When Did Your "Close Friend" Cross The Line?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2024
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When Did Your "Close Friend" Cross The Line?
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Story 2: Why would you be surprised she didn't break up with her BF? He was sexually assaulted by her friend. I am only surprised that he did not break up with her because her blaming him for being a victim is awful.
Story 2: yeah, why the heck would you blame the dude who literally yelled for you to help him? He was literally being attacked. If that had been her under him, or any other 'her' under a guy, would you assume that they were both in the wrong?
I'll try to keep it sorta brief.
2022 I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. Did NOT like my living situation, it was toxic and I had to go. So I called my life-long best friend and asked if there's any way I could room with him for a few months.
He consulted his new-ish girlfriend, a younger chick 22 years old, and after some discussion eventually they agreed. I moved in, had a job in a week, and was working full time, cleaning up after myself, keeping to myself in my room most of the time. I've had lots of bad roommates, I know how to be a good one, and I treat other peoples' things with respect. Also this was my life-long best friend's house.
Anyway the girlfriend turns out to be a huge control freak to insane degrees. She apparently had the wrong impression somehow from me telling my friend that I wanted a better environment / structure in my life. She thought that meant I wanted my life structure dictated for me like I'm a child.
I was 30 years old at the time and she was pretty much fresh out of high school with no life experience, but she definitely had the audacity. She would micromanage my cleaning as if I didn't have like 8 years more experience in living in houses than she did. She started freaking out day after day at me about making sure I turn off the lights when I leave. I literally always do this, my house or not. So I keep telling them I AM turning off the lights, but I'll make even more sure about it?
It keeps happening, she keeps getting super pissed off, certain it's me. Well it turns out the new alexa smart light system they JUST installed wasn't functioning perfectly, and kept resetting them on somehow.
So I figure this out on my own and prove it to them, she just walks out of the room and never addresses it. My friend apologizes for her behavior.
There are tons of little, petty things like this that she got WAY too upset about. Any little thing out of her control or not exactly how she did it was a massive issue.
So I'm getting gaslighted about the lights, and pushed behind my door by anxiety. I don't want her to keep getting mad and want to kick me out, since I had nowhere to go and hadn't worked long enough yet to attempt renting somewhere. My friend assures me he "won't let her kick me out" like that. And if she gets too upset he'll calm her down, etc. So okay, great. My best friend has my back, we're good. I've known him 20 years, she met him 2 years ago and they started dating 1 year ago at this time. They got engaged just before I moved in.
So anyway this situation with his then-fiance kept getting worse. I ended up arranging to go back to where I had been living before, and resolved a bunch of the issues I had with the people there. I message my friend that I'm going to be moving out, seems like it's for the best. I was sure she would be happy about that. I tell him I'll be by tomorrow early afternoon to pick up my stuff.
Was she happy I was moving out? Nope! 5 minutes after I message my friend this, she calls me and in a very sweet and friendly voice asks if I'll be home in time for dinner so she knows how much to make. I say no I won't be.
And her voice twists and trembles and she starts screaming into the phone, a string of insults comes my way and I hang up after hearing the words "Ungrateful Bitch." (btw I literally thanked them every single day for everything they offered me or did. I'm extremely polite and generally a grateful person.)
At this point I'm thinking, wow my friend is about to have another breakup with a crazy chick, once again...
She starts messaging me a TON of extremely personal insults after going through all my things, bringing up how my father's abuse messed me up and I'm a terrible person. She says she's throwing all my stuff all outside tonight.
I'm just trying to say as little as possible so she doesn't destroy my shit, and hoping my friend protects my shit. And I'm sure the fact I wasn't responding very much at all or insulting her back pissed her off more.
Anyway I drove up early the next morning. She was at work, my "friend" was asleep inside, and all my stuff was at the edge of their covered patio. I packed it all up in about 30 minutes myself, expected my "friend" to come outside and talk to me, but he never did.
Literally the minute I finished packing, the absolute hardest rain storm hit. If I'd been a few minutes later my computer would've been destroyed, which had YEARS of writing work and all my personal stuff, pictures, everything.
And there my "friend" was, inside sleeping like a baby I assume.
Never in a million billion years would I have:
A: let my fiance throw his stuff outside when he's going to come get it TOMORROW and already paid rent.
B: leave his Art outside to be rained on while I sleep
C: not have a damn thing to say about it after I send him screenshots of the messages she sent me.
D: continued a relationship with the person who did this to my life-long best friend who was on the verge of a mental breakdown ALREADY.
I swear to god, if my computer had been destroyed by the rain, or by her directly, I 110% would have sabotaged her brakes, and likely burned their house down. I was not in a stable state of mind when that happened, and my best friend whom I relied on to give me some mental sanctuary instead let me rent a room and be gaslit by his insane girlfriend until she has a meltdown and throws my shit out when I say I'm leaving.
Two years later, he made a baby with that horrible person, and is now married to her.
I will never speak a word to him again, unless he calls me for some reason, then I'll tell him if I die before him he's not invited to my funeral and better not say he was my friend.
oops that wasn't brief. There was a lot to unpack, and even this is summarized.
I wanted to update to say that I'm not necessarily holding a grudge against my ex-best friend, but when someone does something to you, or allows something to be done to you, that you NEVER EVER would have done to them, it's relationship breaking. I do not want to be friends with this person anymore because his moral character is not what I thought it was.
Edit update: I wanted to highlight my main huge problem with HER. It was that phone call. She went from a fake and friendly voice, asking if I'll be there for dinner, to showing her real feeling of intense rage. So, she was hoping she could wait until I got there and unsuspectingly blow up on me in person. but when she found out that wasn't going to happen she settled for over the phone.
That's fucking psychopathic. It's legit actual literal crazy.
Story 1, it's kinda funny pos tried saying op was only acting like he knew all that stuff. Like how would that work? Op tells her something like pos is telling people her favorite color is purple. She confronts pos. Pos claims op is only acting like he knows her favorite color, despite the fact he clearly did, told her, and knew she told pos that same info. That's some amazing acting op.
Narcissists will try anything to maintain a facade!
There's two people that I ended up cutting ties with different times and places.
One was a former cheerleader who was a year younger than me. But when she was a freshman and I a female sophomore in high school, she was popular and when I would wave to her, she always had a cringe face while waving. Mind you I was in special ed in school due to learning disability. But last time we saw each other was fall 2008 when we went to lunch and catch up. She let me use her phone to call my mom back then. Moment I handed the phone back, she rubbed the screen part on her pant leg like I was diseased. I didn't realize that she is that shallow until my adult years and I cut her off. She thought I made a mistake. Nope.
Second one? Met through online role playing. She pretty much used me for being kind to her and also does like wearing clothes either. She did criticize me about depression and my learning disability IRL and acted like I was mentally unstable. I ended the friendship four years ago as she didn't think I should write as a hobby because I have depression.
Yeah, since I'm a nice woman and all, but moment I put my foot down, they show their true colors and it sucks.
When I gave him a job, roof over his head, clothes on his back, food in his stomach; got my sister pregnant
Then noped out.
My BFF crossed the line in the worst possible way: she died. She did however promise to be there to welcome me when my time comes. I hope she will have the A/C installed by then.....
Story 10, is that how the "cat lady" from The Simpsons started? Also, she may need some help if it's that bad.
Story 5 is a Nice Guy story.
Thanks
Content warning for suicidal ideation
I had a friend admit to coming to me about suicidal thoughts because i was the person most likely to piss him off enough to go through with it. There were more red flags than that, but that was the moment the switch flipped and I lost respect. If you tell me the reason you came to me in your moment of need is because you expected me to fail you, there's no coming back from that.
I will also mention, since he had gone to a group chat and not just me, personally, a mutual friend contacted authorities while i tried to talk him down. Everyone involved is fine now. He also never apologized. I think his comment was made from a place of genuinely not respecting me, and when I tried to bring up not feeling respected weeks later, he ended up cutting me off.
To anyone who sees this, don't ever let yourself become a resource when your friends feel suicidal. That will affect you in ways you can't predict. Focus on trying to get people involved who are trained professionals. You can't build a healthy friendship out of unhealthy emotions.
Ohh I got a story! I wasn't directly a part of it, but I was in the middle of two people cutting their friendship. Friend A was a college friend who reconnected, and Friend B was Friend A's friend for years since they had been working together for some time. Friend B got a new boyfriend Friend A didn't like it because said boyfriend exhibited some red flags. Friend B got mad that Friend A wasn't liking new bf the way she wanted to, so she went to another common friend, Friend C, and they both blocked Friend A.
I don't follow Friend B anymore and is still on talking terms with Friend A and Friend C. A month later, Friend B got fired because she was a no show in her remote work because she was busy going on online dates with her current bf instead of working, and betrayed Friend C for owing money and not paying. I think Friend B has plans on paying up, but that left a sour note on Friend C after standing up to her from Friend A and afaik, they're also not friends anymore.
Yeah.
Story 2 is an example of why men can't really win when it comes to most women. The 1st , 2nd & 3rd reactions are to immediately demonize us. He did everything right, and yet he was treated as an offender rather than the victim he was. If I were him, I would have broken it off with her! No way I'm trusting that you'd have my back after you literally yelled at me for not only being the victim but also informed you of what happened in real time.
Story 2: Why was everyone’s reaction to a guy being taken advantage of to blame the dude? Women raping men are bad and the men are the victims in those situations
Story 4…. Been there.
She left her boots under the water bed mattress. (Happened in the early 1980’s).
Got seizures out of no where and have a very bad anxiety disorder, dr prescribed me benzos for the anxiety then when the seizures started swapped me to a different one. I never took them bc I was anxious about it. My close friend, we work in a pharmacy, looked up my profile, “questioned” me on my meds, then accused me of being a drug addict.
My life got turned upside down. I got kicked out of work, got an emergency appendectomy, and then got accused by my close friend of being an addict all in 3 months.
I again never took any of them - I don’t even drink - and it hurt so much knowing that’s what she thought of me. When life was going so sideways for me.
One of my friends crossed a huge line. I guess I'll tell about it.
Had this friend online, we're still friends but don't talk much anymore. We were really close for a little while, he was a bit off and made me a bit uncomfortable sometimes but I didn't think much of it. One day, I decided to open up to him about my...SH. I opened up to this guy about something so sensitive, and you know what he said? "You know you're going to go to hell for that, right?"
Nope. Nuh-uh. I was pissed.
I used to had a friend that cross the line, so I really really touch when look at the title at the first time.. OMG my sad feelings just come back 😭😭
Re: Story 1 - the foresight to know ahead of time that the actions we are about to take will actually destroy our lives as we know it, relationships or otherwise is a rare occurrence. Chances are pretty good that OP didn't actually foresee his friendship with his best friend crumbling like that due to his choice. I'm glad that it doesn't change how he feels about telling her what Was happening. Also, it is pretty common for even close friends to grow apart after high school due to circumstances that take us in different directions. Going to different colleges, starting careers, starting families, we grow up and those friendships don't often grow with us like they do in the movie and television. With the exception of POS, I bet after a certain amount of time, his friendship with most of his true friends could be savaged but they likely won't ever be the same, which was probably inevitable anyway.
I had a friend who was always saying how her family, and others, were hating and treating her horribly. I always offered my support and tried to lift her up. One day i had something terrible happen to me. I told her about how it made me feel. Her reply was to get over it. Then she started telling me about her latest drama. I dropped her.
Oh boy I have a story to share about this. I was friends with a guy for a out ten years and trusted him with my life and a lot of things I normally wouldn't share (He was the first person I came out to, he knew dark secrets about my life, etc). This trust lead me to tellhim about the fact I was SA'd by an ex, he was the first person I told who wasn't a medical professional of some kind. His response was to start making jokes about it, called me names like "cocksucker", "Unfuckable virgin", etc and to ultimately treat the whole thing as a joke. I stopped talking to him in February 2023 after he made one of these jokes which led to a fight, but kept the line of communication open if he ever wanted to mend things. A year and a half later he still hasn't reached out. I'm done with it at this point.
Why would you want to mend things with someone so awful? He sounds like a negative force in your life, and no one needs that.
@sandeesandwich2180 Back when we first stopped talking, I was hoping to mend it because of the emotional connection/bond that was there, because 10 years/a childhood friendship doesn't fade that easily from memory. Of course now that time has passed... yea I see how toxic this was.
Yeah, what happened...
I knew someone. I'll leave her name anonymous, but she was a huge Danganronpa fan.
She was a compulsive liar:
-Lied about her antifurry bf no longer being antifurry (In fact, he denies she's a furry)
-Lied about leaving toxic servers that bullied me (she stayed staff in them)
-Lied about blocking assholes who bullied me (SHE LET THEM GO WITHOUT A WARNING)
-Told people I was a pedophile
-Faked OSDD
She ruined Danganronpa to the point where I cut it out of my life.
3rd story i would have just stopped talking ro him the 1st time he talked to me like that
Question:
Answer:
Don't understand how you can be friends with someone who's romantically interested in you, or even had romantic feelings for