I actually enjoy physical activity in that form. It's unlike anything else I've ever done
I can so relate to that!!!
Yes! When I first heard The question of how a body feels during emotions, I didn't get it. I still can't describe it because I'm not there, I'm up here in my head.
Bogged down in the factory. Said that perfectly. ❤
Thanks for talking about this interesting topic. I experience the strongest mind/body disconnect when I'm intimate with my husband. It makes it practically impossible. It's a shame that this topic is rarely discussed in light of autism although I get that it might be too personal for autistic TH-camrs to discuss. In my case I think it's the combination of a social setting and too much sensory input that results in the disconnect. It's something we are working on and hoping to better understand.
I’m not afraid to go there! 🙃 just had a session over this this morning with a group of neurodiverse couples. We were discussing sensory overwhelm in the context of physical intimacy. I hope to make a video soon!
@@MomontheSpectrum What a coincidence! I always assumed that more autistic people would struggle with this but never really found a good resource on it. Really looking forward to a video about that topic!
@@lottevanderzanden5045 That would be great.
Too late for me in life I have recently realised that what you describe is exactly what I was always experiencing.
Completely relate to this Lotte, thanks for sharing, I’ve never heard it described outside of my own mind before.
Last night I (35 y/o) almost fell while standing still (!), because I was about to walk when my partner suddenly asked me a question at the same time. I was about to be really angry with myself for 'bruising my legs for no apparent reason other than pure stupidity', when I remembered my newly gained insights. I realised my brain was overwhelmed and my body was tired from the day, so I had lesser control over my movements and could not process a question and a movement at the same time. This is just how my body and brain functioned. It was ok. Sleep would cure this. I was not stupid.
I hope the little example I try to paint here is a bit clear as English is not my first language. I just wanted to say thank you for helping us to gain insight on ourselves. You give me the gift of being kinder to myself. It is a very healing experience to be able to have some grace for oneself after years of self-critique. Thanks!
Thank you so much for sharing this with me. I love this. 💞
that’s a vibe at times, most times now I’ll struggle to do a task with any grace if I’m also trained to be giving a whole aspect of myself to another person (whether through conversation or care, giving eye contact and giving a part of my thoughts/energy to focusing on them, or by having to constantly keep myself vulnerable & keeping my inner energy open to be able to react to their social needs) and as a result I get clumsier, start questioning myself, and feel stupider & less motivated too
It’s like any task I might do just isn’t allowed to be as important as whatever their energies might want from me (and I love my family more than anyone else so I don’t begrudge that at all) and so it’s a consistent struggle to complete tasks especially when said tasks are either very unpleasant or if they’re only being done for myself, and I’ll awkwardly seek a middle ground where I’ll watch a video or play a game instead. I don’t know why I’m sharing, but, yeah the struggles are a vibe. 😂💙
Thank you for being here Taylor! Thank you for making this content. I really can't thank you enough.
You are welcome Dana! Thanks for your comment.
As a kid I really had a hard time with body awareness and I was kind clumsy-especially in sports. I struggled in gym class and wasn’t exactly the kind of athlete anyone wanted on their team (except field hockey-that was the one sport I was okay at lol😂). Getting into theater, dance and doing more movement activities I enjoy has been helpful. I’ve developed a good sense of balance and have rhythm. Still can’t throw or catch a ball though.
Same here, i found with enough practice, not nearly enough time that I can become really good like insanely good at specific tasks. I think once it become muscle memory and I don't have think about it is when that happens. Take very long time, longer that most to get the muscle memory.
Hi Tay. I often feel disconnected. The sensation is like I'm in the middle of sleep/awake status, just like an interrupted dream, but when you still can't realize the difference between the dream and reality.
I can relate to most of the traits you listed in this video. I'm a living stereotype. I didn't know the fawn response was common in the autistic community, I always thought it was related to CPTSD.
It can also be related to CPTSD for sure. But still helpful to talk about in the context of autism as well, in my opinion.
I'd love to know what your brain waves are doing during these phases. I spent weeks in that state after my last bout of COVID, so that was fascinating to see how physical inflammation affects it as well, not just stress. I also trained myself years ago to stay in that state for a long time while waking up. So I've been intrigued by brain wave states for a long time, but never had mine studied! I do know, from the doctor who developed prTMS brain wave therapy, that Autism had a specific brain wave pattern supposedly different from cPTSD, though I suspect their very similar.
It’s also very common for autistic people to have developed cptsd as a result of how they have been treated by others over the lifetime. Differentiating between the two is almost impossible.
@@BipolarCourage I think you make valid points there. I would say that autism carries with it positive traits and enjoyable experiences, along with other things that can present difficulties in life, whereas cptsd/ptsd have no positive or enjoyable features whatsoever.
@@BipolarCourage I would view the examples you describe as a way of ‘escaping’ the trauma and a way of healing the trauma, respectively, not the experience of the cptsd/ptsd itself; that experience is 100% unpleasant as far as I’m concerned.
Oh my gosh yes I identified that I'd learned over the years to essentially ignore my body as it was in discomfort all the time. I realised how much I've neglected it because of this and how I need to heal my relationship and connection with it and form ways of noticing it communicating with me, heeding it and caring for it. That tendency to ignore it's distress and push through I think is also a big part of masking for me and doing that for years resulted in me being in burnout and ME/CFS for 6 years. I saw another Autistic youtuber Irene (The Thought Spot, I highly recommend!🌟) talking about how unlike with a typically developed brain and body that responds to things like CBT and other psychotherapies first and through healing the mind the body follows..they were saying that for Autistic people it can be the other way around and we need to take care of the body first (being such physically highly sensitive and responsive beings) and the mind will follow. That really stood out to me and makes so much sense like we are so effected by our physical world and environment that our bodies will be in heightened stress modes that do not support mental health, and so that physical side of things needs to be taken care of first in order for our minds to have any chance of healing. It's a bit alien to me in a way because as I've said I've always had a tendency to ignore the physical and I'll need to retrain myself I guess. Yoga is good for that, connecting mind to body..
Thank you for this video, all of this has really brought up a lot for me, the almost daily micro traumas of the Autistic body and it going through it alone as I stay up in my head so much if the time too.
And what you said about needing to learn to trust yes my body needs to be able to trust that I will respond to it and care for it and help it feel safe.. but also I've often felt that i haven't trusted my body because it can go into such strong nervous responses that I can't talk to the person I wanted to approach for example, because I've started shaking with nerves and can't find my words.. I've felt like I can't rely on it and so stopped trusting. So the trust needs to be healed in both directions.. Gosh this has brought up a lot for me 😭 But it's a good thing, Thank you so much Taylor 💖🙏💕
Poor bods need our love and care 💖
This is just another confirmation to me and while I’ve been understanding more over past 2 years that I was autistic, your content has completely changed my life because so much about me is now explained. I’m still adjusting to that. I just wish I had a close family member to talk about it with. But I’m grateful for you all
I don’t have a diagnosis yet, but I SO relate! I never thought I could be autistic because eye contact is easy and natural for me, but watching your videos got me to take some online quizzes. The results encourage me to pursue it further. The thought that the things that have always made me feel different could be rooted in autism blows my mind, especially since I’m already 76.
I relate more to older autistic women your age than my own age. There's a TH-cam video of late diagnosed elderly women that Really hits home for me.
My grandmother had children Very young and my parents also had me when they were just out of their late teens. so I grew up with my parents having the mindset of their grandparents. One set of my great grandparents were born in 1901 and 1895.
I was spanked a Lot. Late diagnosed with ADD at 30, and Autism level 1 (formerly known as Aspergers) at 43. I went through a Lot of testing throughout my school years and was never diagnosed with anything.
I wasn't allowed the freedom to "be myself" like kids these days. I had to obey the rules of the house. I made sure I wasn't the only one that had to follow them too.
Everything had a correct way and a wrong way. Minding your p's and q's, beeing seen and not heard (I never obeyed that one). I don't remember everything.
Not sure if I’m autistic but I can definitely relate to a lot of these things, I spend so much time in my head and I often ignore or don’t notice cues- like using the restroom in a conversation, remembering to eat/drink, ect. I also have trouble with misjudging distances and spaces and walk into things fully thinking I’m not going to hit them all the time.
Idk what you mean “running into doorframes”……I’ve never done that (she says as she clips the wall with her shoulder on the way around the corner). Good video, very informative!! ❤
i feel so validated. you're giving words to what i've felt my whole life . only i spent many years wondering wtf was wrong with me, & being in a deep depression. thanks to your videos (& others' ofc,) i learned that i'm AuDHD & everything makes sense. there's this entire group of ppl experiencing *the same things* & giving words to the stuff i couldn't find words for. other than "i'm stuck," or "idk why, i just *can't,*" & then i feel dumb. & i know i'm not.
just. thank you. much love. 💗💗💗
Well said ... DITTO :)
lately i've been meditating using headspace but instead of following what they say i do whatever i want
and it feels great
I meditate while moving, dancing, doing streches, doing noises, saying words, i open and close my eyes whenever i want,, for the first time in years i can practice mindfullness and actualy get relaxed, ,feel at peace ,, and once i can properly think i gain prespective on my day. it helps to make me able to take decisions that my body is actually willing to cooperate with
Yes! I love this. 💯
Ballroom Dancing and Yoga absolutely vital for those with the ASD/ADHD dual diagnosis for reducing the disconnect between brain and body and better spatial awareness, balance, proprioception and more
This really resonates with me. I often feel like my Brian and Body are two different entities. I often feel like I'm like a robot or AI that is functioning on multiple plains of existence. That sounds weird and dramatic but can't come up with a good description.
Just wanted to say thank you for your description, I'm waiting to see if I can be assessed and for so long struggled with this. Then today read this. [sigh of relief] Thank you 😢
For me, the disconnect has led to chronic pain...my therapist helped me see that just yesterday. Add aphantasia and finding body scan meditation to try to sort out FEELING and not just intellectualizing. Layers....layers...and breathe.
Thanks for sharing this!
I was diagnosed at 55. I am now 56.
October 2020 I was let go from my job for being “too sick” I filed for disability, it took from 2020 to 2023 for me to get approved. I’m not only on the spectrum. I also have several medical conditions, fibromyalgia, mast cell activation syndrome, gastroparesis, epilepsy, connective tissue disorder, PTSD with major depression, social,anxiety, phobias, and due to being stuck in my house due to a broken back in May of 2020 and the shut down from Covid, I now struggle with agoraphobia.
I cannot thank you enough for your channel. I have searched up and down looking for any kind of help for an autistic adult. You have been so incredibly helpful. I look forward to watching more of your videos.
If you have any tips on how to connect with other autistic adults, it would be greatly appreciated. ~ Monk
Hi Monk
I'm wondering if due to your name you are a creative type person?
I've made arts & crafts in isolation my whole life and recently had the thought that there must be others like me. Luckily where I live there is a community arts centre - I approached them with the idea of starting a weekly meetup in one of their studio's for neurodiverse adults. I advertised it and people came and the group has been nothing short of lifechanging for those attending. We have even met up together, in a park under shady trees, outside of the group and just relaxed and shared experiences of our lives. Incredibly healing.
If starting a group yourself is too much for you to take on - perhaps you could approach another local artist who operates art groups from their private studio. You can keep it low cost by everyone bring their own preferred special interest to work on. Some people just bring adult colouring books. Take care
Massage has tremendously helped my whole awareness for the last 17 years. Turning 60 next Monday. A journey of self connecting, inner knowing, and being where I'm wanted, inspired and avoiding what energy is just downright incompatible. Wow what a ride 🎠 (43/50 on AQ test)
Great video! For me, all emotions and body functions have a "resistance threshold" before any feeling can be felt. But after that boundary is passed, emotions are often too strong for the situation.
Hunger and thirst are not felt until the need for food/drink becomes extreme.
When and how much to eat is tricky and Im just winging it.
When hanging with others, my internal joy often doesn't come until after the hangout is over so I feel very "flat" and have to mask when I am with others. If I would find a joke incredibly funny right away, my laughter breaks out into an explosion of dopamine and I have to hold back. When I listen to music theres also a big burst of dopamine and music is an incredible inspiration. Music is also my way of stimming when outside and it helps keep me stay focused, e.g. when Im shopping for groceries.
It takes a lot to make me upset, but when when I'm triggered it often bursts out into a meltdown of uncontrollable crying. Even though I dont feel that much emotion about what made me sad, and I have to explain to people around that "Im not as sad as I look" xD
After the meltdown I am completely fine and happy, but very tired. My boyfriends in the past have found this a bit weird, but noone ever suspected it might be autism.
Shutdowns are a more common response when Im stressed and slightly upset, and it can last for days...but then all other emotions are numb instead. Im in one right now because I feel so bad for being on a long sick leave for burnout. I feel frozen in place and it is very crippling.
Other than that I am quite "high functioning" and work as a PhD student.
But yeah, these are some fun, weird and annoying quirks of being autistic :)
Very interesting perspective.
I work in a call centre, so very busy and noisy, lots of people around me, lots of calls. I can only manage 3 days a week. I've noticed that I can go a whole shift, 8 hours without getting the pee message. Even when I'm on break and having a drink. It seems like I switch it off or I'm too busy being too stimulated to notice. It's only when I get home that the message comes through, often urgently.
Something I used to get when I was really stressed in a toxic relationship was wakeful dreams/nightmares. Not sure if this is more prevalent on the spectrum. Being in a semi dream state, so eyes open, seeing things that the brain is still creating until I put a light on. Once I saw things coming down from the ceiling, I bolted out of bed and hid in the corner of the room, watching and terrified.
Then there's the food messages. I'm quite good at dieting, can do quite restrictive healthy plans, for between a year and 18months. Then suddenly with the snap of a finger, my brain says no more. There's a definite disconnect or delayed reaction there. I'm trying low carb at the moment, and I'm trying to foster a more mindful approach. Actually trying to ask my body what it wants, e.g: are you hungry or just peckish? After years of denying it, you can imagine the amount of cake images I'm shown. It's been a bit challenging. I'm still trying to work all this out.
Every piece of the puzzle helps though. Thank you.
I do the same thing at work where I don't use the bathroom at all. I can only manage 2 to 3 days a week, also.
You just explained my life and the 4 year struggle I've had trying to figure out why my body is shutting down for no apparent reason 😦
Thank you for making a video about this. I used to have frequent meltdowns because I didn't realize I was uncomfortable (physically, socially, emotionally) until the discomfort had become unbearable. It takes a lot of effort to pay attention to what is happening in my body/mind/heart while simultaneously paying attention to anything else-- especially social situations. I have fewer meltdowns now but it takes so much time and effort to pay attention to what I'm experiencing, and then it takes time to process what I can do to make myself comfortable again; still, sometimes by the time I've figured out what I can do to make myself comfortable again, I'm on the verge of a meltdown or already having one.
I started learning about autism because a friend has 2 autistic children. The first time I watched one of your videos, (it was about female autism symptoms) it felt like you were talking about me. Thank you for explaining things so well. I love your channel. 💜
I don't know what that is. Is there another way I can message you?
Diagnosed at 80. Truly enjoying your videos .
This really hits home. Thank you so much. 💓
You're so welcome!
I just started working with an internal family systems & somatic therapist. I'm convinced somatic learning could help so so many of us! I'm really looking forward to working with him.
Describing my life, and definitely made me realize I am almost constantly ignoring my own needs when in public spaces because I have anxiety about what is happening. As a teen and preteen for a long time (while also related to some kind of disordered eating/body issues), I wasn't able to eat in front of people outside of my family, so I'd go the whole day without eating. I have finally recently found that I am able to eat in front of new people, which is a huge improvement, but I still have trouble with excusing myself to use the toilet etc. But yeah, your description of how much is being thought about/processed during a social interaction, especially in regards to thinking about the other person's experience and trying to be polite, honest, and kind...it's just like you took the words out of me without me really knowing they were there. Delayed processing of emotions and fawning is also something I struggle with/do a lot in social situations because I can tell I'm not safe otherwise, and I've been able to for a long time. I have distinct memories of intentionally doing it, and of being grateful I managed to do it naturally, and that I wasn't feeling my feelings about what was happening (due to delayed processing) so that I could get through the encounter safely.
Yes. So good to hear words for something I didn't know was atypical because it was so normal for me, then learning it was not typical and feeling weird about that reflecting on the ways it has some made things difficult for me and feeling frustrated, but then hearing other people describe it so well and relating so much that you feel nestled in understanding and self-compassion-- a whole journey. I hold my pee way too long, unwilling to transition out of the task at hand. Often, until it's absolutely necessary, the nudge is disregarded, if it's even felt. I can (because I have to, because I'm so sensitive to it) turn off my ears to shut out my children or other out-of-the-ordinary noises that alert other people because I am tackling the world's bigger problems in my head. And during a "meltdown" it is the most apparent-- almost like I'm underwater and can only move slowly and can only hear things faintly, but my brain feels like it is moving through water in trying to reply to people's questions as well, though other things I am thinking through are clear-- disconnect to physical surroundings. It makes you look from the outside like you are "slow" sometimes, but really you are just... in a different realm. I could relate to Walter Mitty somewhat.
As a teacher, I am always tripping over desks, chairs, students, or nothing at all. Lots of neurodivergent staff at my work.
So *this* is why I've felt like I'm in a dream for almost as long as I can remember. I can remember the first time I triggered the feeling as a kid, but I can't remember when it became my normal or even what it felt like to feel connected to my body. Maybe this is why my sensory issues have "gotten better" since I was a kid.
Maybe you should try a hike. I know when I get like that, some time in nature and music makes me feel me again.
@TheDomina I'm too physically uncomfortable to do any sort of exercise thanks to my sensory issues and my chest curses. And the outdoors in summer in Oklahoma are a sensory nightmare with the heat and bugs and noises.
3:04 that’s interesting, I never really thought to think of emotions as a physical experience, I always figured I was trying to figure out a concept. That’s really curious,actually. That’s kinda trippy.
Hey, I have a topic that I’ve had no success finding help with. My whole family has to move three states away and my husband and I are buying a house for the first time, and I’ve had my first really noticeable meltdowns in years (I’m 50 so I’ve had time to work out ways to channel stress a lot of the time) due to the whole process of finding a house and learning about home buying and worrying about the fundamental change for myself and my kids.
Now, that said… my kids are 16, 21, and 25. The oldest has Ehlers-Danlos and has a sort of diagnosis of Autism/ADHD from school. My son is on the spectrum and my youngest feels she is, too. And I am self-diagnosed Autistic/ADHD. Getting diagnosed has been a failure to date so we’re kinda on our own here.
So finally, the issue… I looked up ways to help deal with the stress of moving when you’re Autistic… and of course, it’s all tailored to parents helping Autistic kids kids cope with moving. Now, short of buying myself more stim toys (and y’know what? gonna do that anyway. something sparkly that moves) I don’t know how to deal with all this adulting. Yeah, I drive a car and buy groceries and dealt with IEP meetings for years, but none of that is moving three states away and buying a house.
So yeah, that. How does Autistic grown-up deal with huge shift in fundament? The whole big green LEGO square is being relocated and I have to pick a spot and pack all the studs into little boxes and I am losing it.
I recently stumbled upon your videos and am now wondering if I am also autistic in addition to having ADHD. Thinking back through my last 40 or so years, I see SO MANY of my “weirdnesses” are actually considered on the spectrum. I worked hard to appear more “normal” as a kid. But, now that I am older, I have fully embraced my quirks and idiosyncrasies and I love all (well, mostly, lol) of who I am.
When you mentioned not being empathetic as a sign of autism being BS, I cried. Because I am SO empathetic (and even tied to spirit at times) that I didn’t think I could possibly be on the spectrum…. Even though all my other strangeness seems to align with maybe being a high-functioning, pro-masking Autist.
Thank you so much for your insight. It is so helpful, endearing, gentle, honest, and validating. Xxoo
I'll tell you what's really hard, Autistic burnout with cancer meds fatigue on top of it.
Hi Taylor, Six years ago I began doing research on women on the spectrum on youtube. There wasn't too many autistic women with TH-cam channels at time (or at least i couldn't find many). The few women that i found, i kept noticing that most of them had either a britsh, aussie or other "non-American" accent when they spoke. One day I ended up finding a women on youtube that didn't have an accent but it turned out that after following her channel for a while i found out she was Canadian. I was puzzled and then it dawned on me that the reason i was only finding women on youtube that were "not" American was because it is too expensive for Americans to get a diagnosis (bad health care). In time i moved on to other topics and stopped researching women on the spectrum. That was about 5 or 6 years ago.
Recently I started looking for women on the spectrum on TH-cam again and found your channel!! THANK YOU BTW! I have been enjoying your talks and learning about your journey.
My brother is diagnosed and so is his son. But they are VERY autistic so it wasn't expensive to find out about them. I suspect my mom is deep in the spectrum. I suspect i am on the spectrum but I am not sure. I can't afford $5000 to get an official diagnosis so i was wondering if you know of a less expensive way of getting an assessment ?
I have many of the traits but sometimes they go away and sometimes they come on strong (like stimming). I don't think anyone would be able to tell if i was or wasn't. I don't have anxiety, or maybe i do? I kind of don't know if i have it.
Thanks for making these videos!! I always look forward to hearing them & learning when a new one comes out. :)
Yet another video where ive learned more, i never knew about freezing and fauning i never knew why rather than fight or flight i just freeze or faun (in many different instances). It is also very difficult for me to tell what is normal in my body and what is a symptom of other conditions i had/have...for example i had(or have still?) Myositis when i was 10. One morning when i tried to get out of bed for school i fell to the floor cuz my legs just were not working and im still not sure if my legs ache because of that or if its not enough water, sleep, exercise ect. Im always learning more small but important details from you that keep somewhat reassuring me that im not faking and indeed (or very very likey) am autistic, thank you for your channel❤
You’re welcome. Thank you for your comment.
Breath more deeply and continue to do so. That's how you connect to your body.
I got here by studying psychology. I came to say autism can look like mental illness (narcissism, borderline and c-ptsd) but the etiology is completely different.
Thank you for your work, thank you for bringing awareness, thank you for validating so many.
Please check into the Hypermobility and Ehlers Danlos connection to Autism and ADHD. I believe this is much deeper than we are aware of at this moment.
I am very happy that you mentioned yoga and meditation... THose Two ARE the new age Medications for Any And All Labels on the Human Condition!
🙏🏼
I find walking meditation and using mindfulness techniques that focus on sensory information can be incredibly grounding. My body needs deep pressure stimulation, a sensation unfamiliar to most allistics. Understanding your particular sensory profile is a good start to understanding your specific needs.
This is so me! Thank you for this video. Especially the part about not being empathetic. For the last while, I’ve been told that I don’t have empathy like a neurotypical person does, or that I don’t know how to ‘be there’ for my partner. I can relate with the fact of feeling all these emotions but not knowing how to ‘express’ them into words. Alexithymia is exactly what I deal with. I want to ‘be there’ and deeply connect and support my partner. But it’s going to take a lot of learning for me. Loved this video! Would love to learn more about emotionally connecting with a neurotypical and how to keep that connection alive.
Thanks for the feedback! I will keep it in mind for future videos.
I have Aspergets syndrome.. I can relate to having Alexithymia.. for me it has gotten better (reduced) as I have aged and I am more feeling deeply rather than systemizing with surface emotions.
Regarding empathy I do believe is autism it is the 'emotional contagion' part of empathy that is primarily impaired, with the affective and cognitive components upstream fully intact. If you think about it, if you are like me when I can't 'connect' emotionally with somebody else.. I automatically build a mental.nap of their feelings and empathise with that (emotionally).. this explains the delay in processing/reading others' emotional/bodily states.
Not condoning drug use, but MDMA was life changing for my Alexithymia. Allowing me to fully experience emotion within myself and empathise in a seemingly NT way. The shades of grey, faintly coloured emotional landscape within me became technicolour. A marvelous experience. I also had the sensation of a physical 'knot' rattling around within my rib cage and then being undone.. bursting out of my eyes with empathy/feeling. This actually felt like there was a solid object in my chest violently rattling around.
TLDR.. the autistic brain does not lack empathy (it may even be hyper expressed), however the 'Emotional Contagion' component of the very complex limbic/cognitive/somatic experience that is Empathy is impaired in those with Autism.
Research back this theory up.. however unfortunately they chalked it up as a lack of overall empathy rather than just the singular step of Emptional Contagion which is what is really happening.
So there is some truth in the NT perception that at least some autistic people lack a neurotypical experience of empathy.
Empathy is a complex process and experience, and autistic people certainly do not lack it as a whole. We are, in fact generally very pro-social and caring people.
I definitely struggle with Alexithymia. I know I don’t feel happy about something but it takes a long time to identify what that is. I shut down, then I get angry then I cry. As a 3 yr old child, a study was done on me (they didn’t know I was autistic even through the signs were there!). I was described as ‘sulking’ when in fact it was shutdown due to overwhelm.
If you can make a little labyrinth in your back yard, or maybe on a rug in a room in your house, it can feel so good to just walk, jog, dance, crawl, roll, whatever, through the pattern. Yoga, rubrix cubes (if you can manage to learn the algorithm), those folding cube toys, and a lot of stim toys can all be meditated with! I personally love the swing for meditation.
That's interesting. I can see my husband in this, for sure!
I used to admire his restraint and maturity in situations where I (with at the time, undiagnosed ADHD) would get up and change seats if the sun was in my eyes, or I'd leave to use the washroom, or I'd blurt out a change of subject when I was bored with what people were talking about, or even if I wasn't bored but it reminded me of something else. And I guess that means that I wasn't masking much, but my boyfriend (not realizing that he's autistic until age 40) was so good at just sitting there like a damn grown-up! It all seemed very aspirational to me, to be uncomfortable, see a possible solution, and NOT try to make it better. Of course, now I realize that he didn't notice that he was uncomfortable until I mentioned it.
Fast forward to now, and he's been having autistic burnout like crazy. His whole life seems to be crashing and burning. He's worn out, and sick, and has no idea what he's feeling or where he's feeling it. I can see that a lifetime of disconnecting is really taking its toll.
With the whole idea of autism, I've been having so many "oooohhhh, THAT'S what was going on!" moments, and I'm interested in trying to find a good way to communicate, but he's so overwhelmed by rethinking his life (I hope that's what he's doing) that he can't think about making things better, he's still trying to understand things as they are.
100% absolutely agree! 💯🙌
Also, I know its not relevant, but i cannot get passed that your room/frame is flipped compared to usual! 😅
When you said we need to relearn how to trust ourselves my eyes teared up. I'm really struggling with this. I cannot trust my body and sometimes my brain and it's so hard to question every feeling and reaction that I have.
I've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder, but I'm starting to think that I'm in a burnout
It sounds to me as if you ARE in a burnout. Be kind to yourself and try to spend time each day asking your do your what it needs
I look at the doorframe and say - "there is the doorframe" to avoid running into it. sometimes it works, sometimes I still run into it. I can relate to everything you say - especially the factory style brain. how exactly do we stay in the present moment with a factory style brain?
Not long ago I had a major realization that the term "feelings" is synonymous with "emotions" because you can feel them in your body in various ways. It seems obvious now, but my whole conception of myself has always been mental, and the body never made much sense to me except as a kind of vessel.
I’m diagnosed ADHD and ASD. I take a photo-walk where I walk around my neighborhood hunting for interesting things to photograph…shadows, things out of place, tiny flowers in a lawn that nobody sees or just a beautiful color combo of a plant next to something else. It grounds me in “now”, grounds me in my body due to visual sensory data and fresh air regulates my nervous system somehow plus it’s “moving meditation” since I’m moving but sort of in a flow state not thinking anything much.
I’ve been thinking about doing this for a while now-glad to hear it worked for you, and so glad to be reminded of this idea that I didn’t really do anything with at the time.
"bogged down in the factory"... EXACTLY! I'm glad I found your channel ❤️
yay! i'm glad you're here. 🕺
Yeah, this was great. It expanded on what I thought it would be about, which (*The Dysautonomia Project* website might explain further what I thought it might be about in some ways, but I am not disappointed). Interception, proprioception, alexithymia, and more, ( autoimmunity, neurological, and/ or mental health challenges,) can also coexist with neurodivergence. Each can affect the other categories, too. Even so, better understanding of these dynamics can gain more effective coping and management of the challenges they bring. ( The moving meditation could be walking a labyrinth path drawn on the ground outside, or in the pattern of a rug if indoors, for instance).
Thank you for posting this. This is a fascinating topic as it relates to the Autism Spectrum. I just realized that I'm on the spectrum within the last year/year and a half, and I'm 40. I actually didn't know a whole lot about ASD - my niece was diagnosed with Asperger's when I was in my late 20's, and that's when I started thinking about it, but I was totally one of those people who was like, "yeah, I'm "a little autistic," or "I'm slightly on the spectrum." 😆 Now that I'm learning more about it, I've become fascinated with the differences between those who are non-verbal or were non-verbal as children vs. those who aren't. I've had a really hard time finding information about what causes lack of speech in autism (there are so many theories), but it made me think about the times in which I've been non-verbal/selective mutism. It's generally when I'm panicking/having a meltdown, extremely frightened, or am having severe social anxiety. It seems like the physical intensity of the stress renders me non-verbal, and it made me wonder whether this has to do with the mechanism that causes other autistic people to be non-verbal all the time or most of the time. If anyone knows more about this, I'd be interested to learn more about it.
I'm like you... I go mute at times. I have a feeling that if I had net my threshold before I had developed strong speech networks in my brain, then I would have been one of the nonverbal kids. I don't know if "hitting your threshold" is a concept in the ASD world, but that's how I see it. I do feel like it's the same physiology, but happening on a different variety of hardware... that being a brain of differing age/ neural circuitry.
What do you think about Porges' polyvagal theory? I haven't looked into theories on non-verbal Autism. But coming from the trauma world, I think his theory is pointing to what's happening with both speech and facial expression.
I have a son who's non-speaking autistic so I've looked into it a bit. To learn more about it, the non-speaking autistic community recommends a book called "Ido in Autismland" by Ido Kedar. Non-speaking autistic people have something called apraxia (as Taylor defined in the video). Ido likens it to paralysis only instead of not being able to move your body, your body moves in ways you didn't intend. So they know and understand what they should do or say in certain situations but their bodies betray them. My son, for example, either can't say anything at all in response to a question or else he starts singing"Old Macdonald" very quickly over and over. Chances that he knows the answer but can't demonstrate that are high. Ido makes it very clear that it's an extremely frustrating condition. And yes, he says it does get worse when sensory overwhelm or anxiety are part of the picture.
But I'm also like you in that I often find myself unable to speak in certain situations and it was a long time before I understood that this is because of selective mutism. But I think it's a different animal from apraxia of speech. I hope that helps! Thanks for asking about this.
@@sueannevangalen5186 Thanks for this information! It's so much more helpful hearing about it from non-verbal autistic people themselves than those who are studying them. I'll definitely look into the book - thanks for the recommendation.
@@joob40 I haven't read much about Porges' polyvagal theory, but it looks really interesting. I'll read more about it. Thanks!
@@shelleyphlegar7567 😊
On musical stims:
You said two things in quick succession that triggered something in my brain.
I have always beaten myself up, because despite my highly introspective nature, I have never been able to meditate.
I beat myself up about it for a long time. I am a very sound oriented person . I listen to everything constantly. It wasn’t until a decade ago, when I found out about the ideas and music of Pauline Oliveros.
She has a concept called Deep Listening. It’s a form of meditation that uses listening to everything around you.
Turns out I have been meditating since I was a child and didn’t even realize it. I am a well seasoned meditator. I just didn’t recognize what I was doing as meditation.
It is a form of self stimulation that involves an internalized listening experience, sometimes involving imagination, where I am actually conducting the sounds of the world into a musical piece in my brain, or the meditation can be so deep that the sounds start to trigger my synesthesia in the visual cortex of my brain, so I will sense shapes and structures outlined by the sounds that I am turning from every day noises into orchestral music in my head.
Nature sounds, and sounds in other places will start to connect, create a cohesive, if strange piece of music. My perspective says it’s music. I have owned a record store and a recording studio and I’ve been in the music industry doing A&R for a major record label. I know what counts as music. 😀
Then there’s playing music. The infantilizing degradation of the process is right in the name of the act. Playing. Even though I see the beauty in that word, it does seem to minimize the importance of the activity.
I am primarily a guitar player but I play whatever other instruments I need for a recording if I can get my hands on them. I have multiple modes of playing guitar. There Is performance mode. There is creation mode. There is also the rare intentional rehearsal mode.
I have a really difficult time with standardized practice routines. I seem to need more of an organic and seemingly chaotic process in which to learn music. It’s very time-consuming because it is sort of a process of elimination.
Keep in mind I have a TBI which has been exacerbated by long Covid.
But I was that way before the brain injury.
I realized a couple of years ago that one of my main modes of guitar playing is what I would’ve, in the past considered screwing around. Or making noises or jamming.
It’s not jamming. It’s not messing around. It’s not wasting time.
It is hard-core stimming. I can tell when I’m doing it. It’s a different kind of playing, there’s a definite different feeling associated with it and it does something for me that feels like medicine.
I was diagnosed with what would have been called Asperger‘s or autism spectrum disorder in the 1970s. It was right when they were abandoning the old model of childhood onset schizophrenia and embracing the new model but they hadn’t quite embraced it yet. I got diagnosed with a set of learning disabilities Low muscle tone, dyspraxia etc., got called the R word to my face by someone who was allegedly a professional. Of course that’s the only word I heard that day and it took me until my 50s to fully embrace my autism because of that. I was also being abused by my adoptive parents who hid my diagnosis because of the doctor calling me that name. It was the only word they heard also.
Anyway, sorry for the rambling message, but I do think that musical… “fiddling around” is a legitimate form of self stimulation that needs to be recognized as a stim.
I know so many musicians who beat themselves up for lack of discipline, or self indulgence or whatever Neurotypical BS has been programmed into them during the indoctrination process of living in the Neurotypical world. Neurodivergent musicians should be able to comfortably stim on their instrument of choice, and not feel shame about it. It does seem to invoke a certain level of ire in people who wouldn’t be upset by hand flapping. I understand there is associated noise, but still. The internalized Neuro typical expectations on this subject are not good. I am so thankful to people like you and people in my community who are trying to change things for the better. Thank you.
cool comment
Yep. Much of this. I am constantly on alert in social situations between the struggles in my brain and the physical struggles of EDS. The two together are sometimes overwhelming. Often, body is brushed aside long enough to feel like I pleased the social side of things. This Is also why I am learning to measure my outings and how many I commit to. I am still not there on not apologizing over and over for not being more available, but better than it once was.
Relate “factory that never stops” 💞👊
I always say that I’m just stuck in this vessel and trying to live in it. It doesn’t help being chronically sick since I sometimes can’t tell what I need and it drives me crazy.
Common experiences for me: not having a good sense of my body in space and banging into things like doorframe, furniture, other people. Walking through a doorway, and my arm flies up and the back of my hand hits the doorframe.
I love that you're speaking about this. I have SUFFERED with this and not really had a name to put to it- I'm kind of shook at how intense it can be when I pull back and look at it as if I'm someone else.
(That is always my go to- if I get stuck, i pretend it's for my best friend, lol.. i am very good at helping people out of their own binds, but terrible at myself, and i think that this issue is a huge factor along with a lot of trauma I've experienced, probably also very connected with this issue also, to be fair to myself.)
I'm definitely going to seek out more info about this and I cant wait for a deeper look. I never really thought about the connection between masking, ignoring my body's responses and the fawning response and why I end up soooo decimated and shattered when I finally burnout or have a meltdown. It takes a long time for me to recover and I have started to experience just pure avoidance completely to particular situations and people because of the effects and consequences I suffer in certain situations. I'd happily prefer to take action and support myself in those situations, but I'm still learning how and this has helped me greatly. Thank you for this video.
I literally have never resonated with a video more
So glad it is helpful to you!
I find that when I try to focus in my bodily sensations, particularly those that I think convey emotions, they completely disappear and I feel nothing. But the moment I switch my attention back to something else the sensations are back. So I can’t focus on and process these sensations at the same time.
Interesting!
Look out for your hyper mobile/pots/mcas folks too if you’ve got the brain/body disconnect.
thank you!
this really resonates with me, especially as someone who also has an autoimmune disease. the disconnect we have between our bodies and minds and ignoring or suppressing the body's cues.. reminds me also of gabor mate's wonderful book when the body says no. lots to think about it but the connections are fascinating. thanks as always.
I think this is one of your best yet. The stream of consciousness method seems to be the perfect blend of informative and authentic. Thank you. My brain is going to do me in. I’m just hoping I can cut it off at the path.
I tried your suggestion of trying to stim on purpose and it has helped me manage panic attacks.
hi! i just got here and I really liked the video, thank you for that. i was recently diagnosed and as an autistic person that didnt get the accomodations needed I guess its a constant struggle to regulate your body whilst also struggling with cognitive dysfunction. and then you have to do all those things for yourself. being kind is important, yes
I live in my head too - So I totally understand what you mean by that. Trying to explain this to someone who doesn't live in their head would be impossible. I wonder if this is why we are okay to be alone? *For me, living in my head is probably how I survive in social situations
Walking meditation can be better than sitting on a cushion. Thanks for your channel.
Anybody else feel like they have to consciously try to walk right so you don’t look like a new born baby giraffe trying to take their first steps?
LOL yes
YES. my left shoulder jerks around and tics and I can't stop it. its like its unattached and just swinging loose
This is also my experience. There is a disconnect. I saw it very early in my daughter, her thoughts were so much faster that her body, so she started to repeat words, because she lost track. My own experience is a clumsiness, also numbness, difficulty expressing feelings. I loose myself around people and can’t connect to myself if I don’t go away. Almost 50 years of adapting, and not listening to my body has done this. I think this can lead to much tension in the body and other physical problems. Well, I am still on a journey to learn about autism and also ADHD. My daughter got diagnosed and I am on the waiting list to be evaluated.
Great topic SueAnne! Thanks for chatting about it Taylor! 💞
❤️
Wow! 100% on the body cues! And the loss of trust in oneself was on point. I had completely lost that connection and felt lost and didn't trust my decisions as a result.
Genius level nuance.
and you are an incredible person...brilliant. informative. engaging. comforting.
Never been diagnosed with autism, but I feel this in my soul. I often don’t feel attached to my body or in my body for that matter.
I know it was such a brief moment, but where you mentioned giving permission I think you touched on something that people could be taking for granted as normal when we've been trained to get permission for so much, even using the bathroom at school. For something like that it can affect us to the point of needing reminding we don't or shouldn't need permission for these things, but got into a habit of trying to ignore our basic humanity because of those chronic situations, especially when the answer was no. I remember times at school sometimes students were denied toilet breaks, and there was even an assembly once to address so many students disappearing off to the bathroom to get out of class. We were being dehumanised so the school could look out for it's bottom line, and told to hold it and ignore our body's needs.
You're right we don't need permission to listen to our bodies and meet our needs, but some probably needed to hear it anyway. Sometimes it feels like we've been factory manufactured biobots. I hope schools are doing better than this now.
Thankyou for the video. I at least find it relatable that I can forget I have a body if I'm focused on something, which can be most of the time. Idk about going pop and disappearing so much as coming back to the present and my joints going pop because I moved again after a long time. I joke I'm a brand of cereal. Snap, crackle, pop.
The whole unmasking thing is just overwhelming to me right now. I was doing really well and had a situation cause me some setbacks.
This was super helpful still glad to be part of this community
I meditate to 2-3 trance songs. They make me so relaxed. I loose time and space and the melodies transform me completely.
Hello, would you mind sharing the 2-3 songs that you meditate to? It would be greatly! Appreciated 😊
@@LoveLove-qm6ye Of Course I can do :)
th-cam.com/video/RCBHNZM56LY/w-d-xo.html
th-cam.com/video/pILnsOLcxE/w-d-xo.html
th-cam.com/video/Nyl2lUxpcoQ/w-d-xo.html&start_radio=1
Oh my gosh! I didn't know these were autism things! These videos are so helpful, thank you , thank you!❤😊
Thank you. So so much.
I'm reading all of the comments about having almost identical experiences to mine, but also just for how long some of us had to live through this confusing hell.
I'm about to turn 25.
And if the crazies up top won't nuke the planet, then I am so grateful for your and other people's stories that brought me such relief and saved me years of feeling worthless.
thank you for your comment. glad you're here. 💓
Thanks for sharing, I honestly enjoyed your stream of consciousness. This is thought provoking and very helpful
You're welcome! Thanks for the feedback. Glad it was helpful to you.
Hi Taylor. Another excellent video. I have tried to explain what is going on in my brain for decades and your description is spot on. Trying to stay in the moment is difficult for me as I am constantly in my head.I have never made the connection that it has caused me not to be in concert with my body. I typically bump into things, I am the one is falls for apparently no reason, and the one who drops things. This is going to be great for me to try and listen to my body now. thank you for this!
You're welcome Bryan! Hope you're doing well.
Dear Taylor, thank you so much for this video! Very, very helpful. And I finally understand why I keep hitting door frame 😌
Thank you for getting to this subject on your video. It is so true I can look back at my whole life and see how this rings true for me. I'm 61 years old now, and spent my whole life not listening to Q's on my own body and putting everybody else first. Even when I needed to use the bathroom I put it off and put because of others. I could list hundreds of things that has happened to me in my past. Even when I'm walking I could feel my hands clenching up, and I was walking crooked and I would have to tell myself now walk normal! LOL anyway thank you for the video please do more videos on this subject. All these years I just thought I was just weird. ❤️